That Gaby Roslin Podcast: Reasons To Be Joyful - Jeremy Vine

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

Radio 2's very own Jeremy Vine joins Gaby for a good ole natter! They talk about his love of poetry, his broadcasting career, what brings him joy - and - his new novel, 'Murder On Line One'.Jeremy also treats us to some of his poetry, which he found in a book from many years ago - and - tells a hilarious story about Emily Maitlis. (Please note there's some fruity language in this one!) And remember, you can watch this - and all of our episodes, and our bonus Show n Tell episodes on our YouTube channel! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jeremy Vine, my most favourite thing ever with you, apart from the fact, as you know, I absolutely love you, is that you came on talking pictures and we got Josh Barry to be you. Jeremy Vine and Jeremy Vine being Thammer and Louise is still my most favourite thing. And people aren't going to know what I'm talking about, but live on stage, you and your doppelago.

were Thalmer and Louise. Yeah. I mean, I love Josh and he's done some brilliant Instagram recently. But there was a poignancy when that happened. So you were doing a show and Josh was doing an impression of me and I joined in. And I'm taken back to a day when I first heard Lewis McLeod

do this impression of me on Steve Wright's show. And Steve, God love him, was my next door neighbor on Radio 2. And he's such a lovely guy. He's, look at me with my present tense, that he would say, Steve would say, are you sure it's okay

because if you don't like he will stop it I'll probably I said no it's brilliant it's brilliant and then one day he said Lewis can't come in today

so I want you to do an impression of Lewis doing an impression of you and they rolled this tape on it and it was just mad because I was getting

a little not cross but I was getting frustrated because Steve was such a perfectionist he was saying right now hang on a minute it goes up at the end

like that can you do it up at the end like that and it's up at the end like that no no it's not like that He was telling you how to do you. He was telling me how to do me.

And I said to the studio manager, please can you give me a copy of that? Because that was great. In the awful circumstances when Steve died and we were all just so shocked. Oh gosh, what a shock. Someone made a documentary. They said, have you got anything of you and Steve?

I said, look, this is nuts, but you can have a listen. And they just thought it was fantastic. It was such classic Steve. It was fantastic. He was a perfectionist, wasn't it? Yes, he was. And that thing that I couldn't even get an impression of me right.

So, yes, when I heard Josh do it, I thought of that moment, actually. So I had a little, yeah, a little moment. How does it feel to have people doing an impression of you, at you, with you? Well, you must have had it, too. It's just one of these crazy things. The funny thing when it started to happen, what happened was that Lewis McLeod is basically the Beatles of Impressionists. He was the first one to do it, and he'd do it better than anybody. and as a result of that

I started to get letters I didn't even really know it was on Steve's show initially and I started to get letters they really were letters from older listeners you've got young kids why aren't you going home after your show why are you but playing the fool on Steve Wright show

and in the end I got this kind of pro forma letter I'm sorry to hear from you I can just reassure you it's not me it's Lewis MacLeod doing an impression of me they really thought that Lewis was you my kids thought it was me It's still so good, his impression. So, and he, I suppose, yeah, it's probably a bit self-indulgent to sort of analyze it,

but it always is the thing where they notice something about you, they haven't, that you haven't noticed yourself. And what they noticed was that I seemed to talk like, and I suddenly go up at the end. And so I thought. Are you conscious of doing it? Well, sometimes I hear myself doing it now and try to rein it back. But it's, I don't know, it's like a great big Alsatian that just climbs all over the desk or something.

I don't know. I don't know what it is. It's best not to think about it. But also, doesn't it mean that you are dearly loved? Oh, I don't know. I put a cycle video on Twitter and I do not get that impression. I can tell you. That's a whole other Jeremy Byrne.

Let's not talk about that. Let's not do it. Social media is so horrible. And it's true that when I meet listeners, and that's usually outside London, and it's often people who've listened, because you know with the radio, Gabby, they listen for years.

