The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #1754 Dating Woes

Episode Date: August 4, 2023

Adam and Dr. Drew welcomes a single lawyer named Eve Tilley-Coulson who recently made headlines for offering cold hard cash for anyone who could help her find a husband. They talk about dating in Los Angeles vs other states or even overseas. Eve considers the variation in dating before, during and after Covid. Plus more commentaries on relationships, societal norms, what is marriage, and more. Please Support Our Sponsors: Shopify.com/AdamandDrew

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All right. I got something I want to talk about. We're also going to be joined by a lady whose TikTok vid went viral. Nice. Because she offered $5,000 as a referral for her husband. I have so many thoughts about this. I have a lot of thoughts, too. But the thing I'm very fascinated with the news.

The news so-called. I don't think we should even call it the news anymore yeah i'm very well i'm very fascinated with anybody who gets animated over anything that seems like nothing well that's all they have left that's all they they have yeah and and in a world where there's real problems well i always sort of i'm always sort of fascinated when people get really uh the word would be animated the sort of agitated and animated and uh the latest one that's i i like is this sort of curriculum for history and black history out of florida and how everyone just kind of goes nuts with it.

Even though it's basically, I mean, I've had it read to me a couple of times. I don't mean by a scholar. I just heard the part they were to is this part where they say many slaves learn trades, essentially horseshoeing or blacksmithing and whatever, cobbler. They learned a trade while they were slaves. Because you go, oh, yeah, if you owned a bunch of people, you wouldn't have them all just in the field all day. You'd have them fixing your wagon and shooing your horse and sowing. And doing the farming. I mean, figure it out.

Yeah. Like they'd be doing, you know, the same way of I wouldn't just pay someone to be labor. You want some skill. You'd want a carpenter in there there i'm i'm sure a lot of slaves learned the skill of carpentry and uh so in this this passage in this curriculum in florida it's just whatever something happened in florida you know don't say gay you know whatever they just move on to the the next thing but uh they said a lot said a lot of slaves learned a skill and then took that skill after they're free and applied it and benefited from it, which to me is – yeah, that makes sense.

Some used it as a way of buying their freedom back, too. They had ways in certain areas to use those skills to actually buy their own freedom. But here's the problem. This is the part that no one gets into. There is a nuance here. This is a nuance, and this is the actual history. This is the problem. Well, that was the other point, which is history is history.

So either this happened or didn't happen. And if you're writing a book about history then you write the negative part of history and then you write the positive part of history right and the negative part of an evil and sometimes there's residual positive effect of evil and it's just history so like first things first it did it happen or did it not happen? Now, I'm not a scholar on slavery, but it makes perfect sense to me that if you had slaves, some of them, a percentage of them would learn some skill on your plantation involving blacksmithing or carpentry or what have you. That makes perfect sense. As a matter of fact, it couldn't go any other way. I don't think it would be impossible to avoid having people learn a skill. There actually is a reason they should be upset about the way the history is being taught.

Oh, let's hear it. Because that piece and other experiences that the slaves had working in the homes and doing other things and sort of learning to survive and thrive under this conditions the southerners use that as a justification for continuing slavery and that's the part that is the the heinous piece that and they were able to persuade the northerners for many, many years. And this is white supremacy at its core, which is these people are better off this way. They're better off. They do better this way.

Let it be. Let it be. And they persuaded a bunch of Northerners. That's the history. That's the part they should talk about and why abolitionism didn't take off was because of that shit. But that's important history. And they don't they don't argue about that right so then the first first things first everybody when you hear a headline where they go you know the new curriculum out of florida

says slavery was a good thing you know i'll immediately be dubious just immediately if you hear don't they say don't say gay you can't say the word gay like immediately just go i must investigate this this cannot just everything everything everything this cannot come on this is not correct so my wife just sent me i've got a hit piece on me uh just coming of it, hot off the presses. Now, you tell me the way this is framed, if it's not already. The way you talk about how they use the language and stuff. On YouTube, former reality star Dr. Drew is prescribing a dangerous dose of COVID misinformation. It's from Media Matters. What is your covet misinformation interviewing

people that are getting canceled and stuff yeah and uh by the way all my patients are fully vaxxed i've said i just want to understand the risk reward for young people that's all i'm looking for better understanding i don't know if we go straight at it or just let it be probably let it be i don't know i i have mixed feelings. I just non-reaction to this. But you've always taught me don't apologize and shame them. Well, look, I just did it on our show and my show with the Newsweek article. So maybe I'm not listening to my own advice. But yeah, shame them.

