Ten Minute Bible Talks Devotional Bible Study - Why I Gave Up Gay Relationships: An Interview with Sierra Michaelis

Episode Date: January 21, 2021

Sierra Michaelis used to play division one College Basketball. She also used to date women. In this episode, she shares about her ongoing journey with Jesus, how he called her out of a gay lifestyle and offers more than a relationship ever could. Want to talk more? Chat with co-host Patrick Miller on https://twitter.com/PatrickKMiller_ (Twitter: @PatrickKMiller_) Or follow us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TenMinuteBibleTalks (TenMinuteBibleTalks) Support this podcast Your support makes TMBT possible. Ten Minute Bible Talks is a crowd-funded project. Join the TMBTeam to reach more people with the Bible. Give now.

Welcome to Tim Minna Bible Talks, where we connect the Bible to your life in the time it takes to get to work. My name is Patrick Miller. And I'm Keith Simon. When do you first remember having romantic feelings toward other women? Towards other women, it would probably be in high school, probably towards, like, my junior or senior year. I didn't really think much of it at the time. It was just like, oh, she's really pretty or like talking to girls like, oh, she's cool, or like, I want to spend more time with her. Not necessarily romantically at first, but more just like kind of get to know them,

kind of like the talking stages kids do nowadays. But yeah, towards girls. And they kind of like started it is like just get to know them. And then it would kind of like slowly lead to other things. What was your reaction to that? Were you scared? Were you proud? Did you deny it?

How did you respond to these attractions you were experiencing? I wouldn't say I was like scared because honestly it felt natural to me. It felt more natural than like talking to the boys or having some of the boyfriends that I had. But it felt more comfortable. It felt more natural. It kind of just happened. I didn't really like stop and think like, oh, what am I doing? But like I knew at the same time like it was wrong. So I would hide it. Like I wouldn't tell like my parents or I wouldn't tell like my friends in high school and kind of just kept it a secret because I knew deep down then it was wrong. But at the same time, like, it felt right and it felt natural. Did you give yourself a label? Like, did you think to yourself, I'm gay? Or did you not label it with that kind of a title? At first, I didn't, because I was like, no, there's no way. There's no way I'm gay. But towards, probably when I got to college, I was like, I think this is who I am. And once I came to that conclusion, that's when I kind of started feeling proud, like, this is who I am. And that's when I kind of started telling people, my close friends, my family. But no, when it first happened, honestly, I didn't really think about it, like, it kind of just happened so fast, but it was also, like, a process.

It's hard to explain, but it just kind of naturally happens like it would with, like, any other, like, heterosexual relationship. It was like, we talk, we get to know each other, we hang out, and then just like we're in a relationship. But I never really, like, identified myself at the time in high school as gay. I want to introduce you to my friends, Sierra. How do you say your last name, Sierra? I can't say it. Michaelaus. Sierra McAlas.

Sierra McAlea. She and I have known each other for several years now. Where did we first meet? I think it was at a dinner, a family dinner. I was living with the Cox family, and you and your wife came over for dinner. So Sierra and I have some mutual friends, and we met at their house and have struck up a friendship and kind of belong to the same church community. And I've gotten to know her and really respect her and her faith and her walk with God,

her intellectual ability to sort through books, Christian material, but maybe more importantly, her own heart. And I think she has a lot of wisdom that she can share with all of us. So Sierra, where did you grow up? I grew up in a really small town in North Missouri. The population was 318. 318, did that count the dogs or no? That's the cows.

The cows. It's a little farming town. I grew up in a really small school, graduated with 12 people. Then I got recruited to play basketball, and I chose the University of Missouri. Did you have other options? I did have a few other options. And you played all four years, or did you red shirt? No, I played all four years.

