The 85 South Show with Karlous Miller, DC Young Fly and Chico Bean - Rob Haze in the trap! with Karlous Miller
Episode Date: December 5, 2020Writer, Stand-up comedian and a friend to Karlous for 10 years, Rob Haze comes to the trap to talk about the Nate robinson knockout, Mike Tyson, octopssies and a whole lot more!Karlous jumps into fan ...comments, and get's some insight in to Season Two of Rob HAze's show on IFC entitled Sherman's Showcase. Karlous catches up with J.O.N and he's got new music! Plus Lebron James just signed an 85 Million dollar contract and Karlous sees the message!This is the coldest podcast!Get J.O.N's Music https://li.sten.to/playJ_O_Nand listen to his artist Leke https://li.sten.to/periodGet merch! https://85apparelco.com/see our hawks collab! https://www.nba.com/hawks/85Subscribe To our Channel: bitly.com/85tubeFOLLOW THE CREWKARLOUS MILLER - https://www.facebook.com/karlousm/DCYOUNGFLY - https://www.facebook.com/DcYoungFly1/CHICO BEAN - https://www.facebook.com/OldSchoolFool/Director - JOE T. NEWMAN - https://www.instagram.com/smokingjoen...Producer CHAD OUBRE - https://www.instagram.com/chadoubre/Producer - LANCE CRAYTON - https://www.instagram.com/cat_corleone_/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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I knew I wanted to obey and submit,
but I didn't fully grasp for the rest of my life what that meant.
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Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
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Oh, look at the breeze on 90 yet.
I'm about what that little flat-haired ass, smooth brain-ass bitch.
Give me a bitch with a frontal lobe.
Mike check, mic, what's up?
Checking the mic.
I'm just saying, like, if your intelligence was a physical attribute.
Like ass and tithes.
ass titties and intelligent
like she ain't got no titties but man
she got intelligence
going all the way down the back
do you see the
do you see the dorphin
on this girl
I ain't shit
but I ain't trying to be
either
Pam told me I was a good person
that's more than she's ever
said about you fucks
You fucks
That'd be a good porn site
Yeah
You fucks
Like a ghetto ass porn
You would think there'd be more
I know
I don't like how when you search for black porn
Like you have to specifically search for black porn
And a bunch of white people still come on
Yeah
I don't get that
I don't know Ebony
I'm glad we're not publicly
referred to as Ebony people
Yeah, it's only in porn.
Only in porn, Ebony porn.
Yeah.
It must have been like a famous black porn star named Ebony.
No one says the Ebony community.
Right.
Yeah.
Maybe that's this code word white people use for black people.
They secretly calling us Ebony.
Let me tell you what these E's did today.
Have you seen that one of my phone?
Rick James on the toilet.
Hell no.
Somebody brought a whole camera in the bathroom.
You can't trust nobody.
They didn't have camera phones.
You can't trust nobody.
That's exactly why that picture was taken,
because people knew 30 years from that date,
people would look at that picture.
Look at that picture and be like, look at Rick James on the toilet.
He a human.
It's proof, you know what I mean?
Cut him on the toilet.
Man, let's get this pimp shit started then.
You've got the blunt put away?
Play me some peeping, man.
Play me some peeping, man.
Rob Hayes.
It's been a while.
Been a while.
What's been up, man?
Whole lot, man.
Whole lot.
Mm-hmm.
Bet that up.
The world's shut down right now, man.
World shut down.
Yeah.
But we're just still gonna turn it up.
They shut down the world, we still gotta turn it up.
Still gotta turn it up.
That's why this shit right here so important, man.
Let me read you some of the shit that's been left in our comments section.
comment section let's read some fucking comments
comments let's read some fucking comments okay I'm about to read the fucking comments
I'm not gonna tell you who said what okay I'm just gonna let you know we know who
who said, and I got their name just in case.
I disagree with what they said.
Somebody said, it's a dude.
Somebody said, Chico's hair is about the most inspirational thing
I've seen this year.
Thanks.
Another person said, the girl in the cut,
I'm assuming it's Taylor.
The girl in the cut expression and body language
a whole mood. That's what was said. Oh my God, this one's kind of dark. Shout out to
Demetrius Edwards though. It says, since the murder of my mom last year in October, I was
in a deep, dark place, but you brothers kept me from suicide and I stay watching the show
faith in just to keep my mind at ease. Love you, brothers. Much love to my guy, Demetrius Edwards.
Somebody else said, 85 South shall be making more hits by accident than most of your
favorite artists do on purpose.
What's good, 85% of us?
You know what his name is?
Gotta tell you.
This scallywag whisperer.
This from the Young Droop episode, it said, Droke got them black forces on like he's about
to go do some dirt after the tape.
Mother fucking right.
My niggia Jujoo B says,
so we're just gonna ignore the fact
that that coffee table hard as fuck,
I want to get one.
Go on Instagram and look up
runaway ports
and you can get you one.
This shit is nice as fuck.
What you think about it, Rob?
I mean, I've been watching online
and I ain't even know it had
like gator skin on the inside.
Don't tell them about the pimp shit.
I'm sorry.
But the interior is pretty, you know,
it's pretty dope.
Pretty dope.
It's got speakers.
Mally Maw says, no, I guess it's Molly Moll.
One man's trance is another man's garbage, Carlos Miller, 2020.
Well, that's a quote of a quote that comes from a great man that I have great respect for.
My man, Jack Thriller.
He said that...
So every time you quote me, just know that you quoting him.
But that's one of the mottos.
of the mottos that I live my life off.
You know, K-dub got another one too.
Like K-dub, I always say, know what you fucking with
before you fuck with it.
One man's trash is another man's garbage.
These are just some of the truths
that I found true in my life.
Oh, D so smooth said, look how Marvin Gay is concerned
about what happened to Nate Robinson.
First of all, first of all, I will not be speaking
on what happened to Nate Robinson because I think
That is a pure example of racism.
What's his name?
Logan Paul, Jake Logan?
Jake Paul?
Jake Paul, yeah.
What he did to Nate Robinson was pure racism.
Makes sense.
Yeah, that was racism, bro.
Because, I mean, boxing's supposed to have weight classes.
They were two totally different sizes.
Yeah.
And I think, you know, fucking Jake Logan was better, you know,
He was more...
He was more apt at boxing than my...
I was looking for the word, but he was...
Yeah, he was more apt than used that way.
He was more inclined.
More skilled.
Yeah.
He spent more hours boxing than Nate.
Um, okay, moving right along.
Somebody said, ain't nothing better than an unexpected 85 South Show upload on a Monday.
You motherfucking right.
Ain't nothing better than that.
Ain't nothing better than that.
Ain't nothing better than that.
Only thing that I can think of that would come close to that
is already having one roll a grilled cheese sandwich
and getting your dicks up.
Yeah, that's with the mood that I'm in today.
I'm gonna really, I'm gonna go there.
I'm gonna speak on how I feel like grilled cheese
is probably the most underrated sandwich.
In the game.
We'll get to that later.
Damn.
I ain't, nah, that one ain't, that one,
we should, nah, I don't know if we could even do this one.
This one says, this podcast is for everybody
who's still eating their Thanksgiving leftovers.
Nah, that's, they're eating Thanksgiving leftovers
at this point, your ass dead.
Oh, Tyler Graham said this podcast is for all the people
who heard J-O-N beat drop and say, oh yeah, this one a hit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A lot of people be in the comments like,
why y'all don't let J-O-N?
talk right nobody told you
ugly ass to be quiet man that nigga just don't say
much
he really don't have a lot to say
you got some shit you want to say
I appreciate that way
how the fuck somebody else
gonna remind you of your album
that's the type of shit I'm talking about
what's the name of the album
uh friends for sale
you know friends for sale
A two track, instrumental album.
A 32, take some of the tracks off.
You gave him too much.
That's two albums.
Is it a double disc?
Yeah, it would be a double disc.
It's just a, it's an album of beats.
Yes, instrument.
This one is an instrumental album, and then I'm
You know what it'd be dope?
What's up?
If all the 85% is, we gotta post the link to your album
and then let them make songs to the shit
and then they can send them in.
And then we could pick one of the,
we could pick like some of the dope as one.
What's the name, mother?
France for sale.
French for sale.
On Spotify, all you're streaming on a special.
And I also dropped my artist, Luke's first single.
You got an artist?
What, you got an artist?
Yeah, we got to interview you.
You got an artist.
Fuck that, it's not his turn.
I got an artist, my name.
Leak Lucas.
Leak Lucas.
Yeah, like that.
He got a story to tell.
He got a story to tell.
That's what's up.
man you got a whole lot of music over there if you're just given you got a whole album 32
tracks of just instrumentals I want it send me the link can't believe you dropped the album
and didn't have me on it no no yeah yeah is this out already okay but all right I'll be
forgetting about the other shit okay moving right along 63% of all statistics are
random numbers made up on the spot facts
I think the percentage is actually higher.
Yeah.
There's probably more around 77% of all statistics
are just random numbers made up by random people on the spot.
On God.
I put a decimal in there.
Ooh.
You know?
Make it more believable.
78.6.
Okay.
That could have just made it 79, though.
It could have, but it's more specific.
Right.
Right.
All right.
All right.
somebody says, I'm a die-hard, blank, blank podcast fan,
but damn it, I just became an 85%.
I ain't switched on them, but I did hit the subscribe button.
Listen, you can listen to more than one podcast.
Jesus Christ, but I appreciate your loyalty
to the whatever you was listening to before this.
But I feel like 85 South Show is the perfect compliment
to whatever you was already.
already listening to.
Like if you was listening to like some murder mysteries
and you needed to like switch it up,
you fuck with niggas like this.
If you was listening to some other podcast
with another person and you know,
they was doing a bunch of yelling about some,
you know, some ignorant shit.
You need to listen to this because we don't do it all that.
You feel?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Yeah, so appreciate you subscribing.
We're gonna still out of the podcast fans
in the world since you can only listen to one
at a time.
that's more of a statement
yeah young droe really did wipe a bug on the couch
he really don't give a fuck
not right there it's on that side
you straight on this side
we already had it clean
okay well a lot of people think this is the same
couch over and over but we actually rotate
we got a few of couches that look just like that
that's dope ain't it
yeah that's a dog and then one day we will
but that shit sounds so believable
sophisticated bad girl says
she want to be an audience member
Okay
Somebody said
When J-O-N started laughing
He rocked side to side
And throw his head back
And look just like Stevie wanted to nephew
Bro, I don't know if you make that beat on purpose
But every time
Like I was just listening to it
And you know what I keep hearing on this?
I give me some of that pussy, baby
And give me some of that pussy, girl.
This the remix?
I'm up here in the trap.
She keep on texting me.
I told her if she wanna fuck, then send me them tini's.
Give me some of that pussy, baby.
And give me some of that pussy girl.
I'll put this dick on your home girl,
cause I don't have my own girl.
Because if y'all want to have a threesome,
gonna get naked and come on girl.
Some of that pussy, babe, babe.
Hey, give me some of that pussy, girl.
That's the one, I'm taking that beat.
I need that beat.
We're going in the yo with that one.
You fuck with it?
Yeah.
Rob Hayes on the remix.
Man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I got some more shit to say.
Those are all the comments.
Shout out to all the 85% of leaving comments.
One day we're gonna do an episode,
we're just gonna read comments.
A lot of shit going on in the world.
Nate Robinson and goddamn Jake Logan.
Just give a guy by Jake Logan.
Shout out to Jake Paul, Mike Tyson, Roy Jones.
Mike Tyson won that goddamn fight.
I don't get a fuck with nobody's say.
They wasn't supposed to have a win.
Hey, no, fuck that.
Mike Tyson, they weren't, but they did.
Mike Tyson was clearly in better shape.
They also two different sizes.
Roy Jones was in a heavyweight.
Hey, man, sometimes in a fight, you don't get to pick your opponent.
That's true.
Roy knew what he was doing when he walked in there.
Mike hit him with two or three of them body shots,
turned his goddamn intestines into jello.
That nigga wanted to hug the rest of them around.
Mike was hit for real, wooz.
Yeah!
That wasn't a dude that interview Bussey.
That was a different, different Mike Tyson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like the old Mike Tyson.
Evander Holyfield said he wanted rematch.
