Tell Em Steve-Dave - #593: Hot Towel

Episode Date: April 14, 2024

King Kong vs Ghostbusters, OJ’s dead, Ricky Martin’s boner, pissy pants, Abby and Brittany get hitched.

Can I admit something right here right now? Sure. I'm addicted to Micro Modal. Don't do it. Don't get an erection. Don't get an erection, don't get an erection. Oh anyway, OJ's dead. Yeah, OJ, another one in hell, edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I look around the table and who do I see? I see Walt Flanagan. I'm here. He's here. I see BQ. Hello, hello. BQ's here. Let's see, get him, but you know.

Still. You know. Still on. Right. Yeah. So, well, I'm glad you brought up King Kong because I have some daddy-daughter time this weekend coming up. Marybeth is going to a baby shower in Ohio.

Okay. So I got a couple days wife free. Okay. Just me, man, on the loose with the kid. So not just you. Not just me. How many days? Till Monday. How are you going to see Ace Fraley?

I'm going to drop her off at her mom's house. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. You're going to stop me from rocking. I thought maybe Sage was coming to see Ace Fraley. I don't know, paint her face up and stuff. I mean, she could. I could bring her.

I don't even know. Playing up in somewhere around the raw way, I think. Oh, that's not too far. Somewhere. Yeah, it's not too far, like 45 minutes from here. Not too bad. But now I hear you guys talking and I have a decision to make because I was going to take her to the movies and I couldn't decide between King Kong or verse Godzilla or Ghostbusters.

Well, we started talking before about, I asked Walter before we started recording so it wasn't that much of a conversation yet, if you had seen the new King Kong. You have? You have the same look on your face that I had on my face. It was something, something else. Any positives you could discuss? Kiss. Kiss, you like Kiss?

It's been a long time coming to combine Godzilla, King Kong, Kaijus with Kiss. I'll just leave it at that. That was the high point. I had to see it twice. Why? Within like a couple days because my brother-in-law, who I had no idea was a gigantic Kiss fan, I mean, I'm sorry, Godzilla fan, texted my wife and was like, would Walter want to go see Godzilla with me? I'm kind of like sad because I really don't ever talk to the guy. I mean, it's been so long since I-

He's a friend. With older brother or younger brother? His, her older brother. Older brother. Oh, okay. So I had no idea he even liked Kiss. He lives kind of far away. I'm not, I keep saying kiss, but. Kiss on the brain, man. And so I was like, I just saw it, but I'll go again if he really wants to go. And like, he was like, all right, I'm coming down tonight.

Oh my God. So I was like, all right, well, so I had to go see it twice. And second time around, yeah, I thought maybe I'd missed something. I know. No. I didn't mind every moment that they were fighting. The fighting was fun. It is fun, but at a certain point, do you need to see the aftermath of such destruction?

Wouldn't it be interesting? It's so mindless and pointless and there are no ramifications to. There's no blood at all. Destroying cities. There's no, everybody's just kind of like, yay, Godzilla. Hey, King Kong. And then they're like, they're like literally decades, you know, before that life will be back to normal for anybody.

In every city. In every aspect because all the mourning that'll have to go on and all the funerals. It's just nuts how. It's kind of crazy. Like it's become literally a gigantic cartoon. Yeah. And then it's just like why also the how many monster Titans they call them. How many are there? And why do they only care about King Kong versus Godzilla?

The woman was like everything will be okay Godzilla and King as long as they don't see each other everything's gonna be fine. But then it cuts like Godzilla fighting a giant crab and destroying a city Rome and I'm like why the fuck do they not care about the giant crab? How is this fine? Yeah, because I think I think the giant crab is such a lightweight compared to Godzilla. They realize the damage will be minimal. Destroy the Vatican, man.

Some would say that's minimal. But there's like King Kong versus Godzilla is going to take, that could take days. Okay. And that could destroy like continents. Sure. Where Godzilla fighting that crab is like, okay, it took him 10 seconds. Still, there's no interest in the crab though. You can tell me zero interest in the crab?

I don't even name the crab. It's a crustacean. Oh, you don't even have a name? No. There was a crab in the original Kaiju universe, Ibra. Ibra? So I thought there was like a nod to an old Kaiju from the 60s. Are all these monsters recently awakened or something?

Is that why? Yeah, they keep getting awakened by an SOS being sent from Hollow Earth by like a lost tribe. I see. Dude, it's so crazy. Like she goes up to this conspiracy theorist, knocks on his door, and she's like, I need you to look at this graph and tell me what this is. And he's like, within two minutes, he's like, it's an SOS from Hollow Earth.

And then they go to Hollow Earth, but they don't go to Hollow Earth. They were going there already. So it's like, why did they bother including this character? Why did they bring him? Like they were going, like nothing, no information he provided was helpful to them whatsoever. And they brought him to Hollow Earth. By the way, Hollow Earth has a sub Hollow Earth? That was my favorite part. It's like they're in Hollow Earth and then it's like the basement of, like he breaks through the ground and it says subterranean lair on hollow earth. I'm like, Jesus Christ, man. But Q is leaving out an important aspect of that character though.

That conspiracy theorist is also a podcaster. Oh yeah. Oh, that makes sense. It's the crab. You're telling me that's not interesting? Oh my God. This is the crab attacking? Yeah.

That should get, well, I guess on a lighter news day, you're right. Yeah. Like if it was just Godzilla and King Kong. Look at this shit. But I wondered out loud to get them. I said, why on earth aren't scientists knocking at the general store and asking us to look at important graphs and diagrams? Because he's a podcaster. We're podcasters.

We're real podcasters. That guy's just an actor. Yeah. Few have been in the game as long as us. Yeah, we have not had one guy come to the door. Oh, that's pretty funny, man. Oh, and now like Godzilla can jump and he's like, oh, he looks ninja like. He moves, yeah, like he doesn't weigh a billion tons. No, he runs, he sprints.

Oh, gross. He sprints. Crap, gross. Yeah, you know, I like the fights, but to me, I'm just like, just do two hours of fights. We don't need the human stuff at all. But then it's just wrestling, though. I don't like wrestling. I know you don't like wrestling.

