The 85 South Show with Karlous Miller, DC Young Fly and Chico Bean - Hood Oscars feat. Funny Maine | Ep. 12

Episode Date: March 4, 2016

Karlous & DC Young Fly are joined by comedian friend Funny Maine. They're giving out a few more awards for the people that got snubbed during the Oscars. Karlous then talks us through the ins & outs of what it really means to be a side dude. Of course, we can't do an 85 South Show without the "This Podcast is For" segment. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. And here's Heather with the weather. Well, it's beautiful out there, sunny and 75, almost a little chilly in the shade. Now, let's get a read on the inside of your car. It is hot. You've only been parked a short time, and it's already 99 degrees in there.

Let's not leave children in the back seat while running errands. It only takes a few minutes for their body temperatures to rise, and that could be fatal. Cars get hot, fast. and can be deadly. Never leave a child in a car. A message from NHTSA and the ad council. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network.

Tune in on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of family secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

85. 85. 85, high, hey. Anybody allergic to nuts in the room? I was just saying if anybody was allergic to nuts because I brought nuts for everybody. A real specific kind of nut. These nuts. Okay.

Have a seat, son. You're going to get me fired. I'm getting my child support up. Have a seat. Don't touch nothing. Don't break shit we can't afford. So basically nothing. Okay, dokey.

Fly, what's up, man? You're ready to do this shit? Are you going to do that intro? You want me to jump in all. I jump it up. You're going to jump it off. Jump it off. We're jumping off.

What's heading everybody. Welcome back. To the 85, South Show. Shout out to us for being in this bitch. Damn, y'all got handclaps and everything. Bro, we're doing it out here, boy. It ain't nobody in here for a hand clap. Man, don't be giving away the secret, man.

You don't know where them clap came from. We can have nine people in here just clapping. Bro, those claps came from Indonesia. Those are Indonesia. Imported claps. Bro, playing one more time so they can hear how soft the hands are in Indonesia. Niggas are outsourcing the claps. Yeah, bro.

Because you get a better quality of clap when you go to Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia I haven't either but I know a nigga who can get them claps I know somebody

who said an Indones Yeah I know I know a few niggas Oh I thought you about to say Endo I'm just saying

Well welcome to the 85 South show You're my type of friend I am you I'm one of the host I'm your man Carlos Miller I am you man D.C. Youngfly's in here today

man we're always keeping some our partners and friends and homies and shit in the studio I got my player partner in here tonight

all the way from the city part Or Birmingham. The city bar. No, I am pleased. Dying about a school. This is my nigga, man. Funny man.

You know what I'm talking about? What up, though? Comedian funny man. Representing the whole state of Alabama, man. I got to hold them down. Let me show my sweatshirt. My hometown ain't going to never get another shout out in their damn life. Shout out.

Shout out to Oprah Lika. That's shit said, made in the cap. That shit say Oprah Lika. It's your time to shine right here. What's what's up with Oprah Lika? What's up a Lika? What is Oprah Lika? Close your eye.

Oh. It's just. like that. Damn. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's a beautiful little city. For real.

Don't you love being from a small town? I swear people don't understand that life, it ain't nothing like that. Everybody know everybody. Every about. And you're from Oxtail, Mississippi. I'm from Oxford. Oh, same thing.

It's not the same, man. We actually kind of bougie. In Mississippi? Yeah. And it's crazy. Them small times. You got Wi-Fi last year. I know, but that's what I'm saying.

You can't tell her shit since the Wi-Fi digital hands-free. You can't tell us shit. Them small towns be known when people visiting. Hey, who you know? What's your name, sir? This the one. Who your people's ears? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. They got that population on the sign. You're from up yonder. That's how y'all talk. Y'all from up yonder. Moving right along. Moving right along. This nigger, D.C. young fly.

Today we go do, we're giving out awards today. What are we giving out? Because we got a lot of good feedback the other week when we was giving out hood Oscars. Yes, we did. So we got a request to give out a few more hood Oscars, man. Who you want to give us on? That's this for this year, though?

Yeah, well, it don't have to be for no year. We were just giving out hood Oscars to black people that we like throughout all history, TV shows. You ain't even had to be in a movie to get an Oscar. I think this, who you gave Oscars to? He don't even remember. We were just giving away random men. Just regular Oscar. Nigger.

He laid the Oscar, they're the regular. We gave Papa Popper Oscar for his role in Terminator 2. I haven't seen it. You ain't seen Terminator 2? I ain't seen Terminator 1. You know, Olivia Pope Daddy from Scandal? Yeah, yeah. He was the only nigger on Terminator the whole series.

Remember, they went to his house, and then they had cut the shit off, the dude took the arm off and put the other arm on. You know who we should have gave an Oscar to? Who? F. Gary. Bro, you know. You remember when he was like on Friday?

He was like, it ain't even wet over here. And he was the damn director. He was the damn director. You know, everybody was like, what happened to the nigger in the stove? You know what? Felicia from Friday. She should have got an Oscar for House party. She was not.

Yeah, because you remember she was Kee's wife. A kid ain't had no damn wife. Bro, you don't remember House Party 3. What you talking about to get men? about to get married y'all don't remember that one when he had marcus houston and them on there and he was about to get married and it was her felicia was kid's wife in the house party yeah i think you the only nigga that ever saw that no this nigga on the camera he can validate that it's a few people y'all niggins just young as fuck man kid and play ain't even see that shit kid and play saw

that shit they didn't see that bro hell yeah i'm somebody on twitter hit me and said that little saint should have won an oscar for the way he did so sure everybody would like a little saint man I would dance for a little saint. I had a little saint shirt on. I go to SkyWing. Doing it for a little saint. A little saint. Real, man.

That's what it is. Who else should win a hood Oscar, bro? A hood Oscar. That black lady that pop up at everybody, mama. You remember on the wade and exhale, she were flirting with the niggins on the moving truck? Loretta Devine. Loretta Devine.

Yes, she needed an Oscar. That's a goddamn legend right there, boy. And she was divorced. Kenan Iverwans need one for don't be a message. That was the favorite. Message. Kenan Avery Wayne's need for Oscar. He need one for Best Comedy and I'm going to get you, sucker.

Yeah. Yeah, very underrated. He need one for low-down, dirty shame. What about Jim Carrey? He ain't get one for, oh. He ain't black. He ain't black. He might well be.

I don't know. Ken and I, Ray and put a lot of black folk to work, man. In the 70s and 80s. I think David Allen Gris should just win one for the shit he did in Living Color. But that niggas still work. Wrote a song about it like the hit, he'd go. He on the Car Michaels show now. He's been ready.

What about the nigga with that? the shit in the back of his neck. Pauls Whitaker. He should have won. His neck disqualified him. No, his neck should just get one. Just like, well, your neck be so stiff in the movies. He's the first nigga with Ex-a-Men neck, Oscar.

