Tell Em Steve-Dave - #648: Moral Kombat

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

MORE green dildos, is Walt a femme, Stern show is ending, Gary Coleman, the boys play a game with a special guest.

I'm wearing a fucking Punisher T-shirt T-shirt right now, man. Don't I look like fucking macho? Would you like double down? I'd like to double down that I'd like to double down that I think. Friends is better than Seinfeld. I was too lazy to find Teddy's real leash. So I had socks's leash, which was a pink leash with his pink bowtie.

Oh, dude. Tell him, Steve, Dave. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve. Dave, and we have Walt here. And we have Q here. Hello. And we're going to have a special guest in a little bit, right? A little bit, yeah.

Keep it on your raps. Yeah, big surprise. Keep them on the edge of their seats. Keep them waiting. Some stuff this week before we get to that. Green dildos, Walt. They're all over the place. People are throwing them in other places?

Three times now. At just WMBA games? Yes. Oh, no. The only thing that makes it down? wNBA interesting they're all mad about well what they're doing what they've done is they classic mistake somebody threw dildo on they overreacted they got a fucking grief counselor in and dickheads were like oh this is awesome i'm gonna get a green dildo throwing on the

fucking field dude you're not they had just said nothing and not made a fucking federal case over it yep it didn't it would be a long while for a green dildo got thrown on that court now it's a thing now it's a thing even las Vegas is getting in on it now now you can bet if there's going to be a green dildo thrown during a game it's like going to hockey you want to fight right

now it's like I just want to see the green dildo and if it's not green is it a little less like it's like come on brand yeah like come on man show some effort yeah it's got to be green purple dildo get me mean and green yeah right green right green yeah there was

you're not that far off about the grief counseling there was a lady I don't know which player she was but her wig got pulled off at some point accidentally. She plays basketball in a wig? They all do. What? Of course.

Isn't it, don't they start sweating? Isn't it like wearing a fucking like, even Hulk Hogan took his bandana off? Yeah, I would think so. I would think so. But yeah, black women are going to wear their wig. They're not going to all go wigless on a basketball court because then it will show the real short hair and I guess they don't like that. It's not just glamorous or whatever.

Oh, I didn't realize that. Okay. Yeah. All right. So it's yet another struggle. Another struggle. And this woman who got her wig torn off immediately. left the court and ran off, like, holding it, you know, like, so nobody could see it.

She probably felt humiliated. Probably. And I guess somebody made fun of her and he got kicked out. A fan? A fan said something to her, like, made fun of her for it. Like, made a joke about it and got kicked out of the fucking arena. Like, what fucking world are we living in? Can people take anything?

Can they take anything anymore? Let's take a step back, though. All right. You took a step back last week. Unless we know exactly what we said, it may have been more. That's true. It may have been more another word used. Fair enough.

Let's not automatically assume it was like, just like, ha, ha, you're big fell off. You're out of here. Yeah, you're right. I wonder. You bring up a very well-informed opinion on the matter. I don't want to wait to hear what the guy said. Yeah, I want to know exactly what was said before I'm ready to be like.

However, counterpoint, I sat in the bleachers during Yankee Boston games, and I heard all sorts of things thrown at both sides of players. That would not... It can get rough. Rough. The word. Sailors could blush. Yeah, it got real dockside fucking...

Yeah, I mean, it was like, I remember, man, going to those games. And I was in my 20s and I was like, this is fucking insane. Oh, it was great. You can take it a little bit too far and get a little bit too wrapped up in the game, I think, if you're throwing out. Like, verbal. assaults. I mean, Johnny David's playing

so well and there's somebody telling him to suck his dick the entire game. It's like, and he just tunes it out. It's like,

you know? I don't know. That's kind of what I guess I'm used to. And then what do you do then when Johnny Damon joins the Yankees as he did do you,

are you just like, uh, well, do you feel bad after you said all that shit? No, no, I couldn't take it.

So he had to come over. The pen stripes on, it's, and he shaved that stupid beard. That's when we were like, all right. Well, he,

he had, to because he joined the Yankees. Is that damn fucking right? He did. And he was never the player he was once he shaved that beard, though. Yeah, but he didn't have the beard, and that was enough. That was his... I mean, he wasn't bad.

He didn't come over and flop. But he wasn't on the caliber he was on those Red Sox teams. But I don't remember anybody being like he sucked. But anyway. Anyway, Kalia Copper was the woman's name. Security moved towards a mercury bench and pointers pointed out, sorry. Players pointed out the offensive. fans who was then booted from the game.

They made fun of her situation on the floor. The refs and officials can be heard of saying to each other. So they made fun of her situation on the floor. And it was described as a world world malfunction. Well, you see, the thing is you don't know what color of the fan was. You're immediately jumping to racist stuff, right? This is what you're thinking? You don't know the color.

Yeah, you don't know the color of the fan. You don't know who it was. Yeah. I do agree that that's, that's the area that can use some context. I agree. I agree. They don't give... If it is just like,

nice work, dickhead. Then I'm like, I don't know, man. Like, come on. They don't give the race of the fan or what they say. Dude, you know what? I wish I could

fucking throw people out for making comments about me. I got fucking... Maybe one of the harshest just blew me away criticisms this week after I said I'm really into friends. What?

Yeah. I got... If it's actually a gay lord, it shouldn't be shocking. But I wanted... Remember I said that Friends was better than Seinfeld? That you did express that opinion. And I'm really... I'm much more into Season 1 now than I was, even before I made that statement.

And now it's solidified. You would like to double down? I'd like to double down that I think Friends is better than Seinfeld. Because what Friends does is two instances, just in the 17 episodes I watched. Rachel... is going for a job that she really wants and she doesn't get the job

and there she finds out while they're all playing a poker like the girls are learning the rules of poker so they're kind of like you know just picking up how to play it how many strip poker jokes are in this episode

none see Se Seinfeld there'd be some nice strip poker jokes I mean you know don't think their friends can't be naughty because they have a lot of naughty jokes but they don't go for the absolute low-hanging fruit.

But she gets the call that she doesn't get the job. And then she's kind of like rattled and she uses her disappointment to kind of lash out and call out Ross saying that like because he doesn't want to play. He's like, we don't have to play anymore. He knows that she's hurting. And she goes, no, no, you said that you're that you're a this great poker player and you take it seriously and you put your foot on everyone. throat. So let's see you put it on. She breaks this big giant bet. And he intentionally loses because he knows that she needs it. Okay. You would never see that on Seinfeld. There is no war. It's too cynical Seinfeld. No. What you would see was they would play

strip poker and she would win and it would cut to George Costanza sitting there and fucking sock garters and boxers. And it'd be hysterical. It's, well, it's also, like I said, It's too cynical, though, I think, to ever even attempt to watch. Well, too cynical for you. What do you say? It's too cynical for everyone. He's doubling down on this. But I think I'm going to have to, like, stop watching it because, and really distance myself.

Does that really touch to that moment? No, because somebody posted online that they think the reason that I'm into friends so much now is, is because I didn't grow up with a father. I grew up in a household with just women, and then I left that household and got married and had two daughters, and I'm too feminine, and this blew me away. And I'm like, oh, my God, am I too feminine? Well, I don't want to say, but like, do I got to, like, butcher up and, like, well, why don't we look at it from the other direction? Like, in which ways are you masculine?

Yeah, I was, I was, that's what I'm, I don't even know. Okay, well, you got, at least stall lists. That's a problem that me and you got. Like, there's a lot of shit that people are like, It's masculine to be able to do that. You ride a motorcycle. You can't ride a motorcycle. Yeah, that's true.

Got some guns. You got, you own some guns? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I got a strike two. Well, that's all I'm saying. I think you guys have more than, more than you think. I got a Prius.

Hey. Is that cool like a motorcycle? Sure. He drives a Jeep, but he has a Prius. Yeah. Hey, man. You know what? What's more masculine than fucking,

you put a roof over your family's fucking head? You know what I mean? you're a good father you're a fucking stand-up guy you prepared some great kids for the world that's as fucking manly as it gets do they mean that like you're a femme or do they mean that they said the word feminine they did because i was i'm thinking maybe more sensitive is dude you're the fucking comic books what's more masculine than that i think that's a big yeah don't bring that one up that's a big tell you're wearing a fucking punish your t-shirt right now man don't i look like fucking macho yeah that he's one of the few that like that you can

point to it as like, you know, yeah, that's a, that's a pretty butch comic book character. I don't know if there's many that come after. Maybe Wolverine. Sure. But even Batman now, you know, hanging out with that boy all the time. He's been doing that since the 16th. I know. You know, there's a lot of weird things going on with the Batman world. So you're in touch with your feminine side. Is that a bad thing? But a lot of women would say that's a great thing. I don't want the listeners to be like to, like, I can't believe, I just think. I found out that I'm the most feminine one at the table.

And I was living a lie then because I thought I was like fucking, like, macho. Well, you're into sports. Yeah. Yeah, you do got the sports going for you. All right. I'd say you're more into sports than anybody else at the table. And that's fucking huge in the masculine. You love baseball.

Not like you. I'm not into it like you are. You are with hockey and football. Yeah, like you get into it, man. And that's usually like, you know, the mark of a big mark of masculinity. Thinking about implementing a couple things. Like what? Like, I want to maybe get a mustache, and I'm thinking like, you know, the, the mustache I like the most, the mustache I like the most when I've seen around is Dave Windorf, Monster Magnet, used to have this pencil thin mustache.

Yeah, I remember it. Super pencil thin. Yeah. I think I'm going to adopt that with Dave's permission. I'm going to ask them if I can grow a pencil thin mustache. So did John Waters, though. So look out, you know. Yeah, that could blow up against you.

And I think I'm going to implement a set. Well, that's a handlebar mustache. No, that's way too much more. Now he's in a quartet. And I got to get wax and shit. You know, all this way, just got to keep it pencil thin or just get a fucking eyebrow pencil. That's really easy.

Or lipstick, I guess. But I'm thinking about implementing a sag too now after, I think it's a sag, you know, like having my pants down past my butt crack. Huh. I think I see a lot of guys. A lot of guys in the mall walking around. With ill-fitting pants? They look tough, too.

You know, and I wouldn't mess with them. Think I have enough sweatpants that I've lost a drawstring that I think I can now, we start wearing them again. You know, maybe just going to look befuddled and old. Because the sweatpants with no drawstring is not a great sign. Well, they don't know that. They just think it's a fashion statement. I don't know.

This is, I. But how many guys do you see our age? Like you might see the youth doing that's the thing though I don't know I don't see a lot of guys our age in the mall anyway though They're all younger guys So yeah you're right though

But the guys I see in the mall that look tough And I wouldn't want to like Fuck around with it They got a sag I don't I wouldn't worry about the sag man Oh I've already started doing it Yeah

Just throw away all his straw strings Oh shit he does have a sack going Holy shit hanging on the back of his pocket To help him pull him down Something else I saw some guy I do, too. Carrying his keys like that? He had to bond around a belt loop. I don't have a belt loop, though.

So I have to stick them in my yundit, me undies. Yeah. But I don't know. You know what? That is masculine. When I first started dating Mary Beth, she used to have her keys on her belt loop with like one of those carbuners. And I'm like, what fucking state do you think you're in right now? That is unusual.

That is some pill-billy shit right there. She's like, but then I won't lose my keys. I was like, I remember this. I remember your purse or something. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Enough of that. You're like, I'm not doing it. I'm sorry, I'm just not doing it.

