That Gaby Roslin Podcast: Reasons To Be Joyful - Robbie Williams

Episode Date: October 4, 2020

Gaby chats to long-time friend Robbie Williams. The episode is full of laughter as Gaby and Robbie get the giggles sharing stories. As well as chuckling about falling down a manhole in Stoke on Trent, Robbie talks openly about his happiness, admiration of Ant & Dec and how walking has changed his life. Contains swearing and drug references.  Produced by Cameo Productions, music by Beth Macari.  Join the conversation on Instagram and Twitter @gabyroslin #thatgabyroslinpodcast You can listen to Robbie and wife Ayda’s podcast ‘At home with the Williamses’ wherever you get your podcasts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to That Gabby Roslyn podcast with me, That Gabby Roslyn. This week on the show, we have none other than the wonderful Robbie Williams. Stay listening if you would like to find out what makes him laugh, falling down manholes and how he loves to walk everywhere. Plus, we chat about his podcast, staying at home with the Williams'es. Oh my darling, how are you? Gabby, I'm really, really good, really good. How are you doing?

I'm really okay. I just did the weirdest thing. I went down a rabbit hole of us working together and the first clip I found was 31 years ago. 31 years ago? 1989. No, it can't have been like... It was.

No, it wasn't. It wasn't. Well, it said 1989, 1990 on the clip. Okay, 1990, because in 1989, I was still at school. I auditioned for take that... In 89, didn't you? Maybe it was 89. Yeah, but what was the clip?

What was the clip? You on motor mouth with the guys? No, I reckon that was more like 91, 92. But still, it's a long, long time ago. Oh, my God, you were 15. Yeah. 16 or something. Yeah.

Oh, and just I love you as much today as I do then. Oh, bless you, babe. Do you know what? Every time I see you, I think that I've seen you happier than I've ever seen you before. And then each time I get that you're even happier than I thought you were when you were happiest. Does that make sense? Yeah, I think it does. I think it's been quite a gradual thing, the road to just being content.

And it has many levels. And I appear to be at, I don't know, level 9 and a half. I'm looking forward to... Wow! Yes, yes, yes. I got the certificate through the door a couple of weeks ago.

And then... What colour is it? What colour is the certificate? It's Move. Oh, okay. I'm liking Move. I didn't think you were going to go there, but we'll go with Move.

Okay. Before we launch into any of my stuff, what is this? What are you doing? Tell me, talk me. Brand brand new podcast. That Gabby Rossin podcast. Because when people look for

podcast. They always go, oh, have you heard that Gabby Rosin podcast? Or have you heard that podcast? Yeah. And we've got literally straight away. You said yes straight away. Dame Judy, who I've already interviewed, said yes. David Tennant, Richard E. Grant. Just the lucky people. And it's all about positivity, happiness and joy and entertainment, because that's what you're about. That's what I'm about. And I think that's what people need. They really, really do. Well, also, I would, I would like to put a feather, What do you say? Put a feather in your pipe. Is that what you say? In your cap?

Yes. I like to put... You can feather my pipe. Yeah, I'd like to put a feather in your pipe. I'd like to put a pet. Do you know, it's like you've reached out to people and that list of people that have all said yes, that says a lot about you, Gabby.

Well, I think it's just that people want a bit of fun and happiness. I really do. And they like you. Take that into your heart and people have gone. Yeah, but I can't. I know it's so weird, isn't it? Isn't it weird? I can't take a compliment and I can't take people saying nice things and I know you can't either. We're not allowed.

You sort of get embarrassed, don't you? What is that? I can remember when I went to rehab for the first time when I was 21 or 22 and they said, said, right, write out a list of negative things about you. And I was like, I am so good at this. I could have just carried on and carried on and carried on and carried on into 30, 40, 50 things. And then they said, write positive things about you. You know what? I couldn't think of one. Wow. I mean, things have changed. Things have changed since then, but it's interesting. And I'm wondering if the lack of being able to take a compliment is a British thing, or if it's a worldwide thing.

Like, we seem to put a shield up and bat them away. What I used to do when people gave me compliments after shows and stuff was give them a list of why it wasn't a good show, why I wasn't a good singer, and why I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing. You know, it's like, ah, let me tell you about me. I'm awful. And somebody pointed it out to me that I was doing it. It was a long time ago.

And they said, and it was a mentor of mine. And he said, when somebody says, well done. That was a great show. Just say thank you. And I did. I just started to say thank you. And I didn't have to put out a negative of myself with the thanks. I just took it and said, thank you very much.

