Tell Em Steve-Dave - #597: Depruded

Episode Date: May 12, 2024

Joe Imburgio joins Bry and Q to talk IJ bits, home ownership, are the space monkeys qualified to dispense advice and wikifeet.

Space Buggies Tell him Steve Dave sat recording in the comic store But Bri, Hugh felt that they needed more Quim wants in women adventure and booze Bri just wanted to debate how perfect comics And not have to lose so they traveled Hugh traveling and hitting pavements Bri providing abundances or vague navigations

But whether they win or lose, triumph or fail Listen to this podcast and they will regale you with their tales Space Buggies Space monkeys! Hello and welcome to this week's edition of... Not Tell Em Steve Dave. Oh, it's a surprise Space Monkeys. It's a surprise Space Monkeys, that's right y'all. Now, right away I wanna say. Yeah, what are you gonna say?

I don't wanna fucking read anything about it being better when Walt's here. Cause it's not my fucking fault that Walt's not here. He's got a headache. He's got a headache. The boy has a headache. Walt's got a headache. Come on now.

He's lying down with a cool rag on his head. He told us. He really is. Yeah. I'm not even kidding around. Yeah. He has a migraine. So he is not here with us today.

So it's going to be a space monkeys. And of course, when we do space monkeys, we like to help people out. I did not know this would be a space monkeys till 20 minutes before. So I did not have any time to get any problems that people might have for us to solve. So we're just going to have to run it like, you know, regular old tell them Steve, Dave. And we do have somebody who has some big shoes to fill though. Yeah, we have a guest today. Will he be able to handle it?

Well, I don't think he knows what he's supposed to, I don't know if he knows what he's up against, so I think he'll be fine. Okay. Yeah. Don't read Reddit after this, whatever you do. Great. Yeah. Yeah, but you have, this is Joe and Bergeo. Hey guys.

He is one of my favorite know, I guess he is one of my favorite people I'm comfortable saying you've said that I do a big fan of his he's a writer on jokers for many many years now many Year, how long I think it's 11 11 years. Yeah Staten Island boy Once again bad boy. I just moved back to Staten Island two weeks ago. Where were you living? I was living in Brooklyn for a while. Oh, okay.

My long weekend, and now I'm back in Staten Island. Just bought a house. Look at this guy. He's grown up before my eyes. Moving and shaking. Yeah, think about it like when you first started out, young, fresh face. Well, he's not that young. He's 37.

Yeah. Snoogers! Snoogers! I mean, I forgot till the words are coming out of my mouth. Yeah. No. All right. 11. So you started working on the TV show when then I guess odd math is 26. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Big year for me. Big year. And you were delivering pizza the day before, right? That's always my favorite story about him.

Is that you were delivering pizza the next day you're working on the show? Yeah. Not the next. I got into a car accident while delivering pizza, so there was a bit of a buffer in between there shortly afterwards. Yeah, which I love. I think that your job on our show, your role on our show, your journey on Impractical Jokers is a journey that many crew members have made. Like came in, can't really say they know exactly what they're doing, but figured it out quick and excelled. Yeah, it's a good way to get people for cheap.

You know, they don't know what they're doing. Yeah. That's it. That was the move. And that was back in the day too, when you could like, cause you know, we were just like, who are we gonna get? Let's get our friends on the show. You know what I mean?

Like now, we'd have to, you can't just hire your white friends anymore. We're gonna write it right under the wire. We might be the last show that that was able to just do that. Uh, although we've had many, many, many people come and go through it. You've, you've stayed on. Um, what is some of your bits that you've come up with that you've been proud of? Cause at the beginning of season, we'll sit in a room and come up with ideas and then we'll decide what we're shooting that season. It's a whole process. That's how we start. It used to be two months then it was a month. Now we got like four days here and there.

45 minutes there. Yeah. So some of the bits definitely have come from. Yeah. Well, I like that handing it off. We haven't done that in a while, but the one where you guys come in with a broken arm and have people fill out the form for you. Gunk out. Was that the one? Yeah, I think it might have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you on the tram, the universal tram? No. Yeah. No. No? No, that came from, because that actually happened to me on actually happened to really vacation. So what do they take credit? Refute the bag woman the woman dropped her sunglasses off and they stopped the ride and it was fucking annoying as hell And then she dropped it again really and I brought that up in the writers room

Hmm, I don't recall that I bad memory. Well, I mean, I'm not trying to take it. It was a collaboration. Yeah, let's call it that. Well, again, but even then I wanted it against, I think, Murray or Joe, and then they turned it around on me. Oh, yeah. So maybe that was- Maybe I haven't come up with anything actually. Well, you definitely came out with it.

Keeping your head down for 11 years? Yeah. No, I know that's where that punishment at least was birthed from. It's hard for me to take any kind of ownership with anything. It's like very collaborative. So I feel comfortable saying like I did that one because everyone always improves upon the kernel of an idea. Oh man.

So you've been living all this time thinking you came up with that one. Up until recently, yeah. That's what he was talking about at parties, at family gatherings. I thought it was cool. Oh, well, maybe I too. All right, then how about this? How about I told that story and you were like, holy fuck, that would be a great punishment. That must have been it.

That's it. That's it. Let's go with that. All right, so it was your idea. Thank you. Okay, there we go. We got it. We got it.

I'll take it. Yeah, I don't like... I'll cut out all that other stuff. Thank God. I don't want Reddit to know. Well, now I feel bad because I have talked about that punishment in interviews and told that story about the woman dropping the glasses. It makes sense.

I think maybe it still worked out like that it was kismet because I remember being there on the scouting like, can they pull that thing? We had – it was like an amalgamation that someone touched my neck thing. Wow. But I remember – it doesn't matter. That's funny. Yeah. The real thing about that bit is I love that shirt I was wearing and somebody spilled bleach

on it. Who did that? It was wearing and somebody spilled bleach on it. Who did that? It was never determined. It was never determined. It was in costume department. Wow. Oh, somebody on the crew did it. Yeah, yeah.

And then I can't find that shirt anymore. That explains why there was a lot of turnover that one year. Yeah. Did you talk about when you fired everyone? Bleach on the top. It was gato. Yeah, that's what I meant. Okay, yeah. Well, that's a great punishment, you know, team effort.

What else? Why don't we end on one that you actually came up with? I have no idea, man. I don't keep track of these things. I really don't. It's also hard to remember over a decade of stuff, like when people are like, hey, do you remember saying this? Hey, do you remember saying that?

It's like, I absolutely do not. Yeah. So 11 years of in the writers room and coming up with stuff. Yeah. Especially like, like you said, it's like collaborative. It's like, I absolutely do not. Yeah. So 11 years of in the writer's room and coming up with stuff. Yeah. Especially like, like you said, it's a collaborative. It's a high mind. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I guess that one of my favorite people. So. Yeah. And do you have the most longevity out of any writer there? I might. I think you do. I mean, aside from Casey, I guess.

Yeah, but Casey is not really writing anymore. Yeah. So technically, yes. Yeah. Managed to not really writing anymore. Yeah. So technically, yes. Yeah. Managed to not get fired for a while. That was my main goal. It was close for a while. Yeah, I know.

I know. It was close for a while. I came and went. You left? I was like an assistant editor, which I also was not qualified for. Oh, yeah. I never edited anything before. That's where you guys put me.

And then in the last few years last like few years. He's Got married. Yeah, it's his kid on the way. Yeah, I got a kid on the way and he's gonna get a house It's like watching it. It's like it's sad. I never wanted Joe to grow up. I know you've said I don't think you should be a father I don't think you should. You're too much fun. But all right. I try and stay fun.

You know, everybody says that though. And then they're not. And then they're not, which is understandable. Are you fun, Brian? No, no, not at all. I think it's fun. Okay. It depends.

Yeah, it depends. If I'm in a, I think if I'm in a group of people, I'm not that fun. I sort of like fade to the background. I don't like to, but if it's just like, say me and Q one on one,, I think if I'm in a group of people, I'm not that fun. I sort of like fade to the background. I don't like to, but if it's just like, say me and Q one-on-one, then I think I can be fun or like, or like me, you and Jiggy like going to Q West and that kind of stuff. Yeah, then I can be fun. Yeah. And my level of fun, I don't think is dependent on my kid because she's so old

now, she's 18. So like, I don't have to not do stuff anymore because of her. That's true. It's just like I don't look Murray doesn't have a kid He did get married, but his wife is pretty fun but Damn, she's fine. Oh, she's also fine. I saw her at Radio City the other day. Holy shit. She looks like a supermodel Melissa yeah. Yeah, she's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. It's unbelievable and also like just a great person. Yeah, she's nice But because of their you know, she's a little bit younger than Murray the fun they have Murray's Boundless energy. Yeah somehow so he'll follow her down the paths of what she wants to do

I've seen that on Instagram many times. He's out there. he's selling candles, he's at charity events, he's doing this, he's doing that. He's having a blast. Like having a daughter. Yeah. I can't follow him down that road. I'm too low energy. So when Burj was really like, everybody else started having kids.

Casey had a kid. It's weird. Dexter. Dex having kids. Casey had a kid. Dexter Luga, Dex had kids. So it's like, when you don't have kids, you hold on to those friends. So I tried to sabotage his relationship a few times. Joe, you are not the father. I texted him, what did I text you one night? If you smoked weed, you'd be my best friend in the world.

We've smoked before. I just don't do it regularly. smoked weed, you'd be my best friend in the world. Yeah, I think you did text me that. We've smoked before. I just don't do it regularly, but yes, I understand the conceit there. But he did move to Staten Island not too far away from you. Yeah, I'm closer to you geographically. So I'm hoping that that causes a resurgence. Yeah. Summer's coming up.

Yeah. I'll be out of commission for a couple months, but then how hard could it be? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. We have guys around here who are having kids and it does seem that a clamp gets put down on the Rupert. Oh yeah. Just had a kid and he's, he's not allowed to do certain things now because he's off working and then he comes and he helps us out.

And so he doesn't have a lot of time at home. So if he's like, Hey, I want to go to the movies. His wife says, no, not going to the movies. So that that's like, hey, I want to go to the movies, his wife says, no, you're not going to the movies. So that's the first thing, not the work. That's not the first thing to go. It's all the extracurricular activities. Right. Yeah, yeah.

Do you have a lot of extracurricular stuff you do? You have a party? Yeah, I play a lot of music that I'm probably have to cut back on. But we'll see. What do you play? I play bass. Play bass?

Yeah. Yeah. I do a lot of music on the show, so that's the outlet for it. Yeah, he does. I can do that. A a lot of music on the show, so that's the outlet for it. Yeah, he does. I can do that. A lot of comedy songs on the show. Mm-hmm.

Brainchild. And then, like, he also, he's, is your short film online? No, I'm keeping it offline. You're keeping it offline. Yeah. He wrote, I mean, good for you, but he wrote a horror short film. And I fucking think it's brilliant. I'm literally like, I was like, you can make, I think this will be, you're going to write

the script. He's almost done writing the script. I think he came up with a killer that he cast Richard Kind as the killer. Nice. And it is fucking awesome. And Kind is into it. He told me he would love to do it as a future version. And you hooked that up.

We were going to like approach him on the street cold Yeah, I mentioned to you like I have his number and like yeah I just texted rich I wound up in a charity event that we knew but should be at and I'd spent a lot of money on raffles Half the budget of the movie went to the Lightning game I think well worth it because his role as that particular serial killer is, it's fun. I don't even want to say who or what he does because it's wild. What it is and it's a great short film and is it playing in any festivals or anything?

We just had a few. I don't know if there's any coming. I got to check. I'm not sure. It's been just like doing a festival around, you know. And you're keeping it offline because so. Well, because we have like the feature idea. So you don't want people taking the idea instead. Yeah. And it's more like, this is a proof of concept for that. So unless we completely drop the idea, I'd rather keep it tied to the feature as opposed to like live on its own, you know?

