Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris - The Neuroscience of Confidence | Ian Robertson

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

What confidence does to your brain, why it helps with anxiety, and how to get it if you don't already have it. Plus, the problem with overconfidence.Ian Robertson is a Professor Emeritus in Psychology at Trinity College and was the founding director of Trinity College Institute of Neuroscience. He has written five books, the latest of which is called, How Confidence Works.In this episode we talk about:What confidence actually isHow to boost confidence The dangers of overconfidence, and how to guard against itThe role of anxiety and failureThe "Oscar effect”, and why winners tend to live longerHow to reframe anxiety as excitement The role of gender, race, and class on confidence levelsThe importance of distancing yourself from confidence saboteurs And much moreRelated Episodes:A Buddhist Recipe For Confidence | Ethan NichternDo You Feel Like an Imposter? | Dr. Valerie Young (Co-Interviewed by Dan’s Wife, Bianca!)Sign up for Dan’s newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesFull Shownotes: https://meditatehappier.com/podcast/tph/ian-robertson-909See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to 10% happier early and ad free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. It's the 10% happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Hello, everybody. how we doing? Did you know which single mental attribute, according to scientific research, can make you richer, happier, healthier, smarter, more motivated, and more innovative? Confidence. Confidence makes your brain work better, it boosts your performance, it elevates your mood,

and it is contagious. In other words, it spreads to other people. Of course, there are many questions to ask here. How do you get confidence, and how do you manage the risk of overconfidence? Today I'm talking to a neuroscientist who has done a deep dive on this issue. Ian Robertson is a professor emeritus in psychology

at Trinity College, and he was the founding director of Trinity College Institute of Neuroscience. Ian has written five books, the latest of which is called How Confidence Works. He's got a lovely Scottish brogue, as you will hear. In this conversation, we talk about what confidence is actually, how to boost confidence, the dangers of overconfidence and how to guard against those dangers, the role of anxiety and failure, the Oscar effect and why Oscar winners tend to live longer.

I found this fascinating. How to reframe anxiety as excitement. I found that incredibly useful in my own life. The role of gender, race, and class when it comes to confidence, the importance of creating some distance between you and what Ian calls confidence saboteurs, and much more. We'll get started with Ian Robertson right after this. Before we get to the show, I just wanna mention that the Dump It Here journal that my wife and I created

and that sold out double quick, it's back in stock. Just go to danharris.com and click on shop to find it or go to shop.danharris.com. It's a really cool journal. It's pretty non-dogmatic. There are some instructions at the beginning. The rest of it is an open field for your scribbling. Go check it out, danharris.com and click on the shop or go to shop.danharris.com.

If you deal with anxiety, you're definitely not alone. The bad news is that it doesn't go away overnight. The good news is that you really can change your relationship to it. The Happier Meditation app offers a course called Taming Anxiety. Over the course of 10 sessions, meditation teacher Leslie Booker

and anxiety expert Dr. Luana Marquez guide you through strategies to cope with challenging situations, break free from anxiety loops, and build mindfulness, compassion, and bravery. To start the Taming Anxiety Course, download the Happier Meditation app today wherever you get your apps. You just realized your business needed to hire someone like yesterday.

With Indeed, there's no need to stress. You can find amazing candidates fast using sponsored jobs. With sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. And just how fast is Indeed? In the minute I've been talking to you, 23 hires were made on Indeed, according

to Indeed data worldwide. There's no need to wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed. And listeners of this show will get a $100 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Just go to indeed.com slash wonder ECA right now and support our show by saying you heard about indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

Ian Robertson. Welcome to the show. Hello, Dan. So I'm curious, how did you get interested in this subject of confidence? Well, two things. One, I wasn't a very confident young person. And second thing, my wife was a brilliant clinical psychologist, Fiona Vardaurty. The moment I met her, she said, there's one thing you can give a child if you can give them confidence. Almost nothing else matters. Of course, other things matter, but that's just so important. And it took

me decades before I then wrote a book called The Winner Effect, which showed that the best source of success was success and there's biological foundation for that in the brain. And I then realized that what success gives you is confidence, and confidence has its own dynamic. But the great news is it's something that can be learned, which is the good news for people who are less confident. Yes, and we'll get into how to learn it, but staying at a high level just in these early innings here. How do you define confidence? Let me define it by saying what it's not, first of all, by saying it's not optimism. Optimism is the belief that things will turn out.

Secondly, it's not self-esteem. Self-esteem is your evaluation of yourself, and that can sometimes cause more problems than it helps. The secret sauce of confidence is its link to action. It's linked to the action systems in the brain. It's a belief that has two components. One is that you can do something in a particular domain. And the second thing is that if you do that thing,

the outcome you want is more likely to happen. So that's the can do and can happen. Confidence is essentially a stance towards the future that makes it more likely that the future you desire will happen. A stance toward the future that makes it more likely that the future you desire will happen. A stance toward the future that makes it more likely to the future you desire will happen. That's really interesting.

So it's not irrational self-belief. It's not irrational hope. It's really something a little bit more nuanced and sophisticated. You're absolutely right. I could be as confident as I like. I like singing. I'm confident I could sing in La Scala, in an opera. Unless that's based on some real past successes

and some past achievements, I'll never be able to do that realistically. However, I can set goals for myself and I can project into the future to targets that I want to achieve that stretch me, that are not guaranteed to happen, but that could happen. Marissa Mayer, the first woman CEO of a major tech company, Yahoo! She said this about success. Success is about doing things before you feel quite ready.

And that's true of confidence. Confidence bridges the uncertainty that's inherent in the future. So if we can be a hundred percent certain that we can do the thing that we want to do and a hundred percent certain that that will generate the outcome, then you don't need confidence, because there's 100% certainty of that happening. However, all events in the future have a degree of uncertainty.

What confidence does is help you to bridge that uncertainty, to price in the uncertainty that's inherent in the future, and to deal with the anxiety that's inherent in the future and to deal with the anxiety that's inherent in facing an uncertain future outcome. You mentioned earlier that there are two strands to confidence can do and can happen. Yeah. Can you go a little bit deeper into each of these? Yeah. So the great Stanford psychologist, Albert Bandura, can do is what he called self-efficacy. And the can happen is outcome expectations. These are two sets of beliefs or expectations

about the future. And that gives four states of the mind or brain. So can't do, won't happen, produces a state of apathy. And it's measurable in the brain using positron emission tomography scanning. You can visualize dopamine receptors in the brain's reward network and you can see the people who are apathetic actually have lower levels of dopamine receptors and that results in low mood, high anxiety, low drive and low initiative.

