The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - Classic #022: Girls vs. Deuce Bigalow

Episode Date: October 13, 2026

Mar 2, 2013Adam and Drew discuss Adam's courtside experience with Bill O'Reilly at the Lakers game and examine the comedic writing of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. They then take calls on combining caffeine with Adderall and unwanted relatives at a wedding.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Time for throwback episode from March of 2013. We talk about Adam's court side experience with Bill O'Reilly at the Lakers game. We also look at the comedic styling of Deuce Bigelow, European Gigolo. Then we take some calls on combining caffeine with Adderall as well as unwanted relatives at a wedding. Enjoy this throwback from March of 2013. Seems like another era. Check it out. This is Corolla Digital.

Recorded live at Corolla 1 Studios with Adam Carolla And board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky You're listening to The Adam and Dr. Drew Show Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on. Good day to you, Dr. Drew.

I say good day, sir. I say good day. All right. Now, we're recording the show a little bit early, but I am going to the Lakers game. And by the time you hear this, I would have already gone to the Lakers game. So I will fill you on this. Drew said we should discuss this on the air. Well, I said you discuss this because I've done this twice.

I was given tickets courtside at Laker game twice. Now, is courtside really mean on the floor? Oh, there is a ring of chairs on the out-of-bounds line, basically, the court, in a perimeter of the court. And you have your own waiter, and you have your own entrance, and you're there with, you know, you'll be sitting there with Justin Timberlake and, you know, a giant cannon and Jack Nicholson. These are the people that sit courtside. The likes of us do not. Right. And I announced the first time I did it that I never should have done it.

it's heroin. Oh, heroin? Oh, yeah. Not for me. Oh, yes. I'm telling you, it is an experience like no other. If you have any interested in sports at all, I'm not a huge sports, but I like basketball, I like football. Be a good advertising.

Dr. Drew calls it heroin. Well, you experience the athleticism in that game and the movement that you can't see 30 feet back. Oh, yeah. It's unbelievable. And it's just exciting. It's incredible. So you'll enjoy this. Okay, am I?

It's my first impulse as I didn't want to go. I had the same one. I'm with you on that. Especially you don't want to sit there and everybody's, you know, everybody sees you in the whole damn stadium. It's kind of weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my impulse. Yeah.

But when you actually get involved in the game, I mean, you'll be sitting next to the bench. I mean, you're right there. Okay. It's pretty exciting. I'm going to try to look forward and enjoy it. It's pretty exciting. Everything to me is gets sort of, It's like I like the idea of a convertible.

I don't like the idea of driving a convertible because people look at me. Right. Yes, yes. That will bother you for a little while and then do get into the game. Okay. And are you going with Norm? Norm pass. Norm stands up and gives coaches.

That's not the norm I know. Really? I think he may take a fucking three-pointer at some point. Yeah, I'm Bill O'Reilly, too. So it's going to be interesting. I don't mean Justin can get on the kiss cam. He was on the kiss cam when I was there with the. He was?

Yes. It's going to be why. Oh. You know what, though? I'm going to end up with Jeremy Pivot. We're sitting next to Jeremy Piven thinking, I wonder if he's talking about, heard all the time. I called him a doucheback on the podcast. That's what's going to end up happening, right?

It is, you. Yeah, that's what happens, you know. All right. Who they plan? Do you know? Don't know, don't care. Okay. That's how we know what I am. You and Bill O'Reilly's court side.

I've never been, I've been, I've been, I don't think I've ever been to a, I don't even think I've, but to Staples. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't think I've been there. I saw the Harlem Globetrotters. At the forum or at Staples? Uh, oh, at the forum? No, that would have meant, how would that have happened? Oh, I see. But my dad would have bought tickets.

That's impossible, yes. You hear the funny one? That was good stuff, man. That would have been dad, pops carola, buying tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters and taking his son. Oh, no, all I, my entire childhood, all I did, and by the way, those of you who were listening and came out to Denver last night, thank you so much for coming out and supporting the show. All, they're playing the Timberwolves, by the way. All I did as a kid was sit around and watch TV. As you know, I wasn't a big reader.

I didn't write a lot of poetry. I just watched TV. And I just sat there and I watched TV. And I was so, well, broken, programmed by my family. that I would sit there and watch all the local channels on the 13-inch black-and-white Zenith TV. These are TVs that are literally thicker than they are wide. Oh, yeah. Like the screen was this, you know, screen was a foot wide, but it was 19 inches deep.

There was no such thing as a remote for those things either. Oh, hell to the dial. No, my remote was my sister. Lauren, change the channel. And then hold those rabbit ears and smack it on top. Oh, there was that whole thing. thing. We have to stand there and hold the rabbit ears. I used to just sit there and it'd be like you'd hear the sweet Georgia Brown.

And they go, the Harlem Globetrotters coming to the forum. You know, March 13th through the 16th. Tickets available, a ticket master, the Harlem Globet. And they'd show some clips. And I remember watching them going, this is the most I'll ever be entertained by the Harlem Globetrotters. I got a better focus. And I'd watch them. You know, they drew, ooh, curly and metal.

It's clips from the show and stuff. And then, you know, I'd see 10 more commercials. And then I'd see the next year, I'd see the same commercials again. Now, that's how you got to know. Coming back to the forum. In the 70s, there was Globetrotter cartoons and Globetrotters. No, but what I'm saying. The sitcom they showed up.

Drew, listen. Listen to the words. Okay. What I'm saying is, is I never thought for a second, oh, hey. I never walked into the next room and said, hey, mom, the Globetrotters are coming on March 13th. We need to get some tickets and head down to the floor. I just sat there and watched it. And then I would watch a commercial for the Super Bowl of Motor Cross.

