Tetragrammaton with Rick Rubin - Joseph Nguyen
Episode Date: January 14, 2026Joseph Nguyen is the author of the #1 international bestselling book Don't Believe Everything You Think, translated into more than forty languages worldwide. His other titles include Beyond Thoughts: ...an exploration of who we are beyond our minds and workbooks such as The Overthinker's Guide to Making Decisions. Across these works, he uses philosophy, spirituality, and psychology to offer practical tools for seeing beyond conditioned thinking, deepening connection, and moving through life with greater clarity and ease. ------ Thank you to the sponsors that fuel our podcast and our team: AG1 https://drinkag1.com/tetra ------ Athletic Nicotine https://www.athleticnicotine.com/tetra Use code 'TETRA' ------ LMNT Electrolytes https://drinklmnt.com/tetra Use code 'TETRA' ------ Sign up to receive Tetragrammaton Transmissions https://www.tetragrammaton.com/join-newsletter
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Tetragrammaton.
For the title, it actually came last.
Really?
Yes.
Sometimes I hear people have the title first and then write the whole entire book.
But I didn't know what it was going to be when I first started writing the book.
It was more of a transmission.
So the naming was at the very, very end.
And that was kind of the cherry on top.
And I wrote the book.
I had the idea of what it would be.
But no title could encapsulate what it was.
And so I kind of wrote out maybe a couple of different titles.
And I didn't like any of them.
They were too self-helpie, too cheesy, too salesy.
And I think I went on a walk or something like that.
Or I was showering, which is the typical story.
And then it just hit me out of nowhere.
Don't believe everything you think.
And that was it.
There was no weighing it, comparing it.
it was just when you know you know yeah when I saw the title it motivated me to want to see what was
inside that's beautiful that's that's that's what motivated me too I wonder and I was just so curious
so it's jarring but gentle when you hear the title in that way it's challenging in a way but in a good
way oh yeah and I think that's what life does it essentially meets us where we are and
stretches us just a little bit.
And my hope was that the book could do that for anyone that comes across it,
where it challenges their current paradigm and gently invites them into a new view.
That may or may not be right for them, but it's another lens they can look at the world from.
And then like any tool, you run out of limits with it eventually,
and then you can discard it and adopt a new one.
Was writing a book something that you always aspired to do?
I never thought that I could, but I wanted to.
It was more of a deep desire,
but it was just all the way in the back of my mind,
and I kind of disregarded it
because I didn't have anything to write about.
And it wasn't until something happened,
and that kind of sparked the writing.
path for me, but it really came from experiencing rock bottom. And from journeying through that
and finding the light at the end of the tunnel and walking towards it, that's when the book came
into fruition. But I never wrote before. I never journaled, never had any musings of any kind.
So it was really odd that it came through the format of a book. It was the last place that I expected,
which is usually how intuition works.
And once I remove the pressure of trying to make it good,
trying to make it for someone else,
trying to prove something,
once all of that was gone,
then the book came through.
Was writing the book therapeutic for you?
Very.
I was learning just as much, if not more,
from writing than not writing it.
And I think through that process,
transform me. And when I start writing, I never know what's going to come through. I don't come with
an agenda. I come with questions. Never answers. And if the answers do come, it's not my own. So I just
approach it from a lens of pure curiosity. And the way that I write, each chapter, if you look at it,
it's actually a question. And it was the question I posed to myself while I was writing. It was
just interested in, what is the root of suffering? Why do we think? If we let go of our monkey mind
and the thinking, judgmental, labeling mind, what do we listen to? So all of those questions came up
naturally. I had no idea what the answers were. But I sat there with my keyboard or pencil
and was just open. And whatever came through came through. And there is very little or minimal editing.
Really? Yeah. Wow.
The book isn't written in the most flowery way.
It's not about the writing.
It's about the ideas.
Yeah.
Or even more specifically, it's the energy.
So when I write, I do choose the words carefully,
but not for the definitions themselves,
but how they feel energetically.
So whatever I'm experiencing,
I try to find the word that matches that the best,
even if it's not 100% grammatically correct
or it doesn't sound the most elegant,
but it transfers that emotion.
How do you think you knew to do that?
I don't think I did.
The whole writing process was pure intuition.
So once I let go, that was just the way.
The alternative was going to make me not write the book.
It would stop me.
It would make me over-analyze.
It would make me doubt, question.
And so, interestingly enough,
like nature, I followed the path of least resistance and just went there. And it said,
surrender, let go, trust, and follow that voice. Every time I read my writing now, too,
and it's even weird to say my writing, because it's not mine, I learned something new again.
I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so good. Yeah. It's not, but it's not because I'm good. It's just
it's good. I understand. I completely understand. And I know that's how,
you approach music as well. It's just getting out of the way and letting it flow through.
Beautiful. How long ago was this process when you wrote it?
Three or four years ago. Not so long. No. And how has the reaction to the material been?
The whole spectrum. When I first released it, I didn't know it was actually going to be a book.
I even know I could self-publish. But once I wrote it, I found out I could.
When you wrote it, you didn't know how it was going to make it into the world or if it would make it into the world.
Yeah, I assumed that I needed to get an agent to find a publisher and do all this.
