Tell Em Steve-Dave - #634: The Wafer Hour

Episode Date: April 27, 2025

Bry, Walt, and Q help a young man navigate the treacherous waters of the mid-life crisis.

We got Tom here who's sad. Oh, Tom. And the smell. I'm bringing the kids to soccer. I'm cooking this. I'm cleaning this. Shut the fuck up. Tell them Steve, Dave. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them Steve Dave. We've got a packed house today here, Q. We sure do.

We do. We got Walt Flanagan, of course. Yeah. Of course. Of course. Walt is here. Yes. We got Tom.

Hello, fellas. Hey, Tom. Yeah, the T-O-M. Yeah. Who is suffering. He's not here to talk overkill. He's here.O.M. Yeah, the T.O.M. Yeah. Who is suffering. He's not here to talk overkill. He's here to talk real life. Yeah. He's telling me he's in a state of a down spiral.

Really? His changes. He's going through his changes? He's going through his changes. Getting the hot flashes. Yeah. I mean, I don't know anything about his midlife crisis. Yeah.

The only thing I know about it is he's harassed me like three times. I still want to come out and anything about his midlife crisis. Yeah. The only thing I know about it is he's harassed me like three times. I still want to come out and talk about my midlife crisis. Oh, wow. He needs help. When can I do my midlife crisis? Okay. When can I come in and do the midlife crisis? Is that what I said or did I say I know you're looking for content so I can come out and

talk about midlife crisis? Whichever way. So it better be a legit midlife crisis or you want to face a major backlash. You are going to be fucking eviscerated online. Or so. You were looking for content and I said, what if I talk about this? Well, I assumed it was a real midlife crisis. Most people don't.

I mean, I think that was your way of minimizing it like, hey, I'm really suffering, but here, I'll try to phrase it. In a way. In a way. Yeah. We got Josh here, of course. The cleaner man. Yeah.

The cleaner. Yeah. I walked in the office and It doesn't look that much cleaner. On the front, no, but you got to go to the back where he's made some headway. Although, how many times have you been here so far to make that level of progress? Maybe three or four. Yeah, Rome wasn't built in a day, Q. Yeah, no. That mess didn't happen overnight. No, it did not. You didn't notice right when you walked in like the tables were like, no, I was, I mean,

I still went to the pile, the avalanche in the corner. Yeah. But I was surprised. I thought, I thought Gideon was going to stay overnight and bang it out and show, show everybody. You don't know Gideon. No, you don't know Gideon. Gideon is Michaelis by the way. That's probably on way. Yeah, OK.

That's probably on purpose. All right. OK, I'm going to go with that. Yeah. I thought the shame would work, but it didn't. I think it's more likely that he's behind the scenes sabotaging Josh and collapsing things later in order to make sure that, look, even Josh couldn't clean it.

Like, how could I do it? That's your theory? I'm more, yeah. Yeah? Well, I've been taking's who I am. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've been taking pictures as I go, just to make sure, but I, like I was showing Brian earlier, I found stuff that has just appeared. Yeah, like suddenly the TV's back there.

I guess the TV broke, so the TV's back there now. There's, there's chip bags, like potato chips. Yeah. That are filled with empty soda cans, like just shit and food and garbage that I'm like, what kind of fucking maniacal mind is like, instead of throwing this can out in the garbage, I'm going to stuff them into this potato chip bag and then secret them away in the back room. It doesn't make any sense.

There has to be a reason. There's a reason. There's a reason for that madness. Whether we can relate to it or understand it. I have no idea why though. There has to be a reason. I mean, there's a reason. There's a reason. Whether we can relate to it or understand it. I have no idea why though. So how do you feel it's going so far though? Uh, pretty good.

Yeah. Pretty good. I'm, I'm surprised at what I'm finding at times. Find any treasures? He did find a fucking iTunes card and get this. Yeah. Our office, you find a fucking iTunes card buried in the garbage. Shouldn't it belong to the proprietor? Somebody can't just be like, oh, that's mine. Like, get

him. He's like, well, that's my garbage and that's my fucking Cheeto bag. So that means that's my iTunes card too. Is that what happened? Because I said, I asked him, I said, I don't want to claim it immediately. I was like, is this your iTunes card? And he goes, probably. Probably. Okay.

There's also like all kinds. I thought once it's on like $2. No, I think it was unused. It could be a 50 to 100. Oh, okay. There's all sorts of unopened mail too. No, he's going to guilt it to me now. I don't want your pity iTunes card.

How gracious he is. There's no joy in that. Just finding it. All sorts of unopened mail. Aw, he's going to guilt it to me now. I don't want your pity iTunes card. How gracious he is. There's no joy in that. Just finding it though, it's like finding a $20 bill in your pocket. I think finders keepers, honestly. Oh, then a swipe.

Oh, there's nothing on the card. Oh, he's saying there's nothing on the card. So why is it still here? So why is it safe? Yeah. Why is it here then? That's the question. He doesn't know. Why is the broken it still here? So why is it safe? Yeah. Yeah. Why is it here then? That's the question. He doesn't know.

Why is the broken TV still here? Well, he's going to fix that. He says. Sure. He's going to buy a circuit, but he's a TV repairman now. Fuck 2025, he's repairing TVs. Yeah. I'm finding money all over the floor too.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You keeping it? All kinds of. Or you storing it. Well, I, I, I put, I put some of all over the floor too. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You keeping it? All kinds of- Or you storing it. Well, I put some of it up by the microwave. I was going to stack it all up and I saw that there was a change jar out there that you can put the

money into and it counts it. It's still in the box. I thought I would pull that out at some point, but then today I noticed the tip jar for the website. Oh yes, yeah. To queue. So I'll just put it all in there. Okay, sure, that's good, that's fair.

Change and dollar bills are just all over the floor. Well, run any of that by me first, because if it's bills, I'll take them, and then just put the change in the queue internet thing, whatever that is, whatever jar you were talking about. Yeah. What do we wanna talk about today? There's so much, whatever jar you were talking about. Yeah. What do we want to talk about today? There's so much, I wrote down a whole bunch of stuff. We got Tom here who's sad.

Oh, Tom. Yeah, he's brokenhearted. What's going on? What do we go to first? Now, you don't have a close-knit- Yeah, what happens to the yeti group? ... type group that you can bring your- All the time.

I guess they're all the same age, so they can't really help. We're older and wiser. Correct. Exactly. Yes, older and wiser. I need people who have already gone through the experience to guide me, give me a roadmap through it. Gotcha.

Your loser friends aren't going to help you out of respect. That's right. Yeah. How old are you again, son? So, I turn 43 next Wednesday. Okay. So, 43. Oh, man. So, that's like a big bump in the road. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, that's your miss 43 a tough age. Well, it's getting up there, you know, it's getting a little bit edging closer to 45 midway half point to 50. I remember those days. You know, and what's the darkest thoughts that have been going through your head? It's more- Going John List on him. Going John List on his family. It's more like what am I leaving behind? What have I-

What are you missing? Yeah, exactly. Between what am I missing and what am I- Your legacy? A lot of things that I've started that I haven't finished that, you know, maybe you guys could decide which one I should do. And just in, you know, what else have I missed? There's a lot of things that I've never done in my life.

Is there things though that you want to do that you know may not go over well if you do them with other people in your life? No, I can answer that. Yes. go over well if you do them with other people in your life? No, I can answer that. Yes. No. I can't get to the Smith specifics. No.

I don't think it's like, you know, leave my wife or anything like that. Well, you can leave her. Maybe just go on a date with someone. No, no, no. No, no, no. In the marriage department, that's perfectly happy. No. I think it's more, you know, as you get older, you start to think.

I would think though, if that department is happy, then everything else just falls by the wayside. Like, You've said that forever. Happy way. Yeah. I mean, yeah, just because you have what? You haven't finished a couple of jigsaw puzzles and now you're ready to fucking throw yourself

off the top of a building. It's jigsaw puzzles. All right, I can just go home now. Yeah, you guys solved it. What is it? Like, what are you talking about? What type of things? throw yourself off the top of a building. Jigsaw puzzles are it. I can just go home now. Yeah, you guys solved it. What is it? Like what are you talking about? What type of things? Well, I mean, as far as like unfinished things, I always wanted to, you know, when I was late teens, I did taekwondo for six or seven years, but I never got my black belt. Right.

So, you know, am I too old to go back to that? I don't think so. Probably too fat. Well, so that's my next thing is that, you know, over the course of the last five or six years, I've lost over a hundred pounds, but I'm not finished that. So should that be my end goal of to finish what I started with that? Yes. Well, how interesting are you at getting in shape?

That's the question. I would say, I mean, Taekwondo is how interested are you in getting in shape? That's the question. I would say, I mean- Because taekwondo is probably hard without being in shape, right? It's harder. It is. Yeah. Um, so I figure I got about 50 pounds until I get to what I want to be at for a healthy weight. How long did it take you to lose the a hundred?

Uh, about a year. And then like the rest of it kind of just like at that point it just sort of plateaued for a couple years. You know, things got in the way. You know, the kids got older, more, you know. I heard there's a new drug on the market that you can take. The Ozempic? Yeah.

