The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #2103 - Adam’s NIGHTMARE Travel Week | Part 1

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

Comedian Rudy Pavich fills in for Dr. Drew! Rudy and Adam kick things off with the infamous lore surrounding Quaaludes. Adam then rants about bartenders constantly getting his drink order wrong, tells a hilarious Mike August story, and discusses people who never seem mentally present in conversations. The two also touch on the recent shooting in Times Square before Adam unloads on his nightmare travel experiences from the weekend.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Recorded live at Corolla 1 Studios with Adam Carolla and board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to The Adam and Dr. Drew Show. Yeah, get it on, got to get on that. Get it on. Dr. Drew is not with us, but Rudy Pavich, an able-bodied semen is taken. Drew's place because Drew's, uh, he's a rambling man.

Yeah. Good to see you, Rudy. You too, buddy. Yeah. I think I can legally write prescriptions now that I'm filling in for Drew, right? Is that how that works? Good. I need some uppers, uppers, downers, quailudes, whatever you need, man.

Ludes, bro. I'll tell you, the advertisement for the quailude, as I heard it when I was young, is like the greatest advertisement for a pill ever. Like, I remember being like 13 and going like, what's a quailude like? and they'd go, it's like taking a pill where you instantly feel like you drank six beers. And I was like, wow, that's a good pill. That's a perfect pill.

There's no better sales point for a pill than this pill makes you feel. Because other pills are like, other drugs are sort of like, well, you'll feel real good at the beginning, but you might throw up. There's a little caveat with things, heroin. This is a six-packed pill. That is the greatest advertisement for anything.

Is there a hangover involved with Quailout? It was before my time. I don't think so. No? Damn. No, I know. Yeah. And, you know, you could just, if you had a short flight,

just bite off half a lewd. The company that it was Roar, it's the company that made it, and the number on the Kualud was 714. That's what I remember. And why did they stop making it? It seems like the perfect drug. I think it turned into a date rapey thing.

Oh, sure. I think it was a kind of precursor to roofies. Roofies. Yeah, I think a Roofie. I don't know, we can look it up, but I think that got rid of Kualudes because of the roofy sort of chick. It was easy to, well, I mean, we didn't have to slip it in anyone's drink. Someone could just take a Kualud, and then an hour and a half later, they're pretty much putty in your hands, as they used to say.

Reasons for the ban. High abuse, right? All right. Generic. Yeah. Who wouldn't abuse a six-pack pill? Yeah. Originally prescribed as sedatives for anxiety, sleep disorders.

You know, users developed tolerance, and then they had to take more dangerous. overdose, the drug slowed breathing and heart rate, blah, blah, blah, recreational misuse, that's us. In the 70s, the drug became a popular club and party drug due to the euphoric and disinhibiting effects. Go back to what you were saying. Yeah. Yeah, I think a lot of guys gave it to the chick at the club and then dragged them back to

their apartment. safer alternatives, safer medications such as benzodiazepines and became available, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't hear a lot about the roofied lady at the club these days. That feels like it was a bygone era. A lot of, I used to talk to a lot of women from when I used to do Loveline and they'd go, it was always funny. They'd go, I think somebody drugged my drink. They'd always start with that. And then I'd go, what happened?

And they'd go, well, we started off doing fireball shots. Jello shots, fire shooters. And then we moved on to just doing tequila shots. And then after that, I had a couple of appetinis. And then after that, I don't remember anything. So pretty sure I was drugged. And I was like, I'm pretty sure you drugged yourself. You start drinking at noon.

And, yeah, it can have. happened to the best of us. You do forget what happened because you were drinking all fucking day. The other thing that I always remember would, there was lots of superstition. Don't have it anymore about mixing. You know, well, here's my problem. Beer before liquor, that gets you sicker. They'd go, my problem is I started, by the way, it's always chicks, you know, they go like, I started drinking greyhounds. That was vodka. But then later on, I went to a Manhattan and now mixing whiskey with vodka. It's just alcohol. Yeah. It's just, it's just alcohol. Now, what happened was is you were drinking all day, but it wasn't the mixing, you're not mixing vodka with whiskey.

You're just drinking all day. Yeah, how about the theory that drinking through a straw got you drunker faster too? I didn't even know that one. Oh, really? Yeah, that was a thing. It was a thing or Minnesota thing? I think it was, well, because I saw, I thought it was a Midwest thing, and then I saw a woman that was on the Jenny Jones show in like the late 80s, early 90s. The drink to a straw, that's a bridge too far in the, how can that happen? That's what I always thought too. And then when there was somebody who tried to describe it as saying,

well, when you drink through a straw, it's the sucking motion that it takes the oxygen away from your brain more. I was like, well, then why wouldn't you be fucked up if you were drinking a Diet Coke through a straw? That's the same thing, wouldn't it be? But that was a thing. Andrew, you can look this up, drinking through a straw was a thing. Do you guys, do you remember drinking through a straw being a, no.