So that's the top left, if you like, of this four square grid. Move along to the right and you have can do, won't happen. Now that's produces frustration. You know, I can change my diet, but you know what? Doesn't matter what I eat, I put on weight. Or I can get that college degree, but you know what? From where I come from, that won't get me a better job. And that produces a sense of frustration.

And that switches on or activates or augments another neurotransmitter system in the brain, the norepinephrine system, which is part of the fight or flight system. And when you get too much norepinephrine in the brain, that interferes with clear thinking. And that worsens your anger. Now in the bottom left of this grid, four square grid, you get can't do, could happen. You know, I just can't stop smoking. I know if I could, I'm going to live longer and be healthier and get rid of this cough. I just can't do it. That tends to produce anxiety and depression. And of course anxiety is part of the fight or flight system and that activates norepinephrine as well. And so that's where these diagonal in the four squares, the top right, the can do won't happen, and the bottom left, can't do could happen. That's a terribly dangerous

axis where when you're angry you feel anxious and when you're anxious you may feel angry because the same physiological systems are activated by these two belief states of the brain. Then go to bottom right and you have can do, can happen. And that is a pretty remarkable state of the brain where your brain considers that it succeeded in the thing that it believes can happen. So your brain treats it as if it's a success already achieved and you get a little increase in dopamine activity in the brain's reward network.

And that has five effects on you and your brain. First thing is it lowers anxiety because it raises your mood. Thirdly, it makes you more likely to take action, to do stuff, to take that first step, to make that first move to setting up your company. Fourthly, it makes you a little bit smarter because of the increased dopamine in the frontal lobes that happens when this dopamine reward network switches on. And finally, and perhaps most importantly, it makes you more persuasive,

makes you more of an influencer. It makes people more likely to listen and do what you're saying because confidence gives you status. And when you have status, people will tend to be more persuaded by you. So that's why confidence is such a remarkable, critical, if you like, fuel for creating futures. And without confidence, we would have no for creating futures and without confidence we would have no civilization like we have here today. That collective confidence of humanity to come together to envisage technological,

political, social, health states of the world that didn't exist but which they had because they believed they could happen, they worked towards and created them. No other species does this, imagining a non-existent future and working towards creating it. You may not know this, but I have a lot of confidence that I have this magical power to inhabit the minds of my listeners

and to know what they want me to ask. And I suspect that many of my listeners, I'm being facetious here, we don't know each other, so you probably don't know that I'm an incurable wise ass. But many of my listeners, I suspect at this point, are wondering about overconfidence. And I just wanna signal that we are gonna get to that, but not yet.

Because I wanna stay with some of the physiological effects of confidence that you have enumerated so well. There are, and you write about this in your book, a lot of health benefits that accrue to confident people. Can you talk a little bit about those? Yes. So I mentioned that one of the critical things about confidence is it makes you do stuff.

It makes you more likely to take action. The greatest corrosive of confidence is anxiety. And the greatest antidote to anxiety is confidence. So anxiety is a worry about the future, with a focus on threats. And that anxiety, if it's sustained over time, and this is the ability of the human brain to time travel into the future, means that you can create threats that are indefinite into the future, and no can create threats that are indefinite into the future and no other species does that. So that means we can keep our body and our brain in a constant state

of arousal and sense of threat, which actually causes us to secrete the hormone cortisol in doses and over periods which are not good for us and which are toxic to the tissues of our body and brain. And if you can find a way of controlling what you attend to in the future, that you manage to direct your attention, we'll be talking about this later about how to learn confidence, but if you can manage to control your attention so that you're thinking about or noticing potential positive outcomes rather than doom-scrolling or talking or constantly thinking about negative outcomes either for yourself or the world Then you can control that anxiety. But the thing about anxious people and there's been a study done Across the world in 40 different countries. And anxious people do less of everything. They take less action.

Why? Because anxiety is a response to a perceived threat. And so when you see threat around you, what do you do? You tend to pull back, avoid, not risk taking action. So the anxious person calls off that date, doesn't it? Says, I've got a headache. I can't meet you for dinner tonight. Oh, I'm not going to go for that job interview. They pull back from things. They do less stuff.

And that has really negative effects on their health when combined with the chronically elevated cortisol. And so confidence comes from taking action that results in positive outcomes, and that has these biological effects in your brain, the increased mood and the lowered anxiety, which have enormously positive health benefits. We know that chronic states of anxiety are really not good for us when they're long lasting. Short spells are fine, but long lasting anxiety and feeling were always risk of failing or were being negatively evaluated by other people. All these feelings eat away at the cells of our body and brain. And that's one reason why,

for instance, Oscar winners live on average four years longer than Oscar nominees and that's got nothing to do with wealth and everything to do with being taken out of the rat race of being of competitive evaluation and being secure in that sense of a golden ticket for you have made it, you are successful. That's a kind of hypercharged confidence available to very few people.

But we can all get a mini version of this if we take action in the world towards goals that are meaningful to us in a careful progressive way, goals that stretch us a little bit, but not too much, because that means we're 90% chance of achieving them. And then we can build up the hormones in our brain, the hormones that are associated with the winner effect and success experiences, we can build it up a state of our brain that makes future success more likely. And that has enormous health benefits on our brains. We cannot underestimate the sense of not achieving

progression towards our goals, the negative health effects of that. And the positive effects that comes from having a strong sense of purpose. Of course, a strong sense of purpose generates goals, which triggers actions, which gives success experiences, which build enormously positive, both mental and physical benefits for our brain and our bodies. On my little team, we have an expression. The term we use is a squirrel. And the derivation of that term is that there's a great Pixar movie, Up. And in the movie Up, the bad guy chases around the good guys

with a pack of dogs. But the vulnerability of the dogs is that every once in a while, they get distracted by a squirrel and they scream squirrel and go chase it. And so I'm going to chase a squirrel that you tantalizingly dropped a few paragraphs ago. You said something about Oscar winners living four years longer. Can you just say a little bit more about that? And is that effect, that kind of validation that Oscar winners receive that leads to a kind of relaxation, is that effect available to normal people outside of Hollywood? Probably nothing as big an effect, but I believe so. It also applies to Nobel Prize winners.

Nobel Prize winners live on average one and a half years longer than Nobel nominees. So both groups are enormously successful, have huge successes, but one of them has been given this accolade. Now, to go back to the Oscar winners, four years increased lifespan is what you would get for the world's population if you cured all cancer. It's an enormously robust effect, strongly, strongly, strongly, strongly, and the greatest source of stress for the human And the greatest source of stress for the human brain and mind is the fear of the negative evaluation of other people. That's because we're a tribal group species and in evolutionary terms been expelled from the group meant death. And so signals of rejection or criticism by the group are the greatest source of anxiety as measured by how much cortisol we secrete.

