The 85 South Show with Karlous Miller, DC Young Fly and Chico Bean - LAVAR WALKER in the Trap! | 85 South Show Podcast
Episode Date: February 7, 2025Comedian and Writer LAVAR WALKER returns to the Trap for another hilarious conversation! || 85 SOUTH App: www.channeleightyfive.com || Twitter/IG: @85SouthShow || Our Website: www.85southshow.comSee o...mnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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You get your podcasts
I live in the country right now
What do you mean?
You do, nigga.
I don't hear nothing outside for animals
No niggas out there
scratching on the windows of nothing.
I'm the only nigger on my block.
Don't nobody needs to borrow nothing.
ain't nobody checking on me
I don't know when the last time
you stayed in the neighborhood
this shit don't happen no more
nigga fuck the neighborhood
you're getting shocked
yeah
I was wondering
if we could
I need to see you need it
I need to see you need it
I was wondering if I can park
some bandages
all right
they still don't know it
my door they'll just knock on my door
I don't want nobody
knocking on my door
they ain't coming to ask for you
but they all brothers
yeah
they just they know
You don't know how to go out.
But they don't know all the country,
who called him.
Right.
Now, I understand.
Hey, what the elite of shooters to say?
Nah, I understand.
I understand.
Mm-hmm.
Old niggas had every right to get mad
as somebody getting in their goddamn yard.
Mm-hmm.
That's my shit.
Hey, man.
Because this all, first of all, I ain't had no yard.
First of all.
I ain't had no yard.
And yard maintenance.
I turned this into a yard.
Yard maintenance.
ain't shit to play with.
And you think just because it's a shorter path
to get to the goddamn, you go to a man?
And you better run that, that, yeah.
You know how I had to get the work
to get this fucking house?
That's what they don't tell you.
Grass maintenance is expensive.
When I was a shorty, the man used to just have dirt
in front of his house.
You step in that dirt, get off my grass.
That's his yard, though.
Dirt, get off my grass, man.
Yeah, because if you, if you, if you
Let it slide, it's never going to end.
They're going to wind up like that lady.
They were selling dope, damn there in her yard.
Because she ain't had, she was an old lady.
She couldn't shut up all bitch.
My yard was baldheaded when I got there.
Really?
What'd you put down on that?
I had to call Migo them.
Yeah.
Migo them showed up with.
If y'all seen that straight, they got them straight, bro.
The true green, that's just what you.
Well, you ain't real until you started looking at fescue,
nigg.
Oh, that is.
I just holl at my, holl at my nigger Juan,
and he take care of everything else.
That ain't grass spray shit.
What that is, is the, uh, the little bushy shit.
But man, they spray it down and like the bushy type grass growing like that.
Yeah, but it's supposed to like be the most durable or something shit, I think.
Yeah, it's like a, uh, what you call the grass?
Oh, it's a golf court grass.
Yeah.
And they got the new to grass, which ain't grass.
That's a goddamn weed.
But it grow your grass.
Yeah.
The grain is, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,
This is a real grown man.
Conversation.
Yeah, golf courses be grass, though.
Yeah, the Bermuda, you just have to, you got to fertilize.
The green's got to fertilize.
Yeah, you got a fertilizer.
It got to stay acidic or something they was telling me.
Yeah, I got the automatic sprinklers on my shit in the summer.
Oh.
Because you let your fucking yard get dry.
That shit on that.
I took it.
It's been a journey though, because my shit on the hill.
So all the seeds, the grass seeds kept watching away.
So I got her.
On the side of the house, the grass is beautiful, because all the grass seeds don't want.
How big is the hill?
I don't wear it back.
You'd be having animals coming to get your seeds when you lay them down.
Yeah, deer all in the yard.
It's beautiful.
It looks like a Christmas car or something like I pulled up in.
I love that.
Yeah.
I should have a little two city five for deer, but.
Yeah, I got deer.
We got, we got fox.
A deer.
I'll tell you what you have two city five for.
What a fucking coyote.
Oh.
Those bitches is everywhere.
They are.
They're knocking out.
They're not.
I'm out here?
Yes, them bitches used to be in the West.
I saw a fox by the career.
They did see it in the mountains and they just coming down.
I feel like coyotes got beat because they could have been wolves.
Mm-hmm.
They couldn't have been wolves?
They wanted to be.
No, they couldn't.
Compare a wolf to a coyote, just off the sides and you'll see right there.
Man, if you see how big a wolf is in real life, that shit.
Wolf is like a bear.
A wolf to a coyote, that's why coyotes walk sideways, man.
This lady thought she had a dog, I was like, baby, that's a day.
That's a damn wolf.
Yeah.
Not no dog.
I had a wolf.
My dog was half a wolf.
I was a kid.
We had an Alaska sled dog,
nigga.
Ooh, how tall?
You about that, this.
Man, that motherfucker only got to a year before he died.
He got hit by a car,
but that motherfucker was big and just kept getting bigger.
Your pussy's dog let a car kill it, man.
My dog got hit by a car and lost a leg.
And that motherfucker lived for 12, 13 years.
Br, that's the best dog we ever had.
What your dog was doing when he got hit by a car?
Because my dog was out there chasing a car.
cows and bulls.
He was.
My dog.
We live in the country.
Dogs get bored and they just chase cars.
Exactly.
My dog lived a full of life that your dog could have ever lived.
My dog would beat your dog.
My dog had people in there.
With three legs.
Right, you know.
My dog had people terrified.
My neighbor.
We going back and forth about some dead animals.
My, my dog I had when I was a look where fuck your dog.
My neighbor had a little dog, right?
And the dog, I'd be like, bro, I found your dog to be dog.
I'm like you just let you just let him out man this nigga country they say
nigger I let the motherfuck out he don't come back he just don't come back
I'm like damn he just open the dog
black people are the only motherfuckers who have like off-brand dogs
like white people they'd be knowing exactly what kind of dog they got have
pictures of the mother and the father
nigger how like what kind of dog you got a dog me yeah that ain't true no
I have a because white people is
rescue motherfuckers.
Oh, they do rescue.
So they don't even do the
traditional type no more.
Like, they're not doing a German
Shepherd. They're not doing a college.
If they're doing it, they're getting hypoallergenic
doodles. It's going to be
a labored doodle. It's going to be
a box of doodle.
No, that niggas just be studying.
That's one of the smartest niggas I know.
Damn.
You and him?
You got a lot. You and him?
You and him? Come on.
You're smart nigger, too. You'd be
knowing about them.
The mononucleias and shit.
Yeah, I love it.
Come on, man.
I'm a little rusty, man.
Break us all some good information, man.
We all heard.
Tell us about the polypeptides and shit.
Oh, man.
Bro, I'm so...
Mononuclear bonds.
Where's that nigga of, Loz?
Ooh.
Hey, what's that shit you got to take with an excendron and make a perkinset?
If you take an aspirin and a Tylenol together.
Make a percisset?
We'll make the percissette.
oxycodone with the talon.
Yeah, you need the Sackler family to me.
Come on.
Hey, that's documentary.
It's literally does a mix of oxycontinent talent.
Man, you've been seeing a lot of them junkies come up there trying to get shit.
Man, I ain't been, I am working like five years.
For real?
You know, he made his announcement.
No.
But we got so used to it.
No.
No.
I got to catch y'all.
I got to catch y'all look.
Because all these years we've been knowing LeVar, right?
He told us he was a pharmacy, so we're thinking he's just back there pushing pills and shit.
Yeah.
This is how I knew that nigga's job was serious.
One day, so I pulled up on the nigga at the pharmacy.
Nick, walk me out the door.
You know you give a fuck about your job when you don't want your niggas in there, bro.
Nah, man.
What's what you do?
He came in, he was tripping.
Yeah, the nigga walked me out.
He did, man, what he did?
Bro, I think, because you know,
man, that shit played up again.
I remember, I used to, I used to, I used to shit play it up to game, man, God damn it.
What did you got in?
You know, I would fill in.
We get three, and we'll split the third one.
I will fill in different ones, but I do remember one time, I believe in Forest Park.
Yeah, when I stayed at a damn fool came in there.
Me damn fool in.
But it was just you with damn food.
It's in the store.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's because I had to show the nigga that you was the boss in.
I'm like, bro, watch this.
You're gonna walk this out.
He bought niggas and see what was up.
Yeah, I like that nigga worked right there.
We'll get some blunts.
When I lived in Forrest Park, that's when I discovered that this nigga,
he was way more important than he tried to let up.
Yeah, man, man, you come in with damn food and food stand.
We gotta go outside, bro.
Yeah.
But it was just food.
You can't talk to you by that aisle.
I think food stamp was the one that's had to go down.
go down and then get a plan B or something
this before everybody
could get a plan B.
See ya'll the boy get me
on goddamn playing B.
Yeah, they just order them on Amazon now.
Yeah.
You can order them on Amazon now.
Just ready to go?
Yeah, ready to go. So they'll just be having them
on deck?
In a pears dispensal.
Little candy dispelsers.
They're still over the counter?
They're over the counter.
They're over the counter. I heard they don't work
on big women.
They don't.
Don't, you got to be a certain wage.
How you know?
Because they gotta take several.
Yeah.
And it might kids.
You know that thing comes that up quick as fuck.
That's pivot.
They got to take two shots of murder.
It don't.
It don't.
You know, they read the package and they tell you to wait on there.
See girls be like, can I take like two?
Just me's got a joke about that shit.
When you think about a peel, like our bodies are like water balloons.
Don't be trying to tease this shit now.
No, is this what he here for?
Think about the peel dissolving.
dissolving in a water balloon.
So the bigger of a balloon,
it will probably
loses effectiveness.
So you have the dose
based on body weight.
And that's how you get a magic.
Milligram per kilogram.
What's some of the best shit out right now?
Bro.
The life-saving shit.
You know, nobody gets fun about the life-same.
I want to know.
Ligies only care about
Ozimpy.
Yeah, that's all they're talking about.
And they care about their dick
and they're stuck.
I don't want a boo-woo and I want a hard dick.
And now, if y'all, like, the write-ups about those zimping.
Dude, these write-ups are, they're saying, like, it's a miracle drug and it's this and it's that.
I mean, I don't really have any complaints about it or not, but it's just crazy the way they just really pushing it.
Most of the shit is.
Well, they're pushing it for it.
It's diabetes, right?
That's what it's possible.
It came out as a diabetic, a diabetic medication.
A GLP, what is it, a GLP?
Blocker or something.
Yeah, I forgot, bruh, I'm rusty, bro.
I'm still a license, but I'm rusty, bro, you good.
Hey, no, you ain't, you ain't, you ain't, we ain't CDF.
Right, he won't know your evaluation.
I look like we're going to let you go.
He saw the episode.
Yeah, this nigga don't remember shit.
Yeah, I don't get nothing about teptide.
Bro, I, I don't know.
Some of the teptide dollars, man.
Man, I'm trying to figure these.
All right, we're going to do this shit one time.
Oh, man, my bed.
I'm sorry.
Keep my, I'm sorry.
Keep my throat together.
There you know, bro.
Shout out to whoever made this throw.
It's an Indian throw.
We got some nice throws that have been shipped to the facilities.
They throws, I thought they were shawls.
You know, come on, do your thing, bro.
This is more quiltish.
What you need?
You're trying to get the, what's the name back?
Get the leno?
That's the nigg got OCD.
Them ashes, my boy.
Jay, when you ain't got no pimping over that?
Tell you what, I need a better.
That must say you ain't got no pimping over there.
Now, anybody got a Benadryl in him?
Who the fucking is walking around with Benadry?
You do?
Yeah.
What, you got a Benadry?
It's the, you know.
A claret in the same.
Yeah, the knockout.
The Stormbrae?
Yeah, yeah.
Give me one in it.
What you need to bring a Benadryl for?
Well, you need to bring a young bitch in here something.
This episode old as hell.
I got middle drilling in my bag.
I think I'm having an alert.
Hold on now.
Hold on.
I got an allergic reaction.
My face puffing.
I'm having an allergic reaction because I had, bro, I had like.
I think I kissed.
Breaking that Celsius, man.
I kissed the earray.
I shouldn't have never...
I should have never had none of that coconut.
I got my throat in.
Hey, man, you got that energy drink.
Tair me up.
Swear the God, drink a Celsius, just toe my face up.
I ain't never seen a nigga take any...
You had to look at it.
This is a player, bitch.
I had to look up under the glasses.
Damn, real, you are old.
Man, this nigga think he's funny.
They gave me two estrogen pills.
I just popped the shit in my mouth and didn't even look at it.
I didn't see that.
Boy, had it been too late?
Laced me like, oh, shit, that's the wrong ones.
Oh, he's my mother.
Bill, be a laid to fuck out.
My mom was Planned B is sick as fuck.
He gave me two estrogen pills.
Come on, man.
Estrogen and a birth control pill.
Come on.
If you meet any nigga, they got a bottle of Plan Bs,
like, hell of Plan Bs, that's a wild nigga.
Like, you need to have, like, maybe one is cool.
Is he a wild nigga?
But, like, 12, Plan B?
Or is he a hero.
No, the niggis is irresponsible as fuck.
They might be the most irresponsible
Nick on earth that had 12 plan B's on you?
When I was working, sometimes I used to feel it
at Upper Riverdale Road, I used to work overnight.
I could always tell when he was coming for the Plan B.
Why they get all shy?
It's a uniform. It's a Plan B outfit.
What is?
Good boots, a bonnet.
They all fold it.
And they folded up.
They all walk in like that.
Fold it up.
Two in the morning.
Full of nut.
You on Plan B?
How you know.
How you know?
I see them boots.
I see what it is.
And she's leaking a back.
Risking it, brother.
Late night in Riverdale.
It's dangerous.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I know.
That's dangerous shit.
I know.
One of them guys, they probably snorted.
You weren't going to go over that robbery shit.
You was going to let them have it, were you?
Man.
Well, I, man.
That's not where the lean is.
Go to the back.
Look, I'm not a tough guy.
I just want to protect myself.
Yeah.
But, man, man, what motherfuckers are going in on me, man?
Nick, I went to the car.
I got right.
It went back in there because, you know, you were a farmer's,
you were sitting duck.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, and then sometimes you're customer...
When you dealing with...
You were in that black car out there.
Like, oh, fuck.
This nigga about to fuck my shit.
Well, that's your fault, nigga.
This nigga put R-X-Lavar on this.
No.
He's like that TVS-Lavar.
Well, listen, when you and them...
When you and them...
When you and them neighbors, they know...
No, bro.
Bitch your shit!
When you're the neighborhood pharmacists, they know your car.
They know when you're a-lake-a-lacing PhD on the bench.
Oh, there go to black car.
Let me get down in this, motherfucker.
I had nothing on that joke.
They know.
They see your ass leaving.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, they look at it.
Because they'd be like, man, don't go with that nigga in there.
That nigga check on it.
That nigga double-check everything.
It could be dangerous.
