The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - Classic #375: DUDE, Maintain!

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

July 13, 2016Adam is joined by comedian and friend of the show Adam Ray for today’s episode and they open the show talking about the differences and similarities between their fathers during their respective upbringings. The guys also discover that they would be two of the worst drug and alcohol councilors ever before turning to the phones and talking to a caller who has an idea for creating a PSA that may be useful in today’s political climate.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's also trusted nationwide. In fact, I-Excel is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get I-Exel now. Listeners can get an exclusive 20% off I-XL membership when they sign up today at I-XL.com forward slash today. Visit Ixl.com forward slash today to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Dude maintain is what we call this episode 375 from 2016, July 13th. We are joined by Adam Ray. And boy, Adam has just been a, I mean, I always knew the guy was talented and I knew

he would hit, but he's on now. We're talking about the differences and similarities between their fathers during their respective upbringings. We discover that our fathers would be two of the worst drug counselors ever before. And we talked to a caller who has an idea for a public service announcement that could be useful in that era as political climate. Interesting. Enjoy. Throwback from 2016. Recorded live at Corolla 1 Studios with Adam Carolla and board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky.

you're listening to The Adam and Dr. Drew's show Yeah, get it on. Give him Gary a look. Let's give Gary a look because where's Adam Ray's bio? Did you not hear me? No, I heard him, but we've been waiting for him.

Like, why isn't it just sitting? Don't give the power. Don't give the power. I'm trying to explain to you. I whiffed on it. I've been kind of sick and I didn't get to it. It's coming right now. No, I'm being a douche because Adam's a couple minutes late.

He's got a hard out. and we've all been sitting around waiting for him. And then I get the, well, the bio's coming. I'm like, just put it here. Where is it? I can give you the live bio. Give me the live bio. Thank you.

Adam Ray. Yeah, baby. Podcasts about last night. New episodes available every week on iTunes. And, of course, Brad Williams. I don't know which one of these lovable comics I'm more smitten with. I'll go with Adam Ray because he says in the studio. Yeah.

So Drew is still a globe trotting. And Adam Ray is come in to do a couple shows with us, so we couldn't be happier about that. Thanks for having me, bud. We got phone calls and things like that. Let's see. So this show Arizona, and then there's Ghostbusters, right? Now, is that, is Ghostbusters coming? Comes out Saturday.

Saturday. Yeah, July 15th. Why Saturday? Oh, no, Friday. That was Friday. Okay, good. I know nothing about movies. Well, the thing is the thing about movies, and it's sort of like TV shows and seasons.

Yeah. Like people tell you they're on the 18th season of this show, except for it's only been on for four years. Yeah. And like when I was a kid, it was just year season, year season. And then movies usually come out on a Friday, but sometimes they come out on Thursday. And sometimes they have a sneak peek like Wednesday, midnight or whatever. Yeah. So are you going to the big?

I win. it was this past Saturday. And how was it? It was great. I met Ray Parker Jr. Wow. Yeah. That's a big deal.

You know the song, ooh, sitting at 77% on Rotten Tomatoes. Is it? Yeah. That's great. It was, the movie was thoroughly enjoyable. You know, the, that was all the, it seems like, was everyone there? Was all the Celebrity Center?

Bill Murray was, I met Aykroyd, all the, originals were there. Bill Murray might have been there. He might have just been. I seem like if Bill Murray is at something big like that, he's going to just like be where he needs to be, see the people he needs to see, and not just float around, right? And be completely available to passer buyers. Does, do you think it's a good, here's, here's the thing, like, in another life? Yeah. Like, here's my, here's my problem, I think, in life. But you tell me if you share any of it. Sure. Probably do. I'm super competent in most facets of life.

Yeah. And I realize super competent just means you got to fix everything, pay for everything, and pick up everyone from the airport. Right. Nobody bugs Bill Murray. Hey, Bill, I'm coming into L.A. I need a ride from the airport. Never happening. It never happened because Bill would never show up. No.

And if he did, like no one bugs Norm McDonald. Norm, I'm flying into L.A. I'm going to be an L.A.X. at the United Terminal. Oh, good for you. Yeah. So I'm coming in about five on Friday. It's probably going to be a little traffic.

You may, I'll tell you what to do. You may want to get, I need a ride. You want to get there early probably because sometimes the flights land early. And sometimes you land, but they don't let you up to the gate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so you want to get there and just circle? Circle? Yeah.

Is it just, I need a ride. Who is this? Yeah, you know what? I'm going to Uber it. I'll Uber. I'll definitely Uber. I'll pay for the Uber. Yeah, it's, well, right, so you don't have to do anything.

No. Maybe this is a better way to go. Yeah. Maybe my super competent pay for everything modality. Yeah. It's not a good thing for me. No. How do you get to that level to where you are either an assumed, like, unavailable person, like maybe a norm or a, like, do you need to get to that level of statute or do?