Yes, most definitely. You know who else you win an Oscar? Oh, crazy eyes from Orange is the New Black. You will smash that once. You know why I would? Because she just seemed like the type of chick that I trust you completely. She'll fuck around and give you one of them whole checks from Orange is the New Black and believe you when you say that.

I'm about to be back in school. Hey, what happened to the track chick from Orange of the New Black? Wait a minute. You're just inspired. I always get random shoutouts throughout the show. Shout out to all the women who be believing a nigga laugh and don't even question it. Just let that shit ride. Like, okay, babe, you say you're going back to school.

I'm going to give you $3,000 for the tuition. And, like, thank you. You know why she's getting it out of the way? Because she's lying too. Thank you. And I appreciate that. I don't even care. It shouldn't be one person lying in a relationship.

Start lying to each other. Ignite a new flame. Shout out to the bitches who say I love you too when you really don't love a nigga. Oh. Hold on. Don't clap for that one. Just let that be quiet.

I love you. I love you too now. Y'all ain't never got bust with the I love you like at a weird time. Yeah, yeah. Let me tell you. Let me tell you the weirdest shit that happened to me like 2014. Uh-oh.

Just check out with dating her sister. How long you was dating? Because black people just started dating like two years ago. No, her sister told me, I love you. I love you before she did. Why her sister love you? What kind of brother loved you? It was leaving, it was the holidays.

I was leaving the house. Okay. And then she was like, hey, bye, brother, I love you. So now I'm forced to say I love you back, but I ain't even told you that I'm fucking. You ain't got to say I love you. You ain't got to say I'm going to say.

Hey, yeah, yeah. I was looking like an ad, man. That was like the word. We broke up like shortly. Oh, you could have just did the classic niggish shit and been like, me too. Me too. Girl, you crazy.

You crazy. All right, man, y'all be safe. So how did that play out? Be safe to get you out a lot of shit. Yeah, yeah. Love y'all, y'all be safe. Stay blessed. Stay blessed.

Stay blessed. All right, love y'all. Hey, yeah, y'all be safe. Damn, you're right. I should have said y'all. Yeah, y'all. You should have said, love y'all too. You should have said love y'all.

I'll tell you, man. So check this out, how did that play out with your girl? Like, after you, you know, said, I love you to her sister. Now you back in the car with your girl. Yeah, shit got weird, man. You had to bring that up? She wanted to. You know, about two weeks after that, man, we all,

she's just doing little funky stuff. Hell, yeah. You know, asking for a chain back and stuff. Oh, okay. So you was wearing her chain? So y'all was for real good and steady. Not her chain, her chains. You know, like.

Oh, a little money. Yeah, she sent you the subway with $10. You get to keep it. Now she's, well, my chain and shit. I'm like, oh, you want you. Okay. All right, man. For those of you who don't know, man, this is my man.

Funny Main in here tonight, man. comedian funny man he got a lot of relationships hell yeah man well I'm gonna tell bro I'm probably the most interesting lame nigga y'all gonna ever that's why he here though give us another start interesting about what about chicks or

it better be about chicks nigga get about some life advice and you know we still like he had a little option about chicks or like he specialized in a lot of shit yeah yeah there's Atlanta them niggas pop up what

nah and he said oh I got a start for you too hell yeah he gave us a random class exactly Play a thunderstorm for niggas who still like, what's it, man. But I like how y'all niggas represent. Like, y'all niggas on TV. You got, what, 6 billion followers? I wish.

Yeah, I got 6 billion followers, bro. But see, I'm that behind the scene, nigga. That won't even... No, but that's where all the money at. But you can't tell people that. Like, I walk in the room, they don't know who I am. Damn me. Girl be thinking I'm too short.

That's crazy. And then, by a week later, they'd be like, this, that nigger, that nigger on. That's crazy when people meet you and they'll know you and they think you another motherfucker and then they see you again and be like, nigga, it's still you?

I just hate with a motherfucker. I just hate with a motherfucker but like, why are you tired like Chris Tucker? You know Chris Tucker is going to sue you? Like, bitch, this is how I talk. Right.

You know what I'm saying? I can't help it. Like, the niggas be acting like I wake up in the mirror like, who are you, man? I'm Chris Tucker man. Like, I don't do that shit every fucking morning.

Right. You know what I'm saying? This is what it is. It's just me. You know what I'm saying? When you matter what did he say, though. I ain't never meet him.

You never met him. No, I ain't meet him now. See, I could be a horrible nigga, bro. That's on shit I accomplished like. If that nigga see me and be like, fuck you mean, man. Oh, that's such a bit hilarious. I'd be like, fuck you me, man.

But now, niggas have accomplished shit and we did regular hoodie niggas. I could be doing their podcast like trying to show off the watch. Do it. Do it again. Zoom in on my nigga watch, man. Yeah, man.

So, you know, we did that I did a bit working. Do it. But I don't do dumb shit like that. Everybody got. I ain't got shit. I'm going to get a close-up of my son. Damn, shit. I got a pregnant, bitch, watch.

That's the only way I can stunt. Give my little boy. You got a fresh cut and shit. Yeah, give me a son. Spend all my money on a brand new little boy. That's what I got. You got a brand, that's a $2,000. That's an investment.

Look at that rich homie corn hair cut. Boy, what? Cost me $20 a week to keep that tighten up, nigg. It's good, man. I came in by myself, man. I came in by myself, man. I had a home while. Didn't even on the part.

That's $100, man. That ain't, child support don't cover that. Have you ever face like somebody with your child? Nope. I have. Because I'm going to work on text. I was in a mall with my little nephew. A piece of all of him like, oh, he's so cute.

It's your little boy. Yep. I don't know why you did that. I was like, let me get your number. She would have gave you that ass if you would have been like, hell no, they're my little nephew. For real, you ain't got no kids. Let me tell you what she did.

She would have you the number on the penis. I'm going to tell you what happened right if I'm going to fuck me up. She was like, I was like, they're my little nephew. No, I told him my. son and I'm like, shall let me get your number. I don't want no baby, mama, pro. I was just applying to my nephew. For real.

That shit going to happen either way, though. You should have told a good lie for her. Yeah, yeah. She's talking about all that cute shit. Yeah. That way got me. He's so cute. Yep.

Got it from my daddy. I don't know how you think you're going to get some women claiming kids that ain't your dad is the most flawed life. Because don't bitches be needing somebody crying their kids. So they were like, oh my God, he got a heart. I'm on the laugh. I heard somebody say the same shit You stupid as hell, man

I was like, yes, I won that little stupid. You know what you should win? You should win the Nigger Please Award. I should. Who's the candidates in this nigger, please? I'm interested. Anybody who need a big nigger, please.

Can I get the first? Raven Simone. I'm just gonna be on a hugger, nigga, please. No, that's too easy. Too easy. That too easy. Nigger please, man.