And then I would watch a commercial for the funny car winner nationals. And then I would watch a commercial for the Ringling Brothers Circus. And I would just sit there and watch the commercials. Now, they were saying, hey, people of Los Angeles were coming to your town in six weeks, get those $6 tickets and come on down. It was not an option. That's what you can do. That's what you can do if you're effective as a parent, which was it wasn't a, hey, we missed the Globetrotters. Let's not get screwed over on the Super Bowl of motocross.

It was like, I just sat there and watched it. And I remember watching it, even I was 9, 10, 11 years old. The thoughts weren't how can I go. The thoughts were, who are these people? Who gets to go? Who goes to the state? I still think. How does this work?

Who amongst us buys tickets and then drives? And then what? Then you buy, what, popcorn and a soda? Who pays for that? Who pays for that? How does any of this work? I look to run down the fucking list of the ice capades and the circus and the Christmas whatever's and the whatever, the sporting events and the motocross.

I feel weird about people coming out to see us. Same thinking. You know what I mean? And what are you doing here? Do you live in the theater? I feel guilty and weird. It's a weird, it's a weird thing. I just sat there just staring at the TV going,

who are these people that would see the Globetrotters? But my kids, they've seen the Globetrotters twice. Really? Mm-hmm. Anyway, I have never gone. I don't, I saw a Lakers game with Jimmy and Kevin of Kevin and Bean many, many years, probably like 95. We're sitting up in the cheap seats.

And that's it. And I've been offered a few times. I just never wanted to go because it felt uncomfortable. It's a lovely legacy. So as a kid, I couldn't afford to go. And as adult, it feels uncomfortable to go because we couldn't go as a kid. I love that. I'm with you.

But you will be center stage in this whole event. When is it? You will have gone on Friday, Saturday night? Friday? Thursday. Thursday night. That's why I feel uncomfortable. Wow.

Thank you. I can't wait to hear about this. Hey, a show, something I wanted to bring up with you. I'm curious to your thoughts. Do you ever watch the TV show Girls? On occasion. What are your thoughts? Do you have a reaction to it?

Any take on it? I feel, well. I just thought of you when I was watching. They had a particularly interesting episode, and I thought, I don't know what Adam thinks about this. I've, somebody decided that. that Lena Dunham was the funniest person alive at age 26. She got a book deal for like $3.5 million or something,

which, by the way, will never, that the company will never return its investment on that. That's just math. That's not me saying evil things about Lena Dunham. But she got anointed as the hippest, coolest, funniest person on the planet. But I'm not your funniest is really what she's got. coolest, yes, genius, writer, storyteller, you know, sort of the, the Oracle of a generation. I saw parts of the first one, first season, and thought it was well written and funny and pretty entertaining.

It's pretty accurate, too. They got into a thing recently with the wacky chick that was married for five minutes and they go back to visit her family and they are sick. But just sort of seeing people's neurosis on display constantly is kind of a little. a bummer for me. And I don't identify with neurosis at all. Like it's a weird thing. Like comedians do this thing where they go like, oh, man, I'm so stupid. What did I say? I shouldn't have said that. I was so dumb. And no, what do you mean by that? Why are you attacking me? I feel like I'm being attacked. And by the way, I just walk and think, I just think about cars and how to move

them. What? That's how you get out of your nose. I don't have no, I don't have any, I never think like, wow, Adam, why did you say that? or what do you mean? Who are you talking to? How dare you? You know, I don't, or what are we doing? Like, I never. Well, you're sitting next to a guy that's like constantly freaking out. I don't have that thing where it's like I tell Lynette, tell me you're attracted to me.

Tell me how attracted you are to me. Or like, I, you know, I, I'm just a weirdo. Like, I had a, like, I went through a thing with growing up, not growing up, but with, I had a nephew that went through a phase. he's a sweetest teenager on the planet now, but he had a couple of years where he was like, you know what I mean? That thing sometimes kids go through. I don't know.

He was eight or nine, and he was kind of like, eh, a little snotty, you know? And I love my nephews, but, you know, I'd go give me a hug and he'd go, so.

It seems to run in the crow of genetics somewhere. Well, it's usually what's a hug. But once we describe what a hug is, then we figure it out. But he went through, you know, like I said, he's the sweetest teenager on the planet now, but he went through a phase from age, I don't know, five to seven or nine or whatever it was where he was, eh. And my feeling was just like, oh, okay, he's, then I'm, eh. And that's that.

And I never thought about it again. When I would see him, I wouldn't go, oh, come on, give me a hug. Come on. Come on. Get in here. I just go, look, you don't want to hug it out? We don't hug it out. And then eventually that'll change or it won't change or that that'll be up to you.

Right. And as soon as you're ready to start hugging again, I'll be the first guy to hug you. So, but I never thought what's wrong with me. I never even thought what's wrong with him. I just thought he doesn't want to hug. Fine. He won't hug. And I just went, what did I say?

What can I do? How can I change? How can he change? What can we do? I never have that. And I just have, I think about. mechanical things I just think about mechanical things that's it and ideas and thoughts and that's it I got a son that loves to hug and a daughter doesn't like to hug and

that's so they are so you don't find that show interesting this because a pretty good study about I think it's I think it's well written it's pretty accurate it's pretty good I feel like it's a little it's folding in on it's itself in the sense that every, and again, I don't watch it religiously and I don't watch it enough and closely enough to have fully formed thoughts on it. But every episode seems to be this is about me and this is about my neuroses and my feelings and my reactions. It's a little bit excessive with her with the close off and her peeing in public and her

getting sort of quasi-raped and doesn't really think it's rape. I know the story is, what I mean is, look, I did a show. called The Man Show, and that was about me and Jimmy, but it was me and Jimmy interviewing other people, me and Jimmy, you know, trying out for this team or that team or talking to Tommy Lissorta. It's apples and oranges, but I mean, it wasn't me turning in on me. Yeah. I just feel like it's Lena Dunham, on Lena Dunham with a side of Lena Dunham.

