Ten Minute Bible Talks Devotional Bible Study - The Deep Love of Friendship | Historical Books | 2 Samuel 1:17-27

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

Do you have close friendships? Were David and Jonathan in a homosexual relationship? What does it look like to be a Christlike friend? In today's episode, Patrick shares how 2 Samuel 1:17-27 encourages us to pursue the deep, meaningful relationships we were created for. If you're listening on Spotify, tell us about yourself and where you're listening from! Read the Bible with us in 2025! This year, we’re exploring the Historical Books—Joshua, Judges, 1 & 2 Samuel, and 1 & 2 Kings. Download your reading plan now. Your support makes TMBT possible. Ten Minute Bible Talks is a crowd-funded project. Join the TMBTeam to reach more people with the Bible. Give now. Like this content? Make sure to leave us a rating and share it so that others can find it, too. Use #asktmbt to connect with us, ask questions, and suggest topics. We'd love to hear from you! To learn more, visit our website and follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @TenMinuteBibleTalks. Don't forget to subscribe to the TMBT Newsletter here. Passages: 2 Samuel 1:17-27

Welcome to 10-minute Bible talks, where we connect the Bible to your life. In the time it takes to get to work. I'm Patrick Miller. We've lost the meaning of friendship. I don't mean that we don't know how to have friends, although honestly that's a challenge for some people, because just two years ago, the U.S. Surgeon General declared that we're going through a loneliness epidemic. He said, quote, we know that loneliness is a common feeling that many people experience.

It's like hunger or thirst. It's a feeling the body sends us when something we need for survival is missing. Millions of people in America are struggling in the shadows, and that's not right. That's why I issued this advisory to pull back the curtain on a struggle that too many people are experiencing. Now, if the U.S. Surgeon General is saying that, I know that there are people who are listening to this podcast who feel that same loneliness. The average American report spending about 20 minutes a day with friends, which is down from 60 minutes a day, just two decades ago. men in particular are reporting fewer closer relationships. In 1990, 55% of men said that they had at least six good friends. Today, that's only 27% of men. In fact, 12% of Americans say they have no close friends at all. So line 10 people up and realize that one of them has no good friends. The majority has very few and not as many as they'd like. And this has nothing about our definition of close friendship. I mean, remember, I didn't simply say that we have loneliness. I said that we've lost the meaning of friendship, which is part of why we have so much loneliness,

which is part of why we have so few close friends. I mean, how would you define a close friendship? Is that someone that you spend regular time with? Someone that you talk about sports with on every Sunday? I mean, is that a good friend? Or do we mean close friends who know us deeply and whom we know deeply? Do we mean friends that we are in daily contact with? I mean, isn't that part of friendship? Are we talking about friends who know more than our schedule? and our favorite sports teams, but they know our very soul, our deepest shames and our worst addictions,

our besetting sins, and of course our deepest longings, our aspirations, our hopes. If that's the measure of a close, life-giving friendship, then how many close life-giving friendships do you really have? I ask because it's clear

that we weren't designed by God to be alone. The only thing that God calls, quote, not good during the creation is Adam's solitary life. So God makes Eve, we were made for connection. But we weren't just made for marriage. In fact, many of us might not get married. And friendship is different than marriage.

It's different than even familial ties. Because friendship is not bound by a covenant like marriage, and it's not bound by blood like family. Friendship is bound by delight. It's bound by a shared vision of the world. Friendship is a love that's enjoyed not face-to-face the way lovers look at each other, but side by side, between two people who find themselves on the same journey together as comrades, as confidants, as encouragers, as confessors, and a lot more

besides. The reason I say we've lost the meaning of friendship isn't just because we have a loneliness epidemic, or because most of our quote-unquote deep friendships are actually quite shallow. I say it because we can't even make sense of the biblical vision of friendship. Back when I was in college, I had a professor who argued that King David had a homoerotic relationship with Jonathan. And here was his proof. Well, two bits of proof. The first bit comes from First Samuel. He see, after David flees from Saul, Jonathan meets him in the wilderness, and Jonathan disrobes and gives David his princely garments.

