Tell Em Steve-Dave - #686: Little Man

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

Tastes Funny fest, Ming’s birthday, Bry brings a sad topic, tortoises, SI fights back against commies, societal collapse, Q monitors his health, DoorDash Diaries. ridge.com code TESD, bluechew.com code TESD, raycon.com/TESD, IG: @Tellemants

Girls still are ever not the same level as dudes, even in stripping. Well, that's what happens. Unless you're a midget. Maybe they could do like an island of Dr. Murrow-style tortoise cat. Any adventures, any Floridian adventures? Not unless you consider going to my room and crying an adventure. I do. I do.

I consider quite a journey. Tell him, Steve, Dave. Hello, welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave. BQ is here. How you? Walt is here. Hey. Ganyam is here.

How you're stacking? And I am here. Everybody's here today. Yeah. Beautiful day. We've got about an hour. About an hour. Yeah.

You've got places to go, people to see things to do. It's a leisure thing, but it's nice. I'm looking forward to it. Nice. Well, I'm about to bring you down. Let's do it. Yeah. So last week, last

Thursday I had to go to Jiggies. Yeah, how was it? It was good. Yeah, it was fun. It was, uh, it was very well put together. Everybody loved it. It seemed to me.

Comedy show, right? Comedy show, yeah, yeah. Uh, it went, it went pretty well. And one of the things I heard quite a bit was like, well, in Q West next year, a lot of people. A lot of people. Good, good. So I don't know if, you know, I wasn't sure if you were still up to it or not, but, We haven't even started.

You definitely got some tickets sold. Yeah, we haven't even started talking about it yet. Yeah. I have to use, it's funny because part of the deal contract stuff with the network is like I have a certain amount of like commercial space to promote independent projects. And I was like, I guess I could use it for that. I was like, I don't really have anything. Right. And I was like, I guess I guess that's a thing to do it.

So I was like, maybe I'll do, maybe I'll do a festival just a thing. fulfill that fuck out of the age. I went to see my father to pick up something that I had mailed to his place and he asked me about it the other day. Oh, cool. Have you heard anything yet? Have they said anything yet? Yeah, I want to do it. It's just we just haven't even started. I think last year we didn't even start talking about it until September.

Right. Yeah. But it was Ming's birthday and Walt will remember that during comic bookmen Ming's birthday falls the day before Kevin's birthday. Okay. Ming's birthday was never celebrated.

It was barely mentioned. Okay. But every time it rolled around, it was a big... Kevin had a cake. Everybody was singing. It was a whole big deal. There was a parade down fucking Broad Street. Pretty much, right?

I mean, did you throw the parade himself? No, no, definitely the production team. Production team rolled out the... Right, and they just ignored Ming. The guy in the trenches, the guy doing it every day for... No, I wonder, though, like, how much of that budget was wasted on party supplies for every year. It was crazy. Yeah, they celebrated it.

Yeah. And especially in the face of like, oh, was your birthday too? Yeah. I would love it. Every year. Yeah. I would never miss the chance to mention it, though. Bring it up.

It's great. It's great. But so they did celebrate his birthday on stage this year. Ming and I did a podcast, a live podcast. And we brought up, there were three girls, three Sarahs and a Jackie that all pitched in. they got Ming a stripper. Oh, what type of stripper? It was a female stripper.

Okay, all right. Well, that's disappointing. She was dressed like a cop. Yeah, I know. I was hoping it would be something a little bit. Yeah. Well, they did try for a little person. They said that they tried to get a midget, but it was literally 10 times the amount.

Yeah, I mean, I, yeah, I'm glad they didn't do that. Yeah, it was crazy how much, how much, how, how expensive it was. I talked to Ming about it, and he told me they also tried to get a guy dressed as a guy stripper. A guy stripper. And that also is like three times the amount of a female stripper now. Like the guys are making more money than the gals. Good. Stripping.

Good. Nice. Yeah, that's Amy. Well, you could go, you go see female strivers almost anywhere. Well, I go, no, it's not good because it's a fucking, just another example of the patriarchy because now guys or girls still are ever not the same level as dudes, even in stripping. Well, that's what happens. Unless you're a midget. When the market, when the market sorts itself.

fat. I guess sometimes it just goes that way. Sorry. But for years, though, is flip-flop, I would imagine, right? Guys were just sitting there in the 80s, probably like doing lines of Coke. Get strippers everywhere. No, I think that they were just struggling to get. The phone wasn't ringing for them to attend parties, right?

I guess, yeah. And girls are getting all the calls, but now it's kind of like the world has gone crazy. Now they want guys. For guy party. For guys' birthday parties are getting guy strippers. I mean, don't you look around the world, free girl and be like, What the fuck is going on? Yeah. Quite a bit.

Quite a bit. Every morning, as a matter of fact, we're on my Instagram. Jesus Christ. But, yeah, so there she is, Tract of a lady. Look how happy he is. Yeah, he loves it. I love it. He's not pretending.

He's like, he's not like pretending not to be a horn dog. No, he's not playing. So what happened, though? Because of like, last Christmas, he's like, I'm slowing down. Like that somber voice. Remember he barely had any energy in his voice? He's like, hey, I got to pull it back now. I can't do the cons anymore.

I saw him back somewhere else. I saw him pulling nothing back. Like you thought something was seriously wrong with him. He was less like he wouldn't, like, tell us why he was. Yeah, that's right. Like pulling back and he wasn't going to be doing cons and where he's like going to have a lot more time. I'm going to be home a lot more. And that was like for like two days.

Right. And then it was pretty brief. And like I said, from judging from this event that I was at, I mean, there's no slowing down that he was at strip clubs and playing pool and all kinds of stuff. Is he just like all just red bowls and pop rocks? I mean, is he just like. He must have a slurred. He must have a colostomy bag with adrenaline forcing through it or something. Can he steal some of his blood?

I don't know how he does it. He doesn't. Yeah. So right before I went to the Jiggy Comedy Festival, my cat got sick. Oh, no. Like earlier in that week, we had to, he got sick the week before. Which cat? Salem, a little black cat, yeah.

