Tell Em Steve-Dave - #449: Dr. Qlittle

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

Q plays Ranger Rick. Walt faces down killer bees. Bry issues an apology.

Yes or no? Yes or no? It's a very simple question. Oh my god, it smells like a dumpster. Hold on. I'm not enough people to feel I'm sorry for me lately. Oh, this COVID shit's distracting them. Yeah, hundreds of thousands of people have died. I'm going out HD for an hour. Tell them, Steve Dave. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them, Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them Steve Dave. I'm at the poker table with Walt and Q. Hello. And it's been a little while since we recorded it a little bit too long. Start to get that itch. Yeah. Gotta scratch it. Yeah, that's why I came down this week. I figured it went well last time with the mask and I figured I want to see you guys hang out a little bit.

Here we are. We got some stuff to cover. We do? Oh, that sounds scary. Well, you're wearing a mask this time. I didn't see that last time. What's... Did I forget to wear a mask last time?

You weren't really keeping it as close to the eyeballs as... I think I was at the other end of the table. Yeah. So I thought that was six feet, but now I'm a little bit closer, so I'm wearing a mask. Oh, okay. You do it for me? No, he's doing it because he thinks I got it.

You think I got it, because I'm not wearing a mask. No, no, no. No. I don't go fucking anywhere to get it. So I'm happy. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough leaving the house, isn't it? Well, everything is now delivered.

Yeah. The food is delivered. Ros. The food is delivered. Rosary store stuff is delivered. Target is delivered. There's just no reason to leave anymore. I feel like a little bitch, but like leaving my house, I got anxious, like driving down here. I had like, there's just like weird,

it's just a weird feeling being in the world. Again, I just don't trust anybody. Well, that's a thing. Yeah, you look at other weird, it's just a weird feeling being in the world. Again, I just don't trust anybody. What's up? Yeah, you look at other people and it's in the same way they're looking at you, which is like you got it. You got it. You got it. Yeah, but RedBank seems to be a party.

What the fuck? Yeah, I mean, we in New Jersey have, we've crushed our curve forever is called flat and it yeah, we didn't crush it. I guess not yet or on a white crush in it. I hope and where this is what can happen when you you know you follow the rules and you you adhere to what science tells you and then you get to go out in the summertime. I think in the fall though it's probably gonna be a different story. Redbanks fucked. Yeah, the streets are filled. Yeah, I'm sure that come colder weather.

I imagine that it won't be this busy. Yeah, and Redbanks, they've started on Thursday Friday and Saturday blocking off like what, three blocks with restaurants and they put out tables and umbrellas and stuff. It's like a block party. A little bit of a block party, except what's fucked up is like the last time we were here, it rained. Oh yeah. So it's like in the middle of dinner,

it might just be a downpour all of a sudden. Oh, he's worse than that. All the tables got flipped over from the winds and the gusts. All your food and shit all over the ground. I insult the injury to the restaurant industry here in Red Bank, New Jersey. It's nothing but tables of women. There's like, there's not a sausage out there. And they're all gussied up too. They're all gussied up. They can't wait to gussie up. Yeah, you find that you

don't really like get dressed that much. Like dress dressed, you know? Round your house. No way. Not at all. What's the point? What am I doing? No hake cuts. I'm doing my own beard. It looks like shit. Well, I want to hear about your vacation. And I know you just recovered from all those bee stings. We saw that headline. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was good at texting you, but I didn't know if you were getting stung by bees at the

time. Well, to be stung by bee, I would have to have been on the beach because that's where the swarm was and I didn't even go to the beach on my vacation. I didn't really step foot anywhere near the beach. It was fucking like walking on the surface of the sun. It was brutally hot out that we drank. Yeah, I saw that news article that the wildwood was swarmed by a... This is Kate May. Oh, what did I say? Why would I? I meant Kate May. Yeah, Kate May. A swarm of bees was all the buzz. A queen bee and her worker bees, they went on

somebody. They went on like a beach towel or something. I heard nobody got stung though, which was which is one of the feel good stories of the year I thought. Yeah, yeah. One of the only feel good stories of the year I thought yeah one of the only feel good stories Kate may get to get swarmed by bees no one gets stung. I mean that's that's the headline doesn't sell though There's the bees no You need you need some people going into anis left and a anaphylectic shock Yeah, that's what good for it to be a good headline. Yeah, I can't believe, like, I, I, I,

I ventured onto the internet today, and I was like, let me just get an update on what's going on with the virus, because I'm like, I don't know anything. These people, like, and I couldn't find New York City. Everything was about Ellen G. Generus and a fucking show and everything. Oh, yeah, Ellen. And everything's about, and I'm just like How the fuck is this on the front page of anything who gives a fuck?

I'm like what's going on in New York City with what fucking with the deteriorating city and the fucking virus And I can't even find the fucking like like it's it's buried like two paragraphs like dad and Ellen do that I didn't like the newly owned a homes. Lee she's mean to people that you work with like I've heard she's an asshole for years like she's stern I heard not even an asshole but like I've heard it. I don't I know someone that works for her. The story is I heard with crazy. I know you want to show your dance. Did I go on a show? Yeah. Oh I take that back. Ellen's so nice. Now did we go on a show? We didn't go on a show. Yeah, I thought you didn't.

You look like you were tortured. I think the joke wasn't that show. That was the today show or something. Or it was one of those shows where you look tortured. I mean, it's any time it could have been anything. But it definitely was not Ellen. Jimmy Kimmel, I really enjoyed. That was a good one.

But I, yeah, I don't know. I don't remember going on her show. Jimmy Jimmy Kimmel I really enjoyed that was a good one, but put the but I Yeah, I don't know I don't remember going on her so it was a wire people upset that Ellen was mean Great so sexual harassment really Not by her by I guess some of her upper level producers, I'm like, what? Can we talk about this later? Like, I just don't know yet. It just seems like the prior, it seems like everybody wants corona to be over with. But nobody wants to talk about it. But nobody wants to deal with it.

It's the way that is the impression that I'm getting from dead. Not anymore. People are tired. People are tired. It's tired of the COVID. They don't want to hear social distancing. They don't want to hear new normal They don't want to hear social distancing. They don't want to hear new normal. They don't, and by they, I mean me. But it's just enough of this shit.

Brad Garrett agrees that he's calling out Ellen DeGeneres over alleged mistreatment. He said it's been well known for some time. Wow, she's 62. Yeah, I got, I got a bunch. She looks pretty good for 62. That worked on that show That you would just tell me stories where you're like that can't be can't be true and he's like it's

No, no, just because like people don't act this way like it's just it's if you were writing a movie about an evil villain boss Oh, yeah, and you wrote some of these stories into it. You'd be like you got to take that out nobody's gonna believe that You're her PR person. What do you how do you? be like, you gotta take that out. Nobody's gonna believe that. Your PR person, what do you, how do you advise her? I say you're 62 years old and you're almost a billionaire. Just fucking check out. Yeah.

Cash in, check out. What do you wanna deal with this for? You wanna spend your late 60s rehabbing your fucking reputation? Like reshaping your image. And going on the fucking apology tour. Yeah. They can't stop though, people like this.

You know, like Ellen could easily cash in, check out whatever. But they need that that attention, I guess. Like because at 62, why the fuck would you keep doing it? It's like when is enough enough? It doesn't sound like she's enjoying it. Yeah, Oprah keeps doing it, right? She's been off the air for years. Yeah, she's doing something. She's a lot of money. She's like she's enjoying it. Yeah, Oprah keeps doing it, right? Well, she's been off the air for years. Yeah, she's doing something. She's doing something. She's a lot of homies. She's like a medium mogul.

She's got all kinds of benses. I'm talking about the hands on every day, doing a fucking show and dancing around and all that shit. It does not sound like she enjoys it. Can she come back from this? Can she dance? Dance away back into our hearts. And still be a fucking grand year to year watching her dance.

