The 85 South Show with Karlous Miller, DC Young Fly and Chico Bean - The Nema Williams Episode | Episode 19

Episode Date: April 22, 2016

Karlous invites our first white guest - comedian friend Nema Williams to the show to talk comedy. Beginning his career in comedy, playing black crowds, every single thing he learned in jail and we somehow got into white privelege. Download, listen and share! #ThisPodcastisFor #85SouthShow Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an IHeart podcast. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.

You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of Family Secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the I, My Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Summer's here, and with the kids home and off to camp, it's easy for moms to get lost in the shuffle. On Good Mom's Bad Choices, we're making space to center ourselves with joy, rest, and pleasure.

Take the kids to camp. You know what? It was expensive. But I was also thinking, you have my kid. This is kind of priceless. Take her, feed her, make core memories. I don't have to do anything. Main thing, I don't have to do anything.

To hear this and more, listen to Good Mom's Bad Choices from Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. 85. 85. 85, hey. Welcome back to the 85 South Show. It is your man, Carlos Miller. I am in here with my dog. Nima Williams.

This is our first white man guest in here tonight. I am honored. You should be. Oakland will be proud. You should be. You should feel real honored. Yes, the Bay Area stand up. Ooh.

Ooh. How you being, bro? Man, I'm good, man. We're working hard. We're back to New York for a little while. I had to get back to the roots. You been listening to the 85 South show? I have never heard it in my life.

Well, what the fuck are you doing on this show? I heard wonderful things, but I don't even know conceptually how to. Give me your phone right now. I'm 40. I don't, like, I don't even know how to access shit online. I'm 40, my name? I look 24. I appreciate that.

I do. I got good jeans. I'm Sicilian. Those jeans ain't shit. Oh, are you talking about your actual jeans? You know, Sicilian, we were black at one time. Y'all were. No, you got the podcast right here.

I do have it. Okay, well, then don't swipe to the left. If y'all don't know who the hell I'm talking to, this is my man, Neema Williams, funny as comedian. I appreciate it. We don't bring comedians on this show who's not funny. That means black. Yeah, so the pressure is on, my nigger.

Well, you. You know, pressure is pressure. It's going to come in the direction. I've been good, man. You know, I've been really focused. I stopped drinking, so that's a big thing. You know, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, I think it takes away from my, my famousness and my success.

Man, quitters never win shit. Yeah, but you didn't even quit. He was an asshole, but you got drunk. I was an asshole drunk. This is a motherfucker fucking fighting imaginary people and shit. He won't those. I was ready to fight anybody. Like, you know who fuck talking shit to me.

I'll beat your motherfucking ass. Yeah, you cool as fuck. Cool as fuck. And then you get. drunk you like I'm the shit shit what fuck are you talking about me? I'm like an angry black uncle when I get drunk yeah that

who the fuck said something I beat your ass too see you even sound like an angry black I do I do man we in here today though man do you know who this podcast is for the demographic of the audience yeah people who don't comb their beards exactly

this this podcast is for white women with black children and don't know how to do their hair. Don't know how to do their hair. Yeah. Don't know what Shia butter is. Shay butter.

Why are you going to say it like a... That's how they say it's Shia. I want to get some Shia butter. Okay. Well, this would be the perfect time for us to go right into white people news. White people news, talk about that. It's just, these are just news facts with white. Well, I don't even know why we call it white people news, but it's just news with white people in it.

How is Prince White News? Prince. We'll talk. about it. Okay, let's do it. Iggy Azalea admits to contemplating suicide. But then she wasn't really going to do it if she admitted to it. Right. I don't like when people say that...

To cry for help. Yeah, I don't like when people say, like, contemplating suicide is suicide attempts. Do you understand how awful a person you have to be to attempt suicide and fail? You have to hate yourself after that. I can't even do this right. You can't even kill yourself, right? That is a, yeah, only white people talk about killing himself. Iggy Azelia, don't kill yourself because you are a white.

Because you are a white woman with a fat ass. You are a very rare gym and somebody appreciates you somewhere. She can go hide out in Holland. No one will know anything about that. Why she just go back to Australia? Go back to fucking Australia. Well, Prince announces that he's writing

a new memoir called The Beautiful One. Okay. It's releasing fall 2017. That's why Prince is in white people news because they know black people don't read. That's why it's white people news. That's wrong. The beautiful ones.

He's talking about his cheekbones. Yeah. You're talking about his ass cheekbones. It's Prince I wouldn't be surprised It's a book of poetry But Prince's ass on the cover You know how he'd get down

It'd be a pop-up book Man Turn the page 89 He's teabagging the camera What the fuck is wrong with Prince You're the first dude with Ugg draws Neema

Williams I keep my jewels warm That's what's up man Yeah man Neema Williams What the fuck is a Neema Well you know what How did you get that

That is a black woman's name It's a black woman's name And it's a pure coincidence I never would have to sound hood. It's amen backwards. Yeah. It's a Tibetan name. I lived in, I was born in Japan, but I lived in Nepal.

I didn't come to America until I was four, but my brother was born in Nepal. Most of my cousins were. I was born in Japan because I'm the youngest and everyone else got sick. Oh. Of being. Do you see how your life started off interesting as fuck already from birth? Yeah, it was crazy. That's white people shit.

There's some white people shit. I was born in the county hospital. You born in Nepal? I was born in the lobby of a Japanese hospital because they didn't. want to accept me. Right. If you're not a Japanese citizen, you're not supposed to be born in the house. My mother was there illegally. Oh. She wasn't supposed to be in Japan. So y'all just thugging. We was thugging, man. My father was a drug smuggling. For real? Yeah. That's why you on the show. This is the crowd we catering to. Yeah. This is our audience. We have drug smugglers

who listen to this shit. I got a lot of black features. I'm telling you. I don't know nothing about all that. Why you take it there? Where are you from, my nigga? No, I'm just asking for the people. I know, I love it. Oakland, California. Oakland. Not raised, but I'm not born, but raised. Yeah, man.

So what was it like growing up in Oakland? What was it like growing up around all them gangsta-ass niggas, man? I mean, it was interesting because I came from Asia to Arizona first. Right. And my cousins are mixed. They, you know, they biracial. Right. And they were really pretty, so they helped keep me alive when I first moved to Oakland.

I moved from Arizona, and I came from Asia, and I didn't really know anything. So when I moved to Arizona, I became a little cowboy. I listened to Kenny Rogers, wear a cowboy boots. No, and no. That was my favorite musician with Kenny Rogers. But I'm only nine. That's that shit. I'm wearing cowboy boots and a cowboy hat.

