The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - Dr. Spaz Returns (The Adam and Dr. Drew Show Classics)

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

Dr. Bruce returns to fill in for Dr. Drew and they discuss some of the eccentricities of Adam's family. Later, they take listener calls from a guy in his early 20's who has trouble dating, a drug addict in the early stages of drug and alcohol use, and a man wondering how to tell his wife about his sexual addiction.

Recording live at Corolla One Studios with Adam Corolla and board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to the Adam and Dr. Drew Show. Yeah. Quick correction before we get it on. Dr. Spaz, Dr. Bruce, board certified. He does emergency medicine, also addiction medicine. Very good at what he does. I have just an issue. Recorded live? I thought the term live is for the person

listening. How could you record dead? All right. What'd I do? It doesn't matter. Okay. Whatever. Attempts to undermine, attempts to undermine, attempts to undermine, and then after every show, is that okay? Is that all right? You don't understand? You don't see your cycle. You don't see your cycle. Don't you think that was just an astute observation on-

Everybody in their, let me ask, let's broach a larger topic here. Here we go. I've gotten in this with Drew, I've gotten in it with you, I've gotten in it with almost everybody. I have a strong belief that people can improve, that they can leave their old ways behind, that life is a process, and that you don't have to you know whether it's some some insecurity or you're a hoarder or whatever it is you don't have to take

it to the grave with you you know and it's it's it's ironic that guys like dr. Drew and yourself who have a specialty in addiction and Dr. Drew would say all day long, hey man you know I know this booze or these pills or cocaine, cigarettes, whatever it is, it's been a part of your life for 30 years but you need to stop. You need to knock it off and we need to cure you. This is not serving you. It is harming you. It's harming those around you.

And you cannot continue with this action. And that's Dr. Drew when it comes to booze. But if you're neurotic, hey baby, go sick. Take that one of the graves. Not a fucking thing we can do about that. I would argue there is things we can do about almost everything if we would like to. And I feel as human beings, not only do we not really take an active interest in that, we do as it pretends to weight loss, you know, like, hey, I'm gonna get in shape, I'm gonna get in shape, I'm gonna get in shape, but not emotionally or mentally. And we've constructed a society filled with isms, like,

well, you know, he just is who he is, you know, Bruce is Bruce. What are you gonna do? Or you know, you can't be, can't change leopard spots and you know, this kind of stuff and it's like, yeah you can. There's a lot of stuff a lot of people can do. I include myself in that group, partially. One second. But, okay. There's a lot of people what I'm saying is I Transformed myself from one type of person into another type of person because the one type of person that I was Was not working at all for me What type of person was that I was?

not productive I was I was not productive. I was sort of lazy but also forced to work hard a lot but then lazy. I was not, I was very, let's say, you would say I was a procrastinator. I wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't do, you know, if I got a ticket, I wouldn't take care of that parking ticket. I was not functioning. I would go down and pay my phone bill in person once a month because I didn't have a credit card, checking accounts, driving around without car insurance. Any ticket I got would go to warrant, you know. It's just this scattershot, unproductive, poor, uninsured life. And I attempted to correct some of those things. And some of them are work in progress and

others I did correct. But when I see people leading a life where it's just like, hey man, he just is who he is. Like, that's his shit. Like, he's just always late, you know. He's just late, that's his thing. Or whatever it is. And then people around them who must see the same in themselves and try to make excuses for themselves by making excuses for the other person, like, hey, he's late. So he's late. That's his thing. But you know what, at least he's consistent. You know, it's like, no, knock it off. And everyone should join in chorus in unison and be telling that person, hey, you're fucked up,

stop it, fix it, this ain't right, get your shit together. But we don't, we're not interested in that. We're not interested in it in a micro level or macro level. Not a big picture, not a small picture. We're not really interested. And I'm curious why that is. And I'm curious why the greatest gift we have as human beings is squandered. That's the greatest gift.

The opposable thumb, it's all right. You know, I give it a five. But the real thing that separates us when you're sorta looking at your dog or you're looking at a chimpanzee, we get to kinda go, hey, I'm gonna treat my life like a gin rummy hand. I got some cards here that work, I got some cards that don't work for this hand.

And instead of cling to the cards that don't work and argue with people about why I need these cards, and then do this one, which I always love. What about your hand? Your gin hand is fucked up too. Okay, maybe that's true. But why don't you just discard not all your cards, just take the couple that aren't working so well and see if you can then get some cards that help your chin hand.

Now, you're dealing with people. That's a 10 to 12-year-old early adolescent defense projection. I see it in four-year-olds all day. Right. Yeah. But I think that some of-year-olds all day. Right. Yeah. But I think that someone's- Why are we wired to hang on, to cling to the cards that aren't working, that aren't helping our hand?

