The 85 South Show with Karlous Miller, DC Young Fly and Chico Bean - 85 South Outtakes | Ep. 13

Episode Date: March 11, 2016

Karlous & DC are on the road being famous. We didn't want to leave you guys hanging, so we pulled some old outtakes of Karlous w/comedian friends Ronnie Jordan & Rob Haze. They discuss running off on the plug, Karlous teaches Rob how to get out of the friend zone and guys discuss their strip club history. Download & subscribe then tell somebody else to! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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805, hey. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't want to get too far off program. I just want to perform one that I wrote. Is everybody still coming to my car on the way over here? Is everybody coming to my 5K? Right. He's trying to raise money for it. school for black boys man you know my boy rob hayes then moved in new york man did you

move in new york did you switch football teams or you still it well i've always been a oakland raiders fan how did that happen how to hell my father yeah my father was a raiders fan he grew up in kentucky they didn't have a team oh see that's the difference you could just pick you heard what he said what he said he had a father that's why okay yeah good because you actually got to watch real games with your dad and he taught you about the game i can't just My dad was a falcon fan, though. He used to cussed at the Falcons, just like I had cussed at the Falcons for years. My dad, my dad cussed out Dion Sanders one time in real life.

Tell me that story. We must know this. It was so long ago, the Falcons used to play at Fortin County Stadium where the Braves play at, right? So the tickets was like $8, but they was at the top, but nobody was there. This is the Falcons, red jersey, just turned black. So you could just walk down, you know what I'm saying? By the halftime, you can stand on the field. They can use some headphones.

So I'm like eight, right? So my dad got my baseball gloves. You know, Dion was on both Falcons and the Braves. Right. This Jerry Curl Primetime, Dion, my dad in the tonal with his blood by Prime. Prime. Prime.

Well, fuck you then, niggas. Let's go, dad. Cheese. Shout out to Dion Sanders, man. My daddy cussed at prime time. Shout out. I love red jerseys turned black as, like, a signature of what time period it was.

Yeah, that's for my jersey nerds. That's a very Atlanta way of, like, you know, with the red jersey, but they had the red jersey, but they had Jed got their black ones, got down. Man, Ronnie Jordan, your daddy funny as hell, man. He got a real, he got a ponytail like he's a real live ponytail. He's got a ponytail like he sell bricks for a Colombian drool. My dad had a, like, DJ Quick on his second album.

But that shit looksurious. Where is he getting his hair doing that? My mama do it, man. These thing is a pimp. Like, I can't deal. I thought he had to, like, get up early on Saturday. Every time I say something about him, your mama did it. I was like, well, goddamn you got me, dig.

Hey, when he flicked me. your mom about that shit when he take the rubber band off and flick it. Yeah, he takes his scrunchy off and flip his hair when he get upset.

He's like, these motherfuckers you ever seen running Joe and dad he's got no damn receipts. I think I've always seen a pony tail in like

his most cadets for. Yeah, he kind of, he tightened it up. My dad he was the cook at Uptown and chef at Uptown

and he just he tightened it up a little bit. Yeah, I've only seen the tight he'll be braided and roll it up you know like a ninja master like a Denver

like Steven Seagal it's hilarious hilarious man And he got a Cadillac, and he wear a big hat. It's like, he's a stereotype all day. By and refus. By refus. It's crazy, man.

Hey, that's one of the funniest shit's I ever heard you sound stating. He talked about how your dad. Yeah, I had to go take a old nigger. He came by weed no more. He told me to his trap, and he got a beaute a shirt on, basketball, shorts, dress socks, dress shoes. Ponytail, he walked down to everybody. All the drugs are like young thug. Right.

Rich homie quine. They got on the tight pants sagging them. But they roasted him on the way down, like ponytail got him. Fresh of hell, buddy, they got no dress shoes on. This nigga, hell, goddamn luxury. I'm like, these niggins roast in our ass. At they walk in the middle of them. Excuse me, young man.

Does anybody have any refunds? That nigga, that nigga, poor. That nigga 12 in full, shout, you know. He didn't get no goddamn refills. He's stomping the little dress shoes and sparks and shit flying. I was in the club last night. Somebody was smoking me, that I went and got security, man. Bro, that shit stinks.

you know you had in life again i ain't i ain't smelled me in a long time like if you bro i thought it smelled like somebody was lighting up a pipe like your credit score got a little bit when you smell me and your credit drop a little bit like damn so you snitched all the dude yeah i was like bro get his ass the fuck out of hell man he got to go that's how they're gonna if you if you can't if you still smoke me it what the fuck you doing in the club yeah yeah you can't afford it it's not in your budget and then you bowl like you're gonna wait you see everybody's smoking good you know what I mean yeah The atmosphere right, the music playing, the dancers is glistening.

You're going to light some motherfucking mid. But that's the same dude that got like a couple of Fubu outfit still. It's the holidays, though. He probably, you know, see everybody smoking good. That's what I'm saying. Why are you buying mid on the holidays? Should we be upset at him for buying it or the person that has it? I'm mad.

I'm mad at security at the front door for letting him get all way through security with this. But obviously they didn't smell it on him because he got that quiet. It's quiet. They probably didn't even feel it. I'd never been there to just, like, bring weed to the club. Like, one time I got searched as security was like, man, you can't bring all the pecks in here. But it was like fruit snack. It wasn't even weed.

You brought fruit snacks to the club, right? So I told you he's a kid. That is actually clever because you are very hungry when you leave the club. Right? I bring snacks everywhere, though. I bring snacks to sleep. Speaking of bringing shit places. I don't know how this is going to transition

but Chris Rock hosted the Oscars Oh well I guess that was a good segue Yeah they're going to bring home the statues Boom Yeah right It's a long show If you brought a snack

It wouldn't be I like when they show the people You think they have snacks at the Oscars? Hell yeah Ellen ordered pizzas for everybody When she hosted Wow Yeah

How does that work So if you were at the Oscars man What type of stuff Would you sneak in there? I don't know man Damn that's a good question I don't know, so weed a little bit, you know, you got to have something. I believe it.

But I think they're going to have all the drugs and stuff you need at the, what do you think? I don't know, peachy-Os. I don't think I would want nothing in my pockets because, you know, I don't want to be bulging. You know, you got your keys and your damn. I got a baby shoe on my keychain. Hey, congratulations for you. They had to do baby. Yeah, not me out of my body, but my wife kind of.

You made it. I made it with my penis. I created people. It's a very powerful thing to create a human with your penis. Pull-out Game Strong. Shout out to everybody who ain't got no kids. My pull-out game ain't shit lately, boy. Hey, get that damn baby, man.

Please turn that off. I just left home to do this. I left the baby home. I got to go, man. It's some opportunity of a lifetime doing 85 South. How are your boys doing, man? He's doing all right, man. They had the good Christmas and stuff, man.

My one-year-old, he old enough to open stuff now. So he's fascinated with, like, wrapping paper and boxes. So I just got him a bunch of socks wrapped up. Man. He's in a good year. I call running Jordan kids, my hypothetical nephews, me. I just know that they're going to be successful. Tell them what you named your boys, man.

My son, the oldest son, he turns two in a couple days, but his name is Campbell, West Jordan. And this crazy, the little one, guess what he named the little one? Clark Hunter Jordan. Guess what I call him? Camp Creek. He said, what the little boy named me of Camp Creek? No, Carlos. My son's name is not Camp Creek.

I figured he was coming around 285, like he was going to do Campbell then. I did grow up around Camberton Road, though. That's funny. But my wife's maiden name is Campbell, so she came up with that. I can't even take no credit for that. But the middle name, you know, that's her too. But we met at West Georgia when we was at school. That's what's up.

How long you been married? Good names. Y'all was talking about college. We had a long time to think. We've been married 11 years, but, you know, we were married nine years before we got pregnant the first time. I was the legend. I was my homeboy.

Rob, you heard that? Yeah. You heard what he said? This is how you know he had really in love. He said, we was married nine years before we got pregnant. Yeah. Hey, man. Well, you done it the person on a frequent basis.

It kind of makes you feel so. I ain't never been in love like that. Oh, Carlos, it's nice. I can imagine that's your wife. It was beautiful. Y'all probably cried, did cars and sent pictures out on Facebook. When I got my baby mom pregnant, it was like, nigger, you got me pregnant. That's funny.

