That Was Us - Intruder | "A Hell of a Week: Part One" (411) with Niles Fitch (Teen Randall)

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

On today’s episode of That Was Us, we’re diving into Season 4, Episode 11: A Hell of a Week: Part One — and we have a very special guest joining us in studio: Niles Fitch, AKA teen Randall! Niles sits down with Mandy, Sterling, and Chris to break down the episode, share behind-the-scenes stories, and answer fan questions. This episode of This Is Us kicks off a three-part arc centered on the Big Three, starting with Randall. After an intruder breaks into his home, Randall is thrown into a spiral of anxiety that unearths long-buried fears. Through flashbacks to childhood and college, we see how a lifetime of holding everything together for everyone else finally brings him to a breaking point. That Was Us is produced by Rabbit Grin Productions. Music by Taylor Goldsmith and Griffin Goldsmith. ------------------------- Support Our Sponsors: - Brought to you by Bombas, One Clothing Item Purchased = One Clothing Item Donated Head over to https://Bombas.com and use code TWU for 20% off your first purchase. - Help protect your home systems – and your wallet – with HomeServe against covered repairs. Plans start at just $4.99 a month. Go to https://HomeServe.com to find the plan that’s right for you. - Keep it classic and cozy this season with long-lasting staples from Quince. Perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself. Go to https://quince.com/twu for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ------------------------- 🍋 About the Show: The stars of This Is Us, Mandy Moore, Sterling K. Brown, and Chris Sullivan, dive back into the world of the Pearsons, reliving each episode and all the life lessons that came with it. Together, they dig in and dig deep, have the tough conversations, bring in very special and familiar guests, share never-before-heard behind-the-scenes moments, and feature listeners in highly anticipated fan segments. Join your favorite family back in the living room to examine our past, cherish our present, and look to the future with new episodes of That Was Us every Tuesday. ------------------------- 00:00:00 Intro 00:00:32 Discussion 01:38:33 Fan Segment 01:56:21 Outro Executive Producers: Natalie Holysz and Rob Holysz Creative Producer: Sam Skelton Video Editor: Todd Hughlett Mix & Master: Jason Richards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's episode of That Was Us, we're diving in Season 4 episode 11, a hell of a week part one. The first of three episodes centered on the big three's beginnings with Randall after an intruder in his home triggers a wave and anxiety and Longbury fears. Through flashbacks to childhood and college, we see how Randall's need to stay strong for everyone else has finally reached. reached his breaking point. Wow. Hello, friends. Ladies and gentlemen, home, that's the first. Yeah, I'm not sure if you recognize that voice.

That wasn't SKB. That was young Randall in the house. Our man, your man, Mr. Niles Fitch. How you doing about this? Thank you. Thank you for joining us today. Thank you for having me. Appreciate it, man.

You look good, right? You look healthy. Come on. If you are not watching us on Spotify, now you have good reason. Listen, come see this handsome young man. A very handsome young man. Niles, you were just a baby when you were on the show. 15.

Yeah. Now you're so grown up. 24. So grown up. Time flies out there. Renting cars. Renting cars. No, I got to wait till I'm 20.

That's right. That's right. That's right. Well, thanks to look forward to. Things to look forward. It becomes a little bit easier. Okay, so we're about to dip into 411. So we got another trio of episodes focused on the big three.

We invited Niles here because this one focuses on Randall. You watched the episode fairly recently. Any macro thoughts that you want to share and memories before we dive into the granular? Love the episode. Love seeing us having to tackle anxiety. And any time I get to work with Rachel, it's amazing. Who plays Beth? Right?

Yeah. I always enjoy those experiences. Anything come back to you in a flash? We're now in the part of the show, like the first couple of seasons, for us are vivid. And the last few are more recent. We remember, but like these episodes in season four, there's a bunch of plot lines, like the home invasion plot line

kind of caught me and Mandy. Oh, yeah, I totally forgot about it. Did anything, I mean, I don't know if you've seen this episode. I know you saw it recently, but I don't know if you'd watched it in recent history since, but did anything come back to you that was maybe a forgotten moment in time? Yeah, I'd say that dream sequence. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that too. Totally.

Yeah, I remember seeing that in the story. script and being intimidated by the what does that truly entail so i remember being on set and kevin really helping helping me get there yeah that all of these all of these dream sequences in this episode are kind of a a slight um lateral move for us they seem they stylistically something new something different kevin hooks directed this yes did he directs first one or no i don't think so. I don't think he could. Could he? I mean, Ken did the one, two, and three. Remember? It almost killed him. Yeah. Yeah, that's hard because to be able to do post and, yeah. I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think he did all three. That sounds like a lot. Maybe not, but like there was,

I feel like there was a series of like where he did a few or something. Maybe it was this. Maybe it was like in a future. Because I feel like there were moments of block shooting. I feel like parts of these two episodes. Hook's a great guy. He's the great guy. I love him so much. And like, what was the show that he was on back in the day? Was it White Shadow? In light of in.

Hux is on the White Shadow. It was the show like in the 70s about like a high school basketball team. Yeah. Right? And he looks like he's the same age. Yeah. He has not aged at all. You talk about not cracking.

Yeah. That black does not crack. Kevin Hooks look good, baby. He looks good. Where does this episode start? Who wants to start it off? Maybe you should start because it kind of like picks up exactly where you we left off in the last episode, right?

With Rand, oh, I'm sorry, no, it doesn't. Go for it. It actually starts, it starts with the four-year-old triplets, them sort of being wound up, which I don't know if you guys have this experience or if you are the perpetrators of this behavior, but my husband loves to get our children riled up before bed. My wife hates it when I do it. Oh my gosh, like rough housing, playing, chasing them. I'm like, no, no, we're, like, post bath, it is a calm.

we are bringing like the energy down and and jack seems to be like that kind of dad as well he's like rough housing with the kids um rebecca takes kaden to go to her bed uh randall and kevin are sleeping in like their big boy beds for the first night which is really sweet um Rebecca has a cough and jack's like you know the kids they put the kids down he's like go take some cough medicine like take the night off go enjoy yourself but she's like I'm good I'm good I'm good and then I really Cough medicine was cough medicine. Back when it was like, if you catch my drift. Yeah, back when it was narcotic.

And I love like when she's like, no, no, I'm good. My one, I feel like it was a misstep to not cut to like me being like, like I needed a good snow, you know, when you're sick and like it's that kind of sleep. So I regretted that I was just like peacefully dozing. By the way, were you just like doing sick voice? Well done. Thanks. I thought Mandy Morrissey.

No. Yeah. Acting. Acting. I was like, oh, okay, I can do a cough. Let's do it. By way, I want to say something in defense of your husband and husband's fathers all over the world. Do you know that Rough House play is one of the primary bonding experiences between fathers and children?

But not after 6 p.m. She's like, I don't want to. Six? You put your kids to bed early. They go to bed early and they stay. Yes, same. Same. Guys, we are done with our seven.

And they stayed a bit, sleep until when? 6.37. What? Mine are up at 6. But still, they're 11-hour dudes. Wow. Not Lou. She's like a 12-hour girl.

But what I take offense with is the rough housing, like, post-bath. I love how playful he is with him. Because I am not that parent. I don't have that in me to, like, get on the floor and pretend to be a dinosaur, play superheroes or something. That's where the acting stops. That's totally. That's right. What time do you go to bed, Niles?

7.30, 8? Listen, Niles, you're going to learn some about this podcast. I'm here to ask the tough questions. What time are you going to bed? I had a good month where it was 10 p.m. That's a good time. 10 to what? What time you wake up?

Six. You're going to solid eight? Last night, 1.30. All right. What time you wake up? I had to be here at 11.30. So I got up at 9. Oh, wow.

Still getting the sleep. That's good sleep. That's good sleep you need. You know, you still have like one more full year of like brain development. I don't know if I can do the late nights anymore. It's supposed to mature, full maturity of 25. Wow. I don't feel good the next day.

You know, when you stay up super late. Yeah, I won't feel good the entire week. Somebody told me this a long time ago and it's one of those like old man realizations looking back. Nothing good happens after midnight. Yeah. No, there's no reason to go out after midnight. That's right. Don't go out of.

Yes. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I mean, don't get me wrong. Some good things you know. Maybe. But, like, it was like, if you know what I mean, you don't know what I mean. No, no idea.

Obviously. But there's no, there's no need to be outside of your house. There you go. Yeah. I would agree with that statement. They were, they were, they were, they were, he just read them hop on pop. I think that's, which was one of my favorites. Yeah.

One of my favorite suces to read to the kids at that time. Okay. They read hop on pop. Yeah. Jack goes downstairs and decides to, watch The Shining? Of course. Good, good.

And Randall sort of like pops out because he's had a bad dream. I love him watching The Shining and just kids popping out of nowhere because we're literally watching, oh girl, on the big wheel going down, about to start a little red rum action. It is a little boy, but I do understand why you think it's a girl. Is it a little boy? Yeah. Are they both little boys? No, the ghosts are twin girls. The ghosts are twin girls.

It's a little boy, right. You're right. I was thinking about the twin girls. You're right. But it was the 70s. everyone looked. He had long hair. Yeah.

Yeah, I got you. And they're so sweet. Jack, like, goes back upstairs with him. Yeah. Assures him that there's no more monsters and he ends up sleeping next to him on the floor. Yeah. Which I love. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you want to, should we just like... I'm a couch guy. Couch guy. Yeah, I'm a couch guy. Yeah, better. TV on? TV off. Sometimes I'll choose the couch over the bed.

Yeah. Which is not a good choice the next day. You're back, yeah. What is that about? Is it because you were watching TV or why? Why the couch over the bed? I think I'm prepared. preparing for, like, arguments in my marriage.

Oh, nice. That is forward. Warming up, warming up the body. I was like, wow. No, the couch is just comfortable. Foreshadowing. He's just laying on the couch, staring at the ceiling, you talk to me.

Totally. A pretend fight with you, no one. I like the couch, actually. I have a very comfortable couch at the crib, but it's also in front of the TV. So sometimes it turns from me watching TV, and then I will turn the TV off, and I just don't feel like getting up.

So I just roll over on the couch. Yeah, that'll happen from time to time. What about a blanket? What about a pillow? There's blankets. And pillows? Yeah. Okay.

No, there's not like pillow pillows. Yeah. But I'll be so tired. That it doesn't matter. And it usually is about two or three hours there and then I'll get up and go to the bed. Only to bed for you? Yeah, but that's also just a product of like I'm so tired usually at the end of the night. Like the kids are asleep and it's like 7.30 and I'm crawling into bed and can barely stay awake.

Ryan has a rocker in the kids' bedroom where we read like nighttime. stories instead. She will frequently pass out in the rocker when I'm in bed. You guys still reading nighttime stories? I miss it when I don't get a chance to. Pretty sweet. Because so now Amari, he'll read, he's deep in the manga right now. So he's all got like these manga things. But I was like, hey man, you want me to read my story? You want me to read the story? And he's like, no, I'm reading. I'm fine. I was like, oh, okay. Oh, that's cool.

