That Gaby Roslin Podcast: Reasons To Be Joyful - Paul O'Grady

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

In this episode Gaby chats with the fabulous Paul O’Grady and there are a lot of laughs! He chats about Lily Savage, the difficulties facing the entertainment industry, winning his BAFTA, Liverpool humour and his admiration for those who fought and died in the war. Plus, he recalls the brilliant drag queens he has worked with and his friendships with Cilla Black, Barbara Windsor and Jackie & Joan Collins. You’ll hear him mention Vera - his best friend Alan also known as Vera, Lily Savage’s sister. This chat was recorded before the launch of “Paul O’Grady’s Great British Escapes” which is now available on ITV Hub.              Produced by Cameo Productions, music by Beth Macari.  Join the conversation on Instagram and Twitter @gabyroslin #thatgabyroslinpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, thank you for tuning in to that Gabby Roslyn podcast. Now, I promise you this episode will make you laugh out loud with the fabulous Paul O'Grady. We chat about Lily Savage, the difficulties facing the entertainment industry, winning his BAFTA, Liverpool humour, and his admiration for those who fought and died in the war. Plus, the brilliant drag queens he's worked with, his dear friendship with Silla Black, Barbara Windsor, Jackie and Jones. Collins. Yes, all of them. We talk about all of them. Also, in case you're wondering who Vera is, well, that's his best friend, Alan, also known as Vera, Lily Savage's sister. This chat was recorded just before the launch of Paul O'Grady's Great British Escape, which is now available on ITV Hub and is a joy to watch. Off air, Paul was ranting and I mean really ranting about

modern technologies. So that's where this chat starts. Pre-warning, There is a bit of swearing in this one. And these bloody zooms, when there's about 10 on it, and you think, I don't know who's talking to here. And I don't know who's talking to me. Yeah, I agree with you about Zoom. It's a nightmare. Listen, Gabby, when people say to me,

can you scan something on the scan? I say, no, I can't. Because so many have gone through the window. I just won't go near it anymore. I love you. Fax machines used to go out of the back door like you wouldn't believe. Flung, with a great force. And I've gone through, I can't tell you how many printers

Because they're all crap Where are they all now? Oh, they're all in the bin I've got a new one now And that thing, I haven't been near it I refuse point blank To go anywhere near it Unless I have a general anaesthetic first

And a valium I will not go near That God forsaken devil's own work That's in there Sitting there looking at me Refusing to Bloody Prince copy, do anything. Do you know what?

This is reminding me of. You early morning, this is early morning, Paul, I remember. This is, this is savage. This is how I first met you. Oh, well, I'll tell you why she's chucked me over tonight. I've just cleaned the front room and I think, where the hell have these cobwebs come from?

My front room is like a Roman orgy with spiders all having it off all over the place. Cobwebs all over the gaff. Corpses are cobwebs where they're, females have killed them. It's like a battle zone. How do you get rid of your cobwebs? With the Uber. Oh, you don't, do you not have a feather duster? No. I have I got a feather duster? With my dogs, they think it was a chicken. It wouldn't last five minutes. It'd be shredded. Do they still have feather dusters these days?

Listen, if you go on the internet, Gabby, you can get whatever you want. Believe you and I'm sure somewhere you'll find a feather duster and a French maid to go with it, a French maid's outfit. I'm not going to Google that, because that'll come straight. back and haunt me forever. Oh, you get message, you get email. You know, if you look at something, I'm not talking about something rude, but if you look at anything, you guarantee you'll get an email about something similar. Have you noticed that? Oh, it freaks me out.

If you go on Instagram and you start talking about sausages, for example, you then suddenly get adverts for sausages. They're listening in. I've had adverts for hearing aids. You're kidding me. No, it comes up quite often this one about hearing aids. I think, no, fine, thanks. I'll let you know.

You'll be the first to know when I go mutton, Jeff. I promise you faithfully. Yeah, you won't. You listen, you're honest about it all. That's why I love you. How are the dogs? How are the animals? Yeah, they're all fine.

I'm out filming at the moment. Of course, you've been filming your brand-new ITV show, haven't you? Oh, God, we're all over the place, filming all manner. I've been on the lot, steam trains. You name it, I've flown over in the Spitfire. Not a Spitfire, a Tiger Moth, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Did you? enjoy it. Oh, I loved it. Yeah, I loved it. Yeah, I absolutely loved it. Yeah, so it's full on, you know,

it's like some of it's quite physical, actually. And then, and of course, it's, you know, when you're yakking nonstop, and also then the social distancing, which when you're in a confined space with an eagle on your arm, it's quite impossible to tell you the truth. And all this, and I'm on the vape at the moment. I've gone on the vape. So you have, you really don't smoke cigarettes anymore? No, I'm on vapes. I'm, I've got this vape. I've got a draw full of vapes. Julian Cleary bought me a vape

and all the equipment to go with it for Panto and I persevered, but they were fruit flavoured. I'm on an elf. I don't want a Blackberry Siggy. You know what I mean? I want something that tastes like a fan and doesn't belch out gallons of smoke like Maleficent's Dragon.