Don't call my phone. It was crazy. It's funny because I know your baby mom, but that's the book. That's what I can hear her voice. It wasn't even an announcement. She was like, look. I'm pregnant. Me and my baby are going to be straight.

So just going to get yourself together. Get ready for this child support. I'm like, how pregnant are you? I'm like six hours pregnant. I didn't throw up two times. We're going to get all this little, we're going to get all this little comedy money. I'm like, I just started doing comedy. Not the joke money.

She came to the joke money. Right after joke money. I didn't hire me a street attorney and everything. It wasn't an attorney. It was just a dude who had three baby mom. He was like, bro, she's just saying that shit till the baby get here. So that were kind of like, that was kind of like pre-trial. He was a council.

Yeah, yeah. He was like, bro, don't even get mad with her because she's just pregnant in hell going through all them. Most, you know, women get real descriptional when they get pregnant. The scriptural. The funny part is, we did, like I do say I and we. I'm a real. You see this husband plaid shirt I got on? Right.

But, yeah, we did. I did the real, like, we was the only black people doing all the white people stuff. I know this what you want to say. You got white names stuff. We went to, like, the classes, the CPR and the birth of breathing and the midwife. Y'all went to the Nicky Minaj class. We went to one class, and it was a black girl that walked in, and the lady, when I saw the black girl, she walked in with her auntie or whatever,

I was just happy somebody was getting some prenatal classes or whatever. So, you know, as black people, we started rooting for the black people in the room, you know what I'm saying? I see, and I pray, I was like, Jesus, please don't let this lady ask this question. I know what embarrassed the whole race right now. And lady walked right in. It was like, all right, let's go around, tell everybody you're bad. baby names I was like fuck so you know it was like two white names you know Connor Tyler and I was like you know it got to meet a whole room

looking because they white they're like and I'm like my son's name was Campbell and they was like oh and I was like yeah y'all thought it was gonna be ghetto bitch like hey right I said it with my eyes right I was like yeah you look all the way around the room you know it was good you know what I said the black race I held it down you know what I'm saying he was one to know but I knew it was over with because I looked through my peripheral The what? On the side of preufing the vision. Yeah, yeah, paradigm.

Yeah, from the paradox of my. On the side, I saw the black girl I stood up and she's getting ready. She tweeted out. I'm fed of goddamn kid. It's name shit. Right. I said, fuck, please don't do this to us right now.

That guy that hurts. To me, what's your baby there? My son, I ain't fit to be. Weezy, Bugatti, Jackson. I said, fuck. Why? Weeee Bugatti. Weezee Bugatti Jackson.

Hey crazy shit up I was in Jacksonville, Florida I stopped by the store This girl had this little baby A little dirty ass baby He had some little trick Remember them old trick daddy braids They were just like

They were braided They just stopped They just stopped somewhere He had on a diaper And a little t-shirt And he had some of them braids They had an old face But a little infant body

And his name was MJG No She named the baby After the rapper MJG It didn't stand for nothing His first name was MJG Was it spelled

Phonetically was like E-E-E-M-J-G. That's the first baby Brun with a mixtape. Yeah. Man, she didn't even put him in a car seat. He drove off in her lap. Rob, you're going to have some babies? I'm not thinking about babies.

Don't, man. Pull-out game strong. Don't do it. My pull-out game was strong, though. I got to stop doing it with the TV on. That's what it was. Yeah, that you'd be the... I don't know if you ever had your penis

and somebody in a part of your lady with some motherfucking. Babyface or some shit, come on. It's different. All right. So look, here, this is what I'm, I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity. I never get to DJ. I don't now, but because, like, all I'm pleased.

All right, hurry up, hurry up, let's go. But now, no, no. See, this is why I'm going to take advantage of this situation, right? You remember the Xbox, you tell you can put your music on there? Yeah. Man, that's the first time I heard that Beyonce, first time I said no, it's like I never said yes. Oh, I mean, dropping it off in our body. Baby Juice.

Yeah, we didn't get pregnant that time. Hashtag baby juice. Baby juice, baby All right, this is what I'm saying. Teenage, love spit. Because I got, I got Ronnie Jordan over here. You are father, husband. Yeah, I'm on the other side.

I was about to say a father, a husband of two. But I meant to say a father of two and a husband. Hey, don't tell anybody I got another family, man. Okay, your other family, your first family. And then we got Rob Hayes, young thug over here. Right. All the way, yeah, the other side of the suspension. So this is what I'm saying, to all the listeners who are listening right now,

since I got both sides of the spectrum. Can you tell all the young fellas I hear how to avoid having babies Since you know how to make them on purpose And you know how to not make them on accident I don't know if my method is It's the most like Don't let her squeeze your nipple

Because you're gonna leave it in there Cause this shit gonna come out That might be first I don't know if that's not me You know what I'm saying Like it could happen if you know what I'm saying Don't let her do your triggers Why you're about to be there

You got to control it when you fit You do that early Do that shit early When you're about to get it in You got to have a game plan. You got to stick to your game playing. You got to make sure she's satisfied. Then go on and get out of there.

Get out of there. You got to, especially if you don't know her like middle name and her mama name and shit like that. Like, it's a lot of dudes. You ain't never been to a family punch. There's some chicks and you find out she was lousy. Right.

Dude, I don't know. I've never had raw sex, so I don't know. Wow. I hear it's all the rage. It is. It is. It ain't. It ain't what you think it is.

I've only used rubber. Do it. I can't. Hey, man. You know what that means? You know what that mean? That mean you got the same dick you was born with. Yeah, your dick ain't had no flu or none.

I wouldn't say that. I would definitely say that. You never had the rubber break on you ride? You didn't have it'd be a ring around you? You're like, dog, what happened though? No. Where is it, first of all? You know, like, they have it, like, 99% of this dude ain't never have.

He probably got fairy blood, man. Yeah, he. Wait, what is it? I don't like, that are. sound bruh do you understand you never had raw like a vampire if a vampire came in this bitch right now he would only bite you you the purest one in it

yeah your your blood would be delicious like polys sauce what the hell you don't get that I mean I guess hey man Rob do me a fake just keep wearing robes man I am I don't plan on I'm not wearing but I'm just saying like I don't know Rob you're getting up there in age no no no he's getting on TV and stuff right no no he's getting on TV

and the quality of the vagina is going to go up because you're single. You're out here and it's going to be somebody to tell you exactly what you're going to hear and she's going to bite some J's. You'll be like, I'm going to tell you what it is.

This is how it's going to happen. Somebody going to give you some pussy that you ain't never in your life playing for. You'd be like, what? You? I've been one of the... Okay.

And then guess what? Yeah. You're going to be getting that text. Don't call my phone. We've got to get all that little joke money. You guys are. You guys are projecting a whole lifestyle change. I'm just saying, it might not work, though,

because you light skin, you'll probably fall in love and ask her to have your baby. But, like, dude, how do you get it going, Rob? Like, is it, is it, do you hollet? Because now we, you know, we, you still, we older, we met chicks at school, you know, out in human, you know, contact. Do you meet chicks and they actually smash them off the internet?

Like, my nephew, them, he don't, they don't meet chicks in person at all. Social media, what he's saying is. You meet them on social media? Do you meet him? Is it going down in the DM, bro? Have you been a tinder and a little bit of bubbling? Tender.

Tender? Is that like you beat it just bone? Like, what is Tender for? I got Tender passport where you can tender in places that you're not there yet. So like, wow. Bro, you mean to tell me you online, you got your dick dropping like a mixtape. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Two weeks, New Jersey.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, yeah. Wow. I got to get some promo for my dick. Shit. You need to run some ads. I got to leave my family to get on this shit. Sounds so appealing Jesus

You know your guy They got the new song Somebody's going Down in the DM That's true You like that Instagram You said what You like Instagram

How y'all feel about How y'all feel about The Instagram Like just the holes Instagram First of all Yeah They're great

But I can't like shit Because my wife is crazy I look I'm gonna lurk all day I look I can't swipe I can't double tap I'm a huge fan

Of the thirst traps So much so The Thirst Traps sometimes like my pics right I've had a lot of though I've had a lot of Instagram chicks like my video hold up bro you didn't hear what he said

the thirst trap's like he said he liked the thirst trap and the thirst trap liked his pitch is back that beat it go down to the damn I was on Instagram this morning I was trying to find some chicks who didn't have that big ass space between their tetties like I'm looking like real titty

you're looking for cleavis like why these tits got such big spaces between them like it looked like they're going to get these breast implants and the doctor just ran out of right titties just getting everybody two left these titties don't face each other they don't touch they don't hang out

it's just like two separate they like right twicks and left twigs these tits don't even get along you know what I don't like though the nipples pointed other ways like how are you going to have a blood titty and a crib titty they don't want nothing to do with each other and then they this shit is crazy I can't even

like if I see you on Instagram you're a pretty ass chick and you got a pretty-ass name and you got a lot of makeup. I can't even like that shit. I don't know if you're a dude or not. Like, anytime I see a girl with a pretty ass name, I'd be like, Aaliyah Camis, come on, that's a dude.

