That Was Us - Chat Was Us | Romantic Love

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

This week on That Was Us…we’re back with another Chat Was Us! Inspired by the many love stories that have defined This Is Us, from Jack and Rebecca to Beth and Randall, the hosts gather for another Group Chat episode centered around one big theme: romantic love. From first crushes and first heartbreaks to soulmates, red flags, and the realities of long-term partnership, Mandy, Sterling, and Chris reflect on how their understanding of love has evolved over the years. In this episode, the hosts chat about: * How their definitions of romantic love have changed from their teens to middle age * Their first experiences with romantic love and the awkward, unforgettable stories that came with them * Whether soulmates really exist or if lasting love is a choice you make every day * How movies, rom-coms, and pop culture shaped unrealistic expectations about relationships * The impact of films like The Notebook, Say Anything, and Love Actually on how we think about romance * Why kindness, intelligence, and emotional availability become more important with age * The allure of ""bad boys,"" the friend zone, and how dating priorities shift over time * First heartbreaks, devastating breakups, and the lessons they still carry today * How heartbreak can create walls, mistrust, and fear in future relationships * Why friendship may be the strongest foundation for lasting romantic love * The hosts' own ""Raise a Flag"" game, covering topics like staying friends with exes, sharing locations, saying ""I love you"" too soon, slow texting, work spouses, and emotional affairs * The balance between autonomy and safety when it comes to location sharing with partners and family members Plus, along the way, the conversation takes a few unexpected detours into aging, pickleball, preschool graduations, raising teenagers, and all the ways life continues to shape how we love. And a friendly reminder, you can catch new episodes of That Was Us every Monday, a day early, exclusively on Hulu. Available on Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts on Tuesdays like usual! That Was Us is produced by Rabbit Grin Productions. Music by Taylor Goldsmith and Griffin Goldsmith. ------------------------- Support Our Sponsors: - This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://Betterhelp.com/twu today to get 10% off your first month. - Don’t just take my word for it – go grab one for yourself. Head to Walmart today to try a bar or stock up on 4CTs of your favorite flavors, like Blueberry Pie and Salted Peanut Butter, sold exclusively at Walmart. Check out https://Walmart.com to find a store near you! - Get a $49 annual membership with promo code podcast at https://www.shipt.com/offer. Terms apply. ------------------------- 🍋 About the Show: The stars of This Is Us, Mandy Moore, Sterling K. Brown, and Chris Sullivan, dive back into the world of the Pearsons, reliving each episode and all the life lessons that came with it. Together, they dig in and dig deep, have the tough conversations, bring in very special and familiar guests, share never-before-heard behind-the-scenes moments, and feature listeners in highly anticipated fan segments. Join your favorite family back in the living room to examine our past, cherish our present, and look to the future with new episodes of That Was Us every Tuesday. Executive Producers: Natalie Holysz and Rob Holysz Creative Producer: Sam Skelton Production Coordinator: Andrew Rowley Video Editor: Todd Hughlett Mix & Master: Jason Richards About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1 » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a headgum podcast. Our first group chat episode was such a hit. We decided to come back with another installment of chat with us, where we're going to riff on a certain topic that's inspired by the show. And today, that topic is romantic love. Yeah, that's right. We're chatting about the love or relationships that shaped us, challenged us, surprised us, and sometimes completely changed the course of our love.

lives. We're going to get into first loves, lasting love, red flags, green flags, love languages, heartbreak, all of it. Yeah, we got to see so many different iterations of romantic love on This Is Us. Jack and Rebecca, Beth and Randall, Kate and Toby, and even from the younger generations of Pearson's, Deja and Malik, Tess and Alex, younger, Kevin and Sophie, and all the ways those relationships impacted every single one of those people. Hello, Rebecca and Miguel, too. They need to be included. Yes.

The most romantic love. Come on. I mean. The most romantic love of all. Sorry. Let us not short shrift. Let's not short drift. No man.

Geriatric love. Cheriatic love. This week on geriatric love. Friends, we haven't seen each other in a minute. It's been a minute. How's everybody doing? Great. You guys look good.

Sully's dressed in the black. I went old school New York today. and I thank God because I have fully entered officially arrived in middle age. Officially as of as of when? As of the last month. Okay. Like, I'm in. What's the marker?

Well, I got my first colonoscopy. Oh. And I will tell you, it's a beautiful colon, you guys. Clean is a whistle. It is supermodel. It's the most beautiful colon I've ever seen. Wow. How many colons?

Just one. Just one. Well, the prep is. You know what? The prep is not as bad, I guess, as it used to be. I might do it once a year. Just as a cleanse. You just, you like the fluid.

Listen. If it's gonna, if it's gonna make my colon look that great. Is your fluid green? I'll break. Is it green? The drink? Eventually. No, not the drink.

No, it was, no, it wasn't, it was just, it was just heavy amounts of laxative. Got it. Okay. Yes. Sometimes they have, there's a, some people, have like a color to the drink. They gave me the printout, the photos. I mean, it looked like a bouquet of roses. You're the inside of your colon.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, like a dozen roses. They could tell you like how old you are but the inside of your colon. Yeah, I'm 27. Your biological age. I am 27.

I am 27. That's right. Wow. But I've, I've ordered four pairs of compression socks. That's how I know I'm in middle age. Okay. Not just that I. No.

For everyday life. For everyday life. Oh. And it's not the fact that I've ordered them that makes me middle age. It's the fact that they make me feel young again. You love it. I have, I got a pep in my step. Because your blood is flowing.

I feel so supported. Another indication, I have, I have officially started playing pickleball. Are you loving it? I'm loving it. Because I am a loving ringer, though, bro. I am a bit of a ringer. Are you, are you indoctrinated in the cult of pickleball? I am in the pickleball cult.

I've bought my Andre Agassie pickleball paddle. Is there soreness after or is it not so hard that like you relatively? Listen, why do you think I ordered four pairs of compression socks? Okay, got you. There's definitely some new muscles being used. I went to the pharmacy on the way here today to pick up something and had to go to the section for readers to read the label on what I was buying. And is this how you do it? Is this how you do it? Right? Because I don't, I don't have to have progressive glasses. This is interesting. The progressive lenses. And so now, oh my God. It's like, I've never, I've never seen it. If you're not watching us on Hulu a day early.

Thank you. You're missing out. You're missing Chris with his two glasses on. I've been wearing glasses for a long time, but in the last like six months, my eyesight has gone too yet. And so now it's like a brand new day. But do I have to wear two pairs of glasses like this all the time? I don't just get progressive lenses. I'll get progressive. I have to take mine off. I can read fine. I put mine on for distance. So I'm like the opposite of everybody. No, that's me too. I need it. Yeah, I wear contacts. Although now I'm hearing about this other laser that's not Lasic. It's called like Smile. It's a different laser for corrective. Is it spelled S-M-E-Y-E-L-E? No, no. I think it's I have to do a little bit more research, but they don't cut a flap in the same way as the LASIC.

I don't know. But I feel like in my coming closer to middle age, I'm like ready to not wear glasses and put contacts in every day. For the number of fashionable pair of prescription glasses I own to get them all updated with a new prescription would cost me the same amount of money as getting this surgery. Yeah, probably. Because I love like the glasses that I have and I like the frames or whatnot, but like the idea of having to replace them if things deteriorating.