Miga plea go to Ben Carson. Exactly. You don't have a hoot. The nigger, please. Yes, nigger, please. You know, out of all the racist shit that Donald Trump done said, that nigger said the most racist shit during the whole campaign. That niggins said he got robbed.

And the Pai Pai's in Baltimore, bro. And they found out he lied. It wasn't no police report. He lied like a mother. None of the workers. It went no chicken grease on that niggas. You could have said the drive-in or something. That's possible.

I'm going to name a place so black and put chicken in it that y'all going to have to believe this shit. Nigger, please. You ain't get wrong. Yeah, bro, they need the nigga please award, man. I don't know. Who else you win a nigga please award, man? I want to do it. I'm gonna give it to somebody who y'all never expect to be.

It looked like y'all thinking, but y'all scared to say the name. I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it, cause ain't nobody's scared. Everybody's scared to say it. Who are you gonna say? I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say who I'm thinking, because this gonna fuck the game up

because ain't nobody expecting me to get this nigga, the niggie please award. Who? Step Kurt, with these goddamn under armor shoes you're not nigger please yeah under armor my son was like dad give me some step currie i'm like i would not buy that shit for you son let me tell you about the great carrie is amazing bro i do not give a fuck man and man that nigga wife is gangster bro i'm not not falling for that little cute ass shit where you want to perform all the little Disney songs

and shit no i don't know nigger please i can i get i'm gonna get and i got light skin niggas out here looking playful as fuck no no don't play that shit You don't want to do mine. I might get five. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

I'm going to give it to my nigga Steve Harvey, man. Oh. You get up there. You're a fucked up. No. God damn. Show's over. I got to apologize.

I love you. Nigger please. We ain't even mad at this shit. My nigga please. No, my nigger please is a real nigger shit. Okay. I want to give a nigger please. All y'all niggas with hairlines that wear hats.

Fuck all of y'all. Hold up, as a nigger who do that, nigger, please! We'll never stop doing that shit! I wear a hat for a reason, bro. Y'all niggas could let the hairline flourish. And as a nigger who is lean, the hairlines matter movement,

I don't appreciate y'all niggas, wearing hats and you niggas got hairline. I don't shave my head. I look like DMX at the end of belly. I'm like, nigger, this is my natural hairline now, me? The fuck-up part about my shit. I'm looking at my shit in the mirror, like, mirror like sure they can't read no books son

well okay I want to since you want to do that sure they can't eat no books man I want to give a nigga please to niggas who ball head but go to sleep with durags on like nigger please what are you doing

I don't know I don't know what the fuck the nigga wants some wavy-ass thoughts he wants some wavy-ass thoughts that nigga might dream that he you know and stuck in 2002 a nigga checking the mail balls with a du rag what if a nigga just like head.

What if a niggins just like wearing du rag, though? That might be, and it's tough too. It's talked like nether. Man, nigga, please. Get your ass on. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast

where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private,

we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all, childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guy. for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private

from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy.

Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets all. almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.

Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of Uncensored Motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the host of the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. quietly listen, and all that stops here.

If you like witty women, then this is your tribes, with guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else want to get pissed off because the wife said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade,

and I called to ask how I was going. She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the most of my money. moisture between my legs when the man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time.

You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast. Who else get a Nicky Please award? I got to get one to my home, but y'all don't even know that nigga, but he'd get one.

Get it to him. Because this nigga a thug. Yeah, too. Oh, man, I got one too. Oh, this nigga of blood. This nigga been in jail like three times, but the nigga had tattooed air well but I swear to God nigger laughed like a little girl bro

he laughed like a manned like that nigga he got some funny shit he'd be like straight killer though nigga

nigga like rock nigger nigga please who you got man man man let me tell you I've been knowing my partner for a long time

like even when I was selling drugs he wasn't selling drugs this nigga called me and said if you know anybody give him my number I said

nigger please man He wasn't even working with shit He wanted to shout out so you can shout out his drug The nigga said The nigga said bro, shot me out one time Let him fool know I got it No Nigger please

Hell nigga no I don't know man I always be watching shit And it's like I'll be giving our nigger please awards All day man All day I want to give a nigger please award out to Hollywood

Do y'all realize they have Explored the whole nigger's struggle In the past six years Hold up man since you said Hollywood I want to get Hollywood a nigger please award for that goss of Egypt movie. With all the white people in there. Man, nigga, please.

Bro, think about this shit where they started, bro. They started on making slave movies. Go ahead. Then they came through the silver right, made Selma and the Help. Go ahead. Worked their way all the way up to the goddamn gangster rap, made straight out of country.

And white folk got paid out of all that shit. Out the whole black stroke. I want to give a nigger please to Wendy Williams and that damn Aliyah movie. Nigger. Please. Please. She need our ass.

Leah rolling over in her airplane seat right now. Boy, you stupid as fuck. You're not going to disrespect a legend on my show. And everybody who had some type of relationship with her posted the movie and said, Horrible. Horrible. So, nigger, please.

Nick, true story. She passed in 2001. Get where I was when I found out she died. At a fucking airport by to get on the plane. Get the fuck out of it. Sway to God, in Orlando, on my mama. I was in the hood. And the crazy part about it,

I was across the street watching my partner. I'm like, bro, go look at the news. Yeah. They were out of Lee's just dying. So I was over there watching the news. They ran across the street and started watching the news because my sister-in-was on it. Everybody was sad.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, how you're going to skip your sister-in-was on there on there? They were, they were across the street at the house. Oh, I thought you're saying they was on the news. At the same damn time. That shit was crazy. I've been doing this show with this nigga for a minute. This nigga got the best story ever, thing.

I believe it. I heard a few. that survived together. I can tell you a story and let me tell you something. This is part of the segment of a west side story. They was having a fuck party.

See? And I didn't know. In my house, I didn't know. You got my attention. Hold up. Bro, out of all his stories started with some fucking. I don't know. Real nigga shit.

This dude remember every piece of ass he ever had. Let me tell you so. It felt like I was this dream. It was like it was glowing. saying it was dreaming you know what I'm saying that was in the R&B video so yeah I was literally in the R&B video but it felt like I was at a crime scene like I was stepping over bodies and shit not knowing they was fucking you know what I'm saying so I'm in the house at your house yes in my house we got everybody from the neighborhood my sisters and her friends

from the neighborhood and the niggas from the neighborhood who I look up to you know what I'm saying so I lead a bathroom I see Tamara on the wall shout out to Tamara oh my god oh my god And the crazy part about it, I did not know until years later that she was getting fingers, so I was watching. And then she was like, uh-uh, they go jun-jun-jun. He was like, you don't know what we doing?

Oh, my God. And I'm staring at it. This is the most uncomfortable story. So I go down the steps. I see another nigga smashing the other bed from down the street, you know what I'm saying. So I'm just like, what's going on in this bitch. You asked.