Yeah, look it up. I don't think, I don't, I don't think it made it out here. It didn't make a difference because it was the same alcohol. No, I mean the adage. But the adage on the deal. No, I never, I never heard of that. But I was, um. Okay, but why the myth persists.

There you go. Yeah. So it doesn't, but faster consumption, larger gulps, the types of drinks. There's also, there's a, there's a kind of a thing. I can buy this. I can buy if you pour, you know, a couple ounces of rum and a tumbler and then put the pineapple juice up top

and don't mix it up, then you can get... Yeah, one of the things that said on there, and if you could put that back up, there was that last line about the concentration, ingesting more alcohol in a shorter time frame because your blood alcohol concentration will spike faster. Oh, I'm sorry, and I thought that was kind of piggybacking on what you said, that's different. But yeah, you're right. If it was on the bottom.

Also, at this point in time, why does that happen still? Like, why are you a bartender who pours the booze on the bottom or the top? That's the other thing, too. And then they don't mix it well enough. And then I've got to take a giant gulp of, like, basically pure vodka when I'm just trying to sit at an airport lounge and enjoy my day. I don't know, but I was at airport lounge the other day. And I know I keep bringing this up, but it's just a thing. I just said, give me vodka, soda, water, and lemon. came with a lime. And I don't know what that is. I, it's just, we're there.

Whatever it is, I don't, you can say, well, that's a drink that I'm kind of unaware of. But all right, let's say vodka, soda water, and lime is a drink. I still told the guy lemon and there was no one else there and he just turned around and handed it to me. You can still just, I mean, I could have said an olive. That's a made up drink, but he still could have done it. Yeah. He's done. He's given you a black olive, not a green one like you asked for.

I'll tell you what I'll tell you what I'm done with in life is the, they fuck up and then they put it right back to you. The number one answer, by the way, everyone just fucks up and puts it right back to you now. So if you go, give me a vodka, soda, water, and lemon, the guy will turn around and I'll hand it to you with a lime. and then I'll go, uh, I want a lemon. Oh, you want a lemon too? No, I just wanted a lemon. I, that's all.

Oh, you changed your mind? No, I didn't. You changed my drink. You changed my drink. Uh, I had a great mic. Everyone loves a mic story. Everyone loves a mic story. So I was shooting something Schenectady.

Don't ask, but it was, it's interesting. and I was with this super successful guy, commercial real estate guy, very successful, very competent, man. Don't be modest, you can say me, it's okay. Very competent guy. The name's Todd. So do this thing, and at some point, Todd goes, well, we're going to turn around and shoot something else.

Did you have a second shirt to switch into, so it looks like a different day? And I said, no, but, you know, if you had told me, I would have brought a second shirt, but no one told me. And he goes, oh, well, I told Mike. And I said, oh, okay. And so then I said to Mike, I said, well, I think we can go back to that rental car and I can unpack my bag and go find a second shirt. But it would be nice to have one just with me up in this office building. pressed. So they were walking back and I said to Mike, I go, Mike, I, you know, Todd told you to bring a second shirt.

So I wish you had told me because I would have had a second shirt. And you go, Todd never told me. Okay. Well. Let's find the email in the text. I go, well, Todd says he told you. Now, never told you. And I said, Mike, how do you know? Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. How do you know? And he goes, if he told you. me, we'd have the second shirt, meaning it's impossible for me to fuck up, so he didn't do it. I'd have done my job. Later on, moments later, we got in the car, and we were driving to Newark Airport, scenic three-hour drive, and we're just driving, and he goes, something, something, John Clay Wolf, Todd over at the auto enclave. I go, Todd?

Yeah, Todd. Todd, we just talked to Todd, the commercial real estate guy. Now, this is Todd at the auto enclave. The guy owns the auto unclean? Yeah, Todd. I go, that's Dan. We're just with Dan. That's Todd.

I go, that's, no, that guy's name is Dan. We've just spent the weekend. That's Dan, the guy who owns the thing? His name's Todd. You're saying there's two Todd? That guy's named Todd, and then the guy would just interviews named Todd? Yeah, he's the other Todd. Which means that you're crazy calling a guy named Dan, a guy named Todd, Dan all weekend long.

But I thought that guy was Dan. No, it's Todd. Todd, the commercial real estate guy, we just left that guy. No, the other guy we just left at the auto drone. That's Todd, too. Am I going out of my mind? I'm going out of my mind. I was just with the guy earlier today.

I called him Dan three times. didn't say anything. Well, his name's Todd. I go, okay. Well, the problem with Mike is everyone has a phone now, and everyone has an email with an itinerary, and then I pulled it out, and I go, and you're going to the auto thing.