Heartbreak. Every once in a while, he'll go for the story. And like, my nighttime stories, So what I've learned. I did this one thing where I did, like, sleep stories. And so in acting school, you learned that you sort of, like, to keep something alive, you end with an upward inflection because you haven't finished the thought yet. But in the nighttime stories, everything ends going down, right? And so I will tell the stories, but I'm, like, sort of keeping them up. So I'll read a half an hour, and he'll be like, what's next?

So I have to, like, learn how to flip it and turn it. Can't be excited down for them or make it too exciting. exciting. I'm a very good, though, storytelling. I'm not surprised. You probably put me right to sleep. You know what I mean? Maybe. For the audio listeners, but it's awesome. I do miss it. I feel like I probably have about one more year before it sort of like goes away in total. And it was a good time. We read every Potter. Andrew started reading the Potters on his own, starting with Book 3. But I read every Potter to Amar. Okay.

And it was, just real quick, there's this moment because Rye was in the room, too, we were on book seven. I'm not spoiling anything for anybody. Everybody's read. I haven't read any. I'm waiting to read them with my kids. Okay, so I won't go too far. Have you seen the movies? No.

Oh, Lord. I know who Daniel Radcliffe is, but anytime people talk about like a Hufflepuff, I don't know what that means. That's okay. A snufflepuff. Snuffel puff. It's Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff. Griffin, Dore.

Griffin, Doer. I don't know what it means, and that's okay. You don't know, you, really? How did you manage, how have you managed this? She's a grown woman. Look at Todd over to look. Our producers are off on the side, like, what? She's a grown woman doing grown woman things.

You know what? Yeah, but did you read it on your own before? So I was actually doing a play. I was doing a midsummer night's dream. It was 2001, winter of 2001. And my cast was going around talking about like, Oh, you definitely be in Ravenclaw. You definitely be in Gryffindor.

And I was like, you guys are dorks. Like, you're a bunch of dorks. And they're like, Sterling. Read the first chapter of the first book. And then I read the whole book that night. And I was like, House Gryffindore all day, son. What do you talk? Like, as soon as you crack it open.

Totally. I think that's like it evaded me. I evaded it, like, for a long time. It wasn't in your age windows. It wasn't, yeah. Like, I just missed it. And now I sort of decided, like, I will wait until, like, can share it with like,

there is no age window. There is no age window. For sure. Sterling's getting mad. No, I'm not mad. I'm telling you like... Did you grow up with it? No, I was never in a Harry Potter.

Are you serious? Never, yeah, never. Oh my gosh. Maybe when you have kids. Yes. You guys... I'm waiting. No.

What is going on? Are you serious? I think we learned who the biggest dork in the room is. This is inside. Did you read it before? Did you be fair? I don't know how to read. She's read it?

Natalie, are you hearing this? I've read it. Yes! You guys, there would be times like, I remember being in New York, like, just finishing grad school. Yeah. And they were dropping the new book at midnight. There'd be a line outside of Barnes & Noble. And, like, Ryan and I would be waiting.

That's so fun. There aren't those kinds of, like, cultural events anymore. No, you can get everything online. You can get everything online. It's like, yeah. Nothing has that same. sort of special quality. That's so cool. No, I'm telling you, like, I don't wait in line for my lububoos. I very much am looking forward to having this experience with them. Like, it's

something Taylor and I talk about. Like, I can't wait until Gus is reading. He's read them, though. No. No, no. And I mean, he is a reader. He reads everything. But I think it's like we've, we've decided and realized now, like, okay, we're going to wait and we're going to have this, like, shared experience with our kids. Yeah. This is amazing. Taylor's read it, but he's read the Russian translation. Exactly. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, exactly. He only reads it in Russian. More challenging.

Okay, so back to the show. You guys just blew my mind. I'm guaranteeing you people are going to be like as surprised as I am with the fact that nobody else. Send us your emails. Come at me, bro. Come at me. More, that was us after this short break. The weeks before the holidays can get hectic with work deadlines.

and school events, shopping lists. The laundry list truly feels endless. Which is why sneaking in a quick weekend away can be such a recharge. I love booking a stay on Airbnb because it gives me space to relax before the holiday rush. Like, Rachel and I love to have just a night away,

like from afternoon to afternoon, just overnight. And so we'll get like a little spot up in Topanga up in the mountains somewhere, someplace with like a big, nice, big bathtub or something, maybe a little hot tub? Yes, I love is for you. Just to get clean, baby, I understand.

Just to get clean, just to go get a decent bath. And while you're away, hosting your home on Airbnb is a simple way to make it work for you, too. Guests could be traveling for a wedding, visiting family, or just needing a cozy place for a few days. You never know whose trip you can make cozier and easier by opening up your space. It's easy, it's flexible, and it really does fit into your life. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host. Okay, let's be honest.

Holiday shopping can be a burruthal. Half the time, I don't know what to get people. The other half, I'm second guessing what I already bought. I can't be alone here, right? Sterling. Sterling, am I alone here? Oh, my gosh. Sterling.

Yo, bro, you could not be more right, which is why I love bomb us. It's the one gift that literally works for everyone. Sox, slippers, tease, even baby socks. No guesswork, no stress. Let's assign bombous gifts to This Is Us characters. Like Randall, obviously, is getting the running socks. I feel like Kate and Rebecca are definitely getting the Sunday slippers.

I like this. Kevin's just getting some tight fitting underwear, right? That sounds right. He's got a comfortable. He's got to let a breathe. He can get some like wool blend, like dress socks. That feels appropriate. I did.

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So check off your list with Bomba. Head over to bombus.com and use code T-W-U for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com code T-W-U at checkout. Bombus.com and use code T-W-U. We flashed to Randall's telling his dad that he's scared. He gets out of bed, he doesn't want to go to sleep. cut to adult Randall in his home facing this burglar, right? Now, one thing to sort of add into this storyline, I think, of particular interest to our

listeners, is Dan Fogelman had his home broken into that year, like, right before, et cetera, and he would show, like, the security footage of, like, the people coming into his house and taking the stuff, et cetera. So there was this feeling of violation that he was going through at the, time in terms of when he, you know, put pen to paper. He's, he's not accredited the script, but, you know, he does all the writer's room. These stories get shared. These stories get shared.

And this was highly publicized, too, in the news. It was part of a big, like, organized crime thing. That's right. Yeah, because Correll lived, but I don't know if his house got broken into, too, but like several houses in the neighborhood. Of high profile folks, yeah. So this was a really just sort of fascinating thing to go through, to live through, because Because it is weird.

It's so very quiet episode I found in rewatching it. Like even in watching, like, the dreams that we were having or whatnot, there wasn't a lot of music behind it. It was just sort of like us with our thoughts and fears. Not a ton of score. You know what I'm saying? Like, it was very quiet. Like, almost like an implosion is occurring for the character throughout the episode.

You know what I'm saying? That's the feeling that I was left with. And so he's confronting this dude. And he's like, look, man, if you need money or whatever, I have money, he throws his wallet out there. He says, I'm a councilman. You should know that. Like, you probably already tripped the side on the lawn, you know? So if I were you, I would take this money and go.

Because if you're going to try to go upstairs, like, I'm letting you know right now, you're not going to get past me. Right? And he's sort of like, just sort of like digs his heels into the ground. And my man comes up, grabs the money, takes off out the back. and you can sort of feel like this exhale of random. Yeah, he's holding a knife, too. It's like it's very scary. Yeah, dude's got a knife in his hands.

So next thing we know, I think the police have been notified. He's talking to, first of all, let me not. Any thoughts for you on your... When you got this script, Niles, I mean, this is a big one for the character, for both of you. Yeah. I mean, what was your initial, I mean, reading through this one? Just trying to authentically show anxiety. Especially because I was at an age and I'm, you know, still young, but anxiety wasn't really something that I had dealt with.

So it was like, okay, how do I, how do I then show the this? You hadn't experienced it or you hadn't acknowledged it? I hadn't experienced it. Yeah, I hadn't experienced it yet. Great. So I think for me it was like, okay, how do I authentically portray something that I haven't been through? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So trying to make sure that I was on top of that and then pulling from other emotions that I had felt through low moments to then try and give a realness to what those nightmares would be like or how helpless I would then feel in those situations.

It's interesting to kind of roleplay that stuff when you haven't gone through it, right? Yeah. Maybe and I talk about being parents on this show long before we were parents. It's the same type of like replaying it now that I am looking back. Oh, right. I got that wrong. Yeah. I definitely got that right or whatever it might be.

I think that was interesting because I've had those nightmares since, you know, doing that. And then I was like, okay. Like, I see how in those moments when I've had in real life I was in that moment. Yeah. Or it's like, oh, man, when I woke up from that dream, it was, you know, it's just very interesting to. to re-watch. We can talk about the logistical craft moment of acting, the classic moment in any film or TV

where an actor awake suddenly from a nightmare. Let's talk about it. Yeah, yeah, let's talk about it. Because you both do it very well. Because he's about to, he has his dream, and it's described to Rons. What's happening in that dream? Yeah, Mandy is...

It's Rebecca. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, it's Rebecca. No, by the way, me not saying Mrs. Mandy. I know, it's a big deal. It was messing with me. Yeah. I was like, do I just not say your name this entire show?

No, no, no. No, no. Polite gentlemen. It is not necessary to include that. Okay. All right. She's giving you permission. It's Miss Moore, Goldsmith, please.

It is just Mandy. Okay. So, Rebecca, or Mandy, is, She's in the garden, I think, tilling or whatever. Clipping roses. You know. And, you know, I'm calling out to her, but getting no response. And I'm yelling so much in my dream that my voice then becomes inaudible.

And it's, like, there's a thunderstorm happening. And so that's why you're so, like, insistent that she come inside. Because lightning and thunder and, yeah. And I'm losing my voice, which I think was, a metaphor for how it was probably feeling in real life. And then I'm pulled out of that and reminded about this trauma that I have, which is the fire alarm. And then I rush to my safety net.

Yeah. Beth or Rachel. And she brings me back down. Yeah. That dream is an interesting origin story for the type of dream that ran. Randall has type of anxiety, right? It's like, it's like when this started. Yeah.

Right? And then a couple seasons ago, third season, you have that dream as an adult at the cabin where you're banging on the glass. That was first season. First season? That was the trip, right? That was the trip. That was the trip.

Yep. And so there's this, there's this longstanding theme of your care and concern for your mother. Yeah. And trying to get to her and feeling like you can't get to her. Yeah, they layer it in pretty nicely. Yeah. In terms of what you're saying, the waking up to the dream. You see it in the script and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I've seen this.

And now I get to do it. I get to do the. Why are you laughing, Sterling? Well, because everybody, there's different taking. Sometimes I watch mine, I'm like, ah, ham. Are you going to go still wide-eyed? Are you going to go deep inhale? Are you going to throw in some mumbled words?

Totally. There's options. I had the mumble words this episode. Yeah, yeah. You did have moments. It's the, no, no, I got it. Or whatever you choose. Yeah.

You know, it's really interesting that I would love to sort of work on. I will, no, this is real. I will sleep with my son. Yeah. Full sentences, full coherent, clearly articulated sentences come out. out and laughter. And I'm like, amen, you up?

Nothing. Like, dead to the world. And I'm like, how do you do that without it not feel? You know what I'm saying? Like, it's one of those things that's too crazy to be believed, but it happens. I remember my grandmother used to tell him.