You know, just that simple thing changed a lot of things for me. the ability, just gratitude that there may be, there may be room to receive the praise that is being given to me, you know, and it saved me a lot of after shows seeing five or six different people telling them why I was rubbish that evening. It stopped me from, I don't know, it's like ego in reverse, I suppose, but still ego. Do you know what's so incredible? So one of the things I wanted to talk to you about was your reaction when I've seen you after gig.

So years ago, you were at Hammersmith and I came to see at Hammersmith and afterwards you went, Oh my God, Gabby, that was really shit and I did this and I did this. And I remember saying to you, are you insane? That was amazing. You are the showman that you know you are and all of this. And then, you know, years and years later, lucky enough to see you in Italy a couple of years ago. And afterwards, you were buzzing and elated. were texting and I just said you were fantastic and he you said thank you and I thought oh what a

difference am I oh wow so you noticed honestly noticed it oh okay well well that um that just made me I don't know what that that that just gave me goosebumps actually that it was a thing that you noticed about me and you noticed the change and um yeah I I don't know that just made me feel odd in the nicest way Good, I'm pleased it was in the nice way Because I mean, I remember when we Because you co-hosted the Big Breakfast with me And one day, we always said we do TV again

But television was a natural place for you And there were these two other guys I think the names are Ant and Deck I can't remember, I don't know what happened to them But they also came on the Big Breakfast And I was going on and on at them about becoming presenters And then you were on And I said to you, you've got to do presenting

and you were sort of you were well maybe one day went maybe one day and I said the thing is you're an entertainer and I think that you know that now don't you you've accepted that that's what you are you are you are an entertainer on stage when you do your singing of course you are you've always done that and I think obviously you get it from lovely Peter how is Peter your dad do you know what he's on really good form my father my dad for the listeners out there he won his round on uh new faces in 1974. My dad's a comedian and a singer and an entertainer. And unfortunately, he's got Parkinson's.

And, you know, he's got, he's, he's, do you know what? In himself, he's amazing. And the only time that you can tell that he's really got anything at all is when he holds the phone on FaceTime in the wrong hand. And it's just like shaking. And I'm like, dad, dad put the phone in the phone in the phone. other hand and then it's fine and then you kind of like there you go he um as it stands is on really really good form i've always known that i was an entertainer and do you know it's actually

an and deck that made me embrace exactly what i the the essence of what i do on stage because when i was 16 i was really into hip-hop and wanted to be this and then indie music happened and I wanted to be that. And then you've got like radio head and you've got oasis and you want to be cool and you want to be cerebral and you want to be lyrically. You want to do this and you want to move people in this way. And all that happened was I just came on stage with these massive jazz hands and couldn't help the fact that I was like modern cabaret.

People actually see that word cabaret as a bad word. I don't. I was brought... Oh no. Yes, I agree with you. Because I wanted to call my... I got a residency in Vegas and I wanted to call my...

I mean, it was not so humble, but world-class cabaret. And the people in Vegas said, yeah, don't call it that because the word cabaret is deemed to be like old-fashioned and, you know, NAF. And I'm like, well,

I am old-fashioned and naff. That's my gig. You know, that's what I do and I embrace that. But when I saw Ant and Deck and how they worked at 8 o'clock on Saturday night and the joy that they bring people and the seriousness with which they took entertaining people in the way that I used to love when I was 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 with my grandma. having a crisp sandwich watching Saturday night television and wishing that I was in that box doing what they were doing. I went back to the essence of actually what I was without the pretensions of who I thought I had to be when I was a teenager.

And who I am is, I'm not saying I'm as great as these people, but who I am, the essence of what I am is Tommy Cooper, Morecambe and Wise, the two Ronnies. Kenny Everett, you know, that's what I want to embodying. That's what I want to mean to people. And that's what I can do because that's the skill that I have got and I enjoy. But that's what you didn't want to do for a while because you were fighting against it. And there's a lot of us who do that. We just fight against because we want to be in the cool gang or we want to be seen to do this or seen to do that.

And now you're just going, hold on a minute, this is me. These are my roots and this is what I want to do. So that's what you're going to do, though, because I keep reading everywhere and hearing on your podcast as well with your lovely wife, that you're going to be doing tele. You're coming back to do Saturday night telly. Yes, I don't know if it necessarily will be Saturday night or what night it will be or what time it will be. But yeah, I am coming back to do TV and I'm coming to do film. Film? Yeah.