You're going to meet Dan Olashanski, the owner of that. And I go, I go, Mike, it's Dan. The guy's name is Dan. Dan Todd, what's the difference? I go, okay. But can we consider the fact that, sometimes you get things wrong. That's all.

Then we went to Newark. We dropped off the rental car. We got in the SUV to take us to Uncle Vinnie's, the club. There was another 100 miles away. And about 25 miles in, Mike gets a text from the, from dollar rental car that goes, you took the keys. We don't have the keys. You didn't leave the keys in the car.

God damn it. Okay. That was two big ones in like three hours. Yep. Right after the store. speech about I'm impervious to screwing up. Yeah. So I'm just saying entertain the thought that maybe you can be wrong about things sometimes.

And until it happens to you with Mike August, you don't get a chance to feel the amounts, like the immensity of what that guy does. Like the stuff that he says will blow your mind. I called him and said, hey, do we have an Uber or is there a lift coming from the enclave to the airport? And he goes, well, I'm coming in from L.A. I go, Mike. Great, I'm glad you are.

That doesn't answer the question about how the hell I need to get to, where I need to go to. The thing that I find interesting about all people do this, the third time I go, that guy's name is Dan. That's not Todd. We didn't talk to two Todd's in a day. By the way, two middle-aged dudes named Todd is pretty fucking rare. Yeah. And I don't know why you've labeled Dan Todd. but also once I go Todd, no, you're talking about the commercial,

they're talking about the guy we just talked to. That guy's name is Dan. That's your window to go, oh yeah, that's Todd. Right. I meant Dan. Sure. Right. But he just goes, no, there's two Todd.

Two Todd. He made two Todd's. Tale of two Todd's. He told me the tale of two Todd's. And I was just like, I said three times. I go, that guy's name is Dan. I was with him the whole weekend. And so were you.

and I see it on the rundown and stuff. You told me. By the way, Mike told me his name was Dan. When we're like going back, what's that guy's name? He goes, that's Dan. I go, okay. And then I go, we're just talking to Todd. But that's not, that's Dan.

Nope. Because Mike had made the decree and we're just moving forward now. He never thought, it is kind of coincidence that the two guys we're dealing with back-to-back were both named Todd. Yep. That seems weird. Physically and grammatically, he's. will definitely put his head down. It's just like that all roads lead to Caesar.

It's like, put your head down and move forward and don't stop. Right. So like I said, the third time I said, that guy's name is Dan. He was like, absolutely not. Now, it's kind of an interesting thing. Like, all right, another person has been introduced into our world and this guy's name was Todd. So, all right, but that's who we're talking to. But you can then go, stop and go, oh yeah. Yeah, you're probably, yeah, I was thinking of that guy. I'm thinking of this other guy. He told me his full name all weekend. Mike told me. Yeah. He had it on rundowns and stuff.

He wrote it down. He never wrote Todd. There's nobody named Todd in that entire place. There's no one named Todd. But all he did was fuck up. And then once he fucked up, he's like, we're riding this out. Whatever, man. I'm not backing off.

His name's Todd. Yeah. Yeah. But the problem is, is everyone has emails and text and timestamps and stuff. And I'm just sitting in the passenger seat of a rental car going, well, let me just scroll a couple of emails here. Let's see. Itinerary this weekend. Meet with Dan from the auto.

And now we're above. Yeah. I like it when you say something like, hey, by the way, you forgot to take out the trash. We talked about it the other day. Yeah, you forgot to send me a text to remind me to do it. Yes. Okay, now this is my fault that the trash is not out? I will say if you are in the auto, if you rent out cars, I mean, if you're in a car rental,

don't let anyone leave with the keys. Like you literally, the keys, the problem is the keys don't need to be in the ignition. They can be in the cup holder. Let me just say how everything works. If it's a key fob or something, never put it in your fucking pocket. Never put it in your pocket. Always just set it in the cup holder. Yeah.

Always. Never fucking put it in your pocket. You can't do it. You'll forget it. Number one. Number two, if you're the guy who collects the cars, you just have to say to every single person, you're not leaving until I see these keys sitting on top of the dashboard or in the cup holder. I can't just, because by the way, if you say to Mike, keys in the car, he'll just wave and keep walking. He's not going to check his pockets or anything. Anyway, the good news is, is, after starting in Schenectady at 9 and ending at Uncle Vinny's at midnight, we had to make a quick pit stop back at the airport to go up to the second floor and go the Avis rental place and drop the fucking key off and then go to Dr. Drew's pad. Now did he tell the people from Avis, hey, they're in there. I don't know what to tell you. They're in there. No, he had him in his pocket.

He knew they were taking up room in his pocket. Yeah. So, all right, we'll take a quick break. Be back with Rudy right after this. Quince, after a while, you just want great clothes that you can wear with everything. And that's what Quince does. They focus on wardrobe staples made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere and merino wool. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the most.