She's like, Kel, what was you thinking about last? And I'm like, what are you mean? She's like, you was talking something. You were saying all kinds of stuff. And I was like, was I really? She's like, yeah. My roommate in college used to leave post. Post-it notes above my bed of the things I would say at night.

Like the next morning? I'd wake up and there'd be a couple of post-it notes and it'd be like, I wrote this one down. And one of them, I'll remember this one, forever. It was, by the money, by the Molly, Holy Christ, God Almighty. I think you were rapping. Just written, I showed it to him. He's like, you tell me. That's what you said.

You tell me. Buy the money, buy the molly. By the money, by the Molly. Holy Christ, God Almighty. What was going on? I have no idea. A lot of anxiety, probably. I'm telling you not much.

Oh, sorry. Because, like, sometimes, like, my son, like, it's totally joyful. You know what I'm saying? So it's not necessarily indicative of, like, a bad thing that's happening. It's just, like, it just comes out fully. I want to be able to get that one day. I had, I woke up from a nightmare the other night on the road. This happens.

I have this recurring dream, especially. when I'm in production, is that I have woken up in my hotel room. Yeah. Missed your call time? Nope. No. Just absent-mindedly shaved my beard off. Like, went into the bathroom, got the clippers, and we're just like, yeah.

Oh, wait, I'm working today. Oh, no. That dream. Oh, God. The beard one, especially. And then I woke up in my hotel room with the full. And out loud went. Yeah.

Yes. Yes. He didn't, so he touched his face to make sure he out of fear. I gave myself like a full, like, we're all right. And I vocalized and went back to sleep and had another nightmare. Guys, just get out of bed at my point. I've heard just get up. Just get up.

We've talked about this a little bit. Any recurring bad dreams on your part now? No. None. No, like, fighting and not being able to throw a punch because it feels like it's going through molasses. No being chased and it feels like your legs won't move or anything like that. Like nothing of that nature. No shark fin.

Notting through the hardwood floor? No. Me neither. So specific. Yeah. Nothing. No, no. Wow.

Do you have me? I don't remember my dreams. Ever? Rarely. It has to be something. I can't. There's no rhyme or reason why I do remember them occasionally, but. Too much THC in your system.

Too much. You kids. Only gummies. Only gummy. Only gummy. Only gummy. I'm not messing up the folds. That's interesting.

What's your... The ones that I said. It's always like I have to be a man of action. And whatever the action is, it's like a moving through syrup. You know what I'm saying? Whether it's running or throwing a punch and like I see a punch coming and I can't... I experience that in my waking life. Yeah.

That while I'm awake. And I wake up in a full body sweat. But you don't realize in the dream that it's not... Because if I'm trying to... connect a punch and it's slow, I can usually remember me in the moment realizing and laughing. Sometimes after the fact. I've had those lucid moments. You have lucid dreams? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, this is a new subject. Yeah. So you're in your dreams and you know you're dreaming. Yes. And you can control them. Do you ever make it? Yes and no. It's more like I'm there for the journey.

Okay. Cool. You're in the flow. Yeah. Like a recognition that like, oh, it's not real life. Let me see what's about to happen next. Yeah. Well, yes and no. It's more like I know I'm in a dream. but they usually always mean something so I try and be as present as I can be for do you write them down no but I remember them but the thing is I'll have a dream and then six months later it'll happen whoa yeah every dream I remember

now is you got the site he's got the site he's got the sight that's deja vu does everybody has that no no they don't I don't know anybody talk welcome to our welcome to our new podcast the site

I like this. Okay, we're learning things. Yeah, we're learning a lot. Let's keep going. Randall's talking to the cops. Cops telling me needs to get a surveillance system. He said, you know, we should check upstairs. He goes, no, I caught him coming in.

Don't have to worry about checking upstairs. Yeah, like no dusting for fingerprints up there. He tells him that invaders often come back, you know, the next night or something. So be careful of that. He said they'll have to keep a squad car outside just in case, et cetera, et cetera, right? Rebecca's talking to the girls, sort of giving them some sense of assurance. That is a Freudian slip. If ever Randall has written one, Sterling talking about his mama, talking about his wife.

Lord, half my sterling, talking about Randall. Yeah. Talking about his mom. Talking about his wife. Assuring them. And you can see, Randall's actually a little bit quiet. Like he sort of like would, like, there's a moment that I felt like he would typically sort of like chime in with like a sort of comforting sort of thing.

He's incredibly rattled. Incredibly. Very much so. Asked to talk to Beth in the hallway. Want her to take the girls to a hotel for the night because the cop told them that, you know, oftentimes they come back. And she's like, why aren't going nowhere without you? He's like, well, I got to put in the security system.

I got to make sure the windows fixed. Like, let me take care of this and you take care of our family, right? Tries to make a joke, but he still, like, freaked out. Some guns joke or something like, that, but it's like, wasn't funny and just trying, you know. Randall's clearly, we can see the beginnings of him trying to mask his anxiety. Yes, yes, yes. Then there's this repetitive thing that happens where he's asleep at night.

He wakes up around 220, something in the morning and whatnot. He's got a golf club with him, and he goes, you know, through the house. It looks to be like a seven iron, eight iron. I would say it's something like that. And I'm like a couple of times, like my wife is called. me with the kids because she thought somebody was outside of the house, right? Never has to have been anybody outside the house. One time, we had a door that, like, if you don't pull it all the way, it won't catch.

And so she came home and the front door was wide over. I was working on This Is Us. She's like, when are you going to be home? I said, I was like taking off makeup or something. I was got to be that shortness. She's like, well, we're not going on. I was like, okay. I don't.

Don't go in. typically jump to conclusions, what have you, go home, and it turns out nobody was there, right? But for a minute, you have- Just a raccoon sitting on the couch. That would be the worst thing ever, because you know. Yes, we know how you feel. You don't like who?

Fucking hate raccoons. Shit doesn't play with Brown. No. That would freak me out more than Home Invader. Raccoon with a little opposable thumbs playing the gaming system or something crap like that. Yeah. I don't get my switch. But this sort of idea of wanting to protect and keep people safe, right?

Like, that's supposed to be your domain or whatnot. And I think, you know, for Dan, for Randall or whatever, the idea that, like, can I keep my family safe? Like, am I fooling myself into thinking that that is something within my control? Because I think a lot of the anxiety is like, what do you have control over? I had the worst time during the pandemic. with the new baby in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood, all through the pandemic, there was just at night, our neighborhood was more busy

than during the day at night. Because people would wander in. There was all kinds of people. We have an alleyway behind our house. All the garbage goes back there, and it was just like nonstop. And so I put up a camera, threw up my camera, I got that, I've never felt, I've never related more like Randall than getting those...

Alerts. Who's in the alley? Sure. And what occurs to me is, like, seeing who's in the alley. It's not making you safer. No, and in fact, it just makes me check my phone all the time. And I'm not going to go do anything. Yeah.

And then just like a year ago, somebody in the alley climbed into our backyard. And it was like the first moment, I heard our garbage cans, like 3.30 in the morning. And I don't own a weapon. I do own, I do own a custom, this is us, Louisville Slugger. that I got from the Louisville Slugger factory in Kentucky that I hang on the wall because I'm like, yeah, well, there it is.

And so I grabbed it. I went outside and there's a guy on my fence. And again, I'm never been in a fight. I've never punched anyone. I've never been hit by anyone. I don't know how I'm going to, I don't know what altercation. You're a big dude. But I'm a big dude, which is part of the reason

And I've never been in a fight. Yeah, they don't try you. If I puff up a little bit. So when I was young and I used to puff up, here's what would happen. Yeah. I would get mean looking. I would get straight-faced. Uh-huh.

But my fear would just release a tear. Oh, they probably think you're crazy. They thought I was crazy. They thought this man is sad that he is about to murder me. Yeah. That he's already sad about it. And I would be smiling. You want some of this?

With a tear? With a tear. Oh, yeah. With the, while being, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Leave him alone. You want some of this?

Leave that guy alone. Huh? And so. You want this? You want this? Tear? Smiling? You don't want to do this?

You don't want this. I don't want to do this. Getting all right and stuff too. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And so, and so I checked the camera footage of me shirtless, only wearing shirtless. shorts, holding a Louisville slugger, say,

don't you come in my backyard, mother. That's how you do it. And now the neighbors are waking up, literally across the, hey, hey, what's going on over there? And I'm like, it's in my mother, barred, bears asleep, like 10 feet away. Didn't wake up at all through any of it. It's just out, out to the world.

And of course, the guy is not even, doesn't even know, this guy doesn't know where he is. He's having a mental health breakdown. He's, you know what I mean? He's not climbing over the fence to get into my house. He's climbing. because there was a fence in the way. Yeah.

And now he doesn't know where he is. Yeah. But yeah, all of this stuff, like, was my pandemic experience of people constantly out front, checking the doors on our cars. Like, this nuts. But yeah, this episode really hit home for me. It is. Like, how, what can you do?

Like, what is within your power to sort of guarantee the safety of those? Yeah. Blind confidence. Sam, like, you know, I got to protect my home. Yeah. Which I can imagine is a scary thing that you have to, like, yeah. You know, like, I have to somehow protect, you know, like, I have to. When Rachel goes out of town, it never occurred to me until we had kids.

She's gone, and now it's just me. I'm like, this is, wait a minute. That's a lot of weight. Yeah, wait a minute. You know, guys walk around at night, they're like checking and locking doors and checking windows and turning lights on and off. and there's like a whole routine. Yeah, I do, but I do have, you know that routine? Like as a dad, I think it's a weird sort of thing.

Like, first, the lighter side of it is like, you turn off the damn light, turn off this damn, lights on all in the house, whatnot. Gotta go through check locks and everything like that and just make sure like, okay. Oh, yeah. Things are cool. Yeah, let's go for it.

Back to the show. He's watching TV and he's already got the security system in. And so you see him like checking out his phone. Yeah. Seeing what's going on, et cetera. He calls Kevin. Calls his brother and just sort of gives him the download on what's been going on. He has house broken into and he's like, oh man, I'm sorry about that.

And then this will be setting up Kev's story. He's back in Pittsburgh. And it turns out that Sophie's mom, that phone call that he got from Sophie that the PA picked up, her mom passed away. And he goes back for her funeral. Yeah. Right? At this time, is Sophie married? I don't believe.

No, no, she's still, she never gets married. I don't think. I thought she did. Or that was a boyfriend earlier with the concert tickets, Beyonce or boyfriend? Fiance. Fiance. But never, she was fianced for sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you're right, maybe you're right, that's it. Wait, I have this thing that says, Kev asks, where were you coming from? Oh, that's right. Because you're lying about, you keep. He said he came home from the airport, like two o'clock in the morning,

checks on the family, everybody's good, goes downstairs, scary Christian Slater is standing in the house and he's like, oh, well, where are you coming from? And he's like, huh? It's like, you just came back from the airport at 2 o'clock in the morning. Where were you coming from? And to respect his mom's wishes, right? Because she's the, like, I'd like to think that he would have said.

Of course, of course, no, no, he's much sooner. But respecting Rebecca's wishes, you know, I was like, I had to do something in Boston. The about face was really good. Anyways, I got to go. Why'd you call me? Yeah, I got to go. Stop calling me. Take it easy.

