That Gaby Roslin Podcast: Reasons To Be Joyful - Heather Peace

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

Gaby welcomes Eastenders actor Heather Peace to the podcast. They have a very open and honest conversation about Heather's recent cancer diagnosis. Heather shares stories about her mastectomy and chemo, and the emotional journey she and her wife have been on. She doesn't hold back, but through the sadness there is joy! Remember you can watch all of our episodes, via our YouTube channel - where you can also access our extra bonus Show n Tell episode (available on Fridays) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Heather Peace, a real joy to have you here, us on so many levels. We became friends on the moonwalk. I know. 2024. We did. Through the night. We walked through the night, totally sober, walking to raise money for breast cancer. Because your wife had just got over breast cancer.

That is true. I think she finished her treatment at the end of when we were. the moonwalk? What month is that? So she will have finished her treatment. Do you know what? She might not have even been over it then. I think she finished her radiotherapy in June. Wow. So we were in the midst of that. And she was walking with us. Yeah, she was. And I was very, very over-excited. Because I don't know if I've ever mentioned. I've never missed an episode for Reescenders. So we were talking about Easton. Now, that has my wife. Yeah, no, I love it. I love it. And we were talking, walking around. And we were talking about everything. And obviously all I want to. to talk about overseas dentors and you kept saying,

no, shut up, I can't tell you anything. But we talked about other stuff as well. And we talked about your life. And we talked about Ellie. And I remember walking with just Ellie and talking to Ellie about her breast cancer. And then we kept in touch. And then you left me a voice note.

Only a few months later saying, I have breast cancer. Yeah, it hit like a sledgehammer. So how long? You were such a light that night. You're such a bright. No, no, no, this is about you. Well, I just want to say, why did I leave you that voicemail?

Because I felt safe to leave you that. I think it was a voicemail or a voicemail. You were someone I felt like I wanted to speak to the minute I found out. My diagnosis was at the beginning of October. So we'd gone through it with Ellie for nigh on nine months. I'm laughing because she's like, You even have to do the breast cancer bigger, you know, because she had breast cancer. We haven't even had time to process that.

Hers was kind of a smaller aggressive lump, so she had a lumpectomy and then radiotherapy. Of course, then I come along with my 12 centimetre lump, absolutely ginormous. And mastectomy, chemotherapy, just about to go into radiotherapy. Now she's like, even that you have to do bigger. It's like, hold my beer. Couldn't even let her have the attention for that, you know? Well, she didn't talk from the June to the October. There's no processing.

I mean, so you've got three kids. And the kids have just got over one mum having breast cancer. And I just, I can't even vaguely, actually, thank God, I can't even vaguely imagine what the hell when you got that diagnosis. Can we take it back to, did you find a lump? How did that, what happened? Okay, so I was on like, I keep myself fit. I work out a lot. I run.

I wait train. And I'd got this thing in my head to go sugar-free. So I was sort of about four weeks into that. And there was quite a rapid change in my body through coming off sugar completely. So I was taking photographs in my bedroom mirror to see the progress and whatever else. And this particular day, normally I was in a bra and pants. I did do it topless. It's only for me.

I think I probably couldn't find my bra. It was when I was taking pictures that I just noticed my left nipple looked different, looked very slightly inverted. Don't ask me how I hadn't felt this lump. Had I been having little sharp pains as well at that point? Because I'd gone for lunch with a friend and said about these sharp pains. And she said, you need to go to the doctors. And I said, I've only got a day off.

I need to get my hair cut first. That's kind of my, I'm very laissez-safe air. It's not okay. But lots of people do that. You just don't expect it, right? Yeah. You mustn't beat yourself up about that because so many people do exactly the same thing. Right.

So I found this lump just underneath and it felt very hard. Went to my GP. She was wonderful. I think I detected a slight alarm in her face. But she got me an appointment down in Worthing, which was the quickest I'm in Brighton. But she obviously rushed things through and said, you need to go to Worthing. Right. So this was kind of the Thursday

and this was for the Sunday so they work on Sundays as well and that Sunday was the night before I think we'd done two days I had a huge block on EastEnders for the wedding which was the New Year's episodes I'd done two days the week before we had two solid weeks

so most of the material starting on the Monday after the Sunday at the rest of course. So I said to Ellie I don't think I want to go can I not just wait a couple of weeks let me just get this block out of the way and then we'll do it and just said absolutely not you're going today

and don't worry they don't give you the results for a couple of weeks. Anyway, I went in for a 3 o'clock appointment. And the lump was so huge that by 6 o'clock that night, after biopses, 3D mammograms, it's like a one-stop shop. It's incredible, I have to say, you go into all these different rooms, kept being seen for different tests.

