Tell Em Steve-Dave - #680: Dash Forrest, Dash!

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Science Fairs, Sports idiots, Women’s sports, Door Dash Diaries, Film Noir, Dry Drowning, Homoerotica, Taxi, Sage’s prom. raycon.com/tesd factormeals.com/tesd50off ridge.com/TESD bluechew.com Promo code TESD https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/tesd

I want to see some cars lit on fire. I wanted to see some people, you know, lose their teeth. It's important. I tell a podcast, Fox. Yeah, you got to fucking learn what real homerotica is. Yeah. You better learn quick. I thought you're going to be a victim of it.

Tell him, Steve, Dave. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve, Dave. I'm here with BQ. Hey, Stankin. And BQ, you may not. not know this, but we're also sitting here with the 1980 John Birch Award for Science. Oh, Walt Flanagan. Wow.

Bird, Bird, Bird. Oh, John Bird? I thought it's John Birch. Bird. Wow. B-Y-R-D. B-Y-R-D, huh? How do you win such a prestigious award?

I guess you just have to be, you know, scientific. It's not like a project or an school fair or something you want? No, just overall interest in science. Did you have that? No. Yeah, I don't know why. why I was given that award. It was a $10, I think.

That ain't bad. Yeah. In 1970s money? Yeah, 1979, I think it was. You got a little statue too, right? No, no statue. It was like a little letter, and then in the letter was $10. Yeah.

I got robbed once at a science fair. Really? Yeah, I made the volcano. And I made a great volcano. And fucking Alan Laychuk won the science fair because he painted a bunch of nails and showed how rust doesn't, doesn't affect painted, like painted nails. Painted metal. He just had unprotected, unpainted nails that he put in water and they got rusty.

And then he painted a bunch of nails, put them in water. They didn't get rusty. And he taped them to a fucking board and explained about oxidization, and he won the whole goddamn thing. As an award-winning. Yeah. Clarence B. Bird award-winner. I do think the, everybody does the volcano.

Nobody else did the volcano. It's a pedestrian of science. No, good volcano. I had the chicken wire. You're talking to an award winner, man. I had the chicken wire with the fucking... Everybody expects to see it. But everybody, there's a reason why everybody expects to see it because it's awesome.

I have little palm trees. It really brightens up. You get to painted nails. It took two fucking seconds to do that. Oxidization. Oh, Alan, I know you're out there. You robbed me, son. I really want to specify, well, you're right, it is John Byrd, because John Birch, who I'd heard of, is an American right-wing political advocacy group.

Well, actually, 1970-something right-wing is like left-wing these days. Oh, yeah, definitely. I won an art competition in second grade. Oh, yeah? What'd you draw? It was a, like a vehicle, like a space-type vehicle, like a tank. And the only reason I won was because I actually completed all. to require things to write on the back of the

piece of art. Okay, you followed every rule to the T. Yes, and no one else did. That's the only reason I won. What'd you win? Stickers. Stickers. That's what they give people to keep them quiet, like, stickers.

Wait, I think that they're wrong. I think it's the 1970s right wing is left wing these days. It's not, 1970s right wing is like considered Nazi these days. That's what it's. was. Okay, that's what I got. Yeah, that's what you got. Okay. Now I got it. Now you got it. Well,

sports fans. What the fuck? What? The Knicks lose a game. And people are accosted in the streets having their jersey torn off. I saw this video where like they were, they were at some park, these Knicks fans that are like upset that the Knicks lost a game. Not the series though, right? Just the game. Yeah, that's what I thought. Sal was at that game. Oh, was he? I think he was one tearing shirt. I believe it. How did he get into the game? Did he have to buy a ticket? Or was it? you give it a comp?

Well, once you sell out Madison Square Garden Wall, they give you a special phone number. You could just call. Really? Yeah. You got the silver ticket too, right? Yes.

Yeah. Well, they were claiming that it may have been the most costly ticket to any sporting event in world history. Oh, the tickets were going for like $200,000 per seat. Really? Yeah. That's right when Sal told me he went, I was like, how the fuck did you go? He goes, no, I just call.

I go, you just call. Apparently, Sal goes to Nick King's, during the year, so they're used to getting that call from them. I think if I called out of nowhere asking my first Nick's tickets, they'd be like, how about we get a ticket to Lionel Richie next month? But I think Sal goes, like, they hooked him up. But he wasn't like sitting courtside or anything like that. No.

Yeah. Yeah, I was stunned when I heard that this would be the most highest, costliest ticket in sports world history. What reasoning did they give? Like more than a Super Bowl? I will tell you. I'll tell you something. Nick's fever has gotten New York City in its grip.

Like nothing I've ever seen. Like COVID? Yeah, that's why you got to give a pass to those people who attack that Spurs fan. Yeah. They had Nick's fever. Yeah, they had Nick's fever, bro. Chill out. They should have been in attendance.

Really, I should be feeling sorry for them. Really, you should just be. Oh, my God, this guy's bleeding. Contributing to their Go-FundMe so they can get treatment. I mean, this poor guy. Yeah. That's pretty fun. Fuck, that guy's bleeding.

No. You know, you can't wear the opposing team's jersey. I fucking... You can't do it. I've won a Yankee jersey in Boston. Yeah, you got a fucking security detail. No, no, no. This was before.

This was before. And, like, I was prepared for what I got, which is, like, you know, good nature. Right. Nobody was, like, nobody's putting hands on me. Right. People were, like, screaming at me. People were, like, booing me. People were calling my mother names.

But, like, I... I expected all that. To put, like, start laying hands on people. Like, the guy's bleeding from his nose. He looks like, he looks dazed. He looks dazed. It's the finals, though. It's the most, like, again, like, the fever is at an all-time high.

The fever is insane. Yeah. I've been watching the games, and I never really watch this. It is. People are bleeding out of their asses. Yeah, from other people fucking beating them down with sticks. They're bleeding in turtles. Like, this is a sad.

They're fucking attacking this guy. That's the same guy from the first one. Oh, my God. Yeah, this is crazy. There's a bunch of people just punching and kicking and eating. It's crazy. What's going on? I've never seen what's going on in New York.

Yankees winning. I remember the 90s Yankees win. The city would go nuts. I've never seen anything like this. This is nuts. Yeah, it's like, one of the same, they were in this park and these people were like, hey, let's tear this sign down. And this other guy stepped in.

He's like, hey, man, this is our city. Like, let's not tear apart our city. It's like, they lost. So what? Like, let's not destroy everything. Let's not act like Philly's fans. They just converged on them. You know what?

I tell you what, though. I have seen my team, the Devils, went three championships in my lifetime. And I got to say, you know, the kind of lackluster response from the community kind of bummed me out. I mean, I wanted to see, like, you know, I wanted to see the New Jersey burned. Sorry, whaling on Sunday, Jeff. I wanted to see some cars lit on fire. I wanted to see some people, you know, lose their teeth. We're willing to do any of it yourself.

Yeah. I want to see some fucking, some intensity. Some passion. Yeah. I mean, like, that's why I mean, where was the devil's fever? You're not going to get because Manhattan, you have to remember. Manhattan is only like four miles wide and like eight miles long. Like, it's not a big island.

And you have millions of people on that island. So it's more of a pressure cooker situation. I think you're, I think you're being kind. You know, I think even if The Devil's win in 20, post-2026, I still don't think you would see this kind of passion. I don't think it's possible. I don't think there's enough, there's enough people in one area to create this sort of thing. What's, you get in Newark, you know? I still don't think.

What's the population of Newark? Yeah, there are huge hockey fans over there in Newark. But it's just, like, I just don't think, even if the devil's win, I know it's, I'm not going to see, I'm not going to see any town, any cities burn for it. It's kind of like a bummer. because all these other cities across the country, you know, like they know how to celebrate. Yeah. Yeah, it's true.

Like, you can understand. It's sarcasm, people. Yeah, I got you. Because a lot of TSD listeners, I found they know. Some of them don't appreciate sarcasm. Oh, no. I think that they,

I think those people don't want to understand sarcasm. To the, like, that's not a joke. This got to be real. It's got to be real. It's got to be real. fucking assholes. I'm so sick of it.

Oh, boy. Yeah, I got to admit, I thought the sports gods might take some retribution. The Knicks might pay for their, the way they're, how horribly their fans behaved. The greatest comeback and,

yeah, that was wrong. The sports gods are like, we love more, fucking mindless violence. Well, I mean, a blood sacrifice. I got, It was going to be. Yeah.

To the gods. Yeah, that collapse last night by the Spurs was... It was history. Yeah. It was history making the collapse that they had last night. It was fun watching the fans, like, go from completely dead to, like, fucking up and screaming. And, man, there's a lot of celebrities who liked the Knicks. Yeah, they kept focusing on, like, Seinfeld was there.

Larry David was there. Ben Stiller was there. A lot of times Howard Stern is there. Ben Stiller always goes, and Spike Lee always goes. Spike Lee's always there. Spike Lee's been going since the, I recall since the 90s. Yeah. Yeah. So he, they, they should have a seat at every game. Michael, he's like an unofficial Nick almost at this point. Yeah. Yeah. Michael Che was blaming Colin Jost for the loss the other day. Because he was there? Yeah, he was there. Yeah, Sal was there. They lost. And then it took two hours to get out of the Trump stuff. To get out of Madison, Greg Garney says took two hours.

