The 85 South Show with Karlous Miller, DC Young Fly and Chico Bean - "Class In Session" w/ KARLOUS MILLER & DC YOUNG FLY in the Trap! | 85 SOUTH SHOW

Episode Date: May 29, 2026

Karlous and DC get together in the Trap for another hilarious episode of the 85 South Show!  || 85 SOUTH App: www.channeleightyfive.com || Twitter/IG: @85SouthShow || Our Website: www.85southshow.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Hey guys, it's us. The Jonas Brothers. I'm Joe. I'm Kevin. And I'm Nick. And guess what? We created our own podcast called, Hey Jonas.

We invented a podcast? Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to it. We're the first people to do podcasts. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions. Well, sick and tired is a strong way to put it. But, you know, tired and sick. Tired and sick.

Listen to Hey Jonas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you. you get your podcast. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it. On Humor Me with Robert Smygel and Friends, we help make you funnier on this episode. My guest's Bob, Odin Kirk, and Kids in the Halls, Bruce McCullough, try and help the Kazoo Kid and Tayson Day be famous again. What if there's an alternate universe show where you guys are incredibly popular? Well, and they could travel up the land doing meet and greets. They're constantly needed at malls. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the I-Hard Radio. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Every family has its secrets. But what happens when you discover that your dad has been living a double life? That is not the look of an innocent man. Is everyone lying to me about who they are? I felt such desperation. I felt it was what I had to do. Listen to Deep Cover the Family Man. On the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Your 20s can be so exciting, but they can also be really overwhelming, confusing, and honestly, just kind of lonely. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and the psychology of your 20s is breaking down the science behind the biggest roadblocks we face. I was six years into my career, the 80-hour weeks,

and just the first one in, the last one out, and I ended up burning out. There was a large chunk of my 20s that I, like, was just so wanting to, like, be, out of that phase out of my skin, and I just, like, really regret not living in the present more. You don't need to have everything figured out right now. You just need to understand yourself a little bit better.

Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the I-Heart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Man, my son joined the track team for the first time. First time. Why? Why? Huh? He's long jumping. That's fun.

That's all I know. That's fair. He got second place that first trek me. That motherfucker long jump 20 and a half feet. And he ain't never did this shit before. That ain't got a burqa, boy. He ain't bullshit. He's going crazy.

Man. Walk on to the NBA. I hope so. He's going to do the NBA. Go on retire, Pop. Please. I'm going to talk so much shit. All right, boy, my nephew, I'm trying to make shit.

This he can go all the way. We got a real prime, a prospect. Real? Real nice. This nigga eight. You want to know I be. big ear. Oh, yeah.

He playing sports already. Buying newspaper all of it. Take him baseball, footballs, all the balls. All the balls. He's gone. When I say, but he's gone, it's a rap. I said, thank you, please. Your brother gonna be your accountant?

You know, my cousin go to the Olympics doing the high jump. For real? Yeah, he was in there. He won silver medal. Well, you might not remember, but it came down to him and his other dude. They could have tied for the gold medal or they could do a jump off. And they did a jump off and do one. So he took the silver medal.

But they could have. He technically won a gold medal. Right. He was cold with this shit too. Yeah, I'll take it. Fuck that. Nika don't be understanding about you on that platform right there. You're what?

You're the Olympics. These ninnik is the best though. They like the good and the best in the world. No, in the world. That's why you go to the Olympics. I want to the best in the world. Right. Because they go to what they call like a little combine where they do all the best in the

Olympic trial. The Olympic trial and the best out of those people go. Yeah. Right. But hell, even to get invited to the Olympic trials is you got to be the top of the top. Right. Hell yeah. These are all the world record holders and shit.

I think my little nephew, you got a record holder. World record holder. Yeah, yeah. Man, niggas good, man. My little nephew, BJ, man, down there, Warner Robber going crazy, man. I remember my little, my uncle nitty Jeremiah, he going crazy. When we was on track team, we met a couple motherfuckers who used to have, like, the state records of Mississippi, got scholarships and shit.

Career. It was in one dude. I think he went to South Carolina. He had all the fucking records. And we raced against this. One dude, he ended up going to Ole Miss playing football. But he was so cold. He was fast as fuck.

When we saw this nigga running a hundred yard day, that nigger ran a 1044. It smoked. everything. I'm talking about smoking. There was the other dude. His name DeAndre Island, he used to run the hurdles. Oh, this motherfucker was so cold, bro. When he ran the hurdles, everybody used to watch. This nigger form was flawless. I'm talking about the that nigga, and that shit, the way he'd go over the shit. It looked like his feet ain't even touch the girl. But the way he's doing this shit, he's so far ahead of everything. He'd be like four hurdles up. And he's just hitting them, bitch. It's so smooth. I'm talking

Like this nigga just, his form, like, this the hurdle, that motherfucker, is just glassed straight over that motherfucker. I'm, man, and these are the high hurdles. He was smoking, motherfucker. Right. He don't understand how hard that shit is. Yeah, he ran like a 12-something in the hurdles. Cold. Damn.

Yeah. And another dude that I used to run against in high school, he had broke the state record for the, um, 400. This nigga ran like a 47. No. Like a 47 on. 49, this nigga was so, it was about six, five, though, but this motherfucker would kill a foe, honey. I thought I was fair.

You know how you go, like, the end of the year? Y'all do, like, a little field day shit? I thought I was fast. The fastest motherfucker at the school don't never even be on the track team, though. I got four places. It'd always be one motherfucker who, who just fast as hell just never got on the track team.

I'm like, no little for folks. Man, what? They ain't any had no ribbon for my head. Yeah, yeah. I thought I did something because I was like the lead in my class. They were like, John, you know how to run? I was like, why this shit? You put my head.

Mark, you said, go. Like you said, ain't none of the evening is on the track team. They're just fast ahead from the neighborhood. Yeah, boy. I went crazy on my stupid ass. I'm slow at fuck. You know how you get hurt, you get hurt. I had like, I got hurt because I knew I was going to lose.

Yeah. I used to run that 800. I used to run a mile. I ran a mile a couple times. Well, you ran track. And I ran. 400, sometimes, just fucking around there to track me, and then I used to run the four by four relay.

Yeah, how you doing all that random way? Yeah, I get down, bro. Especially on 800. Could nobody fuck with me on that 800. That's four laps, man. That's two laps. Two laps. Four laps is a mile.

Eight laps is two miles. Boy, I used to get down on that shit. You know, about to get fucking with me on that? Two lap. Man, what? The first lap when you run the mile, That's the easy-in lap. Now, the two and three, because the motherfuckers seem like forever.

Right. Because you come up on their first mile, because everybody running so hard and ain't nobody falling off yet. Then you get about halfway about the next 200, that's when the bitch started drifting back. Catch that back stretch, and then they hit their bell on their last lap. Out of there. Out of hell.

Over with it. I'm not going to turn up until I get to about last hundred. 150 yards when I come around the curve. So I'm sprinting all the way through the last hundred. Dang. Yeah, that shit. Yeah, I would have got hurt. But the 800 way different.

I was running against the white dude one time. He ended up winning the state. He was so goddamn. I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Because he was sprinting so fast. I'm thinking he's going to dialed at the end. He ain't never dialed. He was crying, hollering and shit.

That was running, boy. I beat a nigger. I beat nigger. Nah, he was one of them. No white folks loved to feed nothing anything. They'd be trying to get down on that track, though. They got a few events they can't be fucking with. Nah, but they can't never fucking them.

I get them lacrosse. I get them lacrosse. Any African. Kenyans, Ethiopians, any African, they can run long distance. They're going to smoke you every time. The motherfuckers do not. I get tired, man.

I don't get fucking what you say. African don't get tired of running. Any African on the track team you see? Gone. They like that. It usually be the girl, the African sprinters. Right. Ain't nobody fucking with them.

They got that endurance. Exactly. She came and she came and showed out too, though. She carried. Yeah, she carried. Oh yeah, she's gonna correct me. She carried, my bad. She's bad.

I love. Crazy. I like when she got down looked at them folks before she crawled. I said, damn that cold. Yeah. She's like me with a fiend. You know why I like her? Because she reminds me of that fast-edged ghetto girl that could nobody beat that finally made

it to that spot. You know how many of them. With that little poni-thead. Can't nobody fuck with her? What? Come out there. She's run. How you see your little ponity tail?

You like that she goes. Don't smoke. We had one girl. I ain't never seen nobody beat her running. Like sprinting. Her name with Tash Ann. Could nobody fuck with her. I'm talking about this motherfucker running like a deal.

Niggas couldn't beat her, bro. Yeah, she was bad. Shout to all the athletes, man. You know, she's serious. You know the most underrated girl on the track team who don't never get no shout out? Who? The girl, the sprinter with the big titties because she got an uphill battle. A lot of women can run fast as hell.