It could be dangerous.
Like, now CBS only had a hell.
You know what?
So you just had a farmer.
They don't have a what?
Like, a lot of help.
like support
so you're going to these stores
you're going to these stores
ain't no security just one girl up front
farms is in the back this big ass
store they run that bitch like the dollar
like the dollar tree
man for everybody in line line long
you up there you be in the back
they don't break can you imagine like
think of all the drugs that's not
popular right
like everybody know the ones people use and abused
but niggas it's all kinds of pills
in there
what the fuck is this
he got to take three of these to keep
his foot from getting big.
Yeah, yeah.
Nigger don't take this.
Yeah.
Got them lung going to be hanging out his chest.
Nigger don't blink enough.
That takes easy, motherfucker.
Yeah.
This, uh, this nigger ass don't get wet naturally, so he got to take these.
And you know it's interesting some drugs, you have to take other drugs to battle the side of it instead of one main drug.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, that's part of the play.
Yeah, that's part of the plan, though.
Got to keep you on the drug now.
Got to keep you medicated.
How the fuck do you...
It's blue magic, nigg.
How do you even get, like, what do you need to be to make drugs?
A pharmacy.
To make motherfucking drugs
No, you're a chemist
A chemist, okay
Chemists
You're studying like organic compounds
Inactive ingredients
To be able to put the drugs
To be able to dissolve in the body
Yeah
It's supposed to do
Sound like you thought about doing that
Mechanism of actions
You had to learn a little bit about that
To be a pharmacist though?
Yeah
Hell yeah
You should leave it alone, bro
Pharmacology
I don't want this shit getting
Yeah
The more you touch it
It's not going to get better
Y'all, like, you're gonna sit there and cover it.
Don't nobody even know what the fuck you talk about.
Let that plan be working.
This cameras ain't that good.
What you're talking about?
Oh, okay.
Oh, there we go.
And he only didn't even know.
Okay.
Yeah.
He just need to take a pill to.
Yeah.
He didn't take his pill.
Mm-hmm.
Nigel foots shawl.
Oh, he got gout syndrome.
You know his king's disease.
Yeah, got it ain't grown, nigga.
Gow something else.
Nah, I've been making sure I get up every day and stretch.
Because I don't want to be that old nigga that's immobile.
That's it.
Have you been working out?
You work out a little bit.
Do you stretch it, go do something?
Oh, you just stretch and sit back down.
You go get a Dr. Pellman.
Yeah, I'm back.
Stop!
I think, I'm going to the gym.
I'm black, my black, my black.
I've been going to the gym about three days a week, man.
My Pops had a mile stroke.
Okay, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm almost 50, man.
So I'm just trying to.
You was on that shit heavy.
Like, you was posting like, like,
just still posting.
No, I just still posting.
No.
when he was in the very that time.
Like you just known for whooping the nigger ass.
Oh, no, I'm like, I got damn at all right.
No, I'm not.
I'm saying, I was saying, I was in the gym.
I can tell my boy was in the gym, I can see it.
Yeah, but I just, like I say, man, you just get to an age,
you just want to keep the heart pump and keep that blood flowing.
And you got hips.
When you sit around.
Why don't you tell that nigger that, you do?
You just, you've been looking at this nigg's hips.
I'm just saying the nigger got hips.
I ain't got hips.
I do not have no hips.
I'm just saying that you got hips.
You gotta have the weirdest argument in the world.
You can't got no fuck on a hip.
You got it.
You gotta stay mobile, man.
Got to, bro.
Because.
Niggas be built like their mom.
When you sit around, bro,
you can stroke out and take you an ass for two every day.
Keep that blood.
A ass for every day.
Like an 81 milligram.
Yeah, a little baby ass.
What's that going to do?
Just kind of keep your blood.
Because you have your blood, you got platelets and they can clog up and then that can cause stroke.
Aspen every day, 81.
And if your cholesterol is high, you have a plaque and shit, if your blood is thinner, it'll help.
But you don't want that because if the plaque break off, you have a stroke.
So, you know what I'm saying?
She got dark.
Somebody need to hear that shit, though.
We got a goddamn.
That's why we invite you on here because we need some black health facts from a black man.
Plus, we don't have no platforms
with black men can just talk about whatever the fuck they want to.
That's why we made one.
And, you know, how you feel about all the homeopathic
and alternative things out there?
I think some have a good thing.
But some people go to the extreme.
You know what I'm saying?
And I do a bit about it.
But if you in the hospital, like you go old vegan or you go,
I don't do the pill, don't do this.
But if your ass gets shot or break your fema, niggas, you're going to be reaching for that morphine.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
I stay away from people like that.
But you don't have to.
You don't have to what?
It's some people that don't want to do to what you call it.
It's special cases.
It's special cases.
But she didn't want to do the recovery shit, the opioids.
Who you're talking about this lady MMA fighter though.
Oh, okay.
Oh, she might have been struggling with a dish in all this.
And she did, and she did the CBD shit, she did some other shit.
And she said, you can hear yourself with your mind.
Oh shit, yeah, bro, that's...
Straight up, you can.
Like being shot.
I mean, you gotta have your right mindset, but you, yeah.
It takes a lot, but you can.
It's like the placebo effect that they're doing.
I'm taking, I'm not getting surgery.
The placebo effect of medicine.
Well, listen, let me tell you, sir.
I had some weird, some teeth removed, man.
And this motherfucker, I guess they got infected.
And my goddamn face, grew up until it was hurting.
They had to give me oxies.
Oxy on the shit got me right.
I was hollering.
I understand.
And then, too, when you go, I just had my colonoscopy.
You did?
Yeah, well, they got to put your ass under for that.
This demographic is.
You damn show can't stay away doing that.
You get into surgery, nigger.
They got to put you in it.
You gotta get that anesthesia.
That prophylaw, nigga.
They gave me that shit Michael Jackson.
Well, you are scaring the hose, digger.
Wait a minute.
They've got to put on a Trulivia commercial an all right now.
They put me under with Michael Jackson, that pro-pofolol, that white, that white milky shit.
Boy, that's shit.
Ooh.
Best sleep ever.
Man, that's your anesthesia.
Cut.
You have a problem with erected out?
The erected out is funky?
Your own sparks.
You don't know.
Yeah, man. Get, man, stay healthy, man. Y'all. Yeah, for real. Eat some greens, man, niggas. I
eat fucking lamb chops and all kind of shit. Eat some greens at your food.
For real.
Get you some spinach.
Like right now, I'm on, I take cholesterol medicine.
You're all right, man. You're all right, bro.
Your lip swelling up, you're on the mess.
Man, I'm trying to, you know what I'm getting conscious of.
But you should go home.
Come on.
I think you should put it in a doctor's notice since.
People put him out like that.
They're trying to hide the show.
But yeah, I got a little bit.
This nigga got a lip fill before he came.
Right, you know what I'm getting up in this bitch?
Nigger will try that bodice me up with a kid.
Niggins are trying to sweat up.
I'm like getting to try some new shit.
They try to Botox, do their sample?
Man, I let him hit me in the face come back.
Hit me in the face is crazy.
That's why I ain't say shit.
I'm like, whoa.
Man, they jab me in the face coming up.
Whoa.
Bro, when I was in the back eating the pizza,
just started tangling.
I'm like,
I have a shoe.
That what they call pussy
these day pizza?
You look,
cause you get up,
you like,
think of my shirt.
Out of the back
eating the pizza
my goddamn
right side
at a stroke.
Oh, man.
Dating this episode,
old nigga problem.
Oh,
nigga probably.
I'm a banana pepper
and die.
Come on.
I was in the back
eating the picture
my god damn.
Come on.
Is there some honey
in that?
God damn
I'm allergic to.
You get to the same days
you got to ask
what's in this.
Hey, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
well,
listen.
There's a head.
Ain't no nothing.
Y'all want to hear something deep, like, they say, you know,
for those of us who live, like, the next five years,
it's a strong possibility that we might be immortal due to the technology.
Man, shut the fuck up.
No, listen, listen to me.
That's a greedy nigger.
No, no, no, no, no, listen.
There will be an immortal nigger, but they just don't need.
No, they're saying.
Put my head on the computer.
Bro, no.
Put my head on the robot.
Man, I'm not going to keep switching.
I'm not going to keep getting you a new body, pop.
Bro, with the technology and they can look at your DNA and shit,
they will be able to fix it.
No, that's what we're going to be,
can't get your daddy, nobody.
This technology, a motherfucker.
That's going to hate me.
They ain't going to give me no car, nobody.
But I don't, I don't know if I would want to live to be a thousand years old.
I don't want to live that long, but if they come out with some shit
that's going to make you rejuvenate your hell, I'm going.
What will be your max, like one?
150, 200?
150?
No, they say
we are, like, bro.
Yeah, but what's the old capability?
Yeah, are you old like this?
Are you old like...
Yeah.
No, bro.
They...
Bro, they are, they are literally saying
they can repair shit, bro.
They can literally...
So they can also make you a better nigga.
They can get down to the cellular genetic level
that's manipulate shit.
I feel like you...
You know what I'm going on?
If we talk a comic book movie shit, put the nannas in my body.
Like, dog.
I'm gonna be an old, they're gonna try to rob me, break my arm,
and that bitch is going to snap back in the place.
You don't be like, choke the shit, I know I had a shirt.
Bro, like, on the real shit, if Earth, you know, survives, you know,
the other side of you or whatever.
It is.
We look like this, nigga.
We'd be sent up here like, nigga, 2,100 years old, nigga.
Man, I would not.
Nigel, we'll be straight.
I don't know what.
I would not be 200, right?
12,000.
You know, because the older you get the meaner, you know how mean you're going to be around about 900?
I get meaner every year.
You're going to be the meanest nigga on earth.
That's because you weren't like you, like you, that was slain in.
And then you think all the lies they didn't have told you.
You back to being a child, man.
You're a grown baby.
You shitting on yourself.
Like in 1,200, you're like, I really don't give a fuck.
I'm 1,200, bitch.
Ain't going to be no people to talk to if you live to be 1,000.
I don't want to be that.
All the better.
be some other niggas, twelve hundred.
You ain't gonna be the only one.
I ain't say, but you know I don't like
about movies about the future.
What's that?
Don't be no Mexicans.
Oh my God.
We just ain't heard their point of view yet.
But they ain't been no Mexicans in not one
futuristic movie, bro.
And they're gonna be the only one.
They didn't have one back to the future.
No, nigger who?
Uh-huh, he went to the La Bamba concert.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, what he did?
I think one of the man.
He went back, though.
One of the band members.
That's the past.
He went back to the past.
If Martin made Flath would have never went back in time,
Chuck Berry would have never got to play a day all white high school.
They always got to get the white people with credit for some.
Right, so we wouldn't have a rockin' out of the high school.
It wasn't more drunk of that time travel?
Yeah.
Fuck out of here.
That's how the shit be more believable than us do it.
This thing is a rock star.
Elians did it before niggas figured it out.
Come on.
Fuck your shit.
Niggas came down here and figured it out.
No, man.
That nigga said, hey, man.
Make the sides, fold them in.
Y'all doing it all wrong.
That's what they did.
They laid that bitch out, down, and then
they flop that bitch in.
They had like two big niggas.
Yeah, you seem to pop up houses?
Yeah, the giants.
They made that shit like how Mexican be making houses?
I just, man, wouldn't it come to all this shit
that's been popping up in the air and shit?
Like with the aliens and shit?
I'm sitting here thinking, like,
if they're the smarter motherfuckers,
how are we gonna catch them?
No, we're not going to catch them.
They're supposed to be like more intelligent.
Conspiracy theory.
So, hold up.
If they're intelligent, right, and they didn't travel across all these galaxies, millions and billions of light years away, right?
Why the fuck would they wait till they get the earth to crash?
Because, nigger, I'm gonna tell you now, there's a reason that they don't be giving a fuck about climate change and polluting.
That ain't got shit to do what I'm saying.
And polluting the air.
because they want to make sure the aliens can't breathe out here.
Your entire identity has been fabricated.
Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.
You discover the depths of your mother's illness
the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life,
impacting your very legacy.
Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro.
And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories
I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets.
With over 37 million downloads,
we continue to be moved and inspired
by our guests and their courageously told stories.
I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you,
stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths,
and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told.
I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests
for this new season of Family Secrets.
Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Adventure should never come with a pause button.
Remember the movie pass era? Where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9?
It made zero cents, and I could not stop thinking about it. I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast. There are no girls on the internet.
On this new season, I'm talking to the innovators who are left out of the tech headlines, like the visionary behind a movie pass.
Black founder Stacey Spikes, who was pushed out of Movie Pass the company that he founded.
His story is wild, and it's currently the subject of a juicy new HBO documentary.
We dive into how culture connects us.
When you go to France, or you go to England, or you go to Hong Kong,
those kids are wearing Jordans, they're wearing Kobe's shirt, they're watching Black Panther.
And the challenges of being a Black founder.
Close your eyes and tell me what a tech founder looks like.
They're not going to describe someone who looks like me and they're not going to describe someone who looks like you.
I created There Are No Girls on the Internet because the future belongs to all of us.
So listen to There Are No Girls on the Internet on the IHurt Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around.
On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all, childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the shrimp to make it to the other side.
My dad was shot and killed in his house.
Yes, he was a drug dealer.
Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner.
He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal.
he was shot in his house unarmed.
Pretty Private isn't just a podcast.
It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines.
Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private
from the Black Effect Podcast Network.
Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
The OGs of Uncensored Motherhood are back and badder than ever.
I'm Erica.
And I'm Mila.
And we're the host of the Good Mom's Bad Choice.
Brace's podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday.
Historically, men talk too much.
And women have quietly listened.
And all that stops here.
If you like witty women, then this is your tribes.
With guests like Corinne Steffens.
I've never seen so many women protect predatory men.
And then me too happened.
And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay.
Problem.
My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was going.
She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class.
I ruined my baby's first day of high school.
And slumflower.
What turns me on is when a man sends me money.
Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when the man sends me money.
I'm like, oh my God, it's go time.
You actually sent it?
Listen to the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network.
The I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast.
They keep, they fucking the air up on purpose.
Who the fuck said that they needed to breathe?
Who said the air and read oxygen?
Of course, they can't handle whatever the fuck
this oxygen then because they ain't breathing oxygen.
Yeah, what if the oxygen get too low
and they'd be like, nah, it's perfect.
It's the perfect time.
They don't know that they're running out.
I put it like this.
I talked to an alien, go ahead.
You did?
You talked to an alien?
Y'all go ahead.
What the fuck that?
No, you think you're gonna tell ya.
That they're talking to an alien and ain't gonna tell me.
That they got serious to tell.
I'm like, man, what the fuck?
Y'all know, y'all know more than me.
He talked to a message.
I mean, I just got one of my house right now.
I mean, I put him in my basket.
We flew past the moon.
I had it at my house through a Halloween.
My baby sister watched him while I was out.