Because the Trump stuff? What was that? Because they were just stopping traffic. The security detail to get to get Trump out of the game. So they're locked down all the blocks around the game. You could only move in segments. So. Do you think that like, like Trump? I know. Shouldn't go because knowing what kind of inconvenience he's going to put on the city and on the fans.

Like him going is just such a thing. Just watch it. Just watch it. Yeah. Just watching it in the fucking White House. I imagine they got a big screen there, at least one. They got a movie theater there. I'm fucking sarcasm, asshole.

Sorry. I'm talking about these guys. Jesus. Case example. Oh, my God. Actually, they have a movie. Catulet. Fuck.

It's important. I telepocket. It's important. I telepac. It's a fox. Oh, get him. But I get it. I get why people are exciting it. They've been crazy, crazy fun games, you know?

Yeah. And they haven't won since 73, I think. Yeah. This is going to make me become a Brooklyn Nets fan, though. Why? Because I got the polar opposite. You don't want to be a Nix fan because you don't want to jump on the bandwagon? Yeah, I don't want to jump on the bandwagon. I appreciate that.

I respect that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're no Ming Chen. No. Yeah, but, you know me, I'm also a whore. All the Knicks have to do is be like, you want to come to sick four times? $200,000 ticket.

It's a merchie. No, you're $2,000. A regular game. I'd be like, get me a Knicks at. If they invited you, you know, like, hey, Sal's coming. Why don't you come to? Yeah. What would it take for you to wear a Spurs jersey?

You can't do that. You can't do that. When you're invited, you can't do it. I think even. New York City likes you a practical jokes. I don't want to do it. In the middle of it, you peel it off and there's a Knicks jersey underneath. It's a punishment.

You can get away with that, I think. Like, if you deal with, like, the few minutes of booing. You're doing, you're doing, like, a heel turn kind of thing. Before you can rip your spars jersey off, your fucking swarmed, like, by, like, you ever see, like, a lizard swarm by ants? Like, in the jungle. You're like, hold, let me take my. Oh, go. Oh, go.

Oh, go. Guys, like, a, extra. You're going to have this. It's me. Oh. We know. Yeah, yeah. It would be a good punishment.

Yeah, that would be tough. That would be tough. That would be tough one. That would be tough one. You would have to do it in a place that isn't known, like not in Philly or not in Boston, where, you know, people are known for beating other people. I mean, in New York, honestly, like, all my years going to Yankee Stadium and stuff like that,

I saw a lot of verbal things back and forth, but so rarely did you see people swinging. It's just swinging over that. So it's like, I'm actually surprised, but I shouldn't be surprised in this day and age that that's over it. And then it's like there's two levels because you're like, why are you beating the fucking guy up? He's probably born in Texas.

What do you fucking bought in this kid for? But then there's another level of it. I'm like, you fucking morons are filming this? Right. Like, you fucking idiots. Like, what the fuck's the matter with you guys? I hope some people get in trouble. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Yeah. But go next. I'm excited. I'm happy. for them. That Brunson guy is awesome, man. I watched it like, but with one eye on a TV.

Yeah. And then I really only became like invested watching it towards like the last minute because I was like, oh my God, they're going to fucking blow this. It was nuts how they didn't blow it. Yeah. But his intent, I like the way he just stares it. Like some guy will scream in his face and curse at him and he'll just stare

at him. I like that. Sort of gunslinger fucking old West mentality. Like, I let my leather do the talking. In this case, I let my basketball do the talk. I love it. It's fun. I'm in a... I got a nice fever! I know, you can tell you.

I'm not the case of it. I've been watching a little bit of basketball, but just in very short snippets. WNBA, as a matter of fact. This girl, Sophie Cunningham, are you familiar with her? No. She's the best. She's like, she's really good. And on top of it, she loves to scrap with people.

She like defend her teammates. So she's always fighting with people. She has like a broken tooth and shit. It's pretty fun to watch. Because they're rough. man, they go after each other constantly. Really? Yeah.

It's really, they're like... And they don't police it? They do, but I mean, they just, it doesn't stop them. It just seems like every highlight I see, there's somebody like with a fucking super angry face on going after somebody else. They're trying to get people to watch the game, I guess. Yeah. They think the, that aspect is what's going to win people over, like the, because

an NHL has tried to eradicate that from the game. They've, you know, they've taken fighting out of the sport. I think to the detriment. of the fans. I think the fans want to see that, obviously. And I understand why they've got to do it, because you can't be like, we care about player safety.

And then fucking be like, but we love to see if fucking somebody somebody somebody with their fucking bare fist on their skull and then be like, you know. Jersey pulled up over their head. Yeah, it's hard to then say that you care about player safety if you allow fighting. Q, you're going to like her.

It doesn't help that she's blonde and super hot. No, it doesn't hurt it at all. Yeah, see, they're constantly, she's constantly mixing it up. What's that? What team you see? I can't remember what Connecticut, something or other, I believe. I can't remember what team she's on. Yeah.

I went, did I tell you, that's irrelevant to me. I went to that, the Kansas City current game, female soccer game. Did I tell you that? When I was there, it's fucking great. Are we getting into female sports, dude? Is this it? Possible. Is this our new frontier?

What made it great? It was just fun. Like, they play, you know, the good player. It was like soccer games. How many goals were scored? Oh, I don't remember. More than one? I think so, yeah.

I don't know. There's an open bar in the owner's box. So I have to sign after a while I love it. I was like, this is fucking great. I got Corbvreit Fivo. And the baseball game was on at the bar too, so. So I was able to. I love women's soccer.

The Yankees were on. I know we've been talking about doing cons, possibly doing a Gramercy show. What I do have to say is no matter what, I don't care if Walt wins the lottery, he cannot stop door dashing. People are loving these stories. Really? I have some stories, too. They're loving the stories, man. Nice.

I have a couple. Oh, yeah? And we're like, I do want to be fair, you know, in my discussion of this profession, because last week I told some stories where the customer was the, I thought, in the wrong. and I have a couple instances where there's no doubt about it I was in the wrong Do we need like a name for this segment And like a like a bumper Like where you could find out

It was like dash diaries We'll talk to J-SARGE Yeah I'll talk to J-SARGE Dash Tiries Dash Forest Dash Got a title for this week So I

I was dashing One was with my daughter, one was with my wife. And the first one was I had to go into like this, it's a not a chain restaurant, but it's a place that sells like chicken. A lot of chicken products and everything. And when I walked in, it wasn't ready yet. So the lady was like, it's not ready yet. You know, it'll be a few minutes. Politely, I'm sure.

No, not that polite. But that's okay. You know, it's fine. I didn't care. So I started to go on my phone. I'm at the counter and I'm kind of leaning on the counter. I'm looking at my mail, you know, just surfing the net, just waiting. And some guy comes in and he walks up to the counter and he, and I'm kind of like right next to me.

And he goes, and so she goes, what can I do for you? He goes, I'm here to pick up my order. Sexy. He calls her sexy. And what does this lady look like? Well, that's part of it. So when he said that, I immediately. I looked up from my phone and looked at him first.

It's very, you know, you don't hear that in today's world. I looked at him and I said in my head, I'm like, well, I just talked to this lady. And I saw what I said, let me remind me, let me, so I looked back to her to see if it was, if the phrase in my mind kind of like. The late-sense. I looked back at her and you know how a dog kind of like cocks his head? And then I cocked my head, I look back at the guy. And again, I'm not, I didn't have, like, I don't think I had a face on, but then I look back at her. When I look back at her again, she was giving me a fucking stink eye.

Like, she knew that I was perplexed by this. Oh, you think I'm that sexy? Yes. So she was, I felt so horrible because she was looking at me like she knew what I was thinking. Right. I felt like an inch high because I was like, they don't have to describe her. And I was like, like, this guy has just deemed the word sexy like now forever. It means nothing.

Yeah. Yeah. And she goes, are you here? Are you a daughter? Yeah, she can hear right? And I was like, yeah. She goes, you can't stand here. This is for customers.

I was like, all right. So I just moved over. And she goes, am I not a customer? I move over a little vet. I was like, all right. And she goes, you can't stand here. That's where I'm going to ring people up. Oh, Jesus.

I was like, I wanted to pop the balloon, a little tent. I was going to be like, wow, you are really sexy when you get angry. But I just was like, I was like, I knew that one, fine. So I was just like, you know what? I'm going to wait outside and I'll come in a little bit and see if the orders ready. I felt horrible because I knew that she was offended by my, just by me looking. Being perplexed. Your clear shock, that anybody would consider her sexually attract them.

It was bad. I really felt like there was, and there was no way I could recover. Yeah. Like, I didn't say a word. Her either. But yet, just my head kind of looking kind of like, yes, he said a million things out loud that she was not. And I get it.

You're like, I mean, who am I to fucking look at somebody? You be like, you know, you're not sexy. Why should call you? You're like, that's awful. Well, come on. I know, but I should have like had a little bit more self-control and just kept my head looking at the phone, you know? I mean, you weren't looking at it at first because it's like, are you fucking serious, bro? Her?

You're, you're, you're, the whole sexy thing. Yeah, I kind of just looked up like, then I looked over at her. I was like, and I looked back at him. And I was like, by that time I looked at him. Yeah, she was kind of staring at me. Something to say. Well, did it get a better service? What?

