Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris - 58: Elvis Duran, Morning Radio Show Star

Episode Date: January 25, 2017

The host of the mega-popular Top 40 radio show, "Elvis Duran and the Morning Show," has never shied away from dishing out "real talk" to his millions of listeners, not even when it comes to his dramatic weight loss after "gastric sleeve" surgery. Duran is a longtime meditator and talks about keeping up with the practice while also trying to maintain his edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It kind of blows my mind to consider the fact that we're up to nearly 600 episodes of this podcast, the 10% happier podcast. That's a lot of conversations. I like to think of it as a great compendium of, and I know this is a bit of a grandiose term, but wisdom. The only downside of having this vast library of audio is that it can be hard to know where to start. So we're launching a new feature here, playlists, just like you put together a playlist of your favorite songs.

Back in the day, we used to call those mix tapes. Just like you do that with music, you can do it with podcasts. So if you're looking for episodes about anxiety, we've got a playlist of all of our anxiety episodes. Or if you're looking for how to sleep better, we've got a playlist of all of our anxiety episodes, or if you're looking for how to sleep better, we've got a playlist for that. We've even put together a playlist of some of my personal favorite episodes. That was a hard list to make. Check out our playlists at 10%.com slash playlist. That's 10% all one word spelled out..com slash playlist singular.

Let us know what you think. We're always open to tweaking how we do things and maybe there's a playlist we haven't thought of. Hit me up on Twitter or submit a comment through the website. Hey y'all, it's your girl, Kiki Palmer. I'm an actress, singer, and entrepreneur. I'm a new podcast, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. I'm asking friends, family, and experts,

the questions that are in my head. Like, it's only fans only bad. Where did memes come from. And where's Tom from MySpace? Listen to Baby, this is Kiki Palmer on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcast. Little story about our guests this week, Elvis Durran. I'm embarrassed to admit that I actually spent most of my life with no idea who Elvis Durant is. Except after I published 10% happier a couple years ago, I started getting all these tweets, like a massive amount of tweets about the fact that some guy named Elvis Durant was talking about my book on his radio show.

And I mean, it was just like a massive amount of tweets. So that that picked my interest, and I sort of looked him up and realized that he is a huge figure in American radio. He's the host of a daily show called Elvester End in the Morning Show, which originates out of Z100 in New York, but it's syndicated all over the country. And I ultimately ended up going on the show a couple times. And as a side note here, my wife who normally

doesn't care what shows I go on and doesn't really want to hear about it actually insisted on coming with me to the show because couple times and as a side note here my wife who normally doesn't care what shows I go on doesn't really want to hear about it actually insisted on coming with me to the show because she had been listening to Elvis since she was a kid and she was like giddy meeting him and and after being on the show a couple times I became friends with Elvis and he's really been just such a fun person to get to know over time and I wanted to bring him on this show because he's a meditator and he has lots of interesting things to say about how it impacts him in a very interesting life on a lot of levels. So here we go. Here's Elvis. From ABC, this is the 10% happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. You want to put these on? Should we put these on?

Do you know how to run a on? Should we put these on? Do you know how to run a board? No, no, there's somebody in the other room doing that. You really should learn how to run a board. These are great studios. It's pretty good. It's a professional operation. It's the real deal.

How's the show going? The show's great. Is this mine? Is this pure vodka? Can you drink these days? Oh, yeah, I drink a lot. Really? I drink last night. But your tolerance must be way down, right?

Yeah, no, I'm a cheap drunk. Absolutely. Are we on? Are we going? Why not? You can use all this. I lost 140 pounds and now I used to could do maybe six martinis and still be totally coherent. Now just a half a martini. It's just half a martini. Yeah, I don't even know where I am. I start crying. So, but that's frustrating. What if you want to be out with your friends all night

and hang out with your friends? I have to pace. And it took a while to learn that, you know, several people who've had this same procedure. What's it called again? Gastric sleeve procedure, whatever. But some of them actually become alcoholics because they're

just not used to curtailing the quantity of alcohol so they start drinking it, but I am still learning. Now we do a drink and then two glasses of water than a drink and then two glasses of water if I'm out all night, I got to watch it. So then over the course of the night you can have several drinks. What about food these days? You eat everything but you can't eat that much. No, no it it stacks up fast But the only thing I cannot do is I cannot drink effervescent drinks

I can't do any carbonated beverages because it blokes your stomach But so like if you have a burger and fries in front of you, can you finish all that? No, no, no. I can eat a standard sized burger, maybe you could do a quarter of it, maybe a half of it on a good day. But does that take some of the fun out of it? It does. I actually get pissed off when I can't eat

the whole mountain of food that's before me. I mean, if someone brings out this beautiful chicken palm, with the beautiful sauce and the pasta on the side, I wanna eat the whole thing. I'm salivating just thinking about it, but I can't eat it. And I do get mad sometimes. But it's so crazy because I met you less than three years ago, but you look like a completely different human being. I am a different human being. I mean, everything has changed. My attitude has changed the way

I look at life, the way I enjoy life, everything has changed. But you were happy, when I met you. I was very happy. And I was not a self-loathing overweight guy. I was fine with me. I just didn't like sweating every time I wanted to walk a half a block. And I wanted to see my weener. We've talked about this.

You couldn't see it from... I couldn't see it. I just tried to look at admire it at the local Ghana college's office to look at my own private parts. Now I look at it all the time. All the time really. Anytime you want it's really a great way to interview. And just look at it.

