The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - Girls vs Deuce Bigalow (The Adam and Dr. Drew Show Classics)

Episode Date: December 21, 2024

Adam and Drew discuss Adam's courtside experience with Bill O'Reilly at the Lakers game and examine the comedic writing of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. They then take calls on combining caffeine with Adderall and unwanted relatives at a wedding.

This is Corolla Digital. Recorded live at Corolla One Studios with Adam Corolla and board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to the Adam and Dr. Drew show. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate. Get it on. Good day to you, Dr. Drew. I say good day, sir. I say good day. All right. Now, we're recording the show a little bit early, but I am going

to the Lakers game. And by the time you hear this, I would have already gone to the Lakers game. So I will fill you in on this. Drew said we should discuss this on the air. Well, I said you discuss this because I've done this twice. I was given tickets courtside at Laker Game twice. Now does courtside really mean on the floor? There is a ring of chairs on the, based on the out of bounds line basically, the court, in the perimeter of the court. And you have your own waiter, and you have your own waiter and you have your own

entrance and you're there with, you know, you'll be sitting there with Justin Timberlake and, you know, a giant cannon and Jack Nicholson. These are the people that sit courtside. The likes of us do not. And I announced the first time I did it that I never should have done it. It's heroin. Oh, heroin? Oh, yeah. Not for me. Oh yes. I'm

telling you it is a it is an experience like no other. If you have any interest in sports at all, I'm not a huge sportsman, I like basketball, I like football. You're good at advertising. Dr. Drew calls it heroin. Well it's you experience the athleticism of that game and the movement that you can't see 30 feet back. Oh, yeah. It's unbelievable. And it's just exciting.

It's incredible. So, you'll enjoy this. Okay, am I? My first impulse is I don't want to go. I had the same one. I'm with you on that. Especially, you don't want to sit there and everybody sees you in the whole damn stadium. It's kind of weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my impulse. But when you actually get involved in the game, you'll be sitting next to the bench. You're right there. Okay. It's pretty exciting. I'm going to try to look forward and enjoy it. It's pretty exciting. My everything to me is, it's like, I like the idea of a convertible. I don't like the

idea of driving a convertible I don't like the idea of driving a convertible because people look at me right yes yes it's that will bother you for a little while and then you get into the game okay and you go with norm norm pats norm stands up and gives jury coaches during that's not the norm I know really I think he may take a fucking three-pointer at some point Yeah, I'm bill o'reilly too. So it's gonna be interesting. I don't mean Justin can get on the kiss cam He was on the kiss cam when I was there with uh, he was yes You know what though I'm gonna get I'm gonna end up with Jeremy pivot

We're sitting next to Jeremy Piven thinking, I wonder if he's talking about her all the time. I call him a douchebag on the podcast. That's what's gonna end up happening, right? It is you. Yeah, that's what happens, you know. All right. Who they playing? You know?

Don't know, don't care. Okay. That's how into what I am. You and Bill O'Reilly's court side. I've never been, I've been- That should be quite's courts. I've never been I I've been to be quite I don't think I've ever been to a I Don't even think I've been to Staples Yeah, I don't I don't I don't think I've been there I saw the Harlem Globetrotters. That's at the forum or Staples us

Oh at the forum. No that would have meant how would that have happened? Oh I see. My dad would have bought tickets. That's impossible yes. You hear the funny one? That drew me to... that was that was good stuff man. That would have been dad popscarola buying tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters and taking his son. Oh, no all I my entire childhood All all I did and by the way those of you who are listening and came out to Denver last night Thank you so much for for coming out and supporting the show All they're playing the Timberwolves by the way All I did as a kid was sit around and watch TV. As you know I

wasn't a big reader, I didn't write a lot of poetry, I just watched TV and I just sat there and I watched TV and I was so well broken, programmed by my family, that I would sit there and watch all the local channels on the 13 inch black and white Zenith TV. These are TVs that are literally thicker than they are wide. Oh yeah, yeah. Like the screen was this, you know, the screen was a foot wide, but it was 19 inches deep.

There was no such thing as a remote for those things either. Oh hell Do you change the die now change that my remote was my sister Lauren change the channel? And then hold those rabbit ears and smack it on top. But there was that whole thing We have to stay there and hold the rabbit ears. I used to just sit there and it'd be like you'd hear the Sweet Georgia Brown, you you know they go the Harlem Globetrotters coming to the forum you know March 13th through the 16th tickets available a ticket master the Harlem Globetrotters and they'd show some clips and I remember watching them going this is the most I'll ever be entertained by the

Harlem Globetrotters I got a better better focus, and I'd watch them. They drew, ooh, Curly and Metal, like, da-da-da-da. There's clips from the show and stuff. And then, you know, I'd see 10 more commercials, and then I'd see, the next year, I'd see the same commercials again. The Harlem Globetrotters are coming back to the forum. Well, also, in the 70s, there was Globetrotter cartoons and Globetrotters on every sitcom they showed up.

No, but what I'm saying- Drew, listen. Listen to the words. What I'm saying is, is I never thought for a second, oh hey, I never walked into the next room and said, hey mom, the Globetrotters are coming on March 13th, we need to get some tickets and head down to the floor. I just sat there and watched it. And then I would watch a commercial for the Super Bowl of Motocross. And then I would watch a commercial for the funny car, Winter Nationals. And then I would watch a commercial for the Super Bowl of Motocross And then I would watch a commercial for the funny car Winternationals and then I would watch a commercial for the ringling brother circus, and I would just sit there and watch the commercials now They were saying hey people of Los Angeles were coming to your town in six weeks Get those six dollar tickets and come on down

It was not an option. That's what you can do. That's what you can do if you're effective as a parent. Which was, it wasn't a, hey we missed the globe trotters, let's not get screwed over on the Super Bowl motocross. It was like, I just sat there and watched it and I remember watching it, even I was nine, 10, 11 years old, the thoughts weren't how can I go? The thoughts were who are these people? Who gets to go? Who goes to these things?