We have a gin hand here. These cards aren't working for us. Well, you're comparing someone being neurotic that's extremely high functioning and capable and productive that has some neurotic behaviors. Now, I will return to... You want me to find a mirror or... Should I hold up some sunglasses so you can see your reflection? Recorded live. I mean, it's got to be... This is the type thing that irritates you. It's got to be... Recorded live is an oxymoron. No, I'm talking about that. I'm talking about, I'm just talking about everybody. Oh.

Whatever they're bringing, they're keeping. You take a guy like Drew. Drew's getting, Drew's turning into a middle-aged woman who's, he's turning into one of the desperate housewives. What? Yes, he's getting, he's getting, he's more neurotic than he was 10 years ago. But it's fed by his intense schedule and his success. I mean that's what's driving that, Neuros. It's a more you achieve, maybe low self-esteem on some level. I feel like I suffer from that.

And you're driven to new heights of success to prove that you're adequate but that creates a stressor. Remember the people I said that stood around and made excuses for those people so they could never cure themselves and it became cathartic because they were essentially weaving themselves into the excuse moments ago? Yes. Isn't that just what I heard? Isn't that just what I heard? Look your higher IQ is not going to... You can you can win any point with me, but I think

I also made a good point on another level. So I rest my case. On a lower level? How dare you? Subterranean parking level? Before I come here, I put my inner child in body armor because otherwise I would be walking out of here in tears. He puts his inner child in body armor. There you go. Nothing a true should do. I had a... Speaking of inner child, I had my stepdad and I had a slightly strange exchange in my driveway the other day, which was he's a awkward, uncomfortable in his own skin sort of man. Listen, he...

Oh, I'm going gonna think of this guy. Seriously, he makes you look like Keanu Reeves. Ooh, I should hang around this guy. He makes you look like the guy who played Thor. I don't mean physically, I just mean like in terms of cool and comfort in his own skin. Ah, okay. See what I'm saying? So he's not into construction or sports cars

or any of the things you're interested in, it sounds like. No, he's into that stuff. He doesn't know how to communicate and he doesn't know how to express. And if you try to hug it out with him, he'll turn 45 degrees and you'll get a kind of whack on the shoulder. Like he doesn't, you know.

And he said to me in the driveway, sorry for my immaturity in the past. Well, spontaneously? Spontaneously. Okay. Let me think. He just wanted to just kind of shotgun it out there. Wow, and how did you handle that with your usual sensitivity? Same thing I say to everybody. I don't worry about it.

Which you were uncomfortable with. In other words, you didn't want to... He probably wanted to go cut his wrists after that. So he opened up after years of feeling. There's something that he feels that he's not met up to your high standard or been responsible. He bears a soul. He was always okay for me because the bar was set so exquisitely low by my family that when my step-family got involved in the mix, I couldn't believe that Christmas would roll around and he'd give me $10.

And I'd be like, what is this stranger giving me $10 for? Because my dad was such a fucking hockey puck, just fucking sat around all day and did nothing. When my stepdad would take me to the beach with him, I'd be like kind of surprised. I mean, I would enjoy it, you know, but it was a little weird. Like it was like, why is this guy driving to the beach

when the guy I share the blood with is camped on the sofa? But no, we did a lot of things. Like we got along pretty good. Right. But he's not an expressive guy and he's not a mature guy and he has trouble communicating and I think that was part of it. Right. You know it's funny, my dad, you talk about him in your most recent book, correct? My stepdad? Yeah. I don't recall Whatever book I really don't know my father's right My father's pushing 90 and I think after he read whichever book he was mentioned and he he said, you know That guy seems like he was an influence on Adam and he was there for Adam

So, I don't know. Oh seems like he got a fairly positive Portrayal in your as compared to the rest of your family. Oh yeah. Yeah. No, it was, but he just never bonded exactly because he was unable to express himself or something. Converse. I don't exactly know what it is. So why did this come out at this point? That's rather... Because he's been sitting on it and thinking about it. Weeks, years, months, long time.

And also everyone's just getting older and everyone's kind of like... I was... Give you an example. I was a... A story I've told before but as sort of recent update I was actually if you want to get my phone I can show you a couple a couple of pictures, but I was standing in the in the driveway of I went to pick up my I wanted to pick up my

nephew I went to pick up my nephew from their house. I was standing in the driveway. I hadn't been over their house in a while. It's the same house I grew up in. I was looking down and I was noticing just how exquisitely fucked up the driveway was. Asphalt poured in the 50s and roots grown through and just a mess. And not only that, they don't have a carport or anything.