Mike Tyson said, fuck it because he didn't hear about it.
about it.
Oh, Mike Jason didn't hear about it.
No, just bullshit.
Have you heard no ceilings through?
I haven't already yet.
I'm just running through a list of shit that has happened.
Drake has a candle that smells like him.
He's been sending people candles.
Who gives a shit?
Who gives a shit?
Shit, shout out to, who gives a shit?
Who gives a shit?
Well, like, Gwinn and Paltrow had a candle that smelled like her vagina.
Did they sell out?
Eric Kabadu had a candle that smelled like her vagina.
I thought it was incense.
Oh, she had incense, my fault.
I know that motherfucker smelled good because I've seen a nigga on the internet eat a pack of them bitch.
So I think she used her real pussy.
Speaking of pussy, Lisa Ray says Halliberry is not good in bed.
How's she knows?
Because she said she can't keep a dude, so she might have some bad pussy.
I don't know.
I mean, the nigga left Lisa Rape.
Mm-hmm.
You can't really say shit.
I ain't really heard nobody acting a fool about your pussy either.
Except in the movies.
I think men, we should have never put out in the world.
Like, good pussy should have been just a secret.
Like, if women knew that we liked pussy, they should know how much we like pussy.
pussy but since we always talking about good pussy now they like they end on the
secret that's what make them like hold the pussy and like make you work for it
it really ain't all that it really ain't I mean I'm at the point of my life what
pussy is like gushing like I'm not gonna eat it every day but I do like to know
there's something in the house you get what I'm saying you just want to have
something sweet but I'm not about to fuck you eat candy every day
That makes sense.
Yeah.
You need balance.
Man, pussy will keep a man so distracted.
You'll never be great.
You'll be good, but great.
Just saying.
You gotta let that bitch adjust.
Yeah, that was deep.
That bit's something out.
Speaking of good pussy, though.
Shout out to Rihanna.
Whatever she's doing in life in the world.
world. Whatever she's doing, she just want to fuck them. I wanted to start an
applause. I'm sorry. Whatever Rihanna got going on, that woman can do no wrong. You want
to hear something ironically. LeBron James just signed a two-year extension for
$85 million. $85 million. It's just I like the 85. We got to send him
a box of shit can he fit any of that shit you got to register to the votes you're gonna
vote for raphael Warnock the black dude if I was here I would I like his
commercial yeah black dude just making political commercials in a white
neighborhood mm-hmm then he do some in the black neighborhood his whole
commercials just like he just played the clips of the white lady's line and he'd be
like is this the bitch you want Georgia yeah Raphael Warnock fuck with you
I like the one where he walking a dog and then they're like she voted no she
voted no they have a lot of negative ads about me but you know what I think of it
and he throws the dog stuff away in the garbage that's bush that's dog shit
come on he don't say it but the commercial saying it and platted shout out to
Monica just won a Lady of Soul Award oh black women is killing it again and
Miss Marseille Martin, right?
That's how you pronounce that.
Marseille.
Marseille Martin
secures the Guinness World Record
for the youngest Hollywood executive producer.
Hell yeah.
Tristan Thompson just became
a U.S. citizen.
Now I ain't can fuck these American
hoes in peace.
Shout out with my nigga Tristan.
Out there growing these holes
giving Chloe the business.
That nigga was
Gone before the baby started walking.
Real niggins shit.
Give a fuck how much money them hoes got.
Cheat on them bitches.
So what?
Fuck them.
Actually, I think Chloe is the one that liked this.
Y'all sorry, Chloe.
Niggins ain't shit.
But you knew that before you started fucking with him.
You sell them when your sister was fucking
with them niggins, niggins one shit, so you get what your ass for.
Free Casanova.
This nigga facing.
Two life sentences.
Man.
That's the shit I'm not turning myself in for it.
Two life sentences.
Two life sentences.
Come and get me.
With my nigger finessed two times, say,
I never surrender.
Real nigger dilemma.
Oh shit.
That's two life sentences.
They about did him with the Rico.
You think he did it?
Who knows?
We don't have enough information to draw a conclusion.
Welcome back to the 85.
Thank you.
Yes, indeed.
It's your man, Carlos Miller.
I got my motherfucking LeBron's on,
because LeBron just signed for $85 million.
You got damn right.
It had to be, he reaching out to us via money.
Out of all the amounts he could have signed for, not 80,
not 79, not 96, 85.
So cousin LeBron, the big sense, in my mind,
LeBron, my cousin.
So, my little cousin.
My little cousin, though.
Shout out to LeBron.
I mean, I'm the oldest, so he got to be my little cousin.
Right, because it means if he was my cousin,
I would have had to do some big cousin shit.
You know what I mean? Like, leave that nigga alone.
Because I'm good big cousin. What's your big cousin skills like?
My big cousin's skills like?
Your big cousin skills? Like, what your little cousins say about you?
Because that really defines you as a person.
If your little cousins don't fucking love and admire you,
that means your soul.
I don't know if they admire me.
You don't think so?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm like the, like, annoying big cousin.
It's fucked up.
I thought you was a cool one.
They'd be giving them like yeas and shit?
Nah, not yet.
Oh.
You still wearing your shit.
I mean, I, if we wore the same size, I definitely give my cousin.
Hey, man, if you don't know who I'm sitting here with, man,
this is my dog Rob Hayes, man.
Greatest, funniest.
I don't like what people say up and coming.
Yeah?
Yeah, I don't like that.
I just feel like you already are.
Like, this nigga was already doped me
when I first saw him.
I told him, I was like, man, fuck this shit, you good.
And I look up, my man's got the blazer on,
telling jokes on late night TV.
I was like, I discovered this nigga.
Like, I didn't technically discover him,
but I was around him early enough in his career
where I knew he would be great.
Like, I remember when he would be great.
And then they used to come to the show and work out,
like, do the workout rooms and shit.
If the shit went well, he would stay.
If he didn't like how the shit went,
that nigga would leave stage and go home.
But he always came back, man.
So that's my dog, Rob Hayes, man.
Putting it down in the comedy world, bro.
Glad you got to stop through the trap.
Yes, sir.
Have some refreshments and waters and shit like that.
You know, just to talk some shit with your boy here and down there.
It's the life source, man.
Without water, would we be here?
Nah, nah, hell now.
Hell no.
How long could you laugh?
How does make me think of a high question, though?
Do you think sea turtles drink water, my name?
Because they say, to me, to me, to me, for them to live in the ocean, they are extremely dry and ashy looking.
Yeah, no, I feel like the way their mouths are shaped, it's almost like to block the water.
You think about it.
You very rarely see, motherfucker.
who live in the water drinking water like do fish drink water no like what do
fish parents tell fish children you know like you better drink that water I don't
think they talk I think they just follow they just follow and they just got to
learn on their own think there's no fish equivalent to speaking no I think you like
you got an eye right here you got an eye right here so you should be able to see
everything and then you just I see somebody right here I see somebody right here but do
they call them somebody they don't call them somebody I don't know what they say
in their head I've never thought about fish starts before though right like this is
new I always think about shit like that like octopuses you think about octopuses you think about
octopuses because like say you got one octopus right mm-hmm oh turtles do drink
water, they go up it while they're swimming.
So it kind of just, it's kind of just like,
I guess it makes the travel faster or something.
I figured like if you were swimming
and you was drinking water at the same time.
You got to push your bubble out. Exactly.
That makes more sense
than not. Yeah, like
octopuses, though. Like, you
got one octopus. Okay.
But then it's two octopuses.
But, like,
how many do you have to have
before it turned into, like,
octopi like if it was a group of octopus chilling you and say look at them octopuses
no you say them niggas is over there being they look at them octopi octopi right like is it
like 15 octopuses is an octopi but they'll never be 15 deep because they they like to be by
themselves they're 15 deep they might get tangled up 15 is actually the most octopuses that they
found in one place they got an octopus community and it's 15 of them
that lived there.
And they keep it around 15
because they'll kick people out.
Like, you can get evicted
from the octopus community.
Hey, you get kicked out.
That's...
Just imagine, though,
you're just chilling.
You think everything all good.
And then it's 14 angry octopuses outside.
Like, bro, you got to go.
What's y'all on, bro?
What is it?
They're pointing at you,
but, like, with all the tentacles...
And you know they're angry
because they've all changed colors
to their angry color.
Octopuses can change
in the end.
color or any surface they got control over it yeah they just oh I guess I'm this
color now whatever they land on like if you land on this table they can be brown
they land on the couch whatever the fuck color that couch is they would change yeah
yeah they land on your shit and be green not about to be fucking with my man Rob
that's that you look like you actually jogged in that jogging suit dude I mean you
actually used that for what it was for?
That's what it's for.
You actually jogging your jogging suits?
I don't jog, but I'll go for a walk in a jogging suit.
No.
That's the feet.
It's not a jogging suit, then.
It's a walking suit.
Yeah, yeah.
Would you use a walking stick?
No, I don't use a walking stick.
I feel like it's not a real walk if you don't have a stick, though.
You gotta find a walking stick, though.
I'm not the type of person that just has a
designated walking stick in the house.
I feel like if it's a good walk, you will find a good walking stick on the walk.
Yeah.
I feel like that's a turning point in the walk.
Like once you find the stick, you halfway finished.
Mm-hmm.
Because you gotta go through enough to be like, all right, I'm gonna pick up this stick
because I might need it.
Right.
You know?
But if you, early in the walk, you see a big stick, you might be like, I don't need that.
Nah, I do.
Like, if I found the big, like my walking stick first,
stick first, like before the walk
actually start, then I know it'd be a good walk
because I got the stick first.
That might be God's saying,
bro, here go a stick going to walk.
You feel what I'm saying? If that's the only
time you feel safe with a stick, though.
Like any other time in life,
you would want more. But on a walk,
you're like, a stick is cool.
What do you use your walking stick for?
I believe in myself.
Okay. First of all,
just know that before I even pick the stick.
I'm so confident in
my ability with the stick.
So what I use the stick
for depends on what
comes up. Okay.
Like, say for instance, it's a nature
walk and I come across some type
of animal. I know how to hold
the stick to let the animal know, hey,
I know how to use
this stick.
Don't fuck around.
I respect you as an animal.
But if you try me as a human
with this stick, I'm on your
ass. And I
I felt like if people saw me walking with this stick,
they wouldn't be like, oh, he's a threat.
They'd be like, OK, I'm safe.
Somebody has a stick.
You feel like, that's how I'd be thinking, though.
OK.
Yeah.
Because then, like, what if it was like, say
you walking with a group of friends, right?
Y'all come across the stick.
How do you decide who gets to hold a walking stick?
I think the person that notices it.
You would think.
You would think, but what if there's somebody in the group that's better with a stick?
That, you know, that's more, you know, they're more apt with the stick.
They, you know, they're in the back of the pack.
They're taller.
They've got broader shoulders.
They reach as long as so the stick actually has, you know, duality.
Then they got to be asserted.
They got to be like, let me see that.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, step up.
Step up to the plate.
They got to step up.
Because if you got the skills, go on ahead and, you know.
But have you ever had the stick stolen from you,
like, like, schnick, like, repossessed, like, bro, let me see that.
And then you notice, like, bro, we've been walking for it.
Man, you ain't trying to get a stick back.
You think I'm a bitch?
That's what you're saying?
Like, I'm not capable.
The worst is if they put it down and do something
and they don't give it to you.
Like, they tie their shoes, they put a stick down.
And then they pick up the stick
They still could have gave it to you
Damn. Especially if you find like a stick that won't break
You know what I'm saying? That's that one
Because at first you got to test it. Give me some stick music, bro
Fuck that shit. These fuck niggas out here
They get some game, bro. Never get caught out here without your stick
man. Is that stick music?
Let that ride. I like that. That's hill, billy.
Mother fucking missing some side team type shit.
Slamming a truck dough loud on a bitch.
Some 92 a.m. Rebel radio type shit.
Yay!
I'm about to get this show started, my boy.
Look at this bitch.
I got a motherfucking joint
that's longer than your motherfucking index finger.
I got a motherfucking joint.
That bitch cold. For real, for real. Tell the truth. I did that.
Man, that's skills. That's skills right there.
Look like a small baseball bat.
That's exactly what I was going for.