My guy. We call him Little Man. Oh, little man. And so on Friday, we noticed that like he had a puffy jaw and he wasn't really like acting his normal self. So on Monday, we brought him to the. vet. We got blood work done. And they called us the next day. They're like, yeah, he has something going on with his liver.

Something about Billy Rubin, which I wasn't exactly sure. How old was he? He was 11 and a half. 11. Yeah. And so they gave us a bunch of medicine on Wednesday and I had to leave Thursday. Marybeth and I were supposed to leave Thursday. And he was just too sick. So Marybeth had to hang back and stay with him.

And then Friday, I got the call. Oh, man. Yeah. It was. That sucks, dude. It was bad, and it was especially bad, but I'm like, all right, let me try to go be funny now. Yeah. You know, it was, um, that's rough, dude.

Not easy, because he was my, he was like my Benjamin cat. He was like my guy, my little buddy every morning. I'll show you a picture. I'm going to put this on Instagram too. Ah, man. So worst, dude. There he is. Oh, yeah.

Look at him. But that picture is because, um, every morning I get up like, probably around six, 15 and I go downstairs and read. And every morning he would come downstairs and, uh, chill out with me. Yeah, he would sit on his pillow or like,

more likely he wanted to sit on my lap, which is difficult to read. And especially like I would put a, I would put a lap desk down and then I would put a pillow down. Then I would put like a big hardcover book on it. And he would see that pillow and he'd be like, that's mine. Yeah.

And he would come over and sit on it. And like sometimes I had to like, if the book was too big, I'm like, you can't sit on me too. You just can't do it. And that was him when he could, to sit on me like pouting and shit. And sometimes like one time like not too, not too like it was dude, it was every day that he would come down and once in a while like if I told him he kind of said on me, he would leave

and then he wouldn't come back the next day. Like a little dickhead. Yeah. Like a little dick. Oh man. I know. It's terrible. And I haven't been this broken up about a pet in some time.

Like Princess Mitch I loved. She was a great cat, but like this was my guy. This is your guy. Yeah. He was like, like every, almost every day, Mary Beth will make me like a bagel with bacon egg and cheese. And he would come up and I would share it with him. He always wanted his cut. He was a fucking socialist cat.

The tax. Yeah. He always wanted like a little piece of bacon or if we came home from Chili's with chicken, it was like he was one of the chicky boys. It was him and Norm always got a little piece of chicken. And now I got to tell Sage. Oh, she doesn't know yet? No, she came home from camping on yesterday. And immediately was like, where's Salem?

And I had to say that he was sleeping. He was probably hiding somewhere. Because I'm like, we were going to go to, uh, we were going to go to see Spitey. Then we were going to lunch. Then we were going to the arcade. And I didn't think the way to set that off was to be like, oh, by the way. Yeah. You know?

And then after if she had so much fun and she came home and she was like feeling great, I'm like, this isn't the time either. Yeah. So I figured today I'll just at a certain point, just take her aside and she's going to be very upset. Oh, dude. I'm so sorry. so social. He was like such a, you came over. Yeah, yeah, I know. He was such a social guy. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, he was one that was kind of chill out while the other one was running

away. Yeah, Princess Mitch and little cat they hide, even Norm hides. But Salem the second that somebody came through that door, he was down there. Oh, dude, that's a bummer. Like a, like a dog. He would be there before Norm to greet us when we got home. Yeah. Yeah, it was, uh, it was not easy to deal with. It sucks. They either that, like cats and dogs just can't have the life expectancy of like a tortoise. Right, yeah. You know, why do tortoises get that fucking... Hardly anybody keeps a tortoises as a pet.

Yeah, as I'm saying, it seems like it's wasted because they don't do shit. Yeah. And they don't have any personalities. No, they just sit there and fucking eat lettuce, cabbage, whatever they fuck. They're really fucking going hard on tortoises. They didn't do anything go on here. Jesus. You got to bury them in the fall?

What do you mean? Some of them you actually have to bury them. You mean like so they could cool off? No, It's like turtles, right? They like hibernate. I thought it was tortoises as well. Oh, really?

I didn't know about tortoises, but I know turtles. They carry salmonella, you know. Like the disease ridden, filthy animal. Yeah. It gets to live 70 years. It's not fair. More than that. Hundreds of years.

Yeah. They're endangered everybody around them. Yeah. Maybe they could do like an island of Dr. Murrow style tortoise cat. Cool. Yeah. You don't think they're working on that.

I hope they are. Yeah. There you go. It's definitely off, like you said, some island somewhere where there's no laws and regulations. You know, they're bioengineering. I have been you as DNA. Yeah, like a Jurassic Park type situation where they're going to do whatever the fuck. Cat with a shell.

They're like off the coast of Costa Rica. Yeah. So what did you, would you cremate? Uh, cremated, but I don't keep the ashes. I don't like to keep them around now. But I have tons and tons of pictures. I'm going to pull up on Instagram if you're not following. and you want to see little man.

It's, uh, tell him ants, T-E-L-L-E-M-A-N-T-S. I'll put that up Friday so you, everybody can, I've like, uh, I don't have his meow because his meow was like,

like Benjamin had a good meow. Yeah, he talked constantly. This cat had a shitty meow. He's like, yeah, it's boring. Yeah,

like this like raspy, husky, like, meow, but he was a good purr, so I have like video, oh, yeah, like, purr.

I'm telling you, like, when I was reading it was like, I loved it. Like, like, Yeah. Well, he was sitting next to me. And if he stopped, you pat him just got him started.

Yeah, get him going. Get that voter going. Rev him up. Dizzy, uh, Dizzy said she'd come up, like, when she wanted to go to sleep, she would come up and, like, sit on my lap. Yeah. And just start that heavy purr. And be like, it's like, oh, no.

I'm only going to sleep. Yeah. It's almost a furious. That and that and, that and, no, making the biscuits. Oh, yeah. Just, yeah. Like, okay, I'll, I'm going to go to sleep then. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I had written down here, too. He was my guard cat for a while. Like when we first got Norm, he was very, like, suspicious of him. So whenever Norm came near me, he'd be like, whew! Like, oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty funny.

