Tell Em Steve-Dave - #435: Bry The Masseuse

Episode Date: February 28, 2020

The IJ Movie sweeps the nation. Bry does a comedy event with Jiggy. Bry and Walt compare their ‘worth writing down’ lists.

I'm just gonna go the distance. I'll be like, you think you fucking don't like me now? You're really gonna hate me when you find out this plan. It's gonna be a little controversial. I'm tripping balls right now. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha everybody in theaters right now we got a movie star in the last year I mean last week we opened 357 theaters fucking iJ fans assuming many ants blew the fucking roof of it we put per-screen average Harrison Ford and his dog movie the shame oh yeah you've been a Well, obviously not box office wise, but per screen. That means a lot. That's all that matters, baby.

And we caught a lot of people on a shocked and on a way. Dave, Dave extended it to 1,800. I think 57 theaters this week. That is a very wide opening. That's a lot of room. That's a lot of room for me to floppin. So I'm going to need everybody who's listening to this to do You all pal cue a favor never ask for anything. I am begging you

If you're gonna see this movie, please see it this weekend. I can't I can't tell you how important it is We have no contract past season nine. This could mean sequel perhaps sequel. This could mean more seasons of IJ We have no contract. We're done Wow season on is potentially the last free agent. That could be good though, right? You go to a different network Another network gold product do networks battle for TV shows sure Yeah Yours would definitely be considered hot. I don't know about that man. See it nine seasons of an other TV show I don't know that people stop breaking down the door for the 10th

Unless we're all you have Yeah, I can stay home. Stay home. Yeah, but um, but yeah, so this is a this is a bit what probably the biggest professional weekend Um in many many many many years and I'm not in control of any of it Did you see what on Twitter some people traveling like 300 miles round trip 400 miles round trip to go see this movie? That's that is you got a fucking tip your hat to any of the travels that far. I'm incredibly grateful that there are people There was a movie theater that there was only 20 people in And Sal tweeted that he was going to see it And he's like he I think it was like it's funny. There's only 20 people there one up and people from all around the country

We went off in the hang on board all the seats. Oh, yeah, people are going to see the movie three four times It's like not that I would ask anybody to do that although if you want to do it, you know, you're the boss of free country. Yeah, but But people going through four times a it blew everybody away. I thought it was a big deal Like you know, we've gone to the premiere earlier in the week. Yes I thought it was a pretty big deal me and Mary Beth went to on Friday We went to the first showing but there are people who are way committed four or five times and we'd basically drove but there are people who are way committed four or five times and we'd basically drove seven eight minutes to get there It wasn't in imposition at all

Well, thank you for doing that bud. Yeah, and I liked I Walled flying in went to see it. Yeah, my date night my wife loved it. Get out of here really I Like she couldn't I know you'd better to think I'm lying, but I'm not lying. I could not believe the next day she was still telling me things that she liked about it. Wow. Like what was one of the? She's not, I really loved the story.

I thought it was good. Story. Yeah, she loved the story. She said, it was so cute. How they put the story together, she said. It was like, it it it had it had like an arc yeah use the word arc ever did you ever read about comic book minute any fashion what's up did you ever read about comic book minute any

fashion she she has comic book men devied devied art is a D. R. D. R. D. R. D. R. D. R. that she's never even watched right hmm like I look at them when I go to D. V. R.R, when I record a sports game, and I'll see Com Bookman, I'll see like 34 episodes unwashed. I guess I think that's a lot of DVRs, which is why we got canceled. Do you think, like, would it be better or worse if she could not stop watching the show?

It wouldn't bother me. I mean, I'm not saying it would do anything for your box office, but maybe if you were released to it or when it goes to home video, maybe you can get a little blur from her That'd be planning as it has an arc. I think so Down for that. All right, we don't have anybody else to do with this. We get paid for that. Are you sure you get anything for Yeah, I'm gonna be your agent though if that's okay. Yeah, but the movies out now people have seen it. I mean, four color demons in the Prussian kissing devil. All over the place.

Could not be more all over that movie. Could not be. I'm so proud of that. Yeah, we were talking earlier and even when we were watching at the next day in Haslet, I was like, wow, he really fucking pimped this shit. Like, because I don't know why it was just easier to watch in the sea and the bigger theater that we were in. And it was like brighter. So you could really see, like I saw a lot of shit.

Like blaze of glory. I didn't see that the first time. Oh, the blaze of glory. I didn't see that. Yeah. So when I went to the to the bigger theater, I was like, Holy shit, what a great reference. Yeah, I love that. All those little Easter eggs. And our all catching that shit too. I got was like, oh, you shit, what a great reference. Yeah, I love that. Oh, there's a little Easter eggs. And our catchin' that shit too. I got him like, oh, he's got his finger bangin' shit. Yeah.

And just so you guys know, that shit does not come easy. I got a jump to. Got a fight for that? I got jumped to hoops to get that shit in, yeah. Cause they just, they just, they just want a black t-shirt. Oh, okay. It's not even like clear That you have to explain what it is blaze of glory was like

We we had that like we we have connections to bungeo v so it was Not as hard as it could have been but then they got they got bungeo v's camp dug in got the original t-shirt our work Wow from that era and that was the first one of those shirts made in like 20 something years Yes, I got it. What's up? You got the shirt. I got the shirt. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, it's a good shirt But What else you had to fight for the TSD stuff? You just got to explain it You got to you got to make them understand and then there's a fight that they can't sell it There's that so I have to show that's contract negotiations You know, I mean all that stuff gets into it. So there's a fight that they can't sell it. There's that, so that's contract negotiations.

You know what I mean, all that stuff gets into it, so it's not easy. That Prussian Kissing Devil shirt you wore, I'm a little bird just landed on my shoulder and told me it's available on merch table. I'm supposed to say things like that. Nice, that's a good bird. Yeah.