Pardon me, I got me back. This is ABC, I can't do that in ABC. But I remember, because I interviewed you right after you had the cert, were a couple of months after you had the cert. Right, I'd already lost some weight. Yes, but then it's been about a year or so since I've seen you and you actually look even dramatically different when I saw you after the surgery

and you look even more different now. I'm exactly two years in. It was two years ago when I had the procedure done and I have been at the same weight for one year. You look incredible. I mean, you really do. Well, thank you. Are you about to jump across the table? Give you a big kiss and make out with me. I mean, I wouldn't rule it out.

I'm not going to roll anything out. So, so do you feel great? I feel awesome. You know, it's when you're overweight for so many years in your life, it's these little things, like, for instance, if I see my, you know, the walk, they don't walk sign as flashing I know I have to get across six avenue really quickly. I run to get across and then after I run I realize I just ran and I and I'm still breathing I don't have a lack of oxygen and in the old days It would take everything to get across the street and to recover from that and that crazy. It is crazy

So but you've been able to keep up on the exercising, you feel better when you're in the business. Yeah, I'm not exercising nearly as much as I should. Really? No, not. I should. I need to exercise. You look like a dude who's exercising a lot. It's just because. Well, if I took off my shirt, if I took off my spanks, it would all start falling out.

Is that really the case or? Not. I don't have spanks on. No, but no, I need to exercise more. So it's a little intimidating to interview like a professional radio interview. You always say that, and I don't understand. You're the best interviewer in the business. That's not true.

It is true. But especially in a radio contact, this is your zone, man. Here's why I love watching everything you do, because you go out on these stories where you seem very curious to find out the answers. And you take us along with you. And I've learned that from you.

I think that's a great way to, well, not only interview people professionally on TV or on the radio, but just with your friends, it's great to go on a journey with them in just regular conversation. You're a master at that. My mother has an expression that's up on her wall. It says, the most important thing about acting

is sincerity. And if you can fake that, you got it made. There you go, of course. it made there you go of course i fooled you fakes and said i don't believe that one second i am a curious dude so let me ask you question that i am curious about because i'm known for long long time that you're a meditator but i've never actually asked you how you got into it what your practices like we never talked about any of that

okay so how did you get into it well you know it really started uh... big time when i started going out to Santa Fe, New Mexico. I have a house out there and I realized through friends who had moved, they're very dear friends, very, very like my second parents, great friends. They moved out there to save their relationship and save their lives because they were just on a crazy track to know where they were drinking a lot and just having crazy blackout fights and things with each other and they realized they really loved each other

and they needed a new path in life. They moved to Santa Fe. So I would go visit them. I would stay out there for a week at a time, just on my own. And I would spend time on my own. I never, ever would vacation anywhere without friends or whatever. I would go there and just spend time with myself.

In Santa Fe, you'll find a beautiful community of people who believe in meditation and all things, crystals and all things, acupuncture. The things- Some of the stuff that I don't like. Exactly. Some of the stuff that not a lot of us are familiar with, and you've become familiar with in your journey.

But you're okay with the crystals and all that stuff. Absolutely. I loved observing people who, at the time, I thought I assumed that they were actually getting something good out of crystals and energy in the universe. I mean, what is that? If I want to feel good, I have a martini. But I learned out there at meditation was a common denominator with my favorite people there.

So I actually found a book at the bookstore called Eight Minute Meditation by Victor Davich, I guess that's how you say his name, where you really learn the basics, it's basically a very skinny version of meditation for dummies, but it really taught me that in eight minutes in a busy lifestyle, I could actually form these habits and I started doing these eight minute meditations while in Santa Fe visiting my house at that time, I've finally bought a house.

What is this guy telling you to do in these eight-minute meditations with them? You know it's been so many years since I read it. It's very simple, sit down, relax, get control of your breathing, focus on your breathing. If some thought comes into your mind, no big deal, let it go right out. It's like the leaf in the creek that flows beneath the bridge. Just let it go down the creek. And it was just a very, very simple way of learning. That's great.

But after about two weeks of doing eight minutes a day, I really started to feel something different. And I really couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt like I was observing myself, my body, my physical cues, my body was giving me, and at the time overweight, whatever. I was very, I was an observer of myself rather than just a participant in life. And I thought that was very unique, very interesting. Yeah. No, that's just from eight minutes a day.

That's a great, actually a great statement of what the real benefit of meditation is, especially for people at the beginning. You go from being yanked around by the little voice in your head all the time to actually having some distance to be able to see, oh, that was just a thought that I should have 75 cheeseburgers right now or I should scream at my partner or whatever. You can just let it pass instead of actually just doing

what you've been ordered to do by the moron in your head. The moron in your head is just a great way of putting it. And I actually learned, Dan, and also through conversation with you later on, that you can actually be the voice in your head rather than the voice having its own identity. You can actually tell your voice what it needs to say. And it changes your life.

It's as simple as it sounds. It really does. Did you keep doing it? Did you fall off the wagon? How, how, how abiding of a practice were you able to establish? I was not, I was not totally, totally into it for long periods of time. I would drop it. I'd forget it. So common, very common. It is. But I've always found when I go back to it, it's very meaningful. And also I think it's good to leave it from time to time and to go back to it.