And then one day down the line, we'll release it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So that's Joe. I wanted to give a little background on him. A little background on Joe. That I'm losing him and that he's talented.

Yeah. What's it going to be like? Because you've signed on for two more seasons. Well, we have to wade through one of them. So when these guys retire, which is inevitable. I think it's over for me. I'm going to get a life insurance policy now. I just saw Affleck, I don't know if this would apply to you, but we just saw, we were watching McMillan and wife me and get them and there's a commercial that comes on Affleck specifically cancer insurance. Oh, wow.

Isn't that weird? I'm gonna get that. Oh, you're not a smoker. I'm gonna get that. Oh, okay. Yeah, the ground water is. Yeah, I don't even want to test for the radon. I thought that was really strange that it's like, hey, like, because of course what is

insurance but to instill fear in you that like, well, if something happens, I need this, right? Every fucking time I go to the doctor, I'm like, I should just pay out of pocket. I hardly, they fucking kill you with the fucking deductible. Then on top of it, you're paying the premiums every month. I'm like, what is this for? It almost makes me want to get into a major accident so that I can fucking get my money back. Is it worth it?

It is. It's for the big one. It's for when you need it. It's so expensive. I know. Because that's what would happen. I would cancel it and then the next day something would happen. I'd be like, hello, Affleck.

Hello. Yeah. How does it feel having a kid on the way? I don't know. I don't think – it's very surreal. It's almost like there's like an infrared frequency that I haven't been able to see before. Anyone that had a kid or has happened one, I've really done a good job of ignoring the

whole thing. Now, I have to like face it and it's becoming – as the months go on, it's becoming more like – Trevor Burrus You look like a Hugh Grant movie. I'm not facing this. Yeah. Aaron Ross I have to say that I'm not looking forward to it. I'm really looking forward to it but it it's just something that I don't know.

I don't know enough to know what to expect or anything. I'm just going to embrace it as it comes. I'm excited. Yeah. Will you prepare? Will you read like Dr. Spock's book? Will you read up on baby reading? Sure, I guess.

I don't know. I haven't yet. Should I? Do you have a recommendation? You haven't assumed its gender. I fucking pray. No, I'm assuming. Oh my God.

I'm making some bold assumptions here. I'm going to have to cut that part out. It's a woman. It's a woman. It to cut that part out. It's a woman. It's a woman, not even a girl. Yeah, I, it's pretty, because Joe here is, I've always seen him as kind of a free spirit type. You called me quirky before. Quirky. Yeah, you're a quirky jerk.

In a pejorative way. My main description of Joe is that some people like to see the world burn And he's one of them. Yeah, he likes doing weird shit just to see people's the ripple effects I don't like that. I think it's intentional. You think you're just weird Actually do I see that as well Just things are kind of boring and I think that I'm I don't take things as seriously as people do. No, you do not. So, I don't know.

Also, you're down to clown in that, like, if you call him at 10 o'clock on a Saturday and be like, me and DeRose are drinking in a bar, you want to come? He's there by 1020. Say goodnight to that, I guess. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Is that that's all? You think I'm not going to miss that? I pride myself on being spontaneous.

I like to say yes to things. That's why I have this job is because I, I shouldn't have said yes to the, right. Then whatever it was, the running packet request, but I figured, fuck it. I crashed my car. What am I doing? Let me try it. Yeah.

That worked out. I guess so. Yeah. So now he's got a house. He's only had the house for a couple of weeks. He's got a baby. I'll grow to hate it. Trust me.

Yeah. Every time I turn around, something else is going wrong at my house. A light goes out. I'm like, I'm going to burn this place to the ground. Light bulb. Yeah. But are you feeling, are you feeling like, are you feeling the pressure at all? Or is it all like, ah, I got this.

Or is it like, I don't really, I don't feel pressure. This is going to sound, I mean, I'm going to shoot myself in the foot here, but I feel like whenever something comes up, I'm like, well, I have to figure it out. I don't feel pressure because I know I will figure it out at some point if that makes sense. I feel pressure in the moment but I'm like, well, by next week, this will be all forgot about this and we'll be moved past it. Do you apply that to death? Are you like, well, when the time comes, I'll navigate

this? I might be in denial about it. There's this thing in the writer's room that they think I'm fucked up because I've been describing these, well, they're like miracles, in my opinion, that other people don't view as miracles. So like, there was this flight back in the 80s. Back then, I guess, the planes used to have three engines.

One of them was on the tail. And in some sort of freak accident, the engine on the tail like blew off and cut through the hydraulics on the plane. And this has never happened before. Like they had never anticipated losing hydraulic control. There's no control. You can't steer it or anything.

Just so happened, on this flight is a guy that had been studying this exact thing in case it ever happened as a passenger. So he knocks on the door and they go up and he's able to like figure out that the one thing they have control of is the thrust of the engines. So they can raise one up with the other up and kind of like almost tank controls where they can pivot it and giving different velocity to each engine. And they make concentric circles to get down to the nearest airport. Trevor Burrus Whoa, really?

Ryan Pesce Simultaneously, by the way, back then, I don't know if you remember this before my time but like they used to do these like promotions where it was like Children's Day So there were like 50 kids unsupervised on this thing So the guy is flying the thing on his knees between the two pilots just using the thrusters I'll just gave up their control. Yeah, this was like like, they had no choice because this guy, you know. He was a guy. Yeah. And he was a pilot or an engineer or something.

It wasn't like he didn't, you know. Sure. He was in the world. And so they get to the, they finally get to make the landing and the whole thing hits the runway and bounces off and crashes violently. And they only lost like 110 people. Only? How many were in the plane 200? Okay?

It seemed like they landed just like I considered a miracle because like wow They could have lost everybody so but if they had a fucked up the landing they could have saved everybody There was no way to land a plane like that. That's insane Starting to see why other people don't see it as something, especially the 110 people who didn't make it. Well, they don't see anything. But what are the odds of that guy being on the plane? I think that's kind of miraculous.

Here it is. Look at that, United Airlines flight 232. Yeah. Wow. Is that why they put that rat thing in? Have you heard about that, the rat? No. It's called RATT. It's in a plane now. What it is is the wind turbine.

That if you lose electricity and hydraulics in a plane, this pops out the bottom, and the air starts spinning the blade, and it restores hydraulic power. It might be something. Yeah, definitely. Like I said, ram air turbine, the rat. This shit leads to all these fixes. Right, right.

Maybe that's... See how it's so old school. It's just a little fan that pops out the side that will restore electricity and hydraulic if they lose it. There's another one I read about. This one's actually a real miracle. It was like air helios or something over Greece, over Athens. After taking off, there was some kind of pressure drop and everybody in the plane went on to hypoxis, right?

Is that when you lose oxygen? Hypoxic, hypoxia. The pilots included, like everyone's passed out. It's like there's no – it's a ghost plane. It's circling on autopilot over Athens and it's going to run out of fuel and crash into this major populated city. There's like F-16ss alongside looking in the windows, they don't see anything.

And a couple hours go by and they hear a banging on the cockpit and there's a flight attendant that somehow managed to get one of these handheld oxygen pumps, like in emergencies, and he survived the whole thing and was able to get into the cockpit and take control of the plane. And he had the controls, he had some flight experience, and then the plane ran out of fuel, but he was able to get into the cockpit and take control of the plane. He had the controls, he had

some flight experience and then the plane ran out of fuel but he was able to get it away from Athens and everyone on board died but nobody in Athens died. Do you understand? Like it could have been so much worse. Somehow that guy survived and was able to save the day. Traditionally, miracles have a happy ending. It does. Everyone should have been dead. Not like a loophole or anything.

From every perspective, not from one perspective. One of the odds. happy ending. It does. Everyone should have been happy. Not like a loop forward ending. From every perspective, not from one perspective. One of the odds. Yeah, like a statue of Mary crying blood and people witnessing that. That's like a more of a memory. Yeah, that's class. I read this thing where there was a miracle. It was a statue of some holy deity and it started to seep water from the base and people were like, oh, it's weeping

or it's a miracle or whatever. So they would go there to get healed and they would be drinking the water. This sounds like a comedic miracle. It was not a miracle. No, it turned out that one of the sewage pipes had broken. Yeah, of course. It was leaking out the side. Come on. That's not a miracle. That's so funny. There you go. There it is. Sewage pipes are broken. Yeah, leaking out the side

So funny yeah clog toilet near the statue That works in mysterious ways it might be yeah You don't have enough of a chance getting sick in India. Now you're drinking toilet water off a statue's toes. I think my friend Zaluga keeps sending me videos of Indian videos of like, there's like, like rat people that they worship and like, they'll drop food on the floor and then they'll run up and eat the food because they think that person's touched. It's very crazy. I feel wrong saying this, but I've seen the videos. Yeah. Yeah. It's like really crazy shit.

People will pretend to be rats? No, they're just like, they look like they're vagrants. They're very filthy. Like lower caste system type people? I don't know what it is. Yeah. And they're eating food and then just drop their remains on the floor and people scurry up and eat that. Regular people. Well-dressed people. So homeless people are just eating food and dropping it and is this them? In their minds, they're like, yeah, they're deities of some kind and people eat the food. It's praising.

People can convince themselves of anything. Yeah, they can believe in some weird shit. That's not a miracle in my opinion. Not my kind of miracle. Wow, okay, so you think that, well, how do we, because I said you think you'll just figure out death when you get there. Well, I just, I'm kind of an optimist, yeah, I think is my opinion. He's also a younger guy. He's not thinking about it as much, I bet. Sure. I think about it, but I figure out death when you get there. Well, I'm just kind of an optimist, yeah. I think it's my point.

It's also a younger guy. He's not thinking about it as much, I bet. Sure. I think about it, but I think I'm in denial of it. Do you? Wait until 20 years from now when you're my age. Yeah. Then you think about it constantly.

I know. You see it around every corner. No, every now and then I freak out at the concept of not being conscious anymore. It bugs me out. I don't like it. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Yeah, party lights.

At the end of the night, you're on some heavy drugs and you're just like, you're like, Bugs me out and I like it. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Party lights. I don't know. At the end of the night you're on some heavy drugs and you're just like, you're like, this is as close to dying as I can get without actually dying. Yeah. It freaks me out. It does. Yeah. Yeah, it is a, it's the thing where I'm like, I just try and think of it like process it

in my head where I'm like, all right, well, a lot of things happened before I was born. It'll just be like that. Yeah. Shit'll just happen. I won't be around, which by the way is happening now. You know, there's a girl of fantasies right now dancing and we're not experiencing that whatsoever. It might as well be dead to that woman. Wait, what? We are. Yeah.

Girl of fantasies is dancing? Well, anything's happening. Okay. Anything. Anything going on in the world. I just tried to say it in a way that you would understand. Not me. These are deep thoughts I'm having.

I try to think of that sometimes. Oh, I see. Oh, that's what we pass on the way you did. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Joey. I fantasize a strip. We got pulled over, so we might have got lost. I'm a little shook.

Yeah. What did you do? What did he ultimately decide I had done was drive on a shoulder. Yeah. He's like, come on, man. You know you can't do that. Yeah, it was weird. It was like I went to get in the parking lot, and like there's the shoulder.

But there's a turning lane there too. But the shoulder starts, I don't know, it's weird. Anyway, he said I drove on the shoulder and pulled me over. And then he tried to direct me, and I just ignored him. Yeah, you just waved at him. He's going, go over. I just waved at him and parked to come into the office, and he followed me over to the office.

Q has been very, he's very underprepared for being pulled over in any real way. There's no documents in the car. He's got no idea what his insurance company is. I don't know what the insurance company is. I don't know anything. I don't know. Who's going to take a Q, man? It's me.