One of my favorite parts of the premiere was getting a picture with Paula Abdul and not meeting Paula Abdul. It's the closest I've ever been to a celebrity who did not say a word to me nor did she acknowledge me. Because when I walked into the after party thing, she was taking pictures of the people and she was being gracious, but I think it was like it was just that one

too many words like, come on. I would know, you know, hang out or whatever and then Ming is like, oh, can I get a picture? And then he was like, getting it into me. So like, I can see I'm standing behind her. And then once they take the picture, Ming's like, oh, thanks. And she turns, she never looks at me. I don't even know if she knew I was in the picture. And then just walks away and I was like, what a great moment. I couldn't even know if she knew I was in the picture. And then just walks away and I was like, what a great moment. I couldn't have gone any better as long as I'm concerned. I had to spend a lot of that premier party. I had guys from my firehouse and you take a bunch

of drunk firemen, you throw them in the room or pull out of the end bookshelves. And I just kept seeing them like going over the girl or putting their arm around a waist and she's like, come on, black go over, I'll be like, get away from her. We were alone when you fucking animals. But it was fun night. It was fun. To go out, see it again and again. Oh, yeah, please. One, all joking aside, thank you guys guys anybody who went out last weekend anybody who made great effort anybody made little effort

thank you so much the the impact can't even tell you like one of the guy that's supposed to hurt who somebody we're owned by one of others and uh... one of our best has many divisions that distribute films you know whatever new line or whatever they own all of them We pitched to pitch the movie and all of them said no Really we did not have a distributor on this movie. We self distributed with AMC

We could not get anybody to distribute this movie because they said that Nobody wants to watch movies like that anymore. They only want to watch big screen spectacles and like love stories. To me that's why for white guys I it was like that's where the fuck that's the sweetest plumbers to now be like it's a lot of you. We got angry phone calls from some of those divisions going why didn't we why didn't you bring this us to distribute why isn't this is a one of brothers property? Why are you doing it and they were like well? We pitch you and they were like no, no, no Sent them the emails really yeah

Yeah, I don't hope anybody loses a job. I was gonna say who's getting fired. I hope not I don't want to even lose a job, but they should no fuck it. They should lose their job I'm not saying they should but they you know make a call. Your job is to make the correct I mean the movie only made like two million that's so far Fucking 50 billion. Look at fucking Blair Witch. Nobody thought that was gonna make a bunch of money. No Yes, it could be the Blair Witch of prank movies. I mean nice Anyway, thank you guys everybody any ants that went thank you and if you haven't gone, please, please Go this weekend and if you want to go again, I would appreciate anything you guys do. Thank you

Thank you everybody public. I'm getting a lot of static lately because I've been bringing up my underpants and mixed company, right Anybody who will listen, you know if I'm at the grocery store target whatever I just want to talk about me on these That's all I want to do while And you've probably heard that they're the softest ever grace your nether's do they're made with micromodal And they're the softest thing you've ever put on your body and they come in X extra small to 4xL Me on these don't just make me on these they also have lounge wear. Oh, they check out their new line of micro model lounge wear that you can wear in and out of the house. They have a great offer for the listeners and it's first time purchaser. You're going to get 15% off and free shipping.

They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. You're never going to use it. You're never going to send these things back because they're too awesome. I wear them, Walt wears them, Q wears them, what more do you need to know? So to get your 15% off, your first pair, free shipping at a 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to meandys.com slash TESD, that's meandys.com slash TESD. Meandys, the official underwear of Talim Steve Dave. That's right. We talked about the cruise a little bit with your mom last week, but Walter, I got to get Walt's opinion on something. I you may have to remove yourself from this one.

Or choose. Yes. I mean, use yourself. Uh, first though, I want to, I forgot the last time to thank Alex Wheelchair Ant, the, the, the, from the UK she organized the end moot. Mary Beth who made the patches for the space monkeys thing. And Devon, you know Devon, little Devon? Yeah.

She did the karaoke. Yeah, she had the green shocking hair. Yeah, and the Talomsdiv Dave Sher. Yeah, I think we've never discussed having an ambassador a face of Tellum's getting ahead. I think she should be the ambassador to Steve Dave. What her duties. I don't know yet. So far, it's only titular. We know it's only the title. Look, I like her. Like because you see sometimes when you see fans, certain fans again and again,

it's like a warning bell goes off. You goes off, but she's not with her though. Not with her, she's great. But how much do we want to push that in? I don't know. I think she's pretty solid. Yeah. I think so. You know, we could always revoke the ambassador ship.

I don't want to. The next communicator. Okay, well, if we can go severe, then yeah, that'll mean. But why, like, what would she do? I don't know, she's just so supportive. I don't know what she would do, but she's so supportive and when she did the karaoke, I found out later on that she was supposed to do that with another person,

like she and this other person were supposed to do the karaoke. And the other person got sick, went back to the room, so when she came out, that was, I thought pretty, pretty goddamn good, the performance. And at the end, she didn't have an ending, so she ends it with Tellum Steve Dave. Like, you know, fist in the air.

Yeah. I see him too. I like her. When I see her things, I enjoy the senior things. Yeah, she's pretty cool. So she's pretty cool. Thanks to her. But Walt, this is the...

You can send her to meet dignitaries in other lands, right? To be our face. Other podcast, manage ambassadors. I kind of think yeah, yeah, like if you if like somebody's like, Oh, cute, can you do this? I mean, I heard on our own dime, though, when we say when I say sender, I don't mean pick up. Yeah, I mean, well, fuck yeah, I'm a page of the social expenses are

being very cool. But we do the space monkey shows on the, on the cruise. Very fun shows. Oh, yeah. So much so like afterwards like, sounds like we should do this more. Yeah. And Joe D'Aroso was like, we should do this. Oh, yeah.

It's fun. But you remember last year when we, we had the, the files for the, for the Space Monkey shows, I couldn't get the second one with the jokers. They sent me the wrong file a couple times and then we each kind of lost it. This time around the one of the guys from six man said I'm gonna give you these jump drives. They'll have the shows on them. It's all good and When I went to get them almost kind of casually he was like, Hey, I just want to let you know the second show the feed went out on the board.

And that's the Joker show feed went out on the board. So there's no sound, but we did get the room, which you know is going to sound like shit. If it's a like just a big room. And I'm like, is this a conspiracy? And how fucking deep does it go? I really think that I'm involved in it. I thought that show last year, the one the one that we lost, was the greatest live thing I've ever been a part of.

Me too, I feel that way. I was well, I was so fond of that. So I didn't think you. No. And I know Sal is like, he goes on Legion of Skanks and stuff and he's not overly concerned about that kind of stuff, but like do you me? I don't know. Also, nothing was said that I mean as much as we say, you know, it's we only mean it's shocking to people that don't listen to tell him see they there's nothing that said

Now shows that's bad. No, so I I don't even think Dexter would like is that who you think him like Dexter? like, is that who you think him like dexter? Possibly dexter? Yeah. No, I don't think so. I'll ask him though. I'll ask him. What do you think? Sounds awfully fishy.