Oh. I didn't, I didn't, you know what they're like, they're fucking in front of me. And they like, he don't know what we're doing. So that's why I say now, like, if I'm like, I don't know what we doing. man this is but they'd be no one what was the now they probably did but I didn't what was the point of this story it's a fuck story just enjoy it was a fuck party and I ain't know what

was going on to years later much love to everybody who had fuck parties and freaks stuff why year did you graduate maize I got kicked out of maize but I graduated from Crem in 2019 shout out to the class of 2010 for having freak parties that was like a third year yeah I was gonna have an interesting story what about maize I know before I was a comedian I was a college recruiter. Oh. And Atlanta was like one of my areas. So I've been up inside the maze, Doug,

North and South, Creek side. So you're really gonna look right on that camera and tell everybody you was getting high school ass in the transit? Nobody said that, okay? Look right there in there. I never got high school ass. Look right there and tell them.

I said I've been inside your schools, okay? Inside them. Not your students. Shit. Clear this shit up. This is fucking what you, man. No, but I, A whole bunch of Atlanta school, man.

You should just go up in there and... Them students fucked up in here. That is a lot of... And New Orleans was my... Was one of my areas, too. Speaking of New Orleans, I want to give a hood. You're going to cut my story wrong. This is a good-ass story.

I got to give the hood Oscar out before... Since you mentioned the area. I got to give a hood Oscar to the whole cash money records for ball a blocker. I got to... I got to get Mr. I got to... I got to get Mr. I got to...

I'm sorry. And they get another one for the... And they ain't got the hook up. I got the hook up. Just let me know when I can... finish my grade. Okay, go ahead, I want to hear it. So I'm recruiting, right?

You weren't fucking anything, right? No, I'm fucking, man, man, man, man, man. This is a better story. It was, it was mid-2000s. I'm recruiting. Right, 2005. Because it ain't really mid, it's like beginning. Maybe 05, 6, 7.

Recruing in New Orleans. Yeah. And Sarah T. Reed High School. So I'm recruiting band students. So I met, like, the kids used to play the instruments some next day. They was like, man, he need to meet this guy. He needs a scholarship.

He could sing. A dude, Kassain. Dude, can sing a little. Sweat of God, bro. When two years later met this nigga again because he came out radio station, it was fucking August Alcena.

Yeah, you fucked up. Met that nigga when he was in high school. I could have signed that nigga myself. With no label. To what? I don't know shit. Open like a record. Yeah.

I would have made up some shit. Shout out to August Alcena. He'd have been saying for schools all around the day. That would have been. That would have been. Can you give him a clap for that bullshit-ass song?

That was a good-ass story. No, you did that man There wasn't no fucking in. That story was hype as hell. Guess what? I got another story for y'all. It got fucking energy. No, he got fucking in.

I don't want a head then. Go ahead. I made a man. You met a man. He was talking to my mom. Alright, go ahead. But I was so young, I didn't know who it was. Niggas who it was.

Who? Steve Arden. Get the fuck out of it. Give me one. Give me a hand clap. Give me a hand clap. So look, I was at this party one time in 1984. How was you a nigga?

I wasn't born yet. I was with my father. I was in his nut sack. We left with this lady, right? Guess who she ended up being? My mama. Get the fuck out of it. But you know old people nuts sacks?

You know it's sperm that just like fuck it, that don't even care about reaching that shit no more? I don't even like hanging around old people. They talk about death too, goddamn. Yeah, and they're so ready to die. They act like you're going with them. You know, we and know. Yeah, every day.

My grandpa got a brand new obituary on the goddamn refrigerator. I always try to ask you, do you remember? Do you remember saying that rude? I don't know it ain't a rule, ma'am. Exactly. She watched you when you was too. I'd be trying to train the subject. My grandma telling me, you know Lucille died.

I said, bitch, do you know the Lou? Blues had just dropped. I don't want to talk about them. When they tried to act like they was your friends too. Hey, no best pass. No, my mama always, like when my friends used to pass, she used to always think they were her friend. I'm like, damn, my partner did that.

You're talking about the boy that ate some cereal. Exactly. Get your own. Hold on that song. The boy, y'all used to play. No, I got to explain, because we got a lot of white people who listen to this show, and they don't be knowing the lingo. See, white people just die. They just, when they die, they just die.

They don't. They don't. Black people don't die. We pass. We pass. White people, when they die, they're just dead. You don't never hear nobody say, well, you know, Fred passed, no. You heard Fred die.

You're right. I haven't heard. White people don't pass, bro. Black people pass. Like, yeah, you heard about Carlos. What happened? They be in Vinway. Colos passed.

Oh, get the fuck out of it. Carlos passed. I just seeked them. Yep, but niggas let you... They don't matter when it's all. They're always putting up your shit. Look, I just took a picture on the way Instagram. Carlos did.

I just seen Carlos at McDonald's Tuesday. Let me post this. If everybody you just think died, you bad luck, bitch. You're just a bad luck, man. This conversation is over. You know what else I don't fuck with? On social media, when you go on somebody profiling, they have like three-fold RIPs, I'm like, Nick, this, you're bad luck.

Everybody you fuck with dead. Rest of peace, mommy, daddy, baby dad. Like, damn, these are close. Those relatives that them. You feel me. And then they put the media bad. They'd be reaching like 117, 16. Like, goddad, that was yesterday.

Don't tell it. Damn, that nigga died, this week. You run into a nigga with a future date on them. What's you gonna do? Bro, you ever have a girl- Oh, kill a nigga, RIPP, Reggie. You ever have a girl, DM, you some freaking shit?

You ever have asked for like a chick, DM you some freaking shit, then you go on her page and she engaged to her, Nate? Yeah. Just delete that. Just delete that point. I said, come on. I say, come on, bitch.

Can we just going to talk about this? about that. And a do a dog trade pussy. Married women ain't shit. Married women ain't shit right now. I refuse to get married right now. This is a great transition to I sit your ass down somewhere. Yes.

I didn't seem too much for married women. All you married women are watching it, you know you ain't shit. But they, bro, they believe they lie. What do you think? What do you mean by that? They have convinced themselves that they are not wrong for what they're doing. Like, they owe this. Like, their husband not doing enough.

They believe that shit, man They do, because you know I love helping them hoars commit a doctor Bro, did you see this tweet the other day That went by him? It was this dude He was that posted this on his Instagram and he was like

Oh, just got back Shout out to my wife Who was holding me down while I was gone Blasey blah He was in the military right So that was just one day And then they posted the other screenshot Where he was like

I can't believe He was like shout out to this dude And this dude They were smashing my wife While I was gone And such and it was like You know it was four pictures And then it was like, he was like,

I can't believe she got pregnant about this dude, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they showed the other picture and he was like, hey, man, this week I've been wilding, man. I shouldn't put all our business out there like that. Much love to my wife. We're going to work this out and raise out of base.

