The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - Classic #52: Dabbling In Gay Porn, Pt. 2

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

Adam and Drew open the show this week discussing the way that Adam wants to make sure that he shares experiences with his children. Later they take listener phone calls on having an autistic parent, recovering from childhood sexual abuse and porn addiction.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Well, this is part two of the throwback, June 2013. Seems like a different, seems like a different planet we were on at that time. Talking to listeners, calls on things like having an autistic parents, recovering from childhood sexual abuse, which was sort of routine conversations back in those days, and what to do about porn addiction, which was a new and burgeoning problem low 12 years ago. now it's a pretty common here we go another throwback episode June 2013 hey this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla show bet online continues to be your number one source for all your sports

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with VIP rewards, level up bonuses, and weekly cash bonuses. Bet Online, the game starts here. All right, let's talk to John, 21, Seattle. Parent has autism. Oh, boy. Ooh, what's up with that? Hey, guys. Hey.

Adam Drew, it's approved to be on your show. Love you, buddy. What's going on? Not too much. Just looking at the rain here. Um, so my question has to do with my upbringing, which, uh, recently it seems like it's really hard for me to get, be in a relationship with, but it's hard for me to form attachments, I guess, and I feel like I can relate this back to probably my parents, who, my dad

who left me, almost say, in fifth grade, and my mom who has high, she's like a high functioning autistic and I guess my question would be hold on a second high functioning autistic could be I don't know Woody Allen or somebody yeah Asperger's sort of I'm not if you're highly functional I'd rather have high functional autism than like my mom which is no autism and no function okay well she I wouldn't even say high functioning I mean well how do you know she had autism she has autism could she hold down a job

yeah I mean folding clothes at Costco yeah do you think now autistic stuff does tend to have a genetic sort of link do you think you have some of that

um see that's kind of what has crossed my mind lately do you miss social cues I don't think so yeah I mean I have plenty of I've used to a lot of friends

I mean I get some high school it's kind of like all right What are you doing now? What are you doing now, John? I work at a restaurant around here, and I went to school for a while. I haven't finished yet, but... Okay.

Let me say this. Yeah. We, Drew, guys, especially guys that don't go to college, but even guys who go to college and then graduate, males, between the time they graduate high school and, let's say, 25th birthday, maybe 20th. 28th birthday are pretty fucking rudderless. Oh, yes. And sort of dangerous, too.

Dangerous. Well, rudderless is dangerous because when you have no rudder, you crash into a lot of other people's boats. Yeah. You were depressed and you had your own issues, but at least you got put on some shitty conveyor belt where you went to college and you got sort of just, you were pushing one direction. Right. Once I got to medical school, it felt good because I had a structure and a purpose. Yeah, but before that, you still just went from high school to college. You didn't have any, there wasn't any chance for you to deviate, even though you were depressed about it.

There are so many guys that are just like 22, like, should I join the military? Yeah. Should I drive an ambulance? Should I work at a restaurant? Yeah. Like, I don't know what to, oh, I got someone pregnant. Like, oh, man, I'm going to have another beer and think about this. Like, just no skill set, no college, no education, parents, you know, fucking broken up, disaster.

My mom lives in an apartment in Oregon, you know, like, just fucking. Lopping around looking, you know, and then when someone says, hey, man, you make a lot of money growing weed in your basement or carry this package into Mexico and I don't pay or out of Mexico or whatever it is. Yeah. Things sound like a pretty good idea. Yeah. You know, it's bust that window and grab that watch, you know, there's a lot of that. And it's weird that as a society, you know, we need to get a hold of these dudes. I say dudes because they caused the problems. They cause the crimes. You understand. People talk about. Sociologists talk about it. Yeah, but as far as the government goes, getting hold of guys that are in the 11th grade that are clearly going nowhere academically and saying, look, we're going to get you into this. I don't care if it's a forestry service digging fire lines or something, but we're going to put you into something where we get a shovel in your hand or a wrench in your hand and really start working this thing. Instead, everyone gives me a bunch of shit, but it's all we have. Whenever you look at civic unrest, it's young males without work.

That's the big correlation, but, you know, violence and civic unrest and social disorder. Here's the thing about John. John's 21. John's right in the middle of that. I'm working at a restaurant. I went to a little school. What John needs to do is realize he's 21. He's got a million different feelings.

I was 21, you know, first thing you get is your friends. Have a circle around you. If you don't have your family, build up your friends. Because he's had friends and he knows he can do that. Right. You work in a social environment. You work at a restaurant, you know. So you have that.

