Tell Em Steve-Dave - #599.9: Looking at Infinity

Episode Date: June 16, 2024

Q goes abroad, Walt and Frank5 plan a statue crawl, satanic kings, is AC rigged?

My mother gave it to me in her tit milk, he's going. We do brown acid. Come on, you wouldn't spread your legs for the guy who discovered electricity? Tell em Steve Dave, episode 599.5, BQ. Yes. We're so close to 600. Yeah, I appreciate you guys holding back a little bit from me. Thank you for your patience as far as gone three weeks. Yes.

Now, if you want to be a part of this whole number 600, I think we're going to do the audio like we normally do. Yeah. And then Walt very generously is going to put it on the $5 Patreon level. Yeah, if you want to watch the video, it'll drop simultaneously with the audio on Patreon, the video will. And if everybody on the $5 tier is or up is going to be able to watch the video, three plus hours, people, could be the longest TSD in history. It's definitely up there. It's up there with the Space Monkey Save Christmas for short.

How long was that one? I thought that was over four hours. Okay then it may be the second longest episode. But it flew? It doesn't feel like it at the end. It does not feel like a three plus hour episode. It's gonna feel like one hour and people are gonna be begging for more I think. Yeah, I hope so. Yeah, yeah. It's nice to be back here. I was going to say, I've been gone for some time now. Yeah, a fun gone, what's over? Where'd you go? It was Los Angeles, it was Vegas, it was supposed to be Kansas City, but I got really sick for

about five days. I was actually bedridden. Some dirty hippie at the Sphere in Vegas gave me some virus that would not let go. Will you smoke a pot and you share a doobie? No. I mean, yeah, but no, no. You weren't sharing doobies?

It was more just like, I think that, no, it wasn't sharing doobies. He's avoiding the sharing doobies question. Yeah. No, I don't share doobies. Well, how does he get you sick then? Because like you walk through this tunnel, it's like a cattle call the sphere is amazing do you know what that is I know it is I've seen pictures it's fucking unbelievable I it is it is like nothing anybody's ever seen before it you must go to see it and what you see there dead grateful dead yeah but I heard her yeah I heard it was

I'm going I gotta go back it is I'm telling you what they pulled off with, with this fear is you're looking at a modern wonder of the world. It is. Wow. It's a pretty big statement. Every aspect of it is fucking amazing. It is the greatest music venue ever ever made by far. No, I'm told that if you're susceptible to motion sickness, this might not be the place for you. Absolutely not. Every, told that if you're susceptible to motion sickness, this might not be the place for you.

Nope. Absolutely not. Every bit of it is engineered to the best possible version of it. I'm telling you, it's flawless. They nailed it. I was in there looking around being like, this is like fucking I'm proud to be a human that they pulled this off. You laugh when you go.

You've never seen anything like it. Now, are there some natural wonders that now have to take a backseat to the sphere? I don't want to hear about those fucking Egyptians ever again. Like, you guys piled a bunch of rocks. Congratulations. What is going on here? They were playing. I've never heard this before. Because the woman who was telling me, like the woman who runs it, she was telling me that like, when they built it, they said that there's never been, like football has football stadiums, baseball has baseball stadiums,

and music has always fit into these theaters and stadiums and arenas that weren't built for music. She's like, this is the place where everything was built for music. And I'm telling you, I've never heard this before. When they were playing guitar, like this, the sound is, you can't even like, you're looking at the stage, John Mayer's playing over here, Bob Weir's over here. You hear the music coming from where they're standing. And if you want to tune your ear to hear each individual instrument, oh, you can. And you hear John Mayer's fingers on the on the guitar strings like

it's fucking dude it's crazy there's speakers are you sure you just want really high dude I am I can hear fingers man it was unbelievable and each seat has speakers in it and it's not gimmicky. It's not it just supplements the sounds from where it's coming from and There's when the guys hitting the drum. It's connected right to your seat So you feel it but not in that way, you know, you see like a 40x movie and you're like this fucking sucks I'm like knocking around his fire. It's everything subtle and tuned to perfection. And what they can do with the visuals, I'll show you a video. Like you, it's a sphere, obviously it's round,

but at one point they start playing on the stage and it starts with the house that they own in San Francisco and it starts slowly pulling out. And then it doesn't stop. And then it's out of Earth's atmosphere. Like you see, you know, California up through the atmosphere, out through space, and you're going to of Earth's atmosphere. Like you see California up through the atmosphere, out through space, and you're going to be out and out. And I'm telling you, they've made the scope

of what you're seeing match your eyes. So if John Mayer's on that big screen in front of you, and they make him 40 fucking feet high, it's done in a way that he looks like a human standing in front of you. Like the, I can't fucking think, the scale of him is perfect. And like, look at this, man. They make squares. They at one point do this thing where you're looking into infinity.

All right. Anyway, so you pull out, you go out, out to the planet, you pull out. Did you do brown acid? No, I'm telling you. You don't need to brown acid pull out and like you're just staring at the earth hanging in space and you feel there's a trick to it if you're in the seats I don't know about the floor you feel like you're alone and you feel like you're in space and and he starts playing like this song about being alone in the universe it is mind-blowing I have never seen anything like it you must go to the sphere. Do not die without going to Sphere.

It's next level. I don't even have the words for it. You can't believe what they pulled off. I heard it was expensive, like 3 billion or something. It was like a crazy amount of money. Yeah. They're like, they're never going to make money. And then- Who's never going to make money? The people that own the Sphere. That's what they said. I think they were joking though. But they said, all right, so Axe really are having a hard time making money because to create the show for this is so expensive. And now they said, you two played it first and did visuals that were cool. Then Fish played it second and did a step above that.

And the woman told me before I went in, she's like, this is where the training wheels come off and you're going to see things that you never saw before. And man, was she right. And she told me that now the Eagles are playing next. And she's like, the big scramble now is they're hiring artists from all over the world. Everybody's got to top each other. She goes, you don't even know where this is going to go because what they could do with this technology, they could put you anywhere, anywhere. And you could, and you feel like you're there.

I would like to see the Eagles there. Yeah. Yeah. Their music doesn't lend itself, I don't think, to like trippy. I don't think so either. But I don't think anybody's going to do this anymore unless they know that they can top person before. And I honestly, I don't know how they're going to top Grateful Dead. It was fucking crazy. Like you're in awe.

You're just in wonder. And everybody is. You know what I mean? It's not like I'm standing like a slack-jawed yokel staring up at the ceiling like everybody's like can you fucking believe what we're looking at yeah. What was the second price going for? They're not. How would he know? No, no, that's not true. I bought my tickets. I bought my tickets. I paid a lot. I paid like 500 bucks for the seats because I wanted like good seats in this one section and then when I got there they were like just go up to the owner's suite I was like oh no I bought them because I could

only go that one night I don't want I wanted those seats what was face value you know and not a $500 seat I don't know but I've been told that you can buy tickets day of fairly reasonably yeah like it's not they're not banging over that I just wanted these specific seats because I was told that like those are the seats and then I was shown the real seats And that was nuts That was crazy And you too opened it right you too open it and they didn't do anything on this level though No, I think people thought you two did something amazing

And now they're like, oh, this is what can be done with it. Gotcha. Yeah. Gotta go to the sphere. I'm telling you, man. Why was that the fucking, he could have went to the sphere. Could have went to the sphere, yeah. I'll go again.

Yeah? Oh, heartbeat, dude. Let's pick a day and go. All right. It's not a good act. Yeah, you gotta have a good act. Like one, yeah, cause like Grateful Dead, I would sit there and be like, oh, this is all amazing, but I wouldn't be able to get into the music, I don't think.

That's not true. No? No. Really? It's something else, man. It just pulls you in. Yeah. Anyway, so that was Vegas.

Anyway, but you're also on the way out, just you had to go through this narrow tunnel with thousands of people since the cattle call. Now everyone's on mushrooms and everybody's's fucking high and dripping and running up, putting their arm on me and screaming to my face and shit like that. Then two days later, I started getting a cold. I was supposed to go to Kansas City for a charity thing and ended up getting so fucking sick I couldn't go. I actually didn't know if I was going to be able to get to London.

I was so sick and I ended up kind of pulling it out at the end. Went to London. Fucking, you know, I love that town. Yeah. But it was- Tore it up? Uh, yeah. I saw some nice pictures of you from there.

Tore it up a little bit. A lot of friends that I knew, that I know, obviously I know my friends, but a lot of people that I know were in London. Like just happened to be, cause I posted a photo online and they were like, I've got three texts, you're in London, Chris DeStefano, you were in London, like just happened to be, because I posted a photo online and they were like, I got three texts, you're in London, Krista Stefano, you're in London. Gareth, the director of the raid, we hung out a couple of nights, went out drinking. And you guys are not Oasis fans. I know that, right? What's your big hit?