So what happens if you win an Oscar? You almost buy yourself unlimited status. You're no longer just as good as your last movie. And similarly, the Nobel Prize winner is no longer just as good as her last academic paper because almost the more successful you become as you rise in status, so the threats to that status can magnify and become greater and become more vulnerable. So you're being lifted out of the rat race, if you like, with a fuse signal awards. I've only seen the evidence for this for Oscar winners and Nobel Prize winners. I'm guessing an Olympic gold medal might do something like that as well, maybe a smaller effect. But in terms of your question about Oscar winners and Nobel Prize winners, I'm guessing an Olympic gold medal might do something like that as well, maybe a smaller effect. But in terms of your question about we ordinary mortals, can we get a bit of that action?

I think we can. I think that's what authentic success, success that is built on our intrinsic goals rather than extrinsic goals. So we know that wellbeing isbeing is much, much higher than people whose motivation is intrinsic. That is, their main kind of values and motivations have to do with relationships, personal growth, health. Whereas people who are motivated by values that are primarily extrinsic, for instance, status, money, wealth, status, money, and power, they end up having

lower levels of wellbeing worldwide. Because if you tie yourself to external competitive goals, like being the best at X, Y, or Z, or being more successful than that person, or more good looking than that person, you're on the hiding to nothing. There's always going to be someone more successful, richer, better looking than you. It's a big world. You're always going to have that constant cortisol secretion of feeling like you're failing in some way competitively. Whereas when you tie yourself to intrinsic goals, these goals are your own and they're not competitive. And so there's a security in that, particularly when they're anchored in values that are non-materialistic.

So that buys you a happiness and that buys you a security. That's a small version, I believe, of the Oscar effect. And I think the Oscar effect works so amazingly because it's in the context of largely extrinsic goals of status, fame, money. And that is a recipe for cortisol secretion, for stress, for fearing you're losing out, for fear of failure. And suddenly this accolade lifts you out of that. So that's why the health benefits are so enormous. But I do believe that particularly if you tie yourself to intrinsic goals,

your own goals that you set for yourself that are not competitive, you're really potentially building yourself a mini Oscar effect. That's really interesting. Of course, easier said than done. Maybe I'll say a little bit about how I've tried to do this and hear your thought about my strategy and possibly other strategies that people could use. I am absolutely not immune to these extrinsic pressures and goals and I absolutely still

feel them. And I'm aware of how much suffering they have produced for me internally. Having chased awards in the TV news business back when I was in it and trying to sell as many books as possible and build as big a business as possible and get as many good reviews for my work and all of that stuff, seeing how chasing those squirrels

to be a little cute just leads to exhaustion. And occasionally, even the diabolical part of it is occasionally it works. The dog catches the car, but the satisfaction, it doesn't last. So for me, and many people who listen to this show know this, I got a little tattoo on my wrist about a year and a half ago. And it's just a reminder that my work really is for the benefit of all beings, which is a Buddhist term of art.

It's a little earnest, which is off-brand a little bit for me, but it doesn't really matter because just having that reminder right next to my watch helps me, it gives me a little bit of the Oscar effect. Not in that it makes me feel fully validated, but it just elevates me out of the rat race a little bit and into my intrinsic purpose, which is to be useful. So I just offer that up for your thoughts and whether that lands for you and whether you have

other ideas for people who don't want to get a tattoo. Well, look, first of all, none of us are immune to the extrinsic goals, including myself. You know, you'd have to be a Zen master to be, and many of them succumb to if they become well known or start chasing fame or chasing money. And of course we can't do without them. It's a question of what we prioritize. We have a number of values and a number of goals and we don't just focus on one thing. But in terms of what you said about your tattoo, which I think is a lovely story, Dan. The thing that really most of us spend our lives doing is unconsciously is warding off that glimmering awareness of

our own mortality, the kind of fear of extinction. A lot of people spend a lot of time trying to build some illusory tower and protect them from that that no one yet has. And the illusion that great wealth and great fame will somehow buy you immortality and great power. And many people succumb to that delusion and distort their whole life going for these things in order to ward off that said the fact that they will die. However, that little tattoo on your wrist is essentially about an affirmation of a core value for you, which is that sense that your work is for everyone. Of course we're all doing it for our egos to some extent, but there's a sense you're doing this because you believe this will benefit to a much wider group of people.

Very important value. Now, the great thing about values are values are eternal in the way that the human self is not. Values don't die. Human beings die, but values don't. So if you can disengage yourself from your own self, from your own ego, from that slightly illusory phenomenon that we call the self, if you can kind of have a bit of a detachment from that, not completely, obviously, and bring to mind your values as you do whenever you look at your watch, the scientific evidence of that has enormously beneficial effects. It reduces activation of the amygdala, the emotional

arousing centre in the brain. It increases activation in the prefrontal cortex and the bits that have to do with self-reflection. So affirming your values and escaping from values that are like the hamster wheel of building status and ego, escaping from them into more of building status and ego, escaping from them into more eternal ones. Essentially, you're moving towards a kind of immortality because yourself is your values and values go on forever. And that definitely is, as you suggested, that kind of mini Oscar effect. That's so interesting, values as a path to a kind of immortality. And values will play a role in our discussion about how to learn to be confident.

And we've been teasing the audience with the notion of actually diving into that. So let's do it. How do we boost our confidence, especially in a world that seems to militate against confidence by you know, throwing us into a constant state of comparison, etc. Yeah. So let's start with one critical thing, which is what we pay attention to. What we feel and what we do depends largely on what we pay attention to. And so if you can control your attention, you can control your feelings and your thoughts to some extent.

And that's why mindfulness is such a powerful method, because mindfulness is to a large part attention control training. That's what it was first called by John Kabat-Zinn when he first, if you like, secularized some of his practices. It was called attentional control training. So let me give you a little example of the role of attention in anxiety and therefore in confidence because anxiety is the greatest corrosive of confidence. As a mature student, I finished my PhD and I was giving the first presentation of the

data from my PhD to quite a small audience, but a prestigious audience. It was my first outing and I was very nervous. And as I started to present my data, there was a very distinguished Oxford professor in the front row and she started to shake her head and frown and I couldn't keep my eyes off her. And my anxiety increased and increased. I started having these thoughts about,

oh, this is a disaster. My academic career is finished before it started. This is all rubbish. But the end of this, it was only a 20 minute talk. I was a wreck. And then one of her students came up to me and said, are you a medical, an MD? And I took that as a criticism because implied that I wasn't a good scientist. That that explained my poor.

