Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris - Bill Hader on Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, and Leaning into Discomfort

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

The star of SNL and Barry discusses how he channels his anxiety into his work. Plus, an imitation of Joseph Goldstein.Bill Hader has made the transition from being a master of stand-out characters and impressions on eight seasons of Saturday Night Life to becoming a true multi-hyphenate by creating, directing, writing, producing and starring as a burned-out assassin trying to break into Hollywood as an actor in HBO’s award-winning and critically lauded dark comedy, Barry.In this episode we talk about:How Bill deals with anxietyHis panic attack on live televisionHis love of directing and the importance of having the right collaboratorsFull Shownotes:https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/bill-haderAdditional Resources:Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/installSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is the 10% happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Hello, everybody. In the midst of an anxiety epidemic, we really need prominent people to step up and talk about their anxiety and how they're dealing with it. Bill Hader is doing exactly that bravely and often hilariously. As many of you know, Bill burst onto the national scene through Saturday and I live where he was known for his incredible impressions. In fact, you're going to hear him do an impression of the meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein during this interview.

Then he went on to star in movies like Superbad and Trainwreck. Most recently, he created the award-winning and excellent HBO show, Barry, where he plays a depressed hitman. And he's done all of this while dealing with anxiety. In fact, like me, he's had panic attacks on live television. In this interview, we talk about how he channels his anxiety into creativity. We also talk about all the practices about how he channels his anxiety into creativity. We also talk about all the practices he uses to manage his anxiety.

This guy takes this stuff very seriously. He's not just sitting around complaining about it, although, as you will hear him say, sometimes he does fall off the wagon. This is the second installment of our New Year's series, The Non-negotiables, where we interview smart, prominent people about the practices and principles they cannot live without. Mostly on the show, we interview experts, meaning meditation teachers, scientists, and psychotherapists, but these days, we've also been throwing in a few celebrities because I think it's really important to have exemplars of the potential for human change and well-known prominent people who can normalize much of the shit most of us are dealing with on a daily basis.

Like I said, Bill Hader is all of that and he's coming right up. My family and I use air bean bees all the time, especially when we take beach vacations. I love being able to get a spot that is super close to the beach, but way less expensive than staying at a beachfront hotel. Don't get me wrong, I like hotels now and again, but being able to have your own house, especially on a beach vacation

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much at airbnb.ca slash host. Bill Hader, welcome to the show. Hey, man. It's such a pleasure to have you on the show. I'm a long time fan. I'm going to admit something embarrassing up front here. I was for reasons that remain opaque to me. I was sleeping on Barry. And once I found out you were coming on the show, I went back and binged it. And it is your masterpiece. I mean, it is. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Unbelievable piece of work. Yeah. Oh, thanks. You can see right when the pandemic happened where the show just gets incredibly dark. Yeah, seasons three and four, it gets pretty, pretty dark. Oh, I appreciate that. I'm a big fan of this podcast, so I'm excited to be here. And I mean, one of the things that a friend of mine

said when he watched, I feel like the end of season three of Barry was he said, I feel like you're just trying to make everyone as anxious as you are. I think you're trying to just make us all incredibly uncomfortable. And I said, yeah, that might be, maybe. I don't know. If you're lucky enough, we get to have kind of like a personal expression. We talk about our mutual friend, George Saunders, and he's the nicest, sweetest guy, you know, but he'll talk about how his stuff always just comes out dark, you know. And I don't know why that happens.

I'm like, yeah, I have a similar thing where you're sitting there watching a scene and the editors are always kind of, because I'm the one going like, oh my God, this is awful. And they're like, you came up with this. Yeah. So, you know, I appreciate you saying that. I'm really proud of it. And everybody who worked on it, that's the best thing about that experience was the collaborate with so many just amazing artists and to get to work with HBO and to do all that.

I mean, it was a massive learning experience. I mean, it's been now a couple of months since the last episode aired. For the past nine years, I would say 80 to 90% of my brain has been filled up with that show. So I didn't have room for a lot of other stuff. Or, you know, that thing you're there, but you're not there, you know. So I'm happy that, no, I'm getting more and more perspective post show. And yeah, I'm like the biggest thing, I said, man, I was so lucky to be working with all those people. What a lucky break to have all those amazing people

on the show. Yeah, I think I would argue you made your own luck in that regard in many ways. But let me just go back to something you said about your friend joking about how you're trying to get everybody to be as anxious as you are. I just can't like, is it the role of the artist to work with anxiety in a way that explores the issue for the consumer, for the beholder, and or is it the role of the artist to help

the end user with their own anxiety. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, for me, it's kind of that, like, now I'm gonna sound pretend. But I think it's check off who said, the role of an artist is not to answer questions as to pose the question kind of thing, you know what I mean? So it is kind of like, you say,

this is the issue or this is how I'm feeling and it came out of me like this. And I feel like that show is it progressed, it got more and more kind of for me instinctual where I'm like, I don't even know what that means, really 100%, but it just, this is how it feels. And then certain people connect to it and certain people didn't. But the people who did connect to it, it's almost working on some kind of subconscious level.

Like I have a friend who's an actor and when he finished the season, he goes, I really feel like the show is kind of about the pandemic and kind of like what's happening right now in the world. But you don't just come out and say that. You know, it's about this hitman dealing with all these anxieties and am I a good person and they read their own thing into it. But I would never, I've done it before where you start out with a lesson or you start out with some sort of overarching theme or this is about how awful we are to each other. And then you start to write that and you start to do it.

And it's awful. It just stinks and it just feels, doesn't feel right. Guys like George and other friends of mine are very good at articulating why it doesn't feel right. I just kind of go, you know, in the writers room going, I just make a sound like, you know, it's kind of, ugh. And everybody goes, okay, all right. And then when a sound like, you know, it's kind of, and everybody goes, okay, all right.