A champagne Nova? Wonderwall, champagne supernova. Remember you were making fun of me? Yeah, because you had the desk in your car. I had definitely maybe, they were stealing it from my car. I found out that night, so I made friends with these gypsy travelers who were drinking in a pub. I ended up hanging out with them for like six hours. Dude, you would have loved it. They were telling me all these fucking stories. They were going to see Liam Gallagher, who was the lead singer for Oasis, was playing the first Oasis album in its entirety at the O2 arena that night.

And I was like, I'll go with you guys. And if I can win, Oh dude, it was fucking cool, man. Like it was such a great trip. Uh, so the Mets played twice, went to see a play, had a lot of drinker, but man London, it's like, I just love it. I got to move there, man. I got to move there for like a summer. Summering in London.

Yeah. Listen to this guy. One day. Young a summer. Summering in London. Yeah. Listen to this guy. One day. Young BQ. Summer abroad. Yeah. But it was a lot. It was a lot.

It was a great trip, but I did like the national gallery. I went to galleries and museums while I looked at paintings. It was a very middle-aged, it was a boozy middle-aged trip. You're hanging out, what did you call the people you're hanging out with? Gypsies? They're travelers or gypsies. They call themselves gypsies, which I thought I was like, I thought you're not allowed to say that anymore. They were like, fuck that, we're gypsies. My mother gave it to me in her tit milk. He's going, she fed me gypsy through her tit milk. And I was like,

oh, I was like, all right, cool. A tit milk, okay. Yeah. Cool. I was hooking up with strangers and that doesn you know, that doesn't sound like a middle-aged, you know, artsy fart. That sounds like a young BQ out there tearing it up. They were in their 20s too.

Yeah, they were in their 20s. Yeah, it was great. We fucking, I became good buddies with my boy, Harrison. Yeah, you got numbers, you text now? Yeah, he, I haven't heard from him. I'm starting to get a little worried about it actually. I was hoping, hoping, but yeah, it was just a great, I needed it. I needed some fun.

Mad Fientist I probably would have had to pretend, like if I were with you, I probably would have had to pretend I liked Oasis then because I don't think I'd want to tell a bunch of drunk gypsies, like I don't like the band that you guys love. Kevin No, and the Pride, it's one of those bands that they have pride. He's a local boy. I even said to him one point, because he's one of us bands that they have pride. Oh yeah. He's a local boy. I even said to him one point to like, cause he's a, you know, he's one of us. He made it. And I was like, he's been famous way more than he wasn't.

I was like, and he's famous worldwide musician and he's a known dickhead. I was like, so what are you guys so proud of? And he's like, no, he's one of us. Like he just, they just don't care. But have you ever heard of a clothing line called stone Island? No. No. No? It's a brand that the hooligans, the soccer hooligans wear out there.

Really? Apparently it's been around since the 70s and they were all wearing Stone Island, my gypsy friends. So I'm like, I looked it up online. There's a Stone Island store in Manhattan. Is there really? Yeah. I think you're going to see a lot of Stone Island. I was it up online. There's a stone Island story in Manhattan. Is there really? Yeah. I think you'd have seen a lot of stone Island. Yeah.

Great trip, but I missed you guys and I missed the show. I missed doing the show. Oh, thank you. Missed you too. It was so you could see yourself maybe joining the, the, the becoming a gypsy. I think you have to like, I think you have to have a duel and like, you know, that's some weird shit like that. You have to like know I think you have to have a duel and like, you know There's some weird shit like that You have to like you have to beat a gypsy or cut off a ear of a gypsy and a duel or something and then eat

It at midnight Like they don't have birth certificates He's like he works now for a municipal city. This is kid Harrison the water works and he was like we had to get a this kid Harrison, the water works. And he was like, we had to get a documentation, but he's like, Chipsies, we don't tell the government when we have kids, because we don't want them on the books. And he's like, we've always done that. He goes, the one time we broke that was World War II.

You could tell, I saw it. He was getting like a little pride, like I saw it building, you know what I mean? So how do they have children then, if they don't go to a hospital? I don't go to a hospital? Fucking no but he said um but he said that when world war two started like they weren't pulled in because the government didn't have any record of him he goes and my whole family went he goes like 20 guys went and registered and got their equipment social security numbers to go fight in the war

he's like we're not we're not letting a fellow Englishman fight this battle without us. And I was like, fuck man, I like that. I like that. Yeah. I don't know that I would do it. Yeah. I'm like, wait a second, nobody knows I exist. Let's keep it that way. Taxes, all that stuff.

Yeah. I liked them. That has to be, it has to be a couple of roadblocks have to be thrown up. You would think during your lifetime, if you your lifetime if no one knows you exist though. They live in caravans. Now, is this something that could only be done in Europe or do you think it's possible in America, you could pull that off, have children out and-

I think you pull it off. I think once in a while you see these religious zealots that have a bunch of kids and they live on these compounds and you don't find out about the kids until later on when they do a raid. Yeah. Nice guys. I do hope I hear from them. The Mets, do they play in a baseball stadium or they play in a stadium they play in? They play in the stadium they built for the Olympics there.

I think West Ham United play there now. But they turn it into a baseball field. What was the crowd like? Big turnout? I don't know what it holds but I would get them. Could you look that up? The London Stadium, what it holds? I would guess 50,000. And all full to see an American baseball. Who are they playing against? The Phillies. Way more Philly fans than New York fans. Do you think they travel, the fans, or do you think that they're home?

Oh, so many Americans, yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it was mostly Americans. London, you could tell. There were a lot of people walking around with baseball shirts the time that I was there, going around and. Because we were speculating when I heard

that you were at a Mets game in England. 62,000. I thought maybe there was some sort of exhibition tour going on that American baseball team was going to play a cricket team. No, that sounds fun though. I'd like to see that. That's what I was going to, I said that there's no way. Is this behind that cricket text or something? Yeah, we've mentioned that we're going to play some cricket on the Patreon.

Yeah. Somebody contacted me from, he originally is from Australia and he knows how to play cricket, has all the gear, so he's going to come and he's going to be our instructor. Oh, wow. We're going to have a cricket game. Well, you know, I believe the first cricket team in the United States was on space on San Island. Really? Yeah.

Do you think he just makes this shit up sometimes? It's always like, here's something great from Staten Island. All I'm trying to do is educate the guys on everything that Staten Island has given you. So how come cricket didn't like catch fire in the States then? Well, no, I don't know enough about cricket. I'm hoping we fixed that with this new obsession. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that was a fun text I got from you.

Do you want to play cricket? Yeah, that sounds great. Yeah, got to see, went to Highgate Cemetery, which has graves going back to the 1700s and old gravestones and they let it turn into a nature preserve so they don't really upkeep it like they do cemeteries here. So I'd be walking through these graves, these old Victorians from 1700, people dying at like 14 years old and shit and foxes would just walk across the path and stuff. It was kind of cool.

And I was wandering through Highgate Cemetery and I saw this grave and it had all these pens stuck in the ground and had a towel draped over it. And I was like, what is that? And it was, it was Douglas Adams who wrote Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is, you know, those were the books that really made me love comedy. Like those, those made me fall in love with reading those books. And that was like an oddly emotional... You didn't know, you just had no idea it was there. No clue was there. And I was like, oh man, like if I had known it was here, I wouldn't have came. That's a common name, are you sure it was the...

It was definitely him. It was the guy that's got the hand in the 42. He's cremated and his ashes are down there. It's not his body. But I was like, wow. I was like, that was really like kind of like, you know, it wasn't like bawling like, oh my God, but I was like, oh wow, this guy meant so much to me and his writing has affected my life so much. And I, uh, it was nice. It was nice to, uh, like stumble across a, thank you. I put

a, I put a pen on the grave like everybody else did. Oh, there he is. You had a pen with you? I had a pen with me. Really? You travel with pens? Not every day, but yeah, I have pens on me. Yeah, the only person I know who travels with pens is Gittum. Is Gittum, yeah. Yeah? I'm suspect of anybody who travels with a pen. Oh, that's great.