Acting, with your acting hat on? With my acting hat on. Yeah, this is all. Oh, my word. What? What? Tell me. I can't say right now.

Tease it. Go on. Tease a little bit. Well, it's, I don't want to get the cart before the horse. Okay. All right. No, don't then. There's something happening next year where I'm venturing into another area of the entertainment industry

where I will be putting a feather in my pipe. I'll be putting more feathers in my pipe. You just fill that pipe with feathers. By the way, can I let everybody know what I've been doing this morning so they can understand why I'm still sort of in a malaise? So I, it's my daughter, Theodora's, eighth birthday today. Happy birthday, Teddy.

Oh, she's so, she's so glorious. I just... Look at you with kids. Look at you with kids. Look at me with four kids. I know, four children who used to say, you know what, Gab, I'm never going to settle down. I'm never going to have kids. Oh, and I kept telling you you would be the best dad, and I bet you are the best dad.

Oh, do you know, I do all right. They think I'm the best dad, but they haven't experienced anybody else being it. Yeah, but of course you're the best dad to them. Tell us about Teddy's birthday. What have you got organized? Okay, so I woke up extra, extra early. And you know when you wake up extra, extra early and you're kind of vulnerable and you don't have your sort of protection against foods that you wouldn't normally eat. And then you are presented with a bunch of foods you wouldn't normally eat that is for children.

You know what I'm saying? Like? Yeah, go for it. What have you eaten this morning? Oh, my God. I've had these. I woke up this morning. And there was these croissants and pancakes and panno chocola, right?

But here's the kicker. Panoscholar with the chocolate that goes through the middle and white chocolate in the middle. You've gone for all of those already. That's impressive. Well, I had no resistance to all of these things. But then what happens is I went up, Teddy went to school. and then I crashed. And then I fell asleep for three hours

because my system isn't used to so much sugar. Anyway, I've just woken up and I'm coming to very, very slowly. So you'll have to excuse me, dear listener, if I don't sound with it. I'm not on drugs. I'm on croissons. There's the title.

There's the title for your podcast. Oh, that's that. Actually, that's your next book as well. Where are you, Gabs? I'm in my bedroom, surrounded by a fake fur coat, because I'm very anti-real fur, cushions and everything all around me to try and make it all sound okay. So you're actually in bed, aren't you? I am actually in bed, and here I will stay for a little bit.

Has the first podcast come out or not? No, we're launching with you and Judy Dench. You're our launchers. What great company. And why did you decide to do it? Because if one more person told me to do it, I thought I was going to scream. And I realized that actually what I like doing is talking to people. It's my favourite thing.

And I'm so nosy and I'm fascinated by people, but I only want to speak to people who I really like, who enjoy life. And who get life and get fun. I think that, I think it's going to be very successful. Bless you. What makes you laugh? I put a wish list in with the universe every now and again for things that I want. You know, like, do you ever do that where you ask the universe to stop? Yes.

Yes. Absolutely I do. Okay. So in the last couple of weeks, actually, I was told. And I don't care if this is true or not, right? I don't care. I don't say that I believe, believe in this stuff, but somebody said a couple of weeks ago, the energy's on the planet and the energies in the cosmos tonight,

it's very, very important that you ask the energy, you ask the universe and the universe will manifest what you ask for. And right, people out there could listen to that and poo-poo it. And yes, okay, that's fine. I'm not saying I'm 100% in, but I'm saying, what have I got to lose? Right? That's what I'm saying. Absolutely. I've got nothing to lose. And it's a nice thing to do.

So me and Ida sat down and we burned some sage and we lit some candles and we put our wish list into the universe. And the last thing that I always, always say when I'm putting these wish lists out there, whether it be New Year or just randomly through the year, is laughter. Whatever it is that I ask for, on the last on the list, is laughter, laughter, laughter. And, you know, it's like I get kind of, there's like, you watch Ricky Javees, he laughs so much when he's doing interview, when he's interviewing people. And I can't, that's what I get jealous of these days.

It's not like. But you laugh. You laugh. I've seen you lose it, completely losing. No, no, no, no. I do. I do. I, I giggle a lot.

But I don't know how sco. school was for you. But have you laughed, since you've left school, have you laughed as much as you did at school? Yeah, probably more, actually. I was that very, very shy person, very shy. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,, and,, that's my life. All I do is talk and giggle. I was smiling when you said about your wish list, because one of my things I always say to everybody is, you know, and, you know, if you could wish for anything, wish for happiness and laughter in your life. And I really think that laughter and giggling and all of that, it's the best medicine. When your kids giggle, isn't that just, it's addictive?