I would think that there's more important things than getting you your show. I would think that if there's people out there who have to make that call, it's understandable if they're like, you know what, we don't need this show to actually get out into the wild. You know, it could be an image problem and that would be totally, totally, you know, understandable if that was the case. I mean, I got a lot to lose.

They don't let their image tarnished. Yeah. Well, the only, who is the, uh, Jim Brewer was up there. So I don't know. I felt, I feel like Jim Brewer was up there? So, I don't know. I feel like Jim Brewer was not the guy. He seemed to be like, what the fuck is this? I was just going on.

He really liked it a lot, but. I think we're fine, man. Yeah, I think it's just bad luck. Yeah, he's a bad luck. Bad luck, you think? Well, I'll start an internal inquisition. You don't think so, huh? I don't know. It is fishy. It's a little fishy. I mean he told me so casually. I'm like any other number of shows like

Like he like he fucked up Jim Broes recording. We'd be like, ah that's the second one didn't happen. Sorry Because what is he gonna do? Yeah, that's what when I do not fucking other crews next year. No shit like that. No, I didn't tell you no Yeah, they all why when I do not fucking other cruise next year. No shit like that. No, I don't tell you. Yeah, they all for this but We we're not never doing it again, but I think we're taking a year off. I Don't think that's the worst idea because I was thinking about it And I'm like why like I'm not seeing people that I've seen years before and I was like somebody four percent of the book was new people New people which is great for business growth, but yeah. But I'm like, oh, I miss a lot of these people. And I would have liked to see them.

But I'm like, well, what are the costs of a fucking cruise year after year after year? Yeah, it has to fucking add up. I'm going to cruise. Yeah, Disney cruise. I don't, the Joker's ruined the cruises for me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They're fun. They're so fun. And you're not stand like, like as a performer, like, I don't have to stand in the lines. And like, when we're on our way out going through customs,

it's like, it's a fucking line is a mile long. And Gato walks by. It's like Johnson go, go, and so we just go with Gato. I don't think I would have any enjoyment standing in those lines for hours, that kind of shit, I would hate it. No, I mean, I recognize that cruises are possibly the most gluttonous, some exciting vacation you can have. They're just floating food, droughts,

but every time I want a cruise, I have a blast. I just have a blast. Yeah, I feel like Alaska, I think would be pretty cool. Yeah, I see. I like those mountains and whatnot. Icebergs. Why don't I feel honeymoon? Yeah, go to Alaska.

Yeah, maybe I'm on the boat too. Mm-hmm. Maybe we hang out. What's your cruiseiser going on? Oh, I think I talk about different kind of cruisers. I'm not saying that. Different type of Norwegian parallel, if you know what I mean. Which is a parallel.

Both. One leads to the other. So that is it for Space Monkeys. Last night, I did some, a little comedy with Jiggy. Yeah. Which of the Chelsea music hall. And I find that, you don't think it's odd that he didn't tell me.

I think what his excuse was pretty valid though. He knows that you're fucking swamped with the fucking I.J. And I toss it out there. What if I was filming something right there? And that was like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I kind of thought that was pretty, pretty cool. He didn't put it put it put it put it put it. Yeah, I see what you mean. Don't even put me in the position where I got to be like, oh man, I'm so, but I want to be in that position now. Oh, yeah. I think it's worth it if I can. My point of view, I love that. No one

asked me, you know, why is she the other premiere? I'm not like that. You asked me. Yeah. Why is she the other premiere? We're gotten again. Yes. Yes. You did, you did. But I was happy that you were honest and you're like, you're like, I don't care if you don't come. And I was like, well, what I said was true. I was like, I'm not going to see if one or two minutes did. Was that not what it was?

That's true. Yeah. Hardly so, you all night. What would you rather have me in that fucking pain seat, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be real.

Yeah, I'm with Eldridge from you. So, again, a couple of ants went to it. Yeah. Not many, but a couple. There's one girl, like I just met her last night. I don't know her name, but there are three tried and true. Shannon, Vanessa and Karen, they were very supportive. But so, you know, I know Shannon too, glasses.

Yeah, yeah. I like Shannon too. Yeah, she's an other girl. So you go in and I go in and the whole idea behind the night is like, Jiggy's gonna be my comedy coach and like, he'll introduce a comedian, the comedian will do their thing. And then the next bit is like, I ask him questions about comedy and then another comedian, you know, that's right.

But when I walk in, the audience is mostly white females from like 20 to 25, which if it's a bar, all right. But if it's a comedy club and I'm like, are they gonna laugh at what I'm gonna say? Oh yeah. I don't have high hopes. They probably have strong opinions about what's funny and what you're able to joke about. Right.

Yes. Well, so, Jiggy goes up, introduces a first person, and then the first, we do the first bit, but the, the first girl was talking about Harvey Weinstein, you know, making some Harvey Weinstein references and jokes, and they seemed to like it what she was saying. Sure. Then I didn't have any

Harvey Weinstein stuff planned up until that point, but I was like, well, if they like her, surely they'll like me. Oh, I think maybe they like her slant on Harvey Weinstein. It wasn't positive. Or, you know, her feelings. But my thought was, I set it up there. I was like, as Jiggy, I said, look, you're Harvey Weinstein, right? You don't really have a lot of friends. People are not kissing your ass anymore.

Hardly anybody likes you. Right. If anyone. Adrian Brood is banging your brother. You're reading about it on the news, eating shit food at Brody's island. So, so given that, that nobody likes you, I'd be like, well, if I'm so reviled and so hated, I'm just gonna go the distance. I'd be like, you think you fucking don't like me now? You're really gonna hate me when you find out this plan. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna transition to a woman. So I can go to a woman's prison and then start like menace people and shit.

And like everybody will be like what a jerk. He's trying to still trying to get next to a woman. Like because I think that would be the ultimate fuck you to everybody. This is the thing I told on stage. This is what I told on stage. I don't know, how do you think like so so? Lot of male laughter. They like it. Not a lot of pigs female laughter. No, they didn't care for it too much But you came up came up with that on the spot because you saw that though

You saw that the other at comedians were getting good Traction from the Harvey Wins the first female comedian got a little bit got a bunch of laughs sat down and scribbled out that I scribbled it anything Like here's what I'll talk about what I go up there Let's go down the fly. Yeah, so bad. That's a bad. Yeah, that's thinking on your feet, but the well what I first actually I mean first was the point of it? Just to gauge the reaction. Oh my gosh, okay.