I mean, I can typewrite around. Yeah, so that was actually a very emotional highlight of the trip for me. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, oh wow Fucking cool. So anyway, I had a great time. It's been a long time since I was there. I Fell back in love with London. Yeah, you went mr. Met mr. Mrs. Met. Oh, there's a Mrs. Met now You should it well there was back in the day and they've recently brought her back You know

But are they a couple or they so. Are they brother and sister? I believe Mr. and Mrs. Matt. I was a little worried because I was like, they asked me to do it. They were like, do you want to sing the, take me out to the ballgame? And I was like, I go, look, I go, I've done this before. I go, and sometimes the crowd, they either give a shit or I don't give a shit. I go, I go, it's going to be really hard if I get up there and you guys say the guy from practicals, you always say no, but like, everyone's go, it's going to be really hard if I get up there and you guys say the guy from Fractal Yoga said, no, but like everyone's like. That's 60,000 people deciding that you don't matter at all.

So that was the only part I was a little nervous about, but it got a really good reaction. I was happy about that. I'm a fucking loser. That's good. Yeah. How long do you think Mr. Met took to get to third base with Mrs. Met? Is it a sister and where do they live? No, you said they're a couple. Oh, they're a couple? Yeah. How long do you think Mr. Met took to get to third base with Mrs. Met? Is it a sister and where do they live? No, you said they're a couple.

Oh, they're a couple? Yeah. How long? Like first date? It has to be, right? Yeah. He's Mr. Met. Probably made a first base joke that just fucking got it. Yeah. Yeah.

Look at those guys. Yeah, it was nice. It was really just a lovely trip. Nice. Yeah. I'm going away next week. We go Minnesota What are you doing there? I'm seeing a lot of statues Apparently I got the itinerary from Frank and a lot of statues on the list He wants to he wants to see as many statues as he can Pop culture celebrities and a few we want to tear down too. Oh really? The Mary Tyler Moore statue.

You can in Minnesota, I heard. Mary Tyler Moore statue you're going to see and Fonzie. Not Henry Winkler, it's a Fonzie statue which I really appreciate. I've seen that in person. You've seen it? On tour, yeah. We saw it somewhere. Oh, there it is. I think I have a picture of me with that one. Yeah, so in between those statues, hopefully there's enough other things that we can fill our time with because it's very statue heavy. What's his deal, man? He loves pop culture. Yeah. Yeah. I do too. Sure. But he gets fixated and he gets on a subject and then he needs to really devour it.

He came down a couple of weeks ago and all he did was spend it in between recording. We had stuff for Patreon recording with Frank and all he did was stalk Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi? Yeah, like going to Bon Jovi's parents' house. Oh, that was the last time he was here, yeah, because he said he'd been by Bon Jovi's house. And going to Bon Jovi's parents' house. And then going to where Bon Jovi filmed the video in Seaside. And I'm just like, dude, you're going to get arrested. Don't mention you know me if you get arrested.

Does Devin, Mrs. Five, do you think that they have a separate text chain? They have each other's phones. Do you think, because I'd love to see what that text, do you think they're talking about you guys in statues and fucking. We were, it was Mrs. Five's idea and we went on a pretzel crawl. You didn't learn from the chocolate crawl. Yeah, well we did learn and we fought like bastards to fucking not do it. And they were just like, no, we, you, we, fought like bastards to fucking not do it.

And they were just like, you know, we're going to fucking robot museums. You can go do a pretzel crawl. And they were texting back and forth about how fun it was going to be and how, you know, and don't let your significant other fill your head with the thoughts that it isn't going to be fucking awesome. It's not going to be the best. Your mind is not going to be blown. Yeah.

I love that everything that those two poor women have tagged along these guys with and like, they just want to see some pretzels and they're like, nah, we're going to go to some robots instead. I totally get it though. But we fell for the pretzel. I mean, the chocolate crawl, we knew it would, it would be the same exact thing just with even nastier shit. You know, cause how many, how many, how can you reinvent the pretzel?

There's only a few ways you can do it. I guess. And I'm not even into pretzels. I haven't had a pretzel since I was in sixth grade. But you love robots. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, so they have their own ideas on what's fun

and sometimes it doesn't align with ours. We're trying to try to go to Wrigley too. Oh cool. Catch a game, Very pretty stadium. I've heard horror stories though about, you know, about get out of Wrigley before dark, make sure it's a day game. I mean, I've been to night games there. Yeah, but you got security and shit.

No I don't. You got bodyguards. The last time when you were at the Detroit stadium, it seemed like something might have happened. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we know it. We fucking battled Detroit, man. Mean streets of Detroit.

You could take on Chicago. You could do Chicago. Most murders out of any city, I believe. Yeah, so that'll be, we'll be back rather quickly though. Okay. Yeah. But looking forward to it though. Fives are good people. They sure are, man.

Yeah, they're fun to hang out with. And amiable, you know, they're pleasers, people pleasers, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Does that mean you get to eat at Denny's or Red Robin all the time? Yeah, there's, yeah, they definitely don't care about, you know, my finicky, um, must have, you know, dinners that I... Although Frank wants to go to this McDonald's that serves every foreign McDonald's food. And I was like, sure, I'll go.

Assuming, of course, that McPizza would definitely be on the menu. Yeah, why wouldn't it? Yeah, why wouldn't it? It definitely be on the menu. I wouldn't know. Yeah, why would it's not on the menu? So that maybe I might have to fuck and suck it up that day when we go to the International McDonald's I had a McDonald's in London. I was stumbling back from the pub. I passed a Mickey D's something like sausage Perfect yeah dead on the burger is like Nuggets. I would say the fries were perfect. Yeah. Dead on. The burgers like were oddly they're better than American ones. They're like thicker beef and you could taste that there's not like a lot of like, let's make it taste like McDonald's thing. But I liked

it less. You liked it less? Yeah. I wanted the American like smaller patty, like chemically given taste. You think it's the water maybe? No, I think it's the food standards. They're way different. They're not allowed to eat. It's way healthier over there. Like you're not allowed to put as many additives in the food over there. So things are a little bit better. What else do you eat there while you're in England? Do you just sample the... Well, Ian K. Morris, my buddy, gave me a list of restaurants to try. So I went and did that. It's trying to do the English. You know, I don love English food, so it's a lot of vinegar, right? It's weird like quail egg shit. I don't know I so I like a lot of a lot of red meat like steaks

And you know things it's hard to fuck up fuck up. Yeah Did you do the blood pudding or the shit? No that shit. No, I did. Oh, I did. What's that thing? Uh, Wellington where they make the bread around the meat. Be Wellington. Yeah. It was pretty good. Yeah. I had that at, um, when we were leaving for the cruise, the, uh, Hell's Kitchen guy.

I can't remember his name. Yeah. The dude who yells at everybody. We went to Gordon Ramsey and we went to his restaurant. And, uh, Troy, Troy got it. Yeah. It was really good. Yeah. It was fucking the life. Yeah. Yeah. I, Troy got it. Yeah, it was really good. Yeah, it was fucking the life.

Yeah. Yeah, I was into it. So yeah, it was good food, you know, good museums, you know. What kind of museums? Was it like art museums? Yeah, I went to the national portrait gallery, which is just portraits of Royals. And just over the years, I mean all these paintings are 200, 300 years old, you know what I mean? And the, yeah, so I just walked, I saw Rembrandts.

Wow. I saw, you know, you're seeing all the heavy hitters. I saw a couple of Banksy's. Did you go to Buckingham Palace? I did not. No. No. How come? I just, I've seen it, you know.

But could you, could probably at this point get one of those celebrity tours, like for special celebs? I don't know about that. Find out what happened to Kate, what the deal is, what all this mystery surrounding her. I don't think I can. Figure out why she's been missing from the public eye for so long. Well, she appeared yesterday.

Oh, did she? Yeah. She finally... She was for the president's present, the's birthday thing she showed up they had a party the reason I know is they had they had a satellite garden party and Somebody who met at the game is was in charge of the New York one She's like you want to get on the guest list and I was like yeah She goes we're gonna have the back to the future DeLorean there and I was like, oh I'll go to that. Yeah

We go yesterday, but I looked it up and that picture came up how she made an appearance. She looks like Lois Lane right there. Margot Kidder. But yeah. Did you see that new portrait of the king? They're calling it Satanic. It's all red and stuff. Yeah. I saw a picture of it while I was over there. I don't know why they're calling it Satanic. Well, only because it does it Satanic. Oh, it's all red and stuff? Yeah, I saw a picture of it while I was over there. I don't know why they're calling it Satanic. Yeah, why is it Satanic? Well, only because it does look Satanic. It's just red.

Who gives a shit? No way. That shit is weird, man. Like, that is, like, get him, pull out the... That's not it. Somebody vandalized it? Oh, they just put stickers on it? Yeah, I saw it.