And then when it's right, you know, Alec Berg, who I co-created the show with, he always talks about it. It's like a, he and I are standing next to a piano, we're just hitting keys going, that, no? What about that? No. How about this? Oh, yeah, that's, that's, that's better, okay, you know. And just, it's, it's kind of like that. It's about a feeling

Do you think about what the feeling is you want the audience to have like do you imagine people watching the show will a just be entertained be feel in the anxiety They see from your character and your other characters validated and normalized. Yeah, I've had that happen where people have come up to me, especially I've had a couple of war veterans come up to me and say, man, that really spoke to me or I appreciate you showing that in an honest way. And to be fair, I've had a couple of people come up saying, hey, we're not all murderers, you know, and I go, no, no, I know this is this one guy who makes a very bad decision,

you know, and he's trying to live with his bad decision. And then he keeps making bad decisions. The more he tries to pull away from it, the worse it gets, you know. But it has been interesting. Also, kids weirdly, they come up to me and they'll be like, oh, I watch Barry and I'm like, you should not be watching that show. I'll be, you know, that's like, you know,

13 year olds or whatever. But they'll say, oh yeah, I get really, it's interesting to see an anxiety portrayed that way. And sometimes the way the anxiety is portrayed in the show is out of an obvious stimulus where he's going to get caught or something like that, especially in the character of Sally. You know, you're seeing kind of anxiety being portrayed in a way that is more kind of the way I feel it, which is, you know, did I say the right thing, did I do the right thing?

I walk away from every interaction going, oh God, I really blew that. You know what I mean? You always kind of just feel like that negative voice in your head. My goal is for you to not walk away from this interaction. Oh no, I won't. I hope not. I will say though, and not to like kiss your ass or whatever, but I do love the app and I will say though, and not to kiss your ass or whatever, but I do love the app, and I will listen. I love that you guys do that on the app. It's funny where I'll be like, okay, we're going to do a thing about kindness or negativity towards yourself and all this stuff.

And putting that into meditation is like, it's really helpful for me to go, oh, you can identify that thing. Yes. And then what I've learned, and I've talked about this before, is taking the narrative out of the thing, which is always so helpful. That's been the hardest. I'm angry because, or I'm anxious because I met somebody and they think I'm a loser, but then you take the narrative out of it and you go, I'm just anxious.

Oh, this is probably fueling my stomach, my head. I did that the other day, actually, I was in the car and I was late and I was beating myself up for being late. And I knew if I walked in, I was just gonna be alive wire because I was so frustrated with myself for being late, so I arrived to the place and I just took five minutes just to be like, this is, I'm sitting down, I'm sitting,

I'm feeling this, whatever. And then yeah, it's that thing where then you're able to walk in and like you guys talk about responding rather than reacting and everything. That's like so helpful. If Barry had that, the show would be like five minutes. If Barry just learned that out of the gate, if I could just respond better than react. If all of them just got the app, and Joseph Goldstein talking to them, it's fine. Yeah, so yeah, no, it's really helpful. Yeah, not to like do an ad, just to everybody at home,

Dan did not pay me to say this. I'm saying that. It's not yet. Not yet. He hasn't paid me yet, but no one paid me to say that. I really do love the ad. I appreciate that immensely. And that kind of brings me to what I was hoping to at least start our conversation with,

which is this idea of like, do you have non-negotiable practices or policies that are like a must for you? Yeah, I mean, it's funny. So I found on my laptop an old document that I made in 2010 and it was essentially this. Here's everything. If you do this, you always feel better. And it is simple things, like meditating, exercise, drink more water than coffee.

Easy on the sweets, those things, but also writing every day and watching something or reading something every day for me or some sort of creative work and then seeing hearing some piece of art whether it's a movie or a book or going to a museum or something to see that that is very inspiring. But I always know I feel better when I meditate and when I'm working out and I'm watching when I'm eating. And then I would say, so that was done now 14 years ago. And every day, I try to negotiate myself out of the negotiables.

And it's like, I don't really need this. Every time I talk to a doctor, I'm like, but I can live on candy, right? People live on candy. You know? It's like, what's wrong with eating two points of ice cream every day? That's not an issue, right?

And he's like, that's a huge issue. You'll be very, that's not good at all. During the pandemic, I got so anxious and went into such a hole that I didn't meditate. You know, I was so freaked out when I didn't really exercise. And then mentally, yeah, it made me send me into like a stupor, you know, and so that took a long time to kind of get out of. But I've noticed that when I do those things, when I take the time in the morning, especially to do those things,

I just become much more open. I listen, I'm present, but if therapists say, you write really negative narratives for the future. If I see, we're in traffic, and I see cop cars and an ambulance and a fire truck, I immediately think, oh, my kids and their mom are just in a car accident.

And he's like, that's a pretty dark narrative. And I'm like, have you seen my show? He's like, I think you need to work on those better narratives, you know, more positive narratives. And I think meditation, sleep, it's easier to take it easy on myself when those things are present. I don't know about anybody else, but I'm not apologizing for it. I'm from Oklahoma, you know.

It's like, I'm gonna go in a room and sit and close my eyes. You don't call it meditation. You know, like, I'm thinking, you thinking, because you don't want to be judged or something. I need to stretch. If I just said that to some of my friends back home, they'll be like, it's one of those things that you've learned that the hippies were right, and that sucks. I'm 45, and you're like, all those hippie dudes were right, and that blows. five and you're like, all those hippie dudes were right and that blows. It's like I should eat well, I should stretch, I should get out, play ultimate frisbee, meditate, be a vegetarian and listen to jazz or whatever. I still can't get into the grateful dead, but jazz now, I'm like, this is good music.

I'm getting old. So, I don't know, man. But that sounds like the challenge for you is remembering or agreeing to actually do these no brainers that we can all agree on. Yes. I have to really make myself do it. And in the minute I'm doing it, it is an anticipatory anxiety thing.

It is that negative, what you call, you know, narrative thing. If I do this, I'll be late to this, or if I'm, oh no, no, I gotta do this right now because if I don't take out the trash cans right now and clean my entire house right now, you know. And you're just, it's like, relax. And the weird thing for me too, but it's like coffee. I love coffee. And if you have an anxiety disorder, like you shouldn't be drinking a lot of coffee. Nope. And that's so many

doctors go, well, how much coffee do you drink? And I'm like, oh, I love coffee. And they're like, you need to get off coffee. And that's a tough one. So yeah, you wake up, you have coffee. And then yeah, it's like my mind's going 100 miles an hour. Yeah, I don't even have chocolate because it has caffeine in it, really. Yeah. Were you a big coffee drinker?