I was impressed. It's your old pal Q. Very good. Yeah, man. Look, the way I see it, like I was a firefighter. I have a lot of cop friends. I'm on TV and I'm white. The odds of me getting a ticket are probably in my favor, like going in my favor, right? Well, I always thought it was harder for a New York cop business card to work on a Jersey

cop. I felt like there was not a lot of respect among the departments. Is that not true? I've never heard that. Yeah, I have those cards. I gave one to a New York cop or a Jersey cop and it's from New York. Okay, yeah. I wasn't sure. But I tend to- There might be, it depends.

Like if you're a couple states over, they might tell you to go fuck yourself. I say fuck off. Courtesy, courtesy though, you know? But when I saw how old he was, the second I saw he looked like he was like 12. Don't cops look young these days? Yeah. Even to me. The second I saw him old he was the second I said he looked like it was like 12. Don't cops look young these days? Even to me.

The second I saw him I was like there's a good chance I'm not going to get a ticket here because he might know the show. He didn't let on. No I know. He played it cool. But I talked to him very familiar. I was like, hey bud what'd I do? You can call him bud.

I was like, yeah you got it bud. What do you mean? I can't find it. You know what I mean? Insurance? Well not that bud. Oh, registration. Sorry bud, I don't got that either.

The only registration I found was four years out of date. I'm like, it's the same number bud. Here, go check this out. Yeah, but it was a kid and why did you call up that picture? Yeah, so wait. Oh, so that's how. Yeah, but that's my thing on death is like, it's just going to be shit happening without you around man

Right. Yeah, in fact, I always could I was concerned myself though with like how good of a time are people gonna have once I'm gone like how quickly do people get back to their regular life? Like I want a nice morning period. You gotta leave a lot of reminders You're awake. I know I can't count on you guys. I know that to mourn me Well, at least in the way that most people would like consider a traditional mourning, my heart will be broken. But if I were, if I were looking down and like, everybody was like all sad and shit

and know like he wasn't like making a joke at my expense, that would bum me out. Yeah. Cause that's what, that's what I want. I want everybody to be as disrespectful to me as I would be to them at their funeral. It's going to like, if they me as I would be to them at their funeral. I'm just going to like, if they put you in a suit, I'm just going to like slide pages of like gay porn magazine into your pocket so if they find you hundreds of years from now they're like, we found this ancient homosexual and then that's your legacy.

That would be something. A bit I like to do with the bereaved in any kind of way because I ask them for 50 bucks. I'm like, this is a bad time, I know, but can I borrow 50 bucks? He usually gets a laugh. Yeah. At the coffin while the one is sitting there. Yeah. Yeah.

That's good. Yeah. Give it a shot. I think as you get older too, you're just like – especially like you see somebody like Kevin who had the heart attack who's our age. He's a young guy. And you start to realize more and more with each passing day, like could be today, could be tomorrow, you don't know, you don't know.

And then I'm just like, who's going to have trouble acclimating? Who's going to be like, good, like probably most of Reddit. You really are on Reddit today. Would you dip your toe back in there? No, no, I get it. I was on Reddit reading some stuff earlier. You can't do that. Reddit's never far from my mind.

I know there's somebody on there talking shit about me. You got a jettison in for that. Yeah, there's a Reddit based on this podcast. Right, right. And they don't hold back. Yeah, they're not all kind. You'd be surprised that not everybody loves us. They listen to you.

So the point that you're like, why are you listening to the show? Right, they listen to you and they comment. Yeah. Which is fine. Which is, hey man, what are you going to do? I'm just surprised you go look. No, no. It comes up in my email sometimes.

It'll be like, TSD cares and it'll have the title of whatever the thread is. It's like, hey, Walt said this or blah, blah, blah. But yeah, I don't go actively seeking it. But Get-Em's on that shit? Oh, Get-Em. Yeah. Get-Em lets me know when I need to know if it's part of Reddit type stuff. Cool.

All right. So what we do, Joe, when Walt isn't normally here, we do like advice because nobody gives better advice than the two of us. I agree. Well thought out. Yeah. Well, I got a house. I don't really have any specific questions, but do you have any homeowner advice or?

Oh, well, we were going to go to Twitter or something like that, but yeah, we have homeowner advice. I could go to Twitter. Well, isn't that what you said you were going to do? Do that, yeah. If anything comes up, I'll... Okay. Yeah.

Homeowner advice, man. That's a good one. Let's see here. I would say my big point of advice would be live in the house before you make big changes. Yeah, I know. Because I'm now in the stage where I've been in my house for a few years now and I'm like, oh, now I know to tear down this wall and do that. But it's so fucking expensive

I know that's a fucking problem to you guys to keep the show going for me. Well our show going okay? I'll give you that one. Yeah, all right Yeah, well look we're gonna stop this when they tell us to stop so who the fuck knows when that is you hope to move? The TBS will give us a little bit of shot true Nobody's looking to cancel it put it that that way. Anybody who comes in is like, oh my God, thank God I have some show at least. Because I hope you guys, you're responsible for my daughter's life. In what way?

Well, because she needs money. Oh, I need money to feed her. Yeah, really? What are you going to do? You go to a restaurant and you see Joe like a rat person. Outside the window. I would say to you, man, I told you not to do this. That's true. I told you to just hang out and have some fun. You did.

You're the one now looking, but your wife is extremely successful. Yeah, she's good. So what is she throwing you out of the house? She works very hard. She's a nurse. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's why I have health insurance. That's not my concern there.

Yeah, what are you worried about? Yeah, that's true. You're right. Everything's going to be great. You can do anything. Yeah. Yeah, what are you worried about? Yeah, that's true. You're right. Everything's gonna be great. You can do anything. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

I feel good. Nice advice. You're right. See, that's what I do. I just put the blinders on you so you can't see things coming. But I think there's nothing better for you, bud, than having a flush wife. Yeah. She's quite flush.

Yeah. She's quite flush. And that'll be good. But home ownership, man. I don't know. Len, you're going to have a big landscaping build cause that's the worst fucking thing in the world. I can mow it myself.

Landscaping is rough. Any, anything is rough. Like my, my, I didn't pick our house really. My wife did. It's bigger than I would have liked in every aspect, the yard, the house. Like every time I turned around, I'm like, there's fucking something else to do. Unless you have the money to have literally crews of people there all the time. It's like, I guess my advice would be like to learn some basic homeowner shit.

Cause like, I didn't know anything going in and I still don't know a lot. Not going to label the pipes. I don't even know what the, you know, now I know where the water cutoff is, but I never had to know that before. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I didn't know until my brother told me, I was like, lived in the house for like a year and I'm like, if the pipes had burst, I wouldn't know where the, you know, now I know where the water cutoff is, but I never had to know that before. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I didn't know until my brother told me. I was like, lived in the house for like a year and I'm like, if the pipes had burst,

I wouldn't know where the water cutoff is. There's a pipe there, like don't touch this one. If you do, it'll never close because it's an older house. You know, these things. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Thank God.

I have a sign on it that says don't touch and someone's going to touch it one day. Are you a fireman in your neighborhood? I'm both sides of my house. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Those are the house. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Those are the guys. You want to know them because everything I know about pipes, home ownership came from people calling us to go to their houses.

I have a leak. Right. You see what went wrong with that. What went wrong. And then because you're the new guy, somebody's got, all right, well, there's now two feet of water in the basement. All right. Who's going to, who do you think's going in that fucking filthy water?

They shut that pipe. It's the new guy. So it's like, all right, this is how you're going to do it. You're going to go down there and do this, not going there and do it. You do that a year, but by the end, you know where gas shutoff says water shutoff is all that, all that stuff. One of these water detectors, you guys seen these things? They beep if water, they detect water nearby, obviously, right? And I was going to, it's like wifi, so you can get an app and it'll alert you. And I was about to do it, but the instructions were in broken English.

And I was like, let me look into this thing. It's a Chinese company and like everyone is saying that it's a big security risk and like they're collecting all this unencrypted data if you sign up for it. And they're showing me like the code, like all the stuff that would be sent of mine. Who knows if like a password or I don't know what anyone's using. Maybe just return that thing. Yeah, I don't know. I'm going to. password or I don't know what anyone's using. Maybe just return that thing. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm going to. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't install it, but like every little thing is out there for you. So it's a water meter that you have to put your information into? Yeah. Well, cause you would download the app in order to, you know, if you're not home, it'll tell you there's a

leak in your basement, which is good, but I, you know, at what cost, right? Yeah. All your privacy gone. Yeah. Do you have water problems in that basement? No, but I mean, I'm just trying to be pre- proactive, pre-active. Do you have a TikTok account? No, gone. Yeah, do you have water problems in that business? No, but I mean I'm just trying to be pre-proactive Do you have a tick-tock account? No never good. Yeah

Otherwise you're already fucked see if you had a tick-tock account that be one I'd actually watch either. I'm not like a content guy You know, I'm not good with short form content. No, I don't think so. It's not you. It's not your name I'm over lengthy Sit down. We'll talk for a while. Cool. All right. How are we doing? We got any questions? Before I do that, let me get some advertisers. Yeah, we got some advertisers. People pay us for this shit.

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But I mean, what other color do they have? What tone? Say brown. Olive. My fucking years? I don't know. Available in a variety of vibrant new colors to compliment any and all. Well, let's not, let's not argue with the. What happens if you have like, um, leprosy or something, your skin is gray and sloughing off.

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He's scared of everything. Norm? Norm, yeah. He would. He's picking up on that Johnson house energy. Yeah, yeah. That doll was just sort of – Fearful.

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That's right. Right. Did you use Bluetooth when you got it? Do you recall the night of conception? I think it was organic. It was around my birthday, a big week. Oh, okay. Nice. All right. Right. Did you use blue chew when you got it? Do you recall? The night of conception. I think it was organic. It was around my birthday, a big week. Oh, okay. Nice.

All right. Well, in case, you don't even need to need this stuff. This is just look. You don't know what my penis is like. You're 37. I've heard Q told me. You're 37, so you're not 18 anymore. You're not in your prime like we used to be.

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Cialis, and Levitra, but in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost. You can take them any time, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises. Well, it takes about a half hour, so you gotta be pretty careful. You gotta anticipate the night. Yep. You know what I do? If I take one and my wife doesn't put out that night, I charge her $3.

That's good, that's smart. Because that's the cost of the pill, so. It's fair. Right? I think so. That's good. It's smart because that's the cost of the pill. So fair right So see you get one guaranteed or do you have to be aroused for it to work? It doesn't say here, but I think you need to be sort of a rather say that here doesn't copy No, yeah, I think we talked about this once and you need to I think you need to be like sort of turned on Yeah, what was concerned that you would take it and just get a phone or like an opportunity? Yeah Yeah, I think you've got to get you you know, she's still got to do her part.

You know what I mean? She's not getting her night off just because you're fucking- Taking the kid to school, you know, you pop a blue chute. There we go. You want a Meadows commercial, yeah? Lift a car. Have you Christian your new house yet? Not yet, no.

Not with, not with, fourth base. Not with fourth base, got for God. Okay, okay Felt her up in one of the I don't want to be alive if second base is considered a fucking failure second base is great What are you definitely what is your definition of the bases sex is on second base sex a second No, really like what if somebody was like Titty stuff make out his first make out. Yeah, Titty stuff is second Above and below like hands. Yeah, I guess I guess I think on digital manipulation

Okay, second base digital manipulation oral fun begins on third And then home run on the ground go on home. All right. Yeah, all types of penetrative sex. She's been on a period, so. Yeah. You don't want to get that looked into if she's pregnant. That's what she says at least. I don't know. Back to Bluechill.

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And then we got one more. I was thinking about the bases. Yeah, go ahead. They're always good. Yeah. But what was the most exciting bit? Obviously sex is like the first time you have it is probably, it's not always the most enjoyable thing like the first time, right?

You're nervous. Second base was like a real like shot in the dark for me. Like I didn't really know what was going on. And third base was when I felt like I was in a whole new me. I didn't really know what was going on. Third base was when I felt like I was in a whole new world. Third base? It was a cool, eye-opening experience to get my first blow job. Yeah. Did he review you? Was he like, hey, that was great?