The nigga called him on the phone home.
I built the ball.
All black people want to know from the aliens is
do we got anything to do with what y'all about to do?
Like, are y'all mad at us?
Because it really wasn't us.
All the shit that y'all beefing about got something to do with white people.
They wouldn't even let us holl at y'all at y'all.
So you got to look at it like this.
I'm just, I'm saying.
The aliens, when they fuck with black people,
look at how they fuck with us.
I ain't a lot of abductions.
Correct.
They, no, I think diggins are talking.
You know, niggins are talking. You know, niggins is just going to crack.
You don't think aliens abducted.
I think that's the government abducted.
They go get the scripted and the shit.
That's a break.
I knew it was the government when them people said they was getting their ass played with.
The government.
All the bandtragical shit you can do in the world.
You want to look at somebody.
playing my ass, y'all some sick fucks.
Okay?
I see why you don't have a whole play,
because you were fucking playing with each other's ass.
I'm here just playing with each other's ass.
In different galaxy.
I can't.
I see why y'all can't go home.
That's what a flag hole is.
You're all the assholes and threw out there.
We're getting all the pedophiles from all the other fucking.
All the ruined assholes that the aliens didn't tamper with.
They threw them out the spaceship.
him out the spaceship.
Get the fuck out of here.
I guess we're going to go to Earth,
bro.
Shit.
There's a bunch of them
down there too.
And there's like every time,
like, why don't nobody have a care of shit?
And the people are like,
y'all been out of this fucking with them
humans are.
Now that niggins smell like Earth.
Come on, man.
That's really what it is.
That should be interested, bro.
What's that?
You think about the galaxies and shit
and when the glows are talking about light years.
Yeah.
So a light ear is not a unit of time.
It's a measure of distance.
And one light year is like 6.5 trillion fucking miles.
Oh, you're hot.
No, I'm dead.
No, I'm dead.
I was thinking about that shit.
So it would take a human about 34,000 years to get to the other planet.
But it wouldn't.
But it wouldn't.
What do you mean?
Yeah, it would.
No, because you like go.
Not if you go with one of them.
6.5 trillion miles.
Put it in earth terms.
Put it in earth terms.
You put the shit in your phone, right?
It gives you the distance in a car,
and it gives you the distance on foot.
Right?
Okay.
The footway is the longest way
that you can fucking take, right?
Yeah.
You think these motherfuckers is taking the foot way?
No.
No.
They take it.
They're going, they're dipping in somewhere
and coming out somewhere because...
Oh, you're saying they're going through the wormhole.
Hey, bro.
Isn't they the black hole?
They do with some shit.
They're popping out on a...
Because if all time is infinite
and all that bullshit and strength
that type of shit, you got to keep this shit in mind
too. You're popping out somewhere else.
Support them.
It's only infinite to us.
That shit is crazy, bro.
The shit that they use and it ain't taking them that long.
They're doing this shit.
It's just like a nigga going to the stove fucking round.
Now I'm sure they're supposed to be over here fucking round.
Yeah.
But they still don't.
What are these just young aliens who got the car for the weekend?
Yeah.
So you think these Y is?
They're like, you want.
to go see it.
Oh,
you're not going to earth, bitch,
you're not going to earth, bitch,
like,
or,
or people
hell yeah, when you're smoking in this bitch?
Or peep this shit?
Yeah, yeah.
Are these motherfuckers like
super advanced humans,
like, because, like,
who are coming back in time?
Whatever they are.
You want the real?
Do you want the breakdown?
Whatever they are.
I gave you the real break down.
They, like, way,
more advanced than us. We can't even classify
what they are, nigger. They're some other shit.
They're only humans because
they got a body. That's the only shit that we
know to identify. These motherfuckers might
not even... Some of the motherfuckers ain't
even bodies. They're just like...
So look at it like this.
Thoughts and shit. Look at it like this. We
regular
to us. Right.
You understand what I'm saying? So
it's different, motherfucking
alien. As far behind
as we are, the advanced
motherfuckers that's got this place
it's an advanceder
way more advanced than that you understand
like it's different like you're saying
it's motherfuckers that ain't even dealing with
we don't shit no more
you know what I'm saying we ain't dealing with bodies
we're a whole consciousness and we've
all decided this is how we want
the shit to be and so
that's the shit to keep
the other motherfuckers from fucking us up
it's motherfuckers that would come down here and try to take the bitch
over and want to infiltrate the shit but I think
it's the more advanced motherfuckers
they're motherfucking scared of.
Hey, I got another question, though.
You think they got, like, aliens
that be in the slow class?
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
They're the workers.
Aliens have a helmet on and shit.
Yeah.
I mean, like, some motherfuckers
they'll never allow to lead a planet.
Yeah, that motherfucker just got the state.
Nah, that nigga ain't going to represent us.
How you all feel about Mars,
moving to Mars?
You know, they want to move on.
I'm not going nowhere.
I ain't with it.
Ain't no holes in Mars.
I don't even understand.
How bad is you land on fucking up the Earth?
I'm not going.
I ain't going nowhere ain't a hole, bro.
They ain't going.
Why don't they don't never go to that shit that's supposed to be, like,
right in this atmosphere that they could get to, like, the Super Earth?
Why don't they don't go over there?
Let me see that.
Let me see that line.
No, they didn't find, like, 19 planets exactly like Earth.
Oh, yeah, they're too far away.
Them shit's too far.
Them shit's like five years away, bro.
They're like five to six light years away.
Yeah.
We got to hit that portal, though.
They found it, so how we can't get to it.
Man, there's so much shit going on.
They ain't sending that shit in 1900.
Oh, that distance shit ain't real.
What if they just tell us to keep us
from time to go to that shit?
What if we are living in a simulation?
For real, that's how they do it.
But that's what they said.
That's what they said.
We are.
We're not real.
We are.
No, we're real.
No, everything in your body
make the simulation for you.
It is with...
That's the molecules.
I mean, the atoms, we all made about atoms.
Everything from your shock, real.
Everything, like, the shit don't exist
to you look at it.
Because this shit ain't back there
until I look back there.
That's not true, because I'm looking at it.
That's deep.
No, it ain't deep.
I'm looking right at it.
Point of view.
But when you're not looking at it, it's not there.
It is there, bro.
It never goes anywhere.
This thing has been here since four o'clock.
Think about this.
Your brain got to snap it in.
Think about your brain.
You got to snap it in and put it together.
You know there's something over there, Clayton.
And then you think about what's doing that?
That's the CPU.
That's your processor unit.
Yeah, your brain is a processor.
So the same way.
So the same way, like if you want a game, right?
Yeah.
If you turn around seamlessly the shit is behind you because it's being
rendered that fast.
That's what the fuck your brain is doing.
No, it's not. And think about this shit, don't.
No, it's not, bro. That shit was
here when I walked in.
It wasn't. I saw it.
It was not. For you, it was
not. It's for everybody that walks forward in here.
Unless a nigga, boomwalking this motherfucker.
They seen that. We're going deep.
We're going deep. I see what he's saying.
Wait, man. You don't see what he's saying, man.
You talk about quantum mechanics. We talk about quantum
computing. This shit gets crazy, bro.
The cat.
The cat is either in that motherfucker.
It can be dead or alive.
Until you check, it can be anything in between.
I do not care how to be in between.
That has been here.
Schrodinger, goddamn Dennis Schroeder.
Listen.
It has been here.
It was in last week when I was here.
It has been here.
Yeah.
It's not here for you.
It's not here.
You said it don't exist.
So that's different.
No, I said it's not there.
All right, that's the same thing.
If it ain't there, it don't exist.
No.
mean it don't exist.
What it mean?
Think about this,
help me out.
First of all, you, like I said,
your brain has to render it
and put it together.
Mm-hmm.
But once you do,
this is what makes sense
for you.
Who is, no.
This is what makes sense
for me.
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
No.
Okay.
I haven't having a hard time.
These motherfuckers,
really is just molecules
and particles
and different little wavelengths.
Yeah,
with that weed.
Down.
Spirit.
And all type of shit,
right?
So all the words you bought up in here,
No, no, no, no, I'm saying.
I'm saying.
That's weird.
That's what that is.
That is a bunch of shit to make up everything fucking back.
It's called matter.
That's you, that don't snap in until you look at it for you.
Right.
So when you look at it.
They're there for them.
Uh-huh.
They're there for them.
But I don't understand.
You understand?
I understand what you're saying now, but how does it mean they're not there?
It's not there.
What?
He said what, he said when I turn around, they're no longer there.
It's not there.
For you.
No, for you.
You said it.
They've been there for me since 4 o'clock, I told you.
For everybody, if I'm not looking at it, it's not there until I turn around and render it.
Nah, that's not true.
That's not true, bro.
And they called me like I had a baby, and I had that motherfucker didn't have a baby until I see him.
That's words.
Those are words.
And what if his, what if?
We're talking about what you're, what your, what you're.
eyes actually
no specific point of view.
You're talking about everybody's in the
I don't exist until I see it.
Everybody can only see what they see.
But this, my point of view about Denmark
on this computer
is when I see it, for show.
But, nigga, Denmark
already got his point of view
before I look at it.
No.
Also, so this that has no spirit,
no soul has a point of view.
How are you talking about?
No, whoever seen Denmark
how I know the same shit but different?
Whoever see this idea?
I know, say something about where is Denmark, what is Denmark?
Oh, I know Denmark.
You have your perception.
Talk to him.
Kind of what he's saying is like.
Nah, because he's on the same shit.
He can't talk to me.
We really only exist in the present moment.
Like two minutes ago no longer exists for the eternity of life.
And the next three minutes, we have to.
We don't know.
You were right, man.
Hey, welcome back to their fast.
Yo!
Hey, everybody, you had.
We've been talking about
you're on the earth
Galactic warfare
Egyptian pyramids
This is a picture of me in September
You see it
I'd be here
You ain't there until you go
There's a picture of me in September
Nick I'm in there
There ain't no picture of you
It's only a memory, nigga
It's a picture of you
So what's that?
A memory
What's that?
A souvenir
So guys, do you?
No, you got little you
in your father
He said the past don't time
So now if I take a picture of me
I make a little meat.
Yeah.
Boy, I got so many
a little mean.
What?
That's exactly what we had
as a society.
We make a copy of yourself.
It's so much better than how much
we don't even know what we disagree on.
There's so much better content.
I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about.
My weed is working.
I know that I'm on some.
Quantum canons, man.
Niggas there smoking that old zip.
Get ready for quantum computers.
We got this weed from real now.
The sad guy.
On the quantum physics.
And it's real.
I'm talking about the quantum computers.
right because right now we like at the theory of singularity bro like like this shit gonna be unrecognizable
no they're taking over we had the theory sync like technology is doing this think about it
everybody just calm down that shit that shit went from here now that shit is gone look hold of just
relate yeah put those a different music day away let the part let the matters it don't exist
oh let everything self everything don't
Let's a pimping fix all.
They ain't over there.
I know.
Just wait.
What, it ain't there until you look at it.
Oh, hold on you.
Wait, man.
I'm here with Clayton, bro.
I understand.
You got to keep them out.
I know they back there.
What if they're not?
You got to separate them.
What if you didn't see somebody leave and then you look back there and they're not there?
Did they disappear?
No.
They walked out.
What the fuck are we talking about?
Are we in an alternate reality right now?
If I call, if I call a brother in another country.
No, no, no, no.
Are they there?
No more hypothetical.
What?
Hold on.
Are they there?
What the fuck did you just say?
You say if I call a brother in another country, are they there?
Are they there?
They're they there.
Exactly what they had?
I don't know what the fuck.
I don't even like arguing while I'm high.
This is crazy.
I have to say something because the niggas not about to talk to me like this.
What do we eat?
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, me.
I'm talking to you.
Bigger's talking to me like crazy.
Bigger say they ain't back there.
Bro.
Them niggas ain't never.
Why you keep looking over there then?
This niggas dumb
This niggas is dumb
Go tell me they ain't back there
Okay
We're going to tell me they ain't back there
Unless I'm looking back there
As a third option
I'm gonna just tell you all back there
I'm gonna just tell
Boile
I don't know who's fucking back there
Bro we we
Do you think like
Sometimes I be thinking
We are on the simulation
With all this stupid
shit. Will you think about all
the dumb shit is happening in the world
right now? All the dumb shit
is happening right here right now.
Bro, just dumb shit.
Oh, dude, I'm crying Clayton. That's so funny.
It's like you can just be famous
niggas just going in colds or something.
Famous, my brother, go to cold.
Oh, what you talk about now, man?
Costco or something shit.
It's a real...
LaVar.
I missed the takeoff.
Hold on. Hold on.
LaVar, how close did you get to the blunt?
He got too close to me.
I ain't even smoke.
I know, but you had to.
I'm being real, bro.
I'm being real, bro.
You had to have this is a really deep philosophical.
I didn't know.
I might have to open the dough.
This is real, bro.
I'm being real, too.
You know, Clayton, it's cool.
They're not ready, bro.
I'm not ready.
I guess I'm not ready.
We'll be driving the space.
ship, dog.
Go back there.
Y'all be driving the spaceship.
You sound crazy.
You got a fly spaceship.
We'll be driving that.
She'll be on the road with a guy.
Oh.
You can't fly.
Oh.
Why, you didn't that motherfucker up?
No, no.
And then Lowe's do an L.S.
Swap in that, dude.
He put a V8 in that.
Lowe's dead.
We put them all in that bitch.
Mm.
I said, we're driving this station.
No, I ain't do it all that.
That big old fan, we go up.
Please don't come to mind.
I don't want to go.
I'm good on Earth.
Yeah, bro.
I hope we're good.
I hope we're good.
I don't like being in a plane for too long,
bro.
Don't put me on a spaceship.
But if they need me to go,
they can come get me.
How long can you be on a space shelter?
I don't know.
Because I don't think it's going to be like.
As long as you can be on a cruise ship.
It's not going to be that kind of time.
What you mean?
The time is going to be way different.
We're going somewhere.
Because time don't really even exist.
It don't.
Ain't on Monday.
There ain't no Tuesday up there
They had the show on HBO
They're supposed to take a space cruise
It's a spaceship, right?
That shit funny as hell
It just go for two weeks
It gets knocked off course
Yeah
These motherfuckers don't come back
At first it's like 350 years
Yeah
They're trying to get back on course
And they're like a 75 year
Yeah bro
They're about to die at every turn
But my man from house
What's the name in this show?
Oh
Avenue something
Five
I got you
Yes avenue five I believe
I'm gonna look it up
Oh, yeah.
Oh, let me finish introducing who we got in here with us.
Oh, we're still introductory.
Yeah, we still at the top of the charge.
Man, come on, man.
I ain't even told him that we got to know.
Uh, 85 South Show, guest of the year, nominee.
Yes, sir.
You might know him as a little bit.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
A little bit.
Nah, we got my daughter, Levard Walker in here.
Come on, man.