But once I wrote it, I said to myself, there's no way that a traditional publisher would pick this up because I have no degree, no credentials, no background in anything.
Not knowing how it was going to come out, what was driving you to do the work?
because it's hard work.
It was hard and it wasn't.
It's really odd.
I think the mind or the ego
wanted to make it hard,
but the heart knew that it was simple.
So it's so odd to experience
both dualities simultaneously.
So the driving force behind it,
I think it was just pure love and curiosity.
I was done following the fear
and being a victim to that in my life.
The majority of how I was living,
it was just always afraid of what other people would think,
where the paycheck would come from,
how I'd make a living out of this,
people judging me, what are our parents going to think?
There were a million reasons why I shouldn't have done it,
but I was just so exhausted.
I think it was an egoic death is what happened.
Once that happened, the floodgates were open.
And it takes a lot for that to happen
because we're really stubborn and resist and resist and resist until we can anymore.
And that's when the shell breaks.
Was it pretty much written in order?
There might have been one or two chapter switches.
But for the most part, it came out just like we received it.
I know in music, it's very similar to how you'll record dozens and dozens of takes.
And we don't know which one to choose, but then you go back to the original, and that was it.
it had the magic.
And that's because we were least in the way there.
We're in the free.
Exactly.
We were in the complete unknown and closest to source.
Yes.
And I think that's what we feel energetically.
And whatever is closest to source has the most resonance in the highest energy.
So whatever I do, I try to actually really dislike editing.
That's the least favorite part.
It is necessary at times.
For the most part, it's very.
minimal editing and I'll just keep it as is and just go.
How did you know that the book was done when it was done?
I think for the container that it was in, I ran out of questions.
Or if I did have additional questions, they were way too specific and nuanced that it didn't
serve the book anymore.
So I approached it as if the book was its own entity and I kind of imagine if it's like
feeding a child. Like, how do you know when a baby's swole? It tells you. It pushes the bottom.
It stops eating. So it felt satiated in a sense and whole and complete. But if it wasn't,
I would keep going. So approximately how long did it take to write the book? I believe a month
and a half to two months. Okay. It was very quick. It was pretty much every day for about one to two hours.
and then the book is done and now you decide i want to share it with the world what happens
i did have a business background which was very helpful and that seemed like the antithesis of what
i write about but that's the contrast that was needed to launch it so i ran an ad firm prior
and so i learned all of these different marketing strategies to be able to apply to the book so i
learned advertising, I learned copywriting, I learned direct response marketing. That all got
applied to the book. Every time I tried to apply it to my own things, every single thing failed.
It was probably a 10 to 12 different failed businesses. But it wasn't until the book came out
that it was the right vehicle. So I didn't think any publisher would pick it up and I know
that they wouldn't just because it was such an odd book. It was less than 100 pages.
pages, no audience, nothing, no socials.
But once the book was done, I just thought to myself,
where are the people that would want to read the book?
They're online on socials.
So I started to learn how to make content,
and TikTok was just starting to boom.
I didn't want to do dances with my book to get an audience.
But then my brother sent me a video of another author,
and it just went viral.
And what that other author was doing was simply reading his book aloud with a pen and just reading it.
And I thought to myself, that's it?
That's what Conti can be.
So I did the same thing.
I just put a camera up, just my phone, no high production, nothing, and just started reading the book.
And I would post three times a day.
How long would each clip be?
Probably 30 seconds to a minute.
I didn't make anything crazy.
I just read it verbatim and out show the cover.
And after about a month or two, the book started to take off.
How was the book available at that time?
Amazon.
That was the only way.
Was Amazon the publisher?
Technically.
I was self-published, but then Amazon printed the books and it was all on demand.
I see.
So whoever ordered, they would ship it.
I didn't have to deal with inventory.
I didn't have to deal with overhead, anything.
And so they would just send me whatever royalties it was three months later.
and that was it. And without that, the book wouldn't exist.
So as much as a lot of us don't like big corporate and things like that, it has really helped
my own career and millions of other books that are now able to be self-published because of
technology. Have you met anyone else who published that way?
There's a lot, yes.
Really?
Lots of fantasy and fiction authors that are now big did start self-publishing first.
Now I do have a publisher, but to start, I didn't need one.
And I could have gone on my own as well and still stayed.
But I wanted to share the book with more people in bookstores and things like that.
And so we have a nice deal there.
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From releasing the book as a self-published book on Amazon,
draw me the timeline of what happens now.
So release was March 2020. By the second or third month, it was selling 10,000 copies a month.
Wow. I'm so fortunate because most books never sell more than 250 copies in their lifetime. And it's crazy because all my life I was into going into business to try to make money and make ends meet. The last thing I should have done was gone into publishing because that's where you make the least amount of money. Yeah.
Yet that's where all the abundance comes from now.
So it's, again, that's intuition.
It's so counterintuitive.
But there's no way I could have known unless I just made the leap.
So selling 10,000 copies, then by month six or seven, it was probably 20, 30,000 copies.
Wow.
A month.
And that was all happening just from your posts and the influencers.
There's so many different niches now.
People post about anything and everything.
So there's an audience for anything.
So all I had to do was just find the people that had those audiences and talk to them because they wanted to read interesting books anyway.