You feel me? I even put the little, uh, I even just twist the little tip, so I just feel like, you know, somebody else did.
You know, somebody else did it.
Man, like somebody else did it.
I like that. You got to have to have that. You got to have a little.
you some good stick me to turn it down just a little bit man just so it doesn't become overbearing
you understand yeah just so it doesn't become overbearing my dog what's been going on in your
world man since the pandemic hit man since the pandemic hit still been working how fortunate enough to
write wrote on the uh the espies they did that from home i knew you had some good shit going on
I just had to act like I ain't know.
Rodan,
second season of a Sherman Showcase.
Who is that?
Tell me about this.
Tell me about Sherman Showcase, Rob Hayes.
It's not every day that we get people of your caliber through the trap.
Hey, man, that's not true.
I've seen y'all, y'all.
I thought I was going to have to go through a lot of protocol to get here, you know what I mean?
Like, two chains been on this couch, man.
You hit me.
You hit me directly.
Fabo's been on this couch, man.
You know what I'm saying?
No, we don't call him Thabo no more.
$2.
$2.
I apologize.
$2.
$2 has been on that couch, man.
$2,000 has been on this couch, man.
Currency been on this couch.
Tip?
Been on this couch?
Tip.
Rob Hayes, Ronnie Jordan.
Everybody who sits on this couch is a legend, bro.
Obama on a book tour.
I thought he was going to be here today.
I want him to come on this show, man.
You got to read the book.
I don't think he's going to come yet.
It's too early.
I think if you read the book, he might come through.
I don't know.
I heard it's a long book, so you gotta get started.
What's the book called, The Audacity of Hope 2?
It's taking forever to like this bitch.
I'm not sure the name of it.
It's a big picture of him on the cover, though, I know that.
So I know I'm gonna get the right one.
I got this bitch rows so tight.
It's like a cigar.
Hold on.
The book is called A Promised Land.
Barack Obama doing real estate now.
That's what I picked up from that.
I buy real estate from an Obama.
From Malia.
Not Barack, though.
Because I'm going to feel like he being disingenuine.
Like I know he don't need the money.
But if I did buy a house from Barack Obama,
Michelle got to be in my clothes.
It's my own condition.
That'd be hard.
I know.
Shit, harder than lighten this joint.
It's there now, though.
It's getting on.
Christmas coming up.
Thinking about having, you know, chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
open fire for some reason that just always made me think of fucking in front of a
fireplace what do you put chestnuts in I mean what other time of a year
where you even be using chestnuts you don't fucking use those in August I'm
saying what how do you it's even good how do you roast chestnuts Pam you a
baker a chestnut's good my nigga do you eat them or is it just for
But I don't eat nothing fucking chestnuts, man.
Fucking trapping like that, bro, baby.
You're fucking killer, man.
I mean, you isn't like, do people, like, not you.
Do you?
I've never ate a chestnut.
No, man.
Me either.
I wasn't exposed to chestnuts.
Mm.
Mm.
Nat King Cole probably had a chestnut.
Marvin Gay probably had some.
Yeah.
He's looking like, he ain't no motherfucking chestnut.
That expression.
literally fits everything, bro.
Did you know that we couldn't even get
that fucking picture clear it,
so we could have used it on the BETT Awards?
We had to find an alternate Marvin Gay Pictures.
I noticed there was a different Marvin Gay picture.
Bro, apparently this picture is too famous now.
And we gotta find the original artist
to see if it's okay.
Man, his name is on the painting.
Somebody's name.
The fuck is wrong with you.
Ryan?
This motherfucker comes back
with all the shit
people eat chestnuts in.
Chestnut pasta,
chestnut soup,
chestnut puree
and chestnut cake.
Get your ass out of here.
Back to what we were saying
about this Marvin gay shit,
though, man.
We couldn't even clear that picture.
That's crazy.
But we cleared the other one.
We cleared the other one.
I was like,
this is BET.
Y'all can't clear fucking Marvin.
But it was at a,
it was at a similar angle.
It was like a similar,
It was interesting.
Yeah, that's that one right there though.
Yeah, finally got that bitch lit.
Higher than a bitch with a third tit, like a witch.
Ain't only the staff here, man.
I'm the only one on staff today, man.
You didn't even get to turn over the game.
I know, man.
It's still the same, though.
You can still feel the vibes of it.
So the vibes of the, you know, Christmas pass in this bitch.
This is one of my favorite pictures from my live show, man.
I want to know who mama that is.
But that lady beside her looks so proud of her.
She looks so happy.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Look at the dude behind it.
He looked like one of the original hot boys.
He got like a camo, beanie on.
Beanie on, a chain on.
Yeah, yeah.
Real nigga shit.
We got the best fans, bro.
Ain't nobody fucking with the 85%.
I've seen other people's fans,
and I know for a fact that our fans are better than them.
Come on, man.
And they're not the same fans.
I'm one of them.
I'm an 85%.
From the first percent, Christmas 2015.
You know what I mean?
I listened to it that day.
I didn't know, man.
I hit you and then I came on,
I was on like the third episode.
But that's what?
I didn't know that you stayed fucking with it like that.
I didn't know you were a percent of him.
The whole time.
I remember Chico came through, he was like,
I was already on the podcast.
This is my podcast.
You know what I'm man?
I remember that.
Sabado Domingo, Domingo.
I remember that.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
That's what people don't understand though.
We got a rotating staff.
Anybody you've seen in the staff position,
still in position.
They didn't even see me though.
I was in audio.
They only heard me.
And seen still pictures.
Ooh.
But people were choosing.
It was a good picture.
A girl told me like, you should make that your profile picture.
Did you?
I did.
That was my avatar in the studio before the trap house.
Before the trap.
Then y'all went on the road.
then back to the trap house.
The trap just been jumping, though.
Come on, man.
Yeah, we're trapping abundance.
The auto tune machine, loose legs, J-O-N, the band.
I don't watch them all.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
I'm humble.
I'm humble.
I'm a fan, man.
I'm a humble, bro.
I'm here, like, this looks bigger on the TV.
Like, that's, like, I'm really, like.
It looks bigger?
I'm saying, you know how people say that when they're on a set?
They're like, you know, it looks bigger.
You're on TV.
That's how I feel right now.
My goal was to just have a set so people could be like, we're on set.
Now we're on set.
We on set, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's the one thing about being on set, it's never as big as you actually think it is.
No matter what the set is.
No matter what the set is.
I watch y'all on TV now.
I bought my first TV this year.
Shut the fuck up.
That's big gangster street.
Well, first flat screen.
I had some fatbacks, but my first flat screen TV.
That's how I know you get it.
successful. Did you get a big one? I got a big one.
Word. Six to five. Come on, man. What we look like? I put y'all
on there every Saturday. I can't do it right on Friday. I'm a Saturday watching. I'm a Saturday
watcher now. Okay. Like I was a Friday, you know, come on man, what's up with the episode? Like
where's that guy? Right. Right. But then I started getting too busy on Fridays. Right.
But then Saturday, clean the house, play some old school music.
Right.
After that, right.
Watch y'all.
But see, this is what I was just discussing, though.
This shit hits so different on a Saturday.
It hits different on Saturday.
Right.
I noticed, like, when Joe dropped the show, if he dropped the show early in the day, like, Friday morning, that shit hit different.
And then they had motherfuckers talk shit all day.
And then, like, if you drop it early, they will come back and watch it that night.
And then, like you said, we got our Saturday.
crowd that show up early Saturday morning.
Roll up. I'm talking about people who have to be up at three, four o'clock in the morning.
Yeah.
When they get up and get to fucking around, this is the shit that they fuck with when they can't talk to nobody.
Truck drivers, all types of motherfuckers who work in the warehouse.
Shout out to everybody work at the Amazon warehouse.
We can get burned in the Amazon warehouse, Rob Hayes.
They didn't know they were going to have a high-pressure job.
For My Heart Podcasts in Rococo Punch, this is The Turning, River Road.
I knew I wanted to obey and submit, but I didn't fully grasp for the rest of my life what that meant.
In the woods of Minnesota, a cult leader married himself to 10 girls and forced them into a secret life of abuse.
Why did I think that way?
why did I allow myself to get so sucked in by this man
and in thinking to the point that if I died for him,
that would be the greatest honor.
But in 2014, the youngest of the girls escaped
and sparked an international manhunt.
For all those years, you know, he was the predator
and I was the prey.
And then he became the prey.
Listen to the Turning River Road
on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories
are set free.
I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would
challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you.
On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all,
childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration,
grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the shrimp to make it to the other side.
My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant,
but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot
in his house unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning
storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black
Effect Podcast Network, tune in on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Our IHeart Radio Music Festival, presented by Capital One, is coming back to Las Vegas.
Vegas.
September 19th and 20th.
On your feet.
Streaming live only on Hulu.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Brian Adams.
Ed Shearin.
Fade.
Chlorilla.
Shelley Roll.
Chon Fogarty.
Lil Wayne.
L.L. Coulche.
Mariah Carey.
Maroon 5.
Sammy Hagar.
Tate McCray.
The off-sprint, Tim McGraw.
Tickets are on sale now at AXS.com.
Get your tickets today.
AXS.com.
When they applied, you know?
Yeah.
Like, if you applied before the pandemic,
you didn't know, oh, this is going to be people's livelihood.
Right.
You were just like, I'm going to fold the box.
Not.
Put the tape, close the box.
Sense of urgency went right up.
Come on, man.
Essential worker now.
Yeah.
Now that's the last line of defense.
Wow.
They're like the men in black.
Right, I'm telling you, man.
It's been a, you know, a challenge just to keep paper towels and toilet paper for some people.
And, you know, Amazon, been holding it down.
They've been holding it down.
They don't knock on the door or nothing.
You don't even know their game.
They just text you a picture.
Your shit outside.
Been out there earlier.
Mm-hmm.
We fucked with them.
I thought we had a lot of people, like a lot of fans at, like, the Atlanta airport.
I think probably 89.3% of people who work at the airport
and fuck with this show.
I believe that.
Yeah.
I used to work at the airport.
You did?
What was you doing?
I worked there at Chick-fil-A.
Mmm.
Yeah.
You ever fuck with any of them chicks that work at the Popeye's down there?
No, no, I didn't.
Some real talent at that they Pop-A-A-A-A.
I'm talking about some fat Buddhists, man.
Some fat Buddhists at that Popeye's down.
You got, like, chicken grease, all in your...
They got chicken grease.
I didn't even think like that.
I was just ready to, like, get out of that.
Telling you, big boot is hit different at the airport, man.
I don't know if you know this, but like,
you see your chick with a big booty,
it's like a little bit fatter because she had the airport.
Little John came to our chick filet one day.
This was in 2007, we was hype, you know what I'm saying?
That meant something.
Early morning?
Early morning.
Yeah.
Got chicken biscuit.
You know, somebody's like, are you little John?
Yeah
Why would you ask Lil John that?
They didn't know what to say
All the people
They didn't know what to say
That are easily identifiable
You asked Lil John
I didn't ask them
That was the type of motherfucker
That would walk up to Shack
I watch his answer
You Shack
Fucking asshole
Like that's the type of shit
That make people mad
early in the morning
And my little John
Bitch do I look like
Yes
Get my fucking chicken biscuit
I ran up on Kine
in the airport.
As only I know you would.
People don't know this Rob Hayes probably the biggest Kanye West fan.
And turn the music off.
We don't need no music.
Kanye would think it's disrespectful to have music playing while bringing up Kanye.
Let's talk about that because you have a podcast also.
I have, well, it's in and out.
Nah, but see, as long as you own it, you have it.
That's true.
Yeah.
So tell me about it.
Yeah, no.
Your Kanye fandom.
All about Kanye West, and basically we'd talk about, like, different songs.
We'd have a guest.
They'd talk about the song.
Give me an example.
So, you know, I'd have a guest.
We'd talk about, you know, like, what's your favorite Kanye song?
Heartless.
Heartless?
Yeah.
So we'd talk about heartless.
We'd talk about what's going on with you at that time.
Why?
Like, what's your intro to Kanye?
wise Hartle is your favorite song my intro to Kanye I don't remember my
the first like Kanye memory probably I probably
I knew his music but like him as an artist
I probably came in around through the wire
through the wire yeah I wasn't I wasn't sold off through the wire
yeah that makes sense because it does seem like a make a wishy
it does seem like I liked his ambition but then
it was ambitious he had another one and another one and another one
You know?
