Tell Em Steve-Dave - #687: The TesdTown Gooner

Episode Date: August 17, 2026

Salem celebrated, ai center controversy, Walt the optimist, DoorDash Diaries, Pirates, Reacher, Spider-Man. theperfectjean.nyc code TESD15, https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/tesd, IG: @Tellemants

Just a quick little announcement before we start to show. If you are in the $40, 60, or $100 tier and you haven't received your Sunday, Jeff, an action figure, please email me at KMU's 2 at Gmail. That's K M-E-W-E-S-2 at gmail.com, and I'll look into it. That's it. All right, on with the show. The DoorDasher. Saves fucking Dollar Tree.

Spend all day in bed, just jerking off. Who's this fat bitch? Yeah! Tell him, Steve, Dave. Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave, starring Get Em, Steve Dave. How you stankin? How you stankin? B-Q.

How you stanking? And myself, Brigh. How is everybody stanking today? Oh. What's the matter? All right. What's going on? do this.

What's happening? No, nothing yet. No, no. I just, uh, I wanted to, now I'm getting all choked up because I'm thinking of, I want to tell people thank you for the nice words about Salem. I wanted to say that right off the bat. Yeah. Put some pictures of them up on Instagram and I saw them, yeah, man.

Got some texts and stuff, that sort of thing. So, uh, I was very appreciative of that. It was nice. It's nice to feel a little guy's life. Yeah, yeah. It was just, like it wasn't just like us. Yeah. It was celebrated a little bit.

I remember when Benjamin went, like, it felt, it fell nice hearing from people. Oh, yeah. That was a, that was like a watershed moment, man. Yeah, and it's like, it's not about you. It's not, it's just you want the cat to mean something. Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a weird thing, even though nothing means anything. Right.

It's funny you should say that. I was thinking, like, what if, you know, like a couple weeks, I'm like, hey, I got a cat. I got another cat, you know? Then he gets sick and he goes. Yeah. Like almost immediately. And I get another cat. Gets sick and goes.

So you start to suspect me of Munchausen by proxy. Well, I start to suspect someone. Maybe not me? Yeah, maybe not someone that I know quite so well. The cat didn't appreciate my songs. The mask is starting to fall on Marybeth. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so there was that.

My first instinct is never to suspect you of anything. I like that about you. Surely they've gotten this wrong. Let's see. I was thinking Walt, I was looking at Terminator stuff. And Marybeth brought up, I guess, in Home Dell, there's an AI center that could be built because they didn't put in their, at Bell works because they didn't put in their petition on time. So it's possible that one could be built there. and isn't that what Sarah Connor was trying to avoid?

Isn't that what she was doing? She was taking out AI centers? Well, SkyNet, right? Skynet, which was like, which was an AI. Wasn't it an AI? Well, I remember in two, she was going to get the chip that was from one, like, the leftover parts. Right, right, right.

Yeah. I still don't think we're at that level yet. I mean, most of the AI is being used to just, like, make images of, people in ridiculous, you know, situations. Right, yeah, that's what I've seen so far. Flyers for businesses. Yeah, and Sarah Connor, what they were, or in Terminator, actually, they were using the futuristic tech to build, you know, weaponry.

Right. And I don't know if that's being utilized. The other day that these AI models made a new virus. Did you see this? No. Yeah, like they figured out a new virus. that don't exist in nature. Great.

Yeah. We don't have enough of them. But it's not a big deal, though, because they'll just, the AI will create a cure for that virus then. If the AI wants a cure us. Or if the government wants to. Yeah, maybe they want to just get it out and take out all the humans. AI? Yeah.

I mean, I think that you've been spoon fed. You, as in society, has been spoon fed that, like, there's always something. out there trying to kill you, whether it's... Look at this fucking trust in Sally. I know, Kaliata. You know, whether it wasn't, you know, there was aliens are coming to conquer us,

whether it's futuristic technology, AI, you know, yeah, it's, we just live to be scared, though. The bomb back in the day. They need that, that doom and gloom hovering over us at all times.

times for some reason. I remember in the 80s, I was fearful of the killer bees and quicksand and the Bermuda Triangle. Like, apparently those are the things that were going to kill me. Yeah. And like, you know, in this foreseeable future. Anything that was like in search of is something you had to be cautious of. Yeah.

Yeah, I remember killer bees being a big thing in the 70s. The swarm. Did anybody die by them? Non-American. There are reports every year of a kid, you know, throwing a, rocks at a hive and he gets stung so off so many times that he dies. Or some guy mowing the lawn. Yeah. A guy mowing the lawn runs over a nest.

Yeah, but like they're going to, I mean, they're going to hand over AI that everything's going to be handed over at AI. You don't think. In what sense? I mean, every, like what's everything? Cars will be driving on AI, planes will be flying on AI, electrical systems will be working on AI. I mean, everything. Do you think that there'll be people? especially important people who will fly under the, by a plane solely flown by a robot or AI.

Yeah. I don't think so. Pretty much going on right now. Yeah. Planes have been flying on a water pilots for decades. Yes. But there's a human being ready to take over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think anybody's going to have nobody in the cockpit. That's crazy. Of course they will. It might take 10 years, but no way. No way. The world would that fly around the desert right now by themselves, bombing things to a tenth of a degree. In ten years, I don't think people are that gullible that they're going to get on a plane that's not, that doesn't have at least an emergency pilot ready to step in and take the controls. I don't know what leads you to believe that.

Well, most, I mean, when you talk about the pilot unions. Aviation accidents, it's always, or almost always. It's some dude to fight with his wife before the fucking chip started. Yeah, he's like that stupid bitch. Yeah, but fuck everybody. Yeah, surgeries will be AI. It's all coming. I, and I say bring it on.

If the surgical procedures are better and more errorproof under the AI, then what are you scared of then? Let it come. Right. Same with planes. Same with cars. Yeah, I saw it was a grape that it was like that somebody had peeled with Yeah, that's the robotic surgery, but someone's actually controlling that. It's just that the...

It's just a matter of time, right? It's a computer handles the inputs a lot better. Like, it's, they translate, it steps them down. So it's still someone they can get, they have the feedback and everything and with the feeling, but they're just being able to control a, you know, a millimeter long needle that they would never be able to hold. What would you prefer, Walt, if you had to go in for an operation. And it's like, well, you can have a doctor, regular doctor, or you can have AI do it. I still think that there has to be a doctor in there just monitoring the AI to make sure everything's going smooth.

I don't think you would bother me. I think I did have like a... Had some robotic work done on me. That it was some nanotech shit going on. Oh, yeah? Some nanobots in your system? Like laparoscopic surgery is robotic surgery. You know, they only need three little holes versus, you know, a huge incision.

Yes, that's what I get. That's all I need to. Yeah. Call me AI. I only need three little holes. Booyah! Some of these... I'm back, baby.

Here he is. Some of these industries, though, they'll need to fight it. You know, remember how, like, the Screenwriters Guild? Yeah. Yeah, they fought the good fight against AI, and they have in writing. that studios can't do shit with AI now. Because James Gunn didn't listen. Why would he do?

Some of the promotional material for a guy, they said, who came out against AI in all its forms and everything, or at least with filmmaking, a lot of the promotional stuff, the concept art was done by AI. See, I don't know about art if art is, I know the screenwriters were the ones that, like, really somehow had the mojo to, like,

get it written into contracts or something. I don't know about the artists, though. I think the artists are kind of like, I don't know if they had the same strong union that is going to be able to tell studios they can't use AI. I think what people are outreach was is that to design Lobo, they used AI rather than going back and just going to the comics and going to those designs. Well, you know, they fed the comics to the AI. I mean, how else would it come up with it?

Yeah, but like, would you want, should you go back to like, you know, the actual artwork if you're trying to replicate a comic character? I mean, it was concept art. I don't know, man. I don't love it, but I don't see how you stop it, you know? Well, that was the big complaint. They're like, you got $180 million budget, pay some conceptual artists.

Sure. I don't fucking. I don't disagree. Yeah. It's weird. Like, there's AI, like, podcasts now that are, like, tearing up the charts, AI music is getting millions of listens. I'm like, who is listening to this?

stuff. Yeah, I've yet to hear any AI music that I'm like, oh, this is a great song. I really dig this. Yeah. I've heard quite a few, too. Like a podcast, you're just like, what the you're just, that's weird. What are you listening to? Well, that's what Altman just recommended. It was like, you know, he's like,

hey, you know, what you should do is find out what your kids, your interests are, put into chat GPT, and chat GPT will generate a podcast, and you can listen to it in your car with your kids. I mean, it's what, I mean, if I was, I mean, parents seem to be in this eternal search

to keep their kids fucking occupied. So I'm not surprised by that. I haven't yet to meet a parent. That's just not like how the fuck do I get this kid looking at a screen besides me. Oh boy. Sam Altman suggests parents generate AI podcasts about their kids. Yeah. Who's Sam Altman?