That's a dude. Ain't nobody mama gave them two beautiful names back to back. At all. At all. Jasmine, Latrice. Hell no. I don't like it now. The boonies don't match the thighs. I want the regular bitch with one name. I don't like the booties now. Tidies touch.

Tidys touch. That's the name? I want the titty. I want the to touch. Ladies, if you put on the fucking tank top and your titties look like they're taking a deep breath, that's what I want. Like your titty's just tired of being put up all day. Like, once you put the tank top on and them tithes look like,

they drop a little bit? Yes. Yeah. That shit's real. Stop buying these tities. The tithes all up under your chin. You can't, every time you can't really move like that. Sick of this shit.

And my wife, she breastfeed. I'm tired of this shit. I can't find no dark-skinned women on Instagram. I'm following 1,100 bitches that look just like each other. Yeah. That's true.

You got to. Bro, I'll be trying to. I'll be trying to. It's a whole web. They tag their friends. You go to the friends. Then they tag their friends. But see, that's what I'm saying.

When you find the pretty ones, they don't tag the ones who really might. They don't tag their friends. Yeah, so sometimes you got to look at the comments. Oh. In the comments. You are like the thirst masters. Oh, look, tell us, tell the old school niggas

how to slide in them DMs. What them young boys doing? Tell us what them young boys are doing in them DMs, man. I mean, like, especially if you are on a date app, like Twitter, Bubble, something like that. First of all, bubble, they got to slide in your DM. Oh. Bubble females got to talk to you first.

Let's keep it simple. Let's stick to Instagram. They do not be bringing it. Instagram or anything, really, but Instagram, you got to make sure that you like, show your personality. So you don't just show up sliding and people just say, hey, like,

because everybody's going to say, hey. Right. I'm going to find some kind of wordplay, something like do with your last post, some kind of like. Oh, you got bars. Okay, you use, I got bars basically. Something that's like, makes it like personal.

Right. So then they got to respond immediately. Is your mama still sick? You're like, what? You care? Maybe not that. You care? That was an extreme third one.

That's what I try to jump off the portion a little easy. You were going back in the house. You did. Going back in the house. That's what happened. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.

You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths,

and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio, app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Adventure should never come with a pause button. Remember the Movie Pass era? Where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9? It made zero cents, and I could not stop thinking about it.

I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast, there are no girls on the internet. On this new season, I'm talking to the innovators who are left out of the tech headlines, like the visionary behind a movie pass, Black founder Stacey Spikes, who was pushed out of movie pass, the company that he founded. His story is wild, and it's currently the subject of a juicy new HBO documentary. We dive into how culture connects us. When you go to France, or you go to England, or you go to Hong Kong, those kids are wearing Jordans, they're wearing Kobe's shirt, they're watching Black Panther. And the challenges of being a Black founder. Close your eyes and tell me what a tech founder looks like. They're not going to describe someone who

looks like me and they're not going to describe someone who looks like you. I created There Are No Girls on the Internet because the future belongs to all of us. So listen to There Are No Girls on the Internet on the IHurt Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday, I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all.

Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more. And found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast.

It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Hell yeah. What are you, what's the example of you? Like, what have you done that worked? Yeah, what works. What works?

What works? Yeah. Uh, this is a read. bio they bio say something like you know uh all the chicks that i follow bio say the same thing what it's say mother of a king amara's mama amari's mama booking call loving my two rest in peace all that yeah serious inquiries only all that type of shit all right well maybe maybe not i don't know or i don't know you got you got a kid you know you could you could that's what i'm saying i don't really be sliding up in the DMs because I'm

a statistic. I'm a baby daddy already. I already got one strike. Then I'm a comedian. So that ain't necessarily what you would consider a real job. Like I got money, but holes don't believe it. You're a successful comedian.

But they don't believe that. They don't believe that I can do comedy and make a living. They'd be like, okay, I know you do comedian. I know you are a while and out. But what else do you do? Like, what you do to like get money i be like i get that question is i get money yeah yeah you know i mean so i don't know man i'm a statistic yeah i do i get that i don't really slide in i can be at a college

show and they ask me that they'd be like so but but but but how much they give you i'm not fin to tell you i ain't gonna tell you but i ain't gonna tell you but but i had a activity fee paid for an old lame man boy but i got down get paid to go to your college now but i used to pay to go to old school they pay me to school one time i had to catch myself though like yeah you was you i had to catch myself because you know how like i was on you about you was about to say a number no i was on the road one you know how we do shows and then you can't get to your bank because they're like they don't have your bank right here yeah so you end up with a whole bunch of money in your pocket yeah and then they like let go to the party be like i can't really go i got 10 000 of me you

know what i mean but you can't say that you can't say that that's why they got a safe at a hotel room No, that's how they got Nelly one time They took all his jury He's like out of a million dollar For jury Jacked by Consuela Brough That shit was just crazy though Because I was at this one college

And I was getting stunted on I've been trusting the safe Like okay You invite somebody over I've been putting everything in the safe See he's fucking with them Craig's old That's the only one You need to put some in a safe man

What? No Strangers Strangers probably go I don't know them They go steal Hey hit the plaz on them When the bitches hit your seat this is what they go do they're gonna run off for you when you put your money in the safe

and you never use the save i don't i don't want to put my stuff in there this like no work you know what i'm saying like i try the direction's not clear that's very true because on the directions on the front of the safe it says follow directions like bitch these the direction ran off on the floor twice he ran off on the that's what happened when you put your shit in that safe what does that read what you mean what that mean ran off of the floor twice that be ran off on the floor twice you don't know what that mean

you have a plug I have plenty of plugs I paid the power bill yeah but you know you ain't never ran off on the plug I mean I guess if I was in a rush I don't know no not in a rush like he left on purpose he had no intentions

now this seems like it's not trust with it that seems like a like a bad thing to do like why would you how does it happen twice yeah how does it like fool me what shame on you fool me twice you can't fool me twice george would me three times shame on you it's yeah j cole but was it the same plug it could have been a different plug i believe platte platt seemed like the type of thing that had run off on the plug he looked like he had run a trip though right okay what if he ran off on this plug before he was plies then he became plies do files of our Instagram like oh man you got me that one time son they was like it's all good yeah they're

reconnected right then he ran off on him again again that's that's not good friend qualities no you think flott his friends are kind of like questioning him down i don't think it's i don't think he hadn't from the plug though i don't think he like he's at the ritz carcin i don't think he really going not pay the plug i just think he he did it because it was funny just to be like ran off on the plug twice. Hey, I'm a pay you, Nick. I just had to put it in the song. Maybe.

I got you. You think? Yeah. Because he keeps saying I'm at the Ritz Carlton. Like, I'm not coming to you. But you come to me. It don't matter. It doesn't matter, like, where you're at in your life.

Like, you know why. Everybody can relate to that song. I think it's because every weed man is irresponsible. Every weed man is irresponsible because they always say I'm being that 10 minutes and it'd be 30 minutes. I've ran off on the student loan plug. Oh, I've been running off on. student loan blood for 10 years. What?

I was like, I can't finish school. Why should I finish paying you? I can't even tell you how many times I didn't ran home for a meal. They won't think money now. I heard they call you now while you still in school. Like, yeah, we need to start their payment plan. He's like, bro, I'm a freshman. Bro, they'll call.

See, now they outsourcing who they get the call for your student loan. So now they're using, they'll look at your name and they'll try to use like somebody of the opposite sex to call you because I got a call. And this girl on the other line was just like, shit, what's thought? I was like, no. And who is this? She was like, stop playing. You know who this is?

I was like, no, I don't. Who is this? She was like, this is La Keisha calling back your student loan. I was like, hell no. Hell no. How? You are deceptive.