That was a line right there. I agree with you on that one. And I've seen online there's masculinity coaches. Get out of here. I don't know if you want to be talking to those guys. I just want to see what they think, though. Like maybe a couple, maybe one or two sessions, just get feedback from a professional. But what kind of masculinity coach?

Like, because you have, like, toxic masculinity, like Andrew Tate, you know, like a guy who's like, fuck women and pussy. And, like, are you looking to be like a super-marketing? Wait, that's toxic now if you want to fuck women? No, I think it's toxic if you're, like, constantly talking about it and talking about women as if they're nothing. Oh, degrading women? Yes. Okay, so.

I mean, I could try it out at home, though, see how it works out. I could, you know, start degrading people and see if I could how I could pull it off. I think you should think more. You should hurt. What's for dinner? I mean, they're more like white hat cowboys, you know what I mean, the good guys who's masculinely lied in protecting people. Yeah, but they still had something.

Doing the right thing. They still had something on their hip that I don't know if I could pose. Well, I'm not suggesting that you get into gun fights, but I'm just saying like that's, you know, that's a different type of man than the Andrew Tates of the world. Right. Me, and they spit shoe. They rode, they had bow legs and shit from riding horses. I mean, you know, I don't think you got to do all that, but maybe just like adopt some Western wear. Maybe I can adopt like a new gate.

Yeah. Like where I walk like. I'm not saying good spurs, but maybe cowboy boots. With sweats, he doesn't wear anything but sweats. Tuck them in. So everybody knows you got them. There you go. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah. Yeah. How's this sound, though? How much I pay to see Walt in that? Oh, my God, that'd be great. A Punisher T-shirt. Yeah. My black Adidas, your pants with the white stripes.

So far away. White cowboy boots like the Punisher. Oh, my God. You don't even know. Right? How excited I am for you to say this. And the sag? You had me a fucking white boots in the Punisher.

Did you see the new dare? They restarted Marvel Knights? The comic? Yeah, the line. I don't want to talk about comics. It's kind of femme, I think. well let me just say this one thing you can make fun of me okay all right and uh they they it's one of the issues is one of the series is dare daredevil versus punisher and it's fucking

white glove white boots punisher and i got so fucking excited and the next day i saw they they they're selling white doc martins which i'd never seen before so i fucking bought him so i got you're gonna rock the white doc martins at some point i'm gonna i'm gonna rock this is a corny motherfucker here no way i can't wait white doc martins yeah What do you wear them with, though? Jeans? Yeah, you'd have to do jeans. It's like, we're a white sneakers.

You guys wear a white sneakers. I don't, you know, maybe I'm not thinking, aren't Doc Martins, those boots that the punks used to wear? Like what Dante wears? The punks used to wear, like, go curb stomping? Yeah. And they're, like, laced up to like. Yeah, yeah.

It's just like to punishers. They're laced up to your, like, high show. Those are the ones on the left over there, the ones with the white souls. Oh, that's like white party where. Yeah, that's like, like, if you're going to have yourself a white party, Those are the shoes you wear for sure. Look at that guy. Yeah, he doesn't look like you.

And he pulls it off. I don't know why he's able to pull it off, but, you know, I'm not saying you won't be able to. He's so much tanner than you, I think. That's the thing. I don't know why he's able to pull it off? You, you, I'm sorry, you're suggesting that a white middle-aged man can compete in coolness with a 20-year-old black kid in white boots? I'm saying, you should go for it.

You should try. And how much were these Doc Martins? Well, the regular price of Doc Martins, I guess. A hundred and change, $200, $200,000, you're a hundred bucks right there. All right. Maybe you can you wear them next week or the next time you come down so I can see. It's just so hot out, but I'll bring them down. You might not want to wear them because then you'll scuff them up.

Because then you've got to wear long pants and, and socks that go up to as far as the boots. Oh, you're not into wearing pants yet. It's still too, too summary for you to wear pants. I mean, if it's 98 degrees, I don't want to be chafing my balls. But like, I don't know, to me, that's a small price to pay to look like a bad. ass, though. I'm not going to let the fucking temperature dictate if I'm not going to fucking look.

You want me to buy you a pair? What size? No, I don't need you to buy me a pair. Six. So you think that I, you think that me buying it because they reminded me of the punishment. And then if another man buys me my shoes, it's even more feminine. He's going to take your shoe shopping, honey. Yeah. I'm telling us to.

That guy, you pretty girl. I want to fucking The listeners to fucking turn around on this mindset That I'm a femme And the first move is like I have my fucking partner My podcasting partner Buy me shoes

Like some weird shit But you rejected it So Yes Because I'm a fucking alpha dog That's right I'm cowed right now But if you got to something else

It would be okay Just not shoes Shoes are like something you got for your girl I bought him a beer Slice a pizza Or a PlayStation or something Yeah You could use a place

Instead of the Doc Martins. It's like a PlayStation 6 or 7. I don't know what they're up to now, but yeah, the most current one, though. Yeah, fine, fine. I will bring them next week. But I'm going to, I don't know if I'll be around, but I'm going to, I'll be on my cruise next week. But when I come back, yeah, you're going to see a pencil thin mustache. Oh, nice.

The sag is even going to be probably even more prominent. You'll be nearly arrested. Has Like sagging so far Debb has seen the sag Deb? Yeah She hasn't know it yet

I'm afraid to tell her to her She's married to a feminine man She might get scared Yeah when you come home With the sag and the mustache and everything She'd be like Who's this fucking good guy She's like

She's like well you think I didn't know You were a feminine man Did you see me? You're telling me this While I'm changing the oil on the car And you're like this is like a revelation Are you dial and get him to get a bird out of the house again? Yeah, but I think I'm going to, like, kind of cool it on the comic book talk for a little bit.

I think you just stay off the internet and you don't have to worry about any of that stuff. Play off the comic talk. Yeah. Oh, no. I think it's kind of put me in a pigeonhole with the listeners. That along with other things. You know, and I'm not saying that this person isn't even. Off base, though, I didn't grow up with like a strong father figure.

Right. Like, I wanted my dad, I've never said this out loud, but I, when I wished for a father, I wished it was Lou Costello. Yeah, that's pretty fucking cool. Yeah, but he's not very masculine, though. He was kind of like a baby man. Well, behind the scenes, that's not the case. That's not the case. Oh, no, no, he was quite a hard ass behind the scenes.

Okay, but me as an eight-year-old didn't see that side. I only saw the baby boy, baby man, you know, acting. You're like, why? Of all the guys on. He's just a boy. Yeah, like all the guys that you watched on TV, I wonder why that resonated with you. That's a weird, because he was funny, I guess. Yeah, he was funny.

He was kind. He was good-hearted, yeah. Yeah. And I think the guy's right, though. I think I might be like a. I don't think I need the fucking toilet seat ever raised. But what about Tom Brady, man? He's in love with him.

He's in love with him. Yeah. That's what he should have professed his love so strongly. I think guys understand. It's more of a guy crush than a sex, than a sexual crush. It's like a non-sexual crush. I've got a whole cruise, though, to reinvent myself, though, and come back a much more masculine person, though. I don't know.

Should I curse more? Try it. Okay. So you're going to stop watching Friends, or you're just not going to talk about it? I think I have to stop watching it. Even though I've fallen in love with it, or at least not admit it. Yeah. Like a secret life, you know?

Like, I know guys have secret lives, right? Yeah, you just got to scoff anytime somebody brings up friends. Okay. Like something like that. Why aren't you watching Seinfeld? Yeah. George Costanz is my boy. learn something new every day

Stern is ending you read this yep it's really strange because I've seen several different accounts of this he's definitely ending definitely ending I think serious is not going to renew

his contract or he's going to try to renew it I believe so I believe so what are you still holding on to I like I still like it how man he is the most soft fucking pussy

He's so, I'm a see. And everybody around, and everybody on his show is like fun. Like Richard and Sal, yeah, I'll give you that. But like, anytime I watch a clip, I'm like, who the fuck can listen to this anymore? Well, what clips? I mean, there's other parts of the show. I guess I see what you mean, but I still listen to it. I still like, I mean, I don't want it to be early 90s, Stern.

Like, I like the era with Artie. Like, that seemed to be a very solid era right in there. But like early 90s with the stripper. Like, I never understood the appeal of strippers on a radio. I mean, yeah, I mean, that was just, because there was nothing else like it at the time. He was just doing anything. He had to break through. But I don't know.

I like, I like, I don't mind, uh, older Howard. I kind of got it. I kind of got it to it. I know you haven't liked him for a while, but, but yeah. Not for a while now. I mean, he's been in my life since I was fucking 16 years old or whatever. Yeah, me too. I started listening when I was going to summer school at 17.

Yeah. He went to be like, it would be weird not having them around. Do you think he'll get into podcasting or think he'll go back to, terrestrial is it terrestrial radio he won't go back to terrestrial I don't see how he can do a podcast after he's shit on podcast so much for 10 years now by podcasts or losers

internet radio show what's that he could just call an internet radio show we all know what it is though sure and I have seen like him taking hits they're like because what's happening is they're saying Howard Stern cancelled which is not really accurate it's Howard Stern show not being renewed or he's not

being resigned so now that he's being canceled it's like oh i see all this stuff coming up from you know the past like him in blackface and him with dana plato they're like you know he was so mean that dana plato she killed herself the next day that kind of shit which i could i did not remember that when dana plato committed suicide she'd been on the stern show the day before yeah i don't remember that either but they're saying that's uh that's why he's a piece of shit because uh stuff like that he also saved two people's lives on the air on the air yeah so i mean i guess if you want to you know i'm not just you look at any what you want. But she went on the show, I mean.

Yeah. I mean, I think they were just... Did she know what the show was? I think she knew what it was. I think they were just pretty hard on her. Yeah. I don't remember. I don't remember the episode. I don't remember that it was related to her. Yeah, that would have been from the 90s as well. He felt bad for her. Dana Plato? Yeah. Things didn't go too well for her after. No. None of the kids didn't really go well for. I think all three are gone now, right? They, uh, no, Willis is still alive. Todd Bridges. He's still alive. But, um, Gary Coleman, I just read

recently that they may start looking into his death his death as a murder got a hip in the head right what yeah as a murder rather than uh rather than an accident who this had to be what 10 years ago did gary colander yeah easily if not more i thought he like didn't he get hit by a car or something man you remember when those photos of him working a security guard came out yeah it was like oh 2010 you're right well it's a little bit longer possible uh the rolls just dry up Q. Yeah, but he was on a show that was sick that was like... He must have had poor management and didn't get any of the residuals from the syndication or his parents fucked them over. But obviously, if he was making the syndication money,

he wouldn't have had to go in their job. But you just can't imagine there wasn't something for him in Hollywood. you know what if anything if if it was today and he was in this situation he'd be able to start a podcast or do cons or he'd be able to make money money today there's and there's all sorts of there like it's making a major comeback is the game show on prime time game shows that were on when I was small are now coming back in a big bad way with I don't want to say C list but with and with entertainers of the of the of the of this era who are kind of like I don't know what they're on but I kind of recognize that sure yeah it's that same thing so that he would have been perfect for it would have been great yeah

I saw one last night a family no match game with Martin short playing the role of Martin short yeah playing the role of Gene rainberg well he's no asman he's not which I was surprised that he is the host though I'll tell you well he's all in too he is like he is looks like he's having a ball doing it. Yeah, I don't think that guy does anything that isn't a ball. I will say when we did Misery Index, we did three seasons of that, it was the easiest fucking money and the easiest gig. I've never before had a job as easy, and I never again will have a job at me.