You know when you see people in the streets? You want fire? And they don't even look. And then you get those awful long plastic things that don't look like Siggy's at all, the glow and everything. and you're sucking on them. I'll tell you what, your chest might clear up,

but you get piles at the end of the week because you need that damn good suck to get a drag out of these vapes. You really do. And you look like Marlene Dietrich by the end of it, because you've got these hollow cheeks with this plastic thing.

So I've got this, it's a tiny little one. It's very unusual. It's tiny. And you put the oil in and all that. It looks like a tab end, actually. So you can have a hit on it if you want. But it's so. so strong that you tore the throat house of me.

I seriously think these vapes I don't need the good for you because you swap one addiction for another. Do you miss smoking then? Do you miss cigarettes? Oh God, too right. You know, you dream about it smoking. You were tiny though when you started weren't you, you were really young. Terrible. Listen, it was

compulsory in our school to smoke. And then, because everybody else, this is typical of me, everybody else was, I wasn't. Isn't that funny? You know, because everybody else Yeah, I didn't. But that's you through and through.

Yeah, exactly. Being contrary, in other words. So I said, no, I'm not. And it was sort of, I think when we were teenagers, you know, you go to a club and all that. And you think that somebody'd have a five-park drive or something. So you'd have one, vomit your guts up. Because the tasted so vile.

But I'm so pleased you're not smoking. You know, I'm quite bossy with you, really. No, I couldn't be bothered. No, I've got me little, my tiny vape. And the other thing is, because it's so, small. I keep losing it. I go into, where they go? It's rooting through all my pockets. I'm like a baby with the dummy. I have a little sock on it and then, oh, God, that's disgusting. Why don't you put it on a chain around your neck? Oh, give over. Put it around my neck.

No, God. Imagine that in the telly. People say, what's that around his neck? That's his German vape. See, Lily would. Lily would have it around her neck. Lily wouldn't give up. She'd tell everyone where to go. Oh bless her. People want entertainment. I've decided I don't, I don't watch the news. I don't watch those, you know, I hear it in the morning and I just don't want to know by the afternoon because it just brings me down. And people want entertainment. You joined Instagram, didn't you, in lockdown and everything. What you're about is about entertainment. It's about the real stories of the, which everybody loves the dogs and Battersea. Of course they do. And they love all of your stories. And they, you know, when you did the, as you know, I love the NHS celebrations that you did last year, all of the,

those things. But people want to be entertained and that's what you are. You're an entertainer. I don't, well, after lockdown, you sort of think, I don't know what the purpose in life is anymore. It's very strange. Do you really feel that? Well, a lot of people feel that ruin the business. You know, you know, they're so used to working and of course, and when they're not working, they're always in dance studios, rehearsing and doing this, that and the other, they're learning new skills. So everything was taken away from them. So imagine you just come out of to drama school and you're all ready to go, bang, taken off you. And all these serious clothes, no pantos, nothing like that.

And all these kids, you know, so I don't know what is entertainment now? Talking to somebody on the internet or Instagram. Yeah, but they, you know, as you know, people love your stories. I mean, when we were live every week, they just wanted more and more and more of your old stories because people want escapism. I tell you what, I was talking to a fella yesterday at a rail. railway station in Tenterton. And he was putting an unsanthasanitiser on and he said to me,

I hope you've got yours on Paul. And I said, oh, what? And sanitiser. I said, I'm on 10 bottles a day. And he said, do you know, I am. I said, it's not too bad if you mix it with a bit of tonic. It's like looked at me. Like, I said, I'm only joking.

But I always wear a mask. All the crew have got masks on. Everybody's got a mask on. We have to do it. Have we got to do it? You know, but, you know, on baking hot days, especially when I had waders on, I won't even go there. Why did you have waders on? You'll have to wait and see, won't you?

It's not kinky. I had these waders on, rubber gloves. It gets better, washing up gloves and the face mask. And it was possibly one of the hottest days we had recently. What were you doing? Okay, let me try and guess. So is it anything to do with sheep giving birth? You don't wear rubber waders for sheep giving birth?

What do you think you're going to do? Put your foot in? Honest to God. You have a big long plastic sleeve, but when I delivered my little lamp, I didn't because I didn't expect it. You know, I didn't expect it was going to happen so soon. But you went full in, didn't you, with your arm? Well, his leg was sick enough, so I knew he was breached. So I thought, I've got to go in and turn him, and I did. And he slipped out.

I mean, it was a bit of a shock. I'll give you that at first. But when he slipped out, it was fantastic. I couldn't believe it had happened. I couldn't believe I'd managed it. You should have been a vet or something, should you? I'd like to have been a vet. I didn't have the qualifications.

And besides, you know, when we left school, all we wanted to do was get a job and earn some money and go out. You know, and that was it. That was your life to go to work, earn some money. Get a suit from Burtons that you paid, God knows what, for every week that you lived in. And out you went. Is that absolutely how you saw? You didn't have dreams, hopes and ambitions? No, none of us did.

quite happy with our lot. You know what I mean? Off we toggle off. That was your life. That's what you did. But then it all changed so dramatically for you. Oh, got constantly changed by every week at one stage. I just think what's happening next.