Then we'd talk about Heartless.
We would talk about...
Barry Bonds is a good one.
Barry Bonds is a dope one.
Barry Bonds?
Yeah.
That whole first album was very stimulated.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
We talked about the video.
So the video was rotoscope.
Mm-hmm.
Which means that they shot it and then they painted over it.
So each frame they painted over it.
So you know all of this shit.
Through him, through my fandom of Kanye, I learned about all kind of different stuff.
All kind of movies, all kind of art, all kind of stuff.
Right.
I need to focus more.
I'm just a big nerd.
I've noticed that.
Like, whatever it is I'm into, I'm just going to be nerdy about it.
I can't help it.
It could be the coolest thing.
It could be basketball, but I'm going to know, like, random.
cis averages in different years.
So you probably know shit about women that's just stupid, huh?
Just dumb-ass nerd facts about women.
Like, women don't get earwax and they left ear.
Some silly shit like that.
You know what?
I've learned.
What?
All women are different.
That's not true.
That's definitely not true.
That's definitely not true.
You got to learn from that specific woman.
Nah.
Nah, that's definitely not true.
I'm just bull-sitting.
I had to be indifferent.
They are dead.
They are totally weirdos and shit.
I know a lot of weird shit about women.
Like, check this out, for example.
If you suck her left titty, she'll care about you more.
The left one?
Yeah, you know why?
Because the heart is on the left.
Titty's on top of the heart.
That makes sense.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Left-handed women suck dick from funny angles.
Yeah.
Like if you have a left-handed girlfriend and you get a right-handed girlfriend,
you'll be so used to getting that head from the opposite side.
It's just crazy.
So the dominant hand determines the side that she suck dick from.
So I might have been chilling on the non-dominant side so many times.
Right.
And then if you get a left-handed girlfriend, that's the problem.
That's what I'm saying.
When your girl left-handed, you'm always in a better position for her to give you some head.
Because y'all never, like, if you right-handed and she left-handed, y'all never, like, interfere.
Y'all kind of just, like, join forces and become a megatron.
Like, you're using this side.
She want that side.
You get two righties.
This is a whole lot of confusion right here.
My mind is bummed.
At some point of this dissertation, I knew that it would be.
A lot of guys don't pay attention to shit like this.
Yeah.
I gotta focus for it.
Yeah, you gotta pay attention to the little things, man.
Like, if you ever walk a chick to her car, bro,
and notice that she got three different pairs of shoes in the back seat,
that's who you want to fuck.
That's some good-ass pussy right there.
Women with good pussy are very indecisive when it comes to the shoes that they want to wear.
So the three in the back seat means she made the decision when she got that.
Alright, like these are shoes that she wore specifically
that never made it back into the house.
See, that's a woman laughing.
Because it's facts.
But she knows it in a car.
So she can just go to the car and go.
Right.
Look back, she got options.
Right.
That's right.
One thing else I'll put you up on
that you probably didn't pay attention to.
Like if you, if you ever at a house with a woman
and she go pissed and you can hear it,
no matter where you are in the house,
like a woman that pissed real loud,
some of the best pussy ever have.
Like women with good pussy, they peeve so loud,
so hard, with so much pressure.
It's just fucking phenomenal.
See, I would think that was a red flag.
It's not.
It's not.
You want a woman with,
woman with some good PSI on her piss but do I want a woman who would let me hear
that so early it's not up to you it's not up to you it's really not up to you
it's something she can't have it's called an affliction she can't help it's
just one of the bylaws of nature what if she plays music and you still hear
that that lets you know that that it's really loud because she's trying to
create a diversion. Now you just hear music and a faint sound of a loud piss. You still
hear it though. Yeah. Can't drown that out. I think I would go for that. If she plays music,
that means she got the advantages of the loud piss, but the scruples to be like, you know what?
This is not for everybody to know. I'm not just going to keep giving you the good shit either.
If you ever meet a woman that doesn't know how to whisper or talk but in one,
One voice, don't fuck with her.
She is evil and she'll fuck your chances of getting to heaven,
getting in the heaven up.
Women that can only speak in one volume, work for the devil.
Would you whisper in the line in getting to heaven?
Nah, because if I'm in line, that mean I'm getting in.
I mean, God ain't the petty God that people want you to think.
Like, he's not gonna have you come in line so he can tell you in your face that you're not getting in.
It don't work like that.
I forgot you a reverend, because God is a forgiving God.
He can't, like, you think God is gonna be like, no Rob Hayes,
and then he see you like walking away sad.
He's a forgiving God, he gonna be like, come here.
Go on in, bro.
You got the rest of eternity to get this shit right.
Yeah, it's the thing about it.
This bitch burning so good.
I'm gonna be high as a motherfucking giraffe titty.
How does it feel being a reverber?
How does it feel being a reverber?
Well, it's very challenging at times, man,
because people try to put you in a box
and they want you to be who they want you to be,
not what you're supposed to be being.
Yeah.
What you're supposed to be being.
Mm-hmm.
You feel me?
So I have to do, you know, I have to go through it's challenging
because I have certain goals and things that God needs me to do.
And I have to go about doing them in an obscure way.
Because I'm doing what they might call street ministry.
Well, I'm trying to bring in, like it's gonna take me a while first to bring them in
before we actually get to the mess.
But I feel like as long as I can walk amongst the people and show them that there is
hope for us, then we're going to get there.
This is going to take a little time.
Yeah, salvation will be delivered.
And it's kind of like, God, like, sub-leasing some work through me.
He's so overwhelmed.
He can't get to everybody.
So he's using me to facilitate some of the foolishness.
That's all it is.
Because he wants everybody to know that he is for us all, you know,
a path you take getting to him as long as you get there you feel I feel like I'm
touched there's the spirit moving through it I felt I feel it I feel it I feel it you see
how it just walked through it just you know it just comes about it happens it just
happens these are things that need to happen right just like that lady smoking that
blunt right that she is being delivered like she did her work she did her work as a mother
as a grandmother, she did her work in the church.
Who better?
Who better to hit that blunt?
You see the camera flashes behind it?
The people are proud of her.
That's the light.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
Smoking good, living good.
You know what I hate the most about this whole pandemic shit?
What?
We ain't seen no holes all you.
Yeah.
We ain't even been able to just like, look, we missed sundress season.
We missed a whole bunch of pool parties.
And you know, just like random events where women would be scantily clad.
We didn't get to see no booty shorts.
The year before they had them cucumber parties.
And that's what I'm saying.
that's why we are in the position that we're in right now you don't fucking
suck on agriculture you don't suck on no agriculture but had I known we be
here I might have went but I'm saying though this whole shit started from
people sucking on vegetables and shit that were not prepared properly when you
vegetables they have to be prepared you don't just grab fucking broccoli and eat it
you run some water on come on somebody now we're in the house can't even go
outside because of the cucumber it's it's it's grown men out here with real
dicks and these bitches rather suck vegetables that zookini ain't gonna love her
Yeah, some people probably brought a zucchini.
Sometimes I just get mad if they just start yelling out of sin of this man.
I don't mean to call these hoes bitches and stuff like that.
I'm sorry.
I'm not living like that no more.
Had to take a moment just to gather myself.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I was about to go in a dark place.
How you liking the LA living door, man, being from Atlanta?
A lot of weird shit goes on in LA, man.
It does, but I haven't seen it yet.
But every time I go to a party in my head, I'm like,
is this when it happens?
Are you anticipating?
Is this when I see the weird stuff?
You anticipating it?
I'm not anticipating it, but I'm just ready.
You always prepared?
Always ready.
Like, I don't have a physical walking stick,
but I go into, like, those things with a mental walking stick.
Right.
And I feel like, you know, you're doing the right thing by doing that.
You can did nothing wrong.
But LA is, it can be very, very strange at times.
I get why some stuff that seems weird.
It's not necessarily that it's weird.
It's just that LA is the type of place where you can get pressed by some gang members.
Mm-hmm.
Or some random motherfuckers dressed like clowns and superhero.
But it's the same pressure
Yeah
It's the same pressure
Like you ain't never had street beef
With a nigga on some stilts
This could happen
A Karen might attack you
For smoking a medical marijuana cigarette
In front of her dog
A homeless man
May think you're his buddy
From the war
And try to
hug you all types of motherfuckers from places you've never heard of dude told me he was from
jomethalaya i couldn't even google that shit i don't even know what jimithelaya is you ever heard of that
i don't really you're a nerd you heard of jimithelaia i haven't but the fact that it's got myth in it
makes me skeptical oh yeah and maybe i'm saying it wrong but you know like maybe it doesn't
exist maybe it's a myth i just remember that that
I don't know.
When I was in LA, I went to this liquor store that had a restaurant in the back of it.
I don't know if it was the liquor store was in the back of the restaurant.
Well, I'm just saying, there was a liquor store adjacent to a restaurant.
And you can actually order food through the liquor store.
Oh, that's crazy.
I'm not going to expose where this place is because I don't want nobody trying to find my spot.
It's decent, though.
How is the food?
The burbys are fucking wonderful.
I think the rest of the food is shitty, though.
You ever, like, met a chick offline
and was disappointed?
It wasn't necessarily, like, disappointed,
but you didn't want to fuck no more?
Yeah, like, I was like,
I could see how you look like your pictures,
but you don't seem like your picture.
You don't seem like...
Like, I see how you got that angle,
but...
There's other angles.
Mm.
Mm.
I think that's probably one to move.
Not necessarily that she don't look like the pictures,
but like you said, it's something just not,
like I like the online you.
Mm-hmm.
Not the real life you.
Yeah.
Because you can tell the switch up.
Right.
Because they switched up.
Demeanor's different.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
I remember I met up with this one chick and she had on them boots that I don't like.
I was just so over that shit, bro.
What boots are the boots that you don't like?
Little witch boots.
Witch boots?
You know, them little boots that all the chicks be wearing?
The little waitress, witch boots.
Do they have a buckle?
Yeah.
I fucking hate them boots.
I don't like them boots, man.
I fucking, like, I don't like those boots
and those little flat shoes, the little slip on flats.
I fucking hate them.
The ones that look like, little hot tamales or whatever.
I fucking hate those, bro.
I hate those.
So those boots are a deal breaker if they got them on?
Top five most unattractive things a woman can do.
Have those fucking boots on.
What if they are in possession of those boots?
Like they didn't have them on, but you see that she got them?
I knew that she wanted to.
I knew that she wanted to.
Yeah, hell yeah.
I don't like how women get to get away with like wearing cheap ass shit.
I think that's fucked up.
Like if you see a dude with some fake jewelry on, he'll be lame as fuck, right?
But if you see a lady with all this fake
fake-ass jewelry on she just has imagination you get what I'm saying if it was
equal would you feel the same way nah I feel like we always gonna complain
about something even I'm just not that I have a desire or urge to wear a fake
jewelry I think that shit is crazy but I feel like people who wear a lot of fake
jewelry are practicing when they get real jewelry you're
what I'm saying like that's what I tell myself just like keep up with it like what
would I do in the situation what if this was expensive like you get in the
habit I don't know Jay away what is this music my name I like it I like it
it's like it's like funeral music for people who still alive
Like some
Like some bad shit about to happen, it ain't happen yet
They should do that.
You can do that.
What?
Have funerals for people who are still alive.
I don't know, uh-uh.
I think that's weird.
Maybe a celebration of life
Yeah
We should do celebrations of life
Like I feel like we don't have
Enough points in our life
But we can just celebrate us
Like people want to wait to your birthday
That's one day or year
I want to be celebrated
About once a month
At least every quarter
Every day of the month
Every semester
I feel like every semester
Fuck a birthday
We need to come up with us.
Still Alive Day.
Still alive.
Yeah.
My birthday in August,
niggie, but you know,
my still alive day in April,
niggins,
we gonna fuck off again.
You mean?
We fucking off again.
Bro, I was thinking,
let me ask you this, Rob Hayes.
If you could pick another race
for nationality or culture
to be a part of,
would you pick one
other than black.
Like, knowing how black we are right now, right?
We deep in the black community.
Like, if you had to pick, would you pick something else?