So I could come back and tell you guys, who you should see now? So they got it. I'm still, I'm on board. I just want them to know who, who were you against? Who were we versus? When I first went out, I said, you know, I see a lot of very young white faces out in the crowd and I can't help but think we're gonna be on the same page about almost everything That's good job. I thought so good. They didn't get a lot of left, all right

Maybe maybe the reason that I here's why I think they think they left they don't know you So they don't know how Why that happens? They just you know, I mean,. It's just a fun comment to them. If they knew the actual distance, then they would be laughing and or shrieking. It was little bits like that. It was shorter than I thought it was gonna be, like our little things,

because you had to get these people up. I mean, not to be a dick, but why some of them, I don't know. You know, probably because they paid Jiggy $50. But yeah, right. But I am like, what if I'm to win, like I could never win this crowd over? You could, I think you could.

What am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what am I to, what, you know, what kind of comedian do you want to be? You want to be like a dark, you know, dark humor? I said, I don't think I got a choice. I think that's it. Right. But there's still a way to do dark humor. That's very empathetic and insightful. Like not mean, but dark.

You just like, you told personal stuff that was real dark. Yeah. If you're not making observations about current events, I think that's where you can get really good dark and people will allow you to say pretty much anything if it's personal. Because it's about me. Yeah.

Yeah, man, maybe I got a shot with these kids yet. I think you do. I think you really do. So much work when I'm just like, I could just talk to people. Yeah, and they'll already like it. It's like that thing. I think you kind of got to love it and want to do it. They do stand up because if you got to be good at it, you really got to work your ass off. Oh, you got to do it all the time. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like I'm,

you know, I'm going to I'll keep like trying little things here and there maybe I'll do it. Like that wasn't true stand up, you know, because I'm talking to Jiggy. Oh, and at the end, I told, like I was to tell a story. And I told the story. And as I get towards the end, and I'm thinking about wrapping it up, I'm like, oh, fuck, I left out a key piece of information in the beginning. That wraps it up at the end. So it's like, well, I'm going to do now. So I just sort of like, adjust it on the fly and sort of like Let it end, but that was a

That was a dud that I was like Kevin did with the Q&As They're great. Yeah, I always I was very impressed with his ability and those amuses really good at it too Like he's just gotten really good at amusing stories. Yeah. I saw his show, like maybe a year ago. Well, I saw it at first and it wasn't great. But then when I saw him last time, he's gotten much, much better. Yeah. Good. Yeah. I, yeah. Materialized. I have a question that may be walking out, but can you remember the only joke joke? The only joke that I told I got a grown on the space monkey shows. Right. The only, that the audience was like,

whoa, and I was like, no, no, no, this was this new one. Oh, the most recent one. Yeah. I'm really cool. It's about Pam's bubble. You remember that? I don't remember. Okay, I said, just said.

Pam was going on a bus, putting Brian in a bubble. And to keep him safe. Oh, a witchcraft bubble. Yeah. A witchcraft bubble, it keep him safe. A witchcraft bubble that keep me safe. I checked him right. And my, sorry, my throat is crooked. I've been talking nonstop for three days and I'm getting over the flu. But so my thing was, okay, so she believes that placing a bubble on Brian protects him

from danger. So then I asked, I wasn't going into like a bit. I was like really using them as an example, but I go, so Pam thinks if she put a bubble on Kobe Bryant audience, was like, oh, oh, oh, and I was like, well, I'm not making a joke. Like, like, she, like, and then they calm down. I was like, so she thinks if she put a bubble on Kobe Bryant, he wouldn't have had the car, the helicopter accident.

Well, has Brian been in a helicopter accident? No, no. Lord, have I been in a helicopter? Lord, what would a fucking surmix a lot say about that bubble? He's got to get some of that. It's kind of, yes. But then, so then my thing is like, if just the mention of Kobe Bryant

in a hypothetical situation. It's too raw. It's too raw. It's too raw. So to make that joke about people who have died years ago, OK, Laurel and Hardy. Let me ask you a question. Like don't go recent.

I mean, you don't have to go over a century, and go either. Charlie Chaplin. Yeah. You've got to know that you could say for say pretty much anything about those people who died, like, you know, people who, like, did barely a talk before. Okay, but let me ask you something. Hey, don't use anybody in the talkies.

You gotta go before that. By all, and I know this is gonna be, is it still raw? It's gonna be a little controversial. Who? What I'm about to say. What I'm about to bring up. Let the listeners bow out now. Let's get to the morning.

Trigger warning. Discussion of sexual assault. Oh. Yeah. So his, so Kobe's, by today's standards, if what had happened with Kobe in that case happened today. Right. He would be done. Destroyed. Believe today, right? He would he would be done

Destroyed believe women if she said it. It's true. He bought his way out his rich powerful man. He's a rapist That's what would be said about him if that happened today, right? You want me to fucking wait? So Brian way in yeah, likely. Yeah, I would say so okay, so I don't see how we'd escape it so I found it odd that on one side of the country I forget about it you know that's just not done what's the point in this I was gonna say something about the Weinstein trial and the memorial, but you know what? I shut up. Yeah, you gotta move you want to fuck it to well This weekend coming up. This is not the topic. I talk about Lauren Hart. Let's go back to Lauren Hart

Why is everybody so mad at Kobe for doing what a man does? so mad at Kobe for doing what a man does. I was going to get in and tuck my balls back in. I'm not back so they're nice and protected. Yeah, you're right. Let me just move on. Q, not too long ago, a couple of weeks back, I brought up Mary Beth, writing down things I say sometimes because she the journal the journal she thinks they may be valuable later on you know comments or jokes I don't ask very bad about this. Okay. Um, oh

Finally to get to talk to the source. Yeah, who is she so what was the first thing that came out of Brian's mouth that you were like? Fucking wears my pen and pencil? Come on man. That's not true. This is not true. Oh, he tells Steve Dave just jump the shark. He was going on about happy wife happy life that shit You thought he was gonna tuck it back

But where did this start like where did you say like I like was there some sort of realization like What did he first say he loves you actually? I'm sorry. It's a rough ball, but Like a yeah, no where do you remember the where yeah, where were you guys? Itchibon is a Japanese restaurant. Oh, okay over some She bon is a Japanese restaurant. Oh, okay. Over some dim sums. Some, who goes on?