I don't know. Did it look Satanic? I mean, maybe I didn't look at it with, like, I just saw it. You, I saw it. I don't know. Did it look satanic? I mean, maybe I didn't look at it with like, I just saw it. You know what I mean? Oh, you see, you're saying the red looks like he's in hell. Yeah, it's a very strange. Yeah. But you know what, like- When you said the king, I thought you meant Elvis. I was like, what are we looking at

here? Now I'm actually seeing you and King Charles. Like you said, I was, all right, so the National Portrait Gallery is just room after room of 100 of those photos like that. And that one, what's a fucking butterfly? I mean, it's, yeah, I see what you mean, but why the fuck are there so many portraits, man? Can't they do something different? Like, why not?

Yeah. Or something that doesn't, it... just something off about it. I guarantee if you look at it and zoom into certain areas, I guarantee there's a couple sixes in there somewhere. Well that makes it, but you don't like that? That's like fucking metal. You don't dig it? Not when it... not with the butterfly on butterfly in his shoulder The hell does that mean? I don't know but I do know that they like paintings from the 1700s people would draw flies on on the shoulder and stuff like With it good luck. They put weird details in like that. Looks like there's a UPC code in there. I Don't know and who did this portrait an artist I was commissioned by the

By the Royals. Oh really there was a? There was a, you know the picture of Ben Franklin's on the $100 bill. The original painting of that is in the natural, the one that they used for it is in the National Portrait Gallery over there. They have a little section for Americans. It's kind of like off to the side and I was standing there looking at them with pride. I was like, yeah, we kicked your asses. They've kind of – they're over it though by now, right? No, because they're not.

I got a few comments from my new gypsy friends and even when I said like, yeah, but what about World War II? I go, if it wasn't for us, you'd be fucking speaking German. And their response was, yeah, it took you three fucking years to get here. Maybe you could have showed up a little earlier. So yeah, it seems like they still have issues about it. Yeah, that's the one I saw. It was cool to see it, you know?

He was a dog, I heard. I hope so. Ben Franklin? Yeah. Really? Yeah, he was a rascal. He was able to crush puss, Ben Franklin, looking like that, looking like an old grandma. I think he was like the party guy.

Yeah. Yeah. He didn't always look like that, Brian. Yeah. Yeah. That's just at the end of life. Yeah. It's after all the wine tastes and stuff. That's what I like to work. I mean, come on. You wouldn't spread your legs for the guy who discovered electricity? You're able to fucking read at night and you don't have to worry about a candle blowing out or, or blowing over and catching your house on fire.

Totally wants his a one-off. Oh yeah. He can hit it and quit it. Every time a blue light hides the flaws on a stripper, you have that man to bank for you and you're not going to let the fucking tuck one out on you. Just like on my arm or something. Yeah. Let the man go.

What about you? What were you up to? I didn't really- I went to Vegas. Yes. Went to Vegas. Went to Hakamania, this podcast festival for a couple days. Who was there? My buddies at, who are these podcasts?

The Creep Off, Nobody L nobody likes onions. Tukey. Didn't go to the sphere. No, because it was a Grateful Dead, so I don't want to go. Well, I think we're going back out come next fall. Let me know, man, because I want to see it again. I have to figure something out. Yeah, we went to see the Neon Sign Museum. Is that the one outdoors?

Yeah. Yeah, it always looked cool. I've? Yeah. Yeah, it always looked cool. I've seen pictures. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's small. It's not as big as I thought it would be, but it was interesting. Just like all the history of old Vegas and shit. Hanging out with your in-laws?

Yeah, hanging out with the in-laws. So funny to think you're hanging out with them. Well, we were at dinner and I was going to make a joke and then I was like, I probably shouldn't make that joke. We get dinner, the four of us, her parents and Mary Beth. When it comes time to wrap up, Mary Beth hadn't eaten all her dinner. The waitress comes over, she goes, any dessert? Mary Beth goes, no, I was a bad girl.

I didn't eat my vegetables. I was going to say, don't worry. Daddy will give her a spanking when we get home. But it's weird, because her parents are sitting there, and the waitress might not think it's funny. She might not know what this relationship is. I'll just shut up. I love this Brian Johnson showing restraint.

That is very, very nice to hear. Because the joke would have been made for only one person. It's not even worth it then. It would have been made for me. That's it. You're the one person. Oh, I'm the one person. I didn't know you were counting me too. But then we get outside and I was like, I couldn't not. So I told Mary Beth, I was like, you know what I was going to say? I told her, she was like, oh. Mary Beth's mom was like, what?

I don't assume she's not going to tell her, but she just goes and tells her parents anyway. They heard it anyway. They heard it anyway. Nice. But not even delivered with the expertise and timing that it deserved. The craft wasn't there. No, not at all. Yeah, they're skinned and fucking – like the shivers and they made their skin crawl

just in that scene. Yeah, and I'm like, you'll never guess what I do to your daughter. Just try to guess. Yeah, so we did that. She wanted to go to Penn and Teller but we didn't make it, so we're going to try to get to Penn and Teller. Because I hear one of them, Teller, is looking pretty old. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, that's what I understand. Looking like Ben Franklin. Yeah, man. He's not getting any puss in the way. One of the most famous musicians out there in Vegas. But yeah, other than that, we went out, what you doing in Vegas? Eat and she gambled a little bit. Played a Frankenstein.

I've seen that. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It fucking stole- It's alive. 25 bucks from me. Did it? Yeah, it stole pretty cool. It's fucking sold. It's alive. It's 25 bucks from me. Did it? Yeah, it stole about 40 or 50 from her.

I walked away, I was like, this is a fucking scam. It's so fast. It's just like all of a sudden all the money's gone. What the fuck? I just had $20. They just fucking trick you into being like, oh, it's Frankenstein. It's cool. Yeah.

I'm more likely to win somehow. Yeah. I'll just watch somebody else play and I can still see all the fucking bells and whistles. Still see the bells and whistles, yep, and you don't have to lose all your fucking money. I was going to play poker, but it was a $200 buy-in and I'm like, it's the world series of poker. I'm like, the chances of me doing anything other than losing my 200 bucks are very slim, so I was like, fuck it.

That's probably not even a fun crowd to play with because they're all taking it so seriously. They're all taking it very seriously, yeah. I tried to play in Atlantic City once. Supposedly it was like a low blind table and it's like you put in your three or five dollars or whatever and the next thing you know, somebody's banging it up to 80 bucks. They haven't even dealt the cards yet. Yeah. Guys like that, it's like, come on, man. It's supposed to be a friendly game. Family game, yes. Come on now. So yeah, we did that. That was about it. I think that's

all we did in Vegas. A lot of big gamblers saw it. I didn't really gamble much. I went to Atlantic City for my anniversary, just took a drive down there. How many years? 30. Wow! 94, this would be 30 years. Oh yeah, today is 30 years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you. And they were filming something in the casino. I only go to one casino, Bally's, because it has this digital, Blackjack's the only thing I'll play digitally, though. I don't want to play Blackjack at a real table because I know I'll fuck everybody else and they'll resent me.

So I like to play just by myself against the computer and they're filming a TV show or a movie. And right, and of course they're set right in front of the one machine I want to play. Like this is the only machine in the casino that offers this. So like, thankfully though, I could sit on the other side, because it's like a 360 degree table that you could play at. And one side was blocked off that no one could sit at. I could sit behind, but it's kind of curved so that you could see a little bit of me. And the security lady, she was, I don't know why you would hire a 75 year old security

lady. I don't know how that works, but like she's not that, you know, she's just going to annoy you to death rather than have any kind of real like authoritative. Maybe that's what she's going. So she goes, you could sit there, but don't stare at the camera or don't stare because, you know, and I'm like, I'm not, I don't care. I said, I go, I'm just complaining. Yeah, don't worry about it. But I was, I'm just complaining. Don't worry about it. But in between when you're playing the hand, it takes 20 seconds for the countdown before you place your bet and then it goes before – they'll give people 20 seconds to see who else is going

to bet. So in that moment sometimes, I'll just get lost in thought and think about something else. So I was just sitting there like this and I swear I wasn't even, I didn't realize, I was just lost in a daydream. Right down the barrel. What did I tell you? She was angry. You're a fucking customer, you're not giving them your money. I was like, what?

She goes, I told you not to stare at the camera. You're staring right at it. She goes, you can't sit there. And I was just like, I go, I didn't even realize I was staring at the camera. I go, what is this for anyway? What are they filming? She goes, don't worry about it. She goes, just get up.

