The 85 South Show with Karlous Miller, DC Young Fly and Chico Bean - The 85 South Live Improv Comedy Show Hosted By Karlous Miller Ft Light Skin Keisha | Ep. 95

Episode Date: September 1, 2017

The 85 South Live Improv Comedy Show hosted by Karlous Miller & Light Skin Keisha, Mr. Bankshot, Navv Greene and Fat Man Deezy The best stand-up comedy, the best sketch comedy, the best improv comedy and the best comedians in the game!... we could afford! - STAND-UP COMEDY 00:00 - 8:45 Navv Greene Warm-up 8:45 - 25:02 Karlous Miller Stand-Up -LIVE PODCAST 25:30 - Light Skin Keisha 30:00 - Mr. Bankshot 35:00 - Navv Greene 38:00 - Fatt Man Deezy Freestyle with Karlous Miller -SKETCH COMEDY 44:15 - The Maureese Show 1:00:00 - Dysfunctional Family Feud 1:21:30 - Mount Negro Thotocostal Baptist Church ▶subscribe AND SHARE our videos!!! https://bitly.com/85tube ▶INTAGRAM! https://www.instagram.com/85southshow/ ▶ TWITTER https://twitter.com/85SouthShow ▶FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/85southshow/ FOLLOW THE CREW KARLOUS MILLER - @karlousm DCYOUNGFLY - @dcyoungfly CLAYTON ENGLISH - @claytonenglish JOE T. NEWMAN - @joetnewman CHAD OUBRE - @chadoubre LANCE CRAYTON - @cat_queso CRAIG GRAVES - @craigshoots23 J.O.N - @heeey_j_o_n Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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this is The Turning, River Road. In the woods of Minnesota, a cult leader married himself to 10 girls and forced them into a secret life of abuse. But in 2014, the youngest escaped. Listen to The Turning River Road on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you.

Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Perino Advirus. What is it? Parano advisory? My stupid ad. Parano advisory is advised. This context and language is not suitable for children.

Shit might be said that might hitch up under the skin, and it might be a low blow. But guess what? It's funny as fuck, no. We got... Today's in the building Say what, say what, say what Today's in the building

All the way from Cincinnati, Ohio Today's in the building With your stacking ass You're gonna be in New Year's in church With your stagin' ad You're gonna go straight back to work With your stagin' ad While your kids still playing up in dirt

With your stagin' ass Hold up your alternated on work With your stagin' air Now you gotta try to crank it first With your stagin' ass Oh shit, you gonna be late for work With your stanging ass And you ain't gonna have no fucking dog

With your stagin' ass Hey We don't bend over see with the shit Tell it too Fucking these holes on the low Niggas talking about Them nigga funna hanging with that shit I'll fuck your bitch

And I'll pay that rent And anytime she called me She's gonna get off on these dick Now ain't tell it where you might see me I'm posted in the A but I might jump on the plain in parley vu la franca cause my de los i got the jokes i'm everywhere you see me with it i'm off in africa i'm telling jokes in different cities

nigger went to germany and felt some different tits hey nigger went to germany and felt some different titty oh niggil went to germany and felt some different tits i say they're small and they're round but felt some different titty i like smoking weed i like it and i like it I make bitches mad like BC Youngfly Bitches walking out Bitches pulling up I'll apologize But then I say I don't give up for I'm crazy man

I don't know crazy man I don't know crazy man To if you give him some of that pussy He'll give some of his dick to you Give him some of that pussy girl I don't like asking Give some of that pussy baby I don't like asking

If the pussy is real good Then please don't give me some But if it will see is great Then Carlos really want some Of that pussy girl I don't like A-d- Pussy got a smell

But I won't fuck no Pussy got a smell but I'm a fuck no Pussy got a smell but I'm a fuck no Hey Welcome back to the 85 South show This is your man man Carlos Miller. I'm sitting here checking out my new bevel

trimmer, man. This thing is crazy, dude. You got to check this out, man. Make sure you go to getbevel.com right now and use our code 85 South so you can get 10% off your first month subscription to the Bevel Shade for it, though.

And you need to make sure you get the new Bevel Trimmer. Easy cleaning, cool to the touch, man. Wireless Bluetooth charger. You can hook you. No, you can't really, but I'm just saying you should probably be listening to you something while you do this.

because this thing is really dope. Man, four hours of battery life on this. This is crazy, Chad. Did you know it's got 60 days of battery down? Hey, man, you know what it is. Shave on the go, shave on the move. Go to getbevel.com right now. Use our code.

85 South. Put you in the game right back where you need to be, baby. 85 85 5 Everybody who came out to see the 85 South show Everybody who loved the 85 South show Y'all give it up for this man, he's from Atlanta

Give it up for my man, Nav Green See them, please Not today, brother What going on y'all, all right? Yeah y'all paid to see but I'm just goddamn warm and shit up you know what I mean making sure we good in here y'all how many people in here I see these niggins who couldn't afford to fight people get ridiculous with these fight parties and

shit man my partner to tell my bro pull up we gonna show the fight I'm like bet you need me to bring some yeah just get a ball and bring a hundred piece hot wing Nick, I'm out of way to throw the shit at my house. Fuck. He fucked up. Who in here got kids? All the nigger don't sound happy. Shit.

Man, I'm so glad they had back in school, man. Oh, my God. And these teachers getting outrageous with the school supply list. When I was going to school, nigger, a pack of pencils and two packs of notebook paper last you the whole year. My little girl brought me her school supply list. I'm looking at the shit.

Two bars of clorosh. What the fuck? The motherfucker gentleman quit or something shit? Individual hand sanitizing all. Somebody hands ain't going to be cleaning that motherfucker. I ain't doing all that. Three packs of ground beef.

Bitch, I know goddamn way of the cafeteria open. So we still working on my little girl list about how this shit going on. See a lot of couples in here. Shout out to the fellas who cheating what you're at. Scare-a-new. You man enough to cheat, nigga.

On up to that shit. Bro, when you cheat, shit getting real. You know, like on the Google map shit, I got in my car, it said 19 minutes to home. But it was the bitch I'm cheating with house. I'm like, God, damn I gotta stop going over there. over there. For real. Like I'm getting so creative

with my cheating. I've been using real shit that I shouldn't use to get out the house. I told my baby, mama, I was going to protest the other day. Oh, the shit getting out of hand. A little side bitch don't start, ripping my tank

top and shit. I go home. My bitch, I'm going to where you been? He got ugly out there on Peace Street. You got them crackers trying to fuck me up. She's talking about Hey, I'm in love with what you're doing I need to come up No, there's no place

We like that for you, Queen Stay here I fight it by myself Al Sharpton said, we got it I wish that nigga Get the fuck off Instagram Man He the most alive, dead

I ever seen You know like a nigga You're like, why the nigga ain't dead yet? God damn He'd be taking selfies He's like, what are you showing off, nigga? But that go to show you flat tummy T. Work.

He on that, motherfucker. I appreciate that late laugh. That mean a lot. I'm pouring my heart and soul out of this motherfucker. I get late laughs and shit. That's tough. Who got Floyd winning the fight tonight? Clap it up.

Who got McGregor? She just wants some dick. That was her time to shine. I see you looking good, baby. Keep sitting like that. You don't lucked up in this motherfucker shit. For real. Mm-mm-mm.

What else we could talk about? Who else watched Powell in here? Man, Tyrica, one bitch-ass nigger, man. bruh man and he bro Tarika

whole man the nigger could whistle or call the police none he watched

his sister get murdered and then go upstairs and stop a white woman from getting raped nigga

let that shit go down nigga let them fuck I'm just playing edit that I ain't big

enough in my career to say some shit like that and get away with it. Oh, go ahead. I just got a while shit going on in here now. Make sure everybody getting patted down. That's a long-ass coat just to sneak in them off. I'm going to see what the fuck they're doing up the street.

Yeah, man, we in here, man. So we don't talk about power. Now I had some store. I was going to talk to y'all way. I wanted us to get. I want us get I want us to

fuck around in this motherfucker you know what I mean we're in there so power the protest oh and then

I'm watching the news the other day late on the news talking about all the Kaepernick fans are burning his jersey bitch you a motherfucker like black people don't burn jersey

white fans are burning his jersey. Niggas around Atlanta still rocking Michael Vick jersey, so I know we ain't burning shit. We got the original Michael Vick with that old damn dirty bird on that motherfucker. So we ain't burning no

jerseys, not ever. Speaking of football, I'm talking to this female, she got a son, so I go support, you know, he's in Little League football. Today he had a game in Alpharella. That's a long-end ride

for a nigga who don't get off the damn bitch. I had to tell that bitch like, hey, man. Hey, your sorry-ass son got to pick another sport or something shit. Your place ain't good enough for me to be driving for that mile. Oh, I can't be myself in this motherfucker. Okay. What y'all want to hear?

