The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #1956 Victim by Proxy

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Today, Dr. Drew starts off sharing the news on the re-resurrection of Loveline, they reminisce on the early days at KROQ, and Adam shares his disconnect from his grandparent's tchotchkes. Plus, Ace goes into a deep therapy sesh with Dr. Drew, and he explains the 'Karpman Triangle', and they then dissect victimhood. Leave us a voicemail: SpeakPipe.com/AdamandDrDrew OR Click the microphone at the top of the homepage, AdamandDrDrew.com

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and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to the Adam and Dr. Finske, you're listening to the Adam and Dr. Drew show. Yeah, get it on, get it on, get it on, Dr. Drew's aboard for five, six, Dick Specialist messing. For fun. Yeah, what's going on, Druske? So we have an interesting topic to start with today. I saw Kyle lean in.

I think he wants us to talk about this one. I thought, oh, this is, he seems interested in what we're saying for a change. And that is- I think he wants us to talk about this one. I thought, oh, this is, he seems interested in what we're saying for a change. And that is- I think he just farted. It could be, he could be just positioning himself. He'll sometimes lean a little forward. Yeah.

But the radio station, the home station where you and I used to work, which was eventually became sort of our local affiliate for the show, Loveline, is KROQ. It's where I started there in 1983. You came in there in 86, 96 rather, right? 95, 96? I got there in 94.

Oh, I'm sorry, Love Line though, you came. Sorry, you're right, yeah, 95, 96. Yeah, and then you got at KROQ on the morning show in 94. They apparently are resurrecting Love Line. Oh. They're gonna haveing Loveline. Oh, they're going to have a local version of Loveline in our slot, 10 to midnight, I guess five nights a week. I actually, I'm flashing on and people need to remember it was a one night a week show for 10 years, for 12 years. Yeah. What year did it start? Started in 1983, maybe

even 82. I started there in 83, 84. And it was one night a week, originally midnight to 3 a.m. And I was hanging out from like midnight to 1, that's about all I could tolerate, sometimes midnight to 2. And then it moved to 10 to, it went to like 11 to 2, then 10 to 1, and then 10 to midnight. Have you become, we'll circle back, have you become a puss in the sleep department as I have? Oh, a thousand percent. Cause I used to just rally. Yeah, so I, but I'm doing it sort of consciously.

Yeah. Let me tell you a story, you'll like this. When I first started working, I worked in so many different environments for practicing medicine. One of the environments was a nursing home that was a brain unit, dementia unit. And when I first went in there as getting to know the patients, there were a lot of men, severe dementia, been beside every man's bed. The bedside was a picture of him standing in front of his automobile factory, standing on the ship where he was the admiral. And I thought, oh man, these guys all had these huge stressful

jobs. I wonder if stress leads to dementia. So I started interviewing the families again just to get to know the guys. I go, was he stressed by his work? Oh no, no, no, he loved his work. He wasn't stressed at all. He just loved it. I said, what what was that? Did he ever, was there a long hour? Did he ever sleep? No, never slept. And I just made note of that 30 years ago. I thought, oh yeah, sleep, as you get older, sleep is a big deal. And now we know that it is, it helps clean out some of the remnants of metabolism that are associated with dementia. So we need sleep. So personally, I'm consciously pussified. And I think it's to sleep. So personally, I'm consciously pussified. And I think it's to my own detriment. Like I'm trying to stay in bed

every eight hours every night, but I'm only sleeping like six and a half hours. Seven, I'm driving. I wear a ring to measure my sleep. It's driving me crazy. Anyway, yes, pussified. All right, so K-Rock, returning. Returning. So yeah, you and I used to drive home. Remember how I used to say I'd be asleep by one, two, three, four on the clock? One. Twelve, thirty-four. If I saw... Three, four. I can't remember. I remember you... I remember many discussions about you being asleep by... Yeah. But I forgot the algorithm of one, two, three, four.