Too much. Okay. And I can see that. But I think it's interesting, well-written and all that kind of stuff. I just don't think, I don't sign off on the next. queen of comedy. I'm not sure she's getting that anointment. Really?

Comedy? Well, really? Okay, your staff saying yes. She's about the hippest. Hipest, but I'm not getting comedic hip, is necessary. All right, but... All right, well, listen. Look, when you, Drew, you've written how many books in your life? Three. Three bucks.

Four, really? But three. Four bucks. All right. You've written four bucks. Oh, yeah. There's Entertainment Weekly. There's her. And she's called Brilliant. Beautiful Mind.

Okay. She's a voice of a generation. Well, that's true, right? All right. And she's brilliant. But, okay, if you wrote a book, your next book, what do you think your advance would be? $100,000? $100,000.

All right. So she got $3.5 or four or whatever. So that's what they, that's your value. That's her value. you. Right. Okay. More valuable than you. I can deal with that. I think she's earned it, Drew.

But here's the interesting thing is that... She's got to be 27 in March. She goes... The... 3.7, Drew. You'd have to write 37 more books. That's right. That's our role.

No, I think she... Look, she earned it, but part of it is she's been anointed as well. She hit sort of a geyser. She hit pay dirt. That's right. But here's the deal. The irony I found out of the yet that you might enjoy this is so the wacky British chick goes back to visit her family. The mom played, I believe, I think that's who it was, one of the Arquette kids, strangely playing her mom.

Like there was the Arquette family reenacted. I thought it was kind of fun. I watched the ultimate fighter. And then I watch shows about guys hunting down cars that have been in barns for long periods of time. time. I have zero interest in comedy. I feel like that, that, that's, that's what we do for a living. I can't watch medical shows. Cannot. I cannot not, not watch medical shows. Seriously? No. Okay. I'm not interested. I'm not interested in anything that's not real. I just watch documentaries and stuff like that. I'm not interested in fiction that much, unless it's bad

fiction, then I'm, then I'm down with it. Bad fiction. Yeah. like, you know, Red Dawn or something like that. That I'm interested in. Bad movies. I'm into bad fiction. I like all Fast and Furious. I love all the Fast and Furious stuff. Okay.

Not the shit that like Ralph Garmin is in, the squid sharks, that kind of bad. No, no. Not that kind of bad fiction. Sharktopus. No, I'm not, no, I'm not into fantasy. Okay. I'm into bad. I'm into bad riding.

Got it. I'm into... Just that wacky bad. Just straight up. When guys you can't act deliver horrible lines. Yeah. That's what I'm into. When Vin Diesel says without an ounce of irony to some other guy that looks good with a shirt off,

I live my life a quarter mile of time. That's the most entertaining thing anyone's ever done for me. Because it's funny. I find it wildly funny. I like the process. I like to think back that this, that people were sitting around a table at some point reading this aloud and that it got through all the many vetting processes that it takes to actually get to that day of filming where Vin Diesel explains he lives his quarter mile of the time. Or when Rob Schneider decides to go to Europe and be a European jiggle. and he starts dating a gal who has a penis for her nose

and then she is allergic to his cologne and she starts sneezing and jizz starts shooting out of her nose and lands in the stuffy old guy soup. Chris likes that too. And then the old guy eats the soup. That's high comedy. I'm so delighted with, I'm delighted with that process that I have to keep staring at it

and I have to, and because I know what the process is, I have to go, first off, this was written by somebody by Rob Schneider. This had to be written. And then secondly, it had to be read aloud at table reads. And then it had to be produced. And executives had to announce that it was genius. Well, they just, they sign, they have to sign off on it.

Then guys have to go to work on a prosthetic cocknose that shoots fake jizz. And that stuff's got to be rigged. And I just sort of sit back with my glass of red wine and go, wow, there's probably 200 hours into this. You're toasting. Hey, hats off, sir. Hats off for one of the most... Hazzah, I say. Hazzah. For the, for the penis prosthetic. For one of the worst ideas comedically. And one of the worst jokes... It must be hard to live in your head. Ever. And that you guys have this many man hours put into it and have actually executed it and then put it out for people to review? I never get tired of that process.

I never get tired of thinking about that and staring at it. I love Adam Sandler movies for that reason. I love I love jokes that are insanely fucked out. I love lines that are incredibly like movies. Not because it doesn't strike you as troubling that people actually find that shit funny and that it sells. No, that I'm just like the working through process that it gets on the screen. Well, like when when it's like you know we would love to have been in the pitch room during. the pitch for Hogan's heroes.

Right. That would have been the greatest moment of my life. In like a Stallone movie, like in the commercial, where he goes like, I'm getting too old for this shit. And you go, you really are going to say that line from 1988 every single movie you make now with not an ounce of. Look, if the guy next to you says, you say that every time or whatever, that's fine or whatever. But you say that an ounce of irony. that's what I like I like that

I'm intrigued I'm intrigued and I'm officially intrigued I'm not interested in people that create good art is this if that's what you're asked is it intrigued the way like a car accident

intrigues you like you're ashamed that you're intrigued I don't know like when you know like when Patrick's Swayzing Roadhouse says pain don't hurt I like that

You know, I'm intrigued by it. And, yeah, there's a car accident. The Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, stuff, I'm just more intrigued. Like, wow, this is what you're doing, huh? Like, this was, I remember Rob. They're rewarded handsomely for doing. I guess that's why they do it. Yeah.

I remember Rob couldn't come in to Love Line because he had Riders Block. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah, I do remember that. And that was European jiggle. That's what he was writing. That's what he was working on. Maybe, but he was able to break through to the nose, jizz, sneeze.

Maybe it was Lovelin that inspired that. And listen. Maybe you. Have you inspired it? I like Rob Schneider. Yeah. I think he's just really nice guy. I just wonder, I'm very curious about the process.