Did it get him better service? Well, he was treated much nicer than I was. Maybe in the future. That's what you should have said. Like, hey, sexy, I would almost ready? Like, can you even say that to, like, somebody? Could you say that? I don't think I could ever walk in and use that kind of, like, language with anybody.

If you know someone. If you know, but, yeah, like, if you're a complete stranger. though? No. I would be hard pressed too. Right? It just feels, but it's not even because of... Some guys can pull it off now.

We just went through this recent fucking decade. Oh, you're talking to one of them. I think my entire life, like, I don't think I would ever walk up to a girl. This guy can do it. You cross over that bridge. Everybody's sweetheart. Everybody's honey. Oh, sweetheart, I do.

I do people. That's true. I've tried to break myself of it, but it's just too. It's Staten Island. It's Staten Island. And I've actually had, like, I have been like, oh, thanks, sweetheart. I'll be like, oh, sorry, I don't mean to call you sweetheart. And I've had multiple be like, I don't know, okay, I liked it.

Right. So it's fine. But it is a little old school. Yeah, that's a little school Italian. What the hell? What's up, sweetheart? You've been going to the same pizza place for, is it safe to say years? Oh, my God, over 20 years.

So you know all the people in there. Yeah. So would you be like, hey, handsome, what's up? Handsome or sexy? No. Okay. No, I could not do it. It's less offensive.

Yeah. Yeah. But even if you say handsome, it's really strange. Right. I actually do call a lot of people handsome. Yeah, he calls me handsome all the time. Yeah, I do. Like strangers?

When you're taking your order, like you've got a male waiter, you're going to call them? No, not like that, but I'll go a lot. See one of my camera operators, I'll be like, what's up handsome? How are you doing today? A little bit more understandable, you know the guy. Yeah. Yeah, but I just think going in cold and not knowing the person, I think it's off-putting. Okay.

And it's off-putting for me. Like, I would not be able to recover if, expect. especially if I got a bad reaction to it. I think they hate you now just for picking up the order. I would just be like, I just throw up. I was just trying to be friendly. They told me it would work. Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming that that guy has been into that place as long as you've been into.

I don't know. I don't know. Very well, I wouldn't bet the form that it probably was just the way he rolls. Like he just rolls and he just That's a very friendly, very Older guy or younger guy? Younger to me but I wouldn't call him young.

And my other story was again I felt terrible because the guy was such a nice guy. It's me and my daughters after midnight we're delivering alcohol and she stayed in the car with Ted and I'm trying to find this apartment

and I finally find it And I knock at a door, a guy comes out. And I cannot get, because when you have to scan his license and you have to have him sign your phone when you deliver alcohol. And I could not get the fucking pages to load. I guess it was bad internet or whatever. And Alicia knows how to, like, I don't know, close out apps and close out pages. I don't know how to fuck it do it. She just does shit with her fingers.

And like, there's things on the phone. And I'm like, I don't know how to fuck you did that. Like, it's almost like David Copperfield's in the car with me. I didn't realize it could ever do That's a pinball wizard over there So I tell the guy And he's like You know, he's got his porch light on

And the door open And I'm telling him And he's like, it's not working And I was like, no We're just sitting there over and over again It will not load And finally I'm like Can I ask you favor?

I said, can I just go run to my car? I said, I'm actually This is my daughter I just a lie I said, my daughter is dash, I said, and I just wanted to come up to the door because it's midnight and, you know, it's alcohol. I just wanted to do it. And this really paid him be like, oh, yeah, absolutely. He goes, like, she's in the car.

She can make this phone work. So I go back to the car. She finally gets it to fucking load. I go back and he goes to sign it. And as he's signing it, we both feel this thing go by our face and, like, big. And you just feel like something hit us. And we look in his house. There's like a fucking

a moth that's just flown into his house that is the size of a fucking baseball mitt. It's like a moth that should not be on this continent. It should only be on the,

like in the Amazon rainforests or something. Like an escape from a lab. He just looking at it like It's two women in a clam. Like just singing nearby. You've seen this movie? And he just looks at it kind of like to feed.

it. He's like, oh, fuck. Like, he's got this big moth in his house now. And I'm just like, I still can't get a tour. I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to worry about it. I said, I'll figure it out. I said, I just didn't want to get the fuck out of here because now he has to fucking get this massive moth out of his house.

Only because I was there for like a half hour trying to get him to sign my phone. He had to deal now with fucking moth in his fucking living room, which would have fucking put me off, man. I would have been so fucking annoyed. Right. Somebody leaves, now you got to call get him, get the moth out of the house. Yeah, but those are my two stories. Otherwise, it was uneventful.

How many runs did you make out of all them? Are you, like, getting up there now? What do you mean? Like, because when I order door dash, it's like 14,000, like, runs or dashes or whatever. It's, like, the numbers are crazy. What do you mean? You get to look at what your driver's history is? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, really? They give those stats? Yeah. Like, almost like, like, like, an athlete's stats? I got to know how many stars you got. I got to know what kind of car you're driving. I didn't realize that was like. I know your name.

Yes. I know that. That really off puts me when people like, especially with alcohol, say my name as I'm coming up to the driveway, they're like, hey, well, and I'm like, oh, I must know this person or they know me, but it's not. It's the case. They just have my name because of the. Maybe change your name to sexy.

I can't, I can't change my name now. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm croaching on 300 deliveries. Nice. Wow. That's no joke. No. That's a lot. Jesus.

Now, can you like scan your own ID? Like the person doesn't have ID? I have thought of that when shit has gone fucking like, where I'm like, oh, motherfucker, why won't this work? Like you know, you know, that's 21. Yeah, just leave and get a reception somewhere else and scan my own. But I have a feeling since my license is already in the system. I might count.

They would, they would flag it. like you're just scanning your own license. What about our mine? I'm going to drive all the way here to get your license. No, I'll send you a picture. It won't work. I'll get to scan the actual thing, I think. I don't know.

You know what? That's not true. I scan someone's phone off their license off their phone until yeah, maybe. All right, I'll send it to you later. People believe I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, they wouldn't be surprised about alcohol buying. He's down this week. Yeah, that's what it looked like.

Wow. Oh, wow. Giant silk moth. Flying eyeballs. Giant silk moth live in New Jersey. And that nasty feeling, and you couldn't stop, I couldn't stop touching my face. Because it hit the side of my face.

And the whole time, I'm like, oh, my God, am I going to break out in a rash? Because I felt it hit me. And then it fucking hit the ground. And they have that powder on their wings. You can hear it hit the ground, like hit the fucking his floor. It was like, like a body hitting the floor.

Like when you know when you got to squish it, it's going to leave a fucking massive, carcass trail of blood. There's no easy way to get rid of it. Teddows. Poor guy. He didn't leave you a bad review, did he? No.

He was a super nice guy, patient. Young guy, too. Yeah, it would be like, I have to say, if I'm buying alcohol at midnight, it means I want to keep drinking. I've been drinking and I want to keep drinking. So, yeah, like a half hour at the door, I don't know that I'd be like, especially in a house. There were so much alcohol. I assumed, like, I'm, I told Lecham, he must be going to a kegger.

I'm going. Oh, really? Yeah, he ordered so much alcohol. I was surprised when I got there and it was just this one guy. Hmm. Is it to a lot of people order alcohol? Oh, yeah. Hmm.

That's what get you the most money, though. Oh, those are the guys that tip the best? Yeah, they tip the best alcohol. Well, yeah, you've already started. You don't want a chance at DUI. So, yeah, just ordered in. Makes anything that you can is, you know, good. Yeah, I see a lot of videos on HBO on YouTube where they don't make that decision.

They drink and then they're like, I want to go get more. There was one guy. He, um, out, out in Madawan, I deliver. Even Deb, when I got to the car, she said, weren't you supposed to get more than this? It was just a can. The guy just gave me a can in the store, the liquor store. And I go, what do you mean? She goes, I thought when I looked at it before you walked in the store, it looked like there was like six things.

I was like, I don't know, he just gave me this. And then Alicia was like, yeah, you're part of your job is to make sure that you're getting what is on the phone. To me, I'm like, they gave it to me. This got to be it. You know, I'm not like. I can't tell you the number of fucking shit fits I've thrown it home. I'm like, are these people fucking retarded? Why can't they fucking look in the bag and make sure everything is there?

Because I'm like, hey, it's my fucking bitch. It's like the fucking guy. The guy at the fucking liquor store gave me this. I sold the name I'm here for. He gives me one can. So, and Deb was like, well, maybe, then she questions herself. She's like, well, maybe I guess it's right because they would, they wouldn't have given you just one can. So I wind up getting there.

and guy comes to the door he has a cast on his leg and he's like hobbling around and I go I need to see your license signs it I give him the can and he goes where's the rest of it? Oh. With attitude. Where's the rest of it? And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, this is all you have? I was like, that's all they gave me. And he goes, what?

He goes, it was like over $100 in order he goes. And I was like... It's a hundred allergen, sorry, I gotta go. I was just like, I, I fucking went into, I was the fucking, you know, like, I was like Martha Ray. Like, I started to go like, you know what? I said, that fucking idiot at the liquor store said, I go, he looked like he was fucking stoned or something. I said, I said, let's call him up right now, I said, because I go, I'm, I go, I'm with you, I said. Like, yeah, that's ridiculous.