Have you considered Ozempic? No. That's off the table. I don't take any drugs whatsoever. So I'm pretty much with Walt, with aspirin. I'm around a bunch of fairies, you guys. Curator. We're in Key West. I say curator, like the chillest guy in all of Key West sitting there without a beer, without a joint, just fucking taking it in. Just relaxing.

I mean, I'll drink the occasional like, like alcoholic beverage. Okay, well then that's not, that's not straight edge then. I'm not straight edge. All right, get the hell out. I said, well you've done more straight edge then. I'm not straight edge. All right, then get the hell out. I said club. That's your problem. Well, you've done more drugs than I have. Really?

Yeah, mine's zero. I did all my drug taking was within like a six month span. Okay, still 42. All right, so maybe that's what we do then. Maybe we go reroll up to Newark, get you an eight ball. So we're skipping like animals or we're just going straight to the... Snort it in front of us and we'll take care of you while you go on your trip. Oh, okay.

And you can practice taekwondo. And how's this helping me? I don't know. It sounds like you want to do some drugs. It sounds like... I don't think that's what I want to do. Do you... Because I do feel like I'm too old now to do coke. I'll probably have a heart attack.

I always did want to try it. Never did because I was too scared I was going to have a heart attack. So now it's – something like that's too late for me now. Yeah, no. What a young man like you. No, sir. That was the Reagan administration trucking – trying to scare you not doing coke that your heart was going to explode. No, it was Len Bias. It was Len Bias having that heart attack.

He also was a fucking doing – like truckloads of coke while you probably weren't – you couldn't score a fucking thimble of coke in high school. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, no. I don't have any desire to try anything like coke or heroin or anything like that. When you really aren't having a midlife crisis then. You got to do something dangerous. Why?

Because I don't want to do drugs? You got to do something fucking so out of character. Oh, that's what it is? I mean, out of character for me is I've never been to a concert. So out of character for me, I've never been to a concert. Skydiving? Ugh. What did Josh say? Skydiving.

That's too crazy. So what is it? Is this karate and losing weight? I mean, there's a lot of things. I just feel that, you know, like I started writing a book. I never finished it. I think it's a lot of like unfinished things that I'm looking for guidance. Did you feel did you complete any of the things when you guys were going towards it or did you just say, nah, fuck it and just stay and watch TV? Yeah, she doesn't listen to TSD.

There's a, well, I know Brian's answer. The street is paved with unfinished... Unfinished projects, yeah. But do I go down that route? Ideas that never see the light of the light, that never see fruition. Yeah, you know what we should do? I think a lot of those projects that you start when you're younger are about finding yourself, right?

Okay. And now you're kind of here, kind of midway through the whole thing. You're running out of time. Doesn't seem like it, but you are. So you got to make the list about what you want to do. I think losing weight is a slam dunk. It's only going to improve every single aspect of your life will be improved. Like we were talking about earlier, it's not only for you, for your kids too. And your wife. That's true. Yeah.

Here's a simple fix, something you know, why don't you get contacts and lose the glasses? That alone changes everything. Oh, I can't do it. Oh my God. I can't do it. Why? Let's see what the glasses off. He looks like a movie star without the glasses.

He does. Look at this man. He does. He does. Behind those fucking peepers. Behind those fucking peepers. Behind those fucking Coke bottle glasses. You were a bunch of areas before this, but.

You have like long eyelashes, huh? I do. Yeah, they're very, they're very. You look like a black woman. I can't do. What? You take those glasses off, you might have too many honeys to beat off with a stick.

Yeah, that's the problem. That's a new problem. Yeah. Yeah, cause everyone's like, if you're at Taekwondo in glasses, people are like, here's some nerd that has to try to protect himself. But he has the glasses off. It's like, here's the stuff. Mo' honeys, mo' problems.

Oh yeah. Your wife's got to look out. You take those glasses off. She wants some glasses fucking adhesive onto your forehead. Definitely, you got the Superman shit going on. You got the card game. You look totally different out the glasses. I'm not kidding around. Why? And you haven't considered laser either?

I think I would try that. I can't touch my eyeballs to put in contacts. No. I'm the same way. I tried it, like freaks me out. Right. How long can you keep contacts in? That's the longest you can go without taking them out. I think like what? Like a day or two, I think. I thought you had to take them at nighttime. There are some that you can sleep in, I believe, but I remember I had them and they always dried

up anyway. Back when I wore contacts. I saw like a video where this woman had like 42 contact lenses just kept rolling into her eyes Yeah But what if I can't remove it then if you can't take it out Yeah, sometimes it will slip it into the back of your eye and you have to help us get somebody to help you out That's pretty rare though. I thought I was the timid mouse of TSD town It's time. I thought I was the guy who fuck it wouldn't put his toe into any fucking body of water Fucking I look like Tom Cruise on the set of Mission Impossible 15 compared to Tom I don't want to be 43 and pathetic. I want to stop pathetic at 42. That's why I come to you guys for diving. Everything we say you're like, no, can't do that. No.

Can't put contacts in. I mean to be fair, it's suggested driving to Newark and getting an eight ball coke. That'll put hair in your chest though. You walk up to somebody you don't know and you're like, hey, I want to score some coke. That right there, it's even better than doing the coke. You're just walking up to a total stranger. That takes waltz. Or stupidity, one of them two. If it makes you feel any better. You've got to hold a big fat wad of fucking bills in your hand while you do it.

Oh yeah, don't even put it in your pocket. I better use the taekwondo first. If it makes you feel any better, my mother went skydiving at 60. I don't know, Walt's already ruled that out. That's almost my age. What made her go skydiving at 60? My brother was doing it. So I was 30 at the time.

I went, she went, and my brother went all on the same plane. So you've skydived? Oh, many times, yeah. When I did it once, I did it a lot after that. Addicted to the adrenaline. Yeah. That could when I did it once, I did it a lot after that. Addicted to the adrenaline. Yeah. That could be you, Tom. So much fun.

Yeah. Do you like to fly? Are you afraid of flying? I'm not afraid of flying. No, no, I've flown. You're afraid of jumping out of planes? Jumping out of planes? I don't know. I mean, I- Don't feel bad. It's not something I would do. Yeah, I don't know. I worry just like, God forbid, I've heard a lot of stories by people.

I did it once and I wouldn't do it again. Not because it was an awesome experience, but there's a lot of points where your life's in someone else's hands. And I just think like, eh, got it. I got it. I went bungee jumping and swore I'd never do it again. Yeah, you did that in Australia, right? Yeah, I did it in Australia with Moj and I jumped off and I didn't know that once

you hit the bottom, you bounce back. Well, I knew you bounced back, but I didn't know you start to spin. Oh. Holy shit, was I sick for hours after that, hours. No idea that was going to happen. I'm not sure your body produces adrenaline. You're so like, fine. It's a good shit.

You're like estrogen in everything. I guess. With those fucking eyelashes. You can barely get that long fucking – you got a lot of estrogen in your body. You're oozing it like a fucking – Coming out. Like a faucet. Like a pus out of an open sore.

I think these guys have been a little hard on you. I want to be honest. I do think they're coming at your heart. You came here looking for help. You're like, oh, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I think these guys have been a little hard. I want to be honest. I do think they're coming at you hard.

You came here looking for help. So far you've gotten a healthy dose of mockery. I think it all comes down to these things that are unfinished. You just have to maybe prioritize them and say, okay, here's what I really want to do. I remember when my grandmother was very old. She was in her 90s and she's like, I always wanted to go to Maine and I never went. God, it's such a simple achievement. So easy. Yeah.

Just write up the next summer. The next summer I went to Maine because I was like, I've always wanted to go to Maine. Did you bring her? No. That's on her. Your mistakes in your own home. Oh, there's no way I could have dragged her around me. But yeah, she's like, I always wanted to do that and I never did. And I'm like, well, what a simple thing to have achieved, but I guess she just didn't want it badly enough. But you don't like music, so why would you ever go to a concert, right?

Well, I mean, is it kind of like the experience of like, I've never done that. And I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think if I was going to pick one thing new to do, it would be like a concert over that. Yeah. I mean, I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think if I was going to pick one thing new to do, it would be like a concert over that.

I mean, I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke.

So I think I would rather do a concert over, you know, like an eight ball coke. So I think if I was going to pick one thing new to do, it would be like a concert over that. Is that for a guy who loves music and has been to countless concerts? Is that like a foreign? Yeah. How does that compute in your head that this guy hasn't gone to a concert? Yeah, it seems unusual to be in your forties and to live in New Jersey, so close to New York City and the PNC is right there. The affiliate is right there. You're blessed with opportunities. To be fair, big cities scare me, so that's probably the reason why I haven't gone there.

But there's plenty of like, you haven't even been to like a show in a bar where people are playing. You've never heard live music. I mean, I'm sure there's been live music at a bar, but does that really count as a concert though? No, I'm just trying to get a sense for what's not easy into it. Yeah, he's into a concert Well, has there ever been anybody that you wanted a singing concert and didn't I don't think so I don't I don't think there's any well here's the thing because listening to you and just thinking about what I went through in my 40s and stuff and and and

I've come to a place where because you do have that list of shit you never did, go to Maine, go to a concert. But I think for me, it became more about realizing what on the list I didn't give a fuck about. I always wanted to go see the pyramids, right? And I just got a certain age, I've seen so much shit in my life that I know what it's going to be like. I'm going to stand there, it's going to be fucking hot. I'm going to see something I've seen a picture of a billion times. I'm going to stand there. It's going to be fucking hot. I'm going to see something I've seen a picture of a billion times. I'm going to be like, wow, it looks. And the smell. It looks like a picture. You know what I mean?