Yo man, it's a blessing to be back.
to be back. I ain't, I ain't been here
in a minute since COVID, since we had
the COVID show.
It's good to be back, man.
COVID didn't exist.
Things is beautiful.
It's looking like. No, no.
We had a good talk about that, man.
But it's a good deal, man.
I'm proud of y'all. Y'all are killing the game,
bro. And it's a blessing, man.
So love to the 85
team, the crew. So
much love here in this building, man.
It's just, I'm happy, man.
But we're glad that you back in here.
Oh, and, you know what I'm saying?
Shout out to you.
Lowe's is now my alumni member, Lose
with Xavier University.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I went to Zabia University, so that was cool.
I went seven years.
How old are you with?
About 30 some days.
You're not making me a bad to heat?
I was on the celebrated program.
He was on different, he was on different major.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we had different majors.
I was on my, I was getting my,
fucking with the,
probably do some science or some chemistry or something,
and, you know.
That's what he did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's using the pharmacy program.
Pharmacy program.
They know over that, too, though.
Xavier.
Yeah, Xavier, number one and putting blacks in medical school.
Yeah, I was, my major was probably going to be,
like, political science or something.
I could see that.
Because, you know, I was in.
I was taking this food chemistry class,
learning how that worked.
And then I was in.
New Orleans Studies
I had that
and then I had philosophy
I could have majored in philosophy
so because I got an A and that
they wanted me to be on the philosophy team
Yeah because you made like the Dean's list
Right yeah I was on the
Come on man
Come on man
That's all what I had all
A's and Bs I don't know what that mean
I was on the honor roll
Come on man
We gotta bring that back
Yeah you know
That's dope
We gotta bring that back
Philosophy really good
Yeah I'll be philosophizing
And what he was saying
was a little bit of...
I'm an existentialist myself.
You see what I'm saying?
What I'm saying is
that used to be a title
that white man could just have
just for speculating.
What you think that is?
Well, I think it's...
No, that ain't.
And he was a philosopher.
Yeah.
Well, most of...
Why we can't put that on at the end?
When we all go,
as comedians, we should be able to throw that on that.
Most of our inventions and technology
started from philosophies.
But they're asking a question
and trying to get that solution to that question.
Some of the coldest motherfucker
In the history of the world was just people who was asking why why and then you just start figuring at a time where people just shutting the fuck up
But you had to be in a place where they would let you ask why or you get burned I was getting motherfuckers killed it made you know to death
Yeah, yeah that's what made I ask you why we can't have no bad bids
Stone him
Off of his head!
Why didn't get all the bad bitches?
Stone him!
You didn't say he did.
Off his hat!
Br, you couldn't be that one-month-old
and sacrifice himself.
First, he's right.
You couldn't talk, bro.
Like, that's real shit.
That's real shit.
He took all the bad things.
Him too!
There was some different times, man.
But, nigga, you lived, you got, you know, a couple years
they had to lighten up on the...
Yeah.
Somebody got to be the sacrifice.
Hey, man, niggas didn't get a fuck about dying back then,
nigga.
You was an old man at 25, so shit.
Nigger didn't get a fuck.
Like, you was going to die out.
So I'm gonna talk my shit.
This is true.
I'm gonna die like everybody, all my friends dead.
That's my oldest friend.
Bro, because were you even-
Why are you in the war?
Well, you look at the harvest.
Like, bro, like, when you look at this,
maybe you're eating the cotton gin.
You can kind of tell the struggles of back of the day
because when you look at a 40-year-old in the 80s, man.
Geez, that nigger is already dead.
Start looking up like, oh, something.
sitcom people.
I did, how old they were
and how old they were playing.
Ray and Fox was 49.
On Savonerson.
His first season was 49.
They got the old lines of niggas and shit.
They'd be like that.
The niggas was in college?
That motherfucker would be oldest.
Bro.
There ain't the way to niggles in college.
They take that shirt off.
What's his name?
Otis Redding.
Sound like an old nigga at birth.
He got it 26, man.
God damn.
Don't look to the picture of.
That nigga looked like,
that nigga looked 50.
That nigga looked 50.
That nigga looked 50.
That d'nigel like Jane Brown.
52 in the face.
Oldish really looked like Jane Brown yesterday.
Brough, life was rough back then, man.
He was 26.
But you got to realize they were...
Jay Brown didn't so long.
He turned to an old gospel black girl.
That nigga turned to my head and jazz.
Bro, you got to realize, though, back in the day,
they was dropping out of school in third grade.
They had to go to school, man.
They had to help on the phone.
I got to work.
I can't go to school.
I look at my son in fourth grade.
That thing ain't worked.
He's nine.
I'm like, bro, I couldn't imagine my child waking up seven, eight years
So, well, they had to get to work.
This school shit ain't going to cut it no more.
You know what I'm saying?
He just out there toiling the soil and shit.
You got to walk to the plant.
You know what I'm saying?
And then I'm dying of colic.
And disillate.
Son, I need you to tend to the farm.
All right, Daddy.
I'm going to attend to the farm.
You go out of that school house and tell him you're not coming back.
and turn the game off.
No more iPad.
I'm down to Collick.
I take his iPad and PlayStation and you tend,
you tend to help your mother.
Go out there and tell some jokes.
Try those things.
There's a whole people.
Savages, bro.
There was, boy, we can't.
We stand on shoulders of giants.
We do.
We do.
We do.
What I said?
It just seemed impossible.
Impossible, man.
My grandma.
house had one of the only phones
in the city.
God, damn. Because her daddy
worked at the railroad. And you
had to have a phone if you worked at the railroad
because it basically meant
they could call you whenever the fuck
and your ass better come on. Bring it hammer,
nigger. So, like, people would call, the school
would come to their house to use the phone.
That's how crazy that shit was. Oh, she could have been
getting paid like a motherfucker, 15 cents every time. Come on,
get it to me.
That's a made money.
Well, I'm old enough to remember, like, just playing on the phone,
just fucking with the operator.
Remember the operator?
Operator.
I ain't never used to fuck with him, though.
Yeah, I'd breathe or something.
Yeah, you was weird.
One of them said, I'll cut off your line.
Oh, shit.
Oh, yeah.
Operator.
Remember you first discovered three-way?
Yeah.
Bro, that was like our social media.
I ain't the whole-ass niggas to call you on three-way with somebody
and asked you about something and they didn't tell you they was on the line.
You're a bitch-ass nigger, whoever you were.
I remember I had three-way, my homie had three-way.
Well, what you got to say, Tate?
I still fuck your bitch.
Yeah, I fought there.
He heard me like, damn, I got to fight this nigga tomorrow.
Digger, I had, bro, I remember I had three-way, my homie had three-way.
And nothing I'm about nine of us.
Y'all called the whole city.
So my homie like this girl, right?
We in like third grade, so he's like, do you like him?
Because he only thought like, you know, one person was on the phone.
So she only thought.
Yeah.
Y'all was on the phone her.
Well, it was like he thought that shit, he thought he was on three way with just the other person.
Then they called the girl.
Got you.
And then when the girl goes, no, then everybody.
She don't like you
It's nine niggas on the phone
Nine niggas on the phone
Just laugh
The whole school
Y'all ain't shit boy
Y'all is not a friend dog
That was a great time
Was y'all party line motherfuckers
Y'all be on the party line?
I never did that shit
I never understood why it even existed
I was afraid
Because I know that shit cost money
I did the 1-800
Hell no
None of them phone called shit was free
No the party line
When you called the city shit
I don't think that shit cost the money
I just paid like $3 of money or something like.
And they always got like $11.
Yeah, he had to pay it was, it was on the phone being.
Because everybody ain't having it was a feature.
You know, you used to have on the city now.
You used to have to buy the features.
Like everybody didn't have a three-way.
Everybody ain't have a call waiting.
Yeah, $6.9, you didn't have a call blocking.
Yeah, call ID.
Yeah, yeah.
That was a flex.
Had that shit on your phone.
Hey, motherfucker, did you just call here?
No, I ain't called you.
Yes, the fuck you did.
We got call out deep, bitch.
They'll be playing on our phone.
We're serious.
Right.
Hitting with that Star 67 before you hit him.
Right.
Block your shit.
Y'all grow up with a phone number.
That boy, head, what did you come?
That's funny.
But John's gonna look the shit out money.
Hey, shout out to Roy Jones.
I smoked, I drank, I don't.
Shout out to Roy Jones.
I had to get back to Atlanta before.
That ain't even his best hit.
What's his best hit?
Y'all must have forgot.
No, smoke I drank is that one, J-O-N.
That's a boozy song, though.
Hold on, but J-O come on me, but I smoke, I drank just that's the best song, bro.
I mean, I liked the song before he got on it.
But it ain't his, it ain't.
Before he got on it.
Right.
It was already.
Bootsie song. He just came and spilled his old verse or not.
I smoke, I drink, I tote that eye.
That I.
I stay red and my goods, they fightin.
That I.
That I.
That I.
That I.
Motherfucking Boosa.
Boussa had them hits, man.
That nigga got undeniable music, right.
That shit is just, and it's going to live forever, because like every time you go back to
a HBCU or something around it, they're playing all his.
It was a whole time period, man.
Yeah, hell yeah.
That nigga was running.
The DJ didn't even start playing Bootsid about a left buddy.
When parties was real.
Make sure the real niggins.
Because he knew when he played Boosid niggins, all these niggins
fin the act of motherfucking fool.
Boosey made you feel like you was talking to him,
even though you ain't know what he was talking about.
Remember we was walking to the wien of schnitz
so we were shone on the special.
Yeah.
Yeah, I feel like I was.
I'm with y'all at.
We was in Bat Roo, right?
Well, walking to the winner's shit, so we were shone on the special.
But that nigga don't live 40 lives, man.
Right.
Real, for real.
He rapped about all of them.
Had to.
They're talking about their clubs ain't really dying no now, man.
It's because shit ain't fun no more.
It's New York's fault.
New York, you blame me, New York?
Say that loud.
Say it's.
It's New York's fault.
I think I got a mic on.
Because they started the sections and got rid of the dance for it.
Shode it.
New York City.
Started sections.
Started sections around the whole club to where you come in.
You have to either get a section or stand at the bar.
Sections as we know it now.
I'm sorry, yes.
Sections like where there's a club only section.
There's nowhere to party mingle.
You were either at the bar or you bought a section.
And that has ruined the interaction, the dancing, the enjoying the music.
I stopped going to the club, bad, what I knew, bro.
In Atlanta, back in the early 2000s, I found out very quick.
You know, they used to get a free ticket to the club.
Shit, you found out quick, your ass ain't nothing but a pawn, nigger.
You go with the free.
ticket, it's free ticket.
As soon as you park, what happened?
Oh, you got a stand in line.
You pulled up $200 here, $50 down the row.
You're like, fuck it for the park.
Then you get in line.
They just hold your ass.
Yeah, they take your hat off.
You talking about how long ago?
I ain't go to close about that.
It was early 2000.
If I ain't know somebody that's about to get me in this motherfucker,
Scott free and smooth, I'm not going.
So the same shit you said?
And the same shit, y'all said?
It's more not.
$20 parking.
That's good.
Now, some of these motherfuck will be charging $60.
I'm cool.
A hundred.
I don't know if you want to be where you can see your shit.
Magic Monday is $100 starting at 9 o'clock.
I know.
It's still jumping on Monday night.
But think about it, though.
I'd rather pay that and have a real person watching my shit
than to go pay.
Then to pay 50 and your shit just just.
but niggied and vulnerable.
The nigga died,
but on the side of magic shit.
I don't think that nigga
buss up for your car.
I don't think.
Nah,
I used to say,
eat that shit.
It was a nigga that used to,
it was a homeless nigga,
but that nigga was,
I don't know,
he must have been in the military
or something.
He wasn't playing by them
cars on the side
when you gave him some money.
I swear to God,
man, he passed away.
You ever get fooled
by the nigga in the vest?
This shit happened to me.
Not over there.
Man, I paid a nigga.
$50.
Came back my shit.
Was booted the fuck up.
He thought it was a booed.
God, he's got my ass.
The crazy that part is, the boot nigger is parked in the parking lot.
Watching you park your shit.
As soon as you walk off that nigga hit you with the boot.
That nigga, look at the highlight, man.
If I'm going to make some money and we said it's part of the assholes too.
Hey, man, it's what it is, man.
Ain't that I can't do, man.
And then niggas be strapped too, so you can't read the same situation.
I didn't heard motherfuckin said that's what made him quit doing that.
He said, nigg got the drop on him.
Yeah.
Chacklack, take it off.
He said, yep.
Yep, you got it.
Let's put it on.
You know, it wasn't even on for real.
Hell, my partner, man.
I'm just on this side.
Now, he's working my side.
I don't work on his side.
This ain't even me, bro.
I don't know why he did it.
You part right.
See, that'd be the type of shit, though, that turn people off from going out.
You go out, you out for an hour.
Now, you got a $700 busted window problem.
And we ain't even in the club yet.
We ain't even got to the end the club problems.
We're just pulling up.
Pulling up, that's the issues.
I like being VIP on the couch.
with my wife, we just be in there chilling.
I start going to the club because you meet the side bitches.
Like, I go to the club to meet women, you know what I'm saying?
Talk to him.
Talk to him.
Talk to him.
How old are you not talking?
A couple weeks later.
Hold on, let me stand it's my story.
He's still trying to get them young holes.
Let him rock.
Let him rock, man.
With his legs crossed.
How old did you die?
Yeah, man.
44, man.
Forty-four.
You need to start going to the line.
lounge. No, I don't go out
no most.
Go to the lion.
The comedy club is my head.
You know me.
Go to the lion.
Take your head to that goddamn cigar bar, man.
Come on to the cigar bar.
You can sit and talk?
Nah, uh-uh.
Oh, that bids in the, I still get them in the 30s.
I ain't saying you don't, but it's just so chill, I can't be able to.
These stories be too sad for me and the cigar.
All the women, they all have been hurt by them rich niggas and just smoking.
Smoking them cigar.
I'm not trying to get away from their wife and shit.
I ain't trying to hear them story.
Hell no.
Just like I got married.
My very marriage.
Yeah.
Didn't get out of here, bro.
Ain't never in your life, man, the nigger named Cecil.
That niggas at the cigar boy.
He had a, definitely at the...
Matter of fact, we just had our...
We had our J5.
I was around a bunch of Cecils.
You fucking around one at the 285.
We had a fraternity celebration.
Like I found this day, I brought the old schools.
My kids love you.
All of them.
No, nigger.
Oh, no, fuck a cigar.
And then you can't smoke weed in a cigar.
I'm like, nigga, I'm trying to help.
Oh, that niggins look at you like, boy, you tripped.
Come on, man.
Cigar, stank.
You damn, want you coming in there smelling like weed.
I'm like, bitch, it already stank in here.
Yeah, it's already stank in here.
I know you, I'm like, too.