So I really was in a very upset state. Turned out that professor was going through a bad time and she was having actually a very severe illness and her shaking her head really hadn't anything to do with my presentation, because I gave the presentation later to other people. It wasn't Nobel Prize stuff, but it was not bad. And what I learned there was this primitive tendency we have when we feel under threat to become hyper-vigilant for other signs of threat. So our attention systems become like Patriot missiles, just looking to shoot down or to detect potential threat. The whole attention system becomes a spotter

system for bad things happening. And the same thing happens to our memory system. In that state we dredge up in past negative memories. So that distortion of attention and distortion of memory results in a cascade of negative emotions that get worse and worse, generate too much norepinephrine, interfere with our ability to get things in proportion, to see the wood for the trees, to solve problems, and that of course even makes us more anxious. So what I learned subsequently, and what I do now if I ever feel similarly under threat, if you like, presenting new data or in a presentation where

people are critical, is I control my attention by choosing to look at the people who are looking interested, or at least awake, and not to look at the person who's on his phone, or the person whose eyes close, or the person who's frowning. I deliberately feed my brain, like if you like choosing my algorithm to feed me from social media, you know, I'm not allowing myself to be fed constant gloom. I want nice things as well. So I'm choosing to feed my brain with positive input by choosing to look at the people who are listening to me at least. That's what we do, say with social anxiety. You know, some people are very anxious

in social situations and they believe that everyone's looking at them. The one person that does look at them because they're doing something, standing awkward at the door, they focus on that person as confirmation of their threat perception. And they don't look at the three people who are eating their lunch and haven't even noticed you're there. So if you can learn to control your attention, that's a major step towards controlling your anxiety and therefore giving yourself a better chance of then taking action. And that's the second recipe for confidence, doing stuff. Coming up, Ian Robertson talks about the role of anxiety and failure, Coming up, Ian Robertson talks about the role of anxiety and failure, two topics of keen interest for me.

And he talks about the second component of confidence boosting, which is taking action. Being an actual royal is never about finding your happy ending. But the worst part is, if they step out of line or fall in love with the wrong person, it changes the course of history. I'm Arisha Skidmore Williams. And I'm Brooke Zephrin. We've been telling the stories of the rich and famous on the hit, wonder-y show, Even

the Rich, and talking about the latest celebrity news on Rich and Daily. We're going all over the world on our new show, Even the Royals. We'll be diving headfirst into the lives of the world's kings, queens, and all the wannabes in their orbit throughout history. Think succession meets the crown meets real life. We're going to pull back the gilded curtain and show how royal status might be bright and shiny, but it comes at the expense of, well, everything else. Like your freedom, your privacy, and sometimes even your head. It might be bright and shiny, but it comes at the expense of, well, everything else.

Like your freedom, your privacy, and sometimes even your head. Follow Even The Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Even The Royals early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Hey everyone, it's your girl Kiki Palmer. Did you know I host a podcast called Baby? This is Kiki Palmer, and you're not going to believe the conversations I've had. Like is OnlyFans only bad? How has dating changed in the digital age?

What's the deal with Disney adults? I've talked to John Stamos, the VP, Kamala Harris, to Jordan Peele, Raven Simone, and yes, the one and only Jamila Jamil. And just wait until you hear our conversation. We talk Twitter drama, bad dates, and then something. How the hell do you actually get sexy? Like what the hell does that mean? Like I know how to be funny.

I know how to be like, you know what I'm saying? Exactly. Like I don't really know how to be like, and take your clothes off. I'm not robbing fucking Givens. You know, it's like, how do people do that? I've been in this situation too many times and not felt any of those things.

The girl eyes, the quiet. Like I've never been quiet a moment in my fucking life. Yes. Baby, this is Kiki Palmer. No topic is off limits. Follow Baby, this is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. You can listen early and ad free right now

by joining Wondery Plus. The Happier Meditation app has a new course. It's called Even Now Love, a prescription for connection. It is taught by Joseph Goldstein and others, and it invites you to pause, breathe, and choose love even in life's messiest moments with tools to strengthen connection, rethink relationships as a lab for love,

and build self-compassion. It's a useful way to approach the new year with clarity and care. You can download the Happier Meditation app and check out Even Now Love today. Before we get into taking action, because I have a lot of... I want to discuss with you in that regard. Let me just stay with this controlling your attention. I'm imagining...

Well, imagining two things at the same time. You can bite on either one of these hooks as I dangle them here. One is that some people listening might be like, well, how do you actually do that? How do you actually control your attention? And if you do focus only on the positive, are you in a state of denial? And then the second thing that's coming up in my head

as I listen to you talk about managing your attention in this way is that a gratitude practice, whether through journaling or just as I do, listing a few things that went well that day in my mind as I'm preparing to fall asleep, that might be a way to manage your attention. So any response to the foregoing? I think these are great examples, Dan,

running over what you're grateful for. That day is actually choosing to pay attention to positive things. And similarly, that's why one of the incredibly positive effects of keeping a diary, because you're actually recording things that happen during the day, many of which will be quite enjoyable. And the trouble is we tend to forget them unless we pay attention to them. And we maybe focus on the one big negative thing that happened, the bad conversation we had with a colleague

or with a partner or something that clouds our memory for the day and the week and means we don't notice or remember. Actually, most of the week, most of the day was a great cup of coffee I had. I'm not in hospital. I have that friend. I really enjoyed that beer after work. So that gratitude practice is a great example of controlling your anxiety, as is journaling. Keeping track of the small things, particularly in your life. And it's the small things that generally give us happiness much more than the big things. And yes, the thing is about if you're in a state of anxiety, it's very hard to

have the mental resources left over from the anxiety to actually think about what you're thinking about or think about what you're paying attention to. And that's why you have to practice it offline when you're not anxious. These are habits you have to practice hundreds of times before they become automatic. Once they become automatic, then when you're in an anxious state, they're more likely that you will do them and that will be more likely to bring down your anxious state. Just give you one more example of something you can do to control your attention and that's using your breathing. So if you breathe in to the count of four

and out to the count of six, and do that a couple of times, you feel different after you do that because you've changed the chemistry of your brain in a critical attention center. There's a part of the brain called the locus coeruleus, deep in the middle of the brain, which is the only source of norepinephrine, which is part of the fight-or-flight system. And the locus coeruleus is chemosensitive. It responds precisely to how much carbon dioxide is in your blood. So as you breathe in and out, the chemical composition of your blood changes, and so does the firing of the locus coeruleus.