If you're going to make this type movie like Godzilla minus one is so great I don't agree with it in that but who the fuck cares about the mommy-daughter relationship in this? I couldn't find anybody that cared about the mommy-daughter relationship and I asked around There's two comedic sidekicks. Like, not one, two. So they're always outwhacking each other. And when you're introduced to them, like, oh, man, he hits play on the fucking tape.

Of course, it's a tape deck. Puts tape and hits play. Whatever song. That wasn't Kiss at first, was it? Like, Kiss was when he was floating. No, Twilight Zone. Twilight Zone. Five golden earrings.

Golden earring. And he fucking, dude, he's like, all alright. I'm a Kong days Australia for some reason All right, it's Kong. I'm his dentist. He's got a bad tooth. So he hits play in the rock and roll song right? He's wearing a fucking he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt Get this tooth out it goes down he's singing while he's fucking ziplining to Godzilla's King Kong's mouth fucking Puts a cable around the tooth. Oh, yeah, this bad boy needs to come out And they fucking pulled the to the entire time he's rocking And he's just like oh my god, and then every time the guy does anything in the movie

He hits play on a so that's him there is changing the fire. Oh, okay It's like Ace Ventura is a fucking... Yeah, the rock and roll dentist. Yeah, thumbs up. So at a certain point, Kong gets frostbitten. His hand becomes, I guess, damaged. Well, Godzilla has a brother. Yeah, well, I don't know why.

You're thinking that there's another's been that's somehow blood to Godzilla Well, they said that that that ice one watched the underground didn't they? I thought that maybe I missed a subtle thing, but I thought like Godzilla watched the top earth and that thing What so I just assumed they were? And they look kind of this, you know what I mean? Like their designs were kind I just wanted to have a brother man like but so's a, there's a robotic exoskeleton hand. Project powerhouse. That is that that that's down in the hollow earth that they can go get.

So the, so the, so the, so the Ossie vet goes and gets the hand. And while he's getting the hand put on like on Kong I was made for loving you kicks in and I'm like yeah you know I'm fucking stand up and I'm fucking in my head but I'm like at the end I'm like this is not really appropriate for the scene that's going on I kind of go I want to overlook it, but yet I still can't. I'm like, why kiss? Why I was made for loving you? Why in this particular scene?

That makes no sense. That's the creature I believe to be Godzilla's brother. With this other ape guy riding him? Yeah, it's the evil ape. They have completely, utterly made these creatures that are supposed to be gigantic, completely remove that feeling of that they're gigantic now. Now they're also big. There's no scale.

Yeah, there's no scale. There's no scale. Oh, what you just saw there, Brian, so what it is, he had a prototype hand made, Project Powerhouse, and they stored it. That's the only prototype in the world, and for some reason it has medication that cures frostbite. Yeah. Okay, that's handy.

We don't know how long the glove has been down there in storage, but the medicine still works. Everything still works. Oh, I like the, who's that black guy? That's the podcaster. I like that dude, actually. Oh, yeah, listen. I've seen him in other stuff.

Yeah, you can't hold any of the actors responsible But the movie doesn't care about them So it's like you don't care about him. I guess I'm saying like just let me see the fights So this movie's been made a thousand times then the with the west with the wacky hijinks Like the oddball I know you don't like that the oddball crew put together You know, yeah, the, uh, the have nots and the people that the cast offs and you know, they can't get any job. They can't get into the other.

You haven't get any job done. In this case, like when they go to prod, like that, that, uh, hollow earth facility where you're assuming that they're giving it the best in the bright. I mean, it's the hollow earth laboratory. Like it's gotta be the most fucking prized job in science. And there's a guy there with long hair and a fucking bucket cap hitting golf balls into cups. And then other guys like pretty quiet down here in cong land today. And a woman's like, every day is quiet down here. And you're like, you guys are in uncharted territory. Don't you care? Come on. I think in the real world, we could see instances where that exists though, the

wacky fucking carefree scientists, you know, that let out fucking COVID fucking onto the world. Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, the tapes. The bucket hat. The rocket hat I was made for loving you while fucking a deadly germ fucking walks out the front door. There he is! Did I lie? Oh yeah, there he is. He's putting. COVID, a diseased bat just flies out an open door behind him. What was that? I don't know.

I don't know, turn it up, man! Do do do do do do do. Dude, where'd you get that shirt? Yeah, that's it. That's area, uncharted area detected. It's so funny. I had such low expectations. I wasn't annoyed. I wasn't angry.

I was just like, I knew it. You have to go into it like that or else you, you know, you could be devastated. So you knew going in the second time. The second time. You were like, oh yeah. The second time I was just like. Like I've got nothing to look forward to. It was a chore to keep my eyes open.

I was falling asleep and I know he looked over at me at one point and I looked over and I was like, oh shit, does he see me? He's falling asleep because I don't want to fall asleep because then he might, I didn't want to tell him and I looked over and I was like, oh shit, does he see me falling asleep? Because I don't want to fall asleep because then he might, I don't want to tell him that I had seen it already. Right. I thought that was kind of rude. So I just pretended I hadn't seen it yet.

He's asking me questions about it and I don't want to give answers that. You're giving answers to shit that you haven't seen yet. Pretend to be shocked and surprised. Yeah. Oh. A giant crab. Yeah. Is that Godzilla's brother?

Yeah. Pretty bad. Pretty bad. OK, so Godzilla now has a power glove. Yeah. No, King Kong does. King Kong, rather, sorry. I will say I didn't hate Baby Kong

as much as I thought I was gonna hate him. He was a little piece of shit. I don't know if he was a baby. That's what I think there was, I was arguing, you know, that he was just a dwarf. No, I got that he was- I don't think he was a child. He was the guy with the whip, the scar giver's kid.

You know what, I don't know. Maybe I'm obsessed with family relations. I didn't see any was a child. He was the guy with the whip, the scar giver's kid. You know what? I don't know. Maybe I'm obsessed with family relations. I didn't see any female apes anywhere. Sure, they had that shot of them holding the babies. You saw some tatas? You did? Monkey tit tits, yeah, for sure. Oh, really?