I did get Lasic, though, right? I did get Lasic, and from 32 to 48. You were fine. Bada bing, bada boom. So just recently that I had to start wearing the glasses, yeah. Yeah, that's what I hear. I'm sure that's sort of the lot for all of us. It comes for all of us at a certain point.

But I also feel better than I've ever felt. Hell yeah. Yeah, you look great, man. I'm active. Listen, I'm active. The lovemaking in my marriage has never been more. V-Rubst. Robust.

I just feel like I'm making excuses for how great being middle-aged is. But 45, if I die at 90, that's good. That's good. I'm good. I got the AARP thing. They send it to you like...

At 50? On your 50th. Yeah. You're like, all right, you're part of the club now. They've been waiting. We've been waiting for you, young brothers. An alarm went off at their offices. Sturney K. Brown turned 50.

Here we all. They need up that to 60. Probably. Maybe. I don't know. That's when they send it. That's when you get a chance to get discounts and benefits and things and all that kind of good stuff. Not that I want to deny people at a certain point, but also 50 just feels like.

It does feel like. 50's a new 40. People are living longer and more healthfully. If you, I got this, I heard Tignitaro on her podcast does this joke. And I've tried it. And it is a wonderful prank that any of us can do. and it's very it's harmless because I don't really like pranks but I do like jokes okay and especially with strangers and so just start asking people as you're

checking out for coffee oh and do you offer senior discounts just like as genuinely as you can yeah and watch them because if they do the answer is yes but why are you why are you asking and TIG says that once in a while they'll just give it to you because they think the joke is funny But what kind of discounts have you taken advantage of? I haven't taken advantage of any discounts yet. Well, let's bring in the pamphlet next time and let's go through it. Let's figure out what you can be taken advantage of.

I need to figure it out. Sterling K. Brown loves a discount. You guys already know, like you don't need discounts if you don't spend money. That's right. That's right. I remember at the height of our show, Sterling talking about going back to St. Louis on Southwest. Yeah. No shade to Southwest.

I love a Southwest flight. It's the only direct flight to St. Louis from L.A. Really? There's one American that's like at the very top of the day, but like Southwest has like a few of them throughout it. Got it. But I remember I was like Sterling. It is true. I think you could probably upgrade to a different airline. You don't have to stop in Denver and stop it.

Well, although it's direct. When I was in college and I flew Southwest, I told you, this was one time I had went St. Louis to Kansas City, Kansas City to Phoenix, Phoenix to L.A., L.A. to San Francisco. And I was like, that's too much. That's too much. That's too much. Even for me. Four stops? Is that four stops?

It was Kansas City, Phoenix, L.A. Until, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So three stops in between. So, and then twice in the same state.

Like, I didn't even get to leave Missouri. That's crazy. Then I got there. Then I didn't get to leave. Yeah. Yeah. I once had to fly from Idaho to Montana,

and they tried to route me through Arizona. We're making a V. We're making a plunging neckline. And you know what we did? Rented a car. Yeah. Yeah. We're like, we'll just drive.

That makes sense. And it will be an hour, the trip will be an hour shorter. My kids just got out of school. Yep. Actually, probably like in these next couple of days, getting out of school, the big boy will be 15 this month. This is June right now. He'll be 15 at the end of June.

Learner's permit. He's getting big and strong and he loves, he's a, similar to his dad, he's become a bit of a nudist. become. Yeah, well, he's been one this whole time. But now, so... You go from just being a kid. Yes, this is what I'm saying. To being an adult. We're like, now this is nudist. Puberty has, has transpired, and he just is feeling himself. Yeah. Just air drying. And mom and I just say, hey, bro, what's going on? He's like, what? What are you talking about? Yeah. And I was like, never mind. And he's like, all right,

and you just see cheeks. Just walking around the house naked. Just walking through the house and whatnot. Yeah. Just loving life. It's beautiful. The young one is playing basketball. He's a sweet, beautiful boy. Like, life feels good right now. Yeah, it's a little bit of a June gloom going on, so it's a little bit cool right now, but I'm not feeling gloomy.

No. I'm feeling good. Good. Yeah. It's our first summer with kids, like with kids. Our first summer with kids who feel like kids. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, they'll start to, like, permanent memories will begin. Like, my first memory. is age three. Yeah, me too. So, like, you got to start thinking, like, now is, like, the time in which, like, oh, my kids are going to remember this stuff. Yeah. Maybe not all of it.

Yeah. Core memories are starting to be formed. Yeah, it's exciting. I mean, we've got guys that are going into kindergarten in the fall and, like, graduating from preschool. That's imminently happening. And you're right, it does. It feels, although we have a littler one, she even feels like, because she has two

older siblings. She's like right behind. She's ready to go. They're like, I'm ready for everything that everybody else is doing. Yeah, it feels exciting. You're right. Like there's a real summer. There's trips and camp and all kinds of things that are percolating.

I'm excited. Okay. I want to get into this chat, shall we? Yeah. We're talking about romantic love. Romantic love. Show you right. What is the first thing that you think about when you hear the word romantic?

Oh, that's a lovely. Romantic or romantic? Love. Like, let's see. Let's go for, well, I guess love is what I was supposed to say. But like, when you think of romantic love, especially, like, what do you think of? What does it mean to you? I'll start by saying because I heard it.

Yeah. I remember like Mandy, we would have this conversation in the context of the show before. You would talk about the difference of being in love with somebody and loving somebody. And that it made a big difference. So I guess what I mean is like, what does being in love mean? What does it feel like? That's so interesting. Because, like, I mean, I know we're not talking about the show, but we just watched an episode where that distinction was very...

Crucial. It was crucial to the episode, crucial to, you know, the characters and the storyline and stuff. And I think there is a distinction. It's hard to qualify except like you just know. I don't know. Where you got, Korea? I just, yesterday was listening to an interview with this spiritual... teacher named Rupert Spira

who was talking about love and what being in love indicates. And I thought of you because of the word because I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. But because of one of your kind of mantras that Namaste which is the light in me recognizes the light in you. Yes sir. Which is a meditation on the on the oneness that we all are capable of feeling with each other. Yeah.

And that that feeling is the feeling of love to recognize that there is no separation between you and I, which is why when you get married and you become one. Yeah. Or you have this unconditional love for these children because they are literally part of you. Sure. And so, but romantic love. I was about to say. We're just, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think, and I don't know how to say this without, like, it feeling a little negative, but it's a bit more performative. Okay. If there's a romantic love, there is, at least in the expression of it. The arrows. That you have other intentions. You most definitely do. You have other.

I want to climb inside you. exactly what I was trying to get at. I mean that, you know what I'm saying? Yes, yes. And like you can't get enough of someone. I want to be one with you in. Every way. Intimate ways.

Romantic love is a different kind of intimacy. When you say romantic love, I think physical intimacy. Yes. Yeah. That's when you put the word, when you say love. Yes. That's one thing. When you say romance, that's another thing.

Yeah. When you say romantic love. Oh, yeah. We see a romantic love. Come on now. That's something totally different. That's what we're going to do. It's like the Voltron of...