I'm just like, I'm just going to sit there. I'm just going to sit there. I'm just going to sit there. I'm just going to sit there. I'm just going to sit there. I'm just going to sit there. I, you can't sit there. I didn't even realize I was staring at the camera. I go, what is this for anyway? What are they filming? She goes, don't worry about it. She goes, just get up. I was just like, move over there, she goes. And I was just like, that's not the machine I want to play at. I go, and she goes, I don't care. Holy shit. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, so they made me move over and then I had to wait for somebody else to get up so I can go back and sit over there. I was like, what can I do though? I just was like, whatever. I am shocked, man. But she did tell me though, and I did tell her I wouldn't stare at it. And then lo and behold, two seconds later, I'm like. Ma'am, I've been on TV before. I think I know what I'm doing.

I didn't want to say that, but I was so like, I told her, I assured her, I was like, I'm not even interested. I said, I won't even look say that but I was so like I told her I I assured her I was like I'm not even interested I said I won't even I won't even look up I said and not more than two seconds later I'm like looking at the camera like a fucking complete like I've never seen one before It's not the tenth time she told you it's the first like the second time I you could be like, oh, I'm sorry like just so you know, you were looking at the camera They I should have listened to her, though. I fucking lost 50 bucks and then I was fucking miserable. If I wasn't allowed to play the game, I would have walked away 10 bucks ahead of the game.

But of course, I went back and lost everything. So I should have just listened to her. Unless if she had left you alone, you might have went on a hot streak on that. I can't say that. It might have cost you a hot streak on that Yeah, but I'm convinced though that it's rigged the computer ones. Yeah, how can it not be right? I'm fucking convinced I'm like how can a fuck can I pull a 20? Who am I supposed to be trotting? Who am I supposed to be trusting here?

Like I know that you know Frank tells me it's not that there there's like strict rules and laws that it can't be rigged. But I'm telling you, the amount of times that I have a 20 and they get 21, I'm looking around, I'm like, fucking, I was just going to come out from behind that curtain and tell me and laugh at me at this point because there's no fucking way it could pull 21 as often as it does. I've often thought that while playing with cards, so maybe it is. I'm tempted to be like, I'm just going to play with live people because then this way I can at least know that it's real. They will help you too, like maybe not necessarily the people you're sitting with, but the dealer

will help. He'll let you know what you should hit on, what you should stay on. You say, what does the book say? What's that? That's what I always say. What does the book say? What does the book say? What's that? That's what I always ask. What's the book say? What does the book say you should do here?

Right. The book says stay. But they're gambling big bucks though at the table. What's big bucks? Like 20 bucks a hand. Yeah. I'm doing dollar hands. Right.

And you know sometimes just for shits and giggles like I'll hit on 17 because I'm only going to lose a dollar. Gives a shit, right? Yeah. And I always bust. I'm not going to do that anymore. It's not what the book says. I got my own book. It's a comic book. What should I not hit on? What should I always stay?

Stay on 17, right? Well, 17, now you have to stay on 2. I think the idea is if you have a 13, let them bust. It's based on their cards, right? So if you have 13 and they're showing a 3, you're supposed to stay. What if they're showing a 10? Because they're always fucking in-depth, almost always have a 10 face card up their hand. I think you're supposed to stay because they're showing a 10 because they're always fucking in-depth almost Always have a 10 face card of the hand. I think you're supposed to hit them. Yeah I'm constantly pulling 13s

Like where I'm stuck in limbo. I'm like that was 15. So I'm like fucker. Yeah and of course, you know Even if I get a fucking fought like I'll get a 20 with a couple fives, they'll get 21. I think I beat the system. I think I got it. Fucking I'm sitting back there with my hands behind my head going, oh yeah. I'm about to take fucking, I'm about to bust this casino. He thinks he busted us.

He thinks we built this whole fucking building. Unless assholes like him fucking take our money. Yeah. That's pretty funny, man. Oh, there's a whole chart Gettem's got up. And it's funny when I go with, when we, Frank's, well, only Frank likes to gamble. It's weird because Mrs. Five will just go sit down and like at a table and order a coffee or something. But he'll only do the slots where you just press a button. I can't do that. It's just mindlessly pressing a button. There's no thought to it.

That's notoriously an older person's game, like an elderly. Is it? Yeah. Isn't that Frankenstein the same thing? Frankenstein is the same thing, yeah. Well, dude, my wife might be 30, but she could really be 60. Yeah, but I can't do that one. The only one I could do, because I don't know how to play poker. I don't know all the rules of the other games, like with a ball.

Roulette. Yeah. I love roulette. Or craps. Craps always looks like something I want to get hit on, but people will be like, you don't know what you're doing. And I'm like, you're right. You're right. Gatto is, Gatto is craps. I've seen Gatto play.

Yeah. He'll play like, I'll go to bed. I'll wake up the next day and he's still playing. It's happened many times. He's like, he just loves it. That's not good. But then he doesn't care. Sometimes he's like, I'm like, how'd you do?

And he's like, ah, they got my money. I got to get it back later. And then sometimes you come down and. Sometimes he's like, I'm like, how'd you do? And he's like, ah, they got my money. I got to get it back later. And then sometimes you come down and he's like, nah, I'm up 10 grand. And you're like, what the fuck? You're like, this is crazy. But he loves, he just finds this happy place. My wife has got incredibly good luck playing those same games that Frank likes. She's on a pretty good run. She, for at least the last 10 times, has come away ahead. I can't say that. Nah. You're a drain on her resources.

Oh, yeah. She has told me. She has told me, like, you know, it wasn't for you. This trip would have been paid for. Yeah. Well, you paid that picture. Oh, okay. Yeah. Walt's wedding photo. Well, you paint that picture. Oh, okay. Yeah. I remember. Yeah. A wolf's wedding photo. I like it. Look how young they look.

Two young go-getters, eager to take on the world. I gotta say, your wife doesn't age that much. She really doesn't. No, no. Yeah. So you know what that comes, no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking. Yeah. I think it has to apply to some factor.

Right? Yeah, of course. But I also think it's jeans too though. Yeah, look at this crew. Walt, I'm looking at, how old are you there? 27. Walt's wedding photo, it's him in a tuxedo. To his right is Kevin Smith in a tuxedo.

To the right of that is Brian Johnson in a tuxedo. No beard. And her brother. And that's her brother's left. Yeah her older brother Wow, man, look at you guys fucking snazzy, right? Fuck. Yes It was like we're gonna roll into the fucking casino and fucking take every penny they got Useful exuberance and confidence we got funny we're pointers to the slots that that version of Kevin is the version of Kevin That's in my like when I think of Kevin because that's from that time period. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's always that version of Kevin It's funny. Mm-hmm That picture you've I know is what only thing I see in that picture Brian knows what it is

Yeah, that would be my giant thumb hanging out of my your brain knows what it is. Yeah, that would be my giant thumb hanging out of my pants. That thumb. But you all have your thumbs out. I know, but his thumb is fucking like, it's the freakish thumb I've ever seen. It's like a roll, like with those line of hot dogs on a string. Can you zoom in? It doesn't look that weird to me.

I remember the photographer being like, can't you tuck it? Look at Kevin's thumb compared to that thumb. You know, Kevin's is kind of covered by his sleeve a little bit. Remember the amazing colossal man, you know, like he looked, Brian, this looks like he drove through an irradiated field and he's starting to fucking turn into the amazing colossal man. It looks like I'm wearing a wig. Yeah.

Look at that. I was about to say, look at that fucking blowout you have. The wind swept air and shit. This is great podcasting talking about a photo nobody can see. Yeah, you're right. Of course. That's funny though. Yeah, but 30 years.

30 years, man. Definitely though, it's one of those – that that that decision that's like Glad I made it. Yeah, who knows what I where I would have been if I didn't make that's really the right decision there Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's not what that's good. Yeah Because there's lots of people if they make it to 30 years, oh, yeah They're even though still alive. Yes, don't feel like oh god. Why did I do this? Yeah Yeah, so that you know, oh God, why did I do this? Yeah, yeah. So that, you know, you thank your maker. I don't neglect to tell them that though.

No. What I'm saying, my Hail Marys. That's very sweet. I like that. It's true. So factor. Oh, dude, factor, man. I've been eating these. You're into factor, huh?

Fucking eating these factors are good, dude. I'm a customer now. I switched over. Oh, did you go to the, you used the code? I used the code. The fucking meals are good, dude. Actually look at me. I don't know if you can tell, I've lost eight pounds with this guy. Nice, congrats. Yeah, just because like they're so good and they're portioned really nice and it's just enough to keep you full but not enough to like gorge. I'm a big fan of Factor.

