The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - Classic #232 Racoon

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

April 22, 2015Drew opens the show telling Adam about the recent multi-day war he has been waging against a raccoon that is trying to take over a wall in his home. They also talk about fads and how although they are an easy trap to fall into, some things are always timeless. As the show wraps up they take a listener phone call on vaccines. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is episode 22. Best of Adam and Drew. It's the raccoon episode. Drew talks to me about a raccoon that's trying to take over his life. We'll do that right after this. Recorded live at Corolla 1 Studios with Adam Carolla and board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to.

The Adam and Dr. Dr. Dr. Bruce show. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice, but to get on. Mandy, get it on. Thanks so much for listening. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. Thanks for giving us a nice rating on iTunes, watching us climb up the charts. Thanks for come on on out to Irvine, Wednesday, May 6. I'm doing a live podcast over there, so you can come and be a part of that. London, Vegas. Show's coming up. Go toamcroll.com, see where I'm doing the live shows. It's going on, Drewski. Uh, tired.

I've been doing a fucking war with a raccoon. War with a raccoon. Three days. Really? It's like fucking, what was that movie about the... Coojo? No, with Roddy Dangerfield fighting the gopher. Oh.

It's that kind of thing. Yeah, I think that's... Caddyshack. Highly overrated Caddyshack. Sensational. The sensation that is Caddyshack. Isn't that Chevy Chase? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, it's... It's... It's Bill Murray is fighting the Gopher. But anyway. That's really funny. Isn't Ted Knight who did battle? We should go through the whole cat.

Yeah. Wildly overrated comedy. Yeah. Wildly. Although people, now let's, by the way, easy to be good in the 70s. Be fair. Well, listen, I want to tell all you kids something who are telling me like how great goonies is and shit like that.

Yeah. My son saw Paul Blart over the weekend. He reported it was. excellent. It's got a zero on Rotten Tomatoes. I don't think anyone thinks Paul Blart is excellent, but my son, who's eight, thinks it's excellent, and now it's burned in. Much like some of the horrible music you people enjoy, much like some of the art and movies you think you enjoy, you don't enjoy it. Your head was feeble. Your brain was feeble. It got burned in. And now you think it's good. You were in the 70s. In the 70s, make it worse. But just make the distinction between what is good and when

you were dumb. No, listen, my sons, I took them the first action film when they were like 11. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, they declared it was the best film of all time. Right. This is a big piece of shit I've ever seen in my entire life. My thing is, is you can tell when people throw curveballs at you. Like you go, I talked to someone once or I want, what was your favorite comedy? She said, dirty rotten scoundrels.

I said, dirty rotten scoundrels. That movie wasn't very funny And there is, oh, she was 13 Saw it when she was 13 Probably with her dad or something And they had a good memory And that's that A group of kids, yeah, stays with you.

All right, so distinction between stuff where you're in a good mood Like almost all Prince music And stuff that's actually good. All right. You're not even right, the 80s are kind of that way for me. Everyone loves everything. Everyone loves all the music from when they were 18 or 19.

Yeah. I happen to be listening to good. music when I was 18 and 19. So I'm covered. And you were miserable. I was just driving here listening to the pretenders. I was just listening, just playing the pretenders first album. I was just listening, Chris Max Patty, you better get into fucking pretenders.

You're only one around here who knows good music. Sorry, Gary. He doesn't like the pretenders? No. First album, second album. I was just listening to Mystery Achievement. And it's a fucking killer song. And I remember, speaking of mystery, Beth Ringwald, the chick I was in love with up the street.

got me John Lennon's double fantasy. All you other assholes were listening to that shit. I got it. And I was like, I don't know what to do with this because I have the pretenders. And I have Joe Jackson. And I have Elvis Costello. And when you listen to that shit now, I was just listening to mystery achievement. I was like, this song fucking kicks ass right now.

So you were in love with Molly Ringwald's sister? Yes. For how long? Oh, I remember the story now. The dad was blind and everything? Oh, yeah. I think still is. Really?

Still. Still is. All these years. Crazy. Yeah. I was high school. Yeah. Probably like two years of high school.

She was at your wedding. She was? I remember I talked to her. Was she? Yeah, I talked to her. Okay. Interesting. And what happened with the raccoon? I want to hear a mystery achievement.

Okay. It's a great song. So, yeah. Oh, yeah. Come on now. I should turn it up a lot. And then I'll just picture this and this picture Prince. From Prince, so I saw him at Kimmel, but two years ago, it was good.