Their tithes just real big and they couldn't do it. It hurt. Luke, whoever you are. How far you went playing sports? In track, I went to state. You all the hell of shit. I got all kinds of medals and ribbons and shit that I won, cross-country and shit. I think I came in third place the first time I ever ran cross-country.

I won a few of them all, though. Yeah. It's just hard to win because you don't know where the fucking course is. What you mean? Because you'd be, well, at a cross-country event. You'd be running through the city and trails and shit. You might start off at the high school, then you run off in the wood. They'll have somebody telling you where to go.

But when you get to the street, it'd just be shit on the street. It'd be like. So that's how y'all should start? Yeah. It's up in no traffic meet. Cross country. Cross country. Everybody started together.

Right. It might be it. 500 people there and your team got one little box. Your whole team guy get up in this little box. Right. Everybody for they sell. Everybody for they sell. Everybody for they sell.

It's like a purge or running. Man. It's like a marathon. It's a many little marathon. Because they be about, the long cross-country meet, they'd be about four and a half, five miles, like the long one. Like the big shit, would a lot of schools be there? But on average, them shit, probably about three and a half miles at least. Damn.

Y'all don't been to a trap meet, but I ain't never been to a cross-country event. It ain't shit to see until you see the start and the finish. You don't see nobody because he's going to fucking running all everywhere. That's why they had them motherfucker running all day like that at the school. Yeah. What is y'all doing? Y'all just running. They're like, it's cross-country.

Cross-country, me, you're going to run four miles, man. Damn. Just like you said, a nigger like me, I'm looking back. Only one, man. Ain't nobody there. Ain't nobody. We y'all fought, niggas at? Man, it ain't no running to the sprint to the finish,

if you won, you won. Right. Man, I'd have had some great-ass moments like that in cross-country, though. Well, I wouldn't nobody there with you. Man, I ain't never placed lower than fourth place in cross-country. Damn. Fourth ain't good, though, man. I'm saying that's the lowest I've ever placed.

I got fourth and they told me that ain't good. I'm in ninth grade running against motherfuckers who already got college scholarships and shit. Oh, yeah. Four play good then. Hell yeah. This motherfucker is going to go to Oregon and shit. He already got the court's record. He's just running this shit because it's this thing year.

He's practicing. He wants to end a perfect season. Damn. He just had so much fun with that shit. I need to go try that shit. I think I'd do it. Chicoe getting ready to run the marathon. I seen him.

I'm going to do it. 26 miles. They're going to do it? Shit, I wouldn't. No, I said, I was like, what the fuck? I'm like, my boy going crazy. Twenty-six? I just know the callus, the blister you're going to have on your foot.

It's going to take four months to get that fish even. Three miles is a stretch. 26 is a lot. 26 is a fair. Now, he can do it. Norrie did it. Norrie who? The rapper, the podcast.

Man. Drink champ. Norrie did it. He was probably on alcohol. You can't be on alcohol doing that shit. You don't drink a drink a fifth of hand to go crazy. I'm going to 20 fifth and buy. It's all mental, man. Like, Norah, how you did it?

I had a fifth of hand. If you can keep moving, you can finish. I can't even keep moving on the treadmill again. Even when I see the ending, I'm like, damn, bro. I got two miles. This you need to hurry to fuck up. 26.3. I hope my boy do it, though.

I told them I'm going to run two with them. Do it. I said, I'm going to do two. You can do two. Yeah. I'm pushing you, though. We're talking about straight. Yeah.

I'm going to get back out there and run a couple miles a week. Come on, cross country. You're going to run with them one time? Yeah, I run with them one time. I got to get a little time to get myself back in, and run in shape, though. It takes a while to get in shape. It takes a while to run.

Yeah. You have to do that, build your body up. Because if you go out there and you're like, you ain't been running in a while and you overdo it, you'll fuck yourself up. Right. You gotta build yourself. You gotta build shit back up. Right.

Two miles is a good start place. So I used to start all with a mile. Well, I did half mile. Then I did it and I did a mile. Then I know I could do two miles. The most I did was like five miles. Yeah. Yeah.

See, I've always been able to do shit like that. I had to take the physical test to be a firefighter. I did all that shit. They put a 75 pound vest on you. And then you have to walk up. It's a treadmill, but it's the one with the steps. And you can't touch the real. Can't tell the real.

And you had to do that shit for like two or three minutes. It don't sound like a lot. No, but your cat wants to get to burn like a motherfucker. Your cat, it's your thighs. It feels like somebody got knives in your leg. That shit. And you can't. Touching in.

If you go, I think you get like three chances. Like if you rock or something, you can grab it. But you gotta let it go immediately. After you touch it three times or like, You rest your hand on it, you're disqualified. They might let you do it again, but it depends on what phase you at. Right. And then you have to do, you got to hit this shit with the sledge hammer.

It's weighted. It's like 150 pounds. You have to hit that bitch until the bell go off. I've seen people fail because they didn't hit it until the bell run. So you have to do that. Then they got this other part where you have to take the pole and you have to lift this. It's like breaching the ceiling. But that bitch probably got about probably 50 pounds on it

so you have to hook it and then you have to go up three times down three times and you already tired of hell and that 50 pounds hurt that dead weight. What? Then they got this shit

you gotta crawl through this space then they got this other shit where you gotta carry some dummies and your legs already dead. Oh so this is the same court? Yeah. And you have to do it in like it's a certain

it's like seven stations that you have to do in like 12 minutes and so You gotta drag this dummy like 150 yards. And your legs gone. And this dummy probably weigh about 100 pounds. There's a lot of shit to do. You gotta make sure you can save a life, man.

That's shit. You gotta'all right. And it's the shit where you have to wrap some holes. It's like 13, maybe like 7 or 13 stations or something like that. Firefighters are definitely qualified for their job for the shit that they gotta go to. Physically, yeah. For sure. But no, because they don't make the old firefighters do that shit.

The old one, the old fat motherfuckers. Like the motherfuckers who've been working there for a long time, all they do is eating and sleep and talk shit. They got a great bad job. Man, fire fighters sit up in there. Think about it, it ain't a whole lot of fires. Like, I ain't going to say that, but they have to respond to all kinds of shit. Like, if you live in a city, you're going to be working your motherfucking ass off.

But they got different stations, so you don't. You got to go to every call. But sometimes you still got to go, even if you don't got to do. do shit. You still got to go. You got to pull up. Yeah, man. So, my job was, since I was the newest one,

I used to have to answer the phone and do all the reports. You got to do a report on everything. Would you nervous every time my phone wrong? Hell no. I just hate it when I'm all way in the fucking back and want nobody answer the goddamn phone because they're waiting on you to come answer the fucking phone.

And they'll tell, hey, phone, them fucking ain't right there. That's an emergency. All them sleep. You can't go to sleep till they go to sleep These motherfuckers come to work 6 o'clock in the morning

7 o'clock Well, the shift started at 7th Some motherfuck are about 6.30 Check out, you know, 6 o'clock You had to check out of their equipment first Check all your shit when you first get there. They come to work, eat breakfast Go right to bed.

You sleep in full just like they is. These motherfuckin'clock, you can't go to sleep though. That's right. They can sleep all day. These motherfuckin' sleep from the time they get there. until lunch time then they eat lunch go back to sleep

wake up eat dinner go to bed and about 8 o'clock sleep from 8 o'clock to 6 o'clock in the morning needs to have been chilling all this shit was the worst

especially in the wintertime because if you fuck around and you go to a call and all your shit get wet that shit wet ain't no way to dry that shit off so if you go on another call in this cold

you got to put all this wet shit on and be cold Man, I hate that shit, boy And then we're in a college town So we're having to go up there for dumb shit These motherfuckers put Three confers in the drive And damn they burnt the building down

You stupid Just wasting them people money Somebody And then a lot of shit we had to go to You know, people warm their car up before they go to work Right Oh man, they'd be forgetting their goddamn car Caught the fuck up

Dumb shit, man, How'd hell you forget you left your car on. Man, Cardin. Let your call on running for an hour and a half. Carlton burnt the fuck up. Dumpster fires. Kids smoking cigarettes behind the mall, man. You have to go to all this

dumb-ass shit. And then write a report, a detail report. Two teens smoking cigarettes behind the mall. We applied 30 gallons and used the fire hazard. Started at 7.56.

It was a fire. out by 822. Then you got to call. Then you got to call the dispatcher and tell them all this shit. And you were the one doing all that. I had to do all that shit. How long you did that shit for?