ABC jokes. We about ready on chat. Oh, shit. Just when we were getting a custom. Everything good. All right, man, I'm going to introduce the real. I'm the pre-host. I'm going to introduce the real host.

Y'all fuck with the pre-host? Hold on right quick. Let me put that on my instant snap. Hey, but for instant snap purpose, I'm not going to say pre. All right, hold on. Hey, y'all can't laugh yet. Wait, chill, man. You gonna fuck it up. Hold up.

Nah, be laughing, then I'm gonna break it in. Yeah, yeah, y'all see what the fuck going on. Y'all enjoy how I'm hosting this motherfucker. All right, I appreciate y'all so much. I thought with y'all a long way. But without further ado, man, I introduce you to the magnificent, the genius comedic style. You seen them on last comic stand.

You seen them on comic news. You see them on bounce TV. You see them on 85 shop shows every Friday. Start clapping right now for Mr. Carlos Miller. I had to hit him with the Dane Dash. That's a real dance. How y'all doing tonight? Make some noise. Make some noise.

Yeah. That's a real flash shit, ain't? You don't even know what song that is. Who know what song that is? Who know what song that is? Who know what song that is? My nigger, my nigger. My nigger, my nigger, my motherfucking nigger.

My nigger, my nigger. That's a Negro spiritual right there. Welcome to the 85 South Show. I am that magnificent nigger. Mr. Carlos Miller. Make some noise if you watch the show. 85 South Show. So if you watch the 85 South Show,

you already know who this podcast for, right? You don't? What? Excuse me? The 85 South Show, this is a podcast for black people who love dogs. You got a little dog in the house and a big dog outside. The big dog ain't never been.

in the house. This podcast right here is for niggas who met their real daddy and didn't believe that that was him. Ain't no way my mama fuck this nigga. This podcast right here

is for ladies who can take cheap weed and make it look like expensive weed. I'm talking about a ghetto science this type bitch. She doing all type of shit to this cheap weed. She put mayonnaise and honey mustard on this shit.

Put it in the microwave for two minutes and 17 seconds and then hang that bitch out on the porch. This podcast is for niggas who put a picture of their son over their check engine light. It's a podcast for ladies who still tell you how old their kids are in months.

He fought itself months. Shout out to everybody in BIP, aka The Wall. Shout out to everybody who's not black, but you win this bitch. How y'all doing? see who the hell we got in here this week. Where the ladies are? I'm talking about the beautiful ladies. They in here?

Talk about all the ladies who don't need a man for shit. But you want one. Shout out to all the dudes who were just sitting by them ladies who made a lot of noise like you ain't in a winner. Yeah. Tonight you went for a real treat. I don't know if they told you what this was, but tonight we're gonna give you a real live show

with some improv sketches. Who like improv comedy? Make some noise. Oh, hi. Hold up. Now you can hold up. Now you can hold up. Keep that shit, keep me that good top-pimp shit going though.

That look. That shit too, I can't cut that off. That's the type of shit I sent a dick picture too. You gotta see it. Which one y'all do, you hit it with the over the top of the side dick? I don't even send the pictures no more. I just send the whole little slideshow. I'll be shorn on my dick on vacation.

Just no, laying in the bed, dick. I'm showing her dick in places she ain't never been before. Not only do she like the dick, she's like the background. She texting you back like, your dick being where you at? Don't worry about it. I might be around the corner, I might be around the world. This ain't community dick. This just dick in your community.

much much love to everybody who's in here especially the ladies who don't like condoms either you heard that right there that's how to beat the pussy one more time just like that i only hit her about three to five hard strokes because they got long nuts like a german shepherd That shit hurt. Fellas, you'll be here from the back and you hurt your nut, you gotta stop. I'm the only one in here with grown man nuts. Hello, King, I said I'm the only one in here with some grown man nuts. Wow!

We're in here laughing, but today been kinda fucked up. It's been a fucked up week. Make some noise. It's been a fucked up week. Shit started off in the 1800s, niggins. nigga. Remember Charlottesville? She were crazy. Now we're at the end of the week and they're telling us that they about the hell got down Hurricane Katrina, big brother come to Houston. You know I had to say a prayer for Houston. King, you know I had to say a prayer for

Houston. I came to Jesus like a real nigga would in a situation like this. I was like, Lord, please protect all the strippers in Houston God just please just put your blessings around the plug and don't let none of the don't get wet, Lord I want you to bless all the slabs on 80s and foes all the rappers sip and leave they need you right now Lord and they never needed you

for all the ladies out there who work at the bank with fat asses Lord, we don't ask you for a lot of shit And we appreciate the shit you give us Prayin for Houston I cut it off, King, that's enough They don't get no more of this fucking shit I ain't even gonna hit him with no more

This fucking shit Trying to show them what it's gonna look like When we get the TV show I know the shit was fine That nigga then dropped his real phone He don't have no backup phone That nigger, whole life just flashed before his... Oh.

What my niggas at, though? Can I just hear from my niggas one time? Niggins tell the truth. Shit rough out here right now. Brother, ladies getting more pussy than us all day. His bitch is getting pussy on accident. Ooh, she want to get me some pussy? Fuck you, nigga.

Ah. How much pussy out and lost to the streets? To women who already had pussy? This was just like, I feel like I should be introducing some Peebo Bryson records. Coming up in the next hour, we got some Peebo Bryson. The Miracles featuring Martha and Shirley. You ever listen to the oldest station? My artists just used their real name.

That song was by Shirley. Shirley who? Shirley. What's it called? These niggas ain't shit. Ladies, make some noise if you believe these niggas ain't shit. Who hurt you? Bro, you let your lady make all that noise.

What the fuck is you doing at the house? Type of nigger won't take the garbage out. Just tie it in a knot. Somebody gonna make that shit disappear. You didn't even tell me I had a nigga with a trumpet back there. Nigger on the trumpet. What's your name? Calvin.

Just play some. shit on the trumpet for all the black people who wasn't allowed to play the trumpet back in the back in the day welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free I'm Ebeney and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you on Pretty Private we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes,

he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines. into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect

Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated.

Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy.

Hi, I'm Danny Shurve. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which Family Secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Adventure should never come with a pause button. Remember the movie pass era? Where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9? It made zero cents, and I could not stop thinking about it. I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast, are no girls on the internet. On this new season, I'm talking to the innovators who are left out of the tech headlines, like the visionary behind a movie pass, Black founder Stacey Spikes, who was pushed out of Movie Pass, the company that he founded. His story is wild and it's currently the subject of a juicy new HBO documentary. We dive into how culture connects us. When you go to France, or you go to England, or you go to Hong Kong, those kids are wearing

Jordans. They're wearing Kobe's shirt. They're watching Black Panther. And the challenges of being a Black founder. Close your eyes and tell me what a tech founder looks like. They're not going to describe someone who looks like me and they're not going to describe someone who looks like you. I created There Are No Girls on the Internet because the future belongs to all of us. So listen to There Are No Girls on the Internet on the IHurt Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Come on. This is Louis Armstrong. What my real Atlanta people let, my AT aliens. I might take my shirt off and be like,

now who else want to fuck with Hollywood coat? We got today's in the building say what say what we got today's in the bill right there on the front road what we got y'all today's in the building it's some in the back and I seal today's in the building this girl got a goddamn camera today I would like y'all to know tonight that this show is sponsored and part by and brought to you exclusively black by and you can see this shit only at 85 Southshow.com

this show gonna be on YouTube so make sure you're in here with who you're supposed to be in here with and if you're not just let us know so we can just put DeJoyne crying face over her face we got you we ain't breaking up nobody having homes Shout out to all the faithful black men holding it down. All you got is your man.

We don't get enough credit. The faithful black men out here being faithful to your main bitch and your side bitch. Because everybody know if you ain't with your man and your side, you cheat. Alright, King, let me get to this motherfuck-show-type Kemp shit. Don't squirt on some Steve Harvey morning show and talking shit at the fish fry family reunion. You know?

Throw something of that in there. Then we're going to have something for the holes. Then we're going to have some real nice clean shit for the respectable ladies. Yeah, I'm glad y'all came out, but just know. No, tonight we really came out for the hoes. No, it's some real shit, nice respectable ladies. Nice respectable ladies, make some noise. Let me hear, where y'all left.

Okay, all right, that's cool. All right, boy, we ain't come here for that. Look, look, don't be in the club lead niggas on if you got a nigger at home. Yeah, y'all be leaving niggas at the crib and shit and be forgetting you still in the relationship. See how quiet shit got? The nigger on the trumpet then got caught up before. That's why, something I need to do to let him know I feel him. Yeah, ladies, that nigga that's at your house, walk around.

