Tell Em Steve-Dave - #665: Pu$$y Cod

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Jimmy the Hair Guy joins to talk all things post office including same-sex hyjinx, fistfights, and stool samples. Jimmy and Walt traded some post office war stories. Walt brings in questions for newlyweds. https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/tesd

Real quick before we start the show, if you are in the $20, $40, $60 and $100 tier and you haven't voted for what size socks you want, the deadline is this week to vote. If you don't vote, you'll be getting size extra large. That's it. I'm just going to send you an extra large. I'm not going to hunt you down. That's what size you're getting. So please go vote now. And for the $100 tier, if you haven't placed your size on the hockey hoodie jersey, please.

please go fill out that size poll now. And I want to let everybody know I am on Plex now. And if there are any Plex users who may want to share their library with me, especially Brerite of Season 4? I have it written down, Gettam. We are specifically, me and Gettam are looking for season 4 of Beretta. I'm also looking for the Fantastic Voyage cartoon, police woman, and really any 70 shows.

My Plex account email is JSB stash at Hotmail. That's JSB stash at Hotmail and I eagerly await your friend requests. When's the last day they can send in the sock poll? The day? The day, Wednesday. Wednesday?

February something. Yeah, this would come. February 11th is the deadline for socks and hockey hoodie jersey pole. If you don't vote, you're just going to get sent an extra large pair of socks and whatever size hockey hoodie. I have extra. I'm sorry that I can't do it any other way.

The links will be on the Reddit show notes. Will they? Yeah, I put them up there now. Oh, good job, office coach. Doing a great job lately. I mean, you got to give you props when props are due. You're not always sleeping. Sometimes you do, do have some good ideas.

I'm sure you're going to ask Declan to cut that. In fact, the next guy that got on that forklift, nobody told him that it was shit on. The billionaire sperm drinker. My mailman is great. He's a home run. Just like a... But your BQ, though. No.

No, he knows your BQ. No, he doesn't. We used to have a great mailman. Most people don't get their mail on a silver platter. He doesn't. Tell him, Steve, Dave. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave. I'm here with BQ.

I'm here with Waltz. Yo. I'm here with Get him. How you stanking? And I'm here with Jimmy the Hair Guy. What's up, guys? What are you doing here? I have no fucking idea.

I have no idea. I have no idea. This is only Jimmy's second appearance on TSD proper. Really? Yeah. As many shows as he's been on. It's crazy, isn't it? That sounds unlikely.

Wow. The very first time when he brought the hair. Right. And now today. which blew my mind when he told me that. Wow. You bought more hair that's why he's here. Oh, man.

He is an outsized presence for a guy that's only been on once. You're right? Yeah. Yeah. He's made a big footprint. Yeah. Yetty-sized footprint in TSD town, I would say. Is this the first time you're on by yourself today?

Yeah. Since my first. Yeah. So you were on, the first time you were on, it was just you. There was no one, there was no other, like Tom wasn't around. No. No. All right.

Yeah, I mean, all my other appearances were Christmas, 600, and then a bunch of Patreon chat. Right, right. So this is a little nerve-wracking. Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much. Yeah, you'll be right, Jim. Big shoes to fill, man. Well, as you recall last week, you wanted more information about Jimmy's card

that allows him to escape. Yeah. Repercussions. Consequences. Yeah. I had concerns. for you that I don't think it's a good idea to be on the internet while you're

at work showing that you're not working might be an old school attitude I guess but I saw a possible hammer being brought down on you or someone reporting you or some fucking bullshit that some cock-sucking asshole on the internet might do to you yeah I appreciate that I was told

now I don't even worry about it this guy's got a card that gets a get out of jail free card and I guess that's what he's here for to like fill us in I I wish I had anything to add to that. I don't know anything about this cod. I learned about this cod like you guys did.

No. I don't actually have. Or you told me that you have. I don't actually have a card. You have like a status at work where no one can touch you. Well, yeah, that's true. Because of your conditions. Well, it wasn't because of my conditions.

I mean, I'm union protected. So it would take me to like punch somebody in the face and even then I'd probably keep my job. So it's like like a teacher. Yeah. No, you told me you have. unlimited like you can take as you can come back from break no matter what time it is you can take off as much as you want and then that and they can't say anything because you got to medically oh you're talking about my fmLA that's for calling out what i what you you act like you don't

have any idea what we're talking about and then you then you're like oh yeah that's right that and then you're like oh yeah that's right that well i don't think that's really a pussy cod that's more like, that's a, like, a medical thing that you're allowed to have for calling out. But is it mental or is it physical? It's supposed to be physical, but the excuse I gave was migraines. But I don't even really get migraines. So it was bullshit. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying that what you just said on Mike, isn't that going to get you in trouble?

I mean, the Postmaster General is not going to hear this. You know, you know, he might be a huge fan. Do you know Flo used to work for the Postmaster General? The Yarn lady. Did she? Yeah. For him specifically? Yeah.

She gave it up to fucking sell yarn. She had a dream. But she makes it up to the Postmaster General. I was like, wow, that's a bold claim. Well, I mean, I'll tell you this. The people that I work with that know about my involvement in this show, like, love it. Like, think it's, like, the greatest fucking thing. So I don't worry about it.

Like, I, you know, they asked me for a Q&A. I had time. I didn't do it all in one sitting either. In fact, I think if you watch it, I changed. my shirt a few times because I did over the course of multiple days. But, you know, I had to do it for an hour straight. No. Okay.

No. Plus, they were still trickling in questions like days later and shit. But. Well, now that it's been multiple Q&As, right? No, just one. Just one? I thought you said you just did one last night. That was a get him, you know, fucking with me.

Oh, okay. What do you mean? Huh? How was get a, get him fucking? I walk in. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, dumb shit. So he said yes, and I believed it.

Yeah. Based on prior Q&As that I've seen. Yeah. Yeah, no, I did one. I did one. You know, some Ant Discord requested it. You know who runs it?

That chick Megan you gave the kitten to? Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's one of the admins. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So they just gathered a bunch of questions and, you know, I don't know anybody wanted that, but. You have no concerns about work, huh? You're literally like union gig, motherfucker is suck it.

That's post-in mentality, dude. People sleep on the job. like right out in the open. Yeah. Plus I'm on overnights now. Like there isn't a lot going on. They do. Like the people that actually are charged of your mail.

I had a union gig and I don't recall this sort of like free reign to do whatever. It's wild, dude. We're very protected. People in the ambulance bay with a cod or something. Yeah. I just am like, I mean, good for you. But like, do you think that unions have turned into a monster of some sort that like not taxpayers could pay for naps? I don't think about it much

Yeah I mean I'm happy with it But do you think this is why the postal Service has deteriorated to the point Oh yeah Of where it's at now is that 100% I'm a major part of the problem I am the rot

I don't even I don't even deal with the mail But the people that do deal with the mail Are fucking They're insane And then they're asleep Yeah They're insane They treat you as if you have entered their home

And just have like And have woken them up and be like, can you mail this for me? And you just deal with the people on the, you know, the service side. Like, I'm dealing with the people on the inside. It's absolutely insane the mentality that some postal workers have. I've met one outlier, just wonderful, kind human being who I treat very well at the end of the year because I tell them. It's like, your kind are trash. They are.

And this is why I'm giving you a big check. What? The Postmaster generally. He's not allowed to accept tips. No, he's not allowed to accept gifts? Really? A government employee can't accept a gift over $50 without reporting it up the, like, the chain. He didn't give any names. He's fine.

It was $49, wasn't it? He's fine. It was $49. Yeah, my mailman is great. He's a home run, just like a... But you're BQ, though. No. No, he doesn't.

We used to have a great... Most people don't get their mail in a silver platter, cute. He doesn't. He doesn't. He barely speaks English. He's like the nicest guy. Like he's, when he's not the, he takes time to like put the mail where it belongs.

You know what I mean? He puts in the right place. If there's a package, he brings you right to the door. But he does that for a world. The things are supposed to do. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. Like when he's not there, he's like, it's a shit show.

It's a rude woman. Sometimes, like, it's not great. I believe, but he's the man. I believe women are the worst of the postal employers. I don't 100% agree. A dude. Dudes are indifferent, but they're not looking to fuck you over. Yeah, you're exactly right.

They're not looking to fuck your world up. Because they're just more like, I don't give a shit. I don't care what it is. As long as I could do as little as possible, I'll be an asshole. But at least you could drop your mail off. But women at the post office are fucking a different creature. I remember that interaction I have a Maureen. He sent me down to pick up something.

And she's like, oh, this got returned. Don't worry, I'm not going to charge you for it. Is this a... I mean... No postal installations that we own a name by towns. Right, okay. But she was like, yeah, I'm not going to charge you for this getting returned. And I was like, as far as I know, you've never had to pay if a piece of mail gets returned.

I do believe that is something that they can do. If it gets returned to sender, they can charge you for it. The sender, yeah. Okay. I thought that was built into the, like, the post did you pay? So now knowing that that was based on your ignorance, how you're... you like, oh, maybe she was cool. I looked it up and I could not find anything that supported that.

Right. She was a witch. She was a witch. She was a witch. Wow, man. I want to get on her good side. Maybe I told the story, but I wanted to get on her good side so badly that one time I was in there and she was ranting and raven throwing shit around in the back room. And I'm like, oh, God.

Well, as she came up to fucking see who was at the counter. And I'm like, I couldn't even, I'm just looking at the floor being like, just can she just not fucking go, you know, just lay into me. She starts screaming that she's the only one there. Yeah. And that this special sack has to be delivered to a different postal, like three towns away. Yeah. She can't do it.

And she's like, how am I supposed to do this? And yeah, yeah. And I was like, well, I'll do it. I said. I go, I'll bring the sack over to this guy. I don't care. You know, I'm not going that way anyway, figuring this will get me in. Yeah.

I do it. I bring it in there. The guy's not even like, thank you. I'm just like, hey. Oh, no. You brought the mail? It was not full of anything. It was just an empty sack.

They needed a special kind of bag that he needed. And I brought it over. They were delivery service. They can't figure out how to get it. I sort of got on my mother's life. Like she was like, I was surprised she took me up on the offer because I was like, okay. Just through this, ask for this guy, he'll come up. He was so like perplexed.

And I was like, yeah, well, you say her name was Mary. He asked me to drop this off. And he's like, okay. and I was like, all right, see you. Yeah. And then the next day I saw it's like, yeah, I delivered that sack. Is everything cool? She's like, yeah, yeah.

And then she started bitching about something else. Not even a thank you. Yeah. No special treatment after that. Nothing. No, they're a beast unto themselves, the post office. Well, Brian and I were talking because I'm going to have to either get a real ID or a passport soon. My father's going to have to get a real ID soon.

And Brian was retelling his story about, and I read him about trying to get a real ID in New Jersey. I went to the DMV. I got one. It was like lickety split. I went and with Mary Beth and mine was fine. It was like no problem at all. But hers, she had to have a letter from like a federal tax authority or something from the government.

Like I just a random thing. They're like you just skated through and then just there's a certain number of people like by the 10th person has to have this letter no matter who it is. It could be. I don't know. I had a letter. I didn't have any envelope. But when Mary Beth got up the lady, he had to have an envelope with this.

And she's like, why? Yeah, DMV. And it was one of those pain in the ass DMV ladies. And so Marybeth gets out of line. She gets in the line again, goes to a different person and just gets her real ID. No envelope necessary. Because I went to get my, renew my license, and they're like, do you want a real ID? And I was like, I don't, I just have all the paperwork my wife gave me.

So I'm like, yes, because I don't know. Like, she laid it all out. I'm supposed to just turn it in and everything is there and I'm good. So I said, yes, but I really wasn't supposed to be there for real ID. And she goes, well, do you have this? I was like, yes. And she's like, she's looking around. She's like, I guess you got everything.