Like, you shouldn't be paying. I'm your man. I go, I'll get on the phone you and I'll be like, hey, hey, this is what you gave me. Why the fuck did you fuck this guy? You got to give him a refund. And he was like, all right. So he places the call, and I'm in the hallway. And he places the call.

And then my phone rings. And I go, hello? Oh, no. You're like echoing. And the guy goes, yeah, I was supposed to order. I go, yeah, you're just calling me, I said. Oh, God. And he calls the liquor store.

And then he says, no one picks up in a liquor store. And I'm like, you know what I said? Total start bullshit. And you know, I'm going to go outside right now. I said, I'm going to call door. I'm going to file a claim. Like I said, I'm going to get your money back right now. I get out to the car.

I was like, hold, Deb, let's just go to store to you. I'm not taking care. I was like, you already got the money. I go, fuck it. I go, it's up to this guy now to fucking handle it. I go, I don't know what else I can do here. I just laugh. But I've fed the guy a whole line of bullshit.

I was like, I'm going to make sure. Yeah, this is ridiculous. He goes, I'm going to, anything you need from me. I was like, I'm your guy. I'll make sure you get your money back. Right. By the end, by the time I left, he was like, thanks, bro.

He gave me a fish pump. Oh, God. Later sexy. I told Deb, you were right. I was like, I was like, I gotta start checking to make sure that they're giving me the right shit because that was a total fuck up. Yeah. But in my defense, though, that's what they gave me, though. You know, he gave me one can.

And it was fucked up. People ordered these little, like little bottles. Shitter shooters. Like little fucking midget bottles of alcohol. Like 12 of them. them in a bag. Is that so like each person can have their own or like why would you order it in that way? I think it makes you feel less like you're drinking a lot than if you're just doing a little

shooter or if you want to page yourself. The amount of people who order these little tiny bottles of alcohol, I'm just like, what is the point of this? Like I'm only going to have six of these. Yeah. Instead of the bottle we're like, I can have this little, you know, this much more. I understand it. It's all the mind fuck then. like you're just fooling yourself.

No, no, no, you're trying to enforce moderation. So it's like, that's like, people said, like, oh. No willpower. So you got to fucking spend more. Why do you go every night and buy, you know, three cans of beer? And it's like, well, if I get more, I'm incented about, you know, there's that, you know what? Maybe I'll have four tonight. But if I only have three, that's the only, that's all I can have.

I think I was. Because when you hit that third one, you're not making the best decisions in life. No. Yeah. So you're like, yeah, I'll take that. I'll take that fourth one. I was thinking about, though, do. a show. I don't know if it's insensitive, though. Is it insensitive to record these things?

The actual interaction with the customers? I'd bring a different TSD time member with me every, and they're my co-pilot, because I need a co-pilot to rock. I don't know if it's like, if it's insensitive or if it's like, you know, I don't know what the right word is. I don't know. I don't know. Like, I guess. Yeah, but like, what about the people I deal with? Like, they don't know what I'm, you could, um, you could always just blur their faces. Blur the faces. Why would you even record them? Why would they be on it at all? Well, because Well, that's where some of the humorous fucking interactions come in now. For a Patriotian show. Oh, but it's not, but it's not like you get back into the car

and then like explain what just happened in the moment. Like you want to... Oh, I think the humor is like when you get some real, you get some characters. Since he's miced up, he would pick up what the person says, but you can modulate that voice distort it.

It's on their private property. I don't know that. It's pretty fucking. The Jersey is one party consent. As long as one party knows. On their private property. I was going to have my camera guy. I was like, get out of the car, they go across the street.

And they film from across the street. And then you can hear, like, the interactions between me and my guest and the customer. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I wouldn't be thrilled. I would never use their name or anything. Sure, but even showing their house on camera, I wouldn't be thrilled about that. You could have a camera in the car on your co-pilot as you go into the delivery. Then you just do the voiceover and just show them in the car.

So that's how you can kind of get around. that. Because I think it would be entertaining, though, some of the things. For sure. For sure. I think we can make it work. I don't know. Yeah, I'm thinking about it, though.

I don't know, like Hugh says, though. I don't know if people would be happy, though, to see me come up, you know, if they noticed the cameraman across the street. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you don't record the house. You just record the car. Somebody gave me those glasses. that have the camera in them.

And I just don't use them. If you want, I'll bring them in. You got it. Please. I'll bring them in. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

So you could do with that. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then you go up to the door. And I blur and I just modulize her voice then. Yeah. I, you know, I'll give you the glasses. You do what you want.

I'll bring in. I'll bring in. I'll bring them. I would love to use them. Yeah. All right. You wouldn't like it if your door dasher like kind of recorded you a little bit. Well, just because it's on my private property.

Oh, sweetheart. Yeah. I would. But it's an area that it's not, it's, it's almost like an easing because it's anywhere that like a postman can go or a census taker can go or, I've looked up this love. Somebody, you've been to my house. Somebody goes down my driveway recording. I'm not like, well, a census taker could do it. What I'm saying is, is that's not considered like trespassing.

Yeah, I don't. I don't know if, yeah, I don't know if most people. Some moral issue, I think. Yeah. It's a gray area. Most people have the same apprehension. I know why you don't. want anybody filming.

Well, I would... Because it's your, you're a celebrity. You don't want to anybody know what your house looks like. Even on the TV show, like we, we, we, we wouldn't film someone's private house. You know what I mean? Like it's, you do public areas and public businesses and stuff where there's no expectation of privacy. When you are at someone's home, I think there's an expect expectation of privacy with a lawful

or not that, that I think I would like to see respect, you know, but, you know, but, You could ask them? I thought maybe even going into the store could be humorous. That is, to me, that's a business. That's a public. Yeah. That's like a public thing.

That's different. All right. I'll have to play. I have to develop it still. Yeah. I like it. I like that idea. Did you finish Dungeon Carl Kroller yet?

Oh, I finished it. We should know. Yeah. Yeah. Got a bullet to pick with you about that book. Go on. Oh. You know, am I about to meet the first person I've met that doesn't like Dungeon

Crawler Carl? You're about to meet on your word. I'm like, fuck this. It sounds awesome. I'm buying all these books. I'm going for it. That's my summer. I'm just going to read the entire series.

I got about a third of the way into book four and I'm like, I don't want to do this to myself anymore. I can't do it to myself. How many books did you read? The first three and then like the first third of book four. Is the book four the tackle? Third is the tangle. Okay. What didn't you like about it?

It's just too much dungeon, like reminds me too much of dungeons and dragons. And I'm not into it. There's like all this stuff where they're like potions and magic and this and that. And I'm just like, it's not my thing. Like as I'm reading it, I'm like, it's well written. And I can see why people like it. But it's just not my thing. You're also bailing at the point where it kind of morphs into something else.

See, I heard that I was being misled from a private friend of mine. Oh, go on. How are you being misled? Well, this guy I know called, well, let's call him ex Sarge. Okay. He told me that all that stuff lasts well into like book seven. All the Dungeon to Dragon shit. I mean, in terms of like I took a healing potion and felt okay, I mean, sure.

But like that doesn't seem like a big hurdle. Yeah. Yeah, I think that I had just had too much already. I'm like it was too much. All right. Well, there you go. And I saw the next four books and they're like they look like telephone books. They're so fucking thick.

You're disliking everything that I like about it. So I guess it's just not for you. I love a nice, thick, like, long books. It's too nerdy. Too nerdy, I think. That might be it. I'm not so much of a nerd as Q is. Q is like an undercover nerd.

Well, not even that. Not even undercover. People know. I've never hit it. People know by now. Wow, you are the every single person. And whatever, it's like, it's not for everybody, but everybody's been like, these fucking books are great.

Thanks for you. I'm surprised it wasn't the tango because that was a little too much for me. I think the tango is my favorite one. It's so funny. Like, I kind of'm digging it. I'm listening to the third one on an audio book. now and I love it. Like, it was tough for me to picture in my head, like all the different tracks and everything.

Yeah, but he said in the beginning, in the very beginning, he's like, don't pay attention of that. You'll know what you need to know when it's there. Yeah. It's so descriptive. Like, it's incredibly descriptive. Well, like I said, well written, but just not. I thought it was a breezy, easy read.

Yeah. So why'd you buy all the books before? Because Q's never led me astray except for one other time. Yeah. Odd couple, too. A couple part, too. Yeah. That's the only other thing.

But I made up for that with Deadwood. Yeah. That's the only other time you ever, like, recommended something that I didn't like. It took me decades to live that one down. All right. So, yeah.

Did you buy them hardcover? Yeah, bought them all hardcover. Oh, well, at least you can resell them. Yeah, I returned them to Amazon. Oh, okay. I was like, fuck this shit. There you go. Yeah, I sent them back.

Oh, wow. All right. But you know what? I would never send back. What? Bluechu? No, Harry's razor. Oh, no, I can't do that.

My dad just used the one that they sent me. Oh, yeah? He stayed in my house for a few days and he used it. He was, raving about it. Before you showed up. He took it home with them. Did he? Yeah. Gonna have to get you another one. I don't shave. When I came in,

Gidim was stroking my cheek, remarking on how baby soft it was. Really? Yeah, I used Harry's to shave my cheeks. Yeah, it looks good. It does look baby soft. Thank you. Thank you. Did my old razor dull too fast? Neuritate my chin, jaw, eye, and neck? As a matter of fact, it did. I would like what I shaved, I would have these red marks right here, right on my, but it has that strip that helps. Razor burn, I used to think was an inevitable part of shaving, but now I know that I was wrong.