You smell like a wet rag in this bitch.
Smell like Waffle House.
Fucking up, dick, young blood.
Like I said, I'd just be chilling.
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I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.
Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.
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Adventure should never come with a pause button.
Remember the Movie Pass era, where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9?
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I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast, there are no girls on the internet.
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Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
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On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experience.
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Nah, niggas don't really go to clubs no more, man.
You know, it's a young nigga's gay, no, anyway.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, we didn't even talk about the violence.
It's so violent.
I haven't been to a violent club in a long time.
But it's definitely chances of violence
at the club.
I don't went on a road.
some young niggas and we, you know, go to a spot
and I've been back in that element, like, yeah,
we probably need to get out of here, fellas.
Ain't no, uh, ain't no section for real.
It's just a rope.
Yeah, and the way the economy is,
a nigga be in the section,
a whole bucket of water, you know,
all bottles of water.
Hydrated in the motherfuckers.
Chilling, no liquor.
That's because it's hot as fucking the club.
And they made it like that.
Ain't no AC.
Carraising heater.
Section with 30 niggas in the section.
All like all the extra,
all the bottle shit, man.
Come on.
What's what all the parricers?
techniques. Yeah.
Nick, if you're bringing sparklers out, we got
hookas and cords running around.
This shit is flammable, man.
You seen the clubbott?
You see in the club fire?
Bro.
Every time, every well,
this shit dame.
Every time in Atlanta.
Every time.
Bro.
Yeah, I tripped over a hookah cord.
I burn a focus.
I'm going to put it up so fast.
Bro, when I see the bottle girls, do you know
what thought comes into my mind?
Like, it's it like, when they come out, no, when they come out there,
all I be thinking about sell, one of these bitches probably just got to argue with a man.
She in the middle of the argument right now.
I'm at work, shit.
They're texting it.
She got to still go out of that boy fucking and dance, niggins, and fucking, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, my God.
Hey, don't bring those foggler if I bought one bottle.
So you said in the club got fucked up when they're a day and got too flammany.
This shit turned the homelow.
They're trying to look like your passion
trying to get out.
Did you all see that club that got shut
like they had evicted the club?
Yeah, that was
red martinia.
Yeah, they threw all that shit out the back.
Yeah, that shit was packed on R&B Wednesday.
My fucker were pulling over getting them cases.
Nah, niggas, it wasn't like the club
wasn't making no money.
Niggas was stealing, you know what I'm saying?
They were so stealing when they evicted them.
Oh, so they cleaned them out
and they disappeared.
The nigga that knew that they was probably getting kicked out
Probably didn't say nothing
Because they probably was the one stealing
So then they just come one day
The employees don't even know
And all their shit is out back
And letting know for that
That's fucked up too
Because it's so many people
That work that nightlife shit
And they ain't been paid
And these motherfucking
They took their tips
And you know that's what the fuck
They work off of
Like
Yeah this shit
Yeah I'd be like that
Yeah
Yeah
Or either that or they get washing money
Through that motherfucker
Yeah
All the comedy spots
We used to do that
I used to be like six months.
The niggas was watching that money.
I ain't going to say the name one of them,
but y'all know the one of them.
Oh, I remember a huge shit.
I could tell them.
And I appreciate them, too.
Shout out to, I ain't going to say.
Yeah, I was getting money.
Shit, there's one fucking be two people in the audience.
But, fuck, here you go, man.
And here's your bread.
I'm like, all right, bro.
You have your money.
What time you're pulling up?
Right.
Come on, man.
They meet you all saying, throw you that luck.
Them james be big, the big, the big true religion's on.
Yeah
They can have a Yankee fitter
It's a big gym
I got you gonna like tonight
Man you wanna go on starting
915
And never worried about the crowd
Never
Hey man
Shit we didn't wait for a few more people
We're ready to go
Whatever you ready to go
Is he gonna say we're gonna start at 1915
See what we're looking like
When you're performing at a small show
Sometimes you'd be like
God damn
And it'd be like four or five people
They'd be like why the fuck
The Jolly come to this shit
Do you ever think like that
What's the smallest amount of people
I ever perform for?
Me?
and all of shit
two
two
bro
fuck him
odio del
I'm gonna call the nigga out
Nard
that booked me
at Charlie's
nigga
and not
Where's
Charles
Charlie's this old bar
Like a Decatur
or something shit
Bad
Oh yeah
I come there
It's a little microphone
There
I'm like
That was the shit
And then I'm green
You know you're a young
I'm green
With the heaters in the club
Bad I
Probably
But you know you're a green
you young, you know, you're listening to the old jeans.
They were like, Levi, man, this, you know what I'm saying?
You gotta do your thing.
Like, for real?
Yeah.
Two people at dinner.
I'm sitting.
Yeah, that, nigga.
I mean, that shit was crazy.
At least it was local.
The worst shit is out of town and the motherfucker would be like.
Oh, man.
That shit would be that shit like, why did I call?
Wow.
Well, I did that guy did.
When Chuggles was in Jackson.
Oh, shit.
Nigga, a rat ran across the top of the
motherfucking thing when I was on stage of Jackson
and chuckle. I can say that because they closed
down now, but yeah, nigga, a rat.
I'm on stage and I see a rat on the little ledge
right now.
And he looked at you like, you bet not to say it.
I'm not back here.
If you don't look at me, I'm not here.
When I tell y'all, I did a full weekend
with 20 people.
The whole weekend, like
three, one show, five of them.
I think they were Washington and Jackson, though.
Man.
Shuckles, I think they was on, I mean, Memphis was on real shit,
but Jackson was Washington, bro.
Because ain't no way.
No, I ain't going to say that about nothing recent.
No, they both closed down.
Oh, okay.
It's over, man.
Shout out to.
Because, again, the niggas didn't care.
They didn't care.
They didn't care, but it's, oh, man, they ain't going to fuck.
They did care, but you, but you, what's all that worrying going to do?
And I think that's just black people.
Well, I'd have been in a club, man, I'm worried, is what I'm saying.
They're like, damn, man, shit, I don't know what I don't know us.
Yeah, but what does that do?
It don't do shit.
It don't.
It don't.
No, it don't.
But niggins still do it.
I sit in, I have, man, if you don't know what you ain't do this shit?
Call it a day.
Call it a motherfucking day.
All of the day, bro.
How about the shows where the show in the after party is in the same building?
Oh, gosh.
We're not going nowhere.
And we can do it whenever you want to do it, baby.
Hey, y'all good.
Do your things?
Move them chairs.
We here all night.
I ain't met him call us.
Good night.
Dude, dude, do the stangling right when you was on stage at.
Break that ball!
Break that stage down.
Break that stage down.
Hey, lay that stage on the floor.
That's the dance floor.
Shit is, but you did your thing.
Hey, the stripper's going to be here at 1.30.
I got something for you, too.
Hey, man.
Nigger, man, walked you around that bitch out.
Hey, hey, don't forget, I got something for you.
Man, what you got for you?
This nigga get you $17 worth of week.
Put that up.
Look, this ain't left a half.
Put that up.
Put that up.
Niggott ain't gave you a blood in the hand.
What would you say your absolute worst show was?
What was your worst?
What was your absolute worst show in the history of your career?
I can tell you, man.
Shit, I don't know.
The worst?
Worse, bro.
I don't know.
I wouldn't hold that as a memory,
even if I knew.
I don't track on it.
Yeah, I don't track on.
The one that I guess
that had two people is what I did.
One, fucking my OD.
I could tell y'all my absolute worst show,
bro.
Uptown.
Old Uptown, the one on Peachtree.
You put you around it for that one?
Nope.
These Tree Street uptown.
They were super booed your ass in that motherfucker.
You had like 20.
seconds. It was ridiculous.
Mm-hmm.
Man.
Man.
Bro, I got all my friends together.
The girl I was taking at the time, my
homie, his girl.
Yeah, that's what did.
They didn't like you either.
That's what did.
It was patch.
That shit ain't that better than you.
So you had to walk
you had to walk through the crowd
to get on the stage and when you
walked off, you had to walk back
through the crowd, bro.
They called my name.
My people with.
Man, I get on stage, bro.
I just black out.
I just...
What did you say?
What you have on, bro.
I didn't know what to say.
Oh, yeah.
I had a lot of...
Man, you know, I was dressing up.
I thought they had, like, a little budding down, like, vast.
You know what I'm saying?
Like a little vass, nigga.
And I got up to...
I got up there.
I was like...
It was a viz.
I got up there.
I was like...
I looked at everybody.
I was like, give it up.
Get up.
Get up.
Lebar walk.
I got up there. I got up there. I was like, yeah.
He brought you a little. He brought you good?
I'm booed and shit.
No, he bought me up cool.
Okay.
I was like, yeah.
Rest a piece, Nard.
Yeah.
That nigger.
You all, oh, you're all the way.
Mine went blank.
You ain't even babble.
They just start booing me relentlessly.
I heard a little ball and used to let out this shit.
Ah!
Boo! Get your hands on stage, d'ning.
Wait, wait a minute.
And look.
How long are you up there?
Right.
It felt, nigger, nigger, it felt like, it felt like,
I did not know, nigga, I was done, bro.
I remember the lights and I remember the booze.
Did you say anything?
Bro, all I remember is trying to get off the stage.
And that motherfucker was small when I walked up there, bro.
But that shit turned into the runway at Atlanta Jackson's Hartfield, nigga.
And I felt naked.
And it was just like, it was like, and as I'm walking up,
I'm walking in slow motion.
I keep forgetting my shoe
and I'm going back.
No, I'm telling you how I felt.
It's like the more I walk
I keep, you need, the first I walk,
look, the furl I walk,
look, the first I walk,
the bigger the stage back,
and then my shoe,
I had to go back for my shoe
and they kept booing.
And then I went to sit by my people,
nigger, we had the table,
we at the table.
So they're at the table.
So, nigga,
Nigga, I duck,
nigga, I'm sitting at the table,
nigga, I slouch.
Nigga, I slouch down.
You got small at Mario?
My motherfucking eyes was like right here,
bro, because it was so packed.
We didn't just get up and leave.
How your people was looking at you?
Nigger.
Oh, it was just, it was terrible.
That's the worst.
When your people come with you,
you know, and you get booed,
they don't want to be around you.
I brought a bitch, and I did not do well in front of her.
It was one of them little old people loud spots.
Damn.
And then the bitch, I had to drive her home.
Oh, man.
It was crickets in the car.
And the bitch was like, maybe you shouldn't try to worry about the flamengo.
Bitch, if you don't show up.
But look, look, look, look, when you bob, give you no advice right now.
Look, look, will you bomb real bad to get booze?
The worst shit is that one nigger.
Hey, man, you go be, keep doing your thing.
Dude, that big, he's going to find you.
He will find you.
Hey, man, don't even trip.
Don't know what is?
The fuck the point is he fights and you find out he a comedian that ain't shit.
Ah, boy, you need, bro, you don't ask me, you need, you need consoling, nigga.
I'm like, God, damn.
And then, and then, big, I thought I got booed, I thought I got booed, no, I would up there, yeah, that dick, that dick is a dick,
gonna be on suicide watch tonight I'm like god damn he was killing me even more but I hate
when a nigga boo yeah I mean I want a nigga bomb and he tried to bring another
nigger in there with him yeah just stop and do the show my nigga loosed some love
no you what man hey oh hey you know what he used to make me mad with you that's your boss
Did I like this shit?
Hold, who did they in my mom, nigger?
Oh, shit.
Hey, you know what used to make
a nigger mad? He used to host a lot of shit.
See, nigga, bomb, and they were like, hey, they appreciate him.
Oh, don't fuck that on me?
Man, take your ass home.
You got boot juice on you.
Get in the shower and burning clothes.
Don't ever wear that again.
Hey, but some of niggas be trying to leave,
I remember nigg used to wouldn't let niggas leave
after bombing.
You're like, stay your ass over here?
What?
Hey, where you're going?
At the door.
Oh, look.
One time, one time me, Katov, and Ronnie Jordan did by Dostas State, bro, and I'm like, we roasted
and shit, I'm, we roasting and the van and shit down.
And, I'm on fire, nica.
I am killing these d'niggas.
Man, I went out to that motherfucker, man.
And bombing in front of Katov, he is relentless.
Bad idea.
And we all.
control out there in the van together, bro.
Bruh, listen, man.
You should have stayed about that.
I went out there, man.
These motherfucking kids got the bull in my head.
K.N.
Like, I see you, boy.
I was like, God.
Damn, they had to ride in the van.
I was just thinking, that nigga was sitting there.
I'd never get this.
It was me, him, and Ronnie.
And Katoz in front of that man,
that dink, look back to me.
He opened a glove compartment.
LaVa, get on in there.
You don't, get on in that, get on in that,
get on in that glove, barbubber.
Show your love
Show you love
Get on in that gloves
Get on in that
Get on right there
You're gonna get right there
All you get my ass
From Baldosta back to Atlanta
nigger
I'm like God
I mean to pause
No don't even
Stop playing you ain't got a pause
I ain't say that
Whoa
I think the worst show I had though
Is when I did that
That shit at the crow's nest
You got what?
No when they used
to do the male review after the comedy show.
Oh, man, not...
I didn't know the...
You're gonna say in this story.
I didn't know that that was...
Yeah, like the worst show.
This is a male review.
That's the worst show in the room.
All women in there.
I ain't knowing that...
I didn't know that they was having a male review.
Oh, that's fucked up.
So you was before the thing...
Before they come out.
Well, Wanda Smith was hosting tonight.
They be out there.
They don't tell you about the shit
that they really came from.
Them bitch is being in love with them.
They be having gifts and shit.
They'd be spending money.
So you was in.
They had the show before that.
Wait, how you know all this? You were going to watch the show?
No, because we did that play date shit at the same hotel one time.
And I was like, where's all these women going?
And then they broke it down to me.
Bitch had a bunch of shit.
I don't know.
They needed somebody to open up while they was getting...
But it didn't have shit to do with the show.
It was like two comedians just like a feature in the headland.
And then they do crab legs.
And then they do the strippers later on.
I wasn't at the shit.
I didn't see no strippers.
I was just wondering why these women were so goddamn aggressive.
No, they was in the grave room.
You know, this is a bunch of big, nigger.
No.
Do you comedy?
Have y'all ever had to follow a band?
No, that's shit funny about what we do.
Have y'all?
Do jokes.
Have y'all ever done a college and had to follow a band?
No.
Nigel?
I had to follow a band.
What kind of bad?
The band, nager.
They put, nigger, I had to perform at lunch.
Two comics went up.
The band came out and,
march and play.
Throw the marching band.
Yeah, the band.
They're getting down and shit,
and then they bring my ass out there.
You ain't better than the band?
You was on the field?
Yeah, yeah, that's tough.
The band ain't shit.
No, I had to, no, I just thought all I did,
I did good, because I just
re-enacted everybody in the band.
What they was doing and shit like that.
I had to adapt real quick.