I was like, nigga, your wife. Did that really happen or that was? Bro, this is a movie. Do you saw it, right? You see that? Dude. Damn. Ain't no way in the hell.

Well, shout out of here, retarded ass. Yeah, he need, he definitely. I'm going to slide in his big deal. He definitely need to sit you. They didn't teach him nothing when he was in the armor. No dips were playing, no nothing. Like, nigger, all that time you was in the water rolling over in them logs and shit,

you still going to take up this bitch. The fucked up, Paul, he over there fighting for the freedom of niggins who's smashing him wife. I'm like, man, you know your dude, a pretty good dude for fine. Who else did it? They terrorizing that pussy while he over there. Terrorized.

Shot bin Laden in the head and made this. Who else need to sit your ass down somewhere or what? Ooh, let me think good. My sister buffering. What do you be doing? He come in the middle of the night all the time. Still ain't got no damn job. Sit your ass down.

Sit your head down. Where are you coming from? I don't know and don't give it down. Just sit down. You'll sit your ass down somewhere. She could they always be yelling in shit? They've ever been in somebody else's house and you have to hear that he got-deam argument?

You can't say shit because you're in their house? Exactly. Like, can y'all like quiet a little? That shit used to make me nervous, but now I get my Snapchat out just in case some shit pop off. I want to capture that moment. Sit your ass down. You ever get a Snapchat that disappear too fast?

No, never. You want to see them titty so you flip the phone upside? Then you're like, damn, them titty. I screenshot titty. Now, you ain't got to the part. You jay going to get the message. You don't replayed it so much. Now, they charge.

You jay got some titty? That's an alarm. Turn this shit off. That's a lot. That's how you know you old. Brough. You got a alarm for him to go to bed. I'm a day.

See, how old are you? I'm 23. See, yeah, you, yeah. We, we write at 30, brother. That alarm just said sleep. I'm 32. Bro, when I was 23, I was the baddest motherfucker in the world. Yeah.

I could fuck for four hours straight, didn't even need no water. When I was 23, my dick was hard, 17 hours a day. Don't be my, that's awful, by the way. Shit, I was that nigger. I mean, I didn't have a dream. Let me tell you about your dream. Your dream probably be out of the chain now that you're 23. When you started dreaming about bills and shit.

My dream is so boring another night. Dream about shit you got to do next weekend. I dreamed I made a glass of water. Exactly. Check the man. Hell. Exactly. Have you ever had a dream that you were fine, but you were fine slow?

You're like, damn, I want to hit this nigga. Yeah, like when you hit this. It's just so fun watching young niggas be young niggas. Go ahead, young nigger with all that energy. Be young. Enjoy that young. That's right. I'm old as hell on it.

Bro. But see, not that I don't reach 30, like the older people, they make most sense to me though. Hell yeah. Like the shit they used to tell me and the music that you to tell me. You know what stick with me now? This shit didn't mean. shit until I got grown. When old people used to always say this shit.

Just keep living. Yeah. Young people don't have no idea how much shit, how much that mean right there. Like, it's some shit that you never thought you were going to be going through. Just keep all living. The 30s. The 30s so got down raw, bro.

So now you've got a little money in your pocket. You know better. You know what I'm saying? I hate niggas who 30 just not getting their life together. Yep. See, when you 20, it's just fun to get some pussy. But when you're 30, you'd be making women have orgasms and shit You're not a move!

You're saying all the type of crazy shit. I love like after I've been with a chick and they always hit me with that. Damn, I ain't expect that. What you're doing? That's why I do extra shit. You can't just say you young, you think niggins out here smashing three hours because I ain't. I ain't either.

You know, my daddy was 61 when he had me. I don't like all that. And folks said that ain't got nothing to do with it. Yes to fucking do. I came from sagging balls. and I grew up with some saggy balls. See, your daddy was already old. See, that's what I'm trying to tell you.

You're supposed to, you're a old nigger who was just born late. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You really supposed to be born in the 70s. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Like, in old nigger balls, in old nigger balls, it's sperm in there that's like, fuck it. Yeah. Go ahead. They ain't even racing to the.

It's sperm and west of. I walk to the cooch. I'm like, y'all don't want to go to shit. I'm going to check this shit out. This nigg said he walked to the foot. The rest of the sperm was on a little hubbleble. They were a nigger down the wind Like shit, I'm a beach hand

All the old sperm was like, yeah, man Let that young nigga go He cool people He all right, man Go see what we ain't trying to see I'm like, fuck it This nigga was supposed to be born in 707 Real nigga shit

Ever before my time, man Real nigga shit That's crazy Shout out to everybody born in the 70s With the old lad Shout out to everybody, man I'm glad I was born in the 80s At least I can still be relevant nowadays

Tell this nigga how dope it was In the 80s man That shit was so fun I know fun, because, like, the crack was, like, just the best crack. You smoked it? No, but my brother was on it, and I saw that nigga. His brother was on crack, too. My brother still is.

He's still on here, too. He's true to it. You should link your brother with his brother, and they should smoke some crack together. But my brother be having so much fun by making us miserable. My brother be killing me with that. I'm clean for three months, lie shit. Every time I see him, I mean, clean for three months. Nick, you said that a year ago.

Right. My brother be trying to sell. for three months. I came home to and say, man, you want to buy some jeans? No, nigga, I want to buy no jeans? Why not? Nigger, cut them mine.

Get your hand on my leg. What's what wrong with you? You're going to send me some shit on my man, nigga? He'd be acting like Gator from Jungle Feevee. Yeah, this is my rich brother. Right here. My rich brother. I don't want a dog crack because I ain't ever tried.

That shit might be out of the chain. I told him that too. I said back in the day when I had high tolerance, I was close. I would have tried that shit. No. And I'd be like, I bet I could bounce back. Anything make you say,

Oh, fuck it. I don't want to live in a house. I got another sit-your-ass down the ward. Much love. This to sit-your-ass down the award to all the people who's still out here trying drugs. It is 2016. Trying days. And you just started smoking crack.

You should have your own drug. You should have your go-to drug and your go-to drink right now. You should already know your shit, brother. Don't be out here experimenting. I smoke weed and I drink crown. My brother is at my other brother house really. Like he paid bills right now on the couch every time I go over that like nephew you were going on more around here like he's running shit Don't you love when people tell you all their business and you ain't even ask him like you go over your Auntie how you're like hey Auntie how you do

I'm so sick of these motherfuckers over here I'm running in and out the goddamn house them goddamn kids ain't eight leaving my motherfucking life song that's okay because when I get my motherfucking taxes I'm leaving all these motherfuckers show live show the I'm gonna move and get my own shit. They can have this ragged motherfucker. That told you a whole life story for one question. What? I like hanging around around old niggas though.

Old black niggas get more freedom than the rest of us. When I get like, oh, oh, I might just do some shit. Ain't nobody going to question it. You know why, though? Old black men. Everybody like old black men because they give you compliments and wait till you walk off to talk shit about you. They're like, hey, I see a young bloat.