I didn't do a fifth year. I never, thankfully, thanks to God, I never really got hurt. Jam fingers, probably the most I've had. And your team, the Missouri, team was pretty good, and you were an important part of that team. What position did you play? I was the shooting guard, so I was like the two, three is what we call it. So we were pretty decent. I came here to help build a program, and then my junior year was the first year. We went to the NCAA tournament, my junior and senior year. And here locally, the Missouri women's team became a

really big deal. People were going to their games, at least in bigger numbers than they had previously. You and your teammates were making appearances around town. So when you look back on those years, You have positive memories, I guess? Yeah, there's some positive memories. Definitely basketball-wise. That was kind of like my outlet to a lot of things off the court. But basketball was so much fun. And my teammates are still like some of my best friends.

We still hang out. There's quite a few of them still in town. Give us a good basketball story. Did you ever get a technical? You ever get thrown out of a game? Did you get in a fight? Did you what? Me and Sophie were actually just talking about this.

Sophie Cunningham the other day. I got one technical, my whole basketball career. and we were at Old Miss, and I was frustrated, and I forgot I loved Jesus for a second, and I just elbowed this girl really hard in her chest, and the ref was right in front of me, so of course he called a technical. Wow. And you were kind of proud of that? I, yeah, I'm going to say I was.

And so now you're a teacher, but you also coach basketball. So basketball is still a big part of your life? Yes, it's a big part of my life. I think God's used it as a platform, and it's always something I want to be a part of. Like, I love the game. I love the relationships that it's brought me, just friendships and just parents and stuff that I've been hanging out and stuff with during the summer ball league. And I'm also coaching right now at Rockbridge High School.

So just those girls are awesome, and I'm learning a lot under Coach Nagle. So let's go back to your senior year in high school, and you're in a small rural community. you are experiencing some kind of same-sex attractions to other women. You're starting relationships with them, is that right? I mean, you had a relationship with another woman in high school? Yes, so at the very end of my senior year, I think there was like one or two weeks left. My senior year before I came to Mizzou because we have to come in the summers. So, yeah, that was like my first official girlfriend was my senior year of high school.

So how did that play in a small... rural Missouri town, this idea that you're in this relationship with another woman, is that something you had to keep hidden? Did the town accept that? I told absolutely nobody and just kind of lived a double life. In any situation, like a double life is hard. You've got to keep part of yourself in the darkness, just out of fear of what people might think. And it is a small town, so obviously people know everything about everybody. So that was probably the hardest part. Did you tell your family? Or did they end up finding Yeah, so they ended up finding out. And I'll just say it didn't go very well. And I'm very

thankful that I got to go to college like the next week. So they heard on the small town grapevine that this might be true. And they approached you with this and asked you or? No, so actually I got in trouble a lot in high school. For what? Just like growing up in general. Elbowing people? That's no, not quite. I did a lot of like just crazy things like, we don't have to add this in the podcast. I, like, lit a tree on fire because I was playing with matches. We were always outside, and, like, I was raised with a bunch of boys. Like, I have a brother.

All my neighbors were boys. So, yeah, I was just raised with a bunch of boys. Blame the boys. Blame the boys. They're crazy. So I got in trouble in high school, and I think my mom actually took my phone and went through my phone, and that's how she found out. So if she goes through your phone, she realizes something is going on with you,

and this other woman. And I want to know more. Does she call you downstairs? How does that conversation go? How did your whole family respond? This question's really bringing me back. I haven't thought about this in a while. But my mom had my phone,

and I remember I was in my room. And it was like nighttime. Like, it was bedtime. And I just, like, couldn't sleep because I knew I just had a feeling like this was going to be it. So my mom came in. My dad was at home. And she's just like really upset.

set and asked me like what was this or what is this and I really didn't even know how to answer like it was just it all felt like a dream like a nightmare more like but and then we just like kind of stayed up and like kind of argued back and forth there was like a lot of tears would it be right to say she was angry or hurt or scared or confused probably all of those things I mean I don't want to speak for her but it from my perspective she was hurt probably just because I mean as a parent I'm not a parent's like I don't know but but just like finding something that, like, your child's going through or your child's doing and being surprised or shocked by it.

And just, like, I know a lot of people say this, but, like, when you're, like, born, like, parents have dreams and, like, picture how your life is going to end up. And they only want the best for you. But that's not how my mom probably pictured my life. And I think she knew, because I was immature. I was 18. My brain was unfully developed.