And they probably wouldn't.
They're only reading the greats.
So this was a chance for them to go to the opposite end of the spectrum and read something that they probably would never have read.
So those two, I did do advertising.
So Amazon advertising, I learned how to do that myself.
Tell me about that.
How does that work?
So it's keyword based.
and it works similarly to how Google search works
and then at the top there's those two ad,
two or three ads,
and you can click on them and it's paper click.
But on Amazon, if you type in Self-Helpbook,
you'll notice the first one to two listings, say, sponsored.
So you can bid for those keywords and then show up for it
and then you only pay when someone actually clicks on it.
But if they see it and then click, you don't pay.
on meta or Facebook
Instagram you pay if they see it
so Amazon's very
interesting in that way and it works
very effectively
because of the paper click model
so with that
I just started targeting keywords that my book
What were some of the keywords he used?
Anxiety book
overthinking, how to stop overthinking
how to let go of anxiety, healing
self-help book,
therapy or even
spiritual book, the top ones
are overthinking, stress, anxiety.
And you saw which are the ones that people reacted to.
Yeah.
Well, I used intuition first.
Yeah.
Because I just thought if I was going through anxiety, which I was, what would I type into Amazon or Google to fix my issue?
And I was a book on anxiety or anxiety book, overthinking book.
So I just used those exact ones and then they just ranked and those did well.
actually the best ads in there were not the keywords.
They were ads that if you click on the listing and you scroll down a little bit,
there's a whole other section of other books that they recommend.
Yeah.
And it says sponsored.
And so they'll show you books there.
Me advertising on other people's books.
And you would pick the books to associate with?
And so I would do things like, power of now, atomic habits.
Now people buy my book in atomic habits all the time because they're so,
closely related. So anything about personal development, about discipline, about therapy, cognitive
behavioral therapy, and all these like huge books, I would ride their wave too.
Mm-hmm.
And it was same audience. It was exactly. You were going directly to your readers. Yeah.
They weren't your readers yet, but you knew if you like this, you'll probably like this.
Yes. And I knew that I was reaching a reader because I was the reader. That was me.
Yeah, yeah. And you wrote the book for yourself. Exactly.
So that was the whole advertising process there, and that did super well and still continues to do well, and that's now the foundation for everything.
I kept doing the same thing, and it kept working, and I just expanded, and then TikTok came into play, or TikTok shop specifically.
And then it just...
I don't know what that is.
So it's similar to Amazon.
You can buy stuff on the platform now.
Really?
Yeah.
It's crazy.
So I can post about my book, but now I can add it.
link and they can click on it and buy on TikTok. So when I posted those...
And is it like Amazon one-click shopping? Yes. It's crazy. And so as I made my videos,
in the beginning there was no TikTok shop. But once TikTok shop came into play, now I could link
and put the link on my video and people click on it and then basically one-click and buy.
So that explains... And is TikTok the retailer?
Yes. I can list my book on their platform. And if they buy,
I have a warehouse that ships the book to them.
I see.
Or there's also TikTok's warehouse that you can ship it to.
Do you use like Shopify for that?
Yes, exactly.
Yep.
And then I have a third party warehouse and then they just handle all the logistics of it.
And those are still Amazon printed books?
No, I actually learned how to go directly to other printers just get the cost way down.
So your first book is still a self-published book.
Yes.
Great.
Well, technically now it is under a publisher.
but that was recent about a year ago.
And why did you decide to do that and how did that work?
So I never thought I would go with a publisher.
And I said to myself the only way I would was if they allowed me to keep doing what I was doing on my own,
selling on all my platforms.
So Amazon, TikTok, Shopify, if I can keep doing what I'm doing and retain all of the control over that and the royalties and the IP copyrights.
And if they basically made me a distribution deal only for the retail section, then I would accept.
Would they manufacture books for you now?
So they manufacture all the books?
No.
So there's two different versions of the books.
Yes.
The self-published and the pro published.
Yes, exactly.
Cool.
Do they look different?
They do, because the pro version is a hardcover and it's linen.
And it says expanded addition on it and it's beautiful.
I've seen it in a bookstore.
Oh, amazing. Beautiful. Yeah. Actually, many thanks to your book, I got a lot of inspiration from it. And the linen cover was where that came about. I wanted something different. Yeah. And yeah, yours did it. And it was like the stamped foil. And it was so beautiful. That's perfect. So it was definitely an ode to you.
Thank you. And so now our books are like there. Beautiful. In bookstores, which is so amazing. So yeah, so I still print all my books. And on my platform,
that I have, I distribute there.
But then for retail, they do all the distribution and printing and all that.
So before you got a pro publisher, your books were not available in bookstores.
Yes.
Well, some, but very rare.
Yeah.
How would it happen that a book would be in a bookstore in the original version?
Yeah.
So there is a platform called Ingram Spark.
And I upload my book.
It's kind of like an Amazon.
But what they do is they help list my book or make it a book.
available for bookstores to be able to buy.
So they'll handle all the printing and shipping and all that.
And then it goes to all the bookstores that order.
And that's how they would house a lot of the books.
And then they would just send me the royalties whenever someone purchases those.
So that's how it was working.