Adios. Talk to you later, right? So now we go back to young Randall. He's helping his mom with the washing machine. I think the washing machine is like, are you saying like it can't be fixed? Like we need a new one? Yeah, we need new one. We need some new appliances.

Based on my analysis here, my experience with washing machines. Yeah, this thing is toast. She has a birthday dinner tomorrow, right? It's for her birthday? Yeah. For her birthday tomorrow. And so it tries to help her, tries to tell her about his dreams. Yeah, I tried to tell her about the dreams.

but doesn't get a chance because a few of the things happen at this time. Kate comes in. She's on the phone with Mark. Wait. Yeah. First of all, listen. Great actor, though. Great actor.

Yeah. This is what we've been saying. We've been talking about this a little bit. Like, I can't, like, not talk about Mark with also, like, underneath my thoughts, being like, man, I hate this dude. Like, yeah. He invokes a feeling. Yeah, he's so good.

Just looking at him. He does something in his eye. It's all sleepy-eyed and you're like, you're like, this dude. Yeah. You saw him in weapons? I haven't seen weapons yet. Oh, my God. Is he good in weapons?

He's amazing. Okay, I got to see weapons. I got to see weapons because he is great. He's wonderful. So that happens. And then we also hear that Kev's going to be coming back for the birthday party. With Sophie. And then they just show up.

And they show up early. And they just show up. Yeah. Right. And make fun of my undies. That's right. Don't call them. Don't call them.

Don't call them. That is very, you know what my wife likes to do to me? What? She calls them my panties. And she loves to hit a hard tea. She's like, are these your panties? And I was like, what's wrong with you, man? You know, I don't wear no panties.

And she's like, but they're your panties. Yeah, but what material are they made out of? They're boxer briefs made out of cotton. Okay. They're not panties. I'm not wearing no silk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check them right now.

All right. All right. Panties check. It's silk. Come on. We can confirm. Thank you very much. She's like, I like your panties.

She loves to do it. And the more she does it, I'm like, you're going to stop calling a penny. And so, because it's interesting, just to go back to the ramble of it all, we see, like, all these different things are happening in the past at that time. And he was on the verge of about to share this thing that was going on with him. And then he just, it sort of becomes. Yeah, poor mom. She's a little all over the place. But she does notice, she's like, you look tired.

You look, you know, a little. worn down and he's like yeah i haven't been sleeping well and this is why and she's like wait what it's like they keep getting interrupted and i don't think she realizes like the importance of him being able to share i also do think i'm underselling it you know i feel like that's probably a difficult part about being a parent is you know reaching out to your kid and them only them not even being you 50% yeah yeah because they have to be willing yeah and i you know i i think uh randald at that age is on the fence, you know, because as we see later in the episode, you know, that being that level of honesty are revealing himself is, you know, makes them a little

uncomfortable. Of course, yeah. He doesn't want to burden her. Yeah. I think that's also where it really stems from. Like, Mom has enough on her plate. Like, Randall wants to be the caretaker and protect her. And it's like he wants to be, he's the last person that wants to add something into her life.

Yeah. It's also like a constant, I mean, I feel it in my life. life like the like the delicate balance of of asking for help yeah and not you know laying everything on everybody else is it's like finding that balance is is tricky especially when you've really only got one person in your life whether it's you know your mom or or your girlfriend or whoever it is like how do you how do you spread that out over yeah you know there's definitely there are different friends I go to for different kinds of help. Agreed.

You know what I mean? Do the same sort of thing. I, uh, talking about just in the midst of like asking for help right now with this Achilles tendon thing, Mujica, it is such an interest because like I find myself, I was like, how can I figure out how to do this without bothering anybody? That's usually like the first thought that goes through my head. Called me all the time. Right.

It has me kind of massaging his hamstrings. You're the person that I go through. For the hamstring. Won't leave me alone. Um, anyway. I haven't gotten one call. And I would come and help. Thank you.

I appreciate it. I've offered several times. Shout out. He hasn't. As a matter of fact, you have offered. Shout out to the Dawson's Creek joke that is made because I used to love Dawson's Creek, by the way. It came out in 94, 95. And that show.

You ever see that show? Never. Me neither. I know. It's Sterling. You don't even ask me. Listen. Not either.

We don't even ask. We were just, we were, we were, you guys. We were hip cats doing hip cats shit. No, no, so here's the thing. No, I was not. I was doing musical theater. I was definitely. I was not hip.

That was the least. I was 19, 18, 19, so you were 10.11. Dawson's would have been like right up your alley. No, I was TGIF. Give me family matters. Okay, a little bit more wholesome fare. It's your air condition. This day and age.

Read in the news. On the newspaper page. Oh. Love of condition Or the grand is high So people say It's even harder to find

This is why you have to come see our live show January 17 We're asking for magic truth Inside this gentle walls And then it goes All I can see We're never going to be able to air this Days goodbye

It's a bigger love with the family Now's it on Broadway Y'all know that, right? What? What happened? Oh, wait, no, when you were a kid. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I knew that, I knew that. I thought you meant right now.

You didn't know, you didn't know that? Tell them now. When? Back when I was nine through 11. What year I mean? 2008 to 10? Yes, to 10. Tell them what you did, now?

Lion King. Yeah, ever heard of it? Tell them who you did? Played, no? Young Simba. Come on. Ever heard of it? Never seen it, never read it. You're gonna be a match. You guys are gonna kill me. I'm kidding. I have to. I moved to New York in 2010. Oh, wow. Yeah. Now is a young simba. Sorry, no Dawson's Creek. We know the theme song.

First step-by-step in Family Matters. And full house. Okay. Anyway, moving on. Kev, Sophie, that-da-da, Jack and Randall. Okay, back to Jack and Randall. Randall scared of the monsters. Dad lays down next to him. And Randall, present day, Randall and Beth in bed, wakes up to check out. So, like, for the next several nights. Checking the cameras. He's waking up, checking the cameras, walking through with his golf club.

It's always like two-something in the morning, right? It's almost become habitual. Yeah. His body's waking him up. He's not going to be comfortable unless he does this thing, right? He's at work. He goes back to work with Jay Wan. Jay-Wan's like, hey, man, you don't have to come back to work yet.

He's like, no, I need to get back to things. J-Wan can tell he's not 100% little sort of out of it, right? And Randall's constantly, he's getting alerts from the security camera. And he's very distracted by it. Cannot help but look at the phone every time he gets this alert. And he's about to have a town hall tomorrow. That's right. Which J-1 suggests, like, maybe we should postpone it.

Like, you've had a really crazy week. Like, no, everybody would understand. Yeah, people don't wait. And Randall's insistent he's fine. He wants to go ahead with it. There you go. And there's a big housing bill that I guess Randall's support of is getting a lot of flack in the community.

Sounds a little bit like gentrification. Yeah, yeah. And so Darnell, Malik's dad, comes into the office, and it's kind of surprising, like, okay, good to see you. Sure. And he's like, I wanted, like, a bunch of friends, other like small business owners in the community, we all have concerns about this housing bill. We wanted to, I said that they know we're friendly because of our kids. Like, I wanted to come in and talk to you about it, like face to face. and Randall is just so preoccupied

with the alerts on his phone about the security camera he doesn't really even tell Darnell what's going on he's just like focused on his phone and Darnell's like you know what I'll just see you at the town hall yeah maybe you'll listen to me and it's like you can tell like it was a gut punch

and he didn't want to tell him what was going on because I think again burdening or and or just sort of appearing like out of control control. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's very vulnerable. Just trying to hold it all together, right? Yeah. So he leaves, right? Then we go to young Randall and Beth studying, listening to Braveheart. Yes. Real quick, just to see if this shit keeps happening in this dead gum episode. Have you seen Braveheart?

Have you? I have. I don't expect you to have necessarily seen. Many, many, many times. But it's, it. If you're a man of a certain age or whatnot, like Braveheart is kind of like one of those seminal things. How do I exist in the world, Sterling? I have no cultural reference points, no touchstones. You do. You do. You just have different ones. I'll do you one better. I have studied to the Braveheart soundtrack. Have you? I have.

Yeah. Really? Well, so the real thing that Randall even mentions is that, and I try to tell my son this, you have to listen to music without lyrics in order to not be distracted by the music. while studying. Like, otherwise, you're sort of competing. Mm-hmm. Why do you need to listen to music?

Excellent, excellent question. It can be helpful. Like, it can sort of like... Be stimulating, be... Yeah, it kind of keeps you up or whatnot, but doesn't take you away from the task that you're concentrating. Yeah, it doesn't like pull your focus. So classical music, scores, that sort of thing is good.

Just like in the background softly. Yeah. I used it, yeah. I used it to get through the Iliad. Okay, okay. I would read the Iliad in my room out loud. out loud to the Braveheart soundtrack and... That shit probably slapped.

The Riverdance soundtrack. Oh, wow. The River Dance? Yeah. Yeah. Really? It was real white in that room. It was the whitest bedroom.

Okay. Listen, I'll say this. You don't have to see Braveheart because there are things that are problematic about it. But I'll tell you, I was about to say this. I was about to say, I was about to say, I was about to say, without Braveheart, I don't think there's a Game of Thrones. And then Mandy Moore was going to tell me. I've never seen Game of Thrones?

No. Oh, wow. Now I'm really left out by myself. Niles, you were with me for everything so far. I was. But you understand what I mean by that? No Game of Thrones ever. You haven't watched Game of Thrones?

I have. I've seen it. Okay. But I'm talking about the way that he crafted war was so very visceral. From the clips I've seen of Braveheart, it does seem Game of Thrones is heavily. Especially a John Snow grabbing. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel me on that. Or is it all just inspired by war, you guys? Why do we fight? That's a bigger question. Then red line. Why do we fight? That's a great.

Great question. So where are we? This is amazing. Because you're jumping around, I was like, I'm like, I'm so done with being. I'm not out to dry. I'm not hanging you out to dry. I love you. You're one of my favorite people in the world.

Oh, back at you. you. I mean, you used to be. Used to be. I am amazed. You get by when you have no point of reference for anything. We'll be right back with more. That was us. You know how the holidays go. Family coming over, recipes everywhere, the house suddenly working over time. The last thing you want is something breaking down right when everyone's under your roof. You know, sometimes I've had a gutter issue before, you know, and it just messes with the drainage

and it goes all over to the swimming pool and basketball court. I have an mistake. And so, like, the drainage can sort of mess things up from time to time. The last thing you want during holidays. Which is rough when people are coming over to swim. To hang out. Yes. All right.

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In my room, I see you tomorrow. And you say to her, you don't want to spend the night again? Come on, now. You know what you, you're missing. That's very sweet, though. And she's like, I've been here I love the different perspective

He's like, yeah She's like, that's so sweet Well, I know how it how the story ends And she's like, she's like I've been here most nights Like my roommates think that What did she say? Like I don't call me Miss Pearson

There could be worse things. Yeah, yeah Come on now Throwing it out there already But then you admit You actually said like I'm not I haven't been sleeping well Yeah right And she can see that

And she's like, all right, I'll come back, but you got to play a little waiting to exhale for you, girl. Yeah, no more brave heart. Listen to brave heart. And he's like, all right. And it's like. Wait, do you exhale? No.