And when you breathe in this slow way, particularly breathing out for longer than you breathe in, you reduce the norepinephrine release in your brain, which lowers your anxiety and makes your thinking clearer and allows you to pay attention more accurately and be less hooked onto the negative threat signals. Otherwise we'll escalate your anxiety. That's really helpful. I did it while you were speaking. Always works. Okay.

I interrupted you earlier when you wanted to move on to another way in which we can learn or boost our confidence and it is taking action. Yeah. Take it away, Ian. So the great Persian Afghanistan poet Rumi, 13th century, he said the path only appears with the first step, which is such a profound, profound statement because in much of our life, there's a big uncertainty in the future. We don't quite know.

Yes, sometimes we can set goals that we've got a 90% chance of achieving. Sometimes there are periods in our life where actually it's not quite clear what goals we should set and what we should or should not do. And the risk there is that that makes us anxious and makes us hold back and not do stuff or Rume says is sometimes you just have to take that first step and only taking that first step will change your perspective. It will lead you somewhere different, where you might have a different perception, a different thought.

You will see something, you will hear something, you will meet someone which you would not have done had you not taken that first step. And that's again, part of the secret source of confidence is doing something in spite of uncertainty, in spite of anxiety. And just the mere act of taking action can give you a sense of success. Because I did this in spite of the fact that my body was telling me I didn't want to do it because I was so anxious. I did it by setting a goal that I call an internal goal.

Sometimes in the external world is you don't do enough control over it. So you have to turn inside yourself and say, I'm setting goals for myself that are internal. I'm going to see if I can do that thing, go into that social situation, even though I don't feel like it. I'm going to set myself a goal of doing that, even for five minutes, for 10 minutes. And setting the goal sufficiently well so that if you do it, you get a sense of success, you get a little surge of dopamine, which is a natural antidepressant when that happens, mini antidepressant, and lowers your anxiety and gives you that sense of moving forward. So that's why the confidence and gives you that sense of moving forward. So that's why the confidence depends on action. It's linked to the action systems of the brain and anxiety does the very opposite. So

doing stuff in spite of feeling anxious actually is a huge source of confidence because you're mastering adversity, you're mastering yourself. There are ancient Buddhist and other practices to do with mastering yourself. Well, anxiety is one of the greatest challenges to mastering yourself, and you can do it. You have to take action. Small goals stretch you a little bit. And sometimes that's about taking action for its own sake. If things are tough in your life, if you're a bit, I don't quite know where you're going, take a step, do what Rumi said and you will see, meet, smell, hear something that you would not have done had you not taken that step.

Okay, some follow-ups on this. First, as somebody with panic disorder, I'm quite familiar with exposure therapy, which is where you do the shit. You don't want to face your fears, in my case, claustrophobia, so riding elevators, going on airplanes, even though every cell in my body is telling me I don't want to do it. And there's enormous satisfaction when you do it. You do gain confidence that you can do these things. That being said, and I suspect you'll agree with this, but I'd be curious to hear your thoughts.

It's important to, and this goes back to your goal setting notion, it's important to proceed slowly and systematically so as to not overwhelm the system. So not like going from treating your claustrophobia to hopping in the trunk of somebody's car or into a coffin or something like that. Would you agree that you want to proceed cautiously? Absolutely. I mentioned norepinephrine and dopamine, two of the brain's neurotransmitters, and both of them have sweet spots.

You have too little or too much and your brain really underperforms. There's a sweet spot in the middle that's the optimal performance. And the same is true for goal setting. Goal setting is just so important. It focuses your attention and increases the chances of success experiences that build a winner effect. And if you're a perfectionist, for instance, who sets the goal so high that it's very difficult, you're never satisfied with it, then that can lead to demoralization and a failure to get any success experience. And similarly, if you're over ambitious and impatient and you set goals that stretch you too much, too far beyond what you can do at the moment, you're greatly increasing the chances of failure and you're not doing what confidence

really is built on, which is the optimal stretching of yourself a bit into uncertainty, but giving yourself a greater reasonable probability of success. And that's why I totally agree with you. I mean, there is a treatment for phobic disorders called flooding where you just sit in that place or do the thing for hours upon end and it can be effective. It's very risky as well because if you leave before the anxiety has gone down, you can end up feeling worse than you were before. Whereas the incremental approach that you just stretching yourself bit by bit, never going in not feeling any anxiety. You have to feel a bit of anxiety because there has to be a bit of uncertainty whether you can do this. But

if you do it under these circumstances, boy, has that powerful effects on your brain and on your mind. Okay. Here's my other follow-up on this question of taking action. I think a lot about just trying things, just making experiments, especially in a moment of uncertainty. I've talked about this publicly, but I was involved for many years with a meditation app and my relationship with my co-founders kind of went sideways and I ended up having to leave and starting over and in the process of starting over, I've tried a bunch of things.

I tried to go on social media, make some experiments there. I started a subscription service and that is morphing and changing as I grow it and I've tried to do live events and to make merchandise and just trying lots of little and sometimes big things. And for me, an important aspect of all of this is a willingness to fail. Because I know if I'm unwilling to fail, I won't do anything. So what's the role of failure in taking action? A number of A's for the confidence habit. One of them is attention.

One of them is action. one of them is action, another one is attitude to failure. That's absolutely critical. Confidence is about bridging uncertainty in the future. So you say, I think I can do that thing. Okay, you're deliberately setting a goal that stretches you and therefore is not 100% certain. I can do that thing, I think I can do it. But if it's really stretching you a certain percentage of times, you won't do it, you'll fail. Which is statistically necessary for confidence to work. It can't work 100% of the time. work 100% of the time. But you then have to turn your mind to what your response to failure is. And the thing about failure is we know psychologically and neurologically that it's a much better teacher than success. Failure gives you many more pointers to what went wrong

than success gives you to what went right. Why? Because success is often a significant proportion luck or circumstance. Yes, your effort and what you did plays a part. Whereas in failure, if you can dare to turn your mind over the emotional hurdle of paying attention to your failure, you will learn much more about the reasons for what the outcome was.