I think so. After all this ugliness. I think she could, yeah. With no penance? No, she's got to do some sort of ball liking, but she's got to, which would be hard for her. She doesn't like balls, but yeah, she's got to get out there and pretend to give a shit. And pretend to cry. And then people will

be like, okay, this never really affected my life to begin with. So I guess I'll just watch her dance some more. Yeah, most people I think who are fans of Ellen, you're going to get the ones that drop off because like, oh, I thought she was nice. But most people I think are going to be like, that can't be true. Yeah. Look at her dance. Everybody though, is everybody though, a little fake dough and holly what though. Is everybody though a little fake dough and holly what do you think? Even a little bit. Is there anyone genuine? Is it confession time? Talk about him. No, no, no, just.

There's some really nice there. When you say that, there are people that come to mind. But you think though that they're like, you know, they're 24 seven, or do they just show you be cute? They're fucking best shiny. Well, it wouldn't be, I wouldn't be saying that based on someone that I've met a couple of times. It have to be someone that I know that, that I see how they interact with other people

and stuff like that. So I think there are legit good people out there. But not out, huh? Apparently not, bud. It's stunning. Is it? It is, yeah, man. She really,

we still get faked. We still get we still get faked. We still get faked out. Because I thought the same thing it would like if somebody was like, do you think Ellen's nice? I bet I guess so. I mean, she seems cheerful. But doesn't that, but doesn't a woman to get to the top of her field have to be a little bitchy. I want to say bitchy is that the right word? That's right. She's got to be a little, she's got to be tough like a man. Like Dolores Claiborne said, she's like sometimes being a bitch, is all the woman has to hold down to.

Sure. Or no, do you think in the stain age you don't, a woman doesn't have to be like a man. I, I will say this, I don't know because what the hell do I know about their experience, but I will say this, I't know because what the hell do I know about their experience But I will say this I've met plenty of women in high positions who are fucking nice Really nice Like like you know what you get you know what I you know this is what I've learned This is what you get and I guess it's it's part of trying to fit into The the women that I bond with the women that I like in the industry

Are the ones and the ones that everybody like you're gonna love it, she's great. Other ones that like, bro down a little bit. They do it on purpose and you see it. Like everything's a curse, everything's like a curse. They try and act a little... Broish. Yeah. To try to match it up a little.

Yeah, that happens a lot. And it works because I like... Oh my god, fucking cool. She's dropping. Are they being genuine now when they're match not showing it up and growing it up? I don't know. I don't know. They seem like they are.

Yeah. It's tough. It's tough. It's tough. Men got it so fucking easy. Yeah, we hate ourselves. We're the worst. Yeah, what are you gonna do?

What did you do on your vacation? If you weren't going swimming, it might... It was a very strange vacation in that I didn't have anything to do. I would sleep while everybody went and did their things early on. You'd get up and do early morning walks. I would sleep, then they would get back

and go to breakfast and I would still sleep, then they would go to to breakfast and I would still sleep then they would go to the beach and I would still sleep I'd wake up around 11 30 take a shower get ready for lunch and then it would be so hot that they would be like well we just want to go back to the room and lay down for a little bit and I was just like well fuck I just did that for the last 17 hours. Come on, guys. So I was like, okay, all right, I get it. It was really hot. There really wasn't much to do, which was I knew going in that this would be one of those kind of one of these kind of vacations that I wasn't going to have much to do.

I mean, the highlight was we were so bored one night that we looked up weird new jersey things in Wildwood. Oh yeah. Not Wildwood, why do I keep saying Wildcats? And there was this gigantic fish, like a fake fish that was on someone's property that made it into weird New Jersey. And I was like, well, let's hop in the car, go look at the fish, got the address.

But it was dark, we couldn't find it. And then it turned out that the fish would have been destroyed in a storm years ago. So we were looking for a fish that didn't exist. How many days? Four days, looking for that fucking fish. Four days. How many hotel rooms you break this into? What does that mean? Like how many like trash? No, no, how many do you get? Yeah, three rooms three rooms. Yeah, my mother-in-law went to Wait, she's there and whatever in her own oh, so the so the girls share their own yeah, yeah, okay

That makes sense. I guess did she did she go to the beach to She couldn't make it down to the beach. She's a little bit older now. And the beach is in a wildwood or like, I thought, I keep trying wildwood. Did you go to wildwood? I went wildwood, I went wildwood. Wildwood's crazy. Wildwood's, it's even more like,

party atmosphere than like in the 80s. Really? Oh yeah, there's some roughs. Good times. Some rough patches in that book. And there's some people there's there's some like thugs. No, I don't mean in a bad way. I mean there's guys like there's a party atmosphere going on there. Okay, so it's a good time. Well, if you're if you're under like 50. Yeah, but if you're over 50, you're just like this. Oh, we just missed the cutoff That for me I don't know

Sounds fun to me. It's a little bit loud and there's fights. Oh really? Yeah, I so we saw two fights You happen right on the boardwalk. Oh shit And what they wear masks? No, nobody was wearing masks Nobody was wearing masks. Nobody was wearing masks. And nobody. Human race. Where you guys, or did you guys say fuck it too? Because I never wear that outside. Is that fucking hot out?

Yeah, right. It was so hard to wear a mask. At a point I was like, fuck it. How many flights did you get into? But the beaches are so far, like, to get to the water. Oh, yeah, it's like a labor. It's like a mile away Yeah, she could she has a COPD Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so she can't really make it and So I had to push her I had to push her around and a wheelchair for the better part of the whole vacation

I know my arms look out though. I'll be like oh, I'm pretty good man I know my arms look out though. I'll be like oh I'm pretty good man. Yeah I was like, it was 99 degrees and it's pushing it through the sand in a wheelchair. Oh man, you owe me big time I was looking at my wife and I was like, I'm gonna

fuck and come back looking for a little payback for this. That is rough. It was tough. You got that comic book, my money sitting around. Why don't you get an electric wheelchair? I told my wife that. Can we please just go rent one of these rascals? Because Jazzy is who she is.

She's like, I'll look into it. And so, like, every day, as the trip was on, on a panna, so I was like, did you look into it? Yeah, look into it today. Oh yeah, yeah, there's none. And I was like, you didn't even look. I know you didn't look. I know you didn't even look. Any investigation, you just want me to push it.

Yeah. You don't, you think I'm 30 still? I'm not. No, I didn't think that. Yeah. But you think it's weird. Like, why wouldn't you just do it? I have no idea.

I think she was scared off by the fact that, like, you know, it was probably going to be more than you would think. Yeah. Still the word word you're talking about in the blazing heat. Like you got to go up these ramps to get on to these these. And it's boards, right? So it's not easy. Yeah, so I like I said, look like Kony on the wheel of death

Yeah, let's beg down here too, and I'm just like look at look lunatics like this lobster roll I'm just like lunatics like this lobster roll Lobster roll. Oh, oh my god. It smells like a dumpster. Well hold on hold on I don't know that I love Jersey Shore lobster roll, but you're gonna Restorant they put together a nice fucking lobster roll. Okay, so there was a Rita's tiny nice place right next door to a lobster roll place. Yeah, so all you're doing is your your senses are assaulted by the lobster roll You can't even enjoy the Italian ice, you know, it was just like a wasted It's $7 for a fucking Italian ice. Jesus. Can't imagine a lobster all costs then you'll get a 20 bucks

It's fucking cold, right? A lobster It's fucking cold, right? A lobster roll. Uh, I've, you didn't have one too long. I think I've had it warm, but it's been a lobster roll. The last few years? Three on the drive down here. When we shoot in places that have lobsters all over. Yeah. I used to.

My cholesterol, now I think we'll preclude. Oh, they're high cholesterol? They take the bun and they soak it in butter, then they then they just grill it a little bit. So yeah, we mean I didn't see no bread and what I saw. What do you think the road is? It looks like a frozen piece of like fish meat on a stick. No, that's not a lobster roll. Maybe I saw, why me what I saw was a lobster roll.

No, definitely not. It looks like a frozen piece of... No. Oh, no wonder why you think this doesn't... Well, you wouldn't like it anyway. You love lobster roll. You love lobster roll. They take a hot dog bun or something like it. They soak it in butter, not all the way through, but they soak it in butter, then they

grill that. And then they put the lobster meat on top of that, or like a bettolettis and some sauce and stuff like that. It's fucking great. Mmm. If you're into lobster. Mmm, yeah. How much does that go for a lobster roll? Uh, usually, I think... and some sauce and stuff like that. It's fucking great. Mm-hmm. If you're into lobster. Yeah.