I go to a very hard Oakland Public School the first day and get that dog shit beat out of me. I know they beat your ass. Do you understand that it wasn't about you? It was just that that's just how the shit had to be. It had to be. Yeah. White dudes show up at the public school.

But 12 is fought. I fought the king of the school. I got my ass whoop, but I fought him. Did you get any respect after that? I did, and I threw gravel in his face. Back then, we had the monkey bars. They didn't have no padding. We had gravel.

You get beat up below the monkey bars. You'll get the shit beat out of you. I grabbed a handful and threw it at his face, and I tried to rush him. I couldn't fight yet. He beat the shit out of me, but it was the old, but he fought. He did his thing.

This is what's up, Doug. Tell me how you guys started doing comedy, man. See, this is a can of worms. See, I tell people the fake version constantly, but it's... No, this is 85 South Shore. You got to give us the real.

I had, I was, I was in jail. Shout out to jail. Shout out to jail. I had three years left on my sentence. Oh shit, you was in real jail. I did about eight years. About eight years. Seven months, 23 days.

I did seven years and about eight months. Damn. Yeah, it was locked up from 17 to 25. Hell yeah. Yes, I mean, I was, I was fucking up at that time. I was doing crazy shit. And I was actually on a, I had just left the shoe program. People don't know that actually stands.

Shoe program, nigger. That stands 23-hour lockdown. And that's what it is. The solitary housing unit. It's not a bunch of shoes. It's not Nike's. It's a solitary housing unit. So I was fresh off of, I actually had gotten a riot against the whites on the side of the Muslims.

That's what the fuck. Whoa. Take that back. Take that back. It was an intention. Wait a minute. You said you got into a riot with the white people. Against the white people.

Against the white people. On the side of the Muslim. So you're on. on the side with the Muslims. It wasn't intentional, though. Now, there was a group called Anzara Mohammeds, which was the helpers of Muhammad. They were sort of a militant nation

of Islam sect that was in there, and a lot of people from the Bay Area, because that's what I was, I was Bay Area, were joining that. But they were still my folks from the streets. Right. So the white guys, the Aryans, the SWPs, the Supreme White Powers,

has started giving people buck 50s. They started slicing black dudes' faces. Tell them what that is. A buck 50s, you don't need at least 150 stitches down the side of your face. You ever see somebody walking? walking around with that slice yeah that's a buck 50 so they was you know the white boys was carrying razors around they just casually come by anybody black sliced they shit so i had just got

off of um a lockdown situation 23-1 shoe program damn and um i was on modified program i was on a mod this shit real is for yeah i was on a modified program so that means i just got off from the riot so when i put me back into the mainline you know um the you know the regular general population. I had to be on a modified program. Modified program means you still can't be around other inmates. If you come out your cell, you've got to be in leg irons and hands shotgun. So you get an hour at your cell still just to watch a little TV, take a shot, whatever. So I was, they, the guards when I was in the shoe program were racist white people, and they didn't like me because I was on the side of the Muslims. So they started doing

crazy stuff, like peeing in my food. Like white people do? Yeah, setting me up to get jumped by the white people. White man's tricks? They're going to bring everybody down. Right. So they would let me They'd let me have to take a shower, but I was shackled up because you had to get unshackled through a door to even take a shower. So they let the workers come out, the arians come out and jump on me a little bit. So there was a guard there's funny you said Oz because Emerald City is kind of equivalent to what I went to. It was called American Hall. It was a program hall. So there was a black dude who ran American Hall and he found out what the guards were doing to me on the shoe program and said,

bring his ass over here. I need a worker who can be around other modified inmates. He brought me And I only had to be on the modified program For like a month 30 days and no problems And he actually moved me into a room With a phase three

Now phase three He got zoom zooms and wham-wams, noodles Cookies, all that sweet shit Type of goodies 13-inch TV I didn't have nothing in my room So he put me in the room With a gentleman named Lacey Jackson

Straight Lace He was a rapper He got a record deal From the streets Ended up going back For beating up his baby mama So he didn't go no But he was nice

So he didn't have A town show And he was a part of it I said, I want to be, I want to watch the town show. They said, the only way you're going to watch it is if you're in it. I said, all right, put me down. I'll figure something out. So they put me down for the talent show.

It was me, a Skari X, who was an Oakland legend. He was locked up with me during the time. And they were doing a little rap thing. And I didn't know what to do, but I got on the wire, which is the vent system. You can talk to anybody on your tier. You can, you know, get on the wire. Through the air conditioning. Through the air conditioning.

This is some real-life TV movies. So, yeah, so I got on the wire and I was, like, talking to my people. It was like, I don't know what to do. I don't have no talent. And everyone was like, Snow. And that's what my name was Snow, by the way. Snow, you're funny as hell, man. You're the funniest, uh, nip out there.

I can't say it. Yeah, don't. Don't. I'm not going to. Um, but that was what they referred to the ass. So they said do comedy. So I decided to do comedy. So I got all ready.

I pressed up my jeans. That's when you lay your jeans under the bed so they'd be crisp and clean. I put them on. I got ready to go out and do my set. Most of my stuff was just things I had heard from like comedy. I'd never actually seen comedy prior. I had just heard jokes. So I tried to come out myself and they say,

you ain't coming out like that, William. So they made me getting my draws with leg irons and handshackles to do the talent show. And I won. And I was like, I'm done. I'm a comedian from now on. I said, I spent the last two and a half years locked up being a programmer,

which means I was abiding by the rules. I put together talent shows. I started doing public speaking. I would go to high schools and talk to kids. Yeah. And all kinds of great shit. And I got out. And I was on TV when I eight months.

Yeah. But hold up. We know we got some squares who listened to the show too. Yeah. Tell them what the zoom zooms and wham-wams are. Zoom-Zooms and wham-wams are all the honey buns and the butterfingers. And, you know, you got your noodles and your chips so you can make a spread,

but the extras are the zoom-zooms and wham-wams. There's someone coming to yourself. Hey, blood, you got something sweet. Let me get some of them powdered donuts. Yeah, that's what they want to powder donuts and some honey buns. So with Zones Zones and Wham-Wams and just your snacks, your commissaries and shit, man. Now, let's get into the comedy.

So you jump the comedy game off. from inside, from behind the wall. Behind the wall. Making the motherfuckers laugh for the zoom-zooms and the wham-wams. What's up, man? So how did you take it outside? Well, I had a little bit of experience because we used to do day movements,

and that means you had to sit in the day room where they count and get everything ready and everything got to be in quiet. I'm so glad you're explaining all this shit because the white people who are going to listen to this, I'm like, dude, I want some zim-zim-zim-z. That's what become a saying. Man, yeah.