And I think you are more aware than of what it is. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you get a very, you get a pretty powerful lesson in what the point of doing the thing is. Right, so I, it's a matter of fact, I just restarted meditation maybe less than a year ago. So, what got you to do that? I don't even remember.

I think one day I had some free time. I said, well, what the hell, I'll meditate. And what, so what are you doing now? What's your practice like now? You know what, it varies. Knowing how much time I have sort of presets it. I mean, I don't give it a strict 10 minutes or a strict 30 minutes.

I've never meditated more than 15 minutes. I just never, I've never done it. I don't I don't give it a strict 10 minutes or a strict 30 minutes. I've never meditated more than 15 minutes. I've never done it. I don't know what that's like. But, you know, in reading your practice, I mean, you meditated like for three weeks once, didn't you? I did a 10 day silent meditate. I've done a couple of those. Well, you were silent, but were you meditating? Yes. It was a thin line between the two. Yeah. That's a very good point. You can be silent and manifestly not meditating.

I was, I think, meditating or at least trying to do it. Well, after 10 days, yeah. After 10 days of being in that silence, how was your life different? What immediate changes did you notice? Are you interviewing me now? No, yeah, absolutely. I knew this was going to happen. No, but really. 10 days, I would say, the first time I did it, I was only a year into practice and after 10 days, during the course of the 10 days, I had so many ups and downs, where I was totally miserable and then absolutely elated and then miserable again

and then kind of calm. And what it did for me was give me, and this is a loaded term, faith. And I don't mean faith in a metaphysical sense of believing in things you can't prove, which I don't have a problem with, but that's not really my bag. It was faith in a more, in a sense of confidence. Confidence at this thing is worth doing, and that if you can get enough distance from the sort of machinery, this kind of automaticity of the mind, you and slow it down a little bit. Actually, levels of happiness here to four unseen in most

lives are actually accessible. What the hell did you just say? I don't know. No, I heard what you said. But you were also... I could say it again, actually. You were in a very remote area of the world at the time. I was in Marin County.

Oh, I thought you were... Yes, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, I'm actually gonna start doing some crazy, crazy way remote area of the world. Meditation retreats in the future, but I haven't done that yet. Actually, I've gone to rural Massachusetts, does that count as? Yes, okay, I've done that.

Oh my gosh. It's surprising, found your way back. So what kind of changes do you see? So for the last year, what difference does it make in you? You have a pretty busy life. You've got what you guys run four hours in the morning? Yeah, it's very busy, four hours a day. From six to 10.

Yeah. But you have a whole staff you got to manage of folks on air and off air. You've got a pretty big crew of people on the air, many of whom have their own following. So obviously that they become kind of talent in their own right and you're managing them. You're managing the folks off air,

you're managing your corporate overlords, you're worried about ratings in the local markets. So it's four hours a day on the air, but you actually have a large operation you're running all the time. So does meditation help you with this pretty serious endeavor? Yes, but I have to back up for just a second. I have, you make it sound like I really have

a time consuming job. I have, you make it sound like I really have a time, time consuming job. I don't. Really? I really don't. I mean, I really leave most days at 10.01 and I'm back the next morning at 6. And what do you do the rest of the shop?

A shop. A, a, a, a, a, e, you know, no, I, look, there are many phone calls to make. There are a lot of email to answer. And no, there is a lot to it, but I have a blessed, easy, maybe sometimes too easy life. And that's why even when you have many moments available in the course of the day,

sometimes you still can't find time to meditate. It's not that you don't have the time. It's just for some reason you don't get into gear and do it. I need to be better disciplined at doing that. What do you think is that, see, I'm really interested now and this is gonna be my next project. Actually, I kind of have invagled you into helping me with this next project,

which is I'm gonna do a little book that's gonna come out in the year from now about what are the things that get in the way, what stops you from meditating or what kind of messes up your meditation and how can we help you get over those hurdles? I'd be really interested to know like what do you think it is? You have the time and yet you can't make the time. I think it's procrastination. I'm generally a procrastinator and I put things off. I

never pay bills on time or have them paid on time because I just don't do it. And I think it's simple as it sounds and And I think that's it. I don't think, I know the, I understand and appreciate the importance of meditation, the importance of being aware, the importance of whatever. I just don't practice it all the time. I don't know why. I bet there is an answer.

I bet if you could open my hood and look in there, I bet you could figure it out. Like why don't, I don't, why don't I just put it on the calendar every day? Why do I hate calendars? Why don't I hate meetings? I hate things that are planned. I'm a spontaneous guy. So I don't know is there such a thing

as spontaneous meditation? Yeah, you do any time you want. Absolutely. I'm gonna check out right now. You can do it. By, you can do it as for a short a period as you want. You do a minute counts, anything counts.

And I think maybe getting that message out would be useful to people. But you don't think it's some deeper thing like, I don't want to look at my own stuff. I feel it. No, not at all. No, it's not it. I wish it were. At least I could point it out. What about guided meditation?

I'm a big fan. See, I guess the same as if you're paying someone at the gym to be your trainer, you could pay someone to be your guided meditation guru. Therefore, I'm gonna lose money if I don't go. I'm as well, I would love to do that. I've only done guided meditation twice in my life, and I loved it. So you're talking about in-person guided meditation.

Yes, no, with me. So in the room. There are a lot of options on this space. If you're Elvis Durand, you can ask your friend, Dan Harris, to hook you up with a great teacher who will come to your apartment for you. That is actually, that is absolutely an option. Then you can go, or you can go to classes in New York City.