How much does that go for a lobster roll? Uh, usually, I think, man, I've been in those stupid fucking super fancy restaurants where a lobster rolls like 50 bucks, but no, no, they get them like 20, 20 bucks. Yeah, I think Panera Bread has them seasonally. They're like $18. Mm-hmm. If you're into lobster rolls. Mm-hmm.

Lobsters high in, eating, right? It has that reputation, yeah. Yeah, never seen a standout that sold it though. That was one of the things that I took a photo of. The fish meat and unofficial stick. We stopped at an aquarium on the boardwalk and wildwood. And I thought it was so fucked up is that you can buy live fish to feed to piranhas. Really? Yeah. I thought it was so fucked up as it's like you know like I saw like parents with their children running over and buying these gold fish so that their kids can drop them into tank so they can watch the piranhas rip them to shreds.

Did you watch it? I don't want to watch that. Yeah, I was like, that's, I don't know if I'm just getting older or but. That's weird. I know you want to watch fights. I don't want to watch. I don't want to watch. I don't want to watch. In case it spills over and I'm fucking, you know, and I don't know what he learned from all the time. I'm like, mother-in-law. All right, yeah, got to spaghetti arms. Yeah. Oh, no. I could barely lift them off my pockets. They're so tired. Why did you get that rascal?

Yeah, but I thought that was strange, though, that that's like something that was a hit at this fucking shitty ass aquarium you want to I mean it was as low rent aquarium. It used to be like you would like you could buy what are the hermacrab some shit down a wild with that was a big thing. Oh yeah you could do that. I painted shells. I'd be like sponge bob painted on the shell. Every other stand you could buy a Hormacrab cage that comes out of free Hormacrab. Right. And the big thing, I mean, they're still trying to blow out all the Fortnite shirts down and whilst. Apparently it's not sellable. That's obviously helped. But another shirt that I saw everywhere and I'm just like, who the fuck is wearing this shirt? It says I'm not gay But $20 every

Like we went down we are in a teens we everywhere shirt like that we come back Like I get it supposed to be a joke, but it's like how did you know it? How do you know that joke? How do I know? I've seen the shirt on the boardwalk. I saw the shirt on the boardwalk. They saw him in New Orleans too. They're all on with the play.

They've never seen it before until this trip. That's popular? I mean, it had to be. It's at every stand. It's like the thing they put out. To lower people in. That's how to Lord. One win, man. That's the selling. That's how they're gonna draw you in. For real men, it doesn't occur to us to prostitute

ourselves for $20. I just don't know like. No, I trust to myself for way more than $20, but trust me, you're gonna do it. Let's mount the stretch down. I have to reckon with myself at one point in my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Yeah, but they and the shirts are so chinsy looking.

It's just like the worst font. Oh, they're shit. And then if you buy one, I found out like years ago when I went there, it's like, okay, you got your shirt. Now the lettering's extra. Oh, you don't want that lettering to come off the first time you wash it. We got to put this special plastic shit over it. You know what T-shirts like 60 bucks. And they're all like, Gil Dan's from like the late 80s.

Oh, the back supply of Gil Dan, yet how the fuck did they, I mean, they only stay in business because they're the fucking like wall. The cheapest, the cheapest shirt on the planet. Yeah. I heard recently they branched out and have a second line for people who want shirts that actually look like a shirt. Yeah, but you'll dance just the fucking there disaster. Yeah, like one wash your like, was this a shirt? What do you guys think? What are you guys printing?

No, no, no, no, shit out, kill. Oh, no. Oh, no. You gotta cut that out, kill. I don't know. I'm not gonna. No, you're like, sit out, kill. Ah! Yes! Oh no! Ah! I got to cut that out, kill. I don't know. I'm not really good at it.

Jack, you gotta remove that. No, that's a new line that I'm saying. Oh man, that's the high end, that's the high end, that's the high end, that's the high end, that's the high end, that's the casual mirror, gildan. Just... Ah! Ah!

Ah! I know that you're not on Instagram. Well, you don't really go on there that much. If you had though, I've never been on here. I don't even know how to get to it. You have? How did you do Lili's French if you didn't? You never went on. Oh, you never went to even look?

Well, he showed it to me, but I don't know how to get to it. It was just Instagram.com. No, it's an app. I mean, you could go to Instagram.com, I guess. But yeah, it's an app. It's, you know, like's an app. I mean you could go to Instagram.com. I guess but yeah, it's an app. It's you know like Twitter whatever But if you had been into it and you you followed Q like I do you would see He's the the modern-day doctor Q little every time you turn around he's dealing with mice. He's dealing with baby squirrels

No air conditioning. I read the mice chewed through my air conditioning Really I saw that I was like mother tried a circuit board so so now I have traps around my air conditioning unit outdoor and I catch them and I release them in a nearby park what happened to all the fucking thousands of cats you got they're in door cats all this mouse was outside yeah yeah yeah okay even my lazy lazy bastards would let a mouse go inside the house, but, uh, yeah, so they're outdoor. They're like field mice. Uh, so I got those traps and I just released them in the park. Why do they chew wires? Well, you go to the central park. No, no, no,

public park. Uh, by park, I mean my trash can. I just flush him. Where it could make like crush films, you know? No, no. Thanks bud. How much does that run you, a repair job of that magnitude? Oh, that was, I know that exact number. It was 600 and so much. Is that an emergency call?

Because it's so hot out. Like you got to get here quick, yo. Well, the problem. Yo I'm proud It's me big cute. I got mouse in my house My wife no because they had the order a circuit board. I had to I had a week of Broiling you had to go week. Why don't you call it different dude? Because they ordered it they just ordered the part. Because I have a, that's a whole thing.

Like I have a contract with this company that comes and do it. But the company, I think I have Mitsubishi air conditioner, they were like, yeah, it takes a week to get them out. What happens if, what happens if you are an elderly? And you, and, oh, you could die. I agree. You should have read them the fucking riot act I'm not doing that because they say you know it takes two weeks

What what's going on? Why isn't the whole I can't even get caught as well, you mean? I can't say. It was my office and my basement, the, the, the areas that I work. So I went out so I couldn't, you can't have Ben you're in cat in that office with no air condition. You fucking love it. So you could spend seven days with no air conditioning really though, right?

You remained where, and other parts of the house that were cool. Why don't, why don't, why Why do people need to embellish? Why do people need to embellish? Yes or no? Yes or no? It's a very simple question. Did you remain without AC for seven consecutive days without ever stepping in air condition? On one system. You know some of it bleeds over and to one fan and you can blow it into that all

Yeah, get him fucking gave me the 411 Oh, no, I'm one one all right on that you like oh you have no fucking AC on the hottest day of the year And I was like oh man, I feel bad for him But it apparently it was just a fucking closet that didn't have a seat His walk in closet that's bigger than my house see his walk-in closet that's bigger than my house this is true not enough feeling sorry for me lately all this covid shit's distracting them hundreds of thousands of people have died go I want to see for an hour

No, but even noticed I better alert them That is a little weird It's not okay. It's could you retweet this? It's not weird. I'll tell you exactly what's going on I caught the mouse. I finally caught the mouse and I put it on and I released a clove like spark I just but everyone I was feeling sorry for you because I was like, I said to Mary Beth, I was like, holy fuck, it's so hot out, Q's air conditioning just went,

assuming it wasn't just the ones on. Yeah, but you can, you can just text me. Like, I think if you could make it to the phone. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know about it.

I was gonna choose through the telephone line. I told Gary to bring it up. I didn't bring this up. You guys were just shit up. I didn't talk about my air conditioning. You guys, I told get of this one. Why don't you take it right up there? See if you can fix it. How many?

I hope you can leave work and go. How many circuit boards do you have? Don't go. I said, go and see what you can do. You got a tool. You got a toolbox and have fucking Jeep. Go help them out. Yeah, but why wouldn't you just,

but, but it's not like if you guys were talking to me, I'd be like, holy shit, the air gun is things out. And then to get the part was a little like 70. Now, do you feel though that like you're, were you happy with the service that it takes that long to, uh, or were you like, maybe I look at a different service now? No, because it wasn't like they were, they had to order the part. Nobody would have this part on hand.