Hashtag zoom-zoom-zoom. Hashtag zoom zooms and wham-wams. So they used to let me entertain the crowd. They'd turn the TV off because they used to make us watch Power Rangers. Now wait a minute. In jail, turning the TV off is some serious shit. They used to make us watch Power Rangers in the morning.

Well, we was waiting for school and trade movement. That means everybody got to line up and then you leave Group 1, Group 2, Group 3, and you walk in a line to go to the trade line, do your trade or do your school. They used to let me get up and spend that time, turn that damn TV off, and I would entertain them and try jokes out.

And I started getting laughs, man. I just loved it. So I got out and I entered the Bay Area Black Comedy Competition. And the person who was running that, he had a Bay Area Black Comedy Competition. And the Bay Area Black Competition. The Bay Area Black Competition competition. And, damn, what's that dude's name?

Tony Spires at the time who runs the Bay Area Black Competition was the Booker for Comic View. So I had only been doing comedy for eight months and I had only been free for eight months. And he put me on Comic View for the movie for the first time here in Atlanta with Ricky Smiley that episode that was my first time on TV eight months out of prison I remember that's funny and I didn't have barely any jokes well do you remember any of jokes from that I did mostly jokes about the gym I didn't know

nothing else right because I had become a trainer when I first got out because I was still swole from being locked up so I became a trainer I had no other experience and I didn't want to talk about jails I thought it would scare away to white people and um you you ain't even realize after them pissing in your food they weren't fucking with you anyway I was like a a bird that had been touched I can't go back to to the nest it's over we smell black on you yeah yeah was that the time you did sweet peter dita on the yeah no that was a that was a that was my third time on man that shit that's a classic shit right sweet pita dita the wound beat of the bed tuck it and the cock plug of the humdinger and

the pussy bringer i don't pimps from iran to pakistan i ain't never bought no land welcome to pretty private with ebonye the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all, childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more and found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house.

Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever.

you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories

I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio, app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of Uncensored Motherhood are back and badder than ever.

I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the host of the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe.

With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happen. And then everybody else want to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was going.

She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when the man sends me money. I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday.

on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast. That was a real character named Rayron. That was a real character named Shayron. He was a crackhead who used to be a pimp, and he was always funny. We all know those crackheads who used to be real pimps.

He was so helpful in the neighborhood. He'll watch your shit. He'll carry groceries for people. He was a monument in the neighborhood. Everyone loves Shai Ron. Shai Ron will watch it. Go ahead, Shai Ron. I'm telling you, man.

Those crackhead pimps were some real-life pimps. Ain't no money like home money. I ain't never seen. That's a UFO and a bitch I need. That's the type of shit they say. Ain't no money like home money because home money's for show money. Why you ain't got no shoes on? He's the dude who I heard saying, let me get a $10 for five, but loom me three because all I got is two.

And that's a joke out. It was the most brilliant shit I ever heard. He said, check me out. Let me get a $10 for $5, but alone me three because all I got is two. He wanted a $10 for $2. Exactly. And it made so much sense It almost happened

I'm fucking with all the crackhead niggas I got this one crackhead nigga in my hometown He's shit if you get spared I wear it If you don't want it I need it Why they always got that voice They all that crack That crack destroy your vocal chorus Crack the smoke

The smoke Have you fucked up That shit to destroy you And just one cracker nigga told me Shit I started smoking crack because what's nothing else to do. I was like, it was plenty of other shit. Take a walk, go to the park,

look at some ducks. Get your duck game up, son. That's, your duck game up. You ain't got a small crap. That's funny as fuck. Man, let me ask you this. What is it like, as a white man, performing comedy in front of a, like I know a lot of your audiences

are, uh, what's the fucking word? Primarily. Not primarily. Not that one. A whole bunch of niggas. That's the one. Predominately. When you're just in front of a whole bunch of black people.

I feel more comfortable than I do around white people. See, the funny thing... Why is that? That's not weird. It's not weird for me, but I'll tell you why, because white people have no barometer of what validates you. Like, black people have feel energy, you know, because black people are more in tune with energy,

being the original man, and more in tune with spiritual energy. And black people can... That's why black people say shit like he was acting funny. It's something you can't quite define. Yeah. White people don't necessarily pick up on that. Everything's very surface.

Why? How are you? How are you doing? Black people can feel your energy. And they can feel if you're real. It don't matter what you say. It depends if they feel your realness. So if I walk out on a black stage, it doesn't take a black stage, a predominantly black audience.

They don't need a whole lot of explanation to say, oh, I know a guy like that. They don't even need to know my story. It's not necessarily the way I talk. But you know, a lot of people think I'm black. So a lot of people think I'm mixed. I don't look black. They just the energy. They feel it.

And I feel the frequencies, man. The frequencies. They feel it. They feel the frequencies. So I enjoy, but I have no problem getting in front of white audiences either. I just think you have to sort of explain yourself better and you have to come out and say certain things about yourself to define who you are and where you come from.

So I have to say to a white audience. I have to literally say I grew up in East Oakland and the hood. Oh, okay, it's one of those guys. Black audience would be like, you grew up around black people, didn't you? So it's an automatic thing, you know what I mean? Because they fit and they feel the energy. And they can tell if it's fake or not. Let me ask you this shit.

What are some of the things you learned from, the hood like growing up in the hood as a white boy what did you learn see the funny thing is is is I really grew up in jail right so I mean that's the same shit I did I mean I mean you want to hear some like how to make a stinger or how to pop a socket nah but that shit might be useful for how the fuck do you make a stinger um well you you ground the wire and you ground the wire from the wall and you basically get a piece of pencil bed and you can get the water hot then it's just like when you pop a socket to light something, you take two pieces of pencil lead, stick them inside the socket, you take a piece of toilet paper, roll it up, wrap it around a third piece of pencil

lead. The two prongs are sticking in, and you tap the two, and it sparks, and it'll set the toilet paper on fire. That's how you light cigarettes and stuff, my dude. You learn shit when you listen to the 85 south. Look at Joe face. He confused his shit. I'd be in how to make a spread and all that shit. The funny thing is Donnell was up here. He's black. He's talking about, I would have been a cop and then you got a white guy up here but y'all probably would have been a criminal I mean really well I was my mindset was set for that you know I mean I was convicted

for a pretty serious crime so which I didn't personally do well we gotta talk about the crime but they might fuck around and pull the tape it ain't that I mean it was it was nothing it's it was I was involved in a robbery let's put it that way something bad happened during the robbery I didn't have nothing to do with the bad portion of it wasn't you it wasn't

me but the guy who was with me so I just felt like man I was I was locked in I'm a convicted felon you know I still can't really get like a normal job. I've been fired from a lot of jobs because they end up doing a history. You can check my history. I'm in a convicted felon.