What the fuck? You ain't shit, ma'am. And I like you. What's your name? Just for cheating on that nigga, go to the bar and order you a drink. Exactly. Keep that mentality. You're the only one who responded when I said that so we know that you guilty.

You can get you a free drink for not being guilty. Go ahead, get you one. Hell yeah. You look like a nice giving woman. Not the principal, but the lady who work in the office. You know, like when you had to go pick your kids up, sign right here, he good. He ain't do nothing today. Yeah, they just got being from lunch.

What the parents said. Make some noise, parents. Oh, ain't it the best shit in the world these kids and went back to school? Oh, now, you was absolutely right about this shit. The lady told my son to bring three gallons of hand sanitize. I was like, what the fuck y'all doing in that bitch? That y'all need three gallons of hand sanitizer? I didn't, I'm a black parent.

I didn't take no three gallons. I had the one pump. I was like, everybody get a pump. I figured if everybody bringing three gallons, my son, they ain't going to miss his three. Oh, yeah, we're going to have some giveaways tonight. y'all like these right here y'all have y'all like these the niggin on the trumpet can get this free therapy because he didn't went home and met the nigger that you ain't with no more what you order at the bar what did you get some shit you wouldn't have got if you was paying you see how they start

experimenting with the nigger pay she put shit in the drink down mean pudding drinks the white lady had to go downstairs some honey. She said she wanted some honey. I told her we had it in the kitchen. No, like your information, I already had one. Oh, oh, hunts. Yeah, you're not gonna talk to me like that in front of you. That's what you're not gonna do. I'm not gonna do shit to you, but I got a bitch I give $40 to just grab. She just grabbed bitch's shirt. She's strong as fuck, you can't get loose. Just got five older brothers and she's six one with no shoes on.

You saw her? That's the one I used to grab bitches, so. Shout out to all the ladies who can't fight but you can talk shit real good. People who started the goddamn fight would be talking shit in reverse. I beat your motherfucking ass, but? Shit, you lucky, I ain't, nigger.

I don't even be fighting pussy-haired niggas. I just be shoot. Fuck, niggas. Lucky, I'm on probation. I like this shit. I feel like we just get to know each other. It's all type of tragedies in the world happening. We just send this bitch Kikin.

Some shit that'll get your ass whooped in the hood. Yeah. White people, you don't know what Kikian is. That's excessive laughing and having a good time. White people, when you hear Kikin, that mean the nigger was having too much fun. I don't know what white What's the white equivalent to Kiki

It might be hawhawing or some shit But yeah Fellas you ever got accused of Kikin with a bitch Make some noise you ever got caught Kikin with a bitch You thought you was just being a regular nigga yeah let me get an extra straw

Yeah I spilled it a little bit Hey Why you went here Kikin with the bitch I just needed a straw Yeah, don't drink shit Drink out the glass He don't need no straw bitch

Why y'all kick in Your girl They never went off on you For ordering too nice Why you talking to this bitch So friendly It don't take all that to order No motherfucking ribs

This is calling me I'm the only one fucking with these crazy heads All right. All right, I got to start doing better. Speaking of crazy-ass women, this is my crazy-ass home girls. Much love to the ladies who steal earrings out of the beauty supply store. It's my home girl, though. I want y'all to show her a whole lot of 85 South.

Love and welcome to the stage. Light skin, Keish. She got the tinnies out. Oh, Keisha. I'll walk around and sit over here with your lap. And we're back! Now look, I don't know if everybody is Atlanta native, but I'm gonna be speaking to Keisha

and some of her native East Side tongue, okay? So let's get this thing underway, shall we? Shit, shodda, what's up, goddamn? What the fuck? Shit, fuck you been at. Shit, I did be working. Ugly and a little baldhead ain't a little girl, fuck you been, got it. You ain't like you don't know nobody since she ain't got your little Instagram.

Oh, so now you think I'm highly doing this. Oh, you goddamn up the street that fuck, guys. Up the street, around the corner type, shit. Yeah, yeah. Still real trout shit, bank, gang, shit, bon game, a whole lot of games shit. A whole lot of games shit. Hell yeah, god damn. You fucking with us?

Yeah. Hey, man, you see the little audience and shit. How y'all doing today? Before we even get into the. Ignorant shit. Can we turn Keisha up with this? Before we get into the ignorance shit, tell the people who you all let them know

what they might have seen you and all that type of good shit. So my name is like skin, Kisha. First of all, do y'all think that I'm really like skinned? Okay, there we go, because I got some bitches out there. They're saying that I ain't. I'm like, what the fuck y'all talking about? But anyway.

Y'all can find me on Instagram, Twitter, LifeSkin, Kisha, y'I-S-H-A. Y'I-S-H-A. Y'all might have seen my video. I'm talking about, you know what I'm saying? It's that act up weather. Have you ever had a nigga that you? try to act up when you start getting hot. You know them niggas that be like, let's take a break and shit.

Ain't no break, niggas. Ain't no break. But sometimes niggas just need a break. No, not around the summertime because y'all trying to act up. You know when niggas need a break. That's when like three holes been like, shit, what's on? Where are you being? Exactly.

Like, you just act like you don't know of it. And then they be like, shit, you know what? None? No, they do that on their own time. Not on my time. Shit. Okay. What this weather make you do?

Why do you think it's just like the weather got something to do with all this cheating? You know, they swear black men cheating. I've been saying all on my Instagram for the last year, black men don't cheat. We could just establish that right now. So she got quiet. Oh, real white.

Yeah, they lied. That's just some propaganda spread it by the left to make y'all stop believing in niggas. Look at the black man in here knowing that I'm telling the truth. Scared to say so. Just abuse by this system of abuse I say the shit

I don't give a fuck Hey King they don't want this shit to hit the streets Once they find out black men the most faithful Who we gonna cheat with? These holes can't stand us Right, so many of them Huh? They don't like us I don't know why your girl think you got a secret cave

With all the bitches who do everything you want them to do Every time you leave the house, Amor until the stove gets some bloods That bitch at the store No, it's just that nigger Ali, and he musted. There are no bitches. All I'm saying,

Keisha, is you got to start back believing in niggas. Why? You got to give me a good reason, though. I am a good reason. Look at this shit. Two of them are my cousin. Oh, okay, okay. They pissed and cousin.

You know, cousin used to hunch. Getting to know your family and shit. Cousin Kisha hunched good. All right, let me... Bro, some of this shit don't supposed to be laughed at. You should have just let that go. That was kind of borderline fucked up.

All right. I was just saying that, Kisha, that you need to start believing in niggas again because I'm about to introduce you to some niggas that I believe in. Who's going to help us make this show dope than a motherfucker? Well, they got to give me a reason.

All right, well, fucking. And I'm going to be waiting on days. Okay, cool. I know you popping on Instagram, But my next homeboy, he's popping on Instagram too. Okay. You know what I mean? He do parodies.

He do original sketches. He always keep the timeline with some funny shit. Okay. My partner popping on Instagram, funny as hell. He got about like half a million followers and shit. He killing this shit. Y'all start clapping. Welcome to the stage.

My nigger, my homie. Play some of that pimp shit. Play me some of that pimp shit. Because we got to get ignorant. Y'all show some love for my homeboy. Hey, Mr. Bank Shot. Mr. Bank Shot. Mr. Bank Shot.

Mr. Bank Shot. He was Mr. Bank Shot. Pick up their Teddy Pendergrass. You don't want the Tender, no, don't worry about it. If you don't want the Tender Pender. I got to Tilly Pender. Y'all show some love one more time for that band. King, y'all so cold, my nigga.

I don't know where y'all be practicing that. Y'all do it all together. Y'all just be FaceTimming. FaceTiming that shit in. Where you meet the, what's your name, bro? Let me introduce y'all. This king right here, this king on the whole set up right here on the front. Of course, we got my man right here, Calvin on the horn.

Who my man right here? Darius. His name is Darius. You're going to get some pussy just because your name Darius. Because ladies, tell the truth. Don't some Daryush? That sound like something you will use on your pussy, don't. Pitch, I don't, my pussy been itching.

You ain't got no Darius? You just got to associate that in vagina or something. I ain't nobody fucking with you. We're not fucking with the office lady. Who my man right here? with the crazy and hell. That's Junior. Judah.

What are these niggins from? Another planet. What's up, Judah? Man, you play the saxophone for real. I bet you ain't better than Lisa Simpson. Bro, that shit is so sexy.