We're going to make it do with a do, baby. Yeah. And being in love is like, is that idea of not being able to get enough of that person. We'll be right back with more. That was us. All right, gang, check this out the other day. We were hanging out. Amari and all of his little friends were over at the house.

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Don't say it. Not a problem. That's not an apple cobbler. Not a problem. Why? Shipped to the rescue, bro. I said, we need some premium vanilla ASAP. Wow.

Cobbler's still hot. Ice cream melting on top, the kids had a perfect time. See, this is what I'm talking about. With shipped, it's never just delivery. You get groceries and more shopped same day in the same way that you would if you were there yourself. But you don't have time. You got to watch these kids in the pool. You can't be running to get ice cream.

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That's better, h-E-L-P-com slash T-W-U. Being in love is like, okay, there's a love that I have for you and a love for I have for you. This romantic thing is like, the way that I share that love is like, okay, I need to physicalize this love sharing in a way. Yes. That I can't do it with anybody else. Yes. And that I don't want to do with anybody else. Right.

Yeah, it's like, I love you guys and giving you a hug and being close and having conversation with you. Like, that is a way for me and for all of us to express how much we love each other, right? But you're right. The romantic side of things is like is the physical act of wanting to show that intimacy and your feelings in a way that surpasses just plain old love. Yeah. Right. And to make that person feel embodied in a way. in a way that's different than just saying, I love you.

Right. Yeah. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps. I mean, okay, so let's see if we can help sort of further articulate this. When is the first time you think you felt this? What did it feel like?

I was very young. I was young, too. I was like 18. You're 18? Being in love, like feeling romantic love. I mean, I guess like in that true sense of like, wanting to share that side of me. Yeah, it was probably about 18.

And it was such an engulfing, intoxicating. Confusing. Confusing, confounding. But ultimately, like, I can't get enough of, like, even just thinking about that person would, like, scratch an itch, you know? Of just, yeah. Yeah. It wasn't even like the physical of like, I want to hold your hand or I want to do more than that.

It was like even just the thought of them in my mind was enough to like satiate me. Yeah. You want to, you want to, you want to tighten your proximity to that person in every way. Like it's not about it's, I mean, it is, it can be sexual, but it's not always. It's just like, I just want to get right up and just mash together until we pass through, until we pass through each other. Yes, exactly. And even when you're that young, the mental, the mental thought of a person is that. Like, it is the psychic mashing of, of, it's, it's us trying to come back to each other. It's, it's the light in me recognizes the light in you. And, and there is something. something in young romantic love that is just sees it easier, that sees the light easier.

Sure. Because there's less in the way. Yes. There's less in the way. And there's probably less pain. Yeah. There's less circumstance. There's less knowledge about how things could go awry.

Yeah. You don't understand consequence. You don't understand loss. Yes. And that sort of grief. Yeah. So I think your light, there's a clarity to it and recognizing the clarity in someone else unfiltered. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was at camp, tennis camp. Yeah. And there was this girl who I was just like mouth agape for who had these huge blue eyes.

And she was a little cross-eyed. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I did. Just like a lit, just like. Just a tiny. Yeah. Yeah.

And she was, and she was from the Midwest and had an accent. And I was just like, I was all, I, all week long, I couldn't even play tennis. I was just like, what is happening? Oh, what a good feeling. And it was back in the day when you would like, we were hung out for like two weeks at camp. And then you'd like literally write letters to each other. And just mail letters back and forth.

And so you guys, like, she felt the same way. I guess But isn't that the interesting Isn't that the interesting thing about like Young romantic love? It's like you don't even Really know Yeah

You're like Or care Did you kiss? Because yes Okay Oh yes Just check Yeah

Our camp had like a dance Yeah And a talent show Where she had told me Her favorite song Was Wonderful Tonight Oh By Eric Clapton

And I was like, I was like, click. And there was one dude in our thing who brought his guitar. And I'm like, can you play this? And we played it. And we performed it at the thing. For her. For her. Oh, yeah, for her.

Oh, man. Let's go. Damn. Yeah. So. And even now, I can feel like that swelling in my chest of like, you know what I mean? Same. Of like.

Here's a crazy. Wait, wait, wait, wait. But how old were you? He was seven years old. No, I was like, hey, baby. I was 17. I was 17. And it was my first girlfriend.

And oh gosh, it's so interesting for me because like, I think I have to also put it in the context of my personal beliefs with regards to spirituality slash God slash Christianity, etc. So like I wanted to do all of these things, but all of these things are sort of forbidden. or whatnot. Which is a huge part of why you want to do them. Totally, right? But both of us are of the same mind too. We're both good Christian soldiers or whatnot. So you want to just like, let's lay down next to each other.

And we'll just do that and we're like, okay. It's like, do you want to take that off? And I was like, yeah, sure, no problem. If you want to take that off, and be like, okay. So now we're just- Let's pray about it. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And then there's just like these games.

It's like, okay, so what? Would it be so bad if I just didn't? That part, just a little bit. And she's like, no, you stop it. You know, you should. I was like, you're right. You're right. And then one day she'd be like, you know, why don't you just do a little bit?

And I'd be like, oh, girl, why are you talking like that? You know what I said? You guys were teasing each other. Completely and totally. But we, it was. I feel like I'm blushing my whole body's blushing. I want to tell the story. I want to tell the story.

So. All right. Say it. Say it. We could cut it if we do. No, no. We're already going to clip it. We can always cut it.

We can always get it. We can always get it. Somebody go on Facebook live right now. Clip it. We're going live. Tell the story. I told Ryan this story, so she knows it. Okay, okay.

I have permission there. But no names on. I'm not gonna name her name her name. I'm not gonna name her name. But I remember we were just lying in bed and we were making out and we're having fun, right? Yeah. You know, Sands Ropa.

Oh, right. And like, she was just like grabbing my tush. She's grabbing my tush She grabbed my tush And I was like All right Pulling your boy in Da-da-da-da

Just like It's all surface But like her fingers Keep creeping towards The middle of my tush And I was like Oh what's going on there I don't know what that is

And the tush It's called the interglutial cleft And so And like I just sort of like I don't know what's happening But I'll just I'll just like do that And she just keeps sort of

Duttley Right And like one moment And for the For the listening audience the da-da-da-da was a pair of hands

clawing open a large clam and in one moment at one moment like the finger it's like I got a path let's make it

and she goes in and I just like jumped out I was like what are doing and she's like I thought it'd be fun and I go

I'm 17 I'm not like very intrepid I was like go wash your hands and come back to bed not very intrepid I am not an

intrepid man I am but a new traveler here. Go wash your hands and come back to that. I have barely set sail. That cut is dirty. Like a kindergarten teacher, young lady. You go wash your hands. You get back.

Yeah. And I want you to write 200 words on what you've done. Then come back to bed. And we will speak of this. We will speak of this no more. So cute. So cute. Since then he's become.

much more interesting. Yeah. But it was this, this magical moment, this time of discovery. Yeah. With her like two people who were like both very green

and sort of like figuring things out and exploring each other at the same time. Like it was, it was a wonderful, wonderful time. She was a wonderful young lady. We had a great time. Yeah. So the question I was going to ask,

Yeah. Does your definition of romantic love, is it different now between 14, 18, 17, and 45, 42, 50? Yeah, sure. And in what ways did you say? Yeah. There are different rules. There's different expectations. There's different definitions.