So their cars are both just sun blasted. Like dashboards crack and paints fading. Like that thing, you know, San Fernando Valley, 108 degrees, cars just baking in the sun, windows rolled up, all the weird stuff that's given off the plastics and stuff once it turns molten and stuff. You need shade in the San Fernando Valley

when you park your car, because every time you get in your car, it's gonna be an oven, but not only is it gonna be an oven, it's gonna destroy the upholstery, the dash, and and the paint because it's just baking out in the Sun It's almost post apocryphal that right almost as bad as San Bernardino at that time. Yeah, so I said Famously when I had some money and I started coming into money and I got on some TV shows and stuff like that I showed up at their house and

I looked around and 1997-98 I looked down at the driveway and I said, whoo this is in bad shape. This is 15 years ago and I said, you know what you need? You need a new cement driveway. And I said, yeah? And I said, yeah, you need a cement driveway and this asphalt's beat to shit. It looks like hell. And you need a nice little carport at the back side of it. And you need to park in the shade. And they said, yeah?

And I said, guess what? I'll pay for it. They said, tell you what, open the phone book back then. Get contractors to come out to the house. Give me three bids for a cement driveway and we'll take the middle one. I'll pay for the middle one. And there's guys that just do this for a living. They come in and one day they jack out your old driveway, they form it up, pump it, pour

it. Just they do driveways. And you know, it's going to be eight grand or whatever it is but we'll throw out the high we'll throw out the low I'll take the middle get three bids and we'll get this going and three months later I went back and I said you got those bids and they said no haven't got a chant haven't gotten around to that yet and I said shouldn't take that long just open the phone book and I got some pretty good pushback like I'm being judged I don't like the I don't

like your tone further you know this that and the other a couple couple shots of the couple shots of the driveway mm--hmm. It's uh, it's uh Pretty yeah. Wow, pretty pretty well, look there's roots coming up through there. I mean, it's that's a lot of a Red ants digging up a lot of sand stuff like that. So I said Well, you know open the phone book get the three bids. I'll do the middle one Alright, okay, and then maybe I showed up four months later and I said, what's going on with those bids? And my mom said, hey, I've been really busy. And I said, well, I thought to myself,

you don't have a job, but so busy that you can't open the phone book and get the bids, your home all day for the three, and I'll pay the middle one. And at a certain point she did the, I don't like your tone, I don't like your judging, I don't like where you're coming from with this. And I said, I'm just trying to get you a driveway put in here. And we really got about 10 minutes worth of work in front of you and she said I don't like your tone and I said okay well then do it at do do it at your own on your own schedule then whatever you want fine with me I'm not

gonna bring it up again well it's been 15 years and I've saved myself I saved myself 10 grand because that's who they are. One would have to speculate that being as smart as you are, you knew what the outcome of get me three estimates on this driveway. You created almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Then you can come back and say, interesting, but three estimates, to me, coming from where I come from in the construction background, that was always the rule, which is get three estimates, pick the middle one. The low one is going to be shit work, the high one is too much, the middle is where

you want. So I always come from a, now I was a contractor for a living, but the rule thumb was always get three. Well first off, you don't get one estimate, because if you get one estimate, you're just opening a phone book and randomly having someone paint your house or put an edition on. You get three estimates and you go for the middle one.

So one of it is a measure twice, cut once kind of a rule. So that's why I said it. The other part is, is I was never a concrete contractor. I really didn't know what the price was. I mean, it could have been $4,500 or it could have been $11,000. I really didn't know what the price was. So I said, get three and I'll pick the middle one. I was not setting her up for fall.

Wait a second. What is setting someone up for a free driveway? You get a free concrete driveway if you simply open the phone book, go to the same page, go to concrete or masonry or whatever and just the top three names, have them come out the house, have one come out at noon, have one come out at one and have one come out at two on a Wednesday any day of the week. You pretty much knew. You're saying I was setting them up.

No, no, no. I'm saying you pretty much knew that they would not follow through. No, no. First off, why the fuck would you say that? Well let me say this. Well hold on. What? See what's screaming free all month long during Pluto TV's April ghouls.

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And then why would I re-bring it up on more than one occasion if I was expecting that? I know who would expect, by the way, they're not confined to wheelchairs. No, okay, let me take it as- They have phone books and a telephone. I thought they'd want a free driveway. back, by the way, they're not confined to wheelchairs. No. They have phone books and a telephone. I thought they'd want a free driveway. Why would you say I was setting them up?

Okay, that's probably a little aggressive, but at some point I think in the back of your mind was- More aggressive than recorded live or- Oh, that's a good one. That was an oxymoron. You see you. Keep going on. All right.

Keep going. At some point I think you realize, you know, when you maybe were making the offer, their body language or just the way they... Man, I'm not sure they're ever going to... They wanted a new driveway. Right. They still want a new driveway. I'm sure you've heard this from Drew, but addiction medicine, that field of medicine

is family theory based. And my old buddy was from Tasmania. Defend yourself. What are you saying? The family is like a mobile. And my old buddy was from Tasmania. So what do you defend yourself? What are you saying? The family is like a mobile. It hangs in balance, and you have some asymmetrical parts. You mean a mobile.

