The 85 South Show with Karlous Miller, DC Young Fly and Chico Bean - 85 SOUTH REPLAY: DEON COLE in the Trap!
Episode Date: December 28, 2023ORIGINALLY AIRED on Feb. 24, 2023: Comedian and actor Deon Cole joins the Trap to talk about his career in comedy.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....
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You know what I'm doing to do you do?
This nigga to this shit.
This nigga has done.
Every.
and tell you possible.
Hey man, somebody has to give a fuck.
Hey?
Without this shit.
Listen, man.
She's gonna stay here?
Space Day in North Carolina.
He'd be driving down, do this shit.
He'd do he, I'll come through just to get down there.
He'd get down here.
I think he got to show.
That's a nigga working.
Everybody working, man.
He's working.
It's so dope, man.
Yeah.
Appreciate it.
Damn.
We got the OG in there.
Man, I'm so excited.
I ain't even bring no old place.
One of the oldest niggins.
Come on, man.
This thing is it?
I don't even know what to start with the intro.
He's literally been on everything that black entertainer would want to be on movies, TV,
and then some writing on the road.
Come on.
This is one of the real live rock stars of the comedy game.
the game.
All right.
So much shit that we don't even know about, man.
Been writing on some of the number one shows on TV.
He and everything.
Showing up.
I got an old spice commercial.
He got his own body watch.
No, yeah.
Come on.
Yeah.
This nigga's crying on the commercial.
This is my old spice.
He got his own old spice.
He got his own old spice.
This nigga walked out.
I don't know, man.
Drip wood.
Drip wood.
Drip wood.
I think that's been pirate ship wood and some shit.
But yeah.
Be dead tears when they're touching.
Did you touch my old spice?
Get my whole run down.
Bitch my old spices in the middle.
And see, out of all of that,
he's got all the accolades that the league again has.
Back, all the accolades.
By what?
10 seasons?
I don't even count them no more.
I just know that he'd be only,
he got something to do with it at this point.
About 10?
All of them.
All of them.
All of them.
Damn.
So good that you got to be on camera.
You don't wrote too much good shit.
Nick, we'd have you, we'd get you two more seasons
in the room.
Come on.
Just on top.
We're gonna round up, and these by about two back.
By 12.
By 12.
No show has ever been longer than however.
Man, niggins did 87 seasons.
Niggins did 30-9.
You condensed them.
And the nigg was on 7 this, sir.
Man.
No, man, but out of all the highlights
and accolades, man, you gotta make sure
that you say that this nigger
You're from Chicago, man.
None other than, Beyond Cole.
Come on, man.
Hey!
So, he was good.
Let's go.
Let's get back up, man.
Let's go.
Hey, got some of the funniest shit that Netflix has the awful man.
What?
Yeah.
How you been, man?
Presistently.
Welcome to the trap, bro.
These thing was on one out very first episode.
He called in and talked on the phone,
talk shit about out of day, two hours, man.
Now I ain't here, for real, for real.
Yeah, I was like y'all.
like the very first few, was it like two or three or something.
I said, you called us.
It was on y'all fucking show, man.
Appreciate it.
Look, I was telling Los.
I said, man, I was walking through your studio, man.
And they almost cried walking through this motherfucker like that, man.
Just, just, when any time a comic accomplished shit like this,
you're just thinking, and I'm quite sure y'all did it too.
Y'all got to walk through this motherfucking go.
Jokes brought this.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
God, but God gave you the jokes.
Fats.
Because it's a lot of motherfuck's telling jokes.
Right.
And they ain't got studios.
Right.
So it's a lot of motherfuckers got God and they got studios.
So therefore, I'm just saying, y'all walking through here.
I was like, damn.
Yeah, y'all security system is like, God damn.
Motherfucking let you know you walking in.
Nick, that's up at 85.
That motherfucker, you got COVID and shit.
Look yeah.
You have a fever.
You have a fee.
You have a fee.
This, niggas sick.
That's a nigga sick.
No cap.
You're going to cold.
Y'all niggas, man.
Thank you.
Appreciate it, man.
Pioneer like you, man, are paid away in the game and still doing it, like, longevity.
That's what I take from being on the road we see it and DL and Earthquake.
It's like, it's a different level.
Like, it's comedy, but it's like a different...
You see why these niggas are the MJs and the...
And you dig what I'm saying
And Kareem Abdul, you see why
You feel, me, and you're one of those ones
Like, I used to sit and watch
Comment View as a child
And you'll come out with the pen and pan
And I'd be like
But every time I knew, I was like
This motherfucker come with it
I don't give a fuck
Who on it? This thing is going to have
Something I was delivered and everything
Was so poised
I was like, you know what? Stage control
Stage present
I learned a lot from that shit.
You show some shit, too, that you was writing these jokes
when a lot of times, you know, part of stand-up
is you make it look effortless.
Right.
But you would show, like, you'd have took time
and crafted these shit with the strike doing shit.
Like, it was funny in, in of itself,
but it was also showing motherfuckers that was coming up,
like when we got ready, when I started doing comedy,
like, oh, this Nick, oh, he put some thought into this shit,
like, oh, okay, so this is, and like,
I understood what a workout room was before I ever worked out doing comedy,
seeing that shit.
Yeah, yeah.
I appreciate it.
It's, it's, you know, it's, I've always felt like it ain't how you laugh, it's you,
them laughing.
Right, right, right.
I think nicks get caught up in how they laugh.
Right, right, right.
That ain't the point, it's how you laugh, you know.
A motherfuckerabomin is funny, you know what I mean?
Exactly.
Yeah, you laugh at that.
Yeah.
And I thought, like, who would make that funny?
I would.
And so I purposely do a joke that don't work on every set.
And it becomes just as funny as anyone that I wrote
because it doesn't work.
Right, yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's funny to see me fail.
Right, you know.
You've mastered that.
Yeah, but you got to be confident enough to fail.
Right.
Yeah.
I know it sound trippy, but it's like,
it's a hard of making that, it's an art to making,
not funny, funny.
Right.
You mastered anything that can be,
because anything can be funny.
Anything can be funny.
Right.
That's how I look at.
This shit.
Fucking up can be funny.
Yeah.
I feel like you, Dave,
when it comes to the pen,
you feel, me?
Like, because I worked on my material
and my material has been improv
and jokes I've written
and I worked away where I'm like,
okay, that's good, that's great.
Got to this point, but I see the level of penning
that I'm like, okay, these motherfuckers are writing.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to go in the writer's room and see how they,
I want to see the thought process, like I love that shit.
I want to see the thought process of how they come up with that.
Because still as a nine years in the game,
I'm still trying to figure out premise, punch not, set up.
Okay, you may know it, but like you said,
anything can be funny.
And that's why I admire comedians like y'all
because y'all would sit there and be like,
nigger, it's never a dull moment
when you're one of those true comedians.
Yeah.
I got a new 30 minutes anytime I walk.
Yeah.
Let me ask you this though, man,
because I've seen you at all kind of comedy rooms
across the country, like,
no matter what level of success that you got to,
you never stop going to the workout rooms
and showing love to the Uncle Rails
and the red kievers and you know what I mean
and the shit like that.
So like, you stayed in the circuit around the comedians.
That's where the real shit is.
Like, it ain't doing them stages.
If you know, you, I mean, y'all niggas do arenas and shit.
Like, you know sitting on that stage, that's one thing,
but I'm gonna say this about y'all motherfuckers.
Y'all fuck is treat an arena like a club.
Facts.
Y'all do.
Y'all motherfuckers be in there talking directly
to this motherfucker sitting right here is shit,
almost like you can touch the people.
Me personally, when I'm at arena,
I'm kind of locked in.
on my shit, whatever.
I'm at the comedy club.
I could touch my fuckers and seeing him.
Bring it to your world.
Yeah, bring them to my world.
Right.
You know, but it's just, it's just that practice.
You know what I mean?
As far as just constantly getting out there
making it happen and touching the people.