Man, I did that shit for about. I was a firefighter maybe seven, eight months for real. What was the day when you were like, man? Fuck this shit. I'm going to tell you what the day. This one I knew I ain't like that motherfucker. They wanted, they used to have kids

come up there on like field trips. And they used to want them. to dress up like the mascot, they had this shit called Sparky. And they wanted the motherfucker to put the dog cost to them on. They wanted you to be Sparky Cat. They wanted me to be a... Hey, look, I told them, no, right? The whole damn, the whole, my whole shit got mad at me.

Hey, hey, when those kids come up here, you put that suit on. We've all been sparked. I was like, well, you been them, then, niggins. We all been Spocker. That's funny. Man, these motherfuckers were looking at me so disappointed. But we all just-sparked. I'm not wearing no fucking suit.

They were looking at me like. You ain't a real firefighter. You ain't a real firefighter. What? I was about, this was what, 2004? Probably 2003. So I was, what, 21, 22? Damn.

So it's like some type of ritual. Like, bro, you got to be sparking. Oh, man. These motherfuckers were assholes. See, I don't know, talk about this shit. But they was really. real answer. They used to do shit like this, right?

He's done, but we all been sparky. No, but what I'm? This is what fucked them up. These motherfuckers thought I was scared of heights for some reason. It's racist shit. They think all black people scared of heights. Which is legit to a certain extent. But it ain't just like, we're going to be like, oh, Jesus.

Right, right. These motherfuckin' fucking thought I was scared of heights. So guess what they do, bro? What they do? They bring the truck out one morning. With the long 30-foot. The bucket on that motherfucker. Man, these motherfuckers go all the way up.

It's me. It's three motherfuckers in this, it's like a, it's called a bucket, but that's literally what it is. It's me, the dude who's doing the dumb shit and the other new dude who has. So we up there, man, we probably, maybe 60 feet in the ass, some shit. This these motherfuckers jumping up and down.

I'm like, I put the fuck out there in a dick ass. I'm like, y'all so fucking dumb. Y'all are dumb as fuck. Look at it. All right. Carlos, you scared of height? No, I just hate dumb shit. I ain't never been the person

they want to do shit just to be doing shit. That's the number one part of the job. Oh, the folk, petty ass, digger. Pett is four. 60 feet of the ass up. But I'm wrong if I beat your hat when we get on the ground.

Exactly. I'm wrong, dude. I'm wrong. Right. Right, all right. This dick, up there, 60 feet, an ad with three niggas. Man, you're wrong. You crazy.

Damn, boy. They white. All of them. Well, that's hilarious, boy. All along. If you saw how the black firefighters acted up there, you would think you were in an episode of a motherfucker of Bridgetton or something. Different, uh, different stroke.

Man, these motherfuckers got a whole different workboy. That shit real. They'll be coming over there trying to talk to me on the side. Yeah, man, you just play you, you play you, you play your boy. You still out the way you'll be good. be good. Hey, what's on on, man? Well, hell, we're gonna go hunting about me and you, this clarity. Okay, I'll be like, if you don't get the fuck out my face talking to me, I didn't respect that shit at all. I couldn't respect that shit at all. And it was so obvious, because they

know not to even talk to me. They don't know what's wrong with you. And shit wrong with me. I'm fucking talking to me. And we can't finish to him and laugh with you and I know you hate niggas for real. Right. In real life. In real life. You didn't want me to be sparking. I'm not your fucking, I'm not your buddy. Joe is throwing it back. 20s, the decade.

To the days of huge hits and unforgettable items. A non-stop stream of the biggest and best. Drake, Rihanna, Beyonce, Katie Gaga, the weekend. And more. All your decade defining favorites all in one place. Hi, it's Katie Perry. Hey, it's Bruno Mars. This is Kesha.

Find 2010's The Decade. on the free I Heart Radio app. Preset the station, so it's always one tab away. Number one hits, millions of records sold, awards, sold out tours. You think that Jonas Brothers are satisfied? Nope, it's podcast time. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions. Hey, Jonas is available now, and their first guest is a big one.

Paul Rudd. You know, Steve Carell is a great singer. Can you tell you not to audition at the office or something? I told him. Whoa. We were filming Anchorman. Clearly, I was the idiot. Thank God he didn't listen to me, right?

Listen to Hey Jonas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Humor Me with Robert Smygo and Friends, we help make you funnier on this episode. My guest's Bob Oden Kirk and Kids in the Halls, Bruce McCullough, try and help the Kazoo Kid and Tazan Day be famous again. What if there's an alternate universe show where you guys are incredibly popular? Well, and they could travel up the land, doing meet and greets. They're constantly needed at malls. Listen to humor me with Robert Smygel and friends on the IHard Radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Jacob Kingston grew up in an isolated polygamous sect. We were God's chosen, kingdom on earth. He felt destined for greatness. So when a swaggering Armenian businessman catapults Jacob into an extraordinary world, he doesn't look back. Ferraris and Lamborghinis, private jets, meeting the president of Turkey. I'm Michelle McPhee,

and this is one of the most shocking criminal conspiracies I've ever come across. When Jacob met Levant, this went to a billion dollar fraud. But with two kings from entirely different worlds, just how long can their empire survive? The largest tax investigation in American history. You need to tell me what you know. Is somebody coming after me? Jacob told Levan, you're ruining my.

my life. Listen to Kingdom of Fraud on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. You got old boy right here want to wave 60 feet in the air. Come on. The nigga want me to be a dog. Right. For the kid.

Right. All right. I see what going on. I'm going to beat one of you motherfuckers up in here. Man, you should have seen the motherfucking chief, man. What chief, dude? This motherfucker was the worst built person you. ever seen this motherfucker built like Dr. Robotner.

Damn. Motherfucking, big as, I ain't never seen a belt that long. Still to this day, this motherfucker had the longest belt. And the crazy part, it was just like being on a TV show. This motherfucker was fat as fuck. But everybody had to act like he wasn't fat. Nobody would tell this motherfucker he's fat, man. I don't like a TV show.

They all scared of this money. Like, he is not capable. I'm doing nothing. Right. He can't do shit. I would trip this thing and punch him in this big ass belly. It's a rap.

It's a rap. Over with. Man, that's probably something of the craziest shit I ever lived through. Well, that's funny. Man. At least you had a job,

though. That's crazy. I had a bunch of jobs, man. Damn. He had an opportunity to see what the real world would like.

It ain't sweet. It ain't sweet. But see, I worked at this restaurant with the coolest white people on earth, my nigga. Like, I had, I think that was after that job, probably. So you had, you know it would. That was before that. That was before that.

So I worked with the coolest white people in the world, man. These motherfuckers used to listen to public enemy. All the fucking, that's all they were listening to in the fucking kitchen. Bray, this restaurant was way to fuck out, too. I'm talking about way to fuck. like out in the county. But they was paying good the motherfucker, and they just wanted me to come work like, like two days.

Yeah, they were just open on the weekend, so I had come like Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then I was just washing dishes. Right. But then I started plating food. So I learned how to make all kind of crimp brulee and shit like that and plate food. I was like, I might fuck around and go to culinary school.

I'm saying. They had fucking around and learn how to. Learn how to cook it. Learn how to make a good-ass restaurant quality steak, man, plating that shit, take the little tile and springing the little carrots around them motherfuck. Put a little parsley on shit. A little parsley.

My playing skills was phenomenal, man. Okay, so you're decorative. Yeah, but I used to have to, like, I started out just washing the dishes just by myself in the dish room, niggins. Right. Just spray that shit off, get all that shit out of there, load the motherfucking dishwasher up,

cut up the french fries, shit like that. But they were paying me like 300. a weekend for probably four hours a night. Easy money. Easy. And then they all smoking, they got the good weed. Right. They're cooler.

We eat good food. They're tripped off the shit. They're 300. I couldn't catch a break to save my life. Man. I felt like niggins just wanted me to be. I said, I want a job. I don't want to do none of that shit out there.

I need a job. You would thrive in a town like auctioning. You were a real hustle. You would thrive. No, for sure, for sure. When I started delivering pieces, I was never broke again, man. What he taught you? Because shit, this is what it ain't what it taught me.

It's what I already knew that made me be able to make money automatically. Right. A lot of people can't count. People can't count. Right. They don't, they know how to add and subtract. They don't know how to count money. Right.

So what they mean? You would take this money from the evening? No, it ain't that I have. He's a hundred dollars. Stupid ass. I didn't have to. I was smart enough to do this, though. I work here.

Right. I get pieces for $5.00. $4.44 because I get the $5 employee piece. For sure. So if I'm in my city and I ride by a spot and I see 30 niggas I know or 10 niggins posted up, I'm fend to go back to Domino's. I'm fin to buy four pieces. I'm going to buy four pieces.