I'm curious about the process. All right. You got to watch that scene, Drew. I have not seen it. I'm not sure I want to see. She hasn't, she's malformed. She has a penis nose? Penis nose.

But it's hooked up to testes in a prostate or something. I don't know. Do chicks have prostates? How do you produce semen? Prostate. Well, then I guess she would have a prostate gland in her forehead. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe.

I may be overthinking. But when she starts sneezing, Drew, the jizz starts flying. And guess what? Lanz in an old man's soup. They're in a very hoity-toity. Wait, hold on, slow down. I'm not sure I get the setting. Very hoity-to-to-dy.

Nobody has an issue with the penis nose walking in. Violin music. Ah, yeah, of course. The quartet, yes. That's right. That's good stuff. And let me get this. The old man was probably at a three-piece suit and was British.

He was upper crust. It wasn't a hip, young black guy, if that's what you're talking about. You got no comedy, Drew. Well, evidently you do know comedy. Maybe you should write some comedy. All right. I'll tell you, I'll take, see. Oh, here comes.

Do you want to see Rocheonair? Oh, God. Now he had riders block, remember? Yeah, yeah, this is what... I have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigelow. Is Mr. Bigelow disturbed by the penis nose? Well, we'll find out she's wearing a veil. I'm too afraid to work with a man who are killer on the loose.

What do you know about it? Apparently, there's a maniac who's killing them all. Some people say they deserve it. She's a beautiful woman. Everything happens for a reason. What's? You're probably wondering. why I'm wearing this veil.

I wasn't, but if you want to talk about it. That's so he got through the block. Cool. I grew up in Chernobyl. Chernobyl. Huh. What a pretty name. The penis exists.

My mother, she worked in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. You can... Instead of a nose. You can link to this video. I was born with an appendage on my face. On the episode. A male appendage. Episode page of this show, by the way.

Oh shit. I have always been a little self-conscious about it Well, you shouldn't Is the actress somebody we should know? A lot of women would love to have attractive Guys dick

On their face Yeah, no, it's Yours is just permanent You are sweet And very handsome For an American Oh, look at this I like you

That's a Gorney Weaver Dra Uh-oh, she's She got an erection, too. She got a nose erection. I would love to hear some Latin music. Yeah. I'll see if the penis knows any.

I mean the pianist. Now, see, you can't write that when you have a block. The band has started. Aren't we lucky? Oh. That's Merrill Street, Drew. I could tell. The younger Merrill Street.

Now, they're dancing. And he's ducking under the... She doesn't have an arrest. wrecked penis nose now. Oh. We'll... We'll probably could have fast forward to the part where she just started the sneezing bed all. It's a knockoff of old spice.

She likes his cologne. Here's the sneezing. I think it makes me sneeze. Uh-oh. What happens when you sneeze? Uh-oh. What? Oh, I see.

Oh, Jesus. I'm sorry. Old man. Stuffy white guys are getting hit with jizz in the face. Oh, now the sun. Land in the soup. And into the mouth. There we go.

There you go. All right. Comedy complete. Now, I must watch that over and over again as a fellow comedian. And someone who struggles to get movies made. I find myself strangely couldn't look away. The strange experience. Compelling.

Compelling. I'll definitely give it compelling. All right. Well executed. I'll give them that. Yeah, then they went into the montage. And the montage, I couldn't figure out because the montage, she was helping big women and fat women and short women. And then one woman was just filthy and he dipped her in a river and pulled her out.

And she was fine. I got to find that, too. That part was confusing to me. I don't know if you'll be as compelled by that part. Shall we take a look? I should tell people, by the way, Vegas, House of Blues, Friday, March 29th, Salt Lake. City. That is Saturday, March 30th, if you want to come out and see me and Dr. Drew, Redondo Beach coming out, coming up, Performing Arts Center. Saturday, April 13th,

Napa, Uptown Theater coming up May 18th. We'll have a special screening of Deuce Bigelow. We're going to sit down, then we're going to break off in discussion groups. Genius of Just Bigelow. It'll be called. Well, now, I again... I love Rob, by the way. I think he's a nice guy in the world, but that was written. Listen, he's had success with it.

A bunch of people read it, and then they started working on the nose. And then there was a guy in charge of the fake jizz. And then they had to hire an actor to take it in his face. Well, I didn't take it in the face. By the way, if that was a friend of mine's dad, I would have that on an endless loop. That would be my screen saver. That would be my screen saver, number one. time you showed up my house that would just be on my screen.

Dad, they want the chips of his friends. Because you know, the guy's what, 52 years old? He's got a 19-year-old son, right? For sure. Well, he's got a friend somewhere. And by the way, when was that film made? It was like 10 years ago, right?

But it feels like it was made yesterday. So he's got grandkids now that they're 15. Oh, that's going to be awesome. Going to be awesome. All right. We'll take ourselves a quick break. Drew, who do you want to talk to when we come back? Let's talk to Lloyd.

My mom's just work down the lines. Lloyd, what's Lloyd's problem? Girlfriend was raped by ex-boyfriend. Lloyd is freaking out. We'll talk to Lloyd next. Hey, on Thursday's show, we were talking about the caloric properties of the Big Mac because I talked to some hippie dude in Denver who made some stupid assumption that whatever. people just talk by the way and as I always say all the time who are you talking to

and I say this for people meaning when you talk to a kid that's one thing that's what you're talking to and when you talk to a cop that's who you're talking to and when you talk to someone who's high or someone who's dumb that's who you're talking to and when you talk to me you're talking to somebody else. So the things that you might use as examples or the attempts that you may make for logic or truth may be fine for the young child

with the handicap, the disability, possibly the glued-on eye patch. Ooh. Mm-hmm. Flesh color. But if you use that same logic on me, well, then there might be a different outcome. So this guy was saying that the Big Mac head has more calories now, and that's why people must be obese. Well, he wanted to blame McDonald's for people being obese.