No. Actually, her parents walked in as it was happening. It was abruptly cut short. Oh, no. Not into the room, but like they came home, the front door beep beep happened. There was a quick scramble and I don't know, it was almost like they ran immediately upstairs. They knew something was going on. They knew there was a fox in the hen house. The mom was carrying a bowl of cherries and they sat on the bed and like, I have to eat cherries. Wait, who was doing the deed?

She was she was in the daughter. Okay, so when you're eating cherries, there were no odd tastes or anything like that you were able to So she the mom came in holding a bowl of cherries. What did what did the girl do was she like? Whoa, and then like do a quick we all just everyone got back to one to one you know everyone put their clothes on you had enough time Yeah, and then she's eating cherries the mom plopped down on the bed and oh Had a bowl of cherries, and I have to like make small talk and eat cherries oh That's rough how old is when I knew it was a man I Know 17 or 18 okay, all right I don't know yeah, I guess that is probably the best bass.

It's a good bass. Yeah, third. They're all good basses. They're all good basses. Especially like in the beginning. Every bass around it is like, fuck yeah. This is great. I like first bass a lot.

I can hang it up first bass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not going to steal second. No. Yeah, out first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you're not gonna steal second. No. Yeah, but for oh man This is nothing like that first bra snap. Where they come out and you're like, holy shit. I've made it to second base Yeah, she's gonna let me That's why I don't like strip clubs, I feel like it's unearned, you know, yeah. Yeah. Well, you have to earn the money

That's true. Maybe I can you can find a way to think about it. I think you're past that anyway at this point. When it's time to get to your late 30s, it's like, you know. Yeah. What are you getting though? All right. What else? Is there another ad?

Yeah, I do actually. You want to bang it out now? Let's get out of the way. You want to get out of the way? Yeah. I know I want to talk to you about your underpants now. Okay. Interesting.

This is me undies. Are you familiar with – I might be wearing them now. Let me see. Get out of here. I am. All right. The microfibrosum.

Micro modale. Micro modale. I am. Yeah. If they don't count that as a great endorsement, we're wearing me undies at this table. My old apartment, someone got them ordered and like moved out and there was just a pair of me undies and I'm just like, I'm opening these. Yeah.

I committed. And then your life changed, right? Yeah. It's so different from those collars. Oh, you got the pizzas one? Yeah. Nice. All right.

So that puts it within the last two, two and a half years. Yeah. Yeah. As a matter of fact, it does. I remember the pizza ones. All right. This is the copy for this. The thing about being a guy is we're pretty much stuck with what we've got appearance-wise.

Male makeup? What to go along with my powdered wig? A Peck push-up bra? I know. We just came from set, so we both have makeup on. A Peck push-up bra? What would the bros say? What would you say if you saw me wearing a Peck push-up bra? You would the bros say? What would you say if you saw me wearing a Peck push-up

bra? You'd probably make fun of me, right? Depending on who it was. Yeah. Damn. I'd say damn. How'd the Pecks look in them? I mean, according to this copy, if I'm to take from this, what I'm inferring is that it doesn't look good. Okay. Cause let me say that's a new dimension to second base getting in a dude's bra. That's right. You ain't getting that. Yeah. Has like eight hooks on the back. Click, click, click.

That's, I was never into bras like when I was young. Cause I remember my mom had these white, that's all she ever wore was a white bra and it had like five hooks on the back, like a real strap. Yeah. And I remember thinking like the first time, like actually being under a girl's shirt and like feeling like the two hooks, I was like, well, where are the rest? Right. What kind of discount?

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Sorry, I had three this week. I had to read them all. Kaching, man. Okay. I had somebody, he was Jimmy the Hair Guy. Jimmy the Hair Guy. Wanted me to pass on to Joe Imburgio that you fucking rule. Oh, thanks.

All right. Why does he have a... Is this live? Why does he have an opinion? On Joe and Bergio? Yeah. I don't know. That's very kind. It's not live.

Let's see. He texted me. How does he know he's even here? Oh, because of when I tweeted. When I tweeted, I said, ask questions from me, you, and Jack. Oh, got it, got it, got it. Okay, there you are. S.I.

Bad Boy. Which is funny. Still funny. You regret that yet? got it, got it. Okay, there you are. S.I. Bad Boy. Which is funny. Still funny. You regret that yet? No. You still love it. The S.I. Bad Boy for life? Yeah, that's right. That's great. I'm back home now and the name makes sense again.

Yeah, it's true. I gave you a little bit of shit when you moved to Brooklyn. You did? Yeah. I knew I'd be back. We all did. Yeah, I mean, you had to come back. But I remember feeling a bit like, I thought this guy was real, man. I thought this guy kept it real, but he's not. He's over in Brooklyn. Well, it was, like I said, it's my long lost weekend.

Yeah, of course, of course. Everyone's got one. Here's one that this could happen to you. You don't know it, Joe, because now that you bought a house, how do I tell my wife that I can't stand her mother-in-law anymore who lives upstairs? Her mother-in-law? He says her mother-in-law, but that would be his mother.

I think he means her mother. I don't know what he means. Now I don't know how to answer it. Well, let's just assume that he – how does he tell his wife that he can't stand her mother who lives upstairs? Sounds like it's a communication problem in the first place between the two of them. Oh, to me it sounds like it's a fire problem. You just leave a burning cigarette.

I wish we got a little bit more info on what she does wrong. You know. Yeah, hold on a second. See if you get any more details. But you know, communication is important. That's a tough one. It's hard though to. It's hard to know without, because you don't know

if the wife feels about the mother, if the wife understands that a mother's a pain in the balls, why the fuck would you let your mother-in-law move upstairs from you anyway? Have you heard of a compliment sandwich? Where you give someone a compliment, then tell them this thing that they could work on and then end with another compliment All right, give me a compliment sandwich. Oh, I don't know. It's like, you know, you were great today on set

Thanks, bud. I think that you need to start carrying your insurance in your car more often All right, maybe your does very becoming on you. Oh, thanks something like that. I didn't really go I thought I don't have any actual critique of you right now. I'm not good. Yeah. No. There's some heavy ones here, man. This guy says, I'm genuinely worried about irrevocably losing a friend to coke.

Thoughts on how to approach telling them how worried I am without attacking them. Whoa, that is a good one. Have you ever had this issue, Joe Joe a friend losing themselves to drugs? Mmm, I did him. My answer was to give him more money. I'm not sure Like I've seen some people go, you know, I'm like I didn't know they even had a thing Yeah So I didn't have an opportunity to really chime in and some people that corrected the behavior before again Did I maybe I'm not close enough to these drug users just to know,

because I didn't, you know what I mean? They know you're square and they're like, well, if we tell a joke. That's true. Aside from smoking weed once in a while, do you do anything else? Yeah, I've done a lot of drugs. Oh, have you? Okay. Like what? I like to experiment.

What do you experiment with? I tried ketamine once and I got a haircut. I've tried coke. I've tried- Ketamine? Where'd you get ketamine? Did you just say I tried ketamine once and I got a haircut. I've tried Coke. I've tried. Ketamine. Where'd you get ketamine? What? Did you just say I tried ketamine once and then I got a haircut? The first time I tried it and then I had to

get a haircut. What's ketamine? Why? You're going to be tested for it? What's that? Were you going to be tested for it? What do you mean? Like, is that like when people don't want

drug tests, they'll like shave their heads? No, just happened to get a haircut. It was just scheduled for a haircut. My friend had some, he wanted to try it and I was like, yeah, but we're going to go get a haircut. It was a Russian woman that he knows that lived on the block and I got my haircut in her kitchen.

You ever do this before? No. I got my haircut in an alley in LA once. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes it's alternatives to the barbershop. Yeah, yeah. How did the ketamine feel? It felt like I was like one step removed from myself, you know?

It was like broad daylight. It wasn't in a nightclub. It was cool. What did it feel't in a nightclub. Hmm. Uh, I, it was cool. What it feel like? Like. Because it's an anesthetic, right? I didn't take a very high dose. It's an anesthetic.

My wife hates that I did it cause she administers it to people, you know, in like heavy doses. Uh, I guess, um, it's just sort of like, uh, like a disassociative, right? So, like I said, I felt like I was one step removed or there was a piece of glass in between my body and my mind that I was like behind if that makes sense yes and you were able to talk and communicate what you want in a haircut in that stage yeah

all right nice haircut she was a little pricey I didn't go back yeah for a woman doing in her kitchen yeah then you were spending all your money on ketamine? No, that was a free, that's a good question. You could put your hair down to your tits. Yeah. Wow, okay, ketamine. I like the loose and agetic. I've done acid mushrooms. I've experimented, I luckily don't have

an addictive personality, so I'm able to dip into these things. I used to think that, by myself. Yeah. Yeah. I was all balls when I, what's that? Molly, that was fun. Yeah, I tried Molly once. I tried Molly once, nothing happened.

I tried it, it was very, very low. I had a low, low, like, it didn't really feel like that much but my wife also took the same amount and she was like, this is the best drug ever. Right, it hits different people. Yeah. I wish I had that experience with it. It was great, but it's like a truth serum.

I was very like open and weirdly like, here's how I feel about you and how I think I can fix myself. No sandwiches. No sandwiches. I mean, I was being pleasant, but I was with a group of people that we had just recently sort of started hanging out with on vacation in a Puerto Rican farm. This is where we stayed. It was an Airbnb. But I was saying things

to them like, I was like, this is like season 12 of my life and you're the new cast of characters they brought on to like keep it going. I'm loving it. And like they didn't take it. I meant it positively. I mean, it's the most self-centered approach. I know. I understand that now. You're all living in my world, you understand. I know. It was a very solid system. You're basically extras.

Now I see. But you know what I mean? I was being very candid. You're basically extras. Now I see, but you know what I mean? I was being very candid. Yeah. But at the heart of what you were trying to say was very sweet. Yeah, I think I thought so. So what would you say to this Coke guy? I don't know.

I will say all you can do is mildly suggest, be like, dude, I want you to have a heart attack or like, you know, maybe you should slow down a little bit. But as if he's a full on like into Coke, if he's a druggie, there's nothing you can say. There's nothing you can say until they don't want to do it anymore. It has to come from within, you know, that's the thing. What if this person? That's what I found anyway. I was not ready to give up Oxy until I was ready to give it up.

Okay. Yeah. That's like rock bottom type shit. Then you're like, I've got no money. You know, I'm lying to my friends. You know, I'm just like, I feel dead all the time. More so. Sure.

Yeah, it's tough, man. What if he did a line of coke, like faked doing a line of coke in front of his friend and then faked a seizure? Pretend that he got the bad line of coke. He got the coke with the fentanyl. Yeah, and then just got down and started flip-flapping. Like a fish out of water. Yeah.

Maybe get a blood capsule in there. That's not a bad idea. They get all foamy. Yeah, and then just be like, oh my God, the doctor said I. That's not a bad idea. They get all foamy. Yeah. And then just be like, oh my God, the doctor said I almost died because it was bad coke. Maybe that'll do it. To take the question literally, it's how to approach telling them and I think it's just don't be judgmental.

Yeah. Don't criticize. Be like, it's just coming from a place of love, that kind of thing. Yeah, I think so. I think if you just lead with it, like joking aside, if you're just like, look, man, I'm just telling you this, I love you. You're just doing too much coke, man. Yeah.

Yeah. I think if you're a good enough friend with the person, like you've been friends with them long enough, like they, they can hear it unless they're so immersed in it that they're like, fuck you. I don't want to hear this anymore. Then there's no, there's probably no getting through to them unless something bad happens, but that's, that's pretty good advice. Don't be judgy. Cause I put somebody on the defensive immediately.

All right. So, it's done. We fixed it. That's not a bad boy. That's not a bad boy doing it. We fixed it. Your friend's coke problem is all done. Yeah.

Your coke problem is cured. There's another good one over here. Tom wants you to come back to TSD&D. Tom? Tom? Mm-hmm. Yeah. When are they playing again?