That's why I'm going a second time. I didn't see any tatas. I thought that was maybe a possibly like a runt. I got, look, I might be reading into a lot, but I got that he's scar, you want to scar give his kids and he's annoying because he is a fucking annoying little thing. That's why when he saw him, he was like, get this fuck a piece of shit away from me. So all the apes that were put, all the slave apes who are mining or moving rocks or, or what, I don't know what they were doing.

There were slave apes in here, but. They weren't looking for anything. You think they were all offspring of Scar, the Scar King? I would argue that every monkey in that cave took it from Scar King at some point. So they're all fucking inbred. Oh yeah.

It's like the Whitaker family of apes. Yeah. Yeah. But it got much darker. They're in a fucking pit, man, moving rocks around. How much darker could it get? Those are the, oh, and he's, that's the, oh, that's the taskmaster? No, there's, yeah, he's like, he's like the-

The guy with the scars on his chest? No, you haven't met Scar. That's King Kong. That little guy? No. No, that guy, right there. That's King Kong. Oh, wow.

But you haven't seen the main bad guy yet. He's sitting on a that guy right there. Oh, wow. That's King Kong. But you haven't seen the main bad guy yet. He's sitting on a throne in a lake of lava, Brian. You'll see. I think Sage might like this though. Yeah, I mean I'm seeing a lot of action. A lot of bright colors, a lot of kids saving the world again. You know, and somehow it's crazy that Mothra in 2024

looks horrible compared to Mothra in 1960. Dude, I swear to you, I had the same thought. I was like, they should have done something different with this. I thought the same thing. I was like, it just looks like a video game, like a shitty video game. Yeah, Mothra, the design for the new Mothra was terrible. Just make it a fucking whatever that thing was, a giant bug. Don't try to make it have humanoid characteristics.

I know. Make it a moth. That's what it was. She's wiser than everyone. She stops the boys from fighting. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful moment when she gets rid of King Kong and Godzilla. Yeah. How does King Kong know sign language? I see her doing some sign language.

Well, no. That was set up in the earlier movies with the little girls. Is that the same girl? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. And yeah, Mothra communicates, Ken speak Godzilla and Ken speak King Kong. Mothra Ken? Yeah.

So she kind of tells him to calm down and work together. But King Kong, I actually thought was the best character in the entire, he was the only real character. He was the best character in the movie. He doesn't have any dialogue, but you kind of get what he's up to and like what his wants are. He had an arc of some sort. Did you hear, did you see that very poignant message though in the movie?

I'm sure you couldn't have missed it where the podcaster is kind of recording everything so he could take it back to the real world and prove that he's not a fake and that there is a hollow earth and his tribe down there. And the Aussie vet is like, mate, if you post this though, all these people, everybody will come and these people will be corrupted. Because they're just going to take a flight to hollow earth. I was just like, how the fuck?

How the people are going to get to hollow Earth to corrupt this hidden tribe, lost tribe that no one knows exists? It was such a fucking empty, hollow fucking message that they were trying to hammer home. I did notice that, but did you notice the real weird thing in that they never went back to it? They never mentioned whether he released the footage or not. Like they set up this entire growth character arc for the guy and then they never went back to it. They never mentioned whether he released the footage or not. Like they set up this entire growth character arc for the guy and then they never mentioned it again. So we don't know if he posted the footage or not. Oh dude, they get

into that chamber, that fucking chamber and she's looking at the wall and she speaks perfect whatever tribe is. And it's like five minutes of exposition city. We're like, and then giant moth came down and fought this and lit this up. Then this monkey called the scar giver come and ruled through pain. She's going, you're like, what is it? I got to say that the parts that get them is hitting. It's like, it's all the, it does seem like there's a lot of action in it. Oh, that's all it is.

It's nonstop video game level graphics. And it might be engaging. It might be something that she like captivates her. I think you'll be like, don't bring a gun because you'll use it. Sorry, Sage. This movie sucks. Daddy go bye bye. Yeah, look man, I had fun. It wasn't as torturous for me because I had fun watching the fights. Yeah. Yeah. So, but I can understand, completely understand other people not having that reaction. But it is like, it is like, I heard it did. Fuck them. Baffo. Bang, bust, bang gangbusters, gangbusters, dude. Cause I called it before we walked in. I said, there's no way there. This is the last

monster verse movie. They're not making, they're not making another one. Oh, they say I think, yeah, I think I was wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Monarch was a big hit for Apple TV. So, you know, people love this stuff, man. Yeah. Monarch was a big hit for Apple TV. So, you know, people love this stuff, man. Yeah. I mean. But does it discourage, is it discouraging that like people are loving the stuff that you're like, this is shit? Yeah. To me? No. Because then it won't press the filmmakers to make better stuff.

No. You know, at this stage of my life, I can't pin all my hopes on the human race any longer. No? No, they've come up short so many times. I've known you a long time. I didn't know that you ever did. This is just another example of an endless... It's going to be on your tombstone, I'm disappointed. They've let me down.

Humankind has always let me down, so I'm not surprised that they came out in droves to see this. We went. They're not the problem. We're the problem. We went. No, yeah. We all went.

Yeah, I stayed home. Not yet. Yeah, I know, really. Oh, yeah. Like, there he goes. Yeah, And then- Some beautiful- What?

Some beautiful, like, efforts, though. Like, you see, like, they're going, like, there's nothing off the table that they won't try. That I admire. And it seems like they're having fun making the movie. Yeah. Because they're getting all sorts of weird ideas out and stuff like that. Like, they're like, zero gravity fight between guys in King Kong.

Sure. I mean, I'm not saying that they're not going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm not saying that they're not going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it.

I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm just saying that they're going to make it. I'm just saying like they're having fun making the movie because they're getting all sorts of weird ideas out and stuff like that. Like they're like, zero gravity fight between Godzilla and King Kong. Sure. And they're like, they make it happen. So it's like, I do admire that part of it where it's like they're making- Everything's on the table, which is cool, but I don't know. I get it. They're not made for me anymore. Just like a lot of things isn't made for me. Who are they made for though? Oh, nothing's made for us anymore, really. Yeah, I don't think they are.

And you have to accept that and not resent it too. That's where you have to like, if you start to resent it, yeah, then it's on you then. So I don't resent it any longer. I kind of just- Well, that does no good. I mean, this is a huff and puff about it. I accept it and with a smile and I just go, maybe next time. Yeah.