Do you need to get to that level of statue or do you need to do enough things publicly to be like, I'm not the guy to come to for those rides to the airport or for those, those many favors. I'll tell you the first thing to do. I'll sit down with my son in a couple of years. I'll have this conversation. First things first, don't own or drive a truck. Yeah. If you have a pickup truck, you're fucked because you're going to get that call every single weekend,

which is, I bought an entertainment unit at IKEA and it doesn't fit into the Tersel. What are you doing Saturday? I thought it would. It's a will call. No, the guy's, no, I don't have to be there. The guy said he'll release it to the guy in the Silverado. It is a Silverado. It's a Chevy Silverado?

Yeah, I told, it is, well, I don't know if it's, would you call that midnight blue or just dark? Anyway, I told him a dark blue silverado. There's a guy named Troy or Travis or Tyrone. He's a white guy. He's a white guy. He looks Mexican. He's going to be there. He said he release it to you.

I tell him, look for the dude who looks beleaguered. Well, I don't know. Oh, gas. Yeah. Well, the car has gas in it, doesn't it? It's a truck, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, trucks, you know, you can't buy a truck and worry about gas.

You mean, you have to expect your mileage. You're going to vary. Yeah, you have inherited a whole bullshit conversation along with this guys. Then if you're me. It's like, oh, and by the way, if you got an Allen set up for your ratchet set, if you could give me a hand putting it together, that'd be awesome because you know me. I can barely make a cup of coffee. So the first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to tell my son, don't own a pickup truck.

Yeah. All right. Number two, the sort of subtle ways in life, I think, would be I'll explain to him almost every time you get up, reach for your back and making noise. Classic dude. Just when you get off the sofa, go, oh, geez, sciatic nerve, man. Really. Nobody in that same room is going to go, A, we're moving my grandmother into a nursing home on Saturday,

and we kind of, hold on. Damn. I don't know if it's, I got to get acupuncture. So, so complain about a bad back a lot. Nobody wants to fuck with a bad back. I know dudes who just have, like, the chronic bad back, and they're just off the list for almost every endeavor that doesn't involve pleasure. Bad back is a kryptonite for favors because dude on dude, like acceptance is usually very low as far as like being tolerant of like any sort of shit you're going through.

It's like, dude, I don't know, man, my aunt died. Yeah, but like how close with her were you? Like you, I think you can still go get the pizzas before the party. Right. Like, I don't know, man, I'm feeling really bummed out. Yeah, but like you can, you know, think about. the good times on the way to Papa John's, you know. But like bad back is a visible...

And the sound, too. How big does a sound have to be? Well, you know, it kind of depends how big the audience is or who's in the room. But you got to read your room. Yeah, you got to read the room. And again, you do stand-up. You do smaller clubs. You do theaters and things like that.

You have to play the size of the room. So I'll tell them to do that. So no pickup truck. Yeah, it's good advice. No pickup truck. back sound back sound unspecific or undisclosed

food allergies ooh that might be the X factor that because if that way what you can do is see what I have to get because I have no food allergies

and if someone goes I'm in the mood for Thai want to do tie and I go I had tie two days ago let's do Mexican and I go I really want tie now I just go, oh, yeah, I can't do Thai food because of the allergies, because of the problem. Yeah.

Because of the gut. Because of the, you know. Yeah, you know. You know, I got it. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think a little dab of like Epstein bar, like some sort of invisible, chronic thing. Yeah. Ooh, migraines might be good because if they're invisible and they'll get you out of anything.

Yeah. No, but you can't drive with a migraine. You can't ask to see, like, there's no way to gauge it. Right. Let me see a functional MRI so I can see what's going on in your brain. You have to, that is where you're true, like, where non-actors really get put to the test, you know? Yeah. Because if you're going to fake a migraine, you got to, there's a headache face, you know, where you're kind of squint and you kind of just like, ah, but like even that you can call bullshit on.

If it's too big. Crohn's disease. That's what we need. Because I feel that'll get you. I guess there's invisible symptoms. AIDS doesn't get you invited to the barbecue. You know what I'm saying? I know it's been said many times.

That was my high school year book quote. Thanks for the memories. AIDS doesn't get you invited to the barbecue. I'm out. See, you can show up in your two-seater with your bad back to the barbecue, but you can't show up in your pickup truck with AIDS. Well, arguably, Crohn's will get you invited to more barbecues, so I don't think you're supposed to drink with most of those medications.

Yeah, Crohn's is good because it, more brisket for me. Yeah. And you're not going to be getting into my micro bros. Nope. Yeah. So mild crones. And then what you say is when you don't want to do Thai food, you just blame that, you know, your gut.

Yeah. Basically. Yeah. This is good. So food allergies, yeah. That's a unspecific, undisclosed food allergies. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

That's a solid three to get you through. Right. The next stage of life. All three of those things, they carry through most. Yeah. Now listen, as far as like the Bill Murray's sort of being able to, Bill Murray gets to do whatever Bill Murray wants to do, right? I think so. I think he's constantly, every day probably starts with before he even brushes his teeth, turning down 10 movies.