It was working really well as well.
Yeah.
Yeah, like just random bookstores would pick it up, indie bookstores.
Great.
People who have like spiritual bookshops too.
It's amazing.
Like I walked into a float tank place.
And they had my book there.
Yeah.
It is just incredible to see.
And I think it just bought it off the same platform.
So that happened.
But it wasn't in like Barnes & Noble, Target, Walmart, the books a million, the big, big, big players.
I knew that if I could get in there, it would do really well just simply because it's done so on another platform.
So that was why I decided to go with a publisher.
And it seems like that wouldn't interfere with your existing business because it's really probably a different customer going to
those places. That's correct. Yes. If they buy books in those bookstores, they probably wouldn't
buy it on Amazon. If they do, it's seldom that it'll cross. Yeah. So it only did expand the pie.
And again, it's the primary reason for this isn't the money. It's spreading the word.
Spreading, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's going where it wants to go. Yeah. And it wanted to go into
bookstores. That's great. And now will the new book happen the same way? Yes. Great. So it is going to be
retail and all that. This one, I'm not handling any of the printing. So then they do retain all
of that. And so I'm experimenting to see how it goes. But you'll still be a seller of the book.
Yes, I can. Yep. Both TikTok. Yes. And that was key. Yeah. And that's what I wanted because
And Amazon as well. Yeah, exactly. Or Amazon, they get to retain that and then we split from there.
But anything on the other platforms like Shopify or TikTok and stuff like that, that would be me.
I love it. It's a futuristic model, and I love the do-it-yourself world.
It's so great, and it's liberating.
And it's because I'm going to be a first mover on whatever platform it is, and I know the publishers won't. It'll take a while.
Publishers are now just starting to get on TikTok shop years after it's there, and a lot of them still aren't on it.
And publishers, their strength is no longer, I actually don't think it was ever in marketing.
It was in distribution, but distribution is different than marketing.
distribution is just getting into bookstores,
but distribution online requires marketing.
Just because we list it online doesn't mean
if we're going to see it.
But if you do distribute it into bookstores,
people will automatically see it.
It's very different.
So I wanted to make sure that I could always retain
some sort of autonomy with marketing the book
on different platforms.
And that's also in everyone's best interest
because that's what breaks the book
and creates demand.
Yes.
So I will invest, because I can,
and I'm able to retain that control autonomy,
I can invest so much more money into it
because I know that I'm going to get the return.
And then, of course, that's going to bring people
by Amazon and bookstores and all that.
So it's a rising tie that lifts all ships.
Most publishers aren't really willing to do that.
And it's mostly because they're a little bit antiquated
in the model,
but also because most authors do not have that multifaceted skill set.
They usually just want to write and that's it.
Yeah.
But I have this weird knack that I,
like doing the business.
And you published independently and had the success on your own without a publisher.
So you proved your value as a publisher as well.
Yes.
So now it's dual publishing.
Yeah.
And now they're good for everybody.
Doing amazing.
And I love the publisher.
I'm with author's equity.
And they're super collaborative.
And I was only going to work with a publisher if they allowed me to essentially have creative
control.
Yeah.
Because I didn't know this until I got into.
to the industry, authors do not have final say.
I didn't know that.
Like, authors don't have control of their cover.
And a lot of authors don't like their covers.
It's the publisher.
Yeah.
The publisher says, this is the cover.
This is the designer.
This is the editor.
We have final say in the editing in the book, too, which was crazy to me.
So I said the only way I would work with someone is if they allowed me to have final say.
In the contract, I'm pretty sure it says they have final say, but their word is I do.
and based on how I've worked with them,
they let me have final say.
Yes.
Tell me also about the rest of the world.
How many different languages is the first book in?
It's in over 40 now.
Amazing.
And how did that happen?
Well, I actually reached out to an agent and said,
hey, can you help me get my book into other?
No agent reached out to me,
even though the book was doing super well.
It was constantly ranking the top couple hundred.
Nobody reached out.
Really weird, because I thought I'll be flooded with it.
And it's not.
And so I had to just go out of my way, find an agent and said, hey, the book seems to be doing pretty well.
Do you want to hop on this train?
Yeah.
And they're like, oh, my God, this is awesome.
Yeah.
And so they made deals and they go to like the Frankfurt Book Fair and they made tons of international deals.
And it was absolutely amazing.
And for there, I do have to relinquish almost all creative control.
So the cover, the editing, all that.
And I can't understand the translation.
So I don't know.
But that's how they work as well.
I trust them for the most part because they know their market and what would probably work.
And they change the title on everything.
I don't like most of the covers that come out.
But based on their market, they say this is what's going to work.
And it's worked pretty well.
The best market so far is actually India.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Why do you think that is?
Likely because they're deeply spiritual.
And so so many of them resonate with it.
And a lot of them speak English there.
It's almost as much as their native language.
And the English version is doing incredibly well over there.
Right.
Instead of just the native languages that are there,
which there's over like 10 or 11 or something like that in different dialects.
So it's so many.
So cool.
But it's spread all across the world.
Totally unexpected.
You could never imagine it.
No.
I couldn't.
And it was always a distant dream of,
oh, it'd be so cool if I could have a translation.