So have your friends. And then work on yourself physically and mentally. Like literally go, I'm going to read this book or I'm going to listen to this audible book. Ooh, get to that in a second. You're going to do that. I'm going to do 100 push-ups a day. You know, if I have to spread them out, two at a time over a course of 24 hours.

I'm doing 100 a day. Like start kind of training yourself. working yourself, beating yourself a little bit, you know, focusing and really just trying to train yourself and start folks on education, friends, relationships, and stuff like that. And realize at 21, you're not going to have anything figured out for a good five years. You're not going to feel good for a while either. Right. It just doesn't.

Women at 21 are the bell of the ball. So they have the, I'm too busy, you know, fending off advances from 41-year-old producers. Hey, Jesse, Michigan, moving to California. Yes, sir. And you were sexually abused. Yep, when I was very young. Let me ask the question. I'll give you a real quick timeline, and I definitely want to hear your thoughts on it.

All right. So I need to seek help. I need to talk to somebody. I've known this for a long time. My dad's known this for a long time. The problem is I always, I want people to like me. So I will rather tell you the truth. I will rather lie and tell you all the good shit just to avoid all the bad stuff that's happened to me in my life.

Why did you say your dad has known this? Yeah, that was interesting. Well, my dad, well, he's got a medical background. He's seeking help. He was also sexually abused. He's kind of guided me. Your numbers four and five out of the people that know about my sexual abuse. No one else knows.

could I be four and Drew be fine I'll take it so this happened to me when I was I was very young first off I was diagnosed with a clear cell sarcoma in a wellms tumor in my left kidney when I was four years old so I went through two weeks of of radiation nine months of chemo

and then on the tail end of that parents got divorced and then in the process of my mom going back to work me going to daycare. I began to go to my best friend's house. His mom was a caregiver of kids, and he was the one that sexually abused me.

He was a little two years older than me, and, you know, the heroed all the kids best at sports, and, you know, I idolized him, and then this happened, and this went on... Hold on. You were what age when this started? Right around seven to eight years old. So he was

10 or something. Yeah. 9.10. Yep. 9.10. And this one for how long? It went on until he moved away. I was around. Wow.

Well, they moved in March of 89. No, no. I was getting to that. It went on for about two to three years until I was around 10 years old. Uh-huh. And he was 12 or so. Okay. Well, a couple things.

Drew, I don't think makes as big a distinction of this as I do, but the difference between the almost peer versus father. McBride in his 50s is a big deal to me. If I found out that my son was being dittled around with another peer versus long haul trucker, there would be a completely different. I wouldn't be happy about either one. But to me, the peer on peer stuff, or almost peer, this guy's a couple years older, not great. But the peer stuff versus old dude stuff is worse.

Not, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's 30% worse. I, I, I mean it's, it's, it's, it's quite a bit worse. Also, hold on, quiet down. Um, you're, you know, your dad and you have shared this conversation. Correct. And you're, he doesn't know the whole story. He knows that it happened. He doesn't know who. He doesn't know how. He doesn't know how long. But your dad said that this had happened to him, too. Absolutely. From a very young age, from when I was very young, and I chose not to share it with them then. Interesting. Right. I don't think you – I think you should get help. I think this should be discussed. I'm wondering if you're taking this cupcake and turning it into a bunt cake. It's a pretty big deal for people.

I understand what you're saying. Your point is well taken. There are many, many, many people that have gone through this. and I'm just saying here's all I'm saying I'm interested in here's what I'm interested in Drew dig have you been through this yeah this happened to you

well I've little kids did like no not two year relationship but it's like you know cross swords and dingling stuff yeah well but it becomes sexual sexual though when it's you know I don't know what I don't know what sex is when you're prepubescent you know what I mean but there's a lot of like when one kid has been sexually abused by an adult Right.

I wish I will act on an adult fashion. If somebody is being sodomized, you know, I don't know if you're capable. I know. Is that what are we talking about here, Jesse? Everything but that, there was an attempt at that, but when you're that young, I mean, it was it was clench and that was all I knew to do. I mean, he was, you know, he made out with me. I had the strength to say, yeah, I don't really want to do that anymore. But he was, he was, he was my best friend.

I didn't know any better. Okay. Here's, here's what I'm saying. I'm not, I'm not interested. in telling people that have real problems like, hey, man, just dust yourself off. I am interested in going, you need some therapy, man, like you're fucked up. On the other hand, there is an element with me personally, it's a sort of act as if thing, which is walking around feeling like damaged goods from something that is over 20 years old in your life,

I don't think you need to walk around and go, man, I'm a mess, and I'll never be right. and I really need help, and this has really destroyed my whatever. I feel like maybe you're clinging on to this too much. I'm not saying don't talk to someone about it and don't work on it, but I don't know if I would. Don't feel destroyed. I don't know if I would build my life around this, my adult life. Here are the two things that are going to be a problem for him, relationships. He's going to have issues interpersonally.