By 6 o'clock, 6pm, they told me that it was definitely breast cancer. Three hours later, you knew? Yeah, sat me down. And when I say I was reeling, I can't put it into words. My brain goes into panic mode. My wife is incredibly pragmatic and scientific and sensible and the complete opposite of me. And when the doctor told us in the room, I said, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to leave the room now.

So I walked out of the room and left her to pick up all of the information that we needed because it was sheer flight mode. We got back to Brighton at 7 o'clock and I was on the road. at 10 past 5 that morning to Elstree to start possibly the two biggest weeks that I've done on EastEnders. But what did they say, so what did they say to Ellie, obviously not you,

but what did they say to Ellie about the treatment and what you were going to have to have and everything? You know, at that point, they just don't tell you anything. I think that first three weeks was the scariest of my entire life because at that point they,

I swear everybody in that place looked at me, it might be my imagination, but I felt like dead woman walking at that point. Did you really? I honestly did because it was so big and so quick that they told us and the seriousness and gravity with which I was told. And so that three weeks of filming was the worst because... Did you tell anybody there?

I told, I had to. Yeah. I had to. I phoned that night. Carolyn knows I called her when I got in and they, to be honest, they said, we can, you just don't need to come in. I don't know how they would have done it, but I said I need to come in because at this point I don't know what's going to happen.

And I want to finish this arc of the story. Not coming in for this two weeks is not going to change anything. But at least let me put the full stop on a story that's been playing out for nearly two and a half years. Because if we get to the end of that and they get married and we see them successful, if beyond there it's a mess, I can leave. And I feel like I've put a full stop on something. Did you think that that was it? You really did think you were not going to survive.

I did, yeah. I don't want to make you cry. The reason I thought that was because of how big it was. They were, everybody was visibly shocked. So that three weeks was horrendous, waiting for the CT scan to find out if it had spread and it hadn't spread. It was unbelievably hadn't spread. Did you tell the kids?

With the kids now at this stage? Did we tell them at that stage? Do you know it's all a blur, Gabby? I don't know that we did. I honestly can't remember that. So it's a weird time for all my friends have gone through it. That three weeks was unbelievable. You go to places, I'd say the biggest positive from it all

is because I had considered my death, it wasn't frightening, right? You know you fear death all of your life, right? I actually hit a point where I went, because I'm 50 on Monday, I went, I looked at everything I'd done and everybody who was in my life and the kids and my wife and equal marriage coming in and just like, just crazy amount of stuff. And I thought, my goodness, I've really packed it in. I've really packed it in and it's okay. And actually I'm a bit tired. This is my honest thoughts, right? This is really stripped back honest. and the only concern was breaking anybody else's heart I can honestly tell you from the bottom of my heart that that was the only thing that bothered me

that anybody else would be hurt if I wasn't around anymore so it was Ellie and the kids and friends and my parents and my parents yeah absolutely first and foremost my children and my wife but there's some on the other side of it now there's some sort of peace in that where you go it's not actually that scary, it's okay. That's incredible.

I know, I feel quite emotional. I haven't said that to you. It's really powerful. So then in that sense, what are we alive? We are the memories that we create for other people of us. So all of that extraneous stuff doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you've done with your career or whatever else. It's all the crack that we think is so important that is just not.

No, because the way you live on is in the hearts of other people. So, you know, I think for my kids, I've just taken so much more time with them. I've counted how many, normally I'm trying to get them busy so I can go and write something or do something. Now I've been watching them, counting the Pogo Stick jumps. You know, I think they're quite shocked. How many Pogo stick jumps than they do? Oh, their mate can do over 100. I even watched him, but they were quite new to it.

It was 30 or 40, you know. I'm impressed. How many can you do? I can't do it at all. Have you ever tried at our age to get on a pogo stick now? Not a darrage now. It feels really dangerous. Really tempting to give it to go.

Now really tempting. That's how I know I'm getting on. Will, have you got a pogo stick right there? I've got proper, like, hard car. It actually feels quite dangerous. So you looked death in the face. Yeah, I feel like I did, yeah? You feel differently about life, but you won't go on a pogo stick.