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And after you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. please support the show and tell them that. Tell them Steve Dave sent you. Yeah, they say the plus one's better for like, you know, head shaving and as such. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You're not doing the head shave anymore, huh? You're getting away from it?

Yeah, I got to get to it. Yeah? Yeah. It's just, it's a process. I went to the beach the other day for like an hour with Marybeth. My head, I got to wear a hat to the beach. Yeah. Holy shit.

My hair does not deflect the rays like it used to, man. It was bacon. Oh, yeah. Head was fucking red as hell. Let's see. What else I got here? I got, oh, finished up Spider-N-Ward. Did you finish it?

No, I'm on the third episode. I have it. Oh, okay. I spent like 10 hour fucking days this week. It's been like, great, great battle at the end wall. You give it a thumbs up? I give it a thumbs up. You really enjoyed it, huh?

I liked it so much that inspired me to go back and watch some like 40s noir stuff. Oh, wow. Yeah. Like what? Like double indemnity, Maltese falcon, I watched. Really? Yeah. Some bogey?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my. He's a falcon holds up, don't it? Yeah, that's great. It's really good. Does it hold up? I watched it last year. I was like, oh, this is a fun.

Play it again, Sam. All right. Well, that's a blank. Oh, that's all the same. It's all the same shit. It's just like it's like who's on first. Kavanaugh and Costello did it in every movie. I thought in every bogey movie he says,

play it again, Sam. Say it. It doesn't like a lot of annoying assholes. in Maltese falcon. Like everybody's under his skin all the time. I love it. That's fucking freaky like, okay,

but I love Peter Laurie character. Yeah. I love it. I love it. When did Bogie die? Oh God, I don't know. Gettums on it.

He's already tip-taping away. What, was those, the two movies that turned him into an icon? Cost of Blank and the one that he fell in love with what's her name. Was that, that was one that, well,

wait, The boat one. The boat one was the first one I ever saw him in. African queen. African queen. That was the first one I saw him in. 1957. He died in 57.

Yeah. Holy shit. He's a lot of. I googled like his movies. He's in a lot. He's in a lot, right? Lauren Bacall. What made him so captivating?

I mean, I think. Only 57. He's, he fucking, look how old he looks when he died. He looks like a hundred compared to us, I thought. Yeah, I hope so. Because I always look in the mirror. and I'm like, I don't look like I'm 58, right? I'm trying to convince myself.

It was so fucking sobering the other day. So my grand kid was down and I was like, let's go to Keynesburg. Let's go to Keynesburg. He's still too young. And I knew, like, they were like, he's too young. You can't go on any of the rides, you know. But I convinced everybody to go. And we got there, like, it was kind of like a, that realization.

I was just like I was telling, you know, telling Alicia, shows were walking around and everything that I was like, my grandfather brought me here. And I remember it because she was like, like, it looks like it's on its last legs. Oh, yeah, we go there to the arcade all the time. And I said, and I said, I always say, I always think to myself, this has got to be the last summer for it because there's, they could be condos here. Anything would do better than this, I think. But it seems to survive. Somehow.

Somehow. And I told them, and I said, I told like, I used to be so excited to come here. and it felt like it was like Disneyland when my grandfather took me here. And then it kind of hit me. I was like, holy shit. It's a slum. No, I like that. Like now I have a grandkid and I brought him here.

Oh, okay. And I just remember my grandfather looking like. Like Methuselah? Yes. Like fucking WC. Fields. Like an ancient WC. Fields. Yeah, my little chickadee. Here's a dollar.

And that dollar's like lasted me all day at Keynesburg in 1974. Here you go, sweetheart. Yeah, and I was like, I cannot believe, like, I have a grandkid and I brought him here to Keynesburg. It was so, like, jarring and kind of like maybe stop, like time stood still for like a millisecond. I was like, that just is fucked up. Yeah. Yeah, I got a grandkid and I brought him here. And Alicia kept going like, you don't look like your grandfather.

She's going, chill out. She's gone, I'm like, I was like, it's over. I have to agree with it. I'm going to be dead soon. His panted out. I was like, you can, you like, I want you, don't throw away the comics. Don't throw away the hard covers. Just make sure it promised me you, you try to maximize all the value out of them.

Just don't believe anybody who told you, they're worthless. I'm going. He's pulling his pants up under his nipples. Yeah. You get me a blanket. I'm cold. It's 99 degrees out. Where's my members only jacket?

Take my last dash, Alicia. I can't do it. Dude, we've been on TV so long that when people, like, when people, some people come out to me, I see them being like, whoa. Like, I see them look at the wrinkles around my eyes and my gray hair. Like, I see their eyes dart around being like, oh, fuck, this motherfucker's get old. I see it. It's unfortunate. When I was in the hospital recovering, they had, I was watching IJ.

And it was season one. Oh, we looked like babies. And I was 36. We looked like babies. I know. 37. I know. So, yeah.

I said, you know, I was 35. It might have been 34. I don't know. I don't remember anymore. It's weird to think he was born in 1899. It is fucking. Like, yeah. But bless her heart, though.

She was definitely trying to talk me off the ledge being like, you don't look like a grandpa. It's like I do. We got to get out of here. Kingsburg's reminding me of it. Yeah, it does. Like, I can only imagine that it's a rich guy that owns it and like owns the actual boardwalk and they just like lose money for tax purposes.

Or the city doesn't own the boardwalk? It's mobbed up or something. I don't know. It's not even a boardwalk. It's just asphalt. Yeah, it's just asphalt, like, in place of a boardwalk. And there's, like, there's rides, but the rides are like, ooh, I don't know about that. Like, out survived.

It shouldn't still be there. Decades more than I would have ever imagined that it could. But it was actually busy after the late evening we went. We went on a Sunday night, and it was. That's what I mean. I think that. It was a bit of a crowd. Not a crowd.

Crowds the wrong word. It was way more people there than I thought there would be there. But isn't what you're describing part of the charm of it? It is. But that's why I don't know. It's not packed. I don't know if the rest of the world recognizes the charm, though. Sure.

And that charm may not be so charming to the guy who owns it when he looks at his finances. You know? He sees how much he's bleeding, keeping that fucking ass, that asphalt boardwalk open. Maybe. I mean, you know, I don't know. It's like, it's a seasonal business. Yeah. They probably only need two or three good months to...

And it was, it is so weird. I actually had to go there like on a Tuesday following like just this pay. Let's see it. Just today's Wednesday? I don't know. But I had to, somebody fucking ordered a DoorDash off the fucking one of the... Of the boardwalk? Off the boardwalk.

Really? So I had to go to like one of those vet, not a, I don't know what they call it. Like the boardwalk stands where they sell pizza or hamburger. Somebody ordered food off of that, which I found so strange. That is weird. Like, you really have to love that food. Yeah. Boardwalk food?

And there was nobody there. Like, like, the person running the stand was the only person in a three-mile radius. It was like, it looked like fucking, what's that, zombie movie, 28 days later. Oh, right. Yeah. Like, their music is playing, and there's just nobody around. Yeah, we rarely venture beyond the arcade. Like, Sage likes to go there to the arcade, so we'll go to Texas Roadhouse and then hit the arcade.

It makes it look amazing. It doesn't look very bright and like it looks awesome. But when you get there, there's, it's just something is, something just makes you go like, whoa. Oh, you used to like the big parks, you know what I mean? This guy can kind of see how this would be let down. But to me, this looks beautiful. It is. There's a charm to it.

I'm not denying it. Is the fishing pier part of it or? What does that mean? The fishing pier. Is that part of the amusement park or now? Yeah, kids go on the fish ride all the time. Hang out with 50, 60-year-old fisherman. He's just wondering the roller coaster.

I'm just wondering if it's part of the same complex, like the owner owns it. I have a bracelet, sir. Can I get in? More chum, please. I think Taylor Swift's here today. Yeah, the addition of the water park, I think, was huge to this place. It seems like way more people go to the water park. We used to have to go there, Q, as employees with the community, as employees with the

community center. We'd bring the kids from the community center to this water park. And one of the, one of the days we were there, there would be other like part, like other camps that would come to from all over. Oh yeah. You know, from like, you know, all over Jersey, you know. And one of the camps that was there, one of the kids, he went home and he, this is the first time I've ever heard of this. He dry, drowned. Oh, yeah. Not in our camp. I remember that. What does that mean? But it broke the news like the next day in the newspaper.

I never heard of this one. Yeah, this is fucked up. Like I woke up to that one of the kids at that installation, we're all having fun. He went home. He fell asleep on the bus. He got home and he told his parents that he didn't feel good. He was tired. And he went to sleep and he never woke up and he called a dry drowning.

He had too much water in his lungs. And he didn't know it. Yeah, it says dry drowning is an. outdated and non-medical term. It's defined as a laryngeospasm where the airway temporarily closes after water hits the throat or acute pulmonary endema caused by inhaling small amounts of water. So I guess like a little bit of water at a time, a little bit of water at time. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, just don't swallow off the water. I don't think you're intending to. Well, you swim around with your mouth open? No, but you're in the pool talking and shit like that. What if somebody splashes in your water? I think it's like over hours. I think it has to be a substantial amount of water.