Okay, what probably makes me laugh. My wife's very funny. She makes me laugh. My mother-in-law is like a character out of a sitcom that I get to just watch and be with. because Gwen is absolutely incredible. But it's like she took one too many acid in 1969 and sort of didn't come back. And just watching her sort of interpret the world in the way that she does makes me laugh. I'm surrounded by people that make me laugh.

And also that I can be dark with, that I can have a dark, dry sense of humour with. I think, not much on the TV makes me laugh or in the way of films, not like it did in the olden days. What makes you laugh? People walking into lamp posts. Do you know what?

I was going to say that. I was going to say that, but I thought that's just, it's too, I was going to, I was going to, I was going to, people heard. hurting themselves. Yeah, people who, like, I can't get my, my fascination with, what's it called? In America, it's called America's Funny Home Videos. Oh, you see that, all of that.

You've been framed. Yes, you've been framed. Yeah, you've been framed. She's like, she'll come in and she'll, she'll just be doing whatever she's doing in the bedroom and I've got you been framed on and I'll be going, ha. And she's like, are you watching this? again. I'm like, yeah, it's people hurting themselves and I like it. I don't want them to break anything. No. But, you know, a slight injury is hilarious, including man. I've fallen down a manhole.

I was, I was out, I was out jogging. This was in Stoke on Trent. This was in Stoke on Trent. And I was in Stoke-on-Trent. And I was jogging back from my nans to our house. And it was night time. And I was just running past a spa, you know, the mini-mart type places. And there was roadworks going on, but nobody had put the, maybe somebody had moved the warning signs or the warning things around it. And I found myself running and then I all of a sudden found myself underground. And then, and then, and then somebody that was just past. by just went, hey, you're right, you're right. And I went, yeah, how are you?

I was just like, yeah. And then I got out of the ground and then carried on running. But I found, I found that hilarious. And I still find that hilarious. I actually yesterday, I walked into a tree yesterday. I properly walked into a tree and this man shouted out, oh, are you okay? And I was laughing.

He went, oh, you're not. I went, no, but I wish I'd filmed it because it would have made me laugh. And he thought I was, look he gave me, what a nutter. Back in the day, there was this semi-rivalry that wasn't too intense between East 17 and Take That. And take that, we were leaving the Smash Hits Awards. And there was a small group of East 17 fans. And they were doing the Wanker sign. And they were doing the fingers.

And they were following the van. down the road and they got clenched fists and all of a sudden they weren't looking where they were going and one of them walked into a lamppost and knocked herself out. And I'm sure she was fine, but it was one of the most comical things that I've ever seen. You know, just we had to disapprove of you and we hate you and now I'm unconscious. You see, that's karma. That's karma. When you ask me what makes you laugh,

the first thing that came into my mind was like people hurting themselves. And then I thought I better not say that. And then I'm glad you did. I remember going to the theatre once, going to a panto and one of the children fell off the front of the steps.

They were fine, but they were just a bit embarrassed. And I laughed the whole time. My dad, My dad used to work this cabaret room in Stoke-on-Trent called Jollies, and it had a round stage. And then nobody had told him, but they'd had the stage done,

and it became a square stage. And that is like, you can, you can see it. You know, with this mic, with the lead and his sort of like valvety, burgundy jacket with his frilly shirt. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. And welcome to the, and off the stage and into the audience. Straight, like, like straight away. Just like walked onto the stage,

walked straight to the front and then fell off. And everybody thought it was part of the act. Yeah, it wasn't. I should have worn waterproof mascara. I literally got black. lines on my face. The other thing that I really want to talk, because you talk about this a lot in interviews

are those sliding door moments. And I am fascinated by those in life. Yeah. I really am. Actually, that is one of my TV or film ideas. Exactly, but what acting-wise, would you like to do a sliding doors acting thing? Yeah, I've created the concept.

of where I would have gone, who I would have been, and what would happen to me. And I'm very, very excited about it. But there's other things happening too that I'm very, very excited about, can't say much about them either. Because, you know, then the press pick up on them. I know. I let too much out of the bag.

I think the press had me doing my own chat show or something a few months ago. Oh, they probably had you doing everything. They hang on you every word. Actually, that was very interesting in your last, I think it was your last podcast with Ada, who I've never met and I completely adore. I think she's adorable. But you were talking about being able to go out

with a mask on and I remember from years ago, you just wanted to be anonymous for a moment. And it's not that you love being what you do and doing what you do and people knowing you and all that, but being anonymous. And now masks are making you anonymous. does going out feel different? Yeah, it does.