I won't go on a pogo stick. No, I don't want. That's your line. That's your line. I don't want to be responsible. No, Pogo sticks. That's the line I draw. So, okay, so you then, so you did your two weeks of the biggest storyline that East Enders has had in a very long time. Yeah.

With all this going on. Yeah. And then sort of what was the next step after that? When did you have the operation? That was Christmas. So 29th of November, all these dates are just imprinted on my brain. 29th of November I had my left breast mastectomy and immediate reconstruction. Same operation.

Yeah, same operation. I think the thing was, like, I'd never thought about, like, the idea of an implant just gave me the ick. So I wanted it. You have the option to use your own, you know, body material. But the reality of it is you have to wait. All these meetings were so huge. So I went in thinking, yeah, I will have a reconstruction, but with my own. fat and whatever else and then they say well that can't happen for a year and also it involves

incisions in your stomach and your bottom and you know much bigger operation so then they brought out the implants you know the choice of implants and you're sort of feeling these things in your hands that you're like wow this this is going to be inside there okay um and it was ellie it was my wife who said i just know for you because it's all very personal for you for you She said, I saw your face when they said, you wouldn't be able to have it for a year. She said, and I don't think you'll cope without a breast as such. So they said if you don't get on with it, we will take it out and whatever. Anyway, I have got on with it.

And I have to say the surgeon, I did say you're not just a surgeon, you're an artist. The level of care in the aesthetic, knowing how that affects, can affect a woman psychologically. That's the mental stress that you're going through as well as the physical stress. It's, oh, I'm a woman, I have breasts. Oh, I haven't. What is that going to mean to, you know, it's... Yeah. There's so many layers.

There's so much and it's different for every person. You know, for me, I didn't realize how much that part of me meant. And actually, you know, dressed, you wouldn't... You can't. It's very good. No, I know. I know. I made a really big move just a couple of weeks ago

because I had a pick lining, which is a wire in your arm that goes right through your chest to administer the chemo and for all the blood tests. And initially it's a horrible little op. But it stops all the pain going forward, you know. So I couldn't go swimming. I'd take my kids swimming every Sunday. So when that came out, we went on the Sunday.

Oh, how was that? It was great, but it was also, I got in the changing rooms, which are communal. I was like, oh, I hadn't considered, you know, the breast. Yeah. But doing that in a sort of communal space was a really big move for me, you know, like taking my top of and getting into the swimming costume. And how did you feel out there in a swimming costume? Oh. Have you got a special swimming costume?

No, because they're amazing swimming costumes now. I mean, they're pretty much in the costume they don't look any different. Do you know what it is? It's the hair loss that's absolutely... Well, you did that amazing. Devastated me, actually. Do you know what? You have, like, you know, you showed me and you have got hair over there, your own hair.

It's not a little bit. But you put, so when you decided to go public and tell everybody about your cancer, oh, goodness me, I felt so proud of you. Well, the video? The video that you put it. Oh, my gosh. But when I watched that video and you put that video out of you having your wig fitting, look at us!

I know. That was, it was the most you thing. Because you didn't sit there and say, right, you know, everybody does it their own way. Everybody has their way of sharing it. And it's really important that it's spoken about. It really is. So to make everybody think, oh, look, I can be okay. But you did it and you went, here we go.

I have had breast cancer and this is my wig fitting. And it was wonderful and you smiled and you laughed and the makeup girls at EastEnders are people walking in and out and your friends. I felt, do you know what? I tried so many times to do a little piece to camera to explain because this is like that video was taken back in February before the 40th anniversary and I took all the footage from the day of the wig fitting and then edited it together and then just sat on the video

because I think I wanted to get as far through the process as I possibly could before I released it because obviously the chemo makes you feel so awful. Well, it did me. They gave me the most aggressive form of chemo. They told me that because of my age and my fitness level. They just basically said, we're going to throw the maximum at you. So you've had that and you still were working two days a week? Yeah.

Well, sometimes a little bit more. They tried to keep me off the week of the chemo. Sometimes it didn't pan out. and the couple of times I went in on that first week of chemo was shaky. But the second week I was always sort of coming out of it and I'd always get a couple of good days right at the end of the week where sometimes I even went to the gym. Wow.

