The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #2045 - Adam Carolla vs. Fake Cheese

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

On this episode of The Adam and Dr. Drew Show, Adam and Dr. Drew recap their eventful weekend together in New York. Adam lays out his new rules for ordering sandwiches, rants about fake cheese, and explains why simple tasks seem impossible for young people today. The two also discuss what grown women and children have in common, before Dr. Drew shares stories from his debut comedy set and raises concerns about the growing number of OnlyFans models facing stalkers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bed Online. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla show. Football season is in full swing and there's no better place to get in on the action than bet online. Your number one source for all things football. Bet online gives you more ways to play with the latest odds, breaking news, live scores, and even in-game betting. So you never miss out on a moment. From every NFL and college game and matchup. Bet Online is your place for all things football. And if you love MLB or UFC or NHL, anything with letters in it, futures even. Bet Online keeps you locked into the action all year long. And don't forget the Bet Online VIP program with exclusive level up bonuses, weekly cash boosts and rewards design for serious players.

to bet online today. That's Bet Online. The game starts here. Recorded live at Corolla 1 Studios with Adam Carolla and board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew

Pinsky. You're listening to The Adam and Dr. Drew show. Yeah, get it on. Got to get on. That dude, board first off then dismissed bed. Where are you, Drew? I'm still in

New York. You're back from our illustrious trip on the road and you left me here in New York. I'm coming back tonight. Oh, okay. All right. What he's staying in New York for? I did amongst, I had a whole bunch of stuff to do. It's funny you would ask me this. I did the Legion of Skanks last night. Very proud of that. And today, just a series of podcasts and things. But there's a woman that has worked for us for like close to 40 years, had a stroke, and we've been sort of dealing with her in the hospital, and we ran to New York, and Susan's already back home watching over her at the hospital, and she has to have a procedure on her carotid arteries, hopefully today. We found out yesterday, after I talked to a neuro-radiologist, good news, everybody,

Kaiser Permanente nurses are going on strike, and she's at the Kaiser Hospital. So whether or not that procedure will get done is called into question, which is insane that people can't get life-saving procedures done because of a think about the world we live in because of the strike of nurses or doctors. All right. Stuff to complain about, Drew. All right, all right. First off, it'll dovetail into this discussion with you.

All right. As I look up at the board for the plugs, it has all the wrong dates. days on it, stuff like that, because it's a, because it's not avoidable. But I now, I will you accept that. Huh? Not avoidable is not avoidable. Well, for me, it's been over a decade of trying to get that thing sorted out, but it's, it's, it's, it's not doable except for it's, it's, it's, it's, it's easily doable, but it's not doable. So there's, I guess there's two sides. There's the, it's very, it's very, practically doable to do a lot of this stuff, but if it doesn't happen, then maybe it's not doable. Like, that's the ultimate. Meaning, meaning, if I just said, you got to brush your teeth

once a month, you'd go, well, that's eminently doable. But if 10 years went by and you never brush your teeth, then maybe it's not doable. Especially with you trying to make it doable over those 10 years. Right, which is it's always a discussion. The plugs. But anyway, it's not doable. But the other thing I realize,

and I don't know if this is just me, but you tell me, gone are the days of being able to like order a sandwich to way you want it and then go pick it up. My new policy is I will stand there and watch them make it because we're not capable of doing things anymore.

There's a level of concentration that is so far gone that the simplest of tasks are not achievable anymore, especially by young people, but other people just on the phone at the sandwich place, like don't care, right? Yeah. So I had this funny thing. So I was in Philly area and our buddy Nick Santora announced that he wanted, he had a great cheese steak place, right? Now, for me, I wish I was more like other people because I can taste fake cheese very easily, just one bite. One bite. And whatever it's on is kind of ruined for me. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like I had an omelet in first class on an airplane, you know, two weeks ago. And it was an om-it, it was a cheese omelet, but it was basically just someone scrambled an egg, put it in a pan, flipped it over, and then just pumped Velvita cheese on top of it. And it fucking sucked. It just sucked because it tastes kind of salty, kind of like chemicals. It tastes artificial. I love a Denver omelet. I love cheddar cheese.