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they're sending you the full on meals. I preheat the oven 375, toss that shit in, 10 minutes later I'm living like a swansons. Like a swansons, but healthier. Way healthier and never not frozen. Not frozen. So it's not like a swansons at all. It's actually the airtight swansons. Like a Swanson's but healthier way healthier and never not frozen. So like not frozen. So it's not like Factor does not want to be associated with

Good the one guy seems to really like it. Yeah, it's all around. They gotta be Keep your kitchen time to a minimum factor meals are ready in two minutes. No shopping prepping cooking or cleaning up I would say to do the oven if you can don't the microwave is quicker, but I showed up at the office unannounced one night. Oh You know you're so gross. Put the oven to butter. I showed up at the office unannounced one night. Uh-oh. You didn't know I was coming.

You shouldn't have to announce it. No, but I didn't even tell them I was coming. As soon as I walk into the building, I'm like, what the fuck is that smell? I can smell it as soon as I walk in downstairs. The yarn lady's like gagging. I finally finally get, I know it's coming from here. There's no doubt about it. I know it's not the yarn lady. And this motherfucker is microwaving... What was it again? Some sort of meat? Sausage. Sausage in the microwave. How gross is that? He's an animal. You know he's an animal.

Sizzling and popping and shittling grease everywhere. You like almost expired sausage in the microwave. Just like legally, legally you could sell it. Morally, you should not be selling this. Morally incorrect sausages. It was so gross. I had to run out. I had to just give him drop off and I had to drop off and fucking run out holding my breath as the fucking tear gas was in the building. I was just like, you're fucking going to get us evicted. I said, if you keep this shit up.

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Sure. I don't know if I can back everything so enthusiastically as factor. This next one you'll be able to. Being paid to. Yeah, we're talking about Raycon. So fucking fuck up, boy. Yeah, man up and fucking. I love it. What do I love now? Now you love Raycon. Oh, absolutely. That's an easy one. I used mine in What is it? Now you love Raycon. Oh, absolutely.

That's an easy one. I used mine in London. Oh, did you? Yeah, I did. It's got a little clip. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a little clip. Carabin eclipse, I clipped it on mine.

So how do you power your Raycons? Because don't they have like special... USB-C. Don't they have like outlets that don't match our outlets? Yeah, but I have this little... Adapter. It's an adapter, but it looks like a like a multi six strip But it has the British plug but it converts it the electricity to you know, normal American

Why won't they just fucking give up that ghost and just go? universal American Charging I don't know same reason they won't use the regular system instead of the metric system. The same reason they want to use euros instead of dollars. They've got to be special. Well, is it because they just don't get – they don't have the same amount of juice that American are able to get at their house? It could be.

They're like – they're running on like – It's like a constant brown out almost over there. They have this thing. They couldn't handle American juice. Yeah, probably not. Fucking Ben Franklin, motherfucker. Guess where he's from. Represent.

It's funny. Let's see. Raycon. Yeah. Raycon, yes. If you haven't pulled the trigger on a pair of Raycons or even if you have, but you're back in the market for another pair because they're just that good, now is the time to check them out because they just launched their upgraded model of the best-selling everyday

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Then only one more. This is because we took a couple weeks off, so all the ads, they build up and I got to get them done. Get her done. Get her done, otherwise we can't pay for shit like episode 600. You know what's not fair? I'm going to tell you, Q. What?

The fact that Netflix hides thousands of shows and movies from me based on my location and then has the nerve to keep increasing their prices. Now you can just cancel your subscription or protest or you can be smart about it and make sure you're getting your full money's worth like I do by using ExpressVPN. How it unblocks content. It hides content from where you are based on your location. Let you change your online location so you can control where you want Netflix to think you're located.

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Is this a subscription or is this a one-time purchase? This is a subscription thing, subscription-based. Yeah. I use one. I'm going to switch over to this one. Yeah, I use one too. I use this one actually. So be smart.

It's not paying full price for streaming services and only getting access to a fraction of their content. Get your money's worth at ExpressVPN.com slash TESD. Don't forget to use the link at ExpressVPN.com slash TESD to get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. All right. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. There's any ants out there, any any you guys are like cybersecurity experts because I read a frightening thing the other day that was like if you use Google

They have every keystroke you've ever thought like even if you type something in and delete it To respell it correctly. They have every movement that you've ever done in a Google search bar Which is like that's fucking crazy Yeah, I is like, that's fucking crazy. Yeah. I hear shit like that. I'm just like, what are they going to do with it? Like I miss type something or I typed in whatever, no, what are they going to do with all that stuff? But I w that's why I want the cyber security. I wonder if there's a cyber rant down there.

Well, I think we have one under as an employee, I would consider him as good as any cyber giggle, but I'm serious. This man – He's prone to like conspiracy theories. He's – He's been right though more than he's been wrong on his conspiracy theories though. We played a game with Sunday Jeff last week where Gideon had to guess percentages of certain things.

I was shocked at how often he came close to the mark. Trevor Burrus Really? Jeff S How many people believe the NFL is rigged? Jeff S Right. And then Gittem would give a percentage and then me or Jeff would have to go higher or lower. And I got to say I was really surprised at the number of times that Gittem was like – I

mean a couple of times he was way the fuck off. but but for the most part he was he was right there, man So you think that translates into security? No, I think is a secure mine Are you so you're asking if any ants out there? What are you looking for an ant to do for you? Well, it's just like why do we need VPNs? Why do we? How are they tracking us? What I'm just, I mean, look, I use DuckDuckGo and I'm always like, I've used it for years and I'm always like, eh, that's what I mean. Look, what the fuck? I'm like, you, I'm like, what are they? They're finding out on Amazon buying peanuts for squirrels. Who gives a shit?

But there's something to it. You know what I mean though? You're like, I, if I have the choice between people not knowing about the peanuts, I'd rather they didn't know. Yeah, I'd rather they didn't know. And so I used DuckDuckToGo, but I'm like, fuck, am I falling for something? Is DuckDuckToGo like, yeah, we got all those keystrokes. Yeah, DuckDuckToGo isn't like the dark web where you actually have to type in a website to get there. DuckDuckToGo is just a-

Well, it's his own browser, but they don't track you and they don't, this is what they say. I don't know if I'm getting a large fish hook in my mouth here. Well then maybe there's a cyber ant out there who could come in here and go toe to toe with Gittem. And we can test Gittem's knowledge if he's ever allowed to speak on mic again. I will put my money on Gittem's knowledge up against any ant or non-ant at this point. In regard to cyber security? No, I'm talking about in general knowledge. I believe that, um, Gideon would mop the floor with most ants and I think he would

dominate non-ants. I think he would dominate non-ants. Like it would be like, like it'd be cruel or be like, like his way he'd fucking pwn non-ants who are mostly, I don't want to say it, but most non-ants are dumb fucks. Yeah. Well, if there's an ant out there that wants to put his cyber knowledge up against Getham, please make yourself known. I've heard, there's a couple ants who claim that they have, if not 148 IQ, even more that

I would love to see get them go up against and trounce in a battle of IQs. Maybe we can set something up. Do you want that? I'm telling you, man, this is... I spend a lot of time with him. He... It's like Stockholm syndrome. I am blown away about like – there is nothing I can't say when I say if I have some sort of problem that – like he doesn't Google it.

He just knows it. And people are like, oh, he just knows Google. He just went and Googled something. He just knows – he retains memory about – about he read something so it's not real knowledge I go it's not true. Yeah, I'm telling you he's a problem solver All right, well, let's let's get him toe-to-toe one. Okay, I'll set it up for an episode I'm gonna get are you smarter than a get him? Yeah, I know that guy Stu Stu. Yeah, sure He's a professor. Oh, yeah

Mm-hmm. I'm gonna bring in maybe I'll bring in Frank and Stu to some two of the more cerebral No, you can't make Frank five the guy going. Oh, that's right So on the last episode you weren't't here. You would have been proud of me as a former fireman. I thwarted a shopping plaza destroyed by a raging fire. Tell me, tell me about it. So I was- Tell me too, because I haven't heard this story. I told you the story.

Of raging fire, yeah. Well, I mean, it could have turned into a raging fire. Sure, I understand. No fire starts out as a's a raging fire right now telling stories like firemen Recognize your game. I respect it raging So I'm leaving the pizza parlor that I always I mean, I know listeners I've heard this story already but Q hasn't so you're not to put up with it. And I see this little puff of smoke billowing from this area where there's a lot of mulch in the plaza, a lot of bushes and trees.

This is how long ago? While you were in England. This has been pretty dry lately. Yeah. Yeah. And I am befuddled because I'm like, there's some sort of fire underneath the ground? I've never seen such a thing. I don't know what it is.

My brain is kind of like frazzled. Mind blowing. Yeah. I don't know. So as I approach, I get out of the car and I approach it. And as I approach it, I see orange flames, like at least six inches high erupt out of – You're starting to get an erection right away, right?