It was, now it a very like aggressive waitress who like, I seem to really be bothering her with every, like just my existence bothered her. And she came, She just got her drink order. Yeah, she just got,

she only got the drink order, but when she came up, you know, I'm gonna do a main accent because that's what it sounded like, because she was just like, well, you wanna drink, like that, like, am I lying? I'm not exaggerating, right? It was like a little man, anyway,

but I was like, what the fuck? And then she's like, well, go request a different waiter, waitress, right? So go to the counter and I'm trying to be all cool about it because it's an awkward thing. Yeah. To switch a servitor mid meal. And so they're like, okay, you know, Dada Dada, they're being covert about it. And then they just fucking walk right to her in the middle of the room. They say something. They both turn a look at me. But I'm like, you know, I love you, Merv. Yeah.

So it was like a date was a date night type thing. Yeah. She was drunk on San Grilla and what you just slipped into like a sampling. So you like you, you, you sealed yourself and we're like, I got someone to tell you. No, there was no build up like that. I think I was just like, I don't remember. I always said, you said, you're not love you, right?

I'm like, no. No. It took the hours way out. Yeah. I was like, there's my yellow streak show. And you put it on hard. How about that, bossy waitress? How the fuck do you not know that stupid?

You know what? Get your shit. We're going. I love that, sir. Isn't that make you happy to hear? Yeah, it's sweet because I know Brian's tone of voice and I know When he starts sentence let you know that so I know how I'm hearing it in my head. I've said it didn't I think that's really nice. That's so I like that. Thank you. I really do that so you go see him I Get that little shit out. This is the feel good podcast of the year. Yeah, really is. Okay. Sorry Well, I I heard an opportunity. I wanted to

I don't remember what I was talking about. What was the first? Oh, yeah, like did you guys when did you guys realize that too much stuff was being lost to the haze of I Don't know memory or Anything else that's going on. The moment I started talking and people weren't writing this shit down, that's what I realized. And you said yourself, I'm going to start documenting worthy comments, thoughts, jokes. Well, it's mostly stuff that makes me laugh. And if it makes me laugh really hard and there were I had too many instances of what was it that I was laughing at the other day and so I just started writing it.

Do you have a good memory of the audio? You forget a lot of things. Oh I forget everything. Then it's probably something you should be doing then you know because a joke like fucking hot pocket joke fucking is worth millions. The gemgaffigan millions one joke can make you a fucking household name. Right. You don't want to you don't want that to escape or slip away because you don't know

what it's going to be. Exactly. Um, so wait, what were we saying? Oh, what was the very first one? Right? Very first one. I would have to go into my other phone for that. So I don't have the very phone.

There's a multiple phones. Yes, I have multiple phones. She's like Sunday Jeff with his iPod. All the dad is taking up with Brian's fucking... The cloud, the cloud is full. Our whole neighborhood, their internet's lagging. Awesome. I mean, you know what? And one way I'm like it's fucking amazing. It's amazing. You like some values him

I'm like everybody should have somebody who's like You are so fucking awesome and so brilliant. I am going to I am going to fucking be like I mean like this is what like fucking Roman fucking what were the leaders of fucking Rome would have people on fucking staff right to take their fucking Wisdom on parchment. It's pretty nice Broly right most of his complaints or inappropriate jokes That's it. She's barely right most of his complaints or inappropriate jokes I can't wait for this and and uh, well and wall you did the same Yeah, I asked my wife. I came I went home that night and I said I wanted to listen to this I said I want you to hear what's going on down at the Johnson's I want to see if we can replicate this

I told it after we left I told Mary Beth I was like to be a fly on the wall to see Debbie's face like She was kind of close as he run and I looked at me. I was like like a dog Looks at a fucking like it's never seen a fucking snow before I have no frame of reference for yeah, she goes and then she is she said and she me I don't mean this to sound mean But exactly what do you think you're gonna say that I'm gonna write down though I said well that's up to you And I was like well, I think I want to try if you just help me out here and try it and

It I wound up having to be like you should probably write that down. We did it for one week. And I had to keep saying, you should probably write that down. That's like a good step better than that. Well, I'm not saying that. Because you forgot she was supposed to be writing it down or because she deemed it not worthy of writing that. A little bit of both. She's like, oh yeah, I forgot I'm doing that.

And then other times she was like, that? Why would I write that down? I would never write that down. I go, trust me, just write it down. After the first day, me saying multiple times, I'm like, you're not going to write that down. I go, trust me, just write it down. After the first day, me saying multiple times, I'm like, you're not gonna write that down? Like, just in my mind, I'm like, that's genius. And she's like, if you don't stop saying

that I'm not gonna write anything down. So then I had to back off and just trust the, you know. And I really, really try to not try. Right. Like, my goal was to be as natural as possible knowing let somebody was supposed to be writing it down and try to give Things not play to the notebook so much as you know, I'm saying like trying to think of things that are like worthy of being a notebook rather Let it come natural and I think I did and up until like me There's a couple that I was just like oh fucking it. I didn't say anything good today. Did I?

And then I'll be like alright, sorry. I just this then. Well, I hope you guys keep it up. Because I've, well, yeah, you probably are, but I've been startin' my assistant to start writing down things. She seems worthy. And she has agreed, she said, she'll come on and read them, or she'll just give me the book if I'm So I mean, so how do we do this do we

Decide try to guess who's quote with that's a great idea, but you have you wouldn't you'd have to close your eyes And so you won't see what notebooks. She's looking right you close your eyes while you're you know you wouldn't cheat You close your eyes while you're you know you win cheat which is fun game All right, no wait what's the what are we what are we doing so he's gonna read both quotes you read Quote and you have to decide who said the quote yeah, well a lot of minor like scenarios are like back and forth How long are they you think to read into? Sorry, I like fucking multiple pages? No. Give us an example of a long one.

Yeah, give us a long one. That's what I give her every night. Right that down. Here it comes. It's funny. It's so funny. When she was writing them down, when she was writing them down, she was laughing. And I'm like, don't tell me what they are.

I think I had a feeling that, yeah, you're... Wait, let me just hear some first. Before I guess. I can't know if it's supposed to be wisdom. It doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be. Hopefully. I can't understand what be it doesn't have to be hopefully What's okay? Oh wait this one would be a good one to guess I think I think you can

Don't do the guest one just give us an example of one that like you think is yeah Cuz I need to hear one of theirs and one of yours just over caliber a sample. Yeah Can I do an exchange with the Iraq? It's just, I don't know. You see what I do, I just indecision all the time. Just pick one, a short one and go with it. How short is the shortest one? You got this, man. You got this.