He's the head of chat chitp. I mean, he's the guy that would tell you to do it. No, because he's benefits from it. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Cool use of chat GPT I heard last night. Connect your family calendars and explain your kids' interests. Every morning for the drive to school, have it make a podcast that talks about one kid's soccer game that afternoon.

One kid's upcoming birthday, some news, et cetera. So now I got to listen to it. I don't know. Now I got to listen to it. I'd much rather be listening to my own podcast or music or something. And now I've got to listen to a podcast about what my fucking kids did the day before that I already know. These kids should be listening to tell them Steve Dave anyway. I know.

I think like the fear of AI going Skynet, though, is, I don't think it holds any water for me. I think what AI will do and is already doing, though, is it is going to destroy, though, occupation after occupation after occupation. So it will be a wasteland. And there will be no fields. that, well, there'll be very few fields that people will be able to. Plummers, electricians, stuff like that, until they build the robots. So, yeah, that'll be the apocalypse. It'll be a job apocalypse.

It won't be that AI is like hunting down humans, you know, like you see. It's going to steal a plumber's job? That's not nearly as exciting. They're not going to make a movie about that. But that's what the wasteland will be. That's what the apocalypse of AI will bring about. And it already, it's already starting. And it has been.

But it's been going on. It's a slow creep to that, though. Anything that was automated going back from to the 50s. That was, that's, that was, those are the baby steps. Yeah, the tolls throw and throw the coins in the basket. You don't need a person work in there. Yes. And it's, how do you, do you want to stop it or do you just have to let it, you know,

you have to be the only the strong survive and only the people who, are smart and strong enough to find a way to still generate an income, but we'll survive then. Yeah, I don't think there's a string of words that exists in any language that I could say that people would listen to me like, stop AI. Nobody gives a fuck. Nobody cares. I mean, if it can make your life even 1% easier, you're going to. to take the easy route. Yeah.

You know, most people will. Not everybody, but most people will, regardless of the ramifications, whether that be, you could have paid someone to do that task for you or whatever, it's going to be, but it won't be in our lifetime, I don't think. I think the true horror of horrors is going to be when, like, there are no fucking jobs for people. Yeah, but don't you think that that's at the point where people won't have to, work. Like, isn't that, like, everybody's got a universal income.

The robots do all the work. And here's, you know, you're really, humans are, like, just fiddling all day. What's the point of a, you think that there'll be ever be a universal income? I mean, if there's, if there's no work to do because the AI and robots are doing all of it, like. So then people will just be like. What does it even matter? I don't see that being the outcome, though, like, well, you know what? Here, let's create a utopia now where nobody has.

to work. That's never going to happen. I don't see that happen. Why? If there's no jobs to do, what are people going to do? They're going to die. Because they're not going to be able to, not going to be able to live in a world where they can't, there's no income to be generated for them. They can offer nothing because everything, every field is closed from, though. But where is the income coming from? The elites, the people who have the income. Where's the money coming from to them?

They're not going to be. You need a customer base. You need people to, to, to spend money or else, what are you doing? Well, you're... If you got nothing to sell to, if you got no one to sell to, nobody to buy, nobody to do anything, like... But you're, you're, you're, your, your Amazon, that's, you're ordering... When Amazon sells to people who have money to buy it, if nobody's have jobs, nobody's buying it. And then it all collapses.

That's what I'm saying. It's not going to, but it's not going to be, people are going to just all of a sudden and be like, hey, I never have to work in everything that I want, I can just press a button and it's going to be delusely. deliver to me with no. I don't know. I think that's where we're headed. I mean, isn't that where we're ultimately headed?

Isn't that your life already? This guy got a champagne button. I got a champagne button. But it's not for everybody. There are more have-nots than halves. Girls are a bikini button. Yeah, that's the only button I wanted. I think there are more have-nots than halves, though, than you realize, though.

In the world today? Yeah, that don't have the ability to just press a butt. in order or whatever they want. Well, I don't have that. But it was just a joke. Oh, you have that. I don't have a button. It's on your fucking, it's on your phone.

But then everybody's got the button. Yeah. Everybody's got the button. Everybody can afford to use it, though. I mean, Amazon doesn't get to be where it is without people being able to afford. I think a lot of people can't, though. Yeah, they can, but not everything, no. Not a sweet hot tub.

I mean, again, I don't have a hot tub. Did you get rid of it? You're a little hot tub that you got for Fourth of July, remember? Oh, that was an Amazon. Yeah, I returned it to Amazon. Oh, did you? Yeah. He only did it for one day.

He stuck to the man. That's how you, that's how you battle Skynet in our reality. It's not by going out with an M16. It's just use it and return it. You're a warrior for the human race. You have a hell of a job that fucking get this return, this, return this. I'd say, Walt's been fighting Skynet as long as I've known him. His T-1000 is Jeff.

Right. All right. Yeah. Okay. Well, we'll see. Well, I always say, like, if I can imagine it, that means it won't be what happens. So you're probably right. I just don't.

Has there, what's the closest to utopia that's ever existed? Like, are we at it now? Is this close to utopia? And if it is, there's a whole lot of motherfuckers who are, like, just saying utopia, you know. Yeah. But talk to people in the dark ages, they might be like, I don't know, man. It looks pretty good. Yeah, right.

Yeah. What's your problem? People don't get a lot. long. People aren't loving each other as much as they should. Oh, is that the problem? Difference of opinions. My dick, run it off. No, their problems are they can't, they can't start the American dream because they can't afford it. They can't go buy a house. They cannot get started. They can't. Who are these people? I know they exist. I'm not arguing with that, but like, they don't have the ability to find an occupation that will allow

them to start their start a family to do all the things that society says are the benchmarks. That's always been the way. It's not always been the way. Yeah. When the fuck was a lot easy. It was a lot easier though. When and who to who? There was, there was so many more jobs that like allowed you to, you had a job that you could

support a family on. That is way more. That's so true. There were plenty of house. A shoe salesman could afford a house with kids. back in the day. Now, it just heard this the other day,

you need $100,000 minimum per year. I'm not arguing that. I'm just saying, but there's always been people that can't afford a house. There's always been. There's always been. But there was way more people

who could do the American dream if they chose to. Well, you have diminishing jobs and then you have all these people graduating with these fucking useless degrees, you know? Is that what's happening? Yeah. You know, like, and even if they are useful,

the job market's so flooded as it stands that it's hard to, you know, secure employment. That's probably the biggest complaint about girls or kids probably like your daughter's ages, right? Because I think there are no jobs there that, like, they can get that would provide an income that would allow them to buy house. Yeah, just even to get an apartment. It's just like, so if, like, if 80% of your income goes to your, where you live, just to pay to rent or a mortgage, it's not, you, you're just, you're just, immediately behind the eight ball and you're struggling on through your whole life then. You're never going to get ahead.

I read and Tom texting me about this. New Jersey was voted number two and best places to live in the country, which really shocked me. Why? Because I just don't think it's that great of a state. But then it's 48th in terms of affordability, which I was like, oh, okay, there you go. But what don't you like about it, though? It offers so much, though. It offers so many things.

I don't like the congestion. I don't like the taxes. Dude, every time you must know, every time you turn. around your property taxes are getting bumped up. Okay, yeah. Okay, you're talking about, I'm talking about what the state, the actual land has to offer, though. Oh, you're talking parks and stuff? You're talking about, you know, you got beaches from in this direction.

You've got New York City in this direction. You know, you can do so many different things. It has a great location. It's loaded with arts. It's loaded with theater. There's nothing that isn't within a 45-minute drive if you live in New Jersey. so much more than other states. If you can afford the guess.

Yeah. Average Americans still can't afford a typical U.S. home news report finds, new report finds. It's brutal. Yeah. You need 109,000, almost 110,000, which is about 22,000 more than the typical household income is. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I've read several times that it's become increasingly more difficult for anybody to get a leg up, you know. Yeah.

There's just so many people. There's just too many people. Yeah. There's too many people. There's too many people. There's too many jobs. You got to least people buying, buying a kind of affordable houses and then just demolishing them and then putting up a big mansion. Right.

And then they want, you know, a million dollars for it. It's just, it's insane, you know. Spoken like a guy who hasn't found home yet. Yeah. Kew. Have you been at Dollar Tree lately? I've been to five below lately. Is it the same sort of thing?

Same sort of thing, but not exactly. Okay. Not exactly. It seems that Dollar Tree is part of this viral meme or, I don't know if you would consider it a challenge. You know, Sage is constantly with her TikTok challenges and her YouTube challenges, you know, running around the house doing different challenges. Well, this is a different one. It's called gooning. You're just talking about the jerking off thing?

Kind of. Okay. Gooning is kind of like edging, which is. Spend all day in bed, just jerking off. Pretty much jerking off. Like, not alone yourself to come. There's worse ways to spend time, right? Yeah, it sounds like a lazy Sunday.