You got to touch the people.
Me personally, and I tell y'all this,
this is a lot of comedians, if you're listening right now,
writing material, man, isn't just always
sitting up on this is living and shit you know what I mean and you got to put
yourself you got to put yourself in situations you would be in on a regular
basis if you do that then you're gonna come up with material all the fucking
time if you're doing the same shit every day you're gonna be talking about the
same shit and you're gonna be doing the same fucking material because you're
fucking around eating the same food going the same fucking bar hang with these same
motherfuckers.
One day, one day, niggas just go up and go to,
nigga, go to a dog show one day.
Right, straight up.
Just go, just go sit in that motherfucker
and just sit there, you're gonna be like,
what the fuck is going on in here?
And then you're gonna go to the club, like,
nigga, I just went to this dog show,
these niggins are spending 15,000 on the dog.
Right, right.
Nick, I'm buying a car with 15,000.
You know, when you're going.
It's informative too.
You off to the right.
You ain't even really writing.
Right, it's there.
You just, you went, and that is right itself.
Yeah, but niggins be going to the same shit all the time.
And so they talk about the same shit.
Nigger, I would go to a motherfucking medieval castle,
nigger, and just sitting in that motherfucking,
nigga, dead ass.
Talk about mid-evil, me.
Yo, I sit there and I come out, I got a new five,
and then a new 10, and yeah, that's how you do that shit.
Right, right, right.
Get your hands up early, go to that far before.
Bring me another man.
It's the meat ready.
It is, yeah.
But what kind of like...
Away, away.
I've had a soft need.
So the turkey legs for all the children.
Feed the peasants.
All of them.
So what started you?
Like, who inspired you?
What did this journey start?
You don't care anybody say,
comedian, but sometimes it didn't pick us.
Yeah, right.
It's Chicago, man, sitting up my boy.
This nigga named Gwiel.
This nigga just always thought I thought differently.
And he was like, man, I bet you won't go on stage.
Maybe like $50, right?
I was like, all right, I'd go up.
They wouldn't let me up for like three weeks.
And then finally, they let me on stage.
And, like, you know, I knew then, like, my purpose.
You know, a lot of motherfuckers don't know their purpose.
You down here living.
You don't know your purpose at all.
And motherfuckers is miserable.
You got to know your fucking purpose.
And I don't get fuck what it is.
This niggas that's parking attendants sitting there trying to go, what the fuck, you know?
But you probably was in a relationship with the motherfucker, and you was locked in a relationship
and you made your purpose.
Right, right.
A lot of niggas is like that.
A lot of niggins right now sitting at home.
We're probably watching this.
Sitting with their boo and not living their purpose because they're in a relationship.
And they purpose are you chasing somebody.
So, baby, you say get single and live your purpose.
Yeah.
And fuck these hoes, man.
Not necessarily.
Don't get to live.
You got to fuck these hoops.
You know what?
Yeah, that's got to live in a relationship, nigger,
get you a bunch of shit.
Yeah, me.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, me.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
You got to live your purpose,
and your purpose.
That's what you're in a relationship.
That's a relationship.
That's a relationship like a retirement plan.
Nigger, it's like,
kind of retirement thing.
No, a lot.
No, a lot of motherfuckers do that.
They get a relationship looking for somebody else.
Security and shit.
Right.
Do your purpose and then get in a relationship.
You guys be a stepdad before they make $10,000 earn this one for you.
You didn't know how to be the red dab, but you're a stepdad first guy.
That's a jump.
You're a stepdaddy before you're a real daddy.
That's crazy.
You all your little creed trial.
This man got three months of script.
This nigga.
I don't know the worst stepdad side.
Man.
I think I got a little experience for my own kid.
I got a left experience of father with you.
There you go.
That's hilarious.
You're a stepfather before a real...
This niggas out there is like that.
Yeah, yeah.
If you're in a relationship too fast?
You're a stepfather before you're a real father?
Yeah, because she already got kids.
She's pregnant with your baby.
Your baby ain't think about it.
I'm gonna stepdad.
I'm gonna stepdad.
You don't got no kids.
If you don't got no kids,
I really didn't feel like,
it didn't feel like.
You're gonna switch the peck?
Yeah, I was my mother, bitch.
I mean, I'll watch them, but I ain't gonna tell you
if the nigga do some shit, like.
Oh, you weren't gonna say,
hell no, no.
Nick do whatever he want, that niggins jump it off shit,
I'm like, they're tripped, isn't it?
Did you buy these bomb shit?
Who?
I couldn't even buy myself, bitch.
That's what I'm saying.
He using you like I'm using you, bitch.
We're fighting for the same resources.
He got a bad, I need a bed.
I'm like, man, he's up one.
Y'all both a kid, you know.
Hey, hey.
That a dick, up one.
You got shoes and shit.
I'm trying to be like a little bag, man.
That's a dick cold, man.
Little cat.
That's real.
That's crazy.
You gotta find your purpose.
That's how the stage hit me.
The first time I went up there, coming down,
I knew, I was like, this is what the fuck I was supposed to do.
So that's how your shit hit you too,
when you said you finally, and you knew it.
It's like that.
It's like, I couldn't sleep that night.
the first time I did that shit.
I still can't, after the show,
I can't go to bed for shit in the world.
That's had adrenaline, man.
My stomach started hurt like a bitch
after I did my first set.
I felt like I got kicked in my shit.
I had to go sit on the curb, but I knew,
I was like, this is what the fuck I do.
Yeah, it's a, it's a whole feeling.
My first show was on a perk set.
I was tripped.
I ain't know what a war a nigga,
like, you think I'm gonna do cubs.
I'm like, think I'm in a rap,
nigg y'all got me fucked.
You just on a purse.
Nick, I'm gonna rap.
You did good your first time on stage?
Nick was lucky that me, though.
You did good on your first time on stage?
Yeah, I got like a, back then,
if two niggas stalled up, that was a standing ovation.
Yeah.
Oh, once niggas get on their feet, it gives me one nils.
It's all I need, you can't nobody.
I got an old.
I got an old shit.
Somebody up.
Yeah, nigg.
You got two motherfucking stand up for me, man.
And I was like, hell no, this is like dope.
Right.
And I was killing.
I only had like five.
minutes and I ended up getting on this show called Comic Justice.
Four months.
I remember that shit.
Four months after I started.
I had on that shit.
Yep.
I got on that shit.
Four months after that and then eight months after that I was on Def Jam.
That just started.
And I only had, now when Def Jam hit, I only had like 14 minutes, right?
And I did seven on Def Jam.
And after that, the shit blew up.
They sent me on tour.
and I was supposed to do 20 minutes.
Ooh, how that is?
When you're gonna add them extra six.
Nick, I was on that motherfucker finding out
everybody birthday.
Ah!
Who got a birthday?
Who got a birthday today?
Wait, look, wait, look, no, let's your birthday.
Birthdays.
Who's from out of town?
Oh, that shit, man.
What's your name, baby?
What's your name, baby?
I did that shit for about 10 minutes,
and I did my other seven.
Right, and you're good.
And then I, like, play the song.
Like, y'all remember this?
Yeah.
I did that shit for about five minutes.
I stretched that shit out.
Yeah, nigger, I was off that motherfucker.
I did three cities and the tour management.
And you know, you know.
You remember this?
You know.
You're playing music dancing and that shit.
That's hilarious.
Talk about, who remember the Tizzy Road?
Yeah, they did.
All that shit.
They got to all that shit.
Y'all know.
You know.
You put the mic on them.
No, y'all sit.
That's my time, y'all.
That's my time, y'all.
All right.
That's my time, y'all.
And good night, everybody.
I'll see y'all.
Thank you, Seattle.
Out of here.
Out of here.
That shit.
Crazy, baby.
Oh, yeah.
I say the third show.
Right.
Get Capri was spinning and all that shit.
Like this shit.
Def Jam shit.
Nake Joe Torrey's hosting,
come out shit.