I'll take Swiss. I'll take provolone. I'll take mustard. But I don't want fake cheese. And it's sort of not doable in our society. Weird comment on this culture in our country that, you know, you think about the care that goes into cheese making in Italy and France where they're, you know, dusting off the grind every three weeks for three years to make the perfect Parmesan.

And we not only can't do just the cheese, we have to turn it into some chemical liquid. But it's not their fault. It's the dumb swine who consume it, which is us. It's us. Because I cannot tell you how many times I've been to the ballgame. By the way, in between educated, civilized people, you know, and they go, I'm going to get some nachos. You want nachos? And I go, what kind of nachos?

So they go, nacho. And I go, I don't want, and then they come back with the round chips from the pump station. Yeah. They pump in liquid orange. I'm not going to call it cheese. It's some sort of product. It was probably more in the petrochemical phylum than it would be the cheese phylum. But they pump it in, and then they put it on their lap and they devour it, right?

And then at some point, they go, here, you want some nachos? And I go, no, not that. And they go, you don't like nachos? I like nachos. That's the whole thing. That's not nachos. They don't know. They don't know the difference.

They order American cheese over regular cheese. So there's a synthesized American cheese. And then there's like white cheddar or weird synthesized provolone. The one will burn you is pepper jack. Pepper Jack. It's not real cheese. You think it's jack cheese with peppers in it. It's bullshit.

But here's the deal. Here's the problem. The problem is not them. It's us. So Nick, Santora, who we're with over there, goes, I know a good cheese steak place. I go, okay. Then Nick goes, okay, we'll order it and we'll come pick it up. I go, okay.

Then Nick goes, got to get extra cheese. And then I give the big speech. I don't want the cheese whiz. I don't want the American cheese. I want provolone. I want provolone. I want provolone. By the way, the last Philly cheese steak thing I ordered out here, cheese steak, peppers, and provolone.

No, provolone. No, it's not, the point is, is I would like a world where I could call these guys and tell them what I wanted and then go pick it up. I'm now going to leave 20 minutes early and just stand there and watch. I have to watch them because it's. not doable anymore. Because everyone is so fucking dumb and their concentration level is gone. It is

fried. Whatever that that, I mean, I talk to people you talk to me all go like go down two blocks and turn left. They go, turn right? Okay, you can't you can't concentrate anymore. Yeah, so

Nick is going extra provolone, extra provalone. And the guy's like, okay, and I'm literally fantasizing about extra provolone, you know. And because it's in a part of the world, here in Los Angeles, there's, here in Los Angeles, the guy picks up the phone is like, get all. And you're like, provolone? You have pro bono? Yeah, we have cheese.

No, no, but you have provolone. Yeah, geez, yeah, geez. And you go, oh, shit. I don't think this guy under, he doesn't understand what I'm saying, but he's going, yeah, yeah, it's good. It's the way you like it. Yeah, pick it up. And he hangs up the phone and you go, I don't think I'm getting what I want.

Right. Which you are not. But in that part of the world, you get an English speaker who picks up the phone. So I think, okay, we're in decent shape here. So we go extra. Outside of King of Prussia. Where are you guys? We go extra provolone, right?

Yeah. And we pick up the sandwich. They smell great and everything. We take them back to the house and we sit down and we unravel them. and we look at now Mike August the sandwich is cut in half one half of his sandwich

has zero cheese on it so wow the extra cheese part did not work I bite into it and immediately no it's not provolone it's a white American cheese it tastes salty it dominates the flavor and it tastes like chemicals and shit

so I bite into it and I go fuck and I open up it's all infused it's melted all all throughout There is no provolone in this sandwich. Now, here's the beauty of Mike. Mike, I go, Mike, we didn't get provolone. Mike bites into his sandwich with the cheese side, you know, and he goes, it's not provolone?

I go, no, no. Oh, what is it? Is it Jack? I go, no, it's fake cheese, Mike. Fake cheese. And he goes, no, no, he just goes, oh, all right. But here's the point. He's so underscern.