I would keep the same thing, but I would find out all the information.
How?
I'm getting the pick stuff.
So I thought I was talking to his prison to some other shit.
Yeah, I see how you think.
You got that lateral thinking.
If I'm thinking, you know, if I'm talking to somebody
and they say, hey, you can pick whatever race,
I'm going to say, I'm going to keep the same race.
Just tell me how I got here.
Oh.
So let me ask you this, though.
Say, for instance, you get to heaven, right?
And you're just chilling in God like Rob Hayes.
Bro, I hate to ask you this shit,
but I need you to go on earth and be a nigga one more time for me.
Could you do that?
I could probably do it.
The last time?
Like, I need you to live a whole black-ass life.
Same struggle, same beating path.
It's gonna be even harder this time.
Would you do it?
I think I would do it.
Because I know it would be tough, but at the same time it would be fun.
Yeah.
We both tough and fun.
Sometimes the tough makes it more fun.
Sometimes a fun makes more time.
I just know, at some, I just, I don't know, man.
It's going to be too hard to be a nigga
knowing that you're about to go to heaven.
Like, going through this life and he's like,
you know you good, nigga.
That shit, I don't know.
So what?
Shoot, Mr. Officer.
Shoot!
Now I ain't got no fucking license.
Shoot!
Do what the fuck y'all came to do.
You'd have a sense of urgency?
Nah, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't have no sense of urgency, bro.
You can't guarantee a nigger, not.
He's going to tell everybody, bro,
God got me.
Let me in this motherfucker, man.
Come on, bro.
I've seen the niggum.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
Bray you remember when I was a lie at last time, bro.
That's my old baby pissing, you know?
Bro, this me, right here. Look at that. That's the old me, bro. This me. This is where I was at.
Who knows? I got to quit thinking of stupid shit like that, man.
Man, that's Gene. You think that's stupid.
I've been thinking the dumb ass shit. What do you think it's smart?
I don't know, man. Octopuses?
I'm going back.
I got another octopus story, bro.
Something most fascinating shit ever.
Look, it was this dude.
He took a fucking octopus and he was trying to study that bitch in a lab.
He's getting ready to go home.
He's like, what the fuck I'm gonna do?
He put the motherfucker in a jar, right?
And then he put the shit in a tank.
The octopus, unscrewed the fucking jar, got out the tank,
when it got something to eat, came back, put itself back in the jar.
Most unbelievable shit I ever seen about.
And if you don't believe me, look it up.
It's online.
That's real.
I watched the whole fucking two-hour documentary
about some octopus, man.
And I confess, I do shit like that.
I smoke this shit and just be sitting there like,
I'm at my house like I'm visiting.
Look, that nigga found that shit.
You can found that shit, bro.
That fast.
Turn it to the camera so they can look it up.
This is real.
Like a part of me felt like you made it up.
But a part of me was really excited at how vivid your imagination is.
Rob Hayes.
This is probably one of the best things about knowing me personally, bro.
A lot of the shit I say is not made up.
Yeah.
92.6.
So 93% of the shit that I say is.
It's factual-based.
I say it, but you don't have to believe it, Rob Hayes.
I've had Titty Milk squirted on me from across the room in real life.
You ain't been where I've been.
Who the fuck grown?
I know it wasn't a grown man back there grown.
Fucking Chad Ubre.
Oh, your day is coming, my nigga.
Wait till you become a daddy.
You don't even know the type of shit that can come out the human body.
Yeah.
been there he probably ain't never even seen a real life squirt up before he ain't he ain't
been where i've been i don't think i've seen that you never been with a real squirter i don't
think so how old are you 32 bro god gonna bless you just know a squirtor coming in your life
you might have you might have to broaden the like open up the range of the kind of women you
like but you definitely need to run into a squirter because it's real it's not no
Hollywood shit bro this is real play me some squirter music this young
nigga don't believe squirters is real 32 I feel like you've been cheated you
went to college I went to college and you ain't meet no squirters and that's the
part that's gonna shock you when you realize who it is that's the squirder it's gonna blow
fucking mind.
You gonna look back at all of them times
that you knew that lady before you knew she was a squirder.
And then once you see that,
amazing.
I wanna introduce you to one just so you can know one.
Like I'm not saying you have to fuck it,
but I want you to know that there are women
out there with superpowers.
That sounds crazy.
It does. It sounds like some shit that I made up, right?
But it's actually real.
I feel like I offended you and I said that.
You didn't.
I didn't mean, you know.
I'm hurt for you.
You know how you ask your homeboy, like, man, have you seen my favorite movie?
And he's like, nah.
And it's like, fuck, I'm going to give you so much information that maybe the next time that I see you, we can revisit this.
And you be like, those, that squirt of shit you said.
Was real.
Damn, I hate that you don't know about it already.
So many things we could discuss.
Some people say it's pee.
I don't care what it is.
I like my bitch wearing nikes.
Just do it.
Just do it.
I don't give a fucking bitch the figment of my imagination.
You mean to tell me I made a bitch nasty enough
to pee in this bed?
We'll do it.
That's the type of disgustment.
I want to see, especially if it's not my bed.
This a hotel piss on this shit.
My flight leave at 7 in the morning.
They ain't coming to clean this room up to at least 10.
Squirt on this shit.
Squirt everywhere.
I will sleep on the couch.
This is great.
Yes.
Because now.
Some women are so considerate they don't just squirt everywhere.
All the way.
They hold a squirt head.
Now, if you leave an hotel room,
it's got a wet spot in the bed,
they know what to assume.
I'm a gentleman, though.
I at least snatched the seat,
so leaving by the door.
There's things that happen.
That's responsible.
And that's all I ever try to be, Rob Hayes.
I don't want no smoke.
I want no smoke.
Chad don't even know.
He jinxed itself with it.
When he made a little snarky remark about the titty milk,
now it's going in his eye.
I'm just saying.
One day he's going to be a father.
Titty milk right in the face.
He's going to taste it because he ain't going to know them titty.
You don't know how long titty hold milk.
That baby would be ninth to tenth grade to still be a little
milk every now and there.
Rev, yeah.
Did you know if a woman who used to breastfeed
is around the baby and the baby starts crying,
titty milk just shows up?
Now that's some shit to Google right there.
You don't have to Google that.
That's a fact. I know about some tities.
That's new face. He's got a full dog.
And they're smart as hell.
Pretty sure they were breastfed.
You believe in free in the nipple?
Hell yeah.
The nipple should have been free.
If you think about it, bro.
A titty is not, nothing to be afraid of.
We watch dangerous shit all the time.
People getting murdered in all these fucking crime shows,
they're showing you all these elaborate scams and schemes
and murderous plots.
What could a harmless titty do?
I feel like we need tities on TV to make the story more believable.
I don't never think we'll be at a point in America where big titties will be TV friendly.
Have you ever noticed all the tities you've seen on TV have been around the same size?
I'm just now noticing.
Like I didn't notice before, but now that you brought it to my attention.
And if a woman wants to show off her body to hold titty, who are we?
That's what this whole, they've been saying this since the 50s and 40s.
Some women want their tities out, the whole titty.
Like with no discretion.
That's how they feel at the moment.
The moment that the women get mad, what's the first thing they're going to do?
Take that goddamn brawl.
Because when your nipple is free and your tities are able to,
And you, like, you're comfortable in them titty's doing what they want to do.
That's when women can just be powerful and do what they need to do.
So, of course, I'm with the movement.
Whatever them tities need for me, they got it.
So you feel like if we free the nipple, we'll be on another level?
I feel like freeing the nipple will liberate women.
And they will be comfortable enough to take it to the next level.
Now that that's out the way.
You feel me?
They got a list of shit that they want.
Yeah. Freeing the nipple is not even all the way up there on the list. That's something that they want, but that's not something they're going to like really keep pressing the issue about. I feel like that movement has lost a lot of steam. And I like where they was going. Because they had an occupied Atlanta boobs protest. Did you know that? No, I did not. I went there. I got photographic evidence where they had a sign. It said, Newface seen.
it on my Instagram back in the day.
It comes up on my memories every now and then.
Guy was holding a big sign, said,
Occupy Atlanta's boobs.
I was there.
How many people were there?
It was a nice turnout.
It was actually, it was a breast cancer march on one side,
and then an Occupy Atlanta boobs on the other side.
So, yeah.
They co-op, or did they not know each other with show?
I felt like the Occupy Atlanta Booz movement was extending a hand.
Okay.
Or a boob.
Okay.
Because you gotta keep them alive.
Yeah.
In order to free.
Right.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
I remember when the Thrashers left, they had a protest.
It was about 12 people out there.
For real?
Yeah.
I feel like the Thrashers had to leave.
though yeah because we had not they got that soccer team but the thrashes had to
walk so that soccer team can run yeah that's real mm-hmm yeah I'm ready for
the like the Atlanta landscape like the sports landscape is pretty consistent you
know if you live here you know we have our ups and our downs but it's pretty
consistent for the most part like I'm ready for the Matt Ryan era to
be done. Yeah. I'm ready to move on. Yeah. I just feel like a lot of that shit is his
fault. I don't know why. And it's nothing even personal. But the shit he does, it just aggravates
me so much. I just wish so many bad things happen to him in the Atlanta way, though. Like,
I hope his lemon pepper wings never extra wet. You get what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Like, I hope
every time he go to J.R. Criggins, they fuck his order up. Like, I hope he can't. He
Atlanta traffic going and coming I hope he hit a pothole and it's one of them
slow leaks on his tire you know it's like you have to watch it go down on that
little sensor I hope like when he get the magic city they're not letting
nobody else in you can't man can't can't can't
Like I hope the Migos don't put his name in no song
Like he don't just get no love in the city
You feel me?
Mm-hmm
So it's just him
The rest of the team
He's been there the longest
Yeah, that's true
And I feel like somebody over there
Is giving him a false sense of confidence
Quarterbacks don't leave
That's what I'm noticing
Well, that's what I'm saying
It's not that he needs to leave
It's just like, I'm just at the point with like, damn, man, Ryan, what you're about to do?
You're not kicking them out, but you, you're sending signals.
Like, it's cool that, you know, it's just, it's time to move on, bro.
We see other franchises flourishing, bro.
Tom Brady plays for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
That niggins skipped right over at 11.
You've been to Tampa before?
I've never been to Tampa.
It's cool.
It's cool.
But Atlanta, though.
Yeah.
That Atlanta, though.
From Atlanta.
I'm telling you.
You know how to live...
And for Tom Brady, he loved Quavo.
I was going to go to Tampa for the Super Bowl.
That's what I'm saying.
If you're already living in Tampa, though,
There's not even a big event.
You're there already.
It's just traffic.
Hey man, welcome back to the 85 South Show.
Just some random shit that we got going on today.
I just get high and talk shit to my partner, Rob Hayes.
He has such a wide range of knowledge of things, man.
We're just in here smoking good weed.
Well, I am.
He can't participate like I can because, you know,
he got contractual obligations possibly, probably, maybe.
I don't know.
whatever but we in hell though got the motherfucking $85 million LeBron's on I see these
are infrared LeBron 17s yeah it's my folk now it's my family snoo start in the boxing league
he need to he need to commentate every fight Snoop dog one of the best commentators
that we didn't even know we needed.
That's a perfect lane.
But Snoop Dog is good at everything.
You watching violence, they should be able to say whatever they want.
Amen.
The way he fucking commentated that fight, let us know that Snoop is the voice of the culture.
And as long as there is a Snoop Dog, he will always need to be needed.
We are looking at the modern-day Morgan Freeman.
That's how important Snoop Dog is to the culture.
We're going to need him to narrate a lot of shit.
Did you ever see when they had Snoop Dog narrating the animal documentaries?
Oh, yeah.
That's some of the greatest shit that's ever been concocted.
I like Planet Earth without Snoop Dog.
Man, give me some of this, bro.
Come on, bro.
Come on.
Anything that David Attenborough is doing
is fucking amazing.
That's the narrator dude.
Oh, yeah. He'd be making me sad now.
It's just that
the way he can say
an opening this statement
with so much concern
but it's kind of a question too.