I don't know. Actually, we're playing tomorrow. Oh, well, when are they playing again? I don't know. We're actually playing tomorrow. Oh, well, I mean, I got to be told about it. That was step one would be to let me know when you guys are doing it before, you know, and then we can get we talk about it. Oh, I'd love to come back. They play Dungeons and Dragons sometimes. That's fine. And I played for the first time. Not I've had a good time. I used to play but this first time I played on the podcast. It's hard to do it continually, right? Oh, I had a fucking blast, but again, they have to tell me they're doing it for me to do it, but you know. All right.

Here's a lot of, I've noticed a lot of ants have problems, psychological problems, problems at home. Yeah. That might be why they relate to us so well. Because they're fucking crazy on well. Let's see. Going to be 46. This is a woman. Okay. Going to be 46. Gave up everything to care for my mom, grandmothers and raise my kids. Now they're all either past or have grown up. Now I don't have a purpose. How can I get out of this?

I just feel so down. Dear Joe. That's tough. There's no husband, I assume. I don't think so. Hold on. Let me look at the picture here. No, it's a lady with a guy. Wouldn't you just be free to pick up your marriage where it left off?

Married mom of two boys. So she's married. Okay. She lives in Jersey. 46. boys. So she's married. Okay. She lives in Jersey. Maybe he ain't delivering, man. Maybe she needs to come down to the general store and let me and you give her a little something something for her life back on track. Yeah, she could do better than us, I think.

Probably. Gonna be 46, gave up everything, can't have my mom, grandma. I mean, first I'd like to say, good on you. That sounds like you showed it a lot, dealt with a lot. Your mom, grandmother's and raised my kid, that sounds like very respectful towards your family. That's very sweet. So right away, I think you should give yourself a lot of credit and make yourself feel very

good. But look, I mean, do you think that this is, Joe, like it's just, not used to freedom, right? So he doesn't know what to do with the time. It's probably an overwhelming, like, expansive, like, what do I do with all this stuff? Yeah, all this time. I think you define your own purpose. So it's really like, is there ever a hobby that you wish you'd started? I never I truly believe it's not too late to start something. Yeah, I also think, look, it sounds cornyny and it is, but I think that the baby steps into this brand new world that you're taking. It's like, take a class, whatever, sewing class,

cooking class, whatever you're interested in doing class. It sounds corny, but I bet you like you, she needs structure right now. She has no structure. She had a lot of structure before her life was mapped out. All up the marriage. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe try something different there. But you got to find structure, which I think a class will do. I think like I have these friends, they go out every Wednesday night, every Wednesday night.

Wednesday nights, their night and they do it without fail every Wednesday. They have friends over sometimes they throw parties with fucking 15 people. Sometimes it's just the two of them. Usually it's a group of people doing things on Wednesdays. I was always jealous of that because I don't have the ability to do that week in, week out, be like, I'm doing something. But the structure of it sounds so nice. I know every Wednesday I'm going to have something to look forward to.

So it might be something as simple as like, there's a local bar or restaurant if you don't drink, Wednesdays we're going down to that. Build structure and that's where you're going to meet new people. Well, that's what she's doing. I think she's looking at it as this huge blank canvas like what the fuck do I do now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you spend your whole life thinking of other people and sometimes you just feel

it, but I think that's it. Yeah, so you spend your whole life thinking of other people and sometimes you just feel it but I think that's it. Don't look at the big picture would be my advice. My advice would be break it down into manageable chunks, get some small structure in your life. You'll make new friends. You'll be open to new experiences and I think that's what I would do if I was her. You can't just sit there and be like, what am I going to do with my life now that I have all this free time?

Because there's too many answers to that question. You know? That's something mushrooms can help. Expand your mind. Expand your mind a little bit, you think? What's that taste? Microdose? I don't know.

Yeah. When was the last time you did mushrooms? A couple years. I did acid last summer. That was fun. That was a weird one. Acid's a weird one. That was fun. That was a weird one. Acid is a weird one. It was great. It was a really nice time. We were on the beach in the, I guess the Hamptons.

And this- Well, well, well. Wow. Somebody's got to pay too much on this job. It was a bachelor party. We all split it. And we were doing it and everyone's having a really nice time. And then a family of like waspy people ran onto the beach Yeah, and like kind of started looking at us weird and they were carrying like an urn with them and started to like Scatter ashes into the ocean. It was very bizarre timing and you're on that What is going on? But they were doing it and they were like each taking turns scattering but like selfie filming it the whole time It was very bizarre tri a trippy experience. And a lot of the people in the group didn't notice. So we're having a good

time and laughing like our group of acid people. So it felt like a very incongruous like thing happening. But you were there first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Find somewhere else. There's a whole ocean. The Native Americans were there first. But yeah. Well, you don't know that. That's true. So they say. Yeah. I like to see some proofs. I see the deed. All right. You knocked that one out.

This is my thoughts. This is a tough one. Joe, how long have you been married for? Three years. Three years. Okay. So you can still remember being a single guy. Oh, yeah.

How long were you with her before that? Before we got engaged or married or we got together in like 2014. So we were together 10 years all in. Remember being a single guy? Oh yeah. Well, how long were you with her before that? Before we got engaged or married or we got together in like 2014, so we've been together 10 years all in. Okay, 10 years in. 2013-ish. All right. So you have some experience as a single guy.

Now it was different though, I think, when you were coming up. This guy's question is, how are men supposed to approach women when any interaction can get you in trouble and women can literally make anything they want up and ruin your life for any reason? His current plan is to keep his stuff and die alone. Well, first, I would say to drop that attitude. I don't think that's a realistic attitude, but that's just not true at all. I think interactions that get you in trouble is when you approach total strangers. I just think also when you're a dickhead, like my first advice would be like, you

know, don't, don't kind of be a dickhead, but like, I don't think that women are saying like, don't approach us. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's just maybe don't put the outcome you have in mind at the forefront of your actions and, and kind of, you know, like if you, if you're doing it and you expect something or have an expectation, you're bound to get let down and like bound to approach it weird.

And I think maybe just like keep an open mind and then, I'm not talking you to hook up, I'm just trying to get to know someone and read the slides there. And they'll be like, sure you are. Yeah. Sure you are. Well, it's like, you know,

I hate to say take a cooking class, but if you take a class. Bad point. Yeah, like. Not me. you have to like, look, first of all, that attitude is not a good attitude to have. I don't think that that's the way the world is. I think that's the way the world is portrayed because you read it online and everybody gets in trouble for everything you say one thing.

You look at a girl in a gym who's filming herself and suddenly you're the cat. Yeah, but that happens all the fucking time. Bad people that you should try and stay away from. Yeah. Like you just, I just, it's a very fearful approach to women right there. Now, if you're a work, I understand. But you know what I mean? Like that, I get that. I'm just like, Hey man, you best just keep it fucking on the up and up and keep it professional on the up and up and keep it professional There's plenty of hot and very nice 13 percenters. Oh, yeah, we're gonna act that way Oh, you go out to one of these Facebook groups, you know

You start talking to people meet some people start what do they call it sliding into the DMs that sort of thing? Yeah, with a nice unsolicited dick pic. Yeah, you know girls love that shit Sorry Yeah. With a nice unsolicited dick pic. You know, girls love that shit. They do. I find. Oh, sorry. That's my mom. My mother. My mom. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that you need a healthy attitude towards women. I think that, I mean, you ever really, I think take the class. Take the class. Yeah, maybe start there. Yeah, I know it sounds like a bullshit thing to say, but like- I hope that every piece of advice is taken It's like you're in a class where you're not If you're a work forget it don't do it at work. That's where I my fear would come in

I know you gotta be careful. You gotta be careful and that's for everybody's benefit fucking forget it But like I mean think guys at bars and shit are such scumbags Like there's so many stupid assholes out there that all you got to do is be respectful, not be a stupid asshole. And I think that you'll be all right. Of course, now I don't know what he looks like. We could be looking like at a fucking chud or an octopus or some shit here that I don't know about. In which case you're kind of going to be fucked because you know, women are like men. They want something they like looking at. That's true.

But you can't hold that against them. What I like about suggesting a class is if you make yourself vulnerable, I think people will appreciate that and open up to that. This is not a pickup artist thing, but if you're making yourself vulnerable, that's an easy way to connect with someone. You don't know a technique or something like cooking. It's an easy opening. It's an easy opening and it allows you to put a side of your personality on display

that's not there when it's just like, hey baby. I would say 95% of the women that I've been lucky enough to be with in my life have come to me through just social interactions, not at a bar picking them up. It's like, oh, you you going to a concert or what? You know what I mean? Because it's not an expectation. Yeah. You're just having fun.

You're having a human conversation. Next thing you know, you're around in third. And then if they get to know you, they're not going to want to like, quote unquote cancel you or because it's like they know you as a person, you know, if that's even some kind of fear. I feel like once you're into it even a little bit, you can probably get a decent read on the person. Although I got to tell you, I watch plenty of these like murder porn shows and there's lots

of people who get tricked into shit. Like it's like she was the best, you know, or he was the best and we had such a great time and then six months in suddenly like I found out like there's an insurance policy on me. I was unaware of, you know, there's nothing you can do about that though. There's no way to avoid it. That's, that's, that's, that's shitty luck.

That's, that's as shitty luck as it is good luck to have a fucking dude on your plane who knows about hydraulics. Yeah. Yeah. Being one of the hundred that lived. Yeah. I think the children lived by the way. Oh, okay. Well, that is a beautiful- They were in the good section of the plane.

Okay. Okay. All right. A lot of them at least. Yeah. Most of them lived. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that's it. But you gotta drop that fearful attitude towards women, man. If you put that out in the world, that's gonna come back. You can smell it. Yeah.

Well, it sounds like maybe he had a bad experience, right? Like this happened to him. Or maybe he's, like you say, he's just fearful because he reads about it all the time. It sounds like it, because to come in that strong. But there are crazies. We know, I was abused, remember? That girl was fucking smacking me around.

Hitting you in the head with a door. Hitting me in the head with a door. She would always throw shit at me and stuff like that. Now at this age, and that was in my 20s, I'm like, why the fuck the first time something was tossed at me? Why on earth? Oh, brother, do I hear you? Do I look back sometimes and I'm like, why not that time? What the fuck is wrong with me? What was wrong with me? But you can't project that onto women. You can't be like, that's a problem with me. There were asshole crazy women, there were asshole crazy men. It's just like, you got

to get out of it. You just got to get out of it. Take a class. Take a class, brother. Yeah. I'm sorry. This is what ran through me. Can I go pee real quick? Yeah the key for it is You'll see it open this door It's hanging on the magnet right next to the door. It's the top one. Oh Boy, we could talk about when he's gone. Yeah, I know he's not cool at all. I'm fucking this guy, man I didn't think he'd come on the show and be a dud Over here with his tails of fucking housing and children and marriage.

Supposed to be a Staten Island bad boy. I know this is not a Staten Island bad boy. Well, let's see. Maybe the hair guy's in love with Joe and Bergio for some reason. I don't, I don't know. He's, he's texting. There's a whole group text going. Yeah.

Yeah. Just get him on the phone, man. Let me find out from this guy. Let's go. What, how does, why is Let me find out from this guy what's going on. How does – why is – has he even met the guy? This is – I got to get to the bottom of this. Yo.

What's the matter with you? I'm seeing texts that you're in love with Joe and Burge, yo. Hold on. What's up, Brian? I'm reading a group text over here. I'm not a part of it, but somebody else's and That you love Joe and burge yo and you want to make out with him No, I don't want to fucking make out with any guys. I don't that seems to be the consensus Fuck the consensus give him his phone back

Fuck that good lord. Why are you so in love with Joe Merger? I'm not well, Jesus Christ on speaker get get the fuck But just why how do you even know who he is? He's a great comic This you do stand up not that I know of does he yeah You've seen him do stand up? I think he came with a bunch of the writers to one of the fucking bordering towns over here. Why the fuck am I on speaker? You're so vague. Because you're on the show. You're on Speaks Fuckers right now.