She goes, go ahead. And they took the picture. Yeah, but women are different, man. Guys are more willing to just be like, they don't want to be bothered so they don't want to like open up a can of worms. That causes them more work. Let's just get this over with as soon as possible. Women are more like, I want to fuck this guy's day.

Yeah. So petty. Yes. I remember that from Red Bank when we used to be right next to the post office. And sometimes it would be like, normally it was like the guy. If the guy was there, he'd like, hey, what's up? And, like, we would just, I'm talking like, you know, those big baskets we would carry down, like, roll them down with, like, shit in them. But if it was one of the ladies, forget it, man.

There were a few women there that were, like, unbearable. You would just, like, turn the card around. I'll just wait. We'll mail it tomorrow. Do you remember John, our great mailman at 35 Broad Street? Yeah. Like, he was. Oh, yeah.

He was so. The blonde guy. Yeah. Like, he would scan your package. And just as he was getting to your door, he would get a notification that it was being delivered. Oh, yeah. And then meanwhile, like on Saturdays he'd be someone different. And the guy would come in and he'd be like, hey, I'm supposed to get a package today.

And he'd pull out his little thing and you could already see there was an X there. And then you get a message later at night saying, you know, the business was unopened. And so he had pre-ority already said it that, you know, it wasn't being able to be delivered. But John was great. I've been a postal offices where guys have just started behind the counter, post-employees have just started talking to no one. Like they're talking to themselves, but out loud so that the whole. the whole line of customers can hear them going like, oh, you're pretty annoyed that the line's so long, huh?

He's not talking to anybody. Oh, he's talking to someone. He's talking to somebody. He goes, well, guess what? Maybe when you get rid of us, you can bring your mail to Walmart. Then let's see how that works out for you. He's going.

What's going on over there? I don't have these experiences. You know, go to the post office. I go to the post office. No. Do you want to. What were they saying at the post office? What small talk were they making?

So I can grab it and make myself look like the common man. My top hat come in? Did they have my top hat at the post office? My monocle fits perfectly. That would be a great video. Q buys a roll of stamps and just follow them down there, see if he can navigate his way through it. I mail shit home.

When I'm on the road, I mail shit home. home all the time and I go like a post office. I don't have these problems. Yeah. Yeah, one time I had to get, remember, do they still do them to me? The, uh, the, uh,

checks that the, the post office will cut for you? Money order. Money order. Is that it? The postal money order? Uh, probably,

yeah. A few years back, I had to get one for a hundred bucks and the woman accidentally wrote a thousand dollars. And I didn't realize still I was home. And I was like, what the fuck? I got a thousand dollar check here. I only paid a hundred. You know, and of course,

the first thing that pops in your mind is like, sweet, are you going to get out of your bucks? Don't never know. But I was like, I don't know. She's going to get in trouble and stuff like that. So I brought it back and the woman just started crying and stuff like that and was hugging me. She said that they were going to take it from her paycheck if I didn't bring it back.

So I think my reputation probably took that check and cashed it. And ignoring that she was going to pay no price. I guarantee you she just pocketed that money. She was crying because some fucking dope brought it back. These criteria's a joy. They voided it. They cut out of the check. I just have a good relationship with the man.

I don't know what to tell you. Did you ever get a hug at the post office, Walt? Have I ever gotten a hug at the post office? No, I had not even close. I'd like to see your guy's attitude when you walk into this post office to see what's bringing all this trouble on. Because, like, maybe it's the aura that you guys come in with. You know what the aura is? Oh, great, there's a woman boy in your cows on.

When did this start? I'm telling you. No one can even see My face If I have a lot of packages That's enough That's enough to turn everybody in there Into a rabid dog

Like that just wants to Like defend their domain From packages They want to keep you away from the counter So you don't bring packages up It feels like I don't know about that I swear to God Q

I'm not like Why is Jimmy nodding? It's more work for them They hate working Yeah but it's their job They don't care I don't care. They don't care.

They don't care. They hate it. I fucking drive in here. I'm looking to drive off a fucking bridge. You think I love working? I always thought the post office would be like a good gig, man. I mean, I kind of love it, but most people hate it. You have a different reasons.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I got it made. Like don't, don't the mail carriers have like a certain, like, freedom. They're out. It's nice spring day. Yes and no. Hi, Mrs. Jones.

Yeah, yes and no. I mean, I've heard that as a. recent they're like tracking them to make sure they like get back in time and shit that they're not oh so not fucking around yeah but like i've also heard like we had carriers that would like go home for like six hours and then get back in the truck and deliver a couple pieces of mail and god i've there's so many horror stories that i have that i've never told because no one will believe them yeah i've walked in there's a notorious um post office writer close to me that i want years ago when we first started doing the Patreon, I couldn't go in with all the mail that we have to go out for the Patreon per month. I couldn't go into one post office and drop it all off. It's just too much. Okay.

So I had to go to like six post offices every morning to drop off all my mail because otherwise they will literally want to crucify me when I walk in. And they're not like, just bring it around the back. No. No. Oh, I remember that story. his guy was on vacation and so he tried bringing it around the back and oh god those two ladies fucking ladies again

freaked out and we're like you're not allowed to go back there's a million reasons why I can't do it against code or whatever but anyway so I would deliver small chunks of mail through various post offices from all the way from highlands to Oldbridge

Wow Jesus Christ He's like Batman ordering his cow when Batman begins. We order this to a company in Toronto. It's usually like a good 20 miles, right? Yeah, it is a far circle that I was traveling at times just so I could deliver Patreon gifts. Just so I could not feel the intense hatred from the postal community. Well, then there's a scan sheets that you brought to one scan sheet in a day late.

Oh, yeah. There's so many stories, too. Yeah. I don't have these experiences. I deserve to be like fed grapes. Yeah, but you're in there a lot more You're in there a lot more Wow

The war stories that I have at the post office I gotta be honest man I gotta stick up for the postal I can't even remember a bad interaction I've had I've got a good guy now though Okay And I will defend him with my life Yeah

Like if like if there's a check at the end of the year I would I would go through I would run into a burning building for this guy A burning postal building Do you ever try like when you walk in I'm cheery. Like, hey, what's up? No, but what I do is I like to put this, like, kind of dumb look on my face.

Like, I don't know what's going on. And it, and it, no, a little extra dumb. Like, a little half-litre. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Like, you've been partying. No, no, no, no. Literally, like, like, I've been touched in the head, like, a little bit. And I noticed it kicks something in these women where they're like, I got to take care of this kid.

It's a mother. They want to nurture you. Yeah, a little bit. I do do that. Like a baby bird? Yeah, exactly. Look at this poor moron. Like I got a hell.

I think a motherly instinct kicks in. So now I got to go fucking, like, who's a fucking good, Michael Kane on them. Now I got to fucking do it. I got to go into a role and act and act like I'm touched in the head. So they'll just take my packages.

Wait, wait. Is this why you make me bring packages into the office now, the post office? Yeah. Okay. They're like, Oh, sweetie. Let me help you out and stuff.

I get called sweetie and stuff like that. And, you know, they get called a lot of names, sweetie as one of them. I think you got a Michael Cainathan, but you just got to be, try it next time. Like you're a little fucking...

I don't need to do it anymore. Thank God. I've got a good guy now, man. He is the salt of the earth and he, and I fear that, you know, he's going to be tainted by them at some point, though. Like, he's just going to go over to the dark side. Right.

You know, but... Oh, his cheery disposition will be soured by years of being around them. He's just worn down, broken down by the fucking... That happens. Yeah, that happens. Yeah, you've seen even people come in. Oh, yeah. It doesn't take

How long did it take you to get broken? I'm not broken, man. I'm still... He's the problem with the post office, so you understand like he's the crux of the problem. He's the carrier. Yeah. Are there...

Would you work in the back with any women, or they're all up front? So I work in a big facility, so it's like a thousand people in there. But yeah, I've definitely worked with women and they're the worst. Are they on the job shenanigans? Like people like hooking up by the old mail sorting machine? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, not necessarily.

Well, okay. So, I mean, just last night I was talking to these guys. A manager got caught or a supervisor got caught recently blowing another guy. Oh, it's like prison. Yeah. Wow. Exactly. Like prison.

You're right. We have like a room. I'd be fucking fucking a bitchy mood, too. If I just got done blowing a guy and then some asshole walks in 15 boxes. You got old something on your mouth. You might get this out for me. What? They're blown.

We have a room for like Expecting others To like breast pump and shit And I guess two dudes were in there Blowing each other And somebody went in there for something And caught him We had another guy

Who got fired Wait a minute Were they employees? Oh yeah They just weren't two vagrants That just wandered in You can't Vagrants kick into our building

Vagrants kick into our building So it's two employees on the clock One was a supervisor Sucking cocked One was a supervisor Oh He's still there Was he supervised

Was he still there Most likely, yeah, and he's still there. The one guy that did get fired recently was also a supervisor, but this dip shit was already on thin ice, and the final straw was, I guess two employees wanted to fight, wanted to physically fight, and this idiot tells them,

go across the street to the Enterprise, and the dude goes with them and films them fight. Enterprise Cause, you know? Oh, okay. Rental car. Yeah, and the dude goes with them and films these two guys fighting, and you can hear his fucking voice on the video.

So eventually... It's like bum fights. It was. It was. Although one dude definitely kicked the shit out of the other guy. But the fucking idiot filming was a fucking supervisor. He just got... He probably didn't get fired.

He probably got transferred like a fucking priest. So the guy... So you know one of the guys that was blowing the other guy. I mean, I don't know him personally, but I know who he is. Yeah. But everybody knows. How come they can't get fired? Like, there's no rule in the bylaws that say, like, if you get caught,

sucking dick, you will be... I'm sure there is. I mean, I don't even know how strong their union is because the union obviously fucking hates management, but somebody protected them. So neither one of them got fired? No, God, no. They're still there. I saw the guy last night. We fucking, we had, was it a secret that they were a couple or was it, like, was this a shock?

You know, not, you know, there are a couple. I think they're just hooking up. Well, that's, you know what I mean. Sure. Many of people have blown me that I'm not like, we're a relationship now. But did you have any inquiry? Ew, get away. Those guys were an item.

I'm sure people did. I mean, I work in an office, so like, you know, word gets to me through everybody else. But I'm sure somebody did. I'm sure it's not a rumor. Like, it's like, no, this is fact. This is fact. Somebody walked in. Somebody walked in on these guys.

Somebody to put in a vendetta. I was like, you know how I'm going to get back at Steve? Potentially. I'm going to say that, like, he was blowing Mike. Yeah, potentially. One hell of a word. Not a good. I would have said Ming.

We had, we had somebody, they call it MDL, like, like the top, level in the building got caught drinking on the job. They sent her out for a while and then our plant manager came back from a vacation or something and hired her right back. Like everybody gets away with everything. That's a medical condition. Is it? Yeah.

Well, the fire department is if you self-reported like a substance abuse, they'll send you to the farm. But if they catch you, you're fired. Nobody is self-reporting. Everybody's getting caught. People fucking their cause all the time. Place smells like weed, which is awesome. I think there's more lives on the line that the firefighter.

Why your postal employee so horny? I don't know. A lot of fights, too. This is why my shit doesn't get to where it's going. Yeah, it really is. It really is. I have nothing. Boxes are squished.

I have very little to do with the mail, but the people that do are totally fucking your shit up. This is an insider. This is bad, man. I always thought like it was like a pride to postal workers. I have that shit's long. I have no pride. I'm definitely proud.

Or snow or ice. That bullshit. Where they find like a letter. Pony Express. They find a letter in the machine from the 1950s and they're like, I have to, I have to mail this letter and they get it there and stuff like that. Can I tell you, I have every neighbor. Yeah. I have done that.

I have found old mail like in the building and I do have a certain pride about like I'm going to make sure this fucking goes to a machine. This was hidden under. You remember a poster? They fucking roll under machines all the fucking time. You ever waited months for a fucking poster to get to you. It's happened to me 10 times. How big is your dead letter? area.