And I think that's just, you know, thanks in part to circumstances, to lived experience. desires changing, like all of that. Does it feel less romantic? Less romantic things feel more romantic. That's a really good, apt description. You know what I mean? I got you. I don't know how else to say it,

but like the idea of like what is romantic is much more pedestrian. Totally. Yeah. Totally. Again, we talked about it last time we were. like, Rye throwing that party, that was love. Yeah. Like, that felt like what a huge and gorgeous thing to do for her partner or what have you,

which I probably would not have interpreted that at 17 in the same sort of way. Sure. You know what I mean? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else? And soulmates, the idea of soulmate? Because I remember thinking back, thinking back on, like, you know, ages 14 to 18.

Yeah. I mean, every single, you know. This is the one. Oh, my heart. Just tears and breaking and yearning and I guess. After like four or five of those feelings, she's like, oh, I guess maybe I can't be as certain all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is your take on soulmates, guys?

I don't know if they exist. I agree. I think it's a choice. I think love at the end of, like you, you hope that there are amorous feelings that undergird this decision, right? But ultimately at the end of the day, because you can always opt out. Like that's the thing about it. It's not, I guess this goes against romantic love to a certain extent because it's like love as an action verb means that I have to like purposefully and consciously rededicate myself to you every day. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And I guess that doesn't feel as romantic. And demonstrate it. Yeah. Not say it. Right. Demonstrate it. Yeah.

Yeah. So again, like, because I remember Ryan, she would get mad at me early. Because we've known each other from 18 to 50. I'm 50. I'm not allowed to say how old she is about. We went to college the same year, so whatever. But, but like, because she would get mad because, like, she believed in soulmates, right? And she was like, this is it or whatnot.

And I think I'd had had, like, enough heartbreak before Ryan and I finally got together, that I was like, I actually think that choosing you is more powerful than us being meant to be. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Choosing and then choosing to stay and choosing to ride the wave and the ebb and the flow and grow together and do the work.

Yeah. Feels way more romantic. Yeah. But again, at 18, I think I would have sided with a definition of soulmates over this version of romantic life. Because feeling this strong has to be something magical. Yeah. It has to be something.

That's like out of your control. Mystical. We also grew up in a time where media had a greater emphasis, I think, on romantic love. Like there's no. Rom-coms aren't out the same way that they were as we were growing up. And we got a chance to see like, wouldn't it be awesome if I found the notebook? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Like Ryan's like, wouldn't it be incredible? if we like died at the same and like, yes, and let's just keep choosing each other, you know what I'm saying? Like, I would get mad at rom-coms or like, not even rom-coms, but like the notebook is a romance, right? Like, not a rom-com. Because I felt like it would paint these unrealistic expectations. I think I heard people say that about Jack and Rebecca in the beginning.

Sure. And then I think that like the show went out of its way to sort of say, like, Jack and Rebecca went through stuff too. Yeah. Randall and Beth went through stuff too. Like this stuff is. earned in a way that it doesn't just magically happen. But I think we saw a lot of the magic as kids, and that made us all think, men and women,

it's like, oh, this is what it can be. Yes. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think in the 1990s, way back in the day. Yeah. You know, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, the way romance was depicted was, it was heavily male. Yeah.

Like it was it was the male gaze. It was male writers. It was male directors. It was it was some of it. You look back and it's like, this is problematic in a lot of ways. Give me some, give me specifics in terms of what you mean. I mean, if you, if I'm trying to, which one should I pick? I mean, the idea of like, what was the, any John Cusack movie.

Sure. Like. Say anything with like the. Say anything with. the boom box where she's like, I don't want to be with you. And he's like, persistent. About now. Like if somebody showed up outside my daughter's room in a trench coat with a boom box.

Oh, this goes back to you. You hate Love Actually, right? Yes, I have issues with Love Actually. Gotcha. Actually, yeah. Actually, yeah. But it's not that, it's not that I think that in the movie, it's not valiant to like persist. but no does mean no.

But it's all pretty male. It's all pretty like, no, she loves me. She just doesn't know it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she just doesn't realize it yet. I feel you. You know, like these types of stories that lead to a young man's mind.

Being slightly warped into thinking like, okay, well, this is I'm conditioned to believe. Like what I said earlier. Like you said, did she feel the same way? I'm like, I think so. I don't know. Well, meaning did she reciprocate and write letters back to you? You guys kissed each other. It's like, yes, she barely felt the same way.

She did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it unrequited? Yeah. Yeah. You'd come to find out. It was an all-boys summer camp. And she lives in Canada.

You wouldn't know her. It was the, what's it called? When the online presence is not. who you are. Catfish. Yeah, yeah, I was catfishing myself. She's right over there. You mean that mop in the corner?

Yeah, that's her. Beautiful. Wait, what qualities? Did you guys find attractive or thought were super important as a younger person that now you're like, oh, that was kind of silly or unnecessary? I'd just changed my mind. I think I've been fairly consistent in what I've been attracted to. And like there's the, there are the physical things, but like honestly, I remember this thing my dad said.

And Ryan will quote this sometimes because I told her early. My dad would say, hey, man, don't wind up with no fool. Meaning like intelligence was of like supreme importance. Yeah, sure. Like my dad had, he went to school for his associates. I don't think he ever actually finished it. He was in the military, but my mom has, like, multiple master's degrees. And I think him finding her and realizing that, like, not just about the degrees,

but the level of critical thought that this person brings to my relationship is of value, right? And so I was like, all right, don't end up with a dummy. Like, that was something that was always, like, a person's mind, the ability to, even Andrew, I'll ask him, what's important to you? He's like, I just want somebody I can talk to. Like the ability to engage in meaningful conversation. Because I think the three of us are similar ways. Like, we can go deep.

And it feels good to go deep. And if I had somebody that I couldn't do that with, even when I was young, I was like, I kind of like talking. Like more than the average dude. You know what I'm saying? Like, I was like, I'm curious to know what you think about how life works and unfold. So that's been fairly consistent. You guys go with you and I'll think about the things that I used to that I did. What about you?

I mean, I don't know if there's anything that I used to find a track that doesn't matter anymore. Still like a fat ass, Jack. Beat me to it. Beat me to it. I was going to say, I still really like a fat ass. There you go. They're timeless. They never go out of fashion.

On men or women. Boom. Let's be honest. The kids say now, they say this thing, they go, get it. Like it's in like short for a gout. And so, like, every once in a little girl will see my son, we'll see Andrew. And we'll be like, Gat! Because Andrew is caked up.

And just caked up. That's what they say. That's what they say. That's another thing they say. They talk about cake, and they love cake. They like a big, big cake of whatever flavor. Chocolate. Right here, baby.

Big chocolate cake. Right here. Nail cake. Red velvet? Anybody? This is a red velvet. I don't know exactly how to have. There's the analogy falling.

I was just quite literal. I love red velvet cake. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So do I. But I will say this. Because of the way I developed as a young man, I did a lot.

I like grew up like an accordion where I would like, I'd get fat and then I'd stretch. Okay. And then I'd stretch. And then like, and so there were these periods of like, like, oh, this year I get picked on. Next year. You're picking on everyone. Next year, I'm an athlete. This year, nobody likes me.