You know, like in COVID, I've been in the public way more than I ever have been because I'm in disguise. The thing is about that sort of like losing your privacy and becoming this monumental huge thing out the blue, unexpected. You fight with it. You don't accept and you can't accept that a few things have been stripped away from you.

And as soon as you do accept that those things are gone and then you deal with it in a different way, the happier you will become. But it took me a while to sort of like grieve normality going. And I know that sounds strong, but that's how it felt for me. Grieve normality going and grieving privacy. see going took a while plus the intense light that shone on me for 10 years 12 years whatever it was the most intense light shifted and it went on to other people I in 2006 was just like I you know I wanted to kill myself I wanted to to end it I wanted to not be on the planet I didn't want to

do my job. I thought my job was making me ill in a way it was, you know, not my job itself, but the things that surround it. And I'm also very competitive. And I just thought, right, this is what I'm going to do, you fuckers. I am going to not leave my house. And I'm not going to do my job. And for three years, I just, I bought this cashmere kafftan, a couple of them, from Morocco. And I sat and I, at Honey D.J. on crisps and crispy creams and I watch reality TV and I put on about 40 pounds and grew a beard and I just waited until the world had moved on and then eventually it moved on. I came out the house and I was like, where are all the paparazzi?

Fathers, fellas. And then so my life became manageable because that, sort of box office spotlight that was on me, moved on to somewhere else. And I enjoy this level of fame. The other fame, the outstanding extreme Olympic sort of, da-da-da, is you can't live in it. You can't breathe in it. And I would say, you know, find me a person that has achieved that level and survived unscathed. And I don't think you can. You know, it's like I look at Ed Sheeran. I listen and I read a few of his interviews and I spot the bits where he's struggling with it. Ed looks like he just

taken to it like a duck to water and it's not affecting him. But then he talks about his mental health issues and where he finds himself. And I'm thinking, oh, even Ed's going through it. Oh, right, Okay. And I love Ed. He's such a good lad. But can you think of anybody that's achieved that sort of Lady Gaga, Ed Sheer and blah, blah, kind of fame that's come out of it or gone through it, unscathed and unaffected? Well, absolutely not because I've interviewed so many people who have been, actually not that have been to the level that you had.

You were scrutinized for your every step, your every being. your every breath, whatever you did. And as you know, I was very protective over you. We were at places together and I would be like, right, don't you dare, don't you dare, don't you dare? I didn't want anybody to do you any damage. I'm very protective over you, as I remember saying to your dad. But the scrutiny that you were under was extreme, actually.

It was beyond a lot of people and what they've ever coped with. It was extraordinary. And I think if that were your time again now, I think in some ways it might be different. It was the beginning of the millennium. It was you'd gone through a lot of personal stuff. But it was extreme what you went through. I mean, it was extraordinary.

I think Megan's going through it now, actually. Yeah. I think, you know, Harry and Megan are going through that sort of cruel scrutiny of anything that they say. And I know they're chums yours and I work with Harry. No, no, they're not. Like I've met Harry, I've met Harry briefly a couple of times. Very nice guy.

He's a good guy. Very nice guy. It's fun. You know, I've never met Megan. But there is, you know, like I used to be followed 24 hours a day with car falls of people outside my house. And then I used to go, I always remember going past Britney Spears's house. And bless her, there. was anywhere between 10 to 20 cars just waiting for her to leave her house.

It's just awful. What is that about? I don't know what it is in human nature that allows some people the ability to gain in finances from doing that job. I agree. And not, it's sociopathic and not look at themselves and go, I'm being an awful human being here. I shouldn't be doing this. This is not appropriate. You know, and when you see sort of like Britney Spears shaving all the hair off and then getting an umbrella and putting it through a window, you know, it's like, that's what I wanted to do.

I wanted to do that all of the time. And I used to spend lots of time sort of trying to talk to them and make them understand that what they were doing was unfair and what they would, they didn't have to do. do what they were doing for a living. But it's the people that feed off them. So there are a lot of people who are obsessed with celebrity. I mean, obsessed. And so what they're doing is they're feeding that obsession. They're giving those people the drugs that they crave,

which is anything about that celebrity. And as you say, you know, what Brittany went through and what you went through, it should be illegal. I think things have changed a little bit since the Levinson inquiry. You know, I just noticed that my life has changed. And I tell you why my life has changed is because with the press, they used to have people that worked in credit card companies, and they used to have people that worked in telephone companies.