Yeah, we got a fucking border town. Fucking one of those border towns where you're fucking John Berger. Yeah, we got a border town. What's a border town? Mexico is not within sight. It's like Sol Joles or some shit. I can't remember the fucking town. I don't know. It's nearby. What's the IJ writers king?

So the IJ writers had a show or something? Yeah. Oh, okay. And you felt attracted to Joe specifically? No, I wasn't attracted. Jesus, Lord. No. Dude, there's nothing wrong with that, man.

Like at least in that way, we're very progressive here. If you wanted to, you know, we could talk to him about it. He's got a kid on the way. We were talking about how much he likes First Base too. So we got somebody online on the phone who's in love with you. Did you ever do a stand up thing in a border town in a place called Sojo's? What is this?

Sojo's? Yeah, what was the border town name? This is Jimmy the Hair Guy. The name of the club was fucking Souljo's. Oh, Souljo's. Oh, hey. Hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was the place with the nuclear power plant nearby, Pottstown or something? Yeah, yeah, that's it, Pottstown. You were there? He was there, yeah. Oh wow, God bless. He went there to see it and he felt a spark. Oh yeah? Mm-hmm.

Oh Jesus Christ. I'm not saying his eyebrow, but I mean, good Lord. You like his eyebrow? Who doesn't, you know? Wow. I've yet to run into anybody who doesn't, so you're right about that. Nice. Did we chat?

Did we communicate? No. You just stood in the corner like a wallflower? Pretty much. That's usually what I do, yeah. Soul Joel told us while we were waiting off stage for like during a bit, like in the middle of the show, he was like, yeah, a couple of people walked out. Which is really encouraging. Sort of a workshop show, so it was a little loosey goosey and he was like, yeah, a couple

of people worked out, but it's going pretty well. All right. Crazy thing to hear in the middle of the show. Despite that, it's going pretty well. All right. So you're denying your love of Joe and Bergio. You just, you think he's funny. Yeah, I think he rules.

Yeah. He rules. Thank you very much. I think you rule. Oh, you're right. Thank you very much. You rule Thanks, man. I appreciate that. All right, you know, I was end up on fucking space monkeys, but you know defending my fucking heterosexuality But now there's no defense for that We all know we've heard every time you need money. The first thing he goes to he goes I'll blow a guy those two goes, I'll blow a guy. All right, Jimmy, we'll talk to you soon. All right, buddy. See you later. Love you, buddy.

I just don't love like, like it's nothing. He loves you. He loves me. Okay. I say, I say, Oh yeah. He brought. So he, the eyebrow is what he loves. Is that what it was? I don't know. It sounded like it. You have just for anybody that doesn't know You have like a freakish. Yeah, you have like a deformed eyebrow fucked up eyebrow. Yeah, it's like it kind of hideous looking Yeah, what is that condition called? Vidal I go I believe but then I saw a dermatologist and she said of something else Yeah, that's it

I never heard this term in my whole life until like this last year And I'm assuming this was something that your parents couldn't see in ultrasound or something like that. No, otherwise I wouldn't be here Yeah, no, no, it didn't occur until I was like This is a wide eyebrow I didn't come out I came out normal when I was like three or something It's cool, man, and And you at times have colored it. Yeah, in high school. I went to Farrell. It was a rough all-boys school.

You can't ever cover that beautiful eyebrow. I know. I know this. Yeah. Who was mean to you? I don't know. The older kids. What did they say?

I don't remember names. They would call me names like they said I had mozzarella on my eyebrow. That doesn't sound that bitchish. It's really mean. No, I don't know. They'd go. They're just like, oh, you got a cum shot on your eyebrows. That doesn't sound that vicious. It's really mean. No, I don't know. They'd go. It's like, oh, you got a cum shot on your eyebrow.

They did. Actually, someone did say that. He was deeply closeted. It all makes sense now. But I don't, honestly, I swear, I don't remember specific insults, but it was like a target for sure. Do you think that it was just more inside of you than external? What do you mean?

Like you were afraid. Maybe. Maybe I was afraid to face it. So what did you use to color it? I went to a salon on Highland Boulevard called VisaV. VisaV, yeah, I remember VisaV. I would go there and they'd color it in. They'd dye it, a 40 minute situation

and listen to Zen music. Wow, 40 minutes. Yeah. I think it almost feels like it was more like my mom being like, maybe we should, you know, maybe we can help you and like get rid of this. Right. She was embarrassed of you.

She was embarrassed of me. Yeah, they were shaving and drawing them back in all arched all high and. That would have been good. So then when you, did you get to first base before you call it it or after? Yeah, first base, it was an arranged hookup. What do you mean? Were you Hindu or something? It was like, it was like my friends I was hanging out with were like, you can't come to high school

prude. They used to call each other prudes. When you haven't kissed anyone, you're a prude. You know this phrase? Sure. I haven't heard that. I've heard the word prude, but not like that. I had to get deprooted.

It was almost like a rite of passage. There were girls who were willing to deproot? Yeah. My friend's girlfriend did it. It was like one of these things. things, like an eighth grade set up. Whoa, he let his girl deprude you? Yeah. I guess that's how it was very transactional it seemed.

And how long did you- I admire that guy. Yeah, how long did you meet? I don't think they're still together. I don't think they're together anymore. Oh no, that killed it. Yeah, he got out of the way. Well, how long did you just make out with her?

Is that what that is? It was very perfunctory. Yeah, we just put our tongues together and swirled them around for a while and then it was over. Did you just make out with her? Is that what it is? It was very perfunctory. Yeah, we just put our tongues together and swirled them around for a while and then it was over. No longer prude. But I felt so good. So cool.

So deprooted. So deprooted. I was no longer. Yeah. Then it took a while for me to find it on my own without an arrangement. It's not the easiest in seventh, eighth grade, right? It's tricky. I had braces, which gave me confidence issues too, you know, for a long time, like five

years. When did those come off? Between sophomore and junior year of high school. Okay. And then junior year, I guess it almost felt like I got my confidence back. I made out with someone. It was really cool, you know. Well, you're not a prude, are you?

No, yeah. You tell me. So he graduated the high school that I graduated from but 10 years later? Yeah. I was 94, you were? 04. 04, so exactly 10. It's a 20 year reunion this month.

You gonna go? I might, yeah. I think I'm gonna. You should go. I have no problem with going. Some of my friends don't want to go and I'm just curious. I liked high school. You got once, I loved high school, yeah.

That's why I'm surprised that you got picked on because... Well, I found my circle, you know, but I found Farrell to be like pretty much like there There wasn't I didn't see a lot of that I didn't realize is it was kind of like I should have just given him back and like yeah, it's dudes I know exactly. I just took it like Gatto find somebody like real big to protect you. Yeah Pretend you're gonna to protect you. Yeah, yeah, it's true. Gatto? Yeah. I'm pretending you're going to beat him up and shit. Yeah.

Yeah, it was. It helped me develop a thicker skin, so I think it's all part of it. It's like a butterfly effect. I wouldn't change any of it. Here we are. Yeah. All right. All right.

We got another issue? Well, I have a number for the mother-in-law if we want to straighten that out. Oh, all right. Phone number? Yeah. All right, all right. Phone number? Yeah. All right. All right. Hello? Hey, it's Brian from Space Monkeys. Hello. And Q is here and Joe and Bergio is here. Hello? I feel like the mother-in-law is nearby. Oh, wait.

Is the mother-in-law right there? Yeah. All right. We'll try again another time. That is rough. All right. See you later. All right, we'll try again another time. That is rough.

All right. See you later. That was great. Yeah. What is that phone call look from the mother-in-law's side? Hello? Who is that? Yeah.

Hang up. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. We got one more. Let's see. Actually, we have a lot more. Let me try to.

Well, here's one. Okay. My lady wants to peg me. Should I let her? I don't know if this is a real question. What do you mean, of course? That's Sith base. Sith base.

You've participated in begging? No, I haven't. I'm familiar with the concept. Are you holding back right now? I don't. I'm familiar with the concept. Are you holding back right now? I don't think. I'm not against it. Nothing's ever gone inside?

Not, not, no. Not even a digit? My own finger. Wait, what? That's the worst answer you can give. Just to say, while I was cleaning in the shower years ago. Oh, okay. I was like, what would this be like?

How was it? Fine. Didn't feel anything. Felt weird in there. Yeah. I mean, this guy, the question is, how do you feel? I wasn't fine. Didn't feel anything. Oh, weird in there. Yeah. I mean, this guy, the question is, well, what's your advice to him? I mean, it sounds like he just needs us to tell him yes. Yeah. I don't think there's a real.

They said it wasn't gay. It's not gay. It's cool. Yeah. No, I don't know. I mean, it's one of those questions where it's like, I mean, if you want to. Yeah. I don't know how to answer that. I think he – I feel he almost has to do it. Yeah? And then report back?

Yeah. For one, I want to hear what it's like. Two – Well, why does your wife want to peg you? Is it out of – Well, he said his lady, not his wife. Right. And that's why I think he should do it because he has got on his hands a good

fucking girl, man. If she's like, hey man, I want to try shit like pegging, she's up for a lot. And if you let her do it, you got a chip. That's true. Then you'd be like, you know what? I want to try. I want to try fucking your best friend. That's pretty good. That's true if you can do that. Yeah, that's the way I would go. I think that is there – you're a different generation than us. Is there – do you know any of your friends into pegging who have tried it? I don't think so.

I don't think so. You know what? I actually – I can't – I shouldn't just say it, but I know someone that we both know. Really? Yeah, that has tried it, but I can't. Obviously you can't. Well, I can tell you the name and believe it.

Don't tell them. It's me. But I know this is going to be good for anybody at home, but nonetheless. Are you going to text me? No, I'm just going to show it to you. You got a picture of it? No, no, no. I got to.

While you're doing that, I'll read the next one. I've been obsessed with- I'm not done with the pig yet. I'll read the next one. Uh, I've been obsessed with the, it's okay. This, this can fit in between obsessed by get them Steve, Dave, to the point where I started to grow a beard and started to fight at random so that my teeth would get knocked out. I was close to burning my house down the other day, but the look on my hardest wife snapped me out of, snapped me out of it.

Help. I showed him the name. I showed him the name. I showed him the name. He's blown away. I didn't hear anything you just said. He's blown away. To be fair, what he told me was that he's like, well, everybody's had stuff up there. Everybody goes through that stage, right?

And I was like, well. Stage? Yeah. I was like, now look, I'm not against it. It's a tall. Go for it. No, no, no. I just didn't see that one coming. Yeah, you didn't see that one coming.

But if a man, a manly man like that can do it. Right, yeah. Anyone can. Now I say go for it, sir. Right, you gotta go for it. I mean, what, life is a rich cabaret. Although, judging by his username, maybe that's the...

Yeah. Rancid farts. Rancid farts, yeah. Maybe it's more of concern for her than it is for him. Get him. Could you click on his photo? Can we see what he looks like? Because to me, if a girl's bringing up stuff like that, I mean, that is a keeper to me. I think that's a keeper. Yeah, it's a photo of a raccoon with an assault weapon. Okay. Yeah, I think you've got a girl who's coming to you with stuff like that.

Unless she's doing something like hot wife and she wants to fuck other dudes, then you might have to have a conversation. Yeah. This one is pretty contained. Yeah. I feel like most women don't want to see their men like that. Right. So there's a whole nother psychology at play here that we can't begin to comprehend. Yeah. Like I feel like if I asked my wife, like, hey, could you peg me? I think she'd

be like, sure. Yeah. She just doesn't want to see it. Doesn't want to do it. Doesn't want to see it. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't think it should. I think you should be free to be getting pegged. I'm going to go home and demand it Yeah, fuck. Yeah, this is my goddamn house. I put on patreon man My wife would like it she'd like like enjoy that. Yeah. Yeah, just because it's me, you know Not for her just to laugh about it

Yeah One time I told her it was not me undies but I was like, you can rip these off. She got so excited to do it. Trevor Burrus Really? Aaron Ross Yeah. I was just like at any point today, you can rip these off and do whatever you want. Trevor Burrus Did you do it? Aaron Ross Yeah. It was so cool.