Oh, he is good. His music's back. Yeah, it's so good. And not only is this good, it's just, it lives in a realm where it's not touched by time. Yeah. And then picture me trying to listen to fucking John Lennon's solo album when this exists. And I'm 17 or 16. Confusing.

All right, sorry. Pot it down a little, but we might have to come back up again. So a couple nights ago, I thought someone was just. trying to break in my house and I just locked their work to sleep. Well, then I woke up a few more times. I don't know, it's animal, whatever. Then two nights ago, he decides he's going to build a castle. Where?

In my wall next to my bedroom. The wall to the external world at my bedroom. And with the chimney hits the bedroom. I went out the next day and there's a huge defect in the wall where he's just torn down all the stock. Stalko. And was inside. literally sound like he had a piece of equipment, like a pickax. And I had wood cracking and like somebody who's like snapping wood over their knees.

It was crazy. Not like nah, nah, nah, scammer. It's like, boom, smack. I'm like, holy shit, somebody's breaking in the house. And, you know, batons are weird little creatures. Well, it gets better. So as it pertains to that yesterday, I happened to be in my bathroom, doing people do in the bathroom.

And we know everything. Yeah. Don't say no. No. No. Number two. Number two. Equally is embarrassing.

And I started hearing that noise again. I'm like, fuck, the guy's back. I can't believe it on the other. I'm a different part of the house. I'm like, oh, shit, he's over here too. And then all of a sudden, his face comes over the window looking at me. Wow. I'm like, ah!

I threw my wallet at him. I'm like, get fuck out of here. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, he just stared at him. They're on money at the problem. And you know how they have that kind of bounce a little bit like he's heads up. Up and down a little bit.

I was looking over at me. A huge raccoon. Huge. We used to have one that when I lived in La Crescenta, when I rented the house with the boys back in the day. Now you've got to find out. I was listening to the weight. I think it was the weight from the pretenders on the way in. All right.

But anyway. This is the horrible jacuzzi. Up in the foothills. The chagososos with the semen floating on the surface that you would have to school. off. Well, sometimes it would stick to the coping. Oh, nice. But anyway, we had a raccoon that was sort of wandered around the backyard.

And my girlfriend at the time, who was from Minnesota, I wouldn't do it. But she would go out with, like, little pieces of kibble or something. We didn't have a dog. In my mind, I was thinking kibble, little pieces of cheese or something like that. And feed it. And the thing would kind of walk up and kind of get up and stand up. And it would reach out. It would take this little piece of cheese or whatever it was and put it in his mouth and it would stand there.

And once she did it once. Oh, yeah. I mean, every other night, the thing would just be walking around the backyard and she'd go out and she'd hand it the thing and it would reach out. Would it go away or just stay there all that? Yeah, no, it would go away, but it would take it and take it from her. I don't know. I don't know. No one never really talks about raccoons in terms of intelligence.

Oh, they're bright. They're definitely bright. Cunning, like cunning. Like, cunning. So I don't want to hurt the raccoon. Now I'm like, oh, shit. But I want to scare, I want to get rid of it. So I am like hoses, BB guns.

I'm trying everything. Well, they will, like, if you have like a coy pond or something, like, they'll eat the fish right out of the thing, right? Yeah, right away. So, but, so, so. So now I'm like, oh, crap, I'm going to sleep in some other part of the house. I haven't slept in two days. I'm freaked out. Where's your wife?

Oh, she's in New York. Yeah. All right. And why would she do? She's the problem solver? No, but she, no. I mean. Oh, I got another flat tire.

Another story. No, no, she would do, no, she would get on the blower and call the guy or something. Well, I called the pest control guy, and he comes up and goes, oh, you need animal control. Okay, thanks. So that's where I am now. You mean like a private guy? I call the, we have a pest service. Yeah, yeah.

They can't. They're not licensed. I thought he had some. No, no, I don't know. No, no. They're probably would get into trouble. Yeah, yeah. If they trap it.

And then I started thinking, well, they trap it. What are they going to do with it? You know what I mean? Now what? So, so Mike Cathode, who I do would love line with had a great idea. He goes, wait, now, it's the scene between the wall and the chimney. Why should turn your fireplace on? I was like, done.

So I turned my fireplace on all night. He stayed out. It worked. Well, I. I build houses. I've rebuilt a lot of chimneys. I'm trying to think. It's a, it's an acute seam where the chimney meets a wall.

Would you like to, you're not going to do shit. But if you could do shit, like if you were a dude. If I were a person, yeah. If you're a person, there's about three different kinds of expanding foam. Yeah. You know, the can with the straw on it. Yeah. Some are almost structural.