Exactly. I'm going to pull up on these niggins and sell them my $5 pieces. for $10. Uh-huh. I'm gonna make the shit myself, so I really, I ain't brought up, I might pay for two of these months. Right. Then when I pull back up,

now I got five orders. Man, bring me one. Bring me one. Okay, back. Give me your 10. Right. I've been at work for two hours. I'm up 200.

Quick on pizzas. Come on, man. But you bought a whole of pizza. Exactly. But see, I'm still. But look. But look, I'm still working though. Because I don't routed this shit

where I'm already going. Right, right, right. Absolutely. Did they ever fuck up inventory when they saw that Carlos had 30 people? He bought 30 people. And it don't. It don't fuck it up.

Because think about this, when somebody called and order a piece and don't pick it up, what they're going to do with the pieces? It's seen right there. Some people eat whatever you fucking tell them. Like, they just eat pizza. They don't get a fuck.

What's on it or not? Hey, what is that? Oh, man, that's a crew pack. We're feeling a... Man, give me that. Right. My nigga football practice over with, too. All right, I'm feeling grab right by the dorm.

I know they're all bad. They're going to buy... Because they're hungry. Right. Come on, bro. Then I'm running these deliveries. I'm getting like... They got...

I think then we was getting like a dollar delivery. Just like whether you get a tip or not, they're going to give you... So if you, like you said, if you got 30 deliveries... That's a little box. You at least got $30. Oh, man. I didn't need some money. I didn't need an opportunity.

I couldn't do. And I already knew where everything was that. I'm from here. I don't gotta be over there looking at the map and all this shit. I did. I did. This, I did.

I did. I had myself on him. I had the no kill with the face plate. You know the one of the motherfuckers that's let swing on the hill? I had that one. I tried to do Kroger. Kroger won't fuck with me.

Public one fuck with me. No barbershop fuck with me. I did everything. Chifelate. Chivley one fuck with me. But see, in Mississippi, your family ain't fend to not let you have no job. You fain't do something. And then it'll be a nigga just like you had to do a real lad.

I'm talking about some of that shit they make TV shows off of them. That's why I sit there and I watch shit like ax men and shit. I don't really been out there in the woods, nigga, at 6 o'clock in the morning, cutting down trees all motherfucking day. All day. How long this? Till it get dark. Till it get dark.

I don't have to ask. I did a little moving here. You know how some motherfuck got moving, but then they don't trust you because they're going to steal. I used to lay bricks. Which is true. I wasn't a bricklayer. I was a laborer, but that's the most hard job. What?

Man, yeah. No, being a laborer. That means you had to go set up all of this shit, set the whole shit up. Right. Like, put the scaffolds up, then put all the bricks right there, then get, make all the concrete, and put it out. and keep this shit clean the whole time. Man, you'd be slick as a motherfucker when we get on there. The bricks heavy as a motherfucker.

Yeah. I had done. And it's hot. I did one little temp service job where we had to get some bags off like this, 18 wheelers. Only had it for two days though. But the bad, like 65 pounds. Oh, I had got up.

It's like 30 of these whole going across, but they're on the 18 wheelers. So if it's going across right here, 30. But it's like 12 rows up. Nigger, this motherfucker is the same all the way back. It probably like 40 rows back. Nigger, we probably took the two days just to get all that shit off the truck. I had got a job from the temp service. The only thing I ain't like about it was it was, you know how they're saying you do a job

and you have to go every day? This shit paid so good, but it was only like sporadically. Yeah. We used to have to go inside the Home Depot and do the inventory. and set up the display outside. Like, you know, you're about to check out. Home Depot, they got a list of all the shit they want up there. Like, they want the AA batteries.

They want the M&Ms right here, the screwdriver. So all of them hours have to be set up. They were paying like $40 an hour from like 11 o'clock at night to maybe like six in the morning. But you locked in the stove. Man, that was the most graved job. I love that shit. It was just a, the volume of work was a lot.

It wasn't hard work. It was just tedious work. I did UPA. Remember they do the little part-time for the Christmas. But holiday. For the holiday. I told you, man, I was a king of part-time job. I could get a part-time job.

I could never get no full-time, look. But then that was part-time for real because that holiday was like a weekend and a half, so your schedule ain't even schedule. Another job I had that was for a. You got selected days. I used to lay pipe. I was running a pipe-threader. Yeah, I think I did.

Huh? What did you say? No, this ain't a joke. I really did. I ain't know I was at work. I had a full-time job already. I ain't know. Yeah, I used to really do that.

I used to run this shit, run the pipe threader. That's like, you know, when they built, like the old building this shit, when they replaced a lot of pipe, they had to call the plumber. So it was me and two other white dudes. So you're certified. We were making it red. No, I was just running the pipe threader. That's another way I had ended up making some money because people are so fucking dumb.

Don't nobody know how to read a tape match. I know how to read a tape measure because I had been doing all this construction and shit. Right. I remember I was at, this white man came up to me. He was like, hey, man, you seem to be pretty sharp.

You know how to read a tape measure? I was like, there's the best shit in the woods. I was just talking shit back to him. He was like, I fucking love you. And then I came to the shit, right? He was there for, he used to be that maybe 45 minutes a day. He'll come in that bitch, work about an hour and leave. All right, guys.

Y'all got it. That one fuck used to leave, man. All I had to do. was fucking cut the pipes and the white boy used to get up on the motherfucking sizzleaf and put that shit up though that job was crazy they got this shit called pipe dope when you put the threads on you gotta put the pipe dope on them man I should grew up in Mississippi man fuck a good Nick we'll make a job me man man or you can just cut grass there's so much goddamn grass in Mississippi I just hated

I did that for free thoughts, somebody will eventually pay me. I hate to cut the grass. I realized, I was like, that'll use you in the neighborhood. I said, hey, I didn't cut this motherfucker free five times. Give you a boy five dollars. Come on, Joan. I hate to cutting grass because I get so involved in it. Like, it wasn't the labor part.

It's just that my mind's so fucking crazy. I'd be trying to make the shit look good and it take longer than it fucking shit. Like if I was just going to cut the shit. If you do landscaping, you got to take your time. Take your time. Not necessarily take your time. Every landscape will tell you, they just got a certain way that they do shit, especially when cutting grass.

Right. Because motherfucker who cut grass all the time know that you don't want to cut. Like if you do your pattern, right, some people don't do that. They just start pushing them on. But you don't want the grass blowing into the grass that you ain't cut yet. Because again, it's going to make the shit bucked up. It's going to look like the shit ain't cut. So you ought to do it a certain way.

Right. Blow all the grass in one direction. Then you got to come back with the weed is. and trim that bitch. You got to come get that bed grass. You got to go hit the bitch with the weed eat. Then you got to do the hedges or you just look like you're a, you just look like a crackhead if you got here, you're cutting $10 yards.

Right. That's why you ain't getting no money. Got to edge your shit up. Got to edge your shit up. Once you learn how to edge your shit up, you're good. Come on, man. That's a damn good hustle if you're smart. Fuck around, you already bought the linemower to say you own that shit.

Right. You go buy $5 worth of gas. That shit lasts you all day. You're a customer. He don't want to be outside in that gray. But then you, you know what I'm saying? Then you step your game up, get you a little zero turn on a ride-mole-making. I got landscape-cats.

I was hustling. I was 12, 13, 14, 15. So I had a push mow at first. We had a little riding limo for a little bit, and then I made a little money out of that. And then that bitch towed up and I was back to the push. But I had the push, bitch. This is how much grass I was cutting. I had one of them industrial motherfuckers where you could hold of the shit and the front wheels

was a turn by their self. Turned by themselves. That's how I was- You had one of them. Yeah. Yeah, I started off with a little boy shit. Yeah. Yeah, they thought I was gonna cut that shit free. That shit was old with.

Yeah, yeah. That's really where I started acting like at a certain point in my life, I started to realize, if you act like you don't have no money, people will stop asking you. I tried that. I did. They don't. It worked for me. Mourfooker asked for no money.

Niggie said, can I have no money? I said, Yeah, yeah. You just walk up? Yeah, I just want nobody. But see, like you said, though, there's always some shit to do outside when you live in Mississippi. In the winter, you can go rake leaves and make a whole bunch of money. That's the cutting grass of the winter.

What? Raking leaves. I hate leaves. I can do anything. That leaves shit. Call somebody else. Carl, Jose. Don't call me.

Especially when I got a leaf blow. When I got the blow, it was old. See, the blow, it was old. Only works once you gather the leaves. It don't work once the leaves has been all on your grass and shit. You got to break them up. You got to go get them. That's why I made my first thousand dollars that.

I had the contract with my childhood dentist. I used to come out there. We had a lot of opportunity, man. I went and asked for him. They ain't nobody getting them to me. You had like they just showed up. No, I ain't saying that. I'm just saying you had told me the fucking jobs.

