The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #1903 Oppositional Defiance

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

Wrapping up the week, Adam continues to dissect 'difficult' and 'easy' people, how one preys on the other and how becoming difficult helps with those that already are. Plus, Dr. Drew explains how opposition is considered confrontational in today's society and the problems with defiance. Leave us a voicemail: SpeakPipe.com/AdamandDrDrew OR Click the microphone at top of the homepage, AdamandDrDrew.com

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Yeah, get it on. Got to get on a show. Get on that group or survive. Yeah. All right. Yeah. So we were talking about difficult people and easy people

and difficult people cause anxiety in me and maybe others as well because you're like It's not gonna work. You know, here's what they're gonna say, and it's gonna be a big problem There's gonna be a problem, you know, hang on a second. And also they're super predictable. You can set your fucking clocks to difficult people. They're always consistent. They're super, super consistent and they just don't do what you want. That's the one through line. And are you talking about in relation to like sharing a project together wanting them to do something on your behalf

It's just never gonna work. It's not gonna be easy and whatever it is You what whatever it is you want? Yeah, you're not getting it that that was always that's what I understood That's what I figured out at least during the divorce process this whatever your wishes are, they're not coming true. Or whatever your desires are, whatever. The only thing that was consistent is, you're just not gonna get what you're asking for or what you want. That's what I kind of learned.

Everything else is inconsistent. But the one consistent thing is just, whatever it is you would like to happen, that's not going to happen. Wasn't your mom kind of like that? Yeah, my mom was kind of that way. I mean, whatever it is you want, you're not getting. That's what I mean. It could be a mini bike, could be Wonder Bread, could be a hug. It didn't matter. You're just not going to get, my dad was that way too. Whatever it is you

want, you're not going to get what you want my dad was that way to whatever it is you want You're not gonna get what you want was Ray that way I don't know how Sarely now if it's a threat of oppositional defiance we're talking about well, they're all have an oppositional defiance disorder Yes, that's that's for sure. But mmm But it's that that's the part that's super consistent. You're not gonna get, whatever it is you would like, it's not gonna happen. And it could be mechanical stuff like driving.

Sometimes you just go, look, you're over here, I'm over there, why don't we just meet in the middle, we'll eat and we'll go to Encino, we'll find a restaurant. It's like, it's not gonna happen. They're gonna tell you why. You know what I mean? Yes, yes. It's such a weird thing because the easy people, it's just the easiest. You know what I mean? As I hear you saying that, I think to myself, oh yeah, those of us that are just kind of getting along to go along to get along, we are probably the reason these people are able to continue the way that they do. Yes. We're an enablers. You were enabling. Yeah.

We were a little more firm with this and just became a little more difficult ourselves. Yes. As always, you know, everything with the human is getting the balance right. Well, the easy, the difficult people pray on easy people because they know they're easy and they don't want agitation and friction. And so they pray on them.

They essentially take advantage of that. That's how it works. As they know the person's passive. And what they'll do is the people will be like, they will tell the passive kid, just sit in the back seat to the beach and back, I just don't wanna deal with this, you know what I mean? And so then they end up getting pushed into some position

and then they end up being resentful because it's like, now I'm being punished because I'm reasonable. Which is essentially what the government does. It's essentially what every everyone who pays taxes in California gets punished because we pay taxes and follow the law. You know what's interesting is that the response of that becomes fighting for freedom. Freedom from these types, freedom from these people that want to tell you how to live and are difficult. You want to be free of that. Yes. Kind of interesting, right? Well, life is just so much easier when you're not dealing with difficult people, you know. Also,

you're not dealing with difficult people, you know? Also, difficult people get, I won't say shunned, but they end up getting left alone a lot because people don't want to deal with them, you know? My mom's goal was to be left alone and so was my dad's goal and it worked, but I don't know why they like what's satisfying about that life for them, but you stop asking them for stuff. You stop at, you know, there's no, there is no universe where you would say, you know, oh I gotta, I gotta move this weekend. Gotta get my mom and dad to come over and help, you know, like you would never. Not in a million years. You would leave them alone. It worked. What's so interesting is some of history's great,

that go down for so deeply compassionate about the human and equity and the human condition. And what did Rousseau's idea of the gentle native, whether it was Rousseau or Lenin or Marx or Stein, these are the most difficult people on earth No one is more difficult than the people that are gonna tell you how society should be put together Yeah, I'm an interesting now. You're completely Right. You're 100% right