Text me. I was like, text me. I can't talk right now. Keisha is on Instagram. She did follow me on Instagram. But if your bills got screenshot it, you probably would pay them. Every time she comment, she'd lead a little money with the wings on it. Ha ha.

Can you tell her chick's ghetto For her Instagram Hell yeah If she got her baby On the hoverboard Yes Bro

If her son Dressed like a little Dope boy She'd get over in hell Bouchimi jeans on He's four If you got your Kid's name

In your bio You are ghetto Is hell If you got your Kid's whole name Tattoed on you Like a paragraph Like if it's more

than four of them Hey if you post Your church Pictures in the morning And then as soon As soon as you get out of church You post the blunt, ghetto as hell.

If you take a picture in the locker room of the strip club you're working at. And then your hashtag is blessed. Ghetto as hell. That's funny. That's funny shit. Shout out to all the ladies on there who trying to pretend like they don't see

their nipple out in that picture. Right. Like, oh my God. That old black-ass nipple. I did not know your nipple can get that damn black. Nipples get black as hell. Which one get blacker? Nipples or elbows? Oh Nipples get black

Nipples be black as hell Yeah Some nipples I've never compared the nipple To an elbow They're the same shit You ain't never seen them tits Looked like she's trying to show up

Them four-arm tets Looked like juvenile album cover You're trying to look up at some titty line It's a lot of ghetto shit on Instagram I saw a dude He posted some weed and some pills in a pilsster and he was like shout out to him my partner got me straight on the e-bar

i was like you a fool and he tagged the dude that sold him to him that's best up yeah instagram ghetto no yeah the twerk videos with the baby in the background oh those are classic yeah i only catch him on the uh on the countdown on world star i don't have time to find everything right them them world star vine compilations be saving my uh poop time hell yeah yeah it makes it joyful what's some of the ghetto shit you're saying on the ground twerk videos with the dirty mirror i'm tired of seeing people post these damn plates i'm tired of my god i ain't gonna say who it was i ain't gonna say who it was struggle plate somebody just posted a raw-ass turkey on there somebody posted a turkey to a raw

hell they didn't even season the turkey they just put like some gravy juice on it when you can't identify the food yeah like you shouldn't look at the hashtags and find out what you're looking could y'all please just stop posting food i don't give a damn how good it tastes. I haven't seen one plate on there that made me be like, damn, I wish I had some greens with some wet cornbread on it.

Like, what the hell? Why? See, that's the hashtag. They'd be like cooking for bade. That's how you keep him, hashtag. That's why. Kept him. And I did not know that women were so lame.

Oh, God. You can't even post a picture without a Shakespeare quote. Oh, yeah. It'd be a quote from a Drake song don't nobody like. I know this shit. You're standing there,

by yourself but the quote is you ever fucked on a motorcycle in the rain making love I'm like what the hell does that have to do what you standing in the empty hallway well how about that front door that's dirty as shit you don't see that they bright in front of the door the door dirty got handprints all

where the lock is and stuff I'm tired of seeing people work out with regular ass bodies I'm sick of this shit like you're in the gym every day and you would look exactly the same like nothing's changed People just, like, put water on themselves and then take the picture. No, DJ Callet, he stay working out every day.

He looked at the same. I'm like, like, don't. Like, you know how people be posting, like, the sweaty pick? Right. Or they, like, be sweaty. I think some people don't be sweaty. They just be wet. Oh.

I follow this one old-ass lady. She's been in the entertainment for a long time. Br, she used to be a groupie for Rob Bass. What? bro her throwback Thursday pitches be crazy you'll never know who she gonna be on there with she had a pitch on there with young l l koojay i was like wow he had just got his record deal that means she had the vision man she knew who's gonna be great she was like man her throwback thursday pitches be crazy man she didn't cover three generations of hip-hop i gotta follow that lady

i uh i got this lady's i g after the show at the improv and she was miss california in that slough village video word really had like took me back you know what I'm calling yeah it's like a page it yeah selfish with Kanye West and uh Bentley was in it yeah yeah that's that's right what oh two that's crazy that's what for it yeah by way it bay the napes the bayon apes the fake ones the ones in Atlanta on it how much time on average do you spend on Instagram godly a lot I can't I can't uh it's shameful it's almost like a reflex like if nothing's happening nobody's saying anything to me I'm not doing anything.

I'm just liking Picks. Yep. What about a World Star? You ever had somebody leave a thirsty-ass comment that you didn't want to fuck and it just made you challenge everything about yourself? Like, what made you think I wanted to fuck with you?

Yeah. That is the most uncomfortable shit ever. Like when an ugly person be like, shit, when I saw you yesterday, I almost kissed you. I always stabbed you in your fucking thing. Yeah, I always feel we were somebody puts hard eyes that I don't know

that well. And it's just like you just go, you block it other people who might see that and be like, oh, that must be his girl. Right. You know what I'm saying? It's like, come on. But what about like, do you think you got to claim a girl on Instagram? Like, that's the argument now. That's a new generation argument. I see that.

You know, I love hip-hop. She was like, well, why don't you post that you go with? You know, I'm like, that's, that's, you know, me telling you with me and you eat my refrigerator, though? That I don't mean that. You got to claim them socially. Like, right, I don't do do it with the door open With you in here You don't shit it with the door open

Come on, I'm like I don't get that I don't know You know it's time for my favorite topic Oh yeah You're the kick You started the whole movie Man like I really saw your whole

And we're shooting today on what Side niggie Sunday man It is side niggas We need some claps behind that man This is an accomplishment Side Diggins Sunday The hell is wrong with you man Oh don't see why you're not clapping me

You never had a side nigger before? Oh, they look down. Oh, they look down. Judgment, judgment. No, they look down like, yes. Judgment. Hell yeah, man. I've been seeing, you know, I've been seeing everybody's the side nigger now.

Yeah, you did. You was first. I could attest to that. That was your thing. First hashtag side niggas Sunday. Side nigger Sunday. But I like because you was like, okay, let me get my jays together. You got your.

Got my life together. You got the side nigger look. Like if my wife ever cheated, I'm going to find you. I don't know why. Because I fit the blueprint. Yeah, but I'm not going to find you to do that to you, but you're going to know he's going to be following you or something because you give me these dudes.

If you ever catch me cheating with your girl, that means you went over and beyond. Right. I mean, we don't, I don't do nothing and get caught up. I don't get my receipts. We don't stop by no ATM. You know what I mean? I call on the way over there.

I got everything. I know all, I got a list of all her favorite shit that she might want. So you do the original. So you pre-gas? Bro, I don't have to stop for gas. I eat at home. Like, you pee before you go over there? I pee.

I keep cashews in the car for protein. You know what I mean? So you're like the Jason board. You talk about, people always want to be like, oh, well, what you got? Your number saved that. She don't even have my number save. My number is dominole- My number is just a raw number with that one text that says locked in.

locked in it's an old text from like 2013 like when the nigger go through her phone he's looking for it looking for it this text so oh it don't even get brought up he thinks it's AT&T right don't save my number hey my number is not saved under nothing it's just a number you got to click the

hashtag at the very bottom to find my number so is it a decent amount of chicks to have to be a side the side thing is unlimited this what this what made me understand some it's like I figured out that your girl could really be in love with you until you make her mad and she gonna do some

whole shit to make you mad that's how they get back I'm the nigga that she's gonna do the whole shit with you to get back I'm the get back dude boyfriend number two we ain't even got to fuck every time that's why that would that's why that'll be worse that's why I'm the side nigga that'd be worse

your girl telling y'all problems that you don't piss me that was about I hate that scene baby boy with uh Jody with Snoop was on the phone he was like yeah you and Jenner was like this Jody the nigga who can't get out of his mom's house I was like I know his heart hurts right now. It did. It was hurtful

to hear his business. That's the type of shit that I make you. You a bail of a nigga out to whoop his ass for saying some shit. Well, I would go punch his baby sister in the face at school. You got to fight that nigga younger brother. I would check her out of school and punch her in the face and sit him back in to tell you brother in four years. So wait, wait, wait. So you

don't always have to have to say. You don't have to always fuck, no. Sometimes you just listen to a day. Bro. You're like a dead side dude. Yes. You fuck with. They bind, though.

I might be a side dude. I might be like it. I might be a side dude. See, this is what I'm saying. If you take sex out, I'm like, if you take the sex out, she's going to be leaving your crib at like in the afternoon, 2 o'clock. And this shit just going to hit her like, damn, he ain't asked for no pussy. What is going on?