There are places where you can actually go to classes, and all over the country, there are places now where you can go to classes. And then the third option is get an app, where they have the guide to meditation is right in your phone. I'm partial to this app called 10% happier, but there are lots of good ones. Blate and self-promotion. So there are a lot, I think guided meditations really, really useful.

Because it's super easy to fall into this trap of like, what am I doing? Am I doing this right? Am I wasting my time, et cetera, et cetera? And when you hear somebody who you think seems pretty normal, giving you the basic instructions and telling you why it matters, you're back on track. There's something else about guided meditation

that I thought about after last time I did it, was there is, I actually felt like this person who was guiding me through this meditation was actually loving me, I mean liking me, spending time with me. If there was an intimacy with them, not of a sexual nature at all, but you know what I'm saying it I Don't know I I felt like they were you know, they were being paid. Oh my god. Is this like a prostitution thing?

Even though they were being paid to guide me through meditation. I felt like there was a connection there and I I love connection with other people. I think there's some context. The context? Where was this happened? Oh, it was at a spa, a famous spa up in Massachusetts. Where are you going to a room and with six or seven other people? And you have one person come in and sit down and lead you through meditation. The only problem I had with it was everyone picked their shoes off and it smelled like feet.

So I don't like to smell a feet. I don't either. But anyway, I don't either. But I felt like there was a connection there and I loved the intimacy of connecting with someone while meditating. I thought that was just mind-blowingly great. So if you had a teacher, a local teacher, somebody who was just gonna, who you had appointments with and you knew that if you blew it off, you'd be wasting money. I'm assuming I would make my appointments. I would go. I don't want to blow off money. What about the other folks on your team that you're on air team? Did they meditate? If I recall going in there, in the past, they've all said, yeah, I know I should do this, but I don't think they do. I cannot, no, I don't think anyone I work with meditates unless

that they're a private meditator. Do you talk to about it? No, we don't have the dialogue. They know I meditate. Yeah. If I were to ask them, do you think they'd be able to tell when you're doing more or doing less? Most likely. Absolutely. And I know when I'm doing more or less,

because I see the results after maybe a week of getting into it, I definitely see results. I see me calming down, being happier. It's almost like taking meds the uh... yes well i've got to be some studies that shows just as effective uh... do you are or mean on the air you're super affable but are are you do you have the potential to be to get cranky

oh god yeah i throw sharp objects really no and i know i'd i can get a little cranky like a little baby and i'd i do it uh... sometimes, and sometimes you don't get your way, or you expect people to read your mind and they're not reading your mind.

So like if I talk to your staff, and I say to them, you know, what's Elvis like on a bad hair day, they'll say, yeah. Absolutely. No, I can be somewhat of a terror, but it's not awful, it's not as bad as I make it seem, but I'm sure I think it's worse. Because you know it's not awful. It's not as bad as I make it seem, but I'm sure I think it's worse. Because you know it's been a bad day when you go home and you regret, not regret,

but yeah, a little bit of regret the way you spoke to people or the way you became impatient with them. And I sometimes regret that. Don't we all? I do. There's this level of intensity that makes you who you are, and makes you great at what you do, and sometimes that level of intensity manifests itself with throwing things at people. And maybe it's not physically, but it's saying things that are a little rude. Right, but you're getting to the heart of one of my issues around meditation, which is exactly you said, we get to where we are in life often, or many of us believe we get to where we are in life often or many of us believe we get to where we are in life because of our intensity because of the stress because of the drive. And if we're too relaxed, if we're too much in the habit of non-judgmentally observing all of our thoughts and feelings and emotions, are we going to be flaccid?

Well, exactly. Flaccad. What a fantastic word. Well, you started the trend. And you continued it. For instance, back to Santa Fe. If I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico full time, I would be too relaxed. I would lose my intensity living here in New York. It's like sitting in an electric chair just to go to the store to buy, you know, dinner. You know, I think that being in this intense city is great for us. It makes us have to think faster, but sometimes it just wears you down.

So there's got to be a happy medium somewhere. I think there is a happy medium. I think that the happy medium is that you, what meditation, or at least for me, has helped me do is we have to do a certain amount of worrying and plotting and planning and be intense, but you can draw the line between when it's useful and when it's useless. You know what I think, I don't know what I think. For example, you said before that I'm totally brain farting over here. No, that's okay.

Why are you? Why are we here? You said before that your propensity to throw sharp objects is partly why you you know your Elvis Durand and but you also don't want to be that dude you don't want to go home regretting. I don't you know people in your business I know them in mind they have a reputation for being jerks they have a reputation for being unfair and users and selfish and I never ever want that reputation. And I, you know, you can take 20 years to build up your reputation. It takes five minutes to totally flush it down a toilet. But at the same time, you owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings that you

have simmering inside and sometimes they've got to come out. But then you apologize to everyone and hope they understand, you know. Celebrity feuds are high stakes. You never know if you're just going to end up on page six or do me or in court. I'm Matt Bellasai. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell, where each episode we unpack a different iconic celebrity feud from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? The first season is packed with some pretty messy pop culture drama,

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Follow Dissentel wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on Amazon Music or the Wondery app. This is maybe not directly a meditation question. It's more just a question about your career and your show. But learning about you, and we've done some interviews, and I've done some stories on you guys, you're a really interesting variation on the morning zoo format. Because mostly when people think about the morning zoo, they think of, you know, like, let's say, misogynistic things or let's pick on celebrities, et cetera, et cetera.