Mobile. That's it. Listen, you got my kids hypercritical of my verbiage. Feral America. I can't talk complete a sentence without hearing my two kids bitching me about my pronunciation words. So please.

Now let's focus on the family and focus on the driveway. The mobile, the mobile, whatever you want to call it, it hangs there. You expressed that you changed. You had a substantial- What part of Alabama would they make those in? Mobile. Okay. Go ahead.

Very good. The balance changed. You had a fundamental change based, I don't't know if you had a Damascus road experience, an epiphany, but you changed. You became extremely responsible and successful. Allowing for that change in that family system you came from was not accepted. It was, it threw everything out of balance. So at some point you realize that and I think- I don't think it threw everything out of balance so at some point you realize that and i think i don't think through everything out of balance

because they wanted things for me i put a new roof on their house i paid for that now but but that's that's saying super fish that's a superficial level but although the driveways is superficial level with you there's usually a role the people play when someone stops drinking that throws everything out of balance it It's a good thing. They get sober. But then many times the family looks like it's falling apart because the role that that person played in that family system has changed and it becomes unacceptable, intolerable.

Why no driveway? No driveway because accepting something from you, you becoming, playing a different role where you're- I've been asked for things from them. Right. You becoming, playing a different role where you're- I've been asked for things from them. Right, but then the taking those things becomes you giving, them taking, you are assuming a different role. No, no, I think you're way up in your head.

You're way up in your head. There's a lot of room up there for me. All right. But I think you must admit there's some, as far as- No, here's what it is, because I've been asked to put a roof on, pay for the roof. I did pay for the roof, or half the roof, or whatever. I've been asked to pay for things and do other things involving...

I think that's a different dynamic. If someone is asking you, but when you come and offer, I think then... No. Here's what it is. Nothing always trumps something, even when something is positive. There's a lot of people that are this way. Meaning, you could say to my dad,

let's go to the Hollywood Bowl, which sounds cool to you, but to him, it's something. And something always takes a backseat to nothing, which is I could stay home and be left alone. Meaning you saying, hey, if I said to you, you know what, I'm going to give you soft swirl ice cream while you get a blowjob, you'd say, that sounds good. But to one of my family members, it would be something. And nothing always trumps something. There are many people that are this way. Even the stuff that's supposed to be enjoyable, even the free, advantageous, meaning you're going to get this right, or I could do nothing.

And that always takes the first slot. That's a horrible way to go through life. They've managed to do that, by the way, but something always, nothing always trumps something. A lot of us have, I have a lot of that in me even stuff that like I said supposed to be fun, supposed to sound cool or something. If it gets can, if it gets canceled or something I always I always just think there's a part of me that's like, oh good, I'm just gonna stay home. That's a good point but you must admit people play roles and families. Yes. And there's sometimes this exchange where I'll let you slide on this responsibility,

let me slide on this. And with people that have addictive disorders, that's the classic scenario. But no one has addictive disorder, they just have a fucked up driveway. But you were an F-up in the family, that's the role you play. I wasn't an F-up amongst our family. No, no, no, but you said you were late on bills, you were wait till the warrant for the court. Well, yeah, but I was an F up in an all-star clubhouse

of F ups. They just, they weren't late on the bill because the welfare checks were on time. Right, but for you to come in and become the success you have does set the balance off in that system, I would say. Okay. And that's why, I mean, so when I'm at your house and your dad doesn't recognize you got

this $200,000 Audi sitting in your drive, it's just, I think part of it is you've just so exceeded anyone's expectations of success that it's a little bit out of the... No, I would just argue that nothing always trumps something amongst them. Right. Okay. I see that point. You see my point, the family... I love the mobile, mobile, whatever kind of analogy there. I thought that was really... And recorded live, you're not going to admit that's an oxymoron. Of course you have to record something. You have to be alive to record it. But it's not played live. Usually live means...

Jimmy Kimmel live, that's another oxymoron. It's not live, you watch it taped. Okay, whatever. It's live to tape. Yeah, yeah. Well, how do you be dead to tape? What, am I coming here dead and you're gonna move my... Listen. I don't understand.

Obviously, there's a lot of things that a lot of people don't understand. They simply keep them to themselves. Oh, okay. They don't voice them aloud. You're an inner child, don't voice them aloud. Alright. This is my inner child. Glad I wore the bike. Now there's your inner child.