Well, I'm going to do that right now. Okay. Because I think Ben has a clip. So I'm just sitting around watching CNN the other day and I'm like, what is their take on this whole Florida thing? And how are they going to how are they going to spin this one? Right. And I'm very interested. And I'm also interested when. Look, when smart people act confused, I've told you that a million times. When Fauci would be like, I don't know about that. It's a new thing, by the way.

You're right, but it's a new thing. When smart people act confused, they're lying. Yep. Or whatever, yeah. Okay. They're obfuscating, I would say. Well, it's like when you watch Steve Kerr, the coach for the Golden State Warriors, When you watch Steve Kerr, the coach for the Golden State Warriors, who has a million takes on Black Lives Matter and a million takes on this country and a million takes on Trump and all that.

And then all of a sudden somebody goes, yeah, but why are you doing business with China? You know, they're totalitarian. That's China. They enslave the Muslims and blah, blah blah blah and he goes i i really don't have it i don't know enough about you but first off since when did not know knowing anything stop you from talking you know what i mean bauji steve kerr whoever when when did you lebron james since when do you button your lip yeah you talk about everything and now we want to know what's going on with China, and you

haven't really looked into it. Okay. So when smart people say, I don't know stuff, then they're lying. It seems to me you're making a case for a corollary, too, which is people with lots of opinions who suddenly have none pay attention. Yeah. And people, and I am, and people with lots of opinions generally are smart yeah i would agree with that all right uh this is so i'm watching jim acosta and they're trying

to break down this slavery okay skill thing okay and uh he's confused but he doesn't know one instructional change at this week's board meeting and it reads uh instruction includes how slaves develop skills which in some instances could be applied for their personal benefit and that appears to be what he was just saying a few moments ago in that video about some uh blacksmith or something you could become a blacksmith after being a slave which doesn't make any sense how did the board respond when you raise objections to this? So despite pleas from myself and others, including leaders in the African-American community, to not approve these standards, to go back and revisit these assumptions and correct them, the Board of Education approved them unanimously, really with no debate or opposition.

So it just speaks to how in the state of Florida, we are degrading our education institutions. And really, the impact will be felt by our students who are going to be misinformed, misguided, and at a severe disadvantage in working in diverse environments and just competing on a global scale. All right. So on a global scale. So, Emmy, did you know that if you learn that slaves who were working as blacksmiths when they were slaves may have started a blacksmithing business after they were freed, you know,

that would prevent you from competing on a global scale for knowing things that happened? It reminds me of that physician the pediatrician was talking about people's long-term COVID and all the organ damage and people dying in the streets. But if you listen to the top of it, it's all hysteria. Listen to the top of it one more time. Jim Acosta is confused.

He said it makes no sense. He said it makes no sense. One instructional change at this week's board meeting, and it reads uh instruction includes how slaves develop skills which in some instances could be applied for their personal benefit and that appears to be what he was just saying a few moments ago in that video that we just played about some uh blacksmith or something you could become a blacksmith after being a slave which doesn't make any sense all right well. First off, it just makes sense.

That's confusing. Hey, let me ask you this. Don't they teach skills in prisons? Yes. Okay. So you could go to prison and you could learn to be an electrician or a plumber. How dare you say that? You are not going to be able to

compete on the global scale. Anybody hearing it will be infected by that. Jim Acosta, after you get out of prison, you could then be an electrician. Does that make sense? Does that make sense to you? That doesn't make sense.