I'm like, shit. That's how I got the job. I was telling, he was asking me about my summer. And I was telling me, I just been cutting grand. like a motherfucker. He's like, shit, I gotta find somebody cut mine. And I was like, shit, I'll do it. I'm tired.

And then he was like, how much you want? I looked out at the grass. I told him, give me $1,000. That was the first time I was making $1,000 to do anything. That job paid so good, my stepdad came with me one time. Hey. I boy since that, nink. He was like, how much he think?

How much do you? How much do you? Come on. But you see how that was. That's how you know I was just making up shit. up shit, because who the fuck would charge $1,150. But then what I'm saying, though, I would do the shit for free, and then folk thought they were going to get free service.

You saw how you spoke your mind and told that man what's happening, and he offered you a job? Foll saying, offered a shit. Oh, man, you got to negotiate that. I wouldn't cut nobody grass unless it was like some old people or something from the church. But even the church paid me. I used to make $100 to cut the church grass.

And then I had, like, four aunties who would give me like $25, $30, $50 to cut that. I always had some money coming in. Ain't bullshit. Hell no. Fuck that, I'm saying it dope. I live in a small town, nigger. You got one day to sell dope before your whole family find out you selling dope. It's a rap.

Bro, my cousin told on me. This nigga, grown and fuck. Grown, right? He told my mama. It's so crazy living in a small town. I said, why did you do that? When somebody go to jail for selling dope and then you watch their family not get them out. No, leave his ass up there.

You want to sell dope? I don't know nobody who folks came and got him. Everybody who got caught, they just had to sit up there like it's going to teach your a blessing. They didn't do shit, but get out and start selling more dope. I'm kidding. That's shit that's going to start. I remember one time my bun was like one, I don't know, my bun was 218.

I said, Sue can get me. I called my sister. She said, you're going to get my money. If you ain't going to get my money, you're going to stay your ass right on in there. I said, damn the bun, 218, bro. What if I didn't have it for real? You're going to let me sit there for 218? Miss, come get me.

Y'all doing too much talking. That would have been my best life. Absolutely. As soon as I get home, come get me right now. Oh, but I had it. But when she came and got me, you know what she took me to go get that 218? Hell yeah. I ain't going to get nothing to eat.

We went paying everything. She said, I ain't doing shit until I get $2. She know how you is. I said, giant. She knows exactly how you are. Brachlow up though like Jolet. I was like, damn, Yvette. Been riddle on that 218?

Where is the brotherly love? But I had to go up. My boss has been ferocious, though. I always tried to keep me something. It wasn't until I started fucking with these jokes that I lost all my paper. Oh, 10. She's crazy.

Man, I was fucking with these jokes way too hard. Even before I really started doing comedy, I was really figuring this shit out. I came down, I got an old nigger. I first got to George, I wasn't here six months before I bought a Cadillac. Right, right. I bought a Cadillac where they didn't been here six months. Already.

I had a Cadillac office by the 9-3, that motherfucker, Cleavood, niggas, with the big sunroof, nigger, big money. Now, that's true, though. I wasn't down here. I bought me a lacneer. I was doing it. Damn. I tried, bro.

I swore on everything. I literally, like, I ain't, I wasn't one of them niggas that was like, I'm gonna do this, or I'll be in the street. I don't, I'll promise. Everybody was a good kid in my neighborhood, even though you had your own love. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I swore on everything, boy.

It was like, uh-uh. Do you believe in signs? Yeah. Like, you know you believe in God. For sure, for sure. So look at this. When I was a kid, I stayed in this house that was like right on the shit car University Avenue.

Right. It was my house, another house then, piece of hood. Right. So when they tore my house down. When they tore our house down, they built a bank right there. That's where I got my first bank account in. That's where I really first learned how to maneuver money. Right.

So I was just like, damn, I used to live right here. Like, literally in my room is where the, you know what I'm saying? That shit just had me fucked up. Right. And it was right there. And I remember that was where I got my first bank account in it. So you're supposed to be the nigger, man? Yeah.

That's crazy. I feel like, I feel like. I feel like I always go to the streets because, and I'm not saying the streets, I'm just saying like life because that was my first business course where it was like, hey, bro, you keep asking niggas for shit and they keep slamming the dough in your face, bro. You don't know how to go out there and do something start from nothing.

You're going to have to learn that, bro, because you think friends owe you something. You think this, that ain't how life go, bro. Like, you being a good person, your name ain't, your background ain't really fucked up, You ain't getting nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You got to create a yes.

Create the yes. Whatever that yes is, create it. Right. Because you're going to keep doing this shit and then you're going to keep getting frustrated when you're hearing no. And you're like, damn. And you frustrated because they don't see what you see in yourself. And all you really waited for as an opportunity.

You're just waiting for something to get started. See, why would you wait? Why did you wait, though? Or why did you feel like you was waiting? Because, like you said, whatever I wanted to do, I knew I needed financial help, okay? And I never had any financial help where it was like, it was anything that I wanted to do,

I know I got this to support it. If I want to do this, I know I got this to support it. If it's like, I want to do this, how the fuck I'm going to get some money to do that shit? See, I guess that's the difference between me and you there. Because I never thought nobody was going to help me. from a very young age. No, I ain't say I never thought no more help.

That's what made, that's what gave me my drive. Oh, okay, okay. Because I never felt like some help was coming. Right. You know what I? I see what you did. I always felt like, one of these days, a car going to ride by and going to be the Britman. It was like, it was like, one of these motherfuckers going to be that.

Hey, a little home I see you go ride with me. It was like, when is that going to happen? No. Am I going to breaking this car and hit for 20,000? What? When? What is that? They like, no, you got to be a hustler.

What that is? Start from some. What you got to work with? I got two socks, two shirts, and two pants. Now you got to dress like you got. Ten socks. Ten shirts and ten pants. With them two.

How are you going to do that? Figure it out. Because ain't nobody going to sit here and show you the way. That's a good thing about being where I'm from. Don't nobody give a fuck what you got on. Don't nobody give a fuck what nobody will. That's your motherfucking business. Because we see the same people every day.

So who you're trying to impress? Who the fuck is you, who are you going to impress? First of all, it ain't even know where to buy this shit that you think is. So if you're the only one with it, guess what you look like? The only one with it. You look dumb in the mother. It could be the coldest shit. Like, nigger, you got all this shit on that don't nobody give a fuck about.

Right. There's 90 niggas in this party with a black t-shirt on. Don't nobody care about what you got on. Don't nobody give a fuck. You know, the only thing different is the nigga hat. Nick, everybody got a different hat on, Nick. Nick got on the same hat. He just got to turn a different way.

And don't nobody give a fuck which way you wear your hat. If you're a bitch, you're a bitch. You're stupid. I think my problem was I had to find a hustle. I knew how to get around some money. I didn't know how to keep no money. and I didn't know what that was. You feel like, I'm a Social Security baby.

I'm one of the one that grew up, I was Social Security. I had two on every two weeks. Yeah. So when I was 15, I was taking care of myself. So when I got 18, Social Security old week, you're a grown man. You got to find a job. You got to find some stability. And you got to take care.

That phone bill still got to be paid. Now you 18 grown in your mama house. You ain't 17 no more when you just graduated from high school. Now you're a grown man. What you've been to do with your life? All that high school shit owe it. It's over with. That shit.

That's what I get up. That really what took up a lot of you niggins' time was school. Now school's over with it. It's rear of you. What you're going to do? So I'm glad they happy quick, but I got myself together at 19. My 18 and 19, rough. It was just like, what the fuck?

It ain't social. That's a little too hundred. I need a little too haul. You hear me? I know it. The OGs outside, they're OGs, but guess what? They're not going to front you or give you nothing. You're just a nigga who stay in the neighborhood.

They're not supposed to. I know that. They're looking at you like, man, this nigga ain't serious about his drug dealing career. He's a young nigga. He's playing with this shit. I'm not fend to get him no ounce and let him goddamn smoky-ha-up. And be ducking me for $175. But think about it.

It's not even that when I was just so not. to what I thought was supposed to happen because of what I was told how shit was, if you won and you, you claim you up and you claim you do this, you look out for the net, man. It wasn't no looking out for the next man. It was like, get it, how you live, nigger. It's like that still. I know that. I had to learn that.

You feel me? I didn't know that. Well, I was like, I really thought my friend, I ain't saying he got, I got, I just knew he's going to fuck with me. Because we're making all the risks together. So once you can help me, but I really realize, oh, you can't even, you won't even, you won't help me. I need to start risking my life for other shit. I need to risk my life for me. Instead of others, instead of thinking they're going to do.

Oh, hold on, wait a minute. You ain't got a risk your life. I agree to that. No, no, no, I ain't saying. I'm just saying, like, you know how a motherfucker who would be like, bro, I fuck with others more than they fuck with themselves. Yeah. You need to figure out for yourself first. then worry about others.