Jimmy Young, my predecessor, had 29 years. He was 84 when he left. And, you know, so you're in their rooms like a kind of armchair. And it's the privilege of that. Honestly, there was a moment the other day, what was it that happened? Something, oh yeah, we had a fire drill. It wasn't even a drill. It was like the, I'm doing the impression of me now.

It was a fire drill. It wasn't even a drill. So the bell went off properly, as in the bell went off in the studio, during the show. I've never had that before. Oh. I didn't even know they could do that. I was about to say I didn't know that could happen. No, there's a second bell. There's a second bell that goes off when there's actually a fire. Thanks for the warning. I didn't know that could happen.

No, because we've always heard it going on down a corridor. Yes. So it was a proper, this is a fire, and we all had to leave the building. And we're on the eighth floor, and we had to troop down the stairs. And then, of course, when we got to the piazza outside Portland Place, they said there's no fire and we all trooped back up again. And that period of 20 minutes where they were putting out, the reserve tape, which is just songs.

And of course, the tape was made in the 1950s or something, so it's Wurlitzer and Zither. Genuinely, I could see from the comments, it's panicked people. Of course. It's like, has there been a nuclear blast? What's happened to radio two? So you realise that there's certain things people take for granted.

And when they go, it's really catastrophic. And that co-cobie was like that, you know. But you carried on throughout. Oh, yeah, that's true. You carried on. When we had the fuel, remember the fuel crisis where the truckers blockaded, the farmers blockaded the fuel depots and we couldn't get petrol, how quickly we all went feral?

It was really amazing. But actually, you have been through, I mean, the years that you've been Radio 2, but obviously, you know, you have a career before that, and you do other things as well, which we'll talk about. But Radio 2 is very much you are part of everybody's life. and because your show is all about opinions and your choice of music which is very, you know,

my husband loves punk so he always, you know, he listens to your show because we love to know what people are thinking. Was your husband born in 1965? Around then. Yeah. Because we had the best music. There's no question.

That's what he says. Yeah. No doubt. But what's wrong with musical theatre and pop? That's what I say. You were in a punk band, though, weren't you? Yes, I was in a band called The Flair Generation because we realised, and it was a slightly, I suppose, a bit too-knowing realisation

that we couldn't be any good trying to be better than the jam because no one could be better than the jam. So we then decided to form a really retro punk band in Cheam, which was very unfashionable, and the idea was the punk band had just totally lost the thread of what punk was, and we emerged with ties

and sensible shoes and flared trousers. And we were called the Flair Generation. And we actually got, we had a single out, and we appeared on Radio 1 and smash hits. And then after a second, everyone thought, okay, that's old now that's a joke, it's gone. We thought, there's a career here. We're going to be going for 40 years.

Well, that's what I wanted to ask you. Did you realize that you were going to be such a backbone of people's life? Because it is. Radio 2 is. Well, bless you. That's the station, not me. Yeah. But I think that's partly, it's in the nature of, It's the weirdness of the BBC to some extent

that it is in that spinal position in the nation's life. So it's there, it's holding everything up, and it's amazing. And Radio 2, we must never forget how lucky we are at the BBC because we have our food paid for before the food comes before we paid, is what I kind of mean. The licence fee money arrives and we make programmes, and we're very, very lucky. And Radio 2 has an incredible freehold.

I still think, you know, I walk in the building. We've just moved to the main building. and it's Radio 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. And I'm thinking, what sort of imagination is at play there in the 60s and 70s where they say, we've got four stations, what should we call them? Radio 1, Radio 2, Radio 2, it's crazy. But it's a mainstay. It's a mainstay.

It's glorious. And just on the whole thing of radio, isn't it incredible that Tony Blackburn was the first voice on Radio 1 in 1967 when he introduced the first record, which was Flowers in the Rain by the move? and he's in the lift yesterday with me at radio time. Isn't that amazing? Oh, completely.

Completely. But radio is, it's very interesting because obviously you and I both work in television and radio. And it's interesting when everyone says, oh, this is the demise of television. This is the demise of radio. Radio listening figures are going up. Television has changed, that's all,

but people are still watching television, just in a different way. So it's just moving. But it's, you. I mean, you because of being the, like I said, the backbone, you are what people are thinking. Your show is what people are thinking. Bless you.