Well, ain't this place a geographical out of you. So they have to order from five days remember. So they had the order. Did they overnight it? I mean, you'll mix a beach. She didn't have the part. Oh, they have to make it? I don't know how bits of it.

They got to make it for fucking scratch. They didn't have it in stock. We're in the middle of a pandemic. They don't have the stock. Do it yourself. Circuit board kit. They sent to them. I mean, we live in a world where things can come fucking overnight. You think I don't fucking know that? Especially, yeah, especially if you're in a position of prominence. I'm not in a position of prominence. One, two, like we're just like everything's backed up. You couldn't be got fucking toilet paper recently.

That was it early on. I think that has definitely subsided that. Is it? That's like a white my ass now. Yeah, I think the toilet paper shortage has definitely subsided. And we're definitely in an era of where flush with toilet paper Don't need any more toilet paper. What aren't we flush with? You know what? Graham crackers

For some reason there's a grain shortage I had to go on Twitter the other day. I'm looking for Graham crackers Thankfully, thankfully cousin Helen was a cousin Helen was able to get me a box You're going to the internet to like for two to look for Graham crackers Yeah, they're not in any of the three stores. I went to oh, yeah You should have went on Twitter for a circuit board I Fixed in there, because why am I involved in this at all? I don't really think there's a real graham cracker shortage though, right? I think the grain like the type of grain they use must be insured

Must be whatever they were supposed to be a beef shortage? Yeah, never did. Never did material. There was a couple of days where Wendy's didn't have burgers I saw, but it kind of like came and went with no real. It's weird how some things really catch on. And then other things are like, like nobody really panicked over the meat shit.

People did panic over the toilet paper though. I never saw a meat shortage. Yeah beef. Predicted a beef shortage. I didn't notice that. Yeah, because I guess there was a lot of COVID in the slaughterhouses. You know what? Because I went to the butcher one time and there was a limit because people were trying to stock up. It was like one day, yeah, like hamburger, meat and shit, that kind of stuff. What about this squirrel? Now you're catching squirrels? Went for a walk and in the lying in the gutter was a baby squirrel, less about a week old.

And he was drunk. He wasn't drunk. He was in the street and I tried playing YouTube videos of baby squirrels calling for their mother because I read that like, if you play that, the mother will hear it and come I thought you're gonna say you play chip and Dale fucking videos Yeah

Right The one with dial back that he really wants that popcorn This is the one where Donald Duckett, he really wants that popcorn, it's shipping down to the fucking gover. When shipping down, we're wearing fucking, one of those things, those thumb things, like, thumbtacks, or not thumbtacks with thimbles. Thimbles? It's top hats and fucking two pieces. There's cane, dance, and jettie fucking. I got this girl.

That's funny, cuz mine's, I'm like, look, watch rescue ranger. Let's check this shit out. Were you afraid of him? Like, I might get a disease? You're very germphobic. No, I picked them up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Is that you? Oh my God, you're feeding them?

Yeah, I got goat's milk and fed them goat's milk. Oh my gosh. That doesn't even look like a squirrel. So they make that bald little, they make that noise. Oh, you put them in water or you put them in water for because you have to stimulate they don't pee or poop You have to stimulate them. Yeah, so we so we heard that's what I had to do with kids one time. Yeah, I took our very small kittens I need to take a Cottonball and rub their butt. Yeah, so you're raising this to be your personal

I wish that would be sweet. I got them to a vet, local vet, who has a minute incubator for the week until he's able to like kind of live on his own ground week. Why, what do you think, Abby? I think you just fell out of the nest. Oh, no, he's not a bird, right? Could be anything. Sorry, squirrels birds.

Could be anything. We, I waited a long time, man. I, like, after, we, because this is a procedure, like that you can do, you're supposed to not pick them up at all, right? But if the mother doesn't come by dusk it's gonna die because squirrels apparently a dust just shut down for the night Plus a raccoon would eat them right? Yeah, and we I have a hawk near my house and sit like that so I So I waited and then I was I left my phone there playing the noise Hopefully the mother would hear it. She never did so then I took took the little guy in and then my vet was like,

yeah, we got an incubator. We could put him in. That was it. So now they're going to incubate him. And then there's a woman on Staten Island who's the squirrel whisper. And she's going to take it over. Yeah. Yeah. When she whispers, is it like, that's it sound like that? I don't know. Yeah. But yeah, a lot of, I don't think she'll ever gain the fucking notoriety of a fucking Caesar that dog whisper. No, no. No, no.

It's just something about it. You know, dogs just, I guess, appeal to more people than. Well, people, I mean, in general, do people like squirrels? Like, I, I, I, I, I, I lodged you for saving a squirrel, a baby squirrel, because he's so helpless helpless and I would want to do the same thing But it's like ultimately it's like we got enough squirrels sure enough squirrels out there Right, but you still feel compelled to save one it's a helpless little baby. Yeah, and I yeah, I like squirrels Brian night and go I'll take it. Yeah, I don't know. I've always liked them. So yeah

So that they should name that squirrel like it should get in a queue and like when they're gonna put it out into the wilder has to go into a zoo set No, no, you could release them into the wild they actually can't really be domesticated like there's one or two instances Or someone will have a YouTube video of that, but for the most part I've learned a lot about squirrels in the last few days and they can't be domesticated But can they go out like can they without being taught by like its mother or father, like the rules, the way of the wild, like, can it? Don't get run over.

Yeah, thanks. And it like survivors, it immediately just going to be like, oh, fuck. A hawk is like, really? I'm just going to fucking dip my ass in water. Oh, you can't even take a shit. What the fuck's going on? My bottom is dry. I think it's all instinct. I think they just know.

Yeah. It was fun having a little baby squirrel. How long have you had before? It's just one night. Yeah. Oh, just one night. Yeah. Does it make you want more baby animals?

No. No. Did you want to find more baby animals in distress? Not at all. But if it wasn't at distress though, what if it was just baby animals that, you know, that you don't have to like care for 24 or 7? No, I don't want them in my house. No.

No. What animal wouldn't you have picked up if it was a baby? Like a bird. There's some dangerous shit. Oh, yeah, don't pick up. Anything that could have a flu. I probably would have picked up. I probably would have picked up. Oh I probably mean just what are you saying?

What I would I not physically touch? Yeah, like you're walking you find like you know, baby raccoon a baby pass them a baby snake Turtle yeah, a little turtle gets in a seminella on you well, I picked up a turtle I dropped the turtle and cloboakes part last year that I found in the road. Oh, yeah You get a show in animal planet, bro. Yeah, why not? I'll do it. You really? I mean, are you good at whispering at any of these animals? Yeah. You doesn't have to. I think that's the that's the appeal. He doesn't know what he's doing. Animals don't like animals. No matter how much you whisper. It's just me, uh, show about me trying to get animals to piss and shit about me. been there in this, it's so, my God, little guy. I'd watch at least one episode of it.

Yeah, so what I, there are so many shows now about fat people. I thought that like, after the whole George Floyd thing were like, all right, now we're not gonna do any shows that exploit people with like cops and the PD, live PD and all that other shit. So I started wondering like, well, what other show? Like, cause they're all exploiting somebody,

like the reality shows, but they have not slowed down on the fat shows. There's a show. Should I do? I don't know. There's a show called Thousand Pound Sisters. There's another show called, you know, the,

there's another show. The, my 600 pound life. And then there's another one that's like about a big fat family. No, the thousand pound sisters I think are new. They're so, they're so grotesque. Like it's, it's unbelievable. Well, it's to you, but I think there's a lot of guys who are into that though. You think there's a big population that likes like a big woman.

Yeah, I mean, these guys are big, big though. I mean, real big. I mean, I remember, I remember seeing one of those shows and the girls are so leery of these guys because they're so, all they're really into is, and they're always real thin too. These big, big people. And they say they gotta watch out for them

because they're, they're, they're not really, they don't care about the person. They just care about the figure. I guess that's what women of all stripes deal with. I can show you a little, just a little bit of it. That's very accurate, I bet you. Yeah, that was. Yeah. They fart a lot and burp a lot.