The baby penguins are going to stand alone
and wait
for the mother
if she returns.
bro those documentaries are so fucking amazing they got the fucking penguins right the penguins come
out they fucking wobbling they jump in the water these niggas got the camera like are
they negotiating with these animals how the fuck did they catch the dive the land then this
motherfucker swim 336 miles to another country they got a wide shot of that they catch them
coming out the water like
Who the fuck puts this shit together?
This is some genius shit.
I watch it so much.
I watch the videos of how they make Planet Earth.
Man.
Like, oh, we had to sit in this box for three days.
But I want to be like.
I've been on TV before.
So I know how TV works.
I just can't see them requesting that dolphin jump in that water three fucking time.
All right.
Can we get it one more time?
Somebody get the penguin?
Is the penguin ready?
I know, man.
I know it's cold out here, penguin,
but we just got to get it one more time.
All right, we're going live on this one, guys.
Okay, so when you jump in this time,
we're going to need you to just go ahead and swim in 336 kilometers, okay?
Just go full speed.
We'll meet you over there.
We'll get a couple shots of you peeking up out of the ice.
And then we'll go to a full-on wide of you actually walking.
Okay.
So what are we doing with these kids?
Are we taking the kids or we're leaving these kids?
Are you coming back or no?
Oh, it's totally up to the kids.
So if they get eaten by anything, just capture all of that.
You're just going to keep swimming with the rest of the kids and whatever kids.
Cool.
So we'll meet you there with whatever kids you have left.
We got to go.
We got to get these guys out of here because we're going to go into overtime.
Yeah.
So when we get this last one of you jumping off this ice, we're just going to go live with that.
And then we're going to break all this equipment down and we'll just meet you.
over there on the other side of
the North Pole, that's fine with you.
So when we get over
there, we'll get a couple shots
in the water before you actually come
out, and then we'll get you out and
dry you off, and then we'll break for lunch.
Is that you sound cool?
All right, cool.
I'll just love to see how they fucking
make this shit happen, man.
Dude sounds sad about the coral reefs.
He'd be like,
The coral reefs are dying.
And once they go,
so will the rest of.
of the planet.
But that really won't happen.
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How are they going to come back?
Because, man, the same way that those fucking coral reefs got there, they're going to replace themselves.
Yeah. Just got a state of fuck from over there.
And they always say we. When they say we, they mean white people.
white people have completely ruined every corner of this fucking planet
yeah i've never taken away and jumped and put their funky ass in every ocean
that's why the coral reefs is dying
you ever touch cotton candy you don't touch cotton candy the shit will disappear
put your fucking nasty germy ass hand that whole fucking cotton candy gonna disappear
and that's all that's happening to the coral reefs
fucking dreams man
if they would have kept their nasty ass
out of that water
none of this shit would have been
down
you see when they went to Chernobyl
yep
they fucked that up too
they had a whole nuclear
thing happened in Chernobyl
in the 80s
yeah in Rushd
yeah Chernobyl
and now
it was an explosion
now they got foxes
they got plants
they got radioactive animals
they got birds
walking around
and they say humans can't live there
for another 60 years.
Exactly.
So how did they shoot it?
Who touched the camera when it came back?
Do you know that there's a whole fucking
corner of Instagram of people who sneak
to Tranova to do photo shoots and shit like that?
No, I didn't know that.
Radiation is so high
that it will fucking
it will cook you from the inside out.
You ever heard of a fucking blistered heart?
This is the type of shit.
that happens to people who've been exposed
to high levels of radiation.
A blistered heart?
A blistered heart.
You literally throw up all your insides
and it'll turn your skin into a fucking film.
All your skin will fall off and turn black
and there'll just be all these fucking burns
from the inside out.
Like it will take, it'll take a long-ass time
before the shit actually comes out of you.
It's fucked up.
One of the worst possible ways to die.
So you gotta run with the camera.
Fuck the camera.
Don't go over there, man.
Motherfuckers ain't supposed to be over there for 60 years.
But I'm saying not like, that's from direct exposure to radiation.
But if you go over there and you expose to that shit,
you'd probably more than likely to get some fucking debilitating illness
or some severe forms of cancer or some shit.
It'll fuck you up, most definitely.
All your teeth will fall out.
We will fall off.
the worst shit you could possibly think.
Wildfires in Chernobyl this year cause radiation to spike 16 times.
Man. Yep, so definitely don't want to be over there.
This isn't weird shit we're talking about.
Hey man.
Octopus and radiation and nuclear weapons and shit.
Man. Only Rob Hayes can bring this out, man.
Come on.
What do you feel like it's gonna happen after this?
after this coronavirus shit.
I feel like some people are never going to be the same.
Some people are going to wear a mask always.
I'm one of those people.
Like even when it's, even if it's done
and it feels like it's back, still wear the mask.
Because as a black man in America,
I never thought I would see the day
where I would be allowed or invited to wear a mask anywhere in public.
I go, I used to go in the bank with a mask on,
walk out with money.
That shit used to get you life
I love wearing a mask
I wish that I hope that this becomes more
acceptable and they come out with
with a whole mask to cover the whole fucking bottom dome
on your face
I'm definitely for wearing those fucking
space helmets and shit I just didn't want to
buy one first
because it's too weird now
yeah
I'm with the whole
I'm a masker
I'm a masker
I'm a masker as well
I want to go to a masquerade
you feel me
I'm telling you put your fucking mask on
like I know I couldn't do the show
with a mask on like now but
outside of this shit I got my mask
on don't even talk to me
I don't like small talk from people without masks
I don't either because I feel like they don't give
a fuck they out here just in the radiation
they're like how you doing like you don't care
You don't give a fuck
because you don't care about you.
I don't like the motherfuckers who pull their shit down too much,
especially if you got the paper mask on.
Leave that on.
Leave that on.
You need to leave that on
because that is not even safe, first of all.
This year we found out that surgical mask
is not the best mask.
Which means they've been doing surgery this whole time.
Probably with the fucking mask down.
With a bad mask.
Come on.
They've been opening up bodies and Achilles and knees and delivering babies.
I wonder if a surgeon ever had like a hangover doing a surgery and then saw the shit and was like,
oh, that shit looked like this sauce and egg of cheese.
I eat this one.
Oh, shit.
I'll be right back.
That shosh, that shosh, bitch.
They goddamn shashi bitch.
That's fucked up, man.
You ever had surgery?
I never had surgery.
I had surgery on my eye.
I had fucking scar tissue on my left eye.
It was like a fucking, shit was like, it kept swelling up.
So they had to flip my eye lid up and cut that shit, get all that shit out.
It was fucked up.
It was successful, though, right?
It was very successful, as far as I know.
But when I got the surgery, they were like, you better be glad you got it when you got it.
That shit was just going to keep coming back and you was going to have another one anyway.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
That's the only surgery I had, though.
I mean, that sounds intense.
Did you have to, like, wear special glasses when you came out?
Nah, I wore some regular ass Oakley's, some niggishade, some lokes or something.
I drove home after that shit.
with one eye, because I ain't
planning that shit right.
I ain't know they was going to do it right then.
Had blood in my eye.
It was fucked up.
One of the worst experiences I've ever had
was blood in my eye.
Did you have a eye patch?
Nah, they didn't even get me a patch.
How aren't you going to get a patch?
They cut your eye and you still don't get a patch.
I didn't get a patch.
I don't even think I got a Band-Aid
because the shit,
they were just like, keep it closed.
I lit.
They didn't say keep it closed.
I was just like, it'll hear.
I was like, uh, it will.
It was a big, like, they flipped my eyelid up.
And they made a big ass X on my eye,
and then they just let that shit just drain out.
Like, she just pushed it out.
It was fucked up, man.
I was, like, looking at it the whole time.
It was, I still have nightmares about that shit.
Man.
Yeah.
I had my toe drain one time.
That sounds fucked up, too.
Yeah.
I dropped a shelf on my toe.
year of college and I had all this blood under my toenail.
Damn.
They drilled a hole in my toenail, got the blood out.
That's fucked up.
That sounds like some torturous ass shit.
And we had a tryouts for our JV, I mean not JV,
our interim basketball team.
You didn't go in there with a drain toe.
I went with a drain toe.
Did you make the team?
17 people tried it out.
15 people made the team.
team and they sent an email to everybody with a list of who made the team I
wasn't on the list with a drain told him did you let him know like I told him I told
him like this is not my best word doctor told me he had to do a subgenal
hematoma damn mm-hmm that's fucked up man shit I hate you didn't make that
bitch. Yeah, man. Because if you would have made
it, you would have certified yourself
as a street legend. Not saying
that you're not, but that just would have added more
to the myth of Rob Hayes.
Yeah. If I were to play
the whole season with a drain toe.
Damn, man.
And got business too?
They wasn't on the email, though.
Now we're going to have people in the comments telling us
like the worst shit they didn't been through. And let me tell you,
nobody goes over and beyond
like our friends. I'm sure
somebody's had a fucking spinal tap
or like some crazy shit
like the comments gonna get crazy
you know they took my whole skeleton out
put my shit back in
I'm two inches shorter
man
because I've seen some tragic
shit that people have had done
man
that shit is wow
shout out to everybody who survived
some traumatic shit
you know
you all right
Good. Got your mask on. What else going on in the world? Rob Hayes?
Working on the show. What's one?
Sherman Showcase. Who's in that?
The IFC. The Independent Film Challenge. So you're getting that independent money.
You're independent with it.
Road on it. Last season, I was in some sketches. I played Morris Day. I played Terrence Hauer.
With the key tar.
I haven't brought the keytar out yet.
And that's why Rob Hayes is a legend, bro.
This nigger got a key tar.
And for those of you who don't know what that is,
that's the guitar.
That's a keyboard.
And he has it for no reason.
Just has that motherfucker.
Can't even play it.
Can't even play it.
He pull that bitch out, but he looked like he could play it.
You know how you do that?
You got to be a gangster.
Come on.
That's one of my favorite jokes of Rob A's, bro.
Got to be a gangster.
Because it's so fucking well thought out.
The iPad with no fingerprints on it?
You know how you do that?
Got to be a gangster.
Come on, man.
It's fucking crazy.
But Sherman's Dialli.
and Bashir, the same team that brought together Southside.
Okay, talk to me.
They got the sketch show.
And yeah, we just finished right in the second season.
Shit come out next year, sometime in the summer.
It's a sketch show, but it's like Soul Train.
So it's like a dance show.
Who is Sherman?
Lerman is a person that has always looked the same throughout time.
He's the host of the show from Detroit.
The show started in the 70s, but still going on now.
Saturday mornings.
Okay.
And we just peep different episodes, different things throughout time.
They're different characters on the show.
Sharrade is kind of like prints, kind of like.
a lot of different, you know, funk artists
played by Vic Mensa.
Shout out to Vic Mensa.
A fuck with Duke.
He weird.
He's a very strange guy, but he's a very different mind.
He came in Wilden out and did like eight episodes one time.
Really? I seen he did a wild style and like...
He was there.
Yeah.
On the cast.
Some people come and just do.
do a whole bunch of episodes.
Like the one dude from the, what's the name,
Shemeek Moore, Shal Lynn Fantastic from the Netflix show.
Okay, the Get Down.
He came and did like a whole season one time.
And what's the other guy?
Denzel Curry.
He came and did a bunch of episodes at once.
Just random people do shit like that.
Do y'all know or do y'all just go out there and just,
See who's out there?
Because they don't never know who's, like,
you can't never confirm, like with celebrities or whatever.
People be like, Lois, you need to get such-such on the couch
or get them in the trap.
I'd be like, man, do y'all know how exhausted that shit be?
It's like, you can hit them directly.
And they'd be like, man, I want to do that shit, I'm going to do that.
And then you get the info.
Then they got to talk to all these different motherfuckers.
And then they hit you, and then they're like,
we're coming.
and then it hits you back and be like we're not coming then the day we're like
we'll have another motherfucker like hey man such and such it's outside like why
you just that should be stressful man stressful but it's worth it sometimes sometimes
you get some people in here you like fuck we're gonna do with that shit
What's gonna do with that, man?
Fuck we're gonna do with that, man.
Turn it into something.
Fuck it, we drop all these motherfuckers.
I don't give a shit.
Drop everything.
Joe, you here?
Just drop everything.
We'll let them sort it out.
Get the whole team together.
Just drop everything.
Fuck it.
But they said they just, they just,
But they said they're just like when we just dropped random shit.