Bro, that's the type of shit that you beg for the pussy to on the voicemail. Play that shit again. Play that shit again for me. Shit. What's up? What's up? Hey, yeah, just laying in their bed. Dick harder than a male test. I saw you at the little comedy show or whatever. You say you was going to hit me when you left,

but I'll be up all night. Keep going. You got a bag for real. Damn, titties, that wasn't enough? Nicky got the call back. Hey, I don't know if you heard me last time. The saxophone was in the background, but. I was trying to tell you what I wanted,

but the saxophone got loud at the part I wanted you to hear. Yeah, the voicemail about to run out. I'm gonna call you back to you. Hey, what's up? Shit, I mean, I didn't left three voicemails. I know, my nigga, I'm about to, yeah. So, look, can I have some pussy, please? Bank shot, what's up, bro?

How you living? Oh, I can't complain, man. Man, you ready for this shit? I think so. We got a nice crowd that came out, man. Salute to you all coming out. This shit get intense. We got a hell of an audience.

These not regular people. They look regular, but I'm telling you, it's some gutter-ass gangster-ass niggas in here who parked their car somewhere where it was a sign right by that bitch that said, do not park. We fuck with the hard-haired people.

This podcast right here is for niggas who done so dope till they teach it before. Not no weed, some dope. Hey, Jamal. You think you can find me some blow? Why they always get the cocaine leg when they're looking for some... Hey, can you find me some blow? The legs develop a habit first.

What's up, Mike? How you living? Who we got? Oh, okay. I got to introduce this, nigga, too. You know, just to round out, what we're doing right here. I bought some of the coldest people I know who cold with the improv, who funny, who's spontaneous.

You already know this dude right here. If you ever fuck with the 85 South Show, you've seen him on various episodes. You've seen him up and down your timeline. Ratched people meet. You've seen him as the shift leader. You already know who I'm talking about because you've seen him as the nigger talking beside the curtain earlier. Y'all show some love. Welcome to the stage. Hey, hold up. This is what I need, King. Play me some music for a nigger who will slap the shit out of somebody for getting his order wrong. need some hard shit like some slapper bitch music oh don't think I ain't gonna introduce y'all to the rest of the pimps and the band we just got time to do that shit y'all welcome to the stage my man nab green Good you see. Raise the cost to be the balls. Tell us. Raise the course to be the balls.

Look at me. All right. Stop. Now make that motherfucker hammer time. No, dude. Ha ha. What's up now? What's going on, brother?

I see you out here talking shit to my people earlier, what they feel like. Man. It's all love, man. I feel like they're my cousins and shit. It's gonna be a hell of a night, bro. I got two plan B pills still in the plastic. Shit, you really could chalk that bitch

a half like, for real. Bro, you give a bitch a half a plan B, just the feet come out. Uh-uh, nigger, you're gonna raise these feet. I believe the baby likes sports. These athletes' feet. Okay, it was my attempt to add a foot joke, Keisha. You don't have to make that fucking face.

Whatever. Keisha type of bitch sneaker blunt a mid in the rotation. Who the fuck blunt is this? Why is the hole in the side of that bitch? It's one more person I gotta introduce y'all to. Oh, fellas, if you don't know about the bebble shave system, this is specifically designed for men of color. It's a black man.

They tried to buy the shit for like $500 million. Guess what he said? Nope. I don't know why the fuck he did that. I would have took it. No, I'm just glaring. But Bush, on some real shit,

we're going to be giving one of those away. So make sure y'all stay in this bitch, get loose, be live, and I got to introduce y'all to our other player on the show tonight, if that's cool with y'all. I mean, if that's cool with y'all.

Because we really in here tonight. All right. No, keep that shit going, do what you was about to do. Tell me your name again? I forgot it. Da-Foo. What is it?

What? Da Nush. Dabish. Don't do the fucking round, man. Yeah. Do what you was about to do, though, because this next motherfucker, countercote.

Nah, he's more than Count of Code. This is my partner. And you know, he's going to be bringing that real shit to the show tonight. I want y'all to start clapping. Welcome to the stage, my man, fat man. D.J. Don't cut it down right this.

I'm a pimp. I'm going to say some life shit. I said cut it down, don't stop. I'm a rap, my nigga. Don't watch. What's up, goddamn. I'm a holler. I was trying to tell a nigga, I ain't part to call her.

Came down, nigga, hollered that a bitch is slide in. I ain't had a wheel so I had to get a ride in. Not a whole jockey when they see it. I would like call me fat man, call me dick. Chill in the back Smoked a lot of weed I ain't got what you want But I got what you need

And a nigga that I know Don't call to my soul A cold that I know Don't call a nigga phone Metro already texting A nigga about the bill that I own But the muffling ain't gone But y'all nigga flexed up

I got right now He ain't never next up It's the 85 side Hollla at my nigga low But you know that these ice cold That's gone Already Oh hold up

Hold up, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, look, you ain't tell me. That shit was cold. I hate to have all these things. Man. You feel. But if you were gonna freestyle, you should have told somebody

so King could have built you some gangster shit. Ah, we got a motherfucking band in there, bitch. We got my man Jay O.N. back here, pimped out. What was that shit you was about to do? That sounded like some real hard shit. That sounded like the type of shit. Fat man D's he need to be rapping on. That a type of shit.

Who said? These, hey, I fuck with you. Because it's the nigga that be hollin' at me. They don't never throw that wild of that one. And Hogue can't come to the hot. Because before the sun go, they got to get out. Because if Mar dudes, wake up and see, I ain't fin to have a plate to stash the nigger refo.

I ain't been a fuck of my blessing for the pussy. Bitch, I'm a pro, and I know you're a rookie. We gotta kick him out. You don't know what's next, bro. I got my own crib. I make a stay and cook breakfast Walking around the kid And I had a butt naked

Here she had to go and pick a kid On next I'm a type of nigga that Rept an 85 Every time you see me I'm posting outside Man This shit's so real

We're about to get the show off and tell her how we deal Carlos Smiller That man Dizzy Kick it off the head And make the shit look easy My nigga missed a bang shot

My nigga missed a bang shot I was in this bitch and he always keep that bitch hot. Okay, let's get to this shit. King! You ain't ready. You ain't ready. You ain't ready.

Hey, but I'm always ready. You are not ready. Light skin, Keith, she ain't this bitch, too. So, look, Hill. She doesn't mean follow me back. With a light skin. You know what I'm saying? That's that light skin shit.

You must have got the ass. She said she ain't follow you back because you got the Android. I ain't even got the Android. I got the Android. See? You have to follow this nigga back. You need a nigga like this to remind you that his niggas like that out there. Niggas like me and fat man who gonna be right there when the nigga you like break your heart. You feel. She like to follow them that live waist and take

pissing with their shirt off. Uh-uh. You need a nigga in your life with his shirt on. Exactly. You know what I mean? That's why you fuck with me. I'm gonna keep my shirt on. Here you talking exactly. Yeah. I'm the type of nigga who gonna get her oil change within the first two weeks of fucking with her because I know it need to be done. There we go. That's what I need right there. Yeah, yeah. Type of nigga go buy you a whole new set of tires and be like, bitch, you was out here about to die and don't

even know it. But you had rode the tie down to the ribbon, bitch, at any moment. Lois, you're talking about a whole new set? A whole new set. Or some new used ones. Uh-uh. We can't be buying used tires. We can't be putting our queens out here

with used tires. There we go. Oh, y'all shit y' ass up. Y'all acting like y'all ain't got no goddamn money. Y'all ladies, rich as fuck, you got a job, you do hair, you got a side nigger, that nigger you fuck with three niggins ago still be giving your money every now and then. The nigger want to fuck giving you money, child support, income tax. They selling plates too, lo, they what? They selling plates.

They selling plates. Get food stamps. She sold them. Okay. This bitch coming into contact with 20, 30,000 a month acting like niggins ain't shit. You owe me something. Y'all are ready for the first game we're going to do today?

Y'all, that wasn't everybody. Y'all, I'll throw this goddamn microphone in somebody. No, the first shit we're going to get into, you already know. This is going to be our version of one of our most beloved, black TV shows that ain't even black.

This is a, you know, black people, we adopt shit. It's some shows that was all white people that we just adopted. Like Will a Fortune. It might not look like it, but that's a black TV show.

Jeopardy. Black TV show. Shit got quiet. The dumbass niggas don't know that that's a whole black show. If you ain't never said damn yelled out all the wrong answers on Jeopardy, you ain't a real nigger to me. Some shows just black.

Jerry Springer. Before all the strippers and midges and shit. That's a black show. But this show we're paying respect to tonight. This is one of our most treasured black shows that's not black.