It was like, obviously it was like an episode of the Lucy show. Just to get wilder and wilder. But if you look back on it now, it's just, I mean, your stories of playing the clubs and being Lily and how Lily came about and then getting into television, they are in itself, and I love your books, obviously, you know I love your books. It reads like a draw, it doesn't... It's like a bad soap, but sadly it's true. This is the thing.

You have good... Well, that's life for you, isn't it? You have bad times. You have good times. There you go. I'm a pessimist. Seriously, I am. Because I think, if you don't expect anything, you're not disappointed.

But if you go in there with high hopes, mad high hopes, and of course, the fall's nasty. So it's best. And then if something, like, you know, when I got off the BAFTA, I thought, I won't get this. I'd convince myself, everyone would say, no, you're going to get this? No, no, I won't get this. And I was quite happy thinking that. And then when I got it, you know, it's quite pleasant. It just comes as a genuine shock.

Did you really not think? I mean, you... No, I thought they won't give the BAFTA. I didn't have a tea time show with a dog sat on the desk. I mean, because the tea time show then was the ghost slot. Don't forget. You know, it was like that five to six slot was just by any-all thing. And that was one of the Nihal thing.

things that got slung in there. Would you do it again? I mean, we've had, as you know, you and I, everyone keeps saying, oh, you and Gabby have got to do a five o'clock show together. Well, it's all quiz shows now, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like that's sort of what,

things move on, things change, you know, everything's secular and off it goes. And of course, now it's gone into quiz show territory. I dare say, I don't know when, that will fade and something else will come along. That's the nature of the beast. You know, that's how you move on. People want to laugh.

They really do. And what makes you laugh? This is going to sound terribly evil. Go on, I know what you're going to say now. Something shocking happens to Vera. I'd roll the place down. You like it when people hurt themselves, like walking into a tree or falling down a hole. Oh, no, now you see, isn't it funny how you change over the ears?

Now I'd rush over and say, you're okay. And I'd feel a pain. The worst thing you can say to me is I've got toothache, because instantly I will feel the pain for you and I'll fret. How's your tooth? I drive people with toothache mad because they try and forget about it and I'm going, how's your tooth? Are you okay?

Have you taken anything for me? Shut up. You've changed. You weren't like that. You loved slapstick before. You loved a bit. No, I know. Isn't it funny?

How you sort of change? I've gone a bit, I hate to say that it's tender. Oh, my God. Have I, hell, they still believe you me. There's still like lurking there in the background, ready to pounce. and at a moment's notice, pure evil. But when you look back at all those, some of the situations that you've been in,

who's made you properly pee your pants funny? They used to be. I mean, you see, when I worked the pubs, there were some fabulous drag queens knocking about. I mean, really, they're all not long, they're no longer with us now, sadly. There was the likes of Phil Starr, and it talked a bit like that day, you know what I mean?

And it was just a brilliant comic. you know, regardless to whether he was in drag or not, he was very, very funny. And we used to roll, and you'd get lots of drag acts like that. We'd roar ass, you know, they were real. They were quite old then, you know, and they'd probably, like, been in soldiers and skirts and stuff after the war, you know, on all those shows.

And they'd learnt their craft, and they were brilliant. They could work anywhere and handle any audience, and any heckler, they'd tear his shreds. And they were, you know, to watch them, they were craftsmen. really were. They used to make me raw laughing. Hilda Baker used to make me howl laughing on the telly. Do you remember Hilda Baker? Yes, I do. I can't do it. It's that. She had that. She's like that. She's sort of like that. You mean? And all that business. And she knows, you know.

And Jean Ferguson, she's no longer with us. She did a fabulous play about her. It was amazing. It was just, and Jean was Hilda, you know, and it was so, I saw it from day one when she did a workshop and I followed it through. and we became great pals me and Jean, and I was a big supporter of this place. I got it on telly on the chat show to do Hilda Baker and Cynthia, and of course, there's only older viewers who knew who Hilda Baker was, but younger ones were fascinated at the idea because Matthew Kelly was a Cynthia.

You know, she used to have the big tall mute stood next to her or didn't say anything in drag. That was Matthew Kelly? Matthew Kelly was one at one time, yeah? No. Yeah, he was a Cynthia. She had quite a few. So how did he start?

How did he start up then? Was he stand up? No, Matthew was part of the actors at the Everyman Theatre, like Julie Walters, you know, all that lot. He was part of that group. So before that, you know, he probably did the last knockings of variety with Hilda. Yeah, he's had a very long career, Matthew, you know, and an illustrious one as well, you know. Oh, he's lovely. Yeah, he's a smashing fella.

He really is a nice bloke. And his son's grace as well. We've had a hoot me and him in Panto together. I've moved up to terrible things. That made really shocking. I remember Vera vomiting outside of Chinese restaurants, and we were screaming the place down, like lunatics. Now there, that's something I made me laugh,

watching your friend being sick. What, somebody vomiting? Yeah, that makes me howl. But then if it's too much, I'll wretch myself in sympathy because I can't clean my teeth, first thing of a morning, because I heave. The whole family does, my sister's the same. As soon as the toothbrush goes in your gob,

and that's all you hear all around the house. I'm only used to smoke. Sometimes you'd have a fag and a swallow a tea and the two did not go very well together. But you've got funny bones. I think that people have funny bones. I think I was lucky with my lot growing up with my family in a working class household with half of the Merchant Navy,

the rest Irish farmers. You know what I mean? and so it was a combination. And then, of course, you had all the neighbours and they were all characters in their own rights. You didn't realise it at the time. It's only in retrospect when you think back and you think, you're just laughing at some of the things that had happened.