Right. And then is there a sign? Contemplating a couple of TV shows, looking at a weird foreign beverage commercial contract, probably like, I don't know, watching like the German version of Groundhog Day. to be like, oh, I wonder how, if it's still, if the jokes he'll hit. Yeah. If they still land in German. Yeah. Yeah.

And then just, yeah, and then just going, what can I do but not do today? What can I try to do? And then somebody will step in and go, well, I'll do that for you, man, because you're Bill Murray. I have figured out, like, you don't. And just for those who are listening, you do not have to be Bill Murray or Howard Hughes. Like, you don't have to be an eccentric genius. You can, my mom pulled this off. My dad pulled it off.

And it's, it's something I literally asked my dad. I said to my dad when he was like 75. I was like, you pretend you're sort of useless so people leave you alone. And he went sort of like, yeah. Wow, what a great moment. Like he presented, he realized that all he'd have to do like a few times is, when somebody handed him a screwdriver, instead of holding it by the handle, he'd hold it by the thin metal end and mash the handle into the socket switch.

And then someone eventually would take that away from him and go, all right, let's go sit down over there. Go watch TV. I'll handle this. And he did it. Brilliant move. And it works every time. Yeah, it's effective. If you do that in front of the people who do that all the time, they just don't have time for that. In time to try to at least explain like, you can't hold it from this.

And then you're mashing it in. You're like a 12-year-old trying to put a dig in a pussy. Give me the screwdriver. Yeah, just give me that. Get some herbal tea and you sit down over there and watch Hewell-Hauser. I'll handle replacing the sockets in the kitchen, doing all the GFI sockets in the kitchen. Now, what kind of dad was your dad or is your dad? My dad is, I mean, I guess a pretty dudes dude.

I mean, he was a big cardiovascular surgeon in Seattle, so he was a, you know, open heart surgery guy for a long time. God, now I hate my dad more. Well, yeah, but then my dad split, so. Oh, he did. Yeah. When did he split? When I was nine? Yeah.

Yeah, that's about when my dad drifted out of the house. But he moved into his wife's parents' house. Whoa. Yeah. All right. So you inherited Grandparents No, the grandparents

lived about five blocks away And my dad needed a place to flop Because at age 42 He didn't have first and last On an apartment So but your dad Did he leave Seattle? No, no, he still stayed in Seattle for a little bit

And then went to Arizona And then went to Philadelphia And then a place called Quadulin Which is like in the South Pacific To be adopted to are out there, and then to Midway Island, which is... Wow! Yeah.

So I went out there and visited it in high school, and it was crazy. Midway Island was bonkers, because it's just a lot of islanders from the Philippines, and then a handful of Americans and the wildlife and the people who worked for that. And then a bunch of goony birds, I'd probably say, you land, and it's just goony birds everywhere. They're just basically like, when you land, they're like, hey, man, this is our fucking island. You can come hang out for a little bit. I know your dad's here, but you're going to have to step around Goody Bird if you want to get a hug or any sort of sandwich. So Midway was a big island in the island campaigns.

You've got a thousand people, yeah. In World War II. Yeah, it was a big battle going on. Yeah, Battle of Midway. Right. So a big naval battle. So your dad's split when you were nine. Yeah.

And was there some attempt, I mean, initially there was some attempt to see. stay in proximity of the kids. Yeah. And also the woman he was with, lived in close by in Seattle. And that was, now, who all is in your family, brother, sister? So there's my mom, my sister and I. And then sister went away to school. So just mom and I for a while. So how much older is your sister?

Two years. And the mom remarried, and my stepdad has two kids who my sister and I's age. So inherited stepbrother, step sister. Dad remarried. She had a kid. So already had a kid. So they're stepbrother. And then they had two kids together.

So two half brothers. It's a weird. It's weird when you have kids. Yeah. To like explain the concept. I know it's done all day, every day in this country. But in every country, except for Japan. But like kind of explaining to my kids like because they're 10 now.

Yeah. Like, look, there's this other. woman over here that I'm going to kind of be seeing, but I'm going to move out. But then she has some kids that are kind of about your age. They're going to be living with us, too. Maybe we'll have a kid together, me and this other woman is not your mom. Yeah. And then, but there's some other older kids.

We're going to be living together. It's just a weird, like I. Hopefully they've got enough Xbox controllers for everybody. It'd be nice, but don't count on it. Don't count on it. Oh, wait a minute. My back's acting up. Damn.

I got to go get onto my moped. So I don't have a pickup. You know, you can't, I can barely carry my wallet on that thing. Forget going to IKEA. Anyway, I've probably spoken too much. I'm just going to sit down over here. My back's acting up. You deal with one of your moms or one of your brothers and sisters.

Ask one of them about this. I'm going to sit over here. Yeah. Ten is, I think, an appropriate age. Like it was an age enough for me to, you know, soak in the information and not really have too much of an emotional. I was very much, and maybe that's also just my glass half full approach, even at nine, where I was just like, oh, we still get to see him. All right, cool. Like, I didn't yet realize maybe the severity or like what my mom was going through.