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It was a... It was a haul. That's a lot of driving. And that's a lot of traffic, too. There's a... Oh, man. Yeah. That was Sunday.

Finished off with a show. We had dinner and then turn around and drove back to Manhattan. But quickly, a stop at Newark. Just a drop. You know, just a quick pit stop, man. You know, you jump on out. drop off them keys, jump back in? I mean, what, it's a couple of minutes, ain't it?

Well, the good news is, is at 12.30 at night, there wasn't a whole lot of action out there. But it was a... Yeah. It's not something you want to tacked on at the end of the night. But we got to go to Drew's house and condo and enjoy that as well. There's a whole key fob Drew Condo story as well. That's for another. Mm-hmm.

For another day. But we enjoyed ourselves. Took a nice hike on Saturday. I should say on Sunday. No, this was actually Monday. We went out. And then there was that whole shooting in Manhattan, in Times Square. Yeah, the lady with the knives.

Are you talking about? Yeah, we were right there. Wow. The, we did guns. Got felled and then we're getting out of it. That was always one of my good Mike calls. I let Mike'll do this one too, which is always my favorite. Although a lot of people do this one too.

We're looking for the car to take us to the airport, you know, and then at some point I'd say like we can't find the, we don't know where the car is. You know, so then I go, Mike, what kind of car is it? And he'll go, it's the pickup car. You know, like some weird thing like that. It's funny too. I said, he said he said he was getting a club rate on a hotel in Manhattan. And I go, what's, what's the club right?

And he goes, it's the club right. And I go, yeah, I know, what is it? And he goes, it's whatever the club pays. I go, I know, I know, I understand what a club. I'm asking what it is. I'm asking what the number is, not what it is. I don't know why people do, people do a lot of that too, which is a weird thing. You know what you do?

You just go, what's club right? And you go, I don't know. We're done. You don't have to keep saying it's the club rate. It's whatever the club pay. It would be insane if you were in comedy as long as you are and at this point didn't know what a club rate was. Everybody, including Mike, explains to me stuff I'm asking to them,

but it seems nuts to me. I had a real epiphany over the weekend. I was in Minnesota and I was out with some friends and my girlfriend, and there was a guy that was at the table who was saying and doing some weird stuff and I was catching a vibe from him. So on the way back to the hotel, I told my girlfriend, I said, I think that guy is trying to sleep with you. And she said, that's ridiculous.

I would never have sex with him. I said, that's not what I'm saying. That's not what you're saying. What I'm saying is, I think that guy has a thing for you, and he was kind of like, he was peacocking around me to sort of assert dominance. And she goes, I'm telling you, I would never have sex with him. I'm like, that's not the conversation that we're having. And I realize that you have a lot of that, too, where you talk about people,

you have a conversation with somebody, but they're in a different conversation, and that was a real big moment for me over the weekend. A lot of people are in different conversations. Women oftentimes in different conversations, guys will do it too, and you'll find yourself floating out on your own conversation island sometimes because people are answering things. They're sort of answering feelings and not really direct questions. questions, which happens a lot. Yeah, they're answering it in a way that is, how am I not going to be in trouble for this? How can I defend myself?

But you don't need to defend yourself. I wasn't pointing the finger at you. Oh, it's just, I think women answer how things make them feel, not exactly what the question is often times. So then there's going to be confusion. But it's kind of a natural thing. Like I would, whenever I would say to the nanny, when I used to ask. have a nanny. Kids had a nanny from zero to 19 or something. So you got rid of her early is what you're saying. Yeah, I would say to her, I'd call her up. I'd go, when are you going to be home,

Olga? And she'd go, we're at the laser tag place. And I'd go, when are you going to be home? She goes, we're finishing up soon. I go, just tell me when you're going to be home. I'm just asking I'm not asking where you are. I'm not asking what you're doing. I'm just trying to figure out. And I don't know how far the laser tag place is from the house. So you can just tell me when we're going to be home. I kind of get it, but I'm still looking for my answer.

Yeah. And it's easy. It's quick. And I'll accept an hour or somewhere around 45 to an hour, whatever it is. Should I lock the door to my office while I'm watching porn up is basically what I'm asking? That's what I'm saying. That's right. I used to have a bit.

I never do it. I don't think I've ever done it, but I should write it down because I could work it out, which is funny. Like I always told, I used to do this bit that if a guy ever calls like his wife

or his girlfriend or whatever and just kind of makes nothing talk, it means he's prepping for, a beat-off session, like where he goes, like, hey, where are you? Oh, at the mall. Which mall? Nearby mall or far away mall. Oh, okay. Oh, no, no, just saying hi. Yeah. When you think you're leaving. Okay. No, no, take your time. No, that's good. Hey, tell you what, give a call when you're leaving. Yeah. Yeah, when you're leaving. I'm just glad it ring once and hang up. And I'll tell you what, when you're pulling up the driveway, I want you to get you.

give a toot on the horn, I can come out and meet you. If you ever hear it just because or over, like, just want to know where you are. I'm just saying hi. That guy's beating off. Yeah. When you pull into the garage, can you just slam the car door 15 times? Just to, you know, just to make sure it's working right. When you're coming up the driveway, so I can help you out.