Like Hilty makes, like stuff that's almost structural. Yeah. You literally go to the. that seam, just go in there, put that hose, put that end in there, and fill that thing up. I mean, yes, the thing could eventually claw through it. Is that it hit the wall, or is that to get inside? Wherever, wherever you want to fill that thing, you shoot it in there and just comes bulging out.

It's not, you know, aesthetically great, and it's not a long-term fix. Can you stucco over it? Then just... No, you can cut it back, and you can trim it. It doesn't come out in a uniform fashion. It's the blob. But it's hard. Our house is being given.

back to nature. We have woodpeckers on the other side that have drilled holes in the walls. It's reclaiming. Yeah, being reclaimed. And the raccoon uses the holes that the woodpecker makes to grab the stock and pull it down. Right. Yeah, no, look, people,

you don't realize you own a home. It's a constant circling. I had this conversation with my wife the other day, which is like, if you don't go in the garage for three months and then you do go into the garage, it's covered with cobwebs and shit and dust and poop, you know, and it's like, it'll be rat stuff.

Yeah, like, it's like you have to, you have to, you have to, like, every once in a blue, I have a detached garage, every once in a blue moon, I'll look out the window, I'll see the doors open and it's been open for a couple of days. And it's like, people, people, do not leave the door open. We got enough shit going on around here. Because my wife's dad owns a hardware store and she sort of grew up in the hardware store, she is really good at this. Way better than I am.

So that's why I'm pretty lost here. Do we have the weight? This is the one I see. Ah, this is what I was listening to. Imagine this in 1979. Everyone else has listened to Ario Speedwagon. And John Lennon. I would have put this like 83. Is this really 70s?

This is the first out, I think. Wow. Turn it up a little. But they probably made it in 79. What month did it have come out? She was great, too. Oh, my God. You have a listen to it. January, 1980.

January, 1980. It's right there. 79. They were in the studio in 79 doing this, whenever one else was doing fucking all notes. All notes. Listen to the base.

What's I supposed to have listen to John and Yoko? Fuck that. I was smart. I was like, these fucking guys are good. I didn't want to hear any of that other shit. Everyone else was like, listen to Cool and the gang and shit. And I was like, fuck that shit. Literally, like the top of the charts are like, we are family.

All the super dated. Here's how you know you're dumb. I don't like to talk about myself. But we'll just make an exception to that. Just for a couple minutes. I don't. Just right now. I know.

Okay. All right. I know that. I dug. I don't know who. Somebody sent me a picture of me and my buddy Chris from like 1983. my buddy Chris You gotta put that in the new book

My buddy Chris looked like the lead singer from in excess You know hair down to whatever Watch full house See watch John Stamos's hair Go through all the different machinations All right My wife looked at me and I said What do you see? What do you see?

And I said the exact same haircut The exact, exactly Exactly exact same haircut Today as 1982 Which means. Yeah, but you hated it then. All right. I hate everything, but here's my point. I don't fall prey to your fucking whimsy of what's going on now.

Musically, stylistically, anything. There are no pictures of me. Everybody has pictures of themselves where they go back and look at themselves in 1979. You think anyone made it through the disco era unscathed or New Wave or any of that bullshit? Guess who did? I did. because I had the same haircut and I was listening to John Hyatt. That's it.

I wasn't like, oh, man, I got to grow my fucking hair out and start listening to some of this shitty music. To be fair. Now, wait. It's called being smart. You don't go, oh, everybody else is doing this, so I shall do this thing, which turns out to be a piece of shit. I'm going to bet. I'm going to bet. Go ahead.

You grew your hair out and tried to comb it over and make a leaf, Laf, garret appearance. How dare you? Or you back. You know. this story you did hair dry it with a roll no hair dryers with a rauckelers hairdriers that does not only cost money

but it burns kilowatts as well it needs a plug it needs a plug remember anything that plugged in took batteries or brought joy it's not allowed inside those were the three rules you understand I got it I remember it mom hair dryer

I mean I can imagine you were trying to get the look of the day you hated your Yes, because my hair used to be straight when I was a boy. Right, right. It was like Sonny's. My sonny's hair is probably going to start going. Yeah. It's going to make a move.

It's going to go. Then it moved. It's starting to move like a tumor. My hair was straight, and then it started getting curly. But when your hair is straight for the first 11 years of your life, you don't know what to do. You start trying to comb it. Well, that's, but that was all the every kid did that. Everyone is doing it.