If I would see twelve, thirty 12 34 on the clock and I was still awake I'd be pissed. That was my thing. Yeah. And so I could fall asleep in three minutes I would be home instantly. We drink coffee all night and I'd be up at six o'clock or 630 and yes, rally, big rally, no sleep. So what are your thoughts? They're gonna resurrect the show. I don't have thoughts about it. I never did. I never had any thoughts about stuff.

I didn't really have that many thoughts about The Man Show when they came back for fifth season without us. I didn't have thoughts about that. I don't have thoughts about that. I don't have thoughts. You know, I, I had a, I built a custom house in Malibu when I was a carpenter spent quite a bit of time there building it. And one day drove past it and there was just the foundation, you know, burnt to the ground.

I had no thoughts. So I think my family gave me no thoughts About stuff. Well, you know, it's you know, my mom and my dad have both died down. There's no wake funeral Yeah, there's not a lot what they haven't had a lunch. Yeah, there's no been no discussion They're gone. I don't know. I don't know where they are. They both have spouses Yeah, I had I was thinking about this your day. I don't know where they are. And they both have spouses. Yeah. I was thinking about this the other day, but I meant it. I said, when my dad dies and they sell that house,

I'm not coming over there to find, I'm not walking out with a shoe box of stuff. It's done. Which is weird. At least you know it's weird. Imagine if you didn't even appreciate that it was weird. Yeah, I mean, my sister, you know it's weird. Imagine if you didn't even appreciate that it was weird. Yeah, I mean, my sister, you know, what ends up happening is if I ever go to my sister's house,

I walk through it and I catch little flashbacks of my grandparents. My grandparents had tchotchkes. Met stuff. They had like stuff. Yeah. From the old country. No.

No? Laszlo didn't have stuff from Hungary? Hold on a second. My grandmother's from LA. No, your grandfather. I imagine he would have stuff. I did not say my grandfather. My grandparents.

No, my grandfather left in 1939 or something. No, my grandmother had stupid junk, you know. It's not for me. It's just weird art from like Mexico or something. Just stuff. My, my, my grand, I'm sorry for sounding insulted, but my grandfather wouldn't have, he wouldn't have been down with the tchotchkes. He wouldn't care that was her putting up some shit, you know, some thing hanging on the wall, some painting, some picture, okay something hanging on the wall some painting some picture some something And even by the way a pot or a pan that you know grandfather's casserole dish, you know

I mean these by the way these were The casserole dish Was never replaced. I mean it was the you know, Mike There was a cat my family treated life like you got, when you're at birth, you're assigned one casserole dish, one bed, and one sofa. It's like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That's what you get.

There was the same, you know, with the same sofa, this was my entire life. There is no new furniture, there's no new casserole dish, there's no moving. We're moving and for the new place, we need a new set of flatware or something. So I would spot some of it, like when I walked in my sister's house and I have a little weird flashback, just like an ashtray or something. But no, I wouldn't go, my dad's, you know, died a few months ago, my mom died a few years ago. I've not, there's no events planned. There's no anything. I don't know, it's no, the same event that if a coyote got run over by a truck, same outcome,

The same event that if a coyote got right over my truck, same outcome, no event. The coyote may get some sort of roadside candle or something, get a little vigil. So there's also nothing inside of the house that would lead me inside of the house. So that's weird. But so because of that, I don't have any sentimentality. I don't have any thoughts about any stuff.

Let's though dissect, I think people would like to hear us and by the way, I wish them the best with this. However, it's been tried multiple times. And I think I have some sense of why it never works. I'm just curious what your thoughts are about why they never seem to get it right. I think it's possible to get it right, but they just don't do it.

I mean, they need me. Does it have to be you or could it be an improv trained quick humorist? It could be some... You're gonna need me and you and or me and any other doctor. But that's about it. I mean to really scale that success. But you put your finger on something which you need a medical doctor.

This is the part that nobody gets. It's a fucking medical show, guys. The issues are the health issues of young adulthood. Health, medical. And if that person is not a medical person, the information they have to offer and the judgment they're providing, first of all you get on Google easily. Secondly, it's like, no, that's not what they're coming for. I mean, listen, I did that after Dark Show over at your mom's house. And that was lots of medical questions.