It doesn't matter to him. The point is, I sniff it. I know it's fake cheese and not provolone. Mike bites, Mike takes three bites and doesn't know it's not provolone, and nor does he care. He just eats the sandwich. My now thing is ruined, like I ruined because it was the whole drive and we sat in traffic and we ordered and when in Rome, we're going to get the Philly cheese. And all I was is like, do make sure it's provolone.

Don't put the fake stuff in. Nope, fakes up. But I now realize, Drew, that I will now show up and stand there and watch everyone do everything because we're gone are the days when you can take your wishes and communicate them to others. Yes, yes. Those days are gone. Yeah, that's true.

I mean, the communication part is really the problem. So there's two phases to your injury. One is they're not concentrating sufficiently to deliver the request. and they're not getting the request off of time in our part of the world anyway. Right. Yes. Yes. And I was telling Drew that when I was at the airport in Fort Lauderdale, I talked to the woman behind the counter at the Aunt Bee's Pretzel Farm.

And I said, and this has happened to me more and more. I go, do you know where Terminal 4 is? now my theme is is I'm trying to use the lounge but the lounge is not in the building we're in after we clear security and you have to go back out through security and get on a tram and so it's basically like saying does this airport have a lounge and then the answer is yes but the answer is but you can't use it so it's the same as not having a lounge because it's not anywhere near we are but I said to the one by the counter, the lounge is in terminal, terminal three. So I go, excuse me, do you know which direction terminal three is? And she goes, you go all the way down there and you go out and you get on the tram and you'll be in terminal four. And I said, oh, no, I'm looking for terminal three.

And she goes, this is the same building. Okay, bitch, but why not just say terminal three is there? Can't do it. It's weird, right? Oh, yeah. Lots of it. Tons. In some of it, there's another that the, so that woman in particular is sort of the kind of

narcissistic out of itness. Like it's my version of what's real and therefore it's real. I hear, let me explain what it all comes down to. It all comes down to. if anyone wants to know what's going wrong, just think what would a nine-year-old do? How does a nine-year-old look at the world, right? That's right. So if a nine-year-old, if you said to a nine-year-old, I'm trying to get to the Ralston's liquor store, they'd go, well, it's right next door to Billy's house.

And then you'd go, I don't know who Billy is. And they'd go, oh. because in their mind everyone knows who Billy is because it's in there because they're nine and that's the way nine year olds talk you know what what's interesting is I don't think I communicated it quite properly when I did my little stand-up bit that Rodney's this week but that's what I was referencing when I said women tend to use personal nouns without a reference without giving you a frame of reference and it turns It turns out women are more likely to do that. What's that? Give us an example. Just like you say, exactly what you said. Exactly what you said.

It's like a way a nine-year-old would do it. But it turns out adult women are more likely to do that than adult men. Oh, yeah. You know, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what women will do that men don't do as much. But it's probably a genetic thing or it's a, you know, biological event. Women can talk about one subject and then switch to the next subject without notice. And then so you go, you know, when are the curtains coming in? They go, oh, the curtains are coming in later this afternoon.

And then you go, oh, okay, well, then I should prepare to get the curtains up. And then they go, yeah, but actually they're not coming in for a week. And then you go, not for a week. I thought you said they're coming in this out. No, I'm talking about the sofa. Yeah, yes, yes. I know, but you have to preload it with, and on a separate note, the sofa's coming in. But that's kid think again.

Yeah, but to your point, I mean, that's maybe that woman, maybe I misspoke. Maybe it isn't a narcissistic, my world thing. Maybe it's a gender thing. Yeah, I think it's a gender thing. Yeah. And my God, do I see that in my wife's. texting. All my kids make fun of it. I mean, the texting was, we're involved in a conversation and something that happened four entries ago suddenly gets responded to. And it's like,

I don't know what that's, I don't know what's going on. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, same exact thing. But texting, it's even worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think with texting, they're doing something else or watching TV or something at the same time. But there's a communication issue. Yeah. And where I started noticing it really is the lemon lime conundrum. And I had this exchange over at Jimmy Kimmel's Club after the show. So my ritual over Kimmel's Club is go do two shows.