Well, what's a dead letter? I don't even think we have one. Did you say you, I don't want to admit that crime? What? You found a magazine in the undeliverable dead letter? Oh, yeah.

Well, they just throw that shit away. It was a mad magazine, yeah. I was like, oh, I'm taking this. It goes into the compactor on a... Dude, there's a whole section... It goes into the compactor 80. Yes. There's a whole section where they send, like, loose shit

that came out of a package. Like, shit that's happened to you. Oh, God. Yes, there's a section for that. And, like, they have tubs full of fucking video games and DVDs and all kinds of cool shit. And sometimes when I was a custodian, I don't leave my office now, but I was a custodian, I would occasionally walk by and take a little peek, you know, and see if anything caught my interest, you know. No one's not doing anything.

This is wild, man. This is shattering what I thought. The seedy underbelly of U.S. Postal Service. I've had nothing. I had a, I continue to have a high opinion. This is a shake your confidence in the. We're in Jersey.

I think in New York it's different. So, I don't know. The post office has a specific stamp for items that are found in supposedly empty equipment. I've never seen that. I've seen it plenty of times. I've never seen that. So like the bins, like when they get stacked, sometimes they're still mailing them. And then when they go to a different post office, like years later, they pull it.

Oh. That happens all the time. They put this stamp on it. We have guys that literally do what's called mail search because shit just fucking ends up everywhere. And so these guys have to walk around the entire building looking under shit. and they literally push a shopping cart like you'd find a supermarket and they just fill it with fucking mail they found

and we had fucking places. Is any level of mail safe? Is that like if I overnight it, there's going to be eyes on it the whole time? Your best bet is whatever the fucking most you're going to pay is your best bet. And even then there's no, wow. Yeah.

Like we, okay, so. So you're saying overnight, if you spend more money, they're more likely to pay attention to it. The faster it's going to get where it's going is your best bet. Because if it's got to travel through different facilities like mine, I work with somebody whose fucking

fiance died recently. And she had his fucking ashes shipped to our office. Meteorate. Yes. She couldn't even pay for standard shipping. And the woman I work with went out to like pick up like the shit we get in like for the office I work in.

And there was this fucking envelope of ashes on the floor next to the elevator. Wasn't it in an urn? Was it in a box? It was in an envelope. The urn came separate. But, like, if you knew what goes through that shit and you still have somebody's ashes mail to you, like, you're fucking insane. But that's the people I work for it. Did you say you've had stool samples burst open? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. As well as people shitting on the job. We wouldn't shit herself last week on a forklift, but that's another story. Intentionally or unintentionally. She just got sick of what she couldn't hold it. Apparently she's a raging alcoholic, and she was driving a forklift and she shit herself.

And then took her pants off in one bathroom across the building with no pants on. We're living in end times. She was forky-picking it? This is not a healthy society. This is not a society that's going to continue. When I was a custodian, though, yeah. The mail's got to get through. If she's got to walk through an installation fucking

from bottom down naked, I don't care. Those are the people handling your mail. I agree with that. Those are the people handling your mail. Neither shit nor piss, nor. All right, so she's waddling around. Is she hot at least? No.

No. No. That was my first question, too. I merely wanted to know who it was. She's shudder pants and you want to know if she's. hot is your first question? Well, if she did it unintentionally, like, like, she just couldn't hold it.

She was sick. Yeah, but what is hot being you have to do with it? Well, you were on a sneak a peek? When she's cleaned up? She was wondering through the installation. She took her back on the way back. I assume she's going to finish the rest of the day, bottomless, right? I think she went home.

I don't know what she did. She found some pants in the dead letter room. There have been multiple pairs of pants found around the building. So, not totally other questions. She takes her pants off, right? It walks across the building and whatever the fuck. And then cleans herself in another bathroom. And then I don't know what happened after that, but multiple, multiple people inspired.

So no dudes there were like, hey, Celia, let me give you my pants. No. You guys are fucking, in fact, in fact, there's no gentleman at the fucking post office. In fact, the next guy that got on that forklift, nobody told them that it was shit on. And it was like a group of guys standing around waiting for the poor fuck was going to fucking sit on it next. And as soon as he did, it was a mix of ooze and nose. How did you feel?

Yeah. I wasn't there for that. But stool samples, yeah, dude, when I was at a stodian, I dealt with so much crazy shit. Like, I had, I remember, like, I had a fucking mail tub, you know, the white mail tubs that, like, literally was cake. The whole bottom was brown. Just a stool sample exploded in there.

And I had to fucking clean it out. And, like, you have to put on a hazmat suit for that. you have to fucking... Why can't they just throw those bins out? Don't they give those bins out for free? That's a great question. That is a fantastic question. Like my guy gives me like 30 of them

and I'll have small families. Just take him home and bring him back. That is a great fucking question. Like why were you just not like, hey, I'm gonna throw this one? I think somebody just hated me. In all these years he never thought about that. Yeah, that's true. Or like recently when literally my last couple months as a custodian,

some woman in period blood when Charles Manson in a fucking in the handicapped stall and wrote a fucking manifesto on the wall. And fucking again... She worked there. I would assume so. Like, you need a badge to get in. Was it not the postmaster, general?

I don't remember what it said. Take a picture of it. I definitely did. I definitely did, yeah. Okay. And what was the manifesto? I don't remember. But it was some crazy shit.

Was it about working there? Or was it had none to do with what? I don't think anything I'd do with the post office. I think she was just, you know. She was mentally ill. Yeah. Which is like 80s? You know, say you're not saying to bring in mail every day.

So you would put, what percentage did you put? What percentage did you put? of the people who work at the post office is having mental problems. 75% wow. Jesus, what about the other 25? Are they like, I got to get out of here. Pretty much, yeah.

Are there any old timers left that are like, I remember when the mail used to, yeah. Well, I shouldn't say so many. A lot of them are gone, but yes, there is definitely a good old days,

or they're like, oh, man. It's all I hear about. It's all I fucking hear about and how much things have changed and yeah, it's all I hear about. Do you think that this is something to do with the shipping industry? Like,

going on at FedEx? Is this going on? Or are they like UPS? Or are they like, this private bitch, we're going to fucking ride your ass. Well, I think the fucking is going on everywhere. Well, yeah. I think the drug use is going on everywhere. I don't know about the shitting and the period blood, but.

Because my friend worked at UPS. He said they would scream. They were like, get, fucking go, go. Go. Yeah, I've heard that too. I mean, believe it, they scream at my job, but nobody listens. Well, they have GPS on all those trucks, right? So they know you're not fucking around.

I get, I mean. thing. Yeah, for carriers, it's the new thing. I think it's that thing that they carry. No one UPS has a tracker on it. Oh, the scanner thing? Yeah. So you get tested, drug testing every so long?

I was drug tested when I got hired and haven't been since. The only people that got drug tested are carriers if they fucking get into any kind of accident. Like you can get into a fucking, you could slip on ice and fucking crash and they drug test you. Other than that, nobody gets drug tested. Only when you get hired, you're fingerprinted and drug tested. And background check? I don't know. I don't think so.

We have guys that work there that look homeless. We have a guy. We have a guy who works there because I go out to smoke, you know. There's a guy at 2, 3 in the morning, because I work overnight now. It's a guy outside 2, 3 in the morning, white kid, no fucking jacket, short sleeves, eating his wah-wah sandwich on a picnic table. At 2. Like, it's fucking 10 degrees outside.

Eating his fucking wah-wah sandwich at picnic table. No jacket. Watching some fucking TikTok video. laughing maniacly, fucking talking to it. And I'm smoking, like, watching this lunatic. Like, that's the kind of people we fucking are. I'm the normal one. And then you're working side by side with him.

No, he works. He actually works in operations. I work in maintenance. Are you the right? You're going to work post office to retire? Is this, this? Oh, yeah. What's your path?

Like, what, you're ever going to, you, have you reached the ceiling? No, I don't want that. I'm close to my ceiling. I'm close to it. Yeah, I'm close to it. But I mean, I got the job I wanted. finally, which is not being a custodian.

Like, I work in the stock room now, which has a lot more responsibility, but I'm really fucking good at it, and I really fucking like it. So I'm very happy. What are your responsibilities in the stock room? I'm the middle man between operations and maintenance. So, like, every time there's a fucking jam on a machine

or something breaks, I get called, then I have to call a mechanic. We're in charge of all the inventory. We're in charge of fucking putting in everybody's hours for, like, what they do for the day. Maintenance, just specifically maintenance. It's a lot. That sounds like a lot.

Like how do you have time to make videos and shit? There is downtime. You know what I mean? The machines aren't running the whole time. So when machines aren't running, there's downtime. Why is this need to be done overnight, though? Like, why is this something that can't be done during the day? It's a 24-hour operation.

So, you know. I've tried to help Jimmy take tests. Well, that's never happening. I'll never be a mechanic. I've given up on that. Giving up because you don't want to do it? No, I wanted to do it. But I don't have the...

I would send them sample test questions. I got them a multimedia. so he learned how to, he would learn how to, he would learn how to eat a multi-eater. I've bombed. I've bombed multiple fucking interviews to be a fucking mechanic. And I just, I remember you, you went to one, right? Yeah. And I fucking, like, recently. Yeah. And it's, I fucking bombed them. How do you mom?

The questions they, they ask you, you fumbled them? Big time. I have no mechanical. You mentioned, like, juggalo, I should. No. No. Well, that's why I tried to help them do the tests is I, I transform the questions to the juggalo-related things. Yeah, you were actually really helpful, but in the end, it's still. And I, they gave me books to fucking read. It was like to read another language.

You know what I mean? Like the test was in that breastfeeding room. On a couch. I might have passed that test, you know. I can't even tell you how many times at a high school I took the civil test, civil service test to become a postman. Yeah. Never got a call for it. Huh.

You would have been good at it. I think, yeah. Yeah, you would have been good. I would have been part of the old school, you know. Fisherball, yeah. Yeah. A lot of our. If I saw anybody sucking cock.

Yeah. I would brought the hat. Not on your watch. Not on a fucking. in this guy's watch, not on this postman's watch. Get that cock out of your mouth. He'll deliver this package. I haven't allowed one cock sucks since 89, and I'm not about to start.

But walking around in the cold deliver mail, it can't be fun, though. I always thought one of the best jobs I ever had was Paperboy. And to me, that's just a glorified paper boy. You just get paid a, like, fucking 100 times more than a paper boy does. Yeah, maybe. I mean, it's probably a little bit more responsibility. I get to know my neighbor, you know, I'm like, hey, Mr. Johnson? I bet you what matters.

Got your social security check here. Oh, thanks. You sure look like you could work, though, Mr. Johnson. I don't know. I don't know why are you getting this monthly. Get the hell out of here. Check from the fucking taxpayers. Release the dog, quick.

You sure look pretty healthy to me. Yeah, the guys who love it. You and that guy get him down the street. You guys sure look like you could hold down a job. I don't remember a postman being so judgmental. As long as you have a good route, man, like those guys love it. If they have a great route, they love it.

That's all the neighborhood, right? It's all like who you get. If you're in the hood, then it gets dangerous, right? And that's the junior guys. Like the, you know, that's like a, almost initiation.

I've seen videos of like going into neighborhoods, like high risk neighborhoods. Oh, just getting the shit kicked out of them. Oh, it's terrible. It's terrifying. They beat the shit out of the mail, man? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I knew carriers got guns pulled on them. Yeah. Or dogs are always attacking people in those fucking neighborhoods and shit. Like, yeah. Got those drug dogs, you know, like they got, like the crack house dogs. Yeah, where they put them like, they like, feed them cocaine and bulb, like gunpowder. Yeah.

And mix it together and give it to the dogs. My, uh, my mom's partner used to do, uh, she collected pay phones, the money from pay phones. Yeah. And she said she encountered the same thing. No dime there. I guess I'll go to the next one. No, like, maybe I'm trying to rob her. Like, everything is like, you wait.