I think that's a lot of people's problem, bro. Do you ever think about rom-coms? Like the air of Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, and iconic me-cutes? They were everywhere. And then they fully ghosted us. This week on Bestie Listen. We're asking what happened to the genre?

Why the vibe shifted. And how it's 2026 and we still don't have a proper gay rom-com. Are rom-coms gone or just hiding? Stream Bestie Listen on IHart Radio. crave or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's us, the Jonas Brothers. And guess what? We have some big news. What's the news? Huge news. We created our own podcast called Hey Jonas. We invented a podcast. Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to our first people to do podcasts.

Pretty, yeah, pretty wide range of podcasts throughout there. But this one's extra special. So how do we actually come up with a name Hey Jonas, guys? I honestly don't remember. I think it was on a call about what we should call it. And, oh, we? We were thinking I'm originally calling it one of the early names of our band before Jonas Brothers. This is how you guys remember it going down? Yes. I have a very different memory of this. We were talking about a thing, a bit for the podcast, where people could call in and say,

Hey, Jonas. And then I wrote down on my little notepad, Hey Jonas, and offered it up as a potential title for the podcast. But thanks for remembering that, guys. Listen to Hey Jonas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it. On Humor Me with Robert Smygel and Friends, we help make you funnier on this episode. My guest's Bob, Odin Kirk,

and Kids in the Halls, Bruce McCullough, try and help the Kazoo Kid and Tazan Day be famous again. What if there's an alternate universe show where you guys are incredibly popular? Well, and they could travel up the land doing meet and greets. They're constantly needed at malls. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smygill and Friends on the I-Hard Radio app.

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jacob Kingston grew up in an isolated polygamous sect. We were God's chosen kingdom on earth. He felt destined for greatness. So when a swaggering Armenian businessman catapults Jacob into an extraordinary world, he doesn't look back. Ferraris and Lamborghinis, private jets, meeting the president of Turkey. I'm Michelle McPhee, and this is one of the most shocking criminal conspiracies

I've ever come across. When Jacob met Levan this went to a billion dollar fraud. But with two kings from entirely different worlds, just how long can their empire survive? The largest tax investigation in American history. You need to tell me what you know. Is somebody coming after me? Jacob told Levan, you're ruining my life.

Listen to Kingdom of Fraud on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you. you get your podcast. All right, think about it like this. I'm putting in this aspect. A nigger will work for another nigger and show him how he can get money to impress him

versus him being a boss of it on his own. Everybody that don't want to be the boss. You got to understand that too. Some people okay with never being the boss. It's not for everybody. Some people don't want that. They don't want to be the boss They despise the boss

That shit ain't glamorous Don't nobody like their boss for real They tolerate this motherfucker because he's means to an end That's really a villain role That's why a lot of people don't want to be the boss You respond to everything Because motherfuckers know When you're dealing with people

And you are the position of authority Are you the boss? Whatever they're unhappy about is your fucking fault You got a fix. Anytime you get some new shit, that's the money you could have gained him. You're damn, they got the high-go-lice. Everything when the boss pull up, what they say. Look at this motherfucker.

What happened when the boss show up? Everybody started fake working. Even the motherfucking manager's started fake. Hey, hey, they go to it. Hey, come on, man. Get that mop out this motherfucker kitchen. Nobody fuck with the boss? There's never a good thing when the boss show up.

When he drive off, what would everybody say? I hope that motherfucker get hit by truck. That fucked up. Nobody fucked up. That fucked up. This the nigger, you working your ass off. Hey, how you doing, Mr. Jack? Hey, where you had at?

Tuck the shirt in. Sweep this goddamn flow-up. Why it's so dirty back in? Don't nobody fuck with the boss? Got to have some strokes, man. Man, everybody got that one boss they fucking hate working with. That's why you go to any fucking restaurant. They're going to say,

Oh, that's Linda. That's the cool manager. Right. Everybody got that one that make working wherever you work at just miserable. Because they mean and got a fucked up attitude, and their life revolve around KFC. Right. All they give a fuck about is KFC.

These motherfuckers are acting like they run the company. Right. Folks who own KFC don't even know you work here. Hey, y'all stop eating all my chicken. Hey, this ain't your goddamn chicken in the first place. It's your chick. They act like an asshole, 360. 65 days a year for a $300 bonus.

I needed that opportunity to know what I'm saying? I'm glad you didn't get it. I wouldn't work. Like if I would have worked anywhere, I promised you I would have, I wouldn't have been that person, but I would have been like general manager. I would go elevate. I'm like, if I get in any job. You would have caught a charge. Why, nigger, damn.

You're saying it because you ain't never experienced it. Imagine this. You broke. You hungry. You're selling people food. And they don't want you to eat food that you cooking. Oh, the smack. You like that, nigga.

With the chicken. Hey, huh? Eat cooking, bitch, a, nigga. Can you imagine? Can you imagine, nigga now, dick. Can you imagine, nigga working that Burger King? You got fresh wapples falling off the grill three, four, five, six at a time. You can cook all these motherfuckers if you want to.

I'm talking about the kitchen, fill of smoke. These motherfuckers are shiny. These look like the waffles off the murk. You run the bun through the toaster. That motherfucker come out golden brown with just a slight crisp because you know how to do this shit. Then you put that bitch on there. The meat's so hot, the cheese melting all ready, man.

Then you got the, you know how to make these motherfuckers to what they call gold standard. What happened? But then you came to afford. I'm talking about little mayo, like light mayo. I would have got to steal in the teeth. Put two of them goddamn tomatoes. You probably wouldn't have got fire for stealing,

but you definitely would have swung on the customer. Your customer service skills are terrible. No, it ain't, but, man, that's how it's so dope. I lied to people. You ain't never had. You ain't never. I'll tell you what you want to hear. Man, $8.

Come on, man. You're the big motherfucker I see it all day. You ain't never had to argue with a redneck bitch named Tanya over a 99 cent cheeseburger. That burger would have been in her face so quick. Exactly. Bitch, go get your hug. Where he at? Hey, bro.

I would have told her. Everybody, hey, the nigger coming in here, guy. Come on, man, we feel the fight. We're talking about it. We feel the fight. It's windings against everybody. We were ass right. I remember a white lady came in that bitch

and ordered a whopper and then she took the motherfucking buns apart. And she threw that bitch against the wall. She said, I said no fucking male. And that bitch would just sliding down the wall. I'm like, boy, they couldn't have never talk to me like that. Yeah. We had that one lady. She was rude to hell working the drive.

the drive-through, man. What happened? Man. Then lady said, I'll tell you what. Can you add a, um, can I get a vanilla milkshake? Man, they later added the milkshake to that order. And then when she handed it to her, she took the top off and threw that bitch through back through the window and drove the fuck off, man.

Hell yeah. Damn. Hell yeah. People used to do all, like get re-rored on the speaker or something, or they thought you did rude. I'm fucking pull up to the drive-thru and have a handful of change and just throw all that shit in the. Oh, yeah, that, yeah. Told you, I seen one girl snatched a nigga through the window of the car.

I mean, she snatched a lady through the window of the car. Who that what, Chris or she is? Drug-ass in there, beat the hell of it. They told her she was fired, and we was having a crew meeting. She walked over there and got her rice Christmas tree, ate that bitch and left. Oh, that was her way of saying I ain't paying for this shit. Man, what? I'm gonna find me for they rice crisper, bitch.

Damn. But no, bro, I try, bro. You remember like they say, if you go to the grocery store, right, all you got to do is collect the buggies, and if they see you collecting the buggies, they'll hire you. Who the fuck? Why do you believe shit like that?

Man, I'm up there collecting buggies. I've got 10 buggles. I'm telling a nigga. Hey! Hey, I got buggy. They're like, appreciate a little bro. Why was you a book? Appreciate a little bro.

Why would you believe that shit? I'm trying. I'm hardworking, dedicated. I always wanted to work at the movies. I always want to work at Six Flats. For real? Yes. That would have been lit.

Anyone was some holes was at? Because I could finesse. I just needed some money, man. I ain't had a fucking, I can't do shit. I need some money. I don't want to go ahead and do nothing. I just need a job. I need some money.

Yeah. I ain't have shit. Figured that shit out. But, man, having no money to make you just make you figure that shit out. It's like if you got to figure that shit out. And you got it. And you already know, like, ain't the money. I got to figure out of way to do this shit without no money.

I literally, I remember this day like it was yesterday, bro. I told myself, I was about to ask my mom for $200. I'm 19. I was about to add my mom for $200. I was like, Mom, she was like, what? I was like, damn. But when you just say somebody name and they yell, you are frustrating the hell out of these people. I said, you know what?

