The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - Doug Benson (The Adam and Dr. Drew Show Classics)

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Doug Benson joins Adam and Dr. Drew to discuss his new film, 'The Greatest Movie Ever Rolled,' and life on the road as a comic and marijuana enthusiast. Later they answer listener questions about jealousy and the impacts of sexual abuse on future relationships.

This is Corolla Digital. Recorded live at Corolla One Studios with Adam Corolla and board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to the Adam and Dr. Drew show. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on. Don't touch the mic, Drew. I already touched it, didn't I? Yes. Doug Benson here, everybody. Drew and I had an interesting conversation before the show started, which is, where are his carpet

swatches? Drew requires carpet swatches. Well, Adam requires that I use carpet swatches because I flail and make noise and that disturbs you. So I require the swatches. Well, I would argue that it's part of broadcasting, good broadcasting, not to make supplementary noises in the background. That's what I would say. That's what he thinks.

You think, Mr. Benson. No one else requires it, but Drew does require a carpet swatch for the bottom of the microphone and then two other carpet swatches for his coffee mug and his phone. But we could not find those carpet swatches. I don't know why they get removed from the studio. It's a lot of stuff that goes on in life that I'm very curious about. Really? It's the stuff that upsets you, stuff that gets your goat. I never noticed that. Well, things you notice that other people don't. Well, as you can've done nobody cleans the studio, right?

There's junk lying all over the place So why would you specifically take this junk and then if you were gonna tidy up? Why would you take it out of the studio? Why not stack it and just put it on top of the console look at the the pusses through those mirror dog There's that is horror on their face. They're like, oh god Well, I mean what else is there that they could do with your weird carpet swatches that you put underneath your microphone? It's actually the right question.

Why would they leave? That's the thought process. No, the initial thought process of I need to move these hunks of carpet from where I do my news, Allison Rosen, is a fine thought process, right? I'm not retarded, I don't punch the microphone or slam my cell phone down. So I don't need these carpet swatches. But then where they get put after that,

that's where the trouble is. Let's put them right up here. Drew, let me tell you how I like to work life. Dig. And approach life. Dig. How do you approach life, Adam? When people, I go to meet someone and they go, oh no, no, no, don't shake my hand, I'm

sick. I shake their hand and I go, I don't get sick. And then, and thus, I never get sick. Now before the show, when we decide to go for this crazy bonsai run of doing a podcast with no pieces of carpet underneath your phone. Crazy. And it's insane It's insane. We're going without a net here Doug. I'm so excited to be here for this true said I will try To not touch the microphone and I said no don't try don't touch the microphone

So let's do it because when you say do that, well, but but you know better than anybody if you said we'll do that Let's talk to your kid. You said to your kid. I need you to better than anybody if you said we'll do that. Let's talk to your kid You said your kid I need you to do your homework and he said I'll try and do that homework tonight. You'd say don't try do it. Just do it So there you go as you witnessed Doug. I said I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it That's right. The theme song had not finished playing yet. I had moved the line You're already welling with it. They're they're little tricks You're addicted to fiddling with stuff.

Like if I was Burgess Meredith and you were Rocky, I would duct tape your hands to your knees. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. We'd go to some extreme measure. Yeah. I've said it many times. When I used to teach boxing and I'd tell someone to throw a cross, their left hand would always

drop down to their waist every single time, like a weird scissor move. They just literally couldn't do it. And then at a certain point, you'd invent a game where you'd go, take your left hand, touch your left cheek, pretend there's an electrical current that's passing through your cheek to the glove and it can't be broken.

And then all of a sudden, the guy's throwing right hands without dropping his left. And then I walk to go get a drink of water and the left drops down to the waist again. But for at least for that moment in time, I created a little game to give them incentive to keep that cheek up or to keep that hand on the cheek. So Drew can be, it can be done.

Doug Benson in studio, the greatest movie ever rolled, a comedy documentary detailing Doug's life on the road movie ever rolled a comedy documentary Detailing Doug's life on the road. Oh, I love that story people give you a lot of doobies when you're on the road. Yeah Yeah, it's crazy. There's like a parking lot smoke session in Peoria, Illinois, that's like It's about 50 60 people strong like after my show. Do you smoke? Oh, after the show. Just out in the open. I don't know why no police ever drove by, but. Is it illegal? I mean, like, illegal, legal in Illinois?

It's hard to keep track, probably. What state has what laws? No, I can keep track. I've got to figure it out. But yeah, Illinois doesn't have legalized medical marijuana yet. But we're leapfrogging that now. Now that Washington and Colorado have both both gone full legal I think the medical thing is less less needed as a stepping stone true

You're asking for trouble with that hand movement is he talking which one this one all of them. No, I've got this I'm putting this Your dog and I are poised My cheek I see you swapping hands a lot I see it that see the mug flying around ones up on the cheek then the other ones down on it your your your dance with the devil I have a true. It's close. All right, but where's Doug's hand? One's on the thigh the others across the console there. There you go. See both on my knees