There you go. Hell yeah, looking real sporty. Yeah, but you know. you wrong, we're not taking care of them baby. Them baby look just like you, you low-down motherfucker. Nick, when I get like 6 to 7, bitch, I'm going to just wear me an old Marine shirt and a Q-Dog hat. Ain't nobody going to ask no question.

Ain't nobody going to ask if you a real Q or nothing. When I got older, my brother's name used to talk a lot of shit, so I got old enough and realized I could whoop their ass. You know what I'm saying? Then when I realized I could whip their ass, I'm like, shit, what's y'all nigga want to do? Y'all want to go out of him fight? See, see, why you always trying to go to the violent route?

You know what I'm going to whip your ass. That's the one thing. about people who own drugs, they don't like to fight. No. Like you ever have a crack. They can bobby and weave like a motherfucker at.

Like your crack-haired brother come home. Like, nigga, I beat your motherfucking ass. Don't you never disrespect me? Then you were like, uh-uh, I'm tired of this shit. Whop your motherfucking ass. Come outside.

Then you get outside. He's locked out of the dog. Hey, I don't know why you holl in at me. I love you, nigga. We're family. Look at me. Look at me. I'm your brother.

You want to fight me? You want to do me like that? Hey, bro, this is your brother. Don't do me like that. Niggins say some crazy shit. I lie for you. I'd never lie to you. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.

I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more. And found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal.

He was shot in his house unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberable.

throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told.

I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of family secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of Uncensored Motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the host of the Good Mom's Bad Choices Podcast, brought to you. you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically,

men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribes. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else want to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem.

My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was going. She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high. school and slumflower what turns me on is when a man sends me money like i feel the moisture between my legs when the man sends me money i'm like oh my god it's go time you actually sent it listen to the good mom's bad choices podcast every wednesday on the black effect podcast network

the i heart radio app apple podcast or wherever you go to find your podcast my brother locked the door my head one time what the house dog he bought he was like shit we can go outside I said shit let go and I went outside I heard boom clook clook yeah he got you I was like you fuck a nigga he's talking shit behind the door yeah talk that shit now man these days gonna open that door bitch y'all ever seen y'all granddad or uncle get into a fight bro I saw that shit bro what I'm telling this granddad to fight you they're old old folk hug before they swing no let me tell you what old niggas would tell you exactly what the fuck meant to happen.

My granddad got into it with his homeboy. He told him, out in front of my granddad at how he got drunk talking shit, my granddad said, you need to go on lead, now. Stop talking that shit, now. Kevin, going to get in your car now. He told that nigga exactly what going to happen. He said, now look, now, you keep talking that shit.

I'm going to take the knife, and I'm going to stick you. I'm going to stick you right there in the goddamn thigh. I'm going to stick the shit out you. Stuck his head. You said, man, you're stuck. Now, stuck the shit out you. Bro, that shit is so funny because old niggas described the fight before the fight even happened. Okay, Justin, keep talking that shit.

I'm going to come over there, I'm going to slap the goddamn hell out of you. They tell you. They tell you. And me and my granddad had called the police. Sit your ad down to the folks getting up. And this is what I like about old. And repeated the whole story. They tell the police.

What happened? He was talking this shit. They were talking that shit. I went right over there. I told him I told him I'm going to stick him right there in the leg. Motherfucker grabbed my head. And I stuck him. Now y'all need to go and come over here and get him, not because he's bleeding.

You need to come get him. Poli egg, my granddad and said, you stuck him. I stuck the shit out of him. I told him if he didn't stop talking that shit, I was going to stick him right there. I stuck the shit out of him. I love it. Not cut him, stab him. Man, I love it.

Sit your, oh, the shit your ass down to what goes to all old niggas who still out of her fight. Sit your ass down somewhere. For real, for real. I'm going to crack egg and bob and weave now. I ain't fight no crackhead This is a story What's the topic We got to get

You know it's We got another topic Man You know we got the side Niggas We got topic We got topic We got

No Nigger the side niggas Don't get to sit your ass Down somewhere That's a year Yeah That's how yeah Well let's stand up

Oh side nigger Stand up You know it's side nigger Sunday A lot of people know Every Sunday on Instagram That what you do Hashtagged Side Nigger Sunday

been doing this shit I don't know if them claps are rain drop bro it's both these niggas sad but yeah side nigger Sunday it's just for regular niggins who will never be your man crush

it's like it's like that draw full of unnecessary shit but you know there's some shit in that like rubber bands all that it takes focus and discipline to be a side knick you had to take karate class

in when you was I'm a side nigga right now to be a side nigger you got to be one with yourself Like you got to channel all your energy And know that that your role It ain't even about you But the work that you're putting in You're making this world better You are there for others

You got to understand you are here for Right I like how you turn into Ray Lewis To get his goddamn speech Bro, if you ain't never been a side nigga before How are you gonna know what to do When it's your turn to be a main nigga Put your hands on something Learn something

You're right Side niggas See I feel like you should start off as a side nigga No It's because it's too Bro, it's so much responsibility You can't just jump out there

And be the main nigga Like, you know what I mean? You just freestyle And you need to beat Other kids, dads and shit You need to be the side nigga You're supposed to end up The side nigga

I'm a side nigga I'm a good side nigga I'm like one of the top side niggas in the country Man I'm top five BCS side niggins I'm the type of nigga I'm the type of nigga

I'm an eight seed See I do shit Like go get a favorite ice cream And then just watch Scandal Will the while I appear though You don't do that

Oh no You got me beat I cut him side nigga is damn nil a best friend. I'm the type of nigga that's spending the night don't even try to hit it. And the next night she gave me good head.

Wait, say that last part again? Spend night don't even ask. Look, you teaching this nigga right now. No, no, no, no, this is a trick. See? No, no, nigger, you teetering. You teetering. No, you teetering.

You're fucking nigger, because you ain't listening. You ain't listening. You cutting niggers off and you're not listening. Yeah. Rule number 33 of being a side nigga always listen. Shut your ass up and listen. That's rude.

That's really rule number nine. That's why you ain't gonna never never get no promotion you don't fucking listen that's rule number nine though side niggas thrive on details bro sit your ass back and listen soak up some game I always want to be the one jumping out there in the mainstream

just kick back and listen people put your ears on something he's the one that the bitch is talking about that we're listening to and we can get some head right out of it yes you spend the night and you don't ask for none you act like you sleep and you just so into cuddling with her guess what she's doing the morning when she wake up I'm about to go to sleep you want a little bit of the pussy yes thank you that's how side niggas win

It's discipline. You got to be disciplined, bro. So you're going to tell me you're going to wait all night. Brough, I wait all week. I will wait all week. That's what I'm saying. You might not be built for this shit. Oh, hell no.