You shoot an entire season in a week. That's awesome. In an air-conditioned fucking studio where you have to shoot the time. So if the show is ahead at 22 minutes, you don't shoot an hour and cut it down. You shoot 22 minutes. So you do two of those a day. go to the fuck home. It's unbelievable. They send the car to bring you home? Like, yeah, I

get one more in shorts doing it. Absolutely. Gary Coleman, he fell at his home and hit his head, possibly after a seizure and experienced an epidural hematoma. He was conscious and lucid the next morning, but his condition subsequently worsened. He fell unconscious

and then was on life support, and then he died at 42. And then he stipulated that his wake be conducted, by those with no financial ties to him and can look each other in the eyes and say they really cared personally for Gary Coleman. Then he wrote a later version that said

there will be no funeral service week or other ceremony memorializing his passing. It's like Livia Soprano. He must have been bitter at the end. Oh, yeah. 42 to be that angry. There's some lost media with him. Also, Walt, if you were wondering,

he lost 200, which would be $419,000 today on a failed arcade business called the Gary Coleman Game Parlor and then ongoing medical expenses contributed significantly to his financial problems and blah, blah, blah. So that's Gary Coleman. You know, there's people out there

that I don't know if you know this, that they're like treasure hunters, but for lost media in an arrow where things weren't saved. There's a TV movie with Gary Marshall, Not Gary Marshall, what's his name? Gary Coleman. Gary Coleman and, you know, people say it's one of the most sought-after pieces of lost media.

Really? Yeah, I think he's like, like, he goes to hell or something like that. It's a TV movie. It's a comedy, but yeah, it's one of the things that people point to is, like, the most sought-after things. Wow. Yeah. Well, that's funny because Dana Plato was in a video game. Oh, what the fuck was it called when I was a kid?

And it was all video clips. I know I played the game. Bank Heist? No. Playing with fire with Gary Coleman. That's the one. Wow. What year?

85. The game you play, Q, is called Night Trap. Yeah, Night Trap. That's it. Yeah, and it's like a video clip, like a shitty video clip of her talking to you. Like, I'm in trouble or something. I've seen it before. I've never played the game, but I've seen clips from the game.

Yeah, I remember playing that. Jesus Christ, man. That's a bummer. And for the other house is infested with vampires. Any listeners out there, though, if you have any old VHS tapes or maybe your grandparents recorded television, like... Isn't there that guy that has a first Super Bowl on tape and he's holding the NFL by fucking... And the NFL's like, we don't care. Wasn't he just asking for like a million dollars?

Like, how could they not want that? They don't care. It's like there's enough footage that it wouldn't be worth it to them. wherever they paid for it. How does it generate money for them at this point? I mean, all you've got to do is sell a million copies of it a dollar apiece. I don't think there's a million people out there who are willing to pay to see something they've seen the NFL film's version of.

Why? I thought it was the only footage of the game. No. Oh, okay. It's the broadcast of the game, the complete broadcast. Oh, so they have the footage of the game. They have footage of the game like, you know, like high, not well, like 16 millimeter. Oh, I didn't know that.

It was just, it was the only existing footage of the, oh, now I understand. This is the original broadcast, and he has it with commercials. Oh, I understand that one. They'd be like, fuck off. Because they'd be paying for the commercials. Yeah, there's really, I don't see how they monetize it to the point where they can make their money back. I agree. Unless it goes into the archives on the NFL Hall of Fame, but.

But what's the point if they have it? They have enough footage of the original Super Bowl. Hmm. Can I read something for a call our guest? Sure. Is it an ad? Yep. We all know summer is amazing.

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Well, it's just while I drive the Crown Vic, it's not like, like I wouldn't do that in the, in the other car. In the other car. Yeah, I just, yeah, but like, if there was nothing coming out of the bud, I wouldn't feel to keep it in. Yeah, it doesn't even matter. It's like a Benoit ball in your ear. Yeah, I'm right, man. It's going to make it work. I don't want to be driving and then like a call comes in and I, then while I'm driving, I got to get the bud and something like that.

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Okay. This also happened. I just remembered that's just now. I was getting bashed. Totally forgot. I was at Sunday Jeff's real job. Oh. I had to bring my car in and have it serviced. And I had Teddy with me.

And I went to see Jeff, you know, see how he's doing over in his department. Yeah. Surprise him. Right. Make his day. So I went over, I noticed that he was busy with a customer. He was involved in something. I didn't want to go bug him.

So I kind of strolled over to the, what's this, those vending machines. And by the vending machines, there's a coffee pot that I guess everybody's allowed to get a free cup of coffee while you're waiting for your car to be serviced. And there was an employee there as a young lady, I guess, in her 20. And I guess she heard Teddy behind her And she looked down And she started giggling when she saw Teddy Which is nice, you know But then she looked up at me

And really started to laugh Wow, that's weird Yeah, and I'm looking at her And I'm like, what's going on? I didn't say anything. I was just looking at her with a quizzical face And she goes, oh, don't take this the wrong way But did you ever hear like, you know

How there's some dogs and her owners Who look exactly alike? Because that's you two So she didn't hold back She was like Here's what I'm laughing at And I'm like Your face

Yeah your face At his face And he's a dog She ain't living at the dog's Yeah that's right I just realized though I was too lazy To find Teddy's real

Leash So I had socks's leash Which was a pink leash With his pink With a pink bowtie Oh dude So there's a This is a total stranger saying it now

That's not good That's not good That's a bad sign And she just walked away laughing I'm just sitting there holding my my male dog who now both we both look like fems yeah he and got balls and you he got balls doing a huge disservice to teddy yeah yeah that happened and i like wow something's got to change yeah yeah we're gonna don't take this the wrong way but you look like a dog

to me she just was laughing he goes they don't think this is the wrong way but like you know how they there's the owners who look like their dogs, that's you two. Did Sunday, Jeff hear it? No, thank God. I went over, he's like, who's that bitch? I want her fired.

All right. So let me just give the scenario how the game is played where we call our special guest. All right. This comes from the brilliant mind of Tom Milesheski. Okay.

What's he batting with these? What's he batting? Yeah. I see some people say he's not batting a thousand. Yeah. I wonder what that number is. I still think it's in the high 400s, though. And that'll get you into the Hall of Fame.

That's a Hall of Fame career. Are you getting me? Yeah. Fuck yeah. But he has come up with a game called Moral Combat. You got to love the name, right? Moral Combat! A moral scenario will be given and one of you two, Brian and Q, will defend one point of

you while the other defends the opposite. Someone with a very moral compass will award a point based on the strength of argument. Brian Q can decide who wants which angle or alternate who gets the first pick of argument. So you don't always get stuck with the shitty end of the argument. Right. But who is the most moral person in TSD town? And you needed a game for this. What's that?

You needed a game for this? No, who's going to be our judge? We need somebody with the most highest of moral values to judge. There's only one man. Right? With the fucking hotlines of the Lord. Direct bat phone to the Lord. Yeah, let's give a call.

See if he picks up the bat phone or the angel phone. Hello? Hey, Brian. How are you doing it? What's up, buddy? It's got to come up more. Well. So you know how the game is played, right, Father?

I read the rules now. I take it. I'm judging solely on their argument, not the moral, the higher moral objective of either ones. Yeah, it sounds like it has to be the argument because that's the flaw in the game. If you're automatically giving someone. shit position to take, you can't possibly win. Well, I want you to proceed as if you were in a confession booth.

Okay. Nice thing. Did you tell Father Lance about my new abortion stance? I don't know if he knows. Yes, yes. I listened the other day. How did you feel about that, bud? I'm at 100, 100-a-level.

Oh, nice. We just got to get him now to, you know, start speaking out for some human ones. Like against some human ones. That's all we got to get him to do. That'll be easy. We'll pull them to the right side. We'll get him a booth, drop them off at a literal college. Those human ones can be fucking convenient.

It's just all I'm saying. All right. So scenario one, you go to a restaurant that you have never been to before and see a good friend's spouse sitting with an attractive person. of the opposite sex. They seem to be more than just friends based on the body language you see. They never see you. Do you?

And these are your two arguments. Who you want to go first in this one? I think, well, I'm thinking who goes? Yeah, who do you want to go first, Father Lance? Okay. I guess, like, Brian go first. He called. Brian Johnson?

Yeah. Okay, Brian with Y. Okay. So you have your option to argue, tell your friend, knowing it might end. the friendship because the spouse will deny it, or it is not your place to say anything. Which argument would you like to defend? Not my place to say anything. Okay, let's hear why you think that's the proper way to proceed with this.

So you see, my wife. Oh, we're talking this close? It's a friend, a good friend. Oh, my God. I would have picked the other one. Because this did happen to me. This actually did happen to me. Snowman, it's a snowstorm.

It wasn't, uh, it was, yes. Yeah. CQ remembers he was with me. What's this mean snowstorm? It was a code. It was a code word? Code word, yeah. Oh, snowball?

Oh, sorry. No. We were out of Chili's, right? We were at Fridays, yeah, over in Hazlitt one was still open years ago. It was snowing out. It was snowing out. And we kept peeking our head over the count, over the divide to look at this person. And we were like, where are they going to see us?

So we made a joke that I was going to put snow all off my fucking heads. So I'm a snowman looking over the thing. Was it a good friend? It was not a good friend. But it was a relative, how much should I say here? Well, I don't even think they're together anymore. So does it matter? Yeah, well, you care.

Yeah, what do I care? Fucking Brian Johnson. It was a relative. Yeah, what the fuck? I got to get back to my roots, man. Spilling shit that's not mine the spill. Yeah. So Q and I went to Fridays one night, Father Lance.

And my next-door neighbor, who also happened to be the sister of my girlfriend, was at Fridays with another man. And they looked awfully cozy. Oh, yeah. And so I decided not to say anything because this family already had some static going on. And I didn't want to make it worse. And I'm like, you know what? Like, it's going to fall apart naturally. It doesn't need any help from me.

so you had retired your minister of truth status i had retired that yeah until she started giving me some shit one day which one the sister with the sister uh so you weaponized you pulled the you pulled the card i pulled the card i know something yeah that you don't want anyone to know yeah exactly that's exactly what i did father lance yeah i i said you know what i said there are things that i know that i haven't said that could destroy your family and she was like what are you talking about and so I told her snowman story and her face was fucking like hit the ground man she was like holy shit how satisfying was that it was awesome it was awesome and like I said incidentally the the marriage did fall apart eventually like without my input so I don't know a lot of times in

those situations I think if it's a really like if you're talking Walt then I'm telling him if you're talking this guy I'm like you know what I'm stepping back I'm not going to get in the middle of it because then they tend to blame you father lance like you know i go i go and i'm like hey you know i just thought you should know this and then like he turns on me like it's my fault or like i had something because it is somehow yeah somehow so it might end the friendship though because the spouse will deny it could end the friendship yeah if you tell what if it's what if it's just a quite you know you're interpreting what if you interpret the uh body language wrong it's a relative It's their cousin they haven't seen in years.

And then you're like, hey, I got something. And they're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, well, I'll tell you what. And the body language definitely led me to believe that it was. Yeah. Yeah. It was like nine and a half weeks over there. It was 99 degrees and had fucking chilies.