You got this. Don't crack. You got this. Don't let these two break. Don't make me correct you in front of the boys. Okay, one time I was sick and Brian says I might as well be sick. What's the point in being healthy now? Okay, take care of me. Another swing. What's like angry about? I was angry. He didn't like that. No, I'm trying to remember.

That wasn't funny. Oh, it's funny. Oh, it's sweet. It was sweet. I was trying to figure out the context of it. Because before we left, she was like, oh, I'm going to tell this one where like, I don't come out looking the greatest.

Just a little about the, you know, the Laying and bad and oh that I do want to tell that. Oh, what's that one? It's not really a quote thing, but I did write it down We were lying in bed and like he had his arm around me. I was just struggling with them and then Princess Mitch came up and she was like laying between my legs and like oh my god like I was just thinking like this is perfection. This is what perfect feels like and then Princess Mitch like moves a little and Brian shakes his leg and he's like, get that fucking hair! And the cat goes take it off and feels perfection.

Oh, he ruined it. I feel I'd be able to guess that was it. Yeah. Yeah. Because here's one of mine. Okay. I told my wife, my fingers are always cold, but my toes are never cold or hot.

My fingers are always cold, but your toes are always perfect temperature. No, yeah, they're not neither cold nor hot. And what context did you say that in? We're just laying there and she said that there's too many blankets on. And I just said, I'm simply, but my fingers are always cold, but my toes are never cold or hot. She's like, well, marriage wise, I used to do it. So come on, give on get some gold man. Example of her remembering to write it down.

What was that you being like write that down? I think she said where's the notebook I'm gonna write down. Oh that's great. That's great. Wow. Yeah. I got it. Because it's been days since you said anything I might have all write that down. Oh I know it's like it. no, get the fuck out of here.

That's more insane. You're both in bed. Yeah. I mean, I think that's more observational than just someone screaming at a cat. Right, yeah, it doesn't give her like a little rundown of how my body works. She hasn't figured it out by now.

Right. So, all right, give some gold, something good. Okay, this one is between you and Sage. You are singing, you've got to fight for your right to party. And then Sage is like, why? And you think, because all the old people are coming in trying to ruin the parties and Sage goes, push and boot? And you're like, exactly.

This is what it's like, I would, just, this is like what I would hear about was on LSD. This is gotta be what it's like. This is like, this is like, I was like, the fucking trip. I'm tripping balls right now. Shipping your face off. I got here, I got, I'm on the way home. Microdosis baby. I'm on the way home from Denny's. Yeah.

And I tell everybody in the car. This isn't more finger and toe stuff. I think I got a headache for meeting too much bread. And the reaction is, and my daughter goes, you can't get ahead of me too much bread. And I go, you can't from eating ice cream, right? And I won that argument. Oh my god. Okay, wow. I was, Danel Ceres cooking in the kitchen and he comes up and says, uh, the washing machine and dry are right there and he's like, how long has that washed been in there?

And I'm like, not long. Could you go grab me a laundry basket? And he's like, oh my god. Can I borrow a tampon too? Oh, I like that one. That's a good one. That's a good one. I keep it real.

I keep it real. There we go. That's what I was looking for. That toggle hunt. No more love shit. It's just a scream and a catch. I have. I mean, I'm driving back from my mother-in-law,

and I told her, I'm going to go back to my mother-in-law. I'm going to go back to my mother-in-law. I'm going to go back to my mother-in-law. I'm going to go back to my mother-in-law. I'm going to go back to my mother-in-law. I'm going to. It's just a scream at a catch. I have, I mean, I'm driving back from my mother-in-law and I told my wife, we have to get a fluffy, soft toilet seat like your mom has, at least for my bathroom, if not yours. You have your own toilet? I mean, no, that's not like you.

We like the soft vinyl ones that I can't breathe. I've never had one before. I never sat on one like that before. But that's what you mean, that's what I mean. And then she has this rug that's on the top of the lid. This is real old-school bookish stuff. Yeah, but my wife said that there's not a chance on earth that I could ever have that because it's a fucking festation for germs, those soft stuff.

She said, and she knows it gets sick rather easily. So she said, like, I gotta keep using the outhouse. All right. God. See if he can top that one. I hate to bring it back to love, but this one's kinda really bad.

It's always okay to bring it back to love. Okay, it was early in the evening, like we had just like gotten into bed till you know, watch TV, dinner and everything. He says to me, I've got something to tell you. I'm like, oh, and he's like, you're going to get donned later tonight. It's a nice say. Oh, it goes on.

I said, I knew you were going to say that. It's like, you could get away with a nice, slow hand job. I accept that, ladies' choice. And then later that evening, later that evening, I'm like, you could get away with. No, later I'm like, so you're ready to dong me? And he's like, I have to do the dong in. You said ladies choices.

Oh. Oh, see I'm at a disadvantage here. I said some stuff kind of like in that round. In the dong right? Yeah. My wife would never write it down. Right. I mean, it was like a legally separated right now. Yeah. It was hot, so you would have fucking pulled, you would have pulled. I would have kept driving the car, you would have fucking pulled

To a get him to the side of the road over on brod Geez that wasn't going. Um, all right. All right. All right Just got pizza delivered. Okay, and I came in the house and I said the pizza guy just disted devils We aren't ordering from them anymore i don't care if elisha loves their chicken fingers and a motherfucker comes up and he's like oh you're a devil fan you have fucking nice ride there uh nice being in last place like that's how you fucking say to a customer now if you want a tip right so i was kind of pissed off at the pizza guy wow but but if the devil's a winner next season then you fucking order from that police but it was it was it fell on fucking hallowiers because we still order from that pizza joint. I saw the fucking. You saw the chicken fingers. Chicken fingers the other day. How are the chicken

fingers so good? I don't eat their chicken fingers. I just got pizza from there. Do you want to shame them publicly? No, no, no. Okay. Okay. This one is actually an exchange between Q and Brian. Oh, right. Yeah, right. I mean, the notebook. Yeah. So, Q says, I feel like a cage lion. And Brian goes, the only lion is you lion to yourself. Now, get up on that stage, you sell out. And what I do right up on stage. That's a pretty good one. Oh good. Oh Good, this is how we talk to his friend Probably on a cruise

Not a cruise four cruise. That's great. Oh I got here every okay, so this is me let the dogs are coming in from outside and I said to my wife I said every time the dogs come back in from outside. I'm gonna ask them if they made boom-boom's just to annoy the girls. It seems like a large part of our time is trying to taunt other people. I know it would fist them off, I never did do it. I knew it was fucking it was. I never did do it. I knew it fucking city made boom boom boom boom. I would say like in a baby's voice. I deserve laugh at that when you say that. No. She doesn't laugh at anything I say.