Maybe you've got some groceries or something. Take your time. And also, if there's, you're at the ball, if the guy's basically going, you know, shop, shop away. Yeah, take your time. You take time, spend what you like. That means he's got a session coming. Let's see.

Okay. The woman that got shot, Andrew doesn't want to look at it. I don't want to look at it either. But it did, we were in Manhattan, and we were in Times Square, and that's where. But here's the thing about shooting civilians. can we agree on a couple of things? Can we do this? This is a big problem.

We just kind of go like, we do a blanket, everything. Ponchy, short, super unathletic woman with a knife versus played some junior college football brother with a knife. It's a different scenario to me. Sure. One front ball kick between the titties and this chick's on her back by any able-bodied dude. The other thing is, is if you're going to have a bunch of female cops out there who can't throw a front ball kick and drop a chick on her tukas, then people are going to get shot more because whether it's the big brother who's going to wrestle the gun away from the lady cop or whoever, that lady's going to have to shoot people. Now, I don't know also what's wrong with the, I mean, I've been tased.

It'll fuck you up. You know, pepper spray, like does a little bit. I also don't know why we need to sort of multiple kill shots. I get it. You can, I know you can't shoot the knife out of the person's hand. But from a distance that's 12 feet, feel like you could pop one in a short. and just have the person drop. Yeah.

I don't know why we need multiple shots or kill shots. You take a tennis ball to the thigh right in a Charlie horse. You're going down. Yeah. Yeah. So there's that. But who ended up shooting her? Was it the dude cop or the lady cop?

I think it was a dude behind her. It was a dude cop behind her. It was a shot from behind. Oh, okay. I watched this morning. It's super unfortunate. Yeah, she does this weird windup. thing with the knives where she's just winding them up ready to charge.

Seems like she just wanted to commit suicide by cop. Yeah, it's just death by cop. Yeah, or suicide by cop. Yeah. Anyway, I don't want to watch it. But it did make for delay. We couldn't get out of the city that closed off a bunch of streets. Here's another one in the in the communication department that I don't, there's a lot. One of the things I'm really aware of now is I grow older is people's ability or inability to communicate. They can't communicate. And it's funny, you'll run into this with certain people like, you know, Dr. Drew's wife, you can't communicate with her. Mike, some difficulty communicating with. Other people easier to communicate with, like a little more accurate. You know what I mean? Like, you send Mike. You send Mike.

an email ask a question, you get another answer, right? You send, you send Sue Pinsky an email, you're not getting any. You're getting a totally bizarrely different thing than whatever it is you ask. Like, it's not coming. So, but it's interesting. So Mike and I are flying from Tampa to Charlotte, and of course, the flight's delayed. And the flight's delayed. And first, first, first, There was this great thing where we're going through the airport at Tampa. And I got TSA pre. It's been an ongoing journey with me, but I finally renewed it. And then I had to go down to the staples in person and get the thing renewed and take a new picture.

Whatever it is, I got it. But it pops on and pops off. And I tell everyone around me, Rudy. You must check. You must check. You must. And then the number one answer is like, oh, but we got that. I know.

But it doesn't matter. You must, you must. You must. So, and Tampa's like out of a movie. There's like pre-check over here. It's one dude, no line. Nobody in it. And a wide open thing.

And then the other one is a long serpentine thing with only one bag checker open, just one. Just one. And I literally walk into TSA pre with like gusto and I hold my phone up. The guy scans it and I go, thanks bro. And he goes, no, no, no. And I go, I go, what? What? And he goes, it's, there's no, you're not pre.

There's no thing. You're not pre. I'm like, I fucking talked about this 300 fucking times. 300 times. I went and fucking renewed it. What is going on? It was ever, my last three flights, it was on. Now it's off.

You know, they go, it's not on. Then I go, I wrote the fucking number on my phone in, with a sharpie. I wrote my frequently used TSA, whatever. I go, I got the number. He goes, yeah, well, good for you. But go back to the counter and print it up. And go print it up. Fucking Tampa is the only airport where you take a fucking train.

Train before the train. A train. Everywhere else, the counter is like 40 feet. I go, fine, I'll go back there and I'll get my fucking. You take a fucking tram. So I was like, I got to get back in the train. and go back to the fucking counter and then get this fucking thing cleared up

and then come back in the train. I just go look and it's like a line, fuck it. I just go stand in a fucking long line. Well, one, there's one bag thing open, just one. I'm just fucking standing there the whole time. Then the flight gets delayed

and we're we go from Tampa to Charlotte and we're like taxing on the ground and she knows there's a whole bunch of connecting flights. The stewardess does, and she knows we're delayed. And she's got the word, there's a lot of people going to be rushing to try to make their connection. We've got to make the connection disconnected here where the fuck we're going, right? So she says, this is her verbiage.