Yes, they're the most difficult people and I guess It kind of makes them hypocrites Yes, but what happens with difficult people is you start leaving them off the list because you don't want to deal with them Then then they get angry and then they're gonna get more involved in telling you how you should be Yeah, I I think there's an element of that but in general You just leave them alone Because yeah, they're nothing good comes from whatever it is. You're gonna try to get from them You have and and you avoid and you would never that's us now We're enabling again, they never asked them to pick you up from the airport, you know, so they get their way

Yeah, they don't want to pick you up from the airport, you know. So they get their way. Yeah, they don't want to pick you up from the airport and you don't even ask anymore because they're difficult and a highly reinforced strategy. It's probably more reinforced than you know, many other things in life that we we reinforce. You start, You stop asking these people for anything because you don't want to deal with the reaction that they're going to have. And it works. I mean, look, how much money did my dad want to give me from his wallet? And the answer is zero. He didn't want to give me any money. All right, well, it worked.

It worked nicely. When I got arrested for permit, when I got arrested for moving violations or whatever I got, I got arrested and I got put into the holding tank. And I had a phone call to make because I had to be bailed out and I certainly didn't have $500

or whatever it cost to bail me out. I did not call my dad and I did not call my mom Call your friends. I called my friends and and and they didn't have 500 bucks either but They were able to pass the hat Between three or four of them to cobble together 500 bucks to get me out of the North Hollywood holding tank and I never even thought to call my dad or or my mom and wouldn't didn't didn't cross my mind I know that story kind of stays with me. Actually, it's it's one of the sadder stories you've told

Right and the way as I recall she had something to do with you getting arrested her bad bad counsel Yeah, her she told me I counsel. Yeah, I heard she told me, uh, I told her and my stepdad that I had warrants and that I was going to get arrested if I got pulled over and, and I had to go work at Hoffman travel on Ventura Boulevard. And my mom said, well, she didn't say, how much do you owe? You know what I mean of course not she just said Valley Spring Lane runs parallel with Ventura Boulevard and doesn't have

a lot of cops on it so I just took Valley Spring Lane the following morning and then got pulled over and arrested but there's no way she was gonna cut a check so her son wouldn't have warrants. Now, there's some version where she probably could have said, look, I'll write a check for 500 bucks and then you'll come here for the next five Saturdays and mow this lawn or do whatever or something. But she wasn't gonna do it. I mean, she wasn't gonna do it. My dad wasn't gonna do it.

And it was good in the sense, not good, but super effective in that I didn't ask my dad or my mom for that check beforehand. And then after I got arrested, I didn't ask my dad or my mom to bail me out because they had sufficiently dissuaded me from asking them things. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I don't have that relationship with my kids. They would ask me for anything whenever, all the time. So it is, but people will kind of think of you the way you get them to think of you. And I don't understand, I don't know that people fully understand that. I think it's not like it's, if you point it out to them, it's not like it's confusing, right?

But it's not, they don't think of it. They don't seem to care about it somehow. And again, this is back to something I said last show about the issue of feeling guilt and shame when you're on your own when you're by yourself that's when you should feel it not when you get caught and so it's just this weird I it all feels narcissistic right we've just we just become so narcissistic that it's it's a problem and we know it I mean it's not like it's you know it's almost a platitude to say it now. Yeah. The other thing I was thinking about when I was driving here, which I think is a problem, but now maybe others don't. I don't know. I don't know why I was thinking of this, but I think about these things often, oftentimes, you know,

where you know, circling back to my mom again, where I'll go like, you know, I would put a pocket door into the bathroom so you don't have the door opening in against the sink or opening in against the tub or opening up, cutting the hallway off. And she'd go, Norma, thanks. And I'd go, Norma's a wildly unsuccessful person that doesn't, hasn't done anything. And I put a Lamborghini in my house, you know, and I've done so much. Why not, why not me? I know Norma says.