I did two shows Thursday, two shows, Friday, Tuesday, Saturday, but after the second show. When I go down for the meet and greet in the lobby, I walk over to the bar. I see my bartender lady, and she pours me a vodka soda and lemon, and then I go sign books and sip off my cocktail. So I went down on Friday night a couple weeks ago, and she kind of gives the, hey, that's me. I know your drink, you know, because we've done it. And I go, vodka, soda and lemon. Yeah, it's all right. I go, I'm going to sign some books.

I'll come back and pick it up like 15 minutes or something. So I go take some pictures and sign some books and let a little time go by. And then I go back to the bar and I go, you got my drink? And she goes, well, no, because we're out of limes. I'm looking for limes right now. Now I see a whole bucket of lemon sitting right in front, front and center. you know, with the clear lid on it. And she goes, I got to go downstairs and cut some limes, so I don't have limes.

And I go, no, no, lemon, lemon. And she goes, oh, oh, you change your mind. You don't want a lime now. I've never wanted a lime. I've never said lime. They'll say, you said it. First off, why would I say it? I don't want it.

I want lemons. And she's done it a million times. And it's sitting right there. And then I realize it's not doable anymore. The lemon, lime conundrum, we've jumped the shark. They both are citrus. They both start with an L. They're both done by sort of semi-educated sort of middle of the road,

bartender folk or whatever, regular folk. And the ability to concentrate is now gone. It's gone. This is back to something you pointed out years ago, which was the push-pull conundrum. Yes. And I would argue it's the same exact phenomenon. Yes.

Yeah. We cannot have push and pull anymore because I said, start with the first two letters, the same letters. And we don't concentrate hard enough to pull it off. We're going to have to come up with a new name for lime. We have to. Andrew, what's Spanish for lime? Maybe I can just make this pretty easy.

Limon. It's lemon. It's limon, right? Lime? I think so. Oh, is lemon? Is it lemon citrone or something? Okay, well, maybe, okay, what's lemon then?

One of them's going to have to be changed in the Spanish. Citrone. Citrone? I think that certainly is French. That is French, yeah. Yeah, like citrus. Yeah. All right, take a quick break.

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All right. So Spanish for Lemon. Everyone behind the bars and in the kitchen speak Spanish now, Southern California. But once again, lemon and lime, starting with the first, the same first letter, is now a bridge too far. And they had the, and their third letters an M. Lemon, lime. Oh, yeah, yeah. Not going to work.

All right. I need Spanish for lemon, please. And then we can, uh, or lime. We have limone for both. That's what Joey said. Oh, for both. No. No. How do you get a, uh-oh. This is per Google. Yes, there are Spanish words for lime, but the specific word varies by region.

Parts of Latin America, limon often refers to a lime. Yeah. So, limon, limon. And look up lemon the same way. Limon, the same thing. Oh, man. Whoa, they got a bigger problem. They're more shaped than us.

Yeah. All right, then what? In France, in French, it's... Citrum. Citr-R-O-N. Okay, then I'm going to go with lime and citron. I think that's right. I think that's right.

Good. All right. Yeah, oh, you're right. If that we're inventing it. So speaking of, comedy last week. Your staff was phenomenal. Andrew, man.

Good job. In what way? And then when they're stand-up. Okay. Right. All right. You have to be clear, though, Drew, because your staff was phenomenal.

They don't think of that as stand-up. Thanks, Drew. Yeah. Yeah, see. I agree. I agree. Go ahead and paint a picture. Put all that talent packed into your control booth.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He was great. You want 10 minutes, which is my only beef. Oh, I went too long. It's to be expected. I went too long. Well, no, I mean, it was entertaining.