That sizzling wasn't just the fajitas. Yeah, so bottom line, I think I, unless it was, I was really close to them. So this is like kind of a weird answer. I would just mind my own business. It's not your problem. No, it's not my problem. But, Father Lance, I have to admit, I would tell other people. Possibly on Mike.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. BQ, you have tell your friend knowing it might end the friendship because a spouse will deny it. I do feel that that's what I would want someone to do for me. me you know i don't want to get played the fool but i think there's a way to couch it where you're not being like dude your wife's like stepping out stepping out i like let's say her name was whatever like sally i'd be like oh man i saw sally at uh at uh chilies the other night i said

i didn't get a chance to say hello but uh so if she saw me i didn't i didn't mean to be rude but just something like that but finally can i help bq sure why don't you just discreetly take a picture of them with your phone and then send an anonymous text. Oh, anonymous text. In its essence, you're telling them without even you getting involved in. You did the right thing. Father Lance, not only a rat, but a scared rat.

No, I did think about that. I was like, in the moment, I think there's a hundred percent chance I'd have to take a picture or even video without them knowing. But I think I would lead with, I would lead with, oh, I saw Sally at the thing, you know. And then

Would you mention she was with somebody else? No, because I'd wait for him, see what he said. Oh, yeah, yeah, she went with her sister. Her girlfriend, yeah. Yeah, they were going out Christmas shopping. Oh. It was snowing, as I recall. Yeah, yeah.

Any reports? Sister? I'd be like, oh, I don't know. Is this like a trans thing? Because like, it's, yeah, then I would be like, oh, I'd be like, well, I made a joke. I took a picture of her to send you. I was like, and I just did it like I was stalking your wife as a joke to you. I was like, but I have a picture.

Is that her? With that dude? So now I'm, I have no, I'm just an innocent fucking lamb wandering, wandering. But you know what you're doing. You know what I'm doing. But I'm doing it on purpose. I'm doing the right thing, I believe. Okay.

Well, okay, so you would, you would say that cheating is immoral. Everybody would agree to that, right? I think it's some situations. it's warranted I think if you're in a marriage and your partner's like, look, I'm just not banging. I have no interest in sex and you do. I mean...

You got to do what you got to do? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if you should do it like callously, but I would definitely not suggest having a sexless life because your partner's not in the mood. Well, then you got to go through the right steps, right, Father Lance, you got to break up, you got a divorce, you got to get that person the opportunity, or at least tell them what you're up to.

You don't go fucking canoodling in the chilies. I'll tell you that much. Yeah, or a cold play concert. Yeah. Okay, Father Lance, who gave the better moral argument? Well, you know, I have personal experience with this. It happened in my family. And, you know, like the whole town knew, but, you know, the wife.

And when it came out, you know, it was pretty, when it came out, it was pretty bad. And you knew, too. I'm sorry. And you knew as well? No, I did not know. Nobody confessed it. This happened when I was still a kid. I was 12, 13.

You didn't have a collar at that point. No. Okay. No. But yeah, so like everybody knew. Like he was seeing somebody he worked with. Did you get your collar at what? At 14?

No, no. 31. Oh, okay. It's a lot of wild. He's like a prodigy. so yeah i saw like firsthand how uh everybody being like it's not of my business uh kind of played out in real life so i guess i'll give the point to cue oh wow so you know blood in moral combat to be cue see so you don't get over here you don't you don't uh you don't recommend

holding on to it until it's time to weaponize it for your own benefit but what do you think as the as the be all and all in of the moral arbitrator here somebody who's dealing with this listener what would you counsel them to do right i mean if if this was like a true situation they didn't have you know anything more than well didn't look good but you know with no evidence i think i might say well maybe keep it yourself but keep an eye on her. And if you see more, then maybe come forward. That's a lot of responsibility.

But now you're a spy. Throw a marriage into contention over a meal at Chili's. And that's a little bit. That's not your place. Yeah. Why don't you agree with me then? I kept it in a cup. Do I split place?

No, you already gave it to cue you. The judges say you cannot, you know, go back and recant. I mean, on a personal level, I would definitely want to know. I wouldn't want to be grateful. Yeah. Yeah, I would want my friend to tell me. Oh, 100%. You ready for number two?

So I could start plotting my revenge. Yeah, of course. BQ, you're going to get to choose your argument. While driving home in a bad thunderstorm, you sent a text message to your significant other, telling them you will be late. A drunk homeless, I don't know why it's a woman. It could be a person. stumbles in front of your car, and you hit them.

After getting out, you see the person is dead. Before you can call the police, a mudslide takes the body away down the river. Tom wrote this one? Yeah. Great. Do you still call the cops and report the situation, even though you may be responsible in some way? Or do you say the body is gone? You know, this was God's will.

Obviously, he sent this mudslide to help me, and you just get back in your car and drive away. Can I ask for a couple of small details? Sure. Is my car hit by the mudslide, or I'm fine? I'm sure the mudslide probably, what was that car you're driving around with the year? Crown Vic probably has some mud issues. But not destroyed. It didn't get washed away.

No, thank God. Just the body's gone, Vicku. Calm down. You're all broken up over here. If I can't flee the scene, that's that. That's an issue here. All right, so I drove past the mudslide. I got out, you're saying homeless person?

Homeless person. I don't know why, Tom. No, it matters. Okay. Trust me, it weighs in. Well, how would you know they're homeless? Well, they're not wearing a sweater vest and a bow tie, you know, something like that. The shopping car was also taken away by the mudslide.

They got newspaper for underwear. Like, you know, everybody knows what we mean. Which argument do you want to? give to father lance i i will i'm going to lean towards not taking responsibility for it really how do you how do you i would love to see how you present this in a way only because i wouldn't so i don't know how to argue against it what i what i would do is what i would what i would do is say i would call the cops i said i was driving some woman ran out hit my car i got out to see if she was okay and a mudslide got her. I wouldn't say anything about me hitting her and her being dead.

I would give them a version of the truth. Right. Like, you know how sometimes deer's run into the side of a car? It would be like that. I would be like, I was driving. I guess she was running away from the mudslide because she just ran into the side of my car and, and then she got blown away. All her injuries were probably attributed to the mudslide, though. If they even find a body. Yeah. Father Lance, what do you have going on in the? the background there. It's noisy. Just the air conditioner running. That's it. Are we on speakerphone?

No, no, we're going through the board. No, I don't see on speakerphone. Oh, are you on speakerphone? Oh, yes, I am. Okay, that's probably Yeah, we'd take it off speakerphone? Yeah, it'd probably be better, yeah. Okay. Better? Oh, my God, way better. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Sorry, guys. No, it's all right. Yeah, I just think, like, all the pertinent

information is given to the police while I'm not Yeah Why should BQ have to fucking Dude Because he was drunk The woman ran in front of my car That mudslide was actually an alcoholic drink

That he had with him Cohoola Yeah I would never tell anybody that I hit the woman and killed her And she got ran away with mudslide I would So whatever side argument you think I'm taking right now, it is not taking responsibility for the truth of the matter.

You know, this person was going to die anyway from the mudslide, whether I hit her or not, or him or not. And Brian, you have the easy argument of like, yeah, call the cops and just spill my guts. So what happened. I mean, I guess that's what I would have to do, because he's assuming that she's homeless. Tom. Thomas, yeah. Yeah, he's hoping. He's hoping that she's homeless.

But they still may have relatives. They still may know people. Like, is she going to be found? I guess. I think it'll be attributed to the mudslide, though. It really would. Like, I mean, it depends also. Like, I've seen so many, like, forensic files where it's like somebody hits a person and they're like, oh, I'll never get caught.

And then, like, the tiniest piece of plastic from a mirror that was on only one year of one truck or something. And then they get busted. So I would be afraid that that would happen to me. And I would be like, look, this lady. and I would I would give a version of the truth as well. I'd be like, she ran out. You're saying exactly what I said. Yeah, pretty much.

She came out of nowhere. Like, I hit her. And then this mudslide came. I don't know if she was running from the mudslide or if she was running from somebody else. But anyway, she was carried away by the month slide. Thankfully, I'm fine. And so is a Crown Vic. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess it really would depend on how much damage it did to my car that if it's like, I can't, because they're eventually going to find her, right? I would imagine eventually when they clean up the mud, they're going to find a dead body and underneath all that mud. Is there a lot of damage to the front of my car? It's raining, so I'm not worried about blood too much. Well, I don't know how often you guys hit deer in New Jersey, but hitting a deer in Western PA, it's not a joy.

No, no, no, only because it was pouring rain. What effect would that have on the body? We'll wash the blood off the car. Oh, no, I'm just talking structural damage. Oh, structural damage. Oh, structural damage. You're not getting away without vents and a braid eater probably smashed. I mean, my wife hit a deer a couple years ago.

It was paying the ass. So this story brought up a repressed memory for me, not repressed, but something I've never really thought about or remembered. But the night before, what's the matter? Nothing. No, my phone is just, I didn't know I was going to use my phone, so it's like not that charged up. Can you charge it when it's a Yeah, it's cute.

Oh, very clever. Charging? All right. So, the night before Sandy hit. Right. My daughter was spending the night at a friend's house in lower scenic or upper scenic. I can't remember where it was behind East Point.

I know people don't know what I'm talking about. And we were getting worried about like we had to go to a hotel and like evacuate. So I was like, well, we better go get her so we can get out of here tonight. And it was pretty bad the night before all the flood hit, you know, all the flooding happened. So I didn't know where she was staying. I had to just go to her house and I wasn't familiar with the street. So I was kind of looking at my phone to see the address, and I looked at mine. So I started to make the turn, and there's nobody on the streets.

There is nobody on the streets. It's like 10 o'clock at night. It is pouring. The wind is whistling. Trees are coming down everywhere. And as I turn out of nowhere, some guy dressed entirely in black, riding a black motorcycle, comes flying down the street. and I slam on the brakes and he slams on the brakes

and he is literally like you couldn't fit a piece of paper between him and the car but like nothing happened I got out of the car just to see you know if he was alright or anything because like he had a pretty violent stop but he freaking got on his bike and looked at me like I was Satan

sorry finally I'm like he looked at me like I was like I was a monster like why died. He was, I don't know, he was in his 30s or something, and he just kept looking at me and just tore off on his bike, looking over his shoulder the entire time, like a madman. It'd be funny if he ran it to another car while they were doing that. And that kind of scenario just reminded me of that. Like, I hadn't thought about that because I didn't hit him. Right, right. But it was like, that's as close. It's pretty close to what it had. I didn't think he was homeless, but it was weird, though.

And I don't know why he was hell-bent to get away from the scene, though, for whatever reason. I mean, maybe he's probably nerves. I thought maybe he was stealing, you know, he was. The bike? Yeah, or something. He was up to no good. And he did not want to get caught in that, in that area for whatever reason. He wanted out of there desperately.

Wow. All right. All right. So that was just, well, the morality, the morality of the situation is like, what should you do? Yeah, you should call the police and tell them, look, I hit a person. I'm not sure how badly they were hurt because before I could even get out to check a month. Yeah. I was just, look, I'm not a doctor.

I don't know that this person's dead. I can't say any, you know what I mean? And she was swept away by the mudsliding. In fact, I might even argue that the mud swept her in front of my car. Why not? Next thing I know, there's fucking mud coming down. I got terrified. I saw a person lock eyes with her.

I tried to save her. Yeah. I almost lost myself. You know my Doc Morton's. They used to be white. You guys like to punish you, right? Who gets the point, Father Lance? You got to go with Brian on that one.