Okay, you see enough. There's a big girl. They're like probably house-redding, right? No, they can walk around and shit. Yeah, so they go out and do stuff. I don't only watch a little bit of it, but I didn't not understand the draw. I just don't understand the draw of those shows. Well, they're really in their early, their late 20s early 30s,

those girls. Is are they in a journey to, to maybe lose weight, though? Is that the, uh, to maybe lose weight though, is that the narrative of the show? Yeah, I think that they want to lose weight. Okay. Well, and that can also motivate people and help people who... They're trying to qualify for that bariatric surgery. I guess the band on their stomach. Yeah, that's right. They want to pursue their dreams.

It says here. What's called inspire? Family by the ton, that's the name of the other one. And by the ton? Yeah, and it's about a whole fat family. I guess it's like a genetic fat family. Yeah, I don't know, man. I remember.

I don't know, what are they gonna do? You know, you see the opposite of the fat family. I don't know. What are they going to do? You know what I'm saying? People that are too like, like, skeletonly thin, all right? You know, really, she sees shows like that though. You don't see shows, it's because it's, I think it's more, it's regarded as more of a disorder than just being fat. Like having anorexia or a bulimia, like as so many younger girls have it, so many younger girls have body image problems, that it's treated more seriously because fat

people are just like you're out of control. Just fucking slow down on the fucking anorexia? Yeah, it's much more rare though, it's usually females, I guess. But it's just, I think, not regarded as like the side show that being fat is, you know. Because they just can't exploit it, because it's just an illness, I guess, like a mental illness, or regarded as such, you know. I don't know.

What do I know? About thousand pound sisters. What I do know is that... That's the segue if I ever't know. What do I know? About 1000 pound sisters. What I do know is that, uh, that's a segue if I ever heard that. That was not one of them. I'm the one. Is it if the 1000 pound sisters want to shop for life insurance? What they need to know is how much coverage they need. What insurance companies best for them?

What should it cost? Not, I'm sure not the one we're pimping right now. I don't even know who it is But I'm sure though some in life insurance places probably would Use that as a way to not cover them. Oh, I'd say so. Yeah, you think so. Oh, yeah Against the law though. I don't think so. I mean Preexisting condition preexisting condition plus like I remember like use couldn't get insurance because he was messed up for a little while. Like sometimes if actors are screwed up enough, they won't ensure them because they're afraid they're going to die on setter. They're all drugged out and shit. So I imagine the same would go for somebody who's this heavy set, you know.

Like that's that's that is the same as like a disease or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think insurance companies shouldn't be for profit? I would like to see that because I can't get shit covered. I mean, I think that's one thing that they probably should do is not make insurance for profit. It's like, I don't understand. I mean, I just don't understand how you have this. I'm sure one we're pimping right now isn't it?

It's a four-profit organization. No, they don't like money. And they're not even insurance company, actually. They let you come onto their website and you can find all kinds of different insurances, you compare them, and aggregate. Oh, OK. Yeah, so as a life insurance marketplace

backed by a team of experts, policy geniuses, keeping track of all the changes in the markets you don't have to. They'll find the right amount of coverage at the best possible price without the headache You must have some life insurance right? Kick the bucket. I have no idea. Yeah, you got a you must I might not your wife's pretty I don't think she wants to think about it. So we don't so we don't bother with it. Oh That seems like it'll work in the long run Policy genius compares quotes from the top of life insurance. Yeah, like, what do you

care? In fact, I don't want them to have money because they're just going to use it to like, like, like, maybe I'll move in a fucking guy. So I'm young, do spend a lot of death money, spend in my death money, probably buying a car, yeah, you know, sleeping in my bed. It takes just a few minutes to compare quotes from the top insurers to find your best price and this doesn't just save a lot of legwork. You could save 1500 or more a year by using policy genius to compare life insurance policies. Once you apply the policy genius team will handle all the paperwork and red tape for free.

So if you hit any speed bumps during the application process, they'll be there to take care of everything. So if you need life insurance and you're not sure where to start, head togenius.com. Policygenius will find you the best rate and handle the process completely. They'll get you and your family protected and hopefully give you one less thing to worry about. Try it today. Here you have life insurance for the cats, right? Okay, so you can choose to try. Well, in my will I have stipulations for the cats. Yep. Any humans are just cats and squirrels. No, a lot of humans are covered. But the cats are the only ones that have very specific rules laid out.

You can't tell anybody like if you have a human in your will, you probably shouldn't tell them, right? Yeah, well you don't know what my brother is. You're a trink. You never know man, I see crazy shit on the ID channel all the time. Dad, not my brothers know my brother's a prank you never know man. I see crazy shit on the ID channel That's not my brothers my brother's a fucking solid. No, trust your brother. So I do yeah, yeah Yeah, I like my brothers If you're gonna like to pick one who is like he's the Judas

He's the one who tried to get me for my life insurance. Oh, man. That's a great question I don't think either what I'm gonna do it on there any question. I don't think either what I'm gonna do it on there on there any circumstances. I don't think either my brothers would screw me over. That's pretty good. Yeah, they're good guys. Is that a concern too? Well, maybe you don't want to you don't want to have to worry about somebody making sure that you meet your maker a little bit earlier than you might. No, I don't ever really think about death. Really? I think about it constantly now.

I only think about other people's death. Yeah, like with Glee or... No, I just wonder if they're still alive because we watch a lot of old TV. Right. So seemingly all day long, I wonder out loud, is that person still alive? I do that too. I'm like, I'll be be like that person is definitely dead that dog is definitely dead The show is old enough. Yeah, I wonder why though. Yeah, and then you look it up and sometimes you're like Like I said, you're wrong. I'm your nut like Tommy Manacotti from the honeymooners

I looked him up the other night and he just died. He was probably 12 in like 1954 or something. And he was, what was that character was he? He showed up every once in a while. Like he passed the counterfeit money. There was a point where Ralph found a whole brief case full of money that turned out to be counterfeit and he was like spending it like a big way and he gave Tommy Manacotti some to go.

I remember Tommy Manacotti. Yeah, he's in it like a couple times. Just do you think if you went back in time, you had a time machine and you went back to the set of the honeymooners and you told everybody on the cast, your show will still be on in 2020 in fucking prime time sometime. What would their reaction be? There will be marathons of this show and it's not even that many episodes with 39 you're a total 39 not a lot of episodes but like it's crazy that it's still on to this day somewhere in the world the hunting winners is on

yeah well I bought the the blu-rays because we put them on at night just like yeah like I'm on on the iPad or something, I'll put, I love the show. It's so fucking solid. Because sometimes you sit there and you watch it because you know, they're doing a front of a live audience and you're like, how long before they break? Like how long before they cut that camera and it's like, how the fuck are they this good?

Like it's, it's, I mean, it's like a play almost. But the acting is like, you're just like, how are they able to do this? How are they able to remember this much? Pro's the old pros how much better can the quality be of a blue ray though then? Show that was shot on film right yeah, so they could probably strike it from the negative. Yeah, so it looks pretty good Damn, I know some was shot on video. I remember this like- I think a later one. Yeah, there's some, but I know it was shot on a black and white film early on.

So you could probably make that look really good if you have the originals. And if you watch like the very early stuff with the original Alice, it sucks. It's so different. Have you ever when they colorized it in the 80s? Yeah. Why, how bad was that at the colorization? I've yet to see anything

that I'm like this is made better. I'm watching it with soldiers. I like doing it in color. Was that originally black and white? I didn't know that. Yeah, it's like 1929. Oh, was it that old? Oh shit. I didn't know it was that old. Oh yeah. It does look pretty good. It has that technicolor look to it. Oh yeah, it has a very like, um, surreal kind of dreamy look to it. The color, the color, none of the colors look natural. Right. That matches the content. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But something like the honey motors, though, you, you, you're brought out of what you're watching because the color is so bad. So jarring. It's funny because like now that release

some movies in black and white, and they look pretty good. Like Logan, the last X-Men one, they have Logan noir, which is just a black and white and they look pretty good like Logan the last X-Men one they have Logan noir which is just a black and white version and I actually like watching it in that version more yeah the mist did that too the mist did but it didn't help that movie I think I think I'm like on one of these anniversary releases should release clerks a colorized version as long as it's that March of the Wooden Soldiers type of coloring. He should do that. That would be a historical. It's got to be easier to do now, right? At this stage, I mean, you know, it has to be easier than it was in the 80s.