And, of course, it was just daily life for us. So you grew up with it. But did anyone say to you when you were younger, you've got to do this. You're so funny. I mean, they must have. No, you weren't considered funny. You know, we didn't.

Listen, every party you went to, there was a comic in the kitchen, cracking jokes. folks, they should have been on stage. My auntie Chrissy should have been on stage. Really? Because she was very dry. You know, and the thing she used to come out, and all these expressions, I won't repeat half of them on here.

Oh, you can repeat them. It's a podcast, you can. Well, you know, if, you know, like somebody was a martyr, you know, moaning. Oh, and then, of course, I went the hospital, and the doctor said, I'll put your own knees and see. And my auntie Chrissy says, oh, for God's sake, get off the cross. We need the wood. Oh, she'd say, yeah.

If it was hot, you know, she'd just come off the bus as she'd say, oh my God, I'm sweating like a hoover and confession here. You know, all this kind of, and you didn't even laugh, you know, because it was day-to-day speech. Do you use all those characters then when you started out? Did you think of all those things that they said and just build on it? I use their expressions, yeah. Quite a lot of them, yeah, because they hadn't really been heard down south,

you know, things like that. And they are off the world. I mean, I'm not hungry. I could eat her nuns ars are through the convent race. I mean, really? I mean, really, when your auntie says that. It's fantastic. I've never heard that.

I mean, but I didn't flinch, you know, because it all the time, this is it. So, but of course, there's osmosis. You absorb all this stuff. It all gets taken in. And actually, then you're in a different environment years later. You need to come out with something like that. And people are screaming. And you wonder, why?

You know, it's just, and I've got mates who talk like that. I've got made to are very funny, and they don't realise it, you know. But I love Scousers. I love Scousers. I just think the people from that area, from all around the area, just they have this great outlook on life. They really do. And it's very dry as well, you know, like, you know, it's very, like quite spiky humour,

some of it. It's very funny and the expressions they have. But I was admired them when I think back now to my lot, you know, what they went through, I'm filming this, you know, because... Southeast here, this was known as Hell's Corner because it was so bad with the German bombers. And you think back and you think, how the hell did my mother cope at like 19 with two babies, living 10 minutes from the Dock Road and the shipbuilders? How the hell did she cope? And get up and go to work in the morning? How? How did they do it? How did my dad go to Normandy,

straight off an Irish farm and find himself at the D-Day landings? How? him and hundreds and millions of others, how did they do it, you know, and get on with life? It's really song in making the series or this of thinking about it. It's very odd. I've sort of gone back in time, maybe.

But actually, you know what, if you were to say it to kids of today who are, you know, if you say it to a 12-year-old now, things like that happened, they are so used to their phone and they're so used to everything being accessible and being able to do anything, talk to anyone, use everything.

But you're saying about a young man going over to the day day landings? I don't have any idea what was going on outside of his four walls. And then never mention it when he comes home, never mentioned it. I can recall three occasions when my dad spoke about the wall. My mother said plenty. If any German came on the telly or anything like that, she'd be off. But your dad never said anything. No, none of them did.

Very little, you know, very little spoke about it. boated very little and you don't know whether that was the horrors of it of what they saw. I remember my dad saying that he couldn't swim me dad and of course he's there he isn't in the channel or whatever and he's got his rifle held above his head with his backpack on great heavy boots his uniform going through the water with the water coming up above his chin. I see in soldiers who drowned floating past him that I remember him telling me that and me being horrified as a kid and that was it. But anyone listening to this, my dad wasn't the only one who did that, who couldn't swim or whatever, and was put in that situation

and saw his friends floating past head. You know, there's so many men. And this is why I say, when people go, I'm not buying a poppy, blah, blah, blah. I said, buy a bloody poppy. Because if it wasn't for these people, you'd be under the jackboot note now, in a camp or God knows what. And it's true, you know, you realize just how brave, especially down here on the southeast,

dealing with it all. The defence was incredible. I don't know how they did it. I've got nothing but amazement for them. But you've always been very, you spend a lot of time being grateful for all sorts of things, don't you? You don't take things for granted. Oh God, no. No, not at all. You know, you have to think, you have to tell yourself sometimes. Sometimes I'm sick of this house, you know, when they're eating goes. Or there's a mouse in the bedroom or there's bat, banging them fed up at this or whatever. Because that's, that's the, that's the, living in the countryside for you, you know, and then I think, God, I'm so blessed. You know, I really do. You know, I'm looking out the window now and I'm thinking, yeah,

you know, you haven't done bad. Do you know what I love about my house? There's nothing new in it except from the beds and the fridge. Everything is from auction houses, second-hand shops and eBay. That's wonderful. Isn't it? And you can finish your house at really nice stuff. You can go to a post shop and buy a wardrobe for £4,000, a designer one, or you can get a lovely 1930s one for $25,000. I know which one I'd go for, thank you very much, the $25 quid. And me as well, then you get, you know, you give it a good old polish, clean it all up inside, maybe put a new rail inside, swank your clothes on.