So I just felt like, man, my father was a drug smuggler. I'm a felon. I'm getting out at 25. I grew up here. I might as well just be a criminal. I was going to sell drugs, rob people, do whatever I had to do.

And I was angry all the time. I was very pissed off when I got out of jail. I was very angry. And comedy saved me. I stopped being angry. But that's why that anger comes out when I drink.

That rage is still inside. Because they treat you like an animal long enough. You're going to be pissed off. And they do treat you like an animal. They do. That's crazy. A goddamn animal. You ain't shit.

So you lost your right to vote. No, that's a fallacy. Everybody out there, if you're a convicted felon, you can vote. I personally voted for Obama twice. There you go. Don't let anybody say you cannot vote. Tell them how you get your shit back right. You don't even have to do anything to get it back right.

These are lies they tell you because people don't want to investigate and black folks don't want to actually research the shit because it's mostly the lies spread to black people so they feel like I'm a feeling I can't vote. Life is hopeless. You can't. vote. Another one of the white man's tricks. Thank you. You can get a passport. You can travel. I was on a military base with Bill Clinton while he was there for a GS summit and me and I'm a convicted felon. But you can do a lot more than you think you can. I don't have clemency. I was not

exonerated. My record was not absolved. You can vote. You can get a passport. You can travel. You can do a whole lot of things. The only thing you cannot do is work for the government and you probably can get fired from a job. They've never fired me for being a felon. They fired me for lying about being a asshole. lying that shit. That too. Why didn't you just tell us? Because you weren't going to hire me. You weren't going to hire me, bitch.

The lose-lose situation. Another one of the white man's tricks. White man's trick, try to keep you down. But you know, the thing is... I'm glad you here, because they think I'm crazy when I be telling them. The white man got a bunch of tricks, and then you're a white man, and he even broke you all.

But the reality is, you know, being a black man... Told y'all I wasn't crazy. The white man got some tricks. Being a black man in America is like being in an elaborate trick that the whole country's playing on you. But see, this is the whole... thing that I'm glad he here. This motherfucker thing just like me.

But then I also understand white privilege because I get treated a lot better than you. You fucking better. Say that shit to the camera so they know it's real. White privilege is very real and I get angry at white. If you don't admit that white privilege exists, you probably are racist. You probably are racist. Because I mean, I know. Tell me some of the benefits

of white privilege. Well, I tell you the baseline benefits. You don't walk down the street feeling like a criminal. You don't feel, you know, categorized automatically. And that's why black people on edge a lot because you know you're constantly being picked at i'm gonna be angry too so you know like black folks will mug you a lot they're gonna stare at you're gonna be mean so because they're getting picked on all the damn time now i don't get sweated for things that i see black people

get sweated for yeah i don't get tickets sometimes i don't get pulled over if the the the retake like if i go to a store the response i get and the respect i get is more than you would get and it's ridiculous and you know why it's funny and it's because we've been the shit together and be like, hold the fuck up. Like, I've been through that shit. It's like we were shooting a sketch for, well, the D-Boys. Right. That day.

Right. You know that that day? Yeah. And we were shooting this thing called D-boys with Sean Lark. It's a hilarious, hilarious project we are working on. It's funny as hell. So we're doing a scene and a cop pulls up. And, you know, he just sees a whole bunch of black folks.

And his facial expression is of distress and anger. He's like, yo, get your ass over there. White boy, move the fuck out the way. It was crazy. And as kind of as a joke, you know, I walked over to him with the white voice and he let us continue film and it wasn't, I said, excuse me, officer, I'm sorry, we're shooting a project.

This is mostly a school project. It's a college film I'm working on. And he just assumed I gathered all these black people together to put the project together, assumed I was the executive producer, and when I'm just there doing free shit for other people, for black people. I was the star of this shit.

Thank you. Fucking crazy. But the police looked at me, heard what I had to say and left and said, okay, well, you guys just don't stay here too long. And if anyone complains, just, you know, wrap it up. But I mean, this is the reality of white privilege. It's very institutionalized.

It's, you know, you, it's a daily thing. When you get grinded on every day, you know, it starts to stress you out. That shit, dude. And I don't have that stress walking down the street. I don't personally have that. And even though we walk down the street, I'm the convicted felon.

You were a damn fireman. Exactly. You are a more honorable citizen in America than I am, but I would still get the visual privilege. You know how that shit be, man. Yeah. That shit goes? I'm just glad.

I get it. I mean... You motherfucker! It pisses me off for my black friends, but I mean, I'm gonna take advantage of it. I'm telling you right now. How you feel about... Did you see this, that damn Daniel shit? Damn Daniel.

Back out of the game with the white vans. I know that went viral so quick. The funny thing is when I saw it, I knew it would, and I don't know how. It's almost like the dude, I saw the episode where the dude cried on intervention. the second I saw that I said that's about to go viral and it did. You can pick that shit out now.

It's just, it's just, if you want to watch it over three times, it's about to go viral. If you watch something and it makes you go, oh, hold on, let me watch that again.

It's gonna make, it's probably go viral. I think they got, it went a little too viral. Like, I didn't think it was that damn. I didn't think it was that. I didn't think it was that.

Me either. It was the dude's voice. Damn, Daniel. Yeah, because I probably thought he might have been a little off of some. Yeah. And then Daniel almost looked like,

it almost looked like, And it was like the dude was catching Bigfoot. Like Daniel didn't want to be filmed. He was like, bro, who are you? That's what made it funny because it looked like this dude was stalking Daniel and just like, damn, Daniel, you're back out of the garden. And that made it funny. But, yeah, I mean, you never know what's going to blow. And I need to get my social media game up.

What's your social media? Drop it. At Neema Williams, N-E-M-A-W-I-L-A-M-M-S. But I'm locked out of Twitter for a while. What happened? Why you always got to do some shit, man? Well, I mean, my, I got a- You're lying.