Well, at the dollar tree, the Diane Village Shopping Center in Claremont, which is in, let's see, where is this? San Diego, so California, was a center of an allegedly repeated sexual assault incident. According to the lawsuit, a man followed Jane Doe around the Dollar Tree on March 2nd, 2025. She did notice that he was following her a little bit from aisle to aisle, but not overly, obviously. He was dressed fairly normally. Then as the man passed the client or the customer in a stationary aisle, he looked unsuspecting, well-groomed, and carrying a basket of items. He then walked up behind her, positioned himself behind her, wiped something, touched her back side like buttocks and lower back area. that's when she confronted the man.

He apologized, said he bumped into her, and she said, did you just wipe something on me? He denied any wrongdoing and left the store. She later realized it was sticky and it was semen. Sick fucker. Nobody's gooned on you in a dollar tree? That's why you go to five below. Yeah, well, there's no, they don't let you goon on people there.

I'm sure this is something that's like going on at Dollar Trees across the country. Yeah, there's been more than one report. I imagine the CEO of Dollar Tree when he gets the report, he's got to be horrified when he's like, why are they picking us? What did we do? Like why is Dollar Tree the place to do it at? Do you remember? I think it was like a year ago.

We were watching one of those body cam shows. And so I did the same thing at that at home over in Middletown. Yes. Yeah. And we're like, oh, it's happened to December. We looked up the article. It's exactly what happened. Yeah, locally it happened.

Oh, really? Yeah. At the Middletown right by the Apple will be Plaza. Some young guy, really young guy did it. They had the dash cam footage of his arrest. I mean, he had to be like 20 years old. He looked completely normal, too. What the fuck thinks are going to get away with anything like that in this day and age?

And how do you, like, get yourself so aroused and so worked up that you're able to do? Oh, you're a deviant, man. You're a psycho. It's just a different, your brain works in a different way, right? Yeah, you're completely another, like, you need to be removed. You know, I hate to say it, but yeah, you are, you'll never be used to society. There is no reforming somebody who doesn't. that, you know, they're toast.

They're never going to be, like, functioning contributors to society. I mean, I wouldn't, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't want to hire that guy. Oh, there he is. Yeah, yeah. Because he had done it twice. Like, they caught him. They missed him the first time, and then they were on the lookout for him, and they got him when he came back in, and then called the cops.

I've had to pick up at Dollar Tree so often they are, they are definitely, like the the Z grade quality merch and food I had to pick up like a whole bunch of frozen hand

not ham like sliced ham I forget what it was but it was frozen and I guess you you microwave it and it was like an order of like 10 of them they're like a dollar

a box and it was so fucked up I brought it to a fucking chain restaurant and had to give it to the bartender Oh, my God. You're using. Oh, my. Yeah.

The direction says, go inside and give to bartender. Dollar Tree ham. Wow. That's gross. Yeah. There you go. So they probably were like, they probably got this order. It wasn't the chilies, was it?

It wasn't the chilies. All right. And they probably like, get. and ready to fucking make it. And they're like, we got no ham. I call Dollar Tree. That's it, the pork ham stick.

It was in a cardboard box. Was it pork roll? I don't know what it was. You know what? It's something I don't eat, so it's to me it was exotic. And I was like, where if I find this? I walked in.

I was like, there you go, Dollar Tree freezer ham. It might not have been ham, but it was a very common product. But I was kind of lost into where I should look for it, though, because I never eat it or buy it. And certainly wouldn't have bought it that Dollar Tree if I did eat it. Dollar Tree is a very unique. The customers are unique in there, and the products are definitely you get what you pay for.

It looks like a Z-grade shit, though. Right. It says here At least 11 women Have reported similar sexual assaults by men at Dollar Tree Stores in several major cities It's called the The Dollar Tree Gooner

That's the Got a title for this week's show anyway How do you go into jail with that nickname? It's the Dollar Street You know what they call me? I'm the BTK killer The Dollar Tree Gooner Do you think you'll get jail time, though?

No, it's a sexual assault. Not in America in this day age. I know. I mean, the way the fucking courts go, yeah, I doubt it. Oh, then you've got to go to your neighborhood and tell all your neighbors about what you did. Yeah, you probably got to go on a list registers. You guys heard of the Dollar Street gooner? Yeah, I'm not doing your neighborhood.

You may have heard me on the Dollar Street gooner. Oh, I do, yeah. And they don't look like Dollar Trees don't not look like they beefed up security, you know, with the rise of the gooners. Yeah. Well, they said that that was one of the problems is that they, to keep the bottom line. They don't have functioning cameras. They don't have security.

They don't have anything. So you can just basically walk in, take whatever you want and walk out. Nobody would ever know. Somebody happens to see you. Yeah, that's what I feel like. Like there's one guy in there, it feels like. And so the entire store is just,

he's blind to the entire store. Well, he's not getting semen on him. He's like, they don't pay me enough to fucking stop the gooning. Oh, dude, man. I would fucking, that would be my dream. To be the guner. To take down the gooner, I'm like a doordasher. Saves fucking Dollar Tree. He jumps in front of.

What do you have to do like they did in the 70s where you wear a costume? And you're like the bait. You're walking down. Oh, yeah. Like the decoy. Knocks him out with frozen ham. I'm going to be on the lookout, though, for now. Yeah.

Some go on the Lowell Tree. Some gooners? The gooner, yeah. You got to be, man. Is that, but it was that profiling, though, if I go to the... Well, you're not, no, you're not looking for a specific type of person. It's going to be a male. Yeah.

Well, sure. Well... But that's it. That's where it begins and ends. Probably got some fucking bug eyes, you know. Probably sweating. Loose fitting clothing. You're supposed to ignore these things?

You're supposed to ignore these things? I mean, everybody talks about profiling. Like, it's a bad thing, but, you know. But come on, you know. It's proven system. His eyes are all, you could tell he's all jacked up because he's ready to goon. Yeah. And.

He's got gooner eyes. Yeah. He barely contained himself. Yeah. And, you know. But that's not been the description, though. Like, both of the descriptions I heard. They had been, they would dress nicely.

They were dressed normally. They looked normal. The guys. Yeah. Oh, I would have thought they would have been wearing like sweat pants so they'd get it out real quick. The whole description he just read was all about like someone looking normal going through the store. And that kid that you showed me at the other dollar store didn't. Well, you know what?

A business man will stick out like a. a sore thumb in Dollar Tree. Yeah. What's he doing here? Yeah. Reverse profiling. It looks too good for Dollar Tree. It must be gooning.

Well, this guy gooned in Philly, so looking at his shirt. It's not going to lick itself with a candy cane. Yeah. You should not wear that shirt. No. If you're going out and you want to try to get away with that. Yeah, like if any of the YouTube videos that I've seen from fights inside Dollar Tree are an indication yet, it's not, it's not, it's not,

like you're gooning on a catwalk. And it's weird, too. There's a lot of people hang out in front of Dollar Trees. Yeah? Yeah, like it's the like neighborhood hangout. Really? And they're old people too. They're old people just hanging out like sitting on like milk crates.

Yeah. Yeah. Denging for money? No, they're not begging for money. They're just hanging out. They're just chilling. Yelling at cars and shit. Gooner, gooners.

Yelling at cars? Yeah, they yell at cars as they drive by. What are they yelling? I have no idea, but every time I walk in there, there's somebody yelling something. I don't want any part of his life. When I was down in Orlando, Eli was there. Hey, Eli.

I was actually thinking about him the other days. Our good buddy, Eli. He's coming to town soon. We should go to lunch with him. What was he doing in Orlando? I'll go to lunch with him. He was at jiggy's thing. Oh.

Yeah, he was at jiggy's thing. I have his number. I told him the other day. I think I finally smoked something. He gave me. Oh, yeah? I got a thing of Eli for this. He, uh, he was admiring my rump, I noticed.

Eli was checking out your ass? I couldn't help it notice. Was he cooning? He was about to goad. And I was like, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yeah. Don't get this all over my perfect jeans. Yeah. Let me go change.

Then you can goon. Right. Because any other pair of jeans is worth gooning upon. Perfect jeans, you want to keep them nice. No, you got to keep them. I mean, they're too nice to get gooned on. My biggest frustration with jeans. Yeah.

When people goon on them. Do you usually feel like they're designed for someone else's body and mind? Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes they don't fit quite right. Yeah. Most dads have been wearing the same jeans for 15, 20 years, not because they love them, but because shopping for pants is a chore, they've always been putting off since the Clinton administration. The jeans are stiff.

They're unflattering in ways nobody says out loud. They gap at the back. They pull at the thighs. And somewhere along the way, the waistband just stopped sitting where it used to. Dad's body has changed. That's just life. But his jeans haven't changed with it, so he keeps wearing them. to Father's Day brunch, to kids' graduation, to every occasion where someone is going to take a photo and he's going to be in it.