How about you leave your fucking inner child at home? How about that? Then you wouldn't have to put him in the child seat with the Kevlar on him. Just leave him at home. He'll never get beaten up that way. Legal Zoom, baby. Legal Zoom. America was built by innovators. People like Edison,

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Don't forget to use that referral code DREW. All right. Hey. Silky smooth, baby. Get me a voiceover contract. I used to do that. Yeah, you can do documentaries on referral cats. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, problem in America. You're talking about the terrible heroin problem that is a blight on the landscape of furrow cats in America. Recorded live. Corolla Studios. Listen, hey, move over Liev Shriver. There's a new sheriff in town. Sheriff in town. My kids are out there just laughing it up. They love it. All right. No respect. No respect. Like Rodney Dangerfield of medicine. I'll tell

you what. We'll take a quick break. We'll heat up our coffee. We got a sex question from Zack in Utah when we come back. bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to BetOnline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering so have some fun make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online bet online the game starts here He works he hard to keep his Honda full of gas With jail in his hair he's not too bad

He's got good lenses, but real bad phrase Some call him Bruce, Fats. We call him Dr. Fats. He'll pull a finger up your ass. Dr. Fats. Dr. Fats. Dr. Fats. Dr. Fats. Dr. Fats. Dr. Fats. Dr. Fats.

Dr. Fats. Dr. Fats. Dr. Fats. Dr's a classical. Yeah. We have your questions. We will jump in here. Should also tell you guys, me and Dr. Drew, volume one, out on the road, three shows, Santa Barbara, Denver, Bakersfield, all available at adamcroll.com and iTunes. You want to check that out under five bucks. And you want to support the new movie Road Hard, go to fundanything.com forward slash AdamCarolla.

Lots of perks over there. And what else? Subscribe via PayPal. Again, what are we doing? Doing two, three shows a week there, and five bucks a month. Yeah, seems cheap. All right. Should we take some calls here Dr. Spass?

Absolutely. Let's see. We have Zach from Utah. Zach. Zachary. Zachariah. He's having sex. Zach. I'm going to try it again. Zach. Hello. Hi, how are it going? Good, what's happening? Oh, I almost fell asleep. Sorry about that. I worked the night shift, 7, 11 AM. Yeah, what's going on with your phone line?

Can you speak up? I'm not speaking. Oh, sorry, man. Is that better? Yeah, it is. How's it going? I can't believe I'm talking to Adam Garola. Yeah, me neither.

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm't believe I'm talking Adam Carolla, yeah me neither

Longtime fans, thanks. What's your problem? Well, I dated when I was really young and I dated a Mormon Mormon girl. I from here in Utah. And I never really had a relationship. I just had sex. We have never been on a date. Breaking my heart.

How old was she? I was 13. How old was she? 13. You were both 13. Yeah, and we had a relationship, if you could call it that, for like three years. All right. But you never dated.

All right. Now what? Now I live at home and I had like a mental breakdown and didn't finish high school. Because of all the free sex? Yeah. You work? Yeah, this is just... You work?

Yes, sir. Okay. So, what's the problem? I don't know how to date. I live in a small town. I don't know how to meet girls. I was just wondering how do you go about it? There's not even public transportation where I live in a small town. I don't know how to meet girls. I was just wondering how do you go about it? There's not even public transportation where I live.

We don't have that here either. Look, my thing about dating is don't go out there and try to figure out how to do it. You start working on your own game and then it kind of comes to you, meaning you focus on your career, you focus on your education, you focus on staying in shape, you focus on a little less video game playing, a little less beating off and a few more push-ups. You just start getting out there and you start doing your thing and you have this social network where you start hanging out with other sort of like-minded people that are getting their shit together and then magically things just sort of come to you.

Like figuring out a strategy to go out and date is never, really seems effective. Right. And Zach, it sounds like you had a two-part question here. Sex for you that was a young age you wonder about any kind of abuse maybe on the girls part earlier on and you were in a actually on my part. Right. So for and for three years. Wait what was your part? I was molested. Right. So for three years this is going on at a formative age and it's sex without any intimacy. So that's what you've patterned.

Well, it's the molestation that's the bigger issue here. Right. Exactly. Who did this to you? I don't know. I kind of buried that shit, but it was a Mormon girl. No, let's say. Okay. Hold on. Quiet. All right.

Bearing stuff doesn't work for toxic waste or molestation. It just buries it. It doesn't mean it starts- Well, when the legal system is fucked and you can't get in trouble for it, you just got to. It just seeps into the groundwater. No. Okay, but-

Quiet. How long ago did this happen? How old were you? I was five. You're five. And I don't know how... By the way, I don't get the statute of limitations on things that you do to five-year-olds because obviously they're not... most of this stuff doesn't bubble to the surface sometimes till they're 25 or 30, you know what I mean?

But I think he's saying the girl was... what held was the girl when she was doing it She was a minor also. So hold on. I Think he was molested by a male Yes Bruce what do you do? I didn't hear him say that how old was no he said he was molested Nobody said was buried in the legal system buried with for all cats Say what in heroin in America? How old was the perpetrator?