But I think she knew, too, that, like, this was just hard. Like, this is if I did continue on with this way of life, like it wasn't going to be easy. And I know, like, as a parent, like, nobody wants that for the child. I think that's a very gracious way for you to interpret it. But I think you're right. I'm sure your mom loved you very much and she had a dream for your life. And as a parent myself, I know that sometimes we as parents can use our dreams to maybe

control more instead of let our kids do what they want to do. So you haven't mentioned to your dad. What was his response? I remember he came in. It was still late. and he said, just leave. Leave? Just leave.

Get out. Like that night? Leave the house? Yeah. So did you? I don't think I did that night. No, I think I stayed. And then obviously at school the next day, it's high school.

But we do this thing, small town thing. But you raise money until you're in seventh grade as a class. And then you go on like a senior trip is what it's called. So like literally I think the next day, like I was in Florida. And then as soon as I got back from Florida, I went to Missou. So in some sense, you did leave, not maybe exactly like he thought. Yeah, I went on a vacation. It turned out that circumstances allowed you to get out of there.

So what's your relationship with him like since then? There's really not one. I don't think I've talked to my dad. It's probably about four years, three or four years. You've tried? I have tried. We'll text him like Happy Father's Day or Happy Birthday or stuff like that, but I'm pretty sure my number is blocked, so I'm not sure.

That still hurts you? Sometimes it does. It depends on what day it is. I've recently, I have an arch nemesis and then there's my dad, so I've been praying for God to, like, soften my heart for both of them. And I feel like God's changing me in my heart is like I'm feeling more sorry for my dad. Not like he needs to be felt sorry for, but like it's just, I think he's had a lot of like life experiences that hurt him in his past. And he just doesn't know how to respond to adversity when it comes to like family. So you go to Mizzou and you're part of the basketball team and you are going to class, playing basketball, but you've got this new part of your life and you're now thinking yourself as gay and you are pursuing lots of relationships. You're in one long lasting relationship.

Help us understand how you process this in college. I was still in a relationship with the same girl from high school, my freshman year of college. and she was still in high school. She was a year younger. So I didn't tell anybody. I had my roommate. I obviously lived with some of the basketball players that I came in with.

So we were all in the same year. And again, coming from a small town, that's all I've ever known. So I come here. I'm like, well, people still aren't going to accept it. Did they? Did you experience rejection or maybe what you would think of as prejudice

or insults? Was it hard to be openly gay in college? No, not at all. But I didn't tell anybody until the end of my sophomore year. My teammates, my friends, like coaches, like anybody. I didn't tell. So you kept it hiding. You're living a double life. Yes, I'm still living a double life. And that was probably like the hardest. Like my freshman year is probably like the hardest year of my life. Just because like everything going on, like at home with my parents and trying to keep it a secret from my small town because like I love my small town. and I came to Missouri to represent my small town.

And I just want to make everybody there proud. So just like keeping a secret basically to avoid my family and friends and my town from being disappointed in me. And then I kept a secret here when I got to Missouri from like my teammates and coaches and friends because I didn't know how they would respond. And I didn't want them to look at me any differently or to think of me any differently because I did love Jesus and like I went to church with some of my teammates and friends. I didn't want people to think that I was a hypocrite.

So let's get to that faith part here in just a moment. But I want to go back to this freshman year. You said maybe the hardest year of your life. You're hiding something that's important to you. You're living a double life. You've got a relationship that you're keeping from the other people you spend time with. Did they have any ramifications in your life? I mean, did you get depressed?

Did you start doing radical, crazy stuff? Did you go to counseling? So where I'm from, and it's better now, but like when I'm from, you don't go to counseling, you don't talk about your feelings or your mental health. So no, that was never an option. My freshman year, I would definitely, like hindsight, I would definitely say, I was depressed. I was often thinking about suicide, but, like, for sure, my, like, sophomore junior year is when I was like, yeah, I definitely, like, am, like, strongly considering, like, suicide.

