The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #1804 Apologize How They Want

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

To wrap the week, Chris jumps into the studio to share some studies with the guys. as they dissect hair, sexual attractions, and what will Adam's obituary be? Plus, how to apologize to a kid and learning from chick think. Please Support Our Sponsor: The Jordan Harbinger Show - Available everywhere you listen to podcasts

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and on demand. With thousands of free movies and TV shows, Pluto TV is your home for the holidays. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Oh, that's just me, Perez Hilton. Drinking all the tea that goes on in this world. And with the way social media is, I just can't get enough.

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Yeah, get it on, got to get on Dr. Drew's board certified physician Dicks, becks, beckons Dicks, beckons And I got Chris Maxpat He's got some news stories Yeah, some studies Some studies in the studio

What do you got? Can't wait to see studies Oh, I got studies, Drew Good times, alright, let's do it. First, I just want to ask Adam, how is Sonny's hair doing these days? It's big and it's in charge. It's large and in charge. Yeah.

And it's big and puffy and puffy, I should say. And it's puffy and puffy. So I think puffy is a separate thing. Puffy, you like it? No, I don't. It bothers me. Puffy and Puffy. Do we need both?

Do we have both? They're different. What's the difference? Look up, Emmy, look up the difference between Puffy and Puffy. Puffy sounds more cotton candy-ish. And Puffy just sounds big. Puffy sounds like a balloon and Puffy. But I don't think we need both is what I'm saying. I agree with that.

Well, it might be time for you to put your foot down and give the boy a haircut because there's new... And we're going to get real shallow here, guys. There is research that is being conducted that proves that being attractive as an adolescent can significantly boost a person's chances of moving up the social ladder in terms of education, occupation, and income. Yeah, and especially for males. Actually, more so for males than females.

Listen, I've said this for a million years. I don't know about you, Adam, but I think you and I disprove that theory. I don't know about you, but I was not attractive as an adolescent. You were a good looking girl. You don't think so? Oh, my God. Find those pictures. I saw you as a lifeguard with your shirt off.

Yeah, I was 21 then. That was a lot later. Adolescence was a couple years earlier where it was completely like, oh, my God. You had a girlfriend in high school though i did all right well that's it that that sums it up you were active in high school because you were always a man of passion great passion great passion yeah i listen i broke this shit down a long time ago on Loveline, Drew will recall, which is you set your sexual attractiveness

to the opposite sex. That gets set at age 13, 14, and 15, and then it just sort of is. You know what I'm saying? I always thought you were talking about the outliers like Chris. You know what I mean? I always thought that's what you the outliers like Chris you know what I mean I

always thought that's what you were referring to when you would bring that up you think that's everybody I think boy I'll only speak for males males get a a picture of themselves to females, how do females find you? Do they find you attractive? I think that gets set in like the ninth grade or maybe before, seventh, eighth grade. And then it just kind of gets set and then it just is in your head. Now, I don't know what it is to the rest of the world. That varies. That changes, and it has an ebb and a flow. But in your head, that's where it is. It's probably a lot like sports. When you define yourself as just a shit athlete, you know, by the ninth grade or something. It's kind of – it doesn't really change. You don't really think you're a great athlete when you're, you know, three years later and senior in high school or something.

But this is a – so it defies many logical facts and it, and it, and it, although there is some logic in it, you know, the symmetry and definition and weight and physique and, you know, it, it all factors, it all factors in, but I never had any sense of myself being attractive to others. I realized because my mom didn't like me. And I think that set the tone early for me. And I also, bad luck of the draw, but I was right in the middle of... Leif Garrett.

It was very hair-centric super hair centric as i've said even even uh captain stubing had to have hair feathered over his ear the little rim of hair he had he had to grow it over his ear and then dry it and dry it i'm sure backwards over the ear oh everybody had to do that i mean you gotta watch. I was just watching the Partridge family. Yeah. It's so, first off, Keith Partridge had this big mop that just came down big time. And it wasn't just the aesthetic of it. It was how it moved.

