The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #1939 A Veneer of Pretending

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

Adam wraps up the week starting with a voicemail on the love for his parents, he opens up about his mother's final letter, and he dissects the transactional side of love. Then, Dr. Drew gets his video on spotting sociopaths, and they explore the full transparencies of George Steinbrenner & Martha Stewart. Leave us a voicemail: SpeakPipe.com/AdamandDrDrew OR Click the microphone at top of the homepage, AdamandDrDrew.com Please Support Our Sponsor: This Episode is Sponsored by BetterHelp, BetterHelp.com/AdamandDrew

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board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to the Adam and Dr. Drew show. Yeah, get it on. Got the the members of the members of the board for size. Next, Dick special specialist. Now we got the sociopath thing to get to. We got some interesting voice messages to get to. I got Ken, his voice message is interesting. It's a subject I'm interested

in. Well, it might dovetail into this sociopath video too. Mm-hmm. Ken, yeah. Hi, Adam. My condolences on the passing of your father You're the most rational and practical thinker there is very brilliant my question is Do you and did you love your mom and dad? That's it show some emotion. Maybe I'm not sure. Love you. I Did not

Simple enough. But I'll tell you why. And I don't know, you again, you just tell me. Okay? Yeah. I've never really subscribed to the you just love somebody because that just is. It just is. Well kids, babies, children do that.

You have a wish. because that just is, it just is. Well, kids, babies, children do that. You have a wish, and that wish is to be loved by these people. It's a desire, you know what I mean? You don't really have a desire to love them, but you do have a desire to be loved by them. But you also have a desire to be loved by them. But you also have that desire because to be loved by somebody, you would then get the accoutrements of that. You would get food, you would get hugs, you would get stories.

Evidence. Evidence of that love. Yes, you would get to do. I mean, I think kids, see, I don't know that kids need that love. What I'm saying is a kid is a lot like your dog. You know, does your dog love you? Or do you just feed your dog and then your dog's happy and he hangs out with you because he thinks maybe there's some more food that they could get. Well, interestingly, it kind of depends on the dog. Kind of interesting. Yeah, I mean, listen, my, you know, look, I look, Phil's great, Phil Waggisdale, when

you come into the room, he starts getting excited or whatever. But also if you're, if you're, if you're eating food, he'll walk into the room as well. Way more interested than that, I'm sure. Yeah, it's kind of both, you know, but he's both. And then I think kids are kind of that way. Like Phil, you know, they want the hugs and they want the praise and they want the food and they want Disneyland and they want a mini bike and they want to be thrown in the air, you know, and caught and everything.

So for me, I don't think God was any different than any other kid. I just wanted love, but I think I wanted what went with love. Well, that was what was conspicuously absent in your case. Yeah, but see, love without anything that goes with love is a zero. It's so interesting. It's actually worse. And I'll tell you why. Because it becomes a crutch.

I told you, see, what it, I mean, it's a problem. No, I don't know what. Well, because the stuff you didn't get is necessary for survival. That's why it becomes more. Yeah, but it's also, it's something to hide behind. You know, I've told you, my mom's, the last letter she wrote was to me and my sisters in two pieces of paper, but okay.

I'm not really holding against her, but it's kind of weird that we got one form letter. I get those from Kamala Harris all the time, you know, hey Adam, this is Barack Obama. Adam, we respect you Adam and that's why we need $49. Adam. But I got a form letter from my mom. It wasn't a form letter, it was just a copy. Well, I put it to you this way. I have a boy and a girl. They're very different people and they've had very different lives. I mean, it's manifested itself in the things they like and what they do. And I suppose if I was on my deathbed and you told me to fashion a letter for Sonny and then another one for Natalia, I wouldn't have the same letter. I would have many other experiences and thoughts and know the loves of and the likes and the whatever.

And then the boy would be something else. In which I would talk about this fond memories of going to Laguna Seca for the car races every year and how much I looked forward to being with him. You know, it was like something like that. But I wouldn't send that to my daughter because she wouldn't have done that. I would have another thing for her.