Well, you use this code for like, she was just checking the phone and see if there was any to loose change or she was actually doing it as a job. She did it as a job. Oh, okay. Jeez. Remember Mr. Zip? Yeah. Remember Mr. Zip?

Has Mr. Zip been retired by the post office? I think so. Mr. Zip is fucking crying tears of shame. That's what you fuckers did to his fucking proud installation. I try to keep him proud, man.

I really do. Really, by doing Q&As at fucking... I have downtime. I have downtime. Man. What type of bearing should not be greased? This is the kind of shit. A roller bearing, a seal bearing, a ball bearing, or a bad bearing?

This was like the, this was on the test, right, that I took. Oh, God. I still don't know. Let's get a hint, get him. You don't get one. I would say, a bad bearing. I don't think it's that. I'm going to guess.

I'll go with A. Roll a bearing. It's got a roll. I'll go with B, too. A permanent seal bearing. Yeah, that's what I thought. Like, a sealed bearing doesn't need to be grease because it's got an internal. All right.

Question two. understand what any of that means. Hold on. Hold on. Here it is. It's for you, Jimmy. Let's say James and accounting invites you to the breastfeeding room. Yeah. You don't go. Do you A, unbuckle your pants and meet him there bottomless, porky pig style. Definitely not A. Blow him until he comes all over your face. Does that B? Definitely not be. Report him to your supervisor. Okay. That sounds most likely. Or marry him. I'm probably going to go a C on that one.

I mean, that's the real shit you got to know. Like, nobody fucking has any idea what the fuck that shit means. I hope somebody does. Yeah, really. Well, postal machines aren't like regular machines. Like, it's really just like pulling mail out of a fucking jam. Like, that's most of what it is, you know. Unless like a motor goes, which happens frequently, I guess.

This is depressing, man. This is shattering when I thought. that the mail the mail service or our institutions are like this it's not just the post office they've all gone to shit you point two is something that you once had a uh an opinion of that was like very well done and professional yeah yeah it'll be shattered shattered that's what this younger generation that grew into adulthood has done the trotted the jimmie the hair guys of the world have ruined it all the hard work that our forefathers put into These companies and these institutions have been undone by people with cards that are like, you can't yell at me, so let me suck cock and get paid for it.

That's true. That's what the card says. It's true. I guess. I don't know. I haven't seen this card. I have no idea. Let's talk about Mr. Zip in a minute.

First, we got to read out some of these ads, man. Let's see. What do we got here? Oops. Prize picks. Oh, Super Bowl is coming. The big game is coming.

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Not motivation to eat better. I put them in for a reason. I like the way balls feel in my mouth. I am a marbly motherfucker. You're right. I think I read too fast. I try to read too fast. Hey,

you're fucking blowing through. You're not enjoying it. No, I'm not. I'm going to slow down. I have to read what Marybeth wrote me. She made the brown butter grilled chicken and Yukon mash for herself with roasted green beans and mushrooms and marinera meatballs and mash with garlicky green beans. Nice. And the juices and smoothies she loves.

That is what she wrote to me today. So she's lying to me. Yeah. Just a warning when you say keto, you're going to bring Tom out of the woodwork. Oh, Tom is all about keto. Oh, my Lord. He talks about that as a mastectomy. As much as you talk about that new Star Trek show, I doubt it.

Or your defective cane. Have you heard about his ransom? I'm in the group. I'm in the group chat. Oh, my gosh. I thought he would get it out on you guys. But no, he waits for me to come in. Then he goes into more tirade about it.

So the first thing he said to me when I walked in the door. That's why I was looking at him. I was just like, I was like, get him in the aisle. like, come on, bro. Like, not everybody needs to hear your rant about the new Star Trek. Yes, they do. Especially when Q keeps going. Yeah, I haven't watched this first episode.

Then you reiterates it five seconds later to be like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Kid him. I don't, I don't watch it. I'm telling you about what's happening on the show. I'll try to help. Yeah. I'm interested in watching.

I'm trying to help you out by going like this. Oh. Why you really hate watching, though, huh? You can't stop you. I'm trying to give it a chance. It doesn't sound like it. All you're doing is trashing it. Well, it's because I'm watching it and I'm seeing what they're putting on TV.

You're hate watching it. No, I'm trying to. Yes, you are. I'm trying to give it a chance. When I told Melzogic, I think you're being too serious about it. He fucking literally almost jumped across the table. He can't jump, thank God. If he could have jumped, he would have jumped on me.

I don't do you. It's a science fiction show. Fucking stop taking so seriously. He got so upset with me. Look at him. He can't hold it. now. His nose is getting redder.

It really is. He's feeling froggy. He just can't jump. I mean, they took on Deep Space Nine last night. Yeah. I was hoping. There you go.

What were you hoping? I'm surprised he even tried to take on Deep Space Nine. What do you mean take on? I'm not sure if you're familiar with Deep Space Nine. Yeah, I watched some of it. They addressed what happened to Captain Cisco at the end of Deep Space Nine. Didn't he become like a space god or something like that? Yes.

and specifically Avery Brooks made it so that he wasn't abandoning his family because he felt it was a bad portrayal to have a black character, abandon his family. Okay. So if he had left it open is he's probably going to come back and be with his family after he does what he has to do with the space aliens because they're not caporeal. Like we are. Head to factor meals.com slash TESD 50 off.

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Should we wait? No, no. Just knock it out. Knock it out. I love Raycon. Yeah. Why stop now? You're just warming up.

I'm going to warm up. I've been thinking about good stuff. Raycones. Have you? Yeah, I lost my, I lost my buffet headphones. Okay. Did you eat them?

No, they fell into some. They disappeared somewhere. How do you lose them? They disappeared somewhere. What is that? You're alluding to that someone took them? I'm just saying they disappeared somewhere.

I don't know where you're at. It was either here or the buffet. So you left them at the buffet. I either left them at the buffet or or someone took them here. Yeah. You think it's me. No, no.

Okay. I just want to get it like, don't bake these. No. No. Because I know you have redons. No, I know you have Raycon, so you would not already have a pair of Raycon, so you would not. That's the only reason you wouldn't steal this Raycons because you already have a pen. The way that's missing spoon.

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and touch that up a little bit. That was sloppy. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I can't read. Oh, wait. I can't put this away yet. So get them pulled up. if you're not satisfied with the mail talk that we've had so far.

I have some questions. If you don't want to get into mail talk, I have 45 questions. Every man should ask themselves before getting married. We know Jimmy's getting married. Oh, all right. What are you're trying to talk about, Mr. Zip? How many people at this table are attending the wedding?

Mr. Zip. Shut the fuck off. Why, you guys aren't going to Jimmy's life? No, I'm going. Oh, of course. I'm going. Yeah, you're going to go. I keep forgetting an RSVP.

I haven't RSVP yet. I don't think. Yeah, my fiance would like it very much if you would. I understand. It's just, I got a, yeah. I don't know what the schedule looks like that far in advance is a problem. That's why I understand. But I want to come.

I want to come. No, I appreciate that. Sounds exciting. The wedding? Yeah. Why? It's like a rent fair. It's out of the woods.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is July? July? No, May. May. Everybody's going to be in costume. Are they?

My best man is going to be swearing. Oh, really? Who was the best man? My oldest friend. Big, big fan of this fucking show. Juggalo? No. Aunt?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And he was an aunt before he became friends? No, no, I've known him my whole life. He didn't even listen until I got on and now he's obsessed with this shit. He listens to fucking reviewing history. He listens to Fun Varevaryville. He loves you guys.

Raise your father. Sounds all right. No, he's not on Reddit. What constitutes a costume? Well, I'm going to be the Joker. So I can wear anything. I want. You're encouraged.

Joker. Not impractical Joker. Yeah. No, I think I'll just, maybe I'll be like a guy in his ghostbuster. A guy in a jeezer shirt. Yeah, that's fine. What do they Richard Chrissy's going to wear? Like, he's not going to fucking.

Well, he's doing the ceremony, right? Yeah. How many people of note are going to be there? Well, Shaggy declined, unfortunately. From insane. Yeah. Yeah. They RSVP, they have their,

kids soccer tournament that weekend or some shit, which I went and watched their kids play a game, which was interesting. And they sucked. They shouldn't be, they shouldn't be skipping your wedding because there's no future in soccer for these kids. I think they won. Those kids are going to play soccer game after soccer game. How many times are going to get married? Yeah, I know.

I know. So how many quasi-ce celebrities are going to meet her? Well, I'm hoping Fred Schneider comes. Who's that? B-52s. How about I know that? You don't know the B-502s. I'm just as ignorant as you.

I wouldn't have. Are they going to perform love shack? I don't think so. He's the love shack baby, that guy. So which is he, is he the younger guy or the older guy? Older. Oh, God. He's old.

He's old. He's old. He's older than not yet. How do you know him? One of my buddies is, I have a life alert. He shows up. He's, he's my, one of my buddies plus one. Got me a car.

Oh, no. I'm having a heart attack, Jimmy. Why do you say, like, why do you give me that eye? Like, I'm out of, like, out of line by saying who's Fred Schneider. I didn't give you an eye. I did, you did. I think, you did. I think get him dead.

I didn't. Do you think most people, I think he can go out of 100 people don't know Fred Schneider. I really thought he was the guy from one day to time, the fucking. My dad, my dad stayed at his house. My dad stayed at his house. My dad stay at his house. We've seen B. 52 videos on Vivo 70s.

I like that song. I like rock lobster. Yeah. I like rock lobster. I was like, like, I'm not. this and the guy. He's one of those guys. Like,

I understand. Nobody knows their real names. I don't think I gave you an eye. I don't think I gave you an eye. Did I? Like, holy shit. I didn't mean to. Fred Schneider.

I didn't mean to. Who else? How do you know him? So my buddy, house sits for him in the Hamptons. So you don't know him. No. In fact, in fact,

in fact, I told my buddy, I was like, I don't want you bringing a plus one some fucking floozy that you're fucking banging that week. Your plus one is Fred Schneider or a bust. you bring French Knight or you come alone. French Knight is not coming to say.

Probably not, but his response when asked about it was if we're not on tour, maybe. Yeah. All right. He's not coming. He's not. But I did get an autograph from him, which is cool. Well, that's great. What other quasi celebrities are going to be there?

Quasai is a not a diss. Just say, like, like. Not A listers. Not A list. I assume these are like cult. How about cult personalities? I mean, I invited almost everybody from TSD. Does that count for anything?

I don't even think they're cult. I would say they are. I'd say you guys have a giant fan base. I don't know. I think, I think, Q is the only. I think both of you guys. I don't think so. And certainly not the fucking, the Z list of Tessdy Town is not going.

You mean everybody doesn't know Frank Five? Like later on, if he tells, oh, Brian Johnson's coming. If he tells somebody I'm coming to the way, they're going to look at him like they said Fred Schneider. ACDC and B. 52s are performing. your wedding? At the age-defying billionaire? Yeah, the billionaire sperm drinker.

Truth be told, I have told people that you guys, well, that you're coming, they do know who you are and they do get excited. Oh, yeah? Yeah. People get excited when they hear, I work with you guys. So you're pretty well known. I think we're going to, uh, I talk to, um, Frank about a thing. Me, Frank and Troy are going to get an Airbnb nearby.

Okay. Cool. Fuck and I. Isn't it? Where is it? Uh, Sparta. Yeah, Spada in New Jersey. Is that far from here?

Like maybe 90 minutes from here, would you say? Something like that. It's like two hours from me. Yeah. 90 minutes south? 90 minutes north. So 90 minutes from here. So it's probably about an hour away from me.

Yeah, it's probably not that far from you. Yeah. Who's Fred Christie? Richard Christie. Richard Christie. Yeah. Is that the former mayor of New Jersey? The big fat of.

If Q doesn't show he's the biggest celebrity there for sure. He's probably bigger. Is that the guy that used to be the governor in New Jersey? Ron Christie. No, he's from the Howard Stern show, but he was also in some metal bands. Who am I thinking of? Chris Christy. Chris Christie.