Classic moments have been on this show. You've seen Maury. you are not the father see black people don't even know what I'm saying when I say the name right it's Mari you seen it but exactly

Mori but when I said Marry nigga were like oh okay okay we don't have we reached out but we ain't get Maury we got the black dude

Maurice So ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Maurice Show. Ooh Welcome back to Maurice Ladies and gentlemen You know how we do it over here on the Mauritia We ain't even bullshit with them We're gonna get right into it

Today we got my home girl Light Skinned DeKisha What's your problem today? Maurice, I got a lot going on What's going to? I need to find out who the daddy of little geron Rome is. Oh shit. Not another one of these. Yeah, I'm tired of taking

care of his ass. Who he looked like the most? Honestly, I don't know. I got to see these things. I don't know. I don't fucked up. I didn't made a mistake. I mean, he's five years old. He getting old. I know it's a little late in the game, but I need to find out because I'm tired of taking care of him. Well, actually, it's easier

to DNA test them when they five years old because all we need is some earwax. Oh, okay. I didn't even know that. Yeah. Pachia, you've been on this show four times. It seemed like Every time you have a baby, you bring your ass up here. You don't never know? I mean, they just be disappearing.

Like, at first I thought I could be independent, but I'm tired. They're getting grown and shit. Especially Jerome. He bad as hell. He woke me up the other morning and told me I better have his breakfast ready. Damn. That's the one who be doing push-ups in the kitchen. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Well, shit, I ain't know. I'm not judging you. Shit, I got four baby moms. My damn self. Okay, okay. What they look like? That's probably her fucking with the court trying to sabotage the show now.

Oh, okay. I knew it. I knew it. Well, look, Kish, I ain't here to judge you. Let's meet some of these niggas. If I got this, if I'm reading this shit correctly, my homeboy, that's the executive producer of the show, Maurice. You're telling me one of these niggas named Hakeem. Before you say something, we did get to speak to Hakeem, and this is what he had to say about the whole situation, Kisha.

Keisha a ho. I don't even know how she's pregnant. All we do is anal. I didn't gave this bitch the abortion money five motherfucking times. She only want me because I got a mixtape dropping and I got them racks. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perception. and give you new insight on the people around you.

On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more. And found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. he was shot in his house unarmed.

Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.

You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.

Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Adventure should never come with a pause button. Remember the movie pass era where you could watch all the movies you wanted for just $9? It made zero cents and I could not stop thinking about it. I'm Bridget Todd, host of the tech podcast, there are no girls on the internet. On this new season, I'm talking to the innovators who are left out of the tech headlines. Like the visionary behind a movie pass, Black founder Stacey Spikes,

who was pushed out of Movie Pass the company that he founded. His story is wild and it's currently the subject of a juicy new HBO documentary. We dive into how culture connects us. When you go to France, or you go to England, or you go to Hong Kong, those kids are wearing Jordans, they're wearing Kobe's shirt, they're watching Black Panther. And the challenges of being a Black founder. Close your eyes and tell me what a tech founder looks like. They're not going to describe someone who looks like me and they're not going to describe someone who looks like you. I created There Are No Girls on the Internet because the future belongs to all of us.

So listen to there are no girls on the internet on the IHurt Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm here to tell y'all, there's a 0% chance that I'm the father. Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome to the stage. Hakees. Oh! Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, you doing all of that? How you doing?

How you doing? Where was all of this when I was asking? I like this song. Maurice, I ain't talking to this bitch. I know how that goes, young player. I wouldn't be talking to this bitch either. Not you. I meant that in the most respectful way.

Maurice. Why you got me here? You know why. I think you're the father of Jerome. Now Nick, aka Hakeem. Hey, man, you can drop the high. It's just keem, nigga.

Oh. I thought you wanted... My producer said that you wanted extra emphasis on the Hakeem. That nigger, lion-ass stinker. Now, you have become a veteran on our show at ducking and dodging these pregnancies.

Do you have a strategy when you're taking these DNA tests? I know one time you got caught using your older brother's DNA. Now, is there a trick to avoid this shit or what? No, that's what I plan to do this time. See, what happens is my brother. He gave me something to spit, right? And I just put it in my mouth when they swab me. Wow.

Y'all some shit you here on Maurice. You nasty as hell. You nasty. Well, Hakeem. Who was that, bitch? This ain't your motherfucking business. Keep that shit out there. That's right.

Bull. Well, Hakeem, you'll be, you'll be ecstatic to know that you're not the only one here this time. Oh. I mean, I would say, uh. make some noise for the next guy but we actually got to speak to him also before this whole shit popped off and this

what he had to say about the motherfucking shit first of all I don't know who you guys think you are talking about my Keisha like that I've heard her referred to as a bitch and you know you will not disrespect her

she shared herself with me one blessed night when we met at the coffee house man and I showed her some things that no one's ever seen and I don't know why she even cares about these guys being the father

it's my kid it's mine and I'm going to take care of it Keisha because we shared something special Keisha you fuck this thing I don't even know I don't even recognize him we shared this ladies and gentlemen

welcome to the stage This nigga... Wow, I... This is the first time on my show, we had a nigger that actually wanted to be the mother. Who's the daddy? I had sex with you? Was I drunk or something?

What'd you put in my drink? You were not drunk, you were sleeping. Where did you? But I let her sleep! Because I didn't want to wake her up! Hey! And you make sure you... You stay over there.

Nigger, you freaking hood? You call me a nigger? I called you a nigger. You want some of that? Hey, hey, hey, hey, ain't gonna be none of that shit. Y'all ain't even the only niggins she fucking with. I got to have four more people to introduce y'all too. You ain't have to tell all my business like that.

Watch your damn arm. Now, I'm not supposed to put... Wait, bro. Look. Oh, hold on. They telling me I got a shout out to the sponsor. Shout out to Wine, Black, Black, and Mouse. in this episode possible.

Back to the show, I am Maurice, this is my show. If you just now tuning in, we got light skin Kisha in here today, and we got some of her potential baby fathers. We got a real street associate who got a mixtape coming out. You ain't even heard the mixtape, yes, shit your way. All my ladies say, boo! You ain't shit, no.

nigga. You ain't shit, nigga. Boom. Sit your ass down. Who the hell he thinks he's ice tube with some shit? These damn shades on. Look at the sun. I'm even out of the inside. The Migscape goddamn dropping this one. All right. Okay, well, look, I know I'm not supposed to get personal with these stories right here, but it's a small world.

Because this next potential baby father that you brought on show today. We got to speak to him earlier, and this is what he had to say about the situation. Ever since I became a shift leader at McDonald's, these bitches want me for my check. You know what I mean? The bitch is a real gold digger. You know what I mean? When I first met Keisha, I had the mac sauce on my neck so the bitch was choosing you, did what I'm saying? So I was like, no, no, no, no. But, I did tell you this, Maurice. If the little bastard is, my son, I'm going to put his ass to work Monday, God damn.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage as Shift Leader. No, you're wronged as hell for working them all them hours, and you still ain't give me no money. That check is supposed to be my chick. Hey, man. Hey, oh, oh, there's a honor to have you on that motherfucker boy age. Who's a baby? Appreciate that shit. No father of a bitch again.

Hey, so look, fellas, before we get into all this, I just want to ask y'all a few questions about what mighta could have possibly happen. Sir, sir, you feel that you could possibly be the father of this child. What makes you feel like that? Because we shared something special. Okay? It wasn't one night. You didn't even know I was in there without a condom.

Whoa, whoa. You're trying to set me up? Set you up for what? He is for the okie-doc. She need me. And Hakeem, you say ain't nowhere in the fuck in the hell you could be the baby father. That's a direct quote for me.

It's just keen, my goodness. He looks just like you. He looks just like you. Yes, he do. He got your beard and everything. It's a lace front. That's how I know you lying. Oh, okay.

This ain't even real. That's how I know you lying. I don't know. where y'all from but i ain't gonna have all that goddamn arguing on my show this a family show god damn y'all cut that bull shit out think about them kids it's bigger than you now shift leader what's going on you from it land and you know for having them things do you think do you think that you might could possibly possibly be the father of this child little nigger need a job

man you can talk about that man I'm so focused on my work right now man I'm doing spreadsheets, doing schedule to be honest with y'all I ain't got time to fuck these bitches you know what we could just

without further ado I got the results right motherfucker you the father I'm calling it right now now look here Keisha I mean we fuck with you and everything over here on the Maurice show,

but you gotta quit having the motherfucking kids, man. If you just out here doing whatever the fuck, we can't keep testing you. This shit costs money. We didn't even have to test you. We got your D&A on file. All right. No, drive around.

Dicke, are you still at work, too? I still got to take the honor. Bro, you're the only. shift leader with a Bluetooth headset. That'll be 942. Second window, please. I apologize, Maurice. You don't ever got time for me.

You don't ever got time for me. This shit don't make no goddamn sense. This bitch got three, four pages of results. All right. I'll be back next month. lame man name. Who, which one of y'all is Gregory Williams? That's me.