Trevor Burrus She had the strength to tear? Aaron Ross They were falling apart. They were very old. That's part of why she was so excited. Then she threw them and they hung right perfectly on the doorknob. It was a really crazy moment. Trevor Burrus It fucking sounds cool. Yeah, but your wife is is cool. Yeah, she's a cool lady Yeah, like I would not be surprised that you she would be able to pull off a rip and toss onto a doorknob. Yeah It was fun. Yeah, I never saw her so excited. That's why I mean the pegging thing I think she yeah, just because it's me. Can you ask her? I'll find out. Yeah, I'll go Do it. I'll go as far as I came with it before.

Yeah. All right. I'm so curious. So, get them is asking, do you use a dildo larger, smaller, the same size as your own? That's a good question. You got to start small. I think you got to work your way into it. I would think so.

Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't be prepared for it. Lots of lube and tiny little thing. Like how girls sometimes they have those butt plugs, they wear them around all day sometimes. They're very small. The bejeweled ones? The bejeweled ones, yes, yes. Those.

What, the back's like a gem? Like a gem? All right. Hey, it's pretty. Do you think that's, it's just a plastic gem, right? That's not worth any. I mean, if it was, I'd be tearing them out and fucking. Just like truffle hunting? Yeah. What color is the gem?

I saw one that was purple. Purple. Yeah. Yeah, you saw purple? I saw it was like a silvery, your basic corpse. All right, sorry. We didn't hear the other question because I told them about it. Yeah, I got it. Oh, it was a question. It was a shot at getting them. But now that you've thought it, do you kind of see it?

Yeah, I see it. Especially if I'm, yeah, I can see it. Yeah. I have the answer for this one'm, yeah, I can see it. I have the answer for this one. My wife wants tickets to see this comedian for her birthday. I cannot stand this comedian whatsoever. I obviously have to get her tickets for her birthday. How do I make it through this event? The comedian isn't BQ Quinn just to get it out there.

Okay, very funny. Walt told me this. Yeah. You just got to do it. You just got to do it. You just got to do it. You just got to do it. Yeah. I didn't want to see Blue October for the sixth time. I didn't want to drive an hour or the first.

I didn't want to drive an hour and a half to get there, an hour and a half to get back, but it's something that she loves. That's when I have to remove my natural born self-centeredness. Did you see the whole opening act too? Yes. My friends open? Not only do we see the whole opening act, but we got there an hour early accidentally. So we sat there for an hour, then the opening act. My friends opened for them. I wonder if you saw Kitten. Wasn't he? Kitten? Kitten, no, they didn't open for him when I was there. Okay. I can't remember the name of the band

that did, but I do remember liking them. They were better than the... They were better than, yeah. And Blue October by the way – it's not bad. It's just like it's kind of a little too emo-ish for me. It's not bad music. I understand why people like it. This one – Rina, I would attempt to answer this for you, but this seems very, very involved. Let's see. Again, like – holy shit.

Like, okay, Adam Lewis asked, how do I get over my dead fiancé? I'm still in love with someone I can obviously never be with. Oh, man. Man, we need a little more info on this one. Yeah. Like how long it's been, I think, without knowing any information, I mean, if a woman that I love died, I mean,

I think you just got to give yourself as much time as you need, man. I don't know if getting over it is... I don't think you ever will. Yeah. It's more about accepting and moving past, but... Fiance, man. I kind of want to know this guy is fucking... That's sad. Yeah.

I'll snap that one for next time. Yeah. That's a rough one, man. You have my sympathy on that. Our own Lulu Brown asks us, any advice for a trans woman with putting up with long-time established clients who want nothing to do with trans people? Another tough one. Jesus.

Well, again, it's like without knowing the information of what she does for a job. Yeah, what kind of clientele. Yeah, I'm not sure. Established clients who are not trans people. No, I don't think so. Because that's probably a roaring business. Yeah. Man. Well, I don't know.

Just telling you my own experience with working with people or doing things that I don't want to do for money I mean I've done shit. I don't want to do for money, so I guess it's like I you know some people will take that stance of like Hey, man, like you got us. You know you got to stand by your Your beliefs and tell those people fuck off. I'm not gonna work with you The reality of life is I guess someone's just gonna suck it up. I don't know, this is a tough one. I don't know. I don't know, without knowing the financials of the job

or anything like that. You send us your financial information. Yeah, you have a bank statement. Yeah, bank statements. Social security number maybe. I would say like if you're a trans person, you have such a hard enough climate ahead of you that maybe you don't need people like that in your lives

Yeah, but if she if she's saying longtime established clients, I'm assuming she works for a company so like Asking it transferred off those clients, maybe I mean you can kill with kindness too and just be like In the face of like I know you don't like me, but I'm gonna give you no reason not to I'm gonna be friendly. Well that's the thing I don't understand like are they do they know that she's trans and it's like ew fuck off or are they just making comments about trans people in front of her not realizing. She knows.

That that's uh that's tough to tell even her picture I can't really tell how much people would know or not know that she's trans. It's rough. I feel… That's what I'm going to do. I'm reading more and more of these. I'm just like, we're not qualified dads. This one I'm not qualified for.

I mean, yeah. Well, you're not, but that's why I'm here. Yeah. Yeah. Sweetass Bun Bun asks, should I tell my dad about my OnlyFans? I told my mom that she was super supportive, but I'm 99% certain my dad would disapprove. Well, I feel we can answer this one.

We can get, we got this one. Don't tell your dad. Don't tell him. Do not tell your dad. He'll find out on his own. Yeah, one of his friends is gonna sign up for his OnlyFans. Can we see hub picture?

Wow. Can you pull that one up again? And what are you going back to? Sweetass Bun Bun. I know you're lingering on the trans woman, which is fine. No problem, but I'd like to see the OnlyFans woman. You can pull it up. Meanwhile, I'll pimp Mary Beth's OnlyFans.

Oh, there you go. Mary Beth Rosie, M-A-R-I-B-E-T-H-R-O-S-I-E. If you want to go see some boob and butt. She's showing boob and butt? Oh yeah. Wow, how do you feel about that? We're having a party over there. I don't mind.

It doesn't bother me. You don't care at all? Yeah, not at all. We found out that apparently there's a booming market for breast milk, bodybuilders. I just read that. Yeah. I just read that somewhere. $5 an ounce.

My wife's into selling it. Oh yeah? Yeah. She's producing that much? Not yet, no. I mean, when the time comes. So I'm open to this. Well, it's different.

And a mortgage. Yeah. Here's how you know you shouldn't tell your dad. You know how everything's fine right now with him and you don't have to worry about shit? If you're 99% sure your dad is going to disapprove, why would you tell him? Yeah. There's really no reason to. Also don't know what's going on in that account. Is it just like cheesecake photos or is she like pegging some dude in it?

But why would you tell your dad? Why would you tell your dad? Yeah, I don't think there's any reason to really. I'm feeling the burden of wanting to be honest. I don't know. Sweetass Bun Bun is an Asian with curves. Sweetass Bun Bun. Is that how you're describing her or she describes herself?

That's how she describes herself. Asian with curves. Well, one of his friends is going to find it anyway. I don't know. I mean there's a lot of people on OnlyFans. There are a lot of people on OnlyFans. To stumble across that I think would be unlikely. Whoa.

Hello. Oh, she's got it right out there. It's an odd shot though. Retweet. The composition. Retweet if you love BBW Asians with a fat ass. People do like that. Of course they do.

I would not tell your dad. Although it seems like you're on Twitter naked. I would not tell your dad, although it seems like you're on Twitter naked. I would say also for me, like not love, do I still retweet? Just kidding. She's showing her face. It seems hard to believe that her parents

do not already know. Yeah, like if you're on Twitter doing this. Although I don't know, maybe her dad's an older guy. She also asked her mom, who's obviously very supportive, if she can use. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm looking at her, and if this is your type, she's a great example of it. She's pretty good.

Yeah, she's a great example of it. Whoa, she's bringing it down. Oh, she stopped, all right. I would not tell you, let your dad live in. I have an idea for an Only fans for myself where he got every day I try to suck my own dick and never I can't reach it So we kind of people holding out like hanging on to see like today's gonna be tomorrow Wait, do you do you put in the the the?

The good faith effort. Yeah Like limber up and stuff stretch. I mean, I don't think anything beyond those 30 seconds of me trying. I think it's like monkeys with a typewriter, you know, I'll get it. But the whole idea is to tease it. You don't want to see me get it. Just like scammering, like you're just rolling around the room like a potato bug, like f-rolled up just trying to get your own thing. Trying different methods.

That's also, see when you do eventually do it that's pay-per-view content. You can't get away on your regular stream. That's true. Oh God, we did it. Do you think if I started an OnlyFans account that was like literally like this my feet might be able to get people? My feet. Your feet, absolutely.

Fred Flintstone, giant Harry Hobbit feet. Yeah. There's somebody into those feet. There's probably. Yeah. There's somebody into those feet. There's probably a lot of people that are into those feet. Do you think I can get away with it without letting people know who I am or do I? It's hard to promote them because people want to see just- They want a story. Yeah.

Oh. Wiki feet, man. What is this? Wiki feet. There you go. On Wiki feet, Brian Quinn and Sal Vulcano. Wait, what? There's a Wikipedia for feet?

Yeah. This is the craziest fucking, those can't all be photos of feet with me. Appears to be. My God. Someone's profiting off your feet right now. What? Dude, that was your retirement plan.

My body just blown right now. What? That was your retirement plan. My body just blown right now. What the fuck? There are close ups of my feet. Wicked feet. This is the craziest thing. This is AI throws this together, right? AI is like fine photos of feet from the show. Oh my God.

There's some foot fetish gal out there. Hey, that's the Sunset Marquis. I love that photo. Wow, look at those feet. They're good looking feet after all. Yeah. Thong. Wow, you thong.

Wow, so there is already a market for this. Me and Shay. Little inter is already a market for this. Me and Shay. Well, interracial feet thing going on. Yeah. Shay will start a thing with me. She'll take her feet and her shoes off. Yeah. We'll put one, we'll put my right foot and her left foot in every photo.

So it's a white foot and a black foot. I would be curious to see how much you can make doing that. It sounds like you don't have to worry about not like hiding your identity. It's already out there. You might as well. I know, but is it a bad look? We'll call it a punishment. Like a failed punishment?

Yeah, whoops. Whoops. Wow, that is crazy. Yeah, what, do they have Sal's? Let me see Sal's feet. Sal has big blocky feet, doesn't he? I don't remember what Sal's feet. Sal has big blocky feet, doesn't he? I don't remember what Sal's feet. You got flat feet. Flat feet, that's right. What condition does Brian Quinn have? Could you click on that?

All right, I'm going to pass Sal's feet already. I want to know what condition I have. Sal's on the water feet. Wow, this is wild. What condition is this? Depression. Oh, depression. That's what I wanted when you were talking earlier about acid. Somebody told me, I just need to get a hold of it, but somebody told me that if you microdose, it really helps with depression. Mushrooms too, right?

Yeah. Mushrooms I, right? Yeah. Mushrooms I can get, yeah. Acid, I don't fucking know. I might have a guy. You might have an acid guy? Yeah, but like it creates neuroplasticity in your brain. So it allows you to reforge these connections, you know? I need some reforged connections for sure.