I think we made the same argument. Well, there's what I would do, and then there's what you should do. Yeah, all right. Okay. Scenario three. This one's crazy. You take your teenage daughter and niece to a cabin for the weekend. They decide to go for a swim when a strong current comes and sweeps them both.

oath out to c you can either a save the niece first she is the weaker swimmer and you assume and hope your daughter might be able to hold on while your niece has no chance or save your daughter even though she is a stronger swimmer you would never be able to live if your child died oh sophie's choice this is some dark shit from tom milosheeschi really is what's going on of that i'll let brian pick because he has a kid i don't so i'll I'll let you, I want to hear your, your take on this. Okay, so we're going, we're going on a trip. We stop, we're Oceanside, I guess, because that's where the current would be to sweep

somebody away. And my niece and my daughter both get swept away. This is, this is tough because I don't have a daughter. Can I say sister? Well, that would be pretty much your daughter, right? But you have a niece. I have a niece, yeah. Yeah, so this scenario could happen.

It could happen. I mean, I, I, I, well, you have two nieces, right? So there you go. It's your two nieces. Okay, my two nieces, all right, instead of a daughter and niece, I'm going to save Sage. Even though she's probably the stronger swimmer, I don't want to risk it. Right. Yeah.

So, yeah, my two nieces get swept out. The one, the older niece is probably going to have to fend for herself until I can get back there or not. So you say go for the daughter. I'm going to go for the daughter. Yeah, I'm going to, yeah, the blood. Yeah, I got to be. Now, Q, you were firemen. Did you ever have to go in and get one?

We did water rescues, but, but my buddy, my buddy was the one who got the big water rescue that he got all the medals for. But I, I, I, I, I, I, I, we did water rescues, but nothing like this. But, hmm. See, because I think that if, if your daughter's the bigger, the better swimmer. then I think you've got to go for the niece because you have a better shot at saving both that way. And if you do that, then the ultimate good is achieved and you don't have to live with a life of losing someone.

If you go for your daughter and let your niece just die, you have to live with that too. Like it's not like you're like, hey, that's no problem. That's an explanation to your brother or sister, though. That's not like... Yeah, but once again, that story comes out however you want it to come out. You know, you can soften that blow from. But there is no opportunity to save both of them that way where there is an opportunity to save your knees, whom you do love and your daughter.

So I think I really feel like you should try and get the weaker swimmer out so she definitely doesn't die and then get the stronger swing her out. I know there's no option, no third option, Tom, then that's the brilliance of the game, no third option, Tom. But I don't know if I would, I would be like, both of you get on my back. And if we all go down, at least we all go down together. I don't have to live with it then. But at least I go down trying to save both of them then. Well, what good is that going to do anyway?

I know, but to me, I don't. But then you might as well just save your daughter then because then you'll both live. Right now you're dooming both of you're doomed. And you're killing your niece anyway. Well, I'm not certain to fail. There's a chance I might make it out with our boat. What? I've seen you swim.

Is that doggy paddle strong, you? I don't know. Pants ain't that low. All right. All right. Father Lance? Oh, it's really, right. That's a losing proposition,

no matter what. Somebody, somebody's dead. devastated or or or nobody's devastated and there's only one scenario in which nobody's devastated right right uh yeah i think i'm going to go with cue even i would go with cue is like you said that that's the only way right if we're just if we're just looking at all the variables that's the only chance of everybody surviving whereas uh if you if you take you're just saying fuck you to the niece yeah yeah but what if you get the niece out you get to The shore, you turn around, she's gone.

I know. Well, that happens, right? Yeah. Yeah, but in my scenario, though, let's say, even let's say all three of us go down, though, there's probably a statue in my honor, though. Well, you failed to save two kids. Yeah, but I tried. But who's going to tell your story?

You know, like a bronze, a buff statue, and like, I'm ripped and everything. A lot of people drown. Got a nice pantset going to the statue. A lot of people drown in the United States every day. I have yet to see one statue built at people. who didn't survive a drowning. Well, it's, I'm talking about the guy who tried to save them

and then drowned in... So they're not part of the statue, just you? They're not even like clinging to your legs or anything. It's just my statue. There's a great man. He failed to save two little kids. Yeah. He couldn't choose.

Maybe if he had pulled his fucking pants up. He almost had him, but his pants slipped two inches down around his knees and he couldn't paddle anymore. All right. you have worked oh this one is really good this one's really good you have worked for your father in his business for the last 20 years due to his recent declining health and big business the company is failing on his deathbed you find your father's insurance is going to lapse at midnight the insurance money is enough to pursue your dream and take care of your family most likely for the rest of your life do you do nothing and sit by your father's bed and watch him pass whenever that might be even if it's after midnight and the policy doesn't kick in or take actions into your own hand just little pinch of the nose and see him peacefully go up to the angels at 11 o'clock 159 really well you know what I'm Play it close.

They're like, you know those insurance companies? They'll try to fucking wiggle out of it if it's close. Yeah, they're like, we're not in Malintime. BQ, you got first bibs on this scenario. Well, obviously, I think I'm going to take not killing my father as the more moral choice. But in reality, I don't think I'd be able to do it. No?

No, I don't think. I'd rather work hard and earn money than you don't kill my dad. He's going to die anyway. Yeah, but it's going to be either 12 hours sooner or later. It's like it's it's like there is no. I can't just jump online and renew the policy. Like, is that immoral? They know what you're doing.

They know his condition too. Yeah. I couldn't kill my dad. It's not how insurance policies work? I mean, once you have your life insurance, you have it, right? Well, so I drop you. I don't know, man. I couldn't live with it.

No, I would, I would not be able to live with kill. I wouldn't be able to live with killing anybody, let alone my dad, you know, who I love. Just imagine you're putting the pillow over and his eyes pop open. He's like, you? No. No. He calls him Q. Hugh, no.

He thinks it's an IJ prank. This is a bad. It's out, father, probably. We use a leech for something the other day on the TV show. A real leach. A real leach. And that they use for bait, like bait leash. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, well, what happens to the leash now? And I was like, they're like, no, they put it in an alcohol and kill it. And I was like, what do you mean? You kill the leech? Kill the fucking leech. Do you have a leech at home now? No, because it had blood in it, so it's a biohazard. So they killed it.

They're like, look, it was either this or get fed to another fish. But I was like, I felt really bad about killing a leech. So fucking a leech, I can't kill. You paid three grand to have somebody come and adopt a leech. First class for a leech. That fucking cat is doing well. Yeah, she's doing good. Saw the pictures.

Yeah, yeah, that's great. So wait a minute, because the leech, but that's what leeches do. They suck blood. I was going to say, did you have these leeches on yourselves? No, no. Well, leeches were on something, and it got blood in it, and they can't. Was it one of the IJ performance? I don't want to say anything because it's not my story.

story to tell, but I was very concerned about the leach's point. And you can't just throw them out because they're filled with blood. So they're considered a biohazard. So you have to kill them and destroy them. But you're not, you don't have enough swagger on that set to be like, I don't care of it's biohazard.

I'm taking it home. I'm a leech wrangler. What am I going to do? Hey, put it in a fucking bucket. Fucking nurse it back to health. I don't know if that's how works. Go throw them in a lake or something. Or just, you know, let it suck on your finger. Yeah. I'm like every day. I'm like, here we go.

Feat-time. What's that movie where? Oh, it's like, Seymour. Yeah, that was at Seymour. Like, you know, a little Chavar is where they feed the planet. Yeah. Anyway, so no, I wouldn't be able to go away. So you just sit by and you see that clock tick closer to 12 and then you're okay with whatever happens.

I'm not happy. I'm not happy, but I can't kill my dad. Yeah. I wish he would go at 11. Yeah. Brian Johnson You have to argue the other side Yeah well

Father Lance There's something known as the greater good Now I have a Now my dad's going to die anyway And I'm going to be settled with a failing business There's not going to be any money for anybody Because of this life insurance policy Blaming on the insurance company

They're the fucking monsters They are yeah I mean not me I'm father Lance I need this point You need this money Yeah Big fucking insurance don't need it

And if I know Edgar He would want me to do it And I think I do know him I just spent I had more Johnson interaction These past like five days Than I think I've had in the past five years Nice

Eric came down and visited We went to Clamfest We went to dinner We went to the beach We went Edgar Edgar attending all this stuff too Wow And Aaron

Darren Yeah yeah Eric Darren, my sister would. Would you guys draw straws to see who's got a pinch? Over day, that's that. She has the oldest, you probably should do it. Yeah, I'll be like, boys, I got this. But you get a bigger cut, though.

You say they're going to do. Oh, definitely. Oh, fuck, yeah. I don't even know they were getting anything out of it. But ultimately, like, yeah, I think it would, it would save the family. The guy's going to go anyway. And I think that's really, like, ultimately, that's what he's. would want me to do. That's what I would want somebody to do. If I'm like, hey, man, I'm

going to die in an hour anyway. And if I die an hour before, you're going to get all this money, kill me. Just, just do it. Yeah. Just a little pinch. Yeah, just a little pitch. I'm willing to sacrifice myself for that. An hour. It would be nice to hear him say it. I just have assumed he just okay. Yeah. He blinked. He blinked. You saw it. We all saw it. he wants us to be rich well I'm supposed to be rich well I'm supposed to be judging on strength of argument not the morality of this

but it's called moral combat though the name of the game is moral combat but I'm supposed to be judging the argument not not the morality right or am I judging both It's how you interpret it. It's your show. It's what you would do.

Yeah. What I would do? Yeah. Oh, my lord. Would you kill your father, Father, Lay? No. Well, well, well. No.

Oh, come on. Like I said, what if their eyes pop open? Oh, I just made that rule up. If he falls for it, that's on him. Oh, if his eyes pop open and he's looking at you like, what are you doing? You wanted it this way. You know, you had a peeing the bugger off. You wanted it this way, remember?

You failed us old man It's your fault Now it's your time You're in your failing business I mean really Your poor fucking decisions That made me Have to kill you now

Everything leads up to me Having to do this And somehow it's my You're a victim Oh shit Who gets the point I will give it to Brian All right

I did not see that one coming. Now, I don't... Patricide. So it's a tie game. Oh, it's got a name? Yeah, when you kill your father, it's patricide. See, Father Lance understands this stuff because the Bible is riddled with sacrifices and all kinds of stuff like that.

Yeah, I think that's more Old Testament stuff, though. Hey, it's all good. That's what being Father Lance fucking subscribe to, right? Yeah. Old Testament. We don't care about that new one. It's old school, baby. That new one's all woke and shit.

Yeah, fire and brinkstone. That's the way they go. Jesus was woke Jesus had blue hair I guess so I like that stuff with Joe but that's when it was real intense Yeah I guess

He didn't about fucking face God All right It's a tie game Oh man Everybody's on the edge of her seat A good friend Has an opportunity to make a great deal of money quickly. He only needs $500 from you immediately. The return will be at least $100,000 over the

course of five years. You suspect it is illegal, but you can't know for sure. Do you, A, given the $500, as far as you know, everything is legal, unless otherwise told. B, you demand to know how this small amount of money will become such a large amount of money before you will give him anything. BQ, you have choice of options. No, I think I picked the last one. Yeah, I picked the last one. Yeah, you get to pick this one. Oh, okay.