I mean, you saw what he did on reboot. Like within the camera, he made you guys all black and white and Jay and Bob run through in color. Like they did it in camera at the time. So it can't be that hard. People are just, that would be, that should be a lot more involved.

Oh, sure, but I'm just saying like, that would be a way to get, like, you know, that would be a cool thing to do for an anniversary. Yeah. Well, when's the next anniversary, 2024, I guess? Yeah. Right.

30 years. That's when you start thinking like, it's just like 95 it's like 95 wasn't that long ago it's like oh yeah it was like I was watching Casino the other day I'm like this movie is fucking 30 years old man that's that's crazy that is crazy yeah shit that you went to see in theaters and it doesn't seem that long ago, but it was. I riled some people last week or last episode, well, you thought that maybe some people may not like you're talking about God. I didn't hear one people about that.

No, I needed it. The skateboarders are riled up. They're mad at me. I didn't. I didn't know skateboarders were so touchy, especially the female ones. Well, I mean, they're not touching because like you did in their periods. You didn't negate them before they haven't said anything. They probably would have been touchy. I don't they were touching. I don't like I don't like the idea of skateboarders being mad at me because they always like you always see them hitting people with the skateboard, you know. They don't just beat you up. They hit you with their skateboards. It's just something that's like in a jester but I don't I don't want to sound stupid but I've always wondered this. Yeah. If a girl is doing something some sort of activity and gets injured

while she's what you said, is she at more at risk for bleeding the death? Oh like if she cuts her arm? Yeah. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Like, like, like, though it may be that, you know, I don't think you suddenly turn into he must be like that just because you're on the reg. All right.

I was just wondering. You never know though. Um, so yeah, so I guess I have to issue an blanket apology. Really? It's these skateboarders, yeah. They're a rough crowd. You know, I got you back in most situations, but it did seem a rather unnecessary swipe.

You had no skin in the game whatsoever. No, nobody was bringing it up and talking about it. Then you just started ripping it into the... Yeah, they taught me to mine my pees and cues. I gotta watch my back now. Stay in your lane. I know. Huh?

These rebels are in your sidewalk surfboards. I don't know, I don't even know what my lane is. It used to be like, swarvin' all over the place. Yeah. I'm just not sure. Maybe it's the shoulder. Yeah. It's broken down.

Yeah, it's broken down. It's the exit ramp of life. Yeah, here I go. This has to be the third act, right? Oh, yeah. Deep into it now. No, not deep into it. It's just starting. Just starting here. Oh, it has to be the third act, right? Oh, yeah deep into it now. Yeah, not deep into starting just starting What you would say how to great start 2020? Well, it's not your fault. That's true

I would say you still you have till 60 I think you're still in the middle. Yeah Because 50s and 40 but if he starts it now, he starts this is this final act He has time to really make the final act like fucking like a triumphant fucking return from you know Right the first two eggs If you tell me until he's till 60 to start you might not have the energy or the or the oh I'm saying start now But he I would think he turned around his life a few years back You you know that he's doing spectacular now Well, I mean for the rest of like like do things that like impress all the all the people who like oh my god

Did that guy from cockle couldn't did what he wrote the great American novel? Oh he wrote a play? Oh he fucking choreographed the fucking musical He robbed the laundromat choreograph the fucking musical. You robbed the laundromat. I thought about something that like, you know, like that lives beyond when he's gone. Yeah, so the things I haven't done so far are not indelible. What the fuck else do I need to do?

Well, you think that thousands of hours of podcasting, hundreds of hours of TV. To the people who know you and listen to you, yeah, that's solid fucking contribution. I'm talking about to the people who only still remember you vaguely front compliment, right? I would be the belong beard. Mm-hmm. The asshole. He did what? Right. That's what you know. I got to like cure COVID or something. No, you're thinking, wait, you're always too big? Yeah. Yeah. I can't cure a curve, so I won't do nothing. Fuck it then. your curve or something. Fuck it then. That's true. I do shoot big, but fall short. What so what level then? Write a fucking letter. I did have an idea for some memoirs. That's some memoirs. Yeah, well, when you write that, I can continue until I'm

like 60, right? With what? With the memoirs, I just keep going. I have some, because I don't really, I don't have a lot of stories now. Like if Kevin were like, hey, let's do a wide bribe, I'd be like, I mean, I have old shit, but I don't really do anything. Hardly leave the house. I trick sage today into thinking her chucky doll moved.

That's usually what I do. Uh, look, man, maybe wide bribe just in the past. Uh's usually what I do. Look, man, maybe Y.Bright just in the past, made such a feature. Yeah, you're mature now. You don't want to be just known as the guy who like fucking and who made everybody go get a gas that you're fucking tails of the bottery. And I don't know that was that reaction.

I thought that was impressed. Well, I'd like to watch you do this. It's a fuck some matter with you. I guess you're right. Yeah, I mean, now you've matured and you're seasoned and you're family man almost. Yeah, oh, yeah. We're at a great flashpoint for society. It's nice to see Brian Johnson pivot along with the rest of the world

into novel and what is it? You're gonna write your memoirs. Do them what writing? That would be great. It'd be like fucking something that stands right alongside Anne Frank's diary. Yeah. Oh yeah. Brian Johnson's memoirs. Call it here's why. No, I already have the title. Oh, yeah, we have. What was it again? Now I forgot it. Oh no, it's Brian Johnson, slow burn to awesomeness.

I've gotta give you that, that's the kind of one. Who wouldn't read that? Yeah, I would. I don't know if I'm gonna talk. It's my unauthorized autobiography. What's that? When we volumes, you think it would happen, you would need to tell the... Oh, I think just one.

Just one. Yeah, lots of pictures. Yeah, but you could go fucking rowling and fucking want to fucking make more... Starvation fun of trans people. I don't know. I've done that already. Yeah, I start, you know... It's not going to get you a volume, too.

Yeah, you want to add volumes to the fucking to your To your library. That's true. It could be like the canterbury tells you know All right, that's what I'm gonna shoot for you're like don't shoot too high I like how about you should do fucking six seven volumes of your life We'll start with one I mean you know what the fucking journey begins with what you know one little step. Yeah, that's true No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, best seller fuck you right? Oh yeah I'm on the top 10 of New York time I don't care who the fuck I'm right about sell out anyone. You you should you should do it. That that show all those motherfuckers who fucking who thought you were just on the you were just the the grump on compliment the beard guy who fucking yeah the ones who thought I was just suckling a kev's teeth Yeah, I don't know that I'll prove them wrong by my writing

You're a fucking Top seller on the best sellers list that I'd have to be happy, right? multi-award winning Yeah more than one award, huh? Like the way this is sounding. Yeah. All right, I'll do it. All right, fuck it. Why not send it over?

Would you start off with the kill shade? I was born in a log cabin. Um, probably not. Uh, I think I would have a couple things to say. There we go. A couple things to say. A couple things to say about a childhood though, here and there. No, yeah, I'm sure.

And then I then, you know, I get to the point where I meet people. I mean, what, Flanagan fifth grade? Talk about that stuff. I wouldn't tie it too close to that stuff though. No? Yeah, nobody cares about meeting me. Nobody cares.

Like I'll tell you what, you want to connect and you want to make it in the real world. More universal? Yeah, you got to make it more, like, you got to connect with people emotionally on a level that you haven't connected so far with the... You have with Phil and Steve Dave? I'm not sure you have the capability, but you can try it. You want to try to like, you want to try to like, branch out and hit a more wider market. So don't curse a lot. I mean, if I'm telling

stories about that last relationship, I think they're going to be horrified. That's not the wide audience. They might be best to leave that out. Really? That's like, that's over a decade. That's what people like identify with. They're like, oh my god, yeah, I remember dealing with stuff like that. Decade of people like identify with you're like, oh my god. Yeah, I remember dealing with stuff like that Mm-hmm. Nobody's dealt with shit like that Yeah, people ask me like what went on with that? I'm just like since she's not around to defend yeah I don't really you know, that's why I don't really talk about it on the show on the podcast, but

There was a lot. Yeah, there was I mean mean, you know, you both, you guys know. You don't have to ever say your real name though in the books. No, people in the home talking about, your name's Susan. Just. Just. Just. Just.