But we don't really know. If we just sat, I'm going, sorry, I'm going back to social media. If we just sat on social media, we would think that if you're on one social media platform, you think everyone hates everyone else. Yeah. If you're on another social media platform, everybody just wants to dance. If you're on another social media platform, you know, they're all different ways.

But what you do is you bring the listeners, the people who are really out there, and we actually know what they're thinking. You know, it's funny how I think radio is special because people are so intimate and they're open when they ring a radio show. On a TV show, if you're going to interview someone, you put makeup on them and you light them, and as soon as you put the lights on, they change and they're not the same person. And today we just did body dysmorphia. On your TV show?

On the radio show. A lady rang in and she had a lady, she's like a 30-year-old and she rang in and said she can't get to leave the house because she hates her eyelids. Is she that an amazing thing to say to a radio host? Because one of them has slightly gone below the other so she had an operation, it's made it worse. And so now she's trying to have another operation.

And you can see that it's, it's, she may look a bit unusual, but at the same time the body of this morphia has multiplied it by a thousand. How heart-breaking? Will she ever get out of her house? And she's calling me. thinking, I really want to do something. I want to help. What can I do? And they trust you. You are trust. Well, trust is precious and it can go in an instant. So you have to really

guard it. But I think, you know, it all started when Jimmy, apparently, it's the story I heard. Jimmy Young, the great Sir Jimmy, in the early 70s was interviewing Jeffrey Howell, who was then, I think, would it have been maybe after 74. So Labor Empire, Jeffrey Howell was in studio, an opposition minister. And he was talking about agriculture and someone, rang the studio and got through to the production office and said this bloke has never seen a sheep in his life and then that was put through somehow someone took a piece of paper and Jimmy read it out

and in that moment the whole interactive thing was born that was the start of it. That was the idea that it was an accident this person got through to the production area someone wrote it down someone took it through to Jimmy and he read it out for a joke and then we you know obviously the years that follow we had Brian Hayes with the phone ins and we all of that but that was the start of it

and when I started they were still bringing through bits of paper comments on bits of paper in fact the bits of paper only finished two years ago they finally decided they can put them on computer

but what an incredible thing that that one piece of paper that one phone call has changed the way people I mean you're very much and now of course your show on Channel 5 before I actually don't know

how do you go from one you just on your bicycle Bicycle. And, you know, well... You have to shift your head. It's so funny because when ever I meet my friends, like yourself, who are broadcasters, they're always interested in logistics. It's so interesting because broadcasters are, how do you fit that in?

And then how do you do that? And they always ask that question, when I meet people who watch the show, it's not of interest at all. But the answer is the... So Matthew Wright left Channel 5, and I don't really understand the circumstances of that. But anyway. But you were at 5 anyway because you were doing AKHet... Oh, not to that point.

No, that was still BBC. Oh, yeah. So it didn't move until after you were in the morning. I was a BBC guy. Yes, yeah, I know. And then they came and said, Matthew Wright has gone, will you do this show?

And I said, that is going to be hard because I have to be in Radio 2 by 10.30. And the show, your show ends at 1115. So they said, well, what if you got into Radio 2? They were brilliant with it. There's a guy called Daniel Pearl, who just made it all work. He said, okay, why don't you get into Radio 2 at 11?

I said, yeah, that'll probably work, because I'm not until 12. and if you leave us at 1030 and we pre-record the 45, 50 minutes between 1030 and 915 so as you leave the building we put out the stuff we pre-recorded at 815

and already I can say if I explain this to anyone who's not in broadcasting their eyes are glazing over and they're thinking can we talk about something else but it is quite interesting because every day it works really really well and I do have it's only 11 and a half minutes to cycle from ITN to BBC

which you do and I did it this morning it was great a cycle in the sun made me happy I know it's joyful It does. Joy, yes, absolutely all for the joy. All for the joy.

I love the logistic that you went through because I was, okay, how'd they do it? Timing-wise, okay, they do it, right? We're all the same. Listen, to those listening, broadcasters are all the same. How do you do that? And then what happened?