Right. So it was very much like, all, we all still, I still get to see him, right? All right, yeah. And we still get to live in a house and I still get fruit by the foot. Oh, hell yeah. What's really changing? Right. No, I get it. Like, kids are aloof. And they're narcissistic. Like, they're super narcissistic. I mean, it's something you have to work out of them theoretically. We're not doing as much of that as we are. Kids really are an alien narcissistic. My twin nieces who are about to be seven, they have this friend named Nathan, a little piece of shit kid, right? And I don't know much about this kid other than every time I'm around him, his folks split a little bit and they just kind of let me assume babysitting responsibilities. And then after two minutes with this kid, I was like, oh, now I understand why.

This kid sucks. Even his haircut sucks. That is a direct indication that even the barber was like, fuck this kid, he sucks, and I want his head to reflect it. And this kid taunts me all the time. So you're talking about the narcissism. Anytime I'm around him, he finds these moments to just like get in my face and like, one up me when there hasn't even been something to discuss skill-wise yet where he'll just be like,

I bet I can't rock's better than you. And I'm like, yeah, I bet you can, Nathan. And also, fuck off, man. You know, I'm here with my nieces. I don't. I'll make sure you don't die. but when I'm not trying to start a friendship? I think the haircut is an interesting tell.

Yeah. Because I don't blame the barber. I blame the parents. For allowing the cut. For allowing the cut. Like when I see the kid with the mullet, I go, all right, that's a tell. It's a conscious choice. That's a conscious choice.

The parents said, yes. There's a few different haircuts that a kid will get, and it's a conscious choice. I sort of feel that way with like, when, uh, when little, when little, when little, when little, edy-bitty little girls have like their ears pierced.

Yeah. It's a weird thing to me. Like, oh, you're trying to make them sexually attractive to that? Yes, that's an adult move. Don't do that. You're putting a hole in your kids' ear.

And here's the good news. You can make it to 12 or 13 without earrings. It's not like you're going to be held back. It's not like your fourth grade teacher's going to go, well, look, your academics are outstanding. But wear your studs. I'm sorry. You're not going to see the fifth grade.

Yeah. You can either. I just tell you start acting like you're in the 12th grade. Yeah. What I need is like aggressive piercings. Yeah. By the way, what's the equivalent for a dude? Like, oh, Jimmy, I know you're 11, but where's your cock ring?

There is a lot of dude. Like, I was watching the McDonald's All-Star football high school weekend. A lot of these dudes are tatted up. Yeah. Pretty good in high school. And guess where they were tatted before that? Yes. Probably in middle school.

possibly in utero. Fuck. They sent a guy up. Yeah, I'm saying like there is a certain percentage of, yes, these dudes, yes, it's not like, well, at the end of my senior year, I got Martin Luther King's initials put on the inside of my right wrist. At the end of my sixth grade year, I got T-Pain's initials. Right. And it's, and it's, you're right, that is the equivalent, I guess. That's the, like, the male stamp of like, oh, I might be a fourth grader.

but it's time to act like the eighth grade is just around the corner. Wow. Yeah. Right? I don't, I'm not a tattoo, dude. I wish I was because I kind of do one. I drunkenly almost got one of my, I called my, I was in Indiana doing shows, and I was in like they were a college town, and I just got hammered the second night there, and it was

just like, I'm walking around town, and I met these girls, and they were like, we own a tattoo parlor, and we started talking this and that, and whatever reason I got on the subject of my nieces, which is a great drunken, you know. That's a pussy weather. Yeah. And so, and I go, I go, I want to get a tattoo of something to let them know how much I care about them. And they're like, the girls go, you should get their names like on you. And I was like, that's a fucking, that's a great.

Your names? I'll get your names. Like, no, no, no. Your niece's names. I'm like, and your names. And all the names that people I love. And they're like, we just met, you don't love us. Maybe you're going to say you love us to try to take this up a notch.

And then I'm like, let's. let's get the names of my nieces on my chest. So we started walking to the tattoo parlor, which, by the way, it's two in the morning. So they were going to open their shop and tattoo, which is probably illegal, right? Right. Tattoo past 9 p.m.

and tattoo my niece's names on my chest. And I call my buddy and I go, hey man, I'm on my way to get tattoos. And he goes, what? And I go, yeah, he goes, of what? I go, my niece's names. He goes, cool, man, I know you love your nieces. Terrible idea. He goes, turn around, don't do it.

I like the, you know, there should be, This could be a moneymaker. This could be an app. Before anybody gets a tattoo. My app. Yeah. And it's not even about tattoos. Okay.

It's just called dude, maintain. And when you're feeling a little vulnerable. Yeah. Like, you're thinking you're really drunk and you're going to get that tat. Yeah. Or you're like, God, I know that chick's married and super fat, but I swear I'm going to tap that shit. Yeah. Let me send a real quick text.