Side nigger like a sniper. We'll wait a minute. We'll wait, we'll wait, get the perfect shot. Ain't no rush. First of all, it's a good side nigga. I have a full time job. Do you understand that I'm a side nigga that?

I'm putting bids in for pussy six months from now. It ain't even about now. I got a bid in for some pussy next September. not trying it ain't no it's a marathon not a sprint yes i bought a bit something for christmas exactly and i'm not even tripping bruh because my birthday coming up bro i i bought her son for christmas and didn't text back i've done shit like i'm not even tripping bitch my birthday coming it's round the corner who you think she's gonna call when she's about to move you thank you my nigger because guess what she know my uncle got their truck and she

ain't trying to rent one from the u-hall fuck you talking about and we got work because i got two crack heads for twenty dollars that go ahead boy she ain't got to do nothing and still the copper so it's two for one I bought better gifts for three of my chicks than all of their niggas bro if you ain't if you're a side nigga he's trying to be the main

right see you do that's not that's what you do right that like you said I'm giving them something to think about and it's why they're with that no job guess what they're telling their friend girl he don't bought me a car bitch flat what you think the best part

about being a side nigga here you just always it's like they beeper you know what I'm saying it just you can feel it you're like oh there it is she ready the opportunity

you know what I'm saying you just go over there you just like he said you chill she sit on one side of the couch you sit on the other she think you I didn't you say you were lame

yeah I can like it you gotta be lame you got to be lame you got to you like y'all don't have deadlines I have deadlines to me

you got dead lines you can't be no sad nigga under that type of pressure bro can get what you'll do you'll have a deadline and she'll get you gonna give you the pussy

today after your deadline God damn That's right work, bro. Give me a hat clapped. Don't give him a handclap. He ain't doing nothing but telling the truth. There's some gunshots over there. He ain't doing nothing but telling the truth.

He's telling the truth right now. Real nigger shit, man. No, but that's the thing. Once you do all that nice shit, if you cut them off, they're going to come back. I'm going to tell you. One thing about being the side niggins. You don't never cut nobody else. Ever.

Side nigg. You're trying to be there. We got a lady in the building. Ma'am. If your man wasn't shit and I was sitting over here just getting by your gifts, doing all this extra shit, what you'll think? I'm trying to be your nigger, right? Okay, now if your man won shit

And I'm over here Listening to that bullshit-ass story I don't give a fuck I'm just listening Ain't you gonna give me some pussy for listening Be honest Be honest I would think he was trying to replace him

No, no no I'm talking about after, see We passed the gift shit I'm the nigga that ain't giving you shit I'm just giving you attention and time and affection I'm just listening I'm like damn baby Don't worry about that shit

You're good. You can do better. I just be chilling. You know what I'm saying? You can listen up on some ass. Ain't you going to give that nigga who listening to some pussy? See, she's thinking about it. She at least think about it.

She ain't even thought about the nigga who giving the gifts no pussy. I'm just going to use him. Ooh, Jared, wait, you wait. I'm hungry. See, I don't get that. You know, maybe I just attack the side niggins is a different way than you. I call her ass cut as she honk. She's going to call you and tell you she honk.

It's different. Okay. Your little thing. You feel what I'm saying? We're going to get to this shit. I lurked. Any other questions you got about being the side-nigger man? Carlos, you are not the fucking side-nigger guru.

I'd be going to the side-nigger conventions, bro. I'd be going to the conventions and shit. You did float in side-niggeting with a cape on. You ain't that nigger like that. You got to come in the door through the side. You got to come through the side, though. You walk side away. I just bought some property inside-nick, you'll walk sideways.

Yeah, man. Guess where I'm going to be, bro. By her side. It's all good. The side-nigger of the year award goes. to me damn you're gonna stay in front of the king us nigga fuck it we get happy we can split it I'm still an

eight C yo I don't believe I don't know man you might have to be sad nigga of the year if we was in a carotid belt he might have to he might have to be side nigger of the year for the southeastern conference yeah on the eastern tag road tight right because nigga I don't know you see I don't know how you could be the side

nigga put yourself under such time constraints I'm gonna tell you this right now I got it I don't like your budget. I have fucked so many women and I've been in like foreign relationship. If he ever gets sick, we're going to have to use that clip and loop it. Like if this nigga ever

gets sick, like, Flapin trying to drop hints the whole time. We're going to have to loop that guy. He's been reaching out for him all these gifts. He been sick, bro. He been sick. Y'all taught me something, though. I'm a real nigga. I can admit when I learned some.

These are going to get sick, and they're going to like, what happened? I'm not. I'm not. I be using gimmicks now to get women. I learned like... This nigga using tricks and shit. He'd be putting sugar in a tank noise. He's going to call them.

No, not that. My tank don't work. Oh, that dude is fixed. I don't know that far. I just learned, like, Chick out of Day one time told me, like, you know, you look very intelligent when you wear glasses. So I started wearing glasses. With no lenses in them.

None. Ain't none. That's how I'd be getting on them. Yeah, you don't fool the fuck out of me. You ain't got my. So imagine how the women see it. I just like the frame. Y'all niggins be doing the most for these holes, man.

He had something in his head eyes. He's going to take your glass off. He's like, no, you can blow through it. Just blow through it. Later on in the podcast, I'm going to be like, they're calling my ad hole. Bro, clean your glasses up, bray. Lens and shit fogging in the motherfucking, man.

That's what it is. This is the 85 South Socialian, man. Carlos Miller. We in here when we made funny man. You know what time it is, man. You know what time it is, man. We say the shit that y'all want to say, man. You know what I'm saying?

Exactly. You try to all the side of niggas playing their role, man. This podcast is for all the women who got two boyfriends and you love both of them. Damn, that sounds like a lot of work. Hell yeah. Boy for a chick, loving two niggas. Hell yeah. This podcast is for the dudes who daint a woman who got a kid who's an NBA prospect and you go to all the games.

Yeah. This podcast is for all the women who are in a relationship with a nigger, but she don't know that her home girl trying to throw the niggas some head on the love. This particular podcast and something on it

this for all the women that pronounce the ale and salmon. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Bro. This podcast for the folks

who, when Christmas time come around, they be like, it crummer. Cremmer. Cremma. Cremma. Yeah, yeah, Cremmer.

This one here, this for the niggas who don't get email alerts. I don't trust niggas that don't get email. That's what it is. And this podcast for the folk who'd be like,

Called anambalant. Ambulon. Call the Ambulon. Hell, yeah. Real nigga shit. Hey, this podcast right here is for all the niggas that heard Plas say he took his shirt off at Red Lobster and they actually did the shit. Oh, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

I don't want nobody to feel excluded. This podcast right here is for all the women whose second toe is longer than their big toe. This podcast is for the fellas once again who dana chick with a lot. lot of kids and you see that caprice on box in the cabin and you pop it open you get you in and you turn the box around like it ain't been open right but but this podcast right here though this shit is for all the niggas who sell weed and they still have to weigh up a three five you don't need a scale to do that see that's dope talk I don't know this podcast is for all the niggers who go to them black lives matter rallies just for Snapchat yeah yeah

Don't give a fuck about the calls. Don't give a shit about whatever hashtag we out there for. But you know it's going to make some dope-ass pictures and videos. With the Valencia Filz. This podcast right here is for all the women who keep money in their bra and forget about it. And then when you take your bra on $60 just fall out. A kiddie blessing, that's what I call it.