How do they fill a stadium? I still think that way. How does this work? Yeah. Who amongst us buys tickets and then drives? And then what? You have to, then you buy what popcorn and a soda? How's that? Who pays for that? How does any of this work? I like to run down the fucking list of the ice capades and the circus and the Christmas

Whatever's and then whatever the sporting events and the motor people coming out to see us same same thinking. You know, I mean And what are you doing here? Do you live in the theater guilty and weird? You know what I mean? What are you doing here? Do you live in the theater? I feel guilty and weird. It's a weird thing. I just sat there just staring at the TV going, who are these people that would see the Globetrotters? But my kids, they've seen the Globetrotters twice.

Really? Mm-hmm. Anyway, I have never gone, I saw Lakers game with Jimmy and Kevin of Kevin and Bean many, many years ago, probably like 95. We're sitting up in the cheap seats. And that's it.

And I've been offered a few times. I just never wanted to go because I felt uncomfortable. It's a lovely legacy. So as a kid, I couldn't afford to go, and as an adult, it feels uncomfortable to go because we couldn't go as a kid. I love that.

I'm with you. But you will be center stage in this whole event. When is it? You will have gone on Friday, Saturday night? Friday? Thursday. Thursday night. That's why I feel uncomfortable.

Wow. Thank you. I can't wait to hear about this. Hey, a show, something I wanted to bring up with you. I'm curious to your thoughts. Do you ever watch the TV show Girls? On occasion. What are your thoughts?

Do you have a reaction to it? Any take on it? I feel, well. I just thought of you when I was watching I they had a particularly interesting episode and I thought I don't know what Adam thinks about this I i've somebody decided that lena dunham was the funniest person alive at age 26. She got a book deal for like three point Five million dollars or something which by the way will never That the company will never return its investment on that.

That's just math, that's not me saying evil things about Lena Dunham. But she got anointed as the hippest, coolest, funniest person on the planet. But I'm not sure funniest is really what she's got. Hippest, coolest, yes, genius, writer, storyteller. Sort of the oracle of a generation. I saw parts of the first season and thought

it was well-written and funny and pretty entertaining. It's pretty accurate, too. They got into a thing recently with the wacky chick that was married for five minutes and then they go back to visit her family and they are sick. But just sort of seeing people's neurosis on display constantly is kind of a bummer for me. And I don't identify with neurosis at all.

Like it's a weird thing like comedians do this thing where they go like, oh man, I'm so stupid. What did I say? I shouldn't have said that. I was so dumb. And now what do you mean by that? Why are you attacking me? I feel like I'm being attacked.

And by the way, I just walk and think, I just think about cars. And how to move them. What? That's how you get out of your nose. I don't have, I don't have any, I never think like, whoa, Adam, why did you say that? Or what do you mean? Who are you talking to? How dare you? You know, I don't, or, I never think like, whoa, Adam, why did you say that? Or what do you mean?

Who are you talking to? How dare you? You know, I don't, or what are we doing? Like, I never. Well, you're sitting next to a guy that's like constantly freaking out. I don't have that thing where it's like, I tell Lynette, tell me you're attracted to me.

Tell me how attracted you are to me. Or like, I'm just a weirdo. Like, I had a, like, I went through a thing with growing up not growing up, but with I had a Nephew that went through a phase He's the sweetest teenager on the planet now, but he had a couple of years where he was like, yeah You know what I mean that thing sometimes kids go through Yeah, I don't know he was eight or nine,

and he was kinda like, eh, a little snotty. And I love my nephews, but I'd go give me a hug, and he'd go, eh. So. It seems to run in the crola of genetics somewhere. Well, it's usually what's a hug. But once we describe what a hug is, then we figure it out.

But he went through, you know, like I said, he's the sweetest teenager on the planet now, but he went through a phase from age, I don't know, five to seven or nine or whatever it was where he was, eh. And my feeling was just like, oh, okay, he's, eh, then I'm, eh, and that's that. I never thought about it again. When I would see him, I wouldn't go,

oh, come on, give me a hug, come on, come on, get in here. I just go, oh, you don't wanna hug it out? Well, don't hug it out. And then eventually that'll change, or it won't change, or that'll be up to you. And as soon as you're ready to start hugging again, I'll be the first guy to hug you. But I never thought what's wrong with me, I never thought, what's wrong with me?

I never even thought what's wrong with him. I just thought, he doesn't want to hug? He won't hug. And I just went, what did I say? What can I do? How can I change? How can he change? What can we do?

I never have that. I just have, I think about mechanical things. I just think about mechanical things. I just think about mechanical things. That's it, and ideas and thoughts. And that's it, I got a son that loves to hug and a daughter doesn't like to hug, and that's who they are.

So you don't find that show interesting? Because a pretty good study about kids and relationships and stuff. I think it's well written. It's pretty accurate, it's pretty good. I feel like it's well written. It's pretty accurate. It's pretty good. I feel like it's, I feel like it's a little, it's folding in on itself in the sense that every,

and again, I don't watch it religiously and I don't watch it enough and closely enough to have fully formed thoughts on it. But every episode seems to be This is about me Yeah And this is about my neuroses and my feelings and my ranch a little bit excessive with her with the close-off and her peeing in public and her getting sort of quasi raped and then doesn't really think it's

Rape and I know the story is what I mean is is look I did a show called the man show and that was about me and Jimmy, but it was me and Jimmy interviewing other people, me and Jimmy trying out for this team or that team or talking to Tommy Lasorda. It's apples and oranges, but I mean, it wasn't me turning in on me. I just feel like it's Lena Dunham on Lena Dunham with a side of Lena Dunham. You need too much, okay. I can see that. But I think it's interesting, well written and all that kind of stuff.