That guy you worked with, is he like he was five years ago? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, would you ever say the wrong thing at the wrong place? Oh, God. But you're the same. You go from Channel 5 to Radio 2. I go from Magic to BBC,

and you don't want to say hello and you think for a split second oh you're not going to say because you're there you're not going to say hello I'm on Channel 5 welcome Jeremy Vine on 5 I don't know how rude we can be on the podcast Can I use a rude way?

Yes what would you like to say? Because I'm going to tell a story that involves a very very rude word possibly the rudest but it's to do with that conversation we're having now which is the broadcaster's fear of shouting something out Oh I know you got you talking about somebody's name that went in the wrong way

Oh not that name I'm talking up this is a conversation I have with a fellow broadcast. Okay. So it was with Emily Maintless, and we were both doing graphics in the 2010 election, and bless her, she's a good mate.

And she comes over, and it's really, because we don't know which way it's going to go, and Gordon Brown is fighting for re-election, and the polls are really tight, and we're waiting for the exit poll, and we say, oh, this is massive. It's about, you know, we're on the air in 40 minutes. I said, what's your biggest...

Well, she said to me, actually, what's your biggest fit? I said, I don't know, just the idea of just kind of completely drying up, you know, and they come to you and you just look like a wounded animal. I said, what's your biggest fear, Emily? And she said, my biggest fear is I will just suddenly shout the word, g-hast. And she said, that's been going back years. I've worried about that. And I said, well, now you've worried me because now I'm going to worry about that,

either you shouting it or me shouting it. So we were just talking about this, broadcaster, crazy broadcasters. And the editor comes over Craig Oliver, and he says, right, we've got the exit poll. I'm going to brief you on it. It's very, very close. And the key phrase I want you both to remember is on the cusp. I said, no, no, that's not going to help. So there we are. You have been, of course, because you do all the election stuff as well. You are a part of the way people think.

Now there's been stuff going on which we don't need to talk about, which has been very public and some horrible things. Yeah, horrible, horrible things that have happened. to you. But for you personally stuff. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. But this is reasons to be joyful. And what I know about you and I've known you for a long time is that you do have that in you. You have this joy of life. Oh, bless you. But you do. And so does your brother. I know your brother and I've worked with your brother as well. But you do have a joy for life. Oh, thank you. No, no, but you're smiling. Thank you. You are Mr. Smiley Man. I do think that in, well, it's not, it's not a

deliberate thing, but I notice with people on work experience, I'd love to have a little moment where I said to everyone on work experience, okay, here's the thing, right, this is what you've got to do. Firstly, when the presenter says, can I have a large Americana with cold milk, don't bring him a small tea. There's, that's just the tip, that's obvious, but it's amazing how often it happens. But secondly, the key thing is to spread joy. Absolutely. And if you're the 21-year-old who comes in and you just are, you're clearly loving it. And you watch the show, and you listen, And you're not on your phone, by the way. And you watch and you say afterwards,

even just one thing, just that second item was really funny. We did something about paddle boards, and a guy rang up and said, the sound of paddle boards is like the battle of the song. And he just, this is the type of tennis or something. It was on today's show. And, you know, when the young work experience person said, I love that item, it means so much.

Yeah, of course it does. And I think spreading joy is really important in life, actually. You're saying all the right things. That's exactly how I feel about life. Life is too short. It's very, very, very. But do you have friends in your life, Gabby, who are... I read a book once in it said there are what are called cellar voices,

the ones who drag you down to the cellar. The mood hovers. Oh, my lord. Yeah. But actually, no, the older you get, you make sure you're not around the mood hovers and you go to the joy spreaders. But will they not ever cheer up? Because I keep hoping the mood hovers will cheer up.

But it's something about that's happening in their life, so you have to be jealous. It's like the people who get angry, they get, you know, somebody's pulled out in front of them. Oh, I get out of the question. And they hoot and all that, whether it's a bicycle or my husband's a cyclist as well, whether it's a bicycle or whether it's a car. And I always say, but you don't know what's happened in their life.