You're lying. You're lying. What happened? I live with a black woman, so. She found your shit. She go, I got to change my pass codes. Like, it's launch codes. Like, I got to keep changing my passwords all the time

because she will get in there and do weird shit and hack things. Well, you know I always use you as the barometer, so you got to give me some insight. Like, what's the difference for you, dating a black woman and a white woman? I've never dated a white woman. Well, that's the difference. That's the difference.

I've never dated anybody but black women. What? So you've never sucked a pink nipple before? Oh, I didn't say I've never slept with it. Oh. I've just never dated. That's racist. You don't like white women?

I love white woman. My mother's white. But the thing is, it has nothing to do. Okay, this is the thing. This is the thing. It has nothing to do with race because I just like, my mother's dark. You know, my mother's Sicilian. She's a dark white.

Well, she's Sicilian. Okay. And, you know, I'm the only person in my family that looks like me, blonde hair, blue eyes. I'm the only one that looks like. Only one. Everyone in my family looks very Sicilian, very Sicilian, like dark curly feet, dark hair, dark features, short. I thought you were about to say dark curly feet. I was like, what the fuck?

Curly feet. What kind of family is this? So my mother's, like, in my opinion, she's, I'm not attracted to the blonde hair, blue-eyed American ideal of what is pretty for some reason. I like dark women. So, I don't care if you. Spanish. I don't care if you Puerto Rican. I don't care if you Filipino. I just I'm much, I think Carucci is fine as hell. I don't get you fuck about none of it. All you got to do is just be a laugh. Just be a laugh. Hell yeah. And you got to make me laugh. Yeah, look good as

fuck. You got to make me laugh. That's what it is. Yeah, you know, you got to be able to have that exchange that's funny. My girl said, because I burned my eyebrows off with a just for men. Why would you do that? Because I was getting gray everywhere. Any of eyebrows? But then I just figured. I got some gray here. I just used what's left over. Boop. And it ended up burning them completely off.

And she said, first thing she's like, I was pissed. I was getting emotional. And she said, well, you weren't supposed to use that product. It's just for man. So that's funny to me. And I said, well, your bra size is just for man. So we can. Back and four.

Because you got the little titty. She got a little titty? I love them. I like a nipples. Shout out to all the women with little titties with little aggressive nipples. I don't care about the titty. I care about the nipple.

You got to treat a little nipple like an iPod touch. That's how you do it You gotta make it dig of them Little titty women be mean They will fight so quick Fuck you You're like what Why you so angry

I know big titty women are happy They bouncing What would you do if Donald Trump Actually became the president People always keep saying They're gonna fucking leave And they leave in the country Well the funny thing is everyone talking about leaving the country

You can't afford to leave Fulton County It's free to vote But the thing is our votes don't even really matter Especially when it comes to this delegate game You know what I mean and the super delegates, blah, blah, blah. I don't want to break down with the electoral colleges. But right now, it's just about who is going to be running in the primaries as the Republican candidate.

And we do not want Trump in there, but I think it's all a red herring effect. And what that means is, for the people out there don't know what red herring is, that's a political term. They try to distract you with something so you don't pay attention what's really going on. And the whole vibe is anybody but Trump. So you're going to be happy with anybody that wins. Hell yes. It's not Trump. I'm voting for Barack Obama again.

I'm going to vote for him, too. I'm going to write it right on. the ballot i'm right a check one more one more time bitch running that should be the slogan Barack Obama one more again one more again one more again I'm with it Barack Obama one more again 2020 so let's get into some comedy game before we get the fuck out of here so so what like your first TV spot was comic view what was your favorite TV spot out of all the ones you've had Martin Lawrence First Amendment why is that I don't know man I just had a ball I just I just I like to say but then I did

There was one season of Comic View that I had a shirt that said white boy on it. And I was only supposed to do a guest spot. And I was supposed to do four, sorry, I was supposed to do four minutes. And I was wrong going so hard. They let me go 15 minutes and aired the whole 15 minutes. Wow. So I was just like that was, you know. But then I bombed the next episode of comedy.

The next two spots. Yeah, because you fucking gave them all the good stuff. I gave away all my good stuff. But I didn't want to turn down the money. So it was like you want to do Club Comic View in LA with a staged audience. I was like, you guys paying the, because they weren't always paying. The after prices. They used to give us $150.

We had to pay for our own travel and hotel. You wouldn't lose money to do Comic View. I mean, I remember sharing a hotel room with Shoddy Sheldie and four of the comics doing one of our seasons of Comic View because we wasn't making nothing. But then they started giving us $1,400 because that's what after demanded. So when they started, when they did the club Comic Views, I did three seasons of Common View with absolutely no material. Damn.

I just needed the money. Needs the money. That's, I did seven tapings of Comic View. That's what's up, man. Seven Tapes of Comedy. And then White Boys in the Hood was good. I enjoyed that. Laffapalooza, bad boys of comedy.

I've done a lot of shit. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You've been around. I've done a lot of shit. You've been around here, man. In the game. In the game. Fucking with it.

And I tore up a cat, which, yeah. How was that? Cat's an interesting fellow, man. I have nothing bad to say about cats. I've known a cat a long time because he basically got his start in Oakland. I knew him when he was cat in the hat. Yeah. And I thought we was really cool.

Like, I used to see Cat in L.A. and he used to like embrace me like come over here and you know hug me up and buy me shit you know and i thought we was like really cool when i hadn't seen him for years and then when i was on the tour it was almost like he didn't even know who i was and he was very sensitive and i accidentally made a joke about a pinky ring and i think it set him off and he got really pissed and like slammed his briefcase closed and bounced out and i'm not in any way talking the crap about cat because he took care of me financially the whole time you know he can break you off some extra he's a good dude he'll snatch you out of nowhere puts you on his show he got a great heart

but he's in conflict with his own brain. And whatever's going on with him, whether it's the Illuminati, whatever it is that's causing him distress, it's making him hard to deal with his own emotions. And, you know, he just, he need an outlet. And I mean, I'm in, by no means, a psychologist, so I'm not going to try to break that man down. He's extremely talented and he's got a good heart.

That's all I can say. So I hope for the best for him. If he needs help, I hope he gets it. That's all, you know. That's been, everybody who's been coming through lately but he's saying that everybody giving they you know a lot of people reaching out to him i guess yeah well yeah i mean because it's just fucked up man it's it's kind of crazy and self-inflicted exactly what down there was saying who's gonna start a fight with kevin hart right he's the sweetest man

alive the sweet he's like a smurf he's a umpa lupa he ain't gonna make i mean i really feel like he could grant wishes for you and sprinkle some shit on you like even ganges just be like yo kevin hard a sweet-ass dude man kevin hard nice as hell i fuck with this little buddy man When I look at Kevin, I feel warm, son. What? That's what they say. They do. But that's the type of dude he is.