Listen, you're an adult with a fucking degree in journalism. Listen, you're an adult with a fucking degree in journalism. Can't you say, well, I don't like the way it was phrased. I mean, obviously, yeah, you could learn a skill and then you could apply that skill after you're free, but I don't like the optics of it. You could say some things

you can't go... Makes no sense. Makes no sense. What's he saying? Obviously, Jim Acosta is lying, right? Is he lying, stupid or liar? Stupid. Because if they were smart, they would know that piece of history I just shared with our audience and would object to that, which is a legitimate objection. And by the way, why isn't that being taught in the story?

That'd be a really interesting way of teaching history, the actuality of what they were able to do with that mindset. So I don't know. You know, whatever. All right. Emmy, do we need to take a break before we welcome our guest? Let's do it. All right. Quick break.

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Now we are back with Eve Tilly Coulson, who went viral with the TikTok video offering $5,000 for a referral to find her a husband. And this caught our eye. Good to see you, Eve. Hi, how are you guys doing? I'm doing well. Now, talk to us about this video. When did you drop it and when did you realize it? What's the story?

Well, we'll get to that. I just want the vid first. All right. I think I put it out there probably about a month, a month and a half ago. I put it on TikTok because it had just been a conversation I'd been having with, you know, friends, et cetera. And I felt like maybe it was something that I could open up to the people who follow me and kind of know my personality and what I'm looking for. And so I just kind of haphazardly said, let's go. And when did you realize it was getting traction?

Well, it did very well on TikTok when I did it, but it didn't have like I didn't wasn't getting traction in terms of people giving me referrals. It was just like a lot of women being like, that makes a lot of sense. That's a great idea. I'd like to do the same thing um and then kind of i guess a month a month and a half later uh the new york post reached out and the woman who wrote the article she was similar in age and just having a similar situation and once it started getting picked up by media outlets that's when i started getting referrals and emails and other things any yeah how's it going how's it going how's the market yeah well it's been um so i didn't realize it had gotten picked up by about 25 other countries um and so i was getting calls on whatsapp all hours of the day from you know nigeria ghana

india switzerland germany etc So I had to kind of at first put out some parameters in terms of like going through emails and messages and being like, do they live within, you know, 3000 miles of me? Do they speak English? And I've started, I've reached out or responded to probably about 15 people at this point just because I haven't been able to get through all of them. And there are quite a few people who contact you and then they don't give you a location and age or anything else. Do you owe anybody $5,000? No, not yet. Do you know anybody? Well, this is so interesting to me because we have a lot of friends sort of in their 30s and 40s, single women.

And I have found myself recently going, why don't you go overseas? It's just not working here. You know what I mean? I say that a lot. And, in fact, when I had a long conversation with, she's a television person, I said, go and match me abroad. Just get some money, get a job also and get matched to somewhere else. But it's gotten to the point. Well, what is your assessment of what's going on here?

You're living it. Why are we at this point? So I think a couple of things are happening. I think that prior to COVID, people were kind of embarrassed about being on the dating apps, right? So people would talk about, actually, I feel like my earrings are hitting these headphones and creating a sound thing on my end. So prior to COVID, people were a little bit embarrassed about being on the dating apps. If you asked how someone had met, they would never straightforwardly say, hinge, match.com, what have you. They would often make up how they'd met and make up a reason. During COVID, people began really just relying on the dating apps, because you didn't have the

opportunities to meet in person. And they kind of became a crutch for a lot of people, I feel like, because you're at home, you're lonely, you can swipe through hundreds of profiles in a day, you don't have to face rejection, you don't have to pay any money, you can ghost people without accountability. So then when we came out of COVID, people had gotten so used to this sense of dating without accountability, dating without social norms, if you will, that it was hard. People are having trouble integrating back and going out and talking to people in the same way that they were. So hold on. So I'm guessing that that is more about, you know, Adam, you and I talk about character a lot.