Next time. And then you got minus what minus zero was it? Yeah. Yeah. Which is excellent. Beyond excellence. Yeah. Unexpected too though.

I didn't expect it to be that good. There's, there's good stuff out there. I find this definitely looks video gamey though, like as we watch it on the screen, it definitely has that good. There's good stuff out there, I find. This definitely looks video gamey, though, like as we watch it on the screen. Yeah, yeah. It definitely has that quality about it. Do you think that they were like, before this movie was made, they're like,

Marvel has that fucking glove. Marvel's got that glove. The kids love the glove. They love the fucking yellow glove with the colorful rocks. Get me an Infinity Gauntlet. Yeah. me an infinity glove. Yeah, probably. Come meet the glove. Yeah, I mean the whole connected universe thing, the whole new baddie every movie.

Yeah. I think we brought this up on Comic Book Men with the Marvel movies where it's like the amount of damage that the buildings take, like how long and how expensive. Look at what's going on. This is Rio, right? They're just tearing out. buildings take like how long and how expensive. Look at what's going on. This is Rio, right? They're just tearing out.

Yeah. Literally, like, yeah, like a whole nation, well, a whole city in a nation is- At the very least, an entire city, yeah. Hundreds of thousands of casualties. Maybe millions of injured. I don't know if the city can ever recover from the fight that we're watching right now. I'm dead serious. Like Like what are you even rebuilding? Hurricane comes through and you're fucked for years.

This shit and then Godzilla's he's eating nuclear power plants at one point. The exposition is so funny because like you'll tell that they think the audience is so stupid so they'll they'll have it like they'll show something you'll hear like a obviously recorded later piece of dialogue being like, he's eating all the energy. It doesn't matter. It's so funny. They just explain.

You know the studio notes when you hear it. Yeah, exactly. I don't really understand here. That's what they say like the studio execs are so dumb, that's why they're good at their job because they'll ask the questions a normal person of average. Fuck the suits. Fuck the suits. Fuck them all.

Mm-hmm. Well. Popeye! Popeye! All those dumb suits making all that fucking big fat cash. They're so dumb in their high rises and their penthouses and their fucking – Suck their careers. Fucking idiots.

All their sports cars and fucking nice clothes and beach houses. Fuck them. Wow. So stupid. Guys had that list at the ready. Yeah, I'm going with Godzilla's brother for sure. When you see it, let me know what you think. All right.

Yeah, maybe I'll see both this weekend. We'll go Saturday and Sunday. No, I mean, I mean, Ghostbusters 1 and then- I would be worried about your, I would be worried about you like going into like some sort of fucking coma of boredom and not being able to revive yourself. You have to go and see this back to back. Sage, can you drive home? Dad, that's sick.

Sleepy and sick. What's wrong, Dad? I watched Kong and Ghostbusters back to back. Did you ever try that? Yeah, I just did it. It is good how King Kong does care about hurting people and Godzilla does not give a fuck. Like they at least show King Kong looking at people being like, Oh no, like Godzilla is like, I don't give a fuck. I'll kill everybody. I kind of admire that. Yeah, I mean, you're searching, though, Q.

I'm just pointing out the things I like. I'm trying to be okay. It's all right. You know, I like Godzilla's family. This is great. You know what, I will say, I've seen worse. I've seen worse. Oh, sure, yeah.

Sure. I've seen worse. I mean, it's just so gleefully dumb that you can't really even get too mad. It should have been released in the summer, I guess, right? Like a popcorn blockbuster type thing? No, I think it did really well. Yeah, I don't think it, yeah, I think its release date was perfectly timed.

There he is. He's fucking pissed. So anyway, OJ's dead. Another one in hell, huh? Yeah. I think people are celebrating it. Uh, does anybody care that? Yeah.

I mean, certainly people are celebrating it. I got two families I can think of too. Yeah. Yeah. That are, that are celebrating today, but I wonder if he's still anguished people like he used to. I don't know. I mean, I think at first when he got out of

prison and he's like out on the golf course and he's like, hello, Twitter world, you know, like on Twitter all the time with his bullshit. I think it probably annoyed some people, but eventually you just got to just be like, look, it's what are you going to do? He was found not guilty. He got away with it.

He got away with it. Yeah. And then, you know, some would say carmatically with the, uh, when he got put in jail for the, what's the memorabilia. Oh, when he stormed the hotel room that had his. His memorabilia and his heisman and all that stuff. Yeah.

Do you think in his, you know, as the clock was ticking down and he knew it was coming. Yeah. Do you think he worried about – I don't see how you can't. What is that got to feel like? Oh no, Twitter world.

What does that got to feel like when you know you're going to meet your maker and you don't know what's in store for you? Yeah. And the only reason you're apologetic is because you're scared. Yep. Well, you know, that's the thing about religion. You get forgiveness if you ask for it. If he had come out two days before he died and was like...

Yeah, I've heard that get out of jail card exists and I cry foul on that one. Well, if you... You could live, you could act like a fucking monster your entire life in the last two days. Now, now, there's something to be said for that. You legitimately cry hard enough. I'm telling you, man, I'd be like, if I was God, I'd cry harder. Yeah, in hell.

Yeah, like Old Testament God. Yeah. He's not just going to be... Because I'm sorry, that seems fucking horrible hypocrisy to be like to the people who fucking walk the straight and narrow. Yeah, but I mean... The entire life. Isn't it the kind of the notion being that God loves us as much as you love your children and he can never really turn his back and he's always hoping for you to

come back to him. You know? Yeah. You bring up those points. I've heard that too. Yeah, I guess, but... Yeah, some kids are harder than others. That's all. But you know, if he... Do you think he did? Do you think he went and got and tried? Or do you think he remained staunch to the end? I'm not fucking- He's like, I tricked everybody else, I can trick God. That would be the eye of arrogance.

I think most of those people on that jury wanted to write a book. Oh yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. I think if he was really making a play for forgiveness and he came clean, he's like, before I die, I want to give peace to the families and I did do it. Yeah. And I apologize for it.