Just to try and keep feeling my body, you know, trying to because your body doesn't feel your own anymore. And I've always... In what way? The movement changes. I've seen it on screen, actually. I've sort of seen little bits go out and I just look a little bit cumbersome. I can't explain it. I think going through such major surgery,

it alters how you're holding yourself a bit. And I'm only just coming back into running up the stairs to at a time. You know, that's just what I do. You know, and suddenly you catch yourself just walking up and you're like, oh, that's not me. Do you beat yourself up about that? Yeah. I stood on, standing on the right-hand side of the escalator at the chair.

I'm the one who goes up the left, you know, at a quick pace. So I'm just... But you're allowed to do... You're allowed to... to pause. I understand, I'm the same. I know you are. I know you are.

We have the same energy. I never stand on an escalator. No, why would you? When I have a suitcase, it drives me mad. It's a waste of time. But you are allowed to stop. I think that was what was frustrating for Ellie, for my wife, is that I don't know how to stop.

And she said, you have to start listening to your body. If you need to sleep, I've had to have little nana naps, I call them. We all call them nana naps, you know, in an afternoon. because my body's repairing it's every time you have chemo it's stripping every single white blood cell and your body has to remake those you know and I'm still feeling it now like I've been so how long have you been clear of chemo a month so the first two weeks you sort of don't count that because they're the bits where you'd be getting better to get hit again right um so I've had two clear weeks now um and I do you know I stayed so positive you're on this road this four months it

was. And I just felt so clear there was such a clarity because there's a there's a road to travel. There's an end point that was the 12th of May and that's the only road you're on and I actually within feeling dreadful physically I had a real level of happiness because I knew what I was doing but this two weeks since I've stopped everything's popped back up all the little anxiety and stuff. I actually feel worse now like emotional. All my friends have. had exactly the same. What is that about? I should have been crying all the way through.

No, exactly. Because that, there's something to work towards. Yeah. And then suddenly it's, oh, I had cancer, but do what? Then it's the fear. Will it come back? Yes, it is. Will I have that?

Is this the processing maybe? Is that you just haven't been. But also there's, there's, you get used to something. Your normal was going to Gema. Yeah, there was chemo. And then I'd have my pick line clean. on the Friday so I'd go in again. I got to know all of the nurses there.

Big shout out to everyone at the Sussex Cancer Care because wow, what a team. Seriously, you know, you get to know other people. You're all sitting around in these sort of wing back chairs, you know, attached to your machines and Elliot'd go off and get various people a coffee or whatever. God is. It was just like...

But that she'd gone through... But this is what I'm saying. I haven't... She hasn't been allowed one second to process what happened. to her because little old me took over yet again. So you're, right, so you're clear now. When do your, when does your radiotherapist?

That's going to be three weeks in July. So it's my... Only three weeks. Three weeks, yeah, every day, every day. Right. But first thing in the morning and then go to work if I can. Ellie said, because thankfully that's something she's gone through. She said it's more of a localised pain.

This is what she felt. Different for everyone, obviously. A localised pain in the area that it's been administered. and then tiredness, you know. I remember my mum being really, really tired when she had her radiotherapy. But when dad had his chemo, he was okay. So it's different.

Well, the chemo for me, I felt like it was in every sinew. I felt like it was in my brain. I felt like, I felt agoraphobic. Oh, another friend of mine said that she felt like... Didn't want to answer the door to the postman. Yeah, she didn't, she never wanted to go out. Another friend of mine was... bang out there.

It became her obsession to be outside. See, that's the remarkable thing that every single person is different. But everyone I know who's had radiotherapy says they get really tired.

I can deal with that. I can deal with pain. I can deal with tiredness. I can't deal with a chemical that I felt changed my personality. Oh, really? Yeah, really do. I was so inward.

I just became so introverted in a way and quiet. So going into work During feeling introverted and acrophobic And it's a huge show With a lot of people When I've come to the square and done some filming There's just

There are so many people So that must have been You must have felt very safe going there Because you knew them all there Yeah everybody knew So I'd put out a post on our little group WhatsApp And I just felt absolutely enveloped

And protected and looked after. I guess the only change for me would be that sometimes there's some fans on the gate that I regularly would stop and say hello, I haven't felt able to do that. So I do want to apologise to anyone who waits at Elstree that, you know, I have been just driving past,

but I'm very self-conscious at the moment. You know, when you lose your eyelashes and your eyebrows and your hair... But you look, and I know... I just saw you and I haven't seen you in real life and you look incredible. You have got eyebrows. though and you have got a few lashes. There's a few lashes.