Third show.
I ain't doing that well.
They know I'm out there bullshit, right?
But I'm thinking I'm getting away with it,
but I'm not, Nick came to me and it was like,
uh, here go your ticket.
Gave me my ticket to go home.
From the tour?
Yeah.
Damn.
Because I ain't had enough material.
I was doing shit.
Damn.
I'm sitting in there, boy, like, I got my death jam,
held on jacket.
I don't even want to go home, nigga.
I don't even want to go to Chicago.
You know, like, you bought all this.
Nick, I got all that shit on.
Like, I'm fucking that,
Nick.
Nick, I didn't want to go home
because I told everybody I was on tour.
Right, right.
So if I went home,
niggas has been like, what happened to the tour?
I went home, nigger, and I ain't go outside
for like two weeks, I'm going to go.
Damn.
Niggins think you're in the rest of the tour.
I stayed in the rest of the tour,
I don't know what the tour.
The two is like, shit, like some months,
but only had, like, I think I had like,
six dates, seven dates, and I did like three.
And then that's when they took me off of shit.
Damn.
And I went home, nigga, I was hurt, man.
I was hurt.
So what, I noted that boost you your motivation?
So this is what happened.
When I sat there, I was like, I gotta start writing.
Right.
And that was the shit that made me start writing.
And I started writing and writing and writing.
And then after that, motherfuckers start seeing me right
in Second City and then in Chicago,
they see me writing sketches and shows and jokes
and writing and writing and writing.
But it took that to make me the fucking writing shit.
And shit, after that, that's what kicked that shit off.
And the next thing you know, I was writing for Ricky Smiley
when he was hosted Comic View,
and that shit led to me writing for Conan O'Brien
and writing for all kind of great motherfuckers and shit.
But if the niggas didn't kick me off that tour...
You didn't want to put that spark up on you.
Oh yeah.
Y'all remember this all?
Yeah, I still, I still me, I still me, I'm a fucking like.
Where the tors is at?
Ain't no tors?
Ain't no tors?
Ain't no tors, man.
You go into the bathroom.
My man, you go into the bathroom.
He got that shit walk, don't you got that shit walk.
You spotted a thing going to the bathroom.
What's you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
No gap, no gap.
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you.
On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who face
it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles,
and more, and found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his
house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on
a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house,
unarmed. Pretty private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines
into lifelines.
Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private
from the Black Effect Podcast Network.
Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Your entire identity has been fabricated.
Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.
You discover the depths of your mother's illness
the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life,
impacting your very legacy.
Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories
I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets.
With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests
and their courageously told stories.
I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you,
stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths,
and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told.
I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests
for this new season of Family Secrets.
Listen to Family Secrets Season 12
on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
The OGs of Uncensored Motherhood are back and badder than ever.
I'm Erica.
And I'm Mila.
And we're the hosts of the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast,
brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday.
Historically, men talk too much.
And women have quietly listened.
And all that stops here.
If you like witty women, then this is your tribes.
With guests like Corinne Steffens.
I've never seen so many women protect predatory men.
And then me too happened.
And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off
because the white said it was okay.
Problem.
My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade,
and I called to ask how I was going.
She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class.
I ruined my baby's first day of high school.
And slumflower.
What's husband?
me on is when a man sends me money.
Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when the man sends me money.
I'm like, oh my God, it's go time.
You actually sent it?
Listen to the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect
Podcast Network, the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcast.
Adventure should never come with a pause button.
Remember the movie pass era?
Where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9?
It made zero cents, and I could not stop thinking about it.
I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast, there are no girls on the internet.
On this new season, I'm talking to the innovators who are left out of the tech headlines.
Like the visionary behind a movie pass, Black founder Stacey Spikes,
who was pushed out of Movie Pass, the company that he founded.
His story is wild and it's currently the subject of a juicy new HBO documentary.
We dive into how culture connects us.
When you go to France, or you go to England, or you go to Hong Kong,
Those kids are wearing Jordans, they're wearing Kobe's shirt, they're watching Black Panther.
And the challenges of being a Black founder.
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But that's why it's fun for us to hear y'all journey.
It'd be like, all right, what spark that, that pen and shit.
Because you got understand, we hear it, we hear it as niggas in the game.
And I'd just be sitting back like, bro, they do it with such an ease, man.
And it'd be like, everybody can attest it.
We all think of all funny shit.
But it'd be just how we're going to pin it.
Right.
How are we going to write it?
Like you say, experiences, they write itself.
But it'd be like, you can tell when a motherfucker put that pen on that pad.
Yeah, it's definitely a system, and you gotta figure it out.
And that shit didn't hit me into, to be real with you,
that shit didn't hit me until about eight years
into the game, maybe seven.
I don't know how to write some shit or whatever,
but as far as that shit coming fluently like that,
I can sit back and, you know, do like I do now
when I write shows and write for award shows
and all that shit, that shit is just like I'm conditioned right now.
You know, and then when you're working for a late night TV show,
you gotta do that shit every fucking night.
You got to do that shit.
You got the motherfucking, not only do you got to write it,
you got to produce it, you got a motherfucking cast it,
you gotta get props, you gotta get all that shit.
And you performed a lot of those things, yeah.
And I performed a lot of it too.
So a lot of people, yeah.
A lot of people don't know that comedians are,
we go through a lot of trouble.
So how do you stay in their mind,
stay knowing that you're a regular person
and you go through your own shit
and you're dealing with real life shit,
but you gotta go up here, write a fucking joke.
Well, that's the part that motherfuckers don't.
don't see your shits, you know.
They don't see what niggas go through, you know?
Right.
I noticed many times, nigga, all y'all, y'all have been out fucking miserable.
Bitch tripping or your boys and stole some shit over that when somebody come in front of you.
Hey, man, let's take a picture.
You got to put that smile on and you got to do that shit.
And that shit just be like, you ain't never in your mind frame, you know what I mean?
Right.
So what you have to do is you have to know that the middle.
is the job.
Once you realize that,
then everything else is kind of fall in place.
You won't be as disappointed because expectation brings heartache.
You can't have that shit.
You can't have, you can't be expecting shit.
You have to go into this motherfucker and be like, yo,
I'm going in here and I'm bombing the night.
And whatever good, come out this motherfucker,
I'm going to put this shit to the side.
I know you should look at it the other way,
like I'm going to go ahead and do good or whatever.
But that expectation is going to bring you heart
Me personally, it just don't work for me.
I go in that go.
I got 10 jokes, two gonna work.
Let's go.
And I go in that motherfucker and I bomb my ass off.
But them two, the motherfuckers right there
gonna be fired.
I'm gonna grab them two, put them in the bag,
and I'm gonna write 10 more.
And then two of them gonna work.
And I'm gonna keep doing that shit.
And then you go ahead.
Until I got the motherfucker now.
Is that the working process
until now you've got to go shoot your special?
because I know you ain't in the mind state that.
I'm funny going to go bomb.
You got an hour worth of bombs.
But you're not afraid of that failure.
But you ain't afraid.
That's the point that I'm making
that you can be afraid of that failure.
You got to go into mind frame.
Yeah, because motherfuckers are go,
you'll go to an open mic, see niggas ripping and shit.
You won't even have a boss to go.
You'll go up there doing your old shit or whatever
just because the energy in the room
was fucking popping like that.
You'd be like, let me do my old shit
so I can stay afloat.
And that's like, you do not
on a bomb.
He worried about bombing in front of motherfuckers
because they're gonna be on it.
Yeah.
You ain't even trying your new shit.
Because you're scared.
This is the time you try all the new shit.
That's when you try all your new shit.
Every time I do a comedy club and I'm there doing five, six, seven shows,
the first show I do, that's gonna be the worst show.
Because that's gonna be show I'm trying all my new shit out
that I can find out what I'm used for the rest of the week.
But that first show, every first show, Thursday, first show Friday, whatever that is,
that motherfucker is goddamn terrible.