Yeah, I liked coffee, but it didn't like me back. Not only did it give me like massive heartburn, but like you, I have anxiety panic. And if I have it, it's no bueno man. It's just, it goes really pear-shaped. Yeah, I go through the roof and then the bad problem is that when I'm writing, it's great. If you can focus all that to one thing, suddenly it's like you're flying. If you can focus it on story ideas or certain episodes of the show,

I wrote like in a day because I was like, it all just came to me and it was just flowing and you're feeling great. And I attribute that to the caffeine. And maybe it's not the caffeine. Yeah. yeah, maybe it's not, you know. So I was trying to maybe wean yourself off of that stuff. George and I talked about this and he was like, I'm down to like two cups a day and I was like, wow, you're doing it man. Wait, so how many cups are you drinking? Well now I am down to three.

Okay, well that's not bad. There was a time when I was doing Barry that I would drink probably about eight to nine cups of coffee a day. I was drinking coffee all day and not drinking any water and eating my weight and donuts. So I put like 25 pounds on last season and it's all anxiety and stress related. And if you saw me on set, you know, I'm pretty like, hey guys, you know, everything's fine and we're moving on, but then inside it's like, you know.

So when you try to meditate on top of that, it's like they're all fighting each other. So it's by cleaning that out, it's much easier. I thousand percent agree. I don't, yeah, that's a tricky one because it becomes an addiction or a dependency. Caffeine is, you know, it's a drug. So breaking that is not easy.

I talked to a doctor about it and he was like, if you go cold turkey, you'll go nuts. So just slowly get yourself off of it. But he's like, and I, you know, me, hopefully me. Hopefully I'm like so that means what like decaf then I'll just be on decaf and he's like none No caffeine at all because I think it's really bad for you when I was like You know so I do see the effects of not being on it as much as I do have more energy and things like that But when I am on it, I'm pretty

really wired and super anxious. That's when I got, I like you, I know you had a panic attack on air. I had a panic attack on air on Sun and I live. I was doing a sketch, it was Julien Assange. I was playing Julien Assange and I was exhausted and Jeff Bridges was hosting and I showed up to work that day and Seth Meyers was like, Hey Julian Assange, just they hacked, I forgot what it was. And he's like, so we're right in a cold open and you're Julian Assange and I just went into a complete panic because I did it twice already and it took years off my life. Because you know, to me it's just the live television aspect of it and the countdown and five, four, three, two, one. Now the whole nation is there, the red light goes on.

And I'm doing an impression I'm not comfortable with. And I don't feel like I have it yet. And I'm like a perfectionist, so I'm like freaking out, but the depression's not good. So yeah, I started it, it was the third week in a row where I had to do it. And I was exhausted. I was just drinking coffee all day and eating sugar.

And I went on air and suddenly it was like, I started shaking, I had a wine glass and I just put the wine glass in front of my face, because I was like a board, a board, a board. And my brain, that word was just going, a board, get out, get out, get out. And the red light came on, and I was going a board. Jen, our stage manager was motioning for me, and she was like, you to put the wine glass down, like, we can't see her face.

Put the wine glass down, and I just kept it there.. Put the wine glass down. I just kept it there. And then I kind of brought it down and then it would kind of creep back up and then I'd bring it down. And then I went off stage and I just went to my knees and just in a hallway and just like trying to breathe and the whole thing. And that's when I was like, there's something wrong. Because before that it was just, oh, I worry a lot. You know?

And that was like, oh, there's something very wrong here. And so that was when I started to look into doing meditation and taking care of myself. But because that live TV aspect was just too much. But now I look back at it and I'm like, oh yeah, before every show, I would get tired. And I would drink a huge, I would drink like three cups of coffee, because I was exhausted. And then I go out there and I'm like, just,

and then I don't know how you are, but people go, God, I can never tell, you seem so fine. And I'm like, I was dying inside. This is hard. If I watch the Assange clip, will I be able to see that you're panicking? I have never actually gone back and looked at it,

but I know like when it was happening, I just like couldn't catch my breath and I just kept this wine glass in front of my face. I just remember the whole time I was just like, just try to focus if you can on the impression and just trying to get the voice, right? But I had no idea what I was saying. I was like, just don't start using your own voice.

I was like, don't slip into your own voice. You can't slip into your own voice. You have to just say the words on the cue cards and let's get out of here. Coming up, Bill Hader talks about his panic attack on SINL and other panic attacks he's experienced. How naming his anxiety in the moment is very helpful and his earliest memories of anxiety. Quick reminder, you can join the free 14-day imperfect meditation challenge over on the 10% happier app right now. It features amazing teachers like Carl I, Don Brescio and Matthew Hepburn.

You will discover how embracing imperfection can help you improve your relationship with meditation. It's live. Go check it out. I have so much empathy for that. I mean, as you know, I've had the exact same experience although I was only imitating a news anchor version of myself.

But I watched yours and I felt that that thing, I could tell you like trying to catch your breath and that's how I felt. It was like, I can't catch my breath, shaking, and then the terrifying thing is everybody's noticing. Yes, yes. And then it's like I can see Jenna when she was like,

motioning like take the cup down from your face, then that made the panic 10 times worse. So like great, she notices, this isn't just in my head, she notices, I was shit, now everybody notices. And that was awful. Yeah, so I watched yours, and I thought you handled that really well, like how you just threw to the other people and got out of there.