You know, I think I'm not a woman who's ever worn false eyelashes or done anything to that. I've always been someone who's into their sort of as natural hair care as skincare as you can. I'll take you. We'll go to makeup shop together.

I did it with another friend of mine who's never worn makeup and she decided she shaved her head when she was going through her chemo. and she had no eyebrows, no eyelashes and she just looked at me one day, she went, shit, I look so crap.

I need to go and get makeup. So we went to Selfridges. Oh, wow. We found the campus man there. Oh, wow. Who was also a drag queen at weekends. I didn't know that. He worked at the Mac counter,

and he said, right, and we just went off and we slapped everything on her. I bet he loved that, didn't me. Oh, and she just had the best time. She still doesn't wear a lot of makeup. Yeah. She just, it was just, because you know what?

You just feel like you want, do you just want somebody to take, look after you a bit? You do. You know, and it's so vain and so ridiculous. But it's not because that's you. Ellie just said it is, it is you and it is how you've always presented. It's, you know, I don't feel able to go to any big dues or any of this or that. And that's okay. And the minute that I withdrew myself from any of those sorts of things, I felt a sense of calm.

whereas up until that point I've been flip-flopping should I go to this, should I not, should I... And it was causing stress. So I'm like, take the stress out of it. Just go this year, I'm going to go to work and I'm going to go home and then might come in and see Gabby one day. And that's it and that's okay.

I'm 50 on Monday. Happy birthday to you. Thanks mate. I've made it there. And I would have had a massive party, probably. but again I physically don't feel like I look like myself which therefore makes me feel

self-conscious so instead I'm going on a writing retreat to Malaga for a week 21st to 28th a bunch of songwriters Shelleypool so music so back to you

back to the music yeah finding some inspiration we'll go off for a week in this lovely villa and each day we get a genre and a theme and you go off into a room with three or four other writers

come up with a couple of tunes and play them all around the swimming pool on an evening and have some lovely food. So are you... That's going to be my treat to myself. Has your solace been the piano, been the music? No. Have you not been to?

I just haven't wanted to. It's really bizarre. It's not bizarre. Don't say that. It's not bizarre. It's just that's how it's been for you. It's not bizarre. I have just this last two weeks found some old Beethoven's sonata books and Chopin.

I haven't played classical for years. and I found that music and I've just started playing classical again so if that's the way I need to find my way back into it then fine but I haven't had any desire to write a pop song I just haven't felt like it because music was the first thing wasn't it?

Yeah absolutely You were only very little seven when I started playing piano I learnt classical piano yeah And then you went gigging and you've done albums and I was listening to your music this morning Were you? Yeah

And then you've done so many roles. I mean, you're from Waterloo Road to all this. London's Burning back in the day. London's Burning. Yeah, 25 years ago. Oh my word. Was that 25 years ago? I think it probably was.

What was I? I was 24. Yeah, it was. I joined when I was 23. Yeah, 25 years. I remember in London's burning that there were some people that I'd been at GSA with. And I remember watching it just going, oh my God. He looks exactly the same.

Was it? Who were you doing? I can't remember his bloody name. That show, but it's... I know it is. So you did London's Burning, which was massive, massive, massive show. It was ridiculous, yeah. And then Waterloo...

I did Ultimate Force with Ross Kemp. You and... I was going to say, you and Ross have crossed over. We did. It was lovely to see him just a couple of months ago, you know, when he popped in. And he said the most wonderful things about you in your show. When you were in Ultimate Force together, he was saying, because I did a deep dive.

He said, oh, she's something like, oh, she's wonderful. It was something very rough. He does talk about my footballing skills, to be fair, because we used to play together, because I played football, and I think he does big me up on the football front as well. I like Roy. Everybody has this idea that he's the hard man. He's not, he's as soft as anything.

He's a really soft. He's such a soft. He is. But also, aside from that, you're a campaigner on, and you've been so outspoken on LG. LGBT plus. And you've been a campaigner for years and you've been so outspoken.

And I read about that you and your mum, your mum was really supportive and everything. And I just, it's so important because where we are now in the world and what's happening in the world as well. I know. It feels like it's slightly going backwards, which is very frightening.