So now when you can see this, they're like, don't get the first show.
And the hit the last thing, they got this show.
But, bud, but you, you five, five, this is what you're meant to.
But it's funny to watch me bomb.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Yeah, Dion, sold out all weekend except Thursday.
Not a first show on a friday.
But the first show is really fried.
The first show is right.
You're on Friday.
What's the important to, you know, doing shows throughout the week?
Because I see you just did your special and everything, and I was phenomenal.
And then I see you come, do a weekend, on the road, and then come back through the week and then still do three, four, five shows in the middle of the week.
How important is that for comedians?
So, I'm in the position now where, you know, I do.
When I did the special, when I dropped the special,
I went right into filming.
And so I haven't been able to live
because I've been pretending to be somebody else.
Oh, sure.
And when you're doing that shit,
I can't live, so I really ain't been nowhere.
So I wrote material before I went to go film
and I had a whole bunch of shit written.
But when I started filming, I wasn't living,
so therefore I didn't have no jokes.
So I had one show that I was supposed to do
in Atlantic City at that time, so I went to go work.
out the shit that I did have and try to see if that shit worked.
And thank God, like, at least fucking 40% of that shit worked.
And so therefore, I had enough material to do the show and shit.
But I was like, like right now, nigga, I'm jokeless like a motherfucker because I ain't, I
even lived.
I've been filming and shit.
So once I'm done filming, then I can live.
And I go out and I do this.
That's your whole process.
So when you did your special,
you like, room jokes over with.
I ain't telling them ever again.
They're done.
Done.
Never.
Touching the stage, not saying none of that shit.
So what I will do is I will do some jokes.
That's from like a way oldest special.
Right.
Like something that's like I did on my first special
or some shit like that.
I'll regurgitate those and use those as a bridge
until my other shit work.
But as far as anything from my last special,
and the special before that and the shit
that I dropped on YouTube,
you would never hear any of that shit
ever.
That's the job.
Like, we ain't, we ain't rocket scientists and shit.
You know, we ain't construction workers,
you know, you think, nigga, that's it.
Like, you think about what's funny and you, right?
But they swear this shit just be like,
y'all be like this all the time,
and I, bitch, didn't I tell you?
I just went through some shit
and your throat is staking.
No, you know how many motherfuckers I'll let down on the daily basis.
Diggins come around, be like, hey, and I just be like,
the fucking throwing you.
I just, you know what I mean?
Like, every comic ain't no motherfucking pie in the face, man.
Right.
I'm just not, nigga.
Like I let down a lot of people.
They come around thinking I'm just soft shoeing
and tap dancing and shit and I'm more like a cerebral motherfucker.
I go in the room and shut the fuck up, listen to everybody.
And then leave out that motherfucker and write some shit.
But I listen to everybody in the fucking room.
And I learned how to play the room that way too, you know.
Going to room and shut the fuck up,
if you're talking about dogs and you're talking about
how much you hate cats and how you love cars and shit
and how you love fish and shit,
when it's time for me to talk,
I can agree with all that shit, y'all said.
And I probably disagree with it.
Right, but you know.
But to play the room.
I don't know what to say.
In order to lead that motherfucker, you know.
And how motherfuckers going, that motherfucker's great.
And I walk out the door like, God damn.
You know what I mean?
But it's not how to play the room, though.
And all that shit helps, like, in writer's rules, too.
Writers' room is great, too.
See, the thing, I'll give you another tip.
You got to get a motherfucker's show.
Anybody get a show.
do not fill your fucking writer's room
with a bunch of motherfuckers
that think like you and shit
this is gonna be bullshit
every writer's room I have
nigga I got a motherfucker in there
I can't stand
I hate that man
I can't stand that motherfucker
Because me and this motherfucker
gonna constantly fucking go out
Which is gonna be the shit
Which is what shows are made of
Every show you know
It got conflicted
You know what I mean? Like Martin
It was Pam and Martin
And, you know, it's conflict.
So why would you have your room on some of everybody getting together shit?
Your writer's room, your writer's room got to be just as fucking conflicted as the fucking show is.
So anytime you get a motherfucker, you see a motherfucker and you be like, I hate this nigger.
Hire him.
Higher that mom.
Yeah.
Real shit.
Yeah.
That's real.
That's real.
That's real.
That's the nigger to get.
That's the nigger to get.
Because then you and that nigger are going to sit back.
can argue constantly.
And you're gonna come up with shit.
You know what I mean?
You're gonna be having different approaches.
That's the shit.
Yeah, different opinions.
You think like this.
Man, I had this one nigga that used to work
on this show of mine, the show I had,
called Black Box and shit I had on TBS and shit.
Yeah, black box shit.
I had this black dude on the show.
He hated black women.
He ain't fucked with no black culture.
He ain't fucked with none.
He's a nigga, he's black.
He just was like, yeah.
Like black people embarrass him and shit.
And this motherfucker was like, yeah,
I don't like the women and none of that shit.
And this nigger used to say that shit all the time.
And niggas is like, keep that nigger away from here.
And I was like, nah.
Hired that nigger.
We hired that nigger.
We wrote the, me and that nigger argued every day,
I wrote the best shit in the world.
Damn.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So if you ever get a room, nigga,
get the motherfucker you hate in that motherfucker.
Damn.
So how did you go scout a motherfucker who don't like?
You over here because we hate you.
Because we hate you.
Nika, you be in comedy clubs, you see niggas.
You know, you know, niggas.
You don't like, niggas, you don't like,
you don't like, that's the real.
So it's like you're giving them a job, but it's like,
it's to get the best shit.
It's to get the best shit.
I hear some niggas you don't like in this motherfucker.
You can't stand your pussy, but I got a job for you know what I mean.
I know it sounds weird, nigger.
It's some bullshit, I guess.
It's some bullshit, I guess.
It's some bullshit, but you got to put your ego aside
in order to hire that motherfucker in order to get with it.
You know what I mean?
I mean, it worked.
It worked.
I'm telling you, it, niggins.
So how do you keep it on that basis instead of a nigger coming in trying to play the
snate role and trying to get you out when you don't got the nigga high?
Well, this is your show?
Nah, nah, he ain't gonna do that.
Like, he already knows it's my show, so therefore he ain't gonna do it like that, but he's gonna be opinionated.
And that's what I'm hiring him for.
I'm hired a motherfucker gonna be opinionated.
I wanna know why you hate black women so much, nigga.
You can ask that nigga offside of the work.
Talk to that nigga on the phone or something when you got tired.
I ain't gonna get you into my workspace,
nah, I want that, yeah, I don't know my black women,
speakerphone.
Rain man, fuck him, fucking.
Right, no, that's sick, no.
Pitch-haid, niggas, I love black women.
Hope.
It's a nigga here.
Yeah.
He's gonna say some shit you never would have thrown up.
You would have never thought of.
You would have never thought of.
That's what they, that's what they do,
because you don't think like them.
Right, right.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Damn.
shit you, you're going to say some shit, you're going to be like, nigger, what the fuck is you
talking about?
Damn.
But then you're going to be like, that's an episode.
Did you see the game taking it that way?
Like, even when you started writing, you was like, all right, but you said the writing is
what kind of got you back into the space.
I had this other show that was going to be on Comedy Central called Super Black, and I hired
a whole bunch of niggas, and we sat in them up with ate chicken and smoked weed.
Nigger, we kicked it in that motherfucking, nigga.
Ain't wrote one good episode.
Yeah, we had a good time with that motherfucker.
Yeah, we're as black as fucking that motherfucking nigga.
Y'all got a episode.
That's the show.
We're gonna have your camera on that.
But that's the nigga you need to be hired right now.
You tell me you're out of him.
When are we gonna do the show?
That's the nigga you fired at the show.
When are we gonna write this episode?
What are you?
What are we going right on?
On the next episode of me,
nobody likes.
Niggas, nobody like.
Next to you know, the niggas is like, yeah, grab your shit.