Oh, the fat bastard on the beach. Yeah. Shut down the bridge Yes, that's Chris Christie. Bri actually got me in touch with Richard Made that happen. You don't know him either? I've met him a bunch of times actually

And he claims to remember me But you know, I don't know Would you call him a friend or an acquaintance? Oh, Quaintance. I wish he was a friend. Why'd you pick him to officiate then? Well, I got my fucking, my stories wrong. I thought I heard him say

At some point that he was a dudeist priest Like he was ordained as the dude From the Big Lebowski. And so I was like, that'd be fucking dope to, you know, book him for that. Turns out he was married by a dude as priest. He isn't ordained at all. But I already had the wheels in motion at that point.

And he said yes, so. Okay. It's pretty easy to get ordained about that. And is he definitely coming? I think so. Yeah. When you think so, you should nail that down if he's officiating. I think that's number one question.

He has to get the time off from work. He told me yes, you have the time off from work. But it's a Saturday. Do you have a backup? Yeah, I have a few backups. Mike Zapsick. is ordained he can So is get him

Yeah Oh okay I thought about Father Lance No I don't Yeah Everybody gets divorced Yeah but I have like Five kids out of my weddings

So Yeah they're all out of wedlock Not one of them What the fucking married Nobody with the dad Yeah No they were They were married when they had the children

All right who else Oh God I don't know You know At one point I was hoping to get Windorf But You know I don't think that's happening.

Serring the only time I met him was at Tim's funeral. I don't think I'm locking him down. Okay. You're God. Why are we looking at this? Who's this lady? Who's that lady with you in the picture? She's in the wedding party.

That's our friend that introduced us. Let me go. She's a juggler. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Do you want to go through some of these questions? Sure.

Yeah, let's do it. Sure. Do you want to have children? No. God, no. Jesus now. And the Mrs. the soon-to-be Mrs. Hair guy.

She's on board. She does not want them. We have to stop doing all the stuff we do now. Why don't you go the Tom route then? Get them get those tubes tied. They're not to bet he's right. Oh, Tom got his tubes tied? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's the first I'm hearing about this. That was good. Yeah, what a great delivery. There you go, buddy. There you go. Yeah, how come you to ensure that this doesn't pop up ever? She's on the pill, you know?

Yeah, that's not all hormones and shit. I've never had a problem. Yeah, I know, because she's the one taking the pill, though. Well, I used to, my pillow game used to be really strong. Now I'm just, you know, what did he say? His pullout game. Oh, this is my pillow game. I think she'd go fuck a pillow on.

I can't get pregnant. So, yeah, why don't you just go do what Tom did, though? I don't know, man. I'm kind of nervous but having, you know, that down there, you know what if Tom agreed to go with you? Hold your hand.

I don't need Tom. Talk you through it. That would probably make it worse, honestly. I'd hear all the same stories 50 times, you know. I hear them enough. I don't need to hear them during that procedure, you know.

You guys could be vasectomy buddies. I don't think I need a vasectomy buddy, let alone Tom. And I start telling the same stories about vasectomies. Would your, bride to be want you to get of a sex? She's never mentioned it.

I don't think she's that worried about it. Guys, I never spoke about this. Well, this is good we're doing this. You should go home and talk about this. You should be like, honey, as a gift to you, I'm going to get snuffed to it. I'm probably going to forget, but she's definitely going to hear this and she'll have thoughts. You don't worry that it's going to, like, impact your performance, do you? Because Tom says he still, he still rips it up.

The fucking meds I'm on, my performance. I know, Tom's a fucking playboy, man. Who's doing the finances? Like, who's going to be handling paying the bills? Take a wild guess. Definitely not Jimmy. Not the guy that invests $2,000 of cut hair. Who's doing the finances right now?

Multiple LeBron Barbies. Who's telling me what I can spend my money on right now? Are you on an allowance? Yeah, the allowance of not spending anything. Like, I'm not allowed to spend shit. You'll give her your check when it comes in? No. No.

I'm my own bank account. Then she is not handling the finances then the way that I would assume somebody. Well, she just makes sure that packages don't show up at the door and then we're good. And you hide them. Oh. I don't hide them. I'm asleep when they come. I can't hide them.

Something came last week. A jersey I bought, I pre-ordered came last week. Master P. Jersey. And yeah, I know. And she, uh, she read the riot act? She wasn't happy. It was a thing. Did you return it?

No. So. What do you think in when you're like, I'm going to get this master pee jersey. I know she's going to get pissy about it. I didn't expect to come until like we were married and it came immediately. And then by then it would be too late. She's locked in. Yeah.

Where's she going to go? Q, do you agree when he's like, oh, she's handling all the finances? She's not really handling all the money. Are you saying once you get married she's going to or she's handling the bills and whatnot? Like she makes sure everything gets paid, everything. Is there a savings? like a future savings account? Yeah, she has that.

I don't have that. So she never touches your money? No. No. We split the rent. We split. She pays some things. I pay some things.

So she doesn't have control over the finances. No, you don't understand what having control of the finances. Well, means. She tells me not to spend money and I. And you spend it anyway. Well, I try to listen. When I get, like today,

Walt gave me the check for the month. When I get home, I hand it to Mary Beth. She takes care of everything. That's handling the finances. She handles the finances? Fuck yeah. I couldn't do that. Wow.

Yeah. She handles it all. That blows my mind. Really? You thought I would? Yeah. I really thought you had a heavy hand. No, no.

Not at all. I mean, I got a heavy hand in other arenas, you know? Yeah, name one. Smarts off. You know, sometimes. She has disciplined. Oh, this is the masterpiece. Oh, that's not it, but I have that.

So when I was engaged, the year before I got engaged, or before I got married, I was engaged for a year. My check went right to my wife. And she gave me a lot of money I could spend during the week. I couldn't go over that. If I did, she said, S.O.L. You know what that means? She had out of luck.

No master P. Cherries for you, Walt. Right. And that's what handling the finances. I got my car paid off. I got my J.C. Penny bill. that was absolutely four digits. You know, I spent like almost three grand and J.C. Penny goods and we got that card paid off.

And I was debt free then going into my marriage. And she is the one that had to take control of the finances or else it was never going to work. I wonder if you need to do that too. That's probably your biggest mistake of your life. As you think that's the biggest mistake if he gives the check to her? Oh, no, no. If he doesn't give the check to her. Yeah.

That's probably the direction we're heading, most likely. You only got a couple months. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not that worried about it. Does the idea of handing over your check to her to manage bother you at all? You're like, whatever.

I don't think so. Does it demasculate you, you think? I mean, how much more demasculated can I guess? Well, what makes you say that? I don't see you as having, well, I mean... I mean, you guys think I have a pussy card or some shit. The idea that I'm telling people they can't make fun of me No one gets made fun of more than me

No, no. And I'm telling people that yelled at by your your superiors at work. Oh, and I get yelled at plenty. I can yell that by everybody. Who doesn't yell at me? I don't know. I think, though, that you're misunderstanding what I thought. I misunderstood you when you said you had this card

that allowed you to just leave work. whenever you want to show up leave work and then come back hours later and then have no explanation where you were and then you because I show them my cod my cod I was like okay you have a card that literally allows no one to even ever take you up or take you to task for anything no that's just for calling out that just means they can't like you know give me a red mock for calling out or leaving during the middle of a work thing well that's showing up hours later that card doesn't help with that okay I just I just do that and and don't even notices But why do you have this card and other people don't?

I don't know. Anybody can get it. It's just a doctor thing. It's like getting a weed card back in the day. It's just you go your doctor and say any FMLA card. It protects you. You know, you can have a thousand absences. As long as you have that fucking FMLA number.

Nothing they can do. Nothing they can do. Question three is a little personal. You can skip it if you'd like. I'm good for anything. What do you got? Sex. Okay.

What is your preferred? frequency during the month. Like how much or how many times a month would you be like if it's less than that, you know, you can bet I'm going to be fucking ordering more Master P jersey. He says as a revenge. There's no payoff for it if I'm not. You know,

I think we covered this on all about Jimmy, but, uh, I don't think so. Oh, we did. The truth is she wants it more than I do. And I,

I think my meds have me all fucked up. Like I can't fucking go as much as she wants me to. Do you show her the card? No. I should. He just pulls the car now. He shuts her right down. It's a kind of night.

I got to migrate. I mean, she literally, like, throws herself at me round the clock, and I just, like, laugh at. You're giving out weights much more information than I'm, I'm asking, what's your number? Like, what's your number per month? You're like, you're like, happy. He's like, I'm so irresistible. Happy, Jimmy, happy life. What's the number that makes you happy, like, per month?

I don't know. 15? I don't know. Okay. Every other night. Yeah. Are you doing every other night right now? Uh, no.

But you've done Q&As before, right? They didn't ask this. They wanted to know what I thought of Mike and shit like that. I like that. Yeah, of course. I went up for five minutes about it. 15th, you, that's what would, any, so 14, you're a miserable SOB. I'm happy getting it as much as I am now.

Now, I'm the one turning it down, not her. Okay. All right. Let's skip it, I think, right? I don't think. Yeah, we've learned everything we need to learn on that one. Too much. Your family and her family.

Yeah. Will you put your family over her? Or will she put her family over you? Do you think at any instance? I know for a fact that that's not going to happen. No. Don't have to worry about it? No.

It's good. That's a good thing to have. Career. You're saying you're set at the post office. Oh, yeah. Work ethic. Uh-uh. He's got a card that.

Well, he did say he was trying to make Mr. Zip Proud. I do. I work hard. Okay. How to believe, but I do. Tightiness. Who is the one in charge of keeping the place clean and doing all the housework? Is it shared or is it shared or is it shared or is it shared?

I would love to say it's shared. Well, you can easily rectify that by sharing it. You know, I really try. I'm sleeping during the day now. You know. You take the garbage out, though? I have taken the garbage out. You have taken the garbage out.

So when it's like 20 degrees out, you're still like, I'm sleeping over here. Take the garbage out. I don't tell her or ask her to do anything. She just doesn't want to wait for me to do it. So she does it herself. Oh, man. It's all right. Is it being honest, though?

And she's okay with this, though. You've come to this agreement. You've had this conversation. I mean, she doesn't love it. And she's definitely spoken to me about it even as recent as a few days ago. What did she say a few days ago? What was the point of contention? That I don't do anything around the house.

Well, you've got to start doing stuff around the house. I know. I know. Believe me, I do make an effort. What's you asking of you? Yeah, what's the list? You know, cleaning. just in general cleaning

yeah like you know it's just fucking princess you're chaining into a life of cleaning up your fucking shit yeah is that right isn't horrible I know I have no idea it's horrible I don't know yeah but you could just stop

yeah I mean I'm trying no no no you could just stop saying trying because trying is failing like just do it just fucking do it just be like all right I guess I won't leave fucking shit all over the house well I don't really show of the house who's more messy you or her

I'd say that's equal Because I'm not that messy It's just I don't like I don't see filth the way she does You know what I mean like I'm wallowing it I don't I don't Like effort to me I would never vacuum

Because I just don't think of it You know I mean But she's doing it every other day You know Yeah you gotta get that dust up though I don't even think about it I don't know I never even crosses my mind for some reason

Do you need maybe like a chart Yeah that would help You can get like a a gold star every time you do a chore. That would definitely help. That would motivate you? He would love to make a chart for you. Get him.

Ten gold stars, you get a jersey? Jesus. That would definitely work. In what ways have you changed since you've been with her? Good Lord. I don't know. That's a loaded question. It didn't seem so when I asked, but I'm learning that it is.

Like, you, yeah. I'm afraid for her to hear this. now. Why? She doesn't know that she's one cleaning up most of the time? Well, I think she, I think she, I think she, I think she appreciates that I'm not really putting it out there for the world, but, you know. Well, she's looking like a champ so far.