Why would it have a smell? You know. But like, my point is like, you get enough similar experiences where I'm like, look, would it be cool? Sure. How much do I really give a fuck at this point about going? And like then you're, that's how I check things off the list. Right. When you take into account what it would take to get there. The process is like, I'll look at the pictures. And I read this somewhere. I wish I could remember where, maybe it'll come to me eventually,

but somebody wrote that the fear of missing out makes no sense whatsoever because people are like, I never saw the pyramid before I die or I never went to Maine. It's just like, you're missing out on everything. Everything that's going on in the world right now, you're missing out on. You're missing out on everything at all times. So you should jettison the idea of like, I'm never going to get to see the pyramids because you're also never going to do a billion fucking other things. So I think once I got that in my head, I was like, I'm never gonna get to see the pyramids because like you're also never gonna do a billion fucking other things. So I think like once I got that in my head, I was like, oh yeah, like there's no way I'm ever gonna fucking do everything anyway. So it comes down to like what makes you happy. And I don't know if getting on a plane and going to Egypt

and fucking paying all that money and going there just to see it and the bill. All right, what am I gonna go see a museum going to fucking matter. Whereas like sitting there and writing a book is like fun to me. So I think it's like, what does it matter to you? Look at that list and what are you able to go like, who gives a shit? Because get used to saying that because that's going to be your defense from now on. Oh, I can't fucking skate anymore. What are you going to do? You know what I mean? Well, especially now that you're a family man, it's, it's, it's a, it's a much different life than when you were younger doing your Taekwondo and

not having to care in the world. Right? True. But I mean, there's still like, you know, for example, like I really had that fear missing out when I saw like, get them in the background and Q West dancing with Joey for tone. I was like, I wish I could have went to that. You would have danced with Joey for Tom. Absolutely. Really? Yeah. Like, so it's that I was like, I wish I could have went to that. You would have danced with Joey Fretone? Absolutely. Really? Yeah. So it's that sort of like, oh my. Well, that's missing out on a good party.

Exactly. Yeah, that I get. But missing out on the opportunity, I probably, I could have gone to that. We could have made arrangements. So it's stuff like that. I could have pushed for that type of thing. So it's always like, do I push harder for those type of like- Would there have been enough in the budget for Tom Malaszczewski? Yeah, we could have put him up again. All right, all right.

You could have given me a staff name. We could have put Jimmy. I understand that. I'm no Jimmy. Jimmy came with demands. Yeah, a writer as they call him. Yeah, Tom would have just asked for a staff badge so he could have hung out with Joey Fattone. That would have been fine. You would have been good with demands. Yeah, a writer as they call it. Yeah, Tom would have just asked for a staff badge so he could have hung out with Joey Fatone. That would have been fine. You would have been good with that. I mean the thing is like that is something where that to me makes sense. Your friends were there, you're connected to it, it was a fun party. Why, that's kind of the no brainer. Why wouldn't you do that? You know what I mean? But if you were, if they were having, if like, I don't know, pick anybody who played Michael Knight, Hasselhoff was throwing a fucking Hasselhoff party in QS.

You might be like, I love Nigh Rider, but I'm not going. That had a lot of your friends in a project that you're part of in a way. So it's like, not in a way you are. So it's like, I could see you, that to me makes sense wanting to be that one. I don't think that's a middle-aged thing. That's like, fuck, that would have been fun for you. Yeah. And I think that's what it-aged thing. That's like, fuck, that would have been fun for you. Yeah. And I think that's what it comes down to is those sort of regrets like when I started,

you guys were talking about midlife and the things like that and then seeing, get them down there. And it just got me thinking. Even Gittem's living. Even Gittem's living better than me right now. We dance together on projects, on pre-trans stuff. So what's the big deal? You dance with me.

Oh, that's true. Yeah. What was I thinking? Same thing. Suck it up. projects on preacher and stuff. So what's the big deal? You don't get you dance with me. Suck it up. So maybe I can get an account of a bill of buddy for the weight loss. It's not happening. No, not even not even to help me. Look in this direction. Achieve. Look in this direction.

Okay. All right. All right. All right. All right. We'll hold ourselves accountable. Okay. Yeah. All right. So what does that mean? Like, how do you lose weight?

Like what's your plan? You shame the other guy. I've already been shamed enough already on the show. Uh, no, I would say like you standard 2000 calories, start walking. Like I did a, a five K last year and I was hoping to achieve one goal, but wasn't able to do it. So another one of my regrets is like training again this year to get under 30 minutes. Like I was at 36 last year. Almost 37. Arousing snoogings going on.

But yeah. So I mean, like I think a lot of rousing snoogings going on. But yeah. So I mean, like, I think a lot of it is like, I'll do good for a couple of months and then you drift off. So you kind of need that, like. That's human nature though. You shouldn't have fault yourself too much for that. It doesn't help me get to the end of the goal though. Yeah, but you can't beat yourself up about it.

You just gotta be like, all right, I slipped. Let me just start again. Oh, well yeah. But then like, you know, stuff comes up. So that's I think I need more like, like an accountability partner for that, that can shame me. Well, it sounds to me like you're already creating obstacles to put in your own way. You're saying I want to do it. Yeah, but you're saying like, Oh, I can't do it unless I have

an accountability guy, a guy who, you know, how often you get a text in the back every meal that you two just walked at the hip now Boy summer we texted quite a bit Projects and stuff. Okay. All right. All right, like, you know once every other week like, you know, like how's it going? You're still there. What happened? Would you would you fail with? Come on, let's crack open the real time. Let's get into fucking clear the spiderwebs out. See what's really website. Let's see what's really inside that. We want something meatier than that. You called me very mild. We want something dark and like a secret that you only- Yeah, like I always wanted to know what it felt like to kill somebody.

I don't think I'm pretty surface when it comes to that. I don't think I have anything. Is it possible Tom's just boring? Yes. No. He Tom's just boring? Yes. No. He's not, right? No. He's hiding something. He's holding back. He's not willing to bear it all, even though he begged for this segment. I did not beg for this segment.

He's not willing to give us the real, what's really at the root cause of all this. He's just not willing to say it out loud, which I get. You want to leave your wife, just say it. No, no. You want to go out for milk and never come back. I started smoking, honey. Yeah, yeah, smoking cigarettes, yeah. You want to be with a man.

Yeah, I know. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true. Did you do that in college? No. No? No. Did you go to college? I did.

What college did you go to? It was a local college. That's where all the kids go. Yeah. Yeah. No. Oh, yeah. That's true. Did you do that in college? No. No? No. Did you go to college?

I did. What college did you go to? It was a local college. That's where all the most fruity stuff happens, I heard, at the community level. That week that you go, is that what happened to you? I left. I saw what happened. Who gave you mono? happened to you? I saw what happened. You remember everything.

What is it like? What would you die having not accomplished? And that would that bother you? What would bother you? I think I don't know if it's more just like the list gets bigger, you know, like the not getting the black belt, the not finishing the book, just like every, you know, every time you start something and you don't finish it, it just adds a little to that list. But that list, that's that's what I'm trying to say. Like that list shouldn't like that list is going to become a list of things that you don't give a fuck about. And there's going to be a couple of gems on there. And I'm just trying to like help you say the things that you like. Oh man,

I really like the book thing. It's the third time they've mentioned. I think it's the book. So I think it's like, I get started, but I also think like other than like, uh, you know, Chuck's friend, Brad, I don't have anyone else that like really reads. Yeah. So I don't have anyone that I could like be like, Oh, this is, yeah, this is a good idea or no, this is absolutely horrible. Cause I feel like if I got through it and I don't know the disappointment, I would be like, if I, like, I really bared everything I had into this book and it's

like completely rejected. So I guess like keeping it like publishers or anything else, like to actually put it out. That's going to happen. Yeah. Well, you can sell, JK Rowling. What was it? 12 times we talked. We're getting rejected. Tom's like, I'm going in. I don't expect to get it the first time out of the gate. Well, it sounds like you can handle if it doesn't though. Well, I mean,

I think leaving it in the like pause section of not finishing it just as like a regret as opposed to like, oh, no, I failed. Like I went at it. But you didn't fail. If you write the book, you wrote the book. Yeah. Like why are you?

Now we're talking about something totally separate. You're talking about public acclaim or public attention, or rather than like, what I wanna do is write a book. And then once you write that book, regardless of how it's received, you fucking did it. Yeah, that's what you got to focus on. It sounds like he's more scared about the end point. I feel it's both. Yeah, I feel it's like, yes, I would.

The first step would be the finishing, but I think the second step is a bigger fear of the rejection of it. Yeah, well, it's going to happen. Bombed out. Yeah, you got to come to terms with that because Yeah, well, it's going to happen. Bombed out. Yeah, you got to come to terms with that because not many people right out of the gate have immediate success.