Yeah, but I was saying to the barber, cut the car. curls off. It's standing up weird, you know. Cut the girl. By the way, speaking of Sunny, they got back from their checkup. Yeah. What kind of checkup they have? Is everyone sitting down? Again, I don't like to talk about my genius, but is everyone sitting down? He needs a head shaping device? They got back from their checkup. They got their new doctor. They got their full resume of all that's happened between the time they were born and now. Just nothing, but, you know, what shots, what this, what recommendation? They got their dossier. When you give vaccines to your kids?

Do you tate your children? I don't do shit to my kids. I tell my wife to go do something with them, and then I trust the professional that she takes them to while I go to fucking fucking work. And that's as far as my thought process gets. That's all it needs. I don't go any deeper with the doctor than I do with the fucking pool man or the gardener. I'm going to catch a contractor. You go mow the lawn.

I'm not going to tell you how to do it. Right. That's what you do. So I trust you. You've got a degree hanging on the wall. You've been in business for 26 years. Doesn't seem to be a lot of people marching in front of your picketing in front of your office. Go ahead and bring the kids over there.

By the way, they're fine. And you're not doing anything other than sort of taking their temperature, taking their pulse, throwing them on a scale right down a few numbers. We're cool. You got to squeeze. Kick the tire a little bit. Squeeze testes. Squeeze testes a little.

And for the boy. So, now is everyone sitting down? My wife mentions that Sunny was recommended and fitted for one of those cranial skull-shaping helmets. But my asshole husband wouldn't allow it to be placed on his head. No, she was in on. I know. She was in on it. She wasn't in on part one.

Part one was fuck that. Part one is, I'm not paying $4,000 for a fucking helmet. No, this is bullshit. She was not down with that. Not when the specialist was telling her. Yeah, yeah. He needed one. Not when the specialist.

Oh, right. Listen, I. We didn't go to, we didn't go to just a general practitioner. We went from that to the specialist. And then the specialist. Specialist. By the way, I specialize in door hanging. Yeah.

The day you know more about door hanging or can hang a better door than me, I'll fucking sharpen my all with a W. you and I will fucking fall on it. You understand me? I specialize in door hanging. I know that there needs to be a bevel on the strike and the butt side. I know that four inch hinges are exterior hinges. I know if they face out, I need NRP hinges, not removable pin hinges so you can't pop and pull the door.

I know everything about doors. You know nothing about doors. How come I knew over the specialist that the kid didn't need the fucking helmet? Well, I knew it. That didn't stop us from spending a bunch of money. And a bunch of, by the way, time. Time. Time with him crying and being measured up and having fucking plaster of Paris molds and shit made of his head. Never used a fucking thing.

She talked to the doctor yesterday. And the doctor said, oh, the helmet thing, they're not really doing that as much anymore. What? They're not. Who could have foreseen this? Nobody could have ever foreseen this. Why do I know? it's super easy

just fucking look around your answers everywhere you'll always have your answer just look around yes they're not doing it so much you want to know why they're not doing it so much it wasn't a problem it didn't exist it was a business that they created

to fucking take money from insurance companies and scared whitey oh yes you don't see poor kids walking around this fucking thing on their head no no Joel McCale's kid had one my kid had one

you see fucking bullshitters this guy should just fucking pay me back or come over and wax my car a hundred times or something fucking specialist chicken shit assholes there are weird philosophies

that get kicked in for years at a time and then fade out weird sort of right right just like the stupid fashion just like this shitty music I don't go along with it I was I see it

as it pertains to the use of pain meds and opiates And I'm like, hey, everybody, fucking, I'm screaming. Like, come on. And now, like, oh, wait, we're overusing payment. No, yeah. Yeah. Still. And so now the latest thing is, so now we give people other men, other opiates, so we don't give them these opiates.

Like, oh, fucking Christ. Right. Like, come on, buddy. Well, why don't, we don't understand that? It gets into these motivational states, like you say. You know, the doctors are motivated because the patients want it and the patients want it because that they want to take drugs and they show up on time and they pay their bills. There's this weird symbiosis that goes on that keeps it going until real consequences come to bear.

But I think we're learning a little bit in terms of, you know, to me, one of the most glaring examples of this is you can take any one, and I've been in a lot of them, any one of the beautiful out here, we have these Spanish Mediterranean states, dial duplexes or homes that were built in the teens or the 20s, every single one of them has a kitchen that got redone in 1974. Because your beautiful Spanish duplex or home with the tile and the arched ceilings and all the beautiful. We'll have none of that. We need cottage cheese on the ceilings. Well, what happens is the kitchens, if the place was built in 1929, by 1974, it's time

to do the kitchen. You don't ever really have to do the entry hall because it's just a hardwood floor. You know, it's really, you don't get run down. Yeah. But the kitchen gets worked. Yeah. And in 1974, here comes the burnt orange laminate on the counters and the bad stick-on tile checkerboard tile floors. Avocado walls and appliances.