But you guys are really like nice to the people you have on the show and nice to one another. And generally speaking, pretty respectful of everybody you talk about. And how have you succeeded in that environment without being jerks? Well, we stopped calling ourselves the morning zoo about 20 years ago. Right. But it's still that kind of format. It is that it's that many people around the table format.

You know what? It's too easy to go into the, into the, I'm going to insult you for a laugh at your expense, vein. I don't want to do it. It's, there's nothing smart about that. I really feel like leading by example is the best way for people to see who you are and let them connect with you.

Rather than come on the air and go, hey, I'm Elvis Durant, I'm a great guy, I'm just going to go on the air and just try my best to be a good guy because I know inside I really am. And I know that I'm making that connection. It's that intimacy with the listener, letting them know who I am without hiding anything. At the same time, if we're mad at something, if we're sad about something, I'll cry on the air, I'll get pissed off on the air.

I mean, we let all of those emotions come out, but it's such a refreshing thing to come to work every day with people who actually are great people. They're nice people, and we need to let the world know how nice they are. And it makes people feel great because the majority of our listeners are waking up two early in the morning. They have to go to that routine to brush their teeth

and wash themselves and get in a car and sit in traffic. It's my job to make them feel good. So they'll come back tomorrow. That's the business end. The real end is that we want to move the meter by just being good people and letting people know that there are good people out there, especially this past year after this election.

We just went through that. It's divided everyone and everyone's all upset and cranky. We had to march through that to remind people despite what's happening in the news. There are good things going on. Let's focus on those. How have you guys handled that? Because I would imagine in your audience,

which is just a broad audience, that actually you have listeners on both sides of it. We do. We have members of our show who are on both sides, but as we practice at the table every morning with the microphones on, we practice on the show, people do not turn us on for political commentary. That's not what we do.

Come to us because you're tired of hearing about it. And we had a lot of listeners trying to push us to make us admit, I'm voting for this person, I'm voting for that person, no, we don't want to do it, there's no reason. But how can you avoid the topic? You know, the topic we did not avoid was getting through the negativity. And negativity was on both sides in the selection. The negativity was, you know, a lot to do with things had nothing to do with real politics. It was just people with egos trying to be who had to be right. My candidate is right and you are wrong and we were the

The answer to that come to us because we're not gonna make you feel bad because you're voting for someone. I ended up going on there admitting who I voted for. Who? I didn't vote for anyone. You didn't vote for anybody? No. I did not. I didn't know. I didn't want to vote for either of the final candidates. I just didn't want to. As a matter of fact, I even said on our show when I told people in the beginning during early stages of the of the election everything, I would tell people who I did like and I would, they would look at me and you're stupid. That person's never going to be graded, being president. So, well, no, I agree with the politics of this person. I kind of agree with what they're

coming from. And I was told, they're never going to be president. Why worry? I was made to feel inferior because of who I wanted. Who did you want? I'm not going to say that. Oh, this was off the air or on the air? Off the air. So I didn't vote. And then I was made to feel like an idiot for not voting. It's just, there was nothing, nothing really fantastic. No way to win. Have you had Donald Trump on the show?

Oh, years ago, yeah, absolutely. Were your impressions of him? Uh, he was great, but you know, keep in mind he wasn't running for president. I actually, he was just beginning to think about running because I'm Friendly with the family. I know Eric Trump. Oh, that you know what I would that's right You introduced me to Eric Trump once when I was doing a profile on you for nightline I thought we rode up town for you were going to some TV studio uptown and outside of

The TV studio there was this guy this tall blonde guy guy, was Eric Trump, who you introduced me to. That's right, that's just coming back to me now. So you've known him how and why? You did some charity events. Well, yeah, my really good friend, Steven, got me involved with Eric Trump Foundation, and we've raised a lot of money for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.

I got to know him that way. And he and his wife, Laura, are still good friends of mine. But they are, they totally know. I did not vote for their father. I did not support him in his election. I did not support Hillary Clinton either. I see, I have to say that. I have to even it out so everyone will know that I did not go one way or another.

So this election has been tricky for you. It's been tricky. Yeah, but I think we did, I think we did pretty well because I know that our audience is split. But finally, it's a show that the left and the right can listen to, because we don't go left or right, you typically, we don't. You mentioned before your willingness to be emotional on the air. Yeah, there are a couple of things that we've discussed before, but not on this podcast,

so I'm just going to raise them now. 9-11. Huge moment for your show. Can you just tell us a little bit what happened at that day? Which moment? I mean, there was a day. that was during and there was after yeah That day was quite remarkable, right? You if it was the day after sorry you came into work the next day And took calls

We really truly learned about Radio and how it truly is public service You know that's before we were syndicated. We were only on a New York City and we focused solely on what our listeners needed. Listsners who were waiting for calls to come in from family members that worked in the towers or listeners who were on their way to ground zero and they needed dog booties for, you know, the dogs so they wouldn't cut their paws while searching for people.

And I mean, we truly learned what broadcasting in the old and new term senses. It's all about public service. Every day though, we still carry that tradition on. And even though we are not living these massive casualty, laden, awful tragedies every day, but people are living in these little small tragedies every day. And that's our job to make sure that there's a world out there you're going to get through this no matter what it is you're going through. But 9-11 was such a learning experience in the aftermath especially. Yeah, and I can see how that spirit is actually shot through on the show every day. It's really fun to listen to.