I know this guy. This guy's name is Edgar. He's got the same jeans from the Clinton administration. He has the same, I mean, Clinton would be an update. Acid washed. Yeah. Six inches too long. He doesn't cuff him.

He's lost weight, so they're super bagging. I think I might get him a pair of perfect jeans. Yeah, why not, man? Yeah, why not? I'll get his measurements. He's a 24 waist. by 24 length. 24 waist?

I'm just kidding. I was like it. Has he got a fucking parasite? Let's see. To every occasion where somebody's going to take a photo and he's going to be in it. And every time there's a quite unspoken thing, he could look so much better. He just doesn't know where to start. And that's the gift, not just a pair of jeans.

He answered to the problem he's been ignoring for 20 years. And it's not just dads. It's the guy who graduated in Maine is heading off into a summer of firsts. First big job interviews. work events. First time he needs to show up looking like a real adult and not a college kid. His wardrobe hasn't caught up to his life yet. And that's where these jeans start. Construction angle. Are they actually worth $79.99? Q. What's the right answer here?

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So, we're back in action already. Did you ever hear the TV show Black Sale? Black Sails? Pirates on stars. I just started watching the piracy mood. They're pretty good. Yeah? Yeah, I mean, it's not like Deadwood good, but it's,

It's pretty good. And there's lots of what you want. It's killing, lots of boobies. Nice. Lots of sex. Lots of seafareran. Lots of seafareran. A lot of betrayals.

Pirates are definitely, they, in today's views, pirates are really kind of out. They behaved pretty poorly. The show's been off for like 10 years. They behaved pretty poorly, didn't they, pirates? They did. And the good thing about this show is they're still behaving poorly on the show. There's still a place where you can watch people behaving poorly.

Yeah, it's fun. It's more fun than I thought it would be. Well, when you think pirates today, you don't think like the swashbucklers. You think like Somalians. No, you think of Somali and pilots. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm a coppin now. No, this is like, machine guns and shit.

This has got everybody you want it. All the, all the classic pirates are in it. All right. That's Long John Silver. That's Annie Bonnie. That's, yeah, there's blackbeards in there somewhere. A lot of muskets. A lot of muskets.

If you ask me, he's got a great bod. Yeah, it's all sorts. They touch on everything. How many seasons? Four seasons. All right. Ten episodes or eight episodes seasons. Pretty quick.

How does one get into a pirate mood? I was playing Assassin's Creed Black Flag and I was out there on the high seas taking over ships and I was like, how do I feed this pirate? So many times you can watch Pirates of the Caribbean, you know, and it doesn't really give you. Yeah, it's not edgy though. Yeah, it's not edgy. Captain Sparrow was kind of a sanitized pirate. Yeah, yeah.

Disney-fied. Yeah, and this was Michael Bay produced this, so you know, I knew right away there was going to be lots of violence. Isn't that Transformers going? Yeah, and there was going to be lots of good-looking ladies in it. And so far has not good-looking people doing things I can't do. That's all I want from entertainment. But there it is.

It's not a real representation of the era, though. They probably were really good-looking. All these people are perfect. teeth. I don't think that they had perfect teeth back then. Yeah. Did I check with the hat there? That's Ann Bonnie? Annie Bonnie? And Bonnie? What is it? Anne or Annie? I don't remember. Um, she is fucking awesome on the show. She comes off like real dangerous and shit. It's cool. It's a good show. She's one with the hat, right? She's one with the hat. Yeah. Did you know that Reacher started again? The new season of Reacher. I saw the trailer for it, man. I watched the first episode. How was it? Awesome. Is it in New York City? Philly. Philly. Okay. Yeah. Because I saw a city background. I was like, oh, that was cool. Yeah, it starts off with a bang. Yeah. It starts off really, really good.

I didn't realize how much I missed, you know, that character. Right. You know, that kind of like brutal, simple, simplistic, you know, black and white. It's black and white. Yeah. You know, there's no gray. I know because I saw in the trailer right away, they give him that famous no where they're like, get out of here. And he's like, there's 10 people with guns on me.

He's like, no. And then he just starts killing him And I'm like, this is the best. I can't wait to watch this fucking show. Do we ever talk about him getting to a fight with his neighbor? Yeah. We did. We get hammered and something like that.

Yeah, he got like a bloody nose or something. Who would fight that guy? I mean, like, I think most actors are like, you know, kind of soft. That's one guy that I'm like, I don't want to fight this guy. But you think that, you know, his rap, though, just what all the times you see him on TV, beating ass, you know, it would create. Bincey, you'd get in your head a little bit if you were the neighbor. Yeah.

You're like, you don't know how much of it is fake and how much of it is real. I do know he's twice the size of me and built like a fucking Batman, so I know there's no way I want to fight this guy. But hey. Did you read the books? No, I never read the books. I'm trying to get into him. I just can't find a good spot to start. What about the first one?

Yeah. I was going to do the one. I was going to do the one that the first movie was made on, the one with, Tom Cruise. Oh, Tom Cruise? Yeah, yeah. Oh, here he is. So, uh, so, uh, this neighbor tailor, that's his last name, confronted Richson.

That's, uh, because he was driving too fast in their apartment complex. Uh, he accused the actor of speeding and driving his motorcycle loudly through the neighborhood while his children were present. Heeded words led to the neighbor stepping in front of and pushing Reacher off his bike twice. And then Reacher responded by striking the neighbor multiple times while he was on the ground. I mean, how does Reacher not know to be like? get me the fuck out of here. I shouldn't be doing this. Well, maybe self-defense, he got pushed off his motorcycle.

Or you're saying, like, don't do it in the first place. Yeah. Yeah, like, don't rip around the neighborhood on it. You see, somebody doing 19. That's him on the bike? Yeah. Oh, this guy's jumping in front of a bike? Yeah.

This guy deserves an ass beating. Reacher style. And it wasn't an apartment complex. That isn't far from an apartment complex. That's like a pretty fucking good neighborhood to me. I mean, this guy almost fucking caused an accident. Oh, yeah. He's a Karen.

he's a Karen. Furcher should have fucking took his block off. You wouldn't step out into the road if somebody was like racing up and down your street on a motorcycle? They do to my neighborhood. I just shake my fist. Your neighborhood? Yeah, I don't like it either.

Really? I don't like it either. I shake my fist. Angrily? Not until they could see it. I don't want them to know that. From behind the drapes. Yeah.

Like you old kids. Yeah. Were you able to go see Spider-Man? I saw Spider-Man. Yes. We can discuss a little bit. like seen it. Look at that guy on his hands and knees

while Reacher fucking houses him. It's like watching the show. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's definitely something if I'm like, who's this on the motorcycle? What assholes on this? Oh, it's Reacher. Let me just call the cops up for this one.

He didn't know it was Reacher, though, until he took his helmet off. What do you step in front of him? Then when you see it's Reacher, you're like, oh, look, he's wailing on him. Yeah. If I was Reacher, I would have stopped when he hit the ground, but what are you going to do?

This guy hit me. I got in front of his motorcycle, and then he hit him. me. I thought Spider-Man is my least favorite Spider-Man movie. What do you think? There was things I enjoyed inside a movie. Oh, there's plenty to liking it, yeah.

But there was things I didn't enjoy about it. I felt it was incredibly... Boring? Convaluted once you brought in Gene Gray. I swear to God, the last half hour the movie. I was like, I'm going to fall asleep. I don't know what's going on. Everybody's crying about their feelings. I'm like, what is

going on? Did you see it? Yeah. My feeling was like, who's that? Who's that? What's going on? Wait, hold on a second. I blinked for a second. Who the fuck is that now? It's Jean Grey. I mean, he's still the best Spider-Man. Like, he's awesome. I mean, I always have a saw spot for Toby. But why, but this guy's boring to play Spider- this guy is probably the, will go down as the greatest Spider-Man And I'm sure we'll see one other spider, a new Spider-Man in our lifetime, hopefully.

Probably two. When he ages out, maybe. But we'll probably see it. Maybe one or two more actors get done the webs. But it's going to be hard to supplant this guy. I guess he's pretty perfect. Cost them look great. And a story just makes you question like, again, like the Disney has this way of muddying the waters for heroes or villains.

and like Gene Gray did not deserve the benefit of the doubt the way she behaved. She's an absolute monster at times. I mean, it's shocking to me that she killed that sanitation worker and nobody mentions it again. Like she just lets that old guy get creamed by a bus. And Spider-Man isn't like horrified by this. No, at least in the moment he's worried about MJ. But then again, like he leaves that guy in a helicopter suspended fucking 100 feet off the ground. And I'm like, how's that guy getting down?

And don't spite his webs like design. after an hour? But in the last movie, Spider-Man learned a pretty brutal lesson when he tried to rehabilitate the villains, remember? Yeah. And they wound up killing him. Yeah. Well, green guy, sure.