I went in the bathroom. I never forget this shit. It's a bathroom that we can't go in no more. because my mama had no hoarder to that. But at that point, it wasn't shit in there at the time. So I'm in that motherfucker. I'm looking. I'm like, bro, you're 19, bro.

You about to ask your mama for $20. You got to... Bruh, bro, come on. Wake up. I don't get a fuck. Ain't nobody... Knickers outside making money. Like you said, they ain't gonna give shit.

You'll have been knowing these niggas all your life. That don't mean nothing. Man, figure this shit out. What you want to do? What? Like you said, I add questions. I used to go to people and be like, what's up, what's up? It was like, no, uh-uh, woo, I can't, you got some money?

I'm like, I'm like, I'm trying to get some. So I would like, look, you don't know how to get no money? Well, right now you're gonna make a decision. Whenever you get some money, keep it. And you're gonna have to. It may think, it ain't small, but think I got a three five. I sold something where I got enough for a three five. Because they ain't got nothing.

I can go re-up. I can go reoccur and get some more money. You feel what I'm trying to get the 50 out of the three-fives? I just need the 50 off the three-five. You feel? As long as I can get the 50, get another three-five, get a 50, now I got a way where I can stack some money. I sold something where I had $143, got a $3,5,

kept going until I got an ounce. And then the nigger saw me. He was like, bro, you keep coming up here buying too many three-fives. What you doing? I'm like, I'm selling these bitches. He's like, all right, that's why I tell you. Niggins ain't going to front you none until they see you working first. He saw me working.

Then he like, he goes an ounce. But I got to give him his money back. That's why I'm trying to tell me, you can't fuck up other niggas money. But I also see how a nigger work when he got pressure when you owe a nigger. A lot of niggas will work better when they owe a knicker.

You feel me? You work better when you owe a nigger. Instead of you, just like, I don't go to pound, you don't owe nobody no more. You be the man. He's like, no, I need the oil nigger in order for me to work better. You feel me?

So once I work that shit, I realized, okay, now I'm at a half a bag. Now I'm at a pound. But it all started with me trying to figure it out. That's where I'm like, that's where my horse, my business course come from. Well, I'm like, bro, I can take, if this is all we got, low, give me three months. You would have loved Oxford. Give me three months. I got you.

You wouldn't have to buy your first pound. You know what I said? I know the niggas who were burglarous. and we live in a college town and it's a small town right there the niggas like my age and my group

the first partner who got a pound oh it was straight off of burglary he was straight out of wet burglary he didn't watch the old nigger go to the stash pot this niggas stole a pound of Reggie it was a pound

it was a pound oh it was a pound it was a big pound it was a big one the big zip locked bag with the brickweed Yeah. A free one. A free one.

He got three of them, though. Right. One of them was all a little damp because it was outside. It was a little damp. We didn't do shit, but get the seeds out of that. And waved on the draft. Oh, man. Now, that was to come up.

The first three was the come up. Yeah, man. A couple cousins, they took that, and everybody got a little nice little decent off that. And then, you know. But see, I moved out. I was 18 and I had a lot of opportunities because I was the first nigga out of my class to have a whole have his own career. Right.

I was doing, I was having a great life. 18. From 18. From 18. Run rich is really a real thing. If you can make some money by being in the hood and take advantage. But see, that's the thing. I didn't have to do all this shit because I grew up with everybody.

I know everybody on all sides of town from like my school and the other school. So I got all the cousins, all the connections. And you well known, so it's like, it's easy to move around. And then all of my family are the big drug dealer. Right, right. So buying weed, I ain't really had to buy weed and shit. I could just get weed from my friends and my family. That's how we did it.

I wish. You had to grow up where I grew up, man. That's what I said, I was. We, I'm telling you, bro, we, this is how type me and my homeboy was, niggins. We'll go half on a bag of weed and didn't even split it. Huh? Huh?

We would go half on a bag of weed and didn't have to split it. So look, if I'm about to buy a quarter and you're about to buy a quarter, if we buy half together, we'll save $10 and we'll have more weed. But it ain't like I got to say, this half of your head with this man. It's just like, we're smoking out of zip. It's that I've got the crib. Right. You don't want to take this half back into your mama house.

And you know I'm a fair nigger because we didn't did it. I'm not going to smoke up your hat. Right. It's gonna be here for you. Right. So when you pull up, it's blunt. Come on, man. That's all.

You don't want to be a burden. No. You need to be able to hold your own. Right. That's all. I always had my own weed. Yes. And I always had the pistol.

So even if I ain't had nothing, I was security. Damn. So I turned into security, be like, hey, I got the nigga with the money. Nick with the money. Do you see me? I'm your security. I need a job, dick. I need a job, dick.

My bad, nigga. Shit. That summer, when I first got my very first career, I had so much motherfucking fun, bro. Because all the little cute, pretty girls who didn't want nobody to know they smoked weed would pop up and be like, oh, hell ya. You so motherfucking cool. Yes, I'm cool. Hey, boy.

Yes, I'm cool. Hey, boy. And they know I'm good over here because I've been at work and they just want to come over here and throw some pieces in a little piece of the other smoke weed and watch this plate this goddamn, what was the game on the PlayStation where you had to burn out? I'm playing burnout at the time. All day. You know where you had to wreck that shit and keep, oh, I got them playing burnout.

They land. They rel looping. Oh, man, they didn't win and got a little boon farm or something shit like that. They're simply a little kicking it. I couldn't get successful that way, bro. In the one bedroom. Going crazy. Come on, man.

I couldn't get successful that way, though, bro. I would have been too addicted. I would have been too addicted. That's why I love comedy. Like, I'm an addicted. You feel, and, like, this is what we're supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be over there. But my hustle, how I hustle this shit, how I hustle slinging jokes,

that damn the life selling dope to me. I got to go state to state dropping this shit off. This is too dangerous. You feel me? I wouldn't be selling dope like this. No. I would not be going state-to-state doing this shit. But you got to be Frank Lucas, man.

No, I can't. Come on, J-O. I need to drive a nigga, let's go. You make selling dope sound so glamorous. No, I'm not saying that. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

It's really not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. I'm just saying when he had your last resort. You have to sell a lot of dope to be good at selling dope. Yeah. I'm only speaking from nickel and diamond. Because your clientele are drug addicts.

No, they're weird. Don't nobody want to deal with drug addict. No, when you're selling dope, dope and weed ain't the same. My bad, because when we say in the side, we say dope weed, it's not. We say dope. It's not really like cocaine. It's all the dope. But your assail out of dope.

Your ass is a dope. You'll have crack. When you start selling anything, anything above weed, then you're selling dope. But when you're the weed, man, you're just the weed, man. You're not. See, the weed man get called dope man down here, too. No, that's just the weed, man. I mean, I got a hundred bad.

We got a hundred bad. We got a stagg out of everything. The niggas who sell weed. They're selling weed for the love of the game. for real. It depends. You could be getting a good number, though.

That number where but you still have to sell weed. Not unless you're the nigga who sell pounds. Right. But if you're just selling bags of weed, that is a lot of work.

Yeah, that's a lot of work. You got to sell you. Break down in the best way to go. You got to sell mixed, dimes, quarters, half. You got to sell ounces

of wheat. But you can really be safe. Oh, you got to do is it. I'm not. I'm not telling you nothing. What am I talking about? There's no safe way to do this shit. Don't do it, people.

All I'm saying is, selling weed is a slow-ass grind. Especially if you're doing it, like, you fucked up when you first start. You got all your money tied up in the weed. You don't got no extra. Now, it's a difference. But hold up, what I'm saying. Now you've got to sell weed.

Because you got to get something back out of this. But you know what you got to. You got to make a bunch of trips, your phone jumping, you hot, you got to have a car. You got to have a car. When you get a car, that's going to step your game up. You can't be on foot. No. Can't be on foot because some of this money, you're going to think about it.

Some of the money you're going to have to get is going to be outskirt money. And if you're selling weed. There's going to be a lot of tens and 15s. You're going to have to drive to go get. If you're selling weed out your house, somebody definitely coming in there. Somebody definitely coming in there. Ain't no way around that because you're selling weed. Everybody want to go get some weed.

Just don't have them meet you at your house. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. You're selling weed out your house. Somebody coming in there. The police, the robber, somebody. Somebody. Some niggins from down the street, them young niggins.

They coming in there. Shit crazy. Something going to happen. Y'all n'nick don't even spend OG no more. I know, especially at- I don't know. I got a cutie, man. Man, got a cute man. Hey, little man.

Man, got cute it, man. You selling weed at 2 o'clock at the morning. Man, ain't nothing good. Fair and a half. Fannie Furn to happen. Fannie. Nothing. That's a slow-ass graham.