That picture, again, I just threw up there of Johnny Cochran, the lawyer. He passed away years before OJ did. You're a lawyer. You get off somebody who definitely murdered somebody and you know it. You know it. You know it to your core. You know it. Yeah. And you're on your deathbed. I think the lawyer – I don't agree with – You think he's going to be able to pull a contract up from the fucking bar and man's law is going to hold fucking sway at the pearly gates?

He's like, oh, just do my job, boss. Yeah. Not my fault. I think he would have a leg job, boss. Yeah. Not my fault. I think he would have liked to stand on, yeah. I think he would. Oh, really? Because he's not involved in the judgment of God. He's involved in the judgment of man, and that has to follow certain rules.

Like what he did was defend him to the best of his ability, even knowing that he did it. At the expense of hurting others, tarring innocents. Well, the cops should have done a better job. They can't do sloppy work like that and throw us on. Look, I think the guy did it and the guy should have been in jail. Let's just be very clear. I'm not sticking up for the guy. He's definitely burning in hell, but I just have to respect the process of law because

– Yeah, but do you think that really matters though? When you do, like some of these lawyers will victimize the victims and do anything, anything to get their client off. And if they know, and there's fucking no way, no ifs, ands, or buts in my opinion, Cochran knew that OJ was guilty. Sure. I agree.

And he still did it because- Well, he said Robert Kardashian also knew that he did it, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But if you let them slide on the big ones, that just triggered, that sets precedent, that trickles down to the little ones, the little cases. Let them slide. goes down to the little ones, the little cases. If Johnny Cochran doesn't do everything he can to uphold

OJ's rights under the law, and he kind of just ignores some things and lets them slide because he knows he did it, then that attitude, like if you can do that for OJ, that's going to drip down. Then there's precedent for cops being able to do things. Well, all he has to do is just say, yeah, I'm not taking this case. It's fucking, it's important to me.

I don't disagree, but, but I think if you do take the case, I wonder if there's a, uh, a penalty to pay for this. I don't know if someone's got to take the case. Right. But let that someone, if they know in their hearts though, that they're getting a murderer off, and or they're getting somebody off who's they know probably did the crime that they're defending them of. Yes. Yeah, I find it hard to accept that they won't pay a price for that. At some point, karma is going to come down, I would think, on them hard. Possibly. I mean, sure. What the fuck do I know? But I just think that upholding the

rule of law is pretty important. It is. But as a human being, when you knowingly put somebody on the stand and try to twist it and make them the guilty person and they're the victim. That's a big thing in sex assault cases, like turn that shit on the table. You turn that shit around and you do anything. Everything's on the table. Right. No, that's a piece of shit.

Yeah. I wonder if there's some sort of price to pay for that. That I would probably agree with. I think there's an honorable way to do what he did to defend OJ. Right. Because you might lose the case. There's an honorable way to do it, but if he didn't do it that way, and I don't even remember anything about the case, then the glove doesn't fit.

He must have quit. Did that shit really work? Did that... It's like you got him. Just one of the most memorable things. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess like he's, you know, if you pulled scumbag tactics, he has to answer for that, but I don't think he has to answer for defending OJ.

Caitlyn Jenner was one of the first to react. She tweeted, good riddance, hashtag OJ Simpson. Is anybody going to be sad that that piece of shit is dead? No, it says here that the internet is generally unified in saying go straight to hell. Right. Right. So, I don't know. O.J., I hardly knew you. He's in a theater watching Godzilla X-Kong.

Over and over and over again. All right, boys, let's see. I got a couple things to talk to you about. One is boners, of course. Boners. When aren't we talking about boners? Because this episode is sponsored by BlueChu. Let's talk about sex, guys.

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Who doesn't? Don't say we don't. It's annoying. Stop annoying us. Yeah, really? Fuck, I love that shit. I was talking about something gay earlier, Q, and it sparked my memory. I don't know if you saw this footage and you can... Sometimes I'm like, damn, I wish we

had a video pod because we could just go right to the video and show it and then you would know what the fuck I'm talking about. But there was a Madonna concert. From what I could understand, from what I could see, yeah, maybe Gideon can find it. Ricky Martin is on it with her. He's on stage with her and they have these high top seats and these cards with numbers like one through 10 where they're judging stuff. I guess they're judging these dancers that come out and these dancers that are like,

I'm going to go ahead, I'm going to make the leap and I'm going to say these two guys were gay. They did not look straight to me. So you're still doing the vogue thing? Still doing all that vogue stuff. I'm going to go ahead, I'm going to make the leap and I'm going to say these guys were, these two guys were gay. Okay. They did not look straight to me. So you're still doing the Vogue thing? Still doing all that Vogue stuff. Yeah, like they're crazy, like bald with like leather and bondage and all that stuff. And they come out and they're giving Ricky Martin basically a lap dance on stage in front

of like thousands and thousands and thousands of people. Okay. And at a certain point, Ricky Martin got an erection. Well, unmistakable. All right. I say, what do you think was going to happen? But I say that's, that's a testament cause he, it's not like he's a young guy. It's not like he's 20 years old.

He's got that blue chew. I think he might have the blue chew because could you in front of a stadium on stage, front of people, if some hot girl, you're sitting on stage with Madonna and a couple hot girls come out, they're giving you lap dance and stuff, could you rise to the occasion in front of all those people? I think I'd be more prone to it because I would be telling myself, don't get an erection, don't get erection. As soon as you start saying, don't get an erection, guess what happens?

Is that the trick? Oh my God, I gotta bring that back to the bedroom. That's what happens. If you almost manifest it because you don't want it to happen, you're like, okay, whatever happens, do not get aroused right here. This would be bad. I got aroused right here for everybody. Then next thing you know, you almost made it happen.

Holy shit. Well, no wonder why he got an erection. They're literally fucking on him. Yeah. It's a couple, a couple of dudes and thongs. Look, he's all excited. He's got a boner. Oh, he's got a boner.

Yeah, and then they come back. But you know what, though? I am so suspicious of everything lately. I'm like, Mickey Martin could be like, I need some fucking PR, man. I need to get my name back in the news. And not in the way he was before. And not in the way. I don't want to go George Michael route and get arrested.

What if I just put a fake fucking dong in my pants on stage? TMZ sure to pick that up. I still look virile. Yeah. Oh, he looks great. I'm still in the fucking news. Oh, he looks great. Yeah. Win-win for Ricky.