You just there you go. There you go. That's right. There we go. There we go. Oh, we're going for sip Careful now. All right now Doug I get people oh hit it with the shoulder. All right, it's good hands down stay low. Here we go I travel around I do shows too and everyone does it Hey, man, you want to get high like hey, I got a present for you and it's tough with the travel Because they give you pot and then you got to go through an airport the following morning That's those are the there's several stages of that. There's the try to smoke it all before you leave town, right or Pay it forward. Mm-hmm, you know, like the friendly valet that recognized me

probably wouldn't write a palm full of weed as I leave leave and probably like it even better than a tip, right? and The third stage is throw it in your carry-on and try not to worry about it. That's what he did Yeah, that was his thing and he got searched. Yeah, I put it what happens when they find it They didn't find it I put it in like an aspirin bottle or something or a little container and I threw it in my toiletry bag it was just a doobie. And I got pulled out of line at McCarran and they went through my medical, you know, medical,

they went through my bag, my toiletry bag, but they didn't take, you know, they didn't open the containers. They just sort of dumped everything out and pushed it back in. Can I ask this about, you travel a ton, I travel a ton, Drew you travel a ton, what is going on with this Ziploc bag and the toiletries? There's never been a more confusing message sent than for the last five years by the way. I mean we're five years six years into it first it started with all toiletries need to be put in a clear ziplock bag and put on top of the tray or a top of the bag right that was the edict six eight years ago you'll be glad to know you know how some people are like completely out of it all the time

and I always laughed at Mike August is one of those lucky guys. I said to Mike literally a year ago, what's going on with these Ziploc bags and all this stuff? He travels with me to every gig. He said, what are you talking about? I said, every airport we go through, they're either handing you the bag or they're telling you about the Ziploc bag. And he said, oh, I don't know. I got my stuff in my case. I said, yeah, but you know how they're always talking about it?

He said, uh. I said, how? What? Does he not carry on? No, he goes. He does the exact same thing I do. What must it be like to be almost reptilian in your ability to tune out the world?

And what a nirvana. What a nirvana this world must be for you going on in your head of not taking in all this. And I'll say to him, like, Mike, are you nuts? It comes up every time we go through the airport, the guys on the blower telling us to do, and he goes, oh, I mean, who can listen to those guys? Like, he makes one of those comments like that. It's like, I I I want to

I have this first. I want to cry then I want to punch them, but then I'm like tell me your secret Zen master who I hope he's not in there like the exit row on a plane when it goes down He's not gonna know how to open that door No He is not read the simple instructions that they beg you to read every time you sit there So they tell you put the thing in the the Ziploc bag and I never do it. I always do it. I don't have the Ziploc bag.

Hey, now with that, I get nailed for wrong size Ziploc bag. I've never done it. Mike doesn't do it. Well, again, this is all news to Mike. Everything's news to Mike. And then they don't ever do anything. What's the matter with me? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Why do I get nailed every time? And not only am I doing it, I get the details. Like this bag's not the right size, sir. Or there's two bags, we said one. We said one plastic bag. It's also random. Each person that works at TSA has a completely different level of dedication to what it is they're trying to do.

Well it's also, you fly out of Burbank and they insist on it, but then you're coming back to McCarran and they don't know what you're talking about. What's all your crap doing in that Ziploc bag once you put it back in your suitcase? So wild inconsistency meets random reinforcement meets hello terrorist. I don't know, Drew, because I travel around without it. Well, first off- I'm stunned. I didn't know, Drew, because I travel around without it. Well, first off, I'm not sure, I don't know, everything's going through a fucking X-ray machine, right? So if the toothpaste is in my kit and it's going through the X-ray machine, or it's in a... Everything is a Ziploc bag to an X-ray machine, right?

Everything is transparent, that's why it's called an x-ray. But maybe they want to visibly assess the volume of each of the containers in the ziplock bag, or potentially do that, or easily do that. Theoretically they do, but practically I just go through every single time. Yeah, I have a friend who has a big shampoo bottle in his bag, and he gets through like nine out of ten times, and then on that tenth time when they catch him and take it away from him I go why don't you just you know put it in your bag that you checked or right you know why don't you just change the way you're doing

it. Because it's over four ounces. Because he's really mad that day when they take it away from him and I'm like well just because you got away with it a bunch of times how can you be mad when you finally get caught. He should do you know what he should do he should do what I do with my water which you know like you stand in line and you're going to chug it do, you know what he should do? He should do what I do with my water, which you know, like you stand in line and you're going to chug it before you throw it away. He should wash his hair like 21 times.

Everybody likes. Bring a water and a shampoo. Everybody. And just do it right there. Yeah. All right. I love that idea. By the way, so this is, it's available for digital download at chill.com.

And so you went out and chronicled your life on the road, which by the way, any, any doc, sorry for shortening documentary that has the comedian on the road going to the club, the green rooms, the whole nine yards, the worst sofas in the world and the green rooms. It's always interesting to me. I always find it fascinating. It's a can't go wrong because you have the comedy and then you have all the guys who show up at the show. Yeah, you see me doing my act and my buddy, Graham, that is like my support act.

You see him doing stuff, but it's not as... Call him an opener. It's not my opener. Support act. It's not as... Jesus Christ. It's trying to make a highfalutin But it's um You know it just shows all the steps of it the you know the travel we did like eight cities in

as many days and You know just went around all over the place, and it's it's an interesting interesting life that I Because I didn't go in I didn't start telling pot jokes thinking that, oh, then everyone will give it to me. Right. You know, and everyone will wanna smoke with me. Like that's just been a great thing that happened

that I had no intention to make happen at all. That's manna, it's called manna from Humboldt. Thank you, that's why I get the big bucks. Now Doug. Yes sir. I've said this before. Take it in the spirit in which it's intended, please. There's certain people that are attracted to this profession not only because they're humorous but because they enjoy an extended adolescence in life.

Hedonists, maybe. Yeah. Like I said, Doug likes to smoke weed. He likes to sleep in, he likes to bang strangers, he likes to travel, he likes to get free weed. Don't forget drinking. And free pussy. I like to drink. And drinking.

But not so much into the paying for braces, getting up and taking kids to school, that kind of stuff. That stuff doesn't appeal to me at all. Right. So, are you happily going gonna go through your life? Just having a good time and I'm by the way. I'm I'm secretly jealous. Don't get me wrong. I'm not sure judge Yeah, that's such a secret I'm not judging but just banging strangers and smoking free weed and and and booze too and going to clubs making some cash and sleeping in Is that the plan soup to nuts cradle the grave or at some point is Doug Benson gonna be called Papa?