You know, you just gave me a revelation. Right. Stop asking for pussy all the time. No, wait, no, wait. I'm going to treat my wife like I'm her side dude. Can I do that? I'm going to do that. Bro, that's how your marriage is late.

Hold up, right now. I'm going to another level right now. I've been telling you for years that you got to come home and act like you ain't got to rent money and make a fuck for the rent. I've been saying that. That's what's up.

I've been saying that. That's what's up. What were you saying, right? I'm saying you're ready to find line between what a side dude is and a friend. No. He's saying you're a friend.

Basically, you're a nice guy. I've been put in the friend box plenty of times. No. No. Do it exactly what you say you're doing. You don't understand that it's like. I have a lot of friends that we're unintentional friends. I've had a lot of accidental sleepover. You're a side dude, Rob.

You are outside. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to have slumber parties. That was not the goal. You know what I'm saying? Like you don't have feels when you play the weekend all the way and you think you're about to get some and then you realize, oh, no, that's not what happened.

And then you got to play something hard of the way back. No, you can't be a side-nigger up because your heart is into it. Oh, that's so the separation. Ain't no sad nigga riding to the chick house like, oh, I hope I get some buzzet. That's already understood. Like, when you're the sad nigga, you like a diet boyfriend. That's all that is.

It's like a boyfriend light. Right. Boyfriend zero? Exactly. Boyfriend zero. That's the shirt With no calorie Boyfriend is zero dog

Exactly That's what it is So what okay So what am I doing wrong You care You care See I'm gonna forget About my wife's

And he is And just pull up on everything I can tell by the way That he Like the inflection in your voice Let me know that it's a little Slick jealousy It's some slick jealousy

When he said He said you're a friend You're a friend And then he started judging me So then I knew his feelings Was I judge you I'm trying to figure out Okay

I feel like I feel like Our goals are very similar, but you end up sometimes having sex with these women. Okay, Rob. And I end up all the time going home disappointed. What I'm saying is you're going to be her boyfriend for eight months. I'm going to be her sad nigger three, four years.

Do you get what I'm saying now? So every time I go over your house, we don't have to fuck. Because I'm going to be back. I'm going to be at your new house when you move. I'm gonna help you move and get your little shit together That's what I'm saying I gotta fuck you every time I see you

Do you know how many times I would have to fuck if I did that No I'm done all that It's a fine line between the frid zone And being the side nigga That's what I'm saying Having a boyfriend is like getting accepted Into college

Having a side nigga like being on scholarship Oh so they are a little more arrogant on scholarship The cornerbacks There it is Right because you know you know you can eat You can eat You can eat you got to eat

You got somewhere to stay all you got to do is go to school that's all you got to do easy after that that's it but I feel like okay I feel like when you do that they know they can't just like do you like they do me it is a very intense formula

to this tired nigga shit okay it goes deep you know teach me the way it's deep what I gotta do wax on wax on like see you to like an animal shell or some shit and you can't leave with nothing women number one complaint men ain't shit right

very true exactly so men ain't shit they know that off the top okay so look i already showed up like hey i ain't shit okay so look this is what i'm gonna do i'm gonna do all the shit that you think i'm not gonna do and convince you that i am the shit a little bit but i'm not gonna do that shit all the time you go find you a nigger who can do some of that shit and then the shit that he can't do i'm gonna do the rest of it side niggins that shit is perfect so this is not all the time don't hit me up to move i don't have to show up and do everything i don't have to show up and listen to your feelings

and eat your pussy and all that. No, I don't have to do that all the time. She calls me on a what I need basis. Wow. Hey, my period about to come on. I'm just emotional. Can we smoke a blunt and you just hold me? Yes, come right now. I'm drunk. I feel like sucking some dick. My boyfriend

out of town. Yes. My phone about to get cut off. Can you let me borrow $40 the next week? Don't even worry about it. Take a hundred. Love you. Because you took the dick so good. But I don't say that. It's implied already. I feel like I'm living my life wrong.

I need a truck, but I ain't got enough money on my credit card, debit card to get this truck from the U-Haul. Don't worry about it. My partner got a truck. We'll be over there. Side-nigger shit. I'm trying to help her be strong where she weak. Like, you make you this sound like a life coach.

Is it like a life coach? Bruh, having a sad nigga to the ladies. It's just like having AAA in life. Life triple A. My car dead. That's another T-shirt. My battery dead. Can you come jump me out?

Hell yeah. What's wrong with it? Oh, yeah. I'm in there. We're in there. Wait, I'm saving her money. Yes, your mama had a side nigger. You had a couple play uncles.

Exactly. Them the dudes who didn't try to fuck your mama out of respect for your daddy. Wow. Them the niggas, there was almost your daddy. Wow. That's crazy. You just open.

Brow. I challenge everybody who listening to this shit to ask your mom about the dudes. She was fucking with. right before your daddy. Nine times out of ten, she liked that nigga way more than your daddy.

Your daddy just showed up and did some extravagant shit because he had fucked up and then he got it back at the end. Joe don't make their face because your folks was in love. I don't give a fuck. Ask your mom about the dude.

Hey, everybody, ask your mom about the dude who was right before your daddy. Brace yourself. I don't want to hear it. Brach yourself. I'm like a dude on the blind side. I just cover my ears.

No, no, no. All right. Do that. Anybody who got hard. Ask your mom about the next. who was right before your dad. Rob, you look perplexed. I mean, I stopped them.

Like, yo, I'm... You stopped the kid. I'm... I'm... I'm... Habitually in the friend zone. You know what I'm saying? Because you're a really nice guy.

You are a really nice guy, bro. Yeah. And I suggest... I'm trying to be the side. No, you know, you don't try hard enough, I have. Rob, you have. Look, this coming from a night...

I had college years, so I do know a little bit. I was a nice dude in high school, trying to go with you and stuff. When I got to college and start being like, but what's up, though? Like, is you gonna let me, like Snapchat me that pussy? We didn't do that back then. Like, drink ass and that pussy.

Like, it was old shit. Right. Like, 2009. I remember the day text messages came out. I remember that, too. I had a, though, the two-way pages? Oh, my God. Dude.

That's how long we've been in the game. No key of phones with the big brick on the back like that. You remember when chicks used to send news and you couldn't even really see them? Yeah, because it's. I had a JPEC. But it was just about knowing that she wanted you to. On that first BlackBerry?

You had to use your imagination when news first came out, bro. Yeah. But you remember seeing the news with a dial-up? Oh, God. Dude. Bro, I remember back in the day, if a girl sent you some naked pictures to your email, she had money. Because they had that gateway computer.

Remember that gateway computer? Yeah. The gateway was the first hood computer. Everybody could pay on it every week. It was in the living room. Your mama said, don't touch it. Man, we've been around since. You remember MySpace, bro?

I remember MySpace. You probably was in about ninth grade then. Nah, I was growing on my space. Oh, okay. I was grown on MySpace. Hell, yeah. MySpace was the shit. Yeah, boy.

It took, man, it took so long to message back and forth. It took you like four hours to get a girl number off MySpace. Yeah, I was already married, so. We still had dialogue with MySpace. Bray used to love MySpace where you go to a girl page and you see that online now. You remember that? They sound so fun. What?

Boy, go to somebody page and being their top friends. So, Rob, are you going to do that once a week just to see where you stand on MySpace? Rob, you're going to switch the game up. You're going to take the tools that you learn here at 85 South? I don't suggest you do it, man.

I don't think you've got the heart for it, bro. I think I'll kid somebody off guard. The first time you try. Rob coming over, and I come over and as like Robb trying to be Carlos. No, no, no, you got to do it. That's the thing. You got to be robbed, though.

You got to be robbed. Like, you got to be your... That's the whole trick to being a side, nigga. You got to be yourself all the way. Yeah, you got to put like a Star Wars reference to some shit. You can't flex, bro. So real Robb shit. Right, because she got to see the naked-ass soul of you, Rob.

You got to show your naked ass. You got to show her who you really are deep down and sad. You got to let her see you without a haircut. All that shit. When you fucked up, that's what it is. You got to expose yourself to it. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved.

brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told.

I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Adventure should never come with a pause button. Remember the Movie Pass era, where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9? It made zero cents, and I could not stop thinking about it. I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast, there are no girls on the internet.