Bob's your own, you've got really stylish, half-deco wardrobe that's cost you nothing. But that comes, that's what I mean about you being grateful. There's nothing flash, there's nothing, it's not like you take anything for granted, and you're always, you're a stickler for thank yous and... Oh, you make me sound like, um, right old holy Joey, you're writing thank you letters. No, but you are. You're grateful for what you've got? I've got, do you know what?

I'll tell you how, holy, I've got a back full of papers, letters down here. And bills, I haven't paid. Soon I'll have no luck here, no water. No, because I haven't got, I'll get in, you know, you get in from work and you think, oh, God, I'll have something sweet, and then you're knack and you think, and I'll have to do a bit of washing for tomorrow. It's normal things. It makes me laugh when people think if you're on the telly.

We're all lying on shes longs, but you'll like peel me a grape. You know what I mean? Always. Always. I mean, I get people say to me in supermarkets, what are you doing in here? I must say shoplifting. What do you think I'm doing in here? And they're like, look at me.

I say, would you mind moving? I've got a turkey, got me jumper here. Thank you. Steve Ross did it as well and running down. legs but they say don't you have something to do it for you no in lockdown you did you did it you were doing all with your bare feet he kept saying you look your feet had changed shape because you went barefoot everywhere looked after well it's just I told you I went feral I still am slightly feral it's changed me and along

with a lot of other people as well you know people with far superior intelligence to me are more interesting lives it's changed them as well it must have changed you as well it's changed everyone oh god yeah it's changed us all, you know, we're all sort of, I don't know, it's very odd, you know, everybody I talk to, I asked them the same question, has this changed you? And they all go, without hesitation, oh, God, yeah. Because it was also a time for reflection, you know, because we all had time on our hands, you know, well, I did anyway. I mean, I'm not sure if I was in, like, a little council flat with nine kids, you know what I mean? I'd have time on my hands. But for those of us,

and, of course, that can either, that can go two ways, they could be good memories or sad memories, and you start to resurrect all sorts of stuff, and you think, Oh, no, I have to shake that off. You know, and you go, right, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do the other. Yeah, but you're writing books. So how are the books going?

Oh, well, they're kids' books. They're thoroughly enjoyable. As I write them, I think, would I have enjoyed this as a kid? Would it tickle me? There's lots of gags in it. You know, like for the kids and the villains. And they're very nice. They're nice kids.

I'm really proud. The odd thing, Gabby, is when you start writing these things, you get very fond of your characters, the villains included, and you get very picky about what they would and would not do. And it's true. And soap writers will probably understand this. And actors who found themselves in a soap, you think, no, no, shouldn't do that.

Nah, shouldn't wear that. She'll say that. And he definitely wouldn't do that. You might have a go with that. She'll have push him. And you do, and you think, oh, it's like playing chess with characters. It's fascinating. And then, of course, it's all for kids,

so you've got to keep bringing it back all the time. But at the same time, not patronising. You know, it's a fine line writing kids' books. I really admire it. Kids' books, rights. It's not an easy job. But when they put it onto the big screen, because it will happen,

because I know what the idea is. I don't think so. No, it will. Will you be all precious about it and go, no, that's not what they do? Oh, God, I'd be a nightmare. Yeah. But also, you have to allow for a theatrical license.

You know, they get a fabulous actor in or whatever, who doesn't really look like the character you've written, then you have to concede and say, yeah, okay. So who's going to play the part then, apart from you? I'm not in it. You're not? No, I wouldn't want to ruin it. No, I'm not.

You wouldn't ruin it. I'm really funny about me doing it. So who would you cast? Go on. Anyone, go on. Go on. Cast anyone. Give me a chance.

It's not even going out to print. Yeah. They might say, this is a load about crap. I'm flinging. That's your lot. Bye-bye, Eid Blighton. There you go. No, they won't.

But it's, um, It's been, and of course they're not very long. They're only 30 to 40,000 words. So again, I have to watch myself because I'll go on. And I'm mad for the villains. I really am. I get so fond of them. And when it gets to the end, do you think,

they've got to have. They're just desserts now. It's time for, you know, to pay the piper. What can I do? Well, maybe they don't. Maybe you'll hang that over to the next book. I've got different villains. You know, I don't want to get bored with writing the same one all the time.

Do you get bored easily? Oh, terrible, Gabby. Gabby, I've had more hobbies, as the sheds will testify. Yeah, I've done a lot, calligraphy, oil painting, watercolours, pastel, cray and charcoal pencil. No, I tried, hurry, stop, stop. I tried to get you doing painting when you had your heart attack, and you told me quite, you just looked at me, there you were,

I thought you were dead, and I just, I brought you an easel and some oil paints, and you just went, am I that that ill? That was a while, I look at a lot younger. That was somebody rock and roll, you. You know what I mean? They're not rock and roll now. Believe you, me it's rock and cheer and sausage roll, and that's your lot.

That's what it is now. But then you move to the countryside, and you start to learn new skills. You know, you start to... I mean, it was hell at first. You know, Saturday night stuck in. Oh, my God. Are you sure?