However, it's very hard to do that, and it's particularly hard for one category of person, and that is people who hold a theory about themselves that the great Karl Dweck in Stanford called a fixed mindset. So if you have a theory of yourself that says either, it could be I'm very clever, it could be I'm very anxious, it could be I'm a person who can't learn, or it could be I'm not musical, or it could be I'm not social. If you have a big I theory about yourself that categorizes you, with the implication is that it's kind of fixed by your genetics or your upbringing, that mindset makes it

very hard to deal with failure. Either the failure confirms a negative mindset. Yeah I knew I was stupid, you know, I never thought like how could I do that? I know I'm stupid or I know I'm anxious. What's the surprise? If that I failed. But also for the person with the positive mindset, I always thought I'm clever. Maybe I'm not clever. And so the brain goes into repair mode, ego repair mode, self-protection mode. And there's good research with children and sitting tests and you record brain activity. And children who have a fixed mindset of themselves who fail an item don't learn

from that failure because they're so busy paying attention to trying to protect the concept of themselves, their fixed theory. So your failure, your attitude to failure is very much tied to a fourth A in the attention habit which is your attitude to yourself, your theory of yourself. And what we know about the human brain is it's enormously plastic. Neuroplasticity is the absolute signature of the human brain.

We only have 20,000 genes. These cannot possibly specify for all our behaviors. Our brain changes all the time with what we do and what we think and what we feel. And if we have a theory that says, no, it's who I am and what I do is programmed in there, hardwired, then it really hugely undercuts any chance we have of changing our behaviour. Because learning a new way of thinking or a new way of feeling or a new emotional stance takes thousands of trials and learning is always up and down

and a gradual up, but there's always down periods. And if you hit a down period and you have a fixed theory of your abilities or yourself, then you will give up. So that's why embracing failure, monitoring what you say to yourself after a failure. And if you find yourself saying big I phrases, I call them like, I am or I am not. These are big fixed mindset phrases and they imprison you and cut you off from the slow up and down of learning, of learning the habits of confidence, the habits of anxiety control, the habits of emotional control.

This is all incredibly helpful. So the four A's thus far, attention, action, attitude to failure, attitude to yourself. I'm going to ask a question that's a bit of a non-sequitur, came up in my mind when you were talking about attitude to failure. So it doesn't follow quite neatly out of add to yourself, but maybe it does. I employ a lot of defensive pessimism. And I know you're not a big fan of pessimism.

You write in your book that it handicaps because it makes you suffer twice. You suffer your pessimism and then you suffer if you fail. And I buy all of that. And I do find that, so for example, back to this new company that I've started and this new subscription service that I launched, et cetera, et cetera. All these new things I've tried over the last year or so.

The managing director of my little company, Tony Magyar, essentially the COO, she shares my pension for pessimism. And we often, when we're making our budgets, we make very modest projections. We set the bar low for success. We don't assume that things are going to go extraordinarily well. We leave room for upside surprise. And I find this soothing given my baseline or factory setting for anxiety. So what say you? All human lives are defined by the balance between two primitive forces and all animal lives are as well.

That is between appetite or approach going forward for the reward and avoidance, pulling back to reduce the risk of punishment. And that's a primitive wiring in all mammals' brains and all reptiles' brains as well, going forward for reward or pulling back from punishment. And the world is complicated, the threats are real. And if, you know, if you didn't have a reasonable balance between these two opposing forces, you wouldn't last very long. However, these actually are instantiated to some extent in the two halves of the brain, with approach, goal setting and approach, and future orientation being more associated

with the left prefrontal cortex, and the perception of threat and avoidance being more left prefrontal cortex and the perception of dread and avoidance being more right prefrontal cortex and the two halves of the brain constantly cussing against each other trying to inhibit each other. And in the normal healthy human brain, the non-depressed person's brain, there's always a slight advantage for the approach system over the threat system. We're slightly more overconfident than crude statistics of the world would allow us to be. And no one would start up a company, Dan, like you have. No one would start up a company if you weren't slightly more optimistic than statistics allow. That's healthy overconfidence.

And it's absolutely vital for humanity that we have that capacity to project ourselves into a future where maybe the statistics aren't fully in line with that. Now, because confidence works so well and because healthy overconfidence has these effects, antidepressant, anti-anxiety makes you a little bit smarter, makes you more likely to take action and gives you status and influence. Because that works so well, you're actually more likely to multiply and get success. Of course, success confidence, is exponential.

Small achievements build bigger and bigger and bigger, like compound interest. So it's very likely that if you really are confident this way, you will become successful. And the risk then is that you become overconfident. And this happens to whole economies. It happened in 2006, 2007 on Wall Street, where all the traders then could think of

was bonuses and huge bonuses and huge profits. There was inability even to remember past crashes, because the memory systems and the attention systems were so inflated, so biased towards approach, appetite, reward. And what happened then is, of course, in millions of brains of people in the financial system and individuals taking mortgages, was the threat perception circuits of the brain were inhibited because of the dominance.

And so you got this diminution of the ability to even remember risk past negative downsides, to remember what the risky situations were. And with that you get other changes in the brain linked to the right frontal cortex to do with self-awareness, to do with empathy. All of these things get diminished when you over inflate the left dominant confidence oriented parts of the brain And that's where you get into overconfidence. So it's this delicate dance we have to do. And you know what, if I was starting a business, Dan,

I'd do exactly as you said. I mean, that's appropriate husbandry of our brains is to motivate ourselves to go, yeah, we want to wash our faces. We want to survive. So we're forecasting a cautious small profit and let's, let's be delighted if our actual financial outcome ends up better than that, because the brain loves being surprised, the reward system loves unexpected, unpredictable rewards.

They love them. That switches on the dopamine system much more than rewards that were certain. Okay. So what I'm calling defensive pessimism is probably not the right terminology from your standpoint. What I'm calling defensive pessimism, you're really saying is just avoiding overconfidence. Exactly.

I have the confidence to start the business, but I'm not so overconfident as to assume it's going to be a million dollar business tomorrow. No, you're doing very, very finely tuned goal setting that takes into account, not just potential upsides, but potential downsides. You're setting goals that stretch you because you're saying, I, my business can survive. That's a pretty important goal. So it's not that you don't have confidence, you're not optimistic, but you are

appropriately constraining that and just having just the right amount of mild overconfidence, if you like. And that's a bit like overcoming your claustrophobia. It's a thing to do it incrementally and carefully. Coming up Ian talks about the dangers of overconfidence and how to guard against those dangers, how to reframe anxiety as excitement, the dangers of overconfidence and how to guard against those dangers, how to reframe anxiety as excitement, the role of gender, class, and race when it comes to confidence and the importance of distancing yourself from confidence saboteurs. Let's stay with overconfidence for a second.