But if you plan on five, you should probably try to get close to five. But it was good and people liked it. It's, I will tell you, it's hard to judge the time frame up there. I was trying to watch the clock. and I lost it. I stopped concentrating on after about four minutes because my goal was to make four minutes, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, you have to build in things. Yes, I, uh, they, they now put clocks up at, at clubs. They didn't put clocks up in the past and it was a dumb. It's a weird conceit because it was time, time, time, but they would never put a clock. up which is all the my favorite answers I was at a place in like Oklahoma City or something doing a show yeah and and now you start showing up these clubs and you just go

where's clock and the the woman who managed the place I go do you got a clock up and she goes now and I go what what happened to the clock and then she used to have a clock before she goes yeah but it broke and then I thought wow that sounds like my mom which is like I always do well what are you going to do I mean there's no way you're ever going to be able to replace that clock you could go to Amazon how many offerings for clocks for digital clocks are there on Amazon under $21 that could be at the club the following morning right I don't know if there's anything more ubiquitous than a clock I mean literally go to your garage and get the old clock radio and just plug in by the side of the whatever. I mean, the notion that she was defeated because the one, you know, the thing that's

funny with me, people's excuses for me make me think less of them. Her saying we don't have a clock was okay. Her saying we used to have a clock, but it broke, makes her dumber and less effective. No, you're right. That's a really, that's a new thought that people, particularly in this, where everything is a click away and cheap, right? Yes. It just doesn't make sense.

And by the way, the clock in that club was it like a clock radio? I mean, the numbers were three inches tall. It's not like you need something special back there. You could see it. No, if somebody is doing it up right, they'll get one of those large font, bigger flat ones, whatever, fine. But any port in a storm, I mean, you literally, if I managed a club and the clock was busted,

I would just pull one out of my house and just throw it in the back of my car and go, we'll use this one tonight. I'll just plug it in on stage or put it on the back of the whatever. But yes, the excuses to me are more interesting than the actual events. So I was reading something about only fans

on college campus now. You're no longer stripping. Now you're doing only fans. It makes perfect sense, more money. But they're having a problem. I thought this is kind of interesting with their fans, their only fans, only the fans, only their fans, stalking. Uh-huh. Stalking.

And I thought to myself, that's sort of a dude thing, right? You sort of, the men like, oh, I want that. I have to have that. I have to own that. And they start, I could see where that can be a real problem on college campuses, particularly if it's somebody you sort of can walk past on the quad. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I don't know. I feel like stocking is down or must be down because guys are so lethargic and they don't really produce testosterone anymore. Not as popular. Well, women stock when relationships get broken in ways that are, you know, they don't like. men stalk when they see something they want yeah but here's an interesting okay are you dig this right when i deal with sort of the average 25 year old dude or 28 year old dude he it feels to me that they're about where i'm at now it's 60 right but when i was 25 it was all fucking and 5

and, you know, all that energy and she dumped me. I'm going to her house. Who's that? Whose car is that parked out front of her house? That's her new boyfriend. I'm coming in. You know, like they are detuned, man. And now when you get older, you know, your libido slows down.

Whatever your, whatever that enzyme is that makes you want to punch the new boyfriend of your ex or follow. them and spy on them at the movies or whatever it is. It gets detuned, right? Yep. You know, or somebody honks at you. You're not getting out of the car. You know, just, I don't know, call it mellowing out, right? Yeah, down regulated. And you get down regulated. And then also it's like, all right, you're at the point where you don't have to go out and make so much hay while the sun is shining. You know, you don't have to launch your career, you know, Yeah, yeah.

When you look back on you and I, and as I, I would tell people, you know, well, I would come home at 1230 at night from Loveline and then I would come back to the studio to do Howard Stern at 3 a.m. You know, like that stuff. And you go, man, I'm just not up for that anymore. Well, neither are they, by the way, except for they never did it and they're getting started, but they're not getting started because they're not up for it. Do you see what I'm saying? Yes, I do. I mean, I think of the stuff, the schedule I kept for decades now. I'm like, how the fuck?

But a lot of it was the biology. I agree with you. And I don't see people doing that. Is it, I mean, is it what we're eating? Is it what we're telling them? Is it the lack of sort of access to opportunity? I mean, I'm trying to, I've been trying to figure that because I don't like, I really don't like not seeing young people thriving.