Yeah, you're looking looks like the shit. That's good. Oh, yeah. You look bad. Oh, okay. That's fine. Oh, yeah. No, no, we would never make her.

All right. Are you kidding me? No, no way. Okay. Yeah, I don't have a problem with that. Do you like when you make food who, who does the dishy? I do the dishes. Okay.

She does most of the cooking, though, but I will do the dishes. That's great. But I had to be told that. Who maintains the garden? If you won't even call it a garden, that's all her. You have a backyard? No, what do you guys? We got a patio, and she put some plants on it, and they fucking, you know.

Oh, my God, it's not like man shaping or manskeeping. No, no. That's part of the, one of the questions. Gardening. I just thought for sure that would be, like, most people don't want to think even garden anymore, do that? Really? All right. Spiritual practice.

Oh. Religious beliefs. None. They're highly personal. Do either one of you have a strong spiritual or religious stance? That could be a problem later on? No. What if she develops, you know?

I mean, she's into like that wick and shit. And I'm like, what are? Uh-oh. That's what Pam got into. Whoa. Yeah. Witch. Let's put a bubble around you to clean.

So you don't think you'll ever. No. That don't bother me. But Jimmy, listen to what you're saying. You're saying you're not delivering the goods that you want sexually, and you're also not giving what you wants when it comes to cleaning the house. I'm the whole package. Yeah, I know.

But I want to see you succeed. Yeah, I do too. He seems to be succeeding. Somehow. He's got himself a hot lady. He's getting married. He hasn't changed a wit. But getting and keeping a two things.

Very true. Yes, this is true. I'm definitely worried about keeping. Pets. Yeah, we got those. What do you got? We got three cats. So you guys are good with pets and it's probably get more.

Yeah. You get that litter box every day. Like you get it for her, you let her do it. We both do. But I do. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Jimmy.

No, I do. I've been doing that since before we lived together. When she lived by herself and she had the cats and I would go up there to visit her, I would fucking do it for her. Yeah, I had no problem with that. Sports. This could be something that people overlook.

If she's a fan of a different team and they play your team. Right. Can you handle it? She doesn't give a fuck about sports. Jimmy changes teams at the drop of a hat. No, it took me a long time to do that. Oh, but she doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't care.

No, she'll watch a game, she'll watch it with me, but she doesn't. All right. That's also about sports. Let's say you want to watch a game and she wants to go. Watch something on the Hallmark Channel. Yeah, she wants to watch Heat a rivalry. She hasn't seen that shocking, right? Will she give you time for Jimmy time to, like, go see a ball game with your friends?

Dude, she gives me time to do. whatever the fuck I want. I feel bad. Like, like, I never have to play video games, you know, like, because I don't have time. And I got her a game for Christmas. And she's always saying, like, oh, you should play video games. She should play video games. I'm like, well, I don't have time.

So we made time during that snowstone we had recently. And I felt horrible because I'm sitting there gaming and she's just fucking sitting there doing. Yeah. And I'm like, I can't do this. Like, this is fucking brutal. A lot of people like that, though. Like, my niece and nephew used to love watching other people play video games. Yeah, almost every girl every day is like, I don't mind.

Yeah. What game we play? Not the last South Park game, the one before it. Fretchen butthole. Yeah, it's fucking amazing. Yeah. Well, that's like watching a television show. I know.

That is specifically like watching the South Park episode. I know. It's awesome. It's fucking great. Firearms. Yeah. She doesn't like them. I've been paying a gun off, two guns off for like six years.

She doesn't like. How much of guns? I got the bullets on Layaway. It's kind of a. Six years. How much is a gun? No pun intended. It's kind of a loaded story.

It's like a musket from the American Civil Revolution. I worked with a guy who was selling me two guns. One was the Hunter S. Oh, the nickel-plated. Yeah. And the other one was, I forget, something he told me I had to have. And I was paying him monthly for it. And then he retired.

And I haven't heard from him since. So he's got my money. He's got the guns. And I haven't given him money. You never got the guns? No. Oh, yeah. You should put it.

in charge of the finances. You should do that immediately. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. There's no doubt about it. Yeah. Does she know the story?

I think so. And she doesn't, she doesn't like guns. So I think she's probably happy. I never got them. But I like guns. Do you share the same music tastes? Oh, yeah.

Yeah? You know that. Oh, yeah. Oh, I don't know that. Sure you do. We've been at the fucking gathering. All right. But that doesn't mean that's the only type of music.

Well, okay. She likes some fucking emo. bullshit I can't stand. But for the most part. Name names. What bands are you talking about? Blue October? No, like,

three days' grace and, uh, and you can't stand them. Who the fuck's the other one? No, I can't. Breaking Benjamin, like, will you turn the radio off? Like in the car? I'll,

I'll, make a fucking, you know, shit face, yeah. That's great. Something she enjoys. Make a stinky face. It's supposed to just fucking buckle down and

let her enjoy it. Health. Do you believe in taking? care of yourself and do you do it? Do you get regular health maintenance checkups? Do you care if your spouse does? Yes, I do care about that. I made her go to fucking, I made her get every kind of doctor imaginable. Like I fucking got her on my health insurance so she could fucking go see doctors and shit. And I do go to the doctor, you know, a couple times a year. Do I take care of myself? Not at all. It's fucking horrible.

The only reason he's not drinking a sugared Red Bull right now is because I only gave him sugar-free. So you haven't gotten that under control yet because you can get out of the diabetic range. Yeah, I know. Well, my Metformans in my pocket. You're what? My Metforman. What's that? That's the pill they give you.

And that takes away the diabetes? It's supposed to help. Do you take it? I do. Okay. I do. But I haven't really curb my fucking Red Bull, you know. She is so worried about my fucking health.

She is so. Yeah, if you're pre-diabetic and, or do you have, or do you have, have diabetes. I think I'm like right in that middle. Right. Yeah. Well, let's say in 20 years from now, though, let's say you're not in the, uh, the physical shape you are now and let's say you, you put on some pounds.

Well, will you, will you make sure that you keep maintain your figure for her? I would like to think so. Well, she likes your figure now. Right. She does. I don't know why. Everybody changes. Right.

Like, you know, and you start to get comfortable in that in the married life and all of a sudden now, Jimmy's 300. pounds. How tall are you? The real answer or the fucking the group chat answer? Will you make sure that you mean, you know, you look healthy

and your appearance doesn't go to? I like to think I will. Okay, all right, it's important. Haven't yet, but you know. Alcohol. Do either of you drink? Nah, we're both. Stone Colts?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Straight edge. I mean, I don't give a fuck if anybody else does it. But I don't. She, she is, you know, and I. When's the last time you drink?

Eh. Well, my bachelor potty a few weeks ago. You just said you don't drink. Well, I took a shot. I took a shot. Okay. Nothing crazy. Is her booze at the wedding?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we're bringing, I think it's like we're supplying like beer and wine or some shit. And the rest is B.Y.O.B. or some shit. All right. Nice.

What kind of beer? I'm going to ask Richard Christie what he wants, and then I'll go from there. Should I just hear some natty-dadi? I can get you some natty-dys for sure. Richard Christie's not drinking natties. No, he wants. He loves, I know. Pumpkin beer.

TV habits. Surprises have made the list. In the age of streaming, enticing television is always available, and it can become addicting. Will you set limits on how much TV time? Fuck, no. I'm so addicted I'm so addicted That's why I'm not fucking cleaning the house more

If I have any time to myself I'm watching something good Okay We know she put the hammer down on your TSD You're You're viewing or you used to be on the top tier The TSD Oh she had nothing to do with that

Oh I thought she said No that was me No that was me I made that decision myself Because I was getting the merch anyway I was like well I don't need to fucking pay out the ass but I still wanted the video So I still

All right Phones, tablets and video games Are you or your partner in love With your electronic devices? Yeah Are you comfortable with putting them away For days at a time? No, I'm not.

She is, I'm not. She can put her phone away for days at a time, yeah? Oh yeah, she, and she's got multiple Because of the business, just got a work phone and then she's got her private phone. You like that, multiple phones?

She has a reason for it. I do too. Emotional maturity, this is a biggie. One of the most common characteristics of emotional immaturity is blaming other people for your unhappiness. Will you take full responsibility for your mental outlook

and your moods? Yeah, I always do. Yeah, I always have. That's something I have a grip on. You seem like a guy who, I would be shocked. to come in and see you and not in a good mood. I've never seen it.

You know, I got depression. Do you? I'm on Zoloft. Yeah. Yeah. Life is tough. And what happens if when you're not taking your Zoloff? What is depressed, Jimmy, look like?

I don't know that I look any different. It's all mental shit, you know, like, I'm not as cheerful about. I can put on the act. You know, I can put on a good show, but, you know, I'll tell you, dude, real shit, these fucking new hours are killing me. fucking working overnight. Working overnight is fucking killing me.

You know what I mean? Like we don't see each other hardly at all anymore unless it's the weekend. And I don't know, man. I'm like you, I'm a late guy. Like I would go to bed fucking crazy late, but having to stay awake until fucking 7 o'clock or 10 o'clock in the fucking morning. I don't know,

dude, it's doing something to me. I do not like, I might be timing up my dosage, you know, it's tough. Well, you're existing on something.

It's not natural. Yeah. There's nobody. talk to. I'm texting you at 6 o'clock in the morning. Like it's fucking normal. You know, because that's what I'm fucking watching American God's at work. And I'm like, oh my God, swearing Jen and Manson.

Yeah. Power differentials. Can you allow your partner to wear the pants in the family? Oh, yeah. Is it important to you that you have to wear the pants? No, not at all. Not at all.

Oh, Jesus. Jimmy if he was 300 pants. Good God. Who's that on the shirt, Divine? Yeah. Oh, it's James. That's Divine. Oh, okay.

That was at Camp John Waters. Yeah. That's John Waters' arm right there. How about social media? I can't tell you how many clients complain about their spouse being addicted to social media. Do you feel there's any issues with social media? Or could there be at any point in the future? It could be.

I mean, I'm way more addicted to her than she is. But she, we use it differently. You know what I mean? Like, I use it to, like, keep up with people. and she uses it to watch those stupid fucking 10 second videos that people love. Oh man, those are killing right now. Yeah, she loves it. Yeah.

She posts a thousand of them and I, I want to know what people are up to. You know what I mean? That's what I use for. She makes videos and posts them? She actually, she does, she does for her job. Yeah, she does make those, but she watches like. Yeah, they're called vertical dramas.

They're like, they're like soap operas over like 15 second clips. Oh, really? And people are just like, they're taking off right now. Like, it's like people are addicted to them. They're like, they watch them like crazy. They'll spend hours watching them. Like, there's this whole sub-society like going on about them. Really?

Never heard of it. Yeah, I don't. I mean, I remember Queeby? Like back in the day, it's kind of like that but successful. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't get it myself. But hey, there's a lot of things I don't get. We're too old to get shit.

I don't get anything. I still on like fucking comic books. I'm like, this is great. What's your fighting style when it comes to settling differences? Do you want to talk it out? Do you yell? Do you pout? Do you give the silent treatment?

How do you handle differences? And they're going to come up. You know what they do now? I'll tell you how we... It's not the honeymoon face, though? I mean, it is and it isn't. I, so I'll tell you how I handle it and I'll tell you how she handles it. Okay. I do want to talk it out.

I'm good about that. I do pout. I do go silent. She yells. She fucking yells. And when I get yelled at, I pout or I go silent. That's, you know. Does she ever hit you?

I don't mean that in like a funny way. Like she never like just gives you like a crack in the line or something. No, people have told her she should. But she's strong too, right? Oh yeah. She could beat the shit out of me. I mean, most people could, but she really could. How many arguments would you say you have won?

where I was like right at the end? Well, no, where she came here like, you know what? I was wrong. You were right, Jimmy. Okay, so honestly, a lot of the times... I haven't gotten one yet. I'm still looking for my first victim. Really?