And they, so if you sort of pay a bill or book something for the future, whether you credit card or with whatever, they knew where you were going to be and where you were going to be. If you were in the furtive If you were in the furthest part of the world to get away from all of that to like to take yourself out to an island

to get away with the privacy. You pay for it with a card. They're there before you get there. You know, so... That's horrible. Yeah. No, it was... I just couldn't understand how it was happening every day all day.

And so now, they know that they can't do that. They now know that there are consequences for their actions. What was is now not anymore and it hasn't been for quite a while. Because that's another thing. There was a couple of things like the end of the millennium, beginning of the millennium. Two things that you couldn't complain about. Being depressed if you were successful or the press.

Because, you know, the fox was in charge. of the henhouse. And I remember watching panel shows and people talking about me or talking about other people that were successful, but was struggling with their mental health. And I remember being shamed into a corner with what have they got to be upset about and just pull your socks up and have you. Oh, no, no, no. That makes me so angry.

People are so judgmental and I can't bear it. Yeah, we're all judgmental in many, many ways. I would like to say that being in deep, deep pain has made me more empathic towards people's mental health struggles. I just stayed around long enough and I had an incredible career long enough to watch the temperature of how people receive mental illness issues is changed. It's wonderful for me to see it, that it's now becoming the hot topic and people are understanding it more than ever.

And that conversation has changed and I'm totally on board for it. And that's kind of my, I do this thing, I do this thing called Socorade for UNICEF, which is fun and easy to do. And, you know, a lot of money's been raised. But the next thing, the next thing that I want to do is I've got this mental health idea that I want to put into the pipeline that will hopefully change a lot of people's lives. And I'm very, very excited about it. Well, actually, timing wise, that's perfect because so many people have. suffered with their mental health, especially through lockdown. I mean, it's older people, younger people, everybody has been affected.

What I'm understanding about myself, I've started to do, I've started to do a lot of walking. I'm doing. Hey, yes, yes, yes. So I'm cheering because I walk nine or ten miles a day. Me too. I love it. Yeah, me too. Change my life.

Changed my life. Changed my life. So I... Good man. Yes. You know, if I do 10,000 steps, I'm like, that's okay, but it's nowhere near enough. If I do 15,000, I'm like, that will do. If I get over 20,000, I'm like, good, nice one that you've completed walking today.

Yesterday, I did 22,000 steps. Wow, that's amazing. And you know what? I sit in my bed after doing my walk. and I'm buzzing. Yes. And the wheels of my mental health are oiled. And everything's greased and everything's doing what it should be doing.

And then I think to myself, inside of me is a person that naturally wants to isolate. Inside of me is a person that doesn't want to get out of bed. And for many, many years, I haven't gotten out of bed. I stick on the TV and I, you know, I let myself decay because of what my mental health is doing to me. Of course, having my wife, but having my children has sort of smoked me out of my bedroom and made me go back into the world and try and find a way to deal with it. And I'm not saying because of the fame, I'm just saying because of my own mental. health and what it wants. It's like I'm a happy agoraphobic. I'm sort of like agoraphobic light. I'm not scared to go out. I just don't want to. But when I walk, the walk in itself has forced me to look at

this isolation issue and gone, I know why I felt so bad. I know why the world was a dark malaise for me. and it's because I stopped functioning as a human being and what we naturally need to do. And what we naturally need to do is get out of bed and go outside and be in the world. Completely, completely. I have to say Fitbit changed my life. I asked my husband before one about five years ago.

I'm very happy doing my walking. Do you know what? I also appreciate about walking. the aspect where because of sitting down and finding yourself in your bedroom and then piling on weight, which is what I've done, is then deep shame of now being an overweight person. And then I go, right, I've got to do something about this very quickly. It's Friday and I'm full of shame. I feel fat. So therefore, if I beast myself over the next three or four days, all this fat will have gone and I will not feel this.

shame anymore. What happens when you do those extreme things is you hurt yourself. You either hurt yourself physically or you hurt yourself emotionally or both. What I'm finding with this walking thing is I don't put myself into the hurt locker. Yes, it takes longer to achieve the goal of what I'm setting out to do, but I'm in no pain whilst doing it. On my, my joints or my mind and the outcome is still the same without the pain. And that kind of, that's saying that everybody knows it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. That's how I'm seeing my food and my fitness right now is this is a long, slower game and I'm winning. That's fantastic.

