That Gaby Roslin Podcast: Reasons To Be Joyful - Lee Mack

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

In this episode, Gaby chats and laughs with comedian and actor Lee Mack. They chat about the ongoing success of BBC shows ‘Not Going Out’ and ‘Would I Lie To You’, plus the hilarious story of what happened when he appeared on ‘Pointless’ with Bobby Ball. He talks about his childhood ambition to be a golfer having never actually played golf and how he once worked in a stable mucking out Red Rum. He also recalls what it was like living with ‘The Mighty Boosh’ duo Noel Fielding & Julian Barratt, his recent attempts at gardening during lockdown, plus he shares a ‘pooing himself’ story which is sure to leave you howling with laughter. For more information on the sponsor of this episode Symprove visit www.symprove.com or follow-on Instagram on @symproveyourlife. To claim 15% off the 12-week programme use discount code GABY15 at checkout. For new customers only in the UK. Symprove customer care team are available 8-8 to answer any questions or queries, call 01252 413600. Produced by Cameo Productions, music by Beth Macari.  Join the conversation on Instagram and Twitter @gabyroslin #thatgabyroslinpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And welcome to that Gabby Roslyn podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. In this episode, I laughed so much that my eyes and nose were streaming. Honestly, I could not stop laughing. Just like Rob Bryden said, this man is the quickest. He is the funniest. He is, of course, Lee Mack. We chat about the success of not going out and would I lie to you, which he's done now for so many years that he actually can't remember what are the truths and what are the lies. We talk about how he wanted. to be a golfer having never actually played golf, working in a stable and getting to ride red rum, living with the Mighty Bouch, Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett, working with Catherine Tate and the hysterical time he appeared on the TV show Pointless. Plus, there is, let's put it this way, a story about him pooing himself, which will make you a howl with laughter. I hope you enjoy it.

I am so grateful that this episode, is sponsored by one of my favorite companies, Simprove. Now, it's a food supplement containing live and active bacteria, which has done absolute wonders for both mine and my family's health. More information can be found at Simprove.com with the discount code G-A-B-Y-15 for 15% off the 12-week program. I'll tell you more about it later. My favorite man, you make me laugh like nobody ever has or probably we'll do again. Well, that's very kind of you to say. I have to say, we have to start right away with Rob Bryden.

He said that you are the quickest, funniest man ever. And he said, please don't tell him that because he'll just go on and on at me about it. And that your wife, Tara, laughs at all of your jokes every single time when he's round. And he said, that's fantastic. Rob has commented on that before, and he's 90% positive, but there's 10% about it,

which makes me think he's, saying it that I somehow have an electric shock system rigged up to her that if she doesn't laugh, she ends up being tied to a radiator and punished. But she genuinely is laughing. But she's very laughing anyway. She's a very laughy person. She laughs at everything. So it's, I'd like to, my ego would like to pretend it's me, but she laughs.

You know, we were in a play once that was a very sad moment. And at the big, sad moment at the end, she burst out laughing when everyone else was crying. because she thought it was ridiculous. I'm a bit like that. I'm like that. I laugh at the worst situations when you're, but absolutely not supposed to you. Do you always, I mean, because you are,

and one of my favorite things I've ever done in my 33 years was go on, would I lie to you? I don't think I've ever laughed as hard. Oh, that was great when you came on. What I love doing is watching back all episodes, because I can't remember, you see, so you'll say a truth or a lie that I have no, I mean, we'll be doing it so long now.

Sometimes I'll watch myself read out a lie or a truth, and I can't remember if it's true for a lie. That's how bad my memory is. I can't remember if I did something in real life. But yeah, what did you, can you remember what you did? What you said? Yes, it was about manholes. Oh, yeah, didn't your mum fall down one?

No, no, it was my memory. A friend of mine fell down a manhole and Jack D kept going on about, can we just let's just call it Gabby's manhole. And then... Oh my gosh. I remember that. And we were all wondering whether that would make the edit. It did, sadly.

I don't think I have ever laughed as much in my life. How do you do what you do? And I know that sounds a completely deep and ridiculous question. So you started stand up, you would do bingo halls and all the things that you did before. Were you always looking for the joke? Were you always that fast? And I know probably you can't answer that. I'm asking you anyway.

Well, yeah, it is a difficult question to answer. But I suppose I was, I can't remember. much else than wanting to be a comedian. I just vaguely remember at 13 wanting to be a golfer and going to see the careers advisor and saying I wanted to be a golfer and she said,

what's your handicap? And I said, oh, I don't know, I'm not a member of a club. And she said, well, at your age, at 13, you probably have to be playing regularly to be a, I just thought I'd seen it on the telly and it looked like fun, you know. I don't think I'd even played at that point.