I just don't think, I don't sign off on the next queen of comedy. You know, I'm not sure she's getting that annoyed, man. Oh, look. Really, comedy? Well. Really, okay, your staff's saying yes. She's about the hippest. Hippest, butest by my getting comedic

Necessary but I will listen look when when you drew you've written how many books in your life three three bucks four bucks, all right You've written four bucks. Oh Yeah, there's entertainment weekly. There her, and she's called Brilliant. Beautiful Mind. Okay, she's the voice of a generation. Well that's true, right? Alright, and she's brilliant.

But okay, if you wrote a book, your next book, what do you think your advance would be? $100,000. $100,000? yeah waiting to advance would be under those dollars hundred thousand dollars and so she got three point five or four whatever so that's what they that's what happened that's your value that's her value okay more valuable i'm with what i can do about it yes uh... i think she's earned it drew but here's the interesting thing is that twenty seven in march she goes

the uh... the uh... three point seven true I think it's 27 in March. She goes, the... 3.7, Drew. You'd have to write 37 more books. That's right. That's how I roll. No I think she, look, she earned it, but part of it is she's been anointed as well. She hit sort of a geyser. She hit pay dirt.

That's right. But here's the deal. The irony I found, I thought you might enjoy this, is so the wacky British chick goes back to visit her family. The mom played, I believe, I think that's who it was, one of the Arquette kids. Strangely playing her mom. Like it was the Arquette family reenacted. I watched The Ultimate Fightered. I watched the ultimate

fighter and then I watched shows about guys hunting down cars that have been in barns for long periods of time. I have zero interest in comedy I feel like that that I got that's that's what we do for a living. I can't watch medical shows. Cannot. I cannot not watch medical shows. Seriously? No. OK. Not interested. I'm not interested in anything that's not real.

I just watch documentaries and stuff like that. I'm not interested in fiction that much. Unless it's bad fiction, then I'm down with it. Bad fiction? Yeah. Like Red Dawn or something like that. That I'm then I'm down with bad fiction. Yeah, like You know Red Dawn or something like that that I'm interested in bad movies, I mean a bad fiction I Like Fast and Furious. I love all the Fast and Furious stuff. Okay

Not the shit that like Ralph Garmett is in the squid sharks that kind of bad No, no, not that kind of bad. No. No not that kind of bad fix shark to puss No, I'm not no, I mean I'm not I'm not into fantasy. Okay, I'm into bad. I'm into bad writing got it I'm into What wacky bad just just straight up when when guys you can't act deliver horrible lines. Yeah That's what I'm into when when Vin Diesel When guys who can't act deliver horrible lines, that's what I'm into. When Vin Diesel says without an ounce of irony to some other guy who looks good with a shirt off, I live my life a quarter mile at a time.

That's the most entertaining thing anyone's ever done for me. Because it's funny? I find it wildly funny. I like the process. I like to think back that people were sitting around a table at some point reading this aloud and that it got through all the many vetting processes that it takes to actually get to that day of filming where Vin Diesel explains he lives his quarter mile of the time or when Rob Schneider decides to go to Europe and be a European gigolo and he starts dating a gal who has a penis for her nose and then she is allergic to his cologne and she starts sneezing and Jizz starts shooting

out of her nose and lands in the stuffy old guy soup. Chris likes that too. He's like delighted by it. And then the old guy eats the soup. I am so delighted with that process that I have to keep staring at it and because I know what the process is, I have to go first off this was written by somebody, by Rob Schneider. This had to be written. And then secondly, it had to be read aloud at table reads. And then it had to be produced.

And executives had to announce that it was genius. Well, they have to sign off on it. Then guys have to go to work on a prosthetic cocknose that shoots fake jizz and that stuff's got to be rigged and I just sort of sit back with my glass of red wine and go wow there's probably 200 hours into this. You're toasting. Hey hats off sir. Hats off for one of the most... Huzzah I say. For the penis prosthetic. For one of the worst ideas comedically and one of the worst jokes ever and that you guys have this many man hours put into it and have actually executed it and then put it out for people to review?

I never get tired of that process. I never get tired of thinking about that, staring at it. I love Adam Sandler movies for that reason. I love jokes that are insanely fucked out. I love lines that are incredibly, like movies. Not because it doesn't strike you as troubling that people actually find that shit funny, and that it sells.

No, that I- You just like the working through process that gets on the screen. Well, like when- It's like, you and I would love, we would love to have been in the pitch room during the pitch for Hogan's Heroes. Right. That would have been the greatest moment of my life.

In like a Stallone movie, like in the commercial, where he goes like, I'm getting too old for this shit. And you go, you really are gonna say that line from 1988 every single movie you make now with not an ounce of look if the guy next to you says you say that every time or whatever that that's fine or whatever but you say that an ounce of irony that's what I like I like that I. I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued. I'm officially intrigued. I'm not interested in people that create good art, if that's what you're asking. Is it intrigued the way a car accident intrigues you? Like you're ashamed that you're intrigued? I don't know, like when Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse says,

pain don't hurt, I like that. I'm intrigued by it. There's a car accident. The Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider stuff, I'm just more intrigued, like wow, this is what you're doing, huh? I remember Rob. They're printed

They're rewarded handsomely for I guess that's why they do it. Yeah, I remember Rob couldn't come in to love line because he had writer's block You remember that I do over that and that was European gigolo. That's what he was right. He was working on Maybe but he was able to break through to the nose. She is sneeze. Maybe his love line that inspired that And listen, you maybe you inspired it. I like Rob Schneider. Yeah, I think he's this really nice guy I just wonder I I'm very curious about the process I'm curious about the process All right, you gotta watch that scene, Drew. I have not seen it. I'm not sure I want to. She hasn't, she's malformed. She has a penis nose?

Penis nose. But it's hooked up to testes and a prostate or something. I don't know, do chicks have prostates? How do you produce semen? Prostate. Well then I guess she would have a prostate gland. In her forehead. Maybe I'm

overthinking this. Maybe. I'm maybe overthinking but when she starts sneezing, Drew, the jizz starts flying and guess what? Lands in an old man's suit. They're at a very hoity-toity restaurant. Wait, hold on, slow down. I'm not sure I get the setting. Very hoity-toity. Nobody has an issue with the penis nose walking in. Violin music. Aye, of course. The quartet, yes. That's right.