And that's when I reached out to my best friend. And then she... Well, at the time, I didn't like her for it, but she did the right thing and, like, told people that needed to know. That's when I did start going to counseling. And that's when I did, like, open up to, like, my teammates. Like, this is what's going on in my life. So you're coming out at college was instigated by another person who was concerned about your well-being. And so I see a pattern here.

18-year-old Sierra didn't tell anyone, but your phone revealed. And now, in college, whatever, 20-year-old Sierra doesn't tell anyone, but instead a friend is worried about you and tells people. When your friend told other people, did they have the reaction you thought they'd have? Did they reject you, hate you? It depended on what friend it was, but some friends were like, they were more hurt. Like we've been friends, we've known each other for like this many years. why didn't you open up or like why didn't you tell the truth? And I think they kind of felt lied to. But like in my mind, I didn't have another choice. Like I had to lie about it. And then some friends were like, oh yeah, like good for you. Like that's great. So what? And I'm not saying either response. Like there wasn't one right and one wrong response. It was just how they felt.

I just want to follow up one more thing. If you would have known how people were going to respond, would you have been more open earlier or would you have kept it quiet? if you had known everything about how people were going to respond back then when you came to school. Was there response to relief or was it as bad as you thought it might be? With the ones I was like, I consider like my best, best friends, it was not a relief. It was kind of like, okay, like I hurt you and like now you're hurting me. Like I hurt you because like I had to lie about it. I felt like I had to lie about it. Them being upset hurt me because...

You felt like you'd let them down. Yeah. But like to answer your question, would I have... come out earlier, probably. If I would have known how they would respond and yeah, I would have definitely. Because then you wouldn't have hurt them by lying to them.

Exactly, exactly. You could have. And I just afterwards, like, just the feeling of, I told everybody like I really care about, so I can be me. Okay, so here you are. You finally are being honest, more honest, at least, more transparent, more open.

You're working through the people who are hurt. Some people are like, okay, I don't care. So it seems like you have got, gotten to a point where your school and your basketball and now this personal area of your life are all kind of doing well. And so the question is, why reconsider? What caused you to think, well, maybe I don't want to keep going down this road. Maybe there's something better, something different out there. Do you remember what caused you to start to reconsider? So my entire college career, basically, I was in a relationship with a girl. It wasn't always

is the same girl, but I was always in a relationship with a girl. And now looking back on it, I was like always searching for something. Like I wasn't finding it in my relationship. Were you finding it in basketball or school? Well, school, I was literally at school to play basketball. You don't want to see my GPA. You're not the best student at Missouri? So I'm actually back at Missou and I'm doing really, really well now. I love my classes. What are you doing now at education major for history, social studies. So like I love all of my classes. But a graduate degree or another undergraduate degree? This is another undergrad degree. What was your first one in? Communication, because my best friend was in communication and we wanted

to have the same classes. So you're one of these, quote unquote, student athletes that are really there. That's not everybody. Go to the WMBA. That's what you wanted to do. If you're listening to this podcast, please don't stereotype student athletes. Oh, that's fair. So I was your typical. student athletes. Just a jock who wants to... Unfortunately, yes. If I could go back, that's probably one of the things I would change about college. As you'd study.

I would try, yes. I would try. Because I did not even try. Well, okay, so you're playing basketball, seeing success. You're blowing off school, but that was by choice. I was getting by. You were getting by, doing the minimum to stay eligible. Seas get degrees. Seas get degrees, yeah. And something, though, is going on inside your head, your heart. because you're more comfortable now than ever telling people about your sexuality. In the middle of what should be is kind of a good time, all of a sudden you start

reconsidering life. There's something that's not working. There's something that's making you, well, think about maybe some different options. So help us with that. Do you remember a specific moment or what were you feeling or what? It was you. It was me. It was you.

I don't know. I think I told you too, like one of the first times we went like, hey, I stopped coming to the crossing because of one of your... Because of my sermons? One of your sermons, yes. I think it was my... I hope I don't have that effect on too many people. I think it was my senior year of college, and it was your alabaster jar sermon. I don't even know. Like, I bring this up to some of my friends that go to the crossing.