This year. Are you serious? He like went back and forth. Kind of, a little bit, at least in my mind. Okay. You know, at least in my mind. And so one of the things that I've always been really attracted to is kindness. Come on, man.

Hands on. Yeah. That's a number one. He'll always say that. I just want somebody who's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Yes. That is the most important. And, and yeah. To me, what I've learned, too, that I really love, kindness, it kind of goes hand in hand, but like, looking around at the circle of people that said person has in their life. I like that's a good one. And how they are viewed within that circle. Yeah.

You know, like my husband, I'm sure you guys all can speak to this with your partners. Everybody around that dude is awesome. But the way they view him as well, it just, that goes such a long way. So here's one, because I think this might be most, there might be a bigger swing for young ladies into adult ladies. Because I feel like young ladies like bad boys. Oh, yeah. I had to outgrow that. And then at what point in time does that sort of become?

Don't find attractive anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, guys. I called that one. You called that one. Yeah. Yeah.

And what does that mean? Bad boy means like, I don't, I don't follow the rules. I don't listen to nobody. and I smoke cigarettes and drive a fast. Sure. It's a rule breaker. It's somebody who's not as obviously comfortable in their skin that didn't need to sort of like mess with. Yeah.

I tried to be a bad boy for a while. Did you? Yeah. How'd it go? Not well. But I had a leather jacket and I had motorcycle boots. I had a motorcycle boots. I had a motorcycle for a while.

I think it's less the look and more of the intent and the attitude. Oh, okay. So maybe that's where you failed. Did you? It's the illusion. The disregard. The disregard. Hey, sister.

Hop on, chika. Is that not how you do it? No, I probably would have liked you. He's so nice. He's so nice. You're like, look at this nerd. Oh my goodness Like this cosplaying nerd

Yeah He thinks he's a bad boy I used to pride myself On being a quote unquote good guy And I and I would Hands down finish last Like each and every time You got friend zoned quick

Oh you're like a brother Real quick And there's this moment I realize that I cannot be Too accessible too soon To these women As a young woman

As a young woman, as a young woman. And then things started to come. And then that serves you well later in life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all have to live and learn. Sure. And I think, yeah, as a young woman, that's less attractive for whatever reason. Because you're like, oh, it's too easy.

Right. But as we get older, like, that's the long game. Yeah, I agree. And, you know, we eventually catch up to that and figure that out. I think I once upon a time had like this type. and the type would be like Halliberry, right? I still love like short hair. I totally bought into the 1990s manic pixie dream girl.

Sure, sure, sure. Right? And now how someone manifests as beautiful to me has myriad. Yeah, that definition has... Broadened. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to talk about trying to find the heartbreak?

I mean, I guess I think it's like the counterpoint. to romantic love. I think heartbreak for me is sort of the beginning of when I start to question how important romantic love is. Because I think it's easier to sort of go hookline and sinker into romance when heartbreak isn't been introduced to you yet. I find heartbreak is sort of like the beginning of like rose-colored glasses being removed.

And now the next thing. time you step into it, there's a little bit more trepidation, for lack of a better word. Yeah. Because you know that's like, okay, I'm risking something. That I don't know if you're aware of the first time. Of course not, but it's also unavoidable. Yeah. It is just simply what is going to happen in life.

All relationships in except for the one that doesn't, right? That's right. Yeah. And for most of us, that is the first relationship is most likely. not going to be the only one. That is not going to be the one. So it's like that first heartbreak is so informative. And it's funny because I think back now to my first heartbreak, this same like 18-year-old young version of me that like fell in love and feeling that romantic love and all of its all encompassing sort of warts and all that came along with it. On the flip side, the

the heartbreak of it was informative, but I do think back to when I was like in the early days of, you know, the relationship ending. And it truly feels as if like this has never happened to anyone ever before. By yourself in it. Yeah. No one could understand. No one could understand. And I think back to this my particular experience. And like literally like every thing, single person that I met during this time, like pouring out my, the contents of my heart and everything that was going on, again, as if like, I am an anomaly. This has only happened to me. And of course, you want me to regale you with my two hours of then they did this and they said this. And now I look back at that foolishness. And I'm like, I cannot believe I unloaded my life

story on someone who, by the way, I think back to like other people that were going through things, you know, in their own lives that were way more pressing and important. And I was like, yeah, but my boyfriend I broke up. Like I'm 19 or 20. Never mind even breaking up. My sophomore year of college, when I realized that my girlfriend and I were going to be apart for three months and just on the floor of my dorm room, like, sobbing. Like, really?

Yes. Which is the. Then really, looking back, makes me realize, like, how much of romantic love, romantic love, is chemical reaction. Yeah. Is chemical in the body? Totally. Serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, coursing through your body.

Yeah. And then when the source of that is removed from you. Sure. and you're deprived of it. It's a chemical reaction on a scientific level. You're right. Absolutely. But those chemicals are attached to spiritual connections, which makes it even trickier.

My mom, so I remember the same girl that the story I just told, if it made it to the episode, we broke up at the end of high school. She was going to one school, I was going to another school, And like it ended sadly. But like I didn't even know that it was ending because she was supposed to meet me at my high school graduation, but she never came to the high school graduation.

And so I was like, mom, after graduation is over, I was like, mom, I need the car. And she's like, what are you gonna do? I said, I'm gonna go see my girlfriend. And she's like, are you sure you're okay to drive? And I say, yeah, I'm okay to drive. And she says, you don't look like you're okay to drive. I said, mom, I need the car.

And she's like, mm-mm. But like she was actually being, she was being a friend. Sure. She wasn't being like maternal or mean or anything like that. Did you recognize that in the city? No. No. I was like, I need to call.

A young man does not recognize this. I was like, I need to go see her now. And she's like, I need you to take five deep breaths. Take a deep breath. Right? And I took him and I was like, all right. So I drove over there to go see her and she had like had this change of heart that like, you know, stuff happens. Like I just saw this happen with my fourth grader who had a girlfriend.

Yeah. I'll tell you that fourth grade girlfriend. And the girlfriend had her friends tell him that he wasn't interested, that she wasn't interested anymore. Yeah, that's rough. And so a guy I broke up with. And then he goes, okay, I was kind of missing, spending time with my friends. So then she goes, I think I made a mistake, texted him.

I would like to talk, can we talk? And he was like, nope. On to the next. Yeah. which was not you when your girlfriend went away for three months. No. It was not me. Because I think, I also think you have to be a little bit older too.

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like he's still sort of like. Or every brain is different. Every brain is different. Or every, you know, the wiring is different. But I'll tell you, this breakup and that sort of, like, the way it all fell apart. By the time I got to college then, I was like a bit more on guard.

I was a bit more, I was like, all right, listen, I thought, Because again, remember, Christianity, spiritual, I was like, I'm going to marry. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's where Brown's head was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And to have that shattered? I was like, I can't trust none of you.

I don't blame you. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And it took a while. Like, I think when Ryan and I finally found each other, I know, well, at some point, I think we're going to do a little chat about men. So this one is outside of that.

But I was like, I think about like, I brought this sort of protective gear to it, and she'd already had her own protective gear. And then we all sort of have to make our way through that to sort of figure out like how, oh, you're Ryan, I'm Sterling. I can't put past relationships on you nor vice versa. Right. That sort of thing. So, yeah.