Levin's too young, man. Yeah, I know. Like, that's, he went down so fast. He was, like, perfectly fine. And then, like, he stopped coming in to hang out with me. And I was like, oh, I wonder what that's all about. And then when he stopped coming up for his bake and that's when I was like, okay, something's really wrong. Let's bring him to the vet.

Brought him in there. And it didn't seem like it was that bad. Like, it didn't seem like he was. Do they figure it out? No, they never figured it out. It didn't seem like he was going to drop dead in four days. Yeah, his cholesterol is off the charts. Man, I'm sorry, dude.

Yeah, it's awful. Yeah, it sucks. You know, immediately you're like, that's it. Never another cat. But I was thinking about it. Like, not right away. I can't do it right away. But I think I might like it eventually adopt like a senior cat.

Yeah, that's nice. Which is going to suck because he'll probably die before me too. but it's like the senior cats have a hard time getting adopted. If I could find a nice black senior cat, I think Benjamin was eight when I got him. Yeah? Yeah, he lived to 19. So you could still get a nice.

That's an old cat, man. Oh, he was, now I look at pictures of him and videos of him now and I'm like, holy shit, he was decrepit at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Hanging on, though, man. We didn't ask him to do much.

That's true, yeah. You know. They did leave the light. Yeah, just got adored like a god all fucking day. Yeah. Oh, Jay Miller. was lamenting he's never been invited to Q. West. Jay Milley?

I told him I would put that in your ear. I'd love to have him there. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Although, I don't know. You may not because he lost his voice. He has like some sort of, I think something similar to like you had. Remember your vocal cords?

Oh, I had the polyps on my. Yeah. I think he has something like that. And he was like barely above a whisper. Okay. The whole time. Careless whisper. Yeah.

Well, I mean, look, if we did it again, it would be April. So he's got time to get that cut out. Yeah. Yeah. I like Jamie. Get a voice box. Oh, yeah. he's the best. It's great.

Way more ants there than I thought there would be at one point, like, you know, when we were doing the podcast, I asked, you know, how many people listen to Tom Steve Dave. And it was nearly universal. Great. Yeah, I was very surprised because I was like, I was kind of nervous, like, without you being there. And I'm like, this isn't really our audience, you know, so it's like they might not get Tolstian references. It really was. Yeah. I was shocked. That's great. So that was, that was nice. Any adventures, any Floridian adventures? Or? Not unless you consider going to my room and crying an adventure.

I do. I do. I consider quite a journey. Yeah. I wasn't really like, I felt a little bad because I was not as social as I might have normally been. You know, I just, I just didn't have it. Friend died, dude. What are you going to do?

And then, you know, I told Ming and then Ming spread it around. So then everybody was coming up and be like, hey, man. I'm sorry about you. Fucking Ming. How'd the nose go? The nose? Yeah. Any nose bleeding or?

Oh, no, no, no, no, that was totally fine. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was because I wasn't taking blood pressure meds. I think because I laid off him for like a week prior. That was when we went down to QS last time my nose started bleeding uncontrollably in case you're wondering what that reference is about. I was thinking about Teddy too. The bearded lady dog contest, do they have to live in Key West or could Teddy join? I don't know. I wasn't sure about the rules.

I'll find out. I'm having a dog contest? They have one every year. and then the dog that wins gets his picture on the wall for the year with a nice little plaque and they just started again but I'm not sure you don't want to bring that in

that like you know that nepotism into your bar in the first year you know I don't think that's not I think it's like I don't think I can put a finger on that scale I think though that people are going to be like you want that dog to win and you know and then they're stuffing ballots well here's the thing about these dogs like there are dogs a lot in the bar

So many of these dogs are like regulars. Yeah. So Teddy might not, you know. Really? Yeah, yeah. He might. He might have to go down and show face. Yeah, he might have to impress some flesh.

I want it to be bigger than the election rigging scandal of the last presidency. Everybody's enraged. I'll find out the rules. Yeah, for sure. That could turn off some locals, though, if like all of a sudden Teddy's up there. Yeah. Some carpet bag and dog. This is a star for a town.

He's never. even been in the bar. Maybe it's just best to separate it. He's never been in a bar. How else does he need? Yeah, he's been in bars. Oh, okay, okay. Has he?

Yeah. What part? Yeah. Oh, yeah, right. I forgot about that. Did you notice, Walt, when you went to see Spitey, I don't know if you noticed this about the trailers, how like nearly every trailer now has like,

I don't care if it's a kid's movie, if it's an adult movie, It has an 80s or 70s song that's done with like a haunting reverb to it. Did you happen to notice that? I didn't notice the haunting reverb, but I've noticed that, yeah, that, but I've noticed it for decades, oh, that. Yeah, it doesn't seem new to me. That, yeah, those classic songs are being used to promote films that, you know, the studio does not give a shit about the people who really were around when those songs were recorded. Oh, right, right, yeah. Yeah, so it's that kind of weird kind of angle to take.

You would think that they'd be pushing music that the younger generation listens to rather than, like, you know, fine young cannibals and shit. You can't even, you can't even do like Cardi B or any of this shit today. It's not too dirty. It's too dirty. It's too filthy, yeah. I'm sure there's censored versions, aren't there? Yeah, I'm sure they got censored versions. I mean, they have like kids' bop of songs that I'm like, really?

Like, Sage listens to kids' bops sometimes and I'm like, this is a fucking dirty song. Two live crew They changed Yeah, pretty much Yeah The kids' God version Yeah

Yeah they have You know It's like if you Censored it a little bit Let some kids sing it It's fine I guess I guess I noticed most trailers are like

Like somebody asks a question There's like a piano note And then like someone says something And then they do that trumpet noise And then like it ends like in a black and white montage Like what you said With someone like Everybody

Yeah Exactly Yeah, I think that actually might have used that song on the last 28 weeks later or something, or 28 years later. I miss the old Don LaFontaine days. Like in a world. Oh, right. In a world. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. When's the last time that guy had, that guy is that kind of tone or that kind of direction in a trailer was used where it's like that, you know, that stereotypical. I couldn't even tell you. That movie trailer voice guy, you know. They made fun of it in Tropic Thel. there. That might have been the last time I heard it in those fake trailers in the beginning. Right. Yeah, you just don't see that avenue anymore to pimp a movie.