Oh man. Alright. Okay. I don't think I'm getting into the goofy stuff. Once we were in Florida and there was this very effeminate looking guy, cracking crab legs, eating crab. He's going knuckles deep. Oh I forgot about that You know a fucking crab like it is mouth fucking on not close Oh my god, this is good time when you date Brian John me tell you. Yeah, I never know what's coming next.

This is when I was telling my wife that I had to call a lawyer for something. Okay. And I said, when I talk to the lawyer, I always make sure to tell him that I'm driving, even if I'm not, because it makes the point that when I'm taking his call, it sends a message that I'm just important as he is. Because he's driving somewhere. Yeah, because it feels like if I'm driving, I always say like, hold on, I'm driving,

even if I'm sending. I think it sends the message that you're an asshole on the phone and you're driving. No, you can talk about that. You gotta hands for it. I say I'm driving when a hands-free phone. Well, shit. You do.

You do. I did tell them. I'm sorry. Safety first, barrister. But what? She's like that just cost you $400. But what what what powers gained by driving? Because I'm fucking not just sitting there waiting for this asshole's call. Oh, okay. I think it's driving around in the middle of the day for whatever reason. I'm just as important. He's I'm going important places. I'm doing things.

Got you. You don't think a subconsciously. It's like, whoa. This guy's got got some guts. Check on. I think if you combine the driving with a little bit of conversation, you might come on. Come on. I have all day. Busy man lazy shit like that. Well, yeah, I don't talk like that. All this, well, but also then like he'll be like, okay, right?

And like I'll shorten it up, you want to have to pay as much. That's right. All right. Got one? What I say to a lawyer. What you say to a lawyer is I only want to wear a suit when I want to wear a suit. Oh, okay.

I was just talking about jobs. Like I saw the only time I want to wear a suit Is when I want to wear a suit Not everything. I was in New York. I see a lot of guys in suits that don't look comfortable And I'm like, oh that's enough for me. All right, I got last night my socks were so tight that my feet were sore when I woke up I must eat in too much bread You sleep with socks on you when it's cold cold, yeah. Really? Oh wow. Yeah. But this particular socks that evening were like very very tight, but I was too tired to take them off, so I just slept in pain. Yeah. Yeah. Do you find extremities getting a little

bit colder as you age? Not my toes. No. They never got hot or cold. We learned that earlier. My fingers have always been cold. Yeah, always. The end of that. I'm reaching out. All right. Let's see. This one's between... Well, Eroch says to him, she's... Eroch is Eric Nagle. A guy I do a show with on compound media. Would you kindly? Yep. Eagle, a guy I do a show with on compound media, would you kindly? Yep. He says she's a female comedian, like describing who this lady is. And he's like, well, that's a contradiction if I ever heard it. Oh, no.

You had to say stuff like that. You never get with the more ideals. Yeah, I don't have a, I don't have a high hopes of that ever happening. I just, I don't think I I don't have a high hopes that I have a thing. I just I don't think I could do it. I know. This is to my wife. I took you to three goodwill stores in one day. Who else can say that?

Or would want to. And two different counties. It's romantic in its own way really. Maybe. I agree. I agree with you, Q. Like after over 25 years now You're driving around going to goodwill stores just like having fun chill out I wasn't like we're just trying to like look for bargains for herself

It was for Tom Steve Dave related Customing Tell him explain that to me I see I see the people I see people in there and I feel bad because you know I shouldn't be in there You know looking for a fucking dollar suit jackets when people... No, but every dollar you spend gets donated to a good cause. I don't know if the goodwill does that. Yeah, special needs stuff, I thought.

Now, it's not a for-profit, they're not a, they're an nonprofit. Yeah, but they're non-profit business. I think they give money to special needs. That's what I asked the lady. Let me look. Yeah. Let's get to the bottom of this.

One more each and then I guess we'll call it a. Yeah. So much good shit. We're just walking down the street in New York and he goes that's really funny that that fat dude on that little bike over there I guess he's never heard the definition of irony We're outside Penn station there was a guy who like you remember in the Guinness book like the fat Guys who would ride the little tiny bikes. It was basically that except it looked like a child's BMX bike and he's pedaling down the bike lane. A big fat guy in a little bike and I was like it is because he's never rid of the definition

of firing. I got a know me to it Well look you got a lot more pages than I thought yeah, you got a lot of good stuff And then my then I got one here. This is to the bakery counter person. We were in the bakery What's the point of poppy seeds Did they have an answer? It was like a young like 16 year old girl She just kind of looked at me like you don't want poppy seeds I said no, I don't I don't even say like I didn't say the question again I was like not rather not have poppy seeds if she didn't understand I guess what's the point of poppy seeds right?

Eat too many poppy seeds My shop yeah my show up is opium in your system. Mm-hmm. Oh, if I took a drug test. Yeah, perhaps yeah have the whole bunch though Yeah, I. Yeah, have you a whole bunch though. Yeah, I eat like maybe one Roll week. So I don't know if I can Danger zone kind of an addict What is the point of poppy seeds though? Maybe taste delicious when they break open, don't they? They're so tiny. They're like fucking barely bigger than a fucking virus. You talked about poppy seeds the black ones. Yeah I don't have any taste, dude. I should I do all together like one little tiny seed now probably not

It salt has a taste and salt sets more Yeah, I guess so I don't see the point of it though It doesn't look good on bread. It's seasoning. It's like a drug. It just looks like ants. Yeah, it does I like them and it freaks me out. I don't know if they get stuck in your teeth though. I agree. I'm anti-poppy seeds. I love a good salt bagel though. You have a salt bagel?

I've never had a bagel. Really? Never had a bagel. No. But you eat so much bread you've got headaches, but you never had a bagel. Yeah, but I don't eat bread. I don't know why, but I always associate it with as a foreign food.

No, it's New York Jewish food. You know, Israel and stuff so I was just like, well, it must have like a... I'm bringing some bagels. Like a foreign taste. No. I'm going to bring some New York. Yeah. Yeah, like good bread.