He was flinging it around. It was always going. Danny Bonaduce had the side part, and he was constantly kind of throwing it move. He was flinging it around. Danny Bonaduce had the side part and he was constantly throwing it back and people were thinking and moving it. Keith's hair is a character

in that sitcom. It's moving. He's doing this. It's coming around. It would have its own Instagram account. Yes, it would have its own Instagram account. You're 13 and seeing that? You got Adam's hair? Talking about setting the tone.

I'm looking at Adam's hair when he was 13 right now. It's still on his head. Guys were popular in that era by their hair. It didn't really matter whether you were tall or on the football team or how much money your dad made or anything it was like the hair and I didn't have the hair but also my mom and

my grandma weren't into me like at all and so I was sort of like well who would be into you like your mom's not into you. I was just doing a math. Like, I was doing kind of a universal math. And I never really shed it. I never really worked it out. I understood that later on people were into me, but I was always confused by it. You know what's interesting i i was very attached to both in sports and in my life socially most improved that was that was the thing for me i would push through my weaknesses like it really happened in

sports for sure where i had a coach and when I was ready to quit, got my face when I think you could do this and I did it. And that improving and succeeding and then performing, that's where it was at for me. So you seeing me as a lifeguard at 22 or whatever I was there, dial it back five years and take a look at what was required in terms of improvement to get from where I was to there. Yeah, but these are what you guys thought of yourselves. So in this study,

it was the interviewers who rated the scale of whether these adolescents were attractive or not. Interesting. Yeah. So there are some variables. Look at the pictures. You tell me. You be an interviewer. You tell me if you don't agree with me. We'll toss you into this study. And as I said, it really mattered more for males. And for women, it says that it actually could be, physical attractiveness might actually be detrimental for females in environment where being considered attractive violates traditional gender stereotypes. For instance, if leadership and authority-related skills are viewed as masculine characteristics, attractive females are not expected to possess them. So it actually might happen. That is a bias built into that interpretation,

because I would twist it the other way. And Adam, I think you'd agree with this. Why would you spend your time and energy succeeding and being a leader if you're already a celebrity? You walk in the room and everybody turns around. How much better is it going to get? I was going to say, this was Adam's theory he's presented before as well as the hottest woman in the room is more valuable than any of the celebrities

at that moment. Adam? Difference between poofy and puffy you put it up but I didn't I can get a chance to read it I'll read it when they put it up the difference between poofy so puffy is a derived term from poofy

as adjectives the difference between poofy and puffy is that poofy is of or pertaining to something that is puffy filled with air inflated while puffy is of or pertaining to something that is puffy, filled with air, inflated, while puffy is of or pertaining to puffs or puffiness,

being pillow-like, exhibiting swelling, inflated. You don't need both. You don't need both. We don't need both. It's the same thing. To your point. Yeah.

Yeah, Sonny needs a haircut. I don't know. A lot of, there's a new hair thing with kids where it just kind of grows out. The broccoli. Yeah. They don't care the broccoli hair. I don't know. There's a new hair thing with kids where it just kind of grows out. The broccoli, yeah. They don't care the broccoli hair.

I don't like it. Well, it also seems like it smells to me. But I don't get it. I like my hair short. And no, my hair didn't look like this when I was going through my tough stages. It was matted down and combed over. Short was not an option, Chris. You could not cut your hair short.

Not an option. Well, not only was short not an option, but there weren't any other options. It was just a style of hair. The goal, the end game was Keith Partridge. That's what you wanted to look like. And people used it. Women used it.

Men used it. They just kind of flung it around. Women kept flopping their hair around. It was a real thing. I had a part down the middle for a minute. You had a part down the middle. I remember that. It's a good big 90s look.

I remember fleeting moments. Actually, 70s. So what you wanted your hair to do back then is move on its own. And my hair wouldn't move on its own. But I remember when my hair was long, but it still wouldn't move on its own. I remember being in a swimming pool a time or two and like coming up out of the water and kind of throwing it out of my face and going, that's what it must feel like. All day, like in the middle of the day, that great feeling of flopping it back over your head. You know, remember when your hair was long and you'd go in the pool and just sort of fling it back and it moved?