Somebody will bring it back. Somebody will be smart enough to be like, let's, let's promote this the old way. At some point, everything comes back. It'd be cool if, like, they did that for Spider-Man and stuff like that, you know? Yeah. Staten Island once again rises up against communism. Did we? You did.

I guess you weren't there for the first. rally. The, uh, Mondami got boot off stage. He was up there for less than a minute. That doesn't surprise. And people, I watched the footage. It was hysterical. Really? Yeah. Only, these are people who really do not like this guy. And they make no bones about it. They're like, fuck you, Kami, get the fuck out of here. Like, Staten Island is the bastard, stepchild of the city. Go fuck yourself. We don't need you. We don't want you. We want to succeed. Just go away. You guys want to come to Jersey or be our own thing? I think be our own thing. I don't want to succeed. I'm like, this guy will be around three more years, you know.

But you guys wanted to break away from New York. They never make sense to me. It never make sense to me. But I don't know. Well, then you would lose all like the city funding and all that shit, right? Yeah, but we pay high taxes already. So we just shifted over to set. I don't know.

I think it's doable. But I mean, it's just fucking who wants to do it. Right. Paying the ass. Yeah, you wonder how much difference would it make? It's like you live long enough to see the cycle where it's like the city will fucking Menami's not going to help the city get better. It'll get shittier and shittier.

And then eventually people get frustrated and they'll vote in another Bloomberg or, you know what I mean? Or Giuliani, who was in May, it was awesome. And then they'll start getting better again. It's just the eternal cycle. People get it too good. They start getting soft. And everything goes to shit. There you go.

It doesn't matter to me anymore. You don't care. I don't care at all. I don't know the 25, 30 years to live. That's a lot of potential commie mayors. All I need is for like, all I need is for like no nuclear bombs to go off the next 30 years. That's it. After that, after that, I'm fine.

I don't care what happens after that. I just want to be old in the apocalypse, you know? If we're going to happen, like, if it happened 10 years ago, I could be like, oh, I could be a warlord or a ruler of some sort as a young man. But now I'm just like, oh. See, I think more along the lines and I think I've reached that age. might have been reached the age a long time ago where nobody's counting on me to do anything. Yeah, but I would have wanted to do something. Like, if society broke down, yeah, I would have been like, all right, I'm going to claim

Stanton is my own. I'll be the warlord. We'll blow the bridges, you know. Now I'm just like. You know what? Thinking back to you in your 20s, I can see that happening. Yeah. Yeah.

Whether I succeeded or not, that's what I would have wanted to do. Now I just, I just want society to hold. Yeah. It's like, hold. Yeah. Just hold a little bit more. You could fuck it all up after I'm gone. Yeah.

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Would you? Yeah. I met him at the pop, the Funco Pop documentary. She was like a cool dude. He was very nice. Yeah, it was a very friendly guy. Two lucky winners. I'm curious to see what you guys would take out of this.

Two lucky winners will get to choose between. We're actually amongst. I'd like to show Tony how I Ollie. Really, would you? Yeah, I'd like to say you'd like critique my Ollie. I've known you for quite a while. I've never seen you. It's not great.

It's kind of clunky. You might be able to give me some pointers. If by Ollie, do you mean your grandson? This is Oliver. You could pick a Lamborghini Huraconsorado, a Ford Hennessy Velociraptor, a souped-up Ford Bronco, or $100,000 in cash. So what do you pick, Q? I mean, I just take the cash. I always take the cash.

I would take the cash too. Like the only one I'm pretty sure I know what it is is the Bronco. Right. The other two, I'm not even sure what they are. I mean, they're obviously very fancy cars. You take the $100,

you're going to lose 40% of it right off the bat, but you're sitting on 60% nice and easy, you know. But unless you buy, unless you choose a Lamborghini and then turn around and sell it. They're going to bang you on taxes with the Lamborghini. Oh, yeah.

They're not fucking giving that to you tax free. So you bones. I think Lamborghini has permission to sell them out, don't you? Oh, do you? Is that Ferrari? Oh, yeah. If you buy it, you have to go and talk to the company about like if you want to sell it.

If the person is worthy of buying it. Yeah, it's like a prestige thing. Oh, fuck you too. Imagine having to pass that test? I don't think I would pass it. I don't even know what they're, I don't even know what their standards are. It has to be all personal parents. It's like a rich guy and shit.

There's a, hand dress and sweatpants. I bet you you got to. Yeah, you show up to get your Lamborghini. They're like, nope. You got to wear your Armani fucking track suit. Right. Is that Italian sportswear?

That Norwegian forward from the World Cup. Like they showed him with the bag. No, the Norwegian one, the big giant Norse guy. He was, he was, they had a picture of him coming off the plane with a bag. And apparently that bag you cannot buy. You literally have to go and create a relationship with an ambassador. And then they eventually turn if you can actually buy one of these bags. That's.

That's crazy fucking world. I know, right. A bizarre fucking planet. For a bag. Let's see. Have you ever driven a sports car? What do you currently drive? You drive a sports car.

A little bit, I guess, right? Yeah, I went to the Porsche. I went to the Porsche. I went to a Porsche. I went up to Moja's house and it was like a two-hour drive. So I was like, yeah, fuck it. Drive a Porsche. It was like 400 bucks for a convertible for the day.

I was like, you know, what am I working for? It was awesome. Was it fun? Yeah, I would ever buy one, but it was awesome. It was like I would love. look, I would just be cruising. I looked down, I'm doing like 109. I'd be like, whoa, whoa.

Like, it just felt like nothing. It was awesome. Yeah. But, you know, I'm driving my 10-year-old wrangler. There you go. Keep it real, bro. You keep it R. Keep it on the R.