So what you're saying is if I give a mere $500, I can expect returns of 10,000% a year. It's all on the up and up. Sounds on the up and up, right? It's really weird. This happened last week, Mark from Jersey Coin and gold showcase downstairs. Like he ran up here in the sweat and he's like, I need $500 real quick. I can turn it. until 100,000 don't ask questions.

And I was like, it sounds good to me. What'd you do? This is one of those situations where, yes, it's too good to be true. And I don't even think that morality has to play into it. Somebody saying that they need $500, they need it that quickly for returns of $120,000 a year to me seems. to fall under that Too Good to Be True Banner, I would, even if it were, even if I knew. But it's me. Oh, it's you?

It's me. It's a good friend. And I'm like, I can, I promise you this is going to parlay it into big, big money. Are you asking us? I can't tell you how, though. Okay. So you're asking us not to ask you questions. All right.

Why are you so fucking noses? No, no. Not on my business. Mind your own business. Just give me the money. I mean, you're acting this frantic. Yeah. It's a hundred thousand dollars.

And you won't give me the money. I will. I will. Skin, Flint. I will get it up. See, I don't know it was you. I thought it was like somebody that like I kind of knew and they're like, hey, I got this great opportunity. A good friend.

Okay. So it's like you or it's cute. $500 is a very small amount of money to invest for those kind of returns. But I figure he wouldn't be asking a good friend for money unless he, A, knew it was going to happen or B has a crippling drug problem. Either way I want in. yeah i would i would give you the money you'd give me the money you wouldn't ask questions nope no questions i really no because i plus because like you say you're a good you're a good close friend i've known you for so long you're so fucking moral and on the above board i like there's no

way he's doing it oh that's not true you did it fucking bring down suncoast oh have sunday jeff by extension i guess um but uh and plus if it's walt you probably think he has a line on like Action Comics number one. I think he has some sort of collectible. He's like, oh, here's 500 bucks, lady. Yeah, he's going to turn around and flip something or continue to flip something. He has a good idea for a business. Yeah, I'm giving you the money.

I'm giving you the $500. No questions asked. No questions. I mean, unless you flipped out like you just did, when you're like, stop asking me questions. Like if you're like, look, it's really sort of difficult to explain. I'd be like, you know what? I trust you.

Okay. Yeah. All of a sudden, you're fucking Barbara Walters. Asked me a million questions. I mean, that would be concerning. BQ, I come to you and ask you $500. I can turn it $100,000, but I need it immediately. And I don't have time for any of your nonsense.

Just give you the money. I mean, the problem is, it's $500. Why wouldn't I just give it to? I wouldn't even be a question. But I guess if you take the, I will say this, I have invested in friends' businesses before. Has it gone always? It has never gone well.

I've invested in my own business and it fucking took me for a bath. Is that the beer one? Yeah. Yeah, the COVID really just bent me over a table and did it. Just fucked me. But so I would have, so from now on, like if anybody asked me to invest in anything, I have questions and it's not really a matter of like illegal. It's more of a matter of like my days of just being like, ah, he's my buddy. He knows what he's doing are fucking over.

They're behind you. Yeah. I want to know what the plan is. And if you're just telling me that you're just going to take 500 bucks and make it to do 100 grand, I just don't find it believable. I don't even find it possible in a criminal sense because what the fuck? You buying a gun for $500 and robbing a bank? It doesn't really make any sense. It doesn't make sense.

But if it's Walt, you got to figure he's got to. I don't know. But I have to take the argument. I got no choice yet. I got to take the argument. I just, I just immediately just kind of like bum rush you

and I try to grab your wallet out of your pocket. Yeah. And then I run out, I run out the studio and I almost get hit by a car and park a lot. A fucking mudslide comes out

and tears your way. I get in the Jeep and you just see me fucking tear out of here at 100 miles an hour. Then he backs up. He's like, what's your pin? Are you like, I think it's probably going to go well.

Yeah. Look, if I suspect that there's a criminal empire afoot, I don't want to be involved. I mean, it's Walt is the thing, but look, I have to make the argument. I'd say it's not me. Say it's Sunday, Jeff. Sunday Jeff comes to me to $500. I mean, I'd have to. I'd be like, I got to see where this goes.

It's Sunday Jeff. It seems like a small investment to see what kind of business he's got going on. His face is covered with scabs, though. No. There's a lot of guys who would give the $500. Like, I don't know if, Jimmy the hair guy ran up to me asking for $500 bucks if I'd give it to him right off the bat.

You need a bet it first. I might be like, what's going on, Jimmy? You need to know a little bit more. Yeah. All right. Nothing wrong, dad. Hey, it's money. Yeah.

I just can't throw it around willy-nilly. Fuck, to have $500, I got to earn $1,000. It's a fucking government. All right, Father Lance. Pivotal point right here. Um, my personal, uh, experience is, is, is coloring my decision. Oh, you have experience with this. I had a business partner who was robbing me blind.

No way. Another, another clergyman robbed you? No, no. This is long before I was clergy. I co-end a comic book store for a very short, uh, did we know? I think I remember you saying this. Mm-hmm. What was the name of your comic book store?

Crusader comics and cards. And your partner was, uh, oh, he was in the till the whole, the whole time. Yeah, he's like after a year I got out of it. How did you find out? Well, I, you know, because I took out loans, you know, just to open the place up, right? And, uh, you know, I'm like, okay, where's, so where's the money so I can pay this loan? Oh, we didn't make any money this week. And he's across the street at the bar every night, you know, you know, buying rounds for everybody.

I mean, luckily I got out of it. I was able to get my money back because he finally did make a good purchase. But I said, I'm taking that and I will take it to the next convention and sell those. And we'll be clear. That's what I did. What year would this be? Would this be around the era of? This would have been, you know, it was a great year to get into it, 93.

93 to 90s. Oh, you guys should have been swimming in money. They probably were. No, no, this was after, this is after the death of the super. This is when, this is when Marvel got the bread to do. They were going to self, uh, self-distribute and all that. And that's when, Ed, that's kind of when everything went to shit, 93, 94, at least around here, like comic stores around here, closed by the,

a bunch of them closed just because that business model just didn't work. Did it sour your love affair with comics? It did. I stopped collecting, well, because I had put my collection into the store, and I just didn't have the heart to, like, start it up again. No more sweet discount either. Right. Oh, man. It killed your love for comics. Well, I mean, I still thought, well, I guess I went more media at that point in watching, you know, fall in the movies and stuff. But yeah, I realized.

When's the last time you brought a comic book? What's the last comic book I bought? probably a couple years ago I got some Hellboy collected trade paperbacks Walt, you're talking about comics again? Yeah, I know, I know. I just caught myself, but I found it so

it was deliciously ironic that I found my wife is by Hellboy comics. That's pretty funny. All right, so that means who got that? I will give the point to Q. Oh, took a big

one point lead because there's not many questions left. Sunday, Jeff has come to you with a secret that has been keeping him up at night. After confessing his crime to you, he is assured you will keep a secret. He leaves feeling relieved. The next day you're reading the paper, someone else has been arrested for the crime he confessed to. Do you, A, go to the police and tell the truth, so an innocent man won't be punished or Sunday Jeff is my boy and I won't betray his trust no matter

what who gets first pick you get first pick oh man um do we know what the crime was uh let's say it's I know he's stealing a car off of off of a dealership a lot okay okay so no one nothing horrific no one's been okay no one's chained to a a fucking radiator in a basement no no no uh nah that guy'll get out of it on its own evidence will clear that guy eventually i'm not i'm not turning in my boy for for something like that but if it's a bank robbery though nah anybody got hurt nobody got hurt no he's got the money though hey man oh wait i think that's the next scenario forget that it's it's it's the police's job to fucking track down this person it's not my job that turned in my boy's done they jeff for for victimless

crime and I know the victim is the other guy getting arrested for it but like there's nothing that's going to connect that guy to it um but let's say you you follow the trial yeah and you're like man it you know he's going to get convicted like evidence his lawyers it's not johnny law it's johnny come lately you know and so he hasn't done a good job so you know this guy's going to go down and i know sunday jeff did it yeah he told you it was I told you. He was burning to him. Yeah.

I would first go to Sunday, Jeff, and be like, dude, you can't let this guy go to jail for what you did, buddy. Like, it's just not, you can't do it. It's not right. Yeah, but it's like not right on a, on a whole different level. I wouldn't do great in jail, Q, you know I won't do well. Why don't I even tell you? I could, I thought you were my boy. Yeah.

You said you were my boy. And this is me trying to help you. I think that you should, I think that you should. I think that you should do the right thing and go in and tell them that you did it and you should not let this if the guy went through a trial and was getting off

I would just shut my mouth but if the guy's going to jail I'd have to sit Sunday down and be like dude you can't do that you can't Sunday's like go eff yourself well if I learned one thing

my friend Brian Johnson it's out of weaponized knowledge So now Go fuck yourself Yeah Yeah I would keep my mouth shut Unless it got that

That bad And then I would try and talk my friend Into doing it If you're telling it I go fuck myself I couldn't I couldn't let this And guy go to jail

I just could do it Brian Johnson It's tough I think so So, Q and I think so along Yeah Same lines that it's like Everything he's saying

I'm like yeah Yeah Yeah But that's not the game here The game is to talk about Sunday, Jeff, and him getting his, what he deserves. I've seen lots of crime shows, tons of them. And many times people will go to jail, and it's like, people will just lie. Like, they'll lie and they'll let somebody go to jail for years, decades sometimes.

Like, I'm not talking about people who get exonerated by DNA or any of that shit. It's like people who know that they didn't commit the crime or people that committed the crime and blamed on this person, whatever. see it all the time. So I feel like if somebody else is going to jail for it, I don't know why, but I've always felt that was like one of the most fucked up things you could do to somebody to send them to jail for something that they...

You're not allowed to argue this point. That's Q's point. Well, no, I'm getting to it. I'm getting to my point. Yeah, I'm going to it. So I would talk to Sunday, Jeff, and if he did not fess up, I would go to the police.

And I would have to, if this other guy's going, is that what Q said? Yeah. So you're both, again, you're taking Q's argument. You have to argue that. Didn't you say if the guy gets off? Yeah, you're never going to squeal on Sunday.

I mean, if I'm being honest, I would probably be more like me. I'm trying to fashion an argument for the other side, but I just fashioned my argument for Q's side. Wait, but wasn't Q's that he would not say anything unless the guy was definitely going to jail? Unless the guy was definitely going to jail, yeah. At the end of the day,

it sounds like both of them are selling out Sunday, Jeff, and I don't like it. Well, can we use somebody, aside from Sunday, let's say it you were, you were Q. I don't care what you did. I'm not saying shit.

It's my. That's all that's true. Yeah, that guy's going to jail. Yeah. And I would, I would maybe like tell that, here's what I would do.

I wouldn't say shit to anybody, but I would tell, I would send a note to the police and I would be like, you have the wrong guy, you need to keep looking, or something like that. I'm not selling out Sunday Jeff directly,

but having somebody go to jail for a crime that they didn't commit, it's just, it's just, it's jail. What if it's only six months, though? Six months? That's not too bad. And nark.

Yeah. If it's only going to jail for six months, then you know it's low minimum security. Nark. Yeah. But you're probably going to the county if it's six months. If Walt's been in county, he saw what it was like. I don't want that to happen to this poor Sunday. Yeah.

I couldn't limit myself. Like, if I'm like, you know, I'm out to eat at Texas Roadhouse and I know what Sunday's eating behind in the big house. Yeah. He's having salad. Yeah. Every night, night after night. Yeah, but how are you able to be friends with Sunday, Jeff, knowing that's the type of man?