I was like, they have that all day, every day. You're a mermaid. Yeah, I was a mermaid. Beautiful mermaid. Well, if Sonny's not going to cut his hair. He gets it done every once in a while. It's just not short enough. Well, Sonny showed he could try something else if he wants to make a little bit more income.

So also studies say that openly gay men, on average, earn 10% more than straight men. Oh, for sure. For sure. I think that number is small. You think that it's – well, I mean, yeah, maybe the study needs to be updated. But full-time employed gay men earn 10% more than straight men. Maybe the study needs to be updated, but full-time employed gay men earn 10% more than straight men. And then same-sex couples, gay men, they make a lot more than regular heterosexual couples.

Heterosexuals were both partner works. Yes. Yeah. I know. The whole sort of gay whatever narrative we have about the LGBT community and what it's like living, that they thrive in this community. It's a more, I mean, I would say the gay relationship is from a strictly financial standpoint,

just a much more sensible relationship. Drew, if you and I were just a couple, we'd be in the catbird seat right now. You know what I mean? Yes, financially. Can you get that anal sex together, or the oral sex at least, if we can just figure that out?

Yeah, financially. If I was gay with Nick Santora or Kevin Hench or something, or Jimmy, it'd just be a much better financial situation for me. That's for goddamn sure. Yeah, the percentage is 27% higher median household income. Then a hetero couple who both work. Yeah. This is the same data that, and i'm going to say this

with peace and love that has female physicians making less than male physicians and they don't take into account that the female physicians work less hours or are maybe spending more time child rearing and that kind of thing at their own choice at their own choice not because somebody's requiring them to do yeah that part's not in the study or at least the news report um all right speaking of news reports let's talk obituaries really quick so adam months ago you brought up bobby hole's obituary do you remember yes like boston boston chicago chicago blackhawks legend okay like with a checkered past who am i thinking of that was the the boston bobby or yeah there's okay yeah or and home hall hall hall hall and or yeah they fucked me up but yes same time frame too same they brought up his we get it drew anyway he they brought up the fact

that he died and then they went right into some sort of racist thing right at the top. That was CNN I think. So that's the new world order. That's got to say. When I die it'll be COVID denier or some sort of whatever. Disgraced. Disgraced comedian. Start with disgraced comedian.

It'll be some kind of controversial far right something something and then it'll get to some comedy or something at some point. Disgraced comedian. That's the new world. That's the word they've got to throw in. And I'll never be disgraced because I haven't done anything to anybody, you know, or Me Too'd or roofied anybody or, you know, dropped the N-bombs. I guess to be disgraced, they have to give you a certain status to begin with.

No, they'll give you controversy. It'll be controversial with many controversial stances. You know, like when we read— Do me a favor. Will you please live long enough that that doesn't happen? No, it's going to—it'll happen. It'll happen. How do we get 20 years under your belt?

No, because i'm going to say more shit oh it's just i'm not stopping all right i'm not done because of covid i'm going to keep being disgraceful and i'm still going to say a bunch of controversial things you know what i mean fair enough yeah i do know what you mean yeah hey speaking of really quick you mentioned chris you were reading the board there for Adam. I wish so much you were a reader now. I'm reading the Musk biography. Please get the audio book, Adam.

I think you will find it terribly interesting. I can't put it down. Well, now his biography, or sorry, his a bit is going to talk about controversial disgrace. That'll be at the top of that. Yeah, that's the new world order. You got to read this biography. He's so much more complicated than you imagine in good and bad ways.

Very interesting dude. All right, let me tell you about another interesting dude, Jordan Harbinger. You're about to hear a preview of The Jordan Harbinger Show with the top sleep expert about why we dream, what happens when we sleep, and why chronic lack of sleep and driving while tired is more dangerous than driving under the influence of alcohol. Sleep is not an optional lifestyle luxury. Sleep is a non-negotiable biological necessity. Sleep is a life support system. It is mother nature's best effort yet at immortality.