On this new season, I'm talking to the innovators who are left out of the tech headlines. Like the visionary behind a movie pass, Black founder Stacey Spikes, who was pushed out of Movie Pass the company that he founded. His story is wild, and it's currently the subject of a juicy new HBO documentary. We dive into how culture connects us. When you go to France, or you go to England, or you go to Hong Kong, those kids are wearing Jordans, they're wearing Kobe's shirt, they're watching Black Panther. And the challenges of being a Black founder. Close your eyes and tell me what a tech founder looks like.

They're not going to describe someone who looks like me and they're not going to describe someone who looks like you. I created There Are No Girls on the Internet because the future belongs to all of us. So listen to There are no girls on the internet on the IHurt Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all, childhood trauma. addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the stream to make it to the other side.

My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private

from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Joe, stop making these faces, man. Yo, Joe looks like he was looking at Dave Dan. Because I know Joe, he's a really nice guy. Always been her boyfriend, hold her hand, take her to the prom. That's the dude, your mom, like,

I'm the type of nigger that would cuss your dad out and call him a bitch-ass nigger. But he's going to respect me because I ain't going to let him disrespect me. That's the type of, see, you see what I'm saying, Rob? That's the type of nigger. Yeah, me, right there. That's the type of nigger. I am, Rob, hey.

That's what I get into. Like, you can't always, women don't like nice shit all the time. Sometimes you got to stick your index finger in her booty to the knuckle just so she can know that you're a real nigger. So you've been out here giving them their groove back, basically. You kind of. Bro, I know All right

Yeah, index figure I'm the type of nigger That y'all wouldn't cheat on y'all with They come over there And they ask for all that thug shit Can I just get my ass Hey, from the front? What?

Hell yeah No, I do the thug shit on my way Fuck that That's your right I got to How's that being a thud? I'm trying to keep my household together What's you mean?

Because she's tired of having sex With you and this fucking condom That's why You wear a rubber Every time, bro She want to feel that dick These bids just want At least two pregnancy scares

a year, bro. Plan B don't cost that much. They don't even tell you they'd be slick on birth control anyway. Don't nobody give a fuck about this shit. Now, you could get an STD and die, but other than that... Bro, right? Other than that, it's foolproof.

If you fuck somebody and you get an STD, you're nasty, because you don't know how to pick clean people. Right, because you can know what clean people look like on site. You can look at the bitch and tell if I put... Of course. Look at it is. If she got white eyes. and clear skin that puts it clean if you fucking these bitches with pimples and yellow eyes

and shit and eczema that's how you start getting shit this sound like a bare minimum way I want to kind of enjoy it sounds like you be scared sometimes though like when you I know you probably get tested over here every year bro you got to get tested but it's a rough week ain't it man no it ain't you know those test results don't don't be instant now they damn sure don't you get that pan-off sometimes they don't give them back to you fast enough you like hey what the fuck bro they said they ain't he hit me back

they ain't ain't hit me fight that's when you start posing shit like what God has bruh me niggas won't go get tested go get tested go get tested they might and save your ass yeah yeah they got niggas don't know what's wrong with him out here you know a's ain't that bad when charlie she was like

I got it but got there I ain't got it What the fuck? That was weird. He had his doctor come on there. His doctor was like, yeah, Charlie. It was trying to make us believe something that we know is a fucking life. His doctor was eating a sucker and shit. The doctor came out and he was like, yo, I used to tell the women, hey,

Charlie's shit has HIV, but I'm going to treat you afterwards. Like, you can't feel sorry for somebody. After they like, yeah, Charlie going to put it in you, but I'm going to take it out. So, that's ridiculous. Do you hear what he's saying? You know how much money that is? Do you hear what Rob Hayes Sam? I thought dude was going to come out with the cure.

I thought the dude was going to be like, and I could treat you as well and have a briefcase and it was going to have the cure. Make sure you ask her if she fucked Charlie Sheen. That's a minimum now. That's a must. Jesus. Did you fuck Charlie Sheen?

They're going to get all his little money. Much love to everybody who got something. I know this shit ain't funny to you at all. At all. They're like, but. Bro, what's the next topic, bro? Some people go to Bible study too. Right.

So, hey, man, you just got caught out there. Just find you somebody who got what you got and falling in love. If you listen, you know you can tell if she got something. No, it's real shit. If you got some shit, just find you somebody who got what you got, the same strand, and just goddamn pimp out. Another jewel. And keep your mouth off of him.

Keep your mouth off of them. And keep your mouth off of them. Stay out that radio and get out the refrigerator and keep your mouth off of it. Keep your mouth off of them. That's what's up, man. I'm glad y'all brought that shit. Because a lot of people out here sick, man, need to go get tested, man.

It's a lot of the fine girls are sick, too. Hell yeah. Yeah, boy, I don't know, but it just, I feel like it is. That will keep me saying. There's a lot of people out here smelling off. I'm like, if the girl is too bad, they got a lot of fathers,

I'd be like, she got something. Some good pussy. That's what I don't be thinking she gets. Sometimes the prettiest girls don't got the good. They be the laziest in the best. Sometimes they do some things. Hell, yeah. Sometimes the prettiest was to be the laziest.

It'd be the, I don't like me in my life. It beat an eye looking one. The eye was to be like, really? You're going to let me do this? Hell, yeah. You know, the ones that look all right and when you go over there, her t-shirt don't fit right. Ooh, that's about to be some good.

Like, when you haven't been giving everything in life, it makes you a giver. Yeah. It makes you a giver. Yeah, vagina is only as good as the person who has it. Yeah, because some people just think, just because you have a vagina is automatically awesome. If you're not a good person, you're not going to have a good vagina.

Yes. If you don't drink, like if you don't drink water, shit, pussy's not going to be good. Yeah, yeah, I'm just glad. Yeah, I've seen the girl post that. You know, all that meat, all that meat and shit. What a nasty. What a nasty.

What the, hey, man, we've got to get Rob Hayes back together, man. I think he broke him up over there. You're good? You just told him Santa Claus was a fucking lie. It is, Rob. It is. Spoiler alert. Right.

What's your social media, man? Man, on Instagram at Rob Hayes, Snapchat, Hayes, Rob, Twitter, Robert this the man why you got different everything you got just creative man yeah well everything's this old platform what's your periscope tell them all this shit I don't know

what kind of phone you got with all this memory to do all that shit on I got uh iPhone 6 me too but my shit be I got like baby first walking videos that I can't delete the shit like that oh I hate this shit but I hate caring about life and shit but he got responsibility yeah man because that's why I look at your your Instagram I'd be like Carlos

is living it but I'm responsible too, man. No, you're responsible, but it's like, yes. Somebody is fucking these holes. When you marry, you be like, please somebody to fuck out these holes, it's a lot of them. I'm sick of these holes, man. I need you to be done.

I live vicariously through. If my wife is, hold on me put my voice on. Listen, if my wife is out there somewhere, I'm sick of looking for you. You need to meet me at the Woffel House on Northside drive Thursday at 3.30. All right. What if she pull up and meet you

and then she pull off and be like, ran off on the plus. I want, bro. You'll fall in love right then. You'd be like, this bitch know me. I want one of them, one of them hood rich business. I'm going to predict something. The girl you like, she got a Camaro.

I was just about to say that. I knew. Ran off on the floor twice. She's like to know how to hit it. She ain't know stripper, but she could have been. Like she might be a bartender. Like her brother said a dog. Yeah.

But she is in school or some shit. Like she got a job. Like they stay our houses. Don't nobody know who her baby dad is. How much time you spend at the strip club, man? I don't go to the strip club a lot Because now I've been around the city So long and I've been knowing the strip

It's like I go to the strip club And I'd be like hey how your sister doing Like I know them Yeah You know what I mean That's how I was yeah It ain't even the same no more Like it used to go and be like

Oh look it now it's just like Can we agree that strippers have Some of the best conversations Bro strippers are some of the nicest women Best conversations I ever had Yeah it's like they care a little bit Who's butt-ass dick Bro I remember one time

I was in the strippers club and the stripper just grabbed my beard and was like you got some weed in your beard i was like you are such a nurturer yeah would you marry a stripper yeah but i don't think i can marry her in the city she used to strip in that's a requirement that is good bro do you see how much money these strippers be making i don't see them ever stopping like why would you stop i like i like to be on instagram about four o'clock in the morning when all the strippers get all work and then they be sitting there with their home girl stripper counting up all the ones yeah like eh it's It's lit.