She goes, first off, we've done this before. You just go, who here has a connecting flight? Raise your hand. And then the people raise their hand. And then you go, could everyone else just stay in their seat because we've been delayed to, as a courtesy to let those, deboard the plane first to make a connecting flight? In which case, I would be sitting there with my hand up. But instead, here's how she phrases it.

Who here is going to be in the airport for less than an hour? Oh, my God. And everyone's hand goes up because if your fucking brother-in-law is picking you up to go fishing, you're going to be in the airport less than an hour. You're going to get off the plane. You're going to meet Curtis on the curb and he's going to take us. Yeah. Sinnebaw is going to have a sale.

You're going to stop by. Right. So almost everyone raised, people sort of confusingly raised their hand. Like, are we in an airport less than an hour. People are like, uh, now what she's saying is, is some people have a connection and they have a two-hour window and some people only had 40 minutes. And the 40-minute people, we need to hurry. Yeah. But she says who's going to be here less?

she could have just said anyone or the who's got a connecting flight and then they'd go and they'd go all right everyone hold fast let those people off the plane first and maybe three of them's connection was two hours from now so be it great so be it they got off before you did yeah so then we we pulled in and everyone just got up and just stood in line and just did what they would do because no one knew what the fucking marching orders are because of her convoluted shit that's her job. That's what she does for living. Who's going to be in the airport less than an hour? Yeah. Okay. Everybody would like to be in the airport less than hour. I don't, I don't trust those people anymore, and I've only done this once, and it actually just happened this past weekend when I was in Nashville on my way to Tampa, where I asked the lady, I said, hey, we're a little delayed. I don't know if I'm going to make this flight to Tampa. It leaves, by the time we leave, that is when door, by the time I'll get off, that's when doors are supposed to be closing. and she goes, you are in gate D1, and your plane leaves from D2, you're going to make it.

I said, all right, great. We got to the ground. We're starting going towards the airport, and she goes, oh, by the way, everybody, we're now gate C-14, and I'm like, fuck, never going to make it. So I hit the button, and, okay, can you come up? And I go, is there a way I can maybe, you know, get up front? And she goes, no, no, no, it's going to be fine. Don't worry about it. And I thought, no.

So I said a little loudly, so everybody around me, because I think I was sitting like row eight, you know, hey, flight's at 140, anybody else? Is there anybody else? Like, I'll kind of make a track, yeah. And luckily, if I had not done that, everybody would have just sat, and I would have waited for seven people

to get their first class luggage out of the goddamn, out of the hopper, and then we could leave this plane, and I'm like, I'm not trusting this lady telling me I'm going to make it. I got there, and I had literally, I was the last person on the flight, and it was two minutes before. before they shut the doors. He took the tram.

All right, quick break. Right back with more tales of woe after this. Better Help. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. We have things we want to improve on. Right now, trying to put down my phone and stay a little more present with people. Tough, but I'm getting better. Better is a feeling defined by you.

And for Better Help, it's a better help. It's a BetterHelp therapist who really gets you. It's a focus on global, emotional, well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over 100 countries. It's progress. And right now it's me getting better at staying off my dang phone. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash Adam and Drew. That's BetterHelp.com.com. slash Adam and Drew.

That's better h-E-L-P.com slash Adam and Drew. All right. So then this one's happened to me a couple times, and I think it should be illegal. But anyway, then, of course, I got back with my assistant. I wrote an email that just said, no TSA pre you must check.

You must check. It's tough. But what I want to say to people all the time is I go, the number one answers, I don't get it. We renew. I know. I know.

Everyone's a colossal fuck up. That's why we must unfuck them. We have to. I don't know who they are. They're fuck-ups. So then get out of Manhattan on the way back, roll into JFK about about 8, 830. So another big long serpentine.

And this time it's a little cluster fucky. People seem confused and they're not sure where to go. And I make, I go look at my phone, TSA, TSA Pre. I make my way right to TSA Pre. Close. Yeah. Closes at 8. Yeah.

It's Manhattan. Why? Yeah. One of the biggest airports in the world. Why would it close at 8? It closes at 8, everybody. So now I'm like, so there's this weird thing where they're like cordoned it off. There's one.

Okay, everybody working security is like a heavyset woman of color, a miserable middle-aged woman of color, a couple of Latino chicks and a couple put upon black guys. And there appears to be no supervisor. No one really knows what's going on. So Mike and I start standing in line, but now we're just back in general pop again. and start seeing people coming from another opening to the TSA pre area, like coming through and like seeing the Latina chick who's like standing there and she's like talking to him and she's like, okay, go ahead. And she's like pushing them ahead.