That's good stuff. And let me get this, the old man probably had a three-piece suit and it was British? He was upper crust. It wasn't a hip young black guy, if that's what you're talking about. You got no comedy, Drew. Well, evidently you do know comedy. Maybe you should write some comedy. All right, I'll tell you, I'll tell you comedy. Podcast One. Great new website. Podcast One. Podcastone.com. So all the best podcasts out there, like ours, comedy, sports, entertainment, health, advice, adult

material, whatever you like, it's all there and they put it all under their umbrella and they gather your favorite podcast into a giant list. Mike, this doesn't say anything here, but they charge anything for this? No. It's a good thing. Well, let's always put free on there, I think, if we're going free. Free. It's like a network.

You can get all this stuff there. Yeah, but I just want to tell people, why not? Yeah, it's like one destination where you can go sort through this stuff. They'll suggest similar shows to ones you already like. And who knows? You may discover the next moi. That's good penis nose stuff.

Check out this podcast, other podcasts, every podcast at PodcastOne.com. It's O-N-E, not the number one, but O-N-E. Sorry, PodcastONE.com. That's a good penis nose humor, Adam. It's good. You want to see? Oh, here it comes. Do you want to see, Robson?

Oh, God. Now we had writer's block, remember? Yeah, this is what- I have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigelow Is is mr.. Bigelow disturbed by the penis nose well, we'll find out she's wearing a veil What do you know about it apparently there's some maniac who's killing them all Some people say they deserve it. What do you she's a beautiful woman everything but she's wearing a veil What's you're probably wondering why I'm wearing this veil I wasn't but if you want to talk about it through the block cool right

there I grew up in Chernobyl Chernobyl that explains that the penis my mother she working nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me you can instead of a nose you can link to the video with an appendage on my face on the episode and mail appendage episode page of this show by the way no shit nice discoveries have always been a little self-conscious about it well you shouldn't is the actress somebody we should know a lot of women would love to have a... This is attractive....guys dick on their face. Yeah, no it's... Yours is just permanent.

You are sweet and very handsome for an American. Oh, look at this. I like you. That's a corny Weaver drip Oh she got an erection too. She got a nose erection. Yeah. I would love to hear some Latin music. Yeah. I'll see if the penis knows any I mean the pianist Now see you can't write that when you have a block The band has started. Aren't we lucky? Oh, no, you can't write that when you have a block That's Meryl Streep drew I could tell younger Meryl Streep Now they're they're dancing and he's ducking under the she hasn't erect penis nose now Ducking under the she has an erect penis nose now. Oh

Well We're probably could have fast forwarded to the part where she just started the sneezing but all it's a knockoff of old spice She likes it alone. Here's the sneezing. I think it makes me sneeze. What happens when you sneeze? See Uh oh. Uh oh. Oh, I see. Somebody... Old men. Old men. Stuffy white guys are getting hit with jizz in the face. Oh, landed in the soup. And into the mouth. There we go. There you go. Alright. Comedy complete.

Now, I must watch that over and over again as a fellow comedian and someone who struggles to get movies made. I find myself strangely, strangely couldn't look away. The strange experience. Compelling. Compelling. I'll definitely give it compelling. Alright.

Well executed. I'll give them that. Yeah, then they went into the montage, and the montage I couldn't figure out because the montage, she was helping big women and fat women and short women, and then one woman was just filthy and he dipped her in a river and pulled her out, and she was fine. I've got to find that too. That part was confusing to me. I don't know if you'll be as compelled by that part Shall we take a look? I should tell people by the way Vegas House of Blues Friday March 29th

Salt Lake City That is Saturday March 30th if you want to come out and see me and dr. Drew We're down to Beach coming out coming up performing arts Center Saturday April 13th Napa Uptown Theatre coming up May 18th. We'll have a special screening of Deuce Bigelow. We're gonna sit down then we're gonna break off in discussion groups. Genius of Deuce Bigelow it'll be called. Well now I again. I love Rob by the way. I think he's a nice guy in the world But that was written and then listen, he's had success with it people bunch of people read it And then they started working on the nose and then there was a guy in charge of the fake jizz

And then they had had to hire an actor to take it in his face, but I didn't take it in the face his face. Well not even take it in the face. By the Son sure she's got a friend somewhere. Oh By the way, when was that film made films like ten years ago, right but it feels like it was We got grandkids now that are 15. Oh, yeah Awesome. All right. We'll take ourselves a quick break What drew who do you want to talk to when we talk to Lloyd? I'm just work down the lines Lloyd What's Lloyd's problem girlfriend was raped by ex-boyfriend? Lloyd is freaking out. We'll talk to Lloyd next Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll the show bet online is the world's most trusted

bedding platform and your number one source for online betting from the earliest odds to in-game live betting. BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to BetOnline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events in these combat sports a little more

Interesting with bet online bet online the game starts here Yeah Hey on Thursday's show, we were talking about the caloric properties of the Big Mac because I talked to some hippie dude in Denver who made some stupid assumption that whatever. People just talk, by the way, and as I always say all the time, who are you talking to? And I say this for people, meaning when you talk to a kid, that's one thing. That's who you're talking to. And when you talk to a cop, that's who you're talking to.