This is another example of character disintegrating, which is that it's just, they can get away with it. It's like a lower priced alternative, so they do it. And so they're using people as an ends to a means or a means to an ends, which is, you know, the opposite of every foundational principle of society. And so they don't care. Well, a couple of things. A, yeah, COVID, people didn't want to go back to work after COVID. So like I got people got used to hanging out.

I mean, I was out to dinner with my son last night and I was just like, how much school did you miss? And it's like entire ninth grade entire into the entire year like i mean if somebody got you know mono and was out for two weeks it was a big deal big fucking deal when i was a kid me too i wasn't i was a shit student but i never put together more than two days of apps. I would be absent, but I'd never even put together two days in a row. You have to have a gunshot wound or something. It's like no, no ninth grade, just literally no ninth grade. It's insane what we did.

But we took everyone. We told them to stay home. We told them to order Grubhub. They just watch porn on their phones, you know, and then people, you know, I've said this a million times. If you ever deal with an elderly person and Drew does for business as a physician, you can see guys that are like 77 or 81 and you go, that guy's really spry and he's strong and there's a light in his eye and he's so active and vibrant and stuff. And then that guy can slip in the tub and break his hip. And you can see him in the hospital after he's been there for four days and the person almost looks dead. Yes.

Like that's how fast the shit can go. Did you see the pictures of me out in the desert when I got dehydrated? That's what I was thinking about. I just mean the light in someone's eye can go out so you can decompensate it's called decompensating we we are compensated and we decompensate you tell someone stay home and order grubhub for six months or a year or two years they can go out fast and and and and the other thing i want to talk about is we have decided that traditional roles for males and females are verboten now. Well, how dare you?

You don't talk about what a woman does, and you don't talk about what a man should do, right? Well, let me just, before you step on a landmine, let me just back it up by saying every one of these conversations I've had with my friends has start with, where are the men? There are no men. So that's why you start going, well, overseas, they seem to have males. They seem to have men. Relationships are transactional.

Even love relationships are transactional. Maybe the most. I don't know. Because, hey, I need sex. Can you give me sex? But when you eliminate the sort of roles, like you're going to make the money and I'm going to make the bread or you're going to have the babies and I'm going to go to work or you're going to go to work as a female and I'm going to stay home and clean and take care of the home and whatever.

When you start getting rid of those roles, then why get married? It's unnecessary. You don't have to get married to hang out and order Grubhub and never get pregnant. Right. You're trying to build. And to make your case, you're not building a life. Right. How do you build a life?

You're hanging out. And that's what people want to do so i think that's part of what we're up against yeah i mean i kind of i kind of disagree in some regards about the purpose of marriage uh my i guess i think there are two things happening on the one hand yes societal roles are changing right so men and women are starting to take on different roles in the home roles career-wise etc. But the flip of that is the societal norm hasn't shifted at the same rate as what's actually practically occurring. So women are starting to make more in the workplace and men are starting to take on new roles. But societally, when you tell someone you want to have kids

outside of marriage, they still look at you like you have a scarlet eye on you or like you're doing something that's taboo. So until kind of our mind catches up with what's actually happening, I think there's still a disconnect there. I don't, I mean, I think it depends where you live. Um, like what coast, if you're on a coast, you know, like I think if you lived in Seattle and you said, I want to have a kid with my partner outside of marriage or just have a kid, I don't think anyone would give a shit. I don't think there's anything but that. It kind of depends. I think it's sort of a regional thing. Maybe if you went to Nebraska, that wouldn't.

Well, I live in Los Angeles. Do you feel that people look at you sideways if you talk about having a kid and not being married or having a kid with a partner but not being married? I don't think they look at me sideways, but they definitely – it's unexpected, even here. I don't know anybody who has a kid that they're not married to the person or weren't previously married. It doesn't mean that – I mean, obviously, it's a scale, right? I grew up in Alabama. My dad's British. So I've experienced a lot of different norms. But I would say that societally,

we just haven't quite gotten to that place where it is the norm. It's accepted. Yeah, I'm trying to I'm trying to think I don't really know anybody. But there's lots of actually, I was just hearing that. I think, oh, God, Greta, whatever, and Noah, the guys, the team that wrote Barbie. They have, I think they have kids and they're not married, I think. So that's how we do it in Hollywood. But anyway. It happens. So did, at least that's what I heard. So for you, how much of this was a legitimate attempt at finding a partner and how much of it was sort of a goof or statement?