I don't I don't I don't want to be called Papa, but you know how that goes. That was a no Yeah, but you know how that goes it could happen right you know so no but no thoughts no plans no plans No plans did you come from a close family? Yeah? Yeah? We all were to grow up. We all got along great San Diego It's a weird this is weird because it's a new thing drew for us because back in the day When we're doing love line yeah, and we'd speak to somebody and they'd go like no kids for me You'd go what happened is like I saw enough at home to realize that that's a, but and then that's what I assume,

but it turns out Doug's just wildly selfish and a junkie. Well there's that piece, but the other thing is a lot of people that you wish would reproduce. No, I'm saying you have a good family. They created a narcissistic junkie, but they're a great intact family. Right, nothing happened to them, we just became this way.

Yeah. But the other thing we're saying is people we wish would reproduce are choosing not to. Yeah. Which is all part of that same conundrum. Yes. Doug, we wish you'd have a kid. Yeah, the people I'm fine with having kids don't want kids. And the people I'm not fine with having kids have 19. And start when they're four. Right. So this is also that's a growing thing right now is people just choosing to remain single. But that's the point. It's the people we wish would be more involved in raising

families and things are sort of opting out. Well. Because they're opting out because they're reasonable people. Well, they're not just doing it just because everyone's supposed to do it. There's no societal. There's no more judging, so to speak. There still is though.

Well, how, first off. I mean, I can handle the heat. I understand Adam's judging you now. I understand that he's judging you, but generally not so much. Here's what I'm saying. Let's picture the scale that the hot chick with the blindfold is holding, all right? Just that scale. The scale of justice.

Scale of justice. All right. Now, on one side, you have judging. All right, that's maybe a feather duster. And then the other side, you have a bench vice worth of pussy, weed, booze, not paying for college, not paying for braces, not getting up at 6am or 5am and changing diapers, and then a little envy that gets pulled from the judgment side of, oh, fucking Doug, look at you, you son

of a bitch. You make that money, you get to keep all of it. Cuts the feather in half. Yeah, cuts the feather in half, throw it on it on that side oh you bang a new pussy every weekend and you're not paying for nannies either god damn see so that what about how heavy is the loneliness on the other side I just got hit with a feather duster of truth man. I mean my high man I mean, that's my reaction when people ask me too, but yeah, I could I know people like to you know pair up Yeah, no. No, I'm saying but you for you

Who has a very rich life? I mean I understand The loneliness life I used to work a regular job I would swing a hammer all day and I could remember a Friday night or Saturday night with no dates or anything was no money beat up pickup truck shitty apartment sitting around Watching perfect strangers and you know eating eating top rum and just going, I am lonely. Like, this sucks. But if I was out doing a set that night and then having a couple of drinks with a cocktail waitress and getting high with a couple of dudes in the parking lot and driving a nice car back to my cool apartment and probably having a cocktail waitress with me, I wouldn't be that lonely that's just me yeah that's not it's not too bad no obviously because you you would if it

was too bad you're convincing him lonely at him he's not lonely he's miserable look at the man do something about it if he was lonely. Well, let's say, yeah, I guess so. But let's say, you know, 10, 15 years from now, and I'm going to be moving slower and possibly need help. I'm going to have no children and no... What are you saying? You're going to have to look for a 25-year-old. I might have to get a young wife, yes. That's what I'm saying. Well, but that's the whole thing as a dude, as a comedian. You never really have to abandon that dream. I really think that is so unfair to any...

You do as you please. I'm not judging. Sure. Oh, he's judging. Can't judge. But I really think a lot of guys do that. I think it's really unfair to the younger female. Oh, absolutely. Who looks up... And to the kids too, because you're now 70 and they're five. Oh, no. If I had the younger wife, it would just be the younger wife who understands that she just has to stick around for a little while

and she'll get some money. And she doesn't have to have my kids. I don't want to have kids. Also, the other thing too though, Drew, is we have eliminated one of the biggest, if not the biggest problem to ever face us historically, which is survival, sustenance, shelter, like putting food on the table. What we've done is I've famous.

You've handled that. Well, we've handled it, but we don't get so much credit for it anymore. You're looking at we, me. Meaning me. You. You too. Oh you the breadwinner. I will say this, yeah I didn't win it, I earned it. Wasn't a bake off. Powerful man. Heavy. Put some crust on that shit man. No, the great Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray said to me at one

of Jimmy Kimmel's Howard Stern parties he just he just his wife is over there like talking to my wife and I think she was pregnant at the time or maybe they just they just had twins or something and he just sidled up next to me and he leaned over and he said in a hushed tone, since when did paying for everything count for nothing? And I said I don't know when that happened. It was an interesting joke that was perpetrated on behalf of women toward men but something happened in our society when paying for everything sort of as the great fridge

William Fridgerator Perry told me when we're fishing once and I caught a small fish. He said Well, and you done worked your way up to zero So when did paying for everything get you up to zero? That's that's what I'm saying. It doesn't it used to count for something. It used to count for a lot It was almost everything I mean back in the day now it's in the low low twos now. It's a choice that a couple makes okay I'll stay home you do the thing but what I'm saying is is when you're saying you feel sorry for the woman That Doug is going to put into a safe

comfortable is going to put into a safe, comfortable, heated and cooled, lovely environment. It's not like he's pulling her out of the savanna. No, no. Throwing her in a condo. I don't know what her stripper name is. Maybe that's what I should do. The point is this. How'd you know what her name is? No, the point is this. It is her choice for a lot of people. You see, Drew, you grew up. It's like when we we talked about this Yeah, we were talking about a sponsor Once before the show and I said, oh, yeah I I owe the RS like four thousand dollars when I was like 29 or 30 and Drew she said four thousand dollars

And I said, yeah, and I had to work the payment plan out with them and he said $4,000 and I said yeah, and I had to work the payment plan out with them and he said Why don't you just pay him? So that was your attitude rightfully? So why don't you just pay him you owe him $4,000 Just pay him. Why are you working out a payment program? I said I didn't have the money Drew I did not have the money. I didn't I didn't own $4,000 which was a surprise to you But from where you come from not from not from an elitist rich family But from where you come from you didn from an elitist rich family, but from where you come from, you didn't, a 30-year-old guy, $4,000. Right. So there are a lot of people that come from a lot of places where a nice condo and a six-year-old Lexus is a pretty fucking sweet deal.