Right? The worst of the worst, right. But it was because of his foolishness in trying to rehabilitate villains. Yeah. And this one, the new, the Gene Gray fucking takes control of MJ and steps off a building. And if not for Spider-Man, she dies. Right. And he does not hold that against Gene Gray.

No. Like it took every bit of effort for him to save her from dying from that fall. Yeah, yeah. It's not, I didn't even, I didn't even, that one wasn't even in my fucking thing until now. Like she is acting like a monster. And I get it like, and Disney has this thing. We're like, well, people will sympathize with her because of her, what her backstory is. You know, like she was wrong and she was treated horribly.

A lot of people are treated horribly, and they don't act like fucking monsters, though, because... No, you're right. That, you know, they... They get the shitty end of the stick, and they don't... They don't... They wouldn't act like it. And put them in danger and get them hit by buses and throw them off buildings and stuff. Yeah, but he still has this nativity of, like, oh, my God, I was wrong about Gene.

Well, what were you wrong about? Yeah. Exactly, what were you wrong about? Right. He does this with Wanda too, and now they have female characters who behave like, worse than some of the villains that they're fighting against. Yeah. And they want you to sympathize with their actions and with the deeds that they do

because they were wrong to begin. Wrong somehow. Yeah. It's kind of crazy. I mean, I guess the argument is going to be, and I don't think it's a good argument that when Charles Xavier finds her, he teaches her to kind of walk the right path. But it doesn't really help us now.

And then the other thing is like, you get the Hulk back. You get the vicious Hulk back after fucking a decade of him wearing glasses and being a fucking nerd. And like you have him fighting in the lobby of a business. I'm like, what is going on? Like, why isn't the Hulk like, like, why is this all taking place in a building?

Like, why isn't he out in the streets of Manhattan? and like tearing down buildings and like well i thought he was there because she he was going to open that door open that cell door yeah but once she lost control of them my point is like if i'm making a movie with the hulk in it i'll be god damned if every scene is going to be in an office i'm like this is crazy like this central park is right outside the window like have something go on out there have have have something go on but nothing and then you know i got to imagine anybody watching it who's listened to this podcast had to understand that when the Punisher starts crying for the fucking millionth time.

Yeah, I was curious. That's why I really wanted to know your thoughts, because you haven't been happy with the Punisher. I have not been happy with the Punisher. I didn't mind the Punisher, the relationship between him and the Punisher. Spidey and Punisher. I don't mind, like, you know, I know. Again, but this is, this flies in the face of Peter Parker's character, though. He should not be treating Frank like a big teddy bear.

Well, it was like big brother, little brother. Right. But this guy is, this guy behaves in a way that is not heroic in terms of the true heroic sense. Sure. You know, like a Captain America or Spider-Man or any number of heroes. He does things in a different way that. He's either crying or killing. That's it.

That's all this guy does. And Spider-Man's kind of like relationship with him was strange because it's like, well, How does he, like, justify being so cozy with this fucking guy? I know, but, like, it's a problem they've had in the comics for the entire Punisher run. I mean, he was on the Avengers at one point. Like, you got to just kind of like, to me, I'm like, all right, what I find unforgivable is him being able to stay in the hospital room at his bedside without the N. YPD, the rest of the fucking guy. Like, to me, I'm just like, all right, like, if, look, I have to swallow something to have Spider-Man and the Punisher be.

on the same side. I can do that because it's comics. But like when he's just sitting at the side of the bed and the whole of the NYPD does not arrest this fucking guy who's killing neighborhoods of people. But again, you have to wonder, are the cops okay with what the Punisher does? I mean, there's okay with it

and letting him slip out the back door. And then there's like giving him a visitor's pass for the fucking hospital. Like, it's wild. It's crazy. And they had a whole thing in the show about how there are bad cops who are letting the punisher off the hook. So it's like, how do you have that whole storyline be there and then just have him being napping next to Spider-Man's bed? And the whole thing of-

Nobody took a picture of him, with his mask off? And who cares though? Like at this point, like, his masks off so much. Yeah. It's like, everybody knows who he is, Lillity looks like now. I noticed that too. I thought he was supposed to be hiding his identity. And then I was like, well, who isn't he going to tell?

Yeah. The part that drives me batty to. the I get it. I get it in 2026. It is not what you want

out of your female leads. You just can't have them be rescued every scene. But when you throw a

person like MJ into this world where she's just a 90 pound girl. So she has to have

some fucking moxy. So she's got to tell. Yeah, go on. I wonder what his feelings are. That's my Dakota Fannie voice.

She, like, so Peter is like, I need you to watch her, Frank. Keep her safe. I'm going to go get Jean. Yeah. And then MJ comes out of the room and goes to Frank. So you're just going to let him go and take everyone down by himself? And he, Punisher looks at her like, I should go. And she's like, you got to go.

And then in the middle, and then to make sure you didn't understand that MJ's got moxie in strength, Frank has to tell Spider-Man, she told me I had to come save you. She made me come. Ridiculous on a level that made me want to fucking just crawl up and fuck into a ball and cry. That this is what you fucking got to do to make sure your female leads are not helpless victims to, to be rescued by the male hero. Can't have that. Dude, I swear, I swear it. This is true.

I heard this in the fucking movie theater that I was watching when she announced that she was an astrophysicist and she started somebody in the theater goes, isn't this bitch a model? I was like, yeah. She's a model or an actress. Like, why wouldn't Spider-Man be banging like a super hot fucking model? It makes more sense.

Now she's a dual major astrophysicist. Oh, my God. God, what do you do? Well, MJ in the comics, I don't know about the current MJ. I'm sure it's not. She's venom now. She was kind of an airheaded, kind of like, Oh, it hasn't been that way in a long time.

Vapid and, you know, at least her persona. She put out that out there that she was the fun-loving. Not for 20 years. No. She's not fun-loving. 30 years. No, no, no. Now, not anymore.

She kind of had that persona of like, you know, maybe as her armor because she don't want anybody to get close and she don't want to seem what she seemed to have that's the 70s mj that's the one i grew up on yeah the the ding bad party girl what why can't she why can't she be a ding bad party girl there's no way on the planet why not they exist they're everywhere god bless them open up tick to like i've met more ding bad party girls and i have fucking astrophysicist i'll tell you that much and i knew if i was a jacked superhero who i'd be going for not the atrophysicist I would have been swinging by MIT and like, hmm, what's going on in here tonight?

Ned, hook me up. There was the part that I really enjoyed about it and made you just, just makes you just like really enjoy the character and what he brings to the character. The guy I play Spider-Man was he like, he goes, go into my head, go ahead, see what's in there. Because he's the ultimate, there's nothing in his head that is going to, repulse you. There's no fucking door you can't open in his mind. He's not afraid of allowing

you into his mind because he is the epitome of virtue and wholesomeness. No dollar street. It's like if Gene Gray's in your head, if there's doors you don't want it open, right?

Or there's doors I want it to open. Like, are you allowing Gene Gray to open every door in your head? No. No Most they do not enter Just blurry

Like she gets a blurt vision Of a dollar tree sign I'm like Get out of there Don't go on that door Did you see New Avengers? Okay Remember how that movie

End like the whole world Was saved on a fucking group hug I was like I was watching Spider-Man I'm like don't tell me Aunt May's gonna hug her And that's gonna make everything better And I was like

This is the second fucking Marvel movie though the world gets saved by a fucking hug. I was like, what is going on? I want to know somebody like that. I know they don't really exist, but... Get him's right there. A Spider-Man? You don't think he's good on a Spider-Man level?

You don't think he's innocent and just missing... No. If Peter Parker was our fucking office coach, I don't think the place and look the way it looked. I'm like, serious. Oh yeah, that's what I love about that character And what they're able to convey Yeah

Like he is so incredible Incredibly Virtuous That it's intoxicating But he's also incredibly stupid though Because if he doesn't If he allows Punisher to fucking kill her You're taking that threat

Like you don't have to worry about her anymore Because now you're like She's so insanely powerful Right And she's shown a propension, is that the word? Propensity. Propensity for fucking using her power. I mean, she blows up a moving in the beginning.

You're like, well, who got caught in that blast? I'm like, who got caught in that blast? She just blew everybody up in. I remember Peter gave the glasses to some guy he just met. Yeah. We get the first fucking, we get the first real Hulk in a decade. And he's having a fight by a secretary's desk. I'm like, what is going on here?

And then the Punisher's crying. I'm like, what is going on here? I knew you were going to be, like, when I saw The Punisher cry, all I could think about was your face. And you crying. Oh, yeah. It is getting wild. Now, what about how cheesy?

But it's comic booky, the concept of the ultimate inhibitor. Well, to me, that's setting up the X-Men. Like, to me, like, that's, that was my other problem with it is, like, the genome suppressor. Is it the inhibitor, they called it? Yeah, whatever. Inhibitor. I'm like, that's for the X-Men. I was like, that's an X-Men.