And when you talk to someone who's high or someone who's dumb, that's who you're talking to. And when you talk to me, you're talking to somebody else. So the things that you might use as examples or the attempts that you may make for logic or truth may be fine for the young child with the handicap, disability possibly the glued on eye patch who Mm-hmm flesh color But if you use that same logic on me Well, then there might be a different outcome So this guy was saying that the Big Mac had has more calories now and that's why people must be obese

Well, he wanted to blame McDonald's for people being obese and I said well how can you blame McDonald's when you had a McDonald's on the corner next to your house and I had a McDonald's on the corner next to my house growing up and we weren't obese. The menu is different. I said the one place you can't make a menu argument is McDonald's. That's the one place that has become more diverse and Nutritionally, yes, if any still weed they did not offer apples or salads. Yeah now they do. So yes, you're right It's different except for your shitting on your own point. And then I said to him what's different? They have a Big Mac. They have a quarter pounder. And then he, and I have this

conversation or this argument with a lot of people, I stand with people, I argue with people, and I hand them a shovel. And I don't tell them what to do with the shovel, I just hand them a shovel and they proceed to keep digging holes for themselves to get deeper and deeper into the side of Retard Mountain. So I said, well, if the Big Mac is the same and the Quarter Pounder is the same, then what are we talking about? And he said, higher calories. In the Big Mac. In the Big Mac back in the day.

And I said- No, no, now they're higher calories, right? Sorry. Now they're higher, back in the day lower. I said, show me. Show me. I don't believe that. I don't believe that for one second. And he said, oh yes. And I said, go find out.

And he said, I will find out. And I said, I will wait because I want to laugh when you can't find out and when there's no difference. And he said, I'll find out later. And I said, I won't be around to laugh at you later. And I don't think he's interested in the truth, as most people aren't. So your crack team set upon it.

And we found out it was 590 today, and 560 25 years ago, but as my crack team points out, mainly Chris Maxpada, who you thought that was his real name two weeks ago. He's in my phone, it's Chris Maxpada, who you thought that was his real name two weeks ago. He's in my phone, it's Chris Maxpada, just so you know. Chris Maxpada pointed out that he heard that the calories in UK sort of skewed down a little bit. First off, the 30 calorie difference is-

Nominal, nothing. Is nothing, number one, less than 10%. Yeah, two pistachios. Or, oh wait a minute, 10%, yeah, less than 10%. Yeah, two pistachios. Or, oh wait a minute, 10%, yeah, less than 10%. Not only less than 10%, 5% approximately, but since they skew down and it's 560 to 590, 25 years ago, 560, but it was from a study in the UK, then I'm just gonna go ahead and

call them the same yeah so again who you arguing with everyone asked themselves that please and then argue accordingly just say you could just say yes sir mr. Kroll if you just just say that like you're here. Or here's a novel approach Drew. You could know something. You could be reasonable. Yeah, or you could be reasonable too. You could know the truth. You could have numbers.

You could have statistics that fortified and backed up your argument. You could know something. That'd be a way to win as well. That takes a little work. We're talking about the girls episode. And by the way, that doesn't work out for you in your belief system because it doesn't dovetail with your retarded belief system.

Adam, that's the craziness. We were talking about girls earlier, so this is what's occurring to me. Rosanne Arquette was playing the mom, this crazy chick, and the crazy chick was saying, mom, why don't weette was playing the mom of this crazy chick and the crazy chick was saying mom you know why don't we just look up the science in this and we'll figure it out and she goes well everyone knows scientists lie right it's like okay so you're just gonna excuse everything it's just it's

just a story people tell okay all right sure it was funny cuz I'm glad Rosanna Kett is Working out or is it Rosanna? No, is that our kid? That's why do we need a Rosanna and a Rosanna? Screws me up every time and we don't need a Julianna and a Julian. All right, should we take some? Hey, I was gonna ask you about your dance partner Julianna's Julian Julian the huff. Yeah dance partner, Juliana's. Juliana. Juliana Huff. Doing a lot of stuff these days. Interesting.

Right? Yeah. Do you guys communicate anymore? No. She's with, gonna marry Ryan, yeah? I don't know. That's what I hear. I try not to keep in touch.

Well no doubt. Mm-hmm. All right. All right. Out of sight, out of mind. Know what I'm saying? You seem strangely unwilling to talk about her, but that's right No, I don't we didn't

We work together for like two and two months or something I mean, yeah, I like there she was this week, but she was 19 when I knew her, you know But no, she's like I I said look she's gonna take Hollywood by storm. She's beautiful. She's talented She can sing she can dance, you know I mean like is this she's gonna be a major sing, she can dance, you know what I mean? She's gonna be a major player, and she's gonna be doing movies and God knows what. I always sort of knew that.

And when I got her, it was like she was basically just moving on from Dancing with the Stars. That was fine. And Sechrist, I think, I get that. With me, but as we talked about a million times, you have to decide at a certain point, look, are you gonna try to have sex with somebody? And if the answer's no.

You say that a million times, oh, you mean the Dancing with the Stars. Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah, all right. If the answer's no, then you're just hanging out with a 19-year-old? Got it. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah. Cool for David Spade, but not so much for me, because I'm married. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I get it. I get it. Okay. All right.

Should we talk to Lloyd? Yes, let's do. And I like her, but we're different. I didn't realize she was that young when you were working with her. That's crazy. I think she was 19 when I was working with her. That's crazy. Well, she could have been 20.

I don't know. But she's no, I mean, she's, I don't know. We'll find out. She's 25 now or something like that All right, uh she gonna get married Secretive right hmm is that is that right everybody? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, well find out everyone's age I see Chris a good guy you imagine she's 24. Yeah, yeah, so she Must have been 19 or so five years ago. Yeah, I like right there. He's a good guy. He gets a bad rap Well, he doesn't get a bad rap. It's a bad rap. They people say he's gay people say he's got easy job

He has a tough job. Well, all right first off He frosted his tips well into the 2000s like it was like 2007 and he had frosted tips. So that's number one. You're bringing the rap upon yourself when you're going with the goofy frosted tips. If you don't want people to think you're gay and you don't want the bad rap, then leave the hydrogen peroxide at home.