They're like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I think it's Luke 7. At the end of Luke 7 is the story of the woman who comes to Jesus while he's in Simon the Pharisee's house. and she takes the alabaster jar of perfume and breaks it and wipes his feet with it and uses her hair and takes this really valuable thing, maybe the most valuable thing she had in her life and breaks it in worship at the feet of Jesus. So I think your emphasis too in that sermon that I think really convicted me and that kind of started the change. It was a process. Like it took years. It wasn't like that sermon.

And then I'm like, oh, okay, well, yeah, I'm done doing. all the bad things I'm doing. But the emphasis on that sermon was like she gave everything she had. Like she surrendered everything she had. And she put everything she had at the feet of Jesus. And I've always considered myself a Christian. I was raised in church. But I've always like compartmentalized it where it was like, okay, like Jesus, you can have like my basketball area of life. Like I want to play for you. Like I want to play in the name of Jesus. And I want to point people to you through my basketball platform. And like, okay, Jesus don't take my school area. Like, I won't give Jesus my school area. But, like, you can have other parts. He didn't want my school area. Like, I was not living in the

Colossians 323 for my school area. But just like, you can have all these areas of my life, but you can't have my relationship area. So when the woman broke the perfume and the disciples were like, hey, that's a year's worth of wages. And like, we could have sold that and given it to the poor. Yeah, that is in a different gospel. So we were looking at, Luke 7, and then that's over in John 12, I think. But you're right, the disciples were criticizing her. And in Luke 7, the Pharisee, Simon the Pharisee, was criticizing her. So here she's devoting her life, giving everything, and all she's getting is criticism, whether it's from Simon the Pharisee or the disciples or whoever. But how did you identify with that woman?

Well, like Jesus understood what she was doing. It was like she's literally giving everything she had. Like, that might have been all she had to, like, lay at the feet of Jesus. And what I got out of that sermon was, like, I wasn't giving everything I had. Like, I wasn't putting it all at the feet of Jesus. You were holding part back. That's the part you were compartmentalizing. Yeah, like, my relationship part was, like, I can't give this up. Like, I literally was, like, holding onto this so tight.

Like, I can give you anything. Like, you can take any other part of my life and, like, I will surrender it to you, like, fully. But, like, this part is non-negotiable. Don't we all have areas of our life like that? I mean, maybe it's money, maybe it's sexuality, maybe it is family, maybe it's our career. I mean, there's always parts of our life that we're tempted to hold back from Jesus. Maybe it's how we talk to people, our thought life. There's always part that we're saying, hey, Jesus, you can have this, but not that.

And so when you were listening to that, you were convicted that there were parts of your life that you weren't giving to Jesus. And so your response was to stop coming to truth. Yes, my response was, okay, well, let's go try this church. Maybe, I don't know if this is the home for me. Like, people do, but... So that was kind of a defense mechanism. Yeah, that was definitely, like, my coping. And then I went to a different church for a while, and then, like, season started, and we play on Sunday.

So it was a good reason not to go to church, even though I totally could have went to church, because our games aren't until the afternoon. But that's kind of what started it. So you're convicted. You kind of walk away from church. you have some good reasons in your mind to do so that make it convenient with the basketball season and all going. And then kind of what comes next? So I was reading Hebrew 6, and there's this part in there where it's like if you continue on sinning, you're not covered by grace because you're like abusing the grace is basically what it was saying.

So Hebrews 6 is a difficult passage. It's not super clear exactly what the point of the author is and people debate about it. But one thing that is inescapable is that it's saying that we have to be careful, that we don't have a flippant attitude toward sin. I think all of us at some point have thought, well, yeah, I'm sinning, but that's okay. My job's to sin. God's job to forgive. It's okay if I sin. But when forgiveness causes us to say, well, therefore, sin is no big deal, then we are presuming upon God's grace, presuming upon his forgiveness.

and that's always a dangerous place to be. You're reading this in the book of Hebrews, and how does that strike you? Honestly, it changed my whole perspective, because at the time, prior to reading this, I was like, well, this isn't a sin. How is love a sin? Like, I understand that being an alcoholic,

like, that hurt your body, like, I hurt your organs, or being a drug addict that hurt your organs, that hurt your body, getting a divorce, breaking up a family, hurt your family. But, like, how is what I'm doing,

hurting anybody? And I understand, like, up until that point, I was like, there's no way this is a sin. Because I was under the impression that God just wants me to be happy. And I don't think that's necessarily biblical. But when I was reading this, it just, like, hit me, like, what I'm doing is wrong. Like, this isn't how it's supposed to be. And I am, like, abusing God's grace. And he is so merciful, but, like, he's not soft.