Oh, do you? Yes. So you can't get angry because they might be rushing because their mother's not well. Their child might have just had something had happened at school. Oh, that's how lovely you are. So don't be like that. No, but we're different because I just say that's what they call small dick energy. That he's not getting enough.

And a lot of them. No, you know. Will behind you, works on this, is absolutely in his... He's liking that. I think he prefers... He knows I'm right. He knows that. He prefers your...

What happens is all the people who are not getting enough sex lock themselves in small metal boxes and drive around London. That's fundamentally what's going on in our society. So... Oh, Jeremy. But it's so lovely of you to take such a positive view of it. No, but there might be something going on. Yeah, they might be struggling.

So you just be generous to that person. You're just so much... So you have a new... book out, murder on line one, right? When in the day... I love that you have no notes for this by the way. No, but when I like conversations. I would get so scared of no, no, no.

No, because I love conversation and I'm nosy. So when in the day, you get up crack of dawn, get on your bicycle, you go do a live Channel 5 show, which you pre-record a little bit because you told us. Then you go and do your live Radio 2 show. Yeah. And you do elections and you do your social media stuff. A bit of quizzing and you do quiz. You do quizzing.

Yeah. And when do you... And the most important thing is a father of two girls, the most lovely girls in the world. When do you... Your daughters, your wife... No, but when do you actually write the book? All jokes aside. I don't...

You don't write it. No, no, it's not... Somebody else wrote the book. God, don't. There's a whole scandal over that, but it's involving... No, no, not me, but generally, authors now... You know about this. No, no, no.

Everyone came out... People not writing their own books. The amount of people that... interviewed me and said, oh, spread the joy. He said, who wrote her? Me! What's that about? Me, I wrote it.

It is very bizarre. And also quite famous people. Can I tell this story? Somebody who was one of these very famous reality stars was supposed to do her autobiography. Obviously, she's not going to write it. The publisher, the woman at the publisher is called Carly. And Carly is brilliant, and I know her really well. And she's told you are going to ghostwrite it.

Now that's fine. For you? No, no, not to me, but to some... So Carly is going to go. Oh, okay, I'm with you. The autobiography of a famous sleb. Yeah. So they contract it.

And Carly has to get six conversations lasting two or three hours with this person to get their life story. Right. At least you've got to. And then she'll write the book. And she can't get the time with her. You can't even get the conversations. And Carly says to me, in the end, I had to basically live as this woman. I immersed myself in every single thing I could find out about her.

and I basically got myself completely into the mindset of what it was to be this person and I then wrote the book and she wrote it brilliantly and it was a number one bestseller by the way Oh my word But what was really weird was that when she finished it

she sent it to this famous reality star and said please can you let me know that this is what you want to go out under your name didn't get a reply So the reality star didn't even read the autobiography she was supposed to have written So Carly said to me that wasn't even the worst thing

we couldn't get the interview time with her we couldn't get her to read the book it's then serialized in the mail like four days running reality star this is my life you know and then she gets a call from the reality star who says you won't believe what's happened

Daily Mail's only gone made up my whole fucking life story so so Carly's book suddenly lands in the mail and the person who's supposed to be the author of the autobiography finally thinks, what's going on? And I think this is crazy.

And if you had a book out, you'd write it, wouldn't you? Well, no, that's my book. I had it out last year and I wrote it all. I wrote mine. Yes. So what's this about? Is people not writing their own books? No, but I'm trying to look at it in a generous way.

You are. Maybe they don't have the time. Yeah. But how do you find it? the time. Okay, so I do write it but that's also because I'm probably like you a control freak so we don't want other people to write our stuff and the answer is

I love Houdanits, I love Agatha Christie Houdnett's a back in fashion and I must thank Richard Osman for that who unlocked the whole genre really, the Cozy Crime genre with his brilliant book and I thought and I went to publishes her I said I'd love to write you know who done it

and she said you know this is the moment this is not 10 years ago not 20 years ago but now this is it Yeah. And she, and her name's Martha Ashby, and she's brilliant, she's at Hapaginz, said, if you want me to advise you. They're very nice people. Very nice people, very civilised. She said, look, choose a place you love.