But then I let it go and all of a sudden it happened.
But I think if I really tried to get it and force it, it probably wouldn't have worked well.
So cool that in this antiquated industry, you carved your own path without really knowing in advance how to do that.
No, I had no idea.
No experience.
Yes.
And even nowadays, even after I've done this, most people still don't do it.
Yeah.
I've never heard of half of what you talked about.
Yeah.
I thought it was a normal thing until I started talking with other authors.
and they're like, oh my gosh, like, what do you even do?
How are you even doing that?
Like, what do you print your own books?
How is it even possible?
Like, how are, you have a warehouse?
And it just, like, it's so foreign.
And to me, I'm just like, it just seemed like the next logical step to do.
But I think going into it without any preconceived notions was the greatest strength that I could have.
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How quickly did the 30-second read?
meetings grow?
It was in a few months.
Would you read the comments?
I did.
What would people say?
Luckily, they were all really mostly positive.
So people would say that this seems like it would be something that would help them
or they've thought about this before, but they couldn't articulate it.
They had breakthroughs just from listening to those few lines or they haven't heard it in this
way prior.
or they relate it to their own experience and they're saying this might be
Eastern philosophy type of concept or it ties into Christianity.
There's so many people now write to me from every religion possible.
Even people that are psychologists use this, counselors and Buddhism, Zen Taoism,
just name it and they've read it and they've resonated with it.
And so I don't want to say it's transcended religion, but it's not limited by one particular religion.
And I think it just resonates with people.
Had you studied all of those before writing?
I haven't studied all of them.
And the studying that I would do is just probably light research around it.
I was born and raised Catholic, so I had deep experience within that realm of Christianity.
It's very interesting because I had to let go of a lot of those.
structures to be able to see beyond it and then I did look a lot into well
that Western philosophy more so like Plato Socrates and then even Nietzsche and
things like that and then Eastern philosophers so more so Alan was is more
Western but he gets a lot from Eastern he was a brilliant I would say harmonizer of
the two two worlds and that's what I attempt to do Buddhism is a
massive influence on it as well, Zen, Taoism.
And you weren't researching those for the book.
You were researching those for your life.
That's correct.
For the book, I actually didn't research any of it.
So I have this process that I will ingest information.
There's seasons.
So there is a season for just intentional consumption
of whatever I'm interested and not passive
and it just is bombarding me.
That usually doesn't do well or go anywhere.
And then I become a victim to the whole,
economic machine. But through intentional consumption, probably very similar to how you listen to music,
that's what I do. And then when I start writing, I go on what I call an information diet.
So I eliminate everything and just write. I don't look at all these other references,
books and all these studies, because when I do it, if I'm reading something on writing,
I write like what I'm reading. So I go through that pause period. Most of the
time I am actually in that information diet, it's probably five to ten percent of my life that I
do do some sort of consumption. Other than posting 30-second clips, did you do anything else?
I did reach out to a myriad of different book influencers that reviewed nonfiction books.
So it was just people that loved reading nonfiction and would just share it. They would highlight
the book and write their own notes on it. And I just saw, that seems like that.
like a great way to share the book. And so I sent them the book. I would pay them whatever that
they asked for. And I didn't know if it was going to work. I just assumed it would because I see that
their accounts are doing really well. It's the same principle of where are the eyeballs. So you paid them
to read the book? Yes. I didn't know that. I didn't know that that ecosystem exists. Yes. So that's
what happens. And what's nice is if the book isn't good, it won't go anywhere. Of course. So
it's just distribution and then if it does resonate, then it will take off. And so that's the beauty of it. But that's why I always
like to be able to post on my own as well and not have to rely on someone completely for the distribution of the book.
If you pay somebody to read the book, would they always say they loved it? No, they would not. So that's the
thing. So I never said you had to review it in a good way. And that was actually a lot of great ones. They would say,
I'm going to review it, how I'm going to review it.
Yeah.
Most of them did have great reviews of it.
Some did not and outlined why they didn't like it.
And that was totally okay too.
Not everything is for everybody.
Exactly.
How has writing the book changed you?
It's probably changed me in every way imaginable.
It's allowed me to become much more reflective.
It's encouraged me to slow down.
It's expanded my capacity for,
different beliefs. My patience has grown as well. I've also been encouraged to let go of so many
different things. In order for the book to be born, that's what had to have happened, the death of
the previous self. Did the change happen when you started to write, when you finished writing,
or when a lot of people read it liked it? It did nothing. It did nothing.
after a lot of people
write it and liked it. After the book was
done, I went to say that. I wouldn't
change anymore, but the book itself,
it didn't lead to
additional transformation. I had to go beyond the book
in order for that to keep going.
One of my great friends, he says,
the structures that build us become our
shackles. And then we have to let go
of those structures and therefore the shackles.
So I had to let go
a lot of the book and the attachment
to it to grow
and beyond it. And
to explore new territory.
And you started a new book?
Yes.
Good experience?
Very challenging experience.
How was it different than the first experience?
This one was under a publisher.
Right.
So it's different.
It was expectation.
And as much as I worked to let go of those, they're always there.
And so I love the self-publishing aspect because there's really no, there's no expectation.
So the pure existence of something like that,
like a publisher or an external entity, it alters the art.