He's a good dude. And he's really a good dude, man. He's always been cool. And he's not arrogant at all. He's not Hollywood. He just grinds. Yeah. He grinds.

And he's funny. He really is a funny dude. So. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney. The podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney. And every Tuesday, I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories. that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you.

On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more. And found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you

listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories

I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths,

and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of Uncensored Mother

are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the host of the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women,

then this is your tribes. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happen. And then everybody else want to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to I asked how I was going.

She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when the man sends me money. I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network,

the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast. So what can we expect from you, man? What are you working towards that way? I, well, you know, just stand up. I'm trying to get back. You know, I had to take a couple years off. I got sick for a while. I was undiagnosed, misdiagnosed, and they thought I had something else, but I had Lyme disease.

Somebody got to make a move about your fucking life. I had Lyme disease, which is you get bit by a tick. That's fucking crazy. And there was misdiagnosed. I was living in New York, and I got bitten in California, and they had no concept of what this is. But then my mother had a picture, and she saw the bite. She said to go get tested for Lyme disease. So I was sick for you.

year and they were giving me the wrong medication making it worse and worse so then i got to a point where i couldn't walk i couldn't open bottles i couldn't wipe my booty damn i was yeah i was getting so sick but then all they had to do was give me the antibiotic drip and i was like within a couple weeks i was healed but then it took years to recover so now i'm just like getting back on the scene trying to work and trying to be funny i never stopped doing stand-up i would hobble in the comedy clubs on crutches and still you know get on stage you know so what do you what keeps you going man you've been you've been through so much shit you've been to jail eating zoos zoos and whamms

telling jokes in your draws at the talent show fucking on the road with Cat Williams comic view for $150 back and forth jumping on spirit flights and shit like what keeps like as a comedian what keeps you going bro

well every day is a blessing I was supposed to do life I mean I was originally I was convicted with a mandatory sentence of 29 of life so I'm supposed to be serving a life sentence. Hell, get some pussy to date. I was supposed to be serving a life sentence.

Right. But, you know, by the grace of God and by, you know, a wonderful judge named Marty Jenkins, I was sentenced to a lot less time with a contingency that I would do one year to life for the rest of my life if at 25, they decided

I was not amenable to be amongst society. Yeah. So I was never guaranteed to ever get out. So you look at this shit like a second chance. And everything is beautiful, man. Everything. It's just a blessing. to be alive.

It is, man, because life is short as fuck. Short as fuck. Enjoy it, man. I do enjoy it, man. That doesn't mean be irresponsible. No, I don't. You know, do some dumb shit.

It means embrace the beauty, the simple beauties, damn it. And I'm a Buddhist, so that makes me feel always a piece. What that Buddhist life is like? You can smoke weed and be a Buddhist, right? You can do anything. You remember we was in London?

That lady tried to say I smoked that weed in the hotel and I didn't. It was just strong as fuck. And then she was like, someone was smoking in the hotel. We think it was you. I was like, no. I smoked my weed outside and she was like,

oh, I can't believe you admitted that. And the manager came out. And he was like, no one would ever admit to smoking the weed outside. So, and just go next time we charge you. You remember that shit? And he was like, man, I got the weed in my pocket right now. You probably smell that.

That's what I have. And he was so real about it. They couldn't really be pissed, but they're so proper. You know, he don't bloody think you should have been smoking in the room. We don't want to have to charge you. That was a fun trip.

I went nuts on that trip. I got stuck there for a week. You did. I did. You got robbed and shit? I was unconscious when I got robbed, though. Nema called me and was like, Los, I'm still over here. This was a week later.

Like, we went to London and did some shows. We did like a week and a half in London, and then he just stayed. He was like, Los. He called me. He's like, man, I got robbed. I don't know how to fuck I'm going to get home. What happened is I woke up to getting kicked and punched. And I had my passport in a wallet, and I had all my money in a wallet from the show.

And all I cared about was that passport. So there were too many people for me to fight them. I just was like, passport, give me the passport. That's all I cared about. So I was trying to fight people, but also all I cared about was I want that passport. I'm not getting stuck here forever. So I got my passport, but they got my money. And they bounced out.

So then I had to figure out how to get home. So I was kind of stuck on the streets of London for a week. I was too proud to contact comics. I lived on the streets of London for a week. With no money. That's crazy white people's shit, man. Tell me some more crazy white people shit you do before we live. believe me like because I know you like her I know you from the hood and all it but I catch you

doing some white dude shit so yeah there's still some some some white side of me yeah um man I don't know man I do I do extreme shit why do white people spit so much oh man I guess we have stronger salivary glands the further you get from the original man I got so many white people tell me about macaroni salad what is this shit well is this something they stole from Italian culture. You know, that's a cold pasta salad. Okay. And that's, that's originally Italian, but then white people added mayonnaise in it because white people put mayonnaise and everything. And it says, add some mayonnaise and we'll make it a pasta salad. All right, let me ask you this. Why white dudes wear shorts that are so short? Um, you know, I can't answer that because

the cock print is important, I suppose. Oh. Look at a cock print, bro. We got to expose the cock print. I don't know. I don't know. Why do all white people wait until they get married to have kids see you asking questions black people don't wait till we get married to have kids who gonna be in the wedding you're stupid you gotta realize even growing up i didn't really grow up with a white family because okay let me ask you this is for the listeners how important is having a black friend oh man you got it but you got to be a okay i'm you're lying i'm gonna tell you story i'm gonna tell you story. I was catching a mega bus to New York one time. And this dude was, this black dude got on the, but he don't know me. He don't know me. But just by appearance, I could be a cop. I could be anything. He sits down next to me. He says, hey, man, hey, do the dogs be coming on here? And I said, I said, I don't really know. I seen it like once or twice. He said, okay, because I got weight down. I got weight in my case down in the bottom. I said, you carrying weight. And instantly, I said, I don't trust you. I don't believe you. Because why, why would this black dude trust a random white person? I need my black. I need my black. I need my black. I. I need my black dude. friends to not trust random white people and have some game about themselves.

Pull yourself together, young man. You're not supposed to trust me. Right. You're not supposed to trust me. Let me ask you this. Out of one year, 12 months in the year, right? How many times in a year do you get accused to being a cop? Oh man, I use it to my advantage, man.