I thought that was really commendable, because yeah, you feel very much out of control. And I still have panic attacks. They're way less, but we did a scene in Barry for season three where we did the scene like a chase that was on a freeway with motorcycles and When I showed up and I saw that they had shut down the freeway, I had a complete panic attack on the car I had to pull over and just sit there and catch my breath and just be like I can't believe they just did this and I got out

And I got really dizzy and I had sit down. And I'm directing it. So I just had to go over away from everybody, collect myself, and then go in like, it's no big deal. But when I just was like, people could get really hurt today. They've shut down an entire freeway because I had an idea. There's a lot of responsibility. And I've talked to some other directors and I've told them that and they were like, oh yeah, I've had that happen where you have to kind of go hide for a second, take a deep

breath and then go back out and pretend like everything's fine. But you deep down and are like, oh my god. Something goes wrong today. Someone could get really hurt. So I was a wreck when we shot this lane splitting. It was, and of course the stunt performers are having the best day of their life, you know? They're like, this is like Disney Land, you know?

They're like getting to go and do these motorcycle stunts and I was like, please. We did one take of everybody and they were like, please. We did one take of everybody. And they were like, can we go again? I was like, no. I was like, we got it. It's great. It's moving on.

We're not doing that again. I was like a total parent. You know, I was like, you guys did it once? It's fine. Back, go back. You guys can have coaks. You can have a coke. You guys get snacks, but go back. You guys can have coaks, you can have a coke. You guys get snacks, but go away.

You know, I was like, we're gonna set up for the next shot and this is it. That's it. So anytime we did a stunt on that show, I was a wreck. I was just like a total wreck. I was like, oh please, we had these guys go down in sand in the last season and you're just like, please, I'm just always centering myself,

meditating at the monitors, like fully doing the whole thing. On the set, like looking at the monitors and on the set, yeah, looking at the monitors just being like, all right. But that's an interesting form of panic, or at least to my ears, a little bit more commendable form of panic, because for me, the panic is really self-centered. You know, it's what you said in a public situation, and I'm worried about what other people are going to think of me. This is actually a big part of panic. Other people, you know, this fear that other people are going to judge you is like, that's

a primordial fear for humans, social animals who win when you're cast out of the tribe You're probably gonna get killed in evolutionary times. Yes, so I have that and also like fear of you know getting Suffocated in a airplane or in an elevator, but your panic is like I don't want somebody else to get hurt That that seems like you're like maybe a better person than me. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean, I would say I have what you're talking about as well, which is more of, you leave the dinner

and you're just like, I can't, I made a fool of myself and I'm panicking or if I say something that I feel like was a faux pas and I don't know it, it's amazing what anxiety can do to your mind where it can make you very much believe that everybody's looking at you like you're crazy. And I can fully believe that I have said something wrong and be like, oh man, that person just looked at me

and they're furious at me. And then I start to panic. And then I have called that person the next day to apologize and they're like, what are you talking about? And then I'm like, are they gaslighting me? Is this Rosemary's baby? You know? Like, I've really blown it. But yeah, this is like someone, I guess I'm illustrating to someone who has an anxiety disorder maybe, and then I put myself in positions where I'm in charge of these sequences that I came up with where people could seriously get hurt. And then I'm like, why did I do this?

It's the same thing as being a silent lie. And I'm like, I have an anxiety disorder. And I am very bad at cold reading. Why am I on a TV show that's live where I'm having a cold read stuff, you know, in front of the nation. It's like, why? I would sit there backstage at SNL and Chris Kelly,

another one of our stage managers, that he goes, you sit there and you put your head down and you mutter to yourself. Why did I agree to this? He goes, you're always, because I was always a game show host and when you're a game show host, you're driving the sketch. So you're trying to keep it up and moving and you're the one that has to get to each of the people and if you mess up a line or you're slow or whatever, the whole sketch sucks. So it's like, your rhythm is dictating the whole thing.

And so I would just be backstage going like, why did I agree to this? I have to be good. I have to be good right now. If I'm not good, Christian Wigg wrote this sketch. It was like a secret word or something. This is her sketch and I can blow it. You know, I would be having these thoughts mere seconds before we would be on. And Chris Kelly would always come up and be like, dude, you're fine. Like, you've been doing this for a long time. You know what you're doing and I'm like, okay. So says you man.

Yeah. Did you ever try beta blockers? No, I never tried beta blockers. And you talked about this, I think in your book, but I had a similar thing that you had, which was, I thought I had like a flu at one point. We were moving and my wife at the time was pregnant with her second child. And I just finished my seventh season of SNL.

It was a lot was happening. And I was like, I have the flu. Like my arms and legs are really tired. They're super weighted down. I can't see straight. And I thought something was really horribly wrong with me. And I went to a doctor and they're like, I think you might be depressed.

Or I think you might just be really anxious. And I was like, no, no, no, there's something definitely wrong with me. I'm like walking through water all day, you know? I went on a lexapro. And then like a small dose of lexapro. And then like the next day it was gone. Well, then that was the placebo effect because we take it.

Right. Right. I was like, oh, the next day it's gone. And they're like, well, it can't work that fast. Right? And I was like, oh, so it's in my head. And I had a therapist say, I go, yeah, I get really dizzy and I can't see straight. And I'll stay home for weeks being like, there's something wrong with me.

And she said, here, try this, just go, this is anxiety. Just say it out loud, go, this is anxiety. She goes, every time you hit the wave, just go, this is anxiety. And I did that and it would go away within 30 minutes. It was crazy. And I was like, wow, I had no idea the power that this can have over you, you know what I mean? And you realize in this in my 40s, and I've been living with it your whole life. Yeah, that's wild.