It could be good, it could be bad.
It just depends on the person and how they relate to it.
For me, I think it was good in a sense that it forced me to grow in a different way that I haven't before.
So it was a very tight deadline.
I think I had about a month and a half, which, yes, I wrote the first one in a month and a half,
but it took me a lifetime to get to that point where I could do it.
And now I only had two to three years to live before I could write this one.
And this one, you could say it's, technically say it's more advanced, but it's essentially after.
Once you've learned how to regulate your emotions, find more peace in your life, and don't believe every single thought that comes to your mind, what do you do now?
What do you listen to?
How do you know if it's intuition or anxiety?
these are the questions that I answer in the book or attempt to because that's what I wanted to know for myself.
I don't know what I don't I didn't know the answers. And so the book is an exploration of what that could be.
And hopefully it's helpful. But because of that tight deadline and then the external pressure, it was much more difficult.
And then I had to create ways that that revealed the path of least resistance. So what's interesting is for this book, I wrote more from my voice.
than physical writing or typing.
So you spoke it?
Yes, I spoke the book.
That was actually the only way I would be able to hit the deadline.
Otherwise, I would have written probably half or less.
But in doing so, I realized that there was a faster transcription process.
I do sacrifice a little bit of precision, but I think the emotion is still there.
So now I just unlocked a new way to write.
Did you start the same way by having,
a series of questions.
Correct.
Each chapter is a question
and you spend time answering that question.
That's correct.
For yourself.
Yes, exactly.
And the core question from the book was,
what do we listen to if we no longer listen to our mind?
At least the judgmental thinking opinionated,
egoic part of our mind.
And to me, that was intuition.
Or the heart, the soul, you can say God,
whatever word works for you
that's beyond the self
and then the secondary question to that is
if we know that that's what we're meant to listen to
because most people have heard all the time
listen to your heart
but why don't we then
if we know that that contains the answer
that's the second part of the book
and the root reason for me
of not following that
which I knew in the back of my mind always
was one answer
but I thought it was other people
it was judgments, it was circumstances.
I can list a million things,
but it all came down to one root reason,
which was fear.
Other people, the opinions, expectations,
all these things are external.
But as soon as I was able to let go fear
or allow it to be in my body
and not have to listen to it,
or for it to command me,
then I was able to follow intuition.
So most of the bad or negative habits,
destructive habits that we have is a reaction to fear. And so that relationship we have with fear
completely determines our life. And so that was really fascinating to explore. Are you happy with
the results, even with the pressed time frame? I think overall I am. I believe that if I had more time,
I would be able to let go of those expectations and pressure and be able to, I would probably be able to
write a little bit more and make it more comprehensive. But for the constraints that we're there,
I'm very happy with how it turned out. And you don't necessarily know that if you did do that,
that it would be better. I don't. We never know. Exactly. And so all I can do is be at peace with it.
Yeah. And if it helps, awesome. And if it doesn't, that's okay too.
Have you ever done any type of therapy? I have. Tell me about that. Many different modalities.
So I've done traditional therapy, hypnotherapy.
There's other forms of healing like Eastern that are similar like acupuncture, acupressure.
I learned and read a lot of Dr. Joe Dispenza.
I went to his seven-day meditation retreat in Cancun a few years back.
How was it?
Incredible.
It was essentially seven days of meditating for at least three to four hours.
I've never done that intention.
intensive meditation. Usually it's maybe 15, 30 minutes. And it was really amazing to see other people.
Just being in a room with other people also doing that type of work was very powerful.
When did you first learn to meditate?
It was after I read Acartes-Tolet's Power of Now. That was the first spiritual book that I ever read.
Beautiful book. Amazing. When I read it, I did not understand it. But something deeper in me
said this is the path but the ego is like what do you do in life once you let go of all this
it just why wouldn't I just go in the middle of the mountains in a dark cave and just become a monk
and just meditate all day but it took years after that to truly understand what it meant and to
embody it and to live it so I probably started meditating likely it's got to be probably about
five to six years ago.
So it was very, very recent.
And it's not as intense as a lot of people might assume.
I'm not doing it to a very, very high degree.
I do it for what works for me.
Well, I struggled a lot with meditation
because while I was meditating for about the 15, 30 minutes,
pure bliss.
I think most people can find a little bit more peace if they do that.
What was very challenging for me was,
as soon as I opened my eyes.
An hour later, I'm right back to baseline anxiety of worrying about what do I have to do next?
What's on my to-do list?
Life hits you.
And then for me, it was very difficult to find that same level of peace that I had during the meditation.
And it wasn't until that I started asking myself, what is happening during the meditation
that allowed me to be at peace?
and can I apply that same mechanic with my eyes open?
So once I started to do that,
I realized that if I just observe my thoughts
and don't have to believe all of them
or to entertain them or to argue with them
or to resist them,
and I can just let them pass
and I can follow my intuition.
That's not only how I can meditate well,
but to remain in a meditative state throughout the day.
and that to me was more important than my actual meditation.
How do you know now when something comes up in you,
whether it's intuition or a thought?
So if it's just a thought, it could be a neutral observation,
such as that's a tree, that's a thought.
For intuition, it's very distinct.