Just. How would you like this, Walt? Can you imagine that you get the coronavirus, right? And then you're in the hospital and you become delirious, uninhibited, and highly aroused when you're placed on anti-psychotic medication because you're going crazy. These people think it was a dormant case of bipolar disorder in this guy. So he starts case of bipolar disorder in this guy. So he starts confessing all this shit to his wife. He confessed to numerous hither-ro- hither- oh sorry, he confessed to numerous hither-to- undisclosed homosexual encounters and other sexual behaviors described as uncharacteristic by his wife.

He obsessively wrote down every personal interaction and bodily sensation and found the experience liberating. So, me, this guy go crazy to the point where he started confessing to shit. Well, was it a fever dream? In a delirium. Well, it doesn't seem like it was a dream, it seemed like it was true. But, like, something, some sort of, like,

psychotic episode in his head went off because it's disperred by this corona. And he just started like, went to like almost a manic face. That would be terrifying though, like, you know, like you can't, you don't have control of what you say to your wife. Right.

I watched HBO's Real Sex. Yeah. It was a 96. It was a 996. It was a 96. You were asleep. It wasn't just came on after. Real 610.

Yeah. It was a 10 was the worst one. Oh, they sucked. They're all terrible. Taxi cab confessions, I like. I don't know why they stop doing that. It's a invasion of privacy, right? Yeah, but you had to sign something afterwards.

Because remember, Gwen, remember Gwen Turner. She was friends with Kevin. She was in Go Fish, that movie Go Fish. It was around the same time as Clarkson, remember Gwen? The name rings a bell, but I don't know. She was in it, she was in one of those taxi cabs. Let's try as they haven't brought that back yet for like a reformatted and for today's audience.

Yeah. Well today's audience needs a lot more probably. They need like Crazy shit to be spoken about in the back of the cab, you know they Rusted their tensions, you know immediately are on this something else It would have to also be like uber confessions right because hardly anybody takes a taxi now Would you be upset if your doctor wore a bikini

Maybe not while she was inspecting you, but if she was just Wow, is it sexist that I was like why is that why would why would a dude be wearing a bikini? Well, is your doctor a dude? But if I did it would be a dude better not be wearing a bikini Wow, I Yeah, it's so weird that I didn't even think about that. That's like that joke, you know, that the, uh, there's an injured child. What and like in an accident and a doctor comes out, I cannot operate on this boy. For he is my son.

But the doctor is not their fault. The doctor isn't their father. So how could that be? Yeah. Yeah. And it's that one of those brain teasers. Yeah. I always got it right.

I always knew it was fucking. Of course she did. This file was like, what happened? I fell asleep. I remember you were the most woken fifth grade at the time. Yeah, I guess there was a study published in the Journal of Vascular Surgery and with the publicly available social media content and how it could affect future patients' physician choices.

They're like doctors don't post inappropriate attire, such as bathing suits or costumes or photos at the display alcohol and post with censored profanity or controversial opinions. It's crazy that we have to tell doctors this now, because that's what we're getting. We're getting to the age where now some, the kids who grow up in the age of posting everything. You know, wilding out. Now you guys tell doctors out of that.

It's crazy that you have to tell a doctor not to do shit like this. Not to, I mean, I don't think you should be telling it like why can a female doctor wear a bikini though? It wouldn't really post pictures of it You could say that about so many people like there's so many people that it's like why why the fuck are you compelled to post this shit? Yeah, cuz you kind of hurt your credibility though if you're like I got your thong on and you're like oh you got your thong You know thong the full name, you know, I remember that. Oh, yeah Nice there's a lot of nice references going on at this table That I always saw a wildwood you the whole and asked post you can win that a

Plane crashes on the border of Iraq and I ran where do you bury the survivors? Oh That's not I know this one You don't you it, you know, you got him. Look at him. No, you don't bury survived. Yeah, yeah, I know that. I'm literally not a proofer. I didn't want to take the joy away from you by hands, right?

Oh, okay. This lady thinks, because I'm in a hospital at 4 a.m. and if you don't think 12 mile hikes, beers and bikinis don't make me a better doctor, you're nuts. So she says I'm wearing bikinis. Oh a med student, look at this one. Who the fuck is telling? I don't know, what field is she in? She's a medical student. Oh, she doesn't know what she's going for. No, just a medical student. Look, I wouldn't hold it against anyone, but if I had my choice between a doctor that didn't post stuff like that, and one that did, I would probably go for the one that didn't.

You would go for the one that didn't, huh? Yeah. This study, it turns out, was published by shaming physicians, and it was three men who created fake social media accounts, possibly, and the study must be retracted. So there's a little bit of controversy, right? and it was three men who created fake social media accounts, possibly. And the study must be retracted. So there's a little bit of controversy. They made social media accounts to harass women?

I guess to pretend that this study was real. Who gives a shit? I don't know. I don't know. Why do people that realize we're in the middle of a pandemic? Aren't there so many things that you're like, you know that corona is still around, right guys? I'll tell you what, everything that people are talking about besides corona, I'm like, really?

Does anybody give a shit that like the baseball season and stuff like that? I love baseball, I've been watching the Yankees play and I'm loving it, but it's just like, front page top line is like it. I'm just like, how much longer is that gonna last baseball thing? Yeah, but you know,

there major like baseball is being ravaged by COVID now. I agree. I understand that they didn't go into the bubble. They didn't go into the bubble, which is the big mistake that they made. That's the Marlin's when it go in the bubble. No, man, Julie baseball didn't go into a bubble where all the teams travel to like two locations and just play games like the NBA, like the NBA, and Joe's gonna do. Yeah, you can't control, well, you can't even control in the bubble totally, but you can control a lot more in a bubble than you can, what Major League Baseball was doing, I don't know what the NFL is gonna do and then I have to go to the bubble as well.

Look for what they're paying those guys, getting the fucking bubble. Yeah, and stay there until you can come out. So you can get the fucking bubble and play the, play the 16 games you gotta play and then, and then get out of the bubble. It's a long time to stay in a bubble though, you don't get to see your family. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm, it won't be easy. It won't be easy. But maybe your family could come in the bubble with you. It's tough though, because you know, you're assuming it's almost as success as my comment about the doctor, the female doctor and the male doctor, have a meaning. Is that the, the wives don't have their own jobs to, in their own lives, to attend to. They just can't go into a bubble.

Well, husbands there. I mean, I guess if my husband's making $170 million, I'm not worried about my day job. You're a fucking part-time job done at the fucking dollar store. Yeah, I just, oh! Like, you're running the counter and hurts. You assume that they're not career-looned. You assume that they're not career-looned?

You know Tom Brady's wife makes more than he does? Doing what? Jazelle, she's a fucking... You know Tom Brady's wife makes more than he does doing what? Giselle She's a fucking the super model the super model of the ages. Yeah Like Christy Brinkley and Giselle. Yeah Christy Brinkley's she go into bubble and you have to not go onto her photo Well, I'd like to note that I never said that they have to go into the bubble I was like they can't just in that bubble girl

Like why don't you go to the bubble. I was like, they can't. You're asking that bubble girl. I was just like, why don't we go in the bubble? Yeah, but she could tell. She could run her businesses from the bubble. Oh, just how? She's how. How? She's got to go on a photo shoot. She's got to go to Facebook.

She's not still. She's got to go to the Caribbean. That's not how she's making money. Now, she's got lines of clothes and books and all this shit that she could do from the middle from the middle of the bubble. She doesn't do active modeling anymore? I don't know. I that she could do from the middle of the middle of the bubble. She doesn't do active modeling anymore? I don't know.

I thought she'd do that. But I doubt that's how she makes the majority of her money. She probably still could, right? But you know, these guys though, like you go into, let's say you go into the 16-week bubble in the NFL. Yeah. And then you make the playoffs. Yeah. It's another couple of weeks.