Oh my God, tons and tons and tons. All right. So we wish him well. Yeah. But without a Adam, I don't, I mean, we did it for years with other people, you know, and it kind of worked, right? Yeah. Poor man was successful, Ricky was successful,

but not- Stryker, Mike. Oh, those guys are good, yeah. So it's- But you need me. You need me. No, those guys are good. Well, they're making a local show,

they're not making a national show. Yeah, that's fine, then. Yeah, so. All right, so here's a thought. Yeah. We had a comedian on my show, Matthew Broussard, and he was talking about being in a couple's counseling with his fiance.

And is that a bad sign? People don't like the way that sounds. I don't either. I don't either. On the other hand, it could be a good thing. Are they doing premarital counseling, that whole thing? Or are they in treatment because they need treatment together? That just said counseling, marriage counselor.

You know what I mean? Well, I mean, I guess you'd get some clarity whether you want to stay or go. Yeah, I did it. I did not have a good experience in it. But I realized that it was already for me, or no, sorry, for my ex-wife had already decided the relationship was over. So being in counseling was a sort of a waste of time, except for I wasn't aware of it. So I was trying to, you know,

cobble something together inside this therapeutic environment that was never gonna happen, which then makes the whole system sort of kaput. But a lot of just basic therapy, couples therapy like that, is getting clarity on staying or going. That is a lot of it. And so maybe she got clarity about going.

Maybe she just didn't admit it to herself. No, she said she was done years before that. But she didn't admit it to herself until she was in treatment or couldn't say it out loud. Well, she didn't have to say it until somebody said, look, you wanna be married, you have to say something, you have to do something. So it was, I would say, useful in the sense that...

Took too long, though. Well, yeah, but... She could've just been honest, I suppose. It would've been nice, but would've saved a lot of time and a lot of heartache. But it was a good environment for... At some point, the therapist just said, said look you have to say what you want What do you want you have to say and she just said well, I'm done. Yeah, so it took that to get to that

Yeah, which was Good like something came out the other end. Yeah, but I don't you know I it depends what you're going for what I guess counseling. Well, it's I there's a lot of different here's here's what I think Okay, you know, I... It depends what you're going for, what kinds of counseling. Well, it's, I... There's a lot of different types out there now. Here's what I think, okay, here's... Attachment counseling is all kinds of crazy stuff. Here's what I'm gonna say. My ex would just go in there and try to recruit

our female counselor and try to get her on her team and go make up a bunch of bullshit that, or exaggerate a bunch of stuff that was sort of nuts. But it was interesting for me because I got to hear about the trials and tribulations of having to go to Kevin Costner's range and hang out and have that traumatize my daughter. Was she playing a victim in that role? Yeah, yeah. That should have been called out early and often.

I completely... There's something called the Carpman Triangle. You ever heard of the Carpman Triangle? Hey guys, Emmy, put up the Carpman Triangle. C-A-R-P Carpman Triangle. Because a lot of people get stuck in that. And victim role is this... Oh, boo.

And it's not okay. That's a childish... You can be traumatized by going to Kevin Costner's ranch In Santa Barbara for today. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No for sure. There it is the Cartman. Yes. Yes So that's an interesting it goes between the rescuer the persecutor and the victim and if she's playing the victim That means you're the persecutor. Well me or Costner, right? I mean somebody's just the beach the beach. Yeah I mean to be fair to her She's saying with Vic. I traumatized my daughter at the Costner ranch It was a great story. It was one of the greatest victim by proxy It was worth all the money and all the time just to hear that the Costner ranch trauma story

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So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Bet Online. Bet Online, the game starts here. Read all this stuff under the victim thing. It's poor me, helpless, up again, up a little bit. Yeah. helpless, whoop, up again, up a little bit, yeah. Threatful, downtrodden, blaming, complaining and whining and manipulative.