Why can't I just have a fucking hard roll though? No, it's cooked. No one's taken that away from you. Yeah, why do I need a roll though. No, it's it's okay. It's cooked. No, we've taken that away from you Yeah, why do I need a bagel this is a different texture? It's a whole net right like a donut. Yeah, I think you're missing out I do I think I try you may not want to bring it don't waste your money. I won't try it Well, we can do it, but we have to put it up front me on these do you have do you have the copy? I'll just have Declan move it up front doesn't matter. Why does it have to go up in the first the first? I was part of the contract. Yeah, something like that, but I'm recording on that so do you I'll just read or

Oh, shit or they want to go first or something I've been told in the past the certain that certain Companies want to go up like they want to be first. Is it blue chew then or me? I want to go first. That's not my fucking job to remember this shit Yeah, well, that's why I'm I remember the goddamn spot right well, what did Why don't you do the commercial you're so fucking good and go on read Yeah, the copy I'll do it. I'll do it there on then Crab it. I mean you want more. Have you guys gotten into a fight where like you've screamed at him like it like been

No, I don't scream at him. He screamed at me a couple times Well, I mean yeah, but I mean like I wonder if like you ever just want back at him. No Do you want to hear a funny story about no about her getting mad at me? Yeah, I do So we followed up with a sweet one too? It's so nice to hear those sweet ones Possibly I mean I think this is kind of sweet So cute you may have heard this story already, but Walt. I don't think you did So she had bit what you you needed a massage for whatever reason you would be

Wait, what one do you think I was gonna tell you tell well now you got a story that you thought it was gonna tell story Which one? You what'd you say we want what'd you say story no what no that's that's the hint what you say I don't know what the hint I don't get what what is it what just I'll cut all the shit out just call me call me something and I was like what you say oh oh oh that's like a little anecdote oh those one those one, no, one time she got, we were at odds about something. And I was like, my back was tour and I was like,

oh my god, stop acting like such a, and I said girl, as I turned around, but she didn't hear that and she assumed I was saying bitch. And she was like, what'd you say? And I was like, that is so adorable. Like, it's so cute that she like, squared off with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then to be like, girl, I said girl, I didn't say bitch.

And I would never call you a bitch. Oh, this is kind of sweet. Yeah, sweet. Right, I should have saved that one. Yeah. Because the other one is. All of these sound just like, you can hear that collective fucking awe.

Right. That qualifies as a sweet story. I'm like, we're at odds. Yeah. I mean, it's just how you just like you get that collective fucking all right, oh that qualifies as a sweet story. I'm like where it odds? Yeah No, so this other one was she I can't remember why you needed a massage But never asks for one never asked you know for shoulder rubber whatever and Missed from you. I think you mentioned you know professional from me. No, no, no, she would never want a professional Yeah, she's like she's a lot like you. I think you guys If you didn't avoid social contact with anyone I got into professional massage. They're kind of yeah, the guy got arrested

I'm not gonna lie, but when you got that kink You know what do you mean like in your neck or just a kink with Asian dudes and malls? So I'm like all right. I'll give you a massage. My hands are pretty strong. So she takes off her shirt, she's lined down on the bed, face down. How you like? A couple at this point? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Those are just a couple weeks ago.

It wasn't that long ago. And I'm rubbing her shoulders. And I'm doing, I think I'm doing a pretty good job, right? I'm really getting in there. And I'm like, I could I'm doing a pretty good job, right? I'm really getting in there. And I'm like, I could probably do this like, as a job, like as an occupation, I thought. I was like, but you know what?

They wouldn't. Well, I'm saying this out loud. And I was like, but you know what? They wouldn't let me. Because I'm a white guy and everybody thinks I'm a fucking rapist and fucking, they'll be like, sorry, not you. And I got sort of worked up a little bit

And I'm like, you know like I could fucking do that job as well as anybody But they wouldn't let me she does she goes yeah, I still run her shoulders. She does how she goes who are you talking to? I don't know Yeah, she was like nobody saying you can't do it Yeah, she didn't want on a out of furloughly. Yeah. The first story. No, this guy's good. Oh, this is more?

Yeah, this guy's just funny. There's three stages of this story. So I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So I start rubbing her shoulders again. But then I was thinking of this time that, do you know what top golf is? Is that like an adult thing? No, it's like a slang for some sort of sexual maneuver.

I like it. Well, I like where your mind is, but this is basically just a driving range that it's like, there's several different like, uh, tears. So it's like, it's all open and you hit it. Hit out these balls. These golf balls out into a big field and shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And then there's like, so you're doing it, then there's a person above you doing it. Yeah, I've seen it, he's balls, these golf balls out into a big field and shit. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, and then there's like,

so you're doing it, then there's a person above you doing it. Yeah, I've seen it, it's an ocean county. Right, and if you look at the edge, there's like that cargo net in case people fall. So I had occasion to be at a top golf with some people and Sal and his dad, and if you know Sal and his dad, they're very close, like, courtship of that, like a like, annoyingly close, like the opposite of what we had. So I'm thinking like, because of Mockerain or one of those sums of sign, and I'm like,

what if I just start like, dancing as he's golfing, right? And accidentally bump into him and he falls down and rolls, but he gets caught by the cargo net, so he doesn't die. Am I asked to leave the party? That's what I was thinking. And Cells Cousin was talking to me as I was thinking this and I was laughing so hard to my, I'm like, how does this guy not realize it?

I'm trying not to laugh because I was thinking about this in the moment, right, when I was at the party. But then I started thinking about it again, and this is probably four months later. Well, I was roughing her down. I guess I started laughing too much for her liking. Who's that? Would you say that was it?

I started laughing and I'm like, what? And I was like, I was thinking of self-statement. And sex. And it cheers you up like one of the dogs. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm door. She was, she doesn't like the dark, you know, she's afraid of the dark, so she knocks on the door and she wants me to turn the light on. And so I open the door and I'm like, wow, what's up?

And she's like, that's too dark. I need the light on and I go, oh my God, there's an alien right behind you. And I face Palmer and push her back. And I was like, they want you, they don't want me. So I'm pushing her out of the room with straight arm in her with like face Palmer and she's not. So she's just screaming, screaming.

Like she does not like it, she's not, like she's actually afraid of the dark. So she's screaming that I'm like, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding and I flick the light on and I turn around to go back in the room and I shut it and locked it. And that was the under the massage. She locked me out. And I still haven't heard a massage.

That's true, yeah I didn't do another way after. Tell them Steve Dave. another way after. Tell him Steve Dave.