When you wake up the next day, you have a revised mind-wide web of associations that is capable of divining remarkable insights into previously impenetrable problems. And the decimation of sleep throughout industrialized nations is now having a catastrophic impact. It is a silent sleep loss epidemic. It is fast becoming the greatest public health challenge that we now face in the 21st century. For more on sleep, including why we dream and how we can increase the quality of our sleep, check out episode 126 with Dr. Matthew Walker on the Jordan Harbinger Show. All right, so what do you got? I want people to tweet us what they think your obit headline would be.

Okay. That'd be funny. Well, so. Well, first off, it depends who writes. The Los Angeles Times or CNN or the New York Times, it's going to start with some shit. But predict what the New York Times would say. It'll say controversial, controversial you know former radio whatever

uh took unpopular stances on bubba they might even say incorrect like the newsweek article remember all my new my incorrect stances on covid that turned out to be correct attacks on teachers unions right and a guy did denied the science or, you know, whatever. There'll be a lot of that. Yeah. Wow. So Henry Kissinger died a couple weeks ago.

Mm-hmm. And the rolling... Hang on, hang on, hang on. Before you say that, did he, somebody your age, Chris, was he an impactful figure to you? No.

Did you understand who... No. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. I know. He's like a towering figure of our sort of early life. I'm not happy that he wasn't, but nobody in my generation talked about him. Wow. That's interesting. Go ahead.

So anyway, so he passed and Rolling Stone put up an obit. The headline is amazing. It's great. Henry Kissinger, war criminal beloved by America's ruling class, finally dies. Right. Beautiful. Right. But by the way, and what was their obit on George Floyd? You know what I mean? Didn't say career criminal junkie, right?

Hero. Hero. That's leader of the black community. Right. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, this is under the subheading in the category and the category is called good riddance wow oh my god they really yeah they rolling stone look it is it just me or did they completely jump the shark like i'm just

oh my god they used to just review music yeah well they used to also have a sort of speak truth to power kind of thing a little bit. Now they're just fully lined up with the elite. They are elite. That's the thing that everybody doesn't get is that they are the elite. You're it now. Right. You're the one they need to stand up to. You're the man.

That's right. But this is what I always say all the time when I go, well, you know, CNN says this over here and then fox says that over there and it's like yeah but it's not cnn versus fox it's rolling stone and newsweek and reuters and usa today they're all fucking in now which is weird right which is weird it is so weird so weird very odd for them to say it's i think think Henry Kissinger was on their 250 Greatest Guitarists list. Oh, yeah. So this was written by Spencer Ackerman, and he said Kissinger's legacy should only be his confirmed kills, and compared him to domestic terrorist Timothy McVeigh. It's so interesting how these things can be interpreted.

It just shows you that reality is not real. It's how you interpret it. No one's allowed to just state the facts anymore. No. But, I mean, you know, we're living in, we're living very much in the chick think era. And, you know, where I keep noticing, because you talk about Kissinger

and foreign wars and people dying and stuff like that, the whole sort of Hamas hides amongst the civilians thing, that's the number one chick think subject of our era right now, which is you got the goofball from the squad or cnn going um well they talked to the israeli commanders and uh radio commanders like look uh hamas they put

their headquarters underneath the hospital and they stash all their weapons in preschools so what do you want us to do and they're like you're bombing a preschool like now we're bombing a munition stash where Hamas is that has a sign for preschool in front of it and then we're getting to chick thing which is the CNN person goes but these are innocent people that are dying. And the person goes, well, it's a war and they're hiding amongst these people. And that's what's going to happen. And we try to limit it. Do you think it's okay to kill elderly?