How about said that shit's like that?
But that's easy, do, man.
Sometimes I'll be feeling like the colleges
that set you up to fail.
They want you to do a show in the middle of the train and shit.
In the middle of the court and them niggas be way to the fuck out there.
Oh, this is the worst setup ever.
I don't never want to do an outside show.
I did a show in a fucking watchtower.
They did a one o'clock show at the mile.
A lot tower at the jehovah's hall?
No, a nigga, it was like a clock tower, sorry.
Oh, my God.
Like right on the shit in the middle of the fucking quad on the school.
Hey, I'm in the cafeteria in the front.
They were just sitting like around in the quad.
And I was, then the stage was the little watchtower done.
I mean, the clock tower.
show in the commons area
like where they live at
yeah like where they buy the
not the commas like the uh the union
oh the student union
the commons in me surprised sometimes
I'd be like this I did this where we doing it
I didn't want to that library
bro bro I did
yeah that's my dorm
bro what the fuck are we doing man
I did Missouri Western bro and that shit happened
I'm like we're waiting in the cafeteria
and they're like yeah we're going to start
the show in about two minutes
yeah I did that shit
in the cat.
I didn't shit
a clean
collard
the fucking
guess what
saved me
at that show
I'm up there
you know
the kid
brud
they had a little
a little
midget
a cabeteria dude
did work
he came out there
in the tray
oh God
he saved me
it was like
God sent him
sent him
to walk in front
of the stage
oh they went up
he got a lid
they went up
yeah
he's still there
oh I'm sure he is
he's still working
you beat your head
about that tall
at least yeah
I think he purposely did that to get that.
He probably, like, like that shit.
You ever did the school so small,
you just do the shit in, like, the locker room
or, like, what, a football team had that meeting?
Oh.
That's, I did one at the library.
I was like, you really want me to be in the library?
You're going to fuck where it is.
I'm coming.
This shit is 13th grade.
What kind of college is this?
Come on, man.
I did a lot of wild-ass shows, man.
Just random-ass shows, I would say.
Yeah.
In random-ass places.
I usually like to do that spot you had off old nationals.
I used to perform for Narcotics Anonymous in Birmingham every new year.
Damn.
You know it's a video of us roasting each other in throwbacks, bro.
Oh, yeah.
It's all those of me, you ashamed.
You miss throwbacks?
Yeah, brother.
That was fun, man.
That was a good time, man.
Real ghetto shit.
Hell yeah, niggas shooting pool and shit TV's all.
Good-ass wing.
You see all the comics you like, too.
Yeah, bro.
It was love, man.
And the people in there was, like, they was, like, extra fans.
They was like, they treated us like pit bulls.
Hey, man, Joe those dink in there!
He's going to $100 up my nigga, hey, they're going to fucking land with, for the guy.
Yeah, that shit was.
Yeah, that's when you knew a nigga was hitting when niggas would stop shooting pool.
Yeah, you catch them a nigga in the back.
Niggas put their sticks up for a second, nigga, just watch that bitch.
They listen to you, man.
How was y'all first time doing Frozen Palace, man?
I never done it.
Oh, they loved me up in that, motherfucker.
Man, I got through it.
From day one.
I got through it surprisingly.
And I already heard the shit about it, but I was like,
all I could do was talking about what the fuck was up in this bitch.
And when we first started, remember, they were ragless.
We had no fear.
Like, I, if I would have known shit, I probably should have been fearful.
Right?
If I would have left, if I remember, I'm talking about the old frozen before they had added the little back back there.
You remember when that motherfucker before they had the back right there?
Because they had extended it one, like two times.
Yeah, that's where you do it in the back.
Yeah, but the stage was still in the middle.
Yeah, I remember the first time I did that shit I roasted their goddamn club so hard.
Yeah.
It felt like Muhammad Ali when I left.
They gave me a 50-piece wing that people carried me to the car.
We're always welcome.
I know Big Sean and book me.
I was getting kind of funny.
It was a late night spot anyway,
so they didn't get a fuck.
It was a vibe in that too.
That was a motorcycle motherfucker pulled up, man.
The older women in there selling pussy.
It wasn't packed the later I was there.
It was all your ghetto dreams,
but when it was packed, that shit used to be, yeah.
Whatever they're cooking in the back,
you can smell that shit.
All them old ladies in there selling pussy.
Those old niggins in there buying it.
Come on, man.
That shit of Walgreens, man.
That shit of Walgreens, man.
That shit was fun, man.
We had good times, man, comedy.
It's comedy shit, man.
Nigger Dugans.
Oh, I doggins on Memorial Drive was the shit.
Come on, man.
Stant was hosting that, yeah?
Yeah.
Who was hosting that?
Stam had that bitch lit.
The show was.
Yeah, I was like my first year in comedy he was having that shit.
I did that.
All the Dugans that they ever did comedy had, though.
Yeah.
That one was, that one was, it felt like it was built differently than them.
They did J.R. Crickets.
We used to do shows at barnacles, names.
Barnacles on the east side.
I mean, up like, you ever do stand-up?
Did you ever do pin-ups?
Yeah, I used to host them with tonight at pin-up.
Dennis Clark had me up there one time.
Dennis Clark, man.
Denny, Jibon.
Them some duddy.
This a dutty.
This is a ditty.
They're some d'ad.
They love that story about Dennis Clark.
That's all I say, Dennis Clark, K.
What you said, Jabbaugh, you're funny.
You're animated.
And you're doing your motherfucker and you're doing your motherfucking thing, Jabba.
Yeah.
And I get around to turn your time.
Nick, I had a road to a show with Dennis Clark
and his daughter and his lady, man.
Oh, no.
Where the fuck was we going?
It was a...
What is it?
Hinesville, Georgia.
I heard that.
You remember Hinesville?
Who was the nigga?
What's the nigga name that had the shit down there?
Boy, you mean some characters in this shit.
Nigger.
The nigga used to want to host the show, too.
Was it oldest old dog?
No, the nigga, I can't think of the nigga name.
Damn.
Yeah, but, yeah, Dennis Clark was hosting that show.
Oh, fat cat?
Fat cat.
Fat cat.
You didn't do fat cat, mom.
Fat cat.
Oh, man.
Fat cat.
Oh, man.
Fat cat.
Shut up.
You used to have them shows in the most random
man's places, man.
Like MacBooza used to do them shows, and you fall in Alabama.
You follow.
Fuck with me, man.
I got a room and you follow.
Yeah.
Him and T.
And T. Ray will invite you to the most random place.
Shut up.
I got a room.
in a rocket point
North Carolina.
What the fuck is Rocket Point?
You ever heard of High Point?
Yeah.
Keep going north.
It's Rocket Point.
It's Rocket Point.
They will keep them
little random-ass rooms
popping off, bro.
Shout out to the comedy room.
Yeah, bro.
That kept some food
in the stomach.
Man, I used to love them
comedy rooms.
Where it be a restaurant, for real,
with a fucking whole stage in it.
Come on, man.
You gotta enjoy the journey, man.
Tickle me too.
You know the difference in comedy back then was like you really had to like prove yourself.
You know what I'm like you had to because you were obscure.
Nobody knew the fuck you are.
You in front of strangers.
It was fun though, man.
And then your ass got to get up there and got damn.
That way you hit him, but you got to keep in mind.
These be small towns.
So it's like, and you can say, look back and say it ain't shit.
But this was the shit that they chose.
This was they weekend.
You know, yeah.
It wasn't shit else to do.
That was there.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
They show love like a marvel.
Yeah, yeah.
He was like, we get him?
Oh, nigga, especially when that thug, nigga, like you,
you can't get that nigga.
Oh, he did all night.
That nigga, nigga, you know.
Hey, man.
I don't laugh at shit.
You're going to tell this, nigga, man.
I ain't never laugh my whole motherfucking life, nigga.
You're doing your motherfuck thing.
That didn't want to let you leave,
nigger, nigg, stay in up, though.
Stand up.
That's you, OG.
You're going to get it.
Hey, man, anything you need.
I got you.
They call it for the bill.
Is you about to go?
They call them for the pill.
Yeah, don't go to them.
No, my man.
Yo.
That's how you got to dip off.
That nigga is with you,
you're funny than a motherfucker, man.
That's how that shit be, man.
That shit is love.
Thugged out comedy, bro.
That shit was crazy.
Did you ever do the movie theater in Chicago?
Did you ever do the movie theater in Chicago?
The movie theater.
Nigger, outriggers.
I know.
You never did this shit.
You never did out of Chicago.
No, I did.
I didn't go home.
When I first went back home to do comedy.
Look real was awesome this shit.
No, when I first went back home to do comedy, I had done Comic View.
And I went to jokes and notes.
And they didn't know who I was, you know what I'm saying?
But I had to, you know, I used to do the TI joke and all that shit.
And then, niggas was like, yeah, you're going to go first, man, because we don't know.
I'm like, oh.
Okay.
Shit.
Oh, God.
Big motherfucking.
Nick, Mary bust out the back door.
Who is that?
I was headlining that bitch, like a few months later, bro.
And that's when, like, that's what I liked and admired about the game back then
because the hard work and the talent really met something.
You know what I mean?
The importance of having that five minutes.
Yeah, bro.
I love that.
Just to take me.
Come on.
And they don't know you.
They don't know you?
Oh!
Y'all ain't seen this?
Y'all ain't seen nothing like this.
About a surprising with that.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Yeah, that shit used to be fun.
That was a great club.
Hell, yeah.
Shout out to Mary.
Yeah, Mary Lindsay.
I did the festival with Little Rail,
the What's Funny Comedy Festival that he does,
and they gave her a tribute,
Mary Lindsay.
That's what I said.
Mary Lindsay was very instrumental in,
Black comedy.
Yeah, that's what I heard.
Comics, you know, with Dion, Reel, you know,
being a part of all jokes inside where, you know,
Bernie and Jamie and Steve Harvey, all, you know what I mean?
She was very, very instrumental in comedy.
So, yeah, she didn't play.
She'd tell you as if you ain't shit either.
Chicago, one of my favorite cities to do comedy.
Not getting on my stage.
I fuck with Chicago.
I didn't did all the little side rooms and shit,
the movie theaters and all.
All the little local shit.
Harvey, Illinois, riding out there with them niggins.
Come on, man.
Man, I had a ball in that Chicago.
Time for the shot.
Shout out all the shot comedians, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, man.
What the boy, Marley Mitchell?
Yeah.
Francis?
Yep.
That's my neighbor.
That's where I grew up at, right around the corner from Francis.
Mike Simp.
Yeah.
Food, little real.
Your family.
Michael Call you.
Come on, man.
One time my girl just niche, man.
Oh, yeah, Nietzsche Hall, Wildcat.
D-ray, D-ray, Corey Hogan.
Yeah, Corey.
Man.
Diane, uh, Corey.
Yeah.
My nigga Mojo, man.
Mojo.
Yeah, man.
My nigga Mojo funny and shit.
Yeah, Dave Helen from up there.
Yeah, big Dave.
I think Brandy the niece from up there.
Yeah, a lot of comics, bro.
William Brown, T. Murph.
Byriff.
M.
You know, I saw living in Chicago still to the day.
Yeah.
What's up?
Bigelow?
Hot sauce.
Fun.
Jeff B.
Mm-hmm.
Funny and fuck.
Very fun, man.
A lot of Chicago comedian, though.
And if we were getting anybody, it's, like...
Shit, major.
There's so many.
Nigger, do better.
No, I just want...
M. Brown.
M. Dub.
Yeah.
Blame it on the head.
Oh, yeah, M. Brown.
We're talking about a nigga we know now.
Uncle Real.
Uncle Ray.
Who your Uncle.
Uncle Ray.
Uncle Ray.
Come on real, man.
Oh, yeah, we said real.
I'm too real now.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, bro.
That shit is...
Erica Clark, man.
Erica Clark, yeah.
It's teed all the comments in Chicago, man.
They don't...
They come to Atlanta, rich.
We are forgetting somebody.
They do.
Very funny, man.
I was at home, man.
Damon.
Damon Williams.
Yes, William, yep.
Niche was hosting.
And shout out to Damon, too,
because when I did that, uh, Martha's very...
show, that's when I got booked to do the two seasons of the Hulu show on the life and
Beth, so that was dope.
Your entire identity has been fabricated.
Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.
You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated
throughout your life, impacting your very legacy.
Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro.
And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories
I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets.
With over 37 million downloads,
we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests
and their courageously told stories.
I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you,
stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths,
and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told.
I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.
Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Adventure should never come with a pause button.
Remember the movie pass era where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9?
It made zero cents and I could not stop thinking about it.
I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast, there are no girls on the internet.
On this new season, I'm talking to the innovators who are left out of the tech headlines.
Like the visionary behind a movie pass, Black founder Stacey Spikes, who was pushed out of movie pass the company that he founded.
His story is wild and it's currently the subject of a juicy new HBO documentary.
We dive into how culture connects us.
When you go to France, or you go to England, or you go to Hong Kong, those kids are wearing Jordans.
They're wearing Kobe's shirt.
they're watching Black Panther.
And the challenges of being a Black founder.
Close your eyes and tell me what a tech founder looks like.
They're not going to describe someone who looks like me
and they're not going to describe someone who looks like you.
I created There Are No Girls on the Internet
because the future belongs to all of us.
So listen to There Are No Girls on the Internet on the IHurt Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney,
the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
I'm Ebeney.
I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give
you new insight on the people around you.
On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all.
Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more,
and found the shrimp to make it to the other side.
My dad was shot and killed in his house.
Yes, he was a drug dealer.
Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on the street corner.
He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal.
He was shot in his house, unarmed.
Pretty Private isn't just a podcast.
It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines.
Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network.
Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
The OGs of Uncensored Motherhood are back and badder than ever.
I'm Erica.
And I'm Mila.
And we're the host of the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday.
Historically, men talk too much.
And women have quietly listened.
And all that stops here.
If you like witty women, then this is your tribes.
With guests like Corinne Steffens.
I've never seen so many women protect predatory men.
And then me too happen.
And then everybody else want to get pissed off because the white said it was okay.
Problem.
My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was going.
She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class.
I ruined my baby's first day of high school.
And slumflower.
What turns me on is when a man sends me money.
Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money.
I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time.
You actually sent it?
Listen to the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network.
the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast.
You've got a whole fucking movie for real, man.
Yeah, I love something, man.
Yeah, it was a blessing.
I had fun working with Amy Schoen and all the people.
It was really dope.
It's really dope.
Big time, my brother.
Tell them where to check it out, man.
Well, I mean, it's on Hulu.
We got two Cs on Hulu.
Y'all go check that out, man.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm on a new to be movie people who've been called me about.
Yeah, that's what I'm sure.
I'm on a tubi joint, man.
What's it called?
The wrong promises?
Southside hero.
No, it's called South Side Hero.
Oh, now that put that in the group chat.