Yeah. It actually, it's very important to me. The young people just are enthusiastic and. dating and fighting and whatever doing their thing and finding career paths i'll give you uh i'll give you an example of uh old man corolla uh so we did we did two shows drew was with with me uh excellent stand-up uh we did that in the city and then um sign books autographs took pictures or whatever you know rolled back into the hotel about 12, 12, 30 or something like that, and then was up at 7.45 to do Good Morning, New York or

whatever the hell I was doing on Friday morning. So two shows. It worked Thursday night pretty late. And then up pretty early. Good morning, New York. Cross town, whatever. Long hike. Blah, blah, blah. Did the hit. Came back to the hotel. It's probably about 11 in the morning, 1030, 11 in the morning. Got Gutfeld early afternoon. noon, take a small nap, get the subjects from Gutfeld, do a little prep, write a couple jokes for Gutfeld, walk over to Gutfeld, do Gutfeld, and Drew did it as well. He's a witness. We're ushered out immediately. Mike's like, come on, come on, come on, we got to go. We get driven by Drew's driver, get dropped off at the wrong train station, drag a bunch of

it take the subway take the subway out of the city into like new jersey there's a rental car place waiting for us i got two shows in uh at sold joles in pottstown pennsylvania that night the six o'clock shows getting hairy because uh now we jump into the rental car it's 445 and it says it's going to be two hours or you know before we get to sold jills i got it i got an opener there Rudy, he can cover, he can stretch. I could start 10 minutes late, blah, blah, blah. Roll into Sol Jolls about 640, get out of the car and just kind of walk on to stage, do an hour, break in between, late show, get back in the car,

and we're driving to Santora's house from Sol Jol's, which is an hour and a half away. By the time I walk into Santor's place, it's midnight. Yeah. All right, that was my Friday. Yeah. And mind you, when you got up at 7 o'clock to do Good Morning, New York, that's 4 a.m. in your head. Yeah, but here's the old point. Doable.

I did it. No problem. Everything worked. Got paid. Got up next day. Hung out with Nick a little and then got back in the car because we're going back to Soul Joles and then back to Soul Joles and then back to Soul Joles and then up. Going to Fort Lauderdale with Patrick Bet, David. and doing his show

but bubba home last night here this morning that'll be if you count Kimmel's six show weekend that'll be 17 days of work without a day off

I'm fine you can do it I don't know what's going on but something's something's changed and people don't have it and I don't mind that young chicks don't have it

but young dudes don't have it Right. And that's the scary. Is it lack of inspiration? Is it lack? And what is it? There's a lot of it is a societal. A lot of it is a societal thing. Yeah. I agree. I agree. It's like, you work eight days in a row. Yeah, doing what? You know what I mean? In a coal mine? Like, doing eight days of what? You know what I mean? To get really, I don't know. And listen, I'm not, I'm not going to tell you it's not a better, life, but it's not good during the hunting years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not in our hunting years anymore. Hunting years are like 23 to 37. And you feel the difference, right? I mean, it's noticeable the difference. What do you mean? How you feel? Well, I just told you I did what I did, and I'm fine.

No, no, I understand, but we're, but it still doesn't feel like. It is that, you know? No, because I'm not, I'm not going to bed at 1.30 and getting up at 2.30. Right. I mean, literally 1.30 to 230 and then go back driving at Duke Stern. All right, Drusky. I'm going to be flappers. That's here in Burbank for a change.

And that'll be October 29th. Also at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, which is a great theater. You ever been to the Wilbur Theater? November 6th, it's beautiful. And then November 7th, Buffalo at the Electric City over there. Go to Adam Crowell.com for all day. So what do you got, Drew? Follow me on X at Dr. Drew.

So until next time, Adam Crow with Dr. St. Man, Mahalo. This October, fear is free on Pluto TV, with horror movie collections from paranormal activity, The Ring. You will die in seven days. Scream. And from dusk till dawn. This is my kind of place.

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