And because I'm a bit sort of, you know, obnoxious, I went back the following year. And she remembered me and she went, so how's the golf going? I said, I've changed my mind. I don't want to be a golf for now. She says, what do you want to be? I said, I want to be a caddy, professional caddy. Because I thought that was still sort of proving my point.

You know what I mean? That I could make it in golf. I didn't want to be a caddy. I just didn't want her being right. And I also wanted to be an astronaut at one point because I was looking at the moon a lot through a telescope. My mom and my dad were always like, you know, joking around.

And there's not a photograph of my mom where she hasn't got the cigarette out on nose or a false teeth are deliberately falling out for the photograph. It's just the sort of way we sort of communicated. So I don't really know any different. And, you know, I sometimes get frustrated because if we're driving around or something, with mates or whatever, or out in a park or something, I'm just having to laugh. They go, oh, you're always on, aren't you? And I always go, well, I'm not.

She's how I talk. She isn't like me going, I must perform. You know, I just, it's the way I speak. So I don't know, I don't know any different. So when you went on and did, because of all the things that, all the jobs that you've done, which I was reading about, you were a stable boy and you were a bingo caller and all of these things. And you lived above a pub. To me, these are all, it's as if you'd written your own sitcom while it was happening.

Do you know what? I know what you mean? I don't, I didn't, you know that thing when everyone goes, the childhood you have is always, you think everyone else is having the same childhood. Well, that's true of. pretty much everything I did before I was a comedian. I just was in endless weird jobs, but I just assumed everyone else was.

Now looking back, I was quite odd, wasn't it? Like, the first job was working at the stables because red rum was trained in my hometown. Yeah, and you rode red rum? Yeah, well, not only did I ride, but it was the first horse I rode. Oh, my God. So again, that sounds quite sick on me now. But actually, at the time, I was just watching the telly,

didn't know what to do with my life. I thought, I know, I'll be a jockey. but the decision sort of to be a jockey and then ringing up and asking for the job was about 60 seconds. I didn't, you're kidding me. I never thought of it. Yeah, I just sort of watched it. I bet that would be a laugh. I'm going to be a jockey.

And then rang them up and said, I'd like to become a jockey. And they said, well, you know, you can come down and muck out the horses, but you're not getting paid. You can do a bit of experience with us. So I did. I just did a month or two of just mucking out stables. And whilst I was there, they said, come on, then you can have a ride on a horse. And I sat on a horse. And it was red run.

Now, I didn't think. anything of it at the time and it's only years later when I do interviews that it feels quite everyone brings it up like it's unusual and I go yeah I suppose it is isn't it I haven't really thought of it way but I suppose it is yeah but when you were living in it of course it wasn't unusual but it's all it's just it's fodder excuse that wasn't meant as a pun but it's the it's created this I mean I know that not going out is meant to be based on your real life and I've heard you talk about that so many times but yet your real life there's there's you've got to do something with all of that I mean being a blue

and being the stable boy and living above a pub, it's all, that's all there for the taking. Yeah. I know, well, I have thought about it. I've often thought it would be nice to try and turn that into a, to a sort of drama, stroke comedy and have someone playing me as a kid. But it's weird because you don't, as I say, it's only when you look back. So at the time, it doesn't feel sort of fertile for, for material or a show because that's not what you're thinking at the time, aren't you? No, but now you're looking back, now you're looking back. Yeah, I guess.

You could play my mum. Can I? Yeah, can you do a Northern accent? Yes. Have you got false teeth? No, but I can get some. Would you have them removed? Would you have your teeth removed?

How much do you want this part? Well, they can CGI it. Yeah, it's not the same. I'm method. Did your mum really have no real teeth? She had her teeth removed because they looked a bit booked. Back in the day, she was only about 14 or 15. and she went, my teeth are sticking out, can have all my teeth removed?

And bad false teeth, because they're straight, honest to God. You're all kidding me. That was what it, that were the old days. I know someone who had her, who knows someone else, who had her little toe removed so she can fit into high heels. She had her toe removed. Oh, wow. Little toe removed to fit into high heels, not for any other reason that it was hurt in her feet.

And she managed to find a private doctor remove a little toe. Now, I bet someone's going to listen to this and go, that can't be true. and it might turn out that I've been told about. Oh, you see? He said, covering himself legally. People must do that to you everywhere you go. Every story you ever say, whenever you go out anywhere, if you're in the pub, if you go to a party, if you're watching football, if you're playing dance, people must not believe you. Not because you're a liar, but because of the show.