Or don't bring it home at all. How about that? Or just use it for cuts? But nothing deep. Okay, you know what I mean? So number one if you don't want people to think you're gay and it's 2004 don't frost your tips like it's 1993. That's Number one. I don't know who who told him but at some point Here's a photo from oh five with the frosted tips. All right, so knock it off. Is that, what, do you think someone held him down

and frosted his tips? No, no. He made a stupid decision. Okay, number one, he is a nice guy. Number two, he does not possess a sense of wit or a sense of humor or anything that's intriguing or provocative or anything like that. He's a facilitator, he's a conduit,

and he does a great job at that. That is its own skill. That's a tough job, yeah. No, it's not a tough job. No, to make it look easy the way he does? No, it's a job that takes a lot of repetition. Okay, I'll grant you that. Those people are not blessed

Right, which mean yeah repetition. They're blessed with the opportunity to develop the skill Yeah, and they and they're not even blessed with that. They made their opportunity They they are owed what they're owed because of that. Do they bring anything to the table? No, there's no such thing where it's not like anyone's, no one has ever said, do you remember when Ryan Seacrest said this? Right. Or remember that idea that he had that changed your life or that you found interesting or provocative? No, he's a conduit. Yeah. And he does a great job at that. And it's it's it's it's less a gift and more like I said repetition you can learn how to do that all right so do we need Ryan

Seacrest no does he deserve everything he's earned of course and so and a nice guy yeah and works hard works his ass off. And he, as long as there are enough dumb people out there, there's always going to be room for Du Spigalow, European Gigolo, many Adam Sandler movies, and Ryan Seacrest. And they're all going to be successful, just like politicians are going to be successful if there's more dumb people, depending on what kind of

politician you are or depending on what kind of comedic writer you are. Thank you. It's good to call. And by the way, I've known Ryan was straight from the word go because he and I were at a party a kajillion years ago like I'm talking about like 1995 or something where it's like I wasn't me and he wasn't him I just knew him because he was doing radio and he knew me because I was doing radio and there was a hot blonde

chick at this party and we were both like eyeballing her and he's like I want to get me some of that and He like went up to her and started to chat her down. And so not only is he into blondes right about Julianne Huff's age and This is But he was more that well, he's that that age doesn't change for the guy they get locked in there I'm just saying yeah, but he was more he was into her way back then so anytime anyone he's gay I just go absolutely not I knew him before you knew him, and he was not into that Anyway, he deserves whatever he earned. Is he going to leave a

legacy? People will know his name. All right shall we, and he brought you the Kardashians. Line one. Lloyd? Hey. Hey Lloyd. Adam. We have to thank and for the Kardashians yes indeed. Thank you. Yes another group that does nothing Go ahead I Just wanted to say thank you for taking my call and Adam I've been listening to you since 2009 when I went to Las Vegas to visit my sister She would always put on the radio and you would come on and I would just sit there and listen to you Mmm, thank you, and so your question is you have a girlfriend. There's rape ex-boyfriend

You found out you don't know how to handle it Yeah, I'm kind of just freaking out. She isn't really told anybody but me Yeah, all right. This was like a date rape kind of thing I had a girlfriend that this happened to an ex-boyfriend thing and it bugged this shit. Were you hell were you? Ex-boyfriend thing and it bugged this shit. I were you hell were you Young well, that's but I mean that's when it really gets you when you're young every jacked up on testosterone No, you want to kill the guy right? No now you walk in and someone's raping your wife and you're like, alright, come on Can't we talk this one out?

Look, let's just let's have a fresca and let's discuss. Yeah, no, back then you're, I kill him, I kill him. Yeah I mean you're just filled with feelings and emotions you can't control and all kinds of stuff like that. Lloyd, I'm going to make this easy on you. As you know, I'm a make this easy on you as you know I'm a genius right oh you're a wonderful genius right so I'm not just a genius but a wonderful day so I know everything no everything absolutely all right now here's robots here's the deal

Lloyd you do not get this girl pregnant. Okay. Number one. How long have you two been together? About six months. Okay. You, I don't, I do not think we'll marry this girl and you will have fun with this girl in a relationship and I don't mean just use her for sex or anything, you'll have fun with this girl in a relationship. And I don't mean just use her for sex or anything. You'll have a relationship.

And this relationship at some point will probably end. And maybe when you're 20, maybe when you're 21, and maybe in two months. But that's how it goes. And it should go that way. Now, you can be bothered by this essentially a rental car relationship. I hate to call it that.

You can hate the interior color of your rental car, but why? You're going to turn it in, it's going to boot you out, whatever it's going to be. Or you can really hate... You've just rented a Denali and you're driving through Colorado in it. Do you really want to be miserable? Not only miserable, don't get so angry with you smashed into a rock and have caused yourself permanent harm. Right.

Or her permanent harm. I see where you're coming from. I can't be miserable in a Denali. Thank you. First off, she's a good person, I'm assuming, or you wouldn't be with her, you're attracted to her, or you wouldn't be with her. Everybody, everybody, from every celebrity,

I'll guarantee there's not one woman beside that young black girl from the Wilds of Whatever movie that was nominated that does not have a story about... I'll put it to you this way. She's nine, Adam, she's nine. That's why I'm leaving her off the list. There is... I left her off the list. That's my point. There is not a woman who wasn't nominated or wasn't in the audience of that Oscar. The biggest celebrities you can think of, Lloyd, that would not have a story that would not bother

a 19 year old boy who is with them now about an ex. Right. Am I right? Am I right in saying that? Yes, correct. Some more than others, but there would all be a story, possibly multiple stories, understood? Okay, Lloyd, everyone's been there

and if you haven't been there yet you will be there and hopefully you've passed through there and you've gotten by in one piece. So Lloyd, I'm telling you as a genius who has been there, enjoy that Denali ride through Colorado. A couple things. I had a couple notes. There's an evolutionary reason for this as to why men are triggered to such violent rage by things like this. And this guy named David Bust wrote a book called The Evolution of Desire.

And he has this whole theory, which is pretty well substantiated that because through human history men could not be sure of paternity because there was no way to test for it they all they knew is their semen went in. We didn't have Mori Povich. Right. Their semen went in and then they had to protect the vagina after that because if other semen got in, got forbid by rape or something, then it may be in, and he's going to, and you... What if they were eating soup at a hoity-toity French restaurant? That's a way semen could get in.