He's going to. Already happen. Yeah, but, okay. It's just going to happen. And secondly, he's going to have trouble. Most everyone has such problems. I understand. and he's going to have trouble regulating emotions.

His regulatory system is going to be affected by that. And that can all be helped in therapy. That's all. Just go to treatment. Yeah. And keep in mind, people that haven't gone through what you've been through have trouble regulating emotions and have trouble in relationships as well. I'm just trying to be a voice here that is telling you, Jesse, you know, whatever your dad went through and him sharing that with you is awkward and interesting. Right.

What you went through is not something you wish you. upon your kids, but many, many millions of people have gone through it. And I agree with Drew. Discuss it, but let's not make it who you are. Yeah. How would you go about picking the right psychologist

because I was here about talk to somebody, but you pick the right one. I just think anyone it's... You want some of the license, you want somebody with a PhD or SID or MD. Other than, you don't need the best. You just need... Right, most people, most

licensed professionals will be able to have no problem. Does you need to purge this and feel like you're in a process of this? Who you're talking to? It's important. LCSWs are good, too. I've had a lot of, I've talked to a lot of therapists. They've never imparted that much wisdom.

I don't know which your experience has been true. See, I don't think therapists should be saying it much of anything. Well, they don't. They should be just sitting, being attuning to you and getting you accustomed to being understood emotionally, sharing almost like bio rhythms together. It's just being present with another person fully. Yeah.

It's hard. It's hard for some people to, you know, that's a skill. Either way, Jesse, let's not make this the thrust of your broken life. Yeah, yeah. Let's say this is an episode. It happened 20 years ago. They're, you know, on the spectrum of molestation, this is a two and a half, but there's plenty of tens out there.

And it does not have to be your demise. So let's focus, move forward, talk to someone, and again, not make it who you are. This is an ad by BetterHelp, and have you ever tried to get mental health services online? It can be a little rough. There's a lot to choose from. There's a lot there, but how do you sit through it? You know, one minute it's cold plunges. Next, it is getting your phone out of your life.

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Brian 26 from Seattle I'm saying he's lit up here Brian? Yes There we're here What's going on?

So big fan guys Thanks a lot for taking the call Thanks So lately I've noticed that And it's been ongoing For probably the past three years Two years or so I've done like

getting attracted to like men and I think a lot of it is based on the amount of porn I've been watching and then it's like moved into like different types of porn and even gay porn and like

but like I don't find men attractive or anything like that but it's sort of like the sexual drive that I have is just like really overwhelming and I can't really contain it but nobody else really knows about it it's not something that I'm letting people know about

it's just something that's like private. But I'm just a little concerned. I don't want it to get out of control, and I don't know what you recommend and things like that. Are you married? Yeah, I've been married for five years. Did you have any sexual abuse experiences? Not that I know of.

Do you have any kids? No, one on the way. Oh, mm-hmm. Coming from China? You can go that route. All right, Brian, the dabbling in the gay porn, and I just, Drew, I think we're on the same page here. I do not know a legitimate, legitimately straight guy that just dabbles a little in gay porn.

No. And we have constructed a society where we don't judge. So when you go, hey man, what's wrong with the guy just checking out some other guys? You know, it's just got great and blah, blah, blah. And you go, yeah, what's wrong with that? And I think women are more sympathetic because they are much more flexible that way. Yeah, they are. Um, there is, there is, you do not suck cock part time, as my grandfather used to say.

Really? Mm-hmm. Full-time gig. How old were you? We first told you that. Well, I was old enough. I was like eight, yeah. I was eight.

Um, but that was 70s eight. That was a different eight. I was right on a license plate frame. That was Poussia. Um, it's not, it's not a part-time. You don't dabble in it. Puscha. Yeah.

Lines plate frame says, sucking cock's not a part-time gig. This other car was an opal? Opel. Opel. please jefferson star plane what was your band jefferson airship i put the opal and the pugeot together called the o pew so so here's the thing um when you're saying you're dabbling drew you you've never i mean you're you're a man of fashion yeah it literally i i like porn i it's just i never i'm I'm not uptight.

I'm not whatever. I've just never wanted to see gay porn, ever, ever, not even out of curiosity. No. I don't know any guy who has. And then to have a sexual response to it, that's sort of, that's in a zone that you can't even, like, can't make yourself go. Right. So, Brian? Yeah. What do you think?