What are your earliest memories of being anxious or depressed or having just mental health challenges. I would say like missing the bus was a big one, like getting on the school bus, and I would have like this fear that the school bus was going to not take me to school. You know what I mean? It was stuff like that, or I'm going to miss the bus, or the bus driver isn't going to know where to go, and I would really freak out. And then in class, I would never raise my hand if I had a question or whatever,

I would always kind of go up to the teacher afterwards and be like, hey, so I don't understand this. Just the shame of being wrong or looking like a fool and being ostracized or something like that. And then you, everybody just was always like, you just worry a lot. And as funny, the meditation I learned was TM was helpful for a while. And then I didn't

really learn mindfulness until like a couple months ago. When I was at the monitor and everything I was kind of doing TM. And then with the mindfulness, it's been really helpful in terms of pinpointing how I'm feeling. And you know, it's just different. It's been really great. So I'm like now on a whole mindfulness. I'm reading Mark Epstein and all your friends. All those books and stuff has been really helpful. And I think a lot of people go through it. As you get older it just becomes more and more apparent. You're like, God, I hate feeling like this. I want to try to like work on it. So it's been great. I think a lot of the people listen to this show know the difference between TM and mindfulness, but I suspect we're probably going to have some new listeners because people want to hear

from you have never heard of me before. What in your mind is the difference between TM and mindfulness? Well, TM, they give you a mantra and you just kind of repeat a mantra. The whole point of TM is trying to like not think, you go back to the mantra and you just kind of repeat a mantra. The whole point of TM is trying to like not think. You go back to the mantra and you kind of, it kind of lulls you into this state of transcendence or a very deep relaxation. It's almost the opposite in my mind at least of mindfulness and that way you're just focusing on the mantra and nothing else. Mindfulness is very much focusing on your breath. So what the mantra was in TM and mindfulness, as you know, is like the breath, and you focus on that.

And then when sensations are coming up, you are very aware of them. You go to them and you're open to them. And it's very much kind of, I'm sitting. you're very much mindful of your body and the chair, the sensations you're having. And then issues that you might be having in that moment, I'm angry, or as just a ghost, it's a quiet note of angry, or I'm upset, or this. And so you're kind of pinpointing a specific thing

that's very helpful for me. So at this stage, not that TM is a bad practice, but for me personally, at this stage where I'm at, the mindfulness has been very helpful in terms of going and being mindful of like, oh yeah, I get really riled up about this and now I'm aware of it. I'm not of like, oh yeah, I get really riled up about this. And now I'm aware of it. I'm not lost in it.

Where the TM would just kind of put me into like, I would just relax. And it's like, for me, it was like, you don't have a warm bath or something. You were like, what's up? What just happened? What was I mad about? You know?

Yeah, everybody was like Rick Moranis and Space Balls after he like hits his head and he gets up. He's like, hey guys, you guys smoke him if you got him. You know? It's kind of like that thing. That's how I was after lunch at Dutian and everybody was like, oh man, Bill's, he just did his meditation because he was like, hey what's going on everybody.

He's not like a weird quiet guy. Um, but the mindfulness is helpful just in like, I was saying earlier where it's like, okay, this is what's happening in my body right now and you're just aware of it. Like right now, I feel like I'm talking too much. So there's like a mindful thing going, you're talking to him. Dan might want to talk about something else and you're talking about, I want to sell this stuff. Because I can do that when I get nervous. I talk a lot. So it's like, Hey, when you get nervous, you talk a lot. But it's not beating yourself up over it. It's like, you have a sense of humor about it. Yes.

Yes. There was a great line from this guy, Ram Das, who was, he was an abutist per se. He was, came more out of the Hindu tradition, but he was this like Jewish guy from the Boston area who was a teacher at Harvard and got kicked out of Harvard because he was given the students asset or something like that. I'm probably mangling this somewhat. Oh, did he, you know, Timothy Leary? Yeah, he was, he and Timothy Leary were doing the acid or stuff together with the, with the kids. And so they got both kicked out and Richard Alpert, who went on to become a Ramdass and was in many ways very influential for the people that you refer to as my friends, like Joseph Goldstein and Mark Epstein and Sharon

Salisberg, influential figure for them. But he has this thing that the reason why I'm bringing them up because it really relates to everything you just said, which is that you can do meditation for a long time and it doesn't mean you don't worry anymore. It's more like you become a connoisseur of your neuroses. You just kind of appreciate them and see them with a sense of humor.

Yeah, you kind of shrug at it and go, there's that fucking asshole. Hahaha. Well, it's like, yeah, they just kind of come in and it's like, yeah, of course I'm like that. Instead of me being caught up in it, like, oh my God, I'm so, oh God, you're in the, the whirlpool and it's, you know, a raging river and you're being swallowed down by it.

You're kind of off to the side with your arms crossed being like, oh, Jesus, there's that asshole again. That's kind of how I am. Or like, I'm worrying about this, but, you know, I did it the other day with my therapist, where I was like, oh, I'm feeling sick and I'm supposed to go to this event, the events this weekend. And if I'm sick, then I'm going to have to do this and I might have to wear a mask. And then I don't know if he feels impersonal and boba. And he went, Bill, it's Tuesday.

What was wrong with you? Right. I see what you? Right. I see what you're saying. Yeah. Like, stop. And I used to think that was invalidating your feelings or whatever. And it's kind of nice to have the mindfulness.

And I think you've talked about this. I think it's important to be doing mindfulness and therapy and whatever else you can be doing. Because I used to think, hey, I'm meditating. That's great. I mean, I'm drinking a ton of coffee and staying up all night and not working out and I eat jack-in-the-box every night. But hey, I'm meditating.

And it's like, why am I freaking out all the time? You know, I'm meditating. But it's all kind of part of the thing. So yeah, it was funny to have him kind of say like, yeah, man, I'm not invalidating your feelings. I'm just saying you're driving yourself crazy. Like stop. You don't have to drive yourself crazy.

Try it. Just give it a shot. And it's true. It's really nice. You know, there's a name, there's a technical term for the spinning out you were doing on Tuesday with the Shurink about the party on the weekend. It's proponsha. Proponsha? It's an ancient word. And it means the imperialistic tendency of mind, the fact that we have a data point in the present moment, which is, okay, I feel like shit. And then we make this phantasmagoric mental movie projecting into the future and we're imperializing the future with this negative movie making.

And just the fact that there's a name for this thing that's ancient. That's ancient, yes. Really, it takes some of the air out of this. Like, oh, it takes a lot of pressure off you. Yes, yes. I've read that you've said that doing the show and having it succeed was really reaffirming for you

and helped you with a pre-existing imposter syndrome feel. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I've never, I mean, I think at Cernant Live, I was definitely like, I can't believe they hired me and I think I was always very, very, I'm still like if I get around Seth Meyers or Tina Fey or Amy Poler and my Rudolph or Chris Parnell, any of those people who were there when I came in Rachel Dratch, I'm always nervous.