And it's, it needs people like, you the whole thing needs people like you trans rights all of it it needs people like you yeah and it's wonderful that you have been so open and honest and you've never been a tub thump you've never gone there i can't do that i wouldn't i wouldn't really class myself as a campaigner in in a lot of ways because i'm someone who's always like terrified of saying the wrong thing you know in in any situation when all the marriage equality stuff you know when we were all reading you know the newspapers were just full of vile things. I find all that quite terrifying.

I think the only thing that I can do is just to be visible. It's just to be living my life with my wife, with the kids. And you would say you got married, didn't you as well? Well, we got, we had a civil partnership and then we upgraded to marriage. Yeah, well, we just went, yeah, the nicest thing about the wedding is a chap. So my surname's Peace. And we were married by Mr. Love, Trevor Love. I know everybody everybody

asks for him everyone asks for Trevor because they want to be married by Mr Love this is a real thing Is that his real name? Yeah Trevor Love Yeah he's down in a big shout out

to Trevor as well We knew each other for years before So love married peace On that day On the bandstand In Brighton I know How lovely

I know So yeah I won't call myself a campaigner Because I I have all of You know Yeah I think it's All I can do is

Live my authenticity life and be visible about that. You know, present, you know, it's my choice to present Eve the way Eve is on EastEnders, which is on the sliding scale of masculine, and not be afraid to do that, even though, you know, you're going to get some people saying whatever. Because I am that person that can see a thousand beautiful comments. I can see one and it will, it will stay like a worm inside my brain for a long time. So, I mean, it's ridiculous.

When I posted that video for the cancer, even then I sort of only engaged for about an hour because all the lovely comments coming through. And then I couldn't look at it again because I know in my state at the moment if there's just one awful comment, it'll just send me nose-davent. It's really pathetic.

No, it's not. But also people... But some people can't, you know, they say, let it just wash over you. I just can't. I don't know anybody who really, really, We really can. We always all remember that one nasty comment. There is no two ways about it. And I've been doing this for a thousand years. And I will always remember those nasty comments. And people can be really lovely, but those nasty comments. And when you're feeling vulnerable. I am vulnerable at the moment. I do feel very small. I do. But yours, what's so incredible is your outlook on life hasn't changed. Oh, it's got better.

You might feel that you've changed because you have. No, but I have got, I've changed for the better. I definitely have. I just think it's about investing time in the people that really, really matter in my life. Quite often, a lot of my life has just rolled along because of convenience. So I've just hung out with people who are close around and about and, you know, just been that party girl back in my 30s or whatever. But now it's given me the chance to invest the time in the people that.

but really, really love me and I love. How do you feel about you? How do I feel about me? Oh, God, that's a question, isn't it? Hmm. I haven't always liked myself through my life. I've always held, oh, I've always had, I've been very, very self-critical.

I always, always have been. I think I know myself a lot better now. And I think a lot of people get to this point a lot earlier in life. I think this journey with me and with Ellie and Ellie's journey, I feel proud of myself. I feel proud of our marriage. I think it's the strongest it's ever been because we've been able to actually do the for better for worse

in richer, poorer, in sickness and in health. We've actually been able to show up for each other. And that's mad in two years that I showed up for her. And my goodness, has she shown up for me. And that bond then is so much deeper than the romance that you began with, you know, 15 years ago. Yeah, marriage is great. You know when you hit another level.

And, yeah, there's something really special in that. So I know myself a lot better through this last couple of years. I know that I can't tolerate small talk. I don't think anybody really can. I think I could almost walk away, you know. You are allowed, you know, to walk away. But that's really rude. Why?

I just try not to get myself in the situation in the first place. That's very good. You know, you just do that. What I want to do is every time I talk to someone, I want to have a connection and I want to have a depth to whatever's said. But you weren't like that before, but you're more like that now. I think so.

I think so. Because you face, like you said, your words, I faced death. I feel like I did. Well, I did. Like, looking around at all the faces in that room, that day, I was like, as I tell, why are they looking at me like dead woman walking? You know, that was my takeaway. Not their fault, you know, could completely be my imagination.

But, yeah. And this is obviously the heaviest of all the questions, but what I can't bear is when somebody, when somebody, when somebody runs a race and they're the winner and the interviewer said how do you feel now? What do you think I feel? I've just won a race.