I know. And you probably shouldn't even be writing a book if like your only reason you're writing it is so that people love it. I don't think it's to get an idea out of my head, but then it's also, if I'm the only one that had it though, in the end, I don't think that's final outcome for me though. Like you said you were right. You were like in the process of writing a book. So you're, you're perfectly fine if it never goes anywhere after once it's out of your head.

So you know how many, how many things I've created that I've got absolutely nowhere. Like I've had one thing created that went somewhere. Everything else has been like, you do it because you love it. Now I fucking come up with ideas and I don't even show them to people anymore. I'm like, all right, I got this out and stuff like that. It is because of, well, it's like, look, also I've had things come around. I always wanted to make a movie. We made the movie and then you get through and you're like, all right. It's the same as everything else. It's just Another experience. So I maybe I have that perspective that you don't but it's really not outcome. You should be focused on its process It's like why do you want to write the book?

Like forget the outcome like what about the process do you like getting the ideas out developing the ideas developing crowd? building a world getting an hour for yourself a day where you get to sit there and be creative. Those are the only benefits you might ever get from it. And if those aren't enough, then fucking don't do it. It's like going to Egypt. If the only benefit is I get to stand there in the fucking sand and smell the camel shit and see something somebody built 2000 years ago, it's like, well, then why am I bothering to go? It doesn't mean anything to me. I think you'll come across any person who's created anything, you're going to find that

there is a litany of things that didn't work out for them before this thing that you're aware of. And now you deem them successful. They probably have so many failures and so many things that didn't go the way that they hoped it would go. The countless comics I've started have never been finished and it's just, it's just life,

that's just the way it is. Like nobody just shits out something and immediately becomes beloved and praised. Yeah, if you're talking about a shame and error to the throne. Look how long that took. and, um, Oh, unless you're Pam. Yeah. If you're talking about shame and error to the throne. Look how long that took. So don't, don't focus. That is true. Look, how great is that? Is it something you want your kids to read or is it something real pervy? It's not pornographic.

Lady chattery shit. Elf porn and, uh, that fucking elf porn is everywhere, man. Did we talk about that man. Yeah, there's no, uh, lady chattery shit. Elf porn and, uh... That fucking elf porn is everywhere, man. Did we talk about that already? No, no, no. It is fucking crazy. You know there's a lot like everybody's reading these fucking... Oh, that's the Game of Thrones effect, right? Everybody wants their characters fucking and sucking.

Dude, it is wild. There's like dinosaur porn. These bestselling books are all about like, it is like Lord of the Rings, but with like a lot of fucking... And I go on planes and like four or five people are reading these fucking things on the plane. It's like taken... Remember how like Shades of Grey took over for a while? That's happening right now with like dragons getting born and stuff like that.

And I can't wrap my head around it. Yeah. There's like Taken by the T-Rex triceratops and bottoms. I know I'm not writing that. Now, triceratops and bottoms. I'm considered elf porn. But there is something deep rooted, either attraction or repulsion to. Having a small person ride all over you. Like, you know, I think that comes back like cavemen fucking had that fear and didn't know

what it was. What a miniature creature all over you. Yeah, I think that's what it cut. Like some people are like into it and some people are like, like, you don't want no part of it, but it sells. I'm not judging. I'm just shocked that people care so much about fairies having sex. But I know, sword blows on a wall. Now we're right back to Tom's college days. Fairies having sex.

Did you pick up that Dungeon Crowl of Karl book I talked about? Oh yeah, I'm on book three. Oh man, I'm on book seven, man. It's fucking awesome, man. I love him so much. It's great. Your recommendation of Reacher though? Yes.

Reacher has surpassed my ultimate version of a man. It used to be Jim Halpert. Oh yeah, now it's Reacher. past my ultimate version of a man. It used to be Jim Halpert. Trevor Burrus It's the best shit I've ever seen in my life. I just want… Trevor Burrus He just walks into town and beats the shit out of people until he finds the answer. It's great. Jeffery Mastiff That's the best form of entertainment I've ever come across. I am taking it so slow

I say to my wife every night I want to watch it all but I want to make this last forever I've never fallen in love with With a medium more than the fuck in the Reacher series really wow I don't like season two no season one and three I'm not done with three yet are There's nothing more. I want than the fucking see Jack Reacher. Yeah, shoot scumbags break the legs of scumbags He I just started watching season 3 last night and what's the first two episodes where they met that guy that's bigger than him

Like oh my god, how's Jack gonna like how's he gonna beat Paulie? Gets out of the car and like he looks up and like they do that shot where it's over Paulie's like shoulder You've never seen The second season like they tried to do that thing where they gave them a team and a family. Well, that was the thing I think was the was the not that I didn't dig about it was because now you had little miniature versions of Reacher. Everybody was a badass. Yeah.

And nobody needed Reacher's assistance. They all knew exactly what they got shot and they went to a deli for a sandwich. Yeah. So when you have when you have seven Reacher's on the screen Yeah, you kind of watered down the guy that you're there to watching. Yeah, I did not like season two It's just like you're like well The whole story is that he's a drifter who who's on his own and it's just like the first chance you get you give him a family Like literally they're like we're family and I'm like, oh man

And they do everything to fucking make you fall in love with him like he likes dogs He takes care of dogs that are being abused And then in the season three, I mean you're sure you met the kid right? Yeah, and you know that he like he kind of becomes the father figure that he doesn't have. Yeah, I'm only the second episode Yeah, so it's like oh, man. So good It is great because he's the type of guy that like when he knows he's got to get up at three in the morning to Kick someone's ass Fuck it adore it. I got like I got playing Batman

Where's this guy come from? He was on Blue Mountain State, which which is a really funny. He was also Aquaman He was Aquaman on a small bill Smallville or arrow I thought it was small. Oh, well, whatever. Okay, so he's been in other things I thought he was just somebody they found he was in wasn't not Doom Patrol, what was he in? No, the other one. Titans. Titans, he was Hawkman. He played Hawk. Oh, shit. Hawk and Dove, right.

Oh, so he's had a lot of experience playing. Yeah, but this is the first time that you're like, oh, this guy has found his... And I love what he... it's like if fucking Giddum was fucking jacked. Yes. I know exactly what he did, yeah. He's very particular. Giddum was jacked to the gills with his 148 fucking brain and his sense of like where like things have to be done a certain way.

Right. And no home. Right. He would be Reacher if, if, but without the six pack. Yeah, why don't you? Unless it's a six pack of Natties. It's more like creature. Doesn't beat anybody up.

I wonder what he got paid to do that role. He is deserves every penny man. When he starts that prison fight scene. So good. It reminds me of every eighties great action flick where you like the era of bygone where like guys were larger than life like in the 80s like Gibson as Martin Riggs or Rambo John McClane, it's like And his sense of fucking ethics

Or he's like like in season two he talks about like the girl he won't like he was attracted to but he just how Can we never got together? He's like, you know, you know I was your boss. I couldn't do that I just want to meet guys like that when people ask him to do shit Like people are always like reach or stand up and he thinks for a second. He's like no What network is this this is What network is this? This is a prime Amazon. Okay. The amount of people look at this fight. This is the prison fight. The amount of people that try to fight this guy is insane to me. I'm like, who on earth would ever look at him and be like, I can take that. And he's never fucking worried. Yeah, that's gotta be a weird mindset. Like, there are people out there like that who are not worried.

Yeah, I don't get it. Of their physical, you know, like any kind of altercation, they have no fear whatsoever. Yeah, they don't care. I'm going to fuck and fuck this person up. I wonder what it's like to walk around like that. Well, probably because like he's yet to be in a situation where he hasn't fucked someone up. It is funny that he's part of the rat squad. Like he works for like the military, like internal, like they investigate internally. So it is funny that they're like, he of the rat squad like he works for like the military like internal like they investigate internally so it is funny that they're like he's the right he's

like the rat squad well it's again but it just goes to his code of like well you're you're you're in the military you're you're breaking the rules you're breaking the law you're right of course I will take you down of course I will expose you don't fuck with the special investigators so good though cute, it's wild. He's great. So good, though, Q. What a recommendation. Oh, good, good. Excellent. Oh, that makes me happy.

And they have like 30 books about this character. It's making me want to be like, if I can't watch the show, I think I'm going to fucking crack open a book. Oh, nice. Boy. Oh, nice. That's how much I love it. I want more reachers.

Wow. Dude, this is making my day. I'm so glad I brought this to all of life. Why don't you just tell me that he was prison fights? I didn't want to give it all away. It's so fucking awesome because they're not worried about the backlash because they go into prison. Of course, immediately one of the inmates is like, I'm going to fuck that cellmate of

yours. Right? Yeah, he's an evil rapist. Immediately. Within the first second of being in jail, somebody's already threatening to rape the guy he's in a cell with. And then when he's in Afghanistan, he fucking – Oh, somebody was like trying to rape a kid or something.

He kills them. He kills all these Middle Eastern villagers and it turns out like that you think because he went crazy and he just went and shot people Randomly, but no it turns out he killed a bunch of fucking child rapists He played soccer, he was playing soccer with like village kids And then that night he found out some dude was like creeping on him, and he just fucking shot them all He kills the whole village They're like, what do you want from me?