At the time he was 16, 17. Okay, hold on a second. Let me yell at him. He was having sex from 13 to 16 with a girl. Remove that from the table. He was molested as a five-year-old, which is profound. Huge. Right. Yes. And usually when guys say, I was molested at five, they're talking about a guy.

Usually. Usually. All right. So that's why I got that part. And they're usually talking about an older guy. So that's what happened. His babysitter or somebody in the neighborhood who was supposed to be trusted around him could not be trusted around him. Right. Now, he says there's nothing you can do legally. I don't know what the laws are there, but I would argue maybe it is worth pursuing that.

But the real problem, the depression, the breakdown is all that is stemming from that episode in his life. How long did that continue, Zach? Two years, and just to let you know, he recently, like last week, did it again. He still does it to this day. He still molests children and still gets away with it. Utah is fucked up, dude. How do you know he did it recently? Because my little cousin is staying here and he's four years old.

He was doing some weird shit with one of his friends and he told him that the same dude who molested me, he told my grandma that Sean was the one who showed him all this weird shit. They were fucking around him. Well, you got to go to the police. Have you gone to the police about that? This is ongoing, so for you to predict... Yeah, he lives with the kid.

He lives with this child. And no one will do anything. All right. Well, Zach, if what you're saying is accurate, you need to go to the police and you need to tell them everything you know about this and what happened to you. That's the first thing you need to do. Something will happen. I don't think you guys like like he's molested children,

like one of the dads killed himself. All right, well then forget it. Don't go to the police. I didn't understand, he'd been doing it for a long time. Well yeah, go to the police, go to your doctor, go. Somebody that's in. I'm not trying to be like, there's nothing. No, but look, what do you want me to do? I mean, you have to go to the police, there's nothing. No, but look what the hell what do you want me to do?

I mean you have to go to the police that's that's it or you have to speak you know call one of those you know helplines and talk to a counselor or something. Literally go online figure it out and call somebody and let them instruct you let them guide you as to what your next move is, and then you can begin some therapy and you can start working on this stuff. But you owe it to the kid, you owe it to the kid and yourself and everyone in the community to do this. So if you're not comfortable walking into a police station,

find a helpline, callpline. You have to call a counselor. You have to talk to someone right after you get off the phone. Something will happen. I guarantee that something will happen. Secondly, the reason you're having problems now has its roots in the abuse that you're talking about. You cannot bury it. You have to get hold of a therapist. need counseling and things will improve but your whole mind's... I've been in counseling since I was seven years old. Alright good. And then I stopped doing counseling because I kind of got by into that. But Zach, listen don't don't sit here and tell us why things aren't gonna work or how it's not gonna work just do that just talk to a police officer. Talk to a counselor. Pick up that phone. Just reach out. Would you please just begin this?

Yeah, I'll try again. Try again. Especially at your age now. Last time what happened is his sister was supposed to testify and he's a manipulative devil. Okay, it's going on again. You have a responsibility to report it. Oh boy. Let's see, sexual sobriety, currently has a job, drug tested, stop, blah, blah, blah. All good calls. Yeah. All right, Zach. You got to call somebody.

Probably should have just got him off the line or something and figured something out. I don't know. Well, that's sketchy. The whole thing's sketchy. Yeah, I don't. I don't know. Anyway. I don't think he's going to be.

Luke. Adam and Bruce, yeah, Luke 27. What's going on you guys doing from Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin. So yeah, I want to know about I guess addiction I know it runs in my family I've never really kind of experienced it that i had a job where out drug tested because uh... kind of before i'd be you know drinking and doing different drugs and they were all kind of balance each other out and i never really got

pulled one way uh... towards anyone substance to have a problem now if you drug tested uh... it's like i'm just drinking more and more i guess try to uh... i guess capture the feeling of the other substances. And so I don't know if that's normal, if you have any advice. So basically it's like you were kind of guy might go home and have a joint at the end of the day.

Yeah, exactly. But now you're having a six pack because the joints going to show up. Like an eight or 10 pack before I go to sleep. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Right. Right. So the same part of your brain is being stimulated by a different substance. You have the genetics. You're you are an addict, alcoholic.

And have you been to any meetings? Do you have any any? Oh, I mean, I haven't really had a I guess an issue yet, like a legal issue or like, you know, woken up in the park with my pants down and the wine bottle up my ass. Like I've never really had a head to sink. What percentage of addicts, alcoholics do you think wake up in the park with their pants down and what percentage do you think are doctors, lawyers, and other quote unquote successful

people? It's probably the latter. Okay. So you are in that group. You may never have that problem. You may never have a DUI, but it's a the latter. Okay, so you are in that group. You may never have that problem. You may never have a DUI, but it's a progressive disorder. You can save yourself a lot of hardship and worry and loss of money, relationships and other things in your life.