Yeah, victim mode is not good. It's pervasive today. No, but I realized that she was enlisting the female counselor and recruiting her to sort of- Yeah, but to validate her victim. Right, that's what they have to do. They have to recruit constantly and validate. Yeah, but they should have been calling it out.

Like, hey, you're an adult now, I hear you being a victim. What do you know, stand up for me? I would agree. I would agree. I would agree with that, but it's interesting. It's interesting that even in a therapeutic setting, you can still sort of cast this upon somebody and sort of recruit them and enlist them. These are old patterns.

Oh yeah, no, effective patterns. Yes, I know. But it's a thing, I know, it's horrible. What makes me most grossed out by it is we've, like the country's been in a Cartman Triangle. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah, well we did it with, we were doing it with black people.

You know what I mean? And whoever, like it's horrible. It's horrible. It's horrible. The victim gets to go through the life of a victim and then the oppressor gets penalized for hooking up with Kevin Costner going to his ranch. So, you know, I mean, the real...

I hope people know what you're talking about. Well, the real story is, is after a day of... It was the greatest story of all time. I remember when you got back from that trip, you had such a good time. You were so... You were delighted. I had a good time. Well, what happened was is I befriended Kastner through charity for the military.

And then he liked me, and then he invited us, the family. We've been there multiple times for different events, but to his acreage. But so what happened was is after a day of, you know, picnicking on the beach with the Costners and Kevin throwing long bombs, football passes to my son in the field and, you know, real field of dream shit, and then going to dinner at his home just that night, going to his house and hanging out and having dinner, back to the ranch, back to the ranch back to the you know I'll call the double wide but sort of cabin on the land I at I don't know ten o'clock at night said and why we

sleep in our own beds tonight you know we're in like Ventura County something probably could make it home about about about an hour and ten minutes at night, something like that, if I drive hard. Just sleeping on my own bed. I'm on the road all the time and we're in a cabin kind of thing. And it's fine, but I just kind of like to sleep in my own bed, you know? And everyone was sort of okay with it, but not my daughter. She was not okay. She wanted to stay. She wanted to stay, right.

And I said- How old was she at the time? Eight, 10? Well, they should be in charge. Yeah. The eight-year-old should be in charge of what the family does, so. I don't know, eight or nine.

Everyone knows that, Adam. Yeah, let's say. We can figure it out. I don't know, eight or nine. Everyone knows that, Adam. Yeah, let's say. We can figure it out. But anyway, so this is like, we'll be home in an hour, sleeping in our own beds. We had all the fun we could have today. And then we're just sleeping in this weird cabin thing, which is not a bad place.

But it's like, I turn on the ceiling fan and go to bed. I didn't have a ceiling fan. You know, this is your home, you know. So she started basically have a meltdown, and so I said, fine, forget it, you know, cause also I couldn't, this would have taken a team, meaning me and my wife would have had to say, no, this is what we're doing, and we never had that.

So she had- Unified front. Right, she had a say, no, this is what we're doing. And we never had that. So she had... Unified front. Right. She had a little meltdown. And then I said, yeah, okay, fine, we'll stay. Evidently. Because years later in therapy, I forgot what the outcome was, you know? And so, when it was being trotted out as another example of trauma brought on by me. Victimization. Yeah, I was sitting there listening to it going, oh, so we must have left that night.

Cause I couldn't envision a world where it was trotted out as an example of victimhood. That's the manipulation. And we stayed that night. So I was listening going, oh, so then we drove home, right? In the middle of the night? She said, no, we stayed that night. I said, oh, and this is still an example of this?

Yep. Because my daughter had a fleeting momentary, I wanna stay moment, you know. In which case, almost immediately, it was decided, fine, we'll stay, stop crying, we'll go to bed. So that was worth it, because I thought, wow, that is a, woo.

You gotta twist yourself into fucking knots to convert Kevin Costner's ranch into some victimhood. How was the morning after that? Was it still continued idyllic experience or was there something? I mean it's beautiful beach. Did you guys get up and leave immediately in the morning? I mean we got up and if memory serves you know putzed around I don't know maybe got breakfast somewhere or something. Yeah. Where he serves, you know, putzed around, I don't know, maybe got breakfast somewhere or something.