Yeah. You've always been a man of extremes. Do you think you're still a man of extremes? Yeah. Yeah. There's always some addiction that my wife is dealing with with me. You know, that's she knows that if she gets me to stop doing one thing, I'll put the fire out with one hand and then another fire will come up by the other hand.

And that's just me. I move from one addiction to the next. Is it addiction or is it obsession? Or is it both? It's both. Fortunately, my addiction and my obsession right now is walking. In the past, that would have been cocaine. So if I can be the addict that walks, my wife's okay with that.

You know, I was addicted to social media this year and I had to give that up. Yeah. Have you been, you know, so I can't. I'm just looking at my phone, responding to people getting hurt by what people are saying about me, then needing my reply and then looking to see if they've come back online to see that I've replied to them. And, oh, God, I got rid of my passwords. I still, I sort of, like, I'm removed from looking at anything to do about me. If I need something posting.

Yes, but you've always done that. You used to, years ago, you used to Google yourself or whatever. Yeah. And that is a, it's a dangerous road to go down because you're very sensitive and very thoughtful. So you put those two things together and somebody says something negative about you and you take it to heart, even though they're just, it might be a bot or it might be just somebody with their own issue and it's their jealousy or whatever it is, but you take it to heart. And so of course, I can see why you'd fall down that rabbit hole of social media craziness if you want.

you know, that's probably a good thing for you to say, right, I'm going to put it down. I'm not going to do it. Yeah. If you abuse the privilege of whatever it is that you're doing, sometimes, most of the time, especially with me, I can't do moderation. So whatever it is that is hurting me mentally, I have to identify that and then take a face of action and I have. The other thing that I remember so well about you, even with all of those dark moments

and all of the darkness that you speak so openly about, which is amazing because it does help lots of other people, is that you always sort of deep down rather loved life. You know, you probably didn't want to admit it at some stages, but you sort of were open and there's a shyness and a sensitivity, as I said about you, but you seem to love life, not the life necessarily that you were going through, but you loved life. I can't think of a better way to put it.

Do you know what? I love life and I love people. And that's the, when my medicine was taken away from me, what I've realised about myself is like, I'm an introvert that's an extrovert professionally. and I have all of these blanks that I didn't know that I was needing them to be filled and I filled them with cocaine and I filled them with alcohol.

Without cocaine and without alcohol, I liked people but I couldn't really talk to them and I wanted to be gregarious and I wanted to be fun and eccentric and have things to say and have an opinion. but without those things without cocaine and without alcohol I couldn't find myself I put those things into my system and I was everything that I thought that I had to be

of course I wasn't and then it turned on itself and it at me and then I had to get rid of those things that were my medicine that I was medicating with and then I was left with this introverted shall of a person that had abused himself and was mentally ill. And it's taken me a long, long time to battle social anxiety.

And I want to just be carefree in company. But for years, and I'm talking maybe a couple of decades, I would just be with people and in my head I was thinking I don't know what to say next I don't know how to say it how to achieve it

and I don't understand how to just have a conversation and that's such a lonely place to be such a lonely place to be yesterday we were I can't remember who we were with but I've been out a few times and my wife

was talking to somebody and she was talking about me She says, he says he's socially awkward, but he's such a butterfly socially. And I turned to her and I went, yeah, I need to re-address that. I'm not anymore. I don't feel that pain that I used to feel when I was amongst a bunch of people. I mean, I'm not 100% fixed. But I tell you what, anybody that's out there that's in themselves that is struggling to understand how to

cope without the outside world and outside influences and just being okay with people. It's taken me a long, long time, but I would suggest this. If you're overweight and you're unhealthy, you go to the gym. You go in the gym, you do a workout, it's painful and it's hard. And then weeks pass by, months pass by, and you become fitter and you become a healthier and it doesn't hurt as much. It's the same with the social aspect. You have to train. You have to go out there and do the thing that is painful. Do the thing that you'd least want to do the most. You're actually brought a tear to my eye. I always very openly talk about shyness and how, and I've spoken to you privately about shyness. And as a teenager, I was so shy that I

I was crippled with shyness. I couldn't open my mouth and I couldn't speak. And then when people ask me to do strictly now, I just go, no! Because that shy teenager comes back. And shyness is something that people do not talk about. They don't discuss. It's like you can't say that because, oh, that's just a thing. It's a real thing.

It's a real thing. And a little bit of advice that I heard that I took with me, it's like, if somebody gives you an opportunity, and you don't know how or you don't think you can do it, say yes and then learn how to do it later. And that's the same thing with the opportunities that come my way. Whilst I was in my imperial pump in the most glorious highest of highs with my professions, I was being offered so, so much stuff. and I turned everything down.