If you don't want to go to a therapist, just go to an AA meeting, just an open meeting where you don't have to get up and say, hi, I'm... Can he try to curtail first? Oh yeah, a classic thing, you know, what a lot of people that work in the field like to do is say, okay, just, you know, you can have one beer, you can have two beers, but that's it. So you will find that you have one of the symptoms which you have, you are unable to control how much you drink.

And I think you already know this. If I was to say to you, okay, you can have have two beers every night what would happen? I would probably have six or eight. Right okay so I mean it's a matter of you are you an alcoholic? Are you an addict alcoholic? What do you think? I mean I guess I don't know the definition of that I mean I've... You are an addict? Okay today is July whatever it is today you now know I'm telling telling you, you are an addict-alcoholic. You haven't progressed that far, but you have the genetics, you have the early pattern of use of substances, and you're just thinking about the long-term consequences that are

in your mind or what need to go on to be diagnosed with that. You're from Wisconsin, so you're probably an alcoholic. You've got to look at the theater. Yeah, bar on every corner. Yeah, get that Mingri out there. So Luke, I have this myself. I like to drink. No, no, no.

You don't have what he has. I don't have what he has. Oh, OK. I don't have what he has. No, I mean, it will be progressive. If I say to you, if you're not going to have a drink for a week, you don't have the characteristics of an alcoholic. No, I do. I will not go a week without having a drink. But you could.

You would not enjoy my company in the evenings, but I will always do whatever it is I have to do during the course of the day and then I will have my drink at night when the kids are asleep. Yeah, exactly. It's never affected my work or anything like that. I kind of knew it kind of sprung up because I've been, you know, doing other substances, I guess, and stuff until I never really drank as much. All right.

Well, look, let's put it this way. You set a number for yourself. Four beers? Two beers. Three and a half beers? Okay. Two 40-oz. He's already said he would not stop at anything. Three and a half beers? Okay, 240 ounces. He's already said he would not stop it. No. Let's put a number. Let's say four beers.

Alright? Four beers. Alright. If you cannot do four beers, if you go past four beers, if you cannot keep it to four beers, you go past, then you have to go to the meeting. If you can stop at four, Bruce says you can't. I probably agree with him. He just told us he couldn't. All right. Well, let's just give it... Sort of like, see, you got a melanoma. I've never really tried that. He said he couldn't stop at two. You go to a doctor with a lesion on your skin and he

says, up, it's early melanoma. And you go, well, somebody else sitting next to you says, well, why don't you wait until it's metastasized to your liver, then we'll really know you have melanoma. Yeah. So it's sort of that, it's as clear as that to me as a clinician, you have an addictive disorder, it's fairly early.

Okay. Get some help now. All right, let's talk to Mike from Detroit. Mike? Hey, how you doing? Good, how you doing? Good, thanks. Okay. Get some help now. All right. Let's talk to Mike from Detroit. Mike. Hey, how you doing? Good. How you doing? Good. Thanks. Thank you for taking my call. My pleasure. My issue is I've been acting out sexually and I think I'm probably an addict or compulsive or however it's defined. Um,

and whenever I've tried to get help, the therapist or the sponsor group always insists that I open up to my wife about my behavior and my issues. That's a sticking point for me that I just can't seem to get past. I was wondering, one, how I can get past it or, two, how I can get sexual sobriety without hurting my wife in that way. The therapist is telling you you have to do that now? That's not usually what they... Well, not necessarily now, but at some point. If you've put her at risk health-wise, you do.

Oh, yeah. But if, believe me, sexual sobriety, sexual acting out, it is an addictive disorder. It's like a drug and in the situation... Well, what is the behavior? What's your thing? I'm going to strip clubs and prostitutes and massage parlors. You know, big thing. Yeah, that's what I thought I'd do. No, no, hold on. Hold on. The strip clubs is... That's a strip club, but then it's the prostitution, I mean, it's having

sex with people outside of the marriage. Right. By strip club, I mean going in the back room and getting extras. Right. Hold on a second. I don't know if I should move out to Detroit or not. What kind of extras can you get in the back room? Anything at the strip club I go to.

Oh really? Like you can get oral? Relatively inexpensively and sometimes not safely. You can get oral sex? Yeah. Geez, what's that set you back? Anywhere from 20 to 60. Jesus Christ. I was in Vancouver a couple weeks ago, got got a lap dance, it cost 50 bucks.