It's like, because that is of the. moment. Just look at the Brady Blanche kitchen. That's what, but, but, but picture that in a beautiful Spanish style 1920s Hollywood house. All right. That's called being dumb. Yeah. But we, but everyone suffers from it. Not me, but everyone else suffers. Listen, I, that's the dumb hair. But I would, are you, certain areas really suffer from it. You know what I mean? I would, I, I'll go with that, but here's what I'm saying. Don't defend that kitchen and don't defend that kitchen. And don't defend your shitty music.

Look at that. Oh, the avocado chairs. Avocado chairs. Avocado cabinet. Yeah. Yeah. The brick. We can't leave the brick out.

There's always a brick. Always a faux. Everything made out of brick. But the brick was foe. It was like a plastic phasing. Listen, when I used to watch game shows, one of the big items was Z-brick. Yeah.

They would give away, they would give away, you know, 50 linear feet of Z brick. It was a fake plastic brick panel that you'd like staple to your wall. Listen. You'd go to your say that again because you're saying the people don't even conceive what you just said. It's a hollow. Not hollow. Well, you could actually push it in.

Sorry. Yeah. I don't want people to think it had much dimension to it, but it's not about a quarter inch deep. That quarter inch you could, when it's on the wall, you could still push your finger into it and make it snap. Put on with a staple gun. It's a sheet of brick foe that you put on with a staple gun. That was the coolest thing in the kitchen in the 1970s. What the fuck?

Oh, kitchen, Dan, whatever. The fuck. Well, the good news is the Corolla didn't fall prey to any of that stuff. Just like... What's going to? Mom, did you have great service. It's like we didn't fall prey to more than one bathroom and beds that weren't on the floor and shit like that. No, because my parents would never buy...

any automobile or any zebra, you know, they wouldn't... Yeah, they didn't participate in the time, no matter, they still don't. They didn't have shag carpet, not because they knew hardwood would be in in a few years because they would not purchase anything. But mind you, remember walking into hardwood floor houses back then, I'd go, oh, haunted house. Yeah, they need carpet. Remember?

My greatest lament. I have two great laments. Two of my greatest laments. Only two complaints? Only two. Two complaints. Write these down. Write this down.

Write this down. Two complaints. One is eating off a lunch truck has become fashionable. Well, the lunch trucks are good now. But it's my whole point, man. I used to eat off a lunch truck, and I was miserable, and I used it as an example of how shitty construction was. You'd have to eat off a lunch truck. And everyone was like, oh, cool.

Is it the gourmet taco truck? No, then a lunch truck was, you know those. Those dispensary, those machines that dispense food that sort of go around on a carousel and you slide the plastic. That was above the lunch truck of the day. Yeah. That currently is above the lunch truck of the day. All right. Yeah.

So two greatest elements. The second one. Mm-hmm. Lunch trucks are in vogue. So I get no fucking misery points on the lunch truck when I'm talking to my kids. I'm with you without misery points, man. and my mom's piece of shit house Oh

With the hardwood floors Yeah Built in the turn of the century They looked like a fucking barn Yeah With the high ceilings It's cool now Fashionable, yeah

It's cool now And so people go Oh wow That's a funky cool Old place And it's like not in 1975 it was No it was a haunted house It was a haunted house

Ray just called it The barn Yeah You live in a barn He said you live in a bar You look down, this hardwood. But to even be fair, you have to even qualify that now. I mean, you had a barn you rebuilt as your shop at that house in North Hollywood.

People kind of still think about barns. Oh, you can do something with that bar. Yeah. No, this was unsalvageable garbage. You know what I mean? I lived in a piece of shit that is kind of cool now because it's 100 years old. That you're right. Because property is so valuable, people don't let it decay to where it was then.

Yeah. And we pulled off all the weird old cement board, weird tiles on the outside and refinished it. stuff like that. It's like, oh, hey, there you go. I'm like, no. No. No. I lament. Through with my wife today. Oh, ho-ho.

That usually means she's caved to something. No. I was, uh, left the house. I've been working doing catch a contractor in Riverside, California. Oh, lovely Riverside. Yeah. Lovely, far away Riverside. It's good. It's getting towards summer, too. Lovely.