I would not put that out of the fucking realm of possibility at all, but I've heard weird things. I mean, how else does he get his name fucking trending again after all these years? Yeah. And the last time it trended was like, I think it was like a nephew of his or some relative of his was accusing him of molesting him and then it sort of like just dropped off. This is much better fucking yeah, get a boner in front of a crowd Yeah, I'd rather get that too than the accusation of my nephew The nephew like retracted or something. I think so. Yeah, like came out that he was just lying. Mm-hmm

Something like that. I thought he was still majorly successful in like Latin countries. It could be yeah I mean, I what do do we know, right? Yeah, we're so ignorant. If it's not in America, it doesn't fucking exist. Or it doesn't- If it's not nailing our age bracket, it doesn't exist. Yeah, we got a lot of blinders in GSD town. That's why we're so happy, man.

Yeah, wow. You got an erection. Yeah, I got a bon bone in front of everybody. I hadn't considered that though, Walt. I hadn't considered the anti, like don't do it, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, and then that actually... I usually think about that like if I'm going home and I have to go to the bathroom, as I get to be an older man, my bladder gets weaker and weaker and I'm like, don't piss your pants, don't piss your pants.

So far so good, but I can't say it's going to last forever. Yeah, please don't let that day come. Yeah, we were rushing to the, the doctor told me, this is so weird, the doctor, the urologist told me, because I said, you know, you got to shake at the end, and the older you get, the more this valve widens, so you got to shake more and more. And you don't want to walk around with piss in your pants, you know, like even a couple of drops, eventually it's going to

accumulate and somebody's going to be like, are you the one that smells like piss? Yeah. Good luck getting someone to go down there. Yeah. Oh my God. You can like piss all the time. Yeah. So, uh, he said that you can take this pill that will prevent that.

Okay. So no more leakage, but it does something that when you come, nothing comes out. You still have the experience. You still have the orgasm. You still have all the sensation of feelings, but nothing comes out. I agree. And that's what he said. He goes, he goes, I know, I don't know what it sounds like.

A lot of guys are just like, no, it's, it's, it's too out there. Yeah. I can't take it. Yeah. It's, it's, how do you know you're, you know, there's a point of pride now. How things go and- Shooting ropes. Yeah. I don't know. It's a job well done. Here's your reward. I can't take that away. Yeah. Girl won't need a reward.

Hey, man. She's doing a lot of work. All that work for nothing. Yeah. For a dry cough? That don't seem right. But think about the ease and the cleanup. It's like you can get right to dinner and a movie and you only have to do it. You're just like, it's okay. We're like in the car.

It's like, there's nothing to worry about. You got a new sofa. You don't have to worry about it. I guess, but then it also takes away the hot towel. What's the hot towel? Where she runs off, gets a towel, puts it on the hot water, brings it back to you to clean up. Oh.

That's nice. There's not such thing as a hot towel? Yeah. I'm like. You guys don't go for the hot towel treatment? She always just jumps right in the shower and ignores me. Oh, ask for the hot towel treatment. It's like, I need to get clean.

I need to get clean. She's on the, sitting in the shower, crying. Just crying. No, ask for the, request the hot towel cleanup, man. It's... I was going to say next time I'll be like, no hot towel? Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, the good ones, I always hotel. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it's how you know the good ones.

I thought I always thought, but I guess I'm wrong. What are you gonna do? Hot towel. Hot towel. I'm gonna have to suggest it and be pissed that retroactively. It's an easy thing, man. Oh, it's simple. It's very loving.

You know? Where's my hot towel? It's gonna spin out. You're gonna be spinning Godzilla. Yeah. You know? Where's my hot towel? It's going to spin out. You're going to be sitting in Godzilla just thinking about the fucking hot towel. I was thinking about it. Would you tell people, like if you were OJ, would you tell people if you had cancer? Would you tell your friends?

Because I was thinking about that the other day. If I got sick and I had, because I had to go to the dermatologist because I had this little thing on my nose and I was like, oh, I'm probably going to have nose cancer and I'm going to have to have it removed, you know, whole fucking thing. But I was like, if I did get regular cancer, like, who would I tell? Right. You know?

Because you don't want people looking at you that way, you know, like, oh, there goes a sick man. Yeah. Or you just tell everybody Bask in all the attention or Very brave he's fighting cancer. Look at him go like why is he skinnier? Who did that who just who died of cancer he's uh Peewee Herman, right? Didn't he have cancer to tell anyone and

Norm McDonald norm didn't tell anyone it's kind of a cool way to go. You know? Well, no, I disagree with that. I don't think dying from cancer ever is cool. No, that's not what I mean. I mean like that. Not telling people. Oh, just like keeping it to yourself and being like, all right, see you guys later. I'm out. Yeah, like a well-written note. Yeah, we live in an era where that's pretty uncommon. Everybody's just gotta tell everybody everything.

Yeah. It's foreign that they're not gonna post it. They're not gonna tell fucking all our followers every little last detail of their life. Yeah. What a Patreon show. Poof. The cancer countdown, there goes Brian.

The chemo chronicles only at the $10 tier. Yeah, $10. Look at that, man. Shit's probably expensive. I saw an article in the paper the other day about a lady who was treated for a year for cancer and then it turned out the doctor fucked up. She never had cancer at all. Oh my God.

So she was going through chemo and radiation and all that shit for no reason. Lost her hair. The doctor wasn't just like, good news, you beat it. I'm a great doctor. He was wearing his Hawaiian shirt, listening to the fucking, I was made for loving you. You beat cancer again. I did wonder also- Yeah, I cured it.

If not for me, you'd still have it. You tell your friends about me. That's the story to tell people. I did wonder also. Yeah, I cured it. If not for me, you'd still have it. You tell your friends about me. That's the story to tell people. I did think I was thinking about like, because I couldn't remember something the other day. Like as I get older, I find things don't let you know like names of movies or names of people. They don't leap back to me like they used to. Sure. movies or names of people. They don't leap back to me like they used to. I don't know

if it's from years of drug abuse or it's just getting older or whatever. Little column A, little column B. But I did think in a position where you meet so many people, it's not possible to remember everybody's name. Oh, I'm terrible at it. So I'm bad at it too. Mike used to remind me all the time when we went to cons, he'd be like, that's this person, that's this person, because I could never remember their names. If you can get rid of all that awkwardness, remitting them and being like, I'm sorry,

what's your name again? I don't want a lot of people to know, but I'm suffering from pre-senile dementia and I just have a hard time remembering. That way you can get out of it every single time. Nobody's going to hold your feet to the fire. Nobody is, but I also like I've gotten the habit of being like, I'm sorry, what was your name again? Oh yeah, okay.