Oh, so this is like a survival of fittest thing, like this kid's an idiot type thing? I don't want to be so cruel to the bed. It's been 40 years. It's been 40 years. I think you get... I don't mean that insensitive to the poor kid. All right. But I think he probably was just like... Darwin isn't at its finest.

Okay, gotcha. He was old, too. He was like 12 or 13. You know, and he had just Like that's up Fucked up The earth just kept turning But we didn't lose out on anything

Another idiot dead Is that what you're saying Walt? No, not at all I think those are your words But To me I'm just picking up what you were saying It's such a tragedy

Because you send your kid To have a fun day At this water park He comes home And then he doesn't wake up Because he drank Because too much water got It's a nightmare.

It's a nightmare It was just like the whole time I was thinking like what I was reading it. I still remember how it affected me. I was like, thank God it wasn't one of our kids. Right. It would have been fucking. The paperwork alone. I hear what you're saying.

Are you? I'm just picking up what you're putting down. Your heart is fucking stone. He's saying the quiet part out loud. I'm just picking up on your vibe. If I'm wrong. It's just like the trauma. What is it like?

Just saying what Walt's thinking, I guess. To know one of the, like, if I had known the kid, like, that would be very difficult because there was nothing I could do. You would think he was fine. He gets on the bus. Well, yeah, for all intents as purpose. He gets on the bus. He's fine.

He gets off the bus. He goes home. You don't think that, like, that kid's going to drown. I drown. Right. You're just like, well, he didn't drown. He made it. He's back from the water.

I did my job. Like, yeah. Like, I brought your kid home alive. Right. But that's not the case sometimes. I wonder how many dry drownings are up per year. Can you look that up? Sure. That sucks.

I imagine you or where a kid get him that probably were like you were like a prime victim of a dry drowning with the way you, for you. I can just see you walking around your mouth open. Like skimming the sea water for krill. I don't know why. I just picture you as a kid like with your mouth perpetually opened wide as wide as wide as much. possible. Because he won't shut the fuck up or just because he's walking around with his mouth open. Both. There comes a mouth breather.

He's going to dry, dream. I'm sure that kids could swim too. But do you swim at your mouth light open? That's probably what I bet you you'd do. I bet you fucking, too. Are you a good swimmer or do you look like you're drowning? I'm very good swimmer.

I almost was a life card. I was almost a lifeguard. I was almost a pilot. I don't know it. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like it. We cracked him. We got them.

I took the course, but the final. But they have failed you because he couldn't shut your fucking mouth. You're like, can you just keep your mouth close? I can't. Constantly pumping his legs. I wasn't available for the final test. No. What are you doing?

I went to summer camp. So. We got him on the ropes. It's hard to get him. on the ropes. He's been very sensitive. Oh, yeah. I pressed this button's too easy. The other day we got into an argument. This is

what you know, you're spending too much time together. I was like, as I told him that, and he got so offended, I was like, you don't know the definition of homoerotica. What? He was so a little. Tell, he says, so the night before, he sends me this text.

And don't send. You don't know, homo. And don't send shit like this to me, because my daughter and my wife has been, always has my phone because we're door dashing. Okay. So don't send a text like, I just saw the most homoerotic fucking video. Like, if my wife or daughter saw that, what are they going to think of my friends? You said that?

I just watched Ghost Story. I was going to take a little clip of the little weird. No, don't send it. I remember. Thank you. But anyway, so he sends me this text. I just saw the most homoerotic commercial. And I click on it.

It's an old Michael Jordan Haynes commercial. Okay. He's in the locker room and a bunch of guys are watching him, what kind of underwear he wears. And they're like, well, I want to be like Mike. And so they, and then next week, like it shows like he comes back to the gym. And now they're all wearing the underwear he wore. But now he's changed the color of his underwear.

So they're always trying to keep up. Okay. And I told when I got, and I don't even respond to it because I'm like, first off, I'm like, it's not worthy of responding to this kind of text. I don't care about this. Why is he sending me this? But then the next day, he goes, you didn't. What about that commercial I sent you? And I said, yeah, yeah, you really don't know the definition of homoerotic.

I said. And oh, my God. He fucking went off. Really? And he goes, I do too. I'm an expert. Oh, here it is. Yeah, that was the whole thing.

They want to be like Mike. Yeah, there's nothing homoerotic about this. Okay. There's not. I just think the fixation on like... It was about... And then he leaves and he's like, well, at least they're wearing Haynes. There was nobody in the 90s who wanted to have sex on Michael.

Like, dude, they just wanted to be like Mike because he was a badass on the basketball court. Not because they are fucking sexually attracted to him. If only you take those underwear off. Yeah, you got to fucking learn what real homerotica is. Yeah. You better learn quick. I thought he'd be a victim of it. That's funny.

That's fucking funny. That's great. Yeah, he was all fucking little bent out of shape, though. It's not used to that. He questioned his knowledge on it on the subject. A homoerotic system. On anything. I sure upsets him.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Teddy. Teddy. Mm-hmm. I've been watching taxi lately, Whoa. Oh my God. You watch it?

Yeah. It's fucking great. It's so good. Wonderful show, man. I like, I was, I vaguely, like, I remembered Latka and I was like, I wonder how it'll respond to this character, like, not being a kid and watching it, you know?

I love it. He's great, right? He's so great. His facial expressions are the best. I got to admit, and I understand why, but when Reverend Jim replaced Latka as the quirky character, the show elevated it to a new

level. I think Jim is a better, more lovable character. Have you gotten to the point where Laca has all the fucking personality changes and he Oh, no, not yet. We're probably on like episode like seven or something. There's only like four seasons for a show that is so iconic. It didn't last that very long. But there was one episode that just

it makes me, it just touches my heart as Jim is send, I maybe haven't gotten to it, but it's one of the greatest episodes in television history for me personally is Jim is anonymously sending poems to Elaine to help her self-esteem and she really picks up her spirits and she wants to know who's sending these anonymous poems and she starts dating this dope who like this like meathead who says like yeah I'm the guy that's sounding him just to get in her pants and um Alex finds out and he says Jim, you got to tell her that, you know, she thinks that, you know, she may marry this guy or, you know, maybe, you know, and she's all on a lie. So he tells her it's her and she's so upset. And she says, yeah, I was, I'm such a fool. You mean, yeah, thank you for making me believe that I, I, I, there were still princes and that, you know, I was going to be, have a castle one day at the end of the, you know, one day lived with a prince and live in a castle. And she storms off. And then later on, he, he breaks into her apartment. Jim.

Jim does. And he welds her out of like this metal, a giant in her living room, a castle. And he, and she comes back and she's very touched. And he says that she goes, you're such a sweet man. And he goes, well, I could stay. He goes, he says, I could stay, you know. And she says, oh, she basically turns him down. She's like, you're such a sweet human being.

You're the kindest person. But you're a Serena de Bergerac. Yeah. And she sends him on his way. And he says before you exit. he goes, there was a time that used to be enough. And she still closes the door. He goes out and there's this melancholy piano.

And you see him walk down the stairs. He gets to the fucking curb. The entire part of his van is missing because he ripped off the roof to build the fucking castle. Oh, wow. And he gets into the van. He drives off with a roofless van. That's it. It was fucking heartbreaking, but so fucking poignant.

It was one of the best fucking things I've ever seen on television. you know when you get to it. Yeah. Fucking phenomenal episode. Yeah, I love Reverend Jim. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, he's been in one episode so far. He came into Mary Lack.

Can you imagine that? Like electrifying the audience so much that you're bringing this fucking this throwaway character becomes a fucking regular cast member. And Lopka had to be like, this is my gig. I'm the quirky guy. Yeah. What am I if I'm not that guy? Right.

Yeah, you got nothing. Thank you very much. That's it. I really did not like Latka. Yeah. It was tough to warm up to him. Yeah, I find that when he's doing his gibberish, it's not as funny as when his facial expressions, though, are priceless. Like when he's mad at somebody, he got mad at Alex.

He was going to this dinner party. And they were trying to teach him, like, very basic, like, please pass assault. And when they get to the dinner party, Alex goes, can you please pass assault? And he's like, that's my line. And he's fucking, give you a death stare. Holy shit. It's funny. It's so good.

And did you know that Bobby, who he had to leave the show? He has to leave the show because he becomes a star in Hollywood, in his character. Oh, really? You know why he had to go? No, was it drugs? Coke. Yeah, I imagine. Because he had a-

They just couldn't deal with him in a house that they wrote him off. How fucking much coat do you got to be doing? It's 1970. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, how much coke was flowing in New York? I mean, it had to be everywhere. It's like, you've got to be really over the line. Happened to Julie.

Yeah. Happened is Julie on the love. Yeah, I mean, Hollywood, it was, that's, I guess it was just like fucking, it was like water. I mean, that's when Hollywood was fun. Like, to get thrown out of the party at that point is crazy. Yeah, but they had to write them off because he just couldn't stay off drugs. The only other thing you ever started was celebrity rehab. Yeah, that was decades later.

Babylon 5. What's that? Babylon 5. Yeah, he was in that? Jeff Conway? Jeff Conway, yeah. Yeah. You know how my.