Me neither. Well, there's a reason. Wait, why is there a reason, Sterling? Why is there a reason? Well, hold on, let me make sure first. Have you seen, have you seen waiting exhale? I'm not going to help you back up your point. I'm sorry.

Never mind. Leave it alone, then. That's generational. It's generational. For sure. For sure. You're a young, young dude. Okay. Wait one second. Before, that's the one with Whitney Houston? Yes. Okay. Okay, good. That's good. I'll take that. If I got that wrong, cut that up. You know enough. You know enough.

Black card, capped. Thank you. Angela Bassett. Yes. There you go. Wait, she was in it? Yeah. I promised you I just named a random black actress. No, you didn't. I did that as a joke. Like if I confused Whitney for Angela. Angela, Whitney, Loretta Devine, and Lila Rashach. I've seen the screenshots, yep, yep, I'm there with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

There we go. That's hilarious. So, then we cut to this dream, and this was a cool, I remember coming and seeing you guys like on set during this thing. That was one, because there weren't many times that you would come while I was filming. So that was, that was a great experience. I remember checking you out and everything because this is one of the few times that Jack gets to be a part of the scenario after he's expired, right? Because Randall's having a dream.

Everybody's at the table. This might have been one of those meals, too, where Milo ate more than he needed to. I feel like this was a reoccurring theme for him. You remember, right? Yeah. Can't get me in that corner. Do you remember the one, like, vegetarian thing that he ate and he ate and he ate and he ate and he ate? Like, we were talking about that in one of the last episodes.

He did that often. Like, he didn't feed his own advice. Because you don't know whether or not it's going to be good or not. Yeah, you don't take that risk. So for you guys, because there's two folds of the acting of it is you trying to break through and then everybody else ignoring, acting like you're not there. Like, I'm cured from both perspectives. What's that scene feel like?

It was nice because there were so few moments of us altogether like that, especially, like, you know, obviously post-fire. So it was nice for Milo to be back with the kids and playing this moment that never really occurred. And yeah, I guess you're like you're leaning against the like how weird it's supposed to seem with us ignoring him and him screaming and shouting at us and he's dead and all of it. Like it's yeah, you just kind of have to tune it out, I guess. I had one of those earlier. Like when you're gaming at the cabin and whatnot and just trying to get folks attention.

And like there's this, I'm curious for you, this incredible feeling of like, I know you guys can hear me, quit acting like I'm not here. Like in real sort of like, I want attention. And I'm not getting it. I'm curious for you, like, what the feeling was. Yeah, I think that makes it to where it's a little bit easier to portray. Because you, in the dream,

you're feeling as if they can hear you and they're ignoring you and it's the same in real life. Yeah. I think I was just so ecstatic to be able to have everybody there, you know? Yeah. To be altogether. Just running off, I guess you say, like, instinct. Yeah.

You know, how that would feel. At that point in time, we weren't really doing any, like, flashbacks to my, right? Like, to Milo being, like, pre-fire us, like, as a family. That it's sort of gone away. Yeah, exactly. So this was, like, one of those few moments. Yeah, you would be with the younger ones, but not with, because you go. as we're aging out.

Yeah, and even the Lonnie and McKenzie and Parker were aging out of that as well. So it was like we were, this is this season and this episode, I think, was like really starting to introduce like the little littles. Yeah. And that storyline. I'm curious, the repetition for you, for everybody in the scene of he's dead, what does it mean? What do you think? What was being said? What were you attempting to articulate?

I think for me, it's that same feeling that I showed in the first flashback. It's this, it's saying something so much that you end up losing your voice because no one's hearing you. All bliss, yeah. Yeah. In a way, he's also telling himself that. Yeah. He is dead. Why is this haunting me?

Why am I having these dreams of what could have. than when I'm cognizant of him being dead, you know? And in a way, Randall still blames himself, even though there's nothing he could have truly done when it comes to going into that fire. So it's as if his past is haunting him, and it's a confusion on why. Yeah, it's a perfect.

I mean, it feels like a really universal fear, the fear of, I've talked to, I have a lot of friends who have a fear of going crazy, Like who they don't feel crazy, but everyone says that they're crazy? It's essentially screaming and no one listening. You know what I mean? Like this base fear of wanting to be seen and no one truly seeing you for who you are, what you're trying to say, or any of these things, that I think is boiled down perfectly

to the mirror image of the silent scream. And then you get to see how it, if it's not addressed, how it's, how it's, it then can poison later years. So when we see all the things that you have dealt with as an adult and how you aren't communicating it in the most effective way or it pours out of you, we're seeing how, in the beginning stages of you dealing with that trauma, it was never, you know, that womb was never healed. So it's forever always getting cut and bleeding again.

And the metaphor of running. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Of just running from it. Yes. Just running it out. Right. Running. That's how I get it.

Real time. Process it, yeah. Cut to, Randall's coming home and the alarm system's gone off. Yeah. Yeah. Goes into the house. Beth is like, yeah, we just got the code.

I can't remember the code. I'm trying to call to figure out what it is. It's his parents anniversary. She's like, can we change it to our anniversary? Yeah. And that's a valid point. Yeah. I can give it up.

Fair enough. I mean, I remember it, but I can understand why she don't. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's fair. And it's like, and Beth is sort of trying to reassure him, like, you know, everything's fine. It's just we haven't done it before and it's been tripped off or whatnot. And Randall, it's almost like he doesn't even hear her.

He's looking through the house and just making sure everything's okay. Like nobody is here, right? And she's like, yeah, everything's fine. Everybody, nobody's here. And she leaves him. And you just like, man, I, I, I, I, this. sense of implosion. Like, that's what I kept, fell in. And I'm wondering

like if Kev really helped me out with this one, because I, I scared, I got scared watching him. I got scared watching Randall because I was like, it's, we're hanging on. Closer and closer. Yeah. We're hanging on by a threat there, right? So, he's

asleep with Beth. And then again, we see a montage of young Randall's sleep with young Beth. And then we see, like, Randall's sleep with his dad. Right? And then we cut to Randall and Beth in the morning. She makes a Mr. and Mrs. Smith joke. All right, hold on one second, real quick.

Of course. No. Amanda Lee. No. You never... Mr. and Mrs. Smith? No, sorry. Wow.

That one actually surprised me. For real, for real. Just assume any question you are going to have. Assume my questions, no. But you've seen a movie. You've seen a movie? I've been in a movie.

But like, it seems like Pop culture is not anything that you're remotely sort of like concerned with in real time. Like it's not your thing. Not, I mean, yes and no. I do like the culture. I'm interested in the culture.

How many times did you see Titanic in the theater? Oh, well, like six. Okay. Okay. I don't miss everything. That's a movie she saw. That's a movie she saw. It's the highest grade.

Get off or back. I was just out of curiosity. Yeah. I wanted to see. Fair enough, fair enough. My husband is so embarrassed right now. Because all he does is watch movies. Yeah, but he watches movies nobody else has heard of.

Correct. Okay. So if they're on the criteria enough. There's this art house film. Yes, totally. To be fair, we haven't seen any of the movies. Yeah, you haven't heard of all the movie. Moving on, moving on.

There's Mr. Mrs. Smith's joke, pretty funny. she says we should put the weapons up okay they plan on going to the town hall together Beth's looking for a pair of earrings can't find them she's wondering where she normally keeps them in this particular spot missing. Randall can't find his cufflings.

Randall can't find these cufflinks and it sort of dawns on him that this dude was in his bedroom. Yeah, he thought he caught him coming in but he had already been upset. stairs. And that, like, I felt, I felt, man, this dude was with a knife, like, was in my bedroom with my wife asleep. Yeah. Yeah, it's like it's a whole other added complex layer. It was a real uplevel for our show. Yeah. The terror and the stakes and the dream. Yeah. I'm telling

the way they did, it was all so quiet. Like you said, it's how, like, we'd see you screaming, we see Randall, like, sort of screaming. Because, like, later on, he starts to have this dream. And he sees my man in the bedroom with his knife. And then he just sort of, like, puts his hand on his wife's cheek. And it, oh. Yeah. And the silent scream is like, I can't, I couldn't do anything. Like, I couldn't, like, total helplessness.

So, yeah, that's, that happened. You know what I'm saying? That happened. And then Beth is like, look, you got a lot of stuff going on right now. You need a break. I know you want to go to the thing, the town hall tonight or whatever, but tomorrow, take a day off, and let's just talk us out so you can sort of process your mom's illness, you know what I'm saying?

New things going on at work, the break in and your home. And he's like, okay, cool. Question. Are you somebody that struggles with slowing down? Yeah. Why is that? That's a good question. I don't know if it's a struggle in the same way that,

is a struggle. I do feel like there's a certain sort of expectancy from outside of activity. And I think it probably started with This Is Us and the way that I structured my career during the show and that I would do these 16 episodes and then I'd immediately go do something else. And not just one thing, but probably like a couple of things.

And then not even just when the show ended, but even during the show, like, like trying to seize what I consider to be the momentum of the moment and see if I could parlay that into something else and to keep it going. So there's, I think that was this huge and probably still like exists right now. Like I find like as I'm in this boot where I was probably going to do another two or three movies, right, before I go back to season three of paradise and like having to sort of be in a state of forced stillness. it's not the most comfortable thing. Right? Like I'm learning to make comfort because it is what it is, right?

But it's not natural at all. Like my natural tendency is to be in motion. Are you happy when you're in emotion? Yeah. I think so. And so I'll also put this caveat on it. I don't like to be busy for busy's sake. I do like to be productive.

Yeah. feel like I am frequently productive because I have no qualms and I purposely try to structure things that I can make time to be present for my children, bedtime to take them to school in the morning. Like even when we start the podcast, it's like we all have kids, we can all get them off to school and then we can come do this thing, right? Like it feels being a part of that ritual is really important to me. But I don't feel like whereas Randall struggles with perfectionism or having to get it right, like get everything right, I feel like I went through that probably when I was in college, like at Stanford and feeling like I could do everything the

right way. I think children naturally sort of like will sort of mess, mess that up a little bit in a good way. Yeah, yeah. In a very, very good way. So there's things that I can relate to with Randall, but I would say that it's parallel but not the same. Got you know what I'm saying? Because I was just, when I was watching the episode it made me think

because I even think we see it in later seasons like, is he ever going to slow down? You know, and then I think it goes to like what is this person doing this for? Are they doing it to you know, be able to capitalize off momentum to be able to set their family up or to avoid something to avoid something to is it because

they have this they didn't have it in the past or not they have it they're afraid to lose it you know um you know because i i i look at myself and i'm like okay i i want to work to be able to be comfortable but then where do you then find that place where you're like okay i can take a deep breath yeah you know And, you know, I was just like what happened with Randall in this episode, the house breaking in, there's always, there's always something to tackle. So how do you even find that, that comfortability and the unknown and how things can go, you know, to what happened, to where cufflings are being stolen and your wife, you know, it's a lot. When a certain part of my life is out of my control or something is spinning out over here, I will grip or try to gain control over other parts of my life as quickly as possible to try and have some semblance of sanity. It's not the healthiest way to respond, but I definitely feel it happening. It does make sense.