Do you know what? In all honesty, in all honesty, that's not the issue. Do you know what the issue is? What? The endless, and I mean endless sentence. Oh, so you do go out then because of not. going out. Oh no. And and I have to, I've gone through different phases with that. The very first time I heard it, I was mildly amused and mildly was pushing it. That was 2006. That was started. So probably

the first day after it got transmitted. Here we are now, 14 years later. I'm not exaggerating by saying I probably been told that a thousand times and I still am managing just about to go, yes. But what I did go through a phase where I got so sick of it that I decided to pretend to not get it. So they go, oh, so you do go out there? And they go, well, you go out, well, you go out, well, you go, well, you go out. And they go, no, no, you know, not going out. I go, yeah, I'm from not going out, yeah, I go, yeah, well, you see, you do go out. I'm not just working all the time. And they'd look at me like, I was an idiot.

That show does it. I mean, that, it's wonderful. I love it. I absolutely love it. And your, am I right, your real son was in it at one stage, wasn't he? Yeah, he was. In fact, my, yes, my real son has been in it. And all my nieces and nephews have been in it. But my son was in an episode that we did for a Christmas special about four or five years ago where we needed a ghost, a child ghost, the story being that we think there's a ghost. Turns out there isn't. And the twist at the end there is.

And my little son played him. And did you ask him or did he say, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, please, can I be in your show? Oh, no, no. They're very apathetic about showbiz of my career. I think I asked him, and you went, what day is it? Well, yeah, right, I'll do that. What's the pay like? That kind of stuff.

Straight that. And the thing is, I think he did get a payment. I think it was £100 or £125. And for some legal reason, it was written to me, I think. And I never paid him. I'd completely forgot to pay him. And then I only mentioned it about a year ago. And he keeps telling him $125 quid.

And I said, I will knock £125 off the rent, which you've never paid. Yeah, it's awful. How dare he not pay? He's not counting all the times, is he? When he goes, oh, my money boxes, I can't get to it. I'm out. Can you just give me three quid for buy the, yeah. That's added up to $125,000, isn't it?

Oh, easily. Easily. Easily. Yeah, parents, purse, always. Easily, easily. But not going out is, because when it came off air, you didn't think it was going to come back, did you? No.

Well, we did three series and then it was taken off air. And the weird thing was, I genuinely, after the first one of the same, second one would have would have not been surprised for it to be cancelled it wasn't doing particularly great with the figures and I would walk out in the street and no one would acknowledge it it's like no one was watching it and then in the third series it's suddenly we were at the aquarium one day and I didn't really get recognised hardly ever and suddenly I was at the aquarium where there's loads of

people and it was endless there's only broadcast about two episodes but you know oh so you do go out then oh so you do go out there oh so you do go out there very good Very good. And my son said, why do all these people recognize you? And I don't know why I said this, but I didn't want them, they didn't really acknowledge what I did for a living at that age. It was quite a few years ago, you know. So I made up a story that I was an expert of fish because we're at the aquarium. And that they all, no, sorry, I looked like someone who was an expert at fish. And they were coming up to me because they thought I was that person.

because I thought if I tell them I'm on a comedy show, it will alter their state of mind. It's insanity, isn't it? It's only when I say it out loud that I realise the insanity is. No, but actually it's very adorable, but now do they just keep asking you fish questions and you have to quickly Google them? Oh no, they've now, they've, we're going back like 10 years ago, 10, 11 years,

they've now sussed out, I mean, they've worked it out for themselves. I mean, I'm not going to lie. If they still didn't know I was on the telly, my ego would be a bit battered. That's not a fish joke, by the way. I'd just be... I would be, I'd be like, they don't watch my stuff, but I at least don't want to know what I do for a living. That's the minimum. Does it upset you?

Because I have to say that my kids have always been the same. They don't watch or listen to anything I do. And I'm fine about it. And I want them just to be completely normal. But occasionally I go, oh, did you hear or did you see so? I go, no. Do you know what? They don't, they're obsessed with the sort of box set mentality.

So like they sat down, well, the eldest one did, it was allowed to watch Peep Show. He watched. I mean, it was a bit fruity for his age, but we let him watch them. But he watched them all back to back, one after the other. He did the same with the Mighty Bush. He did the same with the flight of the concords. The Mighty Bush. I want to talk about you and Noel Fielding, because both of you say that it was like being,

because how long did you live together for? Well, the thing, this gets brought up with both of us quite a lot. The real truth, it always says we shared a flat for three years. What we did was we shared a flat for three years at the Edinburgh Festival. So every year would go up, spend a month together at the Edinburgh Festival, sharing a flat. So in total, we were ready together for about three months. Three months, okay. But I think people like to think of us living this fantastical sort of serial Terry and June life where he was obviously June.

I mean, he says it was like Laurel and Hardy, not Terry and June. But the realities we were just at the Edinburgh Festival and Julian as well. It was incredible to watch as well because what I found fascinating was I was doing a show at the time with Catherine Tate, a sketch show. And I realize you don't live with people you're doing a show with because it can cause too much. You're together too much then. So she got her own place and I was on with the bush. But they did live together. They did not argue once.