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I think the novelty for the first, the first few times, you'd be able to do three times in the night. Instead of my old bag wife. Well, I don't want to say it like that, but I, you know,

get some strange, you know, get you, get you going. I think that could be it because I do know that it is rather routine in the bedroom.

It's just like, same move, same position, same sort of. You got to try and switch it up. Got to try to switch it up a little bit. Do you guys like watch porn or something like? No,

neither of us are big porn watchers. All right. Yeah. But even just to get the, Yeah, I think she'd be like, Ew, I don't want to watch this. Why, those two dudes kissing, right? Come on, come on, let's get your horny.

Speaking of aging, I got a heart monitor on. Get out of it. You do. Yeah. Monitoring my heart. What's going on, man? I got, last week, I got really dizzy and a pounding headache that lasted for fucking days. It was God awful.

You know, and I was not panicked about it, but I was a little worried about it because anything with my brain ever since the stroke, even though it's the first 10 years now. And I went and they couldn't, they couldn't track down what it was. So a spattery of tests to everything. So we did find that my cholesterol is basically like, I got, I'm not going to go, I should go fuck myself. Really? Yeah, I like the worst cholesterol. It's like for sure I'm baking with you every morning. Yeah.

Oh, so they're going to put you on some sort of meds? They put me on a statin. I'm going to try and change my lifestyle a little bit, get a little healthier. What is it they say is causing the cholesterol? Do you eat a lot of, like, fatty foods or? I think it's like a genetic disposition towards it anyway. And then I don't eat bad, but I also don't watch what I eat. You know what I mean?

And I think I'm just at that time where they're like, this is it, dude. Right. Like, this is the moment you've been dreading your entire fucking life. So what is that in tail you think where you say you're going to start making lifestyle changes? What are the big three things you think you need to alter? I've been walking every day. I've been trying to build a habit of getting those 10,000 steps in every day. I'm going to get back into the gym as soon as we wrap this season, which is any day now.

And just eating better. And just eating better. Again, I don't eat bad. I really don't, but I could eat better. I'm Italian. So there's a lot of pastas, a lot of breads and shit like that. That's the stuff that gets your cholesterol. But it was a scary week.

It was, yeah, it was kind of a scary week. Do you drink a lot of water? I've never seen you drink water, though. Yeah. Never. I never see him. As long as I known him, I've never seen you. I've never been in your presence or you've drank water.

That's true at all. I'm telling you, I drink water here all the time. I drink water almost every episode. Shit. Listen, every time we leave, every time these guys leave at the re-record, you put you put back three unopened bottles. No, no. I drink water.

I drink water. Whether you've seen it or not, it's not a problem. Okay. I was actually surprised he has not drinking something. Yeah. I'm not surprised because I never see him drinking. Yeah, but it was a scary week, you know. So how long you got the monitor on for?

One more day. One more day? Yeah. Are they monitoring it like 24-7? No, no. They're just getting like a baseline to see what's going on in there with the old ticker. and then they'll get the readings and then they'll bring in they'll be like according to the readings yeah but you gotta start well no i think they're just they're just gonna be like no that's already

done the cluster roll is already fucked it i think they just want to make sure it wasn't like a heart attack or something like that oh really did you have any pains not in my chest but you can just get dizzy and nauseous and but are you sweaty yeah really yeah really sweaty it was it was awful think it might have been like a panic attack or no no no seasons that thing man Yeah. It's usually when I'm fucking tripp, trip, tripping the light fantastic.

I love the sidewalk. Although, to be fair, the season's been the easy. I can't believe it's over already. It went so fast. Yeah, it didn't seem to go fast.

It's been so, it was a great season. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. It was good. The most fun of having years with it. So I don't think it was stress or anything like that. Hmm.

But I don't know. So we got to take it off, but there's been no, I haven't done anything to up my heart rate. Oh. Yeah. I do like porn, right? So the doc said, No, the doc didn't say.

Keep it sheath. The doc didn't say that, but I just know when they see those spikes come at like 11 o'clock at night or whatever. You know, they're going to know what's going on. And I'm like, let me just fucking sheathe it up for the weeks. They're at the house.

I'll be like, this guy never gets a baby. There's been no loving solo or, or, yeah, yeah, for a week. You are scared because I can't, I don't love it. Unless the doctor says, like, don't partake in that. America's horn dog. You know, you're like, yeah. Like, even if it's tender, maybe you don't have to go crazy with the lasso's and the whips and everything.

Can you just do like a, like. That's why I didn't go see Spider-Man. I thought it would raise my heart rate too much. Maybe, you know, just hold someone's hand in two different tubs. No. The real low-key. No, it's been. And I, uh, I, uh, I just, I might.

It hasn't been made easy on me either. I'm just saying. So when do you think you'll be able to get back? Well, this comes off. This comes off today. And you think you're, but are you have any lingering like, like I don't want,

I don't know if I'm ready to get back on the horse. No, balls deep by midnight. And what a way to go if I do die. You're not going to get in your own head. You don't think it's like, I'm getting too excited. Let me, let me slow it down here.

Let me think of, Beep, beep, beep, beep. Yeah, do you hear people? No. No, no, it does light up. Did it light up? Oh, yeah. It didn't light up.

You better get to the hospital. That was dreamed before. Yeah. Oh, what a bummer. Oh, man. It's just getting old, man. Just, just, that's it. Yeah, that's the.

There's no way around it. Yeah, I woke up this morning with a hurt hand. Don't know how it happened. I don't know if, like, maybe I was like, like, you have your head, like head in your hand like maybe I was sleeping like that. But it feels like somebody pounded on it with a hammer all day so far. It hasn't gone away. Is it like carpal tunnel maybe?

No, I don't think so. I think it's just like you're old and suddenly you wake up one morning and it's like, oh, my neck won't move. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And the doctor did not spare.