But my mom made one. For both. For both. And then in it, she explained that she was bad, but there was always great love. And I realized her being able to hide behind there was always great love worked because it was an excuse for not doing anything for her kids, right? So it's actually kind of a detriment. You know?

So, I don't think you have to inherently love anyone. I do think it's transactional. And I think people make it too, it's too built in, but it's not as in your DNA as you think it is. You, you, you. Well it is early, it is early. It's very early, but you grow up with people who don't seem to display any of that stuff,

and then you kind of wander out of the house at some point, you start your own life, and you realize they never really were that into any of that stuff. And you sort of realize, I don't think I inherently love these people, or if I do, I don't know what, how would it manifest itself? I don't really wanna hang out with them or anything.

So I don't, the answer for me is kind of no, or if it is, if it's yes, then what does it even mean? You know what I mean? Like, I love these two people, but when they call me, I go, shit. I mean, is that, okay, but there's great love. You know what I mean? Or they love me, but they don't do anything.

I mean, you know what? It's sort of academic, is what I would say. Like, I don't even, you know, I don't even know that I love my kids. I just feel a sense of obligation. I like them, I have fun with them, you know, now that they're adults and we can hang out and crack wise and have some fun.

I feel like I have to do things for them. Not in a painful way, but just that requests need to be met. I need to be there. You know what I mean? I don't sit around and kind of think about the feelings of it. I just go, you know, you coming into town, why don't you come a day early and we'll watch the game with the boys, son, you'll enjoy that. My daughter will come in and we'll go out to dinner. You know, I just feel sense of but the giving you know is is all the stuff you didn't get and It's still underneath it. I bet love itself is too tender to touch

Because you were so it was so I have some similar stuff but a different version of that But it's it's hard to touch it when you're so deprived or so abused. Yeah, I mean, I don't, I just don't think it's a given without any of the actions that are attached to it. Well, let me flip it around. I got some of the actions, but then I got abuse because I had to be an extension of them in order to receive any of these things. The action and abuse seems to still generate love. Yeah, it does.

I've had, I've talked to a million people that were like, my dad used to beat me and he had a temper, but he was a good dude and he beat me because he cared about me. That's traumatic bonding, that's a little different, but yes. But they also interpret the beating as because he wanted me to be bad. He caught me smoking, you know, and he didn't want,

he was a smoker, he didn't want me to smoke. You know, like there's some, they translated into something. You know what I mean? Yeah, I did not by the way Translated you didn't translate. No, it's no way you You You just took the abuse part and didn't translate it into any because the abuse I got was

Not being an extension of them exactly the way they wanted it. I never So there's nothing in it for me. I don't get why people undo their hard work with abuse. You know what I mean? They provide, they pay, they send you to a good school, and so on and so forth, and then they get shitty, and then it sort of negates it, which is weird. Well, when everything's about you, everything's about you. That's who your parents were. Yeah, well my mom particularly. Yeah, I had those parents too, but my parents were.

Lazy, lazy versions of that. No, I mean they're getting, look, you can get back to my dog Filth, everything is about him. Yeah. You know what I mean, it's not like, if you're vacuuming and he's trying to sleep, he just gets up and moves to a place where you're not vacuuming and then goes back to sleep. He doesn't help you vacuum.

You know what I mean? Now, is Phil inherently bad? It's like, he's not inherently bad. He's not here to do stuff for you. He's also not here to bite you while you're asleep. He's just here to do what's best for Phil. When Phil is hungry or wants to take a nap or has to take a piss, that's what Phil wants to do.

So I think that's what my parents were. But they didn't go, we gotta fuck these kids up. They were just like. Nobody does that really. No, nobody says that, but I guess what I mean is, they would have never tried to lay a trip on us, as they used to say, because that would have burned calories. It would have been something.

It would have been some involvement, you know what I mean? Like even criticism, and also they didn't have any. Play a trip. They also didn't, I realized that my dad and my mom, they didn't really understand what kids were, you know, per se. Like, I just remember, I always think about this, just driving from Vince Bruno's house and my dad's old VW Bug, you know,

and I was nine and, you know, life was, all I had was the dream of playing football. And it's all I had. I knew I was a shit student and I couldn't read, but I excelled in football and I thought, that's what I'll do, that'll get me out of this. I'll do that one day. And I was very obsessed with it.