I was pacing the floor like an old panther, thinking, no, no. This kind of... And imagining what was going in on all my favourite clubs and where the good lockings would be. and all this business and oh, my cronies. And then slowly as you get older, I mean, you would have, you know, you change, you do change. And you can change with the best or the worst, really.

I don't think for me it's the worst because you find yourself, I mean, I've gone through the candle making stage. I've done that. I've made soap. You do your cakes. Yeah, but I've always done that. That's like reading to me. That's not anything special. That's like part of life baking cakes. I tell you when I like baking a cake,

roundabout twilight in the autumn, when the kitchen's tidy and the radio's on, and nobody's annoying me, and everything's laid out ready for me, like the Duchess of Juxtry, it's kitchen mates. You know what I mean? It's all, you know, you lay out. My auntie Christ used to say,

lay out your stall first, and I know what she means. Get all your ingredients there for you, because you'll be running around the house with dough on your hands and what have you. You flour everywhere. So you get everything, your scales, your loss, your sieves, everything that you're going to need. You're measuring spoons

the loss. Lay out your stall and give you a nice bit of space and if it's pastry, don't even bother if it's warm. Seriously. You've changed, Savage. If Ronnie would care this now, he'd collapse, he would, he'd faint Ronnie. He'd be on his back now, his legs twitching. What would you do? Seriously,

if somebody said to you right now, oh, come on, there's a party. Will you come? Depends on where it was, for a start, and depends who was there. I can't be bothered with the Poe-Face Loss who are like saying, Would you like some supper? That comes to eat. Supper.

And I can't quite get my head round supper. Supper to me is cheese on toast at 10 o'clock or a biscuit or a bag of crisps or whatever's lurking in the fridge. That's edible. No, Shepherd's Pie. Sat round a table with a dimly lit lamp hanging over the table and you're all drinking wine and talking about your offspring, the trouble with your new range rover.

The garden centres closed around the car. around the corner, you can't get a decent coffee on the high street anymore. Have you seen Gwyneth Peltro's new candles? Shall we get one? Have you tried a new body butter on goop? And you just think, I can feel my brain rotting quicker than heroin could ever possibly do if I was to ever go near the junk. And then you get the gay diner parties as well, which is exactly the same. Talking about, you know, if you adopt a kid.

I mean, I've had loads of journalists say to me, would you ever, and Andre ever consider of adopting? So I've got a daughter of 47, for God's sake. I've got grandson who's 14, but they all would want to saddle myself all with a baby now at my age. Are you out of your mind? And I remember doing an interview for a gay magazine. He was a sweetheart.

He was really young and really just knowing than enthusiastic. You sort of feel like it can. with a mouse, it's dreadful, you know. And I said to him, I've got a daughter and he said, oh really, how did that happen? And I said to him, well, 10 pines as cider, missing the tunnel bus and ending up in Boutle on the night bus, Bob's your uncle.

I'm pleased that she's doing what. She's so lovely. At your party, that was such a fun party for your 60th, which hasn't happened yet, of course. We all got the TARDIS, didn't we? I've gone on to Dave's Tannins. I don't know how. But that was so lovely.

And actually, you were saying about all the family. And they were, I think I spent, there were all sorts of people that I knew there from the industry. But I loved being with all of them. They were just the funniest bunch of, your daughter's so lovely. But they were such a funny bunch of people. Yeah, they are, I suppose. You see, I don't see it. It's funny.

You know, but to other people. You know, they'll say things, you see. They'll come out with them. You see that I've been cursed with something called no filter. It's fantastic. As you well know. And house, it comes. It just comes out.

You and Silla together. Oh, God, don't. I mean, I remember being in a shop in America over there. And I was trying on a pair of kecks, as we call them. I think Barney's in New York referred to them as designer trousers. But Kex, they were us. And Silla shouted to me. To them Kek's.

Speth Paul, top of her lungs. Well, of course, you could hear on the sixth floor. And I shouted, no, God, no, that massive. There's room for a friend in here. And there was a gang of English people going up the escalator. And they heard us, and it was miles away. And they came back down just to make sure they thought, did we hear right, or is that a radio thing or something?

And one of them was from Liverpool. And he said his hair stood on Enderineer and they had the way of Kex. Oh, you two were such a double act, weren't you? My word. Oh, God. She was a hoose. She was great to work with because you can. really say anything to her you know and she used to say to me didn't she'd say she'd say she didn't

yeah well she'd say to me you know people say oh things you she'd say to me go on don't forget now don't be treating me like bloody china she'd say go in so on so of course she'd come on and i put a bin lana on the couch when she did 60 and all this business and now she was going to be the new face to tanner lady and she'd be sitting there and like and then she'd come out with some horrific story about me and you just think oh So it was a boxing match between us, but a very friendly one. Oh, it's wonderful. Which the audience, of course, loved.

You know, they used to roar because you're getting an insight. So like a private life, really. Do you know how I test my lungs by blowing the bugle? So I have, not all the time, because the dogs aren't very keen. But I don't know, like a lot of people are, really. So I do my Zepas, gladiator ballet, blow the bugle in the kitchen with me head between my legs. It's a grand finale.