He's not soft. He's not soft. He's not naive. Like, he knows what I'm doing. He knows that I know that this is. is wrong, and yet I'm still choosing to do it rather than choosing to obey or, like, the sermon that you were giving, like, surrender, everything. So it sounds to me like the Holy Spirit convicted you that your actions, your thoughts were wrong,

sinful. At least that's how you describe it. And what do you do then? I close my Bible. I see another theme. I hear a sermon that convicts me and I walk away. I read a Bible passage that convicts me, and I close it and think, I'm not going to keep reading that. And I just remember thinking, like, I'm not ready. Reading that, and there's some other verses in the Bible also is, like, God gives people over to their sins. And I do remember praying, like, please don't callous my heart, or please don't just leave me. But, like, right now I'm not ready.

So your story is a good picture of just the struggle in every person's life. every Christian's life, am I going to surrender everything to God? And it really doesn't matter at some point what part of our life it is that we're struggling to surrender. You were doing battle with your own sinful nature, with God. Were there some breakthroughs along this way? What did God use in your life to help you, encourage you, that kind of thing? Just encourage me. It was like friends. I have amazing friends that love Jesus and like our very, very,

honest and it's not always something I want to hear, but it's always something they're going to say, just out of love for me. And also just like, I never felt judged when I'm like telling my friends, oh, like, this is what's going on in my relationship because I've told people now so like now I can be more open. And I never once felt judged by any of my friends. I just want to clarify here. These are Christian friends. These are the friends you've had the whole time. These are teammates. These are, who are these friends? Are they new in your life at this? point? Who are these friends that are speaking non-judgmental Christian truth into your life? I mean, there's a couple new ones and then also like old ones that I've known in college.

I met my freshman year and just they're both. Like the old ones obviously knew me a little bit better, but like regardless, I never felt judged by either. And yes, they are Christians and they love Jesus with all of their heart. And like that's what they're chasing after. And like people I really respect and look up to, like, on a spiritual level. So they encouraged you through this. They did what Bible studies with you? They prayed with you. They were listeners.

What did they do that you found helpful? Definitely listen. Like, I would come and just be, like, sad, like crying. Like, one particular friend, I told her about the conviction. Like, I don't want to not do this anymore, but I also am feeling convicted to, like, not do this anymore. When not once did she ever be like, okay, well, like, you just need to stay. stop because it's not that easy. You don't just tell like a drug addict to just stop or like tell

like an alcoholic to just stop. Like it's not that easy. But yeah, she's just like praying for me. I'm sure when I wasn't around like she prayed with me. She gave me like great spiritual insight, gave me some books and then also just like opened up about her situation. And like it wasn't the same situation, but like just like being really transparent and vulnerable. And we built that trust. but not once that I ever felt less than because of what I was struggling with and just because they were Christians and loved Jesus. They really did a great job of loving me like Jesus would have loved me. I think that's really important for all of us to hear

that if we want to be used in other people's lives to help them in their faith, we need to be the kind of people who are non-judgmental, who accept people and love people where they are, but who speak truth into their life, biblical truth, Christian truth. And that is hard for people to do. Some of us are bent to speaking the truth, but not in love. And then some people are bent more toward accepting but without truth. And it sounds like you had a friend, and maybe more than one, who are able to combine both of those and do what the Bible tells us to speak the truth in love. So it's part of this community where you're kind of feeling free to be yourself and to share your struggles but absorb the truth.