Yeah, well it's because you're Adam Carrell. Barely in it. No, I mean almost no, I mean no. Yeah, hey, 25 bucks. So Mike, describe the feeling that you have though when you want to go do this. It's not like the guy that's like, I have to work with the guys once in a while

at the strip club. This is a regular thing Compulsions to do it. Is that right? Yeah, it's definitely a compulsion and it I Don't know I mean however compulsion feels it feels like I have a drive to go do it and I know that I don't want to Do it and somehow I end up just going right and get afterwards feel guilty Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I mean, for the most part, because I love my wife and I thought I'd be able to stop once I get married

and it hasn't worked. Right, it's like somebody that's an addict or alcoholic with a geographic cure. If I move here, if I get out of this relationship, I'll stop. The behavior is innate, it is biologic, it's not going to stop. Treatment works.

You don't have to tell your wife until, someday you will if you stay in the relationship you get sober. But nobody will tell you you have to tell her now. That sounds like something a group would do, an unhealthy group, but a therapist, unless there's a health risk. If you put her at risk. I understand but even down the road I feel like. You know what sobriety is one day at gonna hurt her. All right, but hold on.

Sobriety is one day at a time. That's why they have one day at a time. When you start putting the weight of the future on your shoulders, it is not going to work for you. Don't worry about when you tell her. Mike. Yeah. Here's the problem that's going on now.

You have an action and an activity that you don't really care to stop. You'd like to, but there's another part of you that does not want to stop. I don't know that that's necessarily a fair categorization because I do want to stop. I just feel like I can't. All right. Well, hold on a second. No, I'm saying, yes, you do want to stop, but yet you continue. And so there's a part of you, look, it gets into semantics. Yes, you'd want to stop, but yes, you also go to the strip club, so you don't want to stop.

Addictive, but that's the addictive part. But it's semantics. Not like you wanting to go. The point is this. If you take something that is a big hurdle, like I have to share this with my wife and I'm not ready to share it with my wife, and you put it at the very beginning of this journey, you never start the journey, and it becomes a crutch because you say, well, if the journey means sharing this with my wife and I can't do that right now, well then I can't begin the journey.

It's a simple math and then you can continue the behavior. So let's remove that hurdle and when I heard you say yes, but even down the road, you are already paving the way for not beginning the journey, ironically, by going, well, even if it's down the road, I can't share it down the road, so I might as well go get a blowjob tonight. Hank, hold on. Take that part and just remove it from the equation and move forward with the therapy, as Dr. Bruce would say, and move forward with the journey. Don't take this obstacle, put it at the front of the path of the journey and go, well, I can't get around this thing, so why even try?

Very well said. Thank you. I understand. All right. That's it. He understands he has a problem. He understands he wants to get help for the problem, he has taken this advice which was either given to him directly or not so directly and went well I can't do that and then

said now back to the behavior. Right, it's classic early acknowledgement I have a problem and the excuses for not wanting to deal with it. Dr. Drew would say you need six weeks in a residential rehab. I can't do six weeks and then they move on. Right. You know and then I would come in and go what about ten days, you know, and Drew would go no they need six weeks. I go that's their point where they're saying no, they're using that. They're glad you're saying six weeks. Meaning there's a part of him that's happy or maybe not concocting but twisting this into I'm glad a therapist is telling me

the first thing I need to do is tell my wife because I can't tell my wife so thus I can continue doing this. Right. But if you're doing an intervention with someone, you have that, well, you don't wanna do six weeks? Okay, we've arranged daily outpatient. you don't want to do six weeks? Okay, we've arranged daily outpatient.

You don't want to do daily outpatient, we've arranged this. But it's an acknowledgement of people around. Yes. What I'm saying to Mike is begin your journey, take this obstacle, put it aside. Maybe you never get to it. Just put it aside and begin this journey. The difficulty with sex is it's just like an eating problem. It's something that he's in a sexual

relationship with his wife and so it brings up a whole other assortment of problems. I use it as a weapon. Stamps.com. You got a small business? Hmm? You got an office? You don't want to waste a bunch of time? A bunch of space with those big postal meters? These things are huge. You see one of those postal meters? They take up a whole room. Don't you just do it at home now through your computer? That's right. Stamps.com. That's right. We use them here. You should use them there. You can buy and print official U.S. postage right from your own computer. Envelopes, packages,

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All right. Again, if you want to put a little wind in the sales of the pirate ship you can subscribe via the PayPal button. Fund anything of course.com forward slash Adam Carolla and me and Dr. Drew. First three shows up on iTunes under five bucks. Well under five bucks $4.99. So Bruce it is Dr. let's see Bruce H. What's the Twitter? It is Dr. Bruce H. What's the Twitter? Dr. Bruce H.

Dr. Bruce H. So, until next time. Good job, by the way. That's it? That's it. You're done. Until next time, this is Adam Pearl for Dr. Spaz, Chris Max Padden, Gary Haftar at Sand. Mahalo. April ghouls. Get your heart pounding with nightmare fueling classics like Insidious and Bram Stoker's Dracula. Or test your nerves with haunting hits like Urban Legend and don't be afraid of the dark.

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