And just, yeah, what are you going to do? So you don't want to go through this ruse? I don't want to go through the ruse. I don't think people care. I don't think people get insulted. No. It's tough. I told you that what I was going to do, I had drafted an email that I was going to send to AMC

if we got picked up for that season, where that like, I had just found out that I had been diagnosed and I'm on the spectrum and I can no longer attend the con at the end of the New York Comic Con. Oh, the New York Comic Con. Yeah. Yeah. And I was really – I was like –

So many people with autism were at that con. Loving it. I just wanted – I didn't want to do it and thankfully we got cancelled. Yeah. Wait, we don't have to do it anymore? Yeah. Those were – I thought those were always kind of the fun times. The cons?

Yeah. Like the cons I thought were – no, like New the fun times, you know, yeah like the cons I thought were no that like New York Comic Con. I enjoyed going to New York Comic Con. I hated it Yeah, well, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised you hated it The twins, you know Abby and what's her name? Yeah, the conjoined twins can join twins One of them got married. Hey Mazel Tov. I'm sorry, they've been married for two years, but one of their husband, Abby, her husband got hit with a paternity suit two years after they married.

That's some fucking crazy math, isn't it? Yeah, wait. Oh, she really did get married, huh? Look at that. Good for her. Yeah. And I read an article too about all the questions that people ask like, you know, when you're intimate, like there's so many. There's so many. There's a million questions.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Like you just want to ask them everything. And the guy. Is he allowed to like caress her face, both faces? Right. Or does he have to ignore one of the faces?

Like. Is he allowed to like give, like talk to her during it, or does he have to pretend, not pretend, but does he have to like, can she like engage verbally? Verbally or physically? She allowed to give it a little lick? Well, I mean, who controls the hands though with Chad? I don't know. I thought it was split down the middle, wasn't it? Did it kind of split down the middle?

Oh, so one has the left side. That's what I thought. Oh, wow. But some things you need two hands for though. Oh, I think that sister's involved. I don't know if there's any way around it. It says that they were very demure about it. They weren't really going into detail.

Of course. I don't want to get into it. I don't want to get into bad taste, but there's a million questions though. Yeah. Like, and mine aren't the raunchy ones. It's just like more of like. Logistics? Yeah.

Just like what is appropriate on for the husband and the sister who's not married. Yeah. The one that's not married yet Does she have to like pretend she's asleep or close her eyes or it's it's that she really she would be a hood or like A hawk. That's what they should do. You're right That's a fucking awesome idea. I would be like hood me Immediately goes to sleep. They could be making – I don't know how they're living. They could be making a fortune.

They could have Bill Gates money if they played this right and just kind of did tours and made videos. What kind of videos? Well, you know how- Like an OnlyFans? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess-

They would be the most successful. Really? Oh, hell yeah. What? You don't think that's a type? I think just human curiosity is the type. It's just like, I'm just curious how this all works. I mean, if they were putting out videos and they wanted everybody to see it, I'd probably have to watch it. Right?

Yeah. Are you the guy that's like, I have no curiosity about this? I don't know if I'd search it out, but certainly if a friend was like, hey, you want to check this out and show the hell of a phone, I'll see what they're up to. They both got to be involved in it, right? There can't be a hood. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, this situation is so- You love your sister.

You don't- Yeah, you don't hood her. Yeah, but still though, let's say, you know what my luck would be like, I'm a two headed guy, right? It's me and Bill, my conjoined twin. He's gay. Bill Morgan. Yeah, Bill Morgan. And Darren, Darren got born and like conjoined to you. He's gay and promiscuous. So he's constantly, my head's always bouncing around.

Can I just hold your thought? Don't forget it. All right. But I do have a question. I think that is a legitimate and it's not raunchy and it's not a joke, but the other sister who's not married to the guy, she finds a dude. How does that dude deal with then like when she, when she wants to get busy with her lover. Right.

Now his wife is now partaking and maybe that is like, maybe that's too much for him to deal with. Which means- He's like, it's cheating. You're cheating on me. He has to be really liberal then. He can't be like- You think? He married a two-headed woman. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I'm saying because if she gets a lover, and it's inevitable she will, what's going to happen when she wants to have some time with her man and he has to leave the room then and he can't? Well, maybe the best scenario would be all four of them enjoying life

at the same time. Again, though, I don't know if I could do that though. My religion forbids me from that. Yeah, that's true. But your religion also forbids you from wishing OJ Simpson was in hell. So if you're going to break one, I don't know. Oh, does it? Yeah, you got to forgive. I'm not supposed to do that. Is that for you to judge?

No. No. Glass houses and stones? No. Not even OJ. Not even OJ, bro. Hitler. You're supposed to love. Hitler. You're supposed to hate the sin and love the sinner. I'm not going to say it out because that will be a sound bite that I'll live through. Oh, you better believe it.

I was supposed to forgive that shit. Hate the sin, love the sinner, man. I don't make the rules. These are the rules. You can't just take the good rules of Christmas. You got to go by the rules. You're supposed to turn the other cheek and forgive and not judge and love. I want to know everything about the guy. Of course, you want to know the logistics. The guy who married one of them. Like, dude, how do you overlook or become attracted to, like, look, most people view

it as an oddity. It's not normal. It's a birth defect, obviously. They were able to overcome it and lead a productive life. Good for them. Yeah. But as a guy, dating. I mean, more than a productive life. Good for them. But as a guy, dating. I mean, more than a productive life. They have achieved an incredible amount of things

that I'm sure. They became the most important thing a human could become. A television star. So they achieved the highest mountain. I think there's probably – you think of only the negative – or not the negative but the seedier side of things. But there's probably things you don't even think about that are like way better though. Conversations now can be – you don't have to carry so much of the conversation with two people. But what if you're living with two fucking women who are angry at you?