Your desires begin to change. And you find that your desires for Christ are growing? I felt like I'd get a little, I'm not sure of the word, but times where I would be filled with like the Holy Spirit and like I felt so content and just like Jesus. And I'm like, at that point, I was like, yeah, I can do this. Like, I don't need a relationship or I don't need basketball or I don't need all these things to, like, fill me or fill this void. But, like, with any relationship, like, there's highs and lows. Like my relationship with Jesus, there'd be valleys where I'm like, no, I'm just going to, like, kind of do what I want. And whatever happens, happens.

But it was a slow process. It was really slow process. It was like seven years, seven, eight years process. And it's still going on, right? Yeah, it's still a process. There's just little things here and there where I'm, like, kind of getting closer to taking that step to be like, I can do this. With Jesus, I can do this. I like how you're explaining this because you're putting the emphasis, I think, correctly on following Jesus and not so much on becoming heterosexual.

Yeah, so I think I met with you, like at the very beginning of 2020, and I think that's one of the things I said is, like, I want to chase after Jesus. just not chase after heterosexuality? Yeah, I think sometimes we invert those and we act like the goal is to be heterosexual, but that's not the Bible's goal for anybody. The Bible's goal for us is to surrender our life to Jesus and obey him. And for some people, that might mean that they are always gay, at least how they think of themselves as that way. They always have attractions to the same sex, but they surrender those or submit those to the authority of Jesus and live a chaste, celibate life. Other people may find that their desires change, but that's not the goal. The goal is I want to follow Jesus wholeheartedly and give my allegiance to him and obey him in every part

of my life. Have you seen your desires change, or not really, or you don't know? Like we said, it's still a process, but I've definitely seen, like, my desires change where I was like, because I've tried to do this before, but I tried to do it on my own, like, breakup and just, like, go date a guy or go talk to a guy, or, and it's just never successful. But honestly, when I'm the last time, I was like, I was like praying. And I was like, I cannot do this without you. Like, I've tried. So I definitely, I don't know yet, because it's only been like a year.

You don't know where you're going to end up. I have no idea. But that's not the biggest deal. Yeah, so I spent the entirety of like 2020 of just like getting in my Bible reading, reading my Bible, reading devotionals, listening to sermons, going, attending the crossing consistently. I'm back and listening to podcasts and just like having a lot of like Jesus talks, not being afraid to like talk about Jesus with my friends or like meet. over coffee with Jesus. And like, that was kind of my emphasis on 2020 is just like, before I get in any sort of relationship again, like ever, whether it be like boy or girl, I want to be content in Jesus first. And like, that's where I want to find all of my answers.

And like, that's going to fill all of my voids. Okay, so let's go back to 18 year old Sierra. What do you wish she knew? Like, if you go back and talk to her, what would you tell her? If I were to talk to 18-year-old Sierra, I think I would just say, like, it's not going to get any easier. Like, this is going to get harder, actually. What's going to get harder? Just life in general, like, everything. It gets way more complicated because I was in a relationship. And, like, these were where my, like, identities were found.

But I don't have to have my, like, worldly identity. I can find my identity in Jesus. And, like, once I really dove into the word, I, like, understood more than, like, like, what God did. thinks about me. Like, it doesn't have to be, like, gay. It doesn't have to be basketball player. It doesn't have to be a C student in college. I am loved. I am flawless. I'm found. And just being content and Jesus rather than, like, trying to find things in the world to fill me. And honestly, just say, like, Jesus is more and Jesus is better. He's more than what? More than anything. Like, more than anything the world could give or the offer or more than any

relationship could give or offer basketball more than he's just better he's better than everything but like honestly when i spent 2020 being devoted to jesus it was honestly and i don't say this because i know like 2020 was a hard year but like spiritual wise like this was the best year of my spiritual life and spiritual growth and my walk with jesus so what you wish 18 year old sierra would know is is that real life, true life, the good life. Not the easy life. Yeah, it's sounding Jesus. Not necessarily the easy life.

It's not always simple. I think surrendering to Jesus was like the hardest decision and the hardest thing I have absolutely ever done. It's not supposed to be easy. That's why Jesus like take up your cross and follow me. It's not like pick these flowers and follow me. It's not like literally take up your cross. And follow me.