They got on all the time. There was no conflict whatsoever. I would say me and Catherine were arguing every 15 minutes. And I was jealous of the fact that they seemed to get on. And me and Catherine were arguing. But I think it's because me and Catherine were so close as friends. It caused conflict. He said, protecting his friendship with Catherine.

Quickly jump in there, protect it all. Quick, just to say that she's still a very good trend. Oh, that's so lovely. The other thing, the other thing that, I don't know why, but this completely, flawed me, okay, completely flawed me about you being in the West End and taking too many, you were in the miser, and you ate too many non-sugar sweets. And that story makes me laugh. Please will you, for people who haven't heard this, were you?

It is like the worst possible dream. It is 100% true. And it is, it makes me cringe just thinking about it. Basically, I was on a, I was trying to lose a bit of weight. I went on this sugar-free diet and I've got a really sweet tooth. So I went to Holland Barrett, I think, and they have these massive bags of sweets, but they're all sugar-free. So I thought, well, that's perfect, right?

And they had those, you know, those little things that are called Eclers, not the cake, the sort of little sweet, a toffee with a soft chocolatey bit in the middle. I love them, right? So I had a couple, two or three, and I thought, oh, they're a bit moorish, right? This was a family-sized bag. Anyway, it's got a long story short, I ate a lot, absolutely every one of them. Now, I'm on stage, and I'm feeling a rumble, right? And in fact, I'm at the rehearsal bit, I think.

We had a little bit before the show warm up and all that. And I'm getting the rumbles, right? And then an almighty explosion, right? I am going to the toilet every, like every 60 seconds. It's awful, right? Before going live on stage? Oh, this is before I go live, but it's still, it's not stopping. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, you know, the way a rabbit can seem to go every few minutes. It's like that. It's just constant. and I read the and I think it must be something to do with these sweets I read the back and it said do not eat more than two because they have a laxative effect I had eaten about 40 of these things

right oh my God now in any normal situation that's bad enough if you're going on stage and you're on and off all night but in this show one of the jokes was I had to turn round in the middle of a scene to show that they'd cut a hole at the back of my trousers

to expose my bird a bomb. So, and I had to turn. And it's like, you know, you dream about going to school with their trousers on. And I'm like, oh my God. It's like every nightmare. I know. And I'm, and I said to the costume moment, I said, right, now listen, I will, I have to be

honest with you, because I'm, I'm usually the kind of person. I'm very repress. I would never tell anyone about this. But what choice I've got, right? Just so you know, I'll be disappearing a lot tonight. I won't be my usual, because there's an area next to the stage you get changed. I said, I'll actually be going back to my dressing room a lot tonight. And I told her the story.

And I said, and I'm terrified because I'm doing a scene and I can feel myself holding it in and then running to the toilet at the end of the scene. I said, but what if it happens in that massive long scene where I've got my backside out to the front row? And I just, it's going to be awful. She's like, what if I poo myself? And she said to me, she was a very matter of fact.

She didn't care. She'd seen everything. She'd been in show me. ages. She just went, Lee, don't worry about it. If it comes to it, I will put a tampon up there. And I said, and I said, no, if it comes to it, I will put a tampon on there. I want some dignity, right? And so, and also, would that work? I mean, would it actually work that? It would come out like a missile, wouldn't it? Because it's not, you know, what they usually used for is to sort of absorb rather than to stop. Do you know what I mean? So it's not a plug. You can't plug it in.

It's not how it works at that end, does it? He's just, he's just going to and hit someone in the eye or somewhere and it's going to be worse. And so I said, no, no, we're not doing that. And then so I just kept going back to the toilet constantly and, you know, and also you just, I'm not going to get too intimate details, but what you're worried about as well is you think, oh, I'm holding it in, but, you know, the explosions were so big. Let's just say I was also concerned about my personal appearance, shall we say. And there was no mirror.

It's very hard to look at it if you're as inflexible as me. So, yeah, I mean, it was the most undignified, awful thing that has ever happened to me. You just made me snort love. The happy ending is that I did, well, I didn't poo on the front row. There's no other way I say it. Now, as promised, I'd like to tell you more about our fantastic sponsor of this episode, Simprove. Now, I have been telling everyone about this company for years before we started working together. I promise that's absolutely true.

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Let's go to Celebrity Bake Off. Watching on Celebrity Bake-O, you just look like you, I mean, you can tell me that I'm completely wrong. I won't believe you because I don't believe things you say because of the show. But do you just look like you have the best fun in everything you do? And please tell me, you cook like that at home and then you just laugh it off. My wife constantly, but I will make coffee, you know, in the plunger. And it is an absolute disaster. I mean, it's just... Oh, don't be silly. When I finish making plunger coffee, it looks very similar to the story we've just told about me being on stage. There is, there's coffee on the windows.