I mean, I don't have the desire to fulfill any of these sort of. fantasies or be with like i don't find that to be a portion of my life that i want to uh to change you know and i really i love my wife and i love women and you know but like it's it's almost like the taboo nature of it it's sort of appealing yeah but they got plenty of straight porn that will quench that there are you still sexually attracted to your wife yeah and we're we're regularly active together are you uh we ever a drug addict um I went through a lot of addiction issues in college with cocaine and marijuana. No abuse, huh?

But, I mean, no, like, I was never admitted to rehab or anything like that, and I haven't done anything like that. But you've had no abuse in your life? Not that I know of. You're saying that. That's a weird answer. Yeah, not that I know it was a strange answer. I mean, I have no memory of that if it ever happened.

The only thing I could recall is similar to. to what Adam was talking about earlier with, like, you're in the sandbox with a bunch of dudes and you're, like, crossing swords streams, you know what I mean, like trying to pee. And you're, like, five years old, and everyone's whipping it out and showing it to each other. I don't know how normal that is or not.

Yeah, but it doesn't become, it doesn't become sexual. Nobody. Right. Well, Drew and I have argued about this before. It is sexual in the sense that you know it's wrong. Let's put it this way. Adult sexual. Well, no, what I'm saying is this.

If an adult walked in the room, you would stop doing it. Like, it's wrong. You know it's wrong. And you know, it's not just about, it's about the pee, you know. I understand, but it's not adult-directed sexual behavior that they could only learn from an adult.

Yeah. And that's all I'm asking. And so, Brian, here's the deal. I would cold jerky it, as Adam would say. There's no point in developing these fantasies. You're a monogamous person. Just you wouldn't cheat with a man or a woman because you're committed to your wife.

and don't inflame all that. Focus on your marriage, focus on your relationship. And if you want to talk to somebody about this, sort of explore it further to see if it is really something real about you, that's up to you. But in the short term, I would say, focus on the monogamy, the commitment you have.

There is an element that we're missing a little bit, I think, in life, where you have a choice. Like, you can go, look, I know this is wrong, but I want to do it. and I'm impulsive and I can't stop. You can stop yourself. At this point, you can. At this point.

Right. And if you can't, then you go get some help. That's the difference. Either you can or you can't. If you can't, you get help. And if you are actually homosexual, and this is beginning to burgeon forth, time will tell. And, again, you should get some help with that if that starts to happen. All right.

I'll tell you what'll be a pleasant distraction. Audible, baby. Audible.com. Internet's leading provider of audiobooks, more than 100,000 downloadable titles. Including our titles? Well, yeah. Get Drew's, what's his nose book over there? That's something.

Mirror effect. Mirror effect. Yeah. Or you get the New York Times bestselling in 50 years for all these chicks. By the way, that book had a lot of predictions about what's going to happen in the next 50 years. It's on. Sooner than 50. Two and a half years old.

And most of that shit's coming. Most of those chickens are coming home to Roos or not Taco Bell material. Anyway, tons of good stuff. And for our listeners, we're offering a audio book. And you can try it out for free. That's right. I'll tell you another good book. Albert Brooks has a good book called 2030.

Really interesting book. The Audible book for the airplane, you know, look, these things are five, six hours long. What's a flight to New York? Are we working out? Whatever. Put them on. For a free audio book of your choice, go to audiblepodcast.com forward slash Adam Drew Show. Get a free book.

Audiblepodcast.com forward slash. Adam Drew Show. There you go. All right. You got it? You got it. Forward slash Adam Drew Show. That's what it says.

All right. Should we do one more? Yeah, one more. Let's talk to... Not Adam Dr. Drew Show. Adam Drew Show. That's correct. Mike, Atlanta,

ask me all the right questions. What's going on? Mike. I just wanted to first thank you so very much for all you've taught me about grit and hard work. And my state of mind is always that I'm very unlucky and I'm always trying to work harder. So my question quickly is, at what age should I become a dad or start thinking about being a dad? What kind of consideration should I do? Now, Drew, you're laughing, but I did a thing for Dennis Prager on his Pragertopia thing where I did you for the five-minute videos.

I did at one on consider yourself unlucky and consider your kids unlucky. Yeah, that's good. And then work accordingly. I'm super unlucky. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. goes, what do you mean you're unlucky?

Look at this. Oh, no. Look your cars. Look at this shop. Look at this thing. And I go, that's me. You're fortunate. No, I built that.

Yeah, you're fortunate. I go to Vegas. I don't come home with shit. Ever. Right. So think of yourself's unlucky and now you have to work twice as hard as everyone else. Meaning if you have a test, it's true falls. And you just go true falls, you're going under 50%.