And I said, well, how can you blame McDonald's when you had a McDonald's on the corner next to your house? And I had a McDonald's on the corner next to my house growing up, and we weren't obese. I said, the menu's different. I said, the one place you can't make a menu argument is McDonald's. That's the one place that hasn't changed. Because the menus become more diverse and nutrition. professionally appropriate, if anything. Dill weed.

They did not offer apples or salads. Now they do. So, yes, you're right. It's different except for you're shitting on your own point. And then I said to him, what's different? They have a big Mac. They have a quarter pounder. And then he, and I have this conversation or this argument with a lot of people,

I stand with people. I argue with people, and I hand them a shovel. And I don't tell them what to do with the show. shovel. I just hand them a shovel and they proceed to keep digging holes for themselves to get deeper and deeper into the side of retard mountain. So I said, well, if the Big Mac is the same and the quarter pounder is the same, then what are we talking about? And he said, higher calories. In the Big Mac. In the Big Mac back in the day. And I said, now they're higher calories, right? Sorry, now they're higher, back in the day, lower. I said, show me. Show me. I don't

believe that. I don't believe that for one second. And he said, oh, yes. And I said, go find out. And he said, I will find out. And I said, I will wait because I want to laugh when you can't find out and when there's no difference. And he said, I'll find out later. And I said, I won't be around to laugh at you later. And I don't think he's interested in the truth, as most people aren't. Right. So your crack team set upon it. And we found out it was 590 today and 560, 25. years ago, but as my crack team points out, mainly Chris Max-Patta, who you thought that was his real name two weeks ago. He's in my phone as Chris Max-a-Pata, just, you know. Chris Max-Pata pointed out that he heard that the calories in UK sort of skewed down a little bit.

First off, the 30-calorie difference is nominal. Nothing. Is nothing, number one, less than 10%. It's like two pistachios. Or, wait a minute, 10%. Yeah. It's less than 10%. Not only less than 10%,

5%, approximately, but since they skewed down and it's 560 to 590, 25 years ago, 560, but it was from a study in the UK, then I'm just going to go ahead and call them the same. So again, who you arguing with? Everyone asked themselves that, please. And then argue accordingly. Just say, or you could just say, yes, sir, Mr. Kroll.

If you just say that like your statement. Or here's a novel, here's a novel approach, Drew. Yeah. You could know something. You could be reasonable, yeah. Or you could be reasonable, too. You could know the truth. You could have numbers.

You could have statistics that fortified and backed up your argument. You could know something. That'd be a way to win as well. We were talking about, that takes a little work. We're talking about the girls episode. And by the way, that doesn't work. out for you in your belief system because it doesn't it doesn't dovetail with your retarded belief system Adam that's the craziness is it and this we were talking about girls

earlier so this is what's occurring to me that Rosanna our cat was playing the mom this is a crazy chick and the the crazy chick was saying mom you know why don't we just look up the science in this and we'll figure it out and she goes well everyone knows scientists lie right it's like okay so you're just going to excuse everything it's just it's just it's just it's It's just a story, people tell. Sure. Sure. It was funny because I'm glad Rosanna Kett is working out.

Is it Rosanna? No. Rosanna. No. That's why. Do we need a Rosanna and a Rosanna? Screws me up every time. And we don't need a Juliana and a Julianian.

All right. Should we take some phone calls? I was going to ask you about it. Your dance partner, Juliana's... Julianne. Julianne Huff. Yeah. Doing a lot of stuff these days.

Interesting. Right? Yeah. Do you guys communicate anymore? No. She's with going to marry Ryan, yeah? I don't know. That's what I hear.

I try not to keep him touch. Well, no doubt. Mm-hmm. All right. All right. I decide out of mine. You know what I'm saying? You seem strangely unwilling to talk about her, but that's right.

No, I don't. We didn't, we worked together for like two months or something. But you're friends? I mean, you were friends. Yeah, I liked her. She was sweet, but she was 19 when I knew her, you know. But no, she's, look, I said, look, she's going to take Hollywood by storm.

She's beautiful, she's talented, she can sing, she can dance, you know? I mean, like, she's going to be a major player, and she's going to be doing movies and God knows what. And I always sort of knew that. And when I got her, it was like she was basically just moving on from dancing with the stars. Right. That was fine. And Seacrest, I think. That's, I get that with me.

But, you know, as we talked about a million times, you have to decide at a certain point, look, are you going to try to have sex with somebody? And if the answers no You say that a million? Oh, you mean to dance with the stars. Yeah. Yeah. All right. If the answers no, then you're just hanging out with the 19-year-old? Got it.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Cool for David Spade, but not so much for me because I'm married. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I get it. Okay. All right. Should we talk to Loy?

Yes, let's do. And I liked her. But we're different. I didn't really she was that young when you were going on that. It's crazy. I think she was 19. That's working with her. She could have been 20.

I don't know. But she's no, I mean, she's, I don't know. Well, we'll find out. She's 25 now or something like that. All right. Is she going to get married? Secreist, I think, right? Is that right, everybody?

Yeah, it's right. Yeah. Well, find out everyone's age. See Chris is a good guy. Is you, he met him? She's 24. Yeah. Yeah.

So she must have been 19 or something. Is it five years ago? Yeah. But I like Ryan, Ceres. He's a good guy who gets a bad rap. Well, he doesn't get a bad rap. He gets a bad rap. People say he's gay.

People say he's got an easy job. He has a tough job. Well, all right, first off, he frosted his tips well into the 2000s. It was like 2007 and he had frosted tips, you know. So that's number one. You're bringing the rap upon yourself when you're going with the goofy frosted tips. If you don't want people to think you're gay and you don't want the bad rap, then leave the, you know, hydrogen peroxide at home.