Yeah. I think she said her husband's out of town because he's a cage fighter. So I think he's on the road. I don't know if he's on a card or he's in the undercard. Anyway, I'm going to tap. And or like, hey, I should go punch that cop's horse. Like if you have ideas, like if you're having those ideas and you're kind of fucked up and you're a little unclear. Let me get that third pancake.

Yeah, I'm going to get that third lumberjack stack. But this time, I want whipped cream in between each pancake, not just on top. Yeah, dude. What am I an asshole? You'd hit the Dude Maintain app on your phone and you just hit it. And it would just be me yelling, dude, maintain. And every time you hit it, I would just be me yelling, dude, maintain. That's incredible.

And that's it. It's just a short little video clip, like an eight second loop. Yeah, it wouldn't be specific, like don't get the tattoo or don't punch the horse. It would just be me yelling, dude, maintain. Yeah. It can't be like Shazam, that music app that like locates it somewhere. It's like, it held you up and then like an image of you like assess what was happening or the or you can't have the person saying like, I want to punch a cop. What should I do? It's not an advice thing.

No. It's just you quickly click it. Every guy knows the drunken buddy dude maintained call. That means stop doing whatever you're doing. Yeah. See what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like, you know, cop yelling halt.

You don't really have to go halt from what? Like, don't get real specific. They're just, you're just supposed to stop. And by the way, that's why the dude maintain app is great. And I sound like the guy in the infomercial being like, and this is why it's going to sell. Look, Adam, there's a lot of guys out there who have trouble figuring out what is the right time to do what they want to do. So, we log on, but the app for the dude, it's that simple. It's just you popping on saying dude maintain because the chick version of that is going to be a lot lengthier and a lot more discussion, right?

It's going to be like Brittany. Right. And she's going to pop on. She's going to go, hey, look, Stacy, I know what you're thinking about doing right now. And I just want to say, like, do you like this version of yourself? And is, let me, no, no, don't look away. Real quick. Is this like what you want to present to the world?

How's your week been, by the way? You know, just like, is your cat still sick? And just a lot of extra bullshit. Right. Dude maintain. It's two words. It's two seconds. It's corolla.

It's in your face. It's appropriate. It's timely. Yeah. Write that down. Chris. We're all going to get rich on dude maintain. Dude maintained.

All right. It's just going to be. It's a new app. Yeah. You can do that, right? You can shoot that. Do you a dude maintain app? We need it.

We do. Hey, listen, there's plenty of people who work here. A dude maintain app? Everybody needs a dude maintain app. If you are a living, breathing, human dude, you need the dude maintain app. Yeah. That's a slogan. And listen.

If you don't. If you're breathing and you have. have a dick, you need this app. If you don't need it, I want nothing to do with you. Yeah. We can't hang. We weren't friends in the first place. Now, I'm going to put you in the purgatory devil's waiting room of the dude who doesn't drink.

And you go, what happened? A big problem in college? Yeah. No, just never. Just never. Just never. Just never. Never.

Don't drink. You go. drive-thru in college and you were like time to clean it up. The judge said that the body count would have been higher if you didn't have a spare tires strung around your Prius like a tugboat because of prior incidents, but still eight dead is eight dead. That's a lot. That's a lot.

That's the most at Wendy's in the last five years. Just the guy who goes, I don't drink. And then you go, all right, what do you do? Eat pot or something. They go, no, I don't do any of that stuff. And you go, you had a problem? No, I just don't like feeling out of control. And I'm like, well...

You're like, are you a CrossFit trainer? He's like, how'd you know? Yeah, I hate that, dude. First off, a couple of beers and a nice buzz doesn't mean my arms flail. It's just insanely. No. Or I steer into oncoming traffic. If I'm riding a beach cruiser, it's just I got a nice buzz.

Like, why do you have to feel... What do you mean out of control? Like, I don't like that feeling of being out of control. And you do have control. And I have people that just say that. because maybe there is something chemically imbalanced for some people who are like, if I have one, you know, I can't just have one.

They're not Pringles, motherfucker, they're beers, and you drink them, you take it all in slowly, and you do have control. Like, one doesn't mean you're going to have 40 and punch a cop's horse. I still like the dude who can't stop at one. Anything over the guy that's just like, that's the Dane Cook thing.

It's like, I don't drink. Did you drink? No? Do you ever drink? No? You not like it or have a bad at a drink? No, just don't drink. By the way, that guy at some point is going to, not Dane, but the guy who doesn't, at some point is going to find something else that's probably worse than booze.

Because they held off. From your mouth to God's ears. Right? I hope it's some sort of porn that'll put him in jail for 50 years. That is my wish for that dude. But I can't hang with that dude. And again. Do you judge that dude?

I mean, I think I do. Yeah. I do because it's a weird. First off, how do you let, there's the booze or pot, which is all I'm working with these days, it does, there's a level of, I don't know, it's like, how do you take a moment to just disconnect from the world or at least just, you know, like that. This douchebag does Tai Chi, but how does this one? Not me, the guy we're talking about. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

But that's not it. Now, look, I'll tell you, I'll tell you the thing. I'm just saying I can't hang with that dude. I'm not saying he needs to be eliminated. I'm saying he should, he's definitely one of these guys probably rides a recumbent bike. Yeah. And then explains to you how much more efficient it is when he's on his recumbent bike. Oh, fuck this guy.