Try to tell them that's the way.
They don't listen to me, though.
Yeah.
We got to, we're getting ready to drop some shit.
We got a whole app coming out.
Yeah, we're about to open this shit up, man.
And we're trying to branch out and extend our show to more platforms.
You dig what I'm saying?
I would subscribe to an 85 South app.
What would you like this?
Like as a fan, like it's an 85% what would you want to see on the app?
On the app I would want to see, okay, funny like clips, like the clips were just like...
You just gave me an idea.
All the loose legs together.
You gave me an idea.
Hold up.
Pause what you got.
Okay.
On the app, we're going to have the pictures, right?
Like, say for instance, like a picture like this from the show.
Okay.
We need our own meme generator.
Wouldn't that be hard?
That'd be hard, wouldn't it?
Like you said, you can get your favorite,
watch your favorite loose lead clips, right?
But then you can get the screen cap.
And then you put in.
You can just like click where you want it, right?
Then that shit come out of HD.
Then you could put your captions or whatever the fuck.
Make the meme on that bitch.
Some you could have the top line is like this podcast is for.
And in the bottom, you can customize it.
God damn it, Rob Hayes.
I think we just went to a multi-billion dollar entertainment company.
All right, what else you want to see?
So you said just like specific shit, Lou Legg, shit talking.
Chico Bean Philosophies.
Wrestling.
Random shit, low set.
Rebel radio.
Ooh.
Oh, so, okay, so you're saying we got to be like,
we got to have our category game together.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, okay.
So if you just, like, a search bar,
and then you type their loose legs.
Everything loose legs post.
Everything loose legs pop up.
What you got?
Titties.
Something about some titties.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe we might, we should, bro,
we should start the only fans page
where we just post pictures of fan-submitted titties.
Then we'll take a percentage of the titty money
Don't date that back to the contributors.
I'm just trying to get into that OnlyFans game.
I don't know.
Who Titties I'm going to use?
But somebody need to let me use their tities.
If you're a lady out there and you want to start
the Onlyfans page and you need a manager,
let's get this money.
You got the titties and I got the clout.
And you got the pussy and I'm going to get the mouth.
I don't know, man.
The people at OnlyFans saw the joke that I did on here
by falling asleep on Onlyfans.
And the lady said, if I ever wanted to get one,
it would be verified.
And I was like, what's you think, old fella?
You dig, look up at you like Mr. Turtle.
I ain't never been on camera before.
I think
a lady should have
an only fan's page
not being naked at first
I think well I think she should start
off naked and just put clothes
on
everybody on that bitch getting naked
ain't nobody starting
off naked getting dressed
and then she starts putting on like more
and more complicated stuff
yes
yes
shit does she need help getting in
Mm-hmm.
I heard there's a lot of content on The Lacey's in the back.
People on there making vegan food and shit.
I wouldn't pay money to watch somebody else cook and eat.
Let's just meet them.
What would you pay, like, monthly to watch?
I wouldn't pay monthly to watch Michael Jordan Gamble.
I would.
That would be hard.
Yeah.
I just thought about, I couldn't, like, subscribe to one only thing.
If it was just a whole bunch of random-ass titties,
just random titties throughout the world,
I would subscribe to that.
I don't want to keep seeing the same titties every day.
That'd be cool, so it's just like.
That defeats the purpose of the internet.
I don't want to be in a relationship.
That's too committed to me.
It's a bunch of people in the service.
Right.
I'm like, this bitch again, man, you got no friends.
Just randomizes who you see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm surprised that black porno made it through the DVD era.
Think about it.
It was the same 20 people on every DVD.
But if you got one, it was too late before you knew it.
Mm-hmm.
They made hundreds of booty talks.
You know what's crazy?
As I just bought a box Chevy, right?
I bought this box Chevy.
this box shiver it came with about 75 classic porno DVDs in the trunk but yeah it was a bag
full of DVDs for like booty talk 47 40s it started right around the 40s big black
asses Spanish chicks and black dicks stupid booties hood bitches like a gang of shit my
pops were like shit
I want to see what they're doing.
It's like, Pops, you take whatever you want to have this bag.
But you bring it back.
These are classics.
These are random special edition bathroom man coppers.
You hear me?
He bought these from a nigger.
And I got to keep this alive.
This is black man treasure.
You'll never hit a lick like this ever again.
You found somebody's stash.
Hey, I'm going to find,
I'm going to find some niggas who got a whole bunch of,
those fucking uh black porno DVDs and do like a porno exchange when the world opened back up we got to preserve black culture that's how netflix started no we're all fucking netflix we need i just wanted to be just for like flicks just for flicks yeah we need like a black porno hall of fame or something pinkie didn't get pinkie did not get her just do pinkie was a game changer where would the black porno hall of fame be
Newcastle.
Where?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Shit.
It's got to be...
It's got to be at a random hotel.
I think it's got to...
Yeah.
Probably like Atlanta or Houston.
Miami.
The award ceremony got to start in the middle.
And you just don't know what's happening.
Ocala, Florida or something shit.
Yeah.
Put that motherfucking Ocala, man.
That's fitting.
Jackson.
Bill.
Put that bitch in Tallahassee, man.
Savannah, Georgia.
You know, it's got to be somewhere
where you know, it's kind of off the beating path
a little bit.
Yeah.
Would they have a highway sign?
I don't know.
I feel like Detroit would be a good hope.
Well, let's put it in Florida,
somewhere where people can go all year round.
Florida is a nice vibe.
Like three exits?
Yeah.
The Black Point on Hall of Fame.
Yeah.
B-P-H-O-L.
Yeah.
Cat going, twice, three, four times a year.
Cat giving to it.
Y'all come right this way.
Come right this way.
We've got the BBWs coming up.
And we're going to get to the squirties and shit.
Just follow me.
I got you.
Look, sir, we're going to start taking questions here in a minute, man.
Come on, man.
We're about to, come on.
Everybody put your 3D glasses on.
We're going into 1980s.
This is what we call our 80s wing.
This is more of your consent tapes, you know,
Betamax, things of that nature.
We ain't even made it to the DVDs.
We do have some items for sale,
some limited edition.
Jay to Fire will be at the luncheon.
She will be at the lunch, yeah.
That's at 2 o'clock.
It's only 12.30 now.
We can probably make it to the early 2000s if we walk fast and keep our hands.
Let's try not to touch everything, guys.
I mean, if y'all want to see everything, we'll have to walk.
I mean, we close it.
We don't close, but I got a new group coming in at 4,
and I want to make sure I get y'all at least a fucking in the ass before they get here.
Probably gonna have to hand y'all off to my assistant.
Man.
Shout out to all the ladies that know how to stroke a penis.
Yeah.
You ever had to repossess your dick
because she was handling it too rough?
Like, hold up, wait a minute.
What savage you've been around?
Fucking handle my shit all rough.
This is not male.
be opening my shit all up
you don't do my shit like that
old savage ass bro
that type of bitch who would tear the whole
envelope off I don't fuck with them
like you said no scruples
man
what you found in a bag of your trunk
that's porno
because porn is on the internet
but that's porn up
I got, that's when you got the hard copy.
Mm-hmm.
That's porn.
That's porno.
They don't make porno anymore.
You know what?
When I actually looked through the bag, I think the street value of these right here, I'm thinking,
I'm thinking he might have blessed me with about $1,200 in street value, you know, hard disk
pornography.
Mm-hmm.
And it's like, I went in, I test a few of them just to see what the quality was like.
Bro, we really have forgotten, like, the quality of film we were getting on DVD.
It's so crisp, even to this day.
And these came out, I know, I think, some of the dates were maybe 0,3, 04.
I saw a few 98s.
You feel I mean?
A 98 DVD?
they have money
that's what I'm saying
and these were just the ones
that were kept in the box shabby
my first DVD
was like Mike
that came out like
I don't know why y'all laughing out like Mike
it's a quality movie you know what I'm saying
more chestnut
Jason kids in there
first DVD that I bought
was Fight Club
yeah
I got my DVD player
when the bitches was expensive.
I think it was probably like
2000, 2001,
something like that.
I remember
when fucking PlayStation 2
first came out,
like right in there early.
So I had the PlayStation and I had,
like I bought the PlayStation out of the street
because I had to have that bitch
before, like it was
chaos for the PS2.
Bought that bitch.
And then I bought the DVD. I bought the DVD
player from the stove. So I had one from the street and one from the stuff. But if I would
have it vice versa, I would have bought the PlayStation from the stuff because you can't have
too much shit off the street. You got to offset the cost. So my PlayStation 2, remember,
it could stand up or it could like lay flat. Yes, sir. I had it standing up, but I didn't
have a stand. So you had to leave it. Damn. And then after that it was never the same. So I
had to lay it flat after that. Did you ever get a replacement?
No.
Damn.
Just the same one?
Yeah, it still worked.
They were durable now.
They were durable.
Hell yeah.
This one's the same.
How you feel about this PlayStation 5?
Hoopla?
I'm out the game and game.
You out the game in gaming?
Yeah, I don't, I don't game.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
I found that it affects my relationship with some people.
Some people are like all about the games.
games and I don't I'm not a gamer are you speaking about life right now like
I think if I was more of a gamer I would talk to my friends more because they
are always talking on the game fuck them people man but I don't really play the
game why you why you feel the need to keep them attached to this to you
I feel like it's a thing that
lot of people are a part of that I'm missing out on.
Oh.
Well, maybe they chose that over being your friend.
Like, they did that.
Like, for them not to include you,
if they chose to get off the friendship train
and play games, fuck them.
They try to include me.
I'm not going to win.
One thing I'm not gonna do ever in life.
I'm never, I'm not gonna look for motherfucker.
You feel me?
And sometimes they can be right there in front of you
and still not be right there in front of you.
You don't never have to do.
look for motherfuckers. Sometimes people choose to cut you off. Just like you thought they
was your friends and you ain't no shit about the other friends they had. Prime example.
When your best friend introduces you to their best friend.
Mmm, they're like, this is my best friend, so-and-so or? And you thought you was
their best friend. Whoa.
Because best friends are supposed to be mutual.
Right.
But like, even if you, I don't have a best friend, I don't say.
I can't say nobody's my best friend.
Because I feel like that alienates the rest of your friends.
Well, how the fuck you gonna have a best friend?
You ever had a motherfucker introduce you to their best friend
that you ain't even know they had a best friend?
And you thought that y'all were, you like, what?
So you mean to do.
Tell me, this is your best friend.
A better friend than me.
Why you ain't called that nigger when you needed $60?
Yeah.
You got the nerve to introduce me to your best friend
and you owe me.
Am I petty?
No.
Okay.
I'm just saying, I'm with it.
Hypothetically speaking.
Jay Whitt, and I feel like this tone is petty.
That's why I got padded right there.
The music has a lot to do with the shit that we say on this show.
People haven't been able to put the connection between the two though yet.
Because we haven't confused.
It sets the admin's feet.
Right.
I got a shout out of my 85% again.
Because it's that time of year,
when people have started sending us videos of their children
laying in the bed watching 85%
show until they fall asleep with their little badass.
I think they, like, little kids love to watch the 85 show.
Like, kids that's too little to know what the fuck we're saying.
I think it's just the sound of our voice in certain cadences.
They want to know when child's like.
This one girl sent me this video.
The only reason they ain't posted because she's sending it, like, one of the ones that
disappear.
Like, she, her baby, she had the laptop sitting in the bed, and the baby was sitting up
watching it, right?
And then D.C. jumped up and scrambling.
and the fucking baby just flipped up.
Man, that shit was so funny.
There was one of them disappear ones, you know,
just one at a time.
Somebody sent me a beautiful love story
about how they were trying to get pregnant for five years,
and then they got frustrated and they stopped.
They came to one of our shows
and got pregnant that same night.
Wow.
Hell yeah.
That shit crazy.
I think that baby's about two now.
I keep up with the 85 babies.
Somebody said we gotta start selling wazes.
But I'm the type of niggins like to take shit too far.
Why would we just be selling ones?
We gotta sell them little stupid-ass shoes
that your baby learn how to walk in,
them hard bottom baby shoes.
Come on, man.
Take over the whole industry.
Passifiers, breast pumps,
diaper bags.
Diapers, niggas.
What?
Diapers and things.
Pampas.
Mm.