Right. Or don't bring it home at all. How about that? Or just use it for cuts. But nothing deep. Okay. You know what I mean? So, number one, if you don't want people to think you're gay and it's 2004,

don't frost your tips like it's 1993. Okay. That's number one. I don't know who told him. But at some point, here's a photo from 05 with the frosted tips. Okay. All right. So knock it off.

Is that what? Do you think someone held him down and frosted his tips? No, no. He made a stupid decision. All right. Okay. Number one, he is a nice guy. Number two, he does not possess a sense of wit or a sense of humor.

No. Or anything that's intriguing or provocative or anything like that. Right. He's a facilitator. He's a conduit. And he does a great job at that. That is its own skill. No, it's not a tough job.

No, to make it look easy the way he does? No, it's a job that takes a lot of repetition. Okay. To be good at. I'll grant you to that. Those people are not blessed. Right. That's what you mean, yeah.

Repetition. They're blessed with the opportunity to develop the skill. Yeah, and they're not even blessed with that. They made their opportunity. Right. They are owed what they're owed because of that. Do they bring anything to the table? No, there's no such thing where it's not like anyone's got.

No one has ever said. Do you remember when Ryan Seacrest said this? Right. Or remember that idea that he had that changed your life or that you found interesting or provocative? No, he's a conduit. Yeah. And he does a great job at that. And it's not so much, it's less a gift and more, like I said, repetition.

You can learn how to do that. All right. So do we need Ryan Seacrest? No. Does he deserve everything he's earned? of course. And so, and a nice guy. Yeah.

And works hard. Works his ass off. And he, as long as, you know, there are enough dumb people out there, there's always going to be room for Duce Bigelow, European Chigolo, many Adam Sandler movies, and Ryan Seacrest. And they're all going to be successful, just like politicians are going to be successful. if there's more dumb people, depending on what kind of politician you are or depending on what kind of comedic writer you are. Thank you. Okay.

Let's go to calls. And by the way, I've known Ryan was straight from the word go because he and I were at a party a cajillion years ago. Like I'm talking about like 1995 or something where it's like I wasn't me and he wasn't him. I just knew him because he was doing radio and he knew me because I was doing radio and there was a hot blonde chick at this

party and we were both like eyeballing her and he's like I want to get me some of that and he like went up to her and started chatting her down and so not only he's into blondes right about Julianne Huff's age and

this is but he was more of that age. Well he still, that age doesn't change for the guy. They get locked in there. I'm just saying. Yeah. But he was more, he was into her way back then.

So anytime anyone went, he's gay, I'd just go, absolutely not. I knew him before. You knew him. And he was not into that. Anyway, he deserves whatever he earned. Is he going to leave a legacy? People will know his name. All right.

Shall we? And he brought you the Kardashians. Line one. Lloyd Hi Hey Lloyd Adam We have to thank you for the Kardashians

Yes indeed Thank you Yes Another group that does nothing Go ahead I just wanted to say Thank you for taking my call And Adam I've been listening to you since 2009

When I went to Las Vegas to visit My sister who would always put on the radio And you would come on and I would just sit there and listen to you Thank you So your question is you have a girlfriend that was raped by ex-boyfriend, you found out you don't know how to handle it. Yeah, I'm kind of just freaking out.

She isn't really told anybody but me. Yeah, all right, right. This was like a date rape kind of thing? I had a girlfriend that this happened to, ex-boyfriend thing, and it bugged the shit out. Were you, hell were you? Young-ish. But, I mean, that's when it really gets you when you're young,

jacked up on testosterone. You want to kill the guy, right? No, now you walk in and someone's raping your wife and you're like, all right, come on. Can't we talk this one out? Look, let's just put, let's have a fresca and let's discuss. Yeah, no, back then you're, I kill him, I kill him. Yeah, I mean, you're just filled with feelings and emotions you can't control and all kinds of stuff like that. Lloyd, I'm going to make this easy on you.

As you know, I'm a genius, right? Oh, you're a wonderful genius. Not just a genius, but a wonderful genius. So I know everything. You know everything, absolutely. All right. Now, here's the deal, Lloyd. You do not get this girl pregnant.

Okay. Number one. How long have you two been together? About six months. Okay. You, I do not think we'll marry this girl and you will have fun with this girl and a relationship. And I don't mean just use her for sex or anything. You'll have a relationship. And this relationship at some point will probably end. And maybe when you're 20, maybe when you're 21 and maybe in two months. But that's how it goes. And it should go that way. Now, you can be bothered. by this essentially a rental car of a relationship. I hate to call it that. You know, you can hate the interior color of your rental car, but why?

You're going to turn it in. It's going to boot you out, whatever it's going to be. Or you can really hate, so you're taking, you've just rented a Denali and you're driving through Colorado in it. Do you really want to be miserable? Not only miserable, don't get so angry with it, you smash it into a rock. Right. have caused yourself permanent harm.

Right. Or her permanent harm. I see what you're coming from. Everybody. I can't be miserable on a Denali. Thank you. She, first off, she's a good person, I'm assuming,

or you wouldn't be with her. You're attracted to her. Or you wouldn't be with her. Everybody, everybody, from every celebrity. I'll guarantee there's not one woman beside that young black girl from the wilds of whatever movie that was nominated that does not have a story about, I'll put it to you this one. She's nine, Adam. She's nine. That's why I'm leaving her off the list.

There is, I left her off the list. I understand. That's my point. There is not a woman who wasn't nominated or wasn't in the audience of that Oscar, the biggest celebrities you can think of, Lloyd, that would not have a story that would not buy. father, a 19-year-old boy who was with them now about an ex. Right. Am I right? Am I right in saying that? Yes, correct. Some more than others, but there would all be a story, possibly multiple stories. Yeah.

Understood? Yeah. Okay. Lloyd, everyone's been there. And if you haven't been there yet, you will be there. And hopefully you've passed through there and you've gotten by it in one piece. So, Lloyd, I'm. I'm telling you as a genius who has been there, enjoy that Denali ride through Colorado.