But I've always said about the recumbent bike guys, if you ever notice, they're always alone. The guys who ride the regular 10 speeds, those guys are in power. Yeah. Like, if you go down at Griffith Park on a Sunday, you'll see 80 of those guys, all one big group. And they got the same, like, Studio City Wheeler dealers on their emblazoned on their Lycra suits. Yeah. And then you wait 20 minutes and one lone wolf comes by in a recumbent bike. That dude's always riding alone.

There he is. He's always alone. Yeah. Always. Well, it's tough to find friends with that hell. I didn't have to sift to find this picture. It's just that we're just looking at a lone desktop screensaver.

We're in the middle of the heartland with nobody else around him. I've never seen now now you have to think about it. What's going on socially? This dude is his own dude. He's a lone wolf dude. He's basically saying

well you guys are all over here with your VHS. I got my beta. Yeah. I'll be alone over here. Congrats, but see ya. I'm fine over here with nobody. Yeah.

By the way, you and I would be the worst drug and alcohol graduation speakers. just thought of this last little tirade would be going on about like just have a couple and chill out dude oh you're going to tell me you don't like the drink well i'm going to tell you i don't want to know you all right kids anyway try to finish the school year let's see what is this fifth grade yeah no it'd be it'd be like a um i'd be like uh so listen uh okay you put together your sobriety you get a cake i guarantee that cake is much worse for you all this sugar and whatnot for your liver than let's say couple of tall boys like just a couple like

not a do they have they have eight packs right or two four packs anyway and by the way who show a hands who hasn't had a drink in more than five years okay I see there's a lot of people raising their hands you guys are in the sixth grade you guys miss this whole microbreu movement like I know when you guys quit drinking it was like easy to give up strode and Papsed blue ribbons and lucky loggers. But there's a lot of pizza port. Yeah. Makes a hell of an IPA.

Yeah. You guys didn't mean missed out? Who here's even had an IPA? Okay, same people are raising their hands for people who haven't had the IPA. So you guys, here's what I'm saying. Yeah. Look, if I never drink another Schlitz ever again, that's fine with me. But take away.

Well, Adam Carolla. Well, I'm doing an IPA now. Adam Carolla is, endless rant. That is denummy, which is a cross between delicious and yummy. That's what I call denummy. So also, whatever's in the cake, hold on, Todd, no eating the cake. I'm not done with my speech. Whatever's in the cake, I guarantee on your system is, you know, a lot of people look at sugar as an addictive, addicted.

It's actually something that you have ever seen a functional MRI? Part of your lane. You show someone a cupcake. Part of your brain lights up. The frontal lobe. I'm not a brain scientist. Anyway, I'll be over here sitting on the cooler if anybody wants to, again, they're called microbrews. They're doing them all over the place.

That's a big festival coming up this weekend. I got three passes. If somebody can tell me how long it takes to shotgun a beer. By the way, you know, a couple places. Seattle, San Diego, surprisingly. Tons of microbreweres popping up there. The Microbreu Festival is going to be at Santa Anita. How many people here were addicted to gambling?

Okay, because we could work on that, too. Mr. Croll, this is the DARE graduation for the 6th grade class of Milton Jr. I dare the first three people who can answer this beer-related trivia question to meet me at the Microbrew Fest this Saturday and Sunday at the Santa Anita racetrack that's just past Pasadena down the one well it's what turns into the two ten you know what here's my beer

question that's the whole thing is everything is a series of I dare you not to you're like I get the theme I dare you to turn down a beer socially for 20 years and tell me there are no social ramifications you guys in again show of hands who hasn't had

a drink in over five years one two three four six hundred more than half the room. Okay. There's something called fireballs. That's where they actually warm this whiskey and it's got a cinnamon finish to it. You got, oh, of course you don't know what that is. You stopped drinking right when it got good.

That's what I'm saying. Of course you had a problem. You were drinking Mickey's Bigmouth in a park, but come join me to pub. They got these microbrew pubs. They do these things called tap takeovers. Huh? Yeah, no, they take over a tap. They take like an IPA and they just, a microbrewer come in,

they'll just take over the one tap. Anyway, I'll see you guys at Santa Anita. Say nine-ish. Make sure and drive your own cars. Okay, don't Uber it. If you Uber it, see, Uber's great on the way there, but when we're leaving, like four in the afternoon, there's going to be over 120 microbreweries represented there.

And by the way, the pass is unlimited. So you don't have to give a coupon every time you want to try someone's beer. But anyway, don't Uber. If you Uber, Uber's great for the ride over. But when you're leaving, imagine over 9,000 people leaving San Anita at the same time. You'll be waiting forever. Definitely drive your own car. For sure, drive your own car.