And Mike's like elbowing me. Like, I don't know. It's a TSA pre. Is it closed? Because those guys just came from the other side and they just walked up and that chick's up front. She's just sending them. She's cutting them in line, you know?

and I go, oh, I don't know. I'm going to go fucking, I'm going to go try, you know. Sure. So I go, let me go try. So I go under the stanchion thing and come around. She doesn't see me. And I walk up to the front. There's like another couple in front of me.

And then we just stand there the whole time. She then stops doing the zippering in move. We're just standing there. Now, Mike then tries to make the move comes over. She busts him. She sees him go under the stand. She's like, no, no, no, no. TSA.

It's closed. It's close. Get out. Get out. But it's also weird that other people are coming through from another place, you know. And she didn't see me. So I'm just standing there. Then Mike goes out. And then I see Mike proceed to go all the way through the line while I just stand there. And the woman's just standing there. And she's not letting us in. And it starts to kind of dawn on me that no one knows what they're doing. It's just a bunch of dumb middle age women of color. Don't really seem that interest. and what's going on. And then Mike at some point goes like, come back. You got to go back with me. But now I'm like at the back of the line. But I like get in there and Mike goes, go the other, go the other. I switch lines like four times. Everyone's just like a pinball.

Like, good, that guy that looks shorter over there and just go back. And no one's directing traffic. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason. No one's that interested in doing their job. And eventually I get with Mike and we get back and, like, like a third or fourth line. And we go through. And I check my backpack.

I double check it, triple check it. There's nothing in there. But I watch it go down the thing, stop and get kicked out and get kicked down the shoot. Mike's bag gets kicked out, kicked down the shoot too. And so does a nice young, tall brother. His bag gets kicked out to shoot. The woman who's like Aunt Esther from Sanford's son, she's there who's supposed to be checking the bags

and she's got a guy in a wheelchair. By the way, get yourself crippled everybody because I just stood there while trains of wheelchairs. Just train, wagon, fucking Major Adams and Flint McCullough. They sent a scout out front to look because we're engine land. Yeah. You know, territory. Of course.

Yeah, so they sent Flint out front and then Major Adams like, Wheelchairs, ho! And they all started, push, by it. All we just sat there while people, able-bodied people just all went in front of a fucking big chuck wagon. They had the guy eating chick filet on his lap. It all went through. Now we get to the part we have to wait because they popped your bag out for no reason. Yeah.

But they popped it out. But pop Mike, I don't know why they popped the mics out. They popped it out. And the one black lady who's supposed to be checking the bag, she's got a wheelchair guy. and she just exits the corral with the wheelchair guy and just goes off into the night, just leaves. And now we're all just standing there

and our bags are, you know, second, the end of the second check. And we're just standing there. And then there's, of course, the two other black chicks that are just talking and eating the TSA who are sitting right at the kiosk right there. And so, you know, I'm like, to the brother guy, I'm like, come on, you tell them, you know,

because you can fucking get mad if I tell them. and so the guy goes he goes hey man uh i got my bag over here i got to catch a flight is somebody gonna come check it out like one of them goes like oh yeah okay so she comes and there's just one chick and then now's a pile of bags including mine except for it didn't need to be there at all and then at some point she's like winita you want to come help over here and she goes no i'm eating she's like all right so we just sit there there and eventually she gets around to my bag and there's nothing in it and she just goes, I don't know why. I don't know. Why? And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Why would you?

Why would anyone know anything? And so then I get, while we're in security line, we get the tax from American Airlines. Your flight's delayed. So I go. Okay, fine. I'm going to the fucking Adderals Club and I'm going to go vodka, soda water, and lime, even though I'm going to, one a lemon, but I'll just get, I'll take the lime. And so I go, Mike, I'm going to fucking Admirals Club. You go to the gate. Call me when, uh, call me when the, when the thing comes. Oh, man, I got, I got more Mike's doors. You know, TSA will only move slower if you tell them that you are in a hurry. The second your bag gets out, if you want to watch them, if they were a lawnmower, it would be a symbol for a turtle and then underneath that a dead turtle. Like,

they can move slower when you tell them, hey man, I get, you guys got to do your job, but holy shit, I'm going to miss this flight if you guys don't move your asses. So I go, I'm going to the Admiral's Club. Mike, you go to the gate. Flight's been delayed. Then all of a sudden, I'm sitting there and I get the thing Mike calls. He's like, uh, they're closing the door. I'm like, whoa, what happened to the delay?

Yeah, that's off. I'm like, don't they have to send another tax? Send a second text. Yeah. You can't just fuck. This happened to us. three times. He goes,

fucking flight's delayed an hour. You go, okay, well, we're not going to bust our ass checking out of the hotel. And at some point,

you get to the airport. It's like, oh, no, it's back on time. Like, well, then that would require a follow-up text.