You know, they're upperclassmen to me. And so I still I think if Seth Meyers calls me, I will go, sense calling. I get really excited. But yeah, I did. I had a real imposter syndrome. I always wanted to be a director. I always wanted to be a filmmaker. I had a lot of confidence in that. When I got in my 20s, I had zero confidence in that because I made a short film that no

one liked and then I made a second short film that people were like, huh, you know, and then got in my head and lost my confidence. And so then I moved L.A. was a production assistant that all these things to try to become a filmmaker but had very, very little confidence. And then took improv classes, got obscene lucky, and Megan Maloney saw me to show, recommending me to Lauren Michaels. I got SNL. And so then suddenly I started live where I was an assistant editor, four months, five months beforehand on Iron Chef America, and then I was on the start of my life. And then I was like, this is crazy. So I took it as

like a learning experience, but it was never like the goal. It was never you know, the goal was to be a filmmaker. So the lonely island guys, the stuff those guys are doing, I was so envious, you know, I was like, man, you guys are making short films everywhere. Can I help? You know, like, I just want to be involved with that world. And the Lord Michael's very patiently was like, you should be doing impressions on the show. You know, you should be working on characters. That's why I hired you not to carry cable for Andy and Yorma and Akiva.

And act in their stuff. And so I was like, all right, but I always want to be a filmmaker. And then when I got out, was in movies and stuff. And then of course the way I've learned this is that the minute I go, okay, I'm going to make a movie, I was going to make movies. And then you get out of SNL and no one was really interested in reading a script of mine for a movie, but they were interested in a TV show and that was HBO. They had seen me in a movie called The Skeleton Twins and then they were like, we like you and that kind of part.

Why don't you do that kind of a thing but with us and it could be kind of like a dark dramedy. And they team me up with Alec Bergen and by doing the show and by moments I kind of just mentioned of Alec, Liz Sarnoff was a writer on Barry, her and I ate a Roger as a producer on the show of my onset, therapist, who just take me over and be like, relax.

You know, I learned a lot about leading with emotion. I would get really excited about mechanizations and the plot. Oh, my God, this will then lead to this. And then it's like a mouse trap. I got really excited by that. And then as the show went on, it just became much more comfortable and then more interested in putting these feelings I have out there.

And so yeah, it did help me get over that imposter syndrome of doing that and having the confidence of really surprising yourself of when the show aired. I was really confident, which was very rare for me. I felt really good about it. I was like, well, people don't like it, they don't like it, but this is really good. And I had never felt, I had never been about that,

about anything in my life. And so that was a very long process though. But once that happened, that was the, personally, the best thing that could have happened to me, you know, was to feel, oh man, I really stand by this, you know, and then when the last episode aired, I was just like so incredibly proud of it and like what we had all done. But yeah, me getting over that imposter syndrome of like, wow, I worked through some real mental psychological obstacles to get to this thing.

My sister called me and she was like, are you proud of yourself? You know, are you patting yourself on the back? I don't know why I just gave her a Chicago accent. She doesn't sell it at all. I'm trying to hide her identity. I won't duck her around. You can't yourself on the back. My friend got back from Chicago once and he said he heard his aunt say, did Pat get her new backpack back?

Coming up Bill talks about the importance of having the right collaborators and his love of directing, what he's learned by being in uncomfortable situations, and how he's learned to come up with new narratives as a way to have a more constructive approach to dealing with his anxiety. Let me answer a question because I suspect, I don't know how this question is going to go down with you, but I suspect from the 45 minutes of knowing you that you think of yourself when it comes to things having to do with psychology, mental health, meditation, that you think of yourself as a student or a patient, but not necessarily a teacher.

And in that story that you just told about Barry, there seems to be a very important lesson. One that I'm constantly talking to my son about and constantly talking to myself about, which is you can be fucking terrified. You can feel like an imposter. You can be scared. And you can still try the thing over and over and over again. And if you get lucky and if you find the right collaborators and if you're doing honest work and your persistent, there's some chance

that you will succeed anyway. That's true. And I think honest work and persistence and the right collaborate. I mean, you just said all the right things right there because I'm learning that too, or if you don't have the right collaborators and that means we had HBO, Alec Berg, Hero Muirai, Maggie Carey, Liz Johnson, like all these great writers, directors, everybody, because I've been a part of great projects and things and without the right collaborator, it's like it's planting a seed and then it grows sideways or it's like a, you know, it's like an ingrown hair. It grows right back into the ground and it doesn't work

and so you need to, that's very important. And then making the work honest, like I was very lucky to have written a lot of screenplays before that that were not honest. It was like, well, this will be cool. You know, when you're a movie geek, I am like a movie geek, you're just kind of aping what you were inspired by.

I still do that. I mean, the fact that people watch Barry and they go, man, you like the co-embrothers, and I'm like, yeah. It's inescapable. But as long as it's making it more honest and more putting yourself out there more, and then the persistence of it is like huge.

And what keeps you persistent and doing all of this, you're just, you're genuine love for it. Like Fred Arminson always has me in his bands, like fake bands playing the bass. And he's like, you're really good at playing the bass. Like, he'll teach me what to play and I'll play the bass. And then I feel really excited.

I got to play with him and like John Worcester who is a friend of mine who, you know, is in SuperChunk and Mountain God. He's great. He's awesome. And I'm like, it was great. And then he gave me a bass from my birthday and it was the sweetest present and I picked it up like twice. You know, I have no affinity for it.

You know what I mean? It's like it's fun when I'm with him and he's showing me what to play. But if I try to pick it up on my own, I don't know if I'd have the persistence to continue it. But I have a genuine love. I will wake up at 3 a.m. and go out to out in the middle of nowhere in a desert so we could shoot the opening of season three just so we get the sun and the right place and that is fun to me. It's like accepting that part of yourself and being like, that's great. And I have in the past, I could be very swayed by other people's opinions are going, oh my god, you're waking up when?