Make sure it's something vintage with like maybe just the lap belt. Okay. I don't know why. I love vintage cars. I want to see what you got. Something like from the 50s where the steering wheel was shaped like an arrow. Where the horn was an arrow. Yeah.

Maybe not. Speaking of cars. That would be the greatest scene in a movie, by the way, of all time. That entire monologue in front of just a group of six graders. All right? We got a phone call up here, Adam. By the way, real quick, Al Pacino for sure plays you in that movie where you're giving the speech to the kids. Does that sound like something?

It just would be, I mean, as far as like a phone. fired up speech that he's the king of those fired up movie speech. So, I dare you to not invest in a micro brewery. I mean, the kids are going to respond to Pacino. I agree. All right. Josh from Atlanta's got a question.

Josh. Yeah, Adam, what's up? All right, man. What's going on? What's up, Josh? From Atlanta. Adam Ray's with me. Awesome. What's up, Adam? What's up, dude? Love Atlanta. Get there. Yeah, it's a little high right now.

But I just wanted to, I know you do like a weekly rant like 21 minutes on C-Bell PSAs and click on her ticket. Just wanted to give you some ammunition maybe for an actually useful PSA. And this one comes from my wife as we're sitting watching all the protests that are going on in Atlanta over the cops and the killing of the cops and the cops killing black people and all that stuff. idea is why don't we have a PSA on just how to interact with cops at a traffic stop or any other interaction you're going to have with police, you know, the hands on the wheel, get your ID out ahead of time. I think that would eliminate a lot of our problems. I agree, but here's the deal, and here's the comedy of all this stuff, and here's why nothing will ever get fixed. if you made a video a PSA because yeah if you stay up late and late enough at night you'll see insane PSA's yeah like it's like hey I'm George Pappard you know each year 120 Americans are killed while water skiing

yeah and it's like it's like in the middle of the night like first off what do you have to do with water skiing and then secondly why am I seeing this I'm not going water skiing tomorrow I don't even have a boat like I'm landlocked but yes there's insane PSAs now here's the whole thing about PSAs and and the government and any officials and anyone in any capacity these days who has anybody's ear or electronic billboards or anything of that nature um their job is not to save lives it's to say things that can so we're living in a society where if you say anything, someone's going to call you a racist or someone going to call you homophobic or xenophobic or whatever. Watch it. Watch it with those words.

Yeah. There you go. You see what's happening right now? So if you just put click it or ticket, then nobody ever can go, who wrote that? I take offense to that. Yeah. Now, you could make a video and the video could depict an Irish guy actually wearing a Lucky Charms outfit with red hair. The video could have Conan O'Brien,

dressed as a large leprechaun. Yeah, and Brad Williams' dressed as a tiny leprechaun. Getting pulled over by the guy from the Allstate commercial, the guy from the wire. Yeah. He could be the cop. Yeah. Dennis Haysburg or Hastings or whatever's saying. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. That guy could be the cop. Conan O'Brien in a Lucky Charms outfit could be the motorist. Yes. And we could do this instructional video. and at some point, the Huffington Post would call it blatantly racist. And they'd have to take it down. Yeah.

So here's the piece of shit society we've crafted. You can say, listen, I want to do a PSA that talks about parents staying together, raising their children, and focusing on education. And so it's going to go, that's racist. And you go, I didn't say what race. I just said parents staying together. I want to do a PSA about when you get pulled over how to interact with the officers. That's racist. I didn't say what race.

I just said men, women, Conan O'Brien, whoever. And I didn't say what color the cop was or what color the motorist was. I just want to do a PSA about what the cops would expect or what would be, what would lessen your chances. By the way, when you get pulled over and, John, your genius on this. It'll never work because this would involve our government wanting to save lives versus wanting to

shit out platitudes and not get any trouble in any trouble for it. But when you get pulled over, here is your range in terms of how you get on with the cops. You can go anywhere from I'm going to let you off

with a warning to you guys wrestling around on the highway while he's trying to it's gone out. Yeah. Like, that's the rain. Yeah.

So a lot of that depends on your attitude. It really does. I've gotten the best way to get out of a ticket. Any cop will just say this. Don't make them want to write you a ticket. Yeah. Kill them with kindness. Kill them with kindness.

And yes, you're right. If there was a PSA, it would save a lot of lives, but that PSA will never be made because it'll be considered racist. Which is even if Morgan, Freeman did it. Even if Morgan Freeman did the VO. Yeah. Dennis was the cop. And Conan O'Brien

was the motorist. Yeah, that's too bad. I've got a I've got a friend whose dad hadn't been pulled over in 30 years. White guy, old white guy, thought it was appropriate just to get out of the car and start walking toward the police. Well, that's, I mean, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, it's a, it's a perfect, it's a perfect thought because it's true. Old white guy hadn't been pulled over. He's used to getting out of the car and walking toward the thing. That might get you shot now.