So Doug, what Adam is saying, make sure you prey on someone who really is- Prey. Kind of make sure you prey on someone who really is- Pray. Kind of make sure it's somebody who needs it. Not just needs it, but can be manipulated by your resources. Okay? You got it? No. I'm saying you were feeling sorry for the gal, remember?

I'm saying that because they don't really get what they're getting into. It's a terrible mistake, usually. They're getting oftentimes out of a shitty apartment and a car that overheats into and basically my point is I've seen this a bunch of times in couples and what they end up with is taking care of a stroke victim for five years later and it freaks them out they didn't count on it it's it's a mess it's a mess it would be bad for Hey listen, but I'm kids don't get it Oh, it's a mess. It's a mess. Okay. They're not gonna have kids

Alright, Doug Doug's won't allow Make sure she's good that she enjoys nursing care nursing. That's what I gotta do is control hospitals to find Doug's homes In one hospital, they'll get those going in one horrific bong accident. It's not like he's going slowly. He's going to drown in a bong. A huge, no? Drown in a bong. All the water.

Have you seen the bongs he uses? They're huge. Yeah, but that's why he has that oversized carb because that's a spillover. It's basically so Doug can't drown. No, no, no, no, no. The world's biggest seed is gonna explode, blinding Doug as he falls back

and hits his head on the sink, and that's it. That's where he goes. What happens, Drew, when your daughter's 25 and wants to move in with a 60-year-old comedian? I will have that conversation. You need to look at what the next 10, 15 years will actually look like. Now what you think they're going to look like, what they're likely to be.

I felt bad for helping women with their partners when I went through that with people. I did it a lot. But hold on, hold on. It will not be your daughter because your daughter will be educated and she will have some career path and she will be taking care of herself and and probably dating peers or marrying peers. Hopefully. Right. I'm talking about the chick who maybe has a kid who maybe has an old man who moved to Florida. The female version of you. Thank you. That age. That's right. Yeah. Right. Heavy. But with nicer tits than me. Right. Right. Yeah.

No, I'm saying there was, you know, when I was 25, I could have sugar-mommed it up. Absolutely. It was relating very strongly. Absolutely. No, but it, you, like I said, you're working on the very upper sphere of life, which is for a lot of people, on the very upper sphere of life, which is for a lot of people, reliable transportation, a nice place to live and some spending money is a big, big fucking deal. I'm not calling them gold diggers. I'm just saying I'm being taken care of. That's a big deal.

And look, yeah, it's Cinderella. Sociologically, you're bringing somebody up in the Doug's world. Might be interesting. She might have more opportunities. It is fun. It is a fun world. Doug's world should be the name of the next documentary. Yeah. Hey, it's world might be interesting. She might have more opportunities. It is fun. It is a fun world. Doug's world should be the name of the next documentary. Yeah.

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got to be a huge amount of postage that's wasted on it's just gonna sit there at the post office if you send it try to send it to Santa well the if you if you think about it yeah yeah all the letters to Santa and then and then there's prison mail mm-hmm that's pretty well business mail to the right the the girl women that want to marry the inmates I just love the fact that no matter how insane or how macabre or bizarre the atrocity that you commit on the outside, once you get on television and they throw you in the joint, you will start fielding marriage proposals. I just love that. I just love, I mean, you know,

I don't know who the leader in the clubhouse is, probably Chuck Manson, I don't know, Tex Watson. Well, Tex got married and had four kids inside the joint. That's awesome. Yeah. Please, what's the death penalty, people? Four kids. anyway, but don't worry. I'm sure he married a super stable gal So you have yep, basically here's the jeans you have in his three or four kids. We've doubled that we doubled the gene pool from inside Yeah, the joint inside the joint after he committed the horrible murders. He then had the kids You have Texas jeans murderers murdering psychopath. Right. Gal, who thought it would be a good idea to start a brood with the murdering psychopath

jeans. And a stable family with him and Death Realm. Right. There you go. Now you have three or four of those cut loose. Doug Benson, funny. Funny jeans. None of those run around out there.

Responsible jeans. None of those run around out there. Responsible jeans, none of those run around out there. But, Tex Watson, plenty of those. So, I think the Menendez brothers may, by the way, be the leader in the clubhouse for the fielding marriage proposals. And actually, one of them has a pretty hot, pretty hot gal.

Yeah? Yeah, I can't remember the other one, like, pretty pretty hot gal. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember the other one like married pretty hot gal. But here's the thing Drew where are you with the Menendee. I want them released. I've wanted them released for years because of the horrible abuse the parents subjected them to that the parents deserved it on some level you thought. Well here's the way here's here's here's my here's my approach to life. The random shootings, the bombs going off in Boston and the terrorist attacks and the

drive-bys where the kid's in this bedroom in his crib and takes a stray bullet and all that stuff, or just the crazed homeless guy who's pushing people onto the tracks for the subway system and stuff, that kind of stuff scares me. When I hear about your wife, you know, the 2020 show where the wife poisoned the guy to collect the, you know, insurance, that's their fucking business. I don't give a shit. You wanna marry somebody's fucking maniac?