I could not betray it. I wouldn't tell anybody. I wouldn't tell anybody. I would just be like, I don't want to talk to you for a long time. Don't come near me. Don't come around me, but I need to. The crime stands. But I cannot get involved.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't live it myself. I'd be like. But you are involved now. We told you. Yeah, I know. but it's not but I'd be like I would take the onus off me I'd be like this is on your conscious not mine and I would just tell myself that I could convince myself that I'm in

the right so it's Sunday Jeff yeah I'm not saying anything directly to the police I'm not saying anything directly to anybody what did he do he stole a car he was taking cars off the lot and selling him okay grand theft auto eventually they're going to catch up to him I think But I would send a note to the police maybe saying, like, I think you got the wrong guy. I might even contact the guy. I mean, like, keep fighting. I mean, I'm not going to be of any help to you, but you can keep fighting. All right.

He's like, yeah, I already fucking know I didn't do it, asshole. I didn't need you to tell me to just keep fighting. Who is this? No, nobody click. Who's getting the point, Father Lance? I like Brian's idea of the anonymous note. Really? You preserve the friendship, but you're still doing the right thing keeping an insane guy out of jail.

Yeah, but you've, now you've told a major lie to Sunday, you know, you betrayed his confidence and he doesn't know it, but you like you have this. He thinks you're still his boy. He shouldn't stole. Yeah, but, you know, he did it because he had to, you know. He, I don't know, he gave it to an orphanage. So he's like coming up on the next one anyway. So he's like Robin Hood. Yeah.

Okay. All right. A friend has committed a bank robbery and he, instead of keeping the money out of guilt, he gave it all to an orphanage. Wait, can you read that one more time? I'm sorry. A friend has committed a bank robbery. Okay. And instead of keeping the money out of guilt, he has instead donated to an orphanage.

Do you turn your friend in and the orphans lose the money? Or do you just keep your mouth shut? who picks you pick that would be my time yeah uh the orphans are going to be flush i'll say that much uh bank robberies are insured by the federal government who steal all our money anyway yeah so i'm not turned into my friend who's doing a very robin hoodesque type uh deed we have some experience with some very ungrateful orphans you're right about that you're right about yeah donated thousands to them we didn't even get a thank you note Yeah. Even if you don't get that thank you, though, you know it's going for some good. You know it's going to help.

That's some karma I bought that I definitely will use. Right. And it's not even like you were doing the stealing. You just know about it. So if he robbed a bank, I mean, he's continually robbing banks or it's just the one? He committed a bank robbery. You find out he donated the entire hall to an orphanage. No possible way am I saying anything about it. And plus, if it turns out, it gets out that like, you know, Brian ratted on his friend who gets. gave all the money to an orphanage. Yeah, they would look like the biggest scumbag. Yeah, like, I thought he was a piece of shit already. Yeah. I don't want to see it right out.

Oh, boy, yeah. That you took the money away from orphans. Beer guy snitches on orphans. Because usually don't you get a reward when you, uh, when you get the reward, too. Oh, whoa. How much is this reward back? Oh, okay. That's a totally different wrinkle.

Finders fee. BQ? Well, you got to, you have to get the money back because... Right is right. The money must be returned. You have to do it. You have to do it because, like, everybody's just talking about the orphans. Nobody's talking about the bank staff or the manager of the bank or...

Well, they were scared? Dude, maybe somebody loses their job over it. Maybe somebody... Nobody's losing their job over a bank robbery. No way. Oh, I'm sorry. When were you on the... When were you on the...

I know you took a criminology class back in 92 with Kevin. 88. All right, yeah. So I guess you know more than me. But, no, you know, there's, it's not like everything is sun and rainbows on the other side of the equation. Like, there are people getting in trouble. There are people suffering. There are people losing their jobs. Like, if an orphanage can't be, if an orphanage is so poorly run that they need stolen money to keep up and going, then to my thinking is that those people have no business running an orphanage. Well, it wasn't like they were struggling and couldn't run competently, but this money helped every kid get a PlayStation 5. Okay. Every orphan. Everyone there.

Everyone there has their own TV. So let me ask something. What's the difference between that or the orphans, a gang of 20 of those orphans running into Target and just grabbing every PS5 and running out? It's the same fucking thing. It's stolen PS5s. so are we going to keep fraying at society and coming up with excuses for it or are we going to do the fucking right thing and and you know get the money back to the people that it belongs to and so you would turn them in I would tournament

with the risk of it getting out that you turned the person in I spread it all over yeah that might it might come back to haunt you yeah like all that goodwill you built up none of his fucking business and it goes in rats as like a home like you were a solid MFer. They're like, you can't tell him anything. You can't tell this guy anything. Suck him up all. He's the man.

He's the man. Oh, yeah. He's the man now. I would have to, I'd have to stand by what's right. You'd be shunned by everybody, you know? Not everybody. Not that bank manager. Yeah, big deal.

Not anybody that lost their job. What's a big deal? My mom managed to bank for 30 years. Somebody ran in there, put a gun in her face. You think I want that guy to get a fuck away with it. Fuck him. All your homies, though, man, are like, they drop you. Like yesterday's

bad fish. What homies? I get this guy over here just told me I could murder somebody, so he'll be my friends. What am I afraid of? Okay, Father Lance. The banks and financial corporations have stolen so much from the little guy.

Screw them. Let the orphans have the money. Oh. Yes. I like the way you think, Father Lance, the greater good. No problem with a gun in that poor bank manager's face. No, he just, he was like George Clooney out of sight, just a little note. He's very, he's very like suave and charming. Yeah, that's what most background is a look.

I don't have a single friend like that. Who's doing it? Only two more here. You work for a clinic. You come across the test results of your best friend's fiancee. She was recently diagnosed with chlamydia. You know that your. best friend has been saving himself for marriage so it didn't come from him do you a tell your

breast friend even though it'll more than likely cost you your career because you're you you can't reveal stuff like that you got to keep that stuff confidential keep it to yourself chlamydia is curable let him find out on his own what do i have an aunt wait who picks this one uh this is me i think back to me yeah back to you okay no no no no to you back to you back to I never would have picked, take the money from the orphanage if I had a choice. You're right, you're right. They'd have scraped the bottom of the barrel for that one. Okay.

What did I find? What did I find? You're working in a clinic. Yeah. I guess you're like, you know, filing paperwork. Yeah. Yeah. You got caught sneaking in, looking in the files.

You should have been dropping of the floor. A disorder. All right. So I'm not a medical professional. No, you are. You work in an office and you're filing paperwork. work, and you come across it, and you're like, oh, my God, that's so-and-so's fiance. She's got clap.

Yeah. I would not. Now, Sal, in addition to super AIDS, has comedia. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's a weird one because that's assuming I know what's going on in their sex life. Well, he tells you, right? He tells you to saving himself for marriage.

Do your boys tell you everything? My boys don't tell me anything. Really? No. You know, guys don't have the locker room talk like me and get him, tell each other everything. You must do most of the talking, right? I'm very curious to how that conversation goes.

He tells me how, like, one night he's, he pounds that stuff. He's got a headache. What? He's got to the box of cereal. He's in front of me for 20, 20 fucking minutes now. He got a feed bag on. Jesus Christ, just put the bag of, yeah. He needs a sling for his shoulder.

He's going, like, crazy. on himself. Oh, don't know what I'm talking about. Locker room talk, bro. You spend so long since you're engaged in it, you don't even recognize it.

He doesn't even know what we're talking about. His right arm has to be in a sling because he's gone crazy on himself. Yeah, it's hot. That's what you two talk about? What comes in with the good stuff?

He describes his masturbation. He's having so long. Same story every day. You know, window this room? Two feet from the couch where he probably did it. I want to touch a single fucking remote. It's like you guys aren't tight down with you and your boys. If you ain't talking like that, you ain't giving out the details, the dirty details.

I don't want to know the dirty details. What are you talking about? I don't want to know anything about my sex life. Um, I don't think I would say anything. Because if I'm a medical professional, I can't. I took an oath. You know, it's privacy involved here. Two, I don't know what's going on in their life.

So I'm just like, you know, maybe. You know, he's saving himself. We've already established that. Yeah, but maybe he likes sitting in the fucking corner and watching her get plowed. Yeah. He's a cuck. Yeah, maybe he's a cuck. I don't know.

I have several of my friends that I would not be shocked at all if they told me that that's what they were into. So I just feel like, oh, they, you know, I would assume he knows and and it's not my place like it's a private thing that he would think I didn't he wishes that I didn't know

couldn't you tell the girl and be like you should tell him or if you don't I will like a bluff call or bluff I would assume she knows I would assume he knows I as a medical guy

working in the office I don't think I'd be able to you're hanging out with him then he says yeah you know Claudia oh Claudia media he's like oh yeah she had got to the doctor a day she's got COVID she says that like even on our honeymoon we're not allowed to on our honeymoon we're not going to be allowed

to consummate you know I've been saving myself but also it's days away it'll be worth it though because I don't want to get COVID then I would tell him really because but just before he gets his marriages in two days yeah no I can't let my boy do that I can't do that I'd have to then I have to break and then you have to find a new job Then I've got to find the new job. Well, that's only if he turns you in, though, right? Or would you just quit? Well, she might turn in.

A principal. You could deny it. I didn't tell him. Well, whatever I would tell. I can't let my guy. Unless you took pictures out on your phone. Then, you know, your phone gets confiscated. I probably wouldn't do that.

I would say COVID. She was in for Comedia. Oops. Pornius got Commitia? I would not let my friend. It's like a Seinfeld episode. Married a chick who's got Chlamydia and lying about it. I just wouldn't.

What if she got it from a dirty toilet seat? Can that happen? Is that possible? I don't know. I don't think so. No? I don't think so. I think it as be sexual content.

I heard one of, that's how girls could get pregnant, though, back when we were in high school, though. Off a toilet seat? Yeah. Yeah, I think things have changed since then. I think people are better informed. I've heard that story more than once, though. But even, but back then, they had separate bathrooms for boys and girls. Not every establishment did.

McDonald's, we used to. go to. Oh, so some guy would go mock me to get them to the girls' locker room and seating the toilet seats. Yeah, and it's like where the girls' privates fall is nowhere near the seat, you would think, right? Well, you know, it's, you don't, those, she's just sliding around. Those, those, some people have, like, those super strong swimmers and, you know, so they could live out of, out of, leaping like dolphin in the water, like, like Hercules, swimmers.

Well, anyway, we're going off track. So I guess ultimately I would tell my friend. Okay. Yeah. All right. So you have to go with Keep It a Secret, Brian. I have to go with Keep It a Secret. Yeah.

Well, I'm okay. I also like, I did take, like there is a certain vow, right, that you take when you're a medical person. Yep. That you have to adhere to. This is not my business outside of this medical establishment. And if I did know, I would say something that hard. like in the office I see her

and I see the paperwork I say hey I couldn't help it notice this is so awkward this is so awkward though super awkward

but yeah I couldn't help but notice your diagnosis wasn't COVID and yes it was no

no I saw the paperwork you shouldn't be looking at my paperwork I'm gonna get you fired I work here he touched me he touched me in the office yeah it was COVID

yeah it was COVID. Those darn Chinese. Those darn Chinese? Yeah. Those darn Chinese? So wait, I'm not telling. You can't tell your friends.