Yeah. How are they supposed to like take care of their needs though? Yeah, it's another couple weeks. Yeah How are they supposed to like Take care of their needs though if their wives and what and or you know, they don't have no families not there though Because effect their their field performance. I thought I thought you were an advocate though of people not Haven't hanky-panky when they're when they got their heads on straight So what if they all play the best fucking seasons? Well, I know that, well, I know that like the Bob Kraft, the owner of the Patriots, he definitely likes the guy to do the kids' freak off.

He does. So he would, he looks good for the owner. Has got to be good for the play. Well, it wasn't good for the owner. I think it's the point. That was lucky fucking hand job. He got a Super Bowl at it.

I'm talking about. I thought they were all lucky. All right, here you go. While this was as of 2018, Giselle Boonchen is still one of the highest paid models in the world according to Forbes. Oh, 18. Yeah. From 2017 to 2018, she earned $10 million.

Two years can change a lot in the model. You think she makes? That's a step down. 20 for 10 consecutive years from 2007 to 2016. She earned 17.5 million for modeling. Can you look it up? Does Jacelle make more than Tom Brady? I always heard that was a fact. Your buddy, Chrissy Teigen made 11.5 million.

She's been in some trouble recently. Why? Oh, she's catching shit for like some sort of conspiracy stuff. Oh, she's buying into against me. No, she's not buying into it, people said that she was included in some kind of child trafficking thing. Oh my God.

Yeah, that's what people do now. They accuse you of child trafficking. Okay, it's escalated to that. Yeah, Kendall Jenner, 22.5 million. Who should the fucking Tom should go into her bubble? Yeah, you're fucking right about that. And Tom's had some enough. He should be modeling too, making a fucking big money. He gets all those endorsements. Does that include his endorsements? He gets all those endorsements. Does that include his endorsements?

He didn't even make the Forbes 2018 list of high-paid, a hundred highest-paid athletes. That's a prime. How? Yeah, that's right. Get him to say, he cares so much about winning. He takes a pay cut, so that... Oh, he took a pay cut? Yeah, the Patriots can sign players that they need to win rings. And then they threw them out. No, he left. He left.

He left. He gave, he fucking gave them the boot. Where did he go? Tampa Bay. Tampa, huh? Q, you know what I was thinking? Because I'm going to miss the Joker's cruise. I was thinking about it today.

Okay. Love the Joker's cruise. Yeah. And I was thinking because I was reading it about a cruise that came back and somebody for in Australia, somebody fucked up and read that like these people who had symptoms of COVID did not have them. So the guy just like, everybody can come off the ship. So 2700 people got off and there were like 20 people who had COVID and a whole bunch

of others who had these, um, symptoms and shit. But I'm like, what if the jokers had and you have to prove that you had COVID and recovered from it, and then you can go on the cruise? Because then you would have the antibodies and shit, and you can't get sick again. I don't know how you do that. Yeah.

No, I wouldn't want to. That's not for you to figure out. You're the star. No, but I have to trust the process. And I, that's what I'm saying. I don't know what the process is. Well, you wouldn't be able to hobnob, which would probably be good.

You would like that. Well, no, I wouldn't because like the thing about the hobnobbing is it's, when people are paying that much money for the cruise, you got a hobnob. We'll just take a paint cut like Tom. But then who, oh, so charged, so maybe the cruise is only 600 bucks, but no hobnok.

Oh, yeah, I don't think you're getting those top tier prices these days. There was a room on a recent cruise in the Haven for like a thousand bucks. The Haven? Yeah. So that's how bad things have gotten. I think I'm cruised out.

I think I'm okay not, not doing any more cruises. It's too much work. I don't want to work anymore I just a lot of work for you guys. Yeah, I do enjoy them, but Everything becomes work eventually Everything No matter what it is so find an animal Yeah

I got a beer company that's fucking still trying to operate through this Yeah, yeah, are people still drinking? I got a beer company that's fucking still trying to operate through this. Yeah. Yeah. Are people still drinking beer? They must be drinking beer. The problem is as most of our businesses kegs and nobody's going to bars. Nobody's having keggers. So we're still selling, we're actually, we started shipping. Actually, why don't I even fucking mention this on the show?

We're shipping now to other states. Well, he's looking that up on Patreon. We have Sunday grind coming up, which is- This episode drop. What's up? When's this episode drop? This one will come out tomorrow. Oh, yeah.

So, yeah, this coming Tuesday Sunday. This coming Tuesday Sunday grind, yeah, and all new show where Sunday, Jeff and I discuss the old grind house. It's awesome. And grind House movies. And while you're gonna be happy to know that Q is gonna join us, we're gonna do a basket case. Yeah, and Q is super into it. Grind House movie?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, that exploitation. Yeah. Okay. If you live in Montana, New Hampshire, Washington DC, Nebraska, North Dakota, Vermont, Nevada, New York,

and Ohio, you guys could order R&H beer or deliver to your house. Please do your house. We'll ship it. We'll ship it. How do you prove your 18 or 21 rather? That's the age right? That's a great question.

I don't know. I'm sure there's a process, but I'm not that's a good question for Helen because she's handling all this stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It must not be as enjoyable because like you, when you were having, like when you first started, you're going out to bars and you're guest bar 10 and you're promoting it and like, it was a little bit more fun.

Yeah. Now it's just I worry about the people that work for me. You can only make so much hand sanitizer. Yeah, it's like, it's just like, we never did get that did we. The hand sanitizer? Yeah, we never did, did we won't. Hey, no, I's like it's just like it. We never did get that did we. The hands of it. Yeah, we never did. Did we won't? Hey, no, I asked for it.

Yeah, I'm gonna be gonna say. You promised it to us. I remember that. Well, it's still necessary. Sorry. We'll let every not be necessary. Are we done? Are we done for?

Like who's gonna go? Have you been in New York lately? It's been a little bit since I drove through the city. All right, but like down by Penn station and shit. I can't imagine. It's crazy. Harold Square, where they have all those chairs set up behind Macy's, like nothing but junkies and shit.

Oh, you remember when I got shit? Not even fucking eight months ago, for saying New York City was going down the tube, and people were like, you don't know. I know. Of course, I knew the blasio. Yeah. There's encampments under the FDR. They have like burning trash cans. All down by pure 11. It's fucking crazy. It's under the FDR drive. So one of the other passes.

Get the city back on track and it took this man fucking like six years to just devastated because when if you think about like When are people like you know, they were like oh Broadway's gonna open in a couple months Okay, Broadway's gonna open a September. Okay. Now Broadway's gonna open in January Even in January like it's not that far off So who is gonna feel comfortable coming in unless there is a solid vaccine that people are getting who the fuck is Ever gonna want to come back in to go to a show and if they do who wants to step over all these fucking junkies and homeless people in order to get there I don't know. It's crazy. I don't know what it's frightening to most people. Yeah, it is because it is because it's Frightening it's it's these people aren't

Look, it's on for it's an unfortunate situation, but like they're not living on the street because everything's okay Right, and so it's like it's just You know it's entirely possible that you get off the train You try to walk a couple blocks to time square and you may get a needle in the side of your neck because that person is deranged Yeah Who wants to risk that shit? I don't know. I don't know.

I feel really bad for a lot of people right now. I don't. Because because it's not just it's and I know what his take, de Blasios take is, but like and he says it goes, I don't care about business. He goes, I care about people and it's just like, all right. But what about the people that are in the business? Yeah. And people don't make the fucking city like They don't make it run the businesses

Pay the city the people don't have any money unless they're in the business and Manhattan is made up of nothing but small I mean not nothing but but tons of small businesses mom and pop stories. They're all it shit still in Manhattan And they're trying to like put out how could you have outdoor seating in Manhattan right now who the fuck is gonna sit outside of Manhattan somebody's coming up to your bother and your footchanged every two minutes somebody's asking you for money I read an article about it where the guy was sitting there he's like it just the people bring their tables back in because homeless people sit on it or people are asking for money and if you and they're more aggressive now because there's no cops around Yeah, I hope that that's I don't know man. I'm fucking now And times well

John Steve Dave