Only from the nose. That's the way my grandmother got pregnant. Only from the nose. Well, yeah, but... And it's a female semen, so it won't conceive or something in a female. That's unclear. I don't know. But the, and then that male is planning to invest a lot of resources and time into rearing That's unclear. I don't know.

And then that male is planning to invest a lot of resources and time into rearing of his genetics to make sure his genetics goes on. And if you can't be certain of that, your whole purpose as a participant in the species becomes derailed. Your genetics don't go forward. So it's a pretty powerful thing, right? It's in us genetically. Yeah, no, that makes that... listen, there's nothing better than an explanation that makes sense.

Right, and us older guys, theoretically, we've already moved our genes forward, so that drive kind of like, whatever, you know what I mean? It's less about moving the jeans for but but but rape is a violent crime. Can we review that please, please? Please I just love this. Okay. All right. Okay Chris you need to know listen to this dig. It's not a sexual crime, right? You understand me, right? Right sweet, bye It's not it's not a sexual is not you understand you understand. It's not a sexual, it's not. Do you understand? You understand? It's a violent crime. It's a violent, violent crime where you come at the end. Got that? Okay?

But it's not. Not sexual. It's not sexual. Yes, you come. But not sexual. But it's not. There's no sexual arousal involved. You know what I'm saying?

It is not, it is a crime of violence, sheer violence, 100% violence where you come. Okay? Understood? Like any other violent crime where you come. Any other violent crime. Where you come. Where you come. You'd have to come.

But you know what I'm saying? Got it. Or any crime at all. If I just went and took a baseball bat to Gary's BMW out there but I was coming, it would be...but it's not sexual. You understand? It is no different than if I held up a 7-Eleven and came on the guy. It's a violent crime.

You understand? It's not violent crime you understand It's not a crime in any way And it I would by the way the only and I really have to stretch my imagination for this But the only connection to sex that this crime even has is you jizzing You know, that's the only Dread of a connection connection there's nothing sexual There's nothing but I'm just looking for obscure connections to sexuality and this violent crime known as rape got it it's just you coming that's that's it that's the only thing it has in common not guilty with any sexual with any any kind of sexual behavior you understood understood or if I lit Gary's car on fire and just came put it out with with semen but again is

that sexual just because there's just flying from my cock is that sexual I don't think so okay now you've been educated all right thank you I don't know what happened to that campaign by the way Drew I know your mom and grandma were big proponents of rape being a violent crime right but not a sexual not a sexual crime. Not a sexual crime. Right, but what happened to that? Did that just sort of go the way of AIDS as an equal opportunity killer, or where did it go?

Yeah, I think people- Secondhand smoke, 50,000 people dying, a secondhand, where would it go? Just fell into the dustbin of bullshit. Like, basically when stuff is a lie, it just sort of falls away. It's never allowed to be called out, interestingly. It never gets called out, but it sloughs off.

It just sort of flows away. Yeah, it trails off. And then people, you know, the 50,000 people dying of secondhand smoke just kind of turns into don't smoke, but it never really, nothing ever gets followed up on. Yeah, yeah. Okay, all right.

We have Rob Schneider, by the way, in oh my god my gosh now if this chick she's covered in filth where she got mud on her face he is going to he's going to clean her up he's going is a giant baby oh there's a giant woman. He's going to fix a giant woman with the giant tain from the orphanage. Yeah. Oh, and the baby vomits. That's really funny. Now, the chick, she's filthy. Oh, yeah. She's covered with... And she smells. What's she covered with? Fecal matter? Just mud. Must be fecal matter. Just leaves in her hair. He's gonna throw her in the river He's gonna scrub her down in the river and then when she comes out of the river She's beautiful. All right. All right solve that problem

But I could never figure out what her problem was. She didn't have running water in her apartment or why didn't she take a shower? She's hot anyway writers block prevented Alright Drew, let's let's get rolling here. Let's go fast here Tony. You got you got a double click on hang on second Oh, I screwed that up Hit head hold that's all right Safe to drink several cups of coffee while on Adderall. Tony, is that the question? Oh yes, Drew, it is. Thank you very much for taking my call.

And I was to tell you that Drew North is from Nova Scotia. True North, the cologne? The movie? Sorry, Peter North, the peckerator? Oh, the decorator. And all this sperm-topped line around it. Oh, you're right. Yeah, all right.

That is line shitty. Yeah, Peter North, the decorator. Yeah, I mean, I know of no... It's true, North. ...provided you're on your sort of usual customary doses of Adderall, not high, high doses. I know of no one that, you you know you can't drink moderate amounts of coffee. I mean obviously you can get caffeineism and you can cause rhythm

disturbances and things and it can be an issue but I don't think it's something to be concerned about. All right, Jesus 23 Fresno. Jesus. Hey how's it going Ace man? How's it going Dr. Drew? Good to speak to you. What's up? What's your question? All right, man. Big fellas, big. I'm currently trying to quit drinking and at the same time, feels like I'm going to gain another vice. For instance, I can't seem to sleep if I don't drink, so I'm popping like a... Sleeping pills. Sleeping pills or something. Right, right. So Jesus, that's how it works.

That's what addiction is, and that's what we call cross addiction. When you stop one thing, you flip over to something else or even do a behavioral addiction, which is why you have to stop everything. You got to get treated. You got to start going to 12-step. You got to get very, very serious about this if you're ready, if you're ready. Because just stopping one thing or just clinging to not using what we call white knuckling

will not do that much for you. It will result in other problems. I think guys named Jesus from Fresno brown knuckle it. Brown knuckling, yes, yes, as you like to call it. Thank you. So I get the big bucks. Never any writer's block here. No, no, no, no. Just pearls any writer's block here. No no.

Just pearls pouring out of your mouth. Jesus, 12 step. Pouring out of my nose. That's funny. Into your soup, whitey. Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, raise your hand, say you need help, and just start going. See if you can maybe get into how this works.