Heading the other direction from the studio. but I have to do a podcast. Never any traffic on that 10. Uh-huh. And it's getting cool. It's cooling down to like 98. I've been tired. But I woke up this morning.

I dashed out of the house. I left my buck slip that I make usually in the evenings while I'm watching TV. I write down my little notes, write sometimes I watch shows. I make little notes on things I want to talk about on my podcast. And I dashed out of the house. Had a little feeling. It was weird. Like, I had a feeling.

Always listen to that feeling. Wasn't a strong, I'm forgetting something. It was a light. You know something? I didn't make the round. We should dedicate an entire episode to that. That's a really important thing. You see hearing that feeling and then listening to that feeling.

I had my phone in my hand. I had my keys in my hand. I had my cup of coffee in my hand. I knew there was nothing. I wasn't shooting anything. There was nothing at the warehouse that was going on. Let me just say. Yeah, let me just say.

That is a part of us speaking to us that has been around much longer than the frontal cortex where we have our consciousness. This is a part of our body and our central nervous system that literally is the instinctive part that's been throughout mammalian evolution has been a piece of the human animal or the animals that preceded us. And it is accurate. It is a survival piece. And so when it says, hey, something's important. Something's not right in something's not feel right. You got to listen to that. The problem is this doesn't say something's important.

It just says something. No, what it was, it was a dusting. What it was is I normally place this slip on this tray that's in my office sort of in front of me. And it presents itself as I walk into the office. And normally I get up, I go in the office, I'll check an email or something like that, and then I'll meander back and brush my teeth and leave. I was in such a dash this morning that I never walked into my office, so I never saw it. I leave it so I see it.

But I never went into that room. So was the feeling that having that done a routine? I had a little feeling of I broke routine. And I had a little feeling. But by the way, once you break routine, there's things that you can leave good men behind, you know. But then the feeling is, is it just that I broke the routine or have I forgotten something? There's always a dash of confusion in there. So I had a little feeling

Because you don't have an explicit memory You scan your explicit memory Nothing comes up Everything's in my hands I'm good And I had a little feeling And by the way, it's just a little feeling Because it's a little buck's lip

With a couple of notes on it Shit, maybe I get to, maybe I don't get to It's not, oh my God, we can't do a show I'll talk about something else I'll talk about that shit tomorrow But I still wish I had it with me So I was driving over here Here's where I had my breakthrough

I called my wife. And I said, Lynette, in my office, on the ottoman, on the tray, it's a buckslip, has some notes on it. Can you please pick that up? She's heading out to, she's heading out here today. I said, please bring it with you. I got a bunch of podcasts to do today.

So thank you. I'll see you here. I hung up. Now, normally, I do the, is it in front of you? I normally, I realize. You're walking through it. Oh, I'm like in the control tower and she's trying to land the plane. I don't just go, you're certified pilot.

Yeah, okay, just go ahead and trim it out, get on your glide slope, and I'll see it at lunch. I'm like, is it there? Okay, what hand is it in? Okay, use that, hold it above your head. Okay, walk it over to your purse. purse. Which purse? Do you take the purse? No, no. Let's not chance the purse. Walk it out to your car. Set it in the car. That way I can get to the car. Yeah. Now, Drew, you probably do a little of that yourself. A little. Okay. I realize that's normally what I do.

And everyone who gets that done to them, own it. Please own it. If you're talking to somebody and they're telling you, but write it down, write it down, write it down. Own it. So it's called it's a tell. Well, you, you have, you have earned that with the other person. I, the Matt Fondaleer never gets told anything twice. It gets told everything once and I move on. You used to have that fucking whip you'd use, but now no more. See, this is, it's that kind of talk. But you know what I did?

I said, I'm going to grow. No, it doesn't bother me. It doesn't, what bothers me is I get these tweets. It's like, you know, it's Adams Way or the Highway around there while I sit in between Brian and or Gina who probably disagree with 82% of the things. Brian disagrees with 80% of the stuff I say vehemently all the time. And then you read the email where it's like, well, Brian knows his head's on a chopping block. And the day he disagrees is the day that axe falls. And it's like, did you not listen to him disagree with everything I say all?

All the time. I'll back you up. Okay. So the point is, is I said nothing but the buck slip is in the den. It's on the tray. Bring it with you. And I left it at that. Now we shall see if she get, if I have to, if she re-earns her mantle as the person that needs the talking.