And the best way I've figured out for myself,
of how I know that it's, it's intuition, is a couple of characteristics.
So one is, it actually makes the acronym Sage.
So the first one is S, which is serenity.
Does this feel like peace or some underlying aspect of that?
The next one is aligned.
Does it feel aligned with me, my being?
G is growth, which is, is it facilitating some sort of growth within me?
And then E, which is emotion, is it rooted in fear or is it rooted in love?
And if it is at the intersection of those four things, I can simplify it to three, which is
peace, alignment, and growth.
If it checks those boxes, it's likely intuition.
So intuition is very rarely going to bring you back to what you've experienced.
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Tell me about your relationship with your parents.
My relationship with our parents is quite odd.
I love them to death.
and there are so many a range of emotions with them.
Growing up, deeply Catholic,
they spend almost all their free time at church,
volunteering, teaching.
My dad was servicing youth group for decade plus.
He was the only one that would do it.
No one else could do it.
I asked them one day, I was like,
he'd been doing youth group for so long.
Everyone loves you there.
And it seems like you're thriving there.
I'm like, how do you like it?
He's like, I don't like it that much.
He's like, I'm just doing it because no one else will do it.
So my dad is an interesting figure in that way.
His ultimate virtue is sacrifice, even if he doesn't like doing the thing.
And that almost goes antithesis to how I operate or we would operate, which is we got to like the thing that we're doing.
We're not going to do it just because it may help someone else at the cost of our own peace and happiness.
But my dad.
It's not sustainable.
Yeah, it's not.
And I see that he's stressed a lot, right?
and bless his heart, but I just can't live like that.
And I admire him for doing that.
And so one of the highest forms of love in this type of complex relationship is to allow other people to suffer, which sounds very, it doesn't sound good.
No, but it's their choice.
It is.
And I want to honor that.
Of course.
Rather than try to take it away or get rid of it.
Or that you know better than him how to live his life.
I don't know.
It's insane.
Yeah. So I had a very difficult relationship with them when I was trying to do that, saying, you don't have to suffer. Like, why are you doing this to yourself? But that just created a chasm between us where we could never see eye to eye or connect. But as soon as I let that go of needing to change them or trying to help them, oddly enough, the closer we got. And my mom and dad still want me to go back to.
the Catholic Church and practiced that as the sole religion. And I asked my dad one day,
because he does this interesting thing where he'll just say, one of the first things,
if I see him, after not seeing him for a few weeks, he'll be like, I got about 15 years left.
I'm like, that's great, dad. What a way to open a conversation. But he's like, I'm trying to make
make the most every day. I'm like, that's great. But what you speak may come true. So, you know,
be careful about that. Yeah. So I have. So I have.
asked my dad one day, as I was just trying to connect more with him, I was like,
Dad, if you're saying you're going to leave soon, what's like the last thing you would want me
to do? Like, what is that thing that I could do for you that you'd be like, yeah, my life is like
complete. It is done. I can go. And he said, I just want my son to come back to the church.
It's beautiful. It's beautiful that he's got such strong faith. Yes. And he wants to show.
share that with me.
And so all the emotions came up from that,
which I was like, oh my gosh,
he is saying that that's his last dying wish.
And if I don't fulfill it,
I mean, he'll definitely be sad, right?
But not like his whole life is ruined.
No.
But he is saying that it would be absolutely wonderful
and it would make his life feel more complete,
if that way the case.
So there is, of course, a little sense of guilt there coming up where I do want to do that for him,
but I won't sacrifice what my beliefs are for his beliefs.
But I think him and I, just hearing him say that was a bonding moment in and of itself,
even if I could not fulfill it.
For sure.
So I think that's where my parents and I are now, which is we're closer than ever,
even closer than when I was part of the church.
But even though we're not practicing the exact same religion or same spiritual kind of philosophies,
we can still honor what we're doing individually.
During the time that you were trying different things, different therapies, when you were a seeker,
what things did you come across that you found most helpful?
The way that you phrased the question is very interesting,
because you said when you were a seeker.
Yeah. You continue to be?
Well, I don't know if I would identify as a seeker.
Okay.
I guess you could label it as that.
I think when I was looking for the answer most intensively, the answers alluded me more.
That made it more frustrating because I was doing all the things.
I was meditating every day.
I was reading books.
I was going to the retreat.
I even went vegan for a while.
I was doing acupuncture and learning different monday.
and I was doing so much and it felt like I wasn't making progress.
And I felt stuck.
And it was weird because as soon as I stopped seeking, the answer came.
I think it was because I was open.
It also sounds like the reason you would stop seeking would be that on some level you must have given up.
Yes.
Yes, I did because all the modalities.
Nothing works.
Yes.
So then in giving up, it created the space to allow the thing to happen.
That's exactly it.
Without space, nothing new can come in.
And I was so busy trying to fill that internal void up with all these things, even if they were good things.
There was just no space for insight, no space for healing.
Even though I was doing all the healing practices, it didn't allow it to work.
It's really hard to force the body to heal.
But we get in the way a lot of the time.
If we keep poking at the bruise, it'll just stay there.
But if we stop poking it or a cut or anything like that, it heals on its own.
Yeah.