And I, and, you know, having met some of your, I've told you this story before, but that I was in the airport in Miami one day and, uh, in the bookstore, just looking around, mostly just looking to see if they had my book on there. And, uh, and, uh, and, uh, I got in and I was just chatting with the, the staff. And I said, it was before the first time I was ever going on your show. I said, yeah, I'm going on the show next week. I don't know why, I mentioned it. Oh, I mentioned it because you were about to do some sort

of charity event in Miami. Right. And so I said to the staff, yeah, I'm going on this guy, Elvis Durant show, you get to know him. And they were all like absolutely. In fact, one guy came up in the back, he was listening to the headphones, he was listening to the show while he worked.

So people who are into your show are like, deeply, deeply into your show. And I think that's why. I'm not quite sure I know what the secret sauce is, but they listen, thank God. I mean, knock on whatever this is. The other thing you were willing to do on the air, which actually got a lot of people talking,

which was come out. Right, being gay. Being a gay guy. Yeah, open a non-closeted gay guy. Yeah, you know what? I never really was in the closet, just never discussed it on the air. Not sure. All my friends, my colleagues, everyone,

it's just, I've always been out since I was in high school. But yeah, I really felt like if I wanted to connect using honesty and whatever, with the audience, they need to know who I am. And I think that's an important part of my life. It's not who I am, it's just a part of who I am. It's not the Elvis Durand, it's gay show, it's Elvis Durand's show, so it happens, it's gay. Was that a tough decision for you though?

No, not at all. And what I was most pleased about was it was just an unremarkable thing. I mean, everyone's like, oh, you're gay, great, okay, what else? And I love that. That was, that made me feel pretty good. Is it, but I have to imagine it's part of what makes, it's part of creating that bond with the audience, which is just like, you're not hiding anything. You're totally out there with who you are.

Well, we all hide a few things, but that is a major thing. That's a good point. I should not hide. But you know what we try to do with our show and something I've learned from reading your book. I learned that being aware of where you are in the room or where you are in your life or where you are in the park and stopping down is looking around, being aware of what's around you and how it affects you is so important.

We have to stop just walking through life with blinders on. We need to walk into a room and go, oh, there's a fire extinguisher over there. Oh, look, she's on her phone over there. Look at this. So you can know where you stand in your surroundings and that's with your friends as well. Being aware of how they're feeling,

being sensitive to what they're going through that day. I really think that's a part of meditation. Being aware of what you're feeling, being sensitive to what they're going through that day. I really think that's a part of meditation, being aware of what you're feeling. These thoughts come into your mind when you're trying to push them out or let them go. Those thoughts actually, there are things that maybe later you should reflect on, I think. I don't think those thoughts should be totally thrown away. That's where my meditation could be different than your meditation. No, I think you're absolutely right. I think that's a really, I mean, I didn't state it well before when you asked me like, so

what happened on the retreat that made you want to do that again or a camera with the exact question was. But basically, when you, the meditative posture, what's happening when you're meditating is you're stepping out of the traffic. Like you're instead of just getting caught up in all of these whirling and fizzing and looping thoughts and emotions, etc. You're stepping out of the traffic and viewing the contents of your consciousness. What's happening in your mind without getting caught up in all the stories. And so just having a basic awareness of what's happening. Oh yeah, there's a fire extinguisher over there.

There's somebody on her phone. Maybe yeah, there's a fire extinguisher over there. There's somebody on her phone. Maybe that person's in a bad mood today. What's my mood right now? What kind of murderous thoughts am I having, et cetera, et cetera. But you can accept all of that for what it is without getting caught up in it. And then actually you're much more effective in the world.

You're making yourself less miserable and you're making other people less miserable. And that's actually a really nice self-reinforcing cycle. You know, I love food, which is one of the reasons I gained so much weight. One of the things I loved about food, and the reason why I get upset, I can't eat a full plate of chicken parm anymore,

is because there's an intimacy with the food. There's that word intimacy again. I love food. I'm passionate about foods and the history behind food and the stories behind the cultures that make the food this and that So if someone asked me what I had for lunch yesterday I don't remember shame on me because that was an opportunity for me to bond with my love for food my bond for the culture

This this taco came from or whatever It I I really think that that's a bad example But we know it's actually a great example We need to be aware of everything that happens to us every moment of the day, which is ridiculous. You will never be able to remember everything and retain it and recall it actually. But we need to try harder. You can aspire to it, right?

I mean, the point is to actually live your life. Right. So you're gonna get carried away. You're gonna be on automatic pilot sometimes. But if you aspire to minimize that, you will get better over time. It's like a muscle that you build. We sat through traffic coming up town to the Upper West Side.

I used to live on the Upper West Side. I actually like living here. This is a big deal because you rarely go above 14. Oh, God, it drives me crazy. But we pulled up upfront outside the ABC World Headquarters building, which I've never been in this building. And I started feeling the enormity of what goes on in this building. I must assume nightline happens here

in a good morning America maybe. Good morning America happens in Times Square. But we have nightline 2020 world news tonight with David Miritsch all here. The big ABC news and TV and radio, it's based here. I actually stopped for a split second and I thought about like this, what this building represents. And it's huge, it's big. And I actually, I kind of took a breath. Oh my God. And now I'm

about to go upstairs and be interviewed by one of my favorite journalists of all time. I mean, you really are. I'm not blowing stuff up your skirt. I'm serious. I need it to stop down and feel good about where I am and what I'm doing today because it's awesome. This is an incredible opportunity. and when I leave this building I'll be a little little down because I can stay here and do this all day That is meditation right there in action. How's that because you're actually taking a minute to Take in what's happening in your actual life as it unfolds right now as opposed to just walking around in a fog of projection into the future or rumination about the past.