Fuck out there.
You were in an era where it wasn't no two-week notice, no nothing.
They just look and be like, hey, guys, all you guys are fired, okay?
They'd be like, thank you.
Later.
Bye.
Grab your shit.
You're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Dion, after that blunt.
Let that be the last one.
I'll tell you, I'm gonna tell you right now.
Don't roll up anymore.
You're going on black.
We're having a blackout.
We're ever going black for a day or two.
Pack your shit.
They're not calling you back.
They're not calling you back.
Guys, can we just flip the set for the all white shelf?
That's smooth.
That's true.
So have you ever, well, you say you ain't scared to fail,
but like, what's your favorite room?
Because I come from theater.
So the arenas, I know the different feeling
from theater, arena, comedy club.
My favorite is always comedy club,
because it's intense.
I can bring them into my world.
I know that the arena is.
The arena is more so like, okay, here's the show.
And theater is kind of like, it's in between.
It depends on how it's set up.
So it's like, what's your favorite to perform?
Comedy Club.
Comedy Club is my favorite, because it's less people.
And when it's less people, you can fix a problem easier that way.
I mean, you can alternate your shit or whatever.
comedy club and shit but theaters you know they they dope but it's intimate right comedy
club is more intimate and shit you know what I mean so I always always go to a
room I just be popping up the shit I did it out here in Atlanta how you find them
shit you just call but you plug here this is yeah all you got to do is doing
something I'm sliding through right right right they'd be like all right shit yeah
come on where you pop that where you popped up there uh Atlanta comedy comedy
The one of the underground?
The new one?
No, no.
You got a new one.
Yeah.
I don't know about that.
Right.
But it's underground, though.
Like, it's the comic club under.
I'm from the city.
Yeah, it's sound dangerous.
It ain't dangerous.
It's just like, niggas, you want a nigga to come under the ground?
Is that the underground?
There's already too much shit going on on top of the ground.
You know how long it'll take for the niggins?
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
It sounds dangerous.
Listen.
You never been in the underground.
Where?
I'm from the city.
I said, I got it underground, I'm like, where?
At the underground.
Literally, under that bitch.
And one of the, like, people don't understand the underground was a monumental place in Atlanta downtown.
When you came and stopped at Five Points, and you went around that Lacona, and you went up under that underground, nigga.
That was the most people I ever seen in my life one time, and I ain't even get a chance to go in underground.
I just looked, and they ain't seen them my heads, and people had to be almost like 5,000 people down the time.
I said, man, I'm not walking through that shit.
You're a free, Nick.
Hell no, they're just a regular day in the city,
when that shit was popping.
Everybody wearing fake shit down there.
Kyle's a question.
Big black bags, everybody had big black bags.
Down in Atlanta, y'all got speakers in every place, right?
Yeah.
Y'all play music everywhere.
Yeah.
That shit is wild, like restaurants.
Yeah.
It'd be loud as hell in there too.
Cleaners, Target.
Like, niggas is beat music everywhere.
Like all times.
This is a musical-ass town like that, huh?
You ain't have been to a Target in Tennessee?
Yeah, Target, you know, they'd be playing Target shit.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Now here, nigga, they'd be like, rich, niggas, shit,
crack, those, dude.
I was in public, they were playing their goddamn Jahin.
Just in case.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, they'd be jamming, man, man.
Hey, they'd be jamming, man, man.
The grocery store low-key get freaky.
Nug, they'd be jamming.
The grocery store's don't get freaking.
You're free.
They'll place the jails on there.
Step back you're dancing too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're going to get this boss in frozen piece right.
In public.
Yeah.
They mean white stories.
They have black managers.
We didn't really see no white manager, no public
in no public in Crowellate unless you go to a white town.
You go to.
You go outside the city.
Either way in Atlanta, but they're black, black on black-de-black.
Yeah.
That's you go crazy.
You go to Publis on Camp Creek.
Play Pretty Ricky.
But that one at Atlantic Station,
that shit ain't even the whole public.
That's a piece of public.
Yeah.
It's public.
It's public.
You're gonna pair of grocery stuff.
One more question.
Do a lot of niggas down here,
they trick on a lot of women down here?
What?
Spin all of their money.
Damn, I can tell.
Spell to my sprint at all.
A nigga, act like they don't.
I ain't buy no pussy.
Bruh, you got bought the whole wash machine.
It meant a trick to you about a watch machine.
It meant on any white clothes.
Diggick, I had just met this chick down here, nigga.
And she was just, I was like, yeah, we can hang out.
She was like, cool.
She was like, let me get 200 so I can go get a bottle of wine.
I'm like...
Oh, they bit by tricking now.
No, no, let me run it back.
It's a lot of women selling pussy down here, too.
It ain't just that the niggas is coughing it up because they want to.
They want that pussy, man.
But look, she...
200, you would have said, and I bring my pussy back
instead of change.
But like, if you were in the mind stay up,
girl, I make it hit some pussy, he just gave me
$200. Like, I needed it
so bad. She just, no,
that was going to hit you for some moment.
That blew my mind and said, I ain't going to any lie.
I was like, I just met you.
Because she got wine, but she still need
gay money.
Look at my dad, you spent all the wine money
and he's got no girl.
So what you used to go to the wines, though?
Big it. I was not.
She was setting you up to hit you for a few more
because y'all was going to go out.
It did.
She told me to get her Uber, and she was eight minutes away.
I said, shut!
You ain't even got eight minutes of fare?
I'm like, you can't pull up you eight minutes.
I get up to come get you, bitch.
If it's that serious.
Like, I didn't even look.
I said, send me your address.
And at the fair was 1350.
He ain't got 1350 on that .
You got cash out cut.
I'm going to see you 1350.
I did.
I'm not saying you still fuck.
I still fuck.
I still come out of $13.
All right, bitch.
I got $13.
Because he hit me like, she hit me with the for real.
You know how I'm gonna make the decision?
I guess.
That's funny.
No cap, bro.
Damn.
We gotta do better.
We gotta do better.
Maybe in that stage, bro.
You rarely ain't fin-free cooches dying out.
This ain't like free cooches is fading on.
You got to bat something.
No, it still exists.
A bitch fucking you, just because she liked you, man.
That shit.
You think so?
She in California.
She even faking it like she like you.
She in California.
Huh?
What a bitch fucking with you?
Because she fuck with you.
It's always.
Even if she fuck, listen.
You just might not be around them,
but it's always somebody after.
Even if you fuck for free the first time,
nigger, you're gonna pay for the second and third.
I'm telling you.
Them hoes is trick.
They tricky, they are up there.
They're like, ooh, I'm gonna get them to do it.
Pooh, pooh, you're like, man, she's fun with me.
And then before you know it, you don't bought a whole washing machine.
You don't bought a whole...
Did this happen to you?
I know.
You're speaking on yourself.
This is second washing machine reference.
She's going to text me, too, so I've seen young little interviews.
I ain't talking about you.
I'm just saying I don't bought a washing machine for both.
Oh, so that's what you do?
You buy a big thing, right?
Hey, bitch, hey.
And I'm just saying, you buy a washing machine and no drive?
I ain't even gonna cap, or whatever,
she got their washing machine for her.
It was reasonable.
No, man.
I said, you might work gonna get you a drive team.
No, I'm telling you, man, that's it.
That's right.
That's my hard.
What?
Get the one that's, get the clothes on top of it.
Get the one that's, get the one that's stuck on top.
Because I had to tell me.
You're gonna have to wash them to hang your clothes outside.
You're gonna have to rewash them, baby.
Yeah.
Go on get the drive.
So, talking about, we kind of one that matched the watch machine.
Don't get too different one.
You can't get the bigger watch.
Can't get the bigger dry, bitch.
because you didn't watch that in the cold.
But you got two, no, don't get too different.
It's all kind of free pussy out here.
Don't believe the hype.
Brother, Tristan, brother, the free pussy is,
they learning now.
They learning.