I feel, you know. But I suppose the biggest question is life, isn't it? But we all don't know what's going to happen. It's living in the moment. Live in the moment. Absolutely trying. I believe this.

You spoke to me just before we came in here about all the anxieties coming. Like everything resurfacing. That wasn't there. You will have fear when you go for your checkups. There's no two ways about it. They're on massive. The meetings are all massive.

You know, the meeting, the CT scam meeting, that you are having a mastectomy meeting. It is four months of chemo meeting. You're just like, oh my God, I can't take any more big news. You know what I mean? So you will. There's no two ways about it. There's no way in a year.

You're going to go for a checkup and you go, whoee! Right, so therefore I do need to do the days. I do need to just live for the day. You know, we've got our three kids. We're going away on a holiday for two weeks. They're at that golden age. The twins, Jessie and Lola, are eight, and he's ten.

And the five of us are going away. And I honestly just... And that... We're going on holiday for two weeks, and that has been the thing that I've held on to since February. Since February when we booked it, you know, through the whole chemo journey, and it's only a few weeks away now.

I just want to enjoy them and try and save it every second, because I don't know where this decade's gone. well I do we had kids and then it goes but it doesn't have kids it goes and fast and fast

it does it does yeah do you know what long long may you spread what the the incredible energy

that you do you're a fantastic actress you're a wonderful musician but more than that you are a truly good person and they're not everybody is

but you're one of the really truly good people and so are you mate and we have a we have a mutual friend and whenever she talks about you, and we both love her dearly, and whenever she talks about you,

all I feel is the love. And then I talk to other people who know you, you are so loved. No, I'm not trying to make you cry. No. Just accept it. And also, you have to accept this because you're going to hate this.

But you look so good. I know you feel you don't. Your skin. You look about 21. Listen, this is what the makeup ladies were saying, but I think it's because you like shed your skin. It is the only gift of chemo is the fact that you get a complete skin rejuvenation

every round that you go for. It also burns like a baby's. So I've had to put the factor 50. But you look good on it. Isn't that funny? You do look. You look well. It's extraordinary they've got so much hair

because you took your hat off before. You don't need to do it now. But you took the hat off and showed me. You have still got hair. Yeah. I mean, I did the cold cap. That was brutal. Is that painful?

Yeah, it's like an ice cream headache but for like 50 minutes until it goes numb. You know, like when you take a bite of the way. Some people I know just go, nah. I don't blame them. And if I hadn't had done the job I do, I think I would have done the same

because without that I think it would have been a lot easier. So your wig though, when you go into work? It's brilliant. It looks like you. Alex Rouse is the wig maker and she, believe it or not, she did, I don't know, I'm not saying mine looks like this, but she did Hagridz.

Did she? Yes. Oh, my. God. She did all, she does all of the big films and things like that. And, you know, credit to East Enders, they just went for the best of the best. That's so lovely. Make sure that, you know, it was as close to my hair. I mean, for me, it's a little bit long, but it's because we absolutely modelled it on where my hair was, just as I went into chemo, which was at its longest, actually. So I might get a little trim on it. I don't know. I don't know.

Is it comfortable to wear? Yeah, you know what? So it was absolutely bespoke. Does she have a name? No, she doesn't. Do you want to give her one? Will? What do you want to call her wig that you wear her on his dentist? It's sort of very dark brown. It's shoulder length.

We need a name for it. I'm actually going for... Oh. Willamina... What's the dog from the Magic Roundabout? Oh, Dougal? Google. I think that's absolutely about...

Dougal. Right. Well done, Will. Thank you, Will. So, yeah, no, Dougal's comfortable. Oh, you have to tell everyone to work. But it's a girl called. Doogle.

Yeah. She's comfortable. She's bespoke. I haven't hit a 31 degree day on the square yet. Come back to me on that. I might be dressed. Dougal might be quite hot then. Heather, you are wonderful.

Thank you so much for also for opening up. And I know you haven't wanted to do any interviews. But thank you for speaking to us. I would have only ever wanted to do it with you. I knew that from the beginning. And we will both be at the moonwalk next year. You are so, oh, you're so going to be there. And another friend of mine who,

who's just finished her treatment as well, she said she's going to be walking. Right. It's going to be a celebrator of the atmosphere. I'll bring Ellie along. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah, we'll do it together.

Yeah. Can't wait. Lovely. Bless you.