Yeah, or worrying about something or just... Yes, yeah. It doesn't mean you're never gonna worry. Nor does it mean you're ever gonna save her memories. It just means that to the best of your ability, you're gonna boost the mental muscle of being where you are when you are. That's it, it's not complicated.

It's not complicated, but it's not practiced enough by enough people. Well, but you're doing it and I'm glad. I mean this is why This is why it's important for me to talk to people who are well known who are doing it because it normalizes it. That's just huge Do you ever go home at dinner the day and actually physically look yourself in the eye in the mirror? Do you do that? I don't really like Looking in the mirror too much. I like it less and less. It is. Why is it trending less?

Can you answer that? Yeah, just because I'm getting older and don't like it or because I notice my face getting fatter if I don't follow a good diet, etc., which I'm bad at. It makes you think of things that bring you down. Yes. No, no, no, no.

I'm not saying look at yourself in the face. Look at yourself in the eye. Gotcha. Because your eyes will, until they're bloodshotted, whatever they'll always be, these eyes. If you can actually, like I'm staring at you in the eye right now, if you can actually do this with yourself, and actually congratulate yourself for a great day you had,

congratulate yourself for a great life that you have. And also how lucky you are that the universe has blessed you with a beautiful wife, a beautiful child, a great career. But you gotta do it while you're looking yourself in the eye. To me, that's another form of meditation. It's time, it's time for us to be aware of who we are and say, hey, you're okay. I love doing that from time to time.

I need to, we all need to. Here's why I do think that's a form of meditation, because meditation, one way to understand it is just a set of mental exercises to make you happier or make you calmer or make you whatever it is you want to be. You can train the mind. That is the headline of meditation to me. So doing your exercise, you just talked about

of looking in the, yourself in the mirror, I've never done that, but here's what I do do. Before I go to bed every night, this is super hokey, but I do it anyway, which is I should just make a list of the things that I'm happy for. It's not a hokey at all. It's not a hokey. No, it's not. Not at all. It works. It also helps me fall asleep. My wife, my son, the fact that I have my health, the fact that I love my job,

the fact that I have meditation in my life, the fact that I have great friends, the list can go on and on and on. Dan, you work for the same network that brought us happy days. Yes, that's right. Leveran and Shirley. I never think about that.

It's a big network. You're dating yourself. Oh, I would not date myself. What else are you working on these days? What else is going on with you? I need to write a book. I can help you. But we're stalled.

We have people who are interested. I'm stalled. I don't know what to do. I mean, should it be a cookbook, children's book? Should I write about happy times I've had in my crazy career? Times where I was so messed up on some sort of crazy drugs that I did crazy things with people and I shouldn't have done. Or the time I had a crazy liaison with a superstar that I still won't tell anyone the name. You and I have discussed some of these things off the record and the stories are amazing.

Well, I know, but what goes into a book? And then there's the question, why was it why would anyone give a crap about my book i mean everyone has a book in them why why does my deserve to be published in not the guy next to me on the train people are curious about you because your public figure a okay and be your stories are really good uh... i'm not going to ruin them now but we've talked about them as i said uh... confidentially they're really good stories.

And I think people like learning about other people's lives. Right. So you would have to think what I would say to you, and the lesson I learned from writing a memoir, which is what you're contemplating, is you've got to let it all hang out. You've got to go for it. I agree. I think I'm ready to do it. So you ask what else do I have going on?

That's about it. Plus we have that little show we do every day. That's four hours of your day. So where are you in the planning stage? Are you talking to publishers? You were just kind of thinking about it. We're the contraction front of us. Really?

I can't sign it because they want a delivery date when I sign it. Oh, here's a piece of advice. Those delivery dates don't mean anything. We I know, but still I just, I don't want to commit to it unless I know what it is. I for some reason I can't commit to it. And I think there's a lesson in life to be learned here

for many different things that I'm going through. You're going through, we're all going through is committing to something. Committing to something. Sometimes you want to know what the end game will be. You want to know what the result will be, but you'll never know that. You're only going to figure this out by writing.

What Joan Didian, I think, said, I don't know what I think until I write. So actually doing the work of figuring out what the book is and then trying to do it, it'll happen while you do it. But the baseline for, you know, you have excelled in a category where most people are mean, you've done it by being nice.

That makes you interesting. The surgery, your history with drugs, your history with coming out on the air, what happened on 9-11, there's a many different plot points in your life that will make this a really good read. So I would strongly recommend you do it. I wish I could roll back time and you and I could do drugs together.

We would have to roll back quite a bit. I know. You start doing drugs. Oh, guys still do every from out of the smoke some pot i wrote some oil is that legal in the orc state now i can't didn't we just make it legal i think we did i don't know i don't know i'm not not not i'm not a drug abuser i'd i'd if i smoke pod is maybe two or three times a year i mean it's not like i wake and bake every day

but you know it your story i haven't heard that expression in the college. Well, I know, but let's be frank here. I mean, it's the story one of the greatest stories I've ever told. I mean, you are sitting here doing this podcast because you used to do drugs. That's a part of it. Yes. That is absolutely.