Because you know when you plunge it and it sort of explodes out the top, do you ever do that? I think I'm putting too much coffee in, so I put too much coffee in. So when you plunge it, it's too solid. And so all the things squirts out. But like the milk,

I can't multitask, so I'm trying to whisk up the milk in the whisker thing. And I like a chocolate sprinkle. I mean, that's not another joke about what we just said. I just can't multitask. That's the problem. So that cooking is the ultimate multitasker, doesn't it? So is that why on Celebrity Bake Off,

it didn't quite go as well as it could have? Absolutely. I mean, I can't believe that I went on there with the attitude of listen, I can't cook so I'm not going to try. I'm not going to be competitive. I'm just going to have a laugh with it, right? So we start doing it. But they come over to you and do interviews whilst you're cooking, which I thought was brilliant for me because I'm not a very good cook, but I'm happy to have a laugh and chat away. But I found myself giving them the, I'm sorry, can you just leave me alone? I'm just trying to do this. You know, I'm trying to do this and you're talking to me. And it was, you know, I do that at Christmas. I cook once a year at Christmas. Do you? You do Christmas lunch? I do the whole, I don't just cook once a year, but it's fair to say that my wife does the majority of the cooking in our house. And she's going to listen to this and go, oh, majority is it? But once a year I do everything for her family and they all come round and I take it very seriously. But they come round and start making small talk. And I'm like, oh, so how have you been there?

Like, can you not see that I'm cooking? I can't talk to you and cook, can I? You really can't? Impossible. How do you do that? If I was talking to you now, if you heard a noise in the background now, I'm going, what you're doing? I'm just cooking whilst we're chatting. You go, can you not?

Wouldn't you? You'd think that you'd do one or the other. You wouldn't tolerate that, would you? So why should I tolerate it? I'm getting upset, just thinking about it. Can you really not? You see, because, so no cookery show in the future for you. I know you do quiz shows, you do everything.

No cookery show. I wanted to do a gardening and cookery show that was based on reality. Because every cookery show that I see and every gardening show always has a happy ending. And it's not the reality. I've spent the last, I don't know, four months trying to grow potatoes and pumpkins. And if I showed you the end harvest, you know, if it was, you remember you used to go around people's houses? I don't know if it still exists for, what's it called, the harvest festival. Used to give food to the elderly.

Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah. Was that just a northern food? Have you got anything? If I did that and if they saw, what I produced, they would tell me to go away. They go, I'm not having that, even if it's free. There's like three potatoes, a couple of mouldy old tomatoes, one pumpkin.

It's just a disaster. That's a meal? Yeah, but it's not, it's not what I wanted to do was create meals in the plural. Because I worked out the other day that we managed to get one pot of stew out of it, and I did the maths, and I reckon that pot of stew has cost about 300 quid. What? If you count all the, well, I've had to buy certain type of, of soil to make a raised bed. I've had to do all sorts of things and it's just a lot of hours as

well. You know, I tell you, it's supposed to make you spiritually connected with nature, isn't it, gardening? But actually what I do, and I'm ashamed to admit it, I'm really impressed with supermarkets. What, because I go around and I go, look at that beetroot. It's so perfect. Look that carrot. It's so long. Mine like the size of my little finger and they're all bent and they're all... Do you know what? I have to be honest. I don't get the gardening thing. And every year when I go off to Chelsea Flower Show and they want to interview me and one garden

expert said to me, oh, and have you got any problems in your garden? And I looked at them blankly and said, is it okay to use your lawn mower on your flower beds to weed it? I thought they I honestly thought he was going to kill me. He just gave me this look. He went, what? I said, yeah, I do that

and then I get the loppers out and cut everything. Honestly, it was like I had... I know. I'm the sort of saying. We got artificial lawn at our previous house. It was such a small lawn that we just wasn't getting any sun. So we gave up. The kids were playing football. I said, let's just get artificial law. And we couldn't work out whether to get the longer one or the shorter one. So in the end, I said to the guy, look, do the longer one. And then am I right in saying that if we're not happy with the long one, I can mow it with a proper lawn mower once, and then it'll be the height I want it to be.

And he said, you want to mow an artificial lord? And I went, well, yeah, because it'll work, right? Mo it once. And then I thought, first of it wouldn't work because it's too thick, the plastic. It's not like grass. But more importantly, the neighbours would think I'm mad. I think they know that already. He's had artificial, he's mowing it.