Oh. Gregory Williams, when it comes to how old are they looking at? Five. When they come to five-year-old little Jerome, there is a zero percent chance of you being

you are not the father. My motherfucking boy. See, I told you I didn't remember you. Not only are you not the father, you need to step to the bank because the police won't hollet you. Yeah, you need to go and see them. They stand it right back there. They want to talk to you about some shit. You got to go.

I'll see you later. You are not the father. You should be happy. All right, King. Okay, cool. How do you pronounce the last name? Keem. Keem, I can't say that last name shit you put on here.

When it comes to Fabio LaGregory. Jerome When it comes to five-year-old little Jerome Ain't no way in the fuck in the hell You could be the daddy just like you said And I still want some money I still want some money What the fuck I still want some money

I'm glad he wasn't shit anyway That's right y'all Stop! Bye, hi, king! Ladies and gentlemen, this episode of the Murray Show is brought to you in part by those Summers Eaves wipes. Keeping that bussy all clean. Ain't no way in the hell you could be money. All right, okay, last man standing.

Last man standing. Chip Leader, anything you want to say before I get to your results? Don't disrespect me like that. When it comes to five-year-old little Jerome, Bro, I ain't never seen no shit like this. I guess it's you. Hold up, whoa, I ain't never seen no shit like this. In the case of five-year-old little Jerome,

room this shit say bitch you might be hold on let me see that Maurice let me read that that's not I wait bitch you might be okay wait

I didn't make this shit it is right there somebody just tried to boot game to Macdon's I got to get the fuck don't don't try to run up this is one of the wildest episodes we never have Y'all stay tuned to the Mauree Show.

I'm Maris. Maris. Maurice, let me, let me talk to him. Woozy, baby. Ooh, ooh. Maurice, Daddy. Daddy. Loose it, baby.

Hello, Keith. Let me talk to him. What y'all doing? What y'all doing? I said, what y'all doing? I said, what y'all doing? Y'all waiting on me? I told you what we're doing, man.

We're stealing all the shows tonight and we're making them black. Y'all like that shit? All right, cool. You're going to love that next shit, then. Thank you. Welcome back to the 85 South Show Public Access Television Station. This is your favorite television show.

Dysfunctional family! If you're just now tuning in, we are at our lightning round of the competition. This game could go either way. This game could go either way, either way. But I got a feeling which way is going to go. but they ain't going to say shit because they don't pay me to say shit.

Oh, let's meet our contestants, shall we? Who we got over here today, my man? Steve. That's my name. That's a hell of a name. Little bitty mustache. Hell of a name. What you do, my brother?

I'm a physical trainer for the United States Army. A physical trainer for the United States Army. argument. If you need some sessions, I'll be more than happy to. Boy, I don't need no damn session. He'll he think he's talking to. Your arm doesn't fit the whole sleeve there.

It's a sleeve. It's a sleeve. Muscle titty. Who you have with you today? Oh, this is Keisha here. Keisha. How you doing? It's your cousin, Kisha. Kisha, how you doing? I'm doing great. How are you doing? What is it that you do for a living? I have babysit. I sell here. Karen, I work at Pizza Hut. Ain't she sweet?

I'll give you all the discounts on the $20 box. We'll see you in a minute. Who we got over here on this side? Hey, what's up, I'm sincere. You feel. That's your name or what you're being sincere? No, I'm sincere, bro.

My mama named me, that her name was Essence. So you say your mama name is essence. I'm sincere. And you sincere. Yeah. Your name or are you being sincere? here. But hey, you're talking about, I ain't with that fuck shit, bro, you know what I'm

like, for real, you know what I'm. I mean no disrespect. The family are already dysfunctional, I'm here to help. Yeah, I ain't like that swirled at month. I feel you, we got $2,200 on the board. This game could be a whole other income tax if you play it right. Who is this young man right here to you?

Hey, then my business party and my cousin, you know what I'm saying? We do club promotion, you feel what I'm saying? You said, that's your cousin in your business, boy. I'm putting my cousin. quick flip quick flip your cousin quick flip and your name sincere this should be an interesting one today on this functional family let me get one member of each family to step down so we can play fast money oh god we got vacation quick flip okay first one to touch the desk is answer first all right oh you're making up shit now right okay top four things that will get

your ass beat in a black home running in and out judges what my judges go I believe that is on the board Running in and out of this damn house. Keisha, what is your answer? I said eating somebody else leftovers. Good answer. Eating somebody else leftovers. I guess that mean your shit didn't make it, Keisha.

That point goes to this family over here with the hustles at the wall. Let me get another member from each family. Come on, Steve, y'all, in the hole. This could be a pivotal moment in the game. The same question remains. Top four things that will get your ass beat in a black hole. I believe he beat you. Being old buck-ass-ha-neek.

Yeah! Being a phaunit. Being old fuck-ass nigger. That's definitely on the board. Nick, Steve, do you have an answer? Taking your report card out the mail before your parents can see it. That shit, low. I believe the point goes to this family right here, but don't get discouraged.

got some game to play let me get two two milk family members up here Name the top three wing spots in Atlanta. Shit, Steve. That shit scared the fuck out of me because they cut our buzz off two weeks ago. We wasn't even supposed to get our buzzer back on yet. The buzzer been cut off. We had that shit with Sprint.

I'm going with American. Delhi all flats that's one that's one yeah come on oh oh keep going Atlanta deli okay that's the same shit he tried well when you flip them motherfucker you know I mean you got to flip the name you dig what I'm saying one more shit you got to say them you got to say them nightclub wing you know I mean okay that's the perfect opportunity for you to steal right here Now if you steal- Can I want to repeat one or no, I gotta come up with all of them.

No, you gotta come up with three of them. Alright. Hey, hey, quit touching shit. We just got our shit back on. Come on, you can steal right here. All right, I got Wings 101. Okay. I got Atlanta's best wings.

I'm doing good. Okay, okay. And I got the Magic City Monday wings. You can't get better than that. Looks like the points go to this family right here. Steve, that's some fucked-up ass shit, man. I don't make the motherfucking rules. I'm just the goddamn host.

You just trying to get some pussy, man. I don't want no motherfucking pussy. I'm knee-deep-in-puss. You fucked it off, nigga. We got some more goddamn game to play. You know what? Since we're so motherfucking real up here and you think I'm cheap,

why don't you find you somebody out there in the motherfucker audience? They can be on your team might be help you and y'all find one person that might can help you on. We're going into the lightning round. Because that's how we do it over here on the dysfunctional family show. Shout out to my niggins look like Chance the rapper, the Atlanta version.

Got anybody on this side. Anybody on this side? Come up here if you want to represent for this family right here. Right there? No, you. You great and self-shirt. And you got the shirt on. Yep.

Come on up. Oh. Oh. Come on, hurry up. Come on, hurry up. We got the female. Yeah, who you got? Who y'all got?

Come on, boy. You're on the other team. Now, come over here, so I don't stand over there with their foot, Nick. Come over here. I think she chose her team. She chose her team.

Oh, season's a child. We need somebody white on our team. Oh, you want somebody white? Oh, get you a white. Can we get a white person? Come on, white dude. Come on, white dude. Come in, there you go, buddy.

Front your ass off here, man. Oh, hell no, that ain't fair. You got to go back. He's a real white dude. He fucked the handshake up and everything. All right. Let me get y'all distant cousins up here so we can see who they are. Your family dysfunctional is fucking.

Hey, how you doing? This dysfunctional family feud. We don't make the rules. We make the show. What's your? My name, sweetheart. My name's Kiara. Kiera.

What's you do? I do healthcare IT consult. Yeah, okay, whatever. What's your name, bro? Chris. Chris, what you do? Work at a restaurant. Work at a restaurant.

How are you a short dude with a tall voice? Shit happens to me. I work at a restaurant. Are you an undertaker, son? Nope. I work here to rest. Let me quit. Y'all ready?

I'm ready. First one that touched the table gets to answer the question. You ready for this, Chris? You ready for this? is Kiara. Name something you might find in a hood chick's phone.

Ladies and gentlemen, she said a dick pick. I believe that's the number one answer. Chris, do you have a to this question. I bet you sells wheeves. Looks like they stole that one from y'all. Look like they stole that one.

That's a bullshit. Oh, don't worry, we got some more game to play. Let me get another family member up here. Let me get another family member up here to represent. The question remains. remains. Hey, I'm tired of going to get these weak-ass, nigga, bud. Dysfunctional family

view. Bad as one. Put your hand on my hand. I ain't think nobody wanted to do nothing. Same question. Name something you would find in a hood chick's phone. Somebody got down

Social Security number, address, and license information because they hope he's scamming. That's actually the number three answer on the board. Steve, do you have an answer to this question? You ain't going to find shit in her phone because she ain't paid the bill. Looks like they steal again! You're keeping up with the score My nigger, what's the score?