What else? Should we play a little game? I'm down for a game. I love a game. More, that was us after this short break. Gang, my family and I took a road trip recently. And there's something about being in a car for an extended period of time that reminds me of this is us, right? It's everybody talking, somebody's telling an old story.

Somebody else remembers it completely differently. What's your favorite road trip memory? I love taking road trips right now with my kids. Like they talk about it forever. They talk about stuff we did even two years ago. Things that I can't believe they would remember. places we stopped in restaurants, the little toys that they got. I mean, it goes such a long way, I think, at these specific ages.

And truthfully, the Pearson's also spent half of their lives talking in cars. Seriously. But that's what I love about road trips. You get these long stretches where you're not rushing anywhere. You're just experiencing the trip. And that's, you know what? That's getting harder to do these days. Exactly, sir.

Which is why I had this moment halfway through the trip where I thought, my house is just sitting empty right now. You're out creating memories somewhere else. And it got me thinking about listing my space on Airbnb while I'm away. The challenge isn't the idea. It's finding time to manage everything. Yes, yes, especially with schedules as busy as ours. And that is why Airbnb's co-host network is such an interesting option. Game changer.

You can hire a vetted local co-host to help handle all the logistics. Yeah, this is the kind of support that has been holding me back from doing this. It's like I don't know if I have the time. to be the bandwidth or the bandwidth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Truly. To welcome a guest,

make sure they have everything they need. Yes. Make sure the place is well taken care of, well stocked, all of these things. You need a co-host, bro. A co-host can help with guest communication, reservations, on-site support, all of that. Which means I could spend less time checking my phone

and more time enjoying the trip that I am actually on. If you are interested in listing your space on Airbnb, find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business.

The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter Most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Just one, before we get to the intro, we're going to play a game. It has something to do with like flags and obviously like there's red flags. Yeah, green flag and yellow flag. But we don't know what the game is. I do.

It's called raise the flag. It's called raise a flag. It's called raise a flag. What do you want to tell us about? Yeah, we're kicking. We're kicking things off with the game that we're calling. Raise a flag. That's right.

Raise a flag. So we're going to see different love and relationships. scenario on the screen here. Okay, okay, okay. And everyone has to decide, is it a green flag, a yellow flag, or a red flag? So the green flag means, you love it. Right? Yellow flag means proceed with caution.

That's right. And the red flag means absolutely not. Run for the hills. All right. Shall we? Are you guys ready? I'm ready. I'm ready.

I'm ready. Let me get my flags out. Let your freak flag fly. Hold on. Which one of these is my freak flag? I'm going criss cross apples off. Chris cross apples off. Let's do this.

Let's do it. Here we go. Here we go. All right. All right. scenario number one remaining good friends with an X remaining good friends with an X

I'm gonna say yellow that sounds right yeah I go yellow too it's a case by case situation it is case by case for sure but I'll even say from my past experience like guys I think like to try to remain friends

no I think the person that breaks up wants to remain friends more than the person that gets broken up with interesting you think that's a that's a grab to like make sure you don't hate me. You don't hate me or I'm not the bad person because I really would love for you to be a part of my life just not in that way sort of thing.

So what are you saying, Chris? How would you define the... Well, again, I think it's case by case. I think it depends on how intertwined this person has become in your life. You better twist that flag. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

So if, if there's kids involved, If there's, if there's, I mean, I don't, I guess I don't know. Yeah. And also it's like maybe this is someone you weren't in a long, long, long term relationship with. So it feels a little more casual and over time like, oh, it'd be fine to be friends with them. If you're not fully integrated, it seems to you're, if I go back for reunions and there's people that I dated for a month or two, something like that, hey, what's up? How you doing? Totally.

Totally. Yeah. But you're not going to coffee with them. No. No, that's right. Next scenario. Next scenario. What we got?

Asking your partner to share locations. I share my location with her partner. Oh, yeah. It's so funny. They were supposed to go up lunch the other day. Hold on. Hold on. Let me talk about, let me talk about.

Wait. Let me say it first. Let me say it first. Let me say it first. You say it. Good. So I'm also in my middle. I've reached full middle age.

Just I. Mixing updates. My brain. I texted my buddy, my buddy Taylor. Hey friend, hey friend, I miss you. I love you. You want to have lunch? Yeah, let's have lunch. How about Tuesday?

I said, I said, that's a date, buddy. I cannot wait. I can't wait to see you because I love you so much. And Taylor's like, I'm going. I'm going to lunch with Chris. And then I, hold on, but right after we made the date, I went to my calendar. And I said, Thursday, lunch with Taylor. Oh, gosh. It was supposed to be Tuesday. If you were listening, yes.

And I said, and then I looked at my calendar and there was one other friend I wanted to have lunch with. I said, well, I'm having lunch with Taylor on Thursday. So I'll have lunch with this friend on Tuesday. And I'm sitting there having lunch with this friend on the west side. On the west side. And Taylor, I get a message and it goes, Taylor says, well, you share your location with me. And I can see you're nowhere near me. I can see you're on the west side.

So I think I'm going to go home. Yeah. And I... No, Taylor called me. I was like, wait, I thought you're having lunch with Sully. He's like, well, I could see he's still on the west side right now, so we're not having lunch today. I want to die. I wanted to die.

Like, never mind how Taylor feels. Oh, he didn't care. I was bummed not to have lunch with you, but like... It still sucks. It's like... Well, mainly just not to have lunch with you, but it's like... But to also, like, be not considered fully. Yeah.

It's like... You made a mistake. And I've just... Anyways, I will. I love sharing my location. I'll share my location with anyone. Oh, great. Yeah, I'll share my location with you.

Great. I will share my location with anyone. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, all three. All three, all three. Listen. It's a safety thing. Because like the other day. What are all these? If you put all three together, what country is that?

Is it? Many countries. I feel Spanish to me. Yeah. This is what it is. It's when, if your partner's like, this is what you hit me with. She goes, this is my wife.

I love my wife so much. And she goes, I was at work, and we were shooting in Santa Clarita. And she called me during lunch break, and she goes, hey, where are you? I can't tell because you don't share your location with me, so I have no idea, no way of knowing. And then I was like, well, then I don't share any. Well, that's one way to, yeah, maybe that's not the way to ask. I love, we have Life 360, and we've got, like, not just sharing our locations, but all the little tags that we have on things, like our dog. So we can see where our dogs are or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or our kids. Yeah. Whatever. I will share my life. So you're talking about kids now. Andrew shares his location with us. And he's in high school, so he goes out to parties on the weekends and all that sort of stuff, right?

And there's a part of me that doesn't want him to share his location. Why? Because you feel weird about knowing or you want him to... I feel like autonomy is a part of... Sure. I feel like if he's going to make... I feel like he's in a safe enough environment that any people... bad decisions that he makes won't have repercussions that we can't come back from.

And I feel like sometimes there's too much supervision. I do feel that. And I know it might be a hot take or disagreement. No, it's not a hot take. I still feel like there's plenty of autonomy. It's like, to me, it's just the safety measure of like, I feel that way about Taylor, too. If he's like got a show and it's late at night, I'm like, sometimes I'll wake up and he's not home. And I'm like, where is he?