Hell, yeah. The caption would be funny. Like, ugly girls ain't get no money. Right. Cran face. Right. What's the tongue out? Tung out.

I love it. Yeah. I remember you used to host an average tonight. I used to host a camel toe contest at the dance is elite. Oh, my God. I think you should bring it back, Carlos. That was the quality. That was some of the hardest times I've ever laughed.

There was a lady in there and she used to make costumes. You remember that? She's dressed like Zorro. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about the The lady who put the Christmas lights around the long-gand's day. But she's a supergirl before?

She had Christmas lights around her breast. You know what's funny? I look on the online now and I see a lot of those nights that I hosted at them strip club. They went viral. Like, it's a picture of this one stripper with her leg out, right?

She had a leg cut off. Like, the way they took the picture, they took the picture over my shoulder. I'm like, this picture doing numbers like, I ain't even into me. Wow. And there was another. The other one, the same lady, y'all talking about

what she was, I was doing something, and she was on stage and flipping around. I used to host all the crazy shit around this hit. I used to host all the amateur nights. I used to host the Cameltoe Contest. I host the Slapper Bitch Contest. That was I about to say, that was my favorite shit. The Flap Contest. You know what I like, too?

I hosted one time at King of Diamers in Miami. I hosted the fucking female boxing, and the pretty girls whooped the studs' asses. Bro, I hosted the boxing around here, too. Did you notice? Have you ever see the pretty girl who went to the king shout out to the king of diamonds

cat we need some claps on that one king of diamonds that's like that's the Costco slash bloomed deals of strip clubs that is the Louis Vuitton that is the Louis Vuitton of bro you see a bitch go two stories up and just drop the king of diamonds is like

ribs to a black man we fucking love ribs king of diamonds you'll eat it anytime ribs of the strip club you know my boy hooked me up BB he owned a circle house studios down there So he had me host

I go to strip clubs a lot But I ain't never been to VIP They was like I'm so ghetto This was what you want to drink I was like shit You got me a crown I got a gallon and crown roll

My home boy They got a gallon and crown roll My boy don't knock By the king of time They gave me a gallon of crown Whatever that big ass With a handle It had a handle on

Yeah We hit the cram my boy's like man I don't know He just knocked the whole top of that bitch out And they fight All the little studs look like Lou Wayne And walk and flogers

and the little pretty girls had like matches sports bra shorts they was fine they looked like strippers but they had pretty how they had they had with them great that bonnet that black bonnet with that gray band around and the every hood chick you remember this shit to the no because every guy my wife got that bonnet that's the funny part I that's how she got pregnant with the bonnet anyway hey that bonnet be lit bonnet anyway so the pretty girls was whoopin the studs and I was like If you're a stud and you get your ass whoop, you can't be a stud no more.

Damn. You got to turn back feminine. You got to turn in your Jordans and your big ass jeans. What's your, what's your social media, Ronnie Jordan? At Ronnie Jordan, man. Ronnie Jordan, R-O-N-I-E, J-R-D, and on everything. I ain't on Snapchat yet. I don't think it's a place.

Hey, man, a lot of people have been reposting your bad boys a comedy clip, man. Hey, man, that's what you. That fat nigga, add that dope. Hey, man. That fat nigga at that doubt. I get, I had a dude in the mall stop. me made his son do the whole joke I was like real cool bro he was like yeah my son

love that shit do it let's talk about that shit real quick let's talk about that shit real quick on some comedian shit but you know what I mean you y'all shot that in New York right bad boys a comedy and you know New York they don't really down too much fucking out of town especially it was like hot it was summertime right it was like uh where you killed july it was like they had to stand outside for three hours p ditty bad boys of comedy I was the first comedian to tape. I was the first dude to go on stage. Bob Sumner told me like a month before. I was in Walter Lathamoff and shout out to Walter. He's

like the producer of the Kings of Comedy. He was like, we're going to start it off right. I'm going to tell Bob. I'm let Bob tell you what's going on. He was like, Bob, tell what's going on. Who's going to start off the show? Listen, family, I got this new dude. Funny as hell. Yo, it was the Bob. This nigger is listen, listen, when I tell you that this This nigga is ready right now to be a star.

Lesson. No, no, I'll show you. I'll show you. I'll show you. He's like, we started off and running. We're going to put pressure on these niggins. I was like, that was the most nervous I ever been. Young running.

What the fuck, dog. Yeah. We taped it in like 03, 04. It didn't come on TV until 05. Yeah. Because, you know, back, yeah. We taped that shit in 03, dog. Every comedian in America was trying to go get in the show.

But the thing about it is, licks don't know. I was in there. I gave Walter Lathan and was like, who else you think is funny? I wrote down every comedian in my phone gave them the numbers and the names. You know what I'm saying? I had your shit in there. I gave everybody, though. No, no, matter of fact, you weren't around it.

It was 03. You was around when I came back off the other tour. Yeah, when they came back. You said how I got to sleep put you in them. Because I gave every, yeah, they did two seasons. But I gave them every number in my phone, though. I was like, you know. everybody I know you know I'm saying

I don't be hating like that I'm like dog everybody needs a shot that man you know then I went up first day puff daddy walk up behind me like right before I'm about to get out I'm already nervous he just walk up like you funny heard you're funny motherfucker I was like yes sir I am a funny comedian bad boy baby

yeah like he didn't have me writing for Diddy that shit was crazy yeah they was like did he want somebody right and I'm like they had this white guy in there he was like I don't know what to write for him and he was did he was in the mirror practicing I was like you gonna do jokes he was like nah we're gonna he was like no i don't want to do no joke they told me they

he's like no he don't want to do jokes he just won his intro all the way out you know what I'm saying I was like dude right now what he's saying in the mirror I'm like but it's the easy 500 ever got there like oh shit hey did he was like you want some chicken I was like yes I do want some chicken thank you that's dope as hell man yeah the dope as comedy stories you got oh shit you've been in the game you've been around some real official as I was uh shit Ricky Smiley went on my good mentor kind of like first person to give me some big money you know what I'm saying He took me in a row when he saw me do the keys of comedy search yeah and uh he was like what you're doing tomorrow I was like uh none he was like uh meet me in tennessee i'm he did zanis he walked in like 15 minutes for going

he was like hey ronnie uh you do 45 i'm my host ronnie you do 45 said you do 15 he's like you can headline right i was like uh yes so i had to do i had the headline right away like i wasn't even doing comedy probably like a year Yeah, so I had a host for a dinner. He said, come tomorrow, I'm doing the, that's when he was on the Russ Paramoire show. He was doing TSU. He's like, me to do the warm-ups between, you know, that crowd is rough at TSU. So I was doing the warm-ups between, so, you know, dude trying to heckle, I was roasting and all that shit. Then they go back on the radio on the air.

And then Ricky was like, yeah, yeah, stay today. Because I was like, man, I got to go to Jacksonville. I got a show with Nod and C-Daw. He was like, I'm going to Mississippi, too. He was like, I take you. I was Jackson, Mississippi. So I'm thinking, you know, I'm like, oh, my. my god this is crazy so rickie he get a private jet right one of them small ones with like 10

passengers his whole squad carlton uh kean said it's probably like eight passengers no 10 passion one of them small like a limo size in the back so i'm gonna like i'm just nervous as hell but it's still the coolest shit ever then they let rickie fly the goddamn plane he learned how to i'm like oh i'm fin to die with rickie smiling here but uh the cool part was he he dropped that he had the pilot take him to his show somewhere else in mississippi and the pilot took me back to where I was going by myself. That's some ball of shit.

Can't hit the clap. We need to clap for that. That's a ball and shit. No, the Seedong had to pick me up from like this private airport. I got like a backpack on. I'm like a new comedian

like a year year. They're like, boy what the hell are? I said, he gave the plane, he told the plane to take me. That's a ball and shit. You know,

it cost the land. So Ricky was cool, man. He took me on the road for a long time. He was more told me, you know, you clean up a little bit. You can get some money,

man. So I was like, you know, It's some cool OGs out here. So that's why I try to be cool. You know what I'm saying? I ain't get everything by myself. You know what I'm saying?

Like I try to help out whatever I can. You know, that's why when I see what y'all doing, I'm like, oh, I think of that shit is crazy. So I'm like, whatever y'all do, whatever you need. I'd be calling you like that. That shit funny, dog. What y'all was doing a while and out yesterday? I'd be hitting you up like.