What's wrong with him? You don't need to mow it, mate. It's not real, isn't it? Have you still got that or have you got real lord now? We've got real Lord now. I did like the idea of mowing it artificially, because it's a very enclosed house where, like, four or five houses would look over you. And I thought, if anyone says anything, I'll go and get my wife for a second opinion

and pull out like a blow-up doll. So like nothing in my life is written. Just have a stood there. E-rec because we shouldn't mow that. What do you think? Like a balloon dog. Oh, my God. The other thing I want to, I actually, you've made my nose run.

You've made me. Anyway, in the nicest possible way. I'm glad we're two meters apart. Is this true that you've got a Guinness World Record? I did have. Yes. You haven't got it anymore? Well, what happened was I bragged about it on would I lie to you as soon as I got this thing.

And the professionals obviously watched it and thought, we're not having this. So they had to go and beat me. But the world record was for the most bull's eyes in a minute. How many did you have? I got 12. Well, it's bulls and outer bulls. You know the little green around the red. My God.

So you have to throw three darts and then you have to retrieve them and then throw three again and retrieve them. So you're running backwards and forwards in 60 seconds, throwing really quickly. How did you do that? Well, I've been playing since I was about three in the pub when I grew up in a pub. I used to stand on a stool and throw the dart.

So it's the one sport I'm actually all right at, as anyone who's watch soccer aid will attest. I'm not good at football. I'm not. I'm really not. So I tell you how bad at football I am, I've done soccer aid for the last three years. I've missed a penalty every single year.

Yeah, I know. And I'll tell you on fit I am. I was, they put this GPS thing on your body to measure your heart rate and the distance covered and all this kind of stuff and put it up on the changing room wall for everyone to see, just to basically humiliate people like me. And there was about 50 people did it

and I was second to bottom in every category in terms of distance ran. heart red, blah, blah, blah, right? And speed and blah. And second to bottom, though. And the person who was bottom was Darius Fasel, Darius for sale. Now, if you don't follow football, he was a England player in like 2004, 2006 sort of era, still younger than me. And I beat him in all the categories. So I said to him, started bragging, going, I beat you in every category. And he's the only person I beat. And he said, sorry to disappoint you, Lee, but the day we did that, I wasn't here. We worked out that just the fact that he's,

thing was in the bag and someone had carried it from the coach to the changing room and then back again had covered more distance than I did in the training. Oh my gosh. That's how bad I am. So thank you for saying, but I'm not good. Really not good. You see, I know nothing about football. Gabby Logan's the football one. This Gabby, it knows. I know bugger all about football. Right. Well, it's nice to hear the words. You're very good at football, aren't you, Lee? I know book are all about football. Yes. Can we just talk about the Queen? Yes, please do. Because apparently you love the queen

and everybody's talking about her platinum Jubilee. So will you be hosting that again? Because you did the Jubilee concert. I did the Jubilee one. Yeah, there was lots of us doing that and that was absolutely. I mean, it will never be beaten in terms of feeling what the hell am I doing here.

Really? Everything about it. The thing about stand-up is you sometimes do comedy to like, I've done it to as little as three people. and that particular month I'd been trying out new material at a local club to like 20, 30 people and then suddenly you're at the mall

looking down the mall and there are, I don't know, 50,000 100,000, but then there's tens of millions possibly 100 millions around the world watching this live show you're doing and not just me, obviously I'm just introducing bits and bobs. I had written an autobiography at the same time and it didn't have an ending

and throughout the book I'd said that I had met a lot of people but the one person I never met was the queen. And this was my now chance to meet the queen, get a photograph, and use it at the end of the book. Couldn't believe my look. And then I left someone in charge of taking a photograph of me meeting the queen. I've seen that photo. Up your nostrils.

It looks mainly like I'm stalking Kylie Minogue and Lenny Henry, who are more prominent in the picture than me or the queen. Did you actually talk to her, though? Did you chat? Yeah, I did actually. The idea is that you get introduced to the queen. And Kylie was introducing everyone to the Queen. I think Gary Barlow was as well.

They were walking along with them. It might be paranoia, but I am convinced that Kylie and Gary looked at me, thought, I don't know his name, and stepped back. So not have the embarrassment of going, and this is, sorry, who are you again? And they stepped back. So just the Queen came forward on their own. No, no, no, no. And I made polite conversation.

I said, how's your husband? Oh, yes, thank you for asking. and do-da-da-da-da-da-da me had a little chat and then we both ran out of things to say and she stood there and realized that at this point people just lead her away she never leaves a conversation she's led away or someone introduced to her but there's no one there and we both just stood looking at each other who oh yeah no it was a real moment of now what should we talk about you know what what should we do now i was glad to have met her but as far as i concerned she can move on i've had me little shake her hands got nothing else to say to the queen other than that

your husband. She's tiny, isn't she? She's like... Tiny little woman. She's like Kylie. The two of them. Two tiny people. Maybe that's why Kylie was asked to come round to butcher. To butcher.