That's your business. I mean, it's not, I don't wish it upon anybody. I don't say you had it coming But that takes place under your roof I need to have you on my HLM show to talk about Jodi Arias Please suddenly that becomes a non-issue as far as you're concerned. Yeah, well, I don't give a shit That's your roof. That's under your roof. I mean you and talk about it does not you do not have to worry about I don't have to worry about my kids being poisoned by you to collect the insurance. I think people do think that though they think that this person's a maniac and could oh could do something else. Do you that's the whole point.

When you say and I've said this to you many times but now I have twins. So when they murder you, when they murder a man me make sure that they get off No, it is at a certain dig dig at a certain point. Mm-hmm if 19 year old Sonny says to 19 year old Natalia What are you doing this weekend? Nothing playing some tennis hanging around. Hey Sunday night I was thinking you know how Sunday night I was thinking you know how mom and dad like to watch the watch the movie night on the Sunday night eat hog and dogs there yeah I see my gonna shotgun and blowing them both away yeah mom and dad yeah yeah yeah both of them

while they're eating ice cream and watching a late movie there. What do you think? In? This Sunday? Yeah, yeah, this Sunday. So not this up. I get confused because sometimes people say next Sunday, but this coming Sunday. This coming Sunday? Not next Sunday. Right, this. Well, I say next and I should have said this. Well, anyway, four days from now. Are you in? Mom and dad? Yeah. Oh, okay. Do you have the shotgun or do we have to go out and get it? I have a shotgun. Are you in?

Yeah, yeah. Mom and dad. Okay, good. All right. Now that means mom and dad probably did not do a fucking blue ribbon job of raising these two kids. Probably. Probably. It'd be pretty random to have two psychopaths because that's sort of raising these two kids. Probably. Probably.

It'd be pretty random to have two psychopaths, because that's sort of a genetically unlikely thing. Yeah. That's a weird thing. You see, there's the one psychopath. That idea I've signed off on. But the other one going, yeah, keep talking. I hear what you're saying.

And by the way, the one psychopath would have been pulling the limbs off kittens and stuff long before mom and dad got the shotgun. Right. Not just fucking around a tennis camp. So when the other guy says, oh yeah, dad and mom, let's do this, then that means either nature or nurture. There's some pretty barmint nature and nurture. Pretty bad parenting going on there.

It's one of these things that it takes care of itself. I'm assuming you were a shitty parent because your kids both decided to kill you with a shotgun. That's all the evidence I need to know of you being a subpar parent. Either way, it all took place under one roof. I think these guys are earners. I think these guys would go out and be making money

and putting into the system via the taxes versus us paying 50, 60, 70 grand a year for whatever we're being built out of because it's California, state of California, costs twice as much to incarcerate someone, times two, these guys have been in for like 20 years now. I don't understand how this fucking stuff works, but I say let's get them out of there. They're married.

Twenty years is, they've, you know. They've been model citizens. They've served their time, I think. Yeah, well listen, here's the deal. They've paid their debt to society. I never had, I never rung up a bill with them. As far as my society goes, all I know is you offed your horrible parents. Listen, if you're watching a movie, Drew, and there's a dad that's, and there's been a bunch of movies, that is, let's

make it a woman. Ooh. Dig. If the Menendez brothers had been the Menendez sisters I bet they would have walked not necessarily walk but walk oh sorry yeah I got confused John the point is this maybe maybe even because in every movie where it's like the the woman is being molested or diddled or whatever by the hero which is close to that end then seen recite never again poach Well, I fucking audience is cheering right right Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they should get a sex change Oh and a retrial oh I want sexual reassignment surgery

California's pay for California to pay for it. I know my rights, and I want to retrial. And I'm going to wear a sundress. I'm a new person. I bet they walk on the retrial with the reassignment surgery. All right, so when did the Menendez brothers go? This is going to come up. How long they've been in for?

Was it 20 years ago? I think that's. That's. I mean ninety. No, I'm telling you, if it's not 20 years, it's coming up by 20. Gary, you let your fingers do the walking on stuff like that early and often. Eighty nine. Whoa.

Eighty nine. I don't know if that trial was an alien the murder could have been an 89 but I think the trial may have been a little later they were sent I don't know when they were sent yeah but they were probably 93 maybe less than that but either either way it's 20 years it's it's 20 years I'm good with that enough I've heard him interviewed a few times and seemed like model prisoners good behavior that sort of thing yeah let them walk why are they looking at 93 why all right it is literally been 20 years that's a picture of the wife yeah crazy yeah let's Lyle's wife this is good-looking chicks now she's gonna be pissed if he walks he's not attractive anymore no no

they you get in a relationship with someone in prison because you don't want a relationship you want yeah you want them controlled you want them contained you want them powerless you're gonna be available you want them you have intimacy issues right yeah so we weren't we talked was it Pam was telling us this we had one yeah say the full name I can't remember last time I thought you'd go in thank you for doing so. Was she the one we were having that conversation with? Pam Adlon I think we may have had that conversation with her mm-hmm she'll'll talk about anything right. Oh will she? Will she talk about anything

I'll fucking tell you the ultimate. She'll talk about anything She she'll talk about anything not because she's a hero or bold or courageous because she has no control of her mouth She literally cannot control her mouth. I like her. A lot. Yeah, she's delightful. Yeah, I'm saying that's a bad thing. She doesn't hold back. Stay young and tight! There she is.

Oh, can I, I was just talking about this in a parking lot of YMCA last Sunday. I worked with a gal by the name of Dion Kersh. Is that Kersh or Kirshner? Anyway, sweet, great lover. Somebody said, did you work with this person? I said, yeah, I worked with this person. She's like a line producer, easy, perfect, perfect person. Her aunt is Marlo Thomas, I think,

and her dad is her grandfather's Danny Thomas. And we talk. So we know where this is going. I know. I'm afraid. Glass tables. We just finished a table read over. Interestingly.

A glass table read. Glass table read over. There's an urban myth that he used to like some defecation and glass coffee tables and stuff. It was the original sort of Richard Gere, or the original Rod Stewart kind of thing. And no one knows to this day really. But the point is, is urban myth. And we're all standing in a circle after doing a table read for a CBS. It went very well. Jimmy was there and Daniel, you know, was there. And there was Dion and a couple other people. And we were just heaping praise on Dion saying, I think Jimmy was saying, oh, I was just listening to Free to Be You and Me, you know, your aunt's

record or whatever, whatever with my daughter and oh and you know, oh and Danny Thomas, oh the work he does with the Children's Hospital and St. Jude or whatever it is and oh what a humanitarian all this kind of stuff and Pam Adlon enters the circle like literally comes walking into it's a circle of five people standing around talking after a table read and she walks into it you know she just steps into it, and she's like, hey guys, I thought that went pretty good. She was doing the read with us.

And everyone looks around, and we're on the topic. And someone says, Pam, did you realize that Dion is Danny Thomas's granddaughter? And she goes, what's up with the coffee table stuff? You wanna talk about, everyone just stood there, everyone just stood there like holy shit, holy shit. And then there's a moment of just stunned silence and then Pam, I argue kind of makes it, it makes it worse on the person where she just goes,

Oh my god, what did I say? Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Like people don't do that. It kind of makes it worse. She pulls it off though, right? It's hard to pull this one off. So she's like, Oh my god, what did I say? Oh my god. And Dion is the nicest woman in the world. She was like, it's okay. I've heard the story before she said Oh, no, it's not. Okay, and everyone's just standing in a That is literally no control over over your mouth. Yes, and she had no theories Wow, how those stories got started? I did the Buffets I think I'm gonna head up there slicing they're doing a deli

style turkey over there so anyone need anything for the buffets? And I just I crawled out of my asshole and ran my skinless body my skeleton ran to wherever I thought the fucking carving station was. Just now you've just created the Adam Carolla cartoon. I see see it now I see it now it was the comedy center. Oh my god Is it in a fucking insane moment like you've never had that kind of moment that was a that was profound I'll say anything moment you have to cartoon we have to do that. All right, that's the new thing All right, let me know Aaron. There's got a narrate.'s got a Naren. He got to animate, and we'll do it. Michael Naren.

Yeah. You do either first name or last name. You don't do both. Is that the way you roll? Not today. I roll with one or the other. All right. I want to give a little love to one of our fine sponsors

on it that's O-N-N-I-T. They create, oh, actually, Joe Rogan's involved with these guys and they make some really cool supplements. They make Alpha Brain and I took three of these before a show last week and I just felt like Tom Cruise. Which show? I don't know if I can tell you. It wasn't with you.

I didn't want to waste it on you. I felt like how Tom Cruise must feel all the time Like the crazier focus laser focus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, not like Doug Benson Not in a bad way. I don't mean that in a pejorative way there But I felt like like Tom Cruise must I felt like you know Tom Cruise just has a thing all the time or it just seems like he he's never goes What? tuned out for a second. It was like just Crazy crazy tuned in Joe takes these babies before he does a UFC broadcast wouldn't do it without it

Lots of cool supplements lots of cool workout stuff. I use by the way, they sent me over kettlebell With cool cool. I think, crazy monkey kettlebell. Monkey face, yeah. Yeah. It's nice. Chimp, like a chimp kettlebell. Yeah, and a jump rope.

My buddy Ray's great. He's like, hey man, remember how I borrowed five grand last week? Yeah. Could I have another six grand? Oh, whose kettlebell is that? I was like, it's mine. Oh, could I have another six grand? Oh, whose kettlebell is that? I was like, it's mine. Oh, could I have that? Like, can I finish writing the check

for the six grand before you? I've got some fillings. Would you like some fillings out of my teeth? Like, it's a, but what's up with people, Drew? Were they like, literally? Not people's rate. No, I got it from all corners here. Oh, your family. That's right. It is the same thing. Mm-hmm super Cool hemp protein. I'm taking this stuff too. And like I said just all sorts stuff

I got their jump rope ball bearing just the right weight people make them too light Anyway, everything you need for fitness everything you need that goes in you, that goes outside you, you just... Really cool guys that are really focused on quality. Go to onit.com slash Adam and Drew. That's O-N-N-I-T dot com slash Adam and Drew. You get 10% off your order, 100% satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. That's O-N-N-Init.com slash Adam and Drew. All right, we got a phone call here, Drew. What do you wanna?

Worked on a line. What do you wanna do here? Start at the top with Bianca. Hey, Bianca? Yes. What's going on, baby doll? Thank you. So I've been dating a guy since about January like as official boyfriend girlfriend and recently he found some blog post that I posted

literally three or four years ago and in it I kind of posted stuff about my sex life, my dating, whatever. And he just is not, not only is he not happy about it, he's just not even sure he can get over it. What'd you say in the blog? I just said stuff about like, you know, I'm like kind of like everyday kind of things about I'm dating this guy, I'm seeing this guy. One thing in particular that stood out for him

was that I mentioned I had a fuck buddy and he doesn't like seeing me that way, is what he says. Uh-huh, oh, you had a fuck buddy. Yeah. This is interesting. There's gotta be something heavier than that, though. Well, who, how old's the guy? Wait a second.

34. Some guys are rude about this stuff. Well, first off, go get yourself a vibrator and write buddy on it and then let him find it and go, no, this is buddy. That's my fuck buddy. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is what I was talking about. I'm serious because he wants to believe. You could try that right. Alright, here's the thing, Bianca. He's 34. What's he do? Cop? Fireman? No.

Something uptight? No, he does like investing. Way uptight. Way uptight. Okay, there are dudes that give a shit, and then there are dudes that don't give a shit. And there's everything in between. Like there are guys that don't give a shit and there's everything in between like they're they're guys that are like hey, man

I'm marrying this porn star isn't that cool? And then there are guys who are more like me going no man That seems kind of weird that your people can see your wife having sex with other guys on the internet But they're guys that not only don't mind it It's a sort of almost a fetish or badge of courage of honor or something like hey this is cool and then it goes to like super if you've ever been with another guy you're soiled I can't be with you and then there's basically us there's everyone who just sort of falls in between on that somewhere in that

spectrum of just, you know, you've had other boyfriends, that's fine. Don't invite them to the wedding, you know. And guys, I found, and Drew, I don't know how you feel about this, Doug, I'm not even going to ask you because all you do is bang underage strangers. But anonymous underage strangers on the road. But Drew. I get a name.

I get an ID. You get a doobie. And he gets a reach around and then it's off to the next down. All right, Drew. This is the kind of thing that I felt like I cared much more about when I was 25 than I do now. Oh, yeah. Yes. Testosterone makes that way worse.

Like, early testosterone exposure, like a seven-year-old male can't take any of this. Right, and then even when you're 23 and you'll do that stupid, again, it's the dumbest thing in the world, but it's like a 23-year-old thing, and she's in the shower and you're just sitting in an apartment and you look up

and you see the fucking photo album or something and then you open it up. It's like, you were in Palm Springs? Who's that dude with his arm around, you know, oh, that's Zach. Oh, that fucking guy used to date. And then you start thinking about that guy and it's like, there's nothing in it for you. And there's also a little bit of accumulating your own history too that you haven't done yet at 21. And you want to be able to go, ah, well, who am I to judge?

Some guys get into that, right? Well there's a little bit of, there's guys that have been sexually outdone by their partner. There's a lot of 21, 22 year old dudes where it's like, hey, this is my first real girlfriend. And for them, they had a boyfriend all through high school and then another boyfriend in college. And it's like, you feel like you're behind them sexually. So I'm wondering if this guy girl's boyfriend was sort of. Well, I was going to say that he didn't really

start dating until his late 20s. Yeah, see. Yeah. I started dating younger. There's something to do with that. This has something to do with that. Yeah, so there's a compensation, an overcompensation, like I said, just because of the double standard, no guy wants to feel like his gal's outdone him. And you know what?

Just the way you wouldn't marry a porn star because it sort of means something about her, you know what I mean? It's not that she was a porn star. It says something about what's going on with her. This guy... Looking. Well, but the way he has conducted his interpersonal life, that kind of says something about him too. Oh, didn't start dating until his mid-20s. It's almost to me as weird as the porn chick.

He's the male version on the other end of the spectrum. I really wonder, Bianca, if that kind of guy is the right guy for you. I just got to wonder. Because that guy's... Something's going on. Here's the dealio here, Bianca. Also he's a guy who decided to go on the internet and do some thrashing around looking for blogs that are three years old, which doesn't say great things about him. Now here's the way I feel about these guys and I wish someone would have said it to me

when I was 23 and jealous. Here's what you say, if you backpedal he's coming on he's gonna encroach and then he's like a kid or dog that needs to be crated. Like, crate kids and dogs. Sometimes in the same crate. Hey, let's see, may the strong survive. Called a cradle. Cradle. True way to joke, everybody. So no, here's what you say. Here's what you say here. Do you say listen? I've been with other people big whoop

So has every fucking person on the planet. You know I mean let's take a look at Celebrity couples you know what I mean who? Angelina Jolie was with plenty of fucking dudes for she ended up with Brad Pitt I'm sure Brad Pitt's pretty happy with Angelina Jolie and so yeah Live with that, you know, Billy Bob Thornton right had been Yeah No, he does and Pushing tin is coming on late-night cable and he's got a deal with that. Yeah pushing

Yeah Bad Santa. Bad Santa's got to come. But look, first off, this has gone on historically. Everyone has had to deal. Pick your, I'd say pick your favorite athlete or pick your favorite movie star. Pick one, tell him to pick one of his heroes and I'll bet you that famous athlete is dating some famous actress who was With someone at some point that was famous as well. That's kind of the way it works

So a get the fuck over it And if you can't get the fuck over it then let's call it right now because I'm not gonna live in the shadow of my fuck Buddy, yeah, don't live in the shadow And you don't have to apologize and you will be doing him a favor because it'll just straighten him Out what he wants to be a straight now. No, he does he does Isn't the concept of fuck buddies though isn't that like like teens and 20 year olds are are They're much more casual about it than the friends with bad. Yeah. Yeah, then it's also It's been like they made two movies about it and it's an earlier and life thing. She's not doing that at 31 necessarily. Or it's the world's most inappropriate

children's show. It just seems like a weird thing for a guy to have trouble getting over if he's like You know, she's saying nobody she's calling him her boyfriend. She's not saying that she's you know, right? No, no, but but people don't like guys don't like the idea of the girl they're with they don't mind the I had a boyfriend in college they don't like the idea of them going out and having sex recreationally right that that's the problem anyway be honest Do you know who his heroes are? Do you know? They're mostly economists. Milton Friedman. Yeah. Milton Friedman is his. I know that Jennifer Aniston was with Milton Freeman a long time before she was even with Brad.

Yeah, and J.Lo. I think he banged, oh, she just, no. She just sucked him off, right. All right. Find someone other than fucking economists. But do me a favor, call us back. Let's know how this works out. It's very interesting Yeah, it's kind of thing or but get on the offense here. Would you please? Alright professor says sexual abuse young but but What do you got let's do a thing I can dispense that quickly Athena

Hi, hey, what's going on? Well, first of all, I've been listening to you guys since I was like 12, so this is the most exciting moment of my entire life. But so basically I have this South African literature class and we're talking about Lord Byron and Lord Byron like his mom's boyfriend like raped him when he was little and then he grew up and like unsurprisingly had all these like chaotic sexual relationships and like Was incestuous with like his sister and also his husband like all this stuff

so I said like well he was sexually abused like of course that makes sense and like I don't know like what else you would expect and My professor I could tell he like didn't really believe me but didn't say anything and then the next week He came back with this like entire litany of, children are resilient. And he quote unquote looked into the studies and said, No, listen, Athena, here's the deal. There is the International Society of Traumatology. There's a guy named Bessel Vander Kolk, V-A-N-D-E-R-V-O-L-K,

and a guy named Alan Shore, S-E-H-O-R-E. You can look them up online, their literature's online, and they document in great detail. Worst corporate gig I ever did, by the way. The biological effects on the brain. Their Christmas party was such a bummer, Doug. The brain projector.