You know? Yeah. Oh, you're right. When she goes, so you killed them all, he goes, I don't want to be involved with somebody who thinks it's okay for me not to kill child rapists. She goes – And then she fucks him. She's like, good point.

She takes the top off. It's great. She goes, she fucks him! She's like, good point! She takes the top off! There, there, there! It's great! He never tries to fuck a chick, they just come to him. The guy showers and she just shows up. It's great, man. Oh, this is great. He sees this guy beating his wife.

It's all he does is he looks at people with that fucking look. This guy was about to smack around his wife, Richard just looked at him. And the guy was like, Hey man, wife, Reacher just looked at him. The guy was like, hey man, I'm sorry dude, I had a bad night last night. I wouldn't want Reacher looking at me like that. No. That's how you got to go up to Newark when we scored an eight ball tonight. That's how you got to roll around the streets of Newark.

You can't have those glasses on though. You want to give them the look. You just got to give them the look. Tom, you lose the weight, learn the karate, lose the glasses, you could be our reacher. Oh, okay. Do I get to go to prison too? No, no, no. You just gotta patrol airport plaza. We already have that though. No, no we do not.

Get him, he's not a good reacher. No, no, no. But yes, I do love Dungeon Crawler Carl. Oh, it's so good It's like Hunger Games meets like hitchhikers guide to the galaxy Yeah, it's just so funny and I started like I love it so much like I want to keep living in the world So I got the audiobook. So now I'm listening to the audiobook for the first. I heard there even better So much fucking fun. Yeah, the guy didn't him and then he wrote a he really created something that I fell in love with

Yeah, I hope I meet him someday. It's lighthearted too, but it's not something like deep that like, right. Yeah. It's very like easy to get into the world and it's just funny. It's a great premise. And like, even people I know who don't play, never played Dungeons and Dragons are like, no, I understand it. They, they make it easy for me to understand and stuff like that. It's great.

Um, but yeah, good. So, you know, right. That right and stuff like that. It's great. Um, but yeah, good. So, you know, write that, write something like that. What's your, what's your novel without giving away too much of it, but what is the, what's the genre at least? Uh, it would be like fantasy. Oh no. Yeah. No, no, no, no. So far in my book, about like halfway through, there's no fucking going on.

Is it set on Earth or is it set in another magical land? It's set on Earth. Okay. And it's set like in an alternate where in the 70s, there was like a sun storm that wiped out all of the electricity and everyone started dying. So they started praying to gods that reawoken, so like Egyptian gods and- What's the sun storm? Like the solar flares.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So I heard a call the sun storm. Yeah. Did you phrase that? That's pretty good. No. Yeah, I phrased it.

Yep. Coin that? Yeah. So all the electricity was destroyed, like an EMP knocked out everything. So like people were dying everywhere, there was no electricity. So when the gods started waking up, because they heard those calls, and then it started changing the world around them. So they kind of had to like live in this one large, large area because outside

of it, monsters. So no hobbits or anything? No, no hobbits. No. Could get sued. Yes. Well, that sounds fun though. Yeah. Which gods? which gods are you working with? So, so far I had Anubis, I had Hera, I had

Isn't that Wonder Woman's mother? Or that's Hippolyte. Hippolyte. Yeah. Ares. A war. All different god. Yeah, correct. All different pantheons. There's a lot of Greek stuff, huh? Some Greek. We love wrestling. This is going.

Isn't that Turkish oil wrestling? Yeah, so different ones. And then the people kind of like fall in line line with them. And then they that God start granting them like one like power based on those type of, you know, when they pray, when they when they turn 18, they can go visit their like patron and sometimes they get picked. But if they don't know patron, not patron. Sorry, it's no Reacher. So, yeah. But let me ask you something, because I really want you to get this concept, which I'm sure you're ready yet, but I want to like, all right, you publish the book. Somebody's like,

we will publish this. Like what, how many sales is a success for you? Like anything less than best seller? No, any. All right. So you could, you could write the book and sell public and people will read it. I think that would be it. I think it's more like a legacy thing. Like, like actually leaving something physical. You know what I mean? Like I think that, so I guess when I, when I said earlier about being a success, it's more just leaving something like physical in the world where people could pick it up and, and look at it.

All kidding aside, you can achieve this so easily. Yeah. You can do this. You can do this without a doubt. I'm telling you, I'm not just saying it. This is a very achievable goal. You know, like we, we, me and Brian, we, we got, we published Carney. It didn't do anything.

It didn't make a blip in the comic book world, but we got it published though. I don't want to leave it to my kids. I don't want them reading that story. That's not your legacy. I don't want them. There's a lot of – you talk about porn. There's a lot of – Questionable stuff. Some freak sex. Well, not even sex. A fucking assault. More essay. A guy in the back dragging himself over. some freak sex, well not even sex, a fucking assault. Or a guy in the bag dragging himself over.

But it didn't do anything in terms of like it didn't. Yeah, and I don't need that. The comic world didn't notice it one iota. Not one fucking person even knows it exists, probably except us and maybe the listeners. But like you said though, there is a feeling of accomplishment though because somebody else other than you believed in it and you to go ahead. So yeah, I think you can do this. I think there's little to no doubt in my mind that you could achieve that though, if you put your mind to it. You got to put your mind to it.

I know. Yeah. And stop. And in terms of stuff like this, like you're young. Like, you know, 43- It doesn't look that, like it doesn't feel that way. I know it doesn't feel that way, but it, you know- Why do you feel like you're older than you really are? Well, no, I think it's because like, you know, we talked about on an episode that hasn't aired yet, but it's also like, you know, I had kids like slightly later.

So like, you know, I worry like, you know, by the time like they get married, I'm going to be like in my late fifties. Well, how old will they be when they're seven and three? How old will you be when they're in their twenties? So we got what, 13 years, so I'm gonna be 56 when Lucy would hit 20. How old were your parents when you got married? They were in their like, oh wait, repeat the question again.

How old were your parents when you got married? When I got married, I mean I was married a long time before we had kids, so I think my parents would have been, let's see, I'm married 12 years. Is this that hard of a question? Yeah, you gotta think of how- I'm still in math. Yeah.

I would say my parents were like 40. Really? No, no, no, no. 50, 50. Okay, so I mean, that's just the way it works. And think about it this way too, like the chances of your daughter getting married at 20 are probably slim, so you're gonna be even older.

Correct, so that means I'm gonna be older. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I'm going to be closer to like 62, 63 by then. What's the point of even getting worked up about this? That's just the way it is. Now that's the way it is. Yeah. If this is how bad it is for you, I should be jumping off a cliff. My daughter just turned 10. My son turns 13 next month, I turn 55 tomorrow. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Are you gonna take tomorrow off, you're not cleaning?

Because you should have told me you should give me an advance notice if you're gonna take your birthday off. I'm gonna be old. You managed to have the day for them all. I'm gonna be old when those kids grow up. I mean, but to quote someone at this table, just because you got problems, what is it? Just because you got it worse doesn't mean I got it bad? No, no, no.

Does it go? No, it goes. Just because other people have it worse than me doesn't mean I have it good. Yes. Yeah. Very true. I got it. Everybody's in their own hell. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, very true. Everybody's in their own hell. Yeah. Well, you could spend your time like thinking about this and running it through

your head over and over again, or you could sit down and use that time and get back into the fantasy world that you're creating, which is a far more healthier way to use that, that energy that you're wasting on worrying about like, Oh my God, I'm going to be in a wheelchair with my daughter. I dance with my daughter at her fucking wedding. As you get slowly closer, you know, those thoughts do kind of bug it. Yeah, but here's the thing though, dude, you're only starting to think about this stuff. The rubber is not going to hit the road for you for the 10 years. Like, yeah, but here's the thing though, dude. You're only starting to think about this stuff. The rubber is not going to hit the road for you for another 10 years. Like, yeah.

By the time you start feeling like you're old, you're not old yet. I found that's, that's the one thing about kids. They're a yardstick for making you feel old. You watch them grow up. Oh yeah. Like I see Sage at 19 and I'm like, Oh my God. Or like, I look at pictures of her from 2018 and I'm like, Oh my God, she was so it wasn't even that long ago, but it was seven

years ago, you know, it's Crazy that pandemic fucked it all. When you wake up and you can't piss in the morning, then call me. Okay. Until then, shut the fuck up. Should I call the doctor first or should I call you? Call me first. Okay.

What time is it? Why are you calling me? Okay. Because until then you got no, you're not an old man. You're still fucking spry. Yeah. Like, yeah, 43, 42, 43, that's, I think back, I was just starting my drug addiction back then. You still got a lot of time. I mean, that's pretty much, how old are you now?

57. So like, I think you were what? Right around this age when you guys started Tom Steve's they've been right? Yeah. 42, 43. Yeah right around there. Oh maybe. Should you start a new Tom cast?

Oh is that what it's going to be? No, no one wants to hear that so. At least I'm not talking. People have a chance of listening to that. The wafer hour. Let's get the wafer hour. I didn't do anything this week. I went to no concerts this week.

No eight balls of drugs. people have a chance of listening to that. Let's get away from it. I didn't do anything this week. I went to no concerts this week. No eight balls of drugs. No contacts. Have we helped in any way? I think so. Don't lie. No, you put a lot of things in perspective.