To make her look bigger. Make it look taller. Because we all know, the queen before she goes out on any parade always says, how can I look a bit butcher? So all she's ever saying, isn't it? Where's Kylie when I need her? Get that man old. She can butcher me up.

If I get Gary Barlow, he'll butcher me up as well. I would love that. Are there still people that you feel like that about? Because I love the way that you talk about the Queen. Are there still people that you really want to be with? Would I lie to you? There's no one I can think. I mean, there's someone like Pele.

I'd love to meet Pele. But I've got to be realistic. I'm probably not going to meet Pele. But the one person that I've never met who I, I think I would love to do it, but he's one of my musical heroes, is Paul Heaton from the beautiful. South and the House Martin's. Have you never met him? Never met him.

And the amount of people I've said to, I'd love to meet him, who have said to me, well, I know him. I'll come around with me. He's got a pub, because he owned a pub, I think, in Manchester. In fact, I had a very awkward situation with Paul Heaton were. I get an email from my manager that says, see below. You know you see the link below, right? And it's at Paul Heaton, has he emailed his manager, who's emailed my manager, who's forwarded it

all onto me, right? And it says, is there any chance you can get a signed DVD from Lee Mac for my wife? And imagine what that does to me. He's like my musical hero. Oh, my God. And it said on it, if he, I'm trying to remember the exact word in, if he could write something like, I can't remember her name. Let's say it's Julie, right?

Could he write, I love you, Julie, but not as much as Paul? I love you, Julie, but not as much as Paul, right? Nice little light-hearted comment, right? So, what do you think that means? What do you mean? I love you, Julie, but not as much as Paul. What does that sentence mean? It means you love Paul very much.

Yes! Thank you! You're the first person that's ever said that. Why? Everyone else interprets it as, I love you, Julie, but not as much as Paul loves you, Julie. No, it means not as much as I love you, Paul. Exactly. Because I've done so many interviews where I've mentioned his name,

I assume he must have read it. You must know I really like him. And it's a little running joke where she likes me and he's gone, yeah, well, he likes me more. I love you, Julie, but not as much as Paul. Yeah, of course. So I write this big sign DVD going, I love you, as requested, I love you, Julie. But not as much as I, as not as much as Paul, because Paul brought out my favorite album, London Nill, Hall 4 by the House Mart, and go on and on and on in a sort of waxing lyrical. And I thought, I'm really proud of that little light-hearted thing.

and then I'm just about to post it and my mate reads it and goes, oh, you've misunderstood that completely. You're supposed to put, I love you, but not as much as Paul love you. No, no, no, I'm on your side, completely on your side. What makes, we ask everybody in this,

what makes you laugh? Because I'm going to have to just say, before you answer that, that the amount of people that say you, and without embarrassing you, and I can actually picture you getting embarrassed because you're an incredibly kind person as well. Oh, thank you.

You probably make me laugh. I can put you, on television and I, in the nicest possible, I just have to look at you and I laugh because you, oh God, you make me love. So who makes you completely belly laugh? Who makes me belly laugh? My earliest recollection of proper belly laughing

was watching, do you remember a comedian called Phil Cool? He was an impressionist. Oh my God, yes, years ago. Many years ago and he used to do impressions, but not normal impressions. He used to do an impression of a Morris Minor. God.

Which I thought was incredible. He could impersonate a car. He used to make me belly laugh. And then all the alternative comedy in the early 80s, all that wave of comedy really made me want to be a comedian, Rick Mayle, the young one. And I'll tell you to really make me laugh is Bobby Ball and Cannon and Ball. I feel guilty that I didn't watch as much as I would like to have watched before he died.

And he just was a naturally, naturally funny bloat, you know. And a lovely bloke as well. But when you work together, did he make you laugh when you were filming? I often describe Bobby as being someone who's like, he was 77, but he was like, there was parts of him that were like a 14 year old kid. He just, he just was a, not just his height. He was a little man, but he was also quite childlike in all the best ways. You know, he would just come in and everyone would just immediately be in a good mood.

He just had this awe about him where if it was a Bobby week, if he was in the episode, everyone would be up, you know, and we'd go, oh, great. It'd be like having a, the kids on set. When the kids are on set in the show, it's very hard to be in a bad mood because kids just bring a natural energy, don't they? That makes you go upbeat a bit, you know.

And he was like that. He was just pure funny and he was such a lovely man, you know. And I'm still not quite, I still can't quite believe he's gone. That's heartbreaking. When people die and people who have made an impact on other people's lives, I really do hope that they can see

the impression that they've left, that they've created happiness. Somebody like Bobby Ball, I mean, I don't know if you read some of the beautiful, beautiful remarks about him, but it was that he left such a lovely feeling of happiness. And that's why people were so sad, obviously, desperately sad at his loss, but that he'd made people laugh.