I played, I played an older
nigger named Haywood, a old retired
drug dealer that's on a restaurant.
And I'm helping.
I'm helping to do, man.
But people like, really.
Yeah, bro, people really like,
I didn't realize it would do good, man.
You got a face for tubis.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
Don't tell that, dude.
That's a fucking go.
They got them for me.
He said, they got a tuby face.
And, dig, I did a little show at Cats, and they put that shit on Netflix.
I was, ended up on later daters.
Man, they gave me a couple hundred dollars for that shit.
I was like, I don't know what it.
They were like, well, he don't know where it's going.
I looked at that friend of calling me.
Yeah, you're on Netflix.
Damn.
Netflix.
What is it?
For $200?
You got bang.
They filmed your set at cast?
Oh.
Well, yeah, they called me, bro.
And I just, I like, cool.
I said, I go up there and do it.
He was on there?
Yeah, bro.
I'm just, just bomb.
I'm just on there talking about it.
I'm just on there talking some shit, man.
They had like some extras in there.
It just.
This came in a poke of my nigga Lowe's, man.
You know what I got to go.
Netflix, I'm focused.
I'm a walker there.
I'm a walker there.
I'm going to walk with you.
Chicago, we ain't.
Damn.
But that's dope no shit.
You're on that.
Yeah.
I'm not,
but that's my credits,
nigga, fuck, man.
Yeah.
You're on Netflix.
I'm like,
go to episode on later data.
I'm doing my three minutes.
What's episode?
What's episode?
When he was on episode nine,
but he was bombing towards the heat.
Got a fan forward to the head.
There ain't any crickets in there,
did that.
Got a fan forward to the end.
I'm just talking.
I bet I'm just talking.
The old people got to go.
What, he wasn't shit.
I was going to give you some.
I'm the reason they broke up.
Ah!
I can't believe you should be to this shit, man.
Oh, it's a reality show.
Yeah, it's like a lot of realty.
Old people dating this.
Old people dating.
They take this to you, Bob.
That's funny.
We're going to be old.
Old.
Oh, dear.
They called them nigga dead, though.
Later?
The late.
That was just called a nigga that dead.
The late.
Niggins dead date.
I mean,
did y'all,
you know,
speaking of later daters,
did you all hear about this?
Is that real?
They're talking about some 68-year-old woman
got pregnant in the last?
76.
Is that real?
Well, you're like one of us did it.
She's really pregnant.
I thought that was like a joke or something.
Yeah, nigga shot.
Well, that's crazy.
No, it was just a video,
but you know you can't believe a lot of this shit.
So she bought the beast.
Bro, that's crazy.
She's got to be a mama.
That's an old.
I imagine the old nigga that...
Bro, imagine the old nigga that...
No, we're going to have to...
We're going to have to get rid of that, man.
That motherfucker's a...
82, nigga.
You're 82 years old, and she had told you she pregnant.
We're going to have to get rid of that.
I'm 82.
Who got a pregnant?
Man, you got to go over there.
You got to go over there.
Scare that old bitch.
You scared that old bitch.
be a guy to him. I'm telling me.
Oh, my God.
You're a man.
Oh, my God.
It's probably one of the male nurses
to work at the nursing home or some shit.
You know I'm pregnant.
That ain't going to work.
Why do you that?
Pregnant.
You imagine being a young nigga with an old-ass baby on the way?
Well, what do you do?
She probably had a fake booty still?
She probably had to still had a booty shot.
That ass.
Can you imagine?
She told him out and go ahead.
He's not going to have it.
I'm 47 with a 9-year-old.
I couldn't imagine being 87 with a 10-year-old.
You don't care, man.
You're feeling to die, man.
This is all you do.
All you do is sleep.
Hey, bro.
You're 87.
That baby that got shit to do with you.
That shit is somebody else's business.
You need to be a home Batman to get this, nigga.
Who going to trust a baby with an 87-year-old anyway?
You think you fuck a young bitch, you 87?
She's going to be like, hold the baby?
No, nigga.
Y'all both babies.
80s.
Y'all both babies.
She's not going to give a baby to a baby.
She got their early dementia too.
She probably just going to be telling that baby.
Your mama be here in the minute.
Every day.
That's all shit.
Who baby is there?
What's your name, baby?
Papa.
Or you 87, that bitch put your own child support.
Oh, man.
I ain't got that much.
I'm going to fix income.
They're going to go ahead.
What the hell you're going to do?
You don't take my damn child.
check out there.
Yeah.
Hey, I ain't got them
cam goods in here.
You had to,
I'm gonna have to
get a damn job.
I'm back.
Now, nigger, you 88 at Amazon,
nigga.
Slow than the motherfucking,
nigga.
I just want to bring my child support.
That Lord, hammer.
You know you're losing that case.
You know you're losing that case
because they're going to be everything
that old lady's sake.
That shit is wild.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am.
Listen, man
I know 85 South
Y'all got the cameras
Y'all need to run out there
and start the documentary
on and chronicling
this woman's life now
That shit's gonna go crazy
That shit gonna start
She used to work for Dr. Martin Luther King
If you want them to film
somebody dying
But bro, I just want to see her day
Trying to handle this baby
No man
She's going to have to get a C-section.
My baby's name is Martin Luceusis Abadetian.
Man, that baby's going to have a fucking, a 75-year-old brother.
That's they going to be like fly.
The grandbrother?
Yeah, they've got that grandbrother.
She can get that baby an old-ass name, Ulysses.
Since you haven't had that baby, you're all right.
I don't even pay me no attention.
I got to find out.
I'm going to go interview on something because that shit is...
The baby going to have an old-ass ailment when he come out.
The baby is suffering from ricketts.
Baby got rickets.
He got scurvy.
He was quite healthy.
He's just low on vitamin.
But see, the thing is, though, that's probably given a lot of more.
You know, these women, they're independent,
they're going to push off having children.
you know that'll be an example because you can't bitch you're gonna die
she had her baby in 75 no she didn't she did not had that baby 75 you got 10 this
story ain't going to end with the baby shit yeah man you want them to both you want them
both to be safe man that bitch to be good that ain't right then you got an old bitch
raising the baby well that just let you know you still be fucking at 76 no you're gonna be
fucking but not no baby though he ain't fucking no mom mean if you fucking you run the wrist
shoot the club up anything might
Man, I ain't, man, if I was shooting the 68-year-old, but I don't think...
Oh, God.
I don't think that's supposed to happen.
Who, Lord.
Why has that forsaken me?
It ain't supposed to happen, but it is what has happened.
Nah, man.
And now, there you go.
Nick, if you fucking a 70-yo, you just...
I feel bad shooting in the old lady face.
You're saying, ah, uh-huh.
You're shooting the old lady face.
You're a wild, nigger, bro.
You got to be a lady-old.
70 don't look like 70.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, you're cutting up now.
Yeah.
Right now.
You're opening your eyes.
She's laying there looking like fucking hairy and Tubman and shit.
Oh, and all you turn me every rich way below.
Oh, baby.
You made my love come down.
What?
Mm.
He said, oh, oh, shit, ring my bell.
Look, look, she's laying there.
You know them, my auntie, everybody had auntie,
did they look on the face like she don't believe nothing.
I don't believe nothing you say.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Robin Ed.
That's what you did.
I like that thing.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
That's what you say, uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
She got a name for it.
You ain't never heard.
Who fuck that old lady, man.
Get you some of this patootie.
You fuck that old, what nasty nigger.
What nasty nigger?
What nasty nigg.
You ain't never had you none of that pitooty.
Dude, boy, that's crazy.
Let me tune it up for you.
Ooh, Lord.
Hell no.
Get you some patootie.
But look, but look, in somewhere...
Should be calling you playing on the phone.
Tooty asses you to me.
Toooty.
Man.
It got to be like a young, one of them little young jit someone.
Man, that motherfucker got my goddamn great grandma.
I'm pregnant, nigga.
I'm going to kill that nigga, nigga.
I'm on everything, Nick.
I'm telling you, nigga.
I'm bringing smoke to that.
He's gonna get my great grandma.
He's gonna take care of that baby too.
Great part is the young nigga.
He's gonna get my great grandma pregnant.
Now, dude, cool air since she's got married.
Bro, I came over there as he had cookies, bro.
I get, I was he tried to fuck.
Look, boy.
He ain't.
No, dude, cool air since they've been fucking around.
You know, she let me smoke in the house and everything.
And the nigga got, and the nigger found the video footage on the phone.
He looked at the fall.
He looked at the fall of here.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Yeah, this is fucking stupid
This is stupid
I ain't fucking with you up, man
You're laughing, but it's gonna be some 70-6-year-old
Women's sliding in your DM
I ain't mad that
How does she know how to work?
She's on there, she's on there twerking and everything
And you ain't never seen 70s like this
Yeah, I ain't gonna see it
You gonna watch the video
I ain't see it like that man
She's gonna send a video
Or her just cleaning the house
With a C-through road
I like my pussy neat.
Yeah, old women sing you news they ain't even naked in.
Man, I be getting this bowl with shit like this.
Man, keep this bullshit.
She wearing a slip.
Yo, you know who I get in my DMs?
All them old women are like Judge Mathis.
This bitch is, I cooked some greens.
I had a deal.
I cooked greens today.
I was like, what the fuck?
Old bitch would be like to see.
I cook greens today.
Like I'm gonna come over there and something shit.
She know you're married, man.
That's cold.
Shit is wild.
Just get your wife's it.
Old bitches would be like in sending pictures
like laying down on their back.
I don't know why they got to lay down.
Big, get up.
They need help.
That's really what the bitch is.
Come help me.
I didn't hurt my back.
But look though, I ain't gonna lie though.
A lot of them 50 old is looking good, man.
Oh no, black women, they ain't cracking.
Black women is such a good.
Yeah, ain't nobody said they didn't look good.
They just do strange shit.
Like, older women, they'll do something like,
seeing you a picture of a clean kitchen.
Like, see, I cooked and cleaned the kitchen.
What's the oldest woman you dated?
Think about a bitch that's old that looked young,
she still smell old.
What?
Like, a bitch that look young,
but she's old, she still got, like, old smells.
Like, she still used vanilla spray.
Well, she smelled like diamonds by Liz Stella.
Yeah, bitch.
smell like I like the older women get sleepy and they don't try to hide it they can't
deny eight o'clock every time you call it eight o'clock they'd be like ooh shit I had them laid
in what's shit Tyler what's the old as you dating I date it or fuck you love you get
intrusive every time you ask him some shit he don't answer yeah I mean I mean so I was I was
24 I had fucked the 57 year old damn shit you was what 27 I was 23 she said
You was 23-57?
Shit,
that's crazy.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Y'all ain't back there, yo.
Why that's crazy?
What about you?
So, me y'all's 60.
Y'all ain't trying to fuck nothing.
Not a 23-year-old?
I am.
Clayton, what's the oldest?
What's the oldest you?
It wasn't no 57.
The oldest I the fuck been about my age or maybe like a few years older,
like maybe five years older.
I ain't fucking no.
Our niggas ain't lived.
I ain't fucking no old, old ladies.
I don't know how old she is now.
They lived, though.
They weren't, she wasn't 60, though, maybe.
Oh, the man, I fucking is definitely dead, bro.
Oh, me.
She is out of here.
She's gone, right?
She might not be, bro.
No, that she was living.
She's out of here, bro.
She was a fan.
She was fast and 50-7, so, you know, you can't live that type of life.
Fats and 50s.
She still fucking young diggers, man, I know she died.
I always have a cutoff point.
Yeah, I didn't hear a few of best fit and something.
Okay.
That's some good plus it, too.
Yeah, she was older than my mama at the time.
40 plus.
Yeah, I was tripping.
No, I ain't did no damn.
Yeah, I were tripping.
I was a young Viking, though.
I'm better now.
Yeah.
I don't know what that 60 and overhitting like, though.
I ain't had no 60 yet.
I mean, it wasn't memorable.
I just remember her age.
It's like a washing.
It's probably going to come down at that point.
It's a few good pieces left.
It's a lot of directions.
No, they got to be a skill player.
I'm saying.
They ain't not relying on athleticism no more.
Yeah, a Hall of Famer.
Yeah, like this bitch's footwork is a mechanic.
She's not doing a lot of big moves, but you know what I'm saying?
In the post.
Right.
Still gets you a couple buttons.
She's going to, yeah.
She's one of them players that the announcers would be like,
I believe she could average 15 points in the league right now.
That's how much I believe.
IQ is off the chart.
Yeah, that's what comes in.
The type of leadership you want in the locker room.
Make circles.
Don't stab.
Make circles.
Right.
Hey, the type of leadership you need.
Yeah.
Around your young players.
Yeah.
You got to bring you a good vet.
I ain't never been with no super old joint.
No.
Good vet.
Oh, well, good for y'all, I've been married so long.
Yeah, man.
You married a good in-house.
Old nigger.
Oh, nigger.
I'm through doing adventurous shit like that.
I've lived a hell of a life.
About get married.
You ready to settle down low?
When you said married, you said, I'm through living that life, so I ain't my bad.
You ready to settle down?
And do what?
I mean, I'm settled.
I'm good.
What about you?
What about you?
I don't need nobody to slow me down.
I think you get settled.
I don't think you would be ready to settle down.
You get settled.
Somebody find you when you find them.
I don't think it's just something you just go and do.
You can't be like, yeah, I'm going to go get married.
That's stupid as fuck.
Yeah.
You gotta stay where the fuck, you're gonna keep up with this.
You can't go anywhere, man.
Your face swelling up.
I'm on my wife, hell in shame.
I know, I'm on my wife.
Yeah, my lip.
My lip.
I've been covering it up.
Look guys, my lip.
He's gonna go home.
He gonna wake up when he get hugged.
Hey, look at my shit.
He took this thing to the club.
He got by the hook.
This thing is talking about he can't breathe.
I got gout.
I got gout my lips.
I got gout in my lips.
She at home sleep.
He's gonna wake up, babe, look, look at my little.
You can't cheat on note, bitch.
Let me see.
I'm on my wife.
I'm on my wife.
Health insurance, digger.
I ain't.
Yeah, you can't get out of there, man.
Get your head to the house.
I'm sorry.
Let this man go home, bro.
I'm cool.
It's going down, I feel like.
That shit ain't going down, bro.
You need a banana.
Boy, you took that out of the long time.
That shit is not working, man.
Don't do this, man.
You should have chew it up.
Right, digger.
He didn't swallow them.
He took the spit and ribs it on it.
It's like you about, oh shit, it looked like you about the turn.
Well, man, I mean, as long as it's right here, I can feel that that's fine.
I'm just glad it made you allergic.
Because, man, I had got, I was saying, I was having allergic reactions.
Around the time, matter of fact, when we did last comic standard.
I was getting like, just having these alert, because I was drinking them red bulls and shit, I believe.
You keep blaming these energy drinks on your whole lab body, I think it was an inactive ingredient in there.
Gene Singh.