I got a lot of time. Brian will ridicule me if I don't get more on the weight loss journey. And you know, I, you know, Brian will ridicule me if I, if I don't, you know, get more on the weight loss journey. And, you know, I could take that time and, you know, like you said, I don't necessarily need. Start them or anything else with it. Just the, you know, come to the realization that as long as there's a physical copy out there, that I can be like, I have this, this is mine. That that's all I really want to do. That's great.

I think it, I think it has helped. How close are you to finishing it? I'd say I'm a little bit more than halfway. Actively working on it or it's been a bit. It's been a couple of months since I picked it up. Like work things have kind of come in the way. If you finish it, I will provide the cover free. Ooh, look at that.

But free. All right. I don't usually say that. Let me ask you a question. That's coming out of my mouth free. Let me ask you a question. It doesn't come easy. It's a one syllable word, still doesn't come easy.

Do I get to tell you what to build or are you just going to put Alphorn on it? No, I would not. You can tell me what you're hoping for, but let me at least interpret that. I'm okay with that. That idea. Okay. You know? Okay. I'm okay with that. That idea. Okay. You know, okay. All right. Yeah.

Thank you. Finish it and then this way you can have something when you submit the publishers, you know, you got this nice snazzy color art that, um, that goes with your manuscript. Awesome. Like we'll take the cover. All right. Thank you. Thank you.

It's not over Tom. I'm about to help you. Okay. All right. Start having more and better sex immediately. Thank you. Thank you. It's not over, Tom. I'm about to help you. Okay. All right. Start having more and better sex immediately. You've got to take advantage of this brand new deal from Adam and Eve at adamandeve.com slash tesd.

Go to adamandeve.com slash tesd and pick any four sex toys for just 20 bucks. I know you make more than 20 bucks an hour. I do. So in less than an hour, you get a four sex toys. Four sex toys. I thought you were pointing to Josh. I was like, he's not getting paid to clean that room, you know. Yeah, Josh, you're going to have to fashion your own sex toys.

I don't know what you find in the back room. An iTunes card, a bag of Cheetos, and a soda can. You might find sex toys there. That might. At least one. This is a limited time offer, so get your four sex toys while supplies last. This is something limited time offer, so get your four sex toys while supplies last. This is something for everyone, four toys for 20 bucks, literally saving up to $175

with this exclusive offer. So take a look at adminif.com slash tesd to find out what four sex toys will be yours for just $20. Go to adminif.com slash tesd. It's the only way to get this offer. Does Mrs. Tom know that you're coming in today to talk about your midlife crisis? Is she even aware that you're in the bouts of a crisis? She knew I was going to talk about it, but I don't think she really thought like, do

you really have a midlife crisis? So I think she just chalked it up. She minimizes your crisis. Absolutely. Well, let's talk about that. That's the one we got to talk about. That's way more interesting. Can we talk about it after That's the way we got to talk about it.

That's way more interesting. Can we talk about it after I read this Ridge ad? I don't know. We'll be here all night. Let's see. Ridge, are you still carrying around the same bulky overstuffed and let's be honest, crusty leather wallet your grandfather had? It's time for an upgrade.

Oh, I got this. This is awesome. Oh, the metal one? The metal one? Yeah, yeah. I used, I'm not just saying this, I used Ridge for years and years before they became a sponsor. I really like the wallets. So meet Ridge Wallet, the sleek minimalist wallet that's changing the game.

Ridge wallets are extremely thin yet can securely hold up to 12 cards plus cash without adding any unnecessary bulk. Made from premium high-performance materials like carbon fiber, titanium and stainless steel, Ridge wallets are built to last. In fact, they come with a lifetime warranty, meaning this is the last wallet you will ever need to buy. And it's not just about look sitting on a bulky wallet, tilt your pelvis, misaligned your spine.

Here's Tom, you're a medical guy, you should know this. And that's why Jimmy looks like he has scoliosis. Do you ever see that wallet he's fucking sitting on? No, is it a big fat one? Yeah. Isn't it him that has the giant wall? Oh, Rupp. Oh, Rupp has it. Yeah, that's why Rupp has scoliosis. You ever see that wallet he's fucking sitting on? No, is it a big fat one? Yeah, isn't it him that has the giant wallet? Oh, Rupp. Oh, Rupp has it? Yeah, that's why Rupp has scoliosis.

Looks like he was sitting on it. It's a common theme in TSD town. A slimmer ridge wallet helps keep your posture balanced and your back pain free, plus every ridge wallet comes with RFID blocking technology to protect you from digital pickpockets. That's right. Scanners cannot scan your pockets.

I don't think so. I think that can really happen. Right, Gittin? That's true. Wow. I always thought that was- Walk by one of those scanners and just scan your pocket. Uh, for a limited time, our listeners are getting 10% off your entire order when you

use code TESD. That's 10% off when you use promo code TESD at ridge.com slash TESD. They have over 50 colors and styles and they have a Ridge AirTag attachment so you'll always know where it is if you want and they're not just about wallets. They create premium everyday essentials like key cases, suitcases and rings all built with the same sleek durable design. They have a free shipping and 99-day risk-free trial and lifetime warranty on all design. They have a free shipping and 99 day risk free trial and lifetime warranty on all products.

So for a limited time, you get 10% off by using code TESD at Ridge. A checkout, just head to ridge.com, T slash TESD, use code TESD and you're all set. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please show support for our show and tell them that the show sent you.

All right, that's Ridge. Now what were we about to talk about, Walt? I don't remember. What was it? Was it scoliosis? No, you were talking about how my wife minimized my problems. Oh, yeah. That's right. So you told her you're like, hon, spiraling here. I don't think I use those ones. I don't have a black belt. I haven't written my novel.

And what does she say to that? Does she just like... She doesn't have time for that? She's like, well I'm fucking... I'm bringing the kids to soccer. I'm cooking this. I'm cleaning this. Shut the fuck up! You haven't written your fucking storybook. Great American novel.

Pretty much. Pretty much. That's what I get. We got today problems, not future problems. Yes. God damn her. So she doesn't do that. She's supportive. Your wife? Uh, I don't think so. No. Yeah. I wouldn't say supportive, but I also, yeah, it's just more just like, no, you'll just probably like stop doing it in a month or two. Yeah.

You've shown that behavior in the past and now she thinks that she thinks that I'm a, she's got a quitter for a husband. Yes. Got a quitter for a husband. Give her Mary Beth's number. They could probably get a little. What have you, like what would go on the list of things that you have accomplished in this vein? I think it's hard to say. I don't know. Don't say kids. Nobody wants your kids as an accomplishment. How come? Because anybody can do it. Really anybody can do it. They can't all raise them correctly,

but anybody can have kids, so it's not really an accomplishment, I don't think. Half of them are accidents. Trust me. I don't know. I mean, I have a good house. I have a good job. Our kids are, for the most part, well behaved. So I think those are my accomplishments. Those are pretty great, huh? Yeah. I don't think, you know, I don't know if there's much like, I think the things that I've listed are pretty much the only thing that I've like started and stopped that didn't finish. Well, I'm super disappointed you don't list Sunday stud one and two as one of your accomplishments.

Oh, wait, like to my wife because she has no idea what happens up here. No idea. We talked about that. I mean, I thought, I mean, one of the greatest things you ever came up with was the dickless pics when you remember during the segment in Sunday Stud where people had to pose without their dicks out and still make them look sexy. Yes. Brian is our, Brian is our three times Sunday Stud winner. Three times Sunday Stud.

Who's judging this? Every time it's different. I think Mrs. Five. Oh, guys. I think Tim the Wrecker Store Clerk was a judge for that. Frank. Frank judged it, I think. You should get in on the next one, Q. You could unseat me, perhaps.

Can you eat a fig? Seductively? Pretending it eat a fig? I can. I can. I'll give it a shot. That's normally our last. That's our barometer. Manliness. Yes.

I don't know. I think a lot of people do what you're doing. They question if what they're doing is worth it or what they're doing is time well spent. But at the end of the day, a lot of people waste a lot of time. Even fucking Einstein, I heard, was a procrastinator. I don't know if that's true. I'm just saying. I want to believe it. If you look at what he accomplished, it's like, yeah, a couple of big things. Did he ever just jerk off and think of some fucking –

Yes, I can answer that. Right. He wasn't always building a fucking – a nuclear bomb. He was. He was a hairy German woman. He was dropping a bomb in a fucking tissue paper. That's true, man. You never think about it like Einstein jerked off. You don't really think about it that much.

You might have been doing it in that famous picture where his tongue is sticking out like a whole horny shit. So much of everybody's time is spent doing things that if you overanalyze it, it's like, oh my God, I could be doing this or why did I spend so much time doing this? It's like, because that's the way it is, man. That's life. Usually when I question that, I'm like, because you're stupid. That's usually my inner monologue.

Yeah, I think you have to do things to minimize regret. Yeah. Oh, there you go. That's to do things to minimize regret. Yeah. Oh, there you go. That's a great word. That's a great way to put it. So where I'm at, so I feed all those outdoor animals and I have that one mother that I've been feeding for like three years now. I call her mama.