And it's like, okay, that's number one chick thing. Nobody said it was okay. Nobody got on here and said it was okay. They said they're trying to avoid it it but they can't because they hide amongst them and then at some part at some point the lady the person that's being interviewed from the uh israeli army will go what is your suggestion for what we should do if these people are hiding amongst civilians and they go i'm not a general yeah i i but something you can't bomb kids now drew yeah is there any difference between this chick think and the chick think of when i used to

you know go into someone's house and they go and always give this example i want to blow out this wall i want to blow out that wall i want to turn this into one big great room and then i would go oh these are bearing walls. So we got to put a post here and they'd go, I don't want to post. And I'd go, or we have to pass a piece of steel in here to span this, but that's expensive.

And they go, I don't want to pay for that. Yeah. And then I'd go, but do you want this to be a great room with no interior walls? And they go, yes, that's what I want.

And then I'd go, well, I have to put a post. No, I don't want to post. You figure it out. They would say out they would say i go i this is this is all we're getting we're getting a post or we're getting a piece of steel for nine grand but i don't want to pay that what's the difference between that and hamas hiding among civilians zero difference it's the same brain right yep yep and it's now prevalent and now we're doomed because that brain is doing the driving and we're fucked because we're in the back of the car you understand all right

so let's go to the octagon let's get to the octagon quick sexist adam carolla yeah we're gonna add that to the obituary disgracedgraced, sexist, misogynist. That's right. Let's talk about apologies. So there's a new study that says that when you're apologizing, breaking gender stereotypes actually leads to more effective communication. So women that deliver more masculine style apology benefit more, and then men delivering a more feminine style apology.

That's interesting. That makes sense. It doesn't hurt either. It won't hurt either way, but it goes up. The effectiveness goes up about 9% to 10% for both sides. That's interesting. Yeah. So learn from that chick think, Adam.

Present it when you apologize. When you apologize. If you apologize. Yes. Apologize. Chris, how dare you? You have to apologize how they want to hear. But it's the same as-

Oh, how they want to hear it. Well, how do you apologize to a kid? You know what I mean? How do you apologize to a six-year-old? Disgrace, sexist, misogynist. You lower yourself to their intellectual capacity, and that's how you literally take a knee. Take a knee.

Right. So you have to apologize to whomever. It could even be a cultural thing. You have to kind of go to their place. Okay. Otherwise, it doesn't mean anything. But then women could come up to our place, too. women could come up to our place too.

Yeah, but the point is you're not losing territory with men when you present a more feminine apology. I don't know. Is that what the study's saying? Well, so the women, so it displays a higher, if they deliver masculine style apologies, it displays a higher level of assertiveness in enhancing their perceived competence. For men, it gives them greater interpersonal sensitivity

that enhances perceived benevolence or warmth. So I'll give you some examples or an example. So for instance, a masculine apology, this will be for the same thing. So a masculine apology would be, I'm sorry about that. We'll make that again for you. So that's what a female should say. And men would be... What kind of apology? That's the masculine style apology. Oh, I see. Okay.

I'm sorry about that. We'll make that again for you. Well, you mean like for your waiter? Yeah, if you're a waiter or a barista or something. And for a female, it would be... Or feminine apology for the man should say would be, I'm sorry about that. Would you like us to make it again for you? So it's just a slight turn, but it's more effective.

And they use this for celebrity apologies. They looked at... Wait, the feminine one is like us to do it again? Would you like? You would say, yeah, would you like us to make that again for you? Right. Whereas the masculine is, we'll make that again for you. Done.

Well, women like extra words. They do. It's because they live seven years longer. That's my theory. They got plenty of time for extra words. They really do. So the study, and this is done out of the University of Arizona, they also began looking at celebrity apologies.

So they looked at 87 apology tweets from Lizzo, Kevin Hart, actor Tyler Posey, and the public reaction to those tweets supported the idea that they need, that they would benefit by violating gender stereotypes.