Do you still have any sense what's on the buckslip? Yeah, I do. Now that I'm forced to think about it, I'm going through some of the things on. And that's what felt bad as you left the Buckslop behind. I felt like I have a rhythm. I got a little out of my rhythm, and I would like it. Now, here's the deal. I'm not going home to get it.

That's too far out of the way. I have plenty of content. I'm fine. But if there's a human being that's in my house and literally walking past it, and it weighs nothing and is coming here, I'm going to try. Got it. Phone calls.

All right. What do you think? Where are we at percentage-wise on that buckslip? 70. 70? Yeah. 75. 75.

Not quite 80. On the good? Yeah, she's likely to make. Yeah. Most like to ring. Okay. Yeah. I hope so.

All right. And by the way, to all the people out there that get the sing-songy, are you writing it down? Put it by the door. Put it by the door. Put it by the door. I know you look at us as annoying. Controlling.

Whatever you look at us as. Trust me, busy people don't want to do this. But busy people cannot risk the possibility that whatever they need to happen does not happen. And you have earned that with that busy person. Get fond of layer. I'm going to take the fond of all right. He wants fond of layer. I want fond of layer.

Gary. Line 1. 27. Ontario. Canada. Canada. Hey, get it on. Get it on, man.

I have an uncle. I'm 27. I have an uncle who just had a kid. He's about like three years old now. And he refuses to get his kid vaccinated because of stuff he's red. And no one else in my family has said anything to him. So I'm wondering, what should I say to him? Well, for one thing, I just find it quaint that a Canadian is falling victim to the Hollywood mentality.

It's nice. That's nice. But along with acid rain, we've taken this retarded cloud and it is blown over your border. By the way, my understanding in, because of GMOs, acid rain is not such a big thing anymore. We finally achieved the Holy Grail of modifying our food so we don't have to alter the song. Oh, but wait till the long-term effects of eating. I mean, you understand something. When I was in college, I was active in this stuff, in ecology and acid rain and stuff.

And we were like, if we could just adjust the genetics of the plants, That's the good one day We wouldn't have to use all the fertilizer We wouldn't have to use the fertilizer And the insecticides Yeah One day we'll do this because we know how to We understand how to do this safely

We're going to do it Now it's like Hey fuck you don't use that stuff Right Oh God Matt What a boss Do they twice move with you?

No I don't think so Try to try to listen to you Benefits me as well you know We just hop right on to the next subject Every time Yeah Just roll right through the topics

Did he ever have to repeat himself? No. Never? No. Oh, Matt. Well, I mean, on the telephone of the reception is no good. Early, early in your career without. Oh, oh.

No, I don't think so. He's always been that guy. He's always been, okay, I'm just sorry. No, you don't, that's not a default setting. That's an earned setting. Yeah, yeah, I get it. You earn that setting. No, but theoretically, you earn the setting, you could go back to a higher plane.

everybody starts off as everyone's innocent in my court and then you earn your status thank you all right I try to explain that to people all the time I'm just I will only think of you the way you get me to think of you yeah why would I why would anyone think of anyone that way you know I mean even the person that just doesn't get invited to the party and it's like oh shit Fuck that. I thought me and Steve had a... Fuck Steve. I thought we had a good...

Steve doesn't want you with his party. Yeah. Why don't you go find a fucking mirror and figure out why Steve doesn't want you with his party? It's funny you would bring... Not fuck Steve. No, it's funny you'd bring that up

because I was dealing on Love Line with some people who were in these relationship, dudes mostly, that cling to these relationships when the woman's like, man, they come out. No, you want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you? Right. What is that going to be?

Come on now. Come on now. All right, so Gary, I don't think you're going to do much with your uncle. We've had a lot of experience down here trying to talk sense into people about vaccines. It doesn't work very well. I would hope that his wife might be the voice of reason. The one solace you can have, Gary, is that the – oh, man, it's going to piss people off. The quality of parenting that that implies that everything is so special in my –

The child is specialized. That child will grow up to hate your uncle, and that will be your just desert. That will be your retribution. But the kids claimed by scarlet fever or hoping cough. That child will extra hate the parent. And the child will be sick. They won't see their fifth birthday. Right.

That's what I'm saying. And they may die also. All right. Let's see. I want to go down the line. And by the way, I'm seeing a lot of us now with the ward virus, the HPV. People are like, what? My parents didn't get me vaccinated.

And it against it. What the fuck, not? I don't want cancer my throat. Right. And the kids are like, they're getting their 20s. They're like, what? You're fucking kidding? There's a vaccine for this and my parents didn't get it. Has it been 10 years? How many years have I been yelling about this?