And the reasons were twofold. One was I enjoyed saying no with my ego. And the other one was I was incredibly shy and didn't think that I could do it. I just don't think people believe me when I say it because, you know, part of a way to combat that shyness and awkwardness and anxiety. I have created a almost superhero-like shell that I inhabit when I get on stage. And so it's done me the world of good because if I didn't feel that way, I wouldn't have created this character or this personality that does what he does in a stadium full of people.

But it is a coping mechanism and it is a tool. and it is a way to express myself, but it's not, it's not who I am. I might be, be becoming that person that isn't crippled by the shyness. I doubt,

doubt the shyness will ever go away completely, but now I can walk with it calmly instead of it, instead of it telling me to stay in bed. That's amazing. I mean, I have, I get moments where it comes back,

where if I go to a, a house party with my husband, I cannot let go of his hand and I'll just, because I don't drink and I used to think that having a drink when I got somewhere would relax me and it's fine and then I'd be chat. I have to say I'm more chatty now since not drinking and going to parties than I was when I thought, oh, I'll have a drink because that will be fine. But, but the shyness comes back every so often and there's something inside me that goes, you can do this, you can do this. I have to concentrate, you know, sometimes when I'm, amongst people it can be free and easy and then sometimes i have to have laser focus like a goalkeeper

you know goalkeeper comes off after 90 minutes he's absolutely knackered why is that he's just been standing there yeah he's knackard because he's concentrated yeah and it's like i'm the same sort of way at a party where I have to have laser focus on what we're talking about and how we're talking about it and how we are being. God, you're spot on. That's exactly what it is. Yes, which can, if you are somewhere for three hours, if you're doing that for three hours, you know, it's a workout.

So let's go back to Teddy because it's her birthday. What's she expecting for her birthday and what's she going to? Is she going to, obviously you can't do parties? I don't know what it's like where you are at the moment. Are you allowed groups of kids? No, we are not. But what we are doing is taking her to a hotel this evening. Oh, how lovely.

Having a meal with, there's Team A and Team B. There's the two kids. One's Teddy's seven and Charlie's, well, Teddy's eight and Charlie's nearly six. So Team A will be going to a hotel this evening and we will be having games and lovely, lovely food. Whilst Team B, Cocoa and Bo, Coco is two years old and Bo who is nine months old, will be at the house being looked after.

Look at you, you see, I'm going to say it again, all those years ago when it was, I'm not going to get married, I'm not going to have kids. You've now found the woman that is perfect for you, isn't she? My word. I mean, just seeing you talk about her. No, she totally is.

She's my best mate. But when I was making that decision, I was making a sane decision. You know, people might, because I said it openly in interview stuff, I'm not getting married and I'm not having kids. I think people could have viewed that as being a selfish thing. I actually was taking a grown-up stance and actually I thought I was being the grown-up driving the car instead of the petulant child in the back. And for somebody that is so shy, so introverted, so addicted to substances,

why on earth would I inflict that on another human being? And how on earth would that person be able to raise other human beings? That was where I was coming from. It wasn't that I wanted to selfishly go and plunder around the world. I know that. I know that of you. It was just like, hey, listen, this is what I'm dealing with. I'm incapable of doing this.

It wouldn't be fair. I'm just going to deal with what I know I have. And then Ida and then sliding doors. And here we are. And I think that's fantastic. And I will, you know what, Rob, I absolutely mean this from my heart. I'm from afar. I will, I am the most overprotective friend of yours. And I will be there to the bitter end because I think you're wonderful. I really do. I think you're a really good guy. I'm incredibly, incredibly fond of you. You're a very, very, very good person with a massive, massive kind heart and hugely talented. Just say thank you. Oh, God. Thank God. Okay.

Go on. Thank you. There we are. Okay, good. Will you give your family big hugs from me, but especially your daddy, because you know I adore Peter. Will you give them a big kiss from me, darling? I will do.

All right. I shall see you down the hallways of the entertainment industry. Good luck with your podcast. Good luck with your health. Good luck with laughter. May you be overwhelmed with laughter for the rest of your life. Thank you so much for listening. Coming up on the next episode, Celia Imrey.

And Himesh Battelle. That Gabby Rosen podcast is proudly produced by Cameo Productions. Music by Beth McCari. Please press the subscribe button and it will come straight to your phone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you choose to listen. Also, please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts.