The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - Classic #703: Sex As a Weapon

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Nov 6, 2017Adam and Drew open the show discussing the story about Bill O'Reilly's insanely large sexual harassment settlement from a few weeks back. They also talk to a few fans including one who is recently divorced and dealing with some depression as a result of it, another who is currently in his second year in college and questioning if its right for him. As the show wraps up Adam and Drew get into an interesting conversation about consequences.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All right, we're rolling, take it away whenever you're ready. Time for this throwback episode for November 2017. We discuss Bill O'Reilly's large harassment settlement, sexual harassment settlement a few weeks back. We also talk about a few fans, including one who recently divorced, and we talked to these fans, somebody who recently divorced and dealing with some depression as a result of that, shocking. Another who is currently second year in college and questioning, have even been college is right for him. He was ahead of his time, that young man. As for a wrap-up, we get into an interesting conversation about consequences. Enjoy this throwback episode from November 6th,

2017. Recorded live at Corolla 1 Studios with Adam Carolla and board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to the Adam and Dr. Drew Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice, but to get on mandate. Get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. We love that about you, don't we, Drusky? Do you indeed. What are you thinking, man? Gary got me all stirred up as you walked in. Sorry about that. Not worthy of comment. Oh, let's see. What do you think about? One thing we didn't talk about was O'Reilly in that sexual harassment situation. $32 million settled apparently. And I asked an attorney, another radio program I was doing, I said, well, can you imagine, can you paint a scenario where something he did that was not something we would all look at as egregious that incurred somehow $32 million of liability?

No, I think there's way. I think people hide behind the, people hide behind the, people hide behind the, look, It's extortion, it's a payout just to go away. You know, he wanted to go away, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, I think people get that part of life where there's nuisance and there's busy people and there's important people and blah, blah, blah. But that ain't $32 million. No. No.

But then the question, and I don't know everything, I still haven't gotten to the stuff that he did. I got, I know we're going to. We're not going to get to the stuff that was done. And still on a weird track record of, of like calling people hot chocolate but not getting laid, could this have been, here's what I'm saying. Could he, could this 32 million be, I have this, I don't know why. I have this, this theory. I have this theory that O'Reilly may have never gotten laid, but did some, could, still do something incredibly egregious, like going, you'll not advance one iota in this

company. As a matter of fact, I know Roger Ailes personally, and I will tell him to fire your ass the next time I see you, if you don't put your hand on my honker, and then she stormed out of the room with her mini tape recorder and $32 million later. Let me think of something different. How about they actually had a relationship? And in that relationship, he divulged lots of things about himself or other people, that she now says, I'm going to go public with.

And then when the relationship broke apart, he did some threatening things like that. Right. Doesn't that fit a little better? Yeah, everything does. I don't know. I also know, it's also a weird world. I don't get this weird world where you talk to Mark Geregis and you go, how much for the Puerto Rican janitor that was gunned down by LAPD on his own property without,

holding a weapon. What do you make? 40, 50 grand a year? 350, 375? She's shot 42 times in the back. Yeah, yeah. Front of his kids. Oh, I'm 400 going.

Maybe 400. Yeah. Not over 400. They're like, they got a dead guy. This is he went out and standing his lawn. Yeah. Yeah, 400. I don't know.

Maybe I could get him five a million bucks. Does Gary go saying this? He'll say that about all these. guys are just shot dead like nobody like nothing you know and it's like that 32 mil to the for the 26 year old chick yeah like the pricing of these things now we don't know what he did but i don't look it couldn't be worse than l-a pd shot you down on your own lawn right like right i mean i i guess if you had a wish like people do this thing or like would you like your daughter your son i if i had a son or daughter i would hope that this happened to them whatever bill or i'll right

did versus whatever the janitor would happen to the janitor by the LAPD. Yes. For sure. Okay. So I do like the people who will never answer that question. There's a new breed of cat that won't answer. I hope my son and daughter aren't exposed to either one.

Right. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Your Honor. That helps a lot. That's a wonderful thinking. But you would have been a great general in World War II. Look, we stay where we are. We're going to be overtaking by crowds. Would have we stormed the beach? We're going to suffer great casualties, but it'll give us a fighting chance.

I say we do nothing and nobody dies. Yeah. Okay? So that goes. It's literally when you talk to these people is the exact opposite of being a general, right? It's getting weirder and weirder. It's getting weirder and weird. One thing about, though, these guys that are being accused of these big ticket problems,

they're kind of the same guy. Is that make, you know what I mean? They have some of the same characteristics. The bully. The bully. excessive use of power, narcissist. Yeah, they all have kind of, am I on to anything there? Is that?

Well, you know, I think we have to do, you know, we have to get into this sort of be careful with the self-selecting stuff, you know, like where you go, do you know that when you take a look at the jug, jugolo population, they're 10 times more likely to have a birth out of wedlock and to have a criminal record. And it's like, and they consume one. way more pineapple soda. And it's like, yeah, yeah. We're talking about the juggalo population.

Like we have to look at this population of guys, powerful guys that have clawed their way. It goes out of no doubt. Was that what you're saying? No, I'm just saying these guys who have produced all this testosterone and clawed their way to top of super competitive industry and a super competitive industry. and it's not the, you know, catalysts and resin and plastics industry. This is one that trades on human beings. Your stock and trade are other human beings, starlets, young people, good-looking people. So it's like your business isn't aluminum siding.

Even that guy's taking a pass at his secretary. But your business is kind of making or breaking people. You know, your business is sort of deciding who gets to be this or that. And it's not, it's even more powerful in a way than being the music industry. Because the music industry, if you're Led Zeppelin, you're just going to be Led Zeppelin. If you're the Rolling Stones, you're just going to be the Rolling Stones. Bill O'Reilly doesn't get to decide whether you break out or you're successful or unsuccessful or neither just Weinstein. But in this world, you get to decide who's in your movies.

And that's a pretty big deal. And so you're dealing, you're trading in sort of human beings. You're trading in humans in terms of who's directing, who's cast, who's in it, who's playing the lead or the femme fatale or the ingenue. You're dealing with that. So not only you sort of drunk with power, but your power are people. Yeah. You don't, again, when you're trading junk bonds, you can be super powerful and super rich, but it's junk bonds. Right.

So maybe there's something to this part that distorts their thinking a little bit? Well, I mean, think of it this way. You are, you know, we would never dream of harpooning a whale, but if you're a Japanese sailor and that's what you did, that's just what you do. You know, I don't think they go to bed with a heavy heart every night at sea or anything. It's just kind of what's done. So it's like a sort of an element of this is the game. This is the trade. This is the business.

This is the side of it that we're in. You're not, you're not, I want to make sure you're clarifying this. You're not defending it. I don't. I'm down. I'm not going to clarify that because I'm tired of everyone having to clarify of it. I know. I'm helping you.

It's part of it and you're not. It's part of this business. I'm enabling them. You're enabling them. So I wonder if they're just used to dealing in, like, human commodities. Yeah, it's an interesting thought. They become insensitive because of that. And they've seen it all come and go.

They've seen all the people that were 23. They're desensitized, literally, by all of it. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I think there's a piece of it. Otherwise, how do you do, like, you know, how do you do human trafficking, you know, or how do you do coyote work? You know, how do you run a brothel? You know, like, how do you do this for living unless you've completely desensitized yourself?

Well, you could start off that way. I guess so. That's what a lot of people argue is that all these are bad people and blah, blah, blah. And to some extent, you kind of have to have some of that pre-election already. Oh, yeah. If you have empathy, you don't lose it. You just sort of dampen it. No, yeah.

Sonny wouldn't be able to, he wouldn't be able to do human trafficking. He'd be the worst coyote. You have to work on him. He's not going to be very good producer. not in this town. All right, let's talk to Jason 47 up there. Jason. Hey, guys. What's going on? I love my favorite one of all time. I don't miss an episode, and I never will. Love you, man. God bless you. Yeah. So I was married for 16 years. We dated a couple years before that long-term relationship, and it fell apart. We split up about a year ago and divorced back in February.

And here I am a year out, and, you know, for the first several months, it was, you know, just curled up in a ball, woe is me, you know, blah, blah, blah. But then as, you know, time goes on, I don't, I mean, I'm improved, but I'm not like, I'm here, I'm a year later, and it's like, I'm improved, but I'm not that improved. Now, I don't know, I'm interested to hear some of the specifics, but the way you talk about it, it sounds like the, way people grieve a death. I mean, this is about...

It absolutely felt like that. I felt like she died. That's how I used to tell my close to her. She died, your family died, your sense of yourself died. How much of it was her idea? How much of it was your idea? All. All her.

What happened? It just fell out of love. It fell out of love and didn't really make it known to me until it was kind of too late. It's my take on it. Is there somebody else? involved? Hell yeah. No, there wasn't.

There wasn't. Our truth is going to take a bad day, a bad year, and make it extra bad. Sometimes it closes the lid on it at least. You guys have kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids that I raised, not my own, but they're adults now. Everybody's good. So she's fallen out of love before?

Well, no, that was a bad, her first one was a bad situation. What happened? Just the ex was a bad guy. Well, that's one of the liabilities of being the good guy for the woman that is attracted to bad guys. Yeah. It's because they tend to revert back to the mean. You know, Jason, I was just talking about this off the air, which is so much of what your disposition, your mental disposition is after breakup, predicated on how everything else is.

Wait, wait, say that again. What? Ah, I'm going to paint one of my examples. Uh-oh. Which is, there we go. I have, when you are broken up with,

it is much like the guy who's hiking and takes to tumble off the cliff. When the guy's the world-class athlete, the doctor says, this would have killed anybody else, but because of such extreme condition, such fantastic shape. Yeah, he's got broken bones and bumps and bruises, but he was able to survive because of extreme condition,

that he was in fantastic condition. Some of it's genetic, some of it's whatever, yes, I guess. Yeah, when you're Lou Pearlman, he was the pedophile producer of Insink and many other bands. When that guy takes a tumble, he's dead, or he's in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, you know what I mean? And when you get dumped, it's kind of like that. Like, if your business is going well, quit thinking, Drew.

If your business is going well. Don't think. No, if your life is good. Like, you have a solid life. I'm taking it in. Take it in. Take it in. I'm not going to respond.

Don't respond. Don't ever respond. Don't think. Don't think. And don't respond. Just react. Silently react without thinking. Right.

No speaking. Breathe. A silent reaction. Breathe. Breathe. Right nostril. A silent reaction without reacting. We're thinking.

or opening up your eyes. Or my mouth. Or your mouth. Okay. When your business is going strong and you're, sometimes it's a spiritual thing, which is going strong. And you've been, you've, 12 years of transcendental meditation and you're hitting the gym. And your life and your friends, you have friends. You have a world that's populated with good friends, a good career, a good spiritual life, all these things.

And then this happens. Well, it's like taking the tumble off the cliff, but yet you're so strong that your bruises, you know, your body heals. And yes, you're a few days in the hospital and you begin to, you regain your life. May you walk with a little limp for a little while, but it's not, you're not devastated like Lou Perlman. May I approach the bench, Your Honor? Go ahead. But all that takes time. Yep.

It takes time. No, it does. It does take time, but if your base is strong. I'm saying Jason's base probably pretty good. And this sounds like normal grief that, you know, it takes when people, and some of it, you kind of never get over. I hate to say it. No, no, listen to me.

I think it's all about the base and time, the base and time. And what you do in the presence, it would rebuild. You can't control her, but you can't control your network of friends. You can't control focusing on your career. You can't control hitting the gym a little more often, you know, going forward. or run, like all those things that just sort of help. I just, when I hear you talk, though, I think in my head, I think about the men I've known and treated over the years who have lost a spouse, and they'll always say, like,

I'm better, I'm fine, I'm moving on, but I never really get over it. But that's okay. That's okay. Well, what does really get over it mean? I mean, let's really break it down. Well, everyone has, everyone thinks about it. I mean, everyone has the, I'm aware that this happened. Jason, you're going to be perfectly completely free of encompasses.

I don't like the couch you just never get over it. That suggests a sort of permanent state. My feeling is you always have thoughts about it. Right. That's all. And sometimes in the quiet moments, they're not very happy thoughts, but you find somebody else. Your career moves on. Absolutely.

And you're happier than you ever were and all that kind of stuff. But you are, are you sleeping okay, eating okay, functioning okay? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that stuff's great. I just, you know, I'll go weeks where I'm perfectly fine, and then I'll have a down week. That's fine. But also, you are, like, one hot 29-year-old away from a complete recovery.

Like, and the good news is, you know, you're letch if you left your old lady and left her with the kids and it's moving on to the cocktail waitress. But you're free of baggage, man. You're free. You're free. You're scrutiny-free since 2000. 2016. So should I even bother with the, you know, attempting to date until I feel that I'm completely past this, or is it just?

Oh, no, no. You should start. You should start dating. And also, it's not going to be. I'll tell, let me explain something. There's another sort of misnomer, which is like you go out, you meet, you know, Mrs. Wright, but you're just not ready. No, no, you go out with some fives and some sixes and you're annoyed.

If you go and hit that chick that you're really attracted to that has a great personality and so and so forth, you bounce back pretty fast. It helps. It's a, what do you call it, a salve. It's a solve. Solve to your wound. A soft to your wound. All right. I got another one on sort of the same subject.

You got a call you like? Well, like two. I don't lose him, but three is fine, too, yeah. Two. That's fine. I'll take two. Hey, Alex, 19, Chicago. You live, Adam. What's going on? Yeah.

So I'm in college, it's my second year, and I don't know if I should think or not, because I came probably from the same middle school going up with Norton and how to read. And I don't know if it's like, I'm not like, I feel like going to school, but like just doing the work. Like, I'm not having any drive anymore. You sound depressed. Yeah. You ride a bicycle? Yes, the same one.

Okay. We talk to you about riding his bike. Get hit by bicycle. Yeah, and I'm kind of, like, really enthusiastic as I'm writing my bike. You know what? I like riding my bike. I would like to get a job doing, like, doing a bike career or something like that. You need to see the movie Quick Silver starring Kevin Bacon.

I chronicle of this career very nicely in that movie. Have you seen the updated, pays homage, I would say, called Premium Rush, starring Joseph Gordon Levitt as a bike messenger? No. You would enjoy that one. Okay, I'll look that one up. So, Alex, not sure what you'd like to do. Sounds a little depressed.

I want to know if you should say in college. Why don't you see a counselor there at school? How about that? No, I'm already saying the therapist already. but, you know, I haven't talked to them, like, in-depth a lot, but we just kind of touched on it yesterday. Well, I keep talking about it. Don't make any rash decisions. Generally speaking, leaving college, particularly in the first year, but even in the second year, not a good prognostic sign.

So you want to hang in if you can. Mm-hmm. All right? Okay. All right. Thanks, Alex. You want to complete things. All right, Gabe.

It'd be nice. Yeah. Gabe, 34. from Connecticut. What's going on? Yeah. So I've been listening to you guys for 20 years. You're great, and I appreciate everything.

I grew up in Chicago, so Q101. Yeah, man. But here's the deal. About six, seven years ago now, I have a very nebulous relationship with consequences. And I don't know where that comes from. I don't know what that means. But they don't.

affect you like they should? Right, exactly. That's exactly right. Like, it's, I don't think about... Hold on a second, Drew. Let me say this about consequences. Yeah. Most people, it's interesting,

because there are people that are constantly freaked out about what could happen. Yeah. And then there are guys like, the guys I grew up with, who just sort of drove around with no seatbelts on, like everywhere drunk and, like, never had hands.

health insurance and just did stupid stuff, like all day, every day. But they couldn't project five minutes into the future. No, they couldn't. That's the problem. But the thing that's about our society is we go, look, you need insurance. You need auto insurance. You need health insurance. You need dental insurance.

And you better wear your seatbelt. And you better be driving something that's new with some airbags and stuff. For many people, they do nothing. And 50 years goes by and nothing ever happens. Yeah. Like it's kind of weird how much. much one side worries and would never dream. Like you wouldn't dream of taking your car to the corner store without full coverage.

You know, and then there are other people who drive for a decade with no insurance that nothing. Nothing happens. And sort of weirdly, and this is a bad, it means our society's gone to shit. When it does happen, there's nothing. Somebody else picks it up. Yeah, there's really nothing you can do about it. Like they did end up just going, oh, well, that's, screw it. Yeah.

I mean, at the other shop, Tom was driving his van, got hit by someone with no insurance. Car care care, by the way, it means you're in a bad neighborhood. All the cars that hit that were parked had no insurance. And essentially, Tom's on the hook because he's like the only, it's kind of like being the only sane person in a rowboat of crazy people. That's what L.A. is. Like, you're the one who gets punished. People, no insurance and no license, by the way. The person with no insurance and no license hit Tom, and he's got to make it right.

Right. Because we don't do a right and wrong. We do, this guy's got a checking account. That guy's an empty bag. And you go, yeah, but who's right and who's wrong? The guy's got a checking account. The other guy's an empty bag. Jail if they were wrong, right?

Yes. Yes. No, that became racist. But anyway. All right. So Gabe's got a relationship. That's nebulous. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. So I'm a smart guy. So I got into a little bit of gambling debt, and I robbed the same bank twice, six months apart. Oh, my God. How do you rob the bank? I was – okay, so because the FBI named me after the thing of choice I had in my hand, I don't want to say, because then people might be able to find my picture. I don't want that.

But I did think that it was necessary to have a weapon in my hand because clearly that's how they do it on the television. So that's the way to do this, right? Drew uses sex as a weapon. Drew, yeah. It's like Pat Benatar, wrote a song about it. You know that song? No. Gary will find it.

So, Gabe, you sound a little nutty. So what's going on now? You robbed the bank twice. Did you get into trouble? I did. You got in trouble? You got in trouble? Wait, have you called this before?

I looked out at every step of the way, right? Like, about a good lawyer quickly. I got a sympathetic prosecutor. I got a lenient judge. I got sentenced to 15 months in federal prison. Okay. Martha Stewart did more than that. Exactly.

I do like the thing. I do like, I like, I like, Oh, yeah. I like it when they, like the Martha Stewart thing, it's like, she wrote this about me. That's what I'm saying. She didn't do insider trading. She tried to cover it up.

She tried to cover up that she had some information that she was using to help her employees. Right, we got to keep going. Are you, here. There it goes. Turn it up. Yeah. You kids didn't know there was a grooving song about using sex as a weapon. I remember rocking out when I was like 15 going, no problem.

I'm going to holster my sex. We're a wow. Holster. All right. I can hear a little more of this song. Come on, Maxa, you can cover this one on that cruise. Sure. We still did a lot of Coke back then.

Oh, yeah. Gabe? Yeah. All right. So your question is what? Yep. I served 10 months. I got married a year ago.

Same woman I've been with. She stayed with me the entire time through. We've been together for 10 years. Back in April, we were both incredibly unhappy. She's severely depressed. and I went outside the marriage with a coworker and left her she begged me to come back.

I went back in July and then she changed her mind kicked me out in September and then yesterday told me that you know, wanted to get a divorce. So I guess every other part of my life, after the bank robbery after coming home in prison,

has following the place well. Like, I work for a Fortune 500 company. I'm doing well for myself. Like, things are great. Do you have kids? No. Does the company know you're a bank robber? Yes.

So I lucked out, you know, I just disclosed at a job early on, and then I've never had a problem. sense. Hmm. And your question is, I want to hear a question there. Yeah. That sort of statement statement. Yeah.

No, that's fair. That's fair. I think, I think my question is how do I get a stronger grasp on what reality is as opposed to how I believe things might work out? Like, I'm in therapy and all those things. I just can't get my hands around reality. Yeah. All right.

Are you doing anything, any kind of on any medication? or anything? No, no, not at all. All right. So all the substance is removed. Yeah. And you're just, you're one of these guys that just, you think too much. I don't mean to oversimplify it, but you're just sort of up in your head. You're breaking down everything way further than you need to break it down.

Is there violence in your family history? Not necessarily your parents, but I mean, does your genetic lineage have history of people being violent or criminal or anything? The only thing that I can think of is my brother's a heroin addict. Did something happen during your childhood that traumatized both of you? Honestly, I can't pinpoint anything. There was a lot of screaming yelling in the house, but that's it. Hey, Drew, can we say, I don't know why all roads, to me, sort of lead back to regimen and discipline and stuff like that.

It does, but he may need some special help. Oh, you may need some special help. Because my sense is the genetics of what's going on here. He may need, like, CBT to help understand how people work and what feelings are and things like... With CBT is... Cognitive behavioral therapy. Yeah. Because it seems like there's a piece missing, you know what I mean, when you talk to him.

Yeah, yeah. And there's people like that, and no harm, you know, no harm, no foul, but you have to certain manage that. You have to deal with that to get to the point where you can think through how things actually are, as opposed to how you feel they are, because you're not feeling things quite right. That's why it doesn't seem real to you the way it should. And I would say in between all the discipline you can bring down on yourself the better. Yeah. And I don't know why my gut is always, but speaking of gut, like discipline diet, discipline schedule.

He probably really good at that kind of thing too. In the mornings, you know, whatever. Discipline with things. Don't, he's, doesn't strike me as a guy who can go, I can have a couple of beers on a weeknight without any. He just needs a discipline mix with the therapy. Thank you. But let's state it again. Like, by discipline, you mean for them time you get up, time you go to bed, even on weekends.

Like, have structure. Structure. Structure. I don't mean doing push-ups in a jail cell. I just mean we're meeting friends. We're playing Ultimate Frisbee on Saturday. We're meeting at the park at 8 a.m. You know, just structure, structure, structure.

Yeah, I kind of agree with you. That struck me that way. Ken Baker. Ken Baker. Oh, the Ken Commandments. So, until next time, I'm a couple of Dr. Hussein. Mahalo.