I totally agree with this. So we never, we never talked about that. We never really got into it. And I don't like the fucking people thinking they're going to just go buy. scratcher and change their life. I want them to think they'll never fucking win that. You're never going to get by on luck. You're never going to get picked for a date or by the coach or by the principal.

If something is left up to luck for me, I know it's going against me. I just prepare for that because I thought, I won something. I was thinking of the city that I was watching the Stanley Cup playoffs with that, wow, the only thing I ever wanted my life I was at a Kings game once on a hockey stick. Right. I've never. Here's the thing. They gave a 10,000.

I don't even go out on a. auditions because I know if it's between me and three other people, I ain't fucking getting it. Every job, if you guys want to think about every job I've ever had, I've either built it or created it or they've said, we want Adam Kroll to do it. There's no, oh, I beat out 10 other people to get to this. That don't happen. So kids. Yeah.

When do you have kids? When do you have kids? Well, if you're asking when, you're probably ready. And you're 27, Atlanta. All right. and you work hard and all that stuff but you need the right woman i have the right one stable relationship for i have a i have a i have a i have a wife that was put on this planet to be a mom that's good yeah and i think you want to be close to 30 yeah well he's getting close to 30 and there you have it i think

he's uh i think he's thinking about it's good yeah yeah it's good but listen a lot of you ass wipes out there you go out and i hear these stories all of them i mean i think about it all the time you know fucking x-y's fucking nut job she's bat shit crazy she's fucking i don't know it's on the booze on the pills on the i can't control it's fucking anyway we've been divorced for four years fucking nuts i haven't i have a nine-year-old a 12-year-old and a i have a 15-year-old girl just going to go in high school and she's got it she's got all through them yeah she's fucking bad shit's crazy it's crazy bat shit crazy bad shit crazy Bat shit crazy.

And leave the kids with the crazy bitch. It's a lot of that. A lot of that. And where are you? You're in Florida. Even the ones that are around and have visitation and, you know, shared custody and stuff. What are you having the three kids with the bat shit crazy broad for? Is that what you want for your kids?

Most important thing in their life is mama. And that mama's bat shit crazy according to you. And you had to get away from her. Guess who can't get away from her? Guess who can't get divorced? A fucking nine-year-old. That's to live in the house with the bat-shit crazy mom. I mean, it's fucking, it's insane.

I mean, that's what my dad did. You know, he had kids with a crazy woman and then went, ooh, I can't fucking deal with this depression anymore. Anyway, have fun. Yeah. I mean, uh, right. Listen, I heard a kid say something the other day that I thought was so profound. I think I shared this with you once. He was, there was a trouble in the relationship.

And they're four kids. And the mom goes to like this 11-year-old. The 11-year-old was complaining. I want your mommy day. together, when you stay together, I don't like this. I don't know. I know you don't get along. And the mom sits down and goes, you want, listen, mommy's unhappy.

This relationship is mixed very unhappy. And don't you want mommy to be happy? And he goes, yeah, mommy to be happy. But isn't my happiness important, too? Right. The kids. I can't. Yeah, the kids are not happy when you make these choices.

There's bad shit crazy. And like I said, my dad's like, this chick's depressed and I can't hang in this environment. Not my happiness. You don't think about that, screwball parents when you're making horrible choices? Well, also. Wouldn't you want to be the sane person that was sort of in the house kind of making sure that people got fed and taking care of and stuff like that? Yeah. Nah, no, baby.

Didn't care of number one. All right. Let's tell you, if you want to go to, let me want to click through our Amazon. We'll go through our link at Adam and Dr. Drew Show.com. Show us a little love. You're going to get something from Amazon. Go through our Adam and Dr. Drew. Show.com, and we ask, because you're so generous, subscribe via PayPal, five bucks a month.

We put shelf in for five bucks a month. What do we get? You get eight shows a month? Yeah, eight shows a month. We'll step that up. We might even step that up. So what do we figure out? It was 62.5 cents show? That seems reasonable for your amount of education and my grit and my it. I don't forget, I got it. You got to pay for it. You've got to pay for it. Also, me and Dr. Drew, first three shows, live shows, Bakersfield, Santa Barbara, Denver, all brought to you all under five bucks and all on iTunes. So if you want to support us, that would be a nice way.

Do it, or if you couldn't make it out to the show and you want to hear what it's like in front of the live audience, masterfully put together and edited and engineered by Chris Max Pata. Come on. Support the Pirateship. So, until next time, Sam Croll for Dr. Drew, Chris Max Pada. and Gary Haffthard, say it. Mahala. This is Corolla. This is Corolla Digital.

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