I'm telling you, you may get it.
First two time for the free ski.
This bitch is scheming.
What happened, bro?
You might as well tell the story.
No, that doesn't deal with a lot of holes.
That's just what they do, like, you know.
That's what happened.
When you get caught up in the matrix, you know,
you find the TV, you got to be on a watch machine.
You know, I'm about to drive.
He caught up in the hole matrix.
No, but see what it is, I'm the type of niggins and understand that this sheet costs on time.
Nobody warned you about the whole matrix.
I ain't driven.
It costs the later out.
With one hole, you meet another ho, and now you're about 36 layers deep in the home matrix.
You got to get out that circle.
But see what it is, you damn, bitch, you don't know.
You damn, you.
Because if your friend knew I bought you that wash machine, bitch,
she'd fit to double up.
She's going to be like, girl, you don't let this bitch.
He ain't bought you a wash machine, ho.
That's how it started.
What you need?
That's how you go from bad to worse.
I heard you squeaking when you rolled up.
This nigga fuck with bitches who are on their lads.
They're not on their lads.
They like to settle.
I'm like, bitch, you're selling for the squeaky.
You sell it for the squeaky at that time.
No, bro.
I like to fuck a bitch that settle and then you upgrade them.
Like, listen, I don't need to hear you that ride
down the block. You need to pull up smooth impossible.
That's a bad enough to get you out.
Yeah. I mean, they do be good looking too, though.
That way, it can't be on God. I'd be like, this you.
This is right.
This nigga said, this nigga said,
You ain't got the wash machine.
Kyle, you can tell they clothes feel like the house.
I hate that shit.
I remember once I just prayed a bit with some cologne.
I like, s.
She's like, wait.
I was like, me you smell like somebody howling.
You're a terrible motherfucker, man.
I tell the truth.
When I was fucked up, they told me the truth.
I was like, they just go somewhere.
She was like, we went, how?
I was like, shit, you're right.
And I was spending you to come up with you.
I thought I would give you good conversation
to go out somewhere.
Nah, they ain't fucking with all that good conversation.
They ain't talking about that.
Yeah, exactly.
You caught up in the whole matrix.
it is what it is, man.
It's going to always cost a whole matrix.
Yes, the whole matrix is real.
It's a tax right off.
You fuck with one terrible motherfucker.
They're going to lead you to three terrible motherfuckers.
And now you got to just cut off everything.
It's just like, you got to get reset.
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
I'm Ebeney.
And every Tuesday, I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions
and give you new insight on the people around you.
On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all.
Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more,
and found the shrimp to make it to the other side.
My dad was shot and killed in his house.
Yes, he was a drug dealer.
Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner.
He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal.
He was shot in his house, unarmed.
Pretty Private isn't just a podcast.
It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines.
Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network.
Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Your entire identity has been fabricated.
Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.
You discover the depths of your mother's illness
the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life,
impacting your very legacy.
Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro.
And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories
I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets.
With over 37 million downloads,
We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories.
I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you,
stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths,
and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told.
I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.
Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.
The OGs of Uncensored Motherhood are back and badder than ever.
I'm Erica.
And I'm Mila.
And we're the host of the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect
Podcast Network every Wednesday.
Historically, men talk too much.
And women have quietly listened.
And all that stops here.
If you like witty women, then this is your tribes.
With guests like Corinne Steffens.
I've never seen so many women protect predatory men.
And then me too happened.
And then everybody else want to get pissed off because the white said it was okay.
Problem.
My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade,
and I called to ask how I was going.
She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class.
I ruined my baby's first day of high school.
And slumflower.
What turns me on is when a man sends me money.
Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when the man sends me money.
I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time.
You actually sent it?
Listen to the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network.
The IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast.
Adventure should never come with a pause button.
Remember the Movie Pass era?
Where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9?
It made zero cents, and I could not stop thinking about it.
I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast, there are no girls on the internet.
On this new season, I'm talking to the innovators who are left out of the tech headlines,
like the visionary behind a movie pass, Black founder Stacey Spikes,
who was pushed out of Movie Pass, the company they,
he founded. His story is wild that it's currently the subject of a juicy new HBO documentary.
We dive into how culture connects us. When you go to France, or you go to England, or you go to
Hong Kong, those kids are wearing Jordans, they're wearing Kobe's shirt, they're watching Black
Panther. And the challenges of being a Black founder. Close your eyes and tell me what a tech
founder looks like. They're not going to describe someone who looks like me and they're not going to describe
someone who looks like you.
I created There Are No Girls on the Internet because the future belongs to all of us.
So listen to There Are No Girls on the Internet on the IHurt Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I always had to be so good, no one could ignore me.
Carve my path with data and drive.
But some people only see who I am on paper.
The paper ceiling.
The limitations from degree screens to stereotypes that are holding back over 70 million stars.
Workers skilled through alternative routes rather than a bachelor's degree.
It's time for skills to speak for themselves.
Find resources for breaking through barriers at tetherpaperceiling.org.
Brought to you by Opportunity at Work and the Ad Council.
But you know, they hang in packs,
but they cover it up to act like one is better than the other.
So they be trying to make a scene like...
Once you get to the underworld, man.
The same bitch who looked like she the best one?
That's the one that's hoping a hurt.
That bitch, I ain't got no furniture.
That's why you can't come over a house.
Yeah.
My house still getting built.
Bitch, your house been getting built for like...
A year and a half.
You could flip it the way you thought you could.
That'd be the bad one that.
You thought that was an Airbnb.
You thought you was worth more at them.
You about to get kidding out.
You're trying to Airbnb in your apartment.
They don't know I'd be there sometimes.
Oh, you sleep in a while?
So, okay, nobody can go in this back closet.
Because you know.
This bitch wake up.
This bitch wake up in the middle of the night.
This bitch wake up in the middle of night.
You're in the bad room.
I hear the shit out the people in there.
Hey, man!
Hey!
Nick, this the ring.
I just saw a little wetbed.
A little wet bitch just ran back.
Oh, shit.
She ran back in the bed.
Me in the bed.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, she ran back in the car.
I'm not getting a close.
What are the niggas do with?
Oh, shit.
Come out.
Show you to show you.
You just go into, just going to go.
Going to, under the, under the,
they're trying to sneak into the closet.
They put their head in the cloud,
they get lower and lower.
Yeah.
Oh, you're talking about.
You're talking about, I see a little white man.
See my head.
What are you?
I'm telling you if somebody is there.
Oh, my God.
Show ya, Sam.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
It said I see a little white bitch on the ring.
Oh, you hear that?
You hear that?
That's the microwave.
Well, that is funny.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
That is my head.
That's just stupid.
That is my heart.
It's funny.
It's funny.
It's about to be around.
Oh.
Oh.
That's shit stupid.
Y'all got to be here.
Boy.
It's fucking hilarious.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, see that in Mbby!
With your baseball!
Hey, man.
This is a little wet, I'm a little wet.
A little wet my butt.
Ah, shit.
Put this bottle here.
Oh.
Oh.
What is this?
You hear a shower running out.
Why are these puddles?
Oh, my shit.
Oh, shit.
That's a movie, bro.
That's a movie, bro.
I just see a little white man.
Wow!
That's hilarious.
That shit's stupid.
Somebody is really doing that, bro.
Living in there with the average.
They be having.
They be having.
They should be sending text and shit.
I got to stop by there.
Look at some stuff.
Bitch, you've been in here.
You ain't got to stop.
Bitch, I heard the things when I said back.
Okay.
Yeah.
Airbnb version's up in the closet.
He's telling them they ain't left yet.
Y'all ain't left yet.
How you know?
Y'all got to leave.
You are past, you.
You have to leave.
You just here, motherfucker, eating crackers.
He's like, you like,
you like.
You ain't.
You said he saw a little white kid running.
You won't even know I'm here.
Running out of the closet.
Won't even know I'm in there.
If you hear anything, it just, you know, the house makes a few sound.
That's you.