When I first moved to Bedstein, I moved to New York before Brooklyn became the New Manhattan and it was still bucked there. It was still, wow. I live right where you see videos of bigie rapping and shit right on Fulton. I used to live around the corner. from that place he's always in front of right in Kingston Troop train station right on Fulton. So I lived there when I first got there and, you know, I'm, I'm well versed in the hood.

So, but I'm not necessarily like a tough dude, but I know how to survive. So I spread a rumor to a crackhead that I was an undercover D.T. A cop. And she told everybody. And I would walk down the street and thugs and be like, yo, what's up, officer? I'd be like, how are you guys doing? Have a good day. Okay, let me answer this.

I use it to my advantage. to survive. Can you give some of my white audience, some of my white listeners, some survival tips to how to survive in the hood just in case they accidentally stumbled upon the hood? What are some survival tips that you can give him to survive? If you don't look like a cop, act like you crazy as shit because black people don't want to. You ever see these, it was just a prank bro videos? Yeah. And the dudes be ready to fight. But if they pull down their pants and they wearing a G string, black dudes is like, nah, I don't want to fight. Because they don't want to be part that weirdness did you see the one where the dude ran up on the one black dude and he started

shooting he was like dude it's a prank it's a prank you got to get killed he was like it's a prank he's like yeah for you too well shit follow me on youtube too my name did you see that one he was shooting like bow bow he was like it's a prank it's a prank he's like oh follow me on you too did you see the dudes that were getting sentenced in a court and it was being filmed and the dude asked the camera he said they followed them on snapchat he said oh all i man Follow me on Instagram and Snapchat. It's that little dead bodies. This shit is real.

This is real. I've got inmates that I knew from jail that are hitting me up on Facebook. I'm like, how are you on Facebook, bro? They got Facebook in there. They got cell phones. They got pictures with good lighting in that bitch too. Good lighting. They're taking selfies?

How are you taking a selfie? See, I was locked up before the internet. Yeah. Y'all didn't get the post. Y'all pictures with the zoomzomes in my way. We took Polaroids. Bro, I didn't know, I did not know that they could have that much fucking commissary. I saw this one dude post a picture.

He had noodles to the ceiling, big bags of chips. Well, that's like your, all types of shit. It's like you demand if you can do that because you're only allowed to purchase a certain amount. Well, he had shit to the ceiling. That means you taking it from somebody or you're selling something to get something from somebody, you know. And surviving in jail is not always about toughness. It's toughness. It's about how beneficial you are.

Like, there were a lot of dudes in there that could whip the shit out of me. but I was a beneficial person and I wasn't no punk I would fight you you know but I mean I got I got a broken nose broken jaw broken cheekbone I fought a lot but you know I wasn't like in here I you know I came out with everything

intact yeah that made nobody fuck them in the back of everyone's mind that's what they really want to ask you they really want to know they look at you like so were you okay my mother asked me that visiting one time I had a black guy my lip was busted she said so Nima how does dick taste

hey bitch don't try me like that She said, listen, Nima, I just want to know if you're okay. And I said, Mom, ain't nobody fucking me. She said, oh, God. Man, that's what's up, Nima. Anything else you want to hit them with before we get the fuck up out of here, man? Because, you know, this is the 85 South show. This is a podcast for niggas who don't know what a podcast is.

It's beautiful. This is somebody probably in prison listening to this shit now. I wouldn't be surprised, man. Shout out to all the homies Who ain't ever coming home Ever I got a few of them And never coming home

I know what you always say is man You know I've lived a lot of places I move a lot Because I got a restless spirit I lived in L.A., I lived in New York And now I'm here in Atlanta And this is the most comfortable

I've ever felt Really? It's living somewhere And I, you know Atlanta is one of those places That you just can't fucking leave I mean last time I came back for the first time

In probably 15 years I felt like I feel like I'm home When I arrived at the airport And you see the little picture With the sprinkler system And the little girl I was like I feel like I'm home.

I never felt like that going back to LA or New York. And you know, it's the country cool, you know. You know what we're going to do after this? I don't like the rednecks, though, boy. You know what we're going to do after this? We're going to get some zooms and wham-wim. We're going with some goddamn zoom-zooms and wham-wams. Bro, let's ride out to act.

If you want to see some real rednecks, that's where they are, act-worth. Rednecks scare me, man. Why? Because they're not-red-necks and the hood niggas got a lot in coming. They both love guns. They both love dogs. Okay, I'm going to tell you why I'm afraid of rednecks. because it takes away my element of it takes away my most vital weapon against white people

white people are afraid of black people in the hood why we didn't do shit too y'all not a god damn thing why y'all so fucking scary i don't you get you jump off mountains you fuck with tigers stick your head in the alligator's mouth but y'all scared of niggas fuck wrong with y'all fear of the unknown but you know me but normal white people are afraid if you act hood like if you come up man i'll fuck you up dude like hey buddy come down but that's not an Heck, we really will fuck y'all up. It's true, and they assume I would, but rednecks don't give a shit about that.

I tell a redneck, I'll fuck you up, dude. You're gonna fuck me up, buddy. How about I put my goddamn foot in your ass? Woo! Like, they don't give a shit about my... They don't. They don't give a fuck about ghetto pass. They got a goddamn 12-gauge pass. Now, rednecks do not get...

You're going to do something when you better tighten your ass up and do it. This is a true story. I'll tell you one last story real quick because I didn't want to fight this dude. I got into an argument with a redneck. I was driving and I pulled... I kind of cut him off, and he was in a truck.

time so I got aggressive I roll fuck you and so he said oh fuck me and he got he got pissed his veins was gone you go so he fuck me and I pulled into a parking lot he pulls up next to me and at first I'm like man I'm gonna beat this dude's ass because I had a bat in the back I was gonna get on beat the brakes off this fool because he was he was older he didn't look out of shape I didn't see there was a passenger maybe was a nephew maybe his son I don't know who it was but the dude was about 470 pounds a fat muscle dude got out the car he said you go what you gonna do buddy flip my bird and i was just i had to think i literally happened i said why would i flip you the bird when i was in the wrong i was trying to say sorry and he bought it pussy he

bought it yeah i didn't want to fight down pussy you got to be smarter they had guns i wouldn't try you're pussy i bet you hit the same damn damn you're a crazy motherfucker even for pulling over man i'm mad to pull over white people following you i was ready to fight man i felt like fighting you gonna pull See, that's what one thing I did notice about white people. Y'all playing y'all fight. Yeah, I'm a fight. You ever see like two drunk dudes at the bar

and they start questioning each other? Dude, what the fuck's your problem, bro? What the fuck's your problem, man? Do you want me to kick your ass, bro? They don't plan it. Who the fuck says that? Do you want me to kick your ass? That's why black people are.