So if your healthy dose of 70s TV. he was he he probably thought he was fucking untouchable he's Bobby Wheeler he looks the way he looks he's on a fucking prime time sitcom show when there's only four channels banging probably everything and then he fucking gets to his agent's got to be like you're off you're off oh god sage was probably high on coke when he told him the news and he died real young too right yeah pretty young yeah I think it is early 60s I thought 60 years uh six years old 60 yeah terrible he was good too he's a great actor i thought yeah yeah oh he's really good in the show yeah greece i forgot he was in greece i was that rana newton john is that olivia and doesn't tony i mean

you watch friends no i've never seen friends see tony danzum reminds me so much of joey from friends oh i know the character yeah what's his name blanca oh uh tony la blanc matt la blanc yeah i mean Matt LeBlanc really should fucking... He had to study fucking Tony Dan to the school of acting. I mean, basically it's the same character. Like the dopey, like Gumba. Yeah. Can you say that?

I think so. He's half a tale. Yeah, you could say Gumbah Times. It's still open season. Them and the Irish, you still get the Knoxin. They know how to take a joke. Most of them anyway. Yeah, they don't care what you say about.

I'm Irish. I can't say whatever you want. My mom was born Italy. I could say whatever I want about these greasy of time. I'm one of them. They're my people. In this house, Christopher Columbus is a hero. Sage graduates next week.

How is the prom? Prome is good. Yeah, she really liked the prom. We got her, we got her to her limo. She took the limo there. We basically arrived ahead of the limo. Took some pictures there at the prom. And then we left.

And I gave my number to her attendant. I was like, hey, if she wants to leave early, like last year, just give me a call. because she gets like over because the music's so fucking loud like she gets overwhelmed by it and she really needs like hearing like those headphones and stuff to blank it out so I get the call and they're like yeah can you come get her and this is at like nine so I get there at 920 and people are just there's cops there people are pouring out of the fucking problem yeah pouring out why are cops there I guess like just to like manage the traffic because there were a lot of people was like probably a thousand people at this prom it was huge wow it was huge it was huge it was huge huge. There were so many people. And so we show up and I'm like, oh, fucking great. The place is on fire. I don't see Sage anywhere. The place is on fire. No, that's what I'm thinking. I'm looking around and I say, I find one of the ladies and I was like, what is going on? Why is everybody? Because when they leave, they're not just like walking out of the prom and like laughing and shit. They're running. They're running to their cars. They're running to their party buses, all this other shit. And I asked a lady. I was like, what is going on? And she was like, oh, the prom ended. I was like, what are you? I'm not supposed to end until 10 o'clock. And she was like, yeah, but they crowned the king and queen, so nobody wanted to stay. And I was like, why are they running out?

And she's like, I don't know, they're probably excited. Like, she's like, totally stone-faced and like fine with it. And I'm like panicking. Like, where's sage? She burned up already? That's like a great white house. Were there fire trucks here? No, just the cops.

Just the cops. That is weird to make the leap from like, the place is on fire. Well, when you saw the people pouring out of it, I was like, what other reason could there be? Shooting or something. Yeah, yeah, shooting something. Yeah, but no, it was fine. prom went well she loved it but now she graduates

not this week but next Thursday 17 years of schooling wrapping up I took her to her first day of preschool and I'll be taking her to her last day of high school wow there she is showing her leg I should have beaten her after that on her Instagram

what's the plan post graduation she's taking the summer off find yourself what's that gonna find yourself Yeah, she's going to go on a walkabout. Be careful, though.

Gettem took his summer off and he never went back. That's true, yeah. You're still trying to find yourself, right? He's still on a walkabout basically. She wants to take the summer off and swim and hang out and stuff. And then when September comes around, she's in something called transition where she, like, works half a day. And they try to find her, like, a little job to do.

Okay. She'll be doing that for, like, a year. And then after that, it's just like she has to go to work. or something just to find something to do. She wants to work with her brother at the veterinarian's office, which I guess is possible. You know, I'm not sure if they give her something to do, like, you know, feed the animals. I always tell her she has to clean up the dog shit. And she's like, no, I don't want to.

Somebody's got it, babe. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Starting out low men on the totem pole. If I volunteered at a place, you know, for like an animal shelter or something, that's what I would be doing. I would go in on the ground level. Regardless, I was like, hey, man, you know how many dogs I've owned? They're like, we don't give a fuck.

Get to scooping boy. Pick up that shit. Yeah. Yeah, so graduation. I can't believe it's coming out. I know. It's nuts. I remember when your sister was pregnant with her.

Yeah. Crazy. Crazy. It goes by. Yeah, I remember the first day that she was, the day she was born, I went in and saw my sister. And I was like, wow, look at this little, it looks like a little plucked chicken, this thing. And they were still insist. There's no way I'll be responsible for this for the rest of a month.

No, no way. That was not my thought. Yeah, no, yeah, I remember my sister and my mother be like, well, maybe she doesn't have Down syndrome. Like they're looking at her and I'm like, are you out of your fucking minds? Like they did a test. Like they know she has it. And you could just take a look at her and be like, no, she has it. You know, well, maybe it's not that bad.

And they were right. It's not that bad. You know, she's able to communicate. She's able to do everything that other kids do, you know? And by kids, I mean 20-year-old adults. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, she gets all offended if I call her a kid, but. Really?

Yeah, she's like, Dad, I'm adult. Oh. Like, by fact that you're calling, Dadda. You know? Wow. I saw, I mean, I don't want to make another recommendation that's going to get me some blowback, but I saw that. It's not bad. Once every 20 years.

Yeah, yeah, all right. I saw the He-Man movie. Oh, did you? Oh, I wanted to see that. So much fucking fun. I have notes. It, it's, it leans into comedy, maybe. 20% too.

I would have liked them dial it back a little bit, but man, what a fun fucking movie. Like, beginning to end, just a blast. I'm not that knowledgeable at He-Man, but the trailer sparked my interest.

It looked very creative, very, uh, like it looks like there was some cool effects. The cool effects, the effects are a little, they have that thing going where it's like a little video gamey, you know what I mean?

Because everything, but it's a, if you're just like, oh yeah, I'm watching a movie about toys. Then you're like, oh, okay, I don't care. And it's, but it is fun, man. And, um, Idris Alba, as man in arms is, he's awesome.

And skeletores, I don't know why it's not doing well in the box office. It's not doing well, right? It is so much fun. That it was underperforming, correct? Yeah, is this correct? It's underperforming. Why do you think? I just think it's, maybe it's a tough property, you know, like people don't really care me.

Why do you just call it he-man? Why don't you just call it He-Man? I don't know. Everybody I know is calling it He-Man. I want to see He-Man. Yeah, right. And why not just call it He-Man in the Masters of the Universe? I don't know.

Do you think, you're like, how long did He-Man go? Like, only the 80s, right? So you're really depending on the storage audience. He never went away. There was always a series of some sort. I know Kevin did something, right? Yeah, Kevin did like three series of it. But the soundtrack, I think you love, it's all that fucking heavy metal, like, movie heavy metal.

Like, Brian May does guitars in it and stuff. So there's always, like, rocking and jamming and stuff. It's like real sword and sorcery. stuff. Should I, I really think I should make an attempt to see it because I imagine it won't be in theaters long? I would go see it.

Honestly, I started an I max. And I'm telling you, I had a blast. It was just so much fun. There are times where you're like, all right, I don't need a joke there.

They do that thing where they undercut themselves. Like most movies do it like once or twice where it's just like, we're going to do it. And then the car stoles out and they're like, we've got to get gas. Like some stupid like that. They do it like for some reason like five times. And I'm like, guys,

like we're allowed to have a heroic moment without undercutting it. But it's a blessing. And Skeletor dude is a real son of a bitch. He's a real villain. It's like, it's Jared Letto, huh? Yeah. Geraldetto does a voice. Oh, he does a voice.

Well, that guy. I'm surprised he got anything. I mean, at this point, yeah, it seems like everything he is in underperforms. I'm also like, look, the way he performs Skeletor is fucking awesome, but you're like, I don't know why they got him. Like, you don't see him and his voice doesn't sound like him. But the choices he made with the character are so good that you're like, I mean, it's not his fault that it's not doing well.

Like, he did a great job of Skeletor. And they made him a real villain. Like, he's a fucking bastard. They say Lee does a good secondary character. He needs to stop being in these, these, like, not, these movies about these, what they call those property movies? Like, he was in Morbius tanked. IP, he was in a Tron tanked. And now he's in He-Man in a tank.

I'm not saying it's his fault. This is definitely not fault. You don't even know what's. bad luck charm it feels like yeah yeah it's great though i i did want to see it and which is weird because i have no interest in he me i couldn't tell you anything about you don't they they you don't have to know anything about it yeah there's this one character called mechaneck who's like the figure was literally like his head just came out like a giraffe's metal giraffe stalk and he used his head as his weapon and you're like so stupid and then when they use it in the movie you're like

oh they made mechanaic one now where you there he is were you a kid who enjoyed the show or is it a bit before your time? No, no, no. I was right there. I had He-Man figures. I had Castle Grey Skull. I had all the toys and stuff.

I was always more into Transformers than He-Man, but I was pretty deep into He-Man. It's fun. It's really fun. Do you think the era of the blockbuster is over? Like, are there, is there? I think it's over until there's a blockbuster again.