Okay, he's on the five. Like, he's on his way home. Like, just, that's it. I'm not trustfully. I check all the time. Like, Rach is picking up Ifa, okay, they'll be home in 15 minutes. Yeah, totally, totally. I'll start dinner.

I got you. Instead of being, instead of having to, you know, I don't have to text her. Hey, where are you? Yes. Or call or something. Yeah, I can see it. I can see that you're on the west side, so I guess I'll go home. Yeah.

It feels like a red flag when a partner doesn't want to share their location. I hear you. I hear you. I have a friend who will, well, remain nameless and she's like, my partner won't share their location. I'm like, that's, why? Interesting. Yeah.

I don't know. All right, let's go to the next one. Okay. Oh, finishing the final episode of a TV series without your partner because you were too excited. I'm going to red flag that. I don't think that's nice. If that was your show together, you're watching together. Yeah. I would say if you're watching it together.

Yeah. Yes. But like the way that things get consumed now, how many shows do you guys watch? Together. Truly together. We watch one. I'm only watching one thing at a time. And that's something with Taylor.

Okay, gotcha. And is that always the case? Like if you start something, you watch me with your husband. If I'm like, okay, I'll save this show that I know you don't care about watching. I'll watch that by myself. That's Bridgeton. Sure, of that ilk. Not Bridgetton.

I'm like, I'll watch the comeback. I know Taylor doesn't care about that. But I will watch out by myself. How do you and Rach do it? Again, if we can stay awake for 60 minutes past our children going to sleep, we're watching the same thing. Okay. We don't watch the same thing. This is, you know, when I, and when I travel through the world, Sterling Kay Brown, I run into people who know you, obviously.

And I did last night. And somebody was just like, I just love his energy. And I'm like, how, I don't know how he does it. He's running two TV shows. he's developing. And the thing that gets me is at all the soccer games and he's seen everything.

Everything. And when is he seeing everything? I don't know someone that consumes television the way you consume television. That's the part that is, that makes me think you're a Highlander. Or some, you're a vampire. I don't know.

I get interested in the thing. I also think about, we've all been blessed to a certain extent. And I have been blessed, specifically to, so to get invited to these shows, to be recognized for work. And I always want to have something authentic to speak to people about when I'm in the rooms with them.

And nothing's easier than actually having watched what they've done. Sure. You know what I'm saying? If I have to make it up and pretend, et cetera, then you have the same amount of hours in your day. As we do. As we do. And you somehow find a way to make it all work.

I have an iPad that I go to sleep with. Sometimes, you know what I'm saying? Which is not the best habit. Okay, wait. would you be upset? If Rye finished without me, no, it didn't bother me. Okay. Because it feels like a job to me and not, but that's too, that's not necessarily a good thing.

Because I do remember Thursday nights when we would just watch the office and parks and wreck and community. Sure. And it was joyful. Yeah. To do it together. And so like we have the last together one that we really had was GOT. was GOT.

And since then, it's like, we need to find something. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll give this a yellow flag. I mean, yeah. In the, in the, I just love these. I'm going to keep these for these flags, right? In the inverse of it, I will say, being truly upset that your partner finish a series without you.

If you get like mad mad, mad. Yeah, that's silly. That feels weird. That feels like y'all need some priority. Like you need to get some real problems or some, or you have real problems and you're not addressing them. I just think it's a little thoughtless. If it weren't a show that you're watching together.

Which is, yes. Yeah. Which is yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if it becomes a real issue, then flag on the play. I'll tell you one, like, hurt my feelings, but it was okay with it. She got, she did heated, she did, she did, he did, he did rivalry. Yes.

Like, everybody was talking about it. Never watched it. So I come home and this broad is like halfway through episode two. Yeah. And I was like, hey man. And she's like, what, Sterling? Yeah. What?

And I was like, you watching Heater Riveter rivalry? It's just like, yes. Yeah. And I was like, everybody's been talking about Heater rivalry. And she's like, well, I didn't know you wanted to. You never said that you wanted to watch it. And I was like, and socially speaking, Sterling is I have to watch this with you. I can't be watching this by myself.

That's not the, well, I can't. I'm comfortable. I can't be sitting in my chair at work watching heated rivalry. It's not for the office. From what I understand, the first three episodes of the particular. From what I've heard. From what I've heard. That sort of thing.

But I was a little bit like hurt because I was like, I would have definitely watched this show with you. And she is, Brian Michelle Bathay was so late to the party. She had not seen anything by the time that we went to the Golden Globes together. Okay. This woman went like into the deep end and they started like posting. I was like, Ryan, this show's been out for like four months. And she was like, I'm here. So now the party can still.

Yeah. The party continues. The party continues. Next scenario. Where's next? Saying I love you within the first month of dating. I'm coming. Hard.

You dropped all the flags. I'm coming hard, man. You don't know that. I don't think you. I don't think you know somebody in a month. But hold on. Is it a red? No, that means a deal breaker.

This is. Listen. Depends on who's saying. Hey, anymore. Hello, there is the distinction between I love you and I'm in love with you. So you always come back to this. Yeah. Okay, fair enough.

I can always come back to this. I think saying I love you is totally okay. That doesn't. Isn't misleading, though, No, what if you mean it? Because I love you. But if I said it to you on a date, wouldn't you think I was saying something else? But I think you could certainly love someone within the first month of dating.

Let's do all the different ways you could say it in the first month and it'd be okay. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. You know what I'm saying? A freaking always sort of. Hey, hey.

Hey, thank you. Thank you for tonight. I love you. I love you. There's so many things I'm feeling right now. Love. I love you. Can I just say, I love you?

I really do. I love you. Okay, listen. But hear me on this because if we are just getting to know each other, right? And those three words, because those are the three words you're waiting for. You're not necessarily waiting for someone to say, I'm in love with you. I think the first time you. hear that quote, that's what's connotated.

Yes. Right? Sure. Sure. But here's my belief. Give it to me. It is possible to feel that way. I'm not saying within the first.

It's possible. It's possible. Okay. Going out with somebody once every two weeks. Yeah. That's crazy then to like be like, I love you. So you say if you're going like every day. If you're seeing someone with regularity and you're spending a good amount of time with them.

If you're a tennis camp with them every day. Tennis camp then it can be within the first two weeks. Yeah, yeah. It's plausible. Did you tell her? Did you tell her? I don't remember.

Maybe. Probably. Probably did. I probably did. Here's how it's not okay, right? Like, end of the month. I just want you to know. I'm not sure how you're feeling, but I love you.

I love you. Listen. Okay. God bless them. I do believe you can feel that, right? But you shouldn't say it? If you don't know, like, okay, this is, so this might be. I'm sorry you were so hurt, Sterling.

This is basically where it's coming from. But it's this idea that, like, I think you kind of have to see somebody in four seasons of life. Like, you have to see how they deal with adversity. You have to see, like, what the, what they deal with heat? What kind of, yes. Falling leaves. and earth, like all the environment. Sure, sure.

Like, are you the last airbender or not? I fully loved my husband within the first month of dating and we weren't, we had never kissed each other. Right. We hadn't even met, right? Are you guys like, no, wasn't it virtual for a while? We had one date and then everything after that was virtual for like two months. And you knew.