You know? And I go, well, I like it, but maybe they have a point. Maybe that is weird then, we can, you know, that doubt. And that, as I got older, I just would, I didn't care. It's like, oh, well, we just have a difference of opinion. You like that, I like this. And the love of it is what keeps you going back to it. It's like a fun problem to solve. As opposed to a thing that if I went out and played

bass and it sucked, I'd be like, I don't want to continue that. That wasn't bare out of my juice again. I just want to watch. Can I just watch? You know, I don't want to paper over though. You talked about perseverance, having good collaborators, doing honest work, but I don't want to paper over the other thing that I mentioned, which is the straight up bravery here. We had a guest on recently a couple of months ago who was really stuck in my head. Dr. David Russ Maren is the head of the Center for Anxiety at Harvard. And he was talking about the fact that he thinks one of the root causes of the current epidemic and anxiety is the fact that people are increasingly uncomfortable or allergic or unwilling or intolerant to be uncomfortable. That our life has become so

friction free in many ways that we freak out and we have any level of discomfort. But over and over the coursing through all of your stories today is you keep putting yourself in positions where you're really uncomfortable, you're gonna panic. And yes, we need to get you off of coffee, and I'll probably fix a lot of this. But yeah, well, I think a lot of people can benefit from learning from you on this willingness you have

to be in positions that are uncomfortable. Yeah, I mean, I think it's because, I don't know, you see the North Star of the thing, which is like, you get excited by it. I'm very excited about stories and I get really excited about moments or, man, this is gonna be so cool. Once this thing cuts together with the chase

and the freeway with the motorcycle, this is gonna be amazing. And it's just like, that's the North Star, that's the thing you're to be amazing. And it's just like that's the North Star, that's the thing you're just going towards. And then all these obstacles that you make or hit you, you have to keep going. But I will say the uncomfortableness to bring it back to this.

And when I'm learning every day, what helps me with the uncomfortableness is these non-negotiables that you're talking about is the patient, the exercise, more water than coffee. Like it's real simple things. I keep saying the hippies were right. I'm friends with Matt Stone from South Park and we were on a hike and we were talking about this

and I gotta give him credit. He's the one, he's like, yeah dude, the hippies were right. He goes sucks. We laughed about it. But I was like, we're hiking right now. He's like, I know, like we laughed about it. But I was like, we're hiking right now. He's like, I know, and it's great. I love it. I was like, we used to just sit around and listen to music

and smoke cigarettes and drink tons of coffee and you know, argue about like, which bands were better and this and all that. And now here, look at us. But you need to accept that it's going to be uncomfortable. It's like, I've learned very recently, especially doing the show, being uncomfortable in that moment leads to like stronger relationships.

You understand something about somebody and they understand you. And the meditation can really help with that in that terms we were talking about of being okay with your Narosees, I'm learning I can just say it like Look, I reacted this is how it made you feel I apologize for that But what I need is xyz, you know what I mean?

And then you're able to work with each other and then I have now stronger relationships with those people Then I did before. When I guess what I'm saying is what I'm learning is it's all interconnected. It's like when you get a massage and they're working on your shoulder and they're like, this will help your ankle. You know, it's like, I've had that happen where they're doing something on my upper back and I'm like, wow, why is my hamstring on it? And they're like, well, it's all connected.

So that's why we go to all this stuff. And I'm like, oh, okay, to me, it's all, I'm feeling or learning at least, it's all part of one thing. And if these non-negotiables, if you start doing that, it kind of permeates out into all these other parts of your life that's like very helpful. This idea of not being honest

with your feelings, I've been paying for this correctly. And I did learn one great hack. I don't know if you'd be interested in hearing it, but it's helped me a lot. What the? So I would, if somebody on my team or somebody in my world was pissing me off, I would probably not say something, but I would

walk around with a story in my head of like, they're out. And they could of course pick that up, and that would create a lot of fear, and everybody would know, oh, Dan is kind of like that. You're either in or you're out, which is just a stupid way to be. And so now I will actually, if I've got a problem, I will go to people and tell them, but I've been for years taking these communications, coaching, classes, and one of the tools they gave me is something called state. It sounds so obvious, but it's stating your positive intention, which again, sounds not only obvious, but like a little boring, but I just go into the conversation by saying like, yeah, there's something I want to talk about, but the reason is because I really care about this

working relationship or this personal friendship. And so I want to get this out there so we can deal with it together. Are you open to that? And like it changes the whole thing. Changes the whole dynamic the way that you approach it. Yeah, my thing is like, yeah, the anxiety of it and then writing a really negative narrative.

I'm gonna go in there and say, Hey, could I and they're gonna throw something at my head? You know? Or they're gonna be angry with me or whatever and then you start to panic. But it's also just those tools you have, like trying to have that when you're younger and just seeing how growing up,

how people dealt with conflict and stuff like that and then as you get older, you just kind of, and especially when you're running a thing. Because I think I had that,, I'm going to run the thing, but I'm going to be everybody's best friend. And it's like, yeah, they need a boss. They need a leader. I was lucky enough to have I eat a Roger saying like, hey, you can't, you can't like pull practical jokes on people. And I'm like, but that's all we do. It's fun. It's like, yeah, I know. It's not nice. You're the boss. They might take it the wrong way. And I'm like,

oh, Jesus, okay, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I'm just trying to keep the mood up and nice, you know. It's like, no, you can't do that. You talked about being incredibly hard on yourself. And I think a lot of people listening will hear themselves in that, what are the upsides of self-criticism, what are the downsides, and how do you access the positive parts of it without getting too far into the negative parts? Well, I think it is, for me, it's through meditation,

therapy, these other things. You try to find a way to separate it out and get some space between you and the things. You're not caught up in it and you're going to go, okay, I do X amount of things. I got to a place recently, which might sound strange by the way I talk on this, but really recently where you go, okay, what's constructive and what's not constructive, what's something I can put into action and what's something I can't put into action? So my therapist going, Bill, it's Tuesday, that's something I can put into action.

You know what I mean? That's like, oh, just like, let's stop doing that. Let's stop writing the bad narratives because you end up just going through the thing twice when it actually happens. You know, in the pandemic happened, I was like, wow, this could get really bad. And then they go into all the bad things will happen. And then pretty much everything I worried about happened.