But we don't know who Lizzo's apologizing to. I mean, we don't know what gender. It doesn't matter who they're apologizing to. Lizzo should violate. Hers would be like, sorry, it won't happen again, rather than I'm so sorry, this made me feel like she said. Well, I feel maybe a lot of people who apologize,

especially women, they sort of include themselves in it. And then that's sort of the problem. You know, they go, I want to apologize. But as a woman of color who knows firsthand how difficult it can be, has a woman who's plus size, who's been berated by society. You know, now who are we apologizing to? Now you're including yourself in right that's the number one thing people want to hear and in an apology is an apology and by putting all those qualifiers in as a way of not apologizing so we have justifying yeah also

the big problem with a lot of apologies is when people go, I'm sorry if this made you feel X, Y, X, Y, or Z. That's how a drug addict apologizes. Really? That's why they're told not to apologize. They've been sober a long time. They stop doing that. Oh. Yeah.

I'm very nuts and bolts. I just like an apology that has some moving parts to it. I like mechanical apologies, you know, that, that live somewhere. I also, I don't like apologies that don't pencil out math wise. You know what I mean?

Like a people are too much one way or another. That's a thing. People do this thing where they're like, Oh, there'll be an hour late to a you know meeting or lunch date or something to be an hour late and then they'll go i was getting out the door and the phone rang oh and uh my dad wanted wanted me to look something up for him it's like that's you accounted for three minutes of the you know what know what's interesting? That's not an hour. Don't give me that.

People do tons of that, or they do, you know, I'm sorry I'm an hour late, but there was a fender bender on the 405. It's like, then get off on Sepulveda and go around it, and we'll add nine minutes to this equation. It wasn't that.

I had an experience with a cop, and the police must hear this shit all the time. Anything but an apology, right? Excuses. And I was speeding, and this police must hear this shit all the time. Anything but an apology, right? Excuses. And I was speeding. And this guy was the middle of the night. I was coming back from Loveland. And this cop just zoomed up alongside me.

He goes, what is your excuse for driving like that? I looked at him. I said, there is no excuse for it. And he went, he like pulled away. And he went, okay, well, slow down. And he kind of like, get out of here. I was like, I said, there's no excuse. There's absolutely no excuse for driving the way I just drove because there wasn't there was no best way to get out

of a ticket by the way is that that apology or not non-argument they're so not used to it they're just they never see it right they get a bunch of bullshit all the time yeah yeah yeah i um yeah i started golfing with this with this older, and they're all retired guys. And so – What's wrong with you? I don't know. I had a good time, though. And one of the guys is like, hey, I want you to come back out golfing with us again.

I'm just going to text you whenever we go. Typically, it's on a weekday when I'm working, though, so I can't. But he's like, just tell me yes or no. I don't want you to go, oh, I'm working. I wish I could. Just yes or no. Let's just move on. And it's so nice.

Yes. No, I agree. And then people, they don't like the short, curt answers I give all the time, especially with texting. And it bothers them. And I'm like, I don't know why you're so bothered by this. And also, do you have to internalize everything? You don't have to internalize everything? You know what I mean? You don't have to internalize everything.

Yeah. All right. I'm looking at my last couple of texts from you just to kind of. Oh, they are. They're short. Oh, yeah. Because we're not going to get anything done. It's almost like it's.

You have to know Adam, though, and kind of read his language. And you get it. Well, here's a. When do we start? Okay. I can do 10 o'clock. No answer. think oh my god all right does that work yeah well listen chris you gotta go work on my phone because i honestly i want to say the word yes but i say yeah which sounds dismissive but it's the one that pops up when you hit the y i'll i can program it to where if you press y it says yes sounds good love you

and i i sat in a green room in naples florida with a comedian who said oh give me that phone i'll i'll fix this and he couldn't so this morning yeah yeah yeah i wanted to say yes but yeah popped up and i knew you were a big boy. All right. No, I would be confused if something more came my way. You know what I mean? Are you okay, Adam? Are you all right?

Rancho Mirage Agua Caliente Casino. Doing stand-up there. That'll be Saturday. Second show added. First show sold. Second show's added. So come on out. You can go to amcrow.com for all the live shows everywhere.

What do you got, Drew? Drdrew.com for the pods and the streaming shows there too, but get a blast at drdrew.tv. So, until next time, Adam Crowell for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo! Hold on to your jingle bells. Pluto TV has all your holiday favorites for free. Enjoy

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