And I fully knew within a month. When did you say it? Probably within that, I should remember this, but it was because we weren't in the same room with each other, definitely within that first month. I also think, too, I'm going to give that a green flag, because I think you had enough life experience specifically. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

You'd gone through some stuff. Yeah. And you had found someone that you're like, oh, no, no, no, this is real. This is real. So that's different, I think. Sure. But that's what I mean. Like, it is possible.

It is possible. Would I say it's a green flag in every. situation, absolutely not. I mean, all romantic love is case by case. If you've made a habit of saying I love you to people in the first month. Probably not a healthy situation. All right. So I give you your green. My green. My red and probably winds up being yeah. Yeah. Okay, there you go. Any more? What else we got? Taking 24 hours to text back in the early stages of dating. Ooh. I listen. Depends on what the text is? No. No? No. I would say red for you. I don't know. When I started dating people, there was no texting.

Yeah. Well, because here's the thing. It also depends on, it's even more, I was going to say it depends on phone etiquette, right? But like if you know somebody is looking forward to hearing from you or is expecting it and you don't respond back within a certain amount of time, then you're being inconsiderate. You're being inconsiderate and you're sending the message of like, I'm actually not interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't play these games. When I was dating.

though it was like T-9 texting and it took me 24 hours to put a text together Oh yeah where you're like A, A, B, B, C, C, C, C, B, C, B, C, B, C, B, C, B. It's different now. It is different now. Yeah. I agree with you. It's inconsiderate. With all these caked up people out here trying to try to get at each other.

Get at each other. Are there any more? Is this it? Being best friends before becoming romantic partners. Sure. Green, green, green, green. I lived it. I live it now. That's my girl. Also, that's what you come back to.

Yeah. The friendship undergirds everything. The friendship undergirds everything. It is the most important part of romantic love, I dare say. That's right. Sterling and I are in the early stages of this. Best friends. You guys have to, this reminds me of the T.F. St. Louis. Segwaying into romantic love. It is. I think that, listen, there are so many things, 20 years into this whole thing that, like,

their ups and downs of romance, the sort of heat and passion and the cooling that goes through it all, it's nice to be able to talk to you a friend about all of that. You know what I'm saying? That makes it all worthwhile. So, yeah, I'm down for it for our first game.

Stealing food off your partners played without asking? What? Who cares? Fuck this game. Just all this you turn on the game. You're like, who cares?

So Ryan Michelle, she does this all the time. It doesn't bother me anymore because I'm her husband. When she reaches off the kid's plate, and they're like, did you ask? Like, they get a toad. And she says, you know, I carried you in my belly. I was like, Ryan, you kind of stop using that one. I've started getting bare and I feel used to it.

Have you? Of you eating off their plate. Yeah, yeah. I take a bite of something, especially if they really like it or liking it. I take a bite and they look at me so hurt. I say that's the dad tax. Dad takes 10% of everything. That's what I say.

You don't ask, you just do it? I say, that's dad tax. I paid for it. I made it. That's my ice cream that you're getting to eat. So. Yeah. So I feel like that's applicable to partners, too.

Without asking, I don't really, is it stealing? That's what I say to Rach. I paid for it. No. I paid for it. I'm sure that girl's overwhelmed. Okay. Ryan, Ryan, we talked about this to this day.

We went to go visit a friend of mine's sister in Atlanta. I was driving to Charleston, South Carolina for Armywives. Ryan was, we were all eating breakfast. She made southern breakfast, biscuits and gravy, sausage, scrambled eggs with cheese, et cetera, et cetera. We're sitting down, we're having a bite to eat. And there's something goes on outside the window of the kitchen. I was like, what is that in the backyard?

Ryan looks, and I took her last sausage, popped it into my mouth. She comes back, there was nothing actually going on outside, but I'm a good actor. She looks down at her plate and she's like, you ate my fucking sausage. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, well, that's. To this day.

This happened about, this happened about 16 years ago. This is stealing, this is stealing the last food off your partner's plate without asking. That's not taking a bite. And it's the deception. That's the like, hey, look over there. Hey, taking it. What's that?

An entire, entire flank steak gone. Right, I want to tell you. I'm sorry. Oh, clip it, send it to her. Clip it. Clip it. I'm sorry. Right here on Hulu.

They said, the official apology. My friend said it's a red flag. That's a red flag. Yeah. Otherwise, I don't care. Relationship should have stopped there. All right, wait, there's one more. There's one more.

Having a work spouse. I got tons. Well, I got a wife on every show. I don't, that's not a work spouse. Not a work spouse. That's not a work spouse. It's not? No.

No. But she's as much. No, no, that's not, that's not what this means. No, like, how did you heard, like, that's my work, husband? Anuka. That's not what this means. This means, this means people who on their,

on their breaks are off having little lunches with, with their work spouse. Does that happen? Yes. Or, or Mark in HR. These are, that's a red flag. These are emotional affairs.

Affairs. I'm gonna say this. if your spouse knows who the person is and is friends with them as well. Because I feel like I'm going to extrapolate from my spouse. I always make it a point to make sure that like Sue or Anuka or whomever knows and has a relationship with Ryan outside of me. Because I don't want anybody getting anything confused, right? Like including myself. I was like, everybody needs to know everybody.

If indeed that is the case, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm hanging out with so-and-so. She knows, I know, she'll tell me I'm hanging out with so-and-so. Cool, I love so-and-so, so-and-so's cool people. I think our jobs are an exception. Okay. Just because oftentimes we are partnered up. Yes, right. In a way that I think somebody with a job that differs from ours is, do you know what I mean?

You guys have personal experience with this workspous? No, no. I don't, do you? No, I've never had a regular job. but I've heard I've heard about this. Okay. I've heard about this.

So like there's emotional sorts of things. Where it's like you're talking to Dan in marketing. You're talking to Dan in marketing about things you shouldn't be talking to Dan about. Okay. It should be reserved to your partner. Yeah. Talking about your actual wife with your work wife. Yes, yes, yes.

No, that's not good. That's what a work spouse. Okay, so wait. Would Tobias fall guilty of this by talking to the people at the gym? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That was a workout spouse. There's a difference, but yeah, all under the same umbrella. I get it.

Okay. This was fun. This is great. This is good. Chat was us. That's not the name of the show, but like I ain't had fun with it. Chat was us. Chat was us.

I also have fun getting to know you guys even more. and sort of like perspectives on life and the things that we share in common and the things that differ. And I was like, oh, man, there's so many different ways to do this thing called life. That's right. I like the way you guys do it. Same. I love you guys. I love you too.

I'm not almost in love with you, but I'm not going to be, I don't want to make it weird. Yeah. Same, same. Let's put it this way. Okay. I love you both. I love you too. Likewise.

And when we are here doing this show, I feel like I am in. love with you. I'm participating in something. In the oneness. In the oneness. I feel that too. Namaste. Namaste.

And it feels good. Who wants to look into the camera? Mandy, tell my name of this show. Chat was Us. That Was Us is filmed at Rabbit Grin Studios and produced by Rabbit Grin Productions. Music by Taylor Goldsmith and Griffin Goldsmith. Da-da-da-da-d-d-dum. That was us.

That was a hate gum podcast.