Oh, no. You've been yelling about it for a million years. The vaccination part is newer-ish. Let me do the math. I got it on my kids. As soon as it was available, I think they were 11. Well, I was going to say it was about 10 years. Yeah, so about 10, 12 years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And, but still, the kids are now waking up going, my fucking parents, what do they think? They want me to account? I think I'm not going to have sex. What the fuck? It's really, it's outrageous thinking. Okay.

Well, it's, it's caveman thinking. Of course. You're looking at your little, my eight-year-old daughter, my eight-year-old son, and I can't picture them. I don't want to picture them in that. But, again, this is, this is, it's basically, it's. Half the fucking country doesn't have a nickel in a bank account for when they retire. They literally cannot fast forward. You cannot picture yourself as an elderly person who's incapable of working and thus you need money to live on.

That ability. Plenty of examples, by the way, around to look at. I look no further than some of my own family members. How are they doing it, by them? Did they put something aside? they don't seem like the saving the type that would prepare well they're sort of my family yeah you're like your mom and your dad survivalist in a super boring way not not a ted nugent bow hunting no in a paranoid way kind of build a bunker fun way like wear camouflage or wedding way that kind of survivalist that that would be fun survivalist like my dad going this is bison jerky

fucking made it myself like that's fun survivalist um they're survivalists there's survivalists there's survivalists and don't leave the sofa and nothing bad will happen. Well, but no, it's something, yes. And something bad going to happen, therefore I better be prepared. My dad is loosely based his life, like the raccoon based his life at the house I rented up in La Crescenta, which is if I just wand around enough yards, somebody will hand me something. Someone will hand me a square cheese. I think a lot of people are doing that.

That's the problem. No, well, the problem is don't give me the fucking cheese. Yeah, but you're the cheese man. Listen. You meet you. The rest of us are the cheese providers. Listen, Velvita, let me tell you this. Let me tell you how my mom and my dad survived and made it into their retirement years.

My mother, whose financial strategy, is just waiting for people to die. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's that. My grandma bought a house for $10,000 and for $12,000, which I imagine even she paid off because it's been 60 years. eventually she died. Now, the house that cost $10,000 and the house that cost $12,000 are worth

$600,000. Right. So her plan was, your mom's plan was to sit rot in one of them. Yeah, but to survive off of the savings of the previous generation. Well, no. Yes, yes and no. No, they both married people that were sort of financially

minded. Financially minded. Well, just normal. sensible. I do not believe my dad on his own, and I have a lot of this myself, is capable of applying and obtaining for acquiring a credit card. What do you have? Would you have some of that?

I have, yes, I have a healthy dose of literally not being able to, like, fill out paperwork. Huh. Like when we, when Jimmy and I... You can do with a phone call now. Well, now, the fuck do I care now. Okay, okay. I'm saying it's like, I couldn't have a job or you filled out an application. I was not accepted at the Taco Bell.

Right. Because the application was a disaster. I'm sure when I was 15 was a fucking disaster. It was probably misspelled everything and things were in the wrong boxes. You know, when Jimmy and I travel and we go to Canada or anywhere, Europe, I've been a... he fills out my customs card. Oh, yeah. He literally, he doesn't, by the way, when they hand it, when the stewardess hands it.

He just takes it. He just takes it. He doesn't hand it to me. He starts filling it out for me and then tells me where to sign it. Or maybe he signs it. I don't even know. I can't, I'm not. Did you go, Daddy, can I have a bottle?

Yeah, but it's a miniature one. It says Jack Daniels on it. It's word off. I'm fucking. I'm not really capable of doing that kind of stuff. But that's all right. I have a guy named Matt Finale. Yes.

You're the guy that can... So both my parents married people that were sort of employed and capable monetarily. Yeah. And that's what they do. My dad sort of throws himself. My dad just says, I can't do anything, but he married somebody. Got it. Who could kind of...

It's normal. Manage things, yeah. My stepdad's not normal, but he worked normally. And he squirled money away insanely. Oh. So that's how they do it. I don't know how much... I don't tell me how much money they have.

He was paranoid. But he's paranoid. So that's how they, that's how, now they're both in their 80s and they're both fine because they hitched their wagon to people that had a wagon or that had a horse. A wagon with wheels. That's, no, they found a team. They had a team. They hitched their motionless wagon to people that like did things, filled out paperwork and, you know, had a 401k or whatever it was. Until next time, I'm sounding for Dr. Drew, Chris Max Patton, Gary Hifter saying, Mahalo.