They're going to, that's what the X-Men's going to be. This device, this technology, they're going to be, they're going to be clamping down on mutant powers now making me. You're going to have to wear your inhibitor. And that's it. I was like, wow. So, I mean, I don't know. I don't have any inside info, but I'm like, that's what they're going to do.

So they just set up the X-Men in Spider-Man. If you were forced to wear an inhibitor, what would you want inhibited? My ambition. And make it even take it. Even less. Even less. Less off the charts. Negative.

I think that's death. I think that's you lying in a coffin. He's been inhibited for good. What would your inhibitor inhibit you? God, I don't know. Nothing. Maybe your cynicism? No, I like my cynicism.

That would be mine. Could you make a procrastination inhibitor? Is that? Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to do that. Like, when I get a thought to do something, do it. That'd be cool.

Okay. I'm all right. I think I would choose cynicism. I think I'm too cynic. I'd like to be a little bit more trusting. To who? To who? Dude,

you were singing the praises of the fucking Iranian leader a couple weeks ago. You're not cynical about that guy. I don't know. Yeah, but it was, well, my question, my big question too about Spider-Man is like, what all that shit would is mute, his genes changing and everything like that? Yeah. Where did that go? remember the end of that storyline like he just he just what happened he just shoots yeah he had

the inhibitor right you didn't it work what happened with the black eyes what happened to him spinning webs doesn't they have Disney wearing an inhibitor and he has to wear it now so he doesn't turn it to the until to a more spiderous is that where it ended up maybe I don't remember anything about it so spider man's suppressing his mutation well remember that storyline the other from a few Few years ago? Yeah, that was... Peter David was involved, I believe. Yeah, it was, wasn't it...

Mike Deodato. The totem? That wasn't the spider totem, wasn't it? I don't remember that. But that was... That movie was supposed to be all about him turning into a monstrous Spider-Man, a six-armed Spider-Man, and they kind of got scared by the... Like it would be too jarring for the, you know, the kids that want to go see,

this moment. His eyes got black. He took over his shirt. He was jacked and he shot webs out of his sand. I was like, what's going on here? All right. Yeah, that's it. And I see how, remember that, see that cover down there?

What's that cover right there? What's that numbers? Get him. Which one? Well, he's in a sack. Marble Knights 21. See, that isn't that taken directly from that cover? Yeah.

When he wakes up in the spider web. Right. But isn't that where he finds out like there's a, spider totem and and that morbius guy is going through the universe, not morbius, but whatever, is going through the multiverse eating spider totems. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, the fact that I even remember that is shocking to me. If it's true, I could be wrong.

Yeah, but there was, I guess, going to be a much more graphic. In the movie or in the comic? In the movie, there was supposed to be a much more. graphic transformation of Peter into a humanoid spider. They just abandon it. Yeah. Too much going on. Yeah, I guess.

Also, like, five years of a long time to not make new friends. And MJ's out there fucking. She was out there at that party. Making out with that dude, what do you think? A 24-year-old girl ain't fucking that guy? So now Peter's watching his woman. I don't think she was. He's getting cucked out.

I don't think she was. Because if she was, she had no. no desire whatsoever to even contact that guy when she went missing. She didn't care. She didn't need the contact. I mean, I talk plenty of people I don't care about it. Don't contact him again. In fact, the vast majority of them.

I think MJ is a little bit more virtuous. Why? Because it's a Disney movie. You ain't a Disney movie, Q. Yeah. I don't think that. You think they're all virtuous. I don't think it was a...

Him, Ned, MJ, or old versions, virgins at age 24? How old they are? Yeah, I wouldn't be... She went away to college. I don't know. I think it's a boyfriend. She's a nerd.

This is a guy who doesn't want to be cynical? What the fuck? She's an absolute nerd, though. She cares more about and she hates people. No. she does. So what? She's, she, nobody, like, measures up.

She's got a boyfriend. What are you talking about? Yeah, but, I mean, she didn't even care enough to call him. But that doesn't mean anything. Like, even when she got brought back to her apartment, she didn't even fucking make any attempt to contact that

dude. I don't know that you could count on that. I certainly don't think that you could say that that's the reason she hasn't had sex with a boyfriend. Like, that's crazy. Pete, watch her making out with some dude. This is what we're doing to Peter Parker? I mean, it was barely a kiss.

Yeah, might as well give him the chair next to the bed, right? I have a cup chair action. Yeah, what did you think of the Gene DeWolf character? That was fun. I like that actress a lot, so, like, I like tearing the role. But again... You remember the real Gene, well, the comic book version of the... Wasn't she a redhead or something?

She was a blonde. She was basically inspired by an old, like, Humphrey Bogart, movie. She wore like a flat cap. She had like a cigarette of a beret. And she spoke in like 1930s gangster dialect. I can't do that. Can you imagine trying to pull that off?

It would have been better. I really like that actress. But that that relationship was confusing to me. And then like the other part that got a groan in the theater, which really fucking made me laugh, was when Spidey swings the scorpion into the cop car. And a cop car

flips and they get the cop car out. And it's like this chunky, fucking middle-aged white chicks. Oh, yeah. I saw me in the theater. It was like, what? I noticed that myself. Yeah. It's fun watching movies on Staten Island.

Because the crowd is like... The hive mind like... Yeah. Wait, what? Okay. Some fat white middle-aged, bro. It was great. And then, you know, we got an extra kick out of the Staten Island argument between...

Like, that got big laughs out of the thing. theater, but they were definitely like a running commentary of everything that was wrong with the movie. I mean, Carson Dunst's character, like, they allowed to be an actress. Like, it was so well done. Like, and she failed. And she wasn't good at it. And she was good at it. And she was a real character with like, you know.

So you're not saying this new version of MJ is not doing a good job? Um, it's not that she's, it's more about the opportunity. cost. What are we not, what are we losing by focusing on this non-redhead version of Mary Jane? And what are we gaining? Cynical motherfucker. I don't know. What are we getting? Well, you're gaining a, uh, she's hot in terms of like her popularity. She's like, she's in a lot of big movies. So she's in every movie. She has a big, a fandom. Yeah, yeah. Um, my daughter wanted to see it. And I said, I'm really surprised you want to see this movie.

Just want to see it because of Zendaya? Yeah. Oh, there you go. Yeah. And I'm like, really? I go, what else is she in that? You would even know other than this? I don't think that Zendaya does a bad job.

And in fact, I actually liked the scene where she read the letter and was like, get the fuck out of here. Like, I love that she read that letter that Peter Parker wrote her and was like, you're creepy. Yeah. Like, I fucking want nothing to do with this. Yeah, but how long did that last before she was like, wait a second. So this fucking, I'm holding on to this fucking guy who's, I could tell through the costume

is chiseled. Yeah. I know what he looks like. He's cute. And he also, is Spider-Man? That's a lot more fucking going on. You're like, that's intoxicating. Well, that's the Mary Jane I like.

You know, that's why she all of a sudden that, she read the letter, but she surely didn't keep that frame of mind. I'll tell you what, everybody had to see the girl, and she read that letter from Spider-Man, and it was like, let's hang out and play gender. I'd be like, I don't know about this. Maybe you shouldn't have fucking Spidey in your apartment. Yeah, if you're not going for a boyfriend that she kissed earlier,

yeah. He really got the shirt. end of the stick. And he's not going to be able to. What's he going to do? He's not going to be able to. Might as well fight Richard. Like you're going to do anything. Yeah, basically, yeah, you're never going to be able to stand up to being in Spider-Man shadow. Right? But I do like that she took the time to be like, this isn't me. I'm not into this.

I thought that was like good. I'm glad. But she fucking. But they didn't end the movie back together. Of course. She's crying. She's, she's, she's, everybody's crying. But remember when she was like mind froze? And she started crying. And she's the only person in the whole fucking scene that is actually able to do some sort of body function. I don't remember that. Yeah, she has a tear rolling down around. I believe you. I just don't remember it.

Everybody else is frozen. She's able to cry because I think that they're saying that she starts to remember everything through that. Oh, I don't like I just said, the last half hour of that movie, it was so boring. I was like, I don't remember anything. Who's this fat bitch?

Yeah. I remember that, just fine. But it's one of the biggest Spider-Man, baby. Money-making movies in the history of cinema. Yeah, it was, you know, the web swinging, still fun. Like, you know, they got a lot right.

Showing, thus putting an end to the argument that there's superhero fatigue, I think. Yeah. Right? If it's one of the biggest movies in the history of cinema, then... Yeah, but do you think what they say... Superhero fatigue, they mean... Spider-Man and Batman. I think they mean shit like Supergirl.

Yeah. I think they mean not so much That's shitty of you to single out Supergirl. That's really shitty of you. That's just taking a cheap shot. Just taking one. That's low-hanging fruit. Just because it flopped completely recently.