So I said, okay, Sidmouth Devon, choose an environment you know, yep, radio station, and just have a murder happen. And do you know, that was so helpful to me. It was like the most completely simple structure. So you didn't even go with an idea. You just said, I want to write a murder mystery. Yeah, I really wanted to do it. So then the book, Murder on 9-1, is the result of that, and I'm just finishing a second. And it answered your question, I've decided.

I took advice from Osman, actually, because I met him. And I said, I'm now doing, I'm following in your trail. And what's your advice? And he said, the best thing I always say to people is you've got to write something every day. And that's fantastic advice. So I just write 400 words every time I get up in the morning. And that means I'm always in it. Brilliant.

I was told exactly bizarrely from a mutual friend of ours who I said, Oh my God, they want 40,000 words. I can't do the words. I only did the... Because I went in with the idea. And she said to me, do 500 to 1,000 words a day. Right.

Just do it. Even if they're not what you end up with, and actually, that's what I did. Yeah. Well, 40,000 words is about 50 days or 60 days in that basis, isn't it? Yeah. So, yeah, so I love it. And I...

Because I loved Agatha. Agatha was my first... My first, you know, Agatha was when I was 11, was my first adult book was Hercul Piro's Christmas. How fabulous. And then I read the next 65. The next 65 books I read were all Agatha Christie. So my teenage years was just being fucked.

So this is your world then? I love who done it. I love the classic English who done it. Don't tell us who done it, though. No, won't it? Please don't. No. You have to go and buy it, then you'll know.

But with your books, obviously because Richard, he and Stephen Spielberg now, you know, best friends, that's it. Are you thinking television films, Netflix? Somebody is piloting it on television, but I can't get my hopes up with that because so many of these things don't happen. But I think when you, what do I know, but it seems to me

looking at the TV market, what they do is they've got very simple minds on that side, and they want to be able to visualize almost the title. And the genius is his name Thurgood who said, I've got an idea for a TV, series, death in paradise.

And they just get, yes. And now they're, look at the paravirce. It's the power of us now. And Richard Coles with his monasteries and all that. It's funny because when Osman started, when he did his first book, which was Thursday a murder club, was actually just as COVID broke. And I found out, I had a book out at that time,

which is more of a literary fiction thing, which is about a painting I was obsessed with. And I am the patron of the Appledore Book Festival, which I love to do. And Richard had agreed to come down and be interviewed. And at that time, he hadn't sold, a copy. It hadn't been out, you know. So, you know, he's, and he's all, I've known him for a long time, and he's a lovely guy. And my daughter was there as well, and she was about 1718. So we had a bit

of quality time. Three of us had dinner and stuff. And I, I feel quite privileged now to have seen him just at that moment before it went gigantic. But what was weird, Gabby, was it was COVID. And that book festival said, right, we're going ahead despite COVID. We're going to do it as a drive-in. And so it was the weirdest things where I think people were able to tune their car radios to hear us on the stage. And I said, if you hear something you think is funny or you want to ask a question, hoot your horn. So there's all this hooting and everything,

which is kind of funny. And then there was this to do in the next field of a farmer in his tractor. And someone said, yeah, that was unfortunate that you did that because the farmer had been told there won't be any flashing or hooting because he was very upset about the whole evening. Oh, no, oh no.

And when he got really angry, he just got in his tractor and drove it in circles. I thought I'd like to have that option when I get angry. Yes, just drive the tractor. Do you have a tractor? I do it, but driving a tractor in circles is a very good way to emote safely. Can you not do that on your bicycle? I can. I can go in circles quite a bit of in practising.

Have you? Yeah, yeah. Close tight circles? Well, it's funny. Can you zigzag? I do ride a penny farthing and that is very hard. But you've got to be careful, please, because you had a really serious accident. I did come off it.