Three to two, come Hey man, we got some more dysfunctional family feud to play, man, relax! Keisha, how you doing, sweetheart? I'm doing good. You ever walk through Piedmont Park? Don't. What them birds going for, my name?

I know we're on TV, fuck that shit, but I ain't got shit to do with this. Same question, same question. Name something you would find in a hood bitch phone. The food stamp pen. Keisha, do you have an answer to this? Yes, of course I do. Okay. You're going to find screenshots of that side bitch that he's been fucking

I didn't know, bitch. I didn't know. Y'all get your ass toe up. On the dysfunctional family view. Moving on the ground. Oh, bring y'all ass up. Give me anybody from each take. Give me anybody.

We got a whole bunch of here. Do a big. The team and the host, uh, sis. What's the strategy over here? You choosing? Oh, I'm choosing. Oh, you choose. I'm choosing to get down whoop your ass in this game right here.

Okay. Hey, that's part of the game right here in the dysfunctional family feud. Not only we're going to beat your ass, we're going to talk shit while doing it. Let me get two players down here, two players, two players, two clear, two players. You ready for your shit? Being ready. I'm looking at you. Name something you would find.

in the kitchen of a black household. Wait, me, wait me, that too, though, but wait a minute, wait a minute. Everybody had roaches. You're going to find out that thawed out chicken that your mama told you to pull out hours ago. Can you steal? Can you steal on this one? Why? Sugar in a bag. in the refrigerator.

Here you talk about. Looks like that point goes to this team right here. They're on the comeback. Let me get two more players down here. Let me get two more. Oh, you know what that mean? Lightning round like a motherfucker. Lightning round.

Lightning round. Lightning round like a motherfucker. Lightning round. Lightning round like a motherfucker. Lightning round. Round like a motherfucker. Lightning round. Turn that shit off, turn that shit off, turn that shit off.

Y'all don't even know how to play the damn lightning round, but I like that. Kiara, your team is in the league, five to four. Keeping up with the score, as best I can, because I'm high. Aren't we all? So since y'all are in the lead, this side over here get to go first in the lightning round. Now keep in mind, you can still. So I need y'all to be over there, what you think kept on, just in case shit don't go all the way right. Now, quick flip, looks like your family has nominated you to represent on this side first.

This is delighting. I'm going to ask you five questions. Judging by the crowd reaction, we're going to tell you if you ain't shit on it. All right, you ready for this? Name something that every nigger baby mama do. Fuss. What is something that you only eat in the strip club in Atlanta? Pussy.

Name something, a real nigger would not let you touch. His cell phone. Name three things of crackhead in Atlanta will try to sell you. His birth certificate. Need two more. His kid. Him. Name one thing every name.

I think it does after get caught cheating. Put the bitch as his WCW saying he love his family. Judging by the crowd reaction, they like that shit. Let me get somebody over here on this side. Who we got? Lightning around like a motherfucker. Lightning around. Lightning around like a motherfucker.

Lightning around. Lightning around. like a motherfucker. Lighting around. Stop! Now make that motherfucker hammer time. This episode of dysfunctional family is for all the women who got aggravated assault charges.

Because you whoop that nigger, motherfucking ass. All right, Steve, this is the lightning round. Are you ready? Yes. Name something every nigger does after he gets caught cheating. Lies about it. Something you can find in a black kitchen. A spatula to whoop the kids with.

Name something a real nigger would not let you touch. Damn. This is the dysfunctional family show. You can steal an ass if you motherfucking want to. Top. Name three things of crackhead. We'll try to sell you. A parking spot. His shirt and some fools somebody else gave him.

How many questions was that? Three. He got two more goddamn questions. Let me see. What the other shit I asked you? Yeah, I ain't. This that dysfunctional shit. Now, look, you ain't supposed to be looking at it.

Go on. I got it. Tell me what you're gonna do with this money if I let y'all win this shit. I'm gonna take me and my family to a, uh, to a nice spot, like a, uh, Follies. If that girl was your real cousin over my name. Tamika. I'm gonna have to get back with you on this one. The audience didn't say shit.

Looks like these ones go to this family right here. It's stolen in the lightning run. That's a bullshit. I mean, I don't make the rules. I just work here. You want to fight, nigga, with the shit about to go off in a little bit. See me how motherfucker's sad.

That has been another episode of dysfunctional family. Don't know shit at me. No, don't hold me up. I'm getting the fuck out of here, man. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, what? You got what? What happened?

Hey, Steve. Now, keep closed my fucking curtain. What's that? Yeah, it's coming back, man. Oh, that's coming back, man. Oh, that's shit. All right, y'all, here we go. You guys ready for more of the show?

We're about to take you to church, y'all. Give it up for Mount Negro, D'Acostal, Baptist Church. Give it up, y'all. Good evening, church. Can I get a goddamn? I'd like to welcome y'all to the Mount Negro, the Aracostal Baptist Church Now I'm going to need y'all to give me some energy

Church folks Now I go by the name Pastor Flavor And I got a couple words for y'all before I introduce to y'all our keynote speaker for this evening Is that all right? Oh, I will

Now I know Jay Kwan said everybody in the club getting tipsy but I'm here to tell y'all if y'all want to get to heaven don't give nothing less than a 50 Now

now now now now Kevin Gates Kevin Gates said he got two phones one for the blood and one for the Lord I'm here to tell y'all take out two looms

one for the son and one for the Lord you hear me do y'all feel me church now nah nah I know my tell Jordan said

this is how we do it. But I need you to take that money out your's pocket and bring it to the pool pit. Do you hear what I'm saying? Now, what I would like to do is I would like to get an A selection from our band, if we could.

If we can get an A selection queued up, that would be a... I'm just a pastor looking for that offering. So please bring up them ties before they cut my cable on. Give me 10% of all. I promise I'm going to spend it. Come on, y'all, come on, come on. Come on, let's bring that down, bring that down, bring that down.

Bring that down. Bring that down. Now listen, church, I'm gonna need y'all to come with it. We got a guest speaker this evening. Alright, so I'm gonna need y'all to clap. I'm gonna need y'all to give me that energy. There we go.

Uh-uh, uh-uh. That's so soulful. Now, if y'all could, we're about to pass the play around. We're gonna pass that plate around. Get your money, y'all, get it ready. Dickens, if we could, make sure. If we could, make sure we hit the back. We didn't forget about you on the back back there.

Yes, you're my brother. Now, y'all in for a little treat this evening. We got our keynote speaker coming to y'all from the 85 South Baptist. I've had the pleasure of working with this brother for quite some time. taught me my ways, taught me everything I know. And he's being accompanied by a couple folks, his first lady, his deacon, and his quiet director. So without further ado,

please give a warm-ass welcome. Oops, I'm sorry. Just a warm welcome. Oh, I know it is. Please put your hands together. Put your hands together. And welcome, Reverend. Damn show did.

Preach it, preacher. You feel that feeling? I said, do you feel that feeling? I ain't going to be up here long because this ain't my place of worship. Say that shit, pastor. When the brother called us, because he ain't just called me. He called you, you, you, me, and God.

he called me to bring some God with me you know I brought some God with me had a little bit of it earlier in the parking lot I had a little bit of God yeah I got it on the west side amen yeah yeah see it's a lot of it's a lot of false pastors out here putting all type of bulls shit

in the game misrepresenting the man. Take your time. Take your time. You know the one. The big brother. The one who always

look. They're doing the people a disservice. Come on now. Come on now. Oh, and the church hair ain't comb. First lady

ain't even The first lady Want to do something for all the kids But don't do nothing for his But we ain't judging no Hey Somebody didn't hear you out there I know they didn't because they wasn't listening

Because they got earwax blocking the message. I'm not going to take up too much more of your time. Out here preaching out the Old Testament. You don't even have Wi-Fi in this bitch. But we got a connection. Quite a work, do you mind taking your position over here? We're going to change.

We're going to change some shit in here today. Amen. Because I don't know how they've been doing it over here, but over at 85 South Baptist, we get right up in God here. Hey, hey, let me back up, bro. Well, for you get in the word. If I see you and I'll see you. don't speak. That means I don't fuck with you. Amen. We got some witnesses out there.

That's so raw that you brought that up because I was actually about to read from the book of Bodak Yellow. Amen, amen. A lot of people think that's your typical rap song. That's not a rap song. Well, if you break the song down, lyric by lyric, you can clearly see what the sister's getting at. The young sister, Farty B. She started right off in the message, you little bitch. You couldn't fuck with me if you wanted to. I told you we were going to have some church in this motherfucker. I told you we're going to have some church in this month.

I said you were going to show that. I told you. Amen. Amen. Well. You got to take that same approach in your life. Amen. You got to wake up on Monday morning.