And then I just went through it twice. It didn't make it easier. I think there is this like trick I think I'll have where I'm like, if I think the worst thing will happen, then it doesn't happen. It's like magical thinking that it won't happen. And then I'll be so relieved. And if it does happen, I'll be prepared for it. But in my case, that never happens. I just am sad twice. I'm like insanely bummed out

twice. So that's constructive. Once it gets into the voices in your head that might not be you or might be people in your life or your projection of people in your life or other things telling you, yeah, you do that because you're just a bad person or whatever. Like, well, that's not very constructive. And I don't really agree with that. I'm like everybody, I'm complicated, and I'm working through it. I just try to like work it out that way.

It's like, what's something, can I do something about that? That makes sense. That, that does make sense. And it kind of leads to the other thing I was gonna talk about with you, which is, this is a while ago, you were talking about Joseph Goldstein, the meditation teacher and how he talks about making a little mental note when you're doing mindfulness meditation or actually you can just do this in your life and

you were imitating yourself, putting a note on a sensation you're feeling and you use the words and use the words, I'm anxious. Yeah. And I think it's possible to just make the note anxiety, and take the eye out of it. Yeah, yeah. And it gets back to what you said at the top, very top of this interview, which is that when you take the story out of a situation,

takes the air out of it. And so labeling something in your mind, anxiety, or even if you want to go deeper buzzing chest or your turning red or whatever, just the sensations of anxiety, you're you're taking this what feels like a monolith like some big fucking thing and really pixelating it in a way that it loses a lot of its power, especially when you take the eye out of it. That's true. Yeah. It's saying anxiety, anxiety, and to your point, it reduces itself to where it just is like melting in your hand. You know, it just kind of like just starts to shrink and melt as you kind of just stare

at it. You just become kind of like aware of it. You know, I love just of Goldstein's voice. He sounds like the guy who started Curdy's folk city. Wait, the guy who, what? The guy in the Bob Dylan documentary that's like, I was one of a few guys

who listened to all the lyrics. I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, No one else back in those days listened to all the lyrics. I listened to all the lyrics. That's how it goes. So often the belly, so in the eyes, open your eyes. I'm going to play that for him.

I cannot wait to see his reactions. He sounds just like that guy. If you watch Martin Scorsese's Bob Dylan documentary, there's a guy who talks like that. And he sounds just like, just a cold steam through funny. What's surreal is that I will, I interact with him in person a lot. So that same voice that guides me in meditation

is sometimes like absolutely mocking me. And that's a fun, that's a fun tension. Dan, I need you out of the room. I was at a party with him once and I was talking to somebody and I was somebody that asked me a question and I said yeah I don't know I don't know and Joseph gets my attention with the cross the room and

mouths the words you don't know shit. This is the guy who is like this amazing teacher wrote this, that mindfulness book, everything he's telling you, you don't know anything. That's what I kind of like about those people I refer to as your friends, because I did have a thing that you had as well, which was I was always like, I don't know, but the, you know, just the mystical quality of the thing. And I always liked hearing them how they were just kind of regular, just so chill, you know, and just regular, cool people. I'm like, oh, I want to hang with all these people. But also they kind of have like this thing about their personality that I admire and want.

Which is this kind of, it's like, thing you said before, I kind of acknowledge everything that's kind of fucked up about me and I'm kind of like dealing with it, but how are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. I said, you know, and I'm like, oh man, I want that instead of being this ball of anxiety, you know, artists sometimes feel like if you delve into that and try to break that apart, then the thing that makes you interesting, you know, you wouldn't be able to produce stuff the same way. And I just disagree with that. I think it'll actually make it better because you're able to really understand it. You're not cut up in it. It's like, oh, I understand it now.

I feel like I've said a lot of things that has been said on this podcast a lot before. But it's been really fun to be able to be on it. But I'm always like, oh man, I'm preaching to the choir here. But you guys, I don't know, this has been, I rarely get nervous before I do a podcast because usually I'm like, oh, I know what I'm going to talk about this isn't this? But I'm like, I'm like a fan of you guys. So I was nervous. That looks like super nervous. First of all, I'm fan of yours. And second, I think this was phenomenal. And finally, just to say, the reason why I can probably be employed the rest of my life is you reference saying the same shit,

other people have said, people need to hear it over and over and over again. So that is what I will do until I retire. Well, that's good though. Well, it makes me feel good. Yeah, I'm always, but that's what I mean. It's like you got to see it in real time that voice comes in and what I'm learning

is you just kind of go, okay, I'm gonna just say it out there and then you say it and you're like, okay, I released it instead of holding it in or whatever. It's like you just say the thing, like I'm learning is you just kind of go, okay, I'm gonna just say it out there. And then you say it, and you're like, okay, I released it instead of holding it in or whatever, it's like you just say the thing, like I'm nervous. That's helpful. Just to like acknowledge it and then go, all right, I'm kind of nervous right now.

Which makes me think you're closer to the thing you say you want than you think you are. Yeah. I think you are closer. Yeah. Oh, thanks man. This has been, this is like straight up there, my therapist is gonna love this. I think you are closer. Yeah. Oh, thanks, man. This is like straight up my therapist is gonna love this.

He's gonna listen to this and be like, Yeah, you're getting it. You go, kid. Thanks again to Bill Hader, it was awesome to meet him. I admired him from afar for a long time, and he does not disappoint one-on-one. Thanks to you for listening. Don't forget our newsletter. You can sign up in the show notes.

10% Happier is produced by Justin Davy Gabriel Zuckerman, Lauren Smith and Tara Anderson, DJ Cashmere as our senior producer. Marissa Schneidermann as our senior editor, Kevin O'Connell as our director of audio and post-production. And Kimi Regler is our executive producer Alicia Mackie leads our marketing and Tony Magyar is our director of podcasts finally Nick Thorburn of Islands wrote our theme. If you like 10% happier, I hope you do. You can listen early and add free right now by joining 1-3 Plus in the Wondery app or

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