That's stupid.
I'm gonna be there, but I'm gonna be mostly in the garage.
You ain't gonna even know I'm in there.
You ain't gonna do that for the right price.
That's funny.
My fucking be $10 for the whole day.
I say you want a white.
This count.
Nick you're gonna be in there, but they're gonna be cheetah.
Niggins will take that.
I got one one time when I first without the LA.
With somebody at the back house?
Well, the lady was in there, but she was like,
I was in the lead, and I was just like, okay?
I had a house before, and I thought I had the house.
I pulled up and I seen the big ass house.
I got excited and then I talked with Nicole
and it didn't work for it.
He was like, no, you're behind me, ma'am.
You're telling you, hey, go right.
The back house was cold up.
It was cool though, but I was hot.
Oh, my mama, that shit ain't cool.
I don't like staying in the Airbnb.
I feel like I'm on the run.
I don't know why, but.
You got to stay at a knoxed at a house, my brother.
You can't be cruel enough to anything.
A hair at an Airbnb feel much worse than a hair at the hotel.
I feel like a hotel I can complain that they're going to give me something.
But that Airbnb, I'd be like.
Now, I ain't even gonna lie.
They didn't clean my Airbnb up.
So when I look behind the dresser, I see some.
Who do I contact?
Like some panty hole.
No, man.
I see like three on, though.
You see what I'm saying.
So I'm the next.
me being a nigga, I'm like, I mind my business.
I'm not gonna touch the panty holes.
You dig what I'm saying?
So I'm like, dang, the cleaning people
ain't seen the first time.
I know they ain't gonna see them the second time.
Then they're gonna hit me up to something like,
you dirty, you leave it, panning holes.
I'm like that.
You got a truck, muscle, you even get.
I got a truck, mother, pussy.
I ain't even get it.
That ain't.
This ain't me?
And you're a high five, you had a bar.
But then the thing, though.
Your cleaning people ain't, I didn't call you
about your cleaning people on me.
You called me like, I made your house dirty.
They don't be cleaning the motherfucker.
They'll be cleaning them, bitch.
They don't be clean as shit, nigga.
I stay the one, Airbnb, I ain't staying no more than the motherfucker.
I was in one day and found a capa shirt that motherfucker.
I was like, what?
Capa shirt?
This bitch is all the way over.
It was a capa t-shirt.
Damn.
Yeah, it was a freaking shit going on in that mom.
I don't want to thinking I had some cap-niggo.
I had to get him.
So you were a capital?
That would have been weird.
I didn't know a couple.
I'm like, what you got?
What the fucking got a shirt is?
You're talking about the nigga that dude is?
Damn.
He left without it?
I was like.
I was like 20 degrees outside.
I was like, why didn't convene this motherfucker?
That's fucked up.
Because you know he got his ass whoop for losing that shirt.
Oh yeah, he got that old.
Where your shirt is, man?
They turned some kids outside.
Man, what he's that?
Who do you with the game?
Come in the motherfuckie.
You ever have one of the motherfuckers give you the signal in their...
In their hands?
They don't think you're thinking you want a guy.
No, I'm not one of them, niggum.
Yeah, no, that's shit crazy.
That shit like a gang.
Man, I'm gonna fuck.
Y'all, and you y'all the fraternity?
Nah.
This is, I'm in the maternity right here.
Oh, yeah, Chico here, alpha.
This is the fraternal.
Yeah, alpha.
Yeah, alpha.
And he knows his shit, too.
When he'd be seeing him other nigg, like,
he'd be popping his shit.
Yeah, they'd be like, you're alpha?
He'd be like, yeah, it's nothing but hold tight.
And I'd be like, that they were, great.
I was like, no, don't talk about you, you got to that a man.
Yeah, them niggas, good at going to school last niggas.
I'm gonna be a cue when I went to school.
Them niggas good at going to school,
you gotta have a GPA to get in that shit.
No, you know, I'm gonna be a cue when I went.
Why didn't you?
Because one of the niggas who was a cue, he told him it's a real shit.
Yeah, but you got that.
He was like, man, they spanking niggas.
I was a little too freaky.
He was like, they spanking niggins.
I don't say that all cute, but I'm just saying
that particular cue.
And they said they were spanking.
He was like, hey, buddy, that powder.
He was spanked, I'm like, you got spanked?
You like, you got spanked?
He was like, yeah, they hit me one time.
And he was like, yeah, they hit me one time.
But never again.
No, hell.
I'm like, you got hit my body?
You're like, yeah, I got hit.
I can't imagine they keep spanking, you know.
Not this shit just freaking.
Man, you gotta pay a fee.
and have a GPA move.
Hey, the niggins will dance here.
I'm like, yeah, you're eating me one time.
I was like, what side?
You're like, lip.
I'm like, done, they're fucked up.
They're particular on size.
What side you want it on?
You're left or the right.
Yeah, anytime you got to join some shit,
they're gonna hit you.
You gotta get hit you.
That's part of the shit.
You could be a chef.
You think the chefs ain't gonna jump
you in the damn deep for instance.
You got the game fucking.
No.
You thought you was just gonna cater a party,
but Nicky.
Hit him with the chicken, hit him with the chicken.
Biggin, slam with a lamb.
Come on, man.
You remember the shit?
You ain't gone no deep freezing meat.
Deep freezing meat?
What do you got to get stuck in the deep freezer though?
Nick, it with a hole.
In there, there's a whole aisle.
I hit that nigga with the left.
Yes, nigger.
The fuck.
I'm gonna fuck y'all up and I can see in my hands.
Y'all took this nigga to the butcher's shop.
Y'all took this nigga to the butcher's shop.
yet.
Man.
That's the cold with that nigga in the prison.
Oh, you ain't never made a wedding cake.
Hey, man, help him with the wedding cake, man.
You can't do that shit no more.
They probably don't know.
You can't hate no more.
All that anti-bullied, not if they'd be like,
spank yourself.
That's funny.
That's funny as hell.
You spake you.
Oh!
Spake you want to be in.
Spanko you want to be in there.
Niggins be faking the job of them.
Spake yourself like you be in.
Pake those.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
You got to sell it.
No more, no more big brother.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Like, you ain't hit yourself?
Yeah, I am.
Ah!
Like, get your bitch and stuff, man.
You win already, nigga.
You were saying it after second hit, nigga.
That's hilarious, bro.
That's funny.
Boy, that's hilarious.
Turn around, man.
You already see me spake by you.
You want to be a part of you by you?
Now, take your shovel cheek.
That's hilarious, brother.
We ain't gonna hate us for that shit.
Hey, they don't do that no more.
We not talk about them.
They used to do.
Them still do that.
They do that.
Sprake yourself.
Brookie.
Oh, shit.
Give me some more hands that at the time.
This nigga here.
What's the wrong with you, man?
I take the hands sanitizers.
Oh, shit.
But y'all, niggas dog, bro.
Hey, man.
What a nigga do we do?
That ain't going like to the gray sights and shit.
They do like that stupid ass shit.
We can't speak on it.
We ain't in it.
All that shit is a little bit.
They'll be talking about us regular, niggas.
I'm gonna talk about them.
Fuck you're talking about.
They make it seem like we're the out-cad.
Man, y'all, nigga, man, shut up.
Nick, you got spanked.
No, we don't fuck what for turning I am?
Ain't a nigger spiking me,
nigger, fuck you talking about, nigg.
I'm in the gang.
I would have just told them, I'm in it.
Who gonna say I ain't?
I bet I rip this shit.
Right in the line,
you're gonna whoop my head, man.
Fuck you're talking about it.
Why would you want to?
I don't know all the chats.
I know all the chats.
You ain't gonna tell me to be quiet in the middle of the chat.
The chapter president come down, we heard he didn't spake himself.
Excuse me.
You didn't go through the proper protocols.
Now if you want to be down, you got one more step.
Spank yourself, fool.
Shit!
Ah!
Hey, man.
And what if you went through all that?