What a gift. And also that feeling that there are some that Eric Morecambs like this, that you just, I think the best comedians, people feel that they personally know them, even though they've never met them. I've always had a real, sort of, one of my all-time favorite, not just comedians, but people of all time,

is Eric, Eric Morecam. And I feel connected with him, even though I've never met him. I've met his son. I've met many people who've worked with him and knew him really well. But you can just, more than a musician or an actor,

you can feel that you know the really great comics, I think. I don't know why that is, but you just feel an empathy with them. And Bobby had that in bucket loads. You have a lovely story about Bobby that you've told quite a bit about when you were on Pointless together. And I just, it's just, it's so sweet. My kids are obsessed with Pointless to the beyond belief. And they said, if you ever get chance to go on Pointless, please will you go on it? So for the kids more than anything, I decided to go on the show and I needed a partner.

and I asked for Bobby, not knowing anything about Bobby's general knowledge at that point. We went on the show, and if you haven't seen the show, the format is that you have four couples, and you basically go along the line. So if I'm with Bobby, I'm number one, and Bob's number two, and then it was Esther Ransson and Terry Wogan were three and four, then MacBusted were, I think there's something about losing to Macbusted that may. It wasn't even McFly or Busted. It's Muckbusted.

Feels like even more insult that they beat us. I don't know why that is. They were five and six. And just to add insult to injury, seven and eight, we're also Mubbusted. The other two from Mubbusted. So we start with me, but Bobby's nervous and says, can I go first?

The question was, name a word that ends in son, S-O-N. And he says, he doesn't bother thinking about it, doesn't bother giving it considerate, consideration just says Appleson. And I go, I look at him and go, he didn't even give me a chance to cheat because, you know, I thought I'll whisper if he doesn't, I'll just whisper it even though you're not supposed to.

And I didn't get the chance to do that. And he just said, Appleson. And Alexander Armstrong said, what does that mean? And he goes, I don't know. It's the word, in it? Appleson. And so if it's not, if it's the opposite of pointless, if it's not the correct answer, you get maximum points, don't you?

So it goes all the way up the line, goes all the way back down. But anyone, I haven't spoken at this point. I haven't said hello. Back down the line. Finally, Lee, but it doesn't matter what you say because you're already out. Because all the others had scored well enough that I was out. My children were almost in tears. It'd taken three hours to get there.

And I was out before I said hello on my children's favourite program. But I love that. Do you know. Appleson. I love that answer. That is completely my sense of humour. Just say what comes into your head. head and just go with it and laugh. Do you know, I know you're going to, like I said a moment ago,

you're going to be really embarrassed and I can imagine you blushing to this because you don't like it and you can't take compliments. But you just listed people that make you laugh and you are one of those people that makes people laugh and that's why people love you. And please just carry on doing what you do because what you do is vitally important. I really, I think you are brilliant at what you do. I really. do. Oh, thanks, Gabby. That's lovely to hear. And you're right, I am slightly embarrassed, whilst at the same time putting up a triumphant fist that you can't see. My blushing is a little bit like my other body movements we talked about earlier. You can actually hear my blushing.

I can hear you blush. You can hear me blushing. Yeah, that's not blushing. That's the sound of me eating sweets we now shudgeoning. Because there's one, there's one thing I can do multitask, which is taught to you and sit at the table. Oh, God. I hope you're not doing it. doing that, that would be the first and the last, hopefully. I tried to, I don't know why, but I tried to soften that by saying I'm sitting at the toilet rather than on the toilet. I remember once ages ago, I've got to say this very quick, someone's, the reason why I think

I said at the toilet was because I once had a dinner party, someone came in and someone said, where's Tara gone? My wife, Tara said, was Tara gone? And I said, she's on the toilet. And they never let me forget it. They said, why couldn't you said she's gone to the toilet? Why did you have to say she was on the toilet? And it always stuck with me that. I thought, yeah, it's a bit graphic, isn't it? It's a bit descriptive. That's what she's doing.

That's what she's doing. She's on the toilet. Should I carry on and tell you exactly what she's doing on that toilet? Before you serve dessert. And Lee, you had to end it like that, didn't you? You had to end it like that. I'm so pleased you did. Lee, Mac, thank you.

Thank you, Gabby. It's been lovely talking to you. Thank you so much for listening and thank you so much to our exclusive sponsor of this episode. Go to Simprove.com and use the code Gabby 15 at checkout. Coming up next week, the wonderful Nadia Hussein. That Gabby Rawlsend podcast is proudly produced by Cameo Productions. Music by Beth McCarie. Please press the subscribe button and it will come straight to your phone on Apple Podcast, Spotify or wherever you choose to listen.

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