Yeah, man, I'm kind of wasted. Kick my ass for me, bro. Kick my ass for me. Black people aren't going to tell you about to punch you? No. That's why you never get with the orange link. White guys be like, dude, come outside.

Bring your ass. Bring your bros. I'm going to kick your ass in front of your girlfriend, bro. All right, first let me tighten my shoes, then we're fighting. Dude, tie your fucking shoes because I don't want any excuses, bro. Tie I'm fucking tight, man. And I'll fight fear, but I'm still going to kick your ass. What?

That gives you time to take your sweater off and shit. Hold on, bro. Wait a second, man. Wait, I call time out. I call time out. Let's set the ground rules first, all right? No grabbing hair. All right?

Dude, take off your glasses, bro. I'm not going to punch somebody with glasses, man. That's why black folks are the king of snaking on you. Right. You don't even know you in a fight with a nigger before you get hit 18. What the fuck? Hold up, bro. Okay, first of all, I just want to say, Wait a minute, what are you here? I wouldn't, I wouldn't ready.

Dude, that's not fair. I still had on my sweater and my glasses, bro. What the fuck, man? You're not going to give me a chance to take off my belongings? My belongings. That is hilarious. Man, I'm glad you came here. We needed this, man.

Me too, man. I'm going to bring you back, man. Just because we, I think like we have eased racial tensions like 32%. Just a little bit. A little bit. I think, and I don't think it's a hard thing to erase when it comes down to it. But you see, racial tension is derived from personal strife. People who don't have much, we point at somebody and say, at least I'm not that.

Right. That's why poor white people are the most racist when it comes down to hate, but rich white people have the most power. And they're just not going to let you get their shit. Right. Are the rednecks and the rich white people related? Are they, like, distant? In some way or another, I'm sure. Or that's two different breeds of white people.

I mean, you know. Because they smell different. They do smell different. They smell different. I noticed that, too. But see, I'm not actually Caucasian. I'm Mediterranean. Right.

People don't have time to break that down. We don't. Mediterranean's are Greek and Sicilian. Right. Because we're in the Mediterranean Sea and we're very close to Africa. Yeah. But there is a difference.

There is a difference. But I don't have time to explain that to people. I don't have time to listen to you. You ain't got no time to listen to you. Just white as stuff. You ain't got time to explain that shit. It's the same as calling somebody Turkish white. All white people are the same.

You're fucking white. You're white. But my ancestors had nothing to do with like the proliferation. No, I know that for a fact. You don't know that. My people come from Sicily. We immigrants. There are no Sicilians over here.

Ain't no Italian guy over here running a plantation. Yo, we're not going to buy a lot of niggas, but give me two of them. Give me two of them, right? Give me two of them. Hey, I just need to work the next to the whole slave trade things, but give me two or three of those niggas. You know what I mean? I need some of the thigh in my shoes. my kitchen.

I mean, I'm not going to work them hard. I mean, they'll have the winners off. Come on. They have the winners off. Forget about it. Forget about it. Just make me a sandwich and pick up my money. Yo, I need a driver.

Can you do some driving? I don't want to do too much of a diet work. But I own you. Ah. Where are you going, huh? Where are you going? What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

Run away? Oh, he's going to run away. He's going to run away. Hey, who the fuck is this guy? Tony. Tony, he's running. Tony, he's running. Bring me Kuntikinti back over here.

Where do you think he's going to get on foot? South Carolina. Where do you think he's going? Not turn a sit your ass down. Where's Harriet Tubman? Hey, somebody. Hey, tell Harriet to come in and cook me some greens. That's how Italians laugh.

Hey, Paulie, look at this one. He's strong. What is he? John Henry, come here. That's a really funny thing that just came up here. Italian slave owners. Hey, Jimbo, wipe a long face. Have a sandwich.

Have a sandwich, huh? Ah. What is this crap? Emancipation Proclamation, huh? I don't want to be emancipating. Oh, so you niggas want freedom now. Oh, oh, oh, you're going to forget about me. You think you're better than me?

Okay, okay, okay. You think you're better than me, huh? I'll give you your freedom. Just give me 20%. Come on. That's the minimum I can take it. And I want to see your sister make it. Hey, it's no big deal.

Come on. Come on. No big deal. What are you mad? I saw your father? Why are you mad? That is funny. That was funny.

See, I love them, comedic, brilliant. This podcast is for all the people who laugh at racism. This is, yeah, this podcast. This podcast is for strippers who have a real job in the daytime. Like she worked at Comcast and customer service.

This podcast is for strippers who take their babies to the club because they don't want to leave them in home and leave them in danger. This podcast is for all the names. who pick up their kids and take them over their sister house. Let them play with your nieces and nephews all day. This podcast is for dudes who are open about their side checks

because they're gangster with it. This podcast is for niggas who keep their fingernails cut so they can play with the pussy. This podcast is for people who actually lick ass and will admit it. This podcast is for niggas who eat pussy with their eyes open. That's who this podcast is for I am your man Carlos Miller This is the 85 South show

Shout out to my man DC Young Fly He is on the road right now I was looking for it I never met him I was looking forward to fuck you mean I want to meet you We'll put one in the show When we edit it just for you

Say it again and we'll drop it right there Fuck you mean We'll put that ass here boy Yeah we'll put his voice We're over your shit I think he's funny I never seen him on stage Bro that dude funny as hell He got stand-up charts too

Why you think that's my co-host I dig it man Because a lot of the internet comedians aren't necessarily funny on stage, but I heard he's a... Yeah, and he's really been working on the shit. Yeah, that's good. And he gives a damn that he's... You know what I mean?

He's putting in work on the crap. I respect that. I do. Shout out to all the comedians. People who think they're funny. People who just make people laugh and work. Much love to all the fans who still supporting the show. This is the 85 South Show, and we are out of this.

Peace. 85. Appreciate you. 85. 85, high, hi! Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network.

Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of Family Secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Summer's here, and with the kids home and off to camp, it's easy for moms to get lost in the shuffle.

On Good Mom's Bad Choices, we're making space to center ourselves. with joy, rest, and pleasure. Take the kids to camp. You know what? It was expensive. But I was also thinking, you have my kid, this is kind of priceless.

Take her, feed her, make core memories. I don't have to do anything. Main thing, I don't have to do anything. To hear this and more, listen to Good Mom's Bad Choices from Black Effect Podcast Network

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. Thank you.