And that was the last thing.
Like, you don't went through everything.
They didn't see you on a little punk, punk head, a little rival.
Like, you know you go out there and steal out of stoke.
They just want to see your lawyer to.
Oh, I'm with that.
What you want me to do with that powder, my buddy?
Huh?
Ain't hit.
What you said?
You want to hit me?
They know how you feel.
You're the only one didn't get hit.
Then you make it into the shit and they shut it down.
Nick, they was hitting y'all.
Y'all got it?
They can't hit motherfuckers no more.
No, they can't do that.
No, it's really a big hate.
Oh, shit, I didn't know that.
I thought y'all.
That shit should be serious, serious,
nigga, but before the spanking shit,
like, back then that shit was on some real gangster shit.
Like, I think, like, once two thousand hit,
shit, I got water down.
But, like, the 80s, 90s, it was real dead.
Remed to the nerve.
E-Mah Pond, like these niggas was real niggins.
The $20,000, my fucking.
Big Brother Dean, all my teeth.
No, but we fought with them, though,
because I went to school, so.
It's just fun to see them the niggins that's running to school.
I'd be like,
I'm saying, now these nigg of these nigg,
they try to be cool.
Let me get a half or out.
I'm like, man, shit your ass.
He got spank.
And you shout every time.
They don't get you 10 grand hair time.
I'm going to get you 10 grand airtime.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, me scared of.
Ooh, need a whoop.
Anybody say whooping?
No, we fought one of those.
Oh, shit, yeah.
That ain't gonna book us at no schools.
Shit, um, shooting this show, um,
called Irish Joe for a BT Plus.
Pop it.
Okay.
Let's go.
Paramount plus.
Poppe it.
Yeah, definitely.
So down here shooting that.
And once I'm done with that,
go sit my ass down for a minute.
I'm just shooting that shit for some months.
So then after that, go tour.
Go work on some material and then go tour.
So what's your sit down process?
Like when you say, ah, I'm gonna sit my,
you know, everybody say that.
Because once we get to get the shit moving,
This is when you go to a mid-eval cat.
Yeah, yeah.
So when you say sit-down, what's your sit-down process?
Like two, three months?
No, no, no, I can't sit for two, three months.
I can sit for about two weeks.
Damn.
Sit down for two weeks, and then after that,
then I'm going to be like, I'm going to get antsy and shit.
I'm going to be like, all right, let me go out.
Let me go, let me go through something.
I'll be thinking I'm going to sit-out.
Let me go see what's happening.
Let me go live, yeah, go around and do some shit or whatever.
Yeah, so that's my process.
That's what I'm doing.
I'm going to go sit down for two weeks.
I'm gonna just start venturing out, going places, doing shit, you know.
So when you say I'm coming off tour,
it's because you have the TV shows and everything else
that's taking up time from you not being on the road every weekend.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't.
Like, I can't at all.
Like, right now, like I said, the show is, like, number one priority.
Right.
Getting this out there.
And, you know, it's a show where people ain't seen me in this.
people ain't seen me like this
so I've really been like
focusing focusing
where I put stand up aside
for a minute where I can focus on this
because it's a way different
departure than anybody ever seen me
before you know
when we was doing the harder they fall
that was like I guess an introduction to people
seeing me being serious
so everyone after that
yeah that's a smooth
and it's fun to see
because we got from it.
That we show you in action.
That's the media.
When we got to see a motherfucker
is, hey, I'm like,
oh, you're going to get the goddamn
wild out.
In the dusty hands down,
you did that, you did that.
So after that, I think
people was like,
yo, I think he can pull this off.
So hopefully when people see it,
they, you know, see this shit.
It's just like, it's on some
ill-ass gangster shit.
I can't wait.
Yeah, so.
Okay.
How did you get the old spice commercial?
And then not only get the old.
Old Spice commercial, they love your head, dude.
You tell me, they love that you in a head,
it's a new skick, Eric, I'm like, ooh.
The old Spice Man in this bitch.
They took the half-horsed nigga out.
They said, fuck that shit.
Put the curly head, motherfucker, in Erica.
The nigger over that with the horse, like,
that's supposed to be the first spice, nigga.
We need Dian for our partnership with six.
How do they come about?
the horse.
He tried to go on the road with the horse.
It's me, but he didn't have the horse on.
Nobody in the corner of it.
Look at you, man.
Now look at me.
That's me.
Now look at the names.
You know what that?
Hell no.
Who would you?
So how did that come about?
So me being, so me being on Conan,
I used to all these like quirky characters.
Then I was on this show called Angie Tribeca,
where we did John,
and Mr. DeVatis.
weird shit, so we used to do on that.
And then on Blackish, I played this character
who was kind of weird, too,
like Charlie and shit on Blackish.
And so they was like,
we're looking for like a, you know,
everyday dude, you know.
About the first thing I said, I was like,
I ain't got no muscles and shit,
niggas.
I ain't getting on the horses and shit.
I was like, I didn't even shake for the horse.
So they was like, no, no,
we're just looking for,
everyday kind of guy, whatever.
And I was like, okay, cool, so they kept talking to me.
And then one day, they was like, man,
they seen me a ticket, told me to go to Portugal.
I went over there, shot some shit.
And then the next thing I know, they was like,
yeah, this is great.
We're gonna make you the ambassador.
That sounds like a dream, nigger.
That's the crazy part about it is,
I almost bought some old spice today.
Yeah.
I was in CVS, I walked past.
I was like, nigger.
Go ahead.
You can get, oh, I want to get it for old time,
same, my girl.
She still still, she's been like $2,000.
Shit, let.
Wow, that's beautiful, though,
just to see you keep real carrying in.
Yeah, I appreciate it, man.
Yeah, I appreciate it, man.
But they didn't have your shit in, too,
they had the regular shit.
Yeah, yeah.
They had the old old.
Yeah, they had the old, like,
the original, right.
The old shit.
With the blue shit on that moment.
They got some real commercials,
they're so weird commercials.
So why didn't get Old Spice?
That was the first, that was the first collies.
Well, you're living a real bottle of that old Old Spice.
The first thing you're going to hear is put that down, boy.
There she had to.
Adventure should never come with a pause button.
Remember Movie Pass?
All the movies you wanted for just nine bucks?
I'm Bridget Todd, host of There Are No Girls on the Internet.
And this season, I'm digging into the tech story.
we weren't told. Starting with Stacey Spikes, the black founder of movie pass who got pushed out
of the company he built. Everybody's trying to knock you down and it's not going to work and no one's
going to like it. And then boom, it's everywhere. And that was that moment. Listen if there are no
girls on the internet on the IHurt Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.
If a baby is giggling in the back seat, they're probably happy. If a baby is crying in the
back seat, they're probably hungry. But if a baby is sleeping in the back seat, we'll
Will you remember they're even there?
When you're distracted, stressed, or not usually the one who drives them, the chances of
forgetting them in the back seat are much higher.
It can happen to anyone.
Parked cars get hot fast and can be deadly.
So get in the habit of checking the back seat when you leave.
The message from NHTSA and the ad council.
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all.
all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you.
Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network.
Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Your entire identity has been fabricated.
Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.
You discover the depths of your mother's illness.
I'm Danny Shapiro.
And these are just a few of the powerful stories
I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of Family Secrets.
We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests
and their courageously told stories.
Listen to Family Secrets Season 12
on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Our IHeart Radio Music Festival,
presented by Capital One, is coming back to Las Vegas.
Vegas. September 19th and 20th.
On your feet!
Streaming live only on Hulu.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Brian Adams.
Ed Sheeran.
Fade.
Chlorilla.
Jelly Roll.
Chon Fogarty.
Lil Wayne.
L.L. Cool J.
Mariah Carey.
Maroon 5.
Sammy Hagar.
Tate McCray.
The offspring.
Tim McRaw.
Tickets are on sale now at AXS.com.
Get your tickets today.
AXS.com.
This is an I-Heart podcast.