There's a lot of guys that just go for the glove box and that freaks cops out. Fuck, that is now a thing, right? Just after this thing in Minnesota, like the guy was reaching for his, right? He was trying to get his registration or license out of the... Well, I'm sure there was some instruction of stop reaching. Stop reaching. Yeah. Well, whatever it is.

I try to explain to everybody. I think Adam will appreciate this. Thank you, Josh. If the public at large would do what I do in terms of don't look at cop, whatever color you are. Yeah. Don't look at them as cops. Look at them as some of the dumber guys you went to high school with walking up to a car with a gun. Now, how would you react?

Like, if somebody just walked up to your car and had a gun and said, here's what I need you to do, you wouldn't start arguing with them. You just do it. You're going to oblige. And people go, is that the kind of society you want to live in? And I go, well, that's where we're at. So whatever it is. I would like to not get shot.

Yeah. So try it. I go into most situations going, I don't want to get shot. Whether it's into a Pizza Hut or a Bukaki video, I don't want to get shot. Especially the Bukaki, yeah. Also, how effective do you think those PSAs really, like, you know, when they did like the anti-bullying or the gay slurs or, you know, is it celebrity, is it, you know, does it rely on the celebrity stature to sell the PSA? Does it rely on the message? How it shot.

Those anti-drug ones. Look, people tweet me this all the time, but I saw it. I landed in Salt Lake City to do a show and I was at the airport and I was waiting by the baggage claim. and there was a big poster of a rhino with its horn like sticking out that said, I am not medicine. You know what I mean? And I thought, who comes to Salt Lake to poach rhino? Jesus.

And then. John Stockton's kids? If you go around like L.A. L.A., every municipal car has a, all the cop cars and the street sweepers and stuff has a thing that says end senior abuse or stop human trafficking. And it's like, who's human who who who here's all I'm saying yeah if you're into human trafficking does the little swatch of vinyl on the back of the meter maids car stop you from human trafficking

I mean or does it just bum out the 99.999% of people that are behind you going that yeah there's human trafficking what years this what it's two that? 2016. I thought we were past this. I'm in Studio City. Well, Valley Village, but I call it Studio City. What? There's human trafficking going on? Yeah. There's rhino poaching. Who's beating the elderly?

I didn't know. I don't think it prevents. I don't think there's one documented case of any of that stuff doing anything ever. But I do agree with our caller from Atlanta, which is, yeah, an instructional video. So I would get something out of it because here's what the cops want you to do. We could have a dude from Southwest Airlines like doing the thing, you know, doing the motion with the belt and the steering wheel and everything while the cop is narrating. Yeah. I don't know.

Like I don't, what I do is I keep my hands on the steering wheel. I roll the window down and I basically go into when your computer goes into sleep mode. Like I just don't do anything mode. That's not a lot of reaching around or fidgeting or getting out of the car or anything. I just sit there and it's in the least aggressive posture I can possibly do. Yeah. PSAs for stuff like this are a good idea. Well, you're mentioning with like the rhino poaching or even like, you know, I've seen Dr. Phil on late night ones do some.

And they're just like he's doing issues that are not like at the forefront of what's happening. And you're like, you're wasting it. Like if he's like, you know, what, you know, stop eating acidicy foods that are making you. you queef in front of your children. It's like, well, that's not an issue. And no one's talking about it. And now you're making it an issue. Queefs in front of kids are not something we need to be concerned with.

But, you know, these PSAs for the Cup, like, that would be, but you're right, though. There would be so much like. There'd be outrage. It'd be outrage. But maybe that's good outrage. Maybe that's that type of good people. No, no. Here's the thing.

People are talking about it. It makes it. Well, no. Here's the deal. There's all this candy-ass bullshit talk from the president all the way down. Like, hey, we need to have an honest dialogue. Like, we need to have a dialogue. Okay, well, we're not going to have a dialogue.

But so what someone will do, talking about talk, I don't know, anybody who's ever done anything, like, I can imagine the guys who built the Hoover Dam didn't sit around and talk about we got to have a dialogue about building a dam. They have to build a fucking dam. Like, at some point, you have to do something. But all we want to do is talk about having this talk that we never really have. And then we can all go to our separate neighborhoods. The PSA would be actually something that move the needle. It would be something that actually could prevent a couple of deaths. It would be something that would be a good dialogue to have, and it should be produced.

It could never be produced because, again, people would call it racist, even though white people are getting shot behind the wheel. And even though Hispanics are getting shot behind the wheel, and everyone's getting shot behind the wheel, it's still just be labeled racist and it would be attack against black people. And then someone would raise their hand and go, I think it's a good idea because. I think we might save some black lives, and then that person would be labeled the races. And then everyone... Some black lives, not all of them? Then we'd get on with our lives. So anyway.

Yeah. But a good idea. I'm going to write it down. Not as good as my hey dude maintained. No. Dude maintain. That is a hey, cash cow waiting to happen. That's a cash cow.

And I just at least want to be at the ribbon cutting for the party. So until next time, Adam Coral for Adam Ray. Say it. Mahala.