But I rode up, yeah, I mean, we basically got up and sort of cleared out, you know. There wasn't, my recollection as Costner had somewhere to go or somewhere to be or something like that. We were just sort of there on this acreage in front of the ocean in this cabin kind of thing. And we, you know, drank some coffee and hung out and then said, all right, you ready? And we just sort of packed it in. I don't think we, we did not spend the full day there. And if I know me, I was traveling and on the road so much, I

just wanted to get home, you know, all the time. I get home. You know, all the time. You know, so, but anyway, it was, therapy was worth it for that story. Is what I, for me. Well, it also made me realize that, oh, you can convert anything into a negative. So now, now we know. Okay.

It's a casting, you get casted in a certain role. Right, so there would be no winning because you really- Not till you step out of that. You don't do better than Costner's ranch. No. So everything's gonna be below that. Right. So everything's on the table for drama.

So well done. Yeah. Fulfilled the victim role in all settings. Poo. Thank you. Well done. That means you're the persecutor in all settings. It was informative.

Yeah, yeah. I don't mind being the persecutor if it means hanging out with Costner I feel like that'll hold up in court. You know, I mean if there was a persecution court, I'm just saying I think hanging out with Costner and you know, is it interesting that but you know, we're talking about common sense again in this country Common sense gets you out of the Cartman Triangle. Mm-hmm. You got to just go. Hey, let's get back to reality here Yeah, I didn't victimize you. I didn't yell at you. Let's go. Come on. That's that's we're adults here. That's some old something from somewhere. Uh huh. No, no. Well, yeah.

Uh, so what else do we got over here? So, uh, we have a couple of articles I'm looking at here. Um, yeah, the one, I don't get this young men maxing testosterone to get more jacked and more attention for women. Isn't that always what young men have done? Is that, why is that a headline? They're maxing testosterone. I mean they're, they may be taking testosterone.

I'm saying that's probably what they're saying. But they've been taking steroids as long as I know. I mean they've been asking me for them for as long as I've been a physician and they've been, there's a little more information about how to improve your testosterone, I suppose, but most of that is really directed at older men to keep them sort of, you know, in a reasonable zone. I don't know. Maybe it's a sign that we're able, we're allowed to do that again as men? I think we're heading back to the octagon.

Right. That's what I'm saying. That guy's on steroids. You see that picture there? Yeah. That guy is on a lot of steroids. You don't get that way normally. Yeah.

So as more guys go softer and squishier and become chicks, the other guys are going to get jacked. Look, you drive around LA, pretty much Priuses and Ram trucks, jeeps. For every electric car, there's a big knobby jeep with a lift kit on it. So what does that mean? You know, you don't, nobody needs a jeep in LA, nobody needs a rock crawler, nobody needs a Jeep in LA. Nobody needs a rock crawler.

Nobody needs a big Ram truck in LA. Nobody, and especially not $105,000 one that's never seen the off road with mirror-like black paint on it. So what are we talking about here? We're talking about people pushing back against somebody, you know Gavin Newsom says

we're gonna outlaw internal combustion cars by 2030 and Jane Fondas is good and the dude up the street goes fuck that I'm getting a hemi And the dude up the street goes fuck that I'm getting a hemi Yeah, both sort of compelled to do something but different directions. Yes. Yeah, and That's the safe spaces and octagons You're gonna see more fucking dudes at the army Navy game going nuts when Trump comes out there Screaming for Trump and JD Vance and you're gonna have another group talking about their pronouns.

So here's my question. Separate. I was thinking about this the other day. I meant to ask you this. Are there, is one of these groups going to expand? Yeah, the octagoners are going to expand. Is it eventually going to take over the safe spaces or be so present that the safe spaces become incidental?