No, I'm not. I'm not a fire bug. It's an erection. No, actually the opposite because I don't like fire at all. I'm terrified of fire. So I am – Fire bad. Yeah. You're full of Frankenstein's monster. I just did a movie quote.

There you go. And Walt didn't hate it. This is the matter of the right movie. Yeah. So I – in my head, I'm like, is that a gas leak underground? Is there like a pipe that is broken and now there's gas coming from on you at the ground? So I don't know whether I should stamp it out or kick mulch on it to put it out. Good question. The fact that you're even thinking like that is interesting. And I don't want to burn. I got new skips on. So I'm like, I don't want to

melt my new sneakers. I'm wearing my old sneakers. I think that's fair. So I'm like, all right, what do I do here? As a fart leaps to an orphanage. Sneakers still look good. Fresh kicks. These are the freshest kicks. So I go into the pizza parlor and I say to the guys who they aren't the friendliest of guys, but that's okay. They're there to make pizza, good pizza. That's all I care about.

Is pizza good? I'm with you. Bang. I don't need, I don't need scintillating conversation. And I say, do you guys have a bucket of water? Because I know you're not going to believe this, I said, but there's like a midget volcano out there. You're right.

Of course, they look at me as if like – I look at people when they came into the stash are like, is Kevin Smith here? Oh, God, shut up. And they don't want to, but they just look at me like I'm an annoying pest. I go, I know it sounds crazy, I said, but it looks like there's an underground fire under the ground. And I guess if you can just give me a bucket of water or a pail of water, I'll throw it on air and I'm sure it'll go out. I don't know what it – and I go, look, you can see a little bit of the

smoke. And they go, oh, all right, we'll take care of it. And I leave – They're stealing your fire from you. They don't trust you with the pail. Well, no. And they came out with a bucket. It actually needed two buckets. Two bucket fire. Two bucket fire. Is that a big one? It is now. It actually needed two buckets and even two buckets. Two bucket fire. Two bucket fire. Is that a big one?

It is now. I would say it was a two alarm fire. So I get in my car after I think – I kind of scope it out. I'm like, hey, it looks like it's under control. I've done my part. I saved the plaza. Yeah. I'm sure I'm going to get a free lunch out of this tomorrow, but it didn't happen.

But I come back to the plaza to get him and within a millisecond he goes, mulch fire. I go, mulch fire? He goes, yeah. They burned down mansions in New Jersey. They've had horrendous damage to fast food joints. They happen constantly and you don't even hear about them. Okay. And boom, it was a mulch fire. Yeah, what started the mulch fire? He told me that a mulch fire if it's too if you don't keep your mulch wet, that mulch will if the pressure of the mulch on

top of it, especially if it's super hot, will cause spontaneous combustion. This is not happening. That is true. Get out of here. No, it is true, right? Get him? The weight of mulch starts fires. No, because the weight of the mulch on top where it's all building up all this heat, especially if it hasn't gotten wet.

Heat from where? The heat from the sun hitting it all day long. It's like it's because it's organic material or something. You know what's in mulch, right? It's all fucking, it comes out of your asshole. Yeah. Is that normally flammable? Do you have issues with that? Yes, you don't know. You never see someone put a lighter up to their butt when they fart? You're talking about methane?

Yeah, it's in your fucking intestines, bro. I, look, what do I know? I was only trained by the best of the best. They never discuss mulch fires, like pressure of mulch breaking out. You're gonna wanna cut this. You're gonna wanna cut this because you're gonna look so bad. If I'm wrong, no, no.

Hey man, look, one of the things about being a fireman is being like, all right, I have something new to learn. He showed me countless videos of fire departments. I'm not saying mulch doesn't get on fire. Of fire departments responding to mulch fires. Yeah, okay. I'm not doubting that mulch can catch fire. All right, Q, I got an email from somebody who works for mulch being like, you know, kind of cop into like, yeah, most people don't know it. But yeah, mulch can spontaneously

combust into a fire. Like we have to keep our mulch wet, because we have so much of it on our property that we sell that it is a hazard that we have to be aware of. That makes sense because if it's dry and something besides the pressure of the the light wood chips starts a fire, yeah that I understand the mulch could... I'm not saying mulch isn't combustible, which certainly is. I'm just saying he's telling you that it's the mulch is so heavy that it's starting fires. No it's just that when why did it start underneath ground and not on top of the mulch? Because the weight and the heat all is in a pocket. Something had to start the fire.

Yes, spontaneously started by the heat. I don't believe that that happens. It happens. I don't believe that that happens. A lot. It does. He's been out looking for fires ever since. Do you know that they won't sell mulch past a certain spot in America because it's too dry and

hot? Nobody's saying that mulch can't catch fire. I understand that. Because it's so prone to catch on fire. It's wood. And feces. Sure. Where do you get the feces from? Oh, it's definitely full of feces, right?

Well, it's got fertilizer in it. Yeah. It's like a natural process. You didn't know that either? No. What the fuck am I to potting with? Two fucking groups that just stepped off the banana boat? What the fuck?

You're being all right. I don't think that's true. My mulch knowledge until last week was bottom of the barrel. I brought it up to Mary Beth though. I was like, did you know mulch can until last week was bottom of the barrel. I brought it up to Mary Beth though. I was like, did you know mulch can catch fire? She's like, yeah. Like I was an idiot.

Yeah, there's no doubt. The argument is not can mulch catch fire. Spontaneous combustion. But how does it catch on fire? Yeah, that's a cigarette. That's a cigarette is something by somebody who threw something in the hat. No, it did not. It doesn't happen like that.

It just can start. I'm sure you would have. Well, the next Google ad is the myth of spontaneous combustion. It's just not possible for mulch to just spontaneously come. So you'd think a cigarette had to been thrown from a car? That's 90% of it. Yeah, I would say that's probably what it was. All right.

Well, I do. Look, maybe next episode we can get a mulch guy on who emailed me. I'm down. Look, if I'm wrong, I'll stand there. That's what I like about you. It's very admirable. Yeah. I'm happy to be wrong. But if I'm wrong, I'm going to blame Gittem. That's fine. So I'm good with that too. You're definitely wrong. The weight of mulch does not cause enough pressure to start fire. Oh, I don't think it's the weight. I'm never, it's not the weight. That's how you started all this. But it's because it gets caught in a pocket.

Of what? The pocket of gas that just builds up. No. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I will. And that's why you have to wet your mulch. Well, look, here's the good news. My senior guy who retired a few years ago is in New York.

He lives in Nashville. And I'm supposed to be seeing him this weekend. So this is a guy with 35 years experience in the FDNY. He was in 9-11. He worked at fire houses up in the Bronx, all around Brooklyn, like during the war years. I'm going to ask him his opinion. And if I'm wrong, I'll come back and but it's it's combustible and it can burn I'm not saying but yeah, I

Want to know what his mulch knowledge is though to though because I think that is it as great as get him Landscaping so okay that would be a guy I mean Well anyway. Right there, right away. It's right here on the wood, get him pulled up. That means it could be easily ignited by improperly discarded smoking materials. Yes, and that's not the only way.

Or by spontaneous combusting. Boom. Boom? What is that? Boom! Get him go boom! Hugo down! Get him made a, you go down. Get him made a boom boom. Obviously I'm wrong.

No, I mean, I'm just telling you that like, okay. Here's the email I got from about mulch from somebody who owns a landscaping business and worked in the industry industry the mulch industry for 20 years an email yet The second you started explaining about your midget volcano I Knew was gonna be a mulch fire the way you described it It is a strange phenomenon and it happens from the inside out and smoke billows out in a kind of eerie way I think this guy also is a wannabe writer.

He's – he said the second – OK. As far as mulch fire goes, at our shop we had a massive pile of mulch, probably two to three stories high. In the summers on particularly dry days, I would see smoke coming from inside the pile and a few times we had to put a fire out. We installed mulch on thousands of properties over the years and have never had a fire on these properties. While it does happen, it is rare.

And they weren't throwing cigarettes. I think they would know better in their own company. A two to three story high pile of shit, you don't fucking smoke around. The only thing is that there's a science to how fires start and one of them is heat. Science is always evolving. Yeah, but like there's, there's, he's got them right there. There's the fire triangle, that's what they teach you. Oh, you know about the fire triangle too?