And the thing is there's no way of saying I was rushed to A&E after falling off a penny farthing without causing people to laugh. I know, I'm trying. It was, it was, and had I ended up... I can't look at you now. And it was one of those things where... But thank God you were okay, you weren't too badly hurt. I could have had problems, but I didn't.

I was actually, no, it was fine. And when I was in A&E, it was kind of completely quiet in A&E, by the way. I had loads of people come through to see me, and they all said, are you the guy who fell off the... Like that, because they obviously just wanted to hear the story. And I then thought afterwards, look, this could have been spinal, it could have been terrible. Yes. So I went to some guy in Harley Street and I said,

can you scan my spine? I want to make sure it's all there. And they scanned it and I came back the next day. And I said, right, show me. And on his desktop computer, he had a picture of a spine. It literally was broken in two with a gap between the two bits. I said, oh my God. How can I not feel that? He said, no, sorry, that's the patient I had earlier.

Oh, thank you. Right. But he said the patient I had earlier tripped on a brick and did that. And you've fallen off a penny farthing and you're in one piece. so I thought I probably only get one chance So are you still riding it? Yeah, yeah What do your daughters say?

Ah, don't! And they do a bit. I only ride it, I don't ride it on grass. The mistake I made, I got overconfident and I tried to take a shortcut across some grass. Okay, don't do that again. And I didn't realize that if you hit a divot, if it stops, and this is why they went outfashion.

Because the divvets. You couldn't protect people against the headlong accident. Well, we got, what do they called things? Potholes now. No, we... Do you dodge your pothole? you've got to be aware of the road. Let's not talk pot holes.

You don't want to go in. Because your show, how many times do you do pot holes? At least once a week. Yeah, so let's not do pot holes. But you on the penny farthing, that's another joy. And you, but there are things... I do love it. Can I just ask you, sorry, this is really bizarre.

So this goes on YouTube as well, but you're leaning on. I'm intrigued to know. I was going to go into Penny... What are you leaning on? Producer Joe said, could you bring something? Yes, now that's for the next one to bring something. Joy, yes. Your British producer Joe said,

have you got anything you can surprise Gabby with? And I said, this is hugely embarrassing, but I used to write loads of poetry. And one day, I took all the poetry I'd written, and I printed it all out and put it into a little book.

But I was so embarrassed, I only printed like three copies, and I kept all three. In fact, now I think I might destroy them because it's so, because your adolescent poetry, yes, it is. Please, my eyes.

It's just. I don't want to... No, please, I won't read one. Okay, don't read one. You could just flick through. May I? Because some of them, they're all love poems. Are they?

They're all people who, you know, I broke... Somebody broke somebody's heart or... Oh, this is beautiful. It's a beautiful font. I don't know about the words, but I'll happily read one out. Oh, look! What's that? Oh, don't.

No, come on. What is it? What is it? Let's see. That about the farm. Uh... Uh... Oh, my God.

Oh, Gabby. What is that? Go on, read it out. I don't even remember what that's about. Jeez, that's so embarrassing. Let me just, okay. This is, I will, I'm happily read just a bit more. How old were you when you wrote this?

Well, this would have been, I always know in my 30s and I was in South Africa. Oh, the way you were talking, I thought this was when you were a teenager. Some of them were teenagers. Okay. So I put them all together. Okay. You can see, I'll just do, it's like a good sheaf of stuff.

Very thick. So, yeah, because I'm just, aren't you the same? Are you not on that thing of constantly? Isn't everyone doing this? But no, mine are all, it's all verbal for me. I'm like, well, blah, blah, blah, television radio, television radio, you know, podcast, podcast, podcast. Yeah, you're right.

We all have to, not emote, but we have to express. I do think. So this is just, I've only just opened it here, and it's when I was in South Africa, oh gosh, I was about to cry there. When I was in South Africa as a correspondent, I was with this fantastic producer called Milton. and we walked, we're in Pretoria

and the government was changing it was post Mandela and there was a guy selling burgers and there was a sign in Zulu and I couldn't read it and Milton laughed and I said what does it mean? And he said the sign says

if you are hungry move closer to me. I thought oh God so I wrote this little poem Oh okay sign on Burger Stand struck me as poetry if you're hungry

move closer to me. All day long, I came back to that beauty. If you are hungry, move closer to me. And last night I dreamt, I heard your soft whisper. If you are hungry, move closer to me. Oh, Jeremy! Why are you embarrassed of that? It's beautiful.