I would hate to be selling crack. Ain't no one crack yet. All the crack head died off. Because selling crack just like selling wheat, it's not. It just sped up ten times. The crack over with. And then if crack heads don't have, can't imagine to deal with crack heads all day.

Every time they come, it's bullshit. They can't never just bring you the money. Oh, they come with shit. They're coming with a story. Look here. I know I just left. I know I just left. But I dropped that.

And I stepped on it. You stepped on it. I just wanted you get me a nuttle. But you high. I can tell now you high. That Craig fell. Hey, I swear to God, I ain't smoked that Greg. I swear to God.

I swear to God, hey, look. Why your shoe got smoke coming out of it then? Oh, that's supposed to crack. I had the other day. I was smoking some residue, man. Listen to me. I don't even feeling the lie to you. I swear to God.

Listen, I got robbed. But you just stepped on it, though. I got wrong. They took you from. I got outside. Huh, man. Get doing because you make my spot hot, man. They'll add truth.

And then them young boys jumped on me too. All right. Give me another one. I swear I gotta give me one more. I just need one more. Come on, man. Do that other shit. Did that other shit that I just got.

Okay, okay. All right, but look here, if you got something, I look, I ain't just for nothing else. I ain't got nothing else to ask you for me like. If you could just do one more. One more. I just gave you two on them. You didn't give me nothing.

You ain't never gave me nothing. Huh, man. Everything I have. Give me that thing. I'm just saying if you can give me one more, if you actually get one more, man, I swear the God. What you're up and doing? You ain't got to see me no more.

I just need one more. Boy you have up and do you more. I just want to do you look. I need love him. He look. Oh, I hate no time of crap. He looked. You ain't been.

You're going to stand your motherfucker. And you're selling dope in the night for it. You got me on this shit. He's talking about, they look. Wow, that was crazy. They have to deal with crack ears all fucking day. I had one crack in the head. Then you know crack don't last about 10 minutes.

I thought I had that one crack head who was acting like he would help me get my shit out, but he was taking my shit, smoking it. He's talking about, give me a 20, I got somebody down there trying to get it. I gave him 20, came back. He came back and got to run and talking about, man, Man, the police out of, man. Oh, man. I said, you had to throw up and did 10 minute later get what he can't even do.

Ball to twin. My big cousin, Shorty was the best crack selling hustler at this side of the Mississippi. The best crack dealer in the world. My cousin Shorty. Couser who? Man, Shorty. His name was Shorty. He was about 6'3.

He used to talk real slow. He used to all. Like where I'd be over there? Fucking arena, doing some work for him or something, cutting some grass. And he'll be like, Carlos, you ever seen a manster? I said, a man. What's that? He said, half man, half monster.

What the head? How old he was. He was the older nigga. He was my mama first cousin. So he was their age. He was a little older than them, though. This nigga used to talk so much shit. Man.

They used to do that. Shout out to all the people who used to sell cracking in the 90s, man. Yeah, man. We had a lot of drug dealers in my family. Shout out recovering addicts too, man. Like, you recover. That deep. That should be a program.

Recovering addicts? They always get a shout out. You know who don't never get a shout out? To the people who did never let the drug addiction take over what they was doing. Some people managed their drug addiction well. So what you're saying? Like they still fucked up on it? They didn't never hit the rock bottom.

They just stayed kind of right there. They just worked and did drugs on the weekend. I see what you're saying. There's a lot of people that did it. There's some people who just casually smoked crack. They're not even crack. But if they were at a party and some crack ears, like, man, we got some crack.

I'll smoke some crack with y'all. Right, right. Some people just like, you know what? I'm going to say that crack for the weekend. I ain't got to do shit. I don't work months and Thursday. I had some rocks put up. And Friday night.

We're smoking, baby. And I get paid this week. I might get me about three more rocks. I don't know. They said what they did in cash to smoke a craig. I got some crack. Let me eat that crack with y'all one time. So we're done?

Y'all want to do some powders? Oh, man. It's a dude. I think he'd be on. I know a dude who used to do powder just so he could be up all night to sell crack. I know a few drug deals like that. I understand, but could have popped a beam. Crack is run knock on the door all night alone.

They could have pot the bean or something. This is before the niggas was really doing pills like that. Oh, no, these guys, see, I grew up in the, yeah. Pills didn't take, niggas didn't take, pills. Pills for our generation, motherfuckers didn't really start fucking with pills. It was like 98, for real. 99. Early 2000.

I was six, hello. You were six. 98. I'm telling you when, I'm telling you when I know that in my generation, Generation, what we're Z, X, we X. We're X. We're generation X. So when the drugs became affordable, remember the ecstasy pills, they were out, you can get like four X pills for like $20 in the beginning.

We're talking about 09, 5, 4, 07, 08. Niggas was. Them, them $10 pills. Oh, my goodness. But them niggas, that shit wasn't cool. The robbers was on them. The motherfuckers who was crazy. on the bean.

You hear about the niggas on the bean because they like, man, what that niggas on the man? That nigga ain't gonna sleep at two days. Hold up. I'm, nigger, 2,000, this after, I'm telling you about when the shit came. Oh, when they were fresh. Yeah. When it was pure.

No, when the white boys had the motherfuckers. Right, right, right. What happened? What that shit would like? Bro, when the pills hit the community, nigger, some people, like I said, some people just tried them. They were like, nigger, that's too much. Yeah.

Some people turned into pill-popping animals. And them the niggas, I know. I'm hanging with their little brothers. So that's what I'm trying to tell you. Man, they thought our generation was cooked when them pills came, because they were so available. They were outside, bro. They was cheap, too, nigga.

You get three of them hoes for something dollars. But you know what? You know what? At that time, they were on the drug that motherfucker did in the open. They'll do it and then come in the opening. You could tell because they geeked up out. You're like, damn, brother. No, you just ain't went to smoke, no blunt.

What you want? You know, I'm on that goddamn, huh. I'm like, why? I ain't know nothing about no lock, y'all until I just saw a nigger one talking. She's chewing, though. Hey. I said, oh, that's what that shit is. You said, whole jaw muscle moving like a motherfucker.

I'm like, why? Oh, I got an experience that you didn't have to experience, though. You didn't have to go to school with a motherfucker who took Prozac. We did. See our motherfuckers laughing. Hey, you remember them? Now, these were the craziest motherfuckers of our whole generation. No, Prozac is the AGD shit.

These were the motherfuckers who were getting to a fight and slap the shit out to principal and shit like that. Like, we grew up with some men. Prozac fucked them kids up, bro. Prozac made them sit their head down. You could tell them the motherfucker go to the president. their office and come back. That dicka chill like a motherfucker ate it.

And the crazy part is you can tell when that shit weighing off on them too, man. What happened? Man, they get the goddamn crazy about six periods. They ready to turn up, right? I forgot. My dad, motherfucker beating on the death and everything. What's wrong with Matt?

Leave them a fuck alone, man. Principal got to come get Matt every six period, that niggins start tweaking the fuck out. Come on, let's go. Matt, shut the fuck up and just walk out, bro. Man, that shit used to be crazy. That we had to go to school with them kids, with them behavioral problems.

That shit were real, bro. One hits, millions of records sold, awards, sold out tours. You think that Jonas brothers are satisfied? Nope, it's podcast time. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions. Hey, Jonas is available now, and their first. First guest is a big one, Paul Rudd. You know, Steve Carell is a great singer.

Can you tell you not to audition the office or something? I told him. Whoa. We were filming Anchor Man. Clearly, I was the idiot. Thank God he didn't listen to him, right? Listen to Hey Jonas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Humor Me with Robert Smygo and Friends, we help make you funnier.

On this episode, my guests, Bob, Oden Kirk, and Kids in the halls, Bruce McCullough, try and help the Kazoo Kid and Tayon Day be famous again. What if there's an alternate universe show where you guys are incredibly popular? Well, and they could travel up the land doing meet and greets. They're constantly needed at malls. Listen to humor me with Robert Smygel and Friends on the I-Hard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Every family has its secrets. But what happens when you discover that your dad has been living a double life?

That is not the look of an innocent man. Is everyone lying to me about who they are? I felt such desperation. I felt it was what I had to do. Listen to Deep Cover, The Family Man, on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Your 20s can be so exciting,

but they can also be really overwhelming, confusing, and honestly, just kind of lonely. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and the psychology of your 20s, 20s is breaking down the science behind the biggest roadblocks we face. I was six years into my career, the 80-hour weeks, and just the first one in, the last one out, and I ended up burning out. There was a large chunk of my 20s that I, like, was just so wanting to, like, be out of that phase out of my skin,

and I just, like, really regret not living in the present more. You don't need to have everything figured out right now. You just need to understand yourself a little bit better. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.