I mean, the idea of control, I mean, I think what I've learned thus far, it may evolve over time. You can't control circumstances, but you can control your reactions to circumstances, right? You know what I'm saying? By taking a deep breath and a pause and being like, oh, I'm having this thought about something. Is this a thought that I wish to have? Or do I wish to have some other thought with regards to what's happening to me? It feels like something you're good at. Is that something you're good at?

In terms of what? Your response, your reaction. You seem like a very peaceful person. Me? Yes. Yeah. Thank you. I feel like I have moments of that and then moments of feeling totally disregulated. And this year especially has been really, has been a doozy.

And I feel like it's really tested my sense of faith in the world and in myself. And yeah. But I appreciate that compliment. Thank you. I feel like my baseline is to, yeah, feeling like I have a real grip on things. I guess? Yeah. Thank you. How were you, like, in the early 2000s when?

Things were, yeah. Yeah. Like, how did you regulate your emotions there? Good question. That's a really good question. I feel like I was really grateful for, like, this opportunity that had sort of landed in my life, and I didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize it. So I think I was really disciplined.

at like working hard and still getting to be like a young person. And I feel lucky that like I really had no interest in like pushing the limits of like doing things that would be considered like outside the bounds of what I should be doing. You know what I mean? It's like I wasn't interested in like going to a club or drinking or you know living like a flashy life. I was really happy to be like I have this opportunity to work and like you know do like live out my dreams. And I have had mom and dad there, but I was also, like, I am not interested in, like, breaking the rules. But that was also, that's who I was before, like, working. I was never a rule breaker.

Right. Like, as a young kid, like, I was very by the book. And I still am. And you were just being born, right? Yeah, you were. What year were you born, Niles? Is that what was happening? 0-1.

Oh, yeah. What was that like? What was that like to be born? When you're older, we'll tell you about. the 1900s. The 1990s. The 1990s were fun. We'll tell you about the last century, young buck.

When you're older. There you go. I'm looking forward to it. Okay, so we go to the town hall meeting. And they're talking about, Randall's talking about how revitalizing neighborhoods has its ups and downs. Again, it sounds a lot.

The pluses and minuses of gentrification, right? Like, there is something good about bringing in new money as long as the people who are in the neighborhood are still able to afford being in the neighborhood. Yeah. Do they get to reap the benefits of it? Is there a version of neighborhood improvement that is not gentrification? How do you do both?

I think when people aren't priced out. Like when the people who are there before, the community. The community is not forced to live elsewhere because of this sort of like revitalization. So does that just mean slower growth as far as like? It could be like some places, like I remember in one neighborhood. I won't call it a neighborhood out. But they'll have certain sanctioned buildings that are like high-end, but then they have rent control and the same sort of thing,

so that people can afford to live in the neighborhood and take advantage of the things. And other people who have more affluence can pay for higher-end things in the same sort of thing. Yeah. Right? Like that's an example, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yo, everybody, Randall is getting deluge with questions, right?

Like, what happens if we can't afford it? Like, what happens if we get priced out of our? small businesses, et cetera, et cetera. And in the midst of it all, two things are happening, which I think are very cool. The phone keeps dinging. Now, we know, like, as actors, you know what I'm saying? Airplane mode, big homie.

Like, you got some shit to focus on. You know what I'm saying? Hand it to a PA. Do not destroy. Handed to a PA. Airplane mode, silent, whatever it is. But, like, he's so distracted. Like, he needs to know at all times what's going on at his house.

Yeah. Right? And I'm also struck by just darn now listening to the whole thing happened. Randall finally is able to get some sort of coherent thought together and saying like, listen, trust me, please, I wouldn't do it if I did not think it was for the benefit of everybody who is here. But not the greatest sort of answer, but like what. Trust the politician. Better than what he was now, right? Yeah, yeah. Beth tells him like, you know, you can adjust your phone settings.

Like she's starting to clock. Yeah. What's going on with the phone, right? It's a lot. She makes a red table talk joke. You know red table talk. I do. I do. That's cool. That's cool. That's the one you know. I've seen every episode.

So Randall's about to go for his run. And you see like, that's a comforting thing for him. Like he's like, okay, I can control this. Like, I can run this however I need to. And as he's about to start his run, Darnell comes, says hi. Says he heard about the break-in from his son. And he said, you didn't seem to compose. yesterday or last night, and he's like, have you ever talked to a therapist, right? And he's

like, well, you know, I like to run, right? Darnel wound up telling him, you know, I used to go to my pastor. He used to talk to me and sort of helped me through some things. I think I got on his nerves. He finally gave me a card saying, like, you should probably go see a therapist, you know. He says that men of a particular hue aren't necessarily accustomed to seeking out help, but that it is something that's really beneficial. And I was very proud, I was not proud, I'll say,

impressed by Randall's polite fuck off. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. He was like, hey man, I appreciate that. I'm good. I'm going to go for a run.

You take care. He shook his hand and was like, I'm doing my thing. You do your thing. Best luck with therapy, nerd. So then we'll go back into this. And we'll start with the youngest person here.

Do you have? Young, sir. Y'all keep laughing as I asked. Any experience with therapy and any thoughts regarding it? Yes. So when my father passed away, I went to group therapy from ages 12 to halfway through 13. Were you 10 or 11? I was 11 when he passed.

Okay, I was 10. Yeah, I was 11. And then later on. after this is us finished I did like one session of therapy maybe like halfway through

college and the therapist was like man you know you've been through a lot you know how are you you know

how are you functioning and I didn't like that the stuff that I was telling him I had endured he was kind of like damn so I think for me therapy is something

that I want to do in the future All my guy friends do it, which is... That's amazing to hear. Yeah, until they start using therapists, mumbo-jumbo. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm fully for it. You're fully for it. Yeah.

Yeah, you know, like, my first time going to therapy was in college as well. Or not, you did earlier than me. I discovered it for the first time in college. It was very beneficial. I think for, we talk about black men, but just men in general. In general, holding our cards so close to the vest. There's so much stigma around it. And the idea that you are weak in asking for help.

Right? Like, I felt like the show went a long way to sort of combating that idea and saying that, like, there's real strength and being vulnerable enough to admit that you need help, right? And so, yeah, I'm all for that, because it's interesting because you think that Randall, there's a part of me that thinks they're like, oh, well, Randall's a modern guy. Evolved human, yeah. Evolved, dude.

Like, you know, there's Jack is one way. And then Randall is this way or what have you. But it's really interesting to see that like, oh, so I'm going to come back and there's a Jack Randall connection that's really quite interesting. But do you think it's like he is an evolved man? and a modern man in that sense. To me, it always struck me as, like, it's the same idea of, like, I don't want to burden someone else.

I can handle this heavy load. I, you know, I mean, right? Like, if I can't do this, then who will? Like, I alone can carry all of this weight. I would agree with that. You tell me if I'm wrong. Go for you. I've noticed through, like, my relationships,

that I don't even know if it is a truly a gender thing when it comes to folks not liking therapy. I think it's a, it seems to me that there's this human thing of nobody wants to seem weak, like in general. Absolutely, you're not wrong. I can handle all of this. So, you know, I was wondering your perspective, like... I just feel generally speaking.

Like what Sterling was speaking to, that men often have more trouble admitting they need help, that they need to talk to someone, that some, an exercise like this could be beneficial to them. I have found in my own experience in my own life, my female friends are way more apt to be in therapy, to have that as sort of a regular practice in their life than the men in my life. Maybe it's a generational thing. Maybe it is. Maybe it is. Because all the do's that I know, they're doing therapy. And the girl? And the women are not?

No, they're like, they're like very against it. Wow. Maybe it is generational. That's interesting. And that was the, you know, the therapy mumbo-jumbo. You know, the homies in my life will be using, you know, the things that they learn from, you know, a therapist. And it's like, and it's like, why are you talking like this to me? You know, like, stop speaking like a projecting on me.

Yeah. What's going on you? I recognize your boundaries. Can we use eye statements? No, seriously. Yeah, can we use eye statements, please? That is genuinely how they speak. Yeah.

And it doesn't really work in their favor. It's kind of like, why are you talking to me like this, bro? Yeah. Interesting. Got a lot of single friends. Yeah. You're reminding me of like when I know people who did landmark education. Do you know landmark?

I know landmark. Yeah. Landmark education. Self-improvement. Yeah. Border. I mean, it's a little culty. Yeah.

little Tony, it's Tony Robbins-ish. Yeah. But it's like a lot of literature. Evolved from EST, like back in the 70s or 80s or something like that. It's vaguely therapeutic. Okay, okay. Anyway, but like when people do it. Yeah, yeah, I've heard of it.

When they do it, they'll do a lot of talk about integrity and honoring your word as yourself and things. And then there's a certain level of speechiness that comes from it. It's like, oh, you think you're pulling me in, but actually you're just not talking to me like a person. Yeah. So it's just, it's almost like, yeah, this happens a lot. That's the mansplaining part about it to when now they go to this therapy

and they think now I have this tool, this position of authority to be able to communicate. It's like, no, you're talking to me like I'm a kid. Doesn't that happen, though, anytime anybody learns something new and they want to share the new thing with somebody else? Name any president, I know. I know what, yeah, name any president. I can say what number they are. can you really after after 2000

get out of here get out of here so the first four and after but but I think that is that's a really good note though because you have to be able to bridge the gap between whatever it is that you think of value that you want to share with someone

and using language that you know that pulls people in sure right like I think that is a really apt point because you can get so immersed in whatever it is you're thinking that they're like, oh, they should be able to understand what I'm saying, but, like, you're not reading the room. How do you feel, Randall, like, what was his thought process behind Darnel? Yeah, of, like, offering that as a suggestion. Like, that's not for me.

I don't need that. Yeah, I don't need it. I got my own method. This works for me. Yeah. Like, anytime I get myself worked up or whatnot, like, this level of sort of, like, getting this energy out, right, to a point of fatigue or whatnot, and then it allows my mind to calm down and relax.

And let me be honest with you, it is something. that Brown uses. Sure. You know what I'm saying? Like seeing Jack hit hit the punching bag or what have you. Like these things are real outlets. Like when my children are able to run, they can sleep at night. If I don't run these kids, like there's like all this other added energy. But you didn't have the self-awareness or Randall didn't have the self-awareness to realize like this isn't working. This alone is not working. No, I don't think so. We keep having these bouts. I mean, Beth so much as says. Like, you just, like, we keep, you hit a wall every now and then we see these flashbacks of

Randall talking to Kevin and relying on Kevin, like, throughout his life of, like, having these episodes of these anxiety attacks and these panic attacks. It's like, clearly, something's not working. I think he thinks that enough time goes by between each one of them that it worked well enough for a long enough period of time that, like, why do I need to add anything else to it? It's just like every once in a while, this happens. And then I'll do this and then I'll be okay. Yeah.

That's what I think. You know what I'm saying? You young Randall now to have a conversation with Beth and she's comforting him from the nightmare. Yes. And you wind up saying, like, I've been having these dreams off and on since your dad died. Yes.

What else do you remember about the scene and what else you said in it? What I remember in the scene is me finally having an honest moment with someone that is not family. Yeah, which is essentially Kate. or Rebecca at that age, which I think is a pivotal scene for their relationship. Yeah.