I mean, she said things like, she said things like, you look like you eat pizza. And I was like, What is someone who looks like who eats pizza? That's fucking, yes. Everybody eats pizza, Doc. I think she was taking a real tough love approach on me. Wall feels targeted there. Yeah, so, yeah, I got a little shamed.

I got a little shamed. What a way to dig at somebody? Like, you let you go get you pizza. It's like, well, I do. Wait a second. What's that's pizza? What's that supposed to me? It's New York.

Yeah, the fucking Ninja Turtles. But, yeah, so it's in the miss. I'm confident, like, it was hopefully just a virus thing. They did a blood test. There was no white blood cell raised in my body, but nothing came up. So, I don't know. We'll see. We'll see, but it was a nerve-wracking week.

Yeah, you can't go, man. I just lost my feline buddy. I can't lose my human buddy. I don't want to go yet. Too young. Yeah. Yeah, come in a... They'll figure it out.

They'll get you on the meds. I'm not really that way. It was scary that week, but, you know. And dizzy when you stood up or dizzy just all the time? It was, I was actually on camera and I just started sweating, fucking, I was doing hazardous history that show that I'm sitting there talking to the camera. And suddenly I just started buckets of sweat. And I was just like, my head just started pounding. And I was like, we got to wrap this up.

I can't, I can't even fucking continue. But we were done anyway, as it turned out. So it wasn't a problem. But, yeah. And then and then the head was just pounding for fucking days. And I don't really get headaches, really. So it was, it was a, it was a rough one. Hmm.

It's scary, too. Like, suddenly that just happens. Yeah. Why is this happening? Yeah. And we were shooting four days that week. So I was like, I got to try and be funny on fucking camera. All this headaches going.

So it might be a dud episode. Coming out later this year where I look like I'm dying. Oh, it's the headache episode. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, fucking scary, man. Mm. Hello everyone, sorry for the interruption, but due to Q's early exit today to go see Spider-Man,

we had to end the show a little bit sooner than we might have, which means I had two spots that were left over. So as soon as I knock them out, we'll get right back to the show. This message is sponsored by Raycon. With Back-to-School season here, we've been thinking about one thing that we really wish we'd had back when we were in school. Raycon's everyday earbuds classic. Whether you're heading back-to-school yourself, we're shopping for a student. These are a great back-to-school essential. The active noise cancellation is perfect for tuning out distractions when you're studying at the library,

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Yeah. Yeah. Or no? No, no. It's too much. It's too much. I doubt it's more of a bummer then. No, it's not that bad.

It's not that bad. It's not that bad. No, it's not that bad. But it's pretty. So I was over at, I don't know if you, I don't know if you know where Stewart's is a Madeline, but, um... Yeah, yeah, I do. So over there with, we, we went over and eat dinner and then me and Deb and Teddy

were going to dash after we're done eating. And my wife wanted to leave a tip and she asked me if I had any change and I went my pocket and I had only singles and a 10. And, um, she, she needed a five. And, um, so that's, this is part, this is important part of the story to get I, that I had a $10 bill in my pocket and I knew it. So we get, we're done eating and we turn on the app and we get one, the first one that comes in, it's the lowest offer I've ever gotten, $2.65.

But it was like literally the plaza, I could see the plaza from where we're eating. And I said, I'm not doing it for $2.60. I said, it's not worth it. Or $2.85, whatever it was. And she says, well, if I decline it, it's going to bring your rating down to a point where you'll lose. even the silver status. And I was like, and she said, it only'll take five minutes to do the whole order, it says. And I was like, all right, I'll do it.

I said, I'll just do it. It's right here. And the place I got delivered to is right down the street. It says it's like six minutes away. The whole thing should take six minutes. Right. Now, how many levels are there? Because you say you're going to be demoted.

Yeah, it would be demoted. Like, I wouldn't even be silver anymore. So I would have to, it would mean like I have to schedule my, my appointments when I want to dash then. Oh, okay. So that's annoying because then it's like, I have to wait. for every hour on the hour and not just do it when I want to do it

so I was like for okay $2.8.5. Since I'll do it. Immediately like after I hit fucking okay I start fucking regretting it. It's some lady if Lee starts fucking sending

messages like now granted I'm a little fucking agitated that I had to take this order anyway though but now you start sending me messages like don't forget my ranch. And I'm like

I'm like, I'm already a little on the edge. Like, like, if you don't say please or thank you, it's really annoying because I'm like, of course. Bitch, you're fucking paying me less than $3 to do this. You could at least throw in a thank you or please. I don't even respond to the message. And then again, before I even get in there, because I walked there from the parking lot. I could walk from the parking lot from stores to where I had to pick it up.

Don't forget my ranch. Another message. And I was like, this bitch is going to be a pain in the ass. I said, so I'm definitely going to be a lot. to say to the kid, does this have ranch in the bag? I get there and immediately it's a cluster fuck where he's like, it's not ready yet. And I'm like, okay, so I'm just sitting there waiting, waiting. I'm like, what's going on?

He goes, yeah, we forgot to put it in. He goes, we're doing it right now. So I'm like, the whole time now I'm looking for her for now. I can't do anything. I can't make any money because I'm waiting for her order. So then he says it's right. ready. It's like 15, 16 year old kid. And I said, isn't this come with a drink, I said? He goes, oh, yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. And then I go, this has ranch in it, right?

Because I can't open a bag. He goes, this has ranch in it, right? He goes, yep, it's got ranch. I go, you're sure, I said. And he goes, yeah. So I go delivering it. And when I get to the place, it's from the outside it doesn't look like, but it's a nursing home. Okay. So I walk into the building and to the left of me is there's a counter, but there's no nurse there. There's elevators. And on the wall, you could tell it's a nursing home because there's all pictures of, I guess,

the attendance with the patients. You know, like we treat our, every patient like a flower kind of nonsense on the bulldoin board. Some fucking flower. Withering dying flower. And so I'm like, well, where do I do? I think, where do I leave it?

And because I need to get a PIN number for it. So I have to have somebody give me this number before I can leave it. And I get a message. It says, you're in the wrong area. And I was like, well, where do I go? I type back just, I goes, I pinned where you have to go. And I don't know what that means. Right.