They did put a door, it swung, they swung it into the sink. And like when you were at my mom's house, her house was so small that if you swung the door out, it would cut the hall off. You couldn't get past it, you know? They swung it in and swung it into the sink. They should have put a pocket door. When Jimmy and Gina, Gina's first wife of Jimmy, when they were remodeling their kitchen,

I was just in there with Gina and I was like, she's like, oh, the island's gonna go here, then I'm gonna have a fridge, big sub-zero, big four-footer with the big thing and the freezer down below. And I said, you gotta get a split door fridge because when this door opens, it's gonna cut the kitchen in half with the island.

You can't get past it or whatever. I was like six months later, I was at a party at their house. I was like walking back from the backyard and someone had the fridge open and was getting stuff and I knocked on it like it was a front door so I could get past, you know? And I was like, all right, don't listen. Nobody ever listens.

It's fine, but here's what I'm saying. Here's the thought I was thinking. I was like, my mom was not smart and then there's Elon Musk. And he's a genius. And not in 100 million years if I said to my mom, look, I know who to vote for, what to vote on. Why don't you just do the same as Elon Musk, he's a genius.

She'd go, no way. She would do the opposite, right? Now, I would heavily consider Elon Musk and his genius in terms of how he's voting on stuff or what he thinks. You know what I mean? And I would go, well, that guy's a fucking genius. So maybe he does have thoughts about stuff. Maybe he knows something.

Maybe he knows something. My mom would reject that. And so would more than three quarters of the people live in California. They'd just be like, fuck Elon Musk. I'm voting, I would vote the opposite of Elon Musk. Now, I wouldn't because I would consider his genius. Yeah.

But that's the oppositional defiant part, right? Is it? And by the way, the other thing I noticed recently, I was talking to a, uh, a psychology co two psychologists, he's a psychometric guy, and she's a clinical psychologist. And they wrote a book called Trump derangement syndrome. They have clarified that this is a measurable thing. The primary feature is people with external locus of control. Some of you and I have talked about where they sort of sort of character issues where everything

happens to them rather than being able to be a commander of their own ship. And I was saying, you know, my theory is that one of the reasons that so much runs amok on college campuses and other places, is that the people in charge now were the only, were the anti-authoritarians back in the day, in the 60s and 70s. Now, I was talking to a young journalist and she said, you know, you go to journalism school right now. Journalism used to be the kids that sat in the back of the room. It was sort of a white, a blue collar kind of a job. Now it's the kids that come from extraordinary wealth, they're in the front of the classroom raising their hand, oh, I got an answer, I got an answer. But the teacher and the administrators at the college were the antisocial types from the 60s and 70s, but now they're in

charge. And I thought to myself, oh, of course, if somebody has antisocial impulses, God help you when they become the authority. Oh my God help you when they become the authority. Oh my God. Because when they become the authority, that's when they start the march and the controlling and all the shit we're seeing right now. They were anti-authoritarian when they were pushing back on someone else's authority, but now that they're in charge, God help you. That's the circumstance. And the useful idiots are these wealthy kids that go to the elite institutions who want

to be pleasers, and they just are absolutely sort of suckling at the teat, as you would say, of the information that these anti-authoritarian, now authoritarian professors and administrators feed them. It's interesting, right? Yeah, it's almost sort of like when poor people hit the lottery and they start buying jewelry and they get their Rolls-Royce wrapped in gold wrap and sort of and they're what they're doing is they're going well Isn't this what a rich person does and it's well, isn't this what a rich person does? And it's like, no, that's not what a rich person does. That's your version of what that is. And I feel when certain folks get put into positions of power, they go,

well, this is what they would do. It's also kind of a weird, like I feel that way with like Lori Lightfoot. Like she's like funny-looking black lesbian you know and she would grow up going nobody likes me everyone's fucking hates me because I'm black or I'm a lesbian or I'm funny-looking or whatever she does not now she's missing the real white privilege which is the real white privilege, which is the real white privilege

is when I was telling you I was pulled over on my motorcycle and taken to jail, if I were black and the officer was white and he was, I might have thought to myself, I bet he's only doing this because I'm black, but I'm white, but I'm white. So I understand that he would do it to me too, right? And I've had another instance where I got pulled off a motorcycle and they towed the

motorcycle and I walked home. Now if I was black, I would go, oh, that's why. So then you take someone like Lori Lightfoot, and she thinks everything's stacked against her because of her race and her sexual proclivities and her aesthetic and everything like that, and then she goes, now I'm in power. Now I'm gonna act like they act, except for that's not how they were acting.