So now I don't know if I would identify as a seeker.
I think I would identify more as a surrenderer.
I gave up seeking too, which is counterintuitive.
And that paradoxically allows me to experience more and find more and discover more in life.
The curiosity is still there, but it's very, very open.
In terms of what helped most with all the modalities that I tried,
I believe meditating is likely the one that had the biggest impact.
Therapy was nice, and it's not bad, but for me, what happened was I was just rehashing the past over and over and over again.
And I couldn't break through.
It would just, and it made me feel worse because I was just bringing up all these emotions again.
So in meditation, I learned how to observe without attachment and without labeling it, without
judging it, without resisting it, without wishing it were different.
And through that process of surrender, that's what allowed me to be free and to heal finally.
During the process of writing, do you have anyone that you would show in?
any of your work too as it's happening or not until it's finished?
Yeah, I actually don't show anyone until it's done.
The whole book.
Yeah.
Well, this last book was different and we had to go on such a quick timeline that I was
basically sending chapter by chapter.
But my preferred and general writing method is completing the full draft,
editing it myself as if I were the sole editor.
Yes.
Not delegating that part because the editing is still part of the art.
And then once I feel like I've taken it as far as I could, then I'll pass it to an editor.
It's funny because my first book, I edited it myself and then I had someone on Fiverr because I didn't know what I was doing.
I just had someone on Fiverr edit the book for a few hundred bucks.
And that was kind of it.
They didn't add too much.
they would point out certain things, but it was pretty much edited by just me.
I think an editor can be good to help point out certain things where you might have missed
things or want to elaborate more on, but I did do most of it.
And I do enjoy editing it almost entirely myself.
With the first book, who's the first person who read it?
And how did she react?
She, she's my biggest fan.
Oh, great.
Yeah.
And I always tell her, it, you,
don't have to like I get that you took a vow to me and you're married to me and you want me to be
happy but like you do not have to just hype me up and make me feel good you can say it's trash and
I'll be okay because then I'll have something to work on but every time she reads it she just says
this is the best thing ever and I love reading it and she doesn't read nonfiction other than
memoirs so she loves reading fantasy
romance, some literary fiction.
She reads a couple hundred books a year.
Wow. It's great that she's so supportive as well.
She is.
Can you read to me something from the new book?
Let me see.
It'll be fun to read.
Yeah, because I don't really read my work afterwards
after it's kind of published.
Okay, here we go.
the root of overthinking is fear
you're not stuck in indecision because you don't know what to do
you're stuck because you're afraid of what you will lose if you choose wrong
fear is not an indication that something is wrong
but that you are on the verge of something right
fear is not in the way it is the way
I love it and I love the idea of fear being an indicator
that you're onto something new something good
it's a helpful framing
to change that feeling of anxiety
to one of excitement.
Yes.
Tell me something you believe now
that you didn't believe when you were young.
A personal one growing up was
I believed I wasn't really good at anything.
I was decent at most things,
slightly better than average
than most people at whatever I did do,
but never
the top.
So because of that, I did hold a belief of I was just going to be pretty average person,
whatever I put my mind to.
And even in business, I was also incredibly average,
fascinatingly average for how much effort I put into it.
And it wasn't so much that I changed my belief around it.
I just let go of wanting to be good.
and then everything changed and then the book was written and now people may regard it as good.
I still don't really have a particular judgment of whether it's good or bad.
That's not really my role or authority to say that it is,
but holding the inverse belief was quite damaging.
And then a more universal thing I used to believe that I no longer do,
is more so believing that I needed to understand everything intellectually
and to have an opinion or judgment on everything.
So even if it's just a thought of walking through and, oh, it's really hot outside.
Totally unnecessary.
Like my own judgment of the temperature created unnecessary.
suffering when it's objectively 82 degrees or 90 degrees, whatever it is.
But the story around it, my judgment of it, creates all of that internal turmoil.
And I didn't understand that I could just not do that.
Yeah.
Nobody told me that I didn't have to think about everything.
I didn't have to judge everything or make a conclusion in some way.
It'll decide.
Yeah.
And nowadays, it's particularly difficult because people say, oh, if you're not with us, you're against us.
What if I'm just neutral?
And that is also seen as an enemy now.
So it's very interesting to see how the landscape of politics has changed.
But I think being neutral or balanced is likely a more harmonic way to live rather than too much on one side.
And I'll still flip every now and then as I learn new things and all that.
Yeah, of course.
I change my mind all the time.
Of course.
I actually changed my beliefs all the time.
Yeah.
So what I believed a year ago, I still don't believe anymore.
Everything is questionable.
And I do my best to do that.
And so if it's what is useful may not always be.
And so I do my best to discard what no longer is true, even if it gave me,
what I have now. That's really wise. That's beautifully stated. Appreciate it. Really helpful.
Yeah. It's really helpful. And I, I only learned by getting beat down so many times. I was incredibly
stubborn. And until I had to learn a lesson so many times, especially if I make a conclusion on
something or someone. Yeah. Nothing is definitive. Everything is always changing. So if I think something
about someone, that is not absolutely true. It's only a piece of what I see of them. So to say someone
is ultimately bad or evil is an injustice to them and a disservice to myself.
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