And I just said, I also had this weird thing where it's like, you can't play professional football unless you're six foot or over. And I was just like a nine, or maybe I was eight. But it was my world. And I just said to my dad, I go, dad, do you think I'll be a six footer one day? And he just goes, no.

And I remember being real crestfallen, like, oh god. He goes, yeah, I'm not that tall, so I don't think you were gonna be. And now, that by the way encapsulates my dad, which is two things. A, I'm 6'2", which just means he was wrong about everything. But B, he didn't know what that exchange was. He didn't know what was going on in the car.

He didn't know there were some nine-year-olds who was being beat up by life and had this thing he was hoping for one day. He just answered. He just answered the same he'd answer a nine-year-old or a 39-year-old or a 59-year-old and his son or hitchhiker he picked up. It didn't really matter to him.

He just said no. Because that's how he answered, you know what I mean? And my mom would be the same way. And my grandmother was the same way, like they were all just, yeah no. And then it was like, but there was no concession of, oh he's a kid, he's not had a great life, and look he's not had a great life,

and look, he's not gonna play professional football, but he's nine. Let him. No, just no. Like, weird. And they didn't know who they were. Bizarre. It's an out of it-ness, a certain kind of out of it-ness.

Maybe it's why the, maybe the bags not being closed bother you so much, because you were dealing with that out of it-ness all the time. You were writ large. Yes, bags not being zip shut and everything going stale. But also with my parents, with a certain dusting of negativity, the answer for sure to will I be six foot will be no. It's not going to be yes.

It could have been. It could have been I Same we'll see well same amount of syllables. You know, I mean like same amount of everything not like No, there's a version where you go. Well, I don't know but you're one of the taller kids in your class, right? I go yeah. Well, then you'll probably be that way when you're a say Yeah, I know it was just now. And so he's a little negative, but also he doesn't know who he's talking to. But my mom would have just been no.

My mom's saying that I always laugh about, I think about it. And at the time, I always thought these sayings were just kind of isms, and I never thought about them too much. But if you really realize what's kind of behind them, my mom's big move is whenever I'd go, oh, I had this thing and it was so funny. Oh man, oh man, what was I gonna say? I can't remember what I was gonna say. She'd just go, must not have been very important.

Which is total negation of your smart thought or your funny thought or whatever. Why is it important to say that to somebody? Because the person is saying, I thought it was funny or interesting or witty, I had a good one. But you're saying, no you didn't. Pfft.

What? Again, you just go, I'll bet it'll come to ya. And then you can tell me. Or next time, you gotta write them down if you got good ones. Or whatever, just, nah. Nothing. Nothing.

Moving on. That's so weird. That's weird. Yeah. And when you have kids, it's ultimate weird, because then you start, you know, become a dad. Imagine saying that to them.

It's like, what? Also, it's just like, I'll say to my son all the time, you know, come watch football with daddy. Daddy and his cool friends, you know, and I go, oh yeah. You know, and you just have a little fun with them. Like something weird, right? Yeah, it's a real, it's weird to have to burn those calories. All right, take a quick break.

We'll be back with that sociopath vid right after this. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp and November is all about gratitude. We give thanks. Of course, I'd like to thank my family, my peers, my parents, a lot to be thankful for. But you know whom we do not thank enough? That is ourselves.

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This is how I spot fellow sociopaths the first thing I look out for is eyes We have dead eyes. I had to teach myself to blink more frequently so I wouldn't freak people out. There aren't many sociopaths around, let me tell you that. It's only one to four percent of the population. As successful sociopaths are very hard to spot. Just like a shit test narcissist, I can shit test sociopaths. The way I do this is by saying something absolutely ridiculous and seeing if they'll mirror me. I tell them that I spend my free time knitting. Somehow they knit as well, or their uncle does. I also bring up a range of different emotions and see how they react to them. Since lying is second nature to us, I try to catch them

out in one. The mask of sanity kindness slips a very fast at this point It's very what at this point the mask of sanity and kindness slips very fast Oh slips slips away. Yeah. Yeah, I just look for people that are Clearly acting a way that wants you to make you think of them in a certain way. And that's my thing. That's sort of more narcissistic though, isn't it? Yeah, no, I'm not, sorry, I'm not saying sociopath. I just mean-

You look for that. It's like there are two people who dance at the beginning of their TV shows. It's Ellen and Bill Cosby. Those are the two people. Now, I had this conversation with my girlfriend because we're talking about Martha Stewart and her world. And I tend to agree with Martha Stewart and those things and so forth.