You just felt that. And so now we got a problem because you're screaming at people that if they walk by the lakefront, you're gonna have them arrested during COVID because you're thinking, well, what would a leader do? What would someone in power do? I wonder if there's a study because,

and it's not across the board, it's not across the board, but I think if you take people that were marginalized or there weren't a lot of women in politics and there weren't a lot of blacks and there weren't a lot of whatever, and you put them in positions of power, I feel like statistically they overcompensate and go because these guys were the ones

that were holding us back. These sort of legacy white guys, with some exceptions like Gavin Newsom, but the legacy white guys just sort of show up and govern. They don't really have this chip on their shoulder of defying them or something like that I Feel that with a lot of female politicians like you've defied me, you know, it's like a we're not defying you I just want to walk on a fucking horse trail without a mask. It's 95 degrees outside

You know what? I mean, don't look at that as defying you Yes, which yes, which I wouldn't you't have that, you wouldn't experience that as being defying, but they do. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Yes, I do. Going to be a fucking issue. You know, like, I would just like schools to be reopened. Your experience that is defying you. But it's not. I want the schools reopened for...

Because I got kids. Or even just having a disagreement becomes defiance. You're not allowed to disagree, which is where we are. I think women experience disagreements as defiance at a higher rate than men. That's interesting. Probably true, right? I think because of their wiring, I would say anyone who's been in a couple relationships with women would probably say that, yeah, I'd say there's a higher likelihood that they would experience a disagreement

as a defiance, or at least have a higher degree of defiance than disagreement. Also a lower threshold for seeing discourse as conflict. Mm-hmm. You know, it's like, why are we arguing? It's like, I argue, she's got an opinion. Arguing, I just said I like blue, what's wrong with that? Yeah. Why are we arguing? That's a good one. No that's the that's the other trait that women have is, which I experienced quite a bit, is they will throw something out. You know, they'll go,

this is earthquake country, you know, and then I'll go, we had a major earthquake in 1972, and then we had another major earthquake 22 years later in 94, and we've not experienced one since then. And they'll go, what do you mean? There's earthquakes all the time or something. And then you go, all right, let me get my phone out. Then you go, 1972 and 1994 were the only earthquakes over 6.5 that we've, and they go, okay, why do you have to start in?

You know what I mean? And it's like, I'm not starting in. It's called information. You're annoying. Yes, I'm annoying you. I get it. Why did you, you made a proclamation. I told you what happened and now you want to know why we're arguing but we're not. I know

we're just having a conversation. We don't want to take a couple of quick calls. Oh I didn't know we had, well you're saying take calls. Well I mean we have some voicemails, by the bigger part. Remember we've talked about that a few times? No, actually I don't. You don't remember that? Oh, interesting. And my apologies if I if I see there you go, that's an easy person. But we have you've said take some calls on more than one occasion. Now, now here's the good news. It's in. I got it. For I don't know why I didn't make note of it before, but did not get in.

But now in the two, some voicemails, let's do Sean. No, no, no. Let's do one second here. I'll look at these. Let's say Dar voicemails. Let's do Sean. No, no, no, let's do Let's say Darrell line six line six. All right, all six caller six have we Trump is a liar and Biden is a liar. I Trump is a liar and Biden is a liar. I think Trump is an exaggerator. Yeah. Saying that there's more people at your inauguration than there actually was. Who cares?

Biden, he just flat out lies about things that are easily, provably false. Anyway, I think there's a difference since you're, you know, a words mean something guy. There you go. Have a great day. Yeah, well, I've said that as much and given the example of the inauguration size, you know, Trump- You said it a million times. I said it a million times. Which I find weird that he doesn't, he didn't hear you say it one of those million times.

Yes, Biden... It's blowhard, exaggerator, things that don't matter versus really substantial things. He'll lie... he'll lie on occasion, but he's really just kind of doing what people do when they get into arguments, you know? Like, so they'll kind of do a thing where someone will go, I accuse you of being an alcoholic, and a lot of people just go, I've never had a drink in my life. Right. You know, and then you go, I was with you last Saturday, you had a beer in your hand. One time I had a beer in my hand. You know what I mean?