The safe spaces are going to have to go to the octagoners for protection and for revenue. So I'm trying to figure out what that looks like. Okay, here's what a safe space is. A safe space is... Justin Trudeau. It's Justin Trudeau. You can tell by how they cross their legs. Watch Justin Trudeau. Justin, it's Justin Trudeau, you can tell by how they cross their legs. Just, watch Justin Trudeau, look at it, okay.

Yeah. Justin Trudeau will do a, two things. He will cross his legs like a chick to reveal a colorful sock. And that's how you know he's a pussy. Ha ha. Ha. And it's all in one move. It's in's in the cross cross pulls the pant leg up revealing

the the garish sock Different than is that Trump who sits with his legs separated apart with a triangle with his hands in front of his junk That's how we always sit. Yeah, he sits like he has elephantitis in the nut sack and he can't get his huge ball. He can't get his knees together because his balls are so big.

And Trudeau sits like he has no balls. Right, like he's tucking. And he exposes his colorful socks, which are another thing too. So he is signaling. He's literally signaling. He's saying, here's who I am. I'm a woman man and I'm very sensitive. And I'm a committed feminist, he told us that a couple days ago. He's committed feminist and here's who I am. Now, you can find a picture of him in his colorful socks with his legs crossed. Now, here's the deal, Drew. The safe space is the sanctuary city. What happens? You make all the

proclamations, you know, this is a safe space, or that school's a gun-free zone, or that school's a hate-free zone, and then somebody comes in and starts slaughtering kids with their gun. Yeah, and I don't know what happened They didn't listen to the safe space or the hate-free part but they announce that this is a sanctuary city And no one's illegal

And there shall be no hate and everyone will be, everyone is welcome here. And then 45 Nicaraguans get off a bus and they go, what the fuck are we going to do? And once they, once they do that, so there's nothing they can do. And then what do they do? They say to the federal government, Hey, octagon, send somebody down here, give us some money, do something. We don't know where to put these people,

we can't pay for these people, I don't know what to do with them, save us. So the safe spaces are going to have to ask the Octagon for money and protection or just money so they can fund protection or whatever they need, but they're gonna have to turn to them. Isn't the octagon eventually gonna go with a few strings attached like let go of some of the safe spaces shit? Yeah, yeah. They're gonna start saying yeah we'll help you but here's the rules.

Yeah, it's like Trump will do with NATO. Right. They'll go yeah we're not paying for the line share shit anymore. We will pay. We'll pay more than per capita or whatever than you guys are paying but here's what we want. Yeah. Yeah, you're not gonna Germany fuck your fucking windmills in your solar panels You're gonna end up buying all your oil from Russia and we don't want Russia to have money. So there's a rule Yeah, you know, I'm gonna start laying some rules down. Well, like any business would do. Yeah, that's the way it works. They don't like it, but they cannot succeed with their mentality.

It's not a solvable problem as they... The proclamation of nobody's illegal, the proclamation, it's as good as the hate free zone sticker in front of the grade school. Zero effectiveness for people who wanna shoot to school. So you will not be effective and you will have problems. All right, so that's what will happen. We got one voicemail here.

Maybe we should put that up till tomorrow because we have no I'm trying to think we got a vo for well, okay Yeah, we don't have a voicemail for tomorrow. We can do this one if you'd like. Yeah but Drew said vo voicemail For tomorrow because we don't have one for tomorrow. So I think we'll do it for tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. All right Because we don't have one for tomorrow. So I think we'll do it for tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. All right Kimmel's Club that'll be January 9th then Vegas then Solana Beach Valley up great club great room

I'll be out there with J Moore. That'll be a genuine Jan 19th Covina laugh Factory coming up January 22nd. You gotta have a crowd account for all the life shows Andrew. Maybe follow me on Twitter, ask Dr. Drew. Excuse me, Dr. Drew. We have a show that you'll see a blast for Tuesday, Wednesday at 3 o'clock, typically Thursday at noon, Pacific Time. And dude, give it a listen. You'll like it. So, until next time, Amcro for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo. PledoTV is a place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me.

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