Oh my word. And if I can still do it, I'm made up with myself. You know what I mean? So that's how I exercise my lungs by playing Miss Mosepa. The late Faith Day, as you know, I was extremely fond of. Yeah, I always think of her when I do it, which is a nice thing, isn't it? I was going to say you bring so much joy. You really do.

But you can't take a compliment, can you? You can't. To people watching me doing the Gladiator. Yeah, everything. You just do. I'm going to say it again, you can't take a compliment. Do you know what I've discovered I can do? I've got this.

It's a Bluetooth speaker. And there's one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom. Get them on Amazon, then I'll do. But you can go on your phone, you know, where you've got your music on it. And you can program it to come on in the kitchen. So before I come down it and play the Jaws music, Neon-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N.

or I can play like some demonic music like something from the omen Oh no I love her All that kind of stuff Which tickles me But drives everybody else Because they'll be sitting there And they levitate with rice

When all of a sudden this music was blaring out Occasionally you might get the Mickey Mouse Club march Oh When we lived in a flat years ago There was me Alan and there was Angela Walsh There were three of us And every morning before we all set off for work

To cheer ourselves we used to have a march Oh God We were only for God's sake 19 And we marched around the front room With veered at the helm with the brush Me on the Bugle And Angela in the middle on symbols To Barbara Shrisrisrisons

Before the parade passes by Played full belts on the record player And then we go off to work Oh my God, what a fantastic picture. Imagine it all around the couch, three, but like me, singing our heads off. But I tell you what, put you in a good mood for the day's work. I wake up, I wake up my young, obviously the oldest is now at university, but I wake up my youngest. And when my oldest is here, I go and sit on top of it and I sing musical theatre songs.

And she just looks at me and goes, mum, no, I go, what's wrong with that? And then she laughs. And I just think, if that makes a lot, I don't care if she's, laughing at me. How nice to be able to leave the house with a smile on your face. Now I'm going to try and be a one man. What's what are they called? One man band. I wouldn't advise it, Gabby. It gets a lot older now. I probably wouldn't appreciate her mother coming in with a drum on her back and two symbols on the knees, blowing a kazoo. You know, you don't see them anymore, do you? I've got one. No. I have, yeah. Yeah. It was one of the relics from the tea time show,

you know. Hold on a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You have a one-man ban. I mean, you don't have the man with it. No, I have the kit, yeah. But the thing, you have to have, like, you have to screw, you have to have a pair of shoes where you screw things into at the heel, you know,

so they operate symbols and things. It was made for the show. Listen, I had loads of props from the Tea Time Show. I've got rid of most of them. I had the TARDIS. That felt a bit. It was carried off in a four-scale wind. I had all sorts of penny-farthing bike.

That's on the wall. Prop room. of glory holes, you go in there and it's just full of everything you've ever wanted. I want to go back to the one-man band thing. I don't even know where it is. I've got a horrible feeling it was slung. It went, you know, it went the way of a lot of stuff over lockdown. Well, I think that went away when we had the rats before lockdown.

I must say in the rats had a one-man band going in the barn, but they didn't. One of them had a lovely voice, but the others, no, they weren't musical. But they sort of, quite a lot of, you know, chewing. And you're just like, ugh, for me, anything around. rat's been on straight in a bin, I'm sorry. I don't mind a pet, white one. If somebody's got one of them, wouldn't bother me at all. There's a guy that used to get on, in the days when I used to get the tube,

because, of course, obviously now, not at the moment. With his on his shoulder. Yeah, he used to go on the tube with a rat. I remember a fella on the tube with the white rat's on his shoulder. Probably the same guy. Probably, yeah, because when did you, last go on a tube? Well, before lockdown, so actually a few months. Gabby, I'll be honest with you, the last time we've been for a meal,

and we said, should we get the tube? And they all looked at me. I said, go on, let's get, I want to get the tube, because I want, yeah, let's get the tube. Anyway, we've got to the tube station. All the machines are gone where you put your money in, and the fella had gone in the booth. Yeah, they used to have, like, stalls that I'd say,

Camden Town and all the named stations, and then it's a four-p. And they said, wait, you have to wave your credit card over that now. And I suddenly felt like about 200 or Catweasel. Because even when I was skint, and I used to go on the tube, I'd either walk or get the bus, because they used to, like,

sitting up the front of the bus with a fag on and a copy of the Daily Minute and a package of crisps. And that was me going to work or whatever paper really that they had in the local newsag. So the last time you were on the tube it was still shillings and pens.

No. I was a paper boy when they went decimalisation. I didn't even come to London and that was in luck because I was selling papers and would you believe in sickies around the hospital. What? In the hospital? Yeah. Gabby I was 40. We're going back in time here. You know, we're not talking last week.

Maternity, I wasn't allowed on the ward. I used to have to stand at the end and show. Echo, which was the Liverpool Echo. And the women who, they come down who could walk and buy paper and some of them, by siggies. You didn't think anything of it, then, Gabby. It was different times. I remember people smoking on aeroplanes in the cinema. I remember because my mum was a heavy smoker.