They just, there's people who just argue that way. You know what I mean? Yep. It's the opposite of what I was talking about with the living your life as though a camera is running. As though someone's watching the film. Remember when Biden said, I have never talked to my son about his business ever. I was like, of course he's lying.

And also you would have to talk to your son about business because fathers talk to their sons about business, regardless of the business, you know what I mean? So it would be patently insane to, my son opened a bicycle repair shop in Glendale, it would be bizarre for me not to ask him how business was at Thanksgiving. You know, and then he'd say,

I'm thinking about opening a second store in Monrovia, and I'd go, oh, well, what's the rental property cost over there in Monrovia? Can get a five year lease? You know, of course you would talk to your son about business, but especially if your son was doing it in Ukraine. If you were doing it in Ukraine and then you were in charge of funding for Ukraine and you had jurisdiction over Ukraine and how much money they got from us then yeah it would probably come up especially if you traveled on Air Force two to Ukraine and

your dad was in the plane and things of that nature. I would imagine it would come up, but no, never. Never, never once. Can anybody, I mean, but that's the whole thing about Biden. It's like there's 15 clips of him getting indignant with Peter Doocy going, I have never talked to my son ever. Like why, here was my argument. Ducey going I have never talked to my son ever like Why? Here's my here was my argument Why does Biden not have the designation as a liar?

Yeah, this is what I don't understand First off he told the biggest lie, which is he's fine. He's sharp, you know, you know, hey Jack, let's do push-ups You know, I don't need to. I've taken a cognitive test, you have? I don't need to take a cognitive. I mean, it's like, Jesus Christ, he's been lying for the last three years about his cognition. Well, and not only that, but his law school status and so many things about his past. And it's amazing. I guess there was a time when, you know, you could say stuff in public and just then deny it later.

Cause there's no, there weren't cameras running. There wasn't social media. My whole, what I say to this person who left this message is all I'm saying is, is why does Biden get the designation of the saintly gentleman with dignity? It's like he lies his fucking ass off all day every day. Why does he get this designation as the guy with the dignity? I get all the emails from the Biden campaign and there's one, I think

I sent it, Byron, go ask Joe if I sent him an email from the Biden campaign like three days ago. Not from Harris. Did I send it to Joe and Joe sent it? Sorry, from the Harris Biden. It was Biden speaking. Got it to me. You can blow it up if you can, because I can't really read it from here. But it's, it's great. It was like Joe Biden reaching out to me. Saving democracy.

No, this this was the title of it, I guess. Let's see if my guys can find it, if it's in the computer. Now, this isn't it. This is the one about, I'll paraphrase. I don't know, maybe I sent him the wrong one, although I don't think I did. Anyway, it was just Joe Biden going, listen, when I signed up for this job, I promised to level with the American people, and I have, and I'm gonna level with you, man. And it's like, level with me?

You just got done lying to everybody for years. What are you talking about? But it's like, literally, I don't know how it works, because I'd be like, look, I'm gonna title this one leveling with America. You know I always level with you. And it's like, no, I do not. No, I do.

What are you talking about? It's just been, you lied until the very end, until your own party basically put a fucking shank in your back and threw you out. What are you talking about? You're always leveling with the American people. That's, that's insane, right? But just think about what's in the mind of the people that are actually running the government and running his campaigns that thought that was a

viable way of presenting themselves or presenting him. I mean think about that. All right. I will be at the automobile museum tonight in Reno doing standup there, and Patrick Warburton's gonna open, and he's funny. And so you can see that, it'll be seven o'clock, and then I'll be at Kimmel's Club. I'm going all over the place. You go to AdamKerrle.com, and I'll be doing standup somewhere, so find those shows.

What do you got, Drew? Ask Dr. Drew's dreams Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday at 3. Go to rumble, sign up, subscribe. So, until next time, Adam Carle for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala! Summer might be wrapping up, but Pluto TV's Summer of Cinema is still going strong with hundreds of free movies. It's never too late to join an epic adventure with Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. Step up your movie game with Stomp the Yard. Get in the ring with Nacho Libre. Or set a course for the stars with Star Trek.

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