She still says wrong about the... I realize I've come to accept that I'm not going to get that, so I have to like let... So you bring it here? Yeah, I tell you how to get them. No, no, no. You ask these guys the question and they agree with you. No, our fights always end with both of us apologizing to each other. Really?

Yeah. Always. But that's sweet. But that is a fucking fairy tale. But not makeup. That can't be real, though. You can't believe that both you guys were wrong or both you guys were right. That's just ridiculous.

I refuse to believe you believe that in your heart that you, that you've never been right. I mean, I know. Well. But, I mean, even it's not like I'm, if we're fighting about something. think chances that we're both right about something, we're both wrong about something. I know I'm a fuck up. You know what I mean? So I own that. So if she's pissed at me,

it's probably for a good reason. But, uh, you know, she's not, well, her flaws, you know, so. Name them. Yeah. Don't do that. That's clear. Don't do that. Don't do that. It says, you're never on a podcast, go on and name your partner's flaws.

There you go. So do you think you need to learn a different fighting style than going silent treatment in the pout? I wish we could talk everything out and sometimes we do but she she gets pretty mad at me she gets pretty pissed at me

and then you go silent you go like you just go pat on the couch I'll like leave the room you know and that just makes her angrier and I can hear yelling at me from downstairs and I'm upstairs like turning the TV up you know. Oh really? Like you're literally like later for you

I'm going to watch. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I'm going to tweet about it. What was the last thing you did that really pissed her off? Professor P.

Jersey? Master P. That was the second to last. The last was, oh God, okay. So she's going to love that I'm telling this. She asked me to heat her up some food. Like she came home from work.

She, you know, she works in between clients. You know, so she comes home if she has time in between. And so she was home for like 20 minutes or something or an hour. And she's like, you mind keeping me up something? And I guess I, like, made a look at her. Like, it was like the most insane.

Like, you don't know who John. That's his name is. Well, the guy from B-52's name is. Fred Schneider. The dismissive face that you gave me. I really don't think I did that, but I apologize if I did. Yeah. And so I guess I, like, I made a face.

I made a face like, I guess. And then like I like didn't do it quickly enough. And she was like, fuck it. I'll fucking do it. And then she was like, can you at least do this? And I didn't do that quick enough. And she was like, you know, I fucking do everything. And I ask you to do one fucking thing.

And, uh, yeah, it was, it was bad. It was ugly. So how'd you solve that? I left the room and turned up the TV. Yeah. Well, how did it resolve itself then? Did you guys make up? So she did have to leave.

You know, to go to a client. And she came up and she was like, she was like, God forbid something happens between now and when I see you again. So I love you and she kissed me and she left. Oh, my God. She's so sweet. And then I fucking started texting her and then we texted all night.

And by, you know, by that night it was all good again. By the time, next time you saw her, it was over. When I got home the next fucking morning, yeah. You know, she was thrilled to see me again. But don't you look at her and how, how good looking she is and like how hard of work she is. Don't you look at her and be like, man, I really got to work to keep this one. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%. But you can't heat up a hot pocket without like fucking. In a timely manner for the gal. What's a timely matter though? I mean, look, she seems like, like I've only met her a few times, but she seems like a really nice person to me.

I don't think that she would be like. I'm hungry to heat something up and then look at a watch for 10 seconds. It would be like, come on, asshole. I bet you that I fucking secondhand went around at least five or six times. She's definitely low maintenance. Yeah. And like, I don't know, man. Like she's just so much better looking than you that I would think that you would do anything to lock that down.

Yeah, I know. He's got to be Jimmy. That's what she fell in love with that man right there, not the guy who's like, you know, running around like a- Not the loving guy. He's running around like a chicken with his head cut off to heat up a hot pocket. Yeah, but his veins are dissolving. His wealth is so bad. Like, she's going to have guys hitting on her for the next 20 years.

I know. And he's got to be able to fucking give her a reason not to, not to jump ship. Not to jump ship. And she thinks that, like, she's got to worry about me. Even better, man. And women, like coming on to me. Like, she, I'm not going to say what the picture was. She took a picture of me last night that was the most unflattering fucking picture of me.

I'm like, that's what you're worried. Yeah. I'm like, that's what you're worried about, like, women coming after? Like, you're out of your fucking mind. But you're right. Like, guys hit on her fucking. I mean, yeah, look at it. Round the clock.

Yeah, I know. I know. Once the ring goes on, sometimes that increases the attraction. They see it as a challenge, right? Yes. That's the engagement. Yeah. Okay.

And finally, we didn't do all 45. I skipped some that I felt were kind of silly and not worth getting into. But boundaries. Do you set boundaries for yourself? And do you respect? her boundaries. I definitely respect hers. I didn't

set any for myself. You gotta start setting boundaries, I'm not making hot pockets. Deal with it. No, I will make her any hot pockets she wants. She has definitely set boundaries for me because I'm too fucking dumb

to know better. Like what's a boundary that you can? Oh, like don't, you know, uh, it all comes down. to women. You know, like, don't... I'll fight my tongue.

You can't flirt. You're not allowed to flirt and stuff like that? God, no. Yeah. But definitely nothing worse than that either. Obviously. Oh, right. Of course.

Yeah, that's exactly. I'm not allowed to fuck anybody. I didn't even mean that so much. Unless she's into it. Yeah. I didn't even mean that so much as like, you know, talking to women online and shit. Oh.

Do you do that? You've done that in the past? Oh, you did that in the past and got caught, huh? Oh, Jimmy. Oh, you should cut this, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy.

Jimmy, Jimmy. Oh, no. Then what are you talking about? My only fan stuff? Like, oh, yeah. Oh, Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. That download of my firehouse guys.

That only fans. It almost down me. Like, it was, that was probably the biggest. His perspective was like, it's like porn. It doesn't. doesn't matter. That's kind of how I thought about it. Yeah, always do.

Far more personal than regular porn. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I was doing it before we met, so I just never stopped. This is why you fucking should have never gave any only fans anybody and just stayed at that top tier on the TSD fucking. I agree. Yeah. I agree with that.

You want to save yourself a whole lot of fucking misery. I agree with that. Yeah. You can still jerk off to us. Yeah. Why not? If you're a right. I never stopped.

Right of mine. You have some imagination. Go back to our golden girls. episode. Yeah, Jimmy. That's hot stuff, man. Oh, man. Wow. So she let you off the hook once, huh? She's let me off the hook multiple times.

Yeah. For different things. I mean, I, I, I, I, is there any more hook left? Do you think he's good? So you've got to fuck. I don't think so. So you've got to fuck. I don't think so. There's no more reasons to, to fucking fuck up here. No. You've got on a short fucking leash. As I should be. I accept that.

I mean. You're a total line. I need to be told, though, when I fuck up. What's the last time you got caught doing that, though? That seems like that would be a while. A couple years now. Oh, yeah. You got to be told when you fuck up?

You don't know? No, I'm, dude, I'm not, I'm definitely on the spectrum. I'm definitely, uh, oh, man, do you hear that get him? He knows. He knows. Does that bother you that he's trying to steal your thunder? No, no. I understand where he's coming from.

That's my card. I understand where he's coming from. Like, like, like, when people complain, you tell him. long stories that have you know that include details that shouldn't be included but then it will tell you what those details are so you can't it's tough do you think I'm on the spectrum yeah I think the three of us are yeah yeah and

different ways what's that I never play the card no and I don't either but I've as I've gotten older well I'm telling you I think I am I'm not using his excuse I'd use it with your girl no ever no retarded no but she but she does want me to get tested she wants me to get tested to find out for sure. And then what?

If you get the results, is she going to be like, I'm out of here? I think it's more like she wants to learn like how to handle that shit. Wow, this girl's all in on you. She's got to prison or something.

She really is. I thought those gathering in the jungalo were like basically like just like free mind orgies. Like a hedonistic. Yeah. I mean, when I met her, like I went to that gathering.

It was my first single gathering. And my goal was to just fuck all kinds of women when I got there. I met her night one and I was like, I'm in. I want. So you never got your orgy that you were awful. No, I was chasing her around the whole gathering. Are you at sex table? No, I wasn't the sex table.

Oh, okay. I witnessed the sex table. Oh, I thought he was too. Yeah. Somehow that ended up in my mind is. It's when two people fuck and somebody. Access the table. Yeah.

On top of a guy. So a guy gets on all fours and then two people fuck on top of them. That sounds awful. Yeah. When I was on Stern, I told him about it actually. He's hurting my fucking, too old to be a sex table. I witnessed that at a concert. So I don't even do anything.

I just sit there and some dude bangs abroad on my back. Yeah. That sounds god awful. Yeah, I'm not into it. So have you tried to tell, so your girl suspects you're on the spectrum. And you, I don't know if she suspects, I suspect. Have you ever talked about it? Like, because you said she wants you to get checked.

Yeah. So have you then done something and then kind of was like, well, hon, it could be on the spectrum. No. Because I did that with my wife once and she just fucking laughed at my face. No. So Kedim says I'm autistic. And that's why. Well, he's a genius.

And she was like, she just basically was like, that's pathetic. Oh, no, I think I'm autistic and. Are you really? going there, she said. No, she had the opposite reaction. She was like, this girl felt like, she's like, I want to learn more about what's wrong with you. She was like, if that's what you are, like, I want to find out how I can. How I handle.

Yeah. Like when you start punching yourself in the face. Yeah. Bees. Loud, loud, loud, loud. Jimmy. I almost want to meet, and I know we can't, but I almost want to meet her ex-boyfriends to see what sort of pattern.

Oh, they were horrible. Really? Yeah, they were like the guy, when I met her, she was with a guy. Well, does she want you to tell this? So she won't care. She won't care. Okay. I've said way worse shit in this episode than what I'm about to say now.

Okay. When I met her, she had a boyfriend. She lived in California. And she was living with this guy. And he was physical. He didn't fucking, he didn't work. And he fucking literally all day long accused her of fucking guys behind his back. And she was she?

No. No. In fact, she wasn't allowed to talk to any guy. And so when we started talking, we'd do it over Snapchat, so the messages would go away. And that was just simple, like, how you doing? Like, I wasn't, like, coming onto her or anything. Like, I respect to the fact that she had a boyfriend, even though he was a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. But, like, she's a massage therapist, as you know. And so she'd go to massage a guy. And he would, like, be tracking her phone. He would, like, watch to see, like, how long she was in what room. And, like, he, yeah, this dude was a fucking nightmare. So no wonder why she's like, this guy's great with you. She's like, because I don't know any of that shit. You won't hit up a hot pocket up for me. He'd up a hot pocket. But she'll put the work in on you. Yeah.

Yeah. Now, you said something, you said, you said way worse things this episode. What is something you said that you think is anything in this that you are going to be like, man, I wish I didn't say that. I'm an open book. I mean, I don't know that she's going to be thrilled. I'm talking about what we fight about and shit, but whatever. There's no couple on the planet that doesn't.

fight. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I mean, that is a shangri-a-a-law, like sitcom couples are the only couples that never fight. Yeah. No, I know. We fight plenty. But, I mean, I'm an open book. I don't give a fuck. You know, I don't know that she's going to love it. But as long as she looks good, I don't care. I think she looks like the same. Yeah. You don't have to worry about that, buddy. All right, good. She'll be people praying around her. Yeah. All right. Well, I hopefully, you, maybe some other listeners out there who may be getting Getting married soon can take some tips from the questions that I asked you.

And maybe they can ask themselves the same questions and see where they're at. Help us a learning experience for everyone. Are you bringing her to QS? Yeah. Yeah. She'll be there. What is Jimmy's responsibilities in Key West for you? He doesn't have any really.

He's just. Oh, yes, he does. Yeah, you can give me whatever you want. Sex table? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we there go. that we announced them officially.

Yeah, thank you, man. I just kind of want you there, bud. You have no idea how much that means to me, dude. Oh, that's good, man. You're not going to send him up there to do, like, a set? Like, as a stand-up. Nah, man, maybe I'll have him on a podcast or maybe... I'll do whatever you want me to do.