Don't do it. Can you add up? Forget the fact that you could go into any psychology textbook you want, but the International Society of Traumatology is documenting all the neurobiological effects. Paychecks and paychecks, but that was a bummer. You can really show how the brain changes with this. Shor, S-C-H-O-R-E, and Vander Kolk, V-A-N-D-E-R-K-O-L-K. But, Athena, I think what you're kind of alluding to is maybe him protesting too much.

Like he had it happen to him? No, no, no, not at all. I really would doubt that. I just- I don't know. No, okay. He has like a sixth, well actually this probably doesn't help his case. He's like a gigantic black man though, like straight

out of Kenya and I just feel like he has never been sexual with anyone. I love that rap song. Straight out of Kenya. Well anyway, you can almost open any psychology text and you'll see there's all sorts of stuff out there, but it's just everywhere. So you can just, you know, anything. This is what you're studying college these days. It's axiomatic most people in in mental health are spending their time dealing with trauma that's all we do. You're paying 60 grand a year times three for your kid going. So when was it Lord Byron's uncle that dropped a digit on him or I know writing down on their fucking textbook they're writing down on their fucking Steno pad. Wow.

My daughter's reading Moby Dick and she had to report on the homoeroticism between Quee Quag and Ishmael. Really? What? Why do we have to... Okay. When did the sexuality become such a large part of the college experience? You know what I mean? In terms of, like, the thing about sex, my feeling, that's the one thing that you kind of figure out. Like, that settles itself. I mean, you're into what you're into. Right. We don't need, I mean-

You don't need a academic pursuit around sexuality? Not nearly as heavily as we're getting into it, you know. No you can't. You're coward. The point is this, I just like them learning about the sort of mechanical stuff, you know what I mean? I mean, I like to learn the biology part of the sex, but I don't need everyone sitting around figuring out what everything meant sexually or the sexual tension between You know the fellas from Moby Dick like that to me doesn't this is what you call a tell about Adam

No, that's what you tell about our society. You're fucking sending kids to school not to discover themselves sexually They're the fucking learn shit and get a job not to discover themselves sexually. They're there to fucking learn shit and get a job. Yes? Yes. Wouldn't you say so? All right, go ahead there, Drew. Hey, speaking of getting a job,

I just had a go to meeting this very morning. I did too. Yeah, I know you were doing it, I was doing it when you walked in. They're great. Again, you can go to meeting, look at documents, guy walked me through a deck, while four of the people watched on the screen with me, people in the room with me. Yeah, I was watching to meeting, look at documents. Guy walked me through a deck while four of the people watched

on the screen with me, people in the room. Yeah, I was watching this guy's app. Yeah. He put his whole thing and just scrolling through it the entire time. All right, you can go to meetings with HD Faces by Citrix. Go to meeting.

Makes it easier for the entire team, as we're saying. You share the screen so everyone's on the same page. You can move documents. I got a way we can improve this. Built-in HD video conferencing. It's just like being in the same room. Launch or join meeting from any computer, smartphone or tablet, even iPad. How are you going to make it better? The only part I don't like is looking at me.

That part when you're up there? Yeah. No. You can get rid of that. Well, I don't want to put someone else in there. Just... Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, there's a couple guys I was on Dancing with the Stars with that were really really good-looking dudes. Oh I see you want a way to project an image that masquerades as you. Yeah I want Derek Huff up there from Dancing with the Stars. I'm sure that could range that. Send a video downstream of Derek? Yeah maybe just use a headshot or whatever. You'd hear my voice that would just be my avatar basically right you know what I mean Yeah, you know because there's times. I still feel like you know putting gel in my hair, right? I had a rough night the night before you know I'm saying I'm gonna use Derek Huff

Do you know who Derek Huff looks like a blonde Mormon guy looks like a male version of his sister. Yeah, blonde Mormon guy. Yeah. Looks like a male version of a sister. Yeah. I mean, oh. Let's get to the bottom of this. Those two are kind of interchangeable. Start hosting face-to-face meetings online with GoToMeeting free for 30 days. Visit gotomeeting.com, click the Try It Free button, and use the promo code Adam, and you're on your way. All righty. Also, if you want to support the show show and you can subscribe via the PayPal button. A lot of people have been tweeting me saying they've signed up to give us five bucks a month. We'll split that to 50 each and by the time you get to do the math on the show, it's pennies a show. So really, or if you're that cheap and you really want to give to the show

But you just don't want to give a damn nickel Well, then if you're going to Amazon you just hit it through our link WWW.adamanddoctordrewshow.com you click right through quite true you get what you get and It doesn't cost you a nickel Alright, Doug Benson, everybody. The greatest movie ever rolled. It is out available for digital download at... It's true. He's putting a paper down. Jesus. Okay. I can line a paper down. Just don't touch. It's pretty noisy. I'm too hungover to have to listen to that.

Cobbs Comedy Club San Francisco April 19th to 20th, yes? Yeah, yeah. I think Saturday the 20th, obviously. April 20th I think it's sold out because people love to celebrate Hitler's birthday. But the 19th I think we have some tickets available. All right. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Doug Benson, Dr. Drew, Gary Haftard and Chris Maxapada saying Mahala.