Man, we'd just be trying to put something together. That shit be funny, dog, to see somebody you know on TV. That shit is crazy still. Rob, out here with it. What's you doing with these jokes, man? Rob, you just came out of nowhere and messed the game. I remember when Rob Hayes first started, man. Roddy passed me my first mic in Athens.

See? At UGA. I was doing UGA. Yeah, man. Rob Hayes. Was it KJ? No, no. He didn't go up.

It was just you. We was at the office lounge. Remember in Athens? Oh, okay, in that little plaza. Yeah, the little plaza. You hosted the show. Damn, that was the first time I went up. My parents came.

I forgot about that. When I remember the UGA show, Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Rob Hayes, man. Man, Ronnie, after the show, Ronnie was like, yeah, man,

we go up every night. It changed my life. Yeah, you got to grind, man, if you want this shit. Yeah. You got to act like you wanted, man. Anybody will give you shit. He was like, you got to open for everybody

who comes through here. You got to host everything. And that's what I did. And then after I graduated, the next day, I was here. and then uh rob a just graduated yesterday that thursday that thursday i would throwbacks man yeah throwbacks well that's the throwback needs his own docu series oh my gosh think so it was

stuff that went down and the colos like your birthday roast is famous oh man you had the green jacket the green jacket rose like you won the masters yeah that was we're gonna see if i can get that audio yeah cori hockham in there roasted i got a cori hockham roast man cori hockham was all that people don't know Cory Hooker been on to us. You know, he's been on TV. You know, he's been on, like, he's still walking in the hood spots. We got to get that audio from that rose, man. He still walking in the hood spots.

Classic, man. Classic. Clayton English, just one last comic. Levard Walker was on there. Ronnie Jordan. Smoke. The Keys. All that, man.

You know you can catch the show at comedy hype. com. You can go catch us on iTunes at 85 Southshow. com. Catch us on Soundplow, 85, Southshow. show shout out to my man dc yonk fly yeah dc man that's a stand that's another cat i saw man i was like this dude is funny like i you know yeah fly funny you know we know for hating on the instagram community i had to stop myself from being like that i was like dog ain't nothing else to be

on it's nothing else to be on but your damn phone you got your own station don't you know you mad because he got followers like you don't be mad it's figure out what he doing it's when i saw interview with him he was like uh there was on some station it was like he was like man you one of the top comedians in the DC. I was like, no, I'm not a comedian yet, man. I'm trying to become a comedian. That's your hard. I was like, you got to respect that.

You know what I'm saying? Respects that. People don't understand how hard to stand them. Yeah, they just be like, they just put comedian in a bio now. Like, you can't do five minutes and be like, I'm a comedian, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

So shit, man. What else y'all got coming up? What's in, what y'all got? What's the, for the future? I'm doing something with a company hype, man. Hopefully we're working on some. I'm working on something with comedy hype, man. We're cooking up something good, man.

Maybe, you know, some type of lifestyle, culture kind of show, you know, I mess with them. Comedy hype always look out and, you know, give me a mention and all that stuff. You know, we got no world star for comedians, you know what I'm saying? Oh, let's do it there. Shout out the comedy hype. This is the 85 South show. It's your man, Carlos Miller.

She bought right as yours. Shout out the 85 South, man. Rob Hay, shout out the 85 South. This is the dopest podcast ever, man. It don't even smell like weed in here, but it feels like it. It do. I feel like it, man. It's a good cleansing area, man.

It's a cleansing place. Did we get, we touch everything? We got everything. I think Rob is a man now. Let's sum it all up. Rob just became a man today. Rob Hayes, I gave you some pointers on how to be a decent side, nigga. Yeah.

You got to channel your inner spirit. You know what I mean? You got to turn on your don't give a fuckness. That's what he was basically. No, it's not necessary. Yeah, you just got to stop caring so much about everything. You know what I mean? Redirect your energies. Be more open.

Stop sleeping so much. much drink water and learn how to read energy and you gotta drop the and it ain't always about no pussy that's it that's the message that's the message that was my message man that was the whole message of my show that was great it's it's like start with yourself right because ain't nobody gonna give you nothing if you fucked up on the inside i think this show should be called the side dicka seminar yeah clean yourself from intern you know internally you could charge for that one yeah that's all they do them big companies they send them to a retreat tell them you can do it on your own any goddamn way no people need

to be motivated man some people really is somebody listening to this show right now who has potential and they're afraid to use it because they're afraid of people telling them that's stupid don't do that that ain't gonna make no money like but that's the shit that you good at right like if you good at some shit and can't nobody else do that shit like you that's the the shit you're supposed to be doing to get paid like if you press buttons like you're a button press it like can't nobody press buttons like you

you need to be somewhere pressing buttons like getting that check today because it ain't work when you love it baby I don't give a fuck what your talent is if you got some pretty ass handwriting you need to work at the courthouse or something like use whatever it is that you got ladies if you got a big ass booted

start contacting some of these tissue companies and seeing what you know what I mean like get you a deal get you a baby white white deal. Get you a baby wife deal. Contact. Hell yeah. Cardi, you got there, wet, wits. Exactly. I love wetwit. I want somebody. I just hope that

I inspire one person. That's a good idea. Somebody going to use that. Yeah. I want somebody hit me on social meeting. Like, man, I was listening to 85 South. Now I'm back fixing cars. That's it. I just want somebody. You got to motivate the streets. Whoever it is, man. Because Donald Trump is coming, people. Y'all better got damn break. We lived the great years.

He had an incredible 2015. We lived the great years. I was just thinking about this. shit this morning. Fuck my mind up. The president really been black for the last seven years. Yeah. He really been doing black shit. He really been, because somebody made like a collage

of all the slick shit he'd been saying. Yeah, he'd been like kind of hint to, I know Barack Obama's going to have a marijuana distiller or somewhere. When he gets doing, he's dropping an album. Or at least somebody going to catch him coming out of one. Something going to happen. He's going to turn up when he when he really stopped being in office, he might

really turn up. He's like, I ain't got no, he might get a network now. He'll be Oprah might got them drop a mixtape. Who knows? Hey, man, we got to get y'all back in here. Rob Hayes, I appreciate you coming through, man. Man, I appreciate it being. Y'all catch my man Rob Hayes on the road.

He just moved to New York. That's right. But you still keep that ladder with it, though. It's still like a... Ah, shit. Rodney Perry had showed up. He was outside the whole damn time. Wow.

And I didn't even see my phone. He don't pull it off? We're going to call him in a minute and see what the hell. How many times did you run? off of the plug. Ran off on the plug twice. Two-time. Damn, Rodney.

My bad. Shit. You got some good, you got some seasoned OG homies, Carlos. Ran off on the floor twice. Yeah, in closing, shout out to all my OG homies.

There's a lot of people who looked out for me, and it ain't necessarily got to be nobody famous. I learned, I learned the game from everybody who been in the game. From the top cats to the dudes who just, you know what I mean? Rest of peace, Skobble. That's the one of the boys.

That's how I connected with you, Skow Bubble. Copy said, Ronnie, it's a ball film. It's a dude killing. You better come check him out. At first one, like, I got to say this shit, since you, brother. I know we're wrapping up and shit. But, man, my dog, when I first met Skobble, I ain't think the nigga fuck with me like that because he used to fuck with me all the time.

Like, I used to go work out at the comedy spot. They had a comedy spot on the South Side and shit, you know, go town. I used to be like, but when Clayton was around, the shit was new. wasn't nobody really going but me and him and whoever they had you know what I mean so so Scoobble was like he was the manager but he's always been a little window in the kitchen he's always like I'd be in there wouldn't really be nobody in there they had no heat or no shit I'm doing jokes to three or four people but I'm talk he's talking shit back and four of the whole time that's how we got cool recipe's the scope oh yeah man y'all can follow

me in social media at Carlos Miller man this is the 85 South show this is a good side I think a Sunday outfit, though. I feel like you have set a precedent. You don't set yourself at a level where you got to keep it up. Yeah, man. Consistency is key. 85 South Show. You're my partner, Ronnie Joy, partner, Ronny Joy.

Partner Rob Hayes. And this has been an experience, man. Thank y'all for coming through. Hey, this podcast blessed as fuck. Bro, we're trying to get that number one spot. We're coming. This number one is my heart already, guys. Appreciate it, man.

We're out of here. 85. 85. 85. 85. 85. Hey, hide, hi. It changed the internet forever, and it vanished in its prime.

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