I pinned it. Like, I pinned my location. She goes, I don't know what that means. I write. She goes, I'm in the back. And, like, again, like, I am taking it like a little bit more. personal because like motherfucker this is just like $3 and you're like

never once are you being nice in the text it feels like so I'm walking around the parking lot I'm trying to find it by looking at my phone I pull my phone out of my pocket important and I go to the back I finally find another entrance and there's some lady at the counter who literally just throws up a fucking post

that doesn't look at me with the PIN number before I keep even saying anything she just puts the posted on my face with the PIN number I was like oh thank you and I complete it, I give it to the later to counter. It's not even her, though, that's taken it. She's just the, I guess, what do you call it? The receptionist.

Yeah, and dormant type of show. So I'm walking back and I see, in the parking lot, I see this lady with her two sons. They're like 12 and 15 and they're looking at something on the ground and the mother's holding the kid back. And I see something on the ground. My eyes aren't the greatest. but I know they're looking at something on the ground. And I said to myself from far away, I'm like, that looks like they're looking at money.

And then they kind of disappear, like, in between the cars. Like, they go their way. They didn't pick it up. So I walk over to it, and it's a fucking $10 bill. And I'm like, sure enough, I look at my pocket. When I pick my phone out of my pocket, it fell out. That's my $10 bill. So I pick it up.

And as I pick it up, that lady pops out of the fucking between the cars. It's like, I saw it first. I saw that first. Oh my God. She's pretty nice, old lady. And I look at her and I start to weigh I'm like, she's never going to believe me.

And I'm like, yeah, this is my $10 bill. I go, she's never going to believe it. I wouldn't believe it. Somebody's like, yeah, yeah, I dropped this. I'd be like, so I said, well, why didn't you pick it up? I said, because I thought it had fentanyl on it. It sounds so shit. Oh, baby you're feeling good.

And I look at it and I go, I hope it doesn't. I said. And she goes, and I go, yeah, because that's why I didn't pick it up. I was afraid I had fentanyl on it. I go, yeah, too late, I guess for me. Then hopefully it doesn't. I said, I kind of just keep walking. She goes, I can't see her face.

I can't see her face. I'm like, I just turn around and I go, do you want it here? Because I don't want it now. Probably has your fentany all over it. And I'm just sitting there going like, this is, like, if she takes it, I'm down $7. now. But I'm like, I don't want to argue with her because I know she'll never believe me. Yeah.

I'm like, here, I go, take it. And I'm giving it to her to her. She goes, no, nope, nope, nope, don't touch it. She's going to the kids. So I just turn around. I'm like, I ain't got time for this. I just keep walking. I'm going to tell Deb, and I get back in the car, you want to ever believe this.

And then Deb goes, that lady just fucking texted you. She goes, God damn it, you fucking forgot my ranch. This ain't this. I'm, so I'm fucking furious because I'm like, I'm not even mad at her. I'm like, she's got to fucking call that burger place, I said, and fucking read them the riot act to that idiot at the counter. I said, because I fucking asked that moron twice if the ranch was in there. I'm not, like, she has every right to be pissed off. Sure.

And I said, tell her. And then tell her to call the fucking place and tell them that they forgot the ranch because I specifically said, tell her I specifically said, I asked for the ranch. Deb just writes, I asked the kid for the ranch. Then she writes back, I hate myself. I want to die. Jesus Christ. Are you listening to Nirvana? I hope.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm looking at Deb. She's reading this. I'm like, it really says that? She goes, I hate myself. I want to die. I hate living in this place. Oh. My life is horrible.

So I just write back, I'm like, I'm going to go get the ranch, okay? I mean, what else? I would have to do. I would have gone. I'm like, I'm only two minutes away. I'll be back with the ranch. So I start driving and go to get the ranch. I'm already preparing. I'm like, I'm going to go in there and going to fucking lamb base that motherfucker at the counter

because I'm like, I specifically fucking said did you have the ranch? And then before I can even get there, she writes back, Hey, hon, they gave me ranch from downstairs. God bless you. I got my ranch. So I'm like, do I go now, spend more time fucking arguing by him. I'm because I have to hurt. I just fucking go about and try to fucking.

You're done at that point. Yeah. So I'm like, fuck it, forget it. But, oh, it's fucking. Oh, that is rough. Yeah, it was just like the most Charlie Brown of fucking things. It's like. It's such a fucking Karen move to.

It's like, if you don't want the $10 to leave me the fuck alone. What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? Yeah, but like, I knew it. my heart though, there's no way you would ever believe me that this was my $10 that I had just dropped like two seconds earlier when I was walking through the parking lot. Yeah. Yeah, but she, she was so mad that I was dumb enough to pick it up at her cost of because I guess eventually she was going to go get something to pick it up, maybe a handkerchief

or a glove or something that I didn't give her the opportunity. Something similar happened to me recently. I was at a urinal taking a piss and my phone vibrated. So I was like, all right, I'll take it out. I took it out and a $5 bill went to the floor right, you know, right at the base of the urinal. And I was like, I can't pick that up. I can't. It's in piss. I'm looking at it. It's in piss. But it didn't feel good. Like, there was a fucking whole debate in my head. I'm like, do I get that $5 with a tissue? Why wash it off in the sake? But it was in piss. So I left it. I left it. I start falling cue around. I found something. If it was $20, I'd probably be fucking.

can figure it out, but I love $5 go. And then I had it. That's rough. I mean, the worst part of the story is her being so miserable in her life that she can't stop herself from being like, I ate at him. Texting a total stranger. Texting it. And during, I wish I had screenshot the fucking messages because they disappear on the app.

And, but I was, we were, me and my life were just like, oh. Yeah, that's rough. We got to get her the most ranch she's ever gotten. We got to get her a bucket of ranch. Oh, man. I hope that anything doesn't come. come from me. Just alone in a room, fucking ranting out.

But I could just tell from the person downstairs, they don't treat every patient like a flower. By the way, they treated me. I was like, I got a feeling. You are a potential patient. Mr. Q can't have ranch. He's made it too high in his cholesterol out. Take it from the bag.