Like, lay down your life. Follow me. Like, when you lay down your life, you will find your life. I love that. Because that's what I need to hear. That's what all of us need to hear. Some of the people who are listening to this are parents, and maybe their child has told them that they're gay.

Maybe they have found out in a similar way that your parents found out. And they don't know how to respond. Any advice? I may know you're not parent. And so I know you don't pretend to be an expert on any of this. You're just telling your story. but you do have some experience in this. What would you say to a parent out there of an 18-year-old

who they find out is gay? I've been blessed to kind of have both sides of this because I didn't meet this family through the crossing who kind of took me in. I was in between, like, apartments, and I didn't really have anywhere to stay, so they kind of took me in. This is the Cox's where we met.

Yes. And so I lived with them for two summers, and just honestly, It felt like I've known them my whole life. And just the way they've treated me, because I've been completely honest with them from the very start. So just the way they've loved me through it and responded. And like, do they agree with everything?

Like, absolutely not. And they're wise and their spiritual walk. So, like, I do look up to and respect their opinion. But I didn't always agree with it. I was, again, my brain wasn't fully developed. But just the way they loved me and, like, prayed with me and prayed for me. and like I said, like they didn't agree with a lot of it, and they made that clear at times. But I never once felt like judged or like loved conditionally.

But then on the other hand, like my parents, just being raised in a small town, it's not very common, but just their response to it. And like knowing now that my brain is fully developed, like I know that they just want the best for me. But how they responded, I think it hurt just being, I felt. They didn't want me, like, their own child. And, like, just working through that kind of, too, was, like, hard. Okay, well, like, I'm being loved conditionally by my own parents. So, like, no one's going to love me if my own parents don't even love me.

My relationship with my mom has gotten a lot better. Like, we had some really tough conversations. And, like, I shared my perspective, and she shared her perspective. And she apologized for how she responded. And I apologize for not being honest with her and not being open with her. So, yeah, I love my mom. was great. And towards like the end, just like her loving me. And like, she legit said, like, I do not agree with this. I will never agree with this. But I love you no matter what.

Just like hearing that from my mom, I think, kind of changed where I was like, okay, well, I don't want to hurt her either. So in this whole process, it wasn't just about me. Like, I was hurting my parents and stuff too. So I think if you're a parent of a son or daughter who you find out is dating someone of the same sex or has some sort of same sex attraction or thinks of themselves as gay. It's a wide range of possibilities. I think what Sierra is saying is that giving your child a hug and telling him or her that you love them is maybe the best thing you can do. Whatever you do, don't rupture the relationship. Stay in relationship. Encourage, walk by them. Doesn't mean you have to compromise your beliefs, it does mean that you have to wait for the right time to share those

beliefs. If they know that you love them and you're in their corner and you want the best for them, they will be open to considering your beliefs. But if you reject them, then you've lost your ability to influence. So love your kid. Give them a hug. Sierra, would you pray for us? would you pray for all of us to surrender to Jesus, to pray for all of us as we face that decision that you faced, and are still facing today, that we would see in Jesus what is better, that he is more,

that true life is found in him, and that we would surrender our whole life to him. Would you pray for us? Yes. God, I just thank you for this time with Keith and just being able to do this podcast and I'm praying that you use it, God. I pray for anyone going through a very similar situation,

and I pray that they know that this is my story, and it's not their story, and their story might look a little bit different, God. But I pray that you're changing hearts and anybody's struggling, and you're changing hearts, and parents of anybody struggling, and just friends and family and anybody around, God. And I pray that we would just be constantly reminded to love and do as you do. God and just show love first and our opinion second. God, and I pray for anybody that is struggling through this

that they would have somebody to talk to, God. And God, I pray for anybody that is struggling with suicide or any thoughts because of a situation similar to this or just a completely different situation, God, that you would send something their way to make them turn towards you, God, rather than turning towards something that is a forever, God.

And I pray that people would just listen to this and realize that life is better with you, God. And the world isn't meant to fill any voids in our heart, God. But Jesus is the one to fill this void. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Thanks for listening. If you've enjoyed this content, please subscribe and give us a rating.

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