And my professor said, see? I mean, what do you think happened? They got naked together. His second bit of information came from today's passage, 2 Samuel 1. And it's this short song that David said should be remembered forever, and it's a song he wrote after the death of Saul and Jonathan. And as he might imagine, it's deep, it's heartfelt, it's a lament for his lost close friend. And check out what David sings towards the end of this song. He says, How the Mighty Have Fallen in Battle, Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you,

Jonathan, my brother. You were dear to me. David, sings, your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women. And my professor again declared that this must be some sort of sexual love. It must be sexual in nature. But when he declared that, he declared something else without even using words. He declared that his own understanding of friendship was so thin, so anemic, so degraded, so emaciated that he couldn't conceive of a friendship as close as the one that existed between Jonathan and David that wasn't somehow erotic. For him, the only kind of deep, deeply connecting love that could exist must necessarily be romantic and sexual. And of course, romantic and sexual love can be very deep and very connecting, but it can also be the

opposite. God didn't design us to experience depth exclusively in sexual or marital relationships. I mean, if that were the case, then we have to say that Jesus never truly had a deep friendship. No, David and Jonathan had a depth of friendship that was more wonderful than the love of women because it was a friendship of mutual understanding, of mutual commitment, sacrifice, and encouragement. So let's look at each of these stories and figure out what's going on there. Let's start with the disrobing. I mean, what was happening there? Well, here's the thing.

If you lived in the ancient world, you would not have been confused by this story. Jonathan put his royal robes on David as a symbolic act. He was saying effectively with his clothing, even if my dad hunts after you, I am still with you. Even though I'm the crown prince, I won't take up the crown. I give you my crown. I will make you my king. You see, back in ancient enthronement ceremonies, where men became kings, it was common to take the robes, the garments of the previous king, and put them onto the new king. And so Jonathan is effectively saying, I'm giving you my role as prince. You will be my king one day. Can you imagine what a sacrifice that was? Jonathan willingly giving away his wealth and his power for the sake of a friend.

Do you have a friend that you're willing to sacrifice for? Do you have a friend that's ever sacrificed for you? You see, when we sacrifice significantly for our spouses or family, it's always good. It's still never easy. It's always beautiful, but it's also something somewhat expected. But a sacrifice for a friend, that's unnecessary. It's gratuitous. I mean, maybe that's why Jesus said there is no greater love than this than to.

lay down your life for a friend. Let's go to the second example. What did David mean when he said that Jonathan's love was more wonderful than that of a woman? Well, I don't mean to be crass here, but he's saying that their friendship was better than sex. Why? Well, if you read their story, you'll understand. It's because their friendship gave them so much life and so much joy. They shared a mission.

They were vulnerable with each other. They felt known and encouraged by what. one another. They lay down their lives for each other. That's something that gives your life meaning, that fills your life with joy. Again, we weren't made to be alone. We were made for friendship. In fact, we were made for friendship even more than we were made for sex. And here's the good news. We all have a friend that's greater than Jonathan. Jonathan laid down his robes, his kingly office, his wealth and his power for David. What a gift. But Jesus loved us enough to not merely sacrifice his clothing, he steps down from the throne of heaven to sacrifice his life. And that sacrifice

is the foundation for all beautiful friendships. When I think of my closest friends, I think of the men that I talk to every day, the men I confess my sins to daily, the men whose confessions I hear daily, the men who encourage me daily, the men whom I encourage daily. But we can only show that kind of vulnerability and encouragement to one another because we know that we're already forgiven by Christ. We don't have to be perfect with each other. And because we know that we share a mission from Christ to love our wives and to love our children with Christ's own love, to pursue our vocations with excellence, to share the gospel and word and deed, because we know that's true, we can encourage one another and spur one another along and be on this mission together as comrades and friends,

does your friendship with Jesus point to you out towards others? Are you willing to sacrifice your priorities? It might be your priorities of working out the way you want to work out or spending as many hours at work as you want to spend at work. We all have different priorities, but are you willing to sacrifice your time? The time in your daily life that's required to pursue deep and meaningful friendships. Maybe that's by calling that person every day or by, you know, using an app like Marco Polo, like just staying in contact and not just having, you know, insufferably shallow conversations, but significant conversations where we're honest, where we bear our souls and say, hey, here's where I'm struggling, here's where I need encouragement and where we give

encouragement in return. That's the kind of depth you were made for. That's the kind of depth God wants you to experience in your life. That's the kind of depth that reflects the even deeper love of our truest best friend, King Jesus. So let's have friends that we sacrifice for. Let's have friends that we know deeply. Let's have friends that we stay in contact with and care for beyond just once a week or once a month. Let's have friendships that capture the full depth of what Jesus meant when he said, there is no greater love than this than to lay down your lives for a friend.