Examples come to mind readily of people who are just unbelievably overconfident. I'm thinking about that movie from the 90s where Alec Baldwin plays a doctor and somebody says he's a surgeon and somebody says, do you have a God complex? And he says, I am God. That's an extreme example, but we all know overconfident, cocky people. How do we avoid that without squelching the healthy confidence that we want? Well, how do we do it in ourselves? How do we do it for people who have power over us? It's a very different matter because confidence buys you status, status buys you wealth, wealth buys you power, and it's very difficult to speak truth to a powerful boss. And if there is no

mechanism of speaking truth to a powerful person who's got control over you in some way, then you're going to rely on governance, some kind of governance, some kind of in a corporation, good well-run or corporations have 360 degree assessment where the person with power is assessed by the people over whom she has power as well as by people above them and colleagues. she has power as well as by people above them and colleagues. And that's hugely constraining on the otherwise potential cascade of narcissism and overconfidence that happens with the accretion of power and wealth and influence and fame, depending on the domain. All of these things can so readily distort almost almost to delusional form, a person's thinking. And throughout history, we see this happening. Julius Caesar had himself made a demigod while

he was still alive and had statues as a demigod all throughout Rome. He was a populist dictator who over-drew the Republic in Rome. And John Palgetti, the billionaire oil, he bought a villa outside Rome on the coast that belonged to Nero, and he believed himself to be a reincarnation of Nero. So he believed himself. And many major dictators and some major business people as well, some major celebrities in entertainment get such success and such overconfidence, they start to feel special in some of them in a godlike way. I remember Tony Blair, the British Prime Minister, who was a very good Prime Minister until he got carried away with this Iraq War adventure. I remember him being interviewed on British television and the interviewer, Michael Parkinson, eventually whittling out to him about what drove him

and then he got admitted, yes, that maybe God had spoken to him. Maybe he had a special ... He was following what God was telling him. So this relationship, you have such success or power or wealth or fame that you feel, I must be so special. I'm not just like ordinary human beings, I'm God-like. And that is culmination of a kind of deluded narcissism. Unfortunately, if you have unconstrained power, it's almost guaranteed to happen. It's almost like a disease you can foresee in someone if you give them unconstrained power or relatively unconstrained power,

they will start to feel God-like. And that has also, Adolf Hitler was so impatient with these generals that he took over control of the army, embarked on a disastrous invasion of Russia because he felt godlike, distorted his judgment, abolished his perception of risk. Whatever empathy he had was gone. And these are biological effects of great power in the brain. It's happened to Vladimir Putin as well, after the isolation of COVID and this ghastly behavior in Ukraine. This is individual human psychology and neurology

as a result of unconstrained power leading to supreme overconfidence, distorted judgment and narcissism. So very hard to change overconfidence when somebody has accrued an enormous amount of power and influence and wealth. How can we guard against it in ourselves? Well, in ourselves, well, mindfulness, I don't want to become too much of an advocate for mindfulness, but I mean, it's a very powerful method. What mindfulness does is to make you detach yourself, disengage a little bit from your own ego and realize that you are not your thoughts.

For example, that there's this beautiful capacity of the human brain to watch itself watching and think about itself thinking. And if you can just de-center a bit from the striving and the hungers of the ego. If you can really do that, that's a potential significant, not guaranteed, but can moderate the risk of overconfidence. And the other is to really build self-awareness. And that's where journaling is so important. That's where things like gratitude practices that you talked about before about the very interesting study of obituaries done in New York Times obituaries.

And when they got people to evaluate the human beings whose obituaries they read, now most of the people they'd never heard of, so they weren't people they knew about, but they were asked to do a kind of evaluation of the people whose obituaries they read. And what they found was none of the earthly accomplishments of the dead people figured in the evaluations of the readers, only the predominant features that led them to think of the people as being good or bad people were their moral qualities. Rather than their business or scientific or medical, whatever they were, it was their moral qualities that led the readers to say, yeah, I would rank this person

high as being an admiral person. To the extent that we can define our values, our morals, and make them conscious to ourselves, that too is a potential antidote to getting too narcissistically involved in one's whatever it is, looks, intellect, wealth, or whatever it is. So we've come back to values. In your book, you talk about values as being useful in learning or boosting confidence. So we just talked about values as a way to mitigate overconfidence, but how can values be a source of healthy confidence? mitigate overconfidence, but how can values be a source of healthy confidence? Mainly by anchoring the ego in something bigger than itself.

And so by making it feel less under threat. So Desi and Ryan, brilliant psychologists, University of Rochester, they developed this method called self-affirmation, which is where you get someone to define, to identify what their core values are, and then to spend a couple of minutes writing what these values are, why they hold them, and what they mean to them. So it's just an exercise to bring to mind this kind of, what do I stand for? And then they would present people who had either done this exercise or not with threatening various types of ego threatening messages. And they looked at brain imaging using fMRI and they found that the people who had taken a few minutes to affirm their

values were less ego threatened by these messages as measured by the amygdala activation in that amygdala fear and anger emotion center in the brain and also had different pattern of activation in the middle of the prefrontal cortex where we do self-reflection. That really is a pretty powerful antidote to anxiety, a particular kind of anxiety which is the fear of negative evaluation by other people. I mean, we really are a group species and we're just constantly looking over our shoulder to see what other people are thinking about us. And we're spending enormous amounts of effort and money and everything to try and maintain a good image of ourselves in the eyes of other people. And that's a huge source of stress,

huge driver to our behavior. Whereas if we can just relax a bit out of that, I'd say I don't really care what other people think of me. My values are my relationships with my family, or my values are my integrity, or my values are my professionalism, or whatever it is, that it gives you this security.

It generates these intrinsic internal goals that give you satisfaction and success, irrespective of what the competitive environment is. Yeah, so I found this useful just to relate a little story. I was actually reading, my staff prepares me for every interview, what we call a prep doc. It helps me prepare for every interview. And I was reading my Ian Robertson prep doc as I was getting ready to go on CNN the other night to do a segment about mental health.

And as I've referenced before, I have panic disorder. I've quite famously had a panic attack on live television and I haven't been on television in a while So I was really nervous as I was preparing to go on CNN. You know, I know how to do this. I've done television for 30 years and so I have some reason for confidence and You know the brain can go into mutiny mode and it can make it very hard to function in certain contexts. So Remembering that my goal is to benefit all beings

was very helpful in that moment. But there was another technique that you write about that also really helped. So I thought I might prod you to talk about it. You recommend that we reframe our anxiety as excitement. Yeah. And that really landed for me as I was freaking out about going on CNN.