Can you imagine how different your life would have been? Had you had never done drugs? I probably wouldn't have started meditation. I probably, oddly enough, even though I rank it as definitely one of the dumbest things I've ever done, and disastrous consequences, and always destroyed my career, there are undeniably positive things

that happen as a consequence. Or any weird thing that we've gone through in life, it doesn't have to be drug-related, it could be just bad relationships, or a car crash, or whatever, things that affect us and put us on that new path that it's all a part of this life. Life is fantastic. But you have to read the signs.

You have to, like, what just happened to me just then? Notice it. Let it be a part of you. Because, I mean, on your dying day, you don't want to sit there and regret not being aware of what you did and what you learned. I've been my wife and I've been volunteering as hospice workers lately, so talking to people who are dying. And yeah, you don't hear them say, you know, I wish I worked more. It's really about, I wish I had been there

for my life as it was actually happening. I wish my relationships were better, et cetera, et cetera. You don't hear people saying. They give you the list that we being younger than them and healthier than them, we could actually look at that list and learn from it. Absolutely, it's very useful for me, actually, in my daily life to sit with people who are dying.

Well, I hope you're not doing that right now. You are, you are very much alive. Okay, good. You're more alive now than when I met you three years ago. Hey, did you see Sully the movie? I have a screener in my house, is it worth seeing? I watched it for the first time yesterday, and we had some downtime, and Alex and I watched it.

Alex being your boyfriend. Yes. Not married yet? No. No. It was incredible. It was an amazing film. I have some resistance to it as I love time hangs. Not married yet? No. Okay. No. It was incredible. It was an amazing film.

I have some resistance to it. I love timehanks. I love Clint Eastwood. I have some resistance to it because I know the ending. You do, but you don't know the filling. You don't know the gooey center. And I tell you, his, what Sully went through was just unbelievable. I mean, it wears you out to see what he went through.

I don't want to give too much weight because I want you to watch it. But to actually put yourself in the airplane as they so beautifully did, because this is, it wasn't a crash landing. He called it a water landing, but this was an awful thing that could have been disaster. And through many, many reasons,

it was not a disaster. All 155 lives were saved. But to be able to be in the airplane as they recreated what happened, as they landed, as he landed on the Hudson River, I started crying. Yeah. I just think with those people went through what they were thinking,

what they were feeling, because those beyond us, when we got on airplanes, there is a split second sometimes you think, okay, when this plane goes down, you know, I mean, it's scary. But to see it happen and to see how they, like I said, they so brilliantly made it happen on film. It's wow. I'm gonna let you go soon because I know you are or you do. No, no, the absolute opposite. But I want to lay down a marker on the movie front. Okay.

My favorite movie the year and if it doesn't win best picture, I'm gonna be upset. Moonlight. Really? Did you see it? No. It's incredible. Everyone says to see it.

It's unbelievable. It is one of the best films I can remember seeing. Do you watch, did you watch the royals at all the world the crown the current on that whether the crown the one that that that that that that the really expensive when they made he was amazing i was the whole thing yes that i thought the royals what's the royals i don't know but the crown i think is what you're referring to and it's on that for the and it's phenomenal i'm thinking of the professional ball

team out of cancels city yes there no the crown. Yes. Fantastic. Loved it. I was, my point is this, when a film ends or when you get to the last episode and you're bummed and it really takes you down to the side, you're like, I need more. Yes, I want, I want, I heard they're going to do many, many more seasons of the crown. Good. I will be, here's my only beef for the show anytime she's not on screen clear for the woman who plays the queen right i lose interest a little bit because she's so good

they're all fantastic they are all fantastic but she's so so do you sometimes feel you were switched at birth and you really are a member of royalty no okay not do you well i used to think maybe i was a member of the royal family but my blood clots way too easily. This has been great. Thank you for having me on. Is it absolutely? Every time I see you brighten my day But even when you're not wearing a bright orange sweater. Oh, this is a crazy sweater. I love that sweater

I don't listeners will not be able to see the crazy orange dinosaur sweater that would look great on my two-year-old son by the way It's awesome. I'm dressing in granemals now. Why not? Elvis Durand, you're the best. Thank you very much for coming on. Really appreciate it. Come on the show soon, and you said what? Another year before the book comes out?

I'm coming on your show. I'm going to come hang out in your studio as part of this cross-country 10% happier tour. But then the book comes out. The reason why I'm coming to your studio with my team is because we're doing some research on why people aren't meditating, and we're going to use your team to do some research. And then that will be in the book, which will come out next New Year's.

It'll be a scandalous chapter. I can't wait to be a part of it. You better bring the heat. All right, we'll bring it. Dan, thank you very much. Thank you, buddy. Okay, there's another edition of the 10% Happier Podcast. If you liked it, please make sure to subscribe, rate us, and if you want to

suggest topics we should cover or guests we should bring in, hit me up on Twitter at Dan B. Harris. I also want to thank Hardly the people who produced this podcast and really do pretty much all the work Lauren, Efron, Josh Kohan, Sarah Amos, Andrew Calb, Steve Jones, and the head of ABC News Digital Dance Silver. I'll talk to you next Wednesday. Hey, hey, prime members. You can listen to 10% happier early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen early and ad-free Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, do us a solid and tell us all about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash Survey.