But women have this thing all the time where they go, oh, well when a woman boss, she's bitchy, and when a guy does it, he's in command, or whatever, you know, that double standard for bosses who want to get work done, you know? And I said the following. I said, in the 70s and beyond, but there were two people that owned baseball teams,

George Steinbrenner and March Schott. March Schott owned the Cincinnati Reds I think. She was a bitch and she didn't make any pretense about it and everyone knew it and they made fun of her. Yeah she liked it. George Steinbrenner was an asshole. Yeah. And and was comically portrayed. In the Seinfeld. As an asshole. Yeah. And was comically portrayed. In the Seinfeld. As an asshole. Yeah, yeah. I said, it's not like we wouldn't tolerate her or would tolerate him or nobody said,

oh well, George Steinbrenner's just particular. He's a perfectionist. No, he was known as an asshole and so was Smart Shot. But that's how they presented themselves. Yeah. Ellen presents herself as a very lovely kind Gracious person who's a bitch and that's why we don't like her. Mm-hmm you Marge shot was a woman way before Ellen was a woman and

Presented herself as a bitch and we all went all right It's when you pretend and women more often have a veneer of pretending, you know, oh, look at Martha Stewart, Miss Perfect over there, making her little muffins and doing all that. And then she's demanding in the boardroom and stuff. Yeah, because she has a caricature that she's pushing up there for us to see

and then acting differently Larry David is just Larry David right? It's the switch that bothers us. Does the Martha Stewart Stewart switch bother you? No, yeah me neither No, and because she's obviously cold and she you could tell she's Man, I was watching that there's like a great Also, she does this great chick thing, which is great. She's like, she's sitting there getting interviewed.

And I love it, cause she's just like, whatever, cool. Who cares? Fuck this. And then one person, she was like, oh, when I was being indicted, there's this journalist like from the post every day, wrote horrible things about me. And then she went, she's dead now.

Good. Which is, she's dead now, good. Which is, by the way, it's exactly what Donald Trump would say. And it's exactly what I would say. If someone, all they did was write shitty things about me and then they died, I go, good. And they go, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it's like, I didn't kill them.

But the person who had another shitty article chambered about me died. Okay, moving on. Quincy Jones died too, right? You know what I mean? Like people die. Did I tell you I had dinner with her once? Well, let me finish this and then tell her that.

She's sitting there doing this interview, she seems to be obsessed with her first husband. Lately. And she's like, and Stan had multiple, multiple affairs and I tried to keep the relationship together, but I'm here to tell you women, when your man is having affairs, he is a piece of shit and you don't need to be with that piece of shit

and marriage be damned, you get away from that piece of shit as fast as you can. And then the director's voice from off camera goes, didn't you have an affair yourself? And she goes, well, yeah, but it was nothing. And then he goes, well, Stan says you had an affair before his. No, so she goes, yeah, I had an affair, but it's nothing. And then she goes, I just had the affair because he was having affairs.

And then the director goes, well, Stan said you had the affair before his affairs. And she goes, maybe I did, but it was nothing. It was nothing. I thought, wow, I wish I could do that. Don't you wish I could do that. Don't you wish you could do that, Drew? Yeah. Get real sanctimonious about something.

And then you did it first. You caused it, or you contributed to it at least. It's good. Yeah. And then warn all the women out there who are being fooled around on to pick up and leave. She's not wrong. I admire her sort of honesty,

which is what I got from her. If you remember, I judged the Miss USA contest and my dinner partners were Donald Trump and Martha Stewart. And she was very smart and cold as you know her to be, just who she is, and was telling me at the time how she did all these stock options that she eventually was indicted for because she wanted to get back to her employees. I mean, I really think she like has a charitable soul ultimately. And god damn it, that's what she got indicted for. I always thought that was awful.