Then we kind of understand why she's dealt with you and the way that she's dealt with you through your guys' time period. Totally. You know, and I think for me it was how do I authentically portray, you know, someone, you know, speaking

in such a revealing way to their person? Because she's the first person, You know, the parallels between the Darnel conversation, she encourages you to talk to a counselor. To do therapy, yeah. Also, it highlights the hierarchy of grief, right, in the relationship. Like, these two young people are going through the exact same thing. Yeah.

But one person seems to have done a little bit more in a work. He's handling it differently. Yeah. Yeah. And so the anxiety kind of overshadows any other process that's happening there. Yeah, which is a very very. interesting viewpoint on death because you know there were folks that I saw a grief therapy and they were they weren't as far as I was in my process but I also

think in my process because I was working I had something to look forward to so I was metaphorically running away from it when it comes to being able to put all all this emotion into work yeah and you know a normal kid not having that so they have to sit and fester you know right there's um as he's running uh he runs by a woman who he sees getting mugged and he didn't hesitate he runs right up over to the mugger tackles him good form tackle by the way shout out to coach holtman um football and uh starts to beat this dude's ass yeah i mean like to the point where he winds up fracturing he his knuckles, right?

And I love the take that the show has on it because the outside world... Hails him a hero. Is hailing him a hero. And he knows internally that, like, me beating the crap out of this dude wasn't even just about the dude, but about this is one moment that I have for control and dominions. And I actually took it too far.

Like, dude, he's knocked out. I had him, like, taken care of with one shot. You know what I'm saying? And he went, like, four, five, six shots. Yeah, you were able to do to this guy what you weren't able to do to the home invaders. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And this was cool. We flash back to Jack and Randall of watching The Shining and whatnot. He tries to put you back to bed. He tries to leave the bedroom after that Randall's asleep. And he winds up saying something to him like, look, man, your brother and sister kind of high maintenance. Yeah, you can't be high maintenance too. So could you be a good boy and sleep in your own bed tonight?

It's the subtle installation of a core belief. Yeah. Yeah, that's inside out right there. That's the shiny ball. Yeah, seriously. You've seen that? Have you seen that. Come on. We got one.

We got one. God, what a favorite, too. I know, amazing. It's great. Obliterated me. And two is also, hits as hard. I haven't seen two yet. Check.

I will. Peep gang. Yeah. That's really good. But it is like this inception point of like, okay, I have to be a certain way for the family to work. Yeah. Right. Right.

And for my father to love me. Yeah. For me to live up to what he would have wanted. Yeah. This is what he needs of me. Yes. Yeah. Expected of me.

And you see it. at every turn, you know what I'm saying? Like, we haven't gotten to it yet, but, oh, no, yes, we did. Like, when Randall and Kev after dad passes away, and Kev is like, yo, you're not the man of the house, you know what I'm saying? But, like, from Randall's perspective, is like, dude, if I'm not going to do it, who is, you're in New York. Like, you're about to take off to New York, you're about to get married and anything

like that. Like, no, I can't trust anybody. Yeah. Like, I can't really trust anybody else to do it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think that is what's- And if I'm not the good boy, then I'm not honoring my dad's wishes yeah i think it's an interesting parallel because i think jack carried himself the same way to

where he hid a lot of the things that he was battling with yeah um which i think for the the viewer shows the importance of how um if you don't work through your stuff how you can then pass it on inadvertently preach bro you know so i can imagine you know there there's so much pressure that you guys feel with you know young kids trying to make sure that you know you don't say one thing and 30 years later, he's like, I'm effed up, mom. Yeah, it's your fault. It's your fault. There will be something.

Go on sending a therapy for something. Yeah. Yeah. Already, I'm sure. Truthfully. Unfortunately, but is what it is. Try not to make it terrible. We see Randall, and this one kind of caught me because this is just a simple line.

Getting his hand bandaged, turns out it's fractured. Beth comes to take him home. And he just says very quietly. Like, I was struck by the quietness of it all. I'm really tired. And she's like, all right, well, let's go. I mean, that's all he says. And she just picks him up and they leave, right?

And so he's home in bed, it's quiet. Beth kisses him on the cheek and he just lays down. He sees, like, an alert come through on his phone. And it's sort of like a joke about, like, you know, what is this, Gotham City or something? Yeah. For the councilman. And it's almost like it's a flat.

and sort of a dig at the same time. Like, and he's sort of like, I think in my mind and watching him, because I can't actually remember it. It's just like, I got to get control back. Like, I got to, I'm losing my bearing to a certain extent. So then Young Randall and Beth, they're about to go to a grief group that she convinced them to go to.

Yes. Gets a phone call from Kev. Turns out that she canceled her, birthday party and they're coming to pick Randall up right something's wrong with Kate I'll explain on the way eight and Randall being the duty is like like you know family comes first sorry I was gonna go yeah right but it is but he also didn't have a choice yeah because but I mean he didn't have a choice because you Kevin doesn't ask him hey what are you up to this is true are you free yeah so he's once again being relegated to this position of, you know, having to just drop everything for

his family. Sometimes I look at the story of what he had to go through and it saddens me deeply. Yeah. Yeah, it saddens me deeply, seeing how he how he was never able to choose himself because even as an adult he's a father he's a husband so he's still having to live for somebody else yeah and I think that is a when you see the things that he deals with that and during your timeline yeah it sucks because it makes sense you know and I wish he was able to have found that voice years years, years earlier. Yeah.

But he was thrust into that position when his father passed. And that's just how the cookie crumbles. Yeah. You know, but, you know, there are a lot of people in real life that are, you know, dealing with being thrust into a position to where they aren't able to ever take that time to be able to. Yeah. Fully exhale like that, yeah.

And my heart breaks for them. And in a way breaks for me because of what I was, you know, pushed into, you know, having to do at a young age after my father passing. It makes me think about, like, because, yeah, responsibility is a crew, and you have families and partners and homes, et cetera. But, like, that balance of, like, being present for those people and also, like, carving out enough space for your own evolution. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

To not be stunted or stopped, yeah. You know, like, can both things happen parallel? You know what I mean? I think so, right? I hope so. I think so. Right? Maybe not for everybody.

Yeah. Because sometimes, man, like, there is, I think the amount is quoted as, like, 75,000. A lot of folks say, like, after $75,000, the amount of money that you make adds marginally to your level of happiness. Right. But if you're below this. certain number. You're basically in what they call survival mode. You're just trying to make it from paycheck to paycheck. Make sure that like the bare necessities are met for your family, whatever. And that number will vary from, you know, place to place. But like it is, so there's certain luxuries that are afforded if you have the basis covered, like the basic things covered. Can I tend to my emotional well-being? Can I give myself that self-help without it like cutting into anything? else. So I say that just to say that, like, not everybody literally can afford it sometimes.

We're in a reception. Because they're just trying to keep heads above water, you know. Any calls. Is this the phone call? Final phone call. From Randall to Kevin. Okay, J-Wan and Randall walking in the work. Right. Folks are clapping, you know, sort of like, you know, sort of cheering them on what's like to be a hero, et cetera. And Randall's like, I can't do this shit like he leaves he goes home he just turns around and walks out right like everything about what was going on with him sort of struck in this really way because there's no show of it it is just like nope yeah turns and goes he goes home closes the bathroom door sits on the bathtub takes his glasses off and just cries calls his brother he tells him i'm not okay man right like this dude was in my

house he was in my bedroom with a knife he could have hurt my family He could have hurt my children. And Kev says, don't worry about it. I'm going to comfort you. I'm the dude who's going to get you through this situation. Jack goes back to the Shining. Randall goes to bed. Then Kev comes in, scares the shit out of his dad as well.

He can't sleep. And then we see Kev is in bed with... A blonde. Somebody. That's the setup for the next episode. Closing thoughts. Fantastic episode. It's great to have you, man.

Yeah, so nice to have you in your perspective. Thank you guys for having me. Yeah, seriously. It's always great seeing you guys. Me twice. Anything you're working on you want to tell the people about? They can check it out. Socials?

Yeah, I did this Netflix show called Forever. Yeah, you did. By Mara Brock Akekekeley. Yes, sir. Executive produced by Regina King. And we're coming back for season two. Have you already shot it? No, we haven't.

Okay. having shot. But yeah, we're coming back for season two, so expect that. It's 2025, so expect that. Next year? Does it probably go later? It's just here. It's a love letter in LA. You guys see it. It's gorgeous. How lucky. What are your socials? I'm sure you'll announce. N.I.S. F-I-T-C-H. N-I-T-C-H. But yeah, yeah, and thank you guys for tuning in and being a part of my life since. I was 15 years old. Yeah, man.

It means a lot. The pleasure is all. Oh, yeah. We're going to come back right after this with our favorite segment, the fan segment. Yes, sir. We've got a little Q&A for Mr. Niles here. With Niles. We'll hang out for a minute.

Yeah. Let's do it. All right, let's do it. Be right back. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it is now time to hear from you, the fans. We asked you listeners out there to send in questions for Mr. Niles. here. So should we do a little Q&A? You ready for this, Niles? No.

Okay. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Come on. Now I'm ready. Here we go. First question. First question. Okay. Niles, this is from Allison Sass. The Nintendo Queen, apparently. She said, I'd love to ask what part of your character is most like you and what part is most unlike you? Good query. I think the part of Randall that is most like me is the position. that he had to take in his family because of me losing my parent young and then when it comes to my acting career and having a younger sibling kind of how Kevin steps away yeah he's kind of the only male presence and yeah in the world that we live in you know if if you're a boy they they want to make you a man very quickly yeah so I'd say that was the most like me

Okay. And then I'd say the most that is unlike me is I am not that big of a perfectionist unless it comes to like my work. But when it comes to how others perceive me, I think over the years I have learned to not care and just be myself. Sure. You know, if I need therapy, if I'm feeling sad, if someone did something that made me feel insecure, I'm very, I will very quickly communicate my feelings.

Sure, that's beautiful. Yeah, nice. It's a good way not to be like. But I also think it's because during the most pivotal years, I was playing this character. Yeah, it was very formative time. Someone that did not do that. Yeah. And it infuriated me because I, you know, you play a character for so long, it becomes a part of you.

Sure. So I just never wanted to be that in my personal life. Good for you. I dig that. Who's got the next one? Lynn Standridge, 299, said, what was the hardest part about filming the episode where the house caught on fire?

That was... Yeah. Yeah, a big one. Are you thinking about just when we were at the househouse or when we were in the middle of nowhere? I think all of it. I think staying in it. Yeah.

Because we had some super late night shoots and that was like the latest that I had ever shot. It was a lot. It was a lot. And having to keep that emotion is such an interesting thing to grapple with. How late are we talking? How late will we go? Like all night.

Yeah. To the sun come up? Almost. Yeah. To where they had to get hotels for crew members or cast if you didn't want to do a two-hour drive back to the city. Yeah. We were out in like Palmdale, like where was it? It was out like by six flags out in that area.

Yeah. Maybe even further than Santa Cruz. Santa Clarita. Yeah, yeah, Santa Clarita. It was, it was pretty far. And because, like, you know, it happened at night. You want to have, like, as much shooting, of a shooting day as possible, quote unquote. You start when the sun goes down and you work until pretty much, like, the sun starts to come up. So it was a long, long night. And it was chilly. It was cold. So they built the actual, like, house, the outside of the house and, like, burned it. We talked about that episode with John and Glenn. But, but. It was just like the shell, the frame of the house, so there was no way to heat it. We're like in the middle of nowhere burning this house down. And so it was freezing. Yeah.