They teach that? Oh, okay. I thought Gitta made that up. No, no. I thought, you fucking clipped, that fire triangle shit was captivating and I thought you made that up. You just let it ride, let it bite it up. So you need, so right away it's just like, how are you getting enough heat to start a fire off a wood mulch? I think it's built up from how hot it is all summer long. No, no. The heat does not get to the earth. Like the sun that we're hanging out in the

summer by the pool is not getting hot enough to light things on fire. But isn't it caused by the gas of the fertilizer? It can dry out the mulch and make it more likely to combust, but it still needs something to set off the combustion. And... Well, how do you explain spontaneous combustion? I don't. I don't think I don't know the science of it.

I don't think it exists anyway. But like you. But we're talking about mulch here. Like there's just what's this? I'm just blown away right now. I don't even understand like his angle. When could this guy talk? What guy? Get him. Oh, what can he talk up like two weeks maybe hopefully fingers

crossed if there's a God we'll find out about this mulch you got to you got this is an emergency break the glass situation? We allowing the talk? Or is that like, throw all of the... Do we want to go this far and give it up at the fucking end? Yeah, I mean, it's Helmsley Davis, so I'd say he can if he wants to. I just, like, oxygen's there, right, the fuel is there. I think in this case, to undo all the fucking great accolades I just threw at you, you should stay silent. He's 148. Let me get into it. Let me get into it. Okay. Because because I also

feel like I have a lot of mulch around my house. Oh, yeah. I went into I have now contacted my wife and was like we've got to make movements to get rid of all the mulch that we have around our house. Because if we go away. Do you have an irrigation? Do you have like a sprinkler system? Oh. That goes on at night?

No. Oh, okay. No. No. Cause that'll wet the chips for you, you know, you're probably pretty safe. I should just be watering the mulch, right? I really don't think you gotta worry about this at all, buddy.

I don't think this is one you gotta worry about. Yeah, but I think if you were there, I really don't think you gotta worry about this at all, buddy. I don't think this is one you gotta worry about. Next thing you know, your house is burning down. I think if you were there, when you left that pizza parlor and saw what I saw, the horror of that fucking midget volcano, that midget volcano haunts me. People running and screaming. It's like Pompeii all over again. People frozen in time. Yeah, but we don't want, obviously though, we don't want. Yeah, but your house is made of wood.

Your house is made of timber. Yeah, which is flammable. Yeah, way more. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Like you're already living in wood, a few wood chips outside. I know, but like the, now to know that like, the knowledge that it could just happen without anybody doing anything is terrifying. It would be. Because I saw this fire, this little, this little midget volcano turned into a fucking raging

volcano within a couple minutes. I'm sure it was harrowing, yeah. And I was, I was stunned at like how this could happen and then when he told me it could just happen like with No rhyme or reason with no Spontaneously that is a game changer Because like you said how many people have have mulch around their house I don't even know this the mulch industry should be obligated to tell you that like it can erupt Spontaneously at any given moment

in the center. Well, then I'm going to do that because then what the fuck are you going to do, man? Nobody's going to buy their product. It should be the most heavily regulated industry in the entire country. Mulch. Like mulch runners over the border and shit. Yeah, it's no fucking joke, man. I was terrified by it.

Let me look into this piece. Tom also poo-pooed your – because I was talking to Tom about the – Tom Mielewski. Mielewski. Yeah. About the rubber mulch. He said he just bought like $1,000 worth. I said, did you hear this week's –

Oh, you heard Mielewski's? Yeah, he says no. He's like, it's made out of the same shit that your tires are made out of. Your car is not giving you cancer, is it? Yeah. Guess what? Your kids aren't fucking playing in it and aren't fucking licking the tires, aren't playing with toys, you know?

They're toys and they're sleeping with their little teddy bears and playing out in the backyard in the rubber mulch. There you go, Tom. Yeah, Tom. Rubber mulch, isn't the point of mulch to fertilize the property? Like how is rubber mulch doing that? I think it's just for looks at this point. Yeah.

It's just like aesthetics. I don't know. And it could be safer too, in terms of no fires, but I've heard that it can cause burning cancers. That shit causes on fire. Tire's burning all the time. Tire, some tire fires are still burning. They can't even get them out.

That's fucking crazy. Good luck, Tom. See how it goes for you. You know what happened? He can't return it. That's why he's like, he's just fucking making shit. That's why he's trying to assure himself that it's going to be fine. Yeah.

I like that he won't take a thousand dollar loss rather than his whole family is going to get cancer. As soon as he starts forgetting shit, then he's going to be like, oh fuck. I never should have gotten that rubber mulch. That's funny. So we had my buddy, Joe Bergeo was on the show, won the Space Muggies episode when you weren't in and I think he got a good reaction. People seemed to like him.

Oh, people really liked him, yeah. Yeah, he told me that, people. But so I was with him yesterday, the day before, and I was trying to explain to him who get him, like get him story and stuff like that. I went to the beginning and I told him everything and he was like, it's the fucking greatest story. The fact that you guys hated him so much and now he's just in your life. And I go, the craziest thing I was like, is like, I worry about him.

Sometimes I just sit there and be like, what's he going to do with his life? Where's he going to get him in 20 years? I worry about these things. But not if you're going to go spending multi-fire combusting it. I mean he's got the videos to back it up though. So we'll see. So maybe in a couple episodes we'll get that if he wins the trial we'll set up a brainiac episode where he can fucking flex in front of people.

What are you going to do though? How do you throw that game in his favor? I won't have to throw it. I won't have to throw it. I'll come up with the brightest minds in TSD town. Not Tom anymore. No, certainly not. We shouldn't joke about that. But yeah, we'll see what happens. But what do you do?

All right, let's say you set it up. Yeah. And I understand it's not likely to happen and Getham gets trounced. Like embarrassed. Like how does that affect- His morale? Everything going forward. His role on the show.

Why? Because he loses. People won't respect 148 as much. Cause he loses? But like embarrassed, like he's not as smart as these guys and he's revealed to be a bit of a fucking maloak. Oh, like what do you. I think that's like worrying if, you know, what if the sun doesn't come up tomorrow? Sure, all right.

But what if there's no more, you know, what if there's no more internet or like, it's just, these are things that like, you know, you don't really have to worry about. I have, I have confidence. I have utmost confidence that, I mean, I've seen him do it so often on so many different topics that I have confidence that he will perform and perform to a level that like most cannot hang with. I can't wait. I can't wait.

Stu, hit me up at K-Muse too. And I'm sure I'll get Frank. Would you consider Frank one of the top minds? Yes, I would. Okay. He's a professor. I would. I would. I respect Frank greatly. Yes. There are some instances where you're like, is he one of the top minds? Throwing up on a cake.

Yeah. I like the weird shit that he does. You know, eating out in New Rings even though he knows he's going to get diarrhea. Driving garbage around all hours of the night. It's a sign of like eclectic behavior is a sign of genius. Yes. Okay. All right. All right.

So for next week, I just want to remind you, go to patreon.com slash tesd. Join up now and you can see that episode 600. You can see all the visuals. There's going to be a lot of great visuals. And plus I'll give you the back library too to perouse, peruse, and for however long you're a member for if you aren't a member already. So you get a lot for that five bucks buy-in. And the episode will be ad free episode 600. No ads.

Taking it on the chin for you from the ads next episode. We had about seven or eight ads that we were like no. Fuck it we don't care about the money. Not on episode 600. We don't need it to pay for episode 600. Can I do a quick plug? Yeah. Sal's stand-up special He did a comedy special is on he put it up on YouTube now. Oh, great. So it's called Sal will kind of terrified if anyone wants to go check that out. It's very funny. It's up there right at this moment. They're right there. Yeah, right now. Awesome. And then and then we're touring this weekend coming up. We're in Orlando and Atlanta. We have shows. Oh, you're going on a summer tour. It's we're doing weekends here and there.

But I think that the time to catch us on tour is running out. I think we only have like 14 dates left, and I'm not sure that, I think it'll be a while before back on the road. All right, so this is it. This is your last opportunity. Get in there while the kid is good. I'm not allowed to say that, but.

Fuck it. You said it. I think like, this is gonna be, this is the time to see us if you. Fuck it. Yeah. You said it. I think, yeah, this is going to be this. This is the time to see us if you ever wanted to see us. Um, but, uh, yeah. So I just want to give Sal that little plug. Got a plug, Brian. Uh, I do.

We're going to be down in Orlando Q and I. Oh, for, uh, yeah, go to jiggy comedy and you can find out how to get tickets to the space monkey show that Q and I are going to do on – I believe it's the fifth or the sixth. I'm not sure which one. I think it's on the Saturday. I don't know what Saturday is. I'll bring you back some souvenirs from the Mall of America. Oh, please.

Please do. Okay. Did you bring us back any souvenirs from England? No. Tell them Steve, Dave. Nice.