Maybe I'll have your run, because we're setting up a... We got a stern pinball setting up a pinball arcade down there. Really? Something to do down there. Yeah, they're sending down like seven or eight machines. and we're going to do some sort of contest. Maybe I'll put you in charge of that. That's fine.

We'll figure something. Whatever you want to do that, because I know you wanted to come last year and you couldn't make it. I can't thank you enough, man. It fucking means everything. I'm excited to have you there, man. People are genuinely excited that you're coming. Oh, yeah. Gitton was a little annoyed that Jimmy got top billing.

I wasn't. Yes, you did. The first thing you said was Jimmy got top billing. He mentioned it to me too. I walked in the door with the dogs. Before I could sit down, Q announced QS, Jimmy got top billing. I said he got top billing over a Q. Yeah, he sure did, man.

People were excited. When Giggy made that post, did he have any idea of the fuck I am? Yeah. Really? Yeah, of course. You're Jimmy the fucking hair guy. Yeah. He made a post just about you.

It is odd. I know. I'm not sure why. What does her family think of the hair guy moniker? They don't understand it. My family doesn't understand it. I just saw my daddy the day and I fucking, I'm telling him, I'm going to Key West. Like, they're taking me to Key West.

Like this hair guy thing is like It really works out This is amazing Like he has no idea what the fuck I'm talking about Like no clue Like he just nods and smiles Like that's good And then her family

Like I texted her sister And my brother-in-law Future brother-in-law When this went up And I'm like losing my shit And they're like Yeah that's great That's great

They have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about They don't know what any of this shit is Like Mm-hmm All right Some heavy hit is in there though man That's fucking, Doug Benson, dude. Yeah, Doug's coming down, excited about that,

Tone Bell coming down. I just watched the Tom Dustin documentary. Dustin's the best. And so I'm like, I hope we get to see him while he's there. And he's actually going to fucking perform, dude. He's performing and we're doing something in his comedy club down there. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Oh, that's great, man.

He's a great guy, man. Yeah, so it's going to be cool. It's going to be great. I've seen Eleanor open for dice. Like, I'm, yeah, dude. Yeah, it's going to be good. So I'm glad you're coming down, Jimmy. I think people are excited to see it.

It's an honor, man. I'm very, uh, yeah, yeah. Right on, dude. Yeah, excited. So now if I don't come to the wedding, at least you will always have this. Yes, exactly. When I don't come to. Yeah, I said, F.

Well, I'm the one to put, like, gave you a lot of pressure. I was like, please let Jimmy go, right? So if I don't go to the wedding, I'm also getting a pass. Wall is not coming. Wall is not coming. I would have put in a lot of good words, right, Q? Wall is a bug in your ear about Jimmy. I didn't want him there.

You're the one that I'm they talked to me to talk to me. He won't talk me into it. Wall is not coming. You said on the pod that you're coming, which I think, you know, gave some people some hope. But I gave up on Wall a long time ago. I know he's not coming. When he said no right away. I mean, he has an RSVP'd so it holds out that little bit of hope, you know.

And, like, I know other things that he doesn't want to go to that he's gone to. And I'm like, oh, like, like when you went to go see Chuck perform and. You're not going to say that out. loud? I just mean like you don't like... He's weighing things in his head. I mean like social events. Who am I going to offend more? When Teddy won the thing, you know?

Like you go to shit you don't want it to all the time and I'm like, you know, like he's one of my best friends. Like I think, I'm hoping maybe he'll come through for me. I'm one of your best friends. Dude, you have done more, I've said this all the time, but you have done more for me than most people. Like I fucking, you... Then I should get the

past. You really... You do have the past. Or it's extra meaningful of you there. No. No. No. It's It's like I'm so important that like I can even skip your wedding and I will love me. And I will accept that. Yeah. I will accept that's what it should. I will accept that.

That's what I love that you should have. I do. I do. Are you going to say the gift? Yeah. But you are at your VC box woman. Thank you so much. I can't wait to use it and watch Mary Tyler Moore, man.

But you are like, you are like my second dad. Like I, I like, how old are you? He's laid it off thick. Well, we do the My Three Sons thing. You know what I mean? But, like, you have done... His dad's supposed to be. I'm like, what?

My dad wouldn't know how to find this fucking thing. You said he's like, your second dad. What does it take for him to move into that first slot? Coming to the wedding. I talk to him more than I talk to my own dad. He almost is number one, but, you know, biologically, he's not. Obviously. Got so many sons here, well.

Well, he does. This guy is the greatest. Like, I can't put this guy in a high enough pedestal. The idea that you think we're talking shit in the group chat is so insane. sane? Like just a fucking... Oh, you mean the Yenta chap? Yes. I assume the reason that I'm not... I'm not allowed to be in it is because Gidem wants to be able

to go and blow off steam. Like, You don't just fucking guys tend to me tonight? No. He said, wake up when he got to fucking the office. No, no, no, no. It was only three o'clock in the afternoon. You fucking asshole. First of all, you're not in the... I wish I worked with you. First of all, you're not in the group chat because we don't want to bother you.

Because, as I heard earlier, he bothers you with enough group chats. We're not going to bother you with ours that goes on all day and night. But secondly, the amount, that group has just reverence for you guys. There is not a fucking bad word said about any of you. There's bad words said about other people that we won't name. Now, but not you guys. It is absolutely, it touches my heart that you, you think that way. But like, this guy, like, you know what, you know what this piece of shit did the other day? I texted him, I texted him about 12 o'clock in the afternoon about something

business related. And I didn't get a response back. And I'm talking to Rup about, I don't know, 10 o'clock that night, we're talking about other business stuff. And I said to him offhandily, it's like, hey, did you talk to get him today? And in the end of chat, did he show up today? He goes, no, he hasn't shown up. I go, that's really fucking weird, I said, because he didn't text me back and that's not like him. So I said, only call him. He didn't pick up.

This is Sunday night. It's fucking 11 o'clock at night. It's cold. And I told, I said, I said, I said, I said, I guess I'm going to have to get in my car and drive over there and see if he's there, I said. Imagine doing this for anybody. And then... Mary Beth could be here.

Sage could be here. And then Rup goes, hey, you know what? It's 10 degrees out. I said, I'm going to get in the car. I'm going to load the dogs up. I'll go over and see if he's over there because this is not like him. And Rup goes, you know what? I'm right around the corner.

Let me go over. What the fuck? He takes a village. Yeah. And then Rup texts me about 20 minutes later. He goes, he's here. He's sleeping. Do you think this guy fucking sent any text like, hey, man, sorry for making you worry.

No, what he said to me today was, you were here. He was like, oh, you just fucking wanted to know. if I had answered it, if I sent a text to China. Right, yeah. Totally disregarding my concern for him. This is a piece of dog shit. You are not in that category. No.

The reason, it's just not my scene. Like, I don't know if there's a sex table going to pop up in any moment at your, what, you're ready. Oh, no. And let me tell you this. I don't really need to do that. Wait, there's a what going to pop up? The sex table.

No, it's not a good one. Oh, sex table. Okay. All of a sudden, you know, somebody's a table. Yeah. No, well, for real, I have family that isn't coming because they're afraid of how many jugglers are going to be there. I could tell you right now, not only is that going to be a behaved affair, minus obviously drinking. You specifically...

Is it going to be PG-13? Yeah. He'd been often to change the menu of the wedding for you. Well, you specifically, I'm, and I'm still willing. I'm still going to do it regardless, but I want to make sure that there's food for you, that you will eat. What if I eat before I come? You can do that too, but I'm making sure there's... If I don't come, then you're like...

I'm making sure there's chicken fingers. You didn't get anything special. I'm making sure there's fries, mashed potatoes, and plain burgers. Don't do any of that. I'm just saying because I, like, I made a point to have it in Jersey. You know what I mean? So the drive would be short. The same way that you go above me on...

Stone's throw from your house. The same way you go above and beyond, forget them that you have for me is what I am trying to do to coax you into doing something that I know you don't want to do. How has he gone out of off off off of Beyond for you? Do me an example. Who, me? Yeah. You wouldn't know who the fuck I am. I wouldn't be going to Key West.

What the fuck does that mean? None of you guys would have ever called him back after buying that hair. It was so wide. So what? I gave him the keys to the fucking entrance to become Jimmy the Hair guy. He did.

He did. And I kept having him come back and ball more and stuff. He gave me shows on Patreon. Dude, I can't go to the movies that's not getting recognized. And that sounds crazy. But like, the movie they're in my house, I have been recognized three times minimum.

Once I was seeing the movie queer. Wait a minute. You're not going to be here? Yeah, right. And a guy literally, four people in the movie theater, and there's a guy five rows up, movie ends, credits are rolling. And I starts walking up the steps. What the fucks this guy doing?

He walks up and goes, I never do this. Are you Jimmy the Air guy? How is that almost fatherly to expose you to random nutcases in gay movies? He always, what was an end? That's a hallmark greeting card for Father's Day. Thank you for opening the door to gay movie theaters. and allow me to walk through by head held high and be recognized by all the other. There's two mailmen blowing each other in the front fucking world.

So what day is it on? It's a Saturday. It's a Saturday. What time is it at? Like, I think, five at night? If I were to pop my head in and leave after the kiss, would that be enough? More than enough. You are, dude, you are off the hook.

I literally just want you to fucking, I just want you to RSVP so I can, like, stop pulling out hope that you're coming. RSBP me then. I'll pop my head in. Okay. That's more than enough. I got the link. It was sent to me to send you.

I just want you to pop your head like midway through the ceremony. So everyone's like, is that Walt? I just did it back out again. I'm going to be like, you know, just going to give you a thumbs up. And then I go, mysterious. That's fine. I mean, disappear. I'm sending it through the woodward.

I'm putting ground rules. Like double seven of our Batman. I'm telling, I'm telling specific people. I'm telling specific people. Walt had some chicken fingers are gone. Like, I don't want people bothering you guys. Like, I'm going to give you guys. I want you guys to be left the fuck alone.

Who's you guys? It's going to give you a card. All of you. Like, you know, there's people that they're going to want to fucking, like, you know, talk to you. And I'm telling people, leave them the fuck alone. They're there as my guests. They're not there as fucking. This isn't a meat and greed.

Just cock at them. Most of the people there are, like, are involved already. So why would they be like, I got to talk to him? There's ants coming. Oh, there's ants coming. A couple ants. Yeah. And they've met you.

It's like the wannabies. and... Oh, those guys are right? Yeah, those guys are cool. I'm just saying, I don't... They're not gonna have... Yeah, they're not gonna have... What if there's a fucking Kevin Smith fan there?

You know what I mean? Is there gonna be? Could be. Balls from the Stern show. Balls from the Stern show can't wait to meet you. Who's balls? You know balls. Yeah, I know balls, but Walt doesn't. No.

He knows who you are. He knows who you are. Wow. You have three roles and clerks. People know who you are. Maybe if we can set up maybe a little personal meet and greet, you know. With balls. I can definitely make that happen.

Excuse me for a minute. I got to meet balls. I mean, the wannabes are doing a podcast in the back. Like, it's, you know, it's the whole thing. It's going to be cool. Sounds fun. Sounds like a fun time. You can wear whatever you want, Walt.

You can wear a hoodie. You can wear a hoodie. You can wear whatever you want. I will do whatever it takes. Tom said today in the Yenta chat that he had a game and it was what would Jimmy do to get Walt to come to the wedding. I would do a lot. The only do is guilt me and say all this fun.

I don't want to guilt you, though. I don't want to guilt you. I don't want to guilt you. No, no, no. I don't want to guilt you. See, you make fun, but what? You're the best. You're the best.

You're the best dude. Like, you care. Like, you genuinely care about us. Like, I don't want to pull a curtain back too much and let people know that. But you have a giant fucking hot, dude. Like, you mean the world to me. So it would be right. Tell us Steve, Dave.

God's sake. Tell him Steve, Dave. I guess I'm going to a wedding.