It's already streaming. I think it's superhero fatigue for seedlings. list characters. You can't just throw out now a character that nobody really has any connection to or there's not a lot of buzz and expect it to do, you know, a billion dollars. Those days might be over. You got to keep the budget low with those characters so you can make money.

And stick with like the A-list superheroes. Well, Lantern starts this Sunday. Yeah, I saw a preview of that. I'm not that. I am not that interested so far. Is that on HBO? Yeah. Yeah.

I didn't even know it was lanterns at first. I thought it was some sort of new, like, science fiction show until the very end when it said lanterns. I was like, oh, my God. Yeah, you didn't see the commercial with Sinestro? No. Oh, it looked pretty good. I was like, oh, that's cool. There was a commercial in the front of Reach of the first episode.

And I didn't realize it was lanterns until the very end. Right, right. Oh, why aren't they calling it green lanterns? I don't know. I don't think it's going to do well. I don't know, man. I hope it does it. I love Green Lantern.

I'd love to see him. I'd love to see him get his due. DC needs a fucking... They need a win. They need a win desperately because... I mean, they kind of, like, forced the narrative that Superman was away. Oh, that is Sinestro. That looks pretty good.

Yeah, it's what I mean. That looks really good. I think they've been hiding this stuff. I don't know why. That Sinistro costume looks great. I mean, it's fucking dead on. It's perfect. He looks just like him.

I have the same hairline as Sinestro. Why does it mine look better? Why do they look better? You're not wearing a yellow fucking... Is that what I got to do? Skin is not purple. You don't have that sweet little mustache. Maybe she'd grow that little mustache.

Yeah, shave off the beard, just a little little pencil, pencil mustache. Look at them grow. How many episodes is lanterns? I don't know. I don't know. But I'm in, I mean, I love Green Lantern. So he's... Who's your favorite green Lantern, Kyle?

Kyle. Kyle's my favorite, yeah. One season. Yeah. Will Kyle be in it? I don't know. I know it's it's it's John Stewart who's never he's never been my favorite lantern but maybe this is the thing that brings him up and how oh garret Dilehunts is great yeah Garrett Dillan Johnson it's awesome uh Kelly McDonnell I I don't know man I I'm look at the casting's pretty pretty good yeah it's pretty solid I'm it you know it says nine episodes eight nine okay nine okay I'll watch it I mean what are we going to do now watch it got to watch you got to watch it got to watch

Watch it. Gotta watch it. They got my money. Look, Spider-Man got my money. I'll go see another one. I didn't hate it. I just... No, and I didn't.

Yeah, it may be it's sounding like I didn't enjoy it, but I enjoyed myself. I felt like I got my money's worth out of it. Yeah, there are things that I'm kind of like, but I'm poo-pooing, but I expect those things. I go in knowing that, like, there's going to be the things that they got to do in this day and age. Like, come on. to avoid criticism. You're given the keys to the Hulk. You're going to get angry Hulk back.

And that's, that to me is the biggest disappointment. I'm like, that's what you came up with? Like him just in a fucking, in an office? Well, I mean, he went, he went ape shit. He went outside. If the Hulk goes apeshit, the building ain't standing. That's the Hulk going ape shit. Do you think he remembered Peter?

I didn't get that sense. Because the Hulk would not have been around. that savage hole when the spell But did the Hulk ever know who Peter Parker was? Oh yeah, you're right. He never met him, right? I think they were fighting on different sides. I don't know.

This is Sinestro scene. Look at this. It looks pretty cool to me. You get me some bushy eyebrows too. Yeah. The whole thing with the like who knows Peter and who doesn't know Peter, it's kind of getting convoluted.

Yeah, it doesn't really make a ton of sense, I guess, anymore. Well, you're like, what about, like, she never heard of Peter Parker before? Like, what about his high school yearbook? I don't know. I just, I'm just like. MJ? Yeah, like, nobody seemed to remember who he is. I don't, I don't get it.

Wouldn't, wouldn't Ned remember helping him, like, in the library and stuff? Who fucking knows? Yeah. Who knows? I don't know. It seemed like Ned remembered him at the end. I didn't see the movie before. It was like a, it was a spell.

Yeah, the movie before was really good. Oh, it was so much fun. I love the one before. Yeah, that's what all. the different Spider-Man and stuff. Yeah, he has to make us... What happens in the last one is anybody who knows that Peter Parker

is Spider-Man is getting pulled into our universe, and the only way to solve it is to make everybody forget that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. But you didn't forget who Peter Parker was, right? Well, I think they did. I can't remember. Yeah, nobody remembers Peter either.

Nobody remembers Peter, right? They don't really get into the nuts and bolts of it. But they kind of, the same thing with the snap and the blip, right? You're like, wait, what's the, what's the logic of all this? And they're like, eh, no, no, no, no, no, no worry about it. Don't worry about it.

But I'm glad I made money, you know. I just wish to punish what, stop crying. Just stop crying. Someone said, they're just fucking with me. Like, why are they making the punisher crying every project? Do you think, I mean, I would think if, if they came to me and it was like, hey, this is what, what do you think as a, as a, as a, a,

Comic book consultant. You've been reading your entire life. Yeah. Punisher's going to shoot Gene Gray. Spitey's going to sacrifice and take the bullet. Yeah. Be like, okay. You know,

that's definitely what Spider-Man would do. Sure, I could see that. And then Punisher's going to cry. I'd be like, I don't think he cries. I think he'd be more annoyed that Spider-Man got in the way. He'd be like,

now I've got to save this idiot. And now he's like, you fuck a moron. You know, like you keep getting in the way. You keep stopping what should be done, what has to be done. Yeah.

And you're not allowing your, your, your, your, your, your, nativity is going to cost people's lives. And he would be angry and it could be like, I don't think he'd cry. I think he would just be like, he's a machine. And human, like emotions, like he's, he's killed his emotions. Yeah. To become the Punisher.

It's just, all anybody should do is read Garthennis's run on Punisher and be like, make that care. There's a scene in Garthennis's run where a daredevil, he's always that thing of just like, We got to stop Punisher from killing people. Where Punisher uses these acoustic things to knock, you know, overwhelms Daredevil's. And then when Daredevil wakes up, he's chained to a pole with a gun in his hand, taped to his hand, aimed at the back of the Punisher's head. And he's like, and the Punisher's like, all right, here's what I'm going to do. I'm about to assassinate this bad guy. If you're the big hero and you want to save him, you pull the trigger and kill me.

And like he leaves, you know, and he's narrating. He's like, he's getting out of the car now. I got my sights. tell him I'm about to pull the trigger. And Daredevil's like, Frank, stop, Frank, stop. And then Daredevil, remember he pulls the trigger? And the gun has no bullets in it. So Frank turns around and he goes, and he kills a guy.

He assassinate the guy. Then he turns around to Daredevil and he goes, now you see what it's about. And he fucking, there it is right there. Knocks Daredevil out and fucking is gone when he leaves. And it's like, that's the fucking Punisher. Let me teach you a lesson about killing and not killing and fucking the real end to it. He doesn't cry on the next page. No crying.

Zero crying. I can't say enough. If you haven't read Garthennis' Punisher, go read it immediately. It's amazing. And it's funny. That's the thing. They have humor in it.

They have comedy in it. Then he goes dark where he goes to Russia and fucking saves that kid. Like, it's just great. I don't know why they won't do it. Speaking of funny, I read that Bruce Campbell is unhappy with these last two installments of Evil Dead. Oh, really?

Not enough humor. In fact. No humor he said, yeah. Wow, even Evil Dead Rise. I was surprised at that one. Did you like the new one? I didn't love it. It's my least favorite Evil Day.

How did it do? Came and went? I think it kind of came and went. It wasn't the right direction for Evil Dead. Well, it was like you, it didn't have to be an Evil Dead movie. It was like the first Joker where you're like, this could have just been a movie about a fucking whacked out guy. It didn't have to be Joker.

And that's the way it is with this Evil Dead Burn is like, it could, It could have just been a zombie type, you know, supernatural movie. Is there a book? No. There's no book. No, no book this time around. There's no book. They mentioned the dagger in it, but it's not even the same dagger.

Is there a record in this one, if I'm not mistaken? How do? No, because they don't know. Because they don't need to. The demons are already out. Oh, right, right. Yeah, for the last one. Yeah, there's no book.

There's no humor. And that was my biggest problem with it. It's just like, you can't make these movies without humor. because at the end of the day, Bruce Campbell's going to come in and save everybody. That's how Evil Dead works. So I don't know. It made 71 million worldwide. All right, good.

I want them to make money because I want them to make more. Right. 32 million domestically. I'm sure they were hoping for more than that. Yeah. They already filmed the next one, right? It's already shot. I think so, yeah.

Profable due to its modest $20 million budget. Yeah, I didn't love burn. Yeah. It was whatever. Yeah. Definitely whatever. He's coming to Staten Island soon. He's, uh, he wrote and directed a movie, and he's going to all Alamo Draft House around the country.