A couple things. I got a couple notes. There's an evolutionary reason for this as to why men are triggered to such violent rage by things like this. And this guy named David Bust wrote a book called The Evolution of Desire. And he has this whole theory, which is pretty well substantiated, that because through human history, men could not be sure of paternity because there was no way to test for it all he knew is their semen went in

and had Mori Povich. Right. Their semen went in and then they had to protect the vagina after that because if other semen got in, God forbid by rape or something, then maybe, and he's going to, and you, what if they were eating soup

at a hoity tooty French restaurant? That's the way semen could get in. Only from the nose. That's the way my grandmother got pregnant. Only from the nose. Well, yeah. And it's a female. semen, so it won't concede for something in a female.

That's unclear. I don't know. But the, and then that male is planning to invest a lot of resources and time into rearing of his genetics to make sure his genetics goes on. Right. And if you can't be certain of that, your whole purpose as a participant in the species becomes derailed. Uh-huh. Your genetics don't go forward. Uh-huh.

So it's a pretty powerful thing, right? It's in us genetically. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, it makes that I, listen, there's, there's nothing better than an explanation that makes sense. Right. And us older guys, theoretically, we've already moved our genes forward, so that does that drive kind of like, eh, whatever, you know what I mean?

It's less about moving the jeans forward. But, but, but, but rape is a violent crime. Can we review that, please? Please, I just love this. Okay. All right. All right. Chris, you need to know.

Listen to this. Dig. It's not a sexual crime. Right. You understand me? Right. Right. Sweet, bye.

It's not a sexual. It's not... You understand? You understand? It's a violent crime. It's a violent, violent crime where you come at the end. Got that? Okay?

But it's not... Not sexual. It's not sexual. Yes, you come. But not sexual. But it's not... There's no sexual arousal involved. I'm saying it is not...

It is a crime of violence, sheer violence. sheer violence, 100% violence, where you come. Okay? Understood? Like any other violent crime? Any other violent crime? Where you come? Where you come?

You'd have to come. But you know what I'm saying? Or any crime at all. If I just went and took a baseball bat to Gary's BMW out there, but I was coming, it would be. But it's not sexual. You understand? It is no different than it. If I held up a 7-Eleven and came on the guy,

it's a violent crime. You understand. It's not a crime in any way. I would, by the way, the only, and I really have to stretch my imagination for this, but the only connection to sex that this crime even has is you jizzing. You know, that's the only thing. of a connection.

There's nothing sexual about that. There's nothing. But I'm just looking for obscure connections to sexuality and this violent crime known as right. Got it. It's just you coming.

That's it. That's the only thing it has in common. Not guilty. With any sexual, with any kind of sexual behavior. You understood? I understood. Or if I lit Gary's car on fire

and just came, put it out with semen. But again, is that sexual? Just because there's jizz flying from my cock? Is that sexual? I don't think so. Okay. Now you've been educated. All right?

Thank you. Why does that ever get old? It never gets old. What is that? I don't know. What happened to that campaign, by the way, Drew? I know your mom and grandma are big proponents of rape being a violent crime. Right, but not a sexual crime.

Not a sexual crime. Right. But what happened to that? Did that just sort of go the way of AIDS as an equal opportunity killer? Where did it go? Secondhand smoke? Five, 50,000 people dying a second hand? Where did it go?

Just fell into the dustbin of bullshit. Like, basically when stuff is a lie, it just sort of falls away. It's never allowed to be called out, interestingly. It never gets called out, but it sluffs off. It just sort of trails off. It flows away. Yeah, trails off. And then people, you know, the 50,000.

thousand people dying of second-hand smoke just kind of turns into don't smoke but it never really nothing ever gets followed up on yeah yeah okay all right uh we have uh rob schneider by the way and this my gosh my gosh now if this chick she's covered in filth look at she got mud on her face he he is going to he's going to clean her up uh he's going he's a giant baby uh is a giant woman. He's going to fix a giant woman with the giant taken from the orphanage. Oh, and the baby vomits. That's really funny. Now, the chick, she's filthy.

Oh, yeah. She's covered with... And she smells. What's she covered with fecal matter? She's just mud. It just leaves in her hair. He's going to throw her in the river. He's going to scrub her down in the river.

And then when she comes out of the river, she's beautiful. All right. All right. Solved that problem. But I could never figure out what her problem was. She didn't have running water in her apartment. Why didn't she take a shower?

She's hot. Anyway, writer's block prevented from coming in. All right, Drew. Let's get rolling here. Let's go fast here. Tony. You got a double click on. Hang on a second.

Oh, I screwed that up. Don't do it. Don't do it. Hit a hold. That's all right. Drunos had to watch the phones. Safe to drink several cups of coffee while on Adderall. Tony, is that the question?

Yes, Drew, it is. Thank you very much for taking my call. And I'll ask you that True North is from Nova Scotia. True North, the Cologne, the movie. Sorry, Peter North, the Pecorator. Oh, the decorator. All this sperm talk flying around. Oh, you're right.

Yeah, all right. It's lying shitty. Yeah, Peter North, the decorator. Yeah, I mean, I know of no, provided you on your sort of usual customary doses of Adderall, not high-high doses. I know of no one that, you know, you can't drink moderate amounts of coffee. I mean, obviously, you can get caffeineism and you can cause rhythm disturbances and things, and it can be an issue, but I don't think it's something to be concerned about. All right. Azuse.

23, Fresno. Hey, Zeus. Hey, how's it going, Ace, man? How's going, Dr. Drew? I couldn't speak to you. What's up? What's your question? All right, man.

Big, fellas, big. I'm currently trying to quit drinking, and at the same time, it feels like I'm going to gain another vice. For instance, I can't seem to sleep if I don't drink. So I'm popping like sleeping pills or something. Right, right. So, Jesus, that's how it works. That's what addiction is, and that's what we call cross-addiction. You stop one thing, you flip over to something else, or even do a behavioral addiction, which is why you have to stop everything.