And twice a day she comes by and twice a day I prepare her some food and I sit down on the back step and she comes up to me, she meows at me and she eats it. And she looks at me and she goes about her way. I did that twice a day now for years. Not every day, but a lot of days. And very few things make me feel as good as that. I'm literally like, this is the best. She feels safe. She comes over here. We just sit there. You got a little buddy? Yeah, I got a little buddy and I'm like, wow, this is fucking actually, this feels better than when I was on stage at Madison square garden.

I'm not even fucking kidding. I'm like, this is like, so, you know, you gotta kind of maybe just find those things that are, but it's hard to believe that being on MSG, it doesn't feel better. It doesn't sound right for the people who have not been on that stage. It doesn't sound like feeding a stray cat is befriending a stray cat is better than that but I'm here to tell you is fucking way better than that and it brings way more to my life and it makes me way happier so you know that's kind of any any secret that I've unlocked has been like oh it's kind of like that's a saying like outcome you can't even control so don't

even worry about it like just concentrate on the things that make you feel like you're feeding a fully bitten neighborhood cat. You know? That's the only secret I've found out after everything that I've been through and everything I've done. I saw something that resonated with me. It was somebody wrote, the most valuable thing in life is having nowhere to go in the morning.

Oh yeah. Let that sink in. Quit your job. Who wrote that? Brian Johnson? Yeah, who wrote that? I could have written it. Who wrote that?

Sounds like a, who wrote that? I don't know who wrote it, but I saw it and I looked at it and I was like, it's so true. There's never a better feeling when you have somewhere to go that you don't want to go to. Yeah. Canceling plans is the best thing in the world, man, for me. I love it. But yeah, I agree. So you got to get to that point. Gotcha. It's called retirement.

I'm a long way from that. Yeah. But even the fire department, like that was always my thing. Like I work two 24-hour shifts a week. And then the other five days I could just fucking go see matinees Go drink at a bar with my friends during the day and it's always been like the way it's always been so much fun So, I don't know. Yeah, I don't even think Now when I look at it, I didn't look at it as work when they said there's no word There's no better feeling than to have a morning. You don't have to go anywhere. It would just be like just doing anything that you really don't feel like doing.

Right. Yeah. It could be something like you got to go visit some relative that you don't really feel like going to see. Don't want to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a nice feeling.

It is. That is the most valuable thing in life. And the older you get, the less people expect you to be places too. So that's a nice thing. Because you've carved this person that is like, well, he's not going to come anymore. I'm not going to ask him anymore. That was said to Q when he said, should we invite Tommy? He goes, you can invite him, but he's not going to come.

He's not going to come. So I've already carved that out. I remember like last Saturday, it was warm. It was finally 80 degrees or something. Yeah, it was warm. It was finally 80 degrees or so. Yeah, it was beautiful. Actually, I had just fed mom and the cat. I came back inside and it was getting dark. I lit a fire and I was sitting there and I was reading the Dungeon Girl Carl thing. I looked and I could see Manhattan. I thought back to me in my 20s and I was like, wow,

10 o'clock on a Saturday night There's no fucking way to be inside. There's so many kids out there having fun right now and doing crazy shit and the thought of it is abhorrent to me The thought of it is absolutely abhorrent to me. Like I just want to sit here and read it's getting old fun It's easier than being a young kid where you feel like you have to like experience everything at all times. Yeah. Yeah.

I had that old man mindset in my twenties though. You have, yeah. Yeah. I didn't never bother to. You were old long before anybody else I know. Yeah. I was old way before my, my, my time. Marybeth is like that.

She's an old hag. But it could, you know, it could all of a sudden just one day. She's an old hag. But it could all of a sudden just one day. Did he say hag? She's an old hag. You don't have to have that. Hag fun, I guess. But there's always that danger that I wake up though and just something and I become 180 degree opposite though, right?

Like a freaky Friday type situation. All of a sudden I'm in Manhattan every night. Oh, God. Give me a minute. That's the only thing that can get me out of this. If you're also like, let's go shopping up in Manhattan. I'm going. Oh, I'm going.

Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't give that up. I'm very glad I did that in my 20s. I don't have not fond memories of it. I just don't want to do it anymore. Yeah. You get over that line. Yeah. Well, just get over that other side of that line. Yeah. So what am I doing here?

Yeah. The only thing you can do is feed some sort of food to a cat without, you know. Well, I still get my nights. Sure you do, Keeam. Sure you do. I was out with me. Keep telling yourself that. I was telling her out last night. Were you? Before, yeah, we went out. We were out in Manhattan having fun. Somebody had an idea. We got to bring you and Foton in for TESD&D. We got to get Foton

in here. Yeah, he'll come do that. He's back. He's living here now again through the summer. Through the whole summer? Yeah, so he'll be here. And as the Dungeon Master, you can make him dance with you. Oh, yes. There we go. Yeah, so he'll be here and as the dungeon master you can make him dance with you. Oh As usual why'd you wait so long to fucking just come and ask us what fucking answer work

Do you dance at home or you one of those families like you see on TV where like your whole family dances together and shit stuff Like that well like, like, like if there's like certain Disney songs on like we'll have the music on and like we'll dance around like the kitchen like we're putting stuff away. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. That's good. Hey, that's nice. Sure. It's not hardcore rap. It has to be Disney. Yeah. Well, seven and a three year old. I don't want to expose in the hardcore rap.

No WAP. No, no WAP. No, uh, no 2. No 2. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no.

No, no. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Listen, if I can dance with a tone, write a book with your cover and Brian ridicules me to lose weight, I mean, it's a big episode. Do you remember that book Atomic Habits?

No. It's a book called Atomic Habits. I want you to read it. It's about what you're fighting against, about how you get a little bit better each, like how you don't go months without writing and stuff. It's about that fear of like 1% change a day, 1% better a day. Like by the end of the year, you're, you're, you know, X amount better or whatever. Well, Ethan Soplia, something similar to that called like kill your clone. Oh, it's the same type of thing where it's

like, always try to like always do one thing every day to make yourself one thing better than the day before. Right. So it's always like, well, today I was this. And if you like, I read a chapter of a book. Well, that's one step better than the clone. Yeah. I think this is a little bit more like that. That sounds like a more holistic overview. This is more about like, um, your habits that prevent you from. Succeeding at the things you want to succeed.

Gotcha. Uh, it's pretty good atomic habits. That's the sailboat guy, right? From Lawrence? Yes. Yeah. Snooch. Who, uh, indeed snitch. He looks amazing. Jack. Yeah. Jacked up. Yeah. Like he's not the guy he used to be at all. Right.

Yeah. He's huge in the art world too. Is he? Huge. He's on the board for several museums. Like he advises them on what paintings to do. Like, yeah, I got, I got a conversation with. That's crazy. How do you get that gig? He just got into art and found this love for it and started buying and selling it for himself personally and then his knowledge and his knowledge experience grew and grew. I would love that job. Yeah.

I'd be like, only George Perez, John Byrne pieces in this- Get rid of Michael Angelo's. Yeah, get the shit out. Get rid of all his abstract shit. Is that a Nathan Angel? Get Get the shit out. Get rid of all this abstract shit. Is that a Nathan Angel? Get rid of that shit. I saw an art exhibition. I know it's subjective, but it's this guy who took a bunch of pails, like beach pails,

filled them up halfway with sand and piled them up to where there was like 10 high, and then they fell over. That was the art. There was sand all over the floor. And there was a beat where I think people were like, was that it? And the guy's just like, he like puts it, whoops, puts his arms out. Like that's it. And everybody goes crazy.

They start clapping and shit. And I'm like, this is like, do you have to pretend you get it in these types of situations? I think you do. Yeah. You got to pretend you want to stay in no circles. Yeah. You better start clapping. Oh yeah. There you go. The same thing I could see a

kid do at the beach. I'm now supposed to pay thousands of dollars. You're gonna be like, would you stop fucking stacking? God damn it. Yeah. It's funny. Why do you got 10 Pals kid? You look at Andy Warhol stuff and you're like, wait, he didn't even do half his own shit. And most of it was copies anyway. You're like, what is going on? Oh, there it is. Look at that. Yeah. There's the Pell guy. Now, now he sets it up.

I mean, who am I, who am I to say if somebody in that crowd loves this? But yeah, no, he's just waiting and waiting. There's like upside down bicycle on the ceiling. And it just, there he goes. There it just, it sort of falls. Now there's sand all over it. Then he waits. People are like, okay, is that it? Well, you know what it represents, right?

I don't. The sands of time? Society. Society. Okay. Well, that's not too dumb to get art. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's the kid. Absolutely. Thank you. I would say tell him, Steve, Dave, but we still got a couple of spots. We got to pay these bills. Did you know that one man every – this is a downer. Did you know that one man every hour, every day is diagnosed with testicular cancer? In fact, it's the most common form of cancer among men ages 15 to 35. You better be selling the cure. Not this is a cure.

Where could this be going? I know. April, well, we got, this is where we're going to be out of April by the time this drops, I think, right? April is National Testicular Cancer Awareness Month. I shouldn't find out on the last day of April. That's the whole month I would have been celebrating or observing at least. We want to take a second to talk about mental health issues that are important to us.