Oh, really? And, uh, yeah, the plan right now is for me to introduce him at the St. Allen one. Yeah. We were texting about it. Um, so I can't wait. I, wait to meet to see this guy again. Yeah, that would be cool.

Yeah, he's the best. There he is. Look at him go. Looking good. And then rewatch, have you ever watched Bird Notice? Oh, yeah. Okay. Sam X, baby.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot how much I liked him in that. He's a great-in-it. He's legit great-in-it. Yeah. Did you guys hear that the world's smallest penis patient sets date for crowd-funded enlargement operation?

I am. Oh, get him. I don't know about this. This guy has 0.38 inches. Less than half an inch. Can I see what that looks like on the ruler? 0.38. I mean, just round up to an inch.

Round up to half an inch. Yeah. Yeah, that's rough. Now, is that, but there's a big difference, though. Smaller than this is wide. Wide? Yeah. Probably about as long as that.

So this? Probably about as long as this is high. But what about when it's aroused, though? This is a half inch tall, so it's less than this tall. Oh, God. that's bad. I mean, I don't think he plumps up to eight inches, if that's what you're asking?

But it's possible, right? No. Why not? To go from less than half an inch to any sort of normal? No, because it can only stretch so far, right? I mean, it's a bad, funny, owners? It could double in size. So it's an inch?

Which would mean it was an inch, yeah. It would still be less than an inch. That's rough. It can't. That's a fucking bad break in life, man. That's a time break, yeah. You got 13,500 in donations from GoFundMe. The surplus cash will cover doctors because it's going to cost them $4,000.

What do you think the breakdown of percentage of people who donated is? How many you think is male? Oh, almost 100%. Why? Why do you think that? Because we understand. You don't think that there's no sympathy from the other side? I don't.

Why? No, I think they're like, we got our own problems. We fucking hate guys anyway. Yeah, we're going to put another dick in the world. Right, yeah. But what are they going to do? They're going to, they're going to, they're going to. They said they're going to fill it with some kind, it's like some kind of fillers.

Oh, God, this poor guy. So far, I'm looking at the donations. It's 50-50. Really? Okay. David, Michelle, John, Carverita. The doctor is going to inject semi-permanent dermal filler. to increase its girth.

It doesn't say anything about length. It just says girth. Oh, this poor dude. What, you keep saying that, though, like, is he just too thinking about it, overthinking it, though? That's all he's thinking about. No? It's all I think about.

It's all I. My take was less than half an inch long. And people knew? And I'm taking pictures of myself. If it was working and it was able to get the job done in terms of the things it had to do. Who do you think it's getting the job done with? What fucking woman do you think is like, I'm sure there are.

I'm sure there are. Not every chick's a size, quote. Okay. But I don't know. I know you fucking spend your time on the internet's thinking that it. But not everyone wants something that's going to fucking make them walk funny the next day. They want something they can feel that, right?

Something that they're aware of. But again, no, you don't know what happens when he's excited, though. Right. I'll give him. I'll give him it increases four times the length and he's still less than two inches But if he was able to To have a family

And he's able to Do his bodily functions normally You know, it's like don't mess with nature, man It could backfire So as a guy with the normal size guy Yeah If you're this guy Nature fucked with me pretty hard

Yeah Corn days ago for me he makes a mess When he goes to the bathroom In terms of what? What do you mean he makes a mess? Every day, which has made everyday tasks like using the restroom without making a mess extremely difficult. Oh, that's rough. I wonder why.

Because it probably can't even reach to the bowl. It's like, how do you hold it? Sit down like a girl. To direct it. What? That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. Look at, like if I had, okay, so if it was this long.

Okay. And you could still direct it. So if it was this long, you could still direct it. Like, you could still point it in the right direction. Right? I think it's tough to... I mean, the guy's saying he can't do it. I think that's just him being like,

please donate. I make a mess even when I go to bathroom. He's trying for $22,000. I don't know why. Well, there was a guy in California who said he would do the operation for free, $20,000 operation for whatever reason he turned him down. It doesn't say. Oh, really?

That's a little suspicious. Yeah. Instead, he decided to go with a $4,000 operation. What operation is $4,000 in this world today? I wouldn't think that one. Yeah, especially like... You can't get a penis put on. You can't take a penises from a corpse and get it...

Just sew it right on. You can't do that. They haven't done that yet. That's got to be a movie about that. No. I could do it. They did it with John Wayne Bobbitt. They reattached it too much.

Yeah, it's true. Well, no, then I think he got an enlarged, I believe. Did he? I thought so. Look it out. Did John Wayne Bobbick? I feel bad for the guy. Would you be upset, though, if you donate it?

And then it turned out it was all... See, I pissed just fine. How much would I donate? How much would you be willing to donate? Yeah. If you met him. Oh, yeah. And he kind of put you on the spot.

You kind of been like, uh... Oh, man. What's he trying to hit me up for? A thousand. I was looking at his eyes. Yeah. And I knew what was going on. I might give him that thousand.

You want me, huh? I might, yeah. What's your max? Would you tap out? I was like, Q, I need, I know I said I need a thousand, but I'd really love, I really love 10. Yeah. Over a thousand. Over a thousand.

I got to start benefiting. Q, I'm making a mess in your bathroom. Pissing on my seat like this goddamn ghost hunters. I think the ghost hunters had a fucking micro-cock. How do you explain that to Helen? What do you mean? You can't use that as a tax rental? That has that expenditure of $10,000 for.

Oh, you're under the impression that I answered anybody about my money. You're wrong about that, pal. There you go. There you go. Tax writer. off done? If he sets up the right thing, yeah. Maybe a little...

Move some money around, all of a sudden. I don't care that much. We all got our burdens, buddy. Take a little out of the old retirement account. I got to, look, this is my problem. I hit this button and nobody brought me champagne. That's my problem, pal. Do you think if you were his champion,

like you got the word out, You used your platform to get the word out. Do you think it would be, what would the reaction be from the rest of the year? Oh, I think people would be like, yeah, we get it. This is nice. They wouldn't think it was like you're treating it as a joke. You weren't really treating it seriously. I wouldn't treat it like a joke.

If I was like, we got to raise money for this guy. In fact, I mean. They'd be like, there's fucking real people with real problems. Yeah, this guy. I've got kids with hair lips all over the place. All right. And I don't see you getting up and doing anything for them. Don't worry.

I donate. I donate. This cis man. No, I don't. Patriarchy. The cis man is got a, his penis works fine, but it's just not big enough. That's right. It's just not big enough for him and his ego.

Giving you a bunch of shit about it. How does it need to be as big as this massive ego that he thinks he needs to play God? Yeah. Well, I don't understand who I'm answering to. All the people online, I would attack you. I wouldn't see him anyway. With that platform you have. I would never see them.

It's on Reddit. Great. It will be on Mars. You know, they would be like, can't you find a more worthy cause to spend your time promoting than this? I do. I do. I do. I donate to a lot of causes.

But you're flying around the country. You're holding. Benefit dinners for this guy. There's a picture of your face right next to it. To scale. Who would? I mean, it would take. I would be like.

You got to be, I'm helping someone out. A fellow human being. A fellow human being. And you're taking the time to fucking try to give me shit about it. That's right. Oh, you know that they would be like there's a way better causes that you can devote your time to. So give it to. But they feel you got that special platform.

I don't care what they feel. They feel. To use their platform to fucking promote anything they want. It's fucking America. Use your plant. to fucking sell whatever nonsense you want to sell. I feel you should use your platform, Q. Oh, God, little dick guy can't get a break.

No, he cannot. He's got to word pull-ups every day. Why do you assume it's leaking? Because he says, I have to use pull-ups every day. I wonder why, though. Because it's just so small. It's just shoot out. I'm just going based on what he say.

Like, how is that like it? Well, it's a good chance like the interior isn't working well. It's probably all fucked up. Like, he's got a condition, you know? Does he have a girlfriend? I mean, I don't know anything more than what I'm seeing, but I would guess now. That expression on his face tells me no. Actually, that expression on his face could be.

Yeah, you're right, you're right. I've never noticed. I've seen a look at a lot of fucking guys' faces. I wonder why he went public, though. Get that money. Maybe he's just trying to own it. Could you date him after the operation, you know, kind of knowing, like, the history and kind of like he is kind of a, I mean, it's kind of a side show aspect to it. Yeah, I think so.

There's girls out there that could put that, like, put that aside and be like, I can just date them. I believe that. And then when they go out, he's not going to be, you know. Wait, is it, this is his Instagram? Yeah. I'm seeing a lot of romance covers with guys. on the cover. So I'm wondering if he doesn't have a girlfriend.

Listen, man, do not fucking pick on this guy. Let him read whatever he wants. Whatever he wants, let him read. Let's not make fun of this guy. Oh, yeah. See what I mean? You're right. He doesn't need it.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.