That's a tessing. That's a tessing right there. Exactly. That's what that is. Hey, nitty shit. Damn This podcast right here It's for all the women That went and got their pussy wax

But left the booty hairy Oh, that's a pet peeve of mine You don't like hair booty I don't like hair on the booty I like to eat booty But I don't like hairy booty That killed me That's a generational thing

That's a generational thing Y'all on that You're on it There too much pussy around the booty For me to just When I found out When I was wiping my ass one time And I was like

What the fuck is this Edit that shit out I started screaming And I ran to my mama. I said, am I supposed to have a house in here? My mama started screaming, too. She ain't know what we're going on. Oh, my baby got two of them.

I said my baby crazy. That shit crazy, man. This podcast right here is for all the niggas who got a box shed in their yard, and they just using it as in a dog house right now. Wow, that's real nigger shit right there. That's real nigger shit. Nicky Jue using it as a doghouse. This shit, this podcast is for people who fight over cell phones.

Like, they manufactured the mother phones. Who gives a fuck if you got an iPhone or a droid? This podcast is for the people who wake up and see that their iPhone is disabled for three hours because their bitch was trying to go in their phones. Yes. They disabled for three hours? First of all, 15 minutes after the first time. 45 minutes out of the second time.

And bitch, three hours after the third. I don't know about the iPhone strong. I'm a droid now. Well, you're good. And the thing about droid, bro, you got this. I don't like, I don't even tell the secret, but. I don't like the droid phone because this chick sent me some news on a droid. I couldn't see shit.

It was bleary. Those shit was pixelated like a motherfucker. I'll find a way. Niggins that like, oh, school. When we used to watch the negative channel with the squiggly line, niggins. Bro, I didn't add it a brightness to that shit or everything. I couldn't see nothing. With them orange-ed-ed picture.

I'm going to show you. Don't put the camera over here. You see? You see that? It looks like regular-ass pixels, don't it? Yeah. But look, nigga, draw it. Give me a drum roll over there.

This shit, awesome, nigga. You go to your settings. Hold on. You got to turn that bitch on. Private mode. On. Code, nigga. It's like CIA.

Top-notch security. And then, wham. News, good news. This nigga. This nigga is a FBI agent. We got everybody news in here. It's just an app for that shit on the iPhone. I don't need no app.

No, nigga, that's default. Yeah. You just a freaky secretive ass, nigga. That's all that is. You got to go through three apps to see a pussy pick. That's what, that's what it is. You motherfuck-in-lawed.

You're fucking. Watch this. It might take 10 minutes, but watch it. First of all, who the hell of you had news from? That's what I'm saying, though. That nigga I forgot the code. I was like, God damn.

With that, bro, you can let her go through your phone. Leave your phone about that. Ladies, please be smart enough to know that the news that. the news that the nigger already got they already there he ain't got to delete them chips I feel like if the news came before you that the news can stay

they got a time stamp on them as long as that date was like after the date before you or whatever you should be straight these news though from like 2015 and back I got some news in my phone from 09 I don't know this bitch I had to download them off email yeah I ain't got no new news I got some news from a Nokia phone

since Obama first term Hell yeah. These first term news. These first term news. Bro, you ever get the news before she have a baby and then get the ones after the baby? I don't even ask for them after the baby. This podcast right here is for all the women

with big titties but bad stomachs. So they just try to pull the teddy out the tank top. Appreciate it. This podcast is for the ladies who got the stretch marks on their stomach but it feels like the emergency lane on the highway. Oh, not the HOV stomach. Oh, the postpartum, really.

I don't judge the pee-p-p belly. Yeah, my fuck with that. It feels like brille. It's your stomach trying to tell me something. Damn. That's a beautiful thing, though. Get some hot wheel racing cars. But wait, I'm the only nigga that see the beauty in stretch marks on the stomach and ass.

No, you're not. No, see, I like the stretch marks on the ass where you could tell like, ooh, you used to be bigoted. That shit looks like caramel drizzling. But I don't like the emergency lane. Note that she'd be looking like the Frappuccino drizzle. I don't like that she's sexy. I don't like the emergency in his stomach. Mm-mm.

I do, Starbuck booty. I rub on your stretch myself, I fall asleep. That's the best goddamn nap a nigga can ever take. Oh, yeah. Look like her stomach, like, oh, what? Like the stomach just like, ooh. It's just old as hell. So all y'all ladies with the postpartum belly, I'm your friend.

See, that's what we in Flat do. We always give shout out the shit that people be embarrassed about. You remember the ball that you used to blow up and used to do the boom, but you don't know how I used to look before. You know how I look before you blew it up? I'm sagging. Like a, a sagging, a sagging. No, yes.

Yeah, that, yeah, that's how I don't want this stomach to look like a dried-up pickle. So good. I tell you what I don't like on what? I don't like the six-pack, bro. You don't like one of six. That's a manly-ass shit. I don't like that shit, bro. Give me a little pudge.

Yeah, I want to at least look like two weeks pregnant. Like, I like that little, I like that. I had a bitch to say, why are you grabbing that body fair? I said, because I'm getting on hard. What? Hey, you're talking about, I like that shit. I do. I like to grab it.

If I can't grab it and pull it with me. You're stupid. All right, man. I'm going to say something. Fuck it. We podcasting. It ain't going to look good or sound good on paper, but I like it. It's my shit.

I like it. I like a bitch lick my nipples. That's my shit. I'm going. That's my shit up. Hey, that's the 85 South Shore. The man, Carlos Miller, me on Instagram. Follow me on Instagram.

Hold on y'all. Y'all niggas already got 3.5 million followers. Shout you. shit out we're out of here bro and fun y'all niggins not with the lip-licking fuck that all right here lick my shit fuck what they tell them about at funny man m a i and me don't give me the uh go-away music like the oscars i'm back i got something to say i just told my bitch last night don't do that shit she was like she was all of them and she was making love with like i was like let's hear bitch i slap shit out till you lick that shit again you

hear me i'm too gayster you in love with her don't lick that you in love with her I'll be fucking her Well, I mean, when you through So she can lick your nipples Wet t-shirt having ass When you're done Having a sex ass licking ass, that's going to That's going to

That's going to go, man 85 85 85 85 85, hey Hey! Don't let biased algorithms or degree screens or exclusive professional networks or stereotypes.

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the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of family secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their current.

Courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.