Ten Minute Bible Talks Devotional Bible Study - When Quarreling Kills | The Writings | Proverbs 17

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

Has irritation ever ruined an event, day, or even your week? Do you feel the temptation to fight? Are you easily angered? In today's episode, Patrick shares how Proverbs 17 reminds us that we need Jesus in the boat with us to calm the storms of our anger. Read the Bible with us in 2024! This year, we’re tackling a group of Old Testament books traditionally known as “The Writings”— Psalms, Chronicles, Proverbs, Daniel, Ruth and more! Download your reading plan now. Your support makes TMBT possible. Ten Minute Bible Talks is a crowd-funded project. Join the TMBTeam to reach more people with the Bible. Give now. Like this content? Make sure to leave us a rating and share it so that others can find it, too. Use #asktmbt to connect with us, ask questions, and suggest topics. We'd love to hear from you! To learn more, visit our website and follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @TenMinuteBibleTalks. Don't forget to subscribe to the TMBT Newsletter here. Passages: Proverbs 17

Welcome to 10-minute Bible Talks, where we connect the Bible to your life. In the time it takes to get to work. I'm Patrick Miller. Have you ever found yourself picking a fight, but not knowing why? Or let's just be honest, have you found yourself picking fights, and you think you've got a really good reason until a few days later? And then you realize that the reason was dumb. Maybe your spouse didn't show up on time, and you got upset. Or maybe an employee didn't ask your opinion on a small item, and you got first. frustrated. Or maybe your manager corrected a problem that he saw in your work and you got defensive. Or maybe your child didn't get changed the minute you asked them to and you got angry.

Your roommate didn't clean up the dishes again and you got upset. The thing is, all of these examples are totally understandable. We've all gotten upset, angry, frustrated, defensive for similar reasons in our lives. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the moment a small thing becomes a big thing. When a date with your spouse or your girlfriend is ruined because you're sour and you're short and you finally burst out, well, you're always running late. Don't you know how frustrating that is? Don't you respect my time?

And a fight begins. It was a small thing, but then it became big. It's what happens when your workplace gets awkward because you're irritable over small issues. And he finally burst out, well, if you do this again, you're going to cost us clients. You're going to hurt our whole team. we're going to cause massive problems. You get the idea.

I could keep going. We all have these moments where a quarrel breaks out over a small thing, and I think we all know the cost. Perhaps this is why the wise man says in Proverbs 171, better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife. That's a bold statement. He's saying it's better to go hungry with peace than to fight with food.

Why? Well, it's because humans are. are more than our physical means. We're not animals trying to survive day to day, trying to forage food and avoid predators. We're more than that. We're more than food. We're more than shelter.

We are thinking, feeling, social creatures. And emotional pain can be as acute to us as physical pain. Detachment and loneliness can be more deadly to us than a bad diet. A public health service report said that loneliness is as detrimental to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. And yet, we still fight over small things, politics, food, schedules, chores, small decisions at work. The wise man goes on in verse 14. Starting a coral is like breaching a dam.

So drop the matter before the dispute breaks out. Then in verse 19, he says, whoever loves a coral loves sin. Taken together, the wise man is clear. fighting is a sin because it destroys Shalom. Think about the metaphor that he uses, a dam breach. This is when a dam breaks and the waters let loose. In the 1970s, there was actually a coal mining operation in West Virginia, and this mining operation built a poorly constructed dam so that they could mine more coal in the area where

the water was running. Then one day, in late February of 1972, the rain began to fall in sheets. The water behind the dam began to rise. And the loose rock that they'd used to construct the dam, well, it couldn't handle the water pressure, and the dam broke suddenly. 125 people were killed. About 1,100 people were injured, and 500 houses were destroyed. It left 4,000 people homeless.

And that's far from the only dam break that's taken lives. Just four months later, the Canyon Lake Dam broke and took 200 lives. Three years later, a dam in China broke, killing somewhere between 26,000 and 240,000. 40,000 people. To this day, no one knows the number. This is what happens when dams break. People die. Houses are washed away. People lose their livelihoods and they become homeless. That is what the wise man compares quarreling to. He says that when your frustration breaks out into a fight, you don't merely cause a fight. You rupture Shalom. You rupture wholeness. You rupture connection. You vandalize the good creation God's made with angry, quarrelsome words. That's why he calls

quarrelling a sin, because a sin is any time we cut, tear, scratch, and pull at God's good creation. By hammering on quarreling in this chapter, the wise man obviously wants us to look into the mirror and ask why, why do we cause unnecessary fights? The reason is different for all of us. Maybe we grew up in a family that fought all the time. And so as a result, we still think that's how people basically connect. If that's you, then every time you start to feel lonely or out of place, you'll start feeling the temptation to fight. Yes, you might know that it's counterproductive, but people are emotionally entangled in a fight and that can help a lonely person feel a little less lonely in the moment, even if the cost is more loneliness in the future. But others of us, sometimes we

we fight because we feel like we've lost control. It might not even be control over the person we're fighting with. For example, if you feel like your schedule and to-do list is outrageous and out of control and you can't fix it, you can't get on top of it, well, you might pick a fight with a boyfriend to feel more control in that relationship. You feel out of control in one place, so you're going to find the control elsewhere. If you feel like your job isn't going well and you're powerless to change it, well, you might get into a fight with someone else to exert power and control over them.

them. But others of us, we fight for different reasons. We fight because we are insecure. If you've become incredibly sensitive about your appearance, your social status, your wealth, your intelligence, or your sense of self-worth, then you might start fights unnecessarily. Sometimes to defend yourself against someone who wasn't even trying to offend you. And sometimes we start fights to preemptively head off a critique that someone wasn't even going to make. Why do you start unnecessary fights? Is it how you connect? Is it because you've lost control? Is it because you're insecure or feel worthless in some way?

The wise man continues in verse 27. The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent and discerning if they hold their tongues. These are wise words, but they aren't easy to follow. Precisely how does one become restrained and even keeled? Well, I believe there's only one way.

We get the right guy on our boat. When the waves start to crash against us, we turn to that guy. You see, we need Jesus on the boat. He is the right guy because he is the only one who's able to calm the storms. We're using the corals to try and control. Whether it's the storms of I don't feel connected, or it's the storms of I feel insecure and worthless, or it's the storms of I feel out of control.

Jesus is the only one who can step into the boat and make those waves calm. So when you feel powerless and out of control, you need Jesus there to remind you that he's in power and he has control. You don't need to get it, so you don't have to fight others to get it. When you feel disconnected and lonely, you need Jesus in the boat to remind you that you aren't alone. You have his presence with you. And when you're insecure, you need Jesus on the boat to assure you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. to remind you that through his sacrifice you have been made pure and holy. Anchor yourself in Christ and you will find restraint easier because you know that he's in control.

You have nothing to fear. Anchor yourself in Christ and you will be more even tempered because the waves are less frightening when he is in your presence. Anchor yourself in Christ and know that in Him you can resist the temptation to quarrel.