Oh, it's legitimate. It's 1000% legitimate. I've been saying to my friends and boss and work partners and everyone I know for years, I've been single for five years almost exactly. And I would say since COVID lifted for the past two years, I've been actively dating. And I felt like everyone was telling me they knew someone, everyone had a friend, but they never wanted to actually facilitate a meetup or exchange numbers. And there wasn't really anything in it for them. And so yeah, it's very legitimate. So when you dated, what did you find? What was the problem? Why didn't you find somebody you connected with?

I mean, I did find people that I connected with, and I did find people that I dated for short periods of time. I think that the men in L.A. generally committed a little bit of a later age. And so if I want to date a man who's, so I'm 35. If I want to date a man between the age of like 33 and 38, they're not necessarily ready to settle down. So I've had to kind of adjust the age that I'm looking at. And then sometimes when you go into men who are in their 40s, they don't want kids or they have kids from a prior relationship. So that's another thing to kind of determine if that's a match or not. And I also feel like what I'm looking for in a significant other is probably, I don't think I have too many requirements, but I think the ones I have are probably harder to find. Like what?

Yeah, give us a few. So I'm 5'10", so I prefer a guy who is six foot or taller. Everybody would prefer a guy who's six foot or taller, generally speaking. That's, you know, the norm. Well, no, it's not the norm. That is statistically worldwide. Women prefer taller men. That is a feature.

That's what she's saying. Yeah, but it's not a norm. It's a feature of the women's motivational system for some reason. It's just observed throughout history. So there you are. Okay. Yeah. So that cuts down.

I mean, I looked at the numbers, the amount of men over the height of six foot worldwide is approximately 27%. Yeah. So that significantly cuts down your numbers to start. And I know I get like a lot of shit for that, to be honest. And I will say that the reason I state

that I've dated men who are shorter, oftentimes men have an insecurity about me being tall. And that then makes me feel insecure about being tall. And it creates a lot of like weird dynamics in the relationship. A lot of my shorter male friends love being with taller women. Really? It's 100%. I've got a set of 100% on that one. So they're out there. Yeah, they're out. Oh, yeah.

I'm open to it if they're confident about it and they're happy with it and they don't mind. They seek it. Some of them seek it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, then it gets a little fetishy. How dare you?

There's a line. Well, I... You like what you like. You know what I mean? It's a little fetishy. I would file this one under... Drew and I were speaking over the weekend, sort of off the air, but I would file this one under men can't handle a successful woman. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I would, saying that men can't handle, a short man can't handle a tall woman, I disagree. I would like a tall woman who's wildly successful. Yes, and most men feel that way. But but it's but I with my pushback to you was, well, we're kind of successful. So we can maybe tolerate it differently or something. Who knows? But I do know plenty of men. And you brought up several examples who are not so successful that love having a wife that's more successful. Yeah. But is that an issue? Because you're a successful attorney, correct? Yeah, no, for sure. It's an issue. So bluntly, I've never been in a relationship with a man who made more money than me.

