Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris - How Not To Be A Pushover | Bonus Meditation with Cara Lai

Episode Date: September 1, 2023

Mindfulness isn't about making your heart open. It's about feeling however you feel, respecting that, and sometimes, saying no.About Cara Lai:Cara Lai spent most of her life trying to figure out how to be happy, or at least avoid total misery, which landed her on a meditation cushion for the majority of her adulthood. Throughout many consciousness adventures including a few mind-bendingly long meditation retreats, she has explored the wilderness of the mind, chronic illness, the importance of pleasure, and a wide range of other things that she might get in trouble for mentioning publicly. In the past, Cara has worked as an artist, wilderness guide, social worker and psychotherapist, but at this point she’s given up on being an adult in exchange for an all-out mindfulness rampage. Her teaching is relatable, authentic, funny and sometimes crass, and is accessible for many people. She teaches teens and adults at Inward Bound Mindfulness Education, Spirit Rock, Insight Meditation Society, and UCLA; ultimately hoping to become as good of a show-off as Dan. And to help people be happier.To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Boundaries: Saying Yes to Saying No.” See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is the 10% happier podcast. I'm your host your boy Dan Harris. Hey gang, happy Friday, time for a bonus meditation. So much of what we do in meditation is about being more open, but you don't want to be so open that you're a pushover or a poluca. Boundaries, as anybody who's ever been to therapy knows boundaries are a good thing. So that is the subject of today's meditation. Our teacher, Du jour, is the awesome, the phenomenal Karlai. Before becoming a full-time meditation teacher, she was an artist, a wilderness guide, social worker, and psychotherapist.

She's been on the show a few times, delightful episodes. And she's also a regular, over on the 10% happier app. Here we go now with Karla. Hey, it's Karla. When I first started learning how to meditate, I got the idea that I was supposed to say yes to everything. But sometimes this message isn't the most helpful thing to hear. And sometimes what we actually need to hear is that it's okay to say no, and that it's okay to be mistrustful or angry. Actually, it's really important to have these feelings and to honor them, because when

someone's hurting us, it doesn't do anyone any good to let that keep happening. So in this meditation, we're going to learn how to say no. Start by finding a comfortable position. Ideally, one that feels both relaxed and alert. If you'd like, you can close your eyes. Take a couple deep breaths. Now, sense the outline of your body. Feel the contact of the air around you with outer boundaries of your body, feel the strength surrounding you along your edges. You could imagine this as a protective shield that is strong and secure.

Whatever happens inside this protective shield has full permission to be there. Sense into this on your own for some time. Let your breath be however it wants to be. And if there are difficult emotions, such as fear, anger, shame or sadness, give those full permission to be here. It's safe to feel them within this field of protection that's holding you. You're free to feel however you're feeling and no one can tell you otherwise. Now, whatever you're noticing, see if you can approach it with a sense of respect and permission.

This is a part of what's happening right now and it has a place. You might relax around it to give it some space or even relax into it. If something comes in that you don't feel ready to feel, it's okay to say no or not right now. And go back to that feeling of the outline of your body. Now take a few moments to practice with this on your own. Sometimes it can be interesting to go deeper into an uncomfortable physical feeling or a difficult emotion. What does it need or want?

What is it trying to say? You can ask these questions while staying with the visceral experience of the feeling, As you go about your day, remember that whatever you're feeling is always valid. It's okay to have needs, and to set limits, and it's okay not to feel okay. And when you feel ready, if your eyes are closed, you can open them and gently receive the world around you.

Thanks for listening. Have a great day. Thank you, Cara. You can find more bendetations like this one over on the 10% happier app. Just download it wherever you get your apps to get started. And we'll see you right back here on Monday for a brand new episode about the myth of the dream job. Hey, hey prime members, you can listen to 10% happier early and add free on Amazon music.

Download the Amazon music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, do us a solid and tell us all about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.