So those associations you have that are negative that trigger bad feelings, you can kind of like redirect them. It just takes the bravery of confronting them and trying to face it. That's the tricky part. What do you mean, in while you're tripping, you have to think about what's bothering you? I think a little bit. I mean, I'm no psychiatrist or anything like that,

but I think part of it is forging those new connections. Right. If your brain is like a vinyl LP, it's got those grooves in it, and they're very deep. You kind of want to create new ones. It's how I picture it. You ever been in therapy? No. Don't eat it.

I probably eat it, but I kind of like being a little fucked up. Yeah, but you're not really depressed. I never really see you as having the knee-grims, right? I'm kind of like, yeah. What is your damage? What is your problem? I don't know. Probably imposter syndrome, the usual.

I think everybody has that. I think everybody has that. Everybody has that. Yeah Think everybody has that everybody has that so at least part of the human condition Because you see other people you're like, yeah, they belong here, but they're like they don't fucking boy Yeah, these fucking mother. Maybe I think I can I can come across dispassionate about things Maybe I have a hard time like feeling excited about stuff Okay, so it's almost like I don't have these like swings of emotion dispassionate about things. Maybe I have a hard time feeling excited about stuff. Okay.

So it's almost like I don't have these swings of emotion. You too. You have a hard time getting excited about things? Exactly. A little bit, yeah. So do I. I'm going to start talking to Joe and Burjie on that. I feel like we have some very similar personality traits. Yeah. Is this good or bad? I don't know. Yeah. Going to a concert that I want to go to, I'm still like... Yeah, I don't know. So that also means I don't have the swings of manic or depressive things,

but I'm kind of so centered that it takes a lot, which is kind of why I'm always trying to experience new things. I need the thrill of another kick. You need to kill a hobo to get an erection. You have to. I'm erection. Light them up. Light them up? All right, who else we got? All right, let's see. Are there any more?

What do we got? We got a lot more, but we've already been going an hour and a half. Let me see. Let's see. I'm a – okay, so this is a woman. She is a board. She's also a TSD junkie. Don't worry about that Coke mainline that tell him Steve Dave.

Great. I'm a board 53 year old accountant. How do I get over my self-esteem issues and get back in the game? Ooh, take a class now. Back in the game. What does she mean by the game? Yeah. I guess she means like she probably got divorced or broke up with a boyfriend or something. I think she's talking about, yeah, like the sexy game with the bases and all that.

Right. Maybe she's talking about the generally accepted accounting principles. You know, you remember this gap? No. It's more of an accounting joke, I guess. What's the joke? She's just doing something that's generally not as accepted in accounting. This is a deep cut.

She's laughing at this. She's going to tell us to the accounting department they're going to crack up. These sort of jokes, when he writes them for the show, we just move on. Why isn't he delivering pizza again? I crashed my car. I'm a bad driver. Wow. Don't you wish, do you wish sometimes that you had the unbridled energy of like a Murray

or a Ming Chen? Cause I'm looking at Ming up there. Yeah. Ming, I took exception with the other day. I'll show you this fucking picture of this fool. I went to- You know Ming, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I was on Instagram. Let me see. Let me be able to find this now. I'm on Instagram and some of the things that I subscribe to are like good news stuff. One of the things was this kid with Down syndrome was playing basketball and of course they never scored the whole season and finally they made the basket with help of the other team.

It's like one of those warm, feel good type things. And then the very next fucking, the very next thing on my feed is this fucking idiot posing next to a fucking Tim Hortons cup saying, love you, Timmy's. And it immediately just drained it. Yeah, it just drained it. Got you angry? Yeah. It was just like, what is he doing? Why does he do shit like this?

Love you, Timmy's. Love you, Timmy's. And then of course has to add him and then fucking do the hashtag double double whatever the fuck that is. I guess it's some sort of coffee or whatever. What are you so angry about? I just don't know what his problem is, man. I don't think he's the one that has the problem.

Yeah, he does. Yeah, like why? Why does he have to take it away from me? Are you jealous? I don't think you're jealous. Block Ming. I can't block Ming. He's one of my best friends. Stupid bastard that he is.

He is an incredible person, Ming. He is always out there. Murray is the same way. All the energy in the world. I don't understand that at all. Yeah. I wish I had it. I wish I had some of it. Yeah. I would say to this woman. Farjik. This is lady. Yeah, sure. How does she get back in the game? Well, isn't it easier to get back in the game than ever now? Like there's all these dating sites and you can go online and meet anybody. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe some people I know, like they go on, they use, you know, like, uh, like Tinder and some of these other dating sites and they just, they fucking clean up.'s old people on field and hinge and oh is it tinder's tinder's old news now So yeah, and they just bang huh just back on that going on never I was in the Nashville two weeks ago and one of my guys my firehouse retired down there And I was at the bar waiting for him, and there's talk bartender, this nice woman, I don't remember her name. She's like, what are you doing here?

I was like, oh, I'm just meeting someone for a drink. She was like, ah, would you meet them on an app? I didn't even understand what she meant. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, an app. It was like she was speaking a different language. I was like, I don't … Soterios Johnson 18.10

Do you think you're like appetizer? Soterios Johnson 18.10 Yeah, I'm like, I don't understand what you're saying. Don't mind if I do. And she goes online. Did you meet them online? Oh, I go on an app. I go, no. I go, I actually have never had that experience in my life. I missed out on that because I think I would have fucking loved it. I think I would now. Back then I had an opportunity and like started with a little,

I was not good at selling myself. I did not have any success at all with Tinder. It was also brand new. They didn't figure out their algorithm. They would have been hooking me up. That's the thing. I think they've gotten better pairing people or something. Okay. If you think about all the data that they collected over the past decade, like- But isn't this just a bang fest? Like that's- Yeah.

Yeah. God bless. Oh man, that would be so nice. So that's, yeah, that's a good advice. That's the way to do it. Now she's 53. So she's almost as old as I am. Yeah. So yeah, she's in the same like, like right now, suddenly I'm single. I wouldn't know what to do. Like I would think Tinder was still the fucking hotspot until Joe just told me.

Right, right, right. Oh, that's her? Yeah. Okay. All right. Oh, it's her with Steve. All right. She's not a bad looking lady at all.

Not at all. What shirt she wearing? Look at her. She's cute. She can make that happen. Yeah. What shirt she wearing? Look at her. She's cute. She can make that happen. Yeah. What shirt did she have on in that other picture? Wait, is she there with those two kids?

Oh, okay. I thought it was Tom Steve David. It's Gatto Pups, I believe. Oh, Gatto Pups? You're an attractive lady. I don't think she would have that much of an uphill struggle. No. Get a nice picture of yourself.

Pop it up. What was it? Field? Yeah, field. That's for fucking. That's just for fucking. Well, I think she should do that. Yeah.

I think she should. If you want to get back into the game, you start with some fucking. Yeah. Get a little fucking. Peg a guy. Oh, look. Yeah. I guarantee she pegs someone, she'll be very excited.

Oh, that's it, man. Wait, she's in Four Color Demons? Yeah. Oh, she's all set, man. She'll be all right. Well, you know what? For the land, actually- She's attractive. She's a good looking lady. This problem, this guy has the exact opposite problem. He says, how do I stop being an incel?

Same answer. Right? Well, an incel has negative- Involuntarily celibate. Right. Like, is that what that means? Yeah. That's what that means. Involuntary. Involuntarily celibate.

Oh, so we're all incels from time to time. Yeah. Yeah, but I think you're right. The incel has the connotation of being really angry at women and being like, they won't fuck me because of this or that because they're a bunch of bitches. So he's saying he's got the self-awareness to say that he is an incel and wants to stop being one. He wants to stop being one.

Yeah, I mean, that's mushrooms join a cooking class. Yeah, well, I would say like why are women, why aren't women getting with you would be my question. Are you? That's the thing about the, that's what's tough on Twitter. Usually what we do is we'll call somebody and we talk on the phone so they can give us all this additional information.

So doing it on Twitter is tough because you don't have any of the details. Little tougher. I think that it's like a cat. You can't make them do what you want. You have to like kind of play it cool, let it come to you and then have no expectation. I've always thought women are like cats. Yeah, but if he's like grotesquely overweight and has got a poor app, no, he looks all right. He looks like a normal guy.

Yeah. I mean, maybe hit the gym a bit, man. Make some positive changes in your life. Like get yourself a little ripped. I mean, you just have to be happy with yourself. I don't know. Dad bods are in I hear Look at least that's what I'm perpetuating dad bods are an acceptable lane to be in it But I want to see this guy and he's already he's not in bad shape this guy

He's drinking some paps nor is he a bad looking guy That was 10 years ago. Okay, okay. I Think you put a little work in yourself, my friend. Get some work in yourself. Get yourself to the best version of yourself you can be. I don't know, he doesn't look like he should be having... He looks like he should be having a mountain lady, like an outdoorsy type lady, right? Yeah. Take a class.

Take a class, love yourself with some mushrooms. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Break free from generally accepted county principles. Don't be angry. Yeah, it's hard to give it to them. I would say you got to kind of fucking, how do I stop being in cell? I mean, you could also just go to a prostitute. You could, but then they would be angry at the prostitute. Probably I got to fucking pay for it. No, you got to love. You, you could also just go to a prostitute. You could, but then they would be angry at the prostitute probably. I got to fucking pay for it.

No, you got to love, you have to, if being celibate's the issue and there is legal prostitution in the United States, like, I don't know, take a swing at it. You can go and just get to know the prostitute and like connect on a human level with them. That's not impossible. Yeah, treat them like an actual human being. Yeah, that'll be nice. You know? And then once you get robbed, look for restitution from Joan Bergio.

Well, you take it as a learning experience. You're like, all right, all right. And I got robbed that time. I've had sex with a hot prostitute and then she ripped me off. Hey, life experience, man. We know people like that. Yeah, like what are you saying? Yeah, we sure do.

Yeah, a little life experience, man. You'll be all right. Do you guys know guys that have lost their virginity to prostitutes? I have met one or two people that have done that, yeah. I personally do not know. Yeah. It actually, you know, it sounds nice. Someone to guide you, right?

Well, if they're going to really take care of you throughout the process. Yeah. I picture a slightly older, like a middle-aged southern you throughout the process. Yeah, I picture like a slightly older like a Middle-aged southern woman being like alright, honey. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like all right, let's you know guide you through it gentle Maybe she gives you a little bath beforehand. That does sound nice. It does right, you know, she's supportive Yeah, I don't think there's anything stopping you from doing this. Yeah, I guess yeah And just like and and she walks you through it and she says sweet things to you while you're nothing Yeah, I don't know that that stopped anybody from being an incel I

Think have we helped sir? I don't know. I don't know All right. Well, yeah, there's an outdoor woman girl. They're wearing the same shirt It's got purple hair a Wood splitting sword look at her. Fuck man. Yeah wood splitting sword. Look at her. What the fuck, man? Yeah, that's an outdoorsy lady. Yeah. Oh, so embarrassed the other day, man.

Mary Beth fixed the dishwasher. Oh, Jesus Christ. She got cucked by a dishwasher. She fucking ordered the part. She took the whole top... I was fixing it with a bread tie because I'm like, fuck this shit, man. She went online. She Googled the part number. She got the right part. It came, she took the whole upper tray

out, took it all apart, fixed it, works perfectly now. Nice, nice. I was just like, yeah, that's it. That's what I need, a bread tie. That's my tool of trade right there. He's got a tool belt that is just filled with all those. Yeah. I mean, the bread tie wasn't working, so like I would have to jam it in like push. God damn it.

Yes. There's something fucking wrong with me. I actually do. I have a thing with my dishwasher too. Can I borrow that? Can I have that? You need this? Yeah, you should.

It's funny. All right, man. I'm going to get this guy back to his pregnant wife and new home. All right. Yes, thank you. Thank you for joining and new home. Alright. Thank you. Thank you for joining us, we appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Thank you again, Reddit.

Yeah, yeah. Hopefully we helped. Yeah, be nice to the poor boy. Yeah, be nice to Joe. No, fuck you, bring it on. Alright. Peace, assholes. Yeah.