Yeah, they're both pissed. The hydra's coming at you now, like fucking bitching about something you did, you know, telling you to take the garbage out. You didn't put that comic book back on the shelf. You left it out on the couch. Yeah. It's a fucking... It sounds like some real world shit.

Yeah. Coming at you. Yeah. I don't think so. That's exactly it. That's all I hear. Don't you agree? I can't imagine they let shit like that bother them when they have dealt with so much of

what they've dealt with. I bet you those trivial things like that don't even register. There's no way they can. They're still human. They still deal with it. And they're still women. I like to believe that what they have gone through, the life they have led, they are not going to let, you know.

They're like looking on the side. You didn't lock the front door last night? That's not going to matter. I don't know the people, they're just people, dude. Why not? No way. No way. I can't imagine that when you finally found your Prince Charming. It's not going to devolve into like silly, meaningless like little blow-ups, dust-ups. It's got a – it's got every once in a while. Every once in a while, it's got – you think they have a fairytale life where like no one's ever pissy about anything? Yeah, but this is a man – I mean they –

Especially if you don't like one of the sisters. Like if you don't like the non-married sister, if you're like, eh, like at first you thought she was okay and then eventually you're like, you know what, she's kind of a bitch or she's annoying or she's whatever. But you're stuck with her, just like you're stuck with your wife now. Yeah. It's rough. They're going to come back on TV, right? They got to.

How can they not? They got to. That I might watch. Oh, fuck yeah. We're going to get to the bottom of this. Definitely. Well, good for them. I hope they're happy. Yeah. And I hope they're having a hot three-way.

They seem to be. They clapped back at haters. Did they? Yeah. When she got married, I guess they hid it from the public for a little while. Okay. And then when it came out, I guess there were some people that were like, hey, you shouldn't be married. Oh, fuck you. Why should they be married? I don't know.

Who are you to tell me to be married? Who are you? Who would say that? What kind of fucking evil person would say that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I guess there were some people that were like hey, you shouldn't be married. Oh fuck you

Who would say that What kind of fucking evil person would would ever say something like that? I don't know check the internet There's plenty of them. I think we're sitting right next to one of them What do you mean I can find people on the internet that want to tell other people how to live their lives that seems Crazy you look hard enough. Yeah. Yeah. If you really search around. Oh boy. How did you spend your eclipse slash earthquake? Earthquake, I was in, I was doing an interview in Manhattan.

I didn't even notice it. Didn't notice it. I didn't feel any of the aftershocks. I was a total mess on the earthquake. Yeah. I couldn't feel any of the aftershocks. I was a total mess on the earthquake. I couldn't care less about the sun. Didn't care about the eclipse. I looked out the window. It got slightly darker for five minutes and then it came right back and that was it.

There was no darkness. I mean, you guys got the same slice of sun I got, right? It didn't really get dark during the day. No, it didn't get dark as I thought it would. Yeah, it was pretty light out. And the earthquake, I saw that New York City, like, you know, on the internet and on the news, they're like, New York City had an earthquake? It's like, no, New Jersey had an earthquake.

New Jersey. New York felt some of the aftershocks. New York felt some rumbling. Why do they gotta take everything from us? Well, New York felt some of the aftershocks. New York felt some rumbling. Why do they got to take everything from us? New York, widely regarded as one of the greatest cities ever. They still got to take our earthquake from us. Well, they still felt, just because the epicenter was in Jersey doesn't mean that... They can feel it a little bit, sure.

But it's our earthquake. Jersey's earthquake. Because the New Yorkers are entitled. Oh, yeah. They've been told they're the fucking shit forever. And now. And we've been told we're shit. So they're like, we'll just take it from them.

What are they going to do? Now they're fucking coming, you know, running to Jersey in mass. Trying to get away. Trying to get out of that fucking hell hole. Not taking the bait. That's true. We got another pod to do. Although I took it. Here's my last thing that handbags are coming

into a Vogue from men. No, you're not allowed to carry around a purse. Let me see. Travis Kelsey, LeBron James, they're all carrying around these man purses now. Well, look, man, Indiana Jones carried one of those things around. He just, you know. Was it like a satchel or was it like a mail carrier bag?

No, it was a gas mask. A messenger bag. It was a gas mask bag that he just used to carry shit around. So it was slung low and you know, and it was kind of to the side. Like I'm okay with like an Indiana Jones. I think slung lows are right. But a straight up purse for a man. Yeah, like this guy is literally carrying, like with his hand. He's carrying it. They

even show Indiana Jones in this picture. Do they? Yeah, there he is right there. There you go. See that to me is like, all right. The cost of that LeBron bag, $41,000. $41,000? No fucking way. I mean, one of the best parts about being a dude

is you don't have to carry a fucking bag around. Yeah, you give it to your girl or your wife. Yeah, hold my wallet. Like, hey, could you carry this? Yeah, put this in your pocketbook. Put this in your purse. Yeah, like what are you guys doing? You guys are giving up the fucking, the perks.

Hey, he looks dumb. Yeah. But that could be a generational thing, man. You know what I mean? 41,000. How do you price it at that? How much do you want it to cost, LeBron? I don't know, 41,000?

Yeah. Does that sound right? Fuck. Is he pricing this shit? He's so rich that he has no context of what things cost. He probably didn't even pay for it, dude. How much? Oh, definitely. Probably just give it to him. even pay for it dude. How much? Oh definitely.

Probably just give it to him. Yeah that's pretty. Hey look man, it's the same thing with guys wearing skirts. Like I don't get it, I think you look kind of dumb but like I'm not here to tell you not to do it. Yeah go ahead. Yeah go for it dude. Just know, we're laughing at you.

Oh yeah we think you look pretty dumb. But hey, but like so what? Like that's great. Yeah. It's like, so what? Like, that's great. Yeah. It's like, I was gonna pick on you for something. You just gave me the dress. Yeah, I support anybody's right to carry a person wear a dress, but man, I'm not gonna not think it's dumb.

What do you think, Walt? What, the purses? No, of the end of the show. Oh, it's that time already? Yeah. How long have we been going? We've got another pod to get on to. All right.

Guess that's it then. That's it. Tell them Steve, Dave. Yeah.