You've got to get treated. You've got to start going to 12 steps. You've got to get very serious about this. If you're ready, if you're ready, because it's just stopping one thing or just clinging to not using what we call a white knuckling will not do that much for you. It will result in other problems. I think guys named Jesus from Fresno, brown knuckle it. Brown knuckling, yes, yes, as you like to call it. Thank you.

So I get to... So I get to big bucks. Never any writer's block here. No, no, no, no. Just pearls pouring out of your mouth. He says it was 12 steps. Pouring out of my nose. That's funny.

Into your soup, Whitey. Go to an alcoholic's anonymous meaning. Raise your hands say you need help and just start going and see if you can maybe get into how this works. All right. Richard. Richard? Hey, what's up? How you doing?

How you doing, Adam? Good. You discover that your girlfriend was molested at the age of. just three. Yes, yes. We've been together for a little over a year now, and not too long ago she came out to me and told me that her cousin, her babysitting cousin had molested her when she was three.

Basically, it was oral sex, and now it's getting to the point where we're talking marriage, and she's discussing whether or not we should discuss this with their family. She says no. She also doesn't know if she's trying to hide it, you know, bury it away, but every now and that it will come up. Right. And I'm not sure if it's something we should confront with her family or if it's healthy to just pretend it never happened. That's her mindset with her right now.

Now, this was a cousin, did you say? Her cousin, yeah. Her cousin would babysit her and then basically perform moral sex on her at the age of three. Well, she should never be around that cousin, that's for sure. And so I'm guessing that cousin was, you know, 15 years older than her or how many years older? Her cousin was, I believe, 18 at the time. Ugh. Never around that cousin. And then it doesn't matter about the family right now. What matters is she gets treatment for this. So you've got to get her to some care or people, an expert that knows how to deal with trauma and trauma treatments. And what's the cousin doing now? Publicist or what they're doing for a living?

No, I'm not sure what the cousin does do now. We're going over our wedding list in terms of invitees. And she wants to invite him because she says it'd be weird. Her family would question why. why he's not invited and she doesn't want to tell them why. Oh, no, no, no. I don't think she owes him an explanation, but I definitely would keep him off the list. Absolutely. Well, no, hold on. Hold on one second. We agree that she cannot invite him. Right.

But we disagree because Richard is stating a fact, which their family would want to know why. And I'm saying, and I'm saying you have no obligation to say why. How does that work, though, in real terms in a real world, Drew? Can't you, and she's an adult, can't you just say this is not somebody I want my wedding? You ask him. Ask him why he's not coming. Okay. So the question is, is, hey, how come Chester wasn't invited?

Drew. I didn't feel comfortable. I haven't seen Chester a long time. I got bad feelings about him. Ask him why I might not have invited him. What do you mean to ask him? That's all I'm saying. I would just, hold on a second.

He's a member. of this family. You've invited everyone else who's a member of this family. Why not Chester? I think you don't have an obligation to answer every question. You've got to be in character. Oh. I've got bad feelings about Chester.

It would make me feel bad on my wedding day, and this is my day, and that's my choice. What are you? Bad feelings. You ask Chester about it. Ask him. Ask Chester why you have bad feelings about it? Chester might be willing to tell you. I don't want to talk about it myself. Well, that's weird. Did he molest you?

I'm just telling you. I'm not going to be, I'm not interested in talking about him. Okay. But he's not coming. Do you want to have a catch? A catch? Just want to know if you want to throw the ball around. Okay, let's do it.

Richard, I agree with her. That's going to seem weird. I agree with Drew that she should, he, Chester should not go. And I also agree with Drew that she needs to get some help with this. many people have been molested there's different sort of there's a one to ten

this is not a ten but it's not a one right but it's to me on the lower grade because it's not quite as severe or bad as some of it can be but it certainly would affect her negatively and she certainly needs to get help with it

and I would suggest that she gets help with this before the wedding gets planned out and put out and done up anyway I would look at this as a prerequisite to getting married. So I would just ask that some healing, some counseling, somebody who has experience with this.

Trauma treatment, yeah. Speaks to her, and you guys come up with a plan. Yeah, I agree. And then you get married. I agree. All right, here we go. David, 24, girlfriend is pushing him to get married. He feels they're kind of young.

You are young. Yeah, I was explaining this to her, like, last. Last year, I bought an engagement ring just to kind of, you know, because me and her been together for like six years. So, I mean, I have put in the time. But I'm still kind of one to attend school and won the Alpsul for software engineering. And I just thought maybe we should wait. And she's also going to school for veterinarian, the doctor or whatever she's the thing. But I just thought maybe I should.

David, you being 24 and sounding 42 doesn't help. You sound like you should be on your third marriage by now. All right. Cigarettes and all of that. Listen, David, here's the thing. Statistically, it's better to wait. Yeah. There's nothing in it to get married this early.

They're going to live to 85. Right. Tell her to relax. And I would set a date, which is, look, you can get married tomorrow. Look, there's a million stories in a million. different ways to skin this marriage cat. It can work out or it cannot work out. It cannot work out under the best of circumstances and it can work out under the worst. There's a million different stories. I would say, look, when I graduate from X, Y, and Z and get a job, and when you graduate and get a job,

that will be a fine time to get married and basically leave it at that. And by the way, so what, you'll be 26. That's still young these days to get married. I mean, look at, uh, Look at Seacrest. He's 42? Yeah, I imagine. He's not married. Yeah. Julian Huff's 24.

She's never been married. He declared a major 20 years ago. That's right. In your presence. Mm-hmm. I like blots. All right. So until next time, is Adam Carolla for Dr. J.

Chris Max Appata, Mike Lynch, and Gary Halfdard. saying mahala.