We're taking over the game, bro.
Five years, man.
Yeah.
I don't know what the fuck, but we...
I feel like we need to get in the jet ski industry for some reason.
I don't know.
Let me know what y'all got going on.
Whatever industry you're in that you think we need to be a part of,
send me some info.
I'm trying to get in on the low end of every...
low end of every industry.
Send me to fucking, you know how people can put you up
on a lick, be like, Loz, look, they're about to put
a mall over here.
If y'all buy this hot dog stand for $7,000, you can
get a vendor's license.
Like, okay, like, put me up on the game like that.
I want somebody to hit me, be like, nigger,
my uncle got a chicken for him, he's trying to retire,
all he wants is $12,000 for it, 56 acres,
two trucks, and a dog.
That'd be dope if I was in the grocery store
and I'd seen some chicken and had the 85 south on it.
Yeah, you'd buy that.
I would buy it.
Yeah.
Just to get in the game first year, everything 85 cents off.
Because in the grocery game, that's a lot.
You never see coupons for 85% off or 85 cents off.
It's usually stop at like the 30, 40 cent range.
50 cent is a big spender.
You give a motherfucker's $0.85 off.
That's one of them extreme coupons.
and start fucking with your shit.
Mm-hmm.
You fuck with that at all?
No, what's that?
I feel like you smart enough
to be an extreme couponter, though.
I should...
I should mess with the coupons.
I feel like I possess
the necessary elements.
You're good at math.
Good at math.
You organized.
Organized.
Determined?
I got a calendar.
You got a strong will, too.
Because you got to know when they expire.
Yeah.
That's part of the game.
Your determination, like, I've seen you, like, pursue, you know, like, sneaker drops and shit like that.
So I know that you got the diligence to be there early enough to make shit happen in the coupon world.
And the coupon world is not competitive for your wants.
I wish I knew somebody in the extreme.
Like, my cousin is very successful at the stream coupon.
I'm to the point where I can just, I want to just hire her to make sure all my, like,
soaps and lotions are covered in life.
Like, I want to be, like, I want her to be my plug, if that makes sense.
Laudra detergent, fabric softening, shit like that.
I got scissors.
But do you have 12 pair, though?
I got two pair.
That's not enough.
One pair that I keep.
and the junk drawing and the other pair for when I lose the one pair.
It's not enough.
I'm just saying, bro, you're about to go to L.A.
where it's like lockdown on quarantine.
Your survival list, do you have rope, batteries, water, matches?
I got rope.
Two pairs of scissors, my name.
I got batteries.
Duct tape.
I got a thermometer, like the little, you know.
Temperate.
People come over.
I got hit him with the blakey.
You can check the motherfucking temperature at that shit.
at your door.
Has anybody's temperature been too high to come over?
No.
Damn.
That's the mulligan in the shit.
That defeats the whole purpose.
Like you gotta find one person and did not in the entry.
Like, whoa, what is this 99?
Did you know you had a fever?
Bruh.
That's three digits.
Hey.
You might need to drink a Pedia life, my boy.
Not coming in here with this foolishness now.
Mm-mm.
Coming in high.
Amen.
Damn, I smoked this whole junk.
I'm gonna be high as Rufus Charles after this.
You ever hear people say I'm drunk as Cooter Brown?
Mm-mm.
Who's Cooter Brown?
That's exactly what I was getting at.
More people should know who Cooter Brown is.
And he needs to.
A movie.
I would love to see a movie that explained to you perfectly exactly who Kuda Brown was.
Drunk is Kuta Brown.
That means this thing is legendary for getting towed up at function.
Everywhere he went, he just got fucked up.
Kuta Brown, cut the fool, turned the party out, living legend.
So much to the point where if you went to a party,
and turned that bitch out and got lit?
I mean like really lit.
You had, that's the lit as you can be.
It's cool to brown.
It's the ultimate God of partying in the black community.
How much would you have to drink
before you start saying your full name?
Now that, my boy,
is some research you should do and get back with me on.
Because I'm robbed through a lot of alcohol.
It would be a while before I'm just like, I'm Rob Hayes.
Rob Hayes in here.
Hey, you never know, though.
You never know.
Have you ever been to that point
when you wanted to tell motherfuckers your first and last man?
I haven't.
You ain't been drunk as cool to brown yet.
Keep drinking, young nigga.
Because I feel like there's some people who are around Kuta Brown, but they didn't know it was Kuta Brown, and then he told him.
He told him.
I think that's how you know, like that's when you lit, when you no longer have to introduce yourself.
After one or two of these, he was known.
Yep, about that.
Oh, hell, here he goes.
Man, who's buddy?
You know he ain't heard of Kuta Brown?
Who's like Cuda Brown in here?
He does that.
So yeah, that's how we live.
Oh, you have any more shit you want to see on the app?
Radio station with all the songs.
All the songs y'all made like on a radio station.
That's Cat department.
Cat got all the songs.
He just listening to him personally.
He's been working on this shit.
He got, he was like, I got all the songs.
Look, man, what we're gonna do?
Man, I'm just listening to him.
Making sure I like how to buy a lens and shit sound.
It's all right, I'm about to just go make me some new songs,
can you be bullishid.
See?
These shit, my staff treat me, man.
They're supposed to be on the other side
making shit happen.
They're just like, man, fuck, loose.
You be asking us for shit.
Put the song down when I fucking feel like it.
I'm listening to them.
God damn it.
And now they piled up.
You know.
You see what Tupac was going through, you know what I mean?
I know, man.
Had all them songs piled up.
Hey, man.
Something happened to you?
People don't even know.
Joe Steele ain't answered the phone.
That niggas shit right the other side.
I just called him the other day.
He refuses to answer.
His voicemail is in French.
You got to hit Joe in advance.
He answers for you?
Like, if you want to talk to him on Tuesday,
you got to start hitting them around Sunday.
And then by Tuesday, you have a full combo.
I don't fuck with him, bro.
Last time I called him and he asked him,
he was like, who is this?
I don't know.
Oh, this would be the perfect time
to give the ladies a shout out.
You know who I want to shout out?
All the ladies with the courage to ask for that dick.
Don't be shy.
Show him your mama raised a hoe.
A mother's ever proud of when they're daughters a ho.
Look at that bitch, just like her mama.
She keeps some nice niggas coming through it.
Ladies, get back with me.
Let me know if your mom's proud of the whole shit you'd be doing.
Or does she know about it?
Coming up next on the next Mori Povic,
women that hide dicks from their mom
and the men who love them.
You ever love to freak grab Hayes?
I think so.
Yeah.
It's a very challenging time in a man's life
having to accept that cold reality.
It happens, though.
It happens.
There's nothing wrong with it.
You live and you learn.
You come back hard, strong.
Sometimes.
That should have killed you quick though, man.
You can get fat fucking with the wrong woman.
For real.
We must have been here too long.
This camera blinking.
Oh, that means it's working.
I ain't bet.
How long we've been here, man?
I don't smoke this long-ass joint.
I'm about the 220.
You're supposed to have been wrapping this shit up.
We've been wrapping this shit up, man.
That shit was interesting.
All right, Rob Hayes, man.
We gotta get the fuck out of here, dude.
Hey, man.
I appreciate you having me over.
Yeah, man.
We didn't discuss the whole bunch of shit,
octopuses and hypothetical shit.
You don't even realize, like, the 85 South show
helped me out a lot.
How?
How did this help you, my guy?
Man, so...
I'm writing on the Internet
NFL honors, right?
Okay, bet.
Steve Harvey's the host of the NFL honors.
Okay, bet.
His son recognized me from when I came through
one of the early episodes of the 85 South Show,
shows Steve my stand-up.
He comes back, he's like, man, this guy right here is funny.
Said that in front of two different production companies.
From that moment, I started writing all kinds of stuff.
Damn.
That's crazy, because they ain't wrote on shit.
You mean to tell me you niggins is out here
giving Rob Hayes my writing job?
You thought I was gonna let that shit slack?
I mean, I was in the business already.
Steve, you act like we ain't left all 20 of them fucking...
Miss Universe, when we were.
all over the world.
Steve did that shit on purpose.
New Year's team.
It's personal now.
Now it's personal.
It's personal as fuck now.
It's now it's personal, Rob.
I knew when that nigga drove off in that fucking
Rose Roy, I would never see him again, bro.
He tried to set me up, Rob.
He said, don't sign nothing till you see me again.
I ain't see me again.
He seen that nigga since.
Did his radio show about three times.
The nigga didn't even come.
He just called in.
He was on the phone.
I'm like, what Steve at?
Bitch-ass nigger don't say nothing about me.
I can hear everything.
I was like.
Yeah, that's crazy.
No, I'm just fucking, what you go.
Yeah, man, I knew he was gonna be
out there doing your motherfucking thing.
Shout out to Steve, man.
Good looking out, man.
I knew this shit way before then.
It's goddamn right.
Rob Hayes.
Yeah, it's been like 10 years.
It's all?
Yeah, it's been 10.
Yeah, 10 years, man.
I've been knowing you that fucking love.
Mm-hmm.
Shit.
I remember one day I seen you,
and you was like, who's that white man on your chest?
I had buttons of different comics.
I had a Woody Allen button.
I was like, this is Woody Allen.
It's Woody Allen's birthday.
It's December 1st.
And you were like, it's Richard Pryor's birthday.
It's December 1st.
Yep.
Yep.
I remember that day.
That day just passed, man.
So salute to the king, King Richard Pryor.
It was just, birthday just passed.
Yep.
You gotta know that type of shit, man.
Mm-hmm.
You like Woody Allen?
He's a weird.
I like Woody Allen's movies.
You better stop.
He's a pedophile!
He's a fucking weirdo!
I need one of them radio shows
where I can be a black extremist
why I can just yell out shit.
Be underground in the basement.
You are not ready for what's about to happen next.
That vaccine,
they're vaccinating black people.
You remember what happened last time?
Let's take some callers.
Let's take some callers.
Black people, we've got to talk about this.
We got to talk about this vaccination.
I got the good brother who's going to be with me in the next hour.
We're going to be discussing vaccinations in the black community.
I got my man Robert Hayes, Dr. Robert Hayes of the Higher Institute of Black People.
He's going to be speaking up on behalf of the.
the melanated black people who are against vaccination and we're going to start homeschooling
all of our children and we're going to be feeding them vegan lunch and dinner and we're going to be
drinking no sodas just papaya juice and uh lemon water man we're going to get that alkaline up
we got the phone lines about to open up man we got my sister going to come in here and discuss
you know the benefits of going back natural you know we're going to do a colon cleanse as a group
make sure you hit the website sign up for the black people colon cleanse we're going to do this
You know, we got a lot of shit we got to get off our chest, man.
So we're going to do a colon cleanse, and then we're going to do a group therapy session
where, you know, we just speak about traumatic events about being black, you know,
and the discomforts about being a black man in America.
Robert Hayes, man, how are you living, man?
Ever since you eliminated pork out of your diet, we've noticed that you've been flourishing as a black man
in the white man's structural society, man.
Man, once I got rid of pork, I was able to see clearly.
I know, because your third hour was over because it wasn't so clogged up with that cholesterol.
I left that swine alone.
Now I can work on this vaccine.
The vaccine has to be kept at negative 30 degrees.
Right, because bacteria cannot thrive in a temperature so cold, like a black man in America.
Uh-oh, shit tan up.
What's broke?
Who broke it?
All right, man, let's go, man.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Look here.
Look here, man.
This has been another rendition of the 85 South show.
This is my man Rob Hayes.
Stay black and stay righteous.
This has been.
Was and still is the 85 South show.
Yeah, bitch.
What?
My battery dead?
Tell that whole shit don't love me.
She ain't shit.
Yeah, we got to do some drops for this app.
Yeah, I'm about to do some drops.
Is this visual or audio?
Uh, both.
This is for the Instagram.
This is for the Instagram.
Hell yeah, yes ma'am.
Can you put them titties in my hand?
Because I'm a yes man.
Do you understand?
I want to make love to you, baby.
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For My Heart Podcasts and Rococo Punch, this is The Turning, River Road.
In the woods of Minnesota, a cult leader married himself to 10 girls and forced them into a
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But in 2014, the youngest escaped.
Listen to The Turning River Road on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you.
Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network,
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