I don't know. That just gave me goosebumps. That's beautiful. So I wrote loose. Please don't get rid of that book. No, I won't. Oh, Jeremy. Cricy.

No, would have you... Okay, all right. Have your girls seen them? No, they would be mortified. They would be absolutely more. Hang on, let's just find something here. I met you with one of your daughters. We were all at the seeing Fiddler on the roof last summer.

And I'm sure your daughter was with you. Yes, she was. She was. And we saw Nick Ferrari. Yeah, you were sitting at a table with Nick Ferrari beforehand, and I had my daughters with me. And I remember thinking, God, that's bizarre. Okay, this is called Valentine's Card for a Musician.

Okay. Valentine's card for a musician. And this young woman played the chair. Hello. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Every four months, as the seasons change, you strike your double base across its range and write me a letter. Down-logged lanes it comes, up tracks out of bounds for trains in war,

lifted from Glasgow by planes and landed on a blinking strip. No cranes swoop faster than my hands for it. Snatched, ripped and read so quickly. So who matched that speed, the air miles and the effort that you write so rarely? Why should this doormat wait till May for more? Door stay latched. Love, why is the future still unhatched? Oh, my word. Jeremy, right, I'm actually going to...

Will you do me a favour? And take some of those and put them into a poetry book and share them, because they will help people. I do love poetry. I find, like, I've got this memory for poems, like other people's poems. But you have an extraordinary memory anyway. Do I? You can... If I said, who...

Who was standing in the so-and-so seat in the election in whenever? Oh, I see. Yeah. It is memory. Particularly in focus. But I was doing some sort of poetry thing the other night, locally to where I live in Chiswick, West London. And they were saying, can you bring...

It was just a kind of interview about your love of poetry. And they said, can you bring along some of your favourite poems? And I thought, well, the only... The good ones are the ones I probably can't remember. Yeah. There are not many people that can just realise of dates, real off, you know, they can do one or the other. You have the poetry, you have the dates, you have a joke, you have a whatever it is.

You have an extraordinary brain full of stuff and you bring out the right thing at the right time. That is a talent. Well, that's very kind of you. No, no, I'm being... Well, look, I think it also acts against me slightly because I always think the most gracious people in the world are amnesiacs. and when you've got quite a full memory, you are logging and you have to be very careful, you don't hang on to things.

So I'm someone I've got to really concentrate that if I feel slighted, I just forget it, decide to forget it. But yeah, you're right. I suppose that's true. I don't think the great memory is a blessing necessarily, though. If you use it in the right way, of course it is. It is.

I do find that, I mean, I was just musical theatre songs. I can do what you did for that is musical theatre. That's it. We've all got that. I think it's when it goes in when you're young as well. I interviewed once a guy called Henry Marsh, who was a brilliant brain surgeon. He's now about 80 and he wrote a book called Do No Harm. So he's very famous. And he pioneered, and this is a bit of a gulp moment, but he pioneered a type of brain surgery

where you take the top of the skull, which is, of course, you have to do for brain surgery. But the patient stays conscious and you operate with only local anesthetic. And you go, tell me the months of the year, and you just use an electric probe. and you touch the bit you're going to cut and you see if they still go January, February, March and I said with what you know of the brain because he's seen so many brains

what's your main piece of advice for life and he said learn poetry when you're young Is that amazing? He says because I've seen young brains and I've seen old brains and old brains are shrunken and hard and smaller and they can't learn poetry I thought wow

Oh look you see You've got a healthy throbbing brain No, but all my poems were learnt when I was young. That's all thing. That's it. That's why. Oh, Jeremy, thank you. Such a pleasure. I could just spend hours and hours with you.

You are one of a kind in for all the best and most wonderful reasons. And thank you. Thank you. I loved it.