All right. Richard. Richard? Hey, what's up? How you doing? How you doing, Adam? Good. You discovered that your girlfriend was molested at the age of three. Yes, yes.

We've been together for a little over a year now, and not too long ago she came out to me and told me that her baby-sitting cousin had molested her when she was three. Basically it was oral sex, and now it's been in the point where we're talking marriage and uh... she's just she's discussing whether or not we should discussed with the family she said no she offered a bit of a militia she had that she's trying to hide it you know there is a way but i know that it will come up right now i'm not sure if it's something we should confront with her family or if it

uh... help me to just pretend it never happened after my input with her right now this is a cousin did you say? Her cousin yeah her cousin would babysit her and then basically perform oral sex on her at the age of three. Well she should never be around that cousin that's for sure. So I'm guessing that cousin was you know 15 years older than her or how many years older? Her cousin was I I believe, 18 at the time. Never around that cousin. And then it doesn't matter about the family right now. What matters is she gets treatment for this.

So you got to get her to some care where people, if an expert that knows how to deal with trauma and trauma treatments. And what's the cousin doing now? Publicist or what's they doing for a living? I'm not sure what the cousin does do now. We're going over our wedding list in terms of invitees and she wants to invite him because she says it'd be weird. Her family would question why he's not invited and she doesn't want to tell them why. Oh, no, no, no. I don't think she owes him an explanation, but I definitely would keep him off the list. Absolutely. Well, no, hold on, hold on one second.

We agree that she cannot invite him. Right. But we disagree because Richard is stating a fact which your family would wanna know why. And I'm saying, and I'm saying, you have no obligation to say why. How does that work though in real terms, in a real world, Drew?

Can't, and she's an adult Can't you just say this is not somebody I want my own wedding. Yeah, ask him ask him why he's not coming Okay, so the question is is Hey, how come Chester wasn't invited Drew I didn't feel comfortable. I haven't seen just a long time I got bad feelings about him family ask him why I might not have invited him what do you mean ask him it's all I'm saying I would just pull well hold on a second he's a member of this family you've invited everyone else who's a member of this family why not Chester I think you don't know you don't have an obligation to

answer every question you gotta be in Uh, I got bad feelings about Chester. Bad feelings? It would make me feel bad on my wedding day and it's my day and it's my choice. Bad feelings? Ask Chester about it. Ask him. Ask Chester why you have bad feelings about it? Chester might be willing to tell you.

I'm not, I don't want to talk about it myself. Well that's weird. Did he molest you? I'm just telling you, I'm not interested in talking about it. Okay. But he's not coming. You want to have a catch? A catch?

Pfft. Just want to know if you want to throw the ball around. Okay, let's do it. Richard, I agree with her. That's going to seem weird. I agree with Drew that Chester should not go. And I also agree with Drew that she needs to get some help with this.

Many people have been molested. There's different sort of, there's a one to 10. This is not a 10, but it's not a one. Right. But it's, to me on the lower grade, it's cause it's not quite as severe or bad as some of it can be, but it certainly would affect her negatively and she certainly needs to get help with it. And I would suggest that she gets help with this before the wedding gets planned out and put out and done up anyway. I would look at this as a prerequisite to getting married.

So I would just ask that some healing, some counseling, somebody who has experience with this. Trauma treatment, yeah. Speaks to her and you guys come up with a plan. Yeah, I agree. And then you get married. I agree. All right, here we go. David, 24, girlfriend is pushing him to get married.

He feels they're kind of young. You are young. Yeah, I was explaining this to her like last year. I bought an engagement ring just to kind of, you know, because me and her have been together for like six years. So I mean, I have put in the time, but I'm still kind of one in the 10th school, one in the time, but I'm still kind of one 10th school, I'm going to arm school for software engineering.

I just thought maybe we should wait. And she's also going to school for veterinarian, a doctor or whatever she thinks. But I just thought maybe I should. David, you being 24 and sounding 42 doesn't help. You sound like you should be on your third marriage by now Listen David here's here's the Thing statistically it's better to wait. Yeah, and there's nothing in it to get married this early and

live to 85 right tell. Tell her to relax. And I would set a date which is... Look, you can get married tomorrow. Look, there's a million stories and a million different ways to skin this marriage cat. It can work out or it cannot work out. It cannot work out under the best of circumstances and it can work out under the worst. There's a million different stories. I would say look when I graduate from X Y & Z and get a job and when you graduate and get a job that will be a fine time to get married and basically leave it at that

and by the way so what you'll be 26 that's still young these days that's get married I mean look at look at Seacrest he's 42 yeah he's not married yeah yeah Julian Huff's 24 she's never been married he declared a major 20 years ago that's right in your presence mm-hmm I like Blondes you know what I like? Go to meeting! Go to meeting with HD Faces, brought to you by Citrix. Powerful, simple, it's a way to meet, it's a way to collaborate. It's a way to support us and support our show

and support our sponsors. These guys are the best and as I said, how can they be bad? Michael from Citrix looks like the fourth Gatlin brother. What else do you need to know when you're looking to go online and you're looking to meet with people face to face? To me, question one through three is what does this company's founder, which Gatlin brother does he resemble the most?

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Support this show, that's right hit the PayPal donate button or a set of donation subscription so I don't know you get a give five bucks a month whatever Wow listen Drew what's a decent therapist cost a couple bucks an hour mm-hmm that's 50 minutes alright, and how much is admission to one of the finest comedy clubs on the planet? 35 bucks alright, so we're already talking about 235 bucks a session here All we're asking is for like $200 every show from all of you Give five bucks, and it's worth it besides. It's good. Ju-ju right half you Ju-ju that's right

You're not juju. You're G You're not even a full ju you're just a G you G Alright, so until next time it's Adam Carolla for dr. G Chris Maxipatta, Mike Lynch and Gary Haftar saying Mahalo. This is Corolla Digital.