Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris - 593: Clearing Your Mind Is Impossible – But You Can Do This Instead | Bonus Meditation with Cara Lai

Episode Date: May 5, 2023

Not thinking is not the point of mindfulness. We know, shocking! Emotions and thoughts are inextricably linked: know them to know yourself.About Cara Lai:Cara Lai spent most of her life trying to figure out how to be happy, or at least avoid total misery, which landed her on a meditation cushion for the majority of her adulthood. Throughout many consciousness adventures including a few mind-bendingly long meditation retreats, she has explored the wilderness of the mind, chronic illness, the importance of pleasure, and a wide range of other things that she might get in trouble for mentioning publicly. In the past, Cara has worked as an artist, wilderness guide, social worker and psychotherapist, but at this point she’s given up on being an adult in exchange for an all-out mindfulness rampage. Her teaching is relatable, authentic, funny and sometimes crass, and is accessible for many people. She teaches teens and adults at Inward Bound Mindfulness Education, Spirit Rock, Insight Meditation Society, and UCLA; ultimately hoping to become as good of a show-off as Dan. And to help people be happier.To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Can’t Stop Thinking,” or click here: https://10percenthappier.app.link/content?meditation=e09bcee4-651b-4ca0-84ad-bb1f69eb8a18.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What does it even mean to live a good life? Is it about happiness, purpose, love, health, or wealth? What really matters in the pursuit of a life well lived? These are the questions award-winning author, founder, and interviewer Jonathan Fields asks his guests on the Top Ranked Good Life Project podcast. Every week, Jonathan sits down with world renowned thinkers and doers, people like Glenn and Doyle, Adam Grant,

Young Pueblo, Jonathan Height, and hundreds more. Start listening right now. Look for the Good Life Project on your favorite podcast app. This is the 10% happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Hey, hey, it is a very common misconception that meditation means you have to clear your mind or stop all of your thinking. But that's impossible, as I like to say, it's impossible unless you're enlightened or you have died.

Every eight-year-old tries the experiment of seeing if they can stop thinking and then they realize it's impossible. And yet, we carry this pernicious misconception many of us do into the enterprise of meditation and tell ourselves about how we're failed or bad meditators because we can't stop thinking our minds are all over the place. But that is the nature of the mind. The whole goal is just to notice when you've become distracted and start again and again and again. And over time you develop a different relationship to the thinking.

And that's the real win here is that you're no longer so yanked around by your thoughts and urges and emotions. So we're going to practice this now with our teacher, Doosior, the great Carlis. Somebody go, I absolutely adore. She has worked as an artist, a wilderness guy, a social worker, and psychotherapist. But at this point, she's given up on being an adult, an exchange for an all-out mindfulness rampage. She teaches teens and adults at the inward bound

mindfulness education organization, also at Sp rock meditation center and the inside meditation society in Massachusetts and I should say she's a new mom she's got a seven-month-old baby. Oh one more thing you can also hear a lot of her meditations over on the 10 percent happier meditation app and we pulled one of those meditations here to play for you. If you want to connect with Kara you can connect with her and ask questions in real time via our coaching program at 10% dot com slash coaching. Okay, here we go now with Kara Live. Hey, it's Kara. I hear a lot of people saying that they can't meditate because they

can't stop thinking. We think we're supposed to turn off our brains to meditate, but turning off your brain is actually impossible and not the point of mindfulness. So for this meditation, we're going to approach thinking in a new way. This time, instead of focusing on the thoughts and what to do with them, we're going to turn towards what's underneath. So let's begin. Start by finding a comfortable and awake position. Close your eyes or leave them open with a soft gaze.

Find something to focus on that feels easy to be with. We'll call this your anchor. Maybe it's your breath, maybe it's your body, maybe it's the sounds around you. Whatever you choose, stay with that anchor for a few moments, receiving it with ease, and coming back to it whenever you notice your attention has wandered. And you'll probably notice that there are some thoughts that are floating through. Maybe there are a lot of thoughts. Maybe there are just a few. Or maybe there aren't too many at all. Now see if you can get curious about what might be underlying these thoughts.

Is there a mood or an emotion present that feels connected to the thinking. If it feels okay, direct your attention into your body and touch into the space where these thoughts might be coming from. You can check out your belly, your chest, or throat, and see what's there. Whatever you find makes them space. Let it be there, both in your body and in your mind. Bring a kind attention to whatever you find, the way you might care for a small child who's hurt or upset. So often thoughts are an expression of a part of us that has yet to be expressed or has yet to be paid enough attention.

When we can connect to that part in an open, caring, and non-judgmental way, it can help address what's going on on a deeper level and bring attention and care where it's most needed. If you'd like, you can drop in a question or two and see what arises. What is this really about? What do I need right now to feel okay? Okay. Remember as you go about your day, that it's never wrong or bad to be thinking. It would be a real bummer if it was

because we spend so much of our lives thinking. Gently open your eyes if they're closed and reconnect with the world around you. Thanks, Mikey Mind. Enjoy the day. Thanks again to Carlisle. And congratulations to her on her new-ish baby. You can find many more meditations

just like this one over on the 10% happier app, just download the app wherever you get your apps to get started. We'll see you right back here on Monday for a brand new episode. This is a great one from the astrophysicist and author Neil DeGrasse Tyson talking about how to have a cosmic perspective on your daily life and on human civilization generally. Hey, hey, prime members. You can listen to 10% happier early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen early and add free with 1-3-plus

in Apple podcasts. Before you go, do us a solid and tell us all about yourself by completing a short survey at 1dory.com slash survey.