That's why Manscaped has partnered with Testicular Cancer Society to raise awareness and encourage early detection. Manscaped is putting action behind their words and donating 50,000 to the testicular cancer society to help lives and promote routine self-checks. And there's a special bundle from Manscape that not only helps keep you fresh and well groomed, but also supports this amazing cause. Meet the TCS Ball Hero Bundle featuring the special edition TCS Lawnmower 5.0 Ultra and the special edition TCS Boxers 2.0, all designed

to help you keep you feeling smooth, comfortable, and confident. Join the 12 million member worldwide who have trusted Manscaped and use code TESD for 20% off plus free shipping at Manscaped. First up is the bundle. It rocks a brand new purple design in honor of testicular cancer awareness. You know, it's so sad though, like growing up I couldn't wait to have balls that had hair on them and now I'm going to rush to shave it off. You say so.

All the nights I would check for a whisker, go to sleep crying and now I'm supposed to shave it off. You're going to landscape to shame you, yeah. After all that work growing it. All that work. The trimmer is both cordless and waterproof, making trimming a breeze. And here's where things get interesting. The foil blade, crafted to transcend the boundaries of your typical trim, achieved with a trimmer blade. Blade, this foil blade is designed to leave you with a finish that's irresistible, sleek, and utterly bare.

Has a powerful LED light, which I know Gittem loves, and it features a constant RPM motor. Okay. There's a whole bunch of things that you can read about. Anti-chafing, waistband hugs your body. All these are the- I think balls that are completely fucking shaved though, look like they're sick balls though.

How many balls have you seen there? Yeah. They look so like, yeah, they look like they have something wrong with them. I'm totally shaved ball wise. Yeah, it looks like you're sick. It's like, what's wrong with Brian? Yeah, everybody's like, oh man, he must have ticicular cancer. It's just like you can see it in his face. How many people have seen my balls?

Yeah, that pool party. And you jumped off the diving board. I was Captain Longnots now. Yeah, really. I mocked him when I was a kid, but now every day that passes, gravity is taking its toll. They get closer to the ground every day. Did that really happen? No, not yet. what ace is that?

Let's see. There's a limited supply of these and the special edition products won't last long, so get your bundle while supplies last and let's help raise awareness for testicular cancer together. You get 20% off plus free shipping with promo code TESD. All right. I like to leave one super long hair. It's striking in the light.

When the light hits it the right way. What do you got a lamp on its side or something? A point man it? What is that Frankenstein thing? You drew that obviously, right? Like what's your artwork? Yeah, that's my artwork. It's something for a game show on the Patreon I'm working on. Dude, it is fucking awesome.

That's pretty cool, isn't it? Thank you. Yeah. What, like? It's every version of Frankenstein that I like. And Mary Shelley kind of like hanging over him as the mother. That's Frankenstein, Jr. From where? From Hanna Barbara from the 60s. He was a robot. He really wasn't a Frankenstein.

God, that is fucking cool, man. Thank you. That is like that's a you should sell that. You should sell that print. Brian already called dibs on it. Oh, yeah, I'll sign them and the limited edition prints. God, that is amazing. That really is. Okay. Thank you. Yeah, it's really cool. I love the Franken-Man. We're gonna do like a Beat the Baron game show and in the set on the green screen It'll be all like it's a like we're in a mansion and these are some of the some of the pictures on the wall Oh, don't worry. You'll know all about it. All about it. Thank you. All right. Look for those prints on eBay this weekend. Is that the one? Wait? Let me see if I can obviously that one is the DC one, right? Yes

That's the DC one Frank and Barry De Niro. Yes. Is that young Frankenstein behind? Yes, it is. Okay That's Glenn strange Frankenstein. I didn't go at Boris Yeah, cuz I was like, you know what everybody went with Boris everybody would have fucking put Karloff in there I think I'm gonna be the fucking Renegade the yeah the Vanguard you get a two-for-one kind of with that a little bit cuz he's got the ball If you could tell me who's behind Glenn strange Then right there you're gonna get a free print. Oh really Super fucked up face yeah

We'll post a picture on Twitter when this episode drops. Yeah, I'm not gonna be able to get that. Alright, that's a real, it's a deep cut. I won't be able to get that. It's teenage Frankenstein from the 50s. A B-movie from the 50s. Wow. If you were on our Patreon you would know that, Q. Yeah, I guess so. You'd know who's underneath the arm of Frank Glenn Strange. No, Now I'm starting to get lost a little bit as we go left. That was from a movie called

Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell. Okay. It's a Hammer movie Hammer Frankenstein. Gotcha. All right there's Fred Gwynne of OBS and then yours your Frankenstein. No that is Marvel's Frankenstein from the 70s. The one on the bottom with the vest. Yes. Yes, that one I know, the one up top. Yeah, the one on top. Do you know who that is? I thought that was yours.

Nope. That is Toho's Frankenstein. Oh. There was a giant Frankenstein in the 60s called Frankenstein Conquers the World. And he was like a 60-foot tall Frankenstein. Oh, that's cool. Okay. No, I didn't know the Marvel one and the DC one, I know.

Yeah, he would be as tall as the robot one. The robot one was like as tall as a skyscraper to this is great And Frank and Barry obviously which is a great inclusion Thank you. Yeah, nice work. That's really nice. You're else is nice. You're better than fucking Ethan simply Board of a museum My shit hung up Casterly on the side selling prints. You will sell a lot of those. That's cool.

Thank you. Excuse me for breaking into the show like this, but one thing I learned all those years, menning the secret stash counter. You've got to strike by the irons hot. The Frankenstein print we are talking about is now up on eBay, limited to 150 prints. This 18 by 24 hand-signed and numbered print entitled A Mother and Her Franken-Sons,

how cool is that, can now adorn your walls. Just search T-E-S-D Frankenstein Flanagan Print on eBay and then hit the Buy It Now button and you'll own one. All right, back to the show. We have another ad? One more, one more. Prize picks, and I'm ready to do it this week. Prize picks is the best place to turn your sports knowledge

into cash with millions of members. Prize picks has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to 2,000 times your cash. Run your game all season long on prize picks. Cash in on the basketball playoffs with prize picks. Don't miss your last chance to add your favorite players from the court to your prize picks lineup. Whether it's points, rebounds, assists, take your

pick of more or less for your shot to win up 2000 times your cash today. Turn your playoff hot takes into tickets. It's a basketball's championship series, starting with a play in round. Every lineup you make on prize picks will enter you into the takes two ticket sweepstakes, which could land you and your plus one of VIP trip to the championship. Now right there, they wrote the ship, but I know a lot of people aren't as hip as I am, so I'm just going to say championship. Prize picks is the best place to win cash while watching sports. Join millions of users and sign up today. Uh, let me see, uh, download the app today. Prize picks and use code T E S D to get $50 instantly after you

play your first $5 lineup. That's code T E S D to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks run your game is what they say. That's it. That's it. That's it for spots. You know, you got to go, right? Yeah, I got to go. I'm not around next week. I won't be here next week. Where are you going? I have a, we're shooting Tuesday, Wednesday, Monday, well shooting something else Monday

then Tuesday, Wednesday, we're working and then I'm out town for a charity thing next weekend. Charity thing, huh? Yeah. Yeah. I'll fill you guys all in on that one. I'm back. It's going to be fun. There's going to be some stories coming out of it. All right, good. Yeah, I won't be here next week, unfortunately. Okay. I want to say congratulations to Troy's daughter. She was named, what was she named? It was on her team, the goalie end. Yeah. God damn it. Now I lost it. I just have lacrosse game written down.

She's been killing it. She's been killing it. Yeah. I went to her lacrosse game on Saturday, that really nice day where you were out feeding the cat, yeah, and it was something else. It was pretty fun to watch. Yeah. Yeah.

And it was, the fucking field is huge and these girls are running up, back and forth and back and forth. I'm getting exhausted just looking at it. Goalie of the year, rookie of the year. Goalie of the year, rookie of the year and Metro Atlantic athletic of the Year, Rookie of the Year, and Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference, first team. Yeah, she killed it, man. Great.

You couldn't remember Goalie of the Year. No, I knew Goalie of the Year. I couldn't remember the other one. Jesus Christ. So, Goalie, I couldn't remember. It was the other one that I was like, what was it again? Q, did you notice the new TV? I did.

I noticed that they didn't take the other one. I was like, what? Did you notice the new TV? I did. I noticed the, uh, the, that they didn't take the stickers off. Well, which I haven't, can you return that? Cause I have a spare TV. So if it's not too late to return that I could just give you one. That's probably leaving a little bit bigger. Get them doesn't know what to do. It's a point of contention in our Yenta group because get them is blaming Chuck for breaking the TV, even though the TV sometimes takes up to 15 minutes to turn on

and Chuck moved it and get that TV that you had was one I gave you. I gave the office to begin with, but I have another one in my basement leaning against the wall right now. So if you want to, if you can return this one, I got you. Well, he went rogue. He ordered a TV without even telling me. I got you. Well, he went rogue. He ordered a TV without even telling me. Well, when? Monday. Well, there's plenty of time to return it still.

Box is gone, probably. Unless he wants to... Oh, Box is still back there. Oh, Box is still back there. Of course it is! Tell him, Steve, Dave! Thanks. Thanks.

Thanks.