Oh me too. Now she really, she got indicted for lying. I know, but it was all around these things she was doing for employees and saying, come on, you assholes. Yeah, I totally agree. Matt, 46, Idaho. Hey, how are you doing? Good, how are you doing? Hi, Matt. Oh, not too bad. I just had a question for you guys. My wife's cousin is having a real problem with drinking lately. She just went to the doctor and she's had stomach issues. She distanced herself from the family. So she had GERD.

I don't know if that is alcohol related. Oh, for sure. Of course. But so what? Seems like she just wants to distance herself from the alcohol. She wants to distance herself from the alcohol. Yeah. She wants to distance herself from the alcohol? From the family, maybe. No, from the family, I'm sorry.

Yes. Oh, okay. So what's the question? What do we do when, like, you know, like Dr. Girardi said, like, you have to make a statement, like we're not going to talk to you anymore. But what happens if they make that statement and we can't reach them anymore because they've distanced themselves so much. Is she functional?

Hardly. I mean, is she married invited her to barbecues and all that stuff, but she can't work all that kind of thing. Does she have anybody in her life? marriage wise? I guess she does. And that guy is on social security and he is also a drunk so great doesn't help. No. Yeah. Well, the reality is you're helpless. There's only so much you can do with this stuff. Certainly don't be silent about it. She knows she's drinking too much.

And two things, three things I would say. One is when you do bring things up, bring it up in this sense of questioning. I've noticed, I'm wondering if you're worried, we're worried, are you worried? Don't get accusational, don't use a lot of you're doing this. It's like, look, we're worried about you, I wondered if you have any concerns or what you're playing. It's just the question, question, question. That's all. And believe me, she knows. Believe me. Number one. Number two, you can go to Al-Anon and you can get anybody around to go to Al-Anon and you will change how you relate to her. And this is what I always tell families, the only thing you can do is go to Al-Anon. That's it. And it will change your relationship with them. You get a sponsor, you go to Al-Anon, you learn how to deal with this. If you're motivated to, it's a lot of work and it's not, you know, technically not your problem,

but if you actually want to be of help, that is the only way you can actually be of help. What was my third part gonna be? So it's, you know, wonderment, questioning, go to Al-Anon. That's what you say. And then, yeah, and then don't let up. Don't, you know, the isolating is completely

part of the disease. It's how they maintain their illness. It's just what they do. And don't let that, don't let up. Don't, you know, the isolating is completely part of the disease. It's how they maintain their illness. It's just what they do. And don't let that, don't let her do it, but realize there's only so much you can do and just keep offering help and you're here if she wants it and that kind of thing. But you cannot jump in and go, stop drinking for Christ's sake or kill yourself. No, that's going nowhere. That's all.

That's how you bring all the four shields up. I have a palate cleanser for the end of the show. Please let's bring it I don't know why I just saw the other day Dave Smith get into it with Chris Cuomo about Ivermectin But I'm the old the that preview they do it again or no, I think it's old one But it was a little different version of it that I've just been Thoroughly enjoying I think this is that one Joe Rogan is bigger than every single show at CNN combined and gets paid more than every single person at

CNN combined and he was 100% right about this thing the entire time. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me get this point out here. Tell me what he was right about. Okay, how about you know what you just revealed last month on Pat's show about Ivermectin? Yeah, Joe Rogan was saying that and you were smearing him for saying that yeah, you literally said he's taking horse dewormer Yeah, you should be ashamed of himself you pleaded with your audience to not take it Yes, then you come back around and you go a fat You know what? I just found out turns out this this thing isn't for animals

It turns out humans are but Chris but that's not five-minute Google But that's and you would have known that first of all your how do you not apologize to Joe? Listen the people who make Ivermectin disagree with you What do they disagree with me about that the drug should not be taken as a standalone for COVID-19 I never said it shut on hold on. This is the move the subtle move of the liar subtle Nobody has ever said take nothing but ivermectin. Joe Rogan was famously saying, I'm on seven things. Nobody ever said stand alone.