I can't tell my friend. I can't tell them. Yeah, I would want to. And then maybe later on, like, you know, I might, I might even launch an investigation into it to see, like, what she's up to. Maybe follow her, you know, or. maybe hire a private eye from my friend, and then the private eye can report back to him. Now, does anybody know what happens when you get this disease? Is it really horrible, or is it just kind of like a burning?

I have no idea. I don't know. I mean, it's not, I can't be that bad. I mean, it doesn't sound fun. No, but I mean, at the end of the day, I mean, I'm sure he's gone through worse. It's the curable one, so. Yeah, it's fine. That's fine.

What do you think, Father Lance? No, point goes to cue. You got to let your buddy know. He's saving himself. that sluts out there getting chlamydia. Yeah. No go. Common symptoms in women.

Abnormal vaginal discharge. Painful or burning during urination. Lower abdominal. Pain or cramping. Bleeding between periods or after sex and pain during intercourse. That's for women. For guys, clear white discharge from the penis, pain or burning, urination, pain or swelling in the testicles.

I can't even pronounce that. Inflammation of the tube that carries the sperm from the testicles. So it's no fun. It's no fun. All right, but I got the point. Yes. Yep. And that was a big point.

It's a tie game. This is it. This is going to decide it. Last one. Oh. I love when it comes down to one. Okay. Oh, Brian gets the choice.

Oh, then you just have to, oh, yeah, it's just, um, a moxacillin. Oh, I'm on that right now. Are you? Yeah, two point. That chlamydia? Wow. It stitches in my mouth. Did you?

Were you sitting in a 30 stall? My mouth was on a toilet seat. That'll do it. After having an innocent DM conversation with your high school crush, she misreads the conversation and sends you a nude picture. All right. Which. Wait, wait. Go ahead.

My high school sweet shirt now is sending me a picture with what she looks like now? Yeah. Send it back. Can I blur the image? You're awful. You're an awful human being. That's low-hanging fruit, buddy. What are we doing here if we're not taking bites of them every once in a while?

She misreads the conversation. That was a joke. And send you a nude picture, which you pleasure yourself to. Oh, my God. Afterwards, you delete the picture. and tell her that you are married, do you, A, tell your wife, including the pleasuring yourself part, because an honest relationship is the only relationship. Or B, you do not tell your wife, you delete the picture, and you do, because you did nothing wrong.

You did tell her you were married, and, you know, that was, that was like you made it clear, like you don't want this to ever happen again. I mean, is there an option, too, where you just keep the photo and just jerk off it to it to whatever? on a while and not tell your wife. Tom did only put two options. So receive the picture. I think BQ gets the pick, right? Does he? No, no, I got to pick the last one, so I've lost this one.

Well, I think this one's dicey. Yeah. This one, I think both options are pretty, I would think most people would be falling either 50-50 on what to do on this. I think most people wouldn't tell their wife at all, and I think if people did, they definitely would have told them that they generally would have. off. It would be like, look how fucked up

that salad sent me this photo. Look how gross she looks. Yeah. Well, I know what my high school crush looks like now. Yeah.

So if she sent a picture, I don't think I would turn it down. She looks pretty good. Yeah. Like, I received it. That's all I did was receive it. Now you're saying that in both scenarios, I pleasure myself to it?

Yeah. Oh, boy. Okay, so I receive it. I think I'm taking option B If I'm pleasure myself anyway to it I'm just I'm deleting it And I'm telling her that I'm married And that's my business

That doesn't have to be my wife's business Because what good would it do to tell her Any of it Right Because she'd be like What are you talking to a high school crush for? I'm gonna hopin'am-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- Why are receiving nude

All this shit Unsolicited. Unsolicited, yeah, but it's as far as she knows And now that I'm like, oh, by the way, I jerked off to this unsolicited nude I don't think she'd be happy with me Yeah I'm self-preservation

Be cute So what position do I have to argue here Your position has to be Boneheaded position You have to stay the asshole It's like honey I'm sorry You confess to it all

Yeah Which is like you got the picture You didn't ask for it You did say hey I'm married Please don't send any of these pictures But before you deleted it I snapped on out You rubbed one out

And I got to tell I got to tell my wife that I rub one out. Fuck. Huh. Okay. Well, if I married someone,

I am assuming that I married someone that was fucking really cool. And I'm really going to have to coast on that for this one because there's cool and then there's cool. Well, I'm just, this is a tough one. I mean,

look, this is a tough one because what fucking idiot would do this, but okay, all right, okay, you know, do unto others as you want done to you. Oh, stop quoting the Bible and shit, trying to get to get the points. I'm fucking, I'm just playing the game. Um, you know, and if my wife had received a tick pick, my wife. I've been heard that in a while. My wife.

You ever heard that a while? Every friend I have to get to marry just does it like three weeks. but everybody's like a right to pass it anyway uh i you know i would i would would rather know that she's getting dickpicks and jerking off to him even though it would cut me deeply so i think that if you want to be in a marriage that is honest and open and and you know godly oh god that i think that you need to be open and in the spirit of the Lord, you have to ask for forgiveness and work towards redemption. And if that comes and if that starts with being truthful, because she knows that if you're telling her that,

fucking for some reason, you're telling her that nonsense that you ain't keeping secrets from her. And while it may cause some short term, short term pain, what is she? You think I'm never jerking off to my exes? She out of her fucking mind? Like I... Can I throw this out? Yeah, as a curb. I'm going to roll.

I might get this point. Are you going to fuck me over? No, no, no. No, not at all. Make sure you don't forget about all those things he said about that. Yeah, the honesty, the godliness, yes, thank you. If you didn't use your hand... Like, I fucked that couch?

Yeah, or you just, you know, you just kind of rubbed yourself up on, uh, on the, on the doorknob or something, and you climb that. You think she'd be, that'd be easier for her to hear? No, it was like, you just said, like, I saw the picture and I fucked the door? No, no, no. And then I happened. I didn't notice that I kind of walked into the wall. Now you're just lying.

Now you're just lying. And if you're going to lie anyway, it was like, I don't, it never happened before. I don't know how this happened. I really didn't climax. And really did climax, like, it just kind of like, it's involuntary climax. Would that, could you, could you build? Never before. medically heard of.

When we were teens, we used to be able to climax. I didn't bump into a door and fucking, oh, yeah. I mean, it's been decades, but I used to be able to do it. Yeah. Just think about something, and then you could do it. Yeah, well, you know, I can't. You just say you're like, you're in the bathroom and your thing brushed up against the toilet paper roll. And, oh, my God, I can't believe it, but I climaxed.

I was going to the bathroom. but number one didn't come out. Actually, ejaculation came out. It's never happened before, honey. I'm sorry, but it wasn't the picture. I think you're lying anyway. And it's not going to be believed. I think you're making it way worse.

It's like, why'd you even bring it up if you're going to have that work out of a lie? I think I need to see a doctor. Can we go to the emergency room right now? I need you now more than ever, honey. Can't desert me now. I've raised my time of need. I'm coming again. She's like,

put the fucking phone down with the picture. I think I think in either scenario if an ex of mine sent me a naked photo and I was married, I could show that

and be like, can you believe that fucking Sally sent me this? The nerve of her. I know, this is nuts. I do think in many that you jerk and jerked off to it is not the wisest choice maybe,

but I think it is a choice that could lead to a deeper, more stable, trusting marriage. Could, or a divorce. Could. Sure. Would you make the promise, I'll never do it again? I can make that promise, sure. I'm happy to. You make that promise right now if you want.

Anything else you want to promise? But you got to swear to a stack of Bibles. To try. It's a try. What? Yeah. I don't. I,

I have never had a partner that I assumed she just never thought of people that she fucked before. Like, that would be insane. You think so. Yeah. My cousin. All right. Like, I assume that not every thought during sex is about me. I would assume.

Yeah, but if it's about. Or guys with abs. Or guy, you know, she might have fucked when she was 30. Like, whatever different. It's on the human spectrum. As long as it's like celebrities, then it's like fantasy. But when it becomes people from their past, I think that's where people get really, like unnerved. Yeah, I think you're right.

I think if I told Marybeth any of this, it would, it would crush her for life. Whoa. I think stuff. I think she would not be able to get over it. Hold on. I want to see you brush up against toilet paper roll and come. Oh, yeah. Do it right now.

I didn't realize Walt was saying that as Marybeth. She demands that you, she wants to see this, this condition of yours that you're able to do this. I think like the picture would be no big deal, but I'm like, then I went the extra step. I just like, I would feel so selfish for telling her almost. Yeah. This is not something she needs to know. It's not something that would change anything. It could only.

It would change everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, you're right. It would change everything. It's not something that could change it for the better. Right. You know, like, Q's like, whole, like, maybe it would lead to a deeper understanding. That's a huge fucking roll of the dice because it's truthful.

It's truthful, but it's what does that mean? What's the truth, really? Wow, this is going to be a big decision for Fatherland. But isn't there a specific quote in the Bible about bearing false witness or something like that? What is he? Just want to come in, it's, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, just something to think about, I guess.

I've been coveted in my neighbor's ass recently, Father. I was surprised nobody, nobody thought of, you know, this girl, you know, like not going, like going fatal traction on your butt. Boiling our rabbits and everything? Well, she's just sent you in a photo. Well, but yeah, but now you deleted it and you're ignoring her and she's like, I won't be ignored. So, yeah, I'm going to, I think I'm going to have to go with Q, the getting it out there is going to save you trouble in the future if she goes, she gets.

crazy or if you have a wife did not expect from father lance if you have a wife that's you know because you know when you delete something it's not really deleted so you know she you know she's snooping your phone and you know well i finds it and oh ho what's this yeah i think you got what are i think you got to i think you got to set you know i think you got to tell her so that to be truthful truth honestly is the best policy father lance regardless of what regardless of what the fallout might be. But you don't know what the fall would be if you don't tell.

I got the point. It's locked in. Yeah, I don't agree with any of that. I would not fucking, I would not, I know it in no fucking world would I ever even mention. I heard from this person who's in my phone on the name Tom.

Milosheski. He doesn't like Tom's real number. You left your phone out and there's a new picture of Tom, Miloshesky. It was unsolicited, hon. And there's weird, there's like, it looks like there's a jackalicious. Let's come everywhere.

I'm Jay, honey. Okay for Tom. Yeah, I don't think. I don't think there's any, any harm in jerking off to an X whatsoever. No, no. It's the telling part that has the potential. I think it's insane for anybody. assume that anybody else is not jerking off

to other people. It's good. Madness. Well, it's a layered scenario too, right? Because I think most of us would probably say, oh, here, look what this wacko sent me. Yeah, I also think there's a difference between like going to a hotel room and fucking your ex and like,

getting a photo and being like, ah, you know, I'm married, please don't send me this and then jerking off. Like, I don't know. I might show the photo as a preemptive strike and see how she reacts to that. Mm-hmm. And she's, ooh, that's pretty hot. I'm like, really? because I happen to bump into a doorknob. Watch me take care on its door.

You think that's hot. You think that's hot. Now, that would be money on the only fans. Oh, so BQ, you are the winner of the very first edition of Moral Combat. All right. You are the most moral member of T.S. I did not see that one coming, but here we are. Father Lance, thank you.

For coming on and being the arbiter of morals and teaching us something, along with the listeners, I hope. Happy to do so. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder what they're saying, the listeners, what they would do in these situations. If I know to listeners. The opposite of whatever we said. Yeah. Two of Steve, Dave.

You know where you can read about it.