Yeah, thank you for asking me about that. Very briefly, a story about my own experience. I was, I said many years ago, I had a really difficult situation with someone that was working for me and it wasn't going well. And this person knew how to press my buttons and I responded angrily in meetings in a way I felt bad about afterwards. This problem was festering and I was waking up early in the morning thinking, how am I going to solve this problem? And then one morning I woke up and thought, hold on a minute, I

don't think this problem is solvable. And there was a meeting forth coming up the next week and I've been thinking, how am I going to solve this problem? And I realized this relationship was, from my point of view, I couldn't sustain it, have to go to HR and everything like that, which is very unfortunate. So I turned, having decided I couldn't solve this problem in the external world, I changed my goal to be an internal goal. And I said, I'm going to set myself the goal at this meeting next week, behaving myself, utter, cool, Zen-like

professionalism in the face of provocation. I am going to be absolutely calm and unperturbed, at least on the surface, in the face of buttons being pushed. And first, when I thought of this meeting, I was filled with dread and anxiety. And then gradually, as I rehearsed in my mind's eye, the meeting, imagine what would be said, imagine my reaction, practice a different kind of response to it than I had shown in the past. So that by the end of that five days before the meeting, I was in a state of excitement,

of kind of edgy excitement. Could I do this? Could I achieve this internal goal? So I went into the meeting and yeah, my buttons were pushed, but I was so unusually able to not respond in the way that was expected to respond and was very cool and professional. Some people can do this. It just wasn't hard for me.

This was a personal goal. And I came out of that meeting with the problem totally unchanged in the external world, but me feeling like a million dollars because I'd achieved this. Against anxiety, I'd achieved this significant goal, an internal goal of my own. Tiger Woods, the golfer,

he says that the day he doesn't feel nervous before he goes on the golf course is the day he gives up because nerves is actually just another word for arousal of our brains and body's preparation systems for action. And the symptoms are the same in anxiety, anger and excitement. And they only become a particular emotion when you put words on them. And so this research from Pittsburgh, the Wharton Business School, they're showing that just saying, I feel excited before a stressful event leads to better performance.

Even though your heart is racing, your mouth is dry. If you label that as excitement, it changes from a threat mindset into a challenge or goal approaching mindset. So it's a very powerful technique. Children love it. They love being told that maybe they're anxious about a test or a sports event. They just say, Oh yeah, that funny feeling in my tummy. That's, tummy, that's

that's the same as when I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited. It's a very, very powerful method. You dedicate a significant chunk of this book to some factors that mitigate our confidence, including race and gender and class. So I feel bad that I'm bringing this up toward the end of the interview, because it really is something you focus on quite a bit in the book. But given that we only have a few minutes left, can you say a little bit about how gender, race and class can diminish confidence and what the possible mitigating factors might be? You know, in other words, how can we work with this situation? Certain categories of people have certain negative stereotypes associated with age,

involves a set of preconceptions about what older people should do. Gender, sex has the same supposedly women are poor visuospatial abilities than men, for instance. And that negative stereotype, say in women, has led to a much smaller proportion of women doing engineering or subjects in university that would require visuospatial thinking. But actually, research shows that it's not a genetically determined difference in visuospatial processing.

It is largely because if you tell a woman who's aware of this stereotype that they're being tested for their visuospatial ability, then immediately part of their brain, part of their attention circuits are going to be thinking about, oh my goodness, am I going to fail? I'm going to do badly on this because I'm a woman, which actually takes away from the computational powers of the brain necessary to do the task. The study shows if you give women 20 hours playing Medal of Honor, a fighting game that men play much more often, but requires complex visuospatial skills, women will catch up with men on their visuospatial ability. So, sex, race, age, disability, height, there's all these categories of people who if they

absorb the negative stereotype, which is very difficult not to, I mean the moment that stereotype is activated in your brain, it's the opposite effect of self-affirmation, it becomes something that requires you to pay attention to it, something that raises your anxiety, that increases norepinephrine and interviews with the very cognitive capacities required to do the task. And so you get incredible negative self-fulfilling prophecies, the opposite of confidence by the corrosive effect of negative stereotypes being sometimes quite unconsciously internalized in the brains of the stigmatized or stereotyped group.

And I know from reading interviews with you that you were surprised by the extent to which this would become a salient issue in researching and writing the book. Just to come back to it in our remaining moments here, if a listener to this is a female or from a marginalized racial or ethnic group or is elderly, what are the ways to work around these depressors of confidence? Try and avoid saboteurs. If you've got colleagues or friends or people in your family who are sabotaging you in some way, distance yourself or at least find ways of orienting your relationships to people who support rather than sabotage. The other thing is to behave, to fake the trappings that counteract the stereotype. And so if it's age, for instance, just avoid dressing old, avoid stooping, try and mimic the external features as if you were younger.

And women don't allow yourself to be brow beaten in a meeting. It's much less likely to happen in the USA than it is in Europe. Don't allow yourself to slip into the dominance relationships that many men try to impose on women, sometimes without either of them being fully conscious of it. But American women have learned to do this much better than European women have on average. And that is revealed in many of the fact that American women suffer much less of a confidence gap than say Irish or Scottish or Italian women do. This has been such a fascinating conversation. And just to say on this issue of confidence as it relates to race and gender and class,

while we did not get to do a fulsome investigation in this conversation, I have done interviews on imposter syndrome and related subjects that I will post links to in show notes. Ian, before I let you go, would you please remind everybody the name of your book, the new one, and maybe some of the previous ones that you've franced, and is there a website we can learn more about you? Please plug everything.

Thanks very much, Dan. It's been a pleasure talking to you. The website is ianrobertson.org. The last book I wrote is called How Confidence Works, The New Science of Self-Belief, it's published by Penguin, it's available on Amazon and other bookshops. The previous book I wrote was called The Stress Test, and that very much addressed the positive aspects of stress and the fact that there's an energy that can be harnessed. The one before that was called The Winner Effect, which I alluded to, which shows you that the greatest source of success is success. But it's been a delight talking to you, Dan.

Thank you very much indeed. That's exactly the word I would use, delight. Ian, thank you very much. Thanks again to Ian. Really great to have him on the show. It was great to talk to him. If you sign up at danharris.com, you will get a cheat sheet of this episode right in your inbox, which includes key takeaways, time stamped highlights, and a full transcript. Much more going on over at danharris.com so come join us. Before I go I just want to thank everybody who worked so

hard to make this show. Our producers are Tara Anderson, Caroline Keenan, and Eleanor Vasili. Our recording and engineering is handled by the great folks over at Pod People. Lauren Smith is our production manager. Marissa Schneiderman is our senior producer. DJ Cashmere is our executive producer and Nick Thorburn of the band Islands wrote our theme. If you like 10% happier, and I hope you do, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.