And it's never been an issue in terms of the men being attracted to me and me being attracted to them. It's just money's never been part of the conversation because I've always been able to provide for myself. And so and I've never requested them to provide for me. Can you not hear me? No, no, no. Sorry. They're doing something stupid. They're talking to me from the booth here. Don't do anything to Drew. Okay. He cannot stop himself. But at the same time, I do find that what inevitably happens as that gap widens is there can become a bit of a resentment because if i'm bringing home the majority of the money and you're starting a family and you know certain

things i want to do vacation wise or what have you you know we're laughing because i am i am goddamn laughing and i'll tell you why because we brought this up Because less than 24 hours ago, I was on the phone with Drew. And I said, look, there's this misnomer where you go, men couldn't handle a successful woman. And I said, I don't think it's so much that they can't handle a successful woman. But if we had the arrangement that I had with my ex-wife or you have with your current wife where you brought home all the bacon uh when it came time to have the argument over where we're going on vacation which would be mexico or hawaii the person that made all the money should win the argument now that's not the case for you or for me. We got no vote. We get no vote.

No vote. So a man couldn't say to a woman, a man who was very successful and his non-working wife couldn't go, hey, bitch, we ain't going to Hawaii. We're going to Mexico because I'm buying the plane tickets. That person would be tarred and feathered. Yes. But I think. The male.

The male. But I think if the woman made all the money and the man made no money, I think he would just sit there quietly while you said we're going to Hawaii, even if he wanted to go to Mexico. But that's not the relationship I want. I want a relationship where both parties are a part of all decisions. And it creates an inequality, unfortunately, when one person makes significantly more money. unfortunately when one person makes significantly more money well it it it doesn't feel that way when the man makes all the money is what i'm what i'm saying yes i wouldn't know i've never been in that relationship oh it's horrible but i'm just saying i don't mind it nobody it doesn't i've never had i've been in that relationship for a long time, and it never felt like, look, here's what we're doing. But I would argue that when you do have equitable distribution of responsibilities and stuff, you're fine with it.

It feels very different. It's just funny that you brought up vacations. Yeah, because that's what we were talking about. I said you'd win the vote. Look, first off, who needs the vacations? The person has been working. You know what I mean? So let that person go to where they want to go.

Sorry. It's not the location that bothers me. What happens to me is say I want to go to a nicer hotel. And we're in a situation where both people are going to pay 50% for this vacation because we're being equitable. But I want to go to a nicer hotel because I can afford a nicer hotel. Or I might want to go to a nicer dinner or an excursion. In order for me to do the things I want to do on a vacation, I have to pay his way. And that's when you start getting a little bit of weird resentment because I don't think

society's caught up to the idea that that's okay. They caught up to it for the dude side a long time ago. They haven't caught up with the women's side. And that's always kind of my argument. It's actually an argument also for combined resources, pulling everything together and sharing everything. To me, that's an argument for that too. And just making sure that everyone does their weight

and that everybody shares in the outcome. Well, Eve, we're about out of time, but I hope you can join us again and give us an update if you had to write that. You're going to send me somebody, right? You've got two or three in your back pocket, right? People listening. I feel like our audience will come.

Our audience will come around. Don't worry. Where should they go? Where can we send people? You can send them to my Instagram or TikTok. They're the same handle, EBTilly. Eve? I'm sorry, say it again.

Eve E. Tilly? No, E like Eve, B like boy, Tilly, T-I-L-L-E-Y. Okay. Okay, EBTilly. Eve, thanks for joining us. Good luck. Good luck. Thank you all.

Write a book. Have a good one. Write a book. No, it'll be interesting. It's a piece of us. Good luck. Good luck. Thank you all. Write a book. Have a good one. Yeah, write a book. No, it'll be interesting. It's a piece of history. All right. I'm going to be at Jimmy Kimmel's Club in Vegas coming up August, September. Nice, cool months there.

Appleton, Wisconsin. Skyline Club. Ooh, back to Appleton. Yeah. August 25th, 26th. And just go to Amcrow.com because I got shows everywhere. What do you got, Kurt? Dr. Drew.TV for the streaming show and Dr. Drew.com for all the pods.

So, until next time, Adam Crow for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo. See what hit blockbusters are streaming free this month during Popcorn Summer Movies on Pluto TV. Watch Django Unchained or Transformers Dark of the Moon for an action-packed evening or The Truman Show and School of Rock for a good laugh with the whole family. Plus, Pluto TV has thousands of other free movies

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