Look the devil in the face and say, you little bitch. Couldn't fuck with me if you wanted to. Now see, I know a lot of people in the church you might not be where you want to be financially. And that's okay. Oh, okay. Because I too have went through some things where things weren't lining up for me financially. Tell them what you're with. But see, that's the way that.

God work. He's not going to give you no financial blessings till you get ready to receive. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? God not about to just give you a whole bunch of goddamn money.

You don't know how to act with the little bit. Y'all ain't hear what I said. You don't know how to act with the little bit. Uh-huh. He's been blessing you with anyway. Uh-huh.

He's passing. That's too much on it, Pastor. Anyway. Come on, baby. Now, see, you got to get prepared for God to start balling in your life. You got to switch your prayers up. You can't keep saying. Thank you, Lord, appreciate it, Lord.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Appreciate it, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Appreciate it Lord. Thank you, Lord. Appreciate it Lord. Thank you, Lord.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. That's enough. That's enough. That's enough. This spirit moved me around. Not digging that lust in your heart blocking your blessing. Amen. I pray it out my spirit. That's exactly what I was talking about. You're blocking a lot of people sitting in the church blocking your own damn blessings.

Shet your ass up something. Shet your ass up something. God want you to shit your ass up something. That's why I gave you two ears and one mouth. Shut your ass. Everybody in the church say, shut your ass. Shut your ass. Sometimes you be in church listening to the past.

You just want to say, shut your ass. Now, I told you when I came up here, I wasn't going to be up here long. But you know how it is when the spirit get the move. It's a real spirit in here. Amen, pastor. It's a real spirit. Now, this is my first time here.

Uh-huh. I don't even know if I'm coming back. I ain't even have a spot. I'm on back, Pastor. To park the Bentley. I was looking around the parking lot. I was like, they must have just started this church. I don't see no blessings in the park.

Uh-huh. No judgment. I ain't judging nobody. I'm saying that. They say this. Baby girl, we're going to go and get the hell on nobody. Stay there. I said that, say this.

Now, Pastor, let me stop you right there. Okay. Let me remind you that you got a guest spot. Okay. You're trying to win over the whole damn congregation. Now, listen here. It ain't about winning over nobody. What is it about?

God told me to tell y'all. Yeah. I said, God. God. told me to tell y'all y'all don't hear what i just said i said you did not hear me i said he told me to tell y'all he said it all that's me y'all that's right come on now the spirit got the move and got my leg tight uh-huh loosening it up you ever have the spirit it's your leg tight know how to work it out

you're gonna work it out he's gonna work it again take your time you need some bit take your time sometimes you got the stretch sometimes you got the stretch you need some big game sometimes you got to stretch

take your time with it don't rush it been gay, don't rush it, walk it out slowly. That's my pastor, amen. Walk it out. Not like I said, just drop my cigarette. Before I leave. Down in my man.

I want everybody in here to Jemimba. I want you to Jambra one thing. One thing. When the devil show up, look them right in the face. And say you little bitch You could fuck with me You could fuck with me

If you wanted to Woo First lady got a nice Who Hey Hey First lady got a nice Before we get out of him

Get him some water. You can catch us every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, every other Thursday, and one Saturday a month over at 85 South Baptist Church. First lady got a nice hand. Now, if you ever need a place to worship. Amen. And you want God in the motherfucking building with you. Bring your ass 85 South.

Watch this man. Now, Reverend, I appreciate you coming by, but I can tell that your church must not be doing so good if you still got the tags on your damn suit. And I don't know why you got your first lady up here in this damn Goodwill-ass dress. Ah, honey, this Gucci. We blessed over here, Pastor.

Well, wait, I got this one, Dick. No, we see the cars in the parking lot, nigger. You're not doing too good over in this motherfucker. You ain't see my car. My car good.

My car good. Fuck these names. Oh, see, that's exactly why a lot of your members been asking me what's been taking me so long to get over it. Amen. I had heard the rules.

I didn't want to believe it. I said, no. That ain't him. I told myself, I said, no. No. That ain't him. Amen. Because he don't know

that I saw what you said when you said what you said under my first lady pictures on the Instagram. He'd been liking. He'd been liking. He'd been liking. He'd been liking. Now, Pastor, I ain't want to have to go here with you. But you know that little son you've been raising? Don't go there today. Well, that ain't your son, pastor. That's your damn thinking, son.

Amen, the devil were attacking all different shapes inside. But I'll tell you one thing, Reverend, you can't believe nobody who got on a big red from five heartbeat, sit, suit on in this motherfucker. And then secondly, and most importantly, thirdly, well, we don't made so much money together. You can't listen to these hate-n-ass niggas niggas, because they want to. gonna fuck up the brotherhood. I ain't never touched the first lady, never looked at any kind of way,

even though she got a fat ass, pastor. I never looked. I hear on Twitter. Now, it's true indeed that the first lady is well endowed. Amen, she's blessed. You can't deny that. She's been blessed in the ass area.

Hips. yams, all type of math meat. That's why she had to be the first lady. But that didn't mean she was the only little. Now they dealt with a lot of infidelities and a lot of fuck shit too, but never did I think in my own church that you dirty niggas would cross me like this. Ain't nobody crossed your pastor.

No, I prayed on it. I was going to put my hands on. you niggas but god said no he said no don't even do him like that but it ain't our so now here is where we is the devil

has walked in the building did he walk y'all in here what I said you see how quiet it got in here it got so wide and hip you can hear two mice fucking in a church son and since i know the devil is in the building right now i need everybody with two legs to stand all the way up right now stand up if you don't give a fuck stand up if you don't give a I told you.

I told you the devil was in the building. He came right there through that door. This one then told me that my baby boy ain't mine. I knew that, the little nigger taller than me. Watch it, saints. Since, I told each and every one of you to stand up because the devil was in the building and it came right there. I need everyone in the church tonight to repeat after me.

You little bitch, you could fuck with me if you wanted to. We want everybody to make some noise for all our performers up here tonight in the 85 South show. Y'all make some noise. We're bringing them back out on stage. Can I get my man Carlos Miller, y'all? Make some noise for Carlos and Miller. My man, Mr. Bankshot, y'all make some noise for Mr. Bankshot. My man, Nav Green, y'all make some noise for Nav Green.

My motherfucking road dog, Fat Man Deasy, make some noise for Batman Deasy. Jill. ATL, very old, light-skinned Keisha, y'all make some noise for Light-Gadeeatia. And we got to give it up for the first lady of the church, y'all. Give it up for the first lady of the church in the building. He could call some beat of applause. Look at me. Yeah.

God to hell. Uh-huh. Look at me. Uh-huh. God to hell. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. He's the cause to be the balls.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. He's the cause to be the balls. Uh-huh. Let me haul out of him. Let me haul out there. Oh, y'all show some love for Maya.

Maya. Hey. Hey, gang. What do you guys think? What I mean about the show? What are you guys? What do you guys think? Oh, this shit was cool.

Did y'all enjoy yourselves, did you know? You think we should do some shit like this, Moabwe? We just wanted to switch it up a little bit and try something, man. We appreciate y'all letting us fuck around. We just be sitting around like,

what the fuck we're going to do next? Because we didn't do everything. Next live show, we're going to have a kangaroo. How long y'all been fucking with the 80-fast South show? How many people I ain't heard it, But you're about to start fucking with it. What took your ass so long? What took your ass so long?

What you're all about to do after this? Y'all want to kick it for a minute, take some pictures, take some shots, run up a tail. Who rich in this bitch? White people, y'all buying drinks. White people? White people are going to buy everybody. Dude, we got everyone.

Go ahead. White people buying the drinks. Shout out the King's Fusion band Kings Fusion one more time y'all Shout out to my man Joe Shout out to my man Craig My man Jay Owen right behind me My man Chad

My man Cat Nav Green Fat man Dizzy Nice skin Kisha Mr. Bank Shites Maya to B And I'm Carlos Miller We in this bitch

We gonna kick it for a minute You ain't got to go nowhere. Make sure you go hit that merch table. Go get a hat. Go get a shirt. Go get something. And we're in here. We're kicking it.

Appreciate y'all. Y'all have a good night. 85. Join IHeart Radio and Sarah Spain in celebrating the one-year anniversary of IHart Women's Sports. With powerful interviews and insider analysis, our shows have connected fans with the heart of women's sports. In just one year, the network has launched 15 shows

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I knew I wanted to obey and submit, but I didn't fully grasp for the rest of my life what that meant. For My Heart Podcasts in Rococo Punch, this is The Turning, River Road. In the woods of Minnesota, a cult leader married himself to 10 girls and forced them into a secret life of abuse.

But in 2014, the youngest escaped. Listen to the turning. River Road on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. tune in on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

This is an IHeart podcast.