And just everywhere she'd never. She never did. You could smoke on the tube, you know, and like, but the trains always had a smoking carriage, which always made sense. It's stunk, so you go in there and you come straight, aren't you, think, God, no, I'm gone, thanks. Rather than...

Yeah, but aeroplanes used to be able to smoke at the back of an aeroplane so everyone would have to walk through that. Yeah, you'd have to go to the back. If you want to go to the toilet, you'd walk through. It was just ridiculous, really. I mean, even as a smoker, I never like smoking in a restaurant. The best thing that was disgusting. especially people who smoke between courses, I think, oh, for God's sake, can't you hang on?

That is, yes. Oh my God. Do you know what? Isn't it weird how you get used to. They say it's the 21 days to break a habit or make a habit. So how long has it been since you couldn't smoke in restaurants? I mean, it would feel so alien now. Lighten up a sick in a restaurant, you know, even outdoors, it's like, do you mind? Do you blow smoke at me face? I remember years ago being up, well, this is many years ago. early 20s and my friend was smoking on the beach in L.A. And somebody coming up to her and saying to her, what do you think you're doing?

And she said, I'm on a beach. It's open air. And this person went absolutely mad. Yeah, but that's L.A. isn't it? You know what they're like over there. I only ever used to go. If we were over there, go over to see Jackie Collins. Because you know, we were pals.

So I'll go and see Jackie. What was she like? Oh, Jackie was fabulous. Gabby, fabulous. She was just wonderful Jackie Collins. She was such a good friend. Honestly, she was lovely. When Murphy was really ill, she'd ring me every night nearly.

Or she'd send me an email because she'd been through the same thing with her, her fellow, Frank. That's so lovely. Yeah. And, you know, she was so good. And every time she came over, she said, let's do lunch. And we would. You know, she's obviously somebody interesting with her. And I didn't know she was even ill.

And I was in Borneo, putting my shoes on about to go and film with the orangutans. And I look at, you know, they have the banner. that goes underneath on the telly on Sky News. Yeah. I looked up and he said, Jackie Collins dead. I couldn't believe it. And I came down,

all the crew were staring at me, you know, blank-faced because they knew. And I said, come on, let's go to work for God, so we haven't come here, so for me to sit and what are we going to do? What would Jackie do?

So, come on. And off we went to work. But I was so sad, she was such a lovely woman. What an awful way to find out about a friend of yours on this one. I know, shocking and it. But it's often how they'll, you know,

the case is. Are you friendly with her sister? Are you friendly with Joan? I know Joan well, yeah, very well. I mean, and you know, she's worked with everybody for God's sake. Everyone, you know, you name it, Joan knows them or she's worked with them or she's slept with them or she's been to a party with them or whatever. She's just, she's iconic Joan Collins. She really is. She really is. And she keeps going and she looks fabulous. She's old school. Oh, she's proper old school. You know, Barbara Windsor's proper old school as well. She was another one. Barbara. Love her.

Well, we both know her. She's a very dear friend of both of ours. Yeah, I know. She's a good lady. A really, really good lady. I know. Oh, she's fabulous. My auntie, Annie, was a wise one, you know.

She always used to say, remember the past, but don't live in it. Oh, true. That's so true. It's so true. You know, when I think about our Annie saying that, and I should say, remember the past, lad, but don't live in it. You know, don't hark back to it. Move forward.

And that was sort of the working-class ethic. I don't know what it's like now, but the aim of the game then was to better yourself, you know, to get on in life. That was it. But live each day, celebrate each day, and don't live in the past. Oh, my darling, thank you for this.

You've just been amazing. No, you're very welcome. We put the words to rice, and I'll tell you what I'm not doing, like you, stop watching the news, start reading papers. Don't watch it after midday, that's my thing I tell everybody.

Wake up in the morning, hear the news, and then go, right, I'm getting on with today, and I'm going to celebrate today. And I know it's really tough for a lot of people. Oh, you're telling me. I can't, now, Gabby, you know, there are limits. I can't wake up in the morning, sunny, saying I'm going to celebrate the day.

Really, and then we're still a happy tune. You need me sitting on top of you singing musical theatre. I'd kill you. I'd go for your throat immediately. I don't wake up, Gabby. I'm exhumed. Seriously. I have a man who comes and bangs on me.

it and tells me it's safe to get it and then runs and then then I'm up there and I'm like hissing it's like a cat that's been kept in a sack for 24 hours and suddenly released I'm getting a lot better well look we all have our faults and if we don't admit him nobody'll ever get anywhere you know nobody's perfect do you know every single time I speak to you I honestly I'm exhausted purely because I never laugh as much as when I talk to you oh give over my god You just make me laugh. And that's just carry on making me laugh. And I'll speak to you very soon.

And thank you for this, my darling. No, you're welcome. And listen, everyone, look after yourselves, yeah, you know? And don't be panicking and what have you. And take care of your loved ones. Bless you. I'm going on eBay to look for a tin ass and a gas mask. And I'm going to sit in the corner of the room and shout down and says,

tell me when it's the second of January. Thank you, my darling. See you soon. Bye, bye. Bye. That Gabby Roslin podcast is proudly produced by Cameo Productions. Music by Beth McCari. Please press the subscribe button and it will come straight to your phone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you choose to listen.

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