And he did the same thing for Dana White. Got the exact same protocol for him. With an NAD infusion, ivermectin, monoclonal antibody. This is where they circle back in history and try to make themselves correct. Yeah. But you can keep playing because think of David is so smart, Dave Smith. He's so good. He's so smart, but he's also just honest. Okay, so Chris. Drugs should not be taken as a standalone for COVID-19. I never said it should. That's what Rogan was saying. No, no, no, no, no, no. He did not. No, listen, see, this is the thing, Chris. That is a lie. That is a

blatant lie. So you just pretended that I said it's a standalone for COVID. No, no, no. Here's what it always was. Here's what Joe Rogan said. My doctor prescribed it to me along with several other medications just like your doctor prescribed it to you Oh, he was on it too. That was all point of this Yes, and so they you're saying Joe Rogan said it was a standalone. That's clearly just lying. Oh, yeah sad I like Chris Cuomo. I like they sort of coming around. He's, he is, my respect for him is going way up. I know, but he's moved from there too. He's come off of that. It's become clear that these people just lied right through COVID, right? I want his description of what he was doing one day, like maybe a year from now for him to go, you know what? I was caught up in this thing. I was doing what my boss wanted me to do. We were

hysterical and all sharing the same ideas in our silo and that was that. I'll take that. I'll tell you what happened. What happened is if I kept coming in here every day, talking about meat is murder, and then just talking about, I got just FaceTime from best friend Pam Anderson, and then I opened the fridge and I saw some deli meat,

and I was like, who whose deli meat is this? Get this out of here. And I just kept saying it. At some point, if Emmy was eating a ham sandwich in his office and I came walking in, he'd just slide it underneath the sweater and put the sweater on. I wouldn't have to say to him, you can't eat a ham.

He would know what we were doing here. And then I I would go we just got an endorsement from PETA and they're gonna spend a million Dollars on advertising Emmy would hide his fucking sandwich. So you get Your marching orders at CNN you get up there and start going. Oh, listen I've been acting could be effective and Pfizer's got another shot commercial with John Legend coming on right after this segment, and you're gonna get fucking fired. They, none of it was a, there are no, there aren't smoking guns.

There's no memo where CNN says lie about Ivermectin. You get which way the fucking wind is blowing real fast, and that's why they all got tuned up. Yep, and on the same page is lying the same thing is not saying necessarily what you believe I Will say that 100% of liars think No, I will say this out of 100 liars No, I will say this. Out of 100 liars, seven of them will go, yeah, I lie. The other 93 are in their mind not lying. Chris Cuomo is lying. He's just lying. He's fucking lying

right there. And he's being called out for lying, but he doesn't think he's a liar. But he is lying. Yep. And he's not, there's nothing but a lie because the standalone thing with Joe Rogan said that. You just completely fabricated that. We got to dig in deeper on this. Most liars don't believe they're lying. That's a big, interesting thing. Oh, it's a big, it's a big issue.

That's a problem. Barack Obama just gets up there and talks about good people on both sides and whatever. She's lying. But he doesn't think so. It's interesting. No, no, lying. But he doesn't think so. It's interesting. No, no, no. Or he doesn't care. Chris Cuomo is lying, but he's not a liar.

Barack Obama is lying, but he's not a liar. You know how many people do bad things and think they're good people? Remember, we started, my mom didn't do things for her kids, but there was great love. That's where we're at, Drew. All right, gonna be in Vegas, coming up on the 14th of November,

and then Big Bear doing comedy there on the 16th. Oxnard, Levity Live, the 29th. Just go to AdamKerl.com for all the live shows. What do you got, Drew? How did your mom infuse her bullshit throughout society? Do we live in the some sort of? Manufactured universe how did she what infuse her bullshit through the land you know her shit Shit, she picked up other people's bullshit, and then parroted their bullshit. She was indoctrinated into the... Early adopter. Yeah, she heard no nukes and meat is murder

and ecology and ice age and all that shit. And she just stole the land from the indigenous people and stuff. She just was a vessel for all stupid ideas. Subscribe at Rumble Ask Dr. Drews. By that being said, there's great, great. All right, till next time, I'm Pro for Dr. Drew, say it, mahalo.

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