Yeah. You sent me a text with information on it. Now send me a new one. And then now I'm like, shit. I'm like chug it across the airport. Got that thing

where you got to go down and walk under the runway and go back up again. And I'm like, fucking chugging and sweating. Mike, he's calling. Like, he's, you know, you get the, you never want this one. Where are you?

Like that, like the worried, like, I can't stall them much more. They're closing the door. And I'm like, they told me we're delayed half an hour. Now they didn't say anything. Just made it under the, under the fucking radar. Yeah, I had a lady at Frontier once where I said, hey, can I check my bag? And she goes, it's three hours before. And I go, yeah, flight's at 515.

It's 215. Check my bag now. and she goes, we're delayed. And I go, well, I haven't gotten a text message yet. And she goes, well, we're delayed. So I'm standing there. And then the text message comes through. And I go, well, I just got it now.

And she goes, okay, when it's delayed for like an hour and 15 minutes. And I go, well, what am I supposed to do for an hour or 15 minutes? I can't, she goes, you can't check your bag until now 315. Well, now, so what's the difference if my bag sits back there or I can go through security knot? I literally sat on a ledge of a window at LAX for an hour and 15 minutes while I just waited. And you know what? You guys knew that this flight was going to be delayed. You sat there longingly staring out the window like one of those antidepressant commercials.

You know, like, are you on Lexapro? Rain coming down. You're just sitting there. That's the number one thing, just staring out the window. Later on, they're gardening. Yeah. Because they're happy again. Or something with their dog.

You know what I mean? But the first part of those commercials for the SSRIs, just you looking out the window. reporting. Thinking. Watching everybody go. Watching everyone go about their day, but not Rudy. Just looking out the window. Going to the Centurion Club to enjoy their beverages and free food. And not me. I'm stuck here with my goddamn luggage. I've been around depressed women. They sleep all fucking day. They don't just sit and stare out the window. Like once you're up, you're doing something usually. It's sleeping. It's sleeping until noon. But it's not that they get up. They put themselves together and then they just stare out the window. window. They watch everyone live their life, you know, it's a metaphor. Yeah.

Modern gals look out the window waiting for the grubhub guy. That's right. All right. So tell me etiquette-wise, back to Mike again. I had another flight where I said, see, I send him down to the gate because it's always cattywampus now. And I just go, I'm going to sit there in this admiral's club. I'm like eight minutes away.

When they start boarding, you call me. And he goes, okay. And now I'm sitting there eating some cheese. I'm starting to look at the clock and I'm like, getting a little nervous now. Like they should have been boarding a few minutes ago, but Mike never called. Okay, I got my earbud in.

Huh. All right. Well, you know what? I'm nervous. I'm going to call him. So I call Mike and I go, Mike, what's going on? And he goes, they're boarding.

And I go, Mike, you said you're going to call me when they're boarding. He goes, I sent you a text. I go, okay, that's kind of. But I did say just call me when they're boarding. The text, there can be a delay. I can miss it. You got to know who I am. I can miss a text easily.

You got to hear your voice. They're shit. But why not just call? Yeah. Since that was our agreement, why not? Are you so busy doing something in that? I know. You're like, are you crocheting?

Or you're going to a house? But also, if you send a text and then everyone's boards, maybe something went, maybe I didn't get the text, is what I'm saying. A lot of concrete. You're behind walls. Maybe a message doesn't go through. Then we had a great rental car one when we landed two. I just, at some point, I was just sitting out front of whatever airport tamp right.

I don't know where it was for a long time. And Mike went off to get the rental car. Dutiful. He always does that. But too much time is going. going by and I just go, I called them and I go, Mike, where, where are you? Did you get the rental car? He goes, yeah.

I go, well, what, where are you though? He goes, I'm sitting in front of the airport waiting for you. I go, but I thought you're going to call me when you got the rental car. He goes, I called. I didn't go through. I don't, why would I know that you had that, why don't you call me back or try again or something. I'm waiting for you.

I go, I'm just sitting out front, but I'm waiting for your call to tell me you're out front. Adam, was this the inside or outside of the circle? This was the outside. I'm now very careful with my nomenclature. I say the curb now where the other people are with their luggage. I don't, and try to avoid the middle of the highway. Yes.

Jay who. Jay who. All right, this Friday, Saturday, be over at Kimmel's show. Rudy's going to be there. Yeah. Yeah, four shows. Come on out, watch and enjoy. Santa Ana, Jordan family.

Oh, doing that show with Leno over there in September. Jay Who? Jay Leno, September 20th. You got to armcroll.com for all the live shows. What do you got, Rudy? September 18th, they'll be in Columbia, Missouri. September 19th. They'll be just outside of Kansas City.

And then a couple of dates with you. So, until next time, Adam Kroll. Rudy Popovich, Sam. Mahala. Oh, and welcome to Pluto, foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, the legend of Ron Burgundy.

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