So we were in, you know, you were in pajamas. I was in like my pajamas and had to put on like my clothes and you're trying to like stuff long underwear under that. And it was, it was very chilly. It's like, are you sure Randall wouldn't put on a winter coat in winter pants? He wouldn't have like a puffer coat somewhere. That's how I'm leaving the house. Yeah. The fire can take 30 extra seconds.

You get this giant blanket. Let me get these thermals on. What if instead of sheets tied together, it was warm blanket. Duvets. Yeah. Thick. Okay. That's a good one.

What's the next one? For 2005, what was the best thing about working together, Niles, Hannah and Logan? Best thing about working together. I had two buddies that were going through the existence. exact same thing that I was going through. Sure. Being on a set with experienced actors, trying to find your footing while always being in comparison, which I think can be, I think it can be a lot to handle.

And they were older than me. In comparison to each other, in comparison to the older Big Three. To the older Big Three. To the older Big Three. Because especially for me being 15, I feel like a lot of it was, hey, you, you, you, your work has to follow up, you know, this grand actor. Are you capable? So to be able to have folks...

Talking about Justin? Yeah. Talking about, yeah, yeah, Justin, yeah. So having people that are like, we get the pages and it's like, hey, you see what we got to do. We get to, like, do some cool stuff. Yeah, yeah. It was amazing. And then outside of that, you know, Hannah and I used to live near each other, so we were a carpool or, you know, Logan and all of us going to

Six Flags or there was this it was as if it was in a way my my secondary high school like my after school program to where you know even today you know I'm so updated with their lives and vice versa do you blow any minds being out together in a group out in public like back in the day yeah yeah but but not from the crowd I want it it was usually from like six year like uh yeah you weren't you're like great thanks yeah i'll tell you my grandmother loves you yeah yeah yeah i just remember feeling like you guys had your own language and like i never wanted to breach that and almost like nobody could like the three of you guys it was like you guys would get on set you had your own like you know inside jokes and you were just like it was sweet i

It really, you guys really felt like you had bonded as siblings. I think that's what made the chemistry between you guys so believable, too, because you really genuinely loved being in each other's company. Yeah, there was this funny moment on set. I don't know if you remember it. I think it was the first season that we were there. And there's this term that on sets that they use where they say, we're going dirty.

And I hadn't heard that before on the set. So they were like... But we have to be mature, you know? Well, they were like, we're going to go dirty on Mandy on this shot. Yeah. And I remember Logan and I trying so hard not to laugh. But they kept saying it. They kept saying, you know?

And I want to picture at YouTube being like, what's about to happen? Yeah, the two of them. What are they going to do to them? Do you want to describe to the audience what dirty means? It means that, like, if there's a shot on Niles, let's say they want to feel a little bit of me in the shot, right? They want to, it's a little dirty on me. It's dirty on my shop.

Yeah. Yes. Your shoulder. Your shoulder is what's making it dirty. It's dirty and up the shot. There is a clean single. Yeah. And they go a dirty single.

And you feel the presence of another person in the shot. And I think it was an important scene for you. Oh, my God. So you're in it. You know what I mean? I don't remember this. Oh, well, we just remember, I think you had like looked at us. And we remember being like, oh, we messed up.

No, no, no, no. I know that wasn't the case. I don't remember. Maybe it was just like being in the moment of like whatever was going on. I don't know if it was emotional or I was supposed to be upset with you guys or what. I think you were already in it. Okay. And we were not.

Oh. Yeah, but I don't think that I would have been, when you're, you know, when you're in something, it's like there's not really anything that can like, you're in your own little world. There's nothing that breaks you out of that. For two teenage boys who don't know the lingo, yeah, that's very thing. Yeah, that's very funny. Going dirty on Mandy. This is going to be dirty on Mandy.

That's very funny. Oh, my God. Yeah. And we were like, oh, we messed up. We were supposed to be a lot more mature. Oh, my God. So, you know, funny moments like that working together where. Before we get to the next question, I have like piggybacking on what you just said.

Did you ever feel in terms of that comparison thing that you felt, did you ever feel secure in the performance that you were giving? And at what point in time did you, if you did, when did you feel it? And then Sterling will tell you when you should have. Yeah. Yeah, I'll let you know. I'll let you know if you're right now. Okay, okay. I think that was the interesting part was I never felt less there.

Yeah. So it honestly made me uncomfortable people then bringing up the comparison. That's the correct answer. Yeah, that is. You never felt, so when people brought it up, it sort of brought it to the forefront of your consciousness. Like, oh, that's something that people are tracking. people are tracking. You just like comfortable doing the thing that you should. I think it made it made me feel as if folks were then looking down upon. Like why should I feel less than if I was

chosen for this role? I had to audition to be here. So I think it was a very interesting thing because it was it was as if other people were putting how they would feel onto me. Of course. That sounds like projection. Yes. Yes. For some therapy speak. There you go. You kill it from the beginning. That's all I was going to say. 100%. What's the next?

That was the right answer? Yeah, that's correct. This is from Enzo, LCVN. Randall always tried to be perfect because he feared falling apart. Did you ever relate to that pressure either as a person or as an actor? We kind of talked about that. Yeah, we kind of talked about that. Yeah, I think I kind of talked about that pressure.

Yeah, like, and I'll just try a minute too. Like, in college, I think. I felt like the best I've ever felt about myself, to a certain extent, is age 18. I was a student council president. I was accepted to Stanford University. I was a varsity letterman in basketball and football. And I was like, I felt like I was like on top of everything. He peaked in high school.

Totally. Had a girlfriend who was all downhill from there. All downhill. All down hill. Just gorgeous and beautiful and whatnot. And I felt like, oh, man, I felt like, What you would call a young man of promise. And I say that because a friend of mine says,

he's like, my dad used to always say, you can only be a young man of promise for so long. Until you have to like... Until you're doing podcast and a boot. Here we are. There you go. But because of that feeling, that feeling... Hang out with us more, dial.

The feeling elicits the idea of like, oh, man, there's nowhere to go but down. So how do I stay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At that place. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Like, that's what I was saying. Okay. Any guest stars are regulars you wish you could have had a scene or two with. Hmm. Mm. No, no, I'm trying to think. Wait, could everybody be quiet so I can think? Yeah, can you be quiet?

Please, stop clearing your throat. You okay? Please, Christopher, please. There was this guy named. Mm-hmm. It starts with, like, I don't know if he's supposed it with the CRK. Oh, is it Craig? Craig.

Craig was Greg. Oh, Craig. Craig. Oh, Craig. No, I would have loved to do with Stephen D. No, I would too. Yeah. Thank you.

No pressure. How many scenes? Do we only have the train at the end? Yeah, that was the only scene we ever had. That's it. Yeah. That was been a cool, cool, uh, Looper episode.

Yeah. Yeah, it would have been kind of fun. Because it was me, you, and Karan, right? Yeah, you come back. He stops the fire from ever happening to change the future. I help you. Oh, that would have been crazy. Yeah, Karan is there.

Lonnie's there. Oh, yeah, all four of us. Yeah. That would have been kind of nuts. No, we didn't have that. We just had the one scene and season six. What was working with Ms. Rashad? Oh, my.

Amazing. Amazing. Because I know the space sheet. In my brain that she holds, right? Like the matriarch that I grew up watching on TV, right? But for someone who wasn't around for the 1900s, what space did she hold in your world? Like, how were you aware of her as a performer?

I still view her as, like, the perfect wife. And perfect mom and, yeah. Based upon, yeah, perfect person in general. Did you watch the show with Heathcliff, Huxstable? Yeah, but not, but not. But not like, I didn't binge it. Like, if it was on, I would check it out. But she still did have this viewpoint, like this pedestal in my eyes.

And as a young man in theater, she must have had a theatrical presence. Yeah, so shoot her whole family. But so I think for me when working with her, like, there was a lot of, like, I'm going to be honest, like, what do I say to her? Yeah. Yeah, seriously, no, but seriously. How do you kick off a conversation? Yeah, yeah. What the hell is a 17-year-old saying other than I love your words?

Yeah, right. Like, you know. It's a good entry. Yeah, that's a good entry for whatever age you are. Yeah. I'll always be happy now. Whether you've seen the work or not. There you go. Yeah.

Yeah. That's easy. I love you in waiting to exhale. Yeah. Oh, wait. That wasn't you? Oh. Don't get specific.

Don't get specific. It's their project. Never get specific. Yeah. Mix you up with another older, ble. Hey, when my friend. My friend saw you and he said he had just seen your movie the week prior. He was like, he was in it, right?

After we walked away and I was like, yeah. That's hilarious. I don't even care if I was or not. I still thank people. Have you rewatched the show as an adult? And if so, does the show resonate with you in a deeper way than it did while you were filming? Yeah. I think that's the sad part about being on it so young is you're not truly cognizant of what the work you're doing.

until you experience literally just like a little bit more life. And like, wow, like, obviously I know the show is good. But like to watch it a little bit older and be like, damn, like, it hits different. It's really good. I mean, it hits different for us. It's same for us. But I'm saying you're going from 15 to 24, like, that's a big, there's a lot of stuff happening.

Yeah, it's like a huge gulf that you like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what, like, if you could articulate it, like, What is it like watching it now, the times that you have? I feel like I'm so much more opinionated on like characters or decisions that are made. And then I truly connect to how things that can happen as a kid can later affect you if you don't process it. Yeah. And to hear like the communication, like the writing is so amazing.

It truly is amazing. And I think it's interesting being able to rewatch my performance. because obviously you can be your biggest critic. But I think it is in the fact that I'm older now. So I understand that emotion that as a kid, it was like this confusion, which is great for the performance. It works. But as someone that gets older, it's like, damn,

I wish I would have shown it like this, but that's because I come from the knowledge of having experienced just a little bit more. And I try to say like, you know. No, no, no, I get that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I think it's amazing to be able to see the, to feel a little bit of the impact that the show could have had on folks back in the day. Are you overall happy with your performance as you watch it now? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You have to be. You should be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think based upon the knowledge and the tools that I had, I gave the best, I left it all out there. To see that, it makes me so much more excited about things that I'll be able to tackle in the future. We talk about you guys to see.

We talk about you guys every week. Constantly, yeah. And we're constantly marveling. Thank you. Yeah. Step in and just crushed it from the jump. From the jump. From the jump.

Yeah. Just always, I think the one thing that I take from this is to be present. Yeah. To truly be present. Because I think I was, like you said, you would finish working and you're filming something else. Yeah. So trying to find that balance of still living in the moment. Yes.

You know, like even this right here, this time that I get with you guys, truly appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah. We appreciate you coming, man. Close it. Please like, subscribe. Share an episode with a friend. Heck yeah. Come see us January 17th at the live show. And if you'd look right in that camera over there and say, that was us. We'll get out of here. That was us. That Was Us is filmed at Rabbit Grin Studios and produced by Rabbit Grin

In Gryn Productions, music by Taylor Goldsmith and Griffin Goldsmith.