Do you think we'll ever see a Blockbuster? Yeah, I think so. What's your definition? These Avatar movies, which I still haven't even seen, every time they come out, they clean up. I mean, when I say yes, I think those Avatar movies were reported to have done Bafo business, but I don't think they've made of like that kind of cultural footprint impact. You don't hear people talking about them.

Nobody really ever mentions them. You never see, you don't see merch everywhere. No. You don't see that kind of like the, like the, you like projectile vomit like of Star Wars or MCU where you're seeing it everywhere in toy stores and in, in fast food places, in just where you couldn't escape certain movies that made like big impacts. I think that I think you'll see that again. I think the problem is that all our fucking stable horses that that we all expected to be blockbusters were just. taken over by assholes.

Have what has it aged out though? Like like, no, I just think they just, they just don't know how to make them anymore. And,

and, and, I've heard 20-something year olds do not give a fuck about he-man or MCU or Star Wars. They do not care about. I don't know.

I don't think it's over. They like, I think on like one-minute videos. Yeah. TikTok shit. Yeah, I don't know. But that won't,

look, nothing lasts, right? So that's going to go away eventually too. We're just in a bad, you know, we're just in a shitty pop culture period. You have an interest in Disclosure Day? I am.

Yeah. Spielberg? Yeah, yeah. I just heard something that, again, just made me fucking just, like, sit there for a second and be like, holy shit. So you remember Spielberg's War of the World's movie? Right. I just read something because of this new alien movies coming out that the ending, um, where, where people were, remember when Tom Cruise

gets to Boston and he walks up to this like this, the brownstone. The brownstone. And his and his son is his in-laws and the kid. Because that was a fake ending. The end, that's like a, that's what the little girl, his daughter, she's in the she's in a cage with the aliens and they go show a close up of her eye. Right. That is her. Spielberg says that was her imagining that before she died at the alien's hands.

I totally believe that because when I watched that movie and I'm like, how the fuck did this kid get back to Boston after like all the like with that fire and shit? That was like when he was trying to climb that hill. Yeah, with you with the army. Yeah. That happy ending is her imagination as she's about to die. Wow. Spielberg said that? Spielberg said this.

and makes me want to go back and rewatch it because I love that movie. And to me, that is like, why are you waiting fucking 20 years to say that? And why did you try to make it a little bit more clearer because that's so dark that it is jaw-dropping that, like, wow, that was her way of dealing with dying. She just kind of went into her head and you're seeing her kind of come up with this happy ending before she dies. But there's no, there's no clue. to that? I saw this online. I don't know if Spielberg said it.

Okay. This is pretty crappy if there's no clues to that that you can pick up on and he's just like, yep, that's what that was. Like, that sounds like kind of hacky to me.

Do you think maybe it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. Like somebody suggested to him like, Stephen, was this an imagine? Yes, yes, it was. Why not? It's got us talking about war of the world again. Yeah, but they, she's,

yeah, this is all an imaginative, imagine. Damn Dakota fanning. Yeah, that's good. makes me go like, that's pretty cool. So when did she die then? She dies. Apparently there's a shot of her and there's a close-up of her eye inside when she's captured

by the aliens. Remember they're in a cage? Yeah. They get scooped up. Yeah, I remember that. That's when she's like she's just about ready to die. I'll tell you what makes sense that is if you look at everybody that they're seeing in this boss and house, they're all amazingly well put together.

Their hair's right. Their clothes are right. They don't look like they just survived an alien invasion. Even the sunlight makes it look nice. Yeah, I kind of see it now. He said that it was based on another movie that he saw that impressed him. There's another movie that did this. It's something I wish I could, I wish I had saved the tweet I was reading.

And because it blew my mind because I was just like, that is such a cool ending. But I really wish that you kind of spelled it out a little bit more for the dumbasses like me in the movie theater who were like, this is kind of corny. I know. I believe it had a for 20 years now. I didn't look any deeper into it. Is the son he's hugging here all dirty and stuff too right now? Yeah, he's got a rich jacket. The son is wearing the same exact clothes that he wore.

That's what I'm saying. When he runs off into like the firewall. Right. Remember it when he leaves? Yeah. So the first thing he would do if he was really at his grandparents' house would be changed and watch his face, especially his grandfather, he's going to a board meeting.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I'm kind of digging this theory. Yeah. It really just like made me go, holy. fuck like it's it's cool to hear to to discover a new spin on something this many years later that's if that's the case though i love how much blood they put in this movie yeah this was a really like i really love this movie i watched them film part of it on statin island on the expressway yeah yeah

i mean we didn't see any stars they just had like the cameras set up and all the all the cars like it's in that traffic scene where it gets out of the car and runs that was filmed on stan island yeah it was part filmed in howell yeah But I love that moment, too, where the kid leaves and, like, the father is, like, just gives up. He's like, he can't, he can't protect him. And he's just like, I got to protect the kid. Like, if you're going to fucking be an idiot and run off. What am I supposed to do?

Yeah, he just has to make that choice to be like, I got to get the little kid, get out of here. I can't fucking wrangle you. This fucking kid was so annoying throughout the whole movie. It's like, you know, fucking try to help out a little bit. Yeah, like it's an extreme situation. Yeah. I'm not asking you need to clear the dishes from the table. You can't be a fucking emo kid when the fucking Martians are fucking scooping people up.

Yeah, I know. You got to fucking buck up a little. Jesus. Yeah, I want to see it too, disclosed today. Yeah. I heard it's not heavy on action now. I heard it's a lot of, you're going to have to go to a lot of talking head stuff. I didn't see his last movie, Fabelman's, and I didn't love.

Ready Player 1. I need to fall in love with Spielberg again. Like I want him to like... I saw Ready Player 1. The Dolorian was cool driving. Yeah, that felt like it was something that would hit all your marks. I didn't like the book. I read the book. I was like, this book is dumb.

And then I liked... Anytime there was something on the screen that I recognized, I was like, oh, I get it. I like that. But the story and shit, I was just like, I don't care. That's a movie I thought would have done better, too. It didn't really set the world off fire. It's just something that's a very good movie

I just thought the fan service of seeing all those properties. That was what got me to see it. That to me is so cool and so unique. Yeah. He took the T-Rex out of that movie. He said there were too many Spielberg references in his own movie. So they took the T-Rex out. They took a few things out. It's just cool.

It was only pop culture shit. Like not necessarily his movie stuff. It was the back to the Future Car was King Con like Peter Jackson's King Kong. Iron Giant was in it. You know, it was like a giant mixture of, of pop culture properties, which is fun. But at the end of the day, it just didn't work. I just didn't care about the story.

That's it. I think that might be it. Yeah, that's all I had it. Well, I was going to ask you something else. But I don't know, I guess I can ask you. So Teddy's scratching, right? Teddy's just scratching. Right.

He's just scratching this one spot. You're like, you know what? I'm just going to bring him to the vet because he won't stop scratching. this one spot. You get them there. They give them a little shave. Suddenly their eyes widened. And they're like, sir, can you explain this? And you see that Teddy has a swastika tattoo on them. Put there by the previous owner, I'm assuming. How do you explain that away? That would be tough. That would be, that would be, that would be like, I thought would hope my reaction to it would seem legitimate. Just as aghast as they are. Oh, man, do they take them off?

Something that happened? Oh, I don't know. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a scandal. Who is worse? The tattoo artist? Or the person who gets the...

Requested the tattoo? Yeah. I would think they'd be the same person. You don't think it'd be like some dude just being like, Who? Teddy's a Nazi. A Nazi dog. White power, Teddy.

He's the cutest little white supremacist I've ever seen. Yeah, definitely. Oh, well, tell you. is my anniversary. Hey. Oh, is it today? Yeah. And look at you.

Coming in to do, tell him Steve Dave. Well, my wife is working, so I can go to work too then. Yeah. Right. Any plans? We're going to AC tomorrow and we're going to see Devo play at the ball. Oh, wow.

Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. I'm a Devo fan. Borgata. Borgata? Okay. Nice.

You staying at the Borgata? No, we're not going to stay overnight. Oh, you're going to come back? Yeah. So go up, gamble, have dinner, and you see Devo. and come home then. Nice. Yeah.

Devo. She has no. No interest? Interest in Devo. She goes, I don't know one song. I was like, whip it, I said. Oh, yeah. What's another song?

And I named like four songs. She's like, I never heard those songs. Yeah. How could she not hear Canary in a coal mine a million times on MTV? Working in a coal mine. Working in a coal mine. Yeah, working in a coal mine. Sorry.

Yeah. How could she not hear it? Yeah. Those are heavily rotated. I could see it. Yeah, I'm not going to be surprised. It's not memorable. Yeah, when she leaves the performance and it was like,

Why'd you do this to me? Why didn't they just sing Devo 15 times in a row? That would have been better than. Oh, Devo. Yep, so that's about it. Well, congratulations. But what is this? 92 years.

Ninety-four? 32 years. Wow. Yeah. Damn, man. Mm-hmm. Not crazy to think you could hit 50. I would hope so.

That's a lot of years, man. Like, you're one of those couples. Like, I'll never hit it. No, probably not. Just be cursive. Mary Beth might hit it when she's married to another guy. Tell him, Steve, Dave.