And I had to, I had to carry a.
around prednisone, like a steroid to stop.
But my shit, my lips was just, real up.
It's crazy.
Hey, man, yeah, just drank water, bro.
I was itching this shit.
Drink water and coffee.
You like a water and coffee, nigga, man.
Just do that, bro.
I just be up, bro.
Get off the energy drinks, man.
I am.
Thank you, bro.
I am.
Digger, this shit that turned into a goddamn.
There ain't no equivalent.
How this shit gets turned to a energy?
Ask any truck driver about trail mix, niggas.
Bro, this shit is.
Man, the thing is died with a bunch of children.
On their shirt.
How did this shit just turn into an energy drink intervention?
This is an energy drink intervention.
Your face had made us do the commercial.
That shit was like, cut.
He's like, yo, y'all sit up and be like, man, you got to stop, man.
You know he got a problem.
Because why the fuck would you drink it when you came out?
Your wife ain't got them shit to the house because she know what the fuck happens.
You came out as soon as he seen him up.
I got a little, I got a fridge in my garage.
Winnerberry, Red Bull, I never had that one.
I just had two many.
I think I had two today.
I got two energy drinks in one day.
What you're trying to do?
He got a refrigerator in the garage.
You know it in the garage.
The old thing is you're full of energy drink.
Sneakening and geeking.
Snickety thing you around the marathon.
He's sneaking and geeky, man.
Every time he opened the door for the garage.
The garage, open.
The garage.
Like, what you all got to understand.
Well, y'all got to understand.
Well, you super over-caffeinated a lot of times.
The caffeine does produce dopamine.
Man, don't explain your swelling to us.
Yeah, baby.
Tell it to your lips.
Hey, tell me, what you're talking about to understand?
I ain't got to understand shit.
You got to get the cream.
You got to understand a motherfucker.
I ain't got to understand.
A motherfucker bang.
I don't drink none of that shit.
Man, you need to stop.
Man, you need to take care of yourself.
I'm going to stop.
I've been working out, bro.
I can't be drinking energy drinks and working.
Now you go get a hole in your heart, nigga.
That's what the energy does him.
All the year.
because he's spending medical school.
But he know that because it makes your heartbeat fast and the expanse.
Well, I don't give a fuck.
I drink a red bull and take a nap.
Yeah.
You do that?
Yeah, then I have wings in my dreams.
That's crack, nigga.
He's riding the mountain bike real fast.
Any nigga that I ain't plaguing me, if you drink a red bull and taking a nap,
nigga, you fuck with that hair on.
No, I take some, I go to sleep.
Oh, I thought I was about to say.
I take some out.
No.
You got some of anything?
No, that's a little bit.
I get some sleep.
I ain't said.
take no goddamn one. Hey, let me see your bill.
It's going to even me out.
Come on, man.
I've been trying to get his sleep
for about four days.
I drank two Celsius.
It's going to go down.
My lip swelling up.
Fad me to leave.
I said, y'all, I think.
Hey, I think y'all roasting the swelling down, actually.
No, it's not.
It's going down.
No, it's going down.
It's going down.
It's going to ride.
Because you keep doing, you tell them the secrets.
They're making it any better.
If it keeps swelling, everything you say going to look like you're saying platyputs.
I resent that.
Professor Clump, nigga.
He's looking like, oh, Lord.
Oh, Lord.
Nick, nigga, that shit keeps swelling.
I'm going to be up here looking like highly jima on one of the motherfuckers.
Why are you sound like that?
She don't deserve to be in this.
Oh, man.
She ain't got nothing to do with this.
Yeah, man, she's going to sue you, bro.
She's like, that's my lip.
They ain't lying.
Let LaVar go home, bro.
She should be petty and come out with a whole line
called lips by LaFal.
Where did she come out with a line called
Nigger Lips?
Matter of fact, we might have started something.
So ladies, ladies, y'all might not have to
go get the injections.
Just drink a bunch of energy drinks.
And swell your shit up like my dumb ass did.
Nigar.
Nigar
Legar by
Kylee
Yo, I know this is all
subject
But you know what I was thinking
about
On my way here
Because I know
How would I know that?
Point taking
I know you're talking
About the clubs earlier
And you know
One thing about the club
You say, hey
Like they take
You can't
Ain't no hats
They used to tell you that
Hell yeah
Nick back in the day
He didn't do a little bit though
I ain't doing no goddamn bit
No, he was serious about them hats
because he used to wear fador
He didn't
He was fedor-ed up
God damn
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, nigga I'm bald
I don't want to be looking like no
Granddaddy in the fucking club
They wouldn't let you here
Just like that
I had to take the hat off
But I was thinking
Why don't
That'd be funny
They made women
Take them wigs off at the door
I told you
Did I do a bit?
I told you
No wigs
No wigs
No wigs
Let the bar go home, man.
Oh, shit.
Let the bar go home, man.
It's a...
Bitch.
Don't win?
I hate it.
I hate it.
They're thrilled.
You know?
I hate it, it too.
They say you do that joke, take Lowe's with you.
Hey.
Let him do that.
You ever be looking because you ball, too.
You have a new ball.
Y'all never been looking at them.
With some balls.
They got to throw me in this shit, huh?
I'm not even here.
Y'all aren't be looking at them hair transplant radio or something.
Shout out to DeLay.
You know, he got that motherfucker.
Delay got brains now.
My shit too gone, bro.
What if you could get you what, what would you get?
All of them, nigger.
Fuck you're talking about.
I got to go with me a low, I have a low season, nigger.
Every time, nigga.
Every time you see me, I'd be a different nigga.
I hate what niggins like you with headlines complain to me.
Motherfuck got a whole full of hairline.
You got a whole thing about it.
What I'm saying?
What I'm saying?
What I'm saying?
Well, diggas with hairlines like...
Damn, I wish my shit was smooth.
He had a whole hairline, dude.
I made it seem like I'd be complaining this.
I swear, I swear, boy, I try to hold on to my shit for dear life, man.
Oh.
When did you give up, Lowe?
Last year.
God damn lie.
That was when I gave up.
I said, fuck it.
I'm going to tell y'all when I knew it.
No, when I shaved my hair.
head, I was like, fuck it. It's gone.
I, bro, I held on my shit
for so long. That was
pro-eck. I'm gonna tell you when I- He let it go.
I don't let my shit go. I make a
choice. Was it a row session or
was it preemptive?
It was just like, it's my last
something on this headline. Oh, you
already, you did a diss something. I mean,
fucking around one something, one last song.
I said, I took my shit around the world
and showed it off. Yeah, it's going to leave it.
Before I got married, me
and my wife were dating. I took
on the cruise, bro.
I got on that boat.
Your head flew up.
My shit was nice.
No, I had, I had hair.
I had hair, nigga.
I had my waves and shit, bro.
I had my little wooden brush.
I kept in my pocket, nigga.
I swear to God, man.
We went to sleep on that boat.
Nick, I woke up.
It was a hole in my shit, bro.
I was like, oh, fuck.
I was like, where did this come from?
It was just there.
It was like a patch.
And then, and then my wife
looked at me like, yeah, it's time, it's time.
Like, fuck.
Yeah, it's usually somebody.
My shit was gone.
It's usually.
Because, see, I had like the low joint,
but you know, what happens
that front start leaving, so you kind of grow it long
and you pack that bitch down.
That was my problem.
You know what I'm saying?
And then they, this shit started.
I went too long because my hairline was strong,
but that part, fuck, it was going first.
And I ain't know it until somebody told me,
Did your back with first?
My back, my nephew walked behind me one day when I was sitting down.
He was like, he kept me.
Hey, bro.
My line was straight.
Lime was Gucci.
That nigga, man.
That didn't walk behind him.
Oh, shit.
Oh.
He said, like, somebody that blew your back out, didn't they?
Brum.
I said, you little motherfucking get out of my face.
And I cut my shit like the two days later.
At the end of my hair last life, nigger, my barber was lining my shit up with a feather,
nigger.
I mean, that nigger.
It was magical, nigga.
I'm talking about that.
Nick, I used to feel
a handsome to the motherfucker.
Like, hell yeah.
And he was sweating like a motherfucker
trying to get this shit.
But then you're driving,
you look in the rear view.
You see that,
fuck, the sun just beaming
through that shit.
Oh, my God, damn.
Nick, you close
the sunroof and shit.
You're trying to put the vizers up.
Like, shit.
It's done.
You ain't never basing it?
Man.
And at that time
At that time
When I lost my joint
I was
I lost my joint
I lost my joint
I lost my joint in like 27
28
That's about 20
They weren't really Beijing
And heavy at that time
No we would just
Well a couple times
You put that topic in my shit
Like the fibers
Beijing ain't come out to
Shott and Lowe came out
Oh.
Bayesian.
Shot aloh invented it.
Same time, nigga.
Man, man, man.
He brought a Trump China.
He really went to Bayesian.
He got this.
I think I am just for shits and giggles.
I'm going to do the little wig.
I'm going to do a unit just to fuck around.
I'm going to just do a unit just to save pocket.
Yeah, you try to soft sell it.
I mean, I don't care.
Shit to giggles is crazy.
I'm just going to show up.
I'm just going to show up.
up and diggers will be like, man, I just, you know how I used to dye my shit blood.
I should be doing shit.
I like to do shit for fuck.
You ain't going to just show up with no hair, there.
It's so many niggas out here with some juniors.
He's probably a couple of these niggins are sitting over with a unit.
I think Remo got one.
I saw you in one of the videos, Remo.
He got one.
It's probably getting harder for a minute.
Yeah, Remo got a piece.
Yeah, that's a unit.
That's a unit.
I thought that was really this shit.
That's a unit.
It is, man.
Clavart bullshit.
You got a chin strap.
You got a chin strap on under them
goddamn dreads.
That's fucking up, man.
Your ass crazy, eh?
But, dog, it's a lot of niggas with them joints, man.
Matter of fact, I was talking to this guy.
That make it okay?
No, I'm just, look.
I'm talking to this.
I was talking to a brother that does.
Okay, yeah.
Like he's a barber.
That's like a comedian, man.
Clipper man.
Not clipper man.
Mark.
No, he, he's a new account.
He's an old to do, be a new economy.
I don't know.
Man, he was telling me, man, it's a motherfucker.
He do a nigger's unit.
And I think it's Mike, I believe.
The nigger with the truck.
You know who it is.
You just don't want to tell nobody.
No, that's gonna do you.
Hold on a horn.
Matter of fact, nigger, let me look this.
You got him saying this man.
It's a nigga with the truck.
It's a nigga with the truck.
With the pickup truck, right?
He lived in Huntsville.
Oh, no, my.
Man, I can't, why don't fuck?
Tell the story, bro.
You're a phone.
No, he's trying to get on the app.
When I get on 85 again, I'm going to promote you.
You've been wearing them units.
Well, let Levois go home, bro.
Who wearing the unit?
A nigga, unit snitch.
He tried him out at the house.
He really just texting his wife, 9-1-1.
Had my medicine ready.
Oh, dear.
Give me peeing at the freezer.
I need the clear people.
What do you do?
He's trying to look for the nigga name.
They've been texting.
He knows the nigga.
Just type being unit.
Look.
Oh, yeah, the brother, the brother named Mike.
Shout out Mike sales.
And that's all you're going to say.
But he was telling me that nigga was telling me he was doing this.
He was doing this nigga's hair.
He was doing this nigga's unit.
He's not going to get the deal.
No, no, listen.
You're not going to get the deal.
Shout out right there.
Brother Mike.
He was telling me he was doing this nigger's unit, bro.
And the nigger's wife did not know this nigger had a unit.
So he that's fucking, man.
That nigger wife, no, bro.
His wife would done me.
Because I think he said, you know how to glue that shit on.
She don't pay attention to shit.
She don't give a fuck about him.
I don't think they're married.
She ain't feel like, I don't think they're married that long.
But I don't think they're married that long.
But I don't think she know the man got a unit, bro.
She knows that they got a union, that's what he said.
She's the one made him get the unit.
The bitch cheating, and she don't want to bring nothing up.
She don't want to bring him.
Because what a woman ain't looking at the top of your head?
Brut, if you got the unit and it's glued down, how would you know?
Because his thing ain't taking shower right no more.
How would your wife out of stink?
They got his head out of the shower.
What you mean?
So it's like he met her with the unit.
Oh, yeah.
You get what I'm saying?
So he's been hiding.
So she had never seen him without me.
No, that is just a deceptica.
No.
That is a lot of ass, nigga.
There's no reason.
Imagine, boy, I couldn't imagine.
Like, you've been married with my brother six years,
nigga, and this thing?
So what?
I'm fucking, look at this.
No, no, we can't go to.
You don't fucking know me.
Yeah, yeah.
Not so pretty.
It's never what it looks like.
No, you take yours off.
That must be a letdown.
But I bet shit, the women got the wils.
And those motherfucking long dreads that you love.
It's all of the side.
Yeah, niggins, she could take that,
and she can take that lace front off right after that.
Right after that.
You marry your all-way ball head, bitch.
That's on you.
I'm done.
You got to do that.
you got those you got plus
tell me what you're going to be.
Thank you.
I hope that this is a making of the show
but Birmingham, Alabama, I
will be there this weekend, MLK
weekends. Let's go. 18, 19.
Also, February
5th, I'm at the Helium
Comedy Club of St. Louis.
Let's go. February 16, New
York City Winery.
The loft. Pull up on
your boy. Call me. Call me. I'm there.
Tell him to call me.
Come buy the ticket.
Tickets.
Let's go.
Get the labs.
Get the ticket.
That was horrible.
Well, there you have it, folks.
Look, y'all know what it is.
85-time show.
Come on, man.
And we have just, bitch.
This is good, man.
This is good, man.
That was good, man.
That was good energy, man.
You see y'all roasting my lip.
It's going down.
Hey, man, we gave you halfway through the episode.
Yeah, you kept trying to cut it up.
We didn't give you nothing to it.
Yeah, like you were talking far away.
The second hand.
I knew I wanted to obey and submit, but I didn't fully grasp for the rest of my life what that meant.
For My Heart Podcasts and Rococo Punch, this is The Turning, River Road.
In the woods of Minnesota, a cult leader married himself to 10 girls and forced them into a secret life of abuse.
But in 2014, the youngest escaped.
Listen to the Turning River Road.
on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Join IHeart Radio and Sarah Spain in celebrating the one-year anniversary of I-Hart Women's Sports.
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Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney,
the podcast where silence is broken
and stories are set free.
I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday
I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories
that would challenge your perceptions
and give you new insight
on the people around you.
Every Tuesday, make sure you listen
to Pretty Private
from the Black Effect Podcast Network.
Tune in on the IHeart Radio app
Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Your entire identity has been fabricated.
Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.
You discover the depths of your mother's illness.
I'm Danny Shapiro.
And these are just a few of the powerful stories
I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of Family Secrets.
We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests
and their courageously told stories.
Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
This is an IHeart podcast.