It's only now. And I got another one that was just brutal. do you it's in hazlet there's an italian ice place and it was 10 bucks and i was like 10 bucks that's that's a lot just to deliver italian ice so i was like i took it on a sunday in the middle of the afternoon and it turns out i had to go all the way to long branch didn't i didn't look at it because a 10 bucks just kind of like yeah take it 10 bucks had to go all the way to long branch in the summer this is from haslet Azlet.

Okay, so if you're not familiar with the area, you're talking about probably 15 miles. Yeah. But in traffic with summer traffic. Right, summer traffic. Beach traffic. Because there's something called the Seabright Strip, which is one lane either way. And that's where all the beach traffic goes. So you're fucking backed up for sure.

Yeah. So I'm like, what are you going to do? I mean, I took it and I'm getting, I start getting messages from this person, much different, saying like, hey, thank you so much for taking my order. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Then she starts saying that she's going in for surgery tomorrow and she really wanted this, this sherber or ice, whatever it is. And I'm like, I just tell her, and like, Dev's like, what do I say? I just, like, you could just put like an emoji, like happy face or something or any like, no problem. And I was like, I'll be there soon, you know.

And so then she writes, hey, can you come up and deliver it to my room? I'll give you a massive tip. Oh, homeboy's getting fucked. And I'm like, deliver it to her room. And so then we Google the address and it was at the hospital. Oh. So it's like somebody in a hospital and I was like, oh, I can't take a tip from somebody in a hospital. I said, this is enough.

I'm not taking a tip. I said, there's no way. She's like, she tries to give me a tip. I'm not going to take it. I'm like, I'll definitely go up to the room. I don't care. And I said, so she would just write back, no problem, I'll deliver it up to the room. And she's like, awesome.

You're so sweet. You're going to get a big tip. But I really didn't. It's like there wasn't a factor at all in this. Why are you like Robin Hood, fucking giving away money at everything? But I just know. Because she's in the hospital. She's going in for surgery.

I don't know. I just was like, I don't need it. To me, I'm like going up that extra of an elevator and dropping it off there somewhere is not a big deal. You know, I'm asking for it. She's offering it. Yes. And you're also a soft touch because like when you go to a place like a trailer park,

you're like, they can't afford it. Let me just take it out of my pocket. So we get there fucking seemingly, it takes forever to get there. Finally there, I go in and the lady at the counter is just like, I tell who I'm there to visit. And they're like, you need an ID. Uh-oh.

So I do have my ID. I got to go back out to the car, all the way back out to the car. which was like parked a mile away and come back in and then they're like, oh, you're here for DoorDash. DoorDash just can't go upstairs. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. And I was like, why? And she goes, because, DoorDash is just leave it here and we'll bring it up to him.

I go, it's a fucking ice cream. I said, it's a tiny ice. I go, it's probably, it's been in a car for almost an hour. I said, at this point, if it doesn't get up there now, it's going to be soup. I think she, look, she goes, she asked me to bring it up. I said, and I show her the messages. She goes, okay. she lets me go up and I

the sprawling fucking carterers of a hospital I'm like I get lost a million fucking different times Kid him you've got to remind me please before I come next week to bring those glasses with the cameras from Walton The fact that we're not documenting this is is criminal so I finally find the way

Security can't look at him going out of the city whole way something from the X-files what the fuck is this guy doing and it's really weird because there's nobody in the hospital on a Sunday afternoon. Like, it's just deserted. And so there's nobody to ask if I'm going right.

Well, I finally get to the right wing. I'm looking for the room. And there's a nurse outside the room. And I said, is this room such and such? And she goes, yes. I go, am I allowed in there? He goes, I have a delivery. And she goes, sure.

And I go in. It's just some 20-something-year-old girl. She's reading the book. She looks miserable. And she could barely even say, like, thank you or anything. So I'm just going to leave it on the counter, right? And she just shakes her head, yes. And then I hear her say like a faint whisper to the nurse,

can you put this in ice? It's ice cream. And I just left. And again, I never wanted a tip though. But she never gave a tip though. She just wanted that ice cream brought up to her. And I get it. That's bad karma for you going to for surgery.

Rip off a guy. Definitely. That's pretty funny. Well, I still have two more spots to read, but Q, you have places to be. It's already 102. Oh, yeah, I got to go. So what I'm going to do is,

and everybody knows this by now is I'll read the spots at home and I'll just insert them somewhere. All right. Very cool. Yeah, I'll just do it that way. Yeah. No problemo.

Going to meet some friends to see Spidey. Nice. We'll talk about it next week. Yeah, we'll talk about it next week. I've heard middling things about it. The highest grossing movie of all time. Is it really? Well, it's the biggest opening, right?

Opening? The biggest opening of all time. The biggest opening of all time. Yeah. It has a ways to go to, I think, to be the biggest movie of all time, right? Is it still Avatar? I'm not sure. I don't know.

Changes every summer, it feels like. Yeah, really. Yeah, but, you know, we'll see. So, yeah, we'll discuss it next week. Avatar, 2.92 billion. Wow. That's insane. I've never finished that movie.

Every time I put it on, I'm like, I don't get it. And then there's sequels that people, and they were all making money too. I'm like, I was watching this stuff. Yeah, I never wanted to see because Walt's wife was like, yeah, I got sick, like motion sickness. I was like, that's it for me then because there's no fucking way. Wow.

You know, it's like my life is basically, I'm over. I'm a ghost because. You still remember Titanic. No, I do not know what Nezza 2 is. No, but wow. Holy shit. three of those movies are directed by James Cameron. Yeah.

Wow, man. What the fuck is that? What is Najah, too? I'm going to say it's a Chinese movie. It's a Chinese animated fantasy movie. Oh, there's a lot of Chinese people, though, right? Don't they have like the most populated country on the planet? Yeah, I believe so.

I bet you it was if